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#i hope palpatine chokes on his food
claranidala · 4 years
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Palpatine: I hate seeing you like that
Vader: Like what?
Palpatine: In person
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A ‘small’ gathering for dinner (the 501st are NOT invited)
My last entry for @codywanweek 2021 Day 7: Domestic/Every day life.
I did not think I was going to be able to write all seven prompts for the week, but here we are! 
Big thank you to @meantforinfinitesadness for running this brilliant event!
You can also read this fic here on A03.
No warnings.
It was a sunny day on Coruscant, six months after the end of the war and finally Cody and his brothers could live their lives in peace. Cody was currently lying on the sofa in the Temple quarter he shared with Obi-Wan. His Jedi was stretched out on top of him, allowing Cody the opportunity to run his fingers through the copper hair of his cyare, as Obi-Wan rested his cheek against Cody’s shoulder. Just as Cody was thinking about the peaceful dinner they could have together in their quarters, his plan was derailed by Obi-Wan.
“I’ve invited some of the men from the 212th to dinner tonight,” murmured Obi-Wan, his eyes half closed as he basked in the sunlight shining through the window.
Cody rolled his eyes and sighed. “How many of them are coming?” he asked, he loved his brothers, he really did. But when he had been planning on a quiet evening, he hadn’t really wanted to have to deal with his brothers. Obi-Wan paused and shifted, Cody sighed. “Come on, how many of them said they would come?”
Obi-Wan tilted his head, so his chin was resting on Cody’s chest and looked at him with an apologetic expression. “I had only invited five, but then word spread…”
Suddenly having a bad feeling, Cody leaned his head up and stared at Obi-Wan’s commlink that his cyare had tossed onto the low table. “How many?” he asked again, his tone resigned.
“All of them,” mumbled Obi-Wan quietly.
Cody let his head fall back to land on the pillow, groaning to himself. Just great. There was definitely no chance of him having a quiet evening of just him and Obi-Wan. Heaving a sigh, Cody dug out his own commlink. “I had better call Dex to book his diner for this evening, there is no way the entire 212th is going to fit in our quarters.” He looked back at his Jedi and couldn’t help but smile seeing the happy look on his cyare’s face. He knew Obi-Wan would not have invited the whole battalion at once, but he wouldn’t have liked telling the men that not all of them could come over for dinner. Thankfully, the shop next-door to Dex had closed, so Dex had bought the shop to extend his diner so he could add more seating.  “I am putting my foot down, however. The 501stare not invited, I wanted a quiet evening. Anything involving that chaotic lot would be the opposite of quiet.”
“I whole heartedly agree,” commented Obi-Wan seriously. “I picked tonight because I know Anakin is planning on having a movie night with the 501st, using the main training salle to hook up a projector. So, I figured this would be the best night to do something with the 212th.”
His Jedi was so smart. Cody told his cyare as much and leaned forward to press his lips against Obi-Wan’s. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.”
Obi-Wan raised one of his eyebrows, “oh, you only love me for my brain.”
“Of course,” grinned Cody, lifting one hand up to cup Obi-Wan’s jaw. “It’s good to surround yourself with smart people.” Obi-Wan snorted in amusement and pressed Cody back down onto the sofa so he could have a nap. Cody didn’t mind, he called Dex and then using one hand, sent a message to Waxer to spread the word about dinner. But making sure he knew no one in the 501st was to find out about dinner. Then Cody lowered his arm, to fully wrap Obi-Wan in a hug, taking comfort from the soft snuffling noises Obi-Wan made as he slept.
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While dinner wasn’t what Cody had planned for the evening, he couldn’t help but smile and realise that perhaps what had ended up happening was better than what he had planned. He had the time to catch up with his brothers and hear about what they had been doing. Meteor and Trapper had just got back from exploring the Mid-Rim systems, and had thoroughly enjoyed their travels, getting to visit planets in peacetime was all they had hoped for in the war and Cody was glad to see them achieving their dreams.
After mingling with his brothers, Cody spotted Obi-Wan leaning against the wall picking at some fruity dessert. So, Cody walked over to him and leaned on the wall beside him, gently knocking their shoulders together. Obi-Wan smiled brightly at him, clearly enjoying the time he was spending with the men. Cody made a note to himself that he should try and get his brothers from the 212th to spend more time with Obi-Wan, he knew his brothers would jump at the opportunity, but with Obi-Wan on the Council, his brothers never wanted to bother him. Cody and Obi-Wan finished their desserts silently, both watching the men of the 212th laugh and joke with each other, seeing how relaxed and happy Obi-Wan was, made Cody think that perhaps Obi-Wan had needed this dinner more than his brothers, just as he was thinking of someway making this a regular thing, even if not everyone could attend. The door to the diner opening made him groan, “oh no.”
Obi-Wan frowned at him in confusion and then followed his gaze. Cody frowned when he heard Obi-Wan start laughing. “It’s not funny,” he growled. But he didn’t turn to look at Obi-Wan, he was too busy watching as Rex, Fives, Echo, Jesse, Kix and Hardcase sneaked into the dinner, took a load of food and sneaked back out of the diner, not before Rex turned to grin at him as he threw him a sloppy salute. “That’s it, I’m going to kill him,” muttered Cody. He knew where those six were, the rest of the 501st couldn’t be too far behind. “I’ll go and ask Dex to lock the door,” he stated, but as he went to walk away, he was pulled to a stop when Obi-Wan held onto his arm.
Cody turned to look at Obi-Wan with a raised eyebrow, shocked that his cyare was going to let the 501st gate-crash the dinner they had planned for 212th only. Obi-Wan shrugged slightly and smiled, “let them be, let them have their fun.” Cody stared at his cyare incredulously, in disbelief that Obi-Wan wouldn’t try and put a stop to the 501st’s schemes. Obi-Wan just started laughing at the look on his face, but then Obi-Wan suddenly choked on his laughter, his eyes going wide.
Turning back to look at the door and where the tables of food had been laid out. Cody found Anakin sneaking into the diner, taking some food and waving at Obi-Wan before he turned and left. Through the diner’s windows, Cody watched as Rex and the others cheered at Anakin’s success. Smiling devilishly, Cody turned back to face Obi-Wan and smirked. “Let him be, let him have his fun.” At the unamused look on Obi-Wan’s face, Cody just started laughing. “Like Legion, like General,” he chuckled.
The annoyed look faded from Obi-Wan’s face as he shook his head and stared laughing. Cody put their empty plates on a table and wrapped one arm around Obi-Wan’s shoulders, tugging his cyare in for a side hug. He rested his cheek on the top of Obi-Wan’s head and smiled. “You can’t say our lives are not interesting,” he commented lightly.
“No, I cannot,” snorted Obi-Wan.
They remained leaning against one another, just basking in the laughter and chatter of the 212th, not for the first time thanking the Force for the end of the war and Palpatine’s death. This was the life Cody had always dreamed of, but never thought he’d get. Despite the 501st’s antics, this was still the life he wanted to spend with Obi-Wan. And with peace achieved, this was their life and Cody couldn’t be happier.
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General Hux x Female Reader/Ben Solo x Female Reader
A/N: This is a heavy chapter, Hux is just not coping 🥺
Warnings: lots of feelings and angst, implied suicidal thoughts
Word Count: 4411
Read Chapter 21 here on AO3
Masterlist
The day your husband woke up will never leave you. His body seemed to come to life before your very eyes, choking on his tubes, arms flailing against the wires as he tried to get his bearings. It wasn’t until you grabbed his face making him look at you, his beautiful green eyes dull and sunken but something sparked in them when he saw you. Hearing your voice calmed him and he lay back down, his eyes fluttering with sudden exhaustion and sinking back into sleep. You refused to leave him, not caring or paying attention to anything else on the base so much so that Poe dragged in a cot for you to sleep in. Rose and Finn would come in, bringing food and sometimes they’d stay and keep you company but everyone was so busy adjusting to a new way of life and making room for all the people that were now residing on Ajan Kloss.
Mitaka was the person you saw the most, he had recovered from his surgery and he told you how he had saved Armitage after he was shot, immersing him in the strongest solution of bacta he could find and moving him over to the Finalizer. He had then turned the ship against the Final Order, taking significant damage and finally arriving here only to plough the dead ship into the surface of the planet. Most of the time he just sat with you watching over Armitage like a silent guardian.
You were taking one very rare break from being at your husband's side, feeling the sun on your face and the breeze in your freshly washed hair. You felt the tightening of your belly but wearing the light clothing that had been given to you meant you could hide the changing shape of your body for a bit longer. You heard a noise, slowly opening your eyes you saw Kylo approaching. He looked different, the scar that you had traced so many times with your eyes was gone and he looked similar to when you had first met him, except now he was dressed like you. A shirt, leather trousers and boots, his hair was longer than you remember and his expression was softer, sadder even. He stopped a few large paces away, his eyes locking with yours when he saw you watching him.
“I heard what you did,” you said, turning back to bask in the light of the sun.
“I remembered what you asked me, how you asked if this war was over soon.” You dipped your head and scuffed your boot along the floor.
“What of it?” You asked.
“I remembered the desperation on your face and that’s what drove me to end this.” You let out a soft laugh.
“Don’t fool yourself.”
“It’s true!” He exclaimed, stepping towards you but you turned your angry gaze to him making him stop once more.
“You could have ended it at any time!”
“No! Not after he, him, Palpatine made himself known, if I had stepped down and disintegrated the First Order he would have swept in unchallenged and taken over the Galaxy yet again!” His expression was pleading as he tried to get you to see. “I had to wait, I saw the opportunity after Rey died and I took it. I had a choice and I hope I made the right one.”
“I guess we will see,” you replied, beginning to make your way back.
“How is Armitage?” He called after you but you didn’t stop.
“Like you care,” you shot over your shoulder suddenly wanting to be a million parsecs from him.
Hux’s recovery was slow but most of that was because he refused to talk, he would eat and drink and even walk around, using you to lean on but he would not talk. It frustrated you, making you grind your teeth in annoyance whenever you asked him a question and he stared into empty space like you weren’t even there. He got stronger but his nightmares got worse, his entire body would shake, sweat would drench his bright hair and he would yell so loudly. It ripped you to pieces seeing him so broken but refusing any sort of help. His body grew stronger by the day, no longer using you to balance himself and the walks you took lasted for up to half a day as though he couldn’t bring himself to return to the base.
You moved you both out of the medbay and into a hut, they were everywhere spreading far and wide to accommodate the people that now called this place home, the Resistance and First Order finally living in harmony. You felt a swell in your heart every time you looked at the encampment, a sadness that littered your soul when you realised the massive scar that now rendered the Galaxy. Many of these people didn’t know who their families were, where they came from. Some had nothing left and like you, nowhere to go. What had really been achieved except for the pain and suffering of all these people?
You sat up one morning, instantly noticing you were alone and panic slithered through you. You rushed out of your hut, barely pulling your boots on before you were charging into the jungle. Each pound of your heart matched the hurried rush of your feet and you retraced the paths you took with him everyday, but he wasn’t there. You tried to calm yourself but knowing how damaged he was inside you kept thinking the worst so you pushed yourself harder, struggling through the jungle only to happen upon the lake where the Finalizer still sat, dead and lifeless.
You nearly cried with relief when you saw him, his red hair a crowning glory in the early light of the day, his arms crossed as he stood like a statue surveying the broken remains of what used to be his home. You slowly approached, highly aware of how similar this was that rainy day on the estate.
“Are you just going to stand there My Lady?” You sucked in a breath, your eyes closing in relief at the sound of his voice, your heart beating with joy for the first in months.
“I do not mean to intrude,” you breathed hating the way your voice wavered with emotion.
“You’re not,” he replied but still he didn’t take his eyes off his ship.
“I’m so sorry Armitage,” you whispered.
“I should be the one apologising,” his face twisted with anguish and he turned away from the sight before him. “I’m sorry I ever married you and dragged you into this.”
“Please don’t say that!” It took you a moment to realise he wasn’t stopping and you hurried after him but he stayed just out of reach until you both got back to the hut. “Armitage!”
“You should just leave me, I’ve had plenty of time to think about it. I should stay here and face whatever punishment they deem fit.”
“This isn’t all on you, you can’t take responsibility for the entirety of this war!”
“Someone has to,” he muttered.
“It’s not your fault! I refuse to lose you again!” You almost screamed, making him look at you in surprise. Many emotions flitted over his face before he settled on that blank expression you knew so well.
“Why are you fighting so hard for this?” He asked dully.
“Why aren’t you fighting hard for this?” You cried back.
“You’re better off without me,” he shouted. His expression now one of distress as he ran a hand through his hair. “Everything is gone, everything I’ve worked for, fought for it’s all gone!” You went to reach for him but he pulled away from you, backing into the wall. “You don’t want me, you don’t need me. Just leave me alone!” Tears streamed down your face as his voice cracked, your heart was breaking from his words.
“You are worthy of love, Armitage.” He smirked and shook his head.
“How can you say that? How can you say that after what I did?”
“You didn’t have a choice,” he moved further away from you. Disgust lacing his features but you didn’t know if that was because of you or himself.
“Of course I had a choice. I could have gotten us out of there if I so wished.” His gaze rose to meet yours. “He got you out didn’t he? So why didn’t I?”
“Armitage please!” But he was beyond reason, lost in the hatred of his actions.
“You are better off without me, go to him, Kylo. He’ll look after you far better than I ever could.”
“Armitage, wait!” You followed him out of the hut, painfully aware that everyone in the vicinity was awake and listening to your conversation.
“No, nothing else you can say will change my mind…”
“I’m pregnant,” you blurred out loudly and you saw his back stiffen when he jolted to a stop, the few people you could see made shocked faces and disappeared into their huts. Finn and Rose paused to the side no doubt holding their breath as they watched the scene unfold before them. You wanted him to turn around, you wanted him to run to you, lifting you in the air with excitement but you knew he was going to be conflicted about this. Finally he did turn, his eyes on your hands as you twisted them nervously.
“Is it mine?” He asked stiffly. The question had you sobbing, you expected it, of course you did but you had hoped he wouldn't sound so indifferent about it.
“Y-yes.” He nodded before striding off. Words failed you, watching him leave you like this shattered your heart into pieces, littering the floor with your pain. You wanted to scream, to ask him to come back to face this with you but he was gone.
“C’mon sweetheart. He’ll be back.” Poe gently guided you back to your hut, you had no ideas where he had come from but you were grateful to him.
“How can you be sure?” You asked quietly, wiping your face.
“Well for one he’s got nowhere to go,” you glared at Poe through your tears but he at least had the sense to look ashamed at such a comment. “And two,” he continued. “For all his faults, Hugs is loyal to you. He’d never admit it to anyone, probably not even himself.”
“You don’t know him like I do,” you said softly.
“What’s that? I’m right? Yeah I’ll take it,” he smiled kindly at you. “I’ll go get some caf. I’ll be back ok?” You nodded, the smile leaving your face as soon as you were alone. You heard him talking to Finn and Rose, their voices trailing off as they walked away. You gently put a hand on your stomach, hoping Armitage came back soon. Poe came back and spent some time with you but you couldn’t follow the conversation, your eyes trained on the door waiting for Armitage to come back. Finally he made his excuses and left you alone, but it didn’t last long.
Your thoughts scattered when the door opened and you stood up, a flush creeping over your skin, a name on your lips but you couldn't utter it. Because it was the wrong man.
“You’re pregnant?” He asked incredulously.
“What do you want, Ben?” It still felt strange to call him that.
“I had no idea,” he rumbled.
“Yes you did. It’s why you saved me. Isn’t it?” He was too big for your space and you wanted him to sit down but you also didn’t want him to stay. “On the Finalizer, sending me to the Resistance you were giving me a chance with this baby.”
“I couldn't see you get killed!” He snarled curling his hands into fists. “I waited for Armitage to betray the First Order, his beliefs, to prove his love for you and he didn’t.”
“Because you would have killed him as soon as he put a foot wrong!” You hissed at him, trying to keep your voice low.
“Maybe,” he admitted. “I guess we will never know.”
“Please, leave me alone. He won’t come back if you’re in here.” You turned your back on him, hoping he’d get the message so you missed the crestfallen look on his face. The way his large hand went to reach for you but then he thought better of it and moved away.
“I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” You turned to reply but he was gone, the door closing softly behind him.
You paced, watching night fall beyond the walls of your little space, the fauna coming to life in the darkness and you sighed, trying to hold back the storm of emotions that threatened to engulf you yet again. You just needed to know he was alright. Your legs tired and you finally lay down, closing your eyes but sleep didn’t come so you stared at the door, tracking the rough wood yet again until he came back.
You sat up on the bed as the door slowly opened. He stepped in, his boots dragging on the wooden floor with each step, he didn’t look at you and instead rested heavily against the closed door. The fire had died down and there was silence outside indicating everyone was asleep. He slid to the floor, resting his elbows on his knees and thumping his head gently back onto the door. He looked exhausted in the dim light, his clothes slightly muddy like he’d been out trekking, his hair was wind swept but still as vibrant as ever. You ached to hold him close, to breathe your love into him so he could feel it but you knew he’d probably reject it right now. He was hurting, still coming to terms with the loss of everything he thought was important. He was having to rebalance, finding out the world did not run on the need for power and dizzying heights of control took time getting over. Nevertheless, you slowly slid off the bed kneeling just a few paces away from him, your hands clasped neatly in your lap as you gazed at him with sorrow filled eyes. The need to speak was driving you crazy, words filled your mouth before filtering out into nothingness not making it past the barrier of your lips. His eyes were closed, a pained expression pulled on his face and for a moment you thought he’d fallen asleep against the door when he shifted. His eyes opened and you rushed him, pulling him into an embrace that for once he didn’t fight. Neither of you spoke, taking the time to breathe each other in, accepting the first moment of comfort you had taken from each other since he had woken up in the medbay. He was warm and firm in your arms, alive and breathing as he wrapped an arm loosely over your back.
“Come to bed,” you whispered. “Please?” He had been sleeping in a chair no matter how many times you had offered him the bed he had refused to take it, until now. He stood almost swaying as you led him over, making him sit down so you could remove his boots and muddy trousers before letting him slip under the covers. You went to move away to let him rest alone when his hand shot out and grabbed you.
“Stay?” He asked softly and you tried not to smile. He moved over as you got in, not sure if he wanted to be touched or not but that uncertainty was banished when he pulled you tightly into his embrace and for the first time in a long time you felt contentment.
You awoke early again, feeling refreshed after a deep sleep because Hux hadn’t had a nightmare. You slipped out from under his arm and got dressed in some fresh clothes casting one last look at him you smiled before heading off to get some breakfast.
Poe was up early, sorting through the fresh supplies that had been brought back on the Falcon last night.
“Morning sweetheart, you look better.”
“I feel better,” you responded. “The trip was successful then?”
“We need to do another, even with people leaving to find their own way through the Galaxy there are still some arriving here because they have nowhere else to go. This lot won’t last us that long,” he commented.
“But it will do for now, you should be proud, General. You have created a safe haven for those who would end up wandering lost.” Poe sighed and you placed a comforting hand on his arm. “You know I will help if you need me to.”
“You already have your hands full,” he replied quietly.
“I am hoping my news will help him sort his priorities.” Poe’s eyes lit up and he grinned.
“A little bit of good news amongst the stress, how are you feeling? Here take some extra food,” he offered you.
“Poe I can’t, you have so many people to feed…”
“Would you just take it?” He growled, forcing more pouches into your arms. “I’ve got bottles of water as well…” you waited patiently as he retrieved a little crate and you placed it all in there, activating the hover mechanism on it.
“Thank you Poe.”
“Go go, I’m so busy,” he said, smirking, giving you a wink and making you laugh.
“Alright I’ll leave you to the very tedious task of counting!”
“Yes, thank you!” He called after you, picking up his datapad.
You had a little bounce to your step as you made your way all the way back to your hut, opening the door and guiding the crate in, you didn’t see Armitage sitting up at first. You closed the door and turned to give him a smile but the scene before made your blood run like ice in your veins.
“Armitage?” He was sitting on the edge of the bed running a hand over a blaster. “Where did you get that?” You asked quietly, panic licking its way through your body as he looked up at you. He looked so lost, his eyes were red and his pale skin blotchy, his red hair had lost its fire looking lank and dull as it slanted over one eye, his stubble was more pronounced today showing that he hadn’t attempted to shave.
“I just took it.” Your heart began to beat loudly, your pulse roaring in your ears, you wanted to call out for anyone but you didn’t know how he was going to react.
“What do you want with it?” You asked in hushed tones. He tapped it into his hand and you saw the safety was off, the panic heightened, thrumming through your body until it felt like all your hairs were standing on end.
“I didn’t know at first,” his voice was gravelly and tired. “But then I realised this could be it,” his shoulders rose and fell with a shuddery breath. “The answer to everyone’s suffering.”
“No one is suffering anymore,” you crouched down, slowly resting on your knees so you were on his level. “The war is o-over Armitage.”
“Then why do I feel like I’m still fighting?” He snarled. To your surprise he stood, the blaster gripped tightly in his hands and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You were losing him.
You watched him pace in the small living area growing more agitated by the second, mumbling more to himself than you. “I am suffering, I feel so useless, there is nothing to aim for, not goals to achieve. No order, no control, nothing to strategise, no one to fight, I feel myself going crazy…” he stopped and looked down the barrel of the blaster. Your breath stilled, an ache bloomed in your chest as the seconds slowed to a crawl. Thoughts of getting up and knocking it from his hand flashed through your mind but you knew you’d be too late. “This is the only answer I’ve found,” his eyes dragged to you. His brows rose for a moment in an expression of sorrow as he took in your tear stricken face. “I’m taking responsibility….” No! You wanted to scream but the sound got lodged in your throat when his finger squeezed the trigger. You closed your eyes expecting a light, a bang, the sound of him falling to the floor, anything. But there was only silence.
Your eyes flew open at the sound of the door smashing into the wall and Ben came in, his chest heaving like he’d been running, his hand outstretched as he held Armitage in an invisible cage, he wrenched the blaster out of Hux’s frozen grip and tossed it out of the hut.
“What are you doing?” Growled Hux and his eyes blazed fiercely at the force user.
“I came to stop you,” Ben huffed, still catching his breath.
“How did you know?” You flinched as Ben pointed at you but his gaze was still locked on the ex-general.
“I could feel her heart, breaking from across the encampment.” A gasp left you as strong arms wrapped around your terrified form and Poe hauled you off the floor, also out of breath.
“I’m sorry sweetheart we came as fast as we could,” he breathed into your ear.
“Just let me go with dignity!” Hux glared at Ben as he snarled through gritted teeth.
“There is no dignity in this Armitage. You have someone who loves you, she wants you. Don’t throw that away, the chance of a life because the First Order no longer exists.”
“The First Order was my life! It was all I had!” Shouted Hux.
“And look what you have to replace it,” Ben snapped, gesturing at you clutched in Poe’s arms. “Don’t be a fool, don’t let your fathers ambitions rule even now. Because then it really all would have been for nothing. These people helping you would be for nothing.” Hux sagged to the floor with a grunt when Ben released him.
“Are you alright?” He asked angrily, turning his back to Hux. You nodded, shaking Poe off and rushing to your husband. You knelt next to his folded form, you wanted to reach out and touch him and you felt the frustration rise that you couldn’t touch him. Even though right now it was all he needed to remind himself he had you, he had reasons to live.
“You need to go. Now.”
“I’m not leaving you…” started Ben but you cut him off.
“Yes, you are. Go.” Poe tugged on the bigger man’s arm, his hazel eyes locked with yours for a moment before giving in and following the pilot outside. Your hands over your husbands shaking form but frustration made you move. Using all your might you pulled at him, making him sit up.
“Armitage!” You grabbed his face making him focus on you. His entire being quivering with pent up emotions ready to be released, his green eyes blown wide but they looked at you as he tried to keep himself together. “They’re gone, you can let go.” He sagged with relief against you, his face crumbling and you hugged him close as he buried his face into your shoulder.
“I can’t look at their faces anymore,” he whimpered. “All I see is what I’ve done, over and over again written in their eyes, in the words they say, how they act…all I see is the hurt that’s been caused, all because of me.” You held him close as he silently sobbed into you, giving him the outlet he needed without a word.
“It’s not you, this doesn’t fall on you.” You shrugged him off your shoulder, making him focus on your face. “Promise me, promise me you won’t pull that shit again!” Your profanity made him raise his eyebrows in surprise even through the storm of his emotions. “I need you, we need you,” you stressed softly. “Armitage please,” you rested your forehead against his pulling him close to you. “You are loved and needed and I will say it until you believe it.”
“What if I never believe it?” He whispered.
“We’re family. I know you’re not used to that, you feel alone, I feel alone! Our home is gone, all I have is you. And I can’t…..I can’t lose that. Please don’t make me!” You covered your face with both hands trying to stifle the sobs that shook your body. The feeling of utter hopelessness wrapped it’s fateful arms around you dragging you down into the dark abyss you’d been holding at bay for so long. You wanted to ask him why he wasn’t letting you in, to let you help him but you knew it was pointless. You went to get up, to move away or leave, just to distance yourself but your eyes flew open when you felt his fingers curl around your wet hands. He pulled them down from your face, his gaze searching yours, his expression sad as his mouth opened.
“You are my home,” he whispered.
“Armitage���”
“You want me to talk, I’m talking.” You hiccuped a breath at his firm tone, an echo of the man he used to be finally shining through, but he was right. You’d spent all the time trying to get him to open up. You should listen to him now. He reached for your cheek, his long fingers gently wiping your tears away. “Starkiller, The Finalizer, Arkanis, none of them ever felt like home after I met you. Took me so long to see it,” he murmured. “To see how you helped me face myself and now,” his gaze flicked down to your stomach. “Now you are making me see something I never thought I’d see. How can I be a parent?” You saw the uncertainty in his gaze, the way his brows tried to pull down for a moment. “What if…what if I….become like him?”
“You could never!” You reached for him, bringing him closer until his forehead pressed into yours. “I know you’re scared, don’t make that face, you are allowed to be. I am. I’m scared.” You bit your lip as you chose your next words. “It feels easier to walk away but it’s not,” you said firmly, threading your hands into his hair. “If we face this together we can do it, Armitage. We can get each other through this.”
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hunterscoffee · 3 years
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Cynical Parents
Oneshot Masterlist Anakin Skywalker x Reader x Padme Amidala Warnings: Mentions of mental illness. Word Count: 983 A/N: @shads121 for the inspiration.
Obi-Wan had sensed the danger in the future to come. Seen flashes of Anakin on a planet made of fire, his eyes glowing yellow as he holds an open hand out for Padme's neck, tears rolling down her face as you lay dead on the floor. Neck snapped. The one thing Obi-Wan had a sure memory of was Padme's declaration of love and the child she carried. Then Obi-Wan faced a choice, hide his friend's secret and face the possible destruction of all he loved or tell the council and save his friend from the danger he was on the path to. It was then that the answer was simple, tell the council and face the guilt. Anakin's exile was immediate. He was forced to turn in his lightsaber and never practise the Jedi Code again.
That was about two weeks ago and now Anakin was the most depressed you had ever seen him, everything seemed to have hit him at once. The loss of his mother, Ahsoka and now, the Jedi. Obi-Wan had stopped by a few times, but Anakin didn’t want to see him, he felt as if he had been betrayed by his best friend or more so, his brother. A few weeks later Grevious was captured and the war turned in favour of the Republic. Soon after news of Count Dooku's death and the reveal of the sith master hit. 
Palpatine's betrayal only worsened Anakin's health and both you and Padme were stuck for what to do. Neither you nor Padme needed to be on Coruscant anymore and everything on the planet served as a reminder to Anakin that he was no longer a Jedi so as it seemed, the best decision was to leave for Naboo. Padme, of course, was delighted to see that you all agreed and she could properly introduce you and Anakin to her family and friends without fear of the council finding out.
All that had led up to you lying in Anakin’s embrace on the Planet of Naboo in a luxurious suite with a king-sized bed. Padme had got up several hours before to do something you weren’t sure of and definitely wouldn’t understand the point of it. You turned around in his arms so your head was on his chest. Anakin mumbled in his sleep, burying his face into the top of your head. You sighed in content, enjoying the few moments of peace where Anakin was happy.
“Y/N!” the doors flew open, banging as they hit the wall. Anakin groaned at the loud noise, picking the pillow from underneath him and covering his face and ears from the light and sound. You blinked the sleep from your eyes and pried yourself from your husband's embrace. Padme stood in the massive doorway, hair looking slightly tousled but still impossibly beautiful. “Your parents are here and they want to have lunch with us.” your eyes widened and Anakin removed the pillow from his head.
“They’re where?” you repeated, hopeful she had misspoken.
“Here,”
“Shit,” the one-worded curse was all you needed to get your emotions across.
“Shit,” Anakin echoed in the same spooked tone.
You pulled the covers from your legs, padding to the bathroom while yawning. “Why now? They barely call me,” you huffed as you splashed water in your face.
“They probably heard about your moving,” Padme shrugged as she moved to sit on the bed. “You’d be surprised how fast news travels.” You groaned as you shoved a toothbrush in your mouth and made your way out of the bathroom to the closet for some form of formal wear to greet your parents in. 
“Ani, you gotta get up, I want you to meet my folks,” you said, throwing a fancy robe with pants and a belt onto the bed for him to change into. He just groaned and rolled over in bed.
“Me and your father, we don’t especially approve of your lifestyle.” your mother casually brings up as you’re seated for lunch. You choke on the food you had just tried to swallow, punching your chest as you attempted to free your oesophagus. Once your throat was clear and you had some water you turned to her.
“What lifestyle, mother?” you asked, a creepily calm smile on your face. Your mother blushed slightly as the corners of her lips tilted upwards in an awkward smile.
“You know, you and…” she trails off, “Anakin.”
“Because he’s from Tatooine and a former slave?” you said, eyes widening once you released what your mother was insinuating. The entire time your father had sat slightly, staring at his food. “Is this what you think too, Dad?” you said, turning on him.
“I think your mother has a point,” he mumbles.
“What?! That Anakin isn’t poncy and rich enough for me?!” you growled.
“Y/N it’s okay,” Anakin said, placing a hand on your forearm.
“No it’s fucking not,” you said, looking at your parents' shocked faces and the obscenity left your lips. This is my wife and this is my husband. Not yours so you don’t get a say in it. Anakin has been through enough shit in the last five years and he does NOT need your shitty right-wing opinion on whether he’s the right class for me. This is Padme’s planet and you’re our guests, you don’t fucking like it then leave.” you finished, leave your mother’s face ghost-like and your father’s turning comedically red with anger. 
“Don’t talk to your mother like that,” your father warned.
“Like what?” you scoffed, “An equal?” Steam was practically coming out of his ears at this point. “I’m leaving now, there is still a room for you if you want to stay,” you turned to Anakin and Padme, “I’ll be in the bedroom if wanna come,” Anakin stood from his seat, the chair making a harsh noise against the wooden floor. “Bye mother, father.”
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evabellasworld · 3 years
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Storm of the Republic
Chapter 29
AO3 Link | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29
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Summary:  When Tup murdered General Tiplar during a battle, Anakin Skywalker and Captain Rex dispatched Ahsoka, Fives, and Yara to solve the mystery that was plaguing the Clone Army. Meanwhile, Senator Padme Amidala contacted Commander Fox, Commander Tori, Riyo Chuchi, and Dipper to help her continue investigating the death of Palpatine, suspecting that Dooku was behind the evil plot. But when Dooku send an ISB agent to stop them, the team had to race against time to search for the truth, which could alter the course of the galaxy.
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Putting on her surgical mask, Dr. Urakchaevy took a deep breath as she glanced at the surgical tube, before shifting her focus towards Tup. With his head covered in plastic foil and his eyes shut, the doctor slid him inside the machine and looked at the panels. “We’re now beginning level 1 brain scan,” she announced to Fives, who was the only one in the room. “This will only take a short while.”
As Fives gave a nod of approval, the machine scanned his brain for 30 minutes. The ARC Trooper tapped his foot on the floor as the doctor focused on his brain condition. From what she had gathered so far, his brain scan was blue, showing that he was slipping towards his deathbed.
This is not good , her teeth chattered. Somehow, I couldn’t find any lumps in his brain, and yet, Tup is unconscious. How is this possible?
“Is everything alright, Doc?” Fives wondered, noticing her hands trembling on the panels.
Dr. Urakchaevy nodded, pressing her lips. “I’ll have to raise the brain scan to level 2. There’s nothing I could find on the surface of his brain.”
“Alright, Doc, you can raise it up to level two,” he gave a thumbs up. “I hope he’s alright.”
Let’s hope he does, she let out a sigh, as she performed another brain scan on Tup, hoping to dig deeper. Another half an hour has passed, and Dr. Urakchaevy felt her sweat dripping from her forehead, despite the air-conditioning in the room.
Considering Tup was the first clone she had treated, she wasn’t knowledgeable in their biology. The only thing she knows about clone troopers was the fact that they fought for the Republic, even though it had been crumbled by the Empire. She doesn’t see the point of the conflict, but Dr. Urakchaevy has to perform her duty to save her patients.
As the machine beeped, the doctor checked on her panel with a gleam painted on her lips, only for her shoulders to slump towards the results. Is this machine broken or what? Do I need to re-scan just to make sure I find something inside Tup?
“Did you find anything, Doc?” his voice turned agitated. “Please tell me you found something, Doc.”
Dr. Urakchaevy remained silent as she stared at the surgical pod, wondering if she could raise the level of the machine. She knows the risk, and she’s not sure whether she would like the result. The worst-case scenario she could think of was the side effects of the radiation, which was nausea, fever, and vomiting. But it was the only way if she wanted a fast result.
“It’s still the same result as the first scan, unfortunately,” she reported, turning towards him. “I’m afraid I have no choice but to perform a Level 5 atomic scan.”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked Fives, raising his eyebrows. “Is it dangerous?”
“It’s full of radiation and Tup might experience side effects, but it’s the only way I could find a lump inside his brain, though the chances are rather small. Are you okay with that, Fives?”
Fives tilted his head upwards as he pondered for a moment. I can’t just refuse his surgery and let him die. I’ll never forgive myself if I made the wrong decision.
“If the Level 5 atomic scan means saving my brother, then you need to do it,” he told her. “I came here to save Tup, and I’m gonna bring him back to base, safe and sound, so do what you have to, Doc. Go with the Level 5 atomic scan if you must.”
Dr. Urakchaevy gave him a small smile. “You’re a caring brother, Fives. Now go wait outside with your sister, Yara. I’m sure Thonda is done patching her up by now.”
“Will Tup be okay, Doc?” his voice quivered. “I don’t want to lose him, really.”
“He’ll be alright,” assured Dr. Urakchaevy, holding his hand. “I promise you. He’ll walk out of this room and act as if nothing had happened to him. He’ll drink with you and Yara and go back to his usual self.”
“In case he doesn’t make it, can I say my last words to him?”
“Fives, Tup will be fine,” she said, opening the door for him. “Besides, this will only take a few minutes, so don’t worry. I have faith in your younger brother.”
Without saying a word, Fives stepped out of the surgical room and held his breath when he found Yara sitting all by herself, munching a plate full of chocolate chip cookies. Cracking a smile, he tiptoed towards her and slapped his arms on her shoulders, making her choke on her food.
“Bitch, I told you not to sneak up to me like that,” she cussed with her mouth full, kicking his shin. “I could have died of a heart attack, you know.”
“Well, it was funny,” he burst into laughter, as he sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her shoulder. “You could have seen the look on your face. It was so ugly.”
“Shut up, Fives. At least I’m more good-looking than you.”
“Says who? Everyone knows I’m the most handsome man among the Grand Army of the Republic.”
Yara sticks her tongue out in disgust. “Yuck, you’re ugly as fuck.”
“No, you’re ugly.”
“No, you’re ugly.”
“Fuck you, Fives,” Yara shoved his shoulders, her other hand gripping on the plate of cookies. “I hate you so much.”
“Well, fuck you too, Yara,” Fives imitated her voice, as he snatched away her cookies from her grasp. “Also, you ate too much of these. Save some for me, will you?”
She crossed her arms, her lips pouting. “Give me back my cookies, dickhead. They’re mine.”
He shook his head, stuffing one in his mouth. “Hey, sharing is caring, okay? Besides, it’s been a while since I had authentic food, anyway.”
“Tell me about it. I miss drinking margaritas from 79’s. It was the best drink I could ever have, you know. I wonder what’s their secret?”
“Maybe they made it with love,” Fives jokes, leaning on his seat. “Also, the music was glorious at the club. I always enjoyed the songs that the DJ played on the dance floor, especially the song Groovy. That was my all-time favourite song.”
“But somehow, someone always bested you on the dance floor,” Yara snarked. “And that someone is sitting right next to you. Guess who it is?”
He rolled his eyes. “Very funny, Yara. I beat you one time and you were sulking the next day.”
“Yeah, exactly. You only beat me one time, Fives. The rest of the time we spent at 79’s, I always held a record on the dance floor, aside from Lisa, of course.”
“God, I miss those days. Everything was simple back then. Now, it feels like we’re stressing our future like a bunch of old men waiting for death.”
“I know, Fives. I miss the days when the only reason I cried was because I failed the simulation. Now, I cry because everyone we know was killed in front of us, and we don’t even know whether we’re next in line.”
“And I miss the day where the only reason we’re happy was because we passed the simulation. Now, I can only be happy because I lived to fight another day, though I wished I could join the rest of our fallen siblings instead.”
Yara hummed to herself. “I know, Fives. Honestly, when this war is over, I just want to walk away from all of this. I want to settle down somewhere and find someone to love, like Commander Fox. He and Riyo are so happy together and I want to be like them.”
“So, you’re looking for someone like those male leads from your favourite rom-com?” smiled Fives. “And how many kids are you planning to have?”
“First of all, I want a guy who is kind and sweet and secondly, I want at least four kids, doesn’t matter what gender they are.”
“Four kids? Well, that’s a lot, to be honest.” “I want to shower all my love on my kids and accept them for who they are, no matter what,” Yara expressed her hopes and dreams. “And I also want them to have a better life than I did. Since I fought in a war, I want my kids to live a peaceful life, without worrying about a single thing.”
“Sounds like a pleasant life,” Fives said, placing an empty plate beside him. “Honestly, I would like to have that kind of life, too. If only I could find someone like that.”
Before Yara could say something, Dr. Urakchaevy walked out of the surgical room with tears of shame in her eyes. Fives stood up from his seat, waiting for her to speak. “So, did the surgery went well?”
She bobbed her head with hesitation, her fingers fidgeting. “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”
“We would like to hear the good news,” Fives replied with his brows furrowed.
“Okay then, the good news is that the surgery went well, and we found a tumour inside his brain,” she informed him, showing the evidence she extracted. “I’m not sure what kind of tumour it is, but I can do my research on it.”
“That’s great to hear, Doc,” Yara beamed. “But then, what’s the bad news?��
“Tup didn’t make it,” Dr. Urakchaevy broke the news to them. “I’m so sorry, guys. I did everything I could to save him, but somehow, his heart rate stopped.”
Fives’ face contorted as he dropped to his knees, frozen. Yara could not utter a single word from her mouth as tears flowed on her cheeks, hugging her knees.
How are we going to face Rex after this?
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colehasapen · 3 years
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(CHAPTER 7) there’s a river full of memory   STAR WARS
Previous // First
A03
The room still feels like him.
Hours out from Coruscant, Anakin is hidden away in the room that had been his master’s, curled up under his blanket and numbly signing off on the other man’s paperwork. His head and heart ache, a burning fury caught in his throat like rotten food, and yet he feels too  empty. Usually when he gets angry, it gives him more strength, strength that he would use to protect the people he loves from a fate like his mother’s. He’d never be too late again, he’d stop the from being hurt again - the Tuskens had just proven to him what Palpatine had been trying to show him for years, that the Galaxy needed stricter control, a heavier hand, all to bring about the peace that it deserved.
But now, after seeing Obi-Wan’s face, young and soft but with a look in his eyes that Anakin would have associated with the new slaves on Tatooine, the anger just makes him feel tired. Obi-Wan had looked at him with fear, had had the expression that Anakin had seen far too often on new slaves, those that hadn’t been born into the life, but had been captured and sold.
He remembers the Tuskens, remembers cutting them down for what they did to his mother. It hadn’t fixed anything, hadn’t made him feel better or brought her back, but he had avenged his mother. His beautiful, wonderful mother who didn’t deserve what had happened to her. Anakin would have made her a queen if he could, he would have killed those filthy Hutts and put her on a throne, but instead he had held her as she died.
At least he could comfort himself with the knowledge that justice had been swift and unforgiving. They had paid for what they had done to her.
He had done the right thing, he had made sure they couldn’t hurt anyone else. You had to put down animals like that, who had gotten a taste for human blood, or they’d do it again; Anakin had done his duty to make sure they wouldn’t. He’d done the right thing, Chancellor Palpatine had assured him of it. To be angry was to be human, Padmé had told him.
They wouldn’t have said those things if Anakin had been wrong. They understood him better than anyone, they were good, kind people who wouldn’t have loved him if he did something wrong.
And  yet - he thinks of the young face staring back at him with fear, holding his lightsaber in small hands, screaming through the Force to pay attention to him, to look at him instead of anyone else in the room. Obi-Wan had been trying to protect others from  him.
Obi-Wan could tell what he had done. Obi-Wan would tell people, and everything would be  ruined.
Maybe if he made him understand that the Tuskens weren’t  people -
The Order wouldn’t understand, they never do. They think he was too old and too angry to be one of them, but Anakin had proved them all  wrong, he had become the  best of them. He had lived up to the legacy Qui-Gon had laid for him, and he’s working to bring balance and justice back to the Galaxy. But if Obi-Wan told them about the Tuskens, they wouldn’t ask questions; they hate him, and if they knew, they wouldn’t hesitate to throw him out. The Chancellor had told him what they would do to him if they thought he had Fallen, had told him history that the Order hid from him. They’d lock him away from the rest of his life, would take away the freedom he had fought so hard for.
They’d punish Padmé for loving him.
He couldn’t let that happen. The Jedi would ruin Padmé, would take her away from him. They’d take Ahsoka from him, if they knew - her and Rex, and the rest of the 501st. They’d make the Senate punish Chancellor Palpatine for being his friend - they’d never liked the Chancellor, had never liked their friendship. They didn’t approve of any connections outside of the Order.
They’d lock him away, another pair of chains weighing him down, and-
The door buzzes, sliding open, and Anakin pulls himself from his head, bemusement shining through his spiraling thoughts. He could have sworn he had locked the room down.
“General.” Rex greets as he steps into the room. His Force signature is rolling with distress, with anger and a choking fury and drowning sadness, but his face shows none of this. He’s reserved, expression shuttered, and as he watches, the Captain reels everything back in behind the shields Anakin remembers Obi-Wan tutoring him how to make after Ventress had gotten into his head. It makes Anakin suddenly hyper aware that his Captain had left a Force imprint in his Master’s bedroom.
Well, it’s not too surprising. They work with the 212th so often, and Rex is nothing if not diligent with his paperwork, and Anakin knows how much Obi-Wan would prefer to avoid his office at any opportunity. It would be much easier for him to work with Obi-Wan, so that they could compare reports more comfortably. Obi-Wan even had those armour racks the clones liked to use for anyone who came in to do paperwork.
Honestly, they both work too much.
Anakin shakes himself from his thoughts, “Rex.” He says roughly, crawling out from under Obi-Wan’s sheets. He’s honestly glad to see his Captain; Rex is a good man, a stable rock in the storm of his head. Seeing him never fails to make Anakin feel more settled. Rex is a good friend, one of his best.
He hopes what Obi-Wan said hasn’t changed anything.
“How’re the -” he hesitates slightly, thinking of the two younglings on the biobed, curled around each other and watching him like spooked Tookas, “- kids?” It’s  weird; Obi-Wan and his Commander were two of the most adult-like adults that he knew. They’re serious and focused on their duty, enough that Anakin forgets that Obi-Wan is only in his thirties, and Cody is technically twelve.
To think of them as kids? It feels  wrong.
Rex flinches slightly - he’s close to Cody, Anakin remembers, to see him in such a state must be just as distressing as seeing Obi-Wan is for Anakin. “Commander Tano is showing them around.” The Captain says roughly, unhooking Anakin’s lightsaber from his belt and wordlessly handing it over. “It’s been a stressful day for them.”
Anakin laughs bitterly, “It’s been a stressful day for all of us.” He thinks back to how Obi-Wan had revealed his darkest secret. He’d always been afraid of it happening, that one day he’d share everything with his Master, and that the man would then turn around and betray him, that he’d chose the Code over Anakin.
But - well, hadn’t he already when he had disregarded Anakin’s visions of his mother’s death? The Chancellor sure thought so, and he was so much better with people than Anakin is. Anakin prefers droids to people, prefers mechanics to relationships, and Chancellor Palpatine just seems to know everything about how to talk to people.
Rex was a lot like him really - not good with people that is.
Rex dips his head in a silent nod, lowering himself to sit on the edge of Obi-Wan’s bed with a surprising amount of ease for his usually awkward Captain. “Kix is keeping an eye on them.” Anakin gets a flash of a memory from the clone, one Rex chose to share with him, of Ahsoka cheerfully leading the two small kids down the hall, Kix trotting along behind them as the Padawan and medic have an exaggeratedly playful conversation, trying to pull the boys out of their shells, and Anakin can’t help but smile fondly.
His Padawan would make an amazing Knight.
“General.” Rex hesitates, eyes conflicted and expression tense, and he’s quiet for a long moment, looking torn and physically floundering for words. Anakin waits patiently for the man to decide what to say. “What do you know about General Kenobi’s apprenticeship?”
Raising an eyebrow in confusion, the young Knight tilts his head, “His Padawanship?” He echoes in confusion. “Honestly, not much.” Anakin shrugs; Obi-Wan hadn’t spoken of it, so it must have been pretty boring.
It would have been nice though, having a Jedi like Qui-Gon as a Master.
“He was apprenticed to Master Qui-Gon Jinn, and was Knighted at twenty-five -” the pride of becoming a Knight younger than his perfect Master is a familiar thing, “- pretty normal stuff, really.”
Something  twists in Rex’s expression - in his entire being really. “Normal?” He repeats, and his tone, something Anakin can’t explain, unnerves him. “Sir, all due respect, but being sold into slavery  shouldn’t be normal.”
Anakin goes cold. “What?”
Rex stares at him, eyes burning, “Sir, this Obi-Wan Kenobi is twelve years old, and the last thing he remembers is a Fallen Jedi selling him into slavery.” Anakin feels sick. “He says he’s not a Jedi, that he was sent away -”
“No.” Anakin interrupts, his entire worldview turning on it’s head, into something that  doesn’t make sense. It can’t have happened - Obi-Wan was the perfect Jedi, they never would have sent him away. He couldn’t have been a slave, he would have told Anakin if he had. It would have helped him understand the pain Anakin was going through when he had first joined the Order. “No - no, that can’t be right.” Rex is watching him, brown eyes dark with anger, “He would have  told me!”
“I don’t think he told anyone, General.”
“He should have  told me!” Anakin barks furiously, flapping a hand, and he barely notices the clone’s recoil at the violent move.
Force, he’s so angry. He needs to talk to Padmé, or Chancellor Palpatine; they’d help him make sense of things.
“Get out.”
Rex falters, “Sir?”
“I need some time alone, Rex.” The Knight hisses out between clenched teeth, “Leave.”
Rex follows the order, like he always does, and he leaves Anakin behind to his thrashing thoughts. He fishes his comm out with shaking hands, plugging in a code he knows off by heart.
The Chancellor answers immediately, just like he always does.  “Anakin, my boy!” Already, Anakin finds his stress melting away as Chancellor Palpatine’s kind voice washes over him. The man always picks up. No matter how busy he is, he always puts time aside for Anakin, ready to lend an ear and his hard-earned wisdom.
Anakin used to wish Obi-Wan would be more like the Chancellor.
  “This is a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you?”
Anakin swallows, settling his nerves, and he talks. “I need some advice, Chancellor.”
Taglist: @a-mediocre-succulent @yellowisharo @spoofymcgee @roseofalderaan @everything-or-anything @bellablue42 @tumceteri-fratres @etainskirata @arkainea
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jedimasterbailey · 3 years
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Below is another sneak preview of my “The Padawans” fic. Next chapter up should be by tomorrow! With the help of Quinlan Vos confronts her inner darkness and learns to let go of her past in order become the Jedi she was always meant to be 💙 Link to the fic below! Thank you @devondeal for helping out this story together 😊
Side note: How epic would it be to see Barriss confront a Sith version of herself?
You want me to do what now?” Barriss nervously asks.
The two Jedi were sitting cross legged across from each other inside the cave Quinlan has taken residence in. They had just returned from a morning Jar’kai training session as Barriss admitted to needing some refinement in wielding two lightsabers. Quinlan’s lessons were as tough as his looks as Barriss’s body ached in a way she hadn’t felt since her early lightsaber training days. She had hoped they would take a break and talk more about the mission at hand, but the Jedi Master had other plans.
Quinlan raises a brow, “Meditate. You haven’t been doing that have you?”
Barriss shakes her head,“Not since the trail. I tried once in my cell and it felt...so dark....cold...I couldn’t go through with it. It’s almost as if the dark side is a disease I injected myself with, it has yet to go away.”
Quinlan sighs,“I understand what you mean. I only just got rid of it just before you arrived.”
“Really? Even with my Master’s help?” Barriss asks, surprised. If there was anyone that could soothe anyone’s aching spirit, it was Luminara. It’s what Barriss adored the most about her Master. The older Mirilan’s calming voice and demeanor is what kept Barriss grounded through her apprenticeship.
Quinlan takes a long drink from his flask before answering. He then looked Barriss straight in the eye, his expression unreadable.
“Yeah...you see kid, the darkness came to us when we decided to not take control of something we had no business in. We made the easy choice, the one that felt right in the moment, but we failed to consider the consequences. There’s a reason why the ancient Sith died young or were sickly looking. It’s because the dark side of the Force is corrosive. To be fueled with rage and fear non-stop takes a toll on the body and soul.”
“Even when I returned to the Order, I still felt the darkness in me. I couldn’t meditate without being reminded of my sins and I was quick to anger on the battlefield. When I felt Aayla die...I completely lost it. I killed every single Clone within my reach, forgetting that these were men I considered to be my friends. I never considered the possibility that there was something bigger at play because the dark side doesn’t allow you to think clearly. I was completely blind to everything and had I had my head screwed on tight, maybe I could have saved Luminara.”
“When I finally came to, the guilt and grief was overwhelming, so overwhelming that I completely cut myself off from the Force and from my mind. I mean could you really blame me? I lost my Padawan and every one I loved just like that! And for what?! What was the point of any of it?! All the sacrifices we made all those years were all for nothing. I became a monster for nothing. We were all just pawns in Palpatine’s game.”
“I lived off the land for a while until I found a Wookie settlement not too far from here, that’s where I’ve been getting my supplies and food. I was content with just going through the motions. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t feel nice to just be free from everything, to pretend I was never a Jedi or Sith or a war general. But the void was always there. It wasn't until I had a vision of Luminara being tortured in an Imperial cell that I realized that I needed to set things right for her. “
“So I confronted my past and refused to give up until I made peace with it. It was the most painful and difficult challenge I’ve ever taken on, but it’s worth it. I can’t undo what I’ve done, but I can decide how to live going forward. What got me through it was the promise I made to myself. I’m going to live the life that was taken away from my Aayla. Be a good man and help where I can. It’s the best way to celebrate her memory.”
“And then you came along and now I know how to repay Luminara back for all she’s done for me. Pass on what I’ve learned to her student so that she can be the Jedi the galaxy needs right now. You are Luminara’s only hope.” Quinlan finishes with a smile.
“You don’t believe you could save her?” Barriss says despite knowing the answer.
“You and I both know that only you could set your Master free.” Quinlan replies sincerely.
The validation weighed heavy on Barriss. As determined as she was to rescue her Master, the Padawan was still anxious on the obstacles she may face. Barriss owed it to Luminara to be successful. She needed her Master to know how much her apprentice loved her.
Quinlan breaks the silence,“I’m not sure what kind of evil you’re gonna face, but I know one things for sure. You’re gonna have to master the hardest lesson a Jedi ever has to learn, to let go. If you can’t let go of your guilt, your shame, your anger; you will not be successful. The Empire is counting on you to lose yourself to your emotions again. Make peace with your demons and you’ll become more powerful than their best fighter. That is how one grows from a Padawan to a Knight.”
“A Knight?” Barriss squeaked.
Quinlan nods, “Yes, Barriss. If I can return as a Jedi Master, there’s no reason why you can’t be a Knight. It’s time to complete your training Padawan, welcome to the beginning of your trails.”
“The Trail of Spirit.” Barriss concludes now that Quinlan’s meditation request made more sense.
“Exactly. You won’t be able to conquer the other ones until you’ve passed this one.”
With a deep breath Barriss accepts the challenge. Besides wanting to be reunited with her loved ones, Barriss’s greatest desire has been to rid herself of her past deeds despite feeling unworthy of redemption. Only now after hearing Quinlan’s story did Barriss feel ready to try.
“Tell me what I have to do.”
“Give yourself into the darkness and face your fears. Luminara is counting on your success, remember that. I’ll be right beside you the whole time.” Quinlan instructs, squeezing one of Barriss’s hands.
“And if I fail?” Barriss asks, chewing her lip.
“You’ll only fail if you allow for it and I know Luminara did not raise a quitter.” Quinlan reassures with a wink.
“May the Force be with me.” Barriss says, gripping tightly onto her knees.
“It always is.” Quinlan gently reminds.
Not even thirty seconds after Barriss closed her eyes and took her first deep breath, she was brutally reminded why she had avoided meditation all this time. The faces of all the Jedi killed in the bombing came to view as the voice of Anakin rang in her mind.
“Ahsoka trusted you!”
“Traitor!”
Her blood then ran cold as the all too familiar dark side energy began to fill her being. It was as if someone was squeezing her very heart with both hands making it hard to breathe as the pain was staggering. Barriss then snaps her eyes open and shakes her head, breathing hard as if someone were just choking her.
“I can’t do this!” Barriss pants, the darkness still brewing inside.
“Yes, you can.” Quinlan says sympathetically, gripping Barriss’s shoulders. “I know it’s hard, but you have to accept the pain. Whether you like it or not, it’s there. If you keep running from it, it will only fester. You just have to breathe through it and then you’ll be able to fight it. Now try again, I’ll breathe with you….trust me.”
With a weak nod, Barriss pulls herself back into position and begins to breathe deeply again, hissing through the ache blossoming from her chest. She could barely hear Quinlan’s own breathing over Ahsoka’s voice repeating the very line that has been a thorn in her heart since she first heard it back in the Jedi Temple. It was these words that replayed when she dueled the Togruta in the underbelly of Coruscant and what caused the thousands of tears she shed in her prison cell.
“...this woman is going to pay for what she did!”
Ahsoka had said this after Barriss tried to open up to her after the memorial service honoring the Jedi she accidentally killed. With Luminara gone and her sanity slipping more with each day, Barriss had hoped she could release to someone she thought wouldn’t judge her too harshly. A large part of Barriss believed that her one friend, the woman she grew to love, would have held that space for her, but she was wrong. Anakin’s hypocritical advice blinded Ahsoka to her silent plea for help. Although Barriss did not blame Ahsoka for feeling the way she did at the time, the words still stung nonetheless. Had Ahsoka been more receptive, Barriss was positive she would have confessed to her crimes right then and there.
But what’s done was done and now Barriss was left to relive that moment and hear those words over and over. The pressure in her chest has yet to let up as hot tears began to stream down olive cheeks as Barriss continued to breathe through it. Right before Barriss was about to give up, she remembered what Quinlan had said before her second attempt.
“...you have to accept the pain.”
Barriss then reached an epiphany. She allowed her muscles to relax and stopped crying, blocking out the sadness her memories ensued. As if she were falling backwards into a bed, Barriss allows herself to face the darkness she’s been shoving down for so long. In her mind’s eye, an image of Ahsoka looking at her after Anakin announces her guilt to the court appears, looking just as vulnerable and hurt as she remembered.
“Barriss? Is that true?” Ahsoka’s voice asks.
Barriss then said the answer she wanted to say at that time, but couldn’t.
“Yes, Ahsoka. It was me. I made a selfish decision and because of it I ended up hurting the very people I was trying to protect.”
Barriss then no longer felt the pressure or the cold and Ahsoka’s face disappeared. A new vision began to unfold into what looked to be a throne room. Though Barriss had never been anywhere like it, the space felt familiar. The grandious hall was dark with only moonlight peeking through the circular window that was behind a large black chair that was turned backward. Beneath her feet was a long blood red rug that ran up the steps to the seat, matching the large tapestries that hung from massive pillars.
“Welcome home.” a cool voice hissed from behind the throne.
“Home?” Barriss questions, her hand resting on top of her lightsaber hilt.
The chair then turns to reveal what appeared to be a clone of herself causing Barriss’s breath to hitch at the sight. Unlike Barriss, her duplicate peered at her with bright yellow eyes that shone brighter the moons in the sky complete with sunken cheeks and a paler green skin tone with purplish veins that pulsated just underneath the skin. Instead of Barriss’s usual blue hood, the darker version of herself wore a red one, with a more revealing, flowy black dress underneath. Her heart shaped belt was replaced with a solid black one with two lightsabers hanging from it. Barriss became nauseated, recognizing the lightsaber hilts to be Ahsoka’s white sabers.
The Dark Barriss then rose from her throne with a wide grin, “Why yes, don’t you recognize it? We grew up here!”
Barriss’s jaw and heart dropped now realizing that she was back in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, a renovated one.
“What are you?” Barriss asks shakily as her twin walks toward her, her long dark hair floating in the air like her skirt and cloak.
The clone laughs, “I’m what you know you could become. You’ve done a superb job ignoring me, but you see… you need me more than you think.”
Scrunching her face in disgust, Barriss scoffs, “If you think I’m going to give into the dark side again and become a Sith, you are sadly mistaken. I am here to end this!”
Sith Barriss cackles, “You are a fool if you really think you can still be a Jedi! Have you forgotten that the Order failed you? That Ahsoka abandoned you? That you're responsible for the death of innocents? But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, they all deserved it.”
Before Barriss could retort, the Sith continued to speak, “It was the Order who made us into a soldier and kept our Master away from us. It was the Council who didn’t trust us or respect us. They only cared about their precious “Chosen One” and his friends. You were suffering and no one cared! Not even Ahsoka! We gave everything to the Order and for what? Nothing!”
“You’re wrong! Ahsoka cared and so did Luminara!” Barriss argues, swallowing a massive lump in her throat.
“Need I remind you that Ahsoka only rescued because she was ordered to?” her counterpart sneers.
Barriss deflates, “She could have rejected the request.”
“And lose her only protection against the Empire?” Sith Barriss snickers. “No. To Ahsoka, we are nothing more than a heartbreaking reminder of her past. We’re the reason why she lost everything. She could never love us the way we love her!”
Barriss couldn’t argue against her clone’s words as Ahsoka confirmed them when they argued during their journey to Dantooine. She just wasn’t sure if she could really go through the rest of life without Ahsoka being a part of it or worse, if Ahsoka did fall in love with another and cut Barriss completely from her life.
A cold hand caresses her face, forcing Barriss to look at her darker self once more, “It hurts doesn’t it? To know that after everything you’ve done for her, she could still leave us behind. It’s unfair… that’s why we need to do what must be done to make it all better.”
“I will not kill Ahsoka.” Barriss affirms, slapping the hand away from her face.
“Oh, but you will.” Dark Barriss replies, circling Barriss as she spoke. “She deserves it after what she’s said to us! If our love isn’t good enough for her, then she’s of no use to us! You can keep lying to yourself that you can go on without Ahsoka’s affections, but there is one thing you cannot deny. If you fail your mission, if Luminara dies… you will never forgive yourself.”
Barriss bows her head, “No… I will save her...I will not fail…”
“You will, it has already been foreseen.”
Barriss’s head shoots back up, “What do you mean?”
“The galaxy is under the control of two Sith lords; the Emperor and his apprentice. They are the ones holding Luminara hostage. They torture her just to get your attention and once you fall into their trap, they will kill her. You don’t have the power to eliminate them both...not yet at least.”
“The dark side of the Force is a pathway that may be unnatural, but it has its rewards. If you let me in, you can overthrow them both and ensure Luminara’s safety. It is the only way. You wouldn’t want to fail your Master again, do you?” probed Dark Barriss.
Now, Barriss was at a loss for words. She was not ready to face the possibility of Luminara dying. They needed to reconcile, Barriss had to prove to her Master’s that her decisions were her own and not her mentor’s. Turning to the dark side again would completely ruin her chances of earning forgiveness.
“You’re implying that my Master would want that for me.No! I will not let you in!” Barriss shouts with resolve, igniting her blue lightsaber. “I will rescue her without you and if I die trying then so be it!”
Gold eyes narrowed as Dark Barriss then snapped her fingers, causing two Stormtroopers to walk in with a shackled Ahsoka.
“Ahsoka!” Barriss cries out, her heart breaking at the amount of physical injuries the Togruta had.
Ahsoka then repeated the same lines Barriss once told her when she was possessed by a Geonosian parasite.
“Kill me… please….”
“I won’t!” Barriss says glaring back at her double.
“If Luminara isn’t enough for you to agree, then perhaps this will!” Dark Barriss threatens before raising a hand to Ahsoka. A red glow radiates from the hand causing Ahsoka’s life force to wither away.
“NO!” Barriss screams, clashing against the twin red blades her dark self wielded.
Her opponent then began to laugh again. With every strike and blow to their surrounding environment, Dark Barriss’s amusement grew. After what seemed to be an eternity of dueling, the dark side wielded raised Barriss into a choke hold.
Gasping for air, Barriss quickly came to her senses and realized what she was doing. She was making the same mistake she made the day Letta died. She was allowing her emotions to dictate her thoughts instead of making peace with them.
“It’s over Barriss. You have relinquished control over to me, you failed. You can kiss your dreams of redemption goodbye.”
Knowing exactly how to outsmart her enemy, Barriss lets her body go limp and closes her eyes to give the impression of defeat. She is then released, falling to the ground. Assuming that Barriss was no longer in control, the dark entity drops down to beginning fusing itself with Barriss’s body. A green lightsaber blade hidden from Dark Barriss’s view then spears her midsection causing the world around them to begin fading away.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” Dark Barriss screams before disappearing.
With a smile Barriss confesses, “I’ve let go. I cannot change what I’ve done and I still have a lot to learn, but none of that is worth turning to the dark side. I will free my Master and I will cherish Ahsoka’s presence in my life regardless of how she feels about me. I’m a Jedi and I won’t anyone or anything take that from me again, including myself.”
Barriss then wakes up to a worried Quinlan hovering over her. A significant amount of time had passed as Barriss could see stars outside the cave entrance. Despite her clothes being drenched in sweat from the day’s events and her body feeling stiff from laying on stone for several hours, Barriss never felt lighter. The weight that she had felt for nearly two years was finally gone.
“You alright kid?” Quinlan asks, offering a hand to Barriss.
Looking more serene than the Jedi Master has ever seen her, Barriss answers, “Never better.”
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padawanlost · 4 years
Note
Do you think anakin might be narcissistic or might have narcissistic traits?
No, I don’t. But, please, let’s remember I’m not a mental health professional (I just like Google :P). Here are some Symptoms and behaviors someone Narcissistic personality disorder might display:
Have an exaggerated sense of self-importance: Nope.
“I am convinced, Master Yoda,” said Palpatine. “I know that, as a rule, I leave the strategic planning to you and your Jedi Council and the GAR war cabinet—but in this case I feel compelled to intervene. It was only thanks to young Master Skywalker that Kothlis—and before it Bothawui—did not fall into Separatist hands. But Anakin is only one man—and the Jedi cannot expect him to save the day every day.” Anakin closed his eyes. Please, please, stop talking now, Chancellor. Really. Just stop.[…]“Anakin, Anakin.” He shook his head, ruefully smiling. “I embarrassed you, didn’t I?” He felt heat rush into his face. “No, sir, I—” “Yes, I did,” said Palpatine. “You can say it. I won’t bite.” […] [Anakin] couldn’t speak for a moment. This is the most important man in the galaxy … and he speaks to me as though I’m his own flesh and blood. He has cared about me since I was a boy. “Chancellor …” He had to wait a moment before he could trust his voice. “Please, don’t ever doubt my regard for you. It’s too deep for words.” Eyes moistening, Palpatine smoothed the nap of his rich blue velvet trousers. “I know it makes you uncomfortable when I praise you in public, Anakin. Particularly to Master Yoda or Master Kenobi.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]
Have a sense of entitlement and require constant, excessive admiration: Nope. Anakin wanted to be accepted and respected for his achievements, nothing more.
Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it: Nope.
He wasn’t sure why, beyond the fact that he didn’t relish responsibility for—or power over—others. And she talked too much. And she was far too cocky, in that naive, chirpy, why-can’t-we-fix-it way, as if he and the clone troopers had never been in combat before. When it came to battle—well, he’d still take lessons from them, thanks. And she could do the same. [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]
• Exaggerate achievements and talents: Nope. Anakin talents and achievements are not exaggerated. It’s a fact that he was the one of the best ever.
“So you don’t believe in it?” “I didn’t say that.” Shaking his head, Obi-Wan stared at the floor. “Qui-Gon believed in it. And I believed in him. And there’s no escaping the fact you’re the most gifted Jedi the Temple has ever seen.” He looked up. “So if Yoda’s reluctant to risk you, Anakin, it’s not on a whim. He has good reason.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]
• Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate: nope. Anakin’s only recurring fantasy was saving slaves:
When the war was over he’d go back to Tatooine and see. When the war was over he’d buy any child he found enslaved to Watto and find them a home where they might live and love in safety. Belonging to no one but themselves. I should have done it before now. Wasn’t that my other childhood dream? Become a Jedi and free the slaves. Instead I became a Jedi and let myself forget. Let them convince me that it’s not our job to remake the Republic. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]
I know now that I should have paid more attention to his words. But I was eager to tell him about my dream of becoming a Jedi and freeing the slaves on Tatooine. [Todd Strasser. Anakin Skywalker Journal]
Believe they are superior and can only associate with equally special people: nope
“But—” Gathering his thoughts, disciplining himself, he watched Anakin scoop up one small excited boy, too young to kick the ball, and zoom him overhead like a fighter chasing a vulture droid. The boy nearly sickened himself with laughing. “Greti, are you saying—” […]Anakin’s amusement vanished. “He wasn’t heavy. These younglings are skin and bone. I look at them and—” He clenched his jaw. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege]
Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they perceive as inferior: nope.
“I think—” Anakin kicked his heel against the polished marble floor. “I think I hate it when I can’t stop my men from getting hurt. From dying. I think—” “What?” he prompted, when Anakin didn’t continue. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.” “It matters, Anakin,” he said gently. “What you think matters.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]
Take advantage of others to get what they want: nope.
She sat down again. “I understand. This is war. You have to look at the big picture. You can’t afford to see the little people.” Scurrying like rodents. Sacrificed for the greater good. “That’s not true!” Anakin protested. “That’s what the big picture is. Lots and lots and lots of little people. You matter, Bant’ena. The friends you lost on Taratos Four, they matter. We’re fighting this war so no more like them will die.” He was very sweet. Very young. Full of grand ideals and breathtaking, intuitive compassion. She looked at Master Kenobi. Now, there was a pragmatist, a man possessed of a scientist’s soul. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]
Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others: nope.
“Oh. That’s right.” There was still dried blood on her fingers, and a dull, throbbing pain in her head. “I’m sorry. I’m not normally this stupid. I just—” And then she felt her face crumple and heard herself sob. Her knees buckled and she began to sink toward the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she choked. “Don’t mind me. I’m fine.” He caught her before she tumbled completely. Lifted her without effort and carried her to the sofa. Boneless and unprotesting, she let him. Let her face turn to his roughly shirted, dirty chest and howled her rage and shame against him. Dimly, she felt his hand warm and comforting on her back and heard his soft voice saying, over and over, “It’s all right. It’s all right. You’re safe now. It’s all right.” The crazy thing was that she did feel safe. For the first time since those Separatist blaster bolts seared the air and sand of Niriktavi Bay, since she saw her friends and colleagues slaughtered, she felt safe. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]
Be envious of others and believe others envy them: nope
The dining hall was a paneled room with soft, recessed lighting and thick red veda cloth hangings at the windows that muffled sound and cast a rosy glow on the diners. It was just like the exclusive restaurants Anakin had glimpsed on Coruscant — just like the spots the students were used to eating in, he was sure. And, like an exclusive restaurant, seating in the dining hall was subject to an unspoken code. It hadn't taken Anakin long to realize that the best tables were by the windows and he was not welcome there. He didn't know why he felt a coolness from most of the students, but he definitely felt it. When he was looking for a seat at a table, an empty chair would be pushed aside to another table, or a datapad or a pile of durasheet notes would be quickly placed on the seat. It was clear that no one wanted to sit with him. There was a power elite in the school, and everyone else fell in around it. Yet Ferus had been accepted almost immediately, and had his pick of places to sit. Was it because word had gotten out that he belonged to a powerful family on his homeworld? You can travel to the ends of the galaxy and it will be the same — those with power do not like to share. His Master had told him that once, in a voice of weary resignation. But sometimes Obi-Wan seemed to forget that Anakin had been a slave. If anyone knew about power, it was a slave. He knew about the hunger for it, and he knew about the humiliation of getting your nose rubbed in the fact that you didn't have it. He took his bowl of aromatic stew to an empty table and sat. It wasn't that he needed company. Jedi were comfortable being alone. But inside, something burned, something deep and hot that he had hoped had been long forgotten. He took a bite of stew and tasted shame and anger. It was hard to swallow, like a mouthful of sand. [Jude Watson. The School of Fear]
• Behave in an arrogant or haughty manner, coming across as conceited, boastful and pretentious: nope.
Anakin was looking relieved. “Water would be greatly appreciated, thank you. Food, too, but I’ll wait for Obi-Wan to come back before I eat.” She crossed to the small kitchen table, put down the precious holoprojector, then nodded at the commercial-sized conservator her keepers had so kindly given her. “It’s entirely up to you. The water’s in there. Help yourself to as much as you like.” He drank three full bottles, hardly taking a breath. Noticing her surprise, he shrugged. “Sorry. My manners aren’t usually that bad. It’s just—it’s been a long, hard day.” “I can tell,” she said, disposing of the emptied bottles down her makeshift kitchen’s waste chute. “You should sit down. If you don’t mind me saying so, you look tired.” He considered his filthy clothes. “Are you sure? I don’t want to dirty the furniture.” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]
Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office: nope. There’s no evidence of Anakin ever concerning himself over status or material possessions. 
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gospelofme · 3 years
Text
Super Nova
Chapter 3
So It Begins
The capital city of Valencia on Jelucan was cold. All the time. This whole planet was cold. All the time. Why Varex had decided to move here was beyond her. She walked down the rocky road towards the location of the safe house. She passed a group of Muunyak that were all packed for a trip down the mountain on which Valencia sat. She had always found their furry little faces adorable. She stopped and rubbed the cheek of one of the creatures, warming her hands a bit in the warm, woolly fur. The creature snorted and nosed at the pockets of her coat for treats. She lingered a little bit longer, but moved on when the cold started to seep through her layers.
She hurried to the safe house which was located in the side of the mountain with numerous other dwellings. The door to the apartments slide open and she entered a rather modest lobby. There was a droid at a desk in the middle of the space, his job was to answer any questions residents might have. Sayr didn’t need him, she walked past the droid and to one of the three lifts. When the one became available, she stepped in and pressed the button for the fifth floor. The trip was a long one, at least five minutes total, which made sense. Floors between levels probably had to be thick to support the weight of people living inside a mountain. She exited the lift and found the correct apartment number. She pressed the buzzer on the side of the entry pad and waited.
Moments later the door slide open and a Rodian greeted her at the door. He stepped aside to allow Sayr to enter the apartment where a Wookiee and a Chiss sat in the main room. Varex was no where to be seen but that didn’t surprise her. Sayr took a seat next to the Wookiee on the long sofa.
“Darr, how’ve you been.” She asked the immensely tall black-furred Wookiee. Darr responded with a low grumble. Sayr nodded. She looked over at the Chiss who glared at her.
“Krev, I see you haven’t forgotten our last encounter.” Sayr acknowledged.
“My knee still hurts from time to time.” The Chiss muttered, tapping a hand on his right knee. Sayr gave him a sympathetic look but didn’t have anything to say. The Rodian, Avi, took a seat next to Krev, both sharing a smaller couch. Krev looked irritated at his personal space being invaded.
An uncomfortable silence fell over the group. That’s the way it tended to happen when you were sitting in a room with at least two beings that you’ve double crossed. At least Darr enjoyed her company, she did get along the best with the Wookiee. The door slid open again and Varex arrived with food.
“Nova! Glad you could make it!” Varex said cheerfully, it was like he had gathered some old friends together together a reunion. He set the food out on the table, it was an assortment of some local delicacies. Utensils were passed out and the group dug in, Sayr finding herself hungry for food other than freeze dried rations and caf.
“So what’s this special assignment you’ve come across Varex?” Krev asked, apparently Varex had been lax on the details with everyone else too, which made Sayriel feel better. She didn’t like being the only one left out of the loop. Varex sat back in the armchair he had chosen and finished chewing his food before he spoke.
“Well, they’re a few ancient artifacts of a…knowledgeable and secretive nature.” Varex said, choosing his words carefully. Krev set his utensils down on the table and got up to leave.
“No no, okay fine. They’re holocrons.” Varex said hurriedly, Sayriel almost choked on her food, Darr giving her a large thump on the back. Krev stared at Varex for a moment and then sat back down. Sayriel coughed a couple more times and took a swig of water. He certainly didn’t just say what she thought he had. She had to have misheard him.
“So that’s why you’ve included Nova then?” the Rodian, Avi, asked. Yup, he had said holocrons.
“Well, yeah, but she’s fun to have around too.” Varex said, giving Sayr a sideways glance. Krev coughed at that statement and Avi just took another bite of food. Darr was the only one who gave a agreeing growl.
Sayriel couldn’t care less about what the others thought of her. She just glared at Varex, who was trying hard not to meet her gaze.
“Holocrons?! Are you crazy? What makes you think that’s a legitimate opportunity?!” Sayriel finally said. She knew Varex took risks with his job choices but she didn’t think he was downright stupid about them. Holocrons were a thing of the past. Even she didn’t have access to any during her training in the sect on Yavin IV. She had read about them, but had never seen one before in here life. She had no idea what type of energy they gave off in the Force anyways, how was she supposed to know they were on the right path? She put her utensils on the table and leaned back on the sofa, rubbing her face with her hands.
“How do we find them?” Krev asked, Avi seemed interested as well.
“Yes Varex, how do we find them?” Sayr asked a bit more sarcastically. Varex cleared a spot on the table and set down a holopuck. He pressed a button on the side and a list of locations popped up. Sayriel recognized them as planets that all had one thing in common, they each had had a temple on it that was either Jedi or Sith.
“We use the process of elimination.” Varex said. “Each of these planets had at one time a Jedi or Sith temple. From what I’ve been able to research, holocrons could be found in the temples. The most common one would be the temple on Coruscant. However, that one was converted to Emperor Palpatine’s palace after the Republic fell, so it’s unlikely any holocrons remain there. Next there was one on the ice world Ilum, but that planet was destroyed. This is where Nova comes in, since she’d know more about possible locations.” The group then looked at Sayr who had been trying to focus on her food. She looked up at them and took a moment to swallow what was in her mouth. She looked at the list Varex had compiled, finding herself rather impressed with his research.
“Well, the one on Yavin IV is gone too, and this one is just a few blocks and statues left.” She said, removing two more from the list. She had been to what little remained of the temple on Yavin IV and it was just a pile of rubble. Apparently Jedi Master Luke Skywalker had torpedoed it into oblivion with his X-Wing. She looked at the list a bit longer, “how many holocrons does this collector of yours want?” She asked finally.
“Well he said he wanted two of each, I’m assuming he means two Jedi and two Sith.” Varex said with a shrug. Sayr studied the list. She didn’t think just visiting all the Temple ruins was a good idea. Many were unstable and some were guarded by locals who didn’t want people like them poking around.
“Well, these two here are Sith, and Moraband contains two possible sites we can check. From what I remember from my studies a long time ago, Vader’s castle on Mustafar was built on top of a Sith cave and what was rumored to be a temple site. But that area used to be guarded by a Sith cult, however I’m not sure if they exist anymore.” Nova found herself becoming more and more invested in this the longer she examined the list of possibles. It could be fun to look for something she had only read about in books.
Varex looked pleased as he watched her participating. He had hoped she’d be all for this a little bit more than she seemed, but he knew Sayriel well enough to understand she tried to distance herself with jobs related to the Force.
“Just to add a little bit more excitement, this guy is willing to pay 200,000 credits for all four holocrons!” Krev, Avi, and Darr all looked particularly happy. Even Sayriel found herself more interested, that was a lot of credits for things this collector couldn’t use. Unless…
“This collector, why does he want these?” She asked, a thought suddenly striking her. Holocrons contain ancient knowledge and secrets and could be dangerous if in the wrong hands, even in this era.
“He just wants to add them to his collection, which is rather extensive. He took me on a tour of part of it. He has lightsabers from both Jedi Masters and Sith Lords, he has some ancient Jedi armor, pieces of the original Jedi temple on Coruscant. A set of robes supposedly worn by Jedi Master Mace Windu when he was killed by Emperor Palpatine. He even has a whole set of original Clone Wars Era clone armor, the paint job is still intact.” Krev whistled at that notion. Varex went on but Sayr has stopped listening after the mention of Master Windu’s robes. While it was highly unlikely those were real, anyone could buy a brown robe and call it a Jedi robe, the collection seemed a bit morbid to her. She wanted to ask Varex if the collector was a Force User, but there was no way Varex, himself a non Force sensitive, would know.
Within the hour, Sayriel’s ship was locked up tight in the ship yard down in the valley below the mountaintop city. She was sitting in one of the jump seats on Varex’s ship, The Grand Orbiter, next to Darr. She had to admit, she really enjoyed the Wookiee’s company. She wished she worked with him more often, but she was used to being a one-woman show. They had decided to check out the Temple of Eedit on Devaron, figuring that one would be their best bet to try first. The temple was largely in ruin thanks to orbital bombardment back in the day, and it was largely picked through. But there was still a chance something was missed. Holocrons were small after all.
Little did the pirate crew and their Grey friend know, they weren’t the only ones headed to Devaron.
Tag list
@jgvfhl @nelba @leias-left-hair-bun
@baby-queen-zen @halzore @escapedthesarlacc
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cosleia · 4 years
Text
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Prompt from @sam7sparks7​:
Poisoned a drink to kill someone else (Hux probably), got carried away in monologue and accidentally drank it himself.. Works best in full public view..
(kylux, a little nsfw at the end. this one totally got away from me. content notes: very mild, very brief suicide ideation; mildly graphic death by poison description) 
The Deaths of Allegiant General Pryde, Part 5: At Long Last
It’s been over two hours. General Armitage Hux knows because he’s been surreptitiously checking the chrono approximately every 30 seconds.
He doesn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be here in the first place. But far be it from him to disobey the not-an-order-but-it-may-as-well-be of Allegiant General Enric Pryde, who outranks Armitage due to the technicality of Armitage no longer having a flagship, even though Armitage once controlled the entire First Order fleet and served as a respected member of High Command.
None of that means anything anymore, he thinks sourly as he stands in what passes for a corner in one the Steadfast’s secondary TIE hangars and watches officers in dress uniforms mill about with glasses and small plates. The Finalizer is gone, the Supremacy is gone, Snoke is gone, and now High Command is gone too, replaced by Kylo Ren’s ‘Supreme Council’. That Ren put Armitage on that council is hardly cause for satisfaction or relief, given that Ren antagonizes Armitage at every possible moment, either by implying Armitage is thinking disloyal thoughts or refusing to entertain any of Armitage’s ideas. It’s like he’s keeping Armitage close just to rub in the fact that he won their years-long rivalry.
(Armitage can accept that Ren won, but he doesn’t have to like it.
(Unless, of course, Ren orders him to.)
This little party of Pryde’s is just like what Ren’s doing. It’s Pryde’s way of flaunting the fact that he now commands the First Order fleet, which now includes Emperor Palpatine’s Sith Fleet, hundreds of ships kept hidden until the perfect moment to upstage Armitage. Where was Pryde all those years the First Order was salvaging and improving the best parts of the Empire after the Galactic Civil War? Where was Pryde when Armitage ramped up the stormtrooper program, designed Starkiller Base, invented hyperspace tracking, and led the First Order to victory in dozens of secret missions before open war was finally declared? Where was Pryde during the Battle of Crait? If anything, Pryde is a coward sweeping in at the last minute to take all the credit for the work Armitage did while Pryde was off hiding somewhere.
Unfortunately, Pryde is actually getting that credit. Whether everyone truly believes the allegiant general is the savior of the First Order or they’re just trying to avoid Ren’s ire, Pryde is the one getting his way now. Pryde is the one Ren doesn’t countermand. Pryde has everything Armitage once had. Perhaps more.
Two hours is far too long to obsess over this—it would be better to bury it, try not to think about it at all—but it’s hard to think about anything else at a party for Pryde, hosted by Pryde, at which Pryde is circulating through the officers, sneering haughtily and noisily reminding everyone of his existence. This party is a farce.
The First Order itself has become a farce: following the whims of an unstable mystic, throwing in with another mystic who’s supposed to be dead, and not concerning itself with practicalities such as actually maintaining control of and running a galaxy. If Ren were gone, it might be salvageable. Of course, Armitage can’t even think such a thing in Ren’s presence, and as Ren is almost always present, Armitage hasn’t had much of a chance to plan. The best idea he’s come up with is to leak information to the Resistance and cause the First Order to lose faith in Ren, but that’s a terrible idea that would put not only the First Order but Armitage himself in danger.
The longer this blasted party drags on, though, the more treason is starting to appeal to him. This is the sort of flamboyant, meaningless affair Brendol favored: a chance to rub elbows with ‘important’ people and try to make himself seem important as well. It occurs to Armitage that Pryde was one of those people; he was in attendance at no small number of the events Brendol attended back when Armitage was a subadult.
Armitage sighs at the unpleasant memories this thought unearths, forcing his fingers straight. The last thing he needs is to be seen tearing up another pair of gloves. Of course, this restraint just means his frustration has nowhere to go. He considers breaking his rule of not eating or drinking anything he didn’t prepare himself and indulging in some party food and drink. It would give his enemies a chance to poison him, but honestly, why bother avoiding an assassination attempt? What is the point of existing like this, powerless, blocked at every turn by incompetence?
Armitage sighs again. He’s never given up in his life, and he won’t start now. He’s survived all this time despite his father, despite the former Imperials, despite Snoke, despite Ren. He’ll survive Pryde too. He will watch, and he will wait, and he will take any opportunity that is afforded him...and in the end, he will come out on top.
“General Hux,” Ren says at his ear.
Armitage freezes, forcing his ruminations down where hopefully Ren won’t find them. “Supreme Leader,” he replies, voice level. For whatever reason, Ren has always loved appearing out of nowhere directly behind him. Perhaps it’s to startle him, to make him feel like prey. But Armitage won’t be provoked.
“Not enjoying the party?” Ren asks. He’s close enough that Armitage feels Ren’s breath on the back of his earlobe.
He manages not to shiver. He doesn’t miss the mask, not at all, but it did serve as a barrier between them that isn’t there anymore, and sometimes that adds a different sort of edge to their interactions. “It’s not that, sir,” Armitage lies. “I just got caught up thinking about tomorrow’s duty roster.”
“Always working,” Ren says.
Armitage can’t tell if Ren’s being disparaging or just making an observation. He bites back a comment along the lines of at least someone is and turns to face the Supreme Leader. Ren is standing there in his usual outfit, all black, tunic and slacks and boots and gloves and cape; he hasn’t dressed for the occasion at all. Armitage hopes Pryde will take offense. “I enjoy working,” he tells Ren, which is true.
“It’s your life,” Ren replies.
Armitage isn’t sure if Ren has a point. He doesn’t reply.
“Is that your dress uniform?” Ren asks after a moment.
“Yes,” Armitage says, resisting the urge to glance down at himself, brush at the crisp white fabric, or needlessly straighten the gold piping and epaulets. He hasn’t eaten, drank, or even sat down since he left his chambers; his uniform should still be impeccable. Ren can play mind games all he likes, but Armitage won’t rise to the bait. He keeps his eyes locked on Ren’s, chin raised.
Ren’s eyes, as always, are too big, too deep, and a little watery. One of his lower eyelids twitches and he scowls a little, showing just a hint of white teeth between blood-red lips. Then, abruptly, he sweeps away without another word.
Armitage would be mystified if he wasn’t accustomed to Ren’s odd behavior. He’s still curious, even after years of this, but mostly he’s tired. Let Ren do as he pleases, so long as he isn’t choking Armitage or hurling him into a wall with the damnable Force.
(He hasn’t done that in some time. There have been moments. Threats. But the physical violence hasn’t happened again.
(Armitage isn’t fool enough to hope the change might be permanent.)
Armitage watches as Ren moves further into the hangar. Pryde, sycophant that he is, strides over to greet him. Ren doesn’t even stop walking; he waves a dismissive hand at Pryde and makes for one of the cargo lifts on the far wall. He’s apparently done with the party. Armitage wonders why he even bothered to come at all.
Pryde turns his pale blue eyes in Armitage’s direction and gives him a long look. As usual, Armitage can discern nothing from the man’s face, which seems permanently locked in a sneer. His gaze is unsettling, but Armitage returns it until Pryde finally turns away and resumes socializing.
~
Three hours in, Armitage is once again contemplating the bar. He’s not sure when it would be polite to leave, which makes staying at this party all the more torturous. After Ren left, the ghoulish Knights of Ren made an appearance, hovering around Armitage like a swarm of parvinoths before loping and looming their way around the hangar, intimidating everyone. Now that they’re gone, things are back to being intolerable, which means, ridiculously, that their visit actually offered Armitage some measure of relief. He supposes they did break up the monotony.
As Armitage gazes thoughtfully at the bar, Pryde comes his way for the first time that night. “We’re ending on a speech,” he says by way of greeting.
“We, sir?” Armitage asks. He doesn’t have anything prepared, but he won’t turn down an opportunity to speak to his people. There’s plenty he can generalize about, plenty he can play up. Perhaps he can even sneak in one or two of the code phrases that have been programmed into the stormtroopers, remind those here on guard duty who they serve.
He’s almost feeling cheerful when Pryde clarifies, “I’ll share the Order’s latest victories and hope for the future. The Supreme Council will flank me for the toast. United front and all. With me, General.”
Armitage keeps the disappointment from his voice as he offers a “Yes, sir.” Pryde stalks off, waving his swagger stick like a baton, and Armitage follows, wishing not for the first time that he’d been the one to bring swagger sticks to the modern First Order uniform code. Pryde is a mediocre irritant, but the swagger stick lends him a certain gravitas that might be part of why Ren was fooled into trusting him.
Pryde leads Armitage to the end of the hangar looking out at the stars. The rest of the Council has assembled there, and when Pryde arrives they form a single line between him and space. Armitage joins the line and faces the crowd as the lights in the hangar dim and a spotlight comes up on Pryde.
A server arrives with a tray of drinks; Pryde selects a glass, and then the server offers the tray to the line of officers. Armitage is the last to be served. He declines the drink and the server inexplicably takes it to Pryde, who tucks his swagger stick under his arm and accepts the second glass with his free hand.
“Fellow officers of the proud First Order,” Pryde says, his voice boastful as it echoes from the speakers. “I’m sure you’re grateful for this opportunity to celebrate our many successes. We’ve come so far since Starkiller and Crait and Batuu...”
Armitage has spent the past few months learning how not to scowl, but it takes all his strength not to react to Pryde calling him out in front of everyone. Pryde blames Armitage entirely for everything that has gone wrong for the First Order, and Armitage is worried that people are starting to believe him. The more Pryde reinforces his version of events, the more damage control Armitage must do later. He scans the room, trying to pick out individual officers and gauge their reactions, but it’s hard to get a good read on anyone in the dim light. And so he stands at parade rest and listens to Pryde’s speech and hates him.
Pryde is not accustomed to public speaking. He certainly doesn’t have nearly a decade of experience recording training and inspirational holos. He tends to meander, to switch abruptly to new topics, and to ineffectively support his statements. He also takes far too long to communicate a simple message. Armitage can’t check his chrono while everyone’s eyes are pointed in his direction, but he’s sure Pryde’s speech has gone on for 20 minutes now, with no end in sight. When Pryde suddenly cries, “To the Order!” and raises his glass, it’s so unexpected that Armitage startles as though waking from a fitful sleep.
“To the Order,” the assembled officers say in unison, and all those with drinks raise them to their lips.
Pryde drains the glass in his primary hand with gusto, shouts “To the Emperor!” and tips the second glass down his gullet too.
“To the Emperor,” the crowd says, but it sounds less fervent this time. Armitage’s breath catches. Could it be that there are others who are suspicious of all that’s happened since Pryde joined the fleet and the Emperor’s Sith Fleet was revealed? Is there hope for the Order after all?
Pryde turns toward the Supreme Council, face flushed and an actual smile on his lips. But when his gaze falls on Armitage, he seems to freeze in place, eyes widening. He stares at Armitage, slowly looks down to the empty glasses in his hands, then looks back at Armitage again. He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again, and starts to say something. It sounds like ‘tree’, but he chokes on the word and drops both glasses to shatter on the floor.
Then he’s convulsing, gurgling, clutching his throat and falling to join the broken glasses on the durasteel tarmac.
“Call a medic!” Armitage snaps, even as his mind whirls in disbelief. His whole body feels light. He recognizes what’s happening. He even recognizes the poison. It’s very fast acting, and even if the medic were here right now there’s no way the allegiant general could be saved. His throat has already completely disintegrated, and his heart and lungs will follow in a matter of moments.
Armitage watches Pryde flop like a fish on the floor, froth and blood pouring from his mouth, eyes wide and already empty. It’s one of the most beautiful sights he’s ever seen.
~
The investigation concludes that the poison was in the second cup—the one meant for Armitage. Armitage never touched it, as attested by the waitstaff, kitchen staff, and everyone in attendance at the party. Lieutenant Dopheld Mitaka testifies that Allegiant General Pryde always seemed to have it out for General Hux. The server testifies that General Pryde instructed them on how to serve the drinks so that a certain glass would make it to General Hux. The ship’s quartermaster testifies that Pryde himself ordered the components for the poison.
In all, it was a very, very sloppy assassination attempt...and yet it might have worked, had Armitage given in to his moodiness and accepted that drink.
“General Hux,” Ren says, stepping up close behind him on the bridge of the Steadfast.
“Supreme Leader,” Armitage acknowledges.
Ren says nothing more. Minutes pass. It’s become routine for Ren to loom like this; Armitage has found he doesn’t really mind, as it gives him a chance to demonstrate his superior level of competence to Ren. Armitage continues his work with Ren at his shoulder. For this mission to go smoothly, he must ensure the proper disposition of the fleet in near-Exegol space.
It’s not until Captain Peavey has confirmed he’s taken command of a single Xyston-class Star Destroyer and that Star Destroyer is navigating through the treacherous cloud of gas and stardust surrounding the planet that Ren speaks again. “Victory is within our grasp.”
“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Armitage agrees. With Pryde out of the way, getting the First Order back on track was far swifter and simpler than he expected. Ren changed his tune almost immediately. The fleet has been reorganized; the Finalizer and Supremacy and other ships damaged at Crait are in the process of being refurbished; and very shortly, the Order will have hundreds of planet-killers at its disposal.
“General Pryde would have had me subservient to the Emperor,” Ren says in a low voice. “To the creature who targeted me before I was even born, who tortured me, as he targeted and manipulated my grandfather, decades ago.”
Armitage looks at Ren in surprise. Everyone knows Darth Vader was the Emperor’s enforcer, but it hadn’t occurred to Armitage that it might not have been his choice. And while Armitage is aware of many personal details about Ren’s past, he has never heard Ren himself speak so frankly about it before.
“Darth Sidious doesn’t deserve the First Order,” Ren says fiercely. “We do.”
At that, Armitage turns fully to face him. “I do,” he dares to say. “I built the First Order.”
Ren huffs out a laugh. “You have a very high opinion of yourself,” he says, a comment along the lines of the jabs Ren has thrown his way throughout their entire working relationship. His next words, however, are new. “But it’s not unfounded.” Did Ren just—
“Sir,” Chief Petty Officer Unamo calls, breaking into Armitage’s thoughts. “The Revan is clear of the debris.”
Armitage spins to face front again. “Tell Captain Peavey to activate the navigational beacon. As soon as it’s transmitting, call our new ships to us,” he says.
“Aye.”
The same hyperspace-field enhanced processing power that made hyperspace tracking possible is now allowing Armitage to control the Sith Fleet. Compared to charting and comparing all possible routes of a ship that has just jumped to lightspeed, controlling the basic operation of a few hundred identical ships is child’s play. Armitage watches with rising anticipation as the first of the ships emerges from the red dust, and then more and more of them are rising up to join their true fleet.
Ren staggers suddenly, hands flying to his temples. “Now,” he grits out. “He’s in my head.”
“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Armitage says crisply. It occurred to him that this might happen, that the Emperor might directly attack Ren. It also occurred to him that he might simply let it happen, let circumstances sweep another obstacle out of his way. But Ren has been very useful these past several weeks. If not for, well, everything, they might have worked quite well together all these years, rather than clashing at every turn.
Besides, Ren has just given Armitage a compliment.
“Captain Peavey,” Armitage says, “fire on Exegol.”
Through the viewport, Armitage watches the Revan’s axial superlaser glow red. It takes far less time for these Sith Fleet cannons to charge than a Dreadnought’s autocannon, but Peavey had orders to charge it as soon as he was clear of the debris field just in case. It’s fully primed now, firing almost as soon as the order was given. Its pulsing red blast sears through the gas and dust and pounds into the planet below, shattering it.
In seconds, Exegol is completely obliterated.
Ren straightens, drops his hands to his sides. “It’s done,” he says. Then, incredibly, he adds, “Thank you.”
Armitage turns his head toward Ren. The man is flushed, eyes downcast, hands in fists. He looks strangely appealing like this; before he can help himself, Armitage imagines pushing him to his knees and burying fingers in his hair.
Ren looks up as though he has heard this thought, and maybe he has; Armitage suffers through a split second of terror before Ren smiles again and says, “I see.”
Armitage clears his throat. “Send the boarding parties,” he calls. Stormtroopers will infiltrate the Sith Fleet and eliminate any crew who refuse to swear loyalty to the First Order. At that point, the ‘Sith Fleet’ will be no more, and the newly bolstered First Order fleet will secure the Order’s hold over the galaxy.
Ren leans close to Armitage’s ear. “Come to my chambers when you’re finished,” he says softly. Without waiting for a response, he spins on his heel, cape swirling around him, and marches off the bridge. It’s overly dramatic, but Armitage can’t help but watch him go.
Armitage directs his forces for as long as is necessary, and then a bit longer after that. Then he gives the conn to Lieutenant Mitaka and makes his way to the officers’ quarters. It doesn’t occur to him until he has reached Ren’s door that he is not nervous about what might happen here. He does not expect to be taunted or physically assaulted or summarily executed. He’s looking forward to...whatever this is.
The hatch cycles open before his fingers reach the call box. Ren stands there, hands and feet bare, wearing just his trousers and a soft-looking long-sleeved shirt. It’s a good look for him, Armitage thinks. Ren smiles and ushers him in.
Armitage is barely through the hatch when Ren moves close, eyes darting over Armitage’s face, lips slightly parted. He’s close enough to touch. Armitage puts a hand on Ren’s chest, but not to push him away. He wants to touch Ren. He can feel Ren’s heartbeat.
“General,” Ren says, and he’s breathless. Armitage’s own breath catches. “Armitage. I want to kiss you.”
The idea is so shocking and yet so obvious Armitage is flummoxed for a beat. How this has never occurred to him before is astonishing. “Yes,” he stutters out finally.
“It’s not an order,” Ren says, and now there’s heat in his voice.
“No?” Armitage asks, and if Ren doesn’t kiss him soon he’s going to shatter to pieces like Exegol. “Well, this is an order.” He takes Ren’s face in his hands, leans in until their noses touch. “Kiss me.”
Ren does, surging forward with such force that he backs Armitage into the wall. Armitage’s fingers slide back and curl into Ren’s hair as his mouth is utterly devoured by the Supreme Leader of the First Order.
“Kylo,” Ren pulls back just briefly to pant out. “Call me Kylo,” and then he’s biting Armitage’s lower lip, sucking it into his mouth, exploring it with his tongue, and all Armitage can do is groan.
~
They’ve stumbled to the bedroom and Armitage is slipping his hands up under Kylo’s shirt when a wild thought occurs to him and he lets out a laugh of surprise.
Kylo detaches his lips from Armitage’s neck. Slowly, warily, without showing his face, he says “What?” He’s big and powerful and the ruler of the galaxy, and yet somehow, right now, he sounds vulnerable.
Armitage’s chest is strangely tight. “I always thought Pryde’s existence was pointless,” he explains, stroking fingers through Kylo’s hair. “But if it hadn’t been for Pryde, I wouldn’t—we wouldn’t—” Armitage somehow can’t bear giving voice to the thought. An hour ago, he wouldn’t have believed this possible. He doesn’t want to make it impossible again.
Kylo finally pulls back to look at him. They’re sitting next to each other on the edge of the bed, but Kylo slides off onto the floor, nudges himself between Armitage’s knees, and wraps his arms tightly around Armitage’s waist. “He wanted to kill you,” Kylo says quietly.
“He wasn’t successful,” Armitage reminds him.
"It was too close.” Kylo buries his face against Armitage’s stomach.
Kylo was...worried? Despite the fact that Kylo asked him here, asked to kiss him, has been kissing and touching him, Armitage can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. Wanting is one thing. This... “Kylo,” he says.
“No one will ever hurt you again,” Kylo says, the words muffled by Armitage’s undershirt.
“Kylo,” Armitage says again, feeling dizzy. He doesn’t want to ruin it, but he’s seemingly incapable of leaving this alone. “What changed? When did you stop hating me?”
Kylo looks up at him, eyes glossy with tears beneath dark lashes. He sucks at his lips, cutting his eyes away briefly before refocusing on Armitage. “I never hated you,” he says. “I tried, but...I couldn’t. Snoke said—he told me—he said it was wrong. To—to want you.”
Armitage sucks in a breath. Through that lens, their past interactions make a hell of a lot more sense. “It’s not wrong,” he says. The words come easily. They feel right. “Come here.” He scoots backward on the bed and Kylo crawls after him and Armitage lies back and pulls him close, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and letting the other trail down his hip.
As Armitage’s touch reaches Kylo’s thigh Kylo shudders, bucks suddenly against Armitage’s leg. Armitage can feel the hard line of his cock through their clothes.
“Do you want...?” Armitage asks, sliding his hand down between Kylo’s legs. Kylo nods fervently, biting his lip, and undoes his trousers. Armitage wraps his hand around the head of Kylo’s cock and Kylo lets out a long moan. “That’s it,” Armitage says as he squeezes up the shaft and slides the column of his fist back down. “That’s it. Good—”
“Ah—!” Kylo cries out, tensing and shaking, and hot come spills over Armitage’s hand. Kylo is beautiful like this, eyes squeezed shut, mouth wide open, cheeks flushed. Kylo is always beautiful, Armitage thinks. “You think about me a lot,” Kylo says hazily, pushing his face into Armitage’s shoulder as he pants for breath. “That made it harder.”
The fact that Kