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#i hope what i mean makes sense english is hard and im sleep deprived
alloutshirt · 3 years
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yostresswritinggirl · 3 years
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Lantern Flame Submission
"Hey Xiao, come see the lanterns with us!" 
The ask does not have any cruel intentions behind it. He knows it. They must have thought he had something to celebrate with Liyue's citizens in their festival. The traveler doesn't know what the lantern rite means to an adeptus like him.
Still, Xiao can't do anything about the karmic strings binded to his wrists, painfully tightening and leaving bruises in his skin. 
"No. I have no interest in human traditions." He scowls at the duo, crossing his arms to hide his hands clenching in fists.
"Huh? But I thought the festival was based on Liyue adepti?" Paimon tilts her head, floating around. Xiao does not answer her, simply choosing to turn around and disappearing from the conversation.
"Hey, Alatus!"
It's been ages, but he can still hear their voice clearly, both in his nightmares and dreams. How ironic is it that he's haunted by the one thing he consumes from mortal lives?
A long time ago, when Xiao was just Alatus, one of the many Yakshas (not the only one who survived). Back when he still had people to come home to, when he fought to survive not only because he had duties to attend to, but because he also had someone special to protect. 
His eyes had focused on their vision, barely hanging from their thigh with a beaten-up string. The crimson on the pyro symbol of his fellow Yaksha matched the red highlights on his own hair, as well as the majority of clothes he wore. For some reason, he seemed to favour the color...
"You should be more careful. You'll end up dropping it one of those days" Alatus scolded them, his eye twitching slightly. However, they didn't pay it much attention, just chuckling as a response to his antics.
"Don't worry, Alatus! It looks simple and weak, but looks can be deceiving, right?"
Somehow, the same thing could be applied to their own person as well. Of all Yakshas, Alatus was sure that the one right in front of him was the most surprising. They were strong enough to slay demons as if they were nothing, but it was their personality that made him fall as hard as he did. 
They held the stars in their eyes. Every day, they would come to him and tell something new that they discovered while wandering around. They held too much love for the world and their habitants to simply pass by things and ignore them.
Back then, Alatus looked foward to passing all days of his immortal life alongside his beloved. Sometimes, fighting was difficult, to the point he didn't know if he was going to make it. But when he thought of his partner waiting for him, he had hope.
But they loved too much.
The negative energy sometimes came to a point where it would corrupt young humans souls, and as their duty, the Yakshas would have to slay them. Having mortal blood on their hands crushed their heart until it couldn't withstand it anymore.
"These voices...please...make it stop!"
He desesperately screamed his lungs out, hoping that at least they would hear his voice over their own screams and come to their senses. He could see their vision splattered on the ground, its red string burning with a cursed black tone within the flames, but they weren't even controling the fire consciously. Karma took over their element, unforgiving, burning every inch of life within range. Alatus tried to get close, but the fire caught on his clothes and it was so painful that he could not breathe properly. In the end, he could not save his lover.
Almost nothing was left of them. The black flames were unforgiving, not sparing even ash of their greed. As if a cruel joke of destiny, the only thing Xiao- not Alatus- could hold as a memory was their red string attached to the vision.
"This is the furtherst I'll go." Xiao stated simply, narrowing his eyes at the traveler and Paimon. The pair sighed in defeat, finally accepting his refusal.
"Okay then. I was hoping to give to you when we were inside Liyue, but since you don't want to go... Take this." 
"... a Xiao Lantern?" He eyed it suspiciously, reluntant in taking the object from the traveler's hands.
"Yeah. I know you don't care for those things, but... People say that wishes come true if you write it on a lantern. Maybe you could try it?"
The adeptus glared at the lantern, as if it had commited a grave sin against Rex Lapis. 
"Whatever. It's time for  you to go." Xiao dismissed them quickly, shaking his head. 
The lantern at his side mocked him at all instants, but he couldn't find it in himself to get rid of it or to leave Liyue's outskirts before. 
The Mingxiao Lantern was at the same time beautiful and painful. Each lantern after it had a red string hanging from them that sent him deep into memories he didn't want to remember, from a time that he wanted to forget. 
His eyes caught on the lantern at his side, untouched.
Maybe it's time to let go.
He untied the string attached to his bells in his belt, staring at it lost. Heart cracking, he instead looped around the lantern, allowing it to soar into the sky.
He hoped that their soul was resting peacefully after so much suffering. Perphaps... one day could he join them?
notes: hiyaa, im the 🐥 anon
please ignore any grammar mistakes saudhsiuafsa im not a english native speaker and im writing this sleep deprived(insomnia does things to you :(( )
also, i dont know what to name this? like, i suck at titles, so feel free to choose!
and yea, morning angst hits different :// idk honestly to think about it??
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Omayghad, not to project or anything, but thiz gave me sick Intermittent vibes like an alternate and that's so damn wack. Blessed post!
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Part 4
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Summary: Soulmates have different ways of being connected to one another. Sometimes it’s through being able to write on their arms and having it show up on their soulmates. For others it was having their first words spoken to one another permanently tattooed into their skin. You had a unique connection with yours, one that you really hadn’t ever heard of happening before. Whatever song was stuck in your soulmate’s head was also stuck in yours and the same was for them. When Yoongi realizes one of his songs is playing on repeat in your head, he immediately takes to writing songs to communicate with you in hopes it will finally bring you two together.
Genre: Fluff. Just pure tooth rotting, sweet fluff.
Part 1      Part 2      Part 3     Part 5
Yoongi only slept for a few hours before he woke up and immediately started working on a new song for you. This one he wanted to make more light hearted and fun. And to do that he was going to bring up your questionable taste in music and how it was absolute torture some days listening to the songs that were stuck in your head. He laughs to himself as he writes the lyrics and picks an upbeat melody to include with it, hoping you know that this song was meant to be teasing and he wasn’t actually mad at you. As he is writing a song enters his head, letting him know that you must be awake. But he is not too thrilled with your choice this time. 
“Into the unknown? Really?” He sighs but can’t hide the fond smile that spreads across his face. “I’m a little offended you aren’t listening to my song but I mean hey, to each their own.” 
“Who are you talking to hyung?” Yoongi jumps and spins around in his chair to see Taehyung standing behind him. 
“Tae? What are you doing?”
“I came to make sure you had actually gone to sleep but I should have known.”
“Hey, I’ll have you know I slept for a solid 4 hours thank you very much.” Taehyung attempts to stifle a giggle as he is supposed to be scolding his hyung but one escapes him. “How’s the song writing going though?”
“It’s going really well. I had no trouble with this one. The songs are just coming naturally to me now.” 
“That’s great. I’m sure your soulmate loves being able to hear your songs and know that you are thinking about them.” 
“Always. I never stop thinking about them to be honest...” Yoongi trails off as if he is considering something.
“Is everything okay?”
“Can I talk to you about something... and don’t tell the other guys yet please?” Taehyung walks further into the studio sitting on the couch and patting the space next to him. Yoongi gets off his chair and sits next to Taehyung. “Yesterday.. I was reading the replies on my new song and this one stood out to me. I don’t know why. But I couldn’t help but feel maybe this person was my soulmate. But another part of me thinks I am just so soulmate deprived that I am trying to see them in everybody.” 
“Can I see the reply?” Yoongi opens up the fake twitter he made and Taehyung bursts out laughing. “Hyung.. your twitter handle. What the hell.” Taehyung continues laughing much to Yoongi’s annoyance. “’I’m not Min Yoongi’. That’s hilarious.” 
“I panicked trying to think of a quick name to talk to them okay?! Stop teasing me and give me my phone back.”
“No no! I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” Taehyung reads over the reply and furrows his brows. “I mean.. you really have no proof this person is your soulmate. Anyone could have written this comment trying to fool you.” Yoongi sighs.
“That’s what I thought. I knew I was just being crazy. But-”
“Wait a minute I’m not finished. What do you feel, Yoongi? Your gut and your heart will tell you the truth. Do you really feel that this person is your soulmate?”  Yoongi pauses for a moment.. remembering the instant spark he felt when he read your reply and the sense of happiness and calm that washed over him. 
“I do.” 
“Then that’s all you need to know.” Taehyung hands him his phone back with a gentle smile on his face. “But maybe talk to them a little bit more before you jump into this head first. I don’t want to see you end up heartbroken if it turns out this person isn’t your soulmate.” 
“That’s a good idea. Thank you, Tae.” 
“Of course! Now finish up that song and go to bed!” 
“Yes, sir.” 
Taehyung leaves and Yoongi sits back in his chair, putting the finishing touches on his song and posting it to Twitter. He goes to your page and waits to see a reply pop up, and when he does he is not disappointed. 
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“I told you all of those songs you were making me listen to were torturing him! Now look what you did. There is a whole song now dedicated to my ‘colorful taste’ in music. I hate you.” You pick a pillow off the bed and throw it at your friend who is laughing hysterically. 
“At least you made an impression on him! You’re welcome!” 
“I am not thanking you for this.” 
“Aw come on y/n. This song wasn’t meant to be mean! It’s very light hearted and fun. He’s fond of you. You can tell it in the way he raps about you. It might have annoyed him at first but now I think he kind of looks forward to it.” 
“Yeah yeah. Well at least now I can have this song stuck in my head now and not the one from Frozen you were blaring this morning.”
“Hey that is a fantastic song. It’s not my fault you have no taste.” You roll your eyes and go to leave a reply underneath.
Sorry. My friend did that to torture you it wasn’t me, I swear. I’d much rather have your music stuck in my head. 
You post it and get out of bed to get ready for the day when your phone goes off. You check the notifications and see a reply from the same account from yesterday.
“Huh.” 
“What is it?” Your friend walks over to you to see what you’re looking at. 
“This same account replied to me yesterday too..” Suddenly your friend starts laughing.
“‘Im not min yoongi’... That’s totally freaking Yoongi who does he think he’s trying to fool.” 
“What are you talking about? That is not Yoongi!” 
“I bet you my life savings that it is.”
“So.. $10?” 
“Shut up you brat!” Your friend tosses the pillow back at you and you both start laughing. “Think about it y/n. He probably felt drawn to you too and panicked making a fake account just so he could talk to you and see if you really were his soulmate.”
“Well why hasn’t he said anything then?”
“Because he isn’t sure if it really is you. He probably is afraid of getting his heart broken if it turns out you aren’t soulmates.” 
“But we are..” You say with a slight pout.
“We know that y/n. But he doesn’t. He’s taking a shot in the dark here.” 
“You’re right.” 
“What did he say back anyway?” 
“He said ‘lol what songs have you been torturing the poor guy with that he had to write a whole song dedicated to it’.”
“Okay I think this is his way of finding out if you really are his soulmate. If you tell him all of the songs I have been playing for you then he’ll know!” You take a deep breath and reply to him. 
Hollaback Girl, Most of the songs from Frozen, I think even a death metal song once. 
Hahahaha poor guy. Maybe you should give him a little break? Must be hard writing lyrics and producing songs with those playing in his head. 
I have been. Lately it’s been his songs stuck in my head except for the little slip up this morning.
What slip up?
My friend set into the unknown as the alarm to wake us up. 
After that you don’t receive another reply, and opt to go about your day as a means of distraction. 
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Yoongi drops the phone onto his desk. It’s you. After all this time he finally found you. Only his soulmate would know what song they had stuck in Yoongi’s head this morning. Without even realizing it a few tears have begun rolling down his face. They’re tears of happiness, of relief. Finally fate decided to grant him this one kindness and bring you two together. He doesn’t want to just outright ask you to meet him, there is still a nagging doubt in the back of his mind that maybe this is all just some prank, or a delusion. He knows he has to find a way to slip a meeting place and time into his lyrics. And he knows exactly how he wants to do that. It is with this thought in mind that he finally drifts off to sleep. 
The next morning he calls all the members and asks them to come to his studio. They are all now there sitting on the floor and couch looking at him anxiously. 
“I found my soulmate.” They all audibly gasp at this except for Taehyung who already knew. Yoongi wouldn’t have opened up to him before about it if he wasn’t already certain. 
“What?! Yoongi that’s great!” Hoseok exclaims while clapping his hands excitedly. “How did you find them?” Yoongi begins to explain the first interaction you two had, the feelings he felt. But then when he named the solid proof he now had everyone seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief. 
“Yoongi that’s great. Really you know we are all so incredibly happy for you. When do we get to meet them?” Namjoon asks. 
“See that’s the thing. I know I am probably being ridiculous for still having doubts. But before I officially meet them I want to write a song that would include a possible meeting place and time for us. I have an idea. I know it would be much easier to just fly them out here but.. I want to meet them first so I know. So I can be absolutely certain before I dive into this. It wouldn’t be the first time I thought I found my soulmate and it turned out they weren’t.” Namjoon nods in understanding. 
“So what did you have in mind?” 
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You are just about to go to sleep when your phone notifies you that Yoongi has posted yet another song. You open it and bring up the English translation. Your friend stayed the night with you again incase they posted another song, wanting to be there for you and help you figure out the meaning behind everything. You both have it open and are reading the lyrics and you are confused. 
“I don’t understand...” 
“What do you mean?”
“He’s writing these lyrics as if he’s already met his soulmate. He’s talking about how their love flows freely like a river, how they met on a crisp autumn night, how they walked among the cosmos. I... I really thought he was my soulmate but I was just fooling myself.”
“Y/n come on you can’t be that dense.” You tilt your head at your friend in confusion. “He is telling you how he wants to meet you! The first day of autumn is only a few days away. He wants to meet you then.”
“Oh...”
“And the part about the river... Maybe he wants to meet you at one of the Han River Parks.”
“There’s more than one park. How the hell are we supposed to find the one he is talking about? Unless...”
“Unless what?” 
“Cosmos. Those are a type of flowers aren’t they? Is there a specific park that is famous for them?” Your friend quickly turns to the internet to find out. 
“It looks like Guri Hangang Park is famous for the cosmos blooming in September. Many people love to go see the flowers blooming there during that time.” 
“I guess we’re going to Seoul?”
“I guess so.” You take out your phone and reply under the latest song Yoongi has posted.
I’ll see you soon. 
Yoongi reads the words over and over again and his heart is absolutely soaring in his chest. He finally gets to meet you. He was finally able to communicate with his soulmate through his music well enough to be able to meet you. The first day of fall is only a few days away. In just a few days he’s finally going to be able to meet you, his soulmate. The one person he was wanted to meet more than anyone in his life. He’s finally going to be able to hug you, kiss you, hold your hand, take you on dates and just be with you. He clutches a hand over his heart as he feels like it is going to beat out of his chest. 
I’ll be waiting. 
Taglist: @anoesjkaax​​​  @just-call-me-trash-can​ @thestral-balerion​ @xcastielbabyangelface​ @rukinamukami​ @r-e-d-i-s-h​ @heartblackerthancoffee​ @rosita7703​   @jacjacwashere​   @purpletigertaetae​  @woodstockisjustlikealittlekid​  @supernatural-bangtanboys​ 
(for some reason it won’t let me tag some people so if you asked to be added and you’re not on here I’m sorry :( I don’t know what’s up with tumblr.)
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kendrixtermina · 5 years
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Disclaimer For Potential Partners (f/m/x)
Writing this down as much to gather my thoughts and go into this with clear priorities as for possible future reference. 
My mother always told me that if you wanted everyone to like you, you’d have to be a 50 dollar bill. I have come to accept that I’m more like licorice. Some people aren’t gonna like me but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t others who would appreciate me. 
I’d rather you run away screaming NOW than in three years when we’re both invested so Let’s get all this out of the way:
I’m bisexual. Yes, I’ve dated dudes in the past. I’ve had a brief online flirt with an agender person and do think androgynous ppl are hot which I suppose would make me pan in some ppl’s books, at this point the choice in label is purely aesthetic. I’m looking for a female partner right now because I’ve always had a slight preference for girls anyways but a sufficiently compatible non-female would not be refused. 
Because ppl have gotten this wrong in the past: Preference is about how likely you are to notice that someone is hot in the first place like in the early stages. It doesn’t mean my attachment to those dudes was any less “real” (or the other way around!) I just flat out don’t care whats in your pants there are other things to be picky about
From since I was young, the message I got from music, books etc is that it’s pretty bad to say “I love you” unless you truly mean it. So I don’t say “I love you” until I’m 100% sure I can do that it good conscience. It seems that it takes me a bit longer to be sure than most people, but it’s not like I’ve conducted statistics on this
I’m not vegan/vegetarian and I’m never going to be vegan/vegetarian
I’m not a pet person 
I’m not a sporty person and I’m never going to be a sporty person
Go through my stuff, spy on me in any way or ask me to tell you where I am at all times and its over
I’m an antiprohibitionist and don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with taking recreational substances. Conversely, I’m not interested in that sort of thing as a full-on lifestyle either. 
I try to keep an open mind and try everything once but im probably not gonna reorganize my life around new age woo-woo. 
So far my folks have liked most my partners, but if our social circles don’t get along I’m comfortable with leaving them separate. 
I believe in judging people as individuals first. I don’t wanna hear no paranoid shit about “the muslims” or other stereotypical carricatures but if you’re gonna be “europeans that europeans this” as if im not in the room its not gonna work. 
Don’t be fooled by the foreign-sounding surname im a potato through and through. No exotic fanservice to be had here. 
Barring unforseen dictatorships, I don’t want to move out of Europe. I like it here. Its full of frustrating dumbasses but so is the rest of the world.  Yay for cheese and consumer protection laws! I would consider moving closer to the shore though. 
It’s fine if you don’t speak German but you should not hate or dislike it.  English is a plus because me, my friends and my family are into internet culture
I haven’t spoken to my father in five years. No, you’re not going to patch this up. You don’t have to ignore him too if you’re not comfortable but you’ll have to respect my choice instead of playing family therapist or throwing platitudes about forgiveness at me. 
Im not counting and it depends on your definition but Ive fucked at least 15-20 people, which according to statistics is above average? Always used rubber unless it was long-term and exclusive tho. That might bother some ppl. 
That said it has been my conclusion that fucking does nothing that a beer can’t do and that the real quality stuff is what you could already do as a grade schooler when you still thought of all the grownup stuff as mystical. Having ice cream together, exploring new places, having contemplative conversations in the rain, telling each other your fantasies? That’s The Stuff. 
Hence while I wouldn’t turn down some fuckage along the way what im looking for at this point is someone to share life and grow old with, like there doesn’t need to be the expectation of further strings but the end goal RN is to find One That Sparks Joy(TM) that will get precedence
I’m not big on material gifts or the ritual part of dating if thats important to you I might not be the ideal candidate, but if its not thats probably good for your wallet
I’m a strong introvert. Sometimes I go weeks without talking to anyone other than my boss or maybe texting my relatives. If you’re very introverted or work alot this might be an advantage. Of course if I love you I will try my best to match up to your attention needs but if you need your partner to text you 15 times every day to feel good I might just not be your cup of tea
That doesn’t mean im not interested in going on or doing new experiences. I very much hope to do that together with you just not 5 days a week - if you can’t give new things wholehearted tries things might get uncomfortable
I like spicy food and all sort of asian cousine, but if you can’t stand the sight of cheese, asparagus and sausage it’s not gonna work either. I can obviously put less chili in your portion. 
I tend to talk fast and I find it hard to stop it even if I try, if that bothers you look elsewhere
I cannot stand forced optimism OR over-the top misanthropy or snobbishness. I will gush about things, but I like my dark edgy content and I stand by it. It is an advantage if you like talking about art. If you don’t like morbid humor that might be a problem
No diet talk
No perfectionism
No passive aggressive ppl or ppl that are uncomfortable with direct confrontation. That won’t work, we’d just set each other off even without meaning to and it would just be sad. If Im doing something wrong don’t expect me to notice by magic, tell me to my face so I can fix it. Don’t be hostile out of nowhere and don’t beat around the bush. 
im not religious or spiritual. I don’t mind if you are but if you want to have kids and bring them up strongly-immersed in some Abrahamic faith im not sure if this is the right adress
No anti-intellectualism (no snobbery, elitism or smartassery either - as a wise pig once said, “Knowledge is a horizon to strive for, not a prize to hold in your hand” It begins with realizing what you don’t know)
Indifferent about monogamy, but I wouldn’t say that I’m the sort of person who needs non-monogamy either.  If you want to we can do it (write me out some list of where you draw the lines so there’s no misunderstandings) but if you don’t it’s no biggie. I don’t care if you fuck 10 other people - for me, respect, honor and loyalty are to do with other things, like, don’t make fun of me and don’t expect me to change because one (1) person said I’m weird or whatever.
Don’t give me diseases tho. I’ll take precautions to extend the same courtesy to you.  
Potential character flaws: I can be a tad sensitive, disorganized and defensive sometimes, not gonna sugarcoat it. I have no filter and curse like a sailor. Also I have zero social skills and sometimes I come across as either angry or unemotional when its really the opposite. I find that just as confusing and contradictory as that sounds, I have like zero sense of how I come off. I try to be aware of all of these and do right to everyone to the best of my ability but if you’re sensitive about any of these point someone else might be a better fit 
2 kids max. I’m not sure I’ll have ANY at this point, and most certainly not in the next 5 years. IF we decide to have some later I volunteer to carry them though, I probably have good genes, my mom popped out 4 babies in 6 years with nary a complication. Besides I’d rather it was me dealing with the gross pregnancy stuff than someone I love
My favorite bedroom stuff is fingers-in-front-cavity and butt stuff. Mild sleepsex fetish but nothing super pronounced. What I don’t like or just am not very good at is top/bottom play. 
So far most my partners have had somewhat stronger sex drive than me but Id argue that I very much have one and ive never refused unless I was in physical pain, severely sleep-deprived or working on some important work-related thing that was due the next day. 
It’s important - and science backs me up on this - that you can freely talk to each other in n open, natural and relaxed manner
If you think im weird just do us both the favor and stay away don’t come at me with the attitude that you’re gonna mold me to your desires - even just writing this comes off kinda touchy but im saying this because some people out there really don’t get it. Like my natural tendency is to be open, courious and realistic,  but some people see that as free real estate and then it falls to me to be the reasonable one and End The Madness and im tired of that.
Like I want to be able to give love and pour out all my inner romantic shit without having to be afraid of being fucked over I want to be able to trust you with my inner harley quinn as well as my inner phantom of the opera 
UGH that sounded a bit tryhard didn’t it? But its the best description i could come up with
Must remember to translate this into mordor speak later
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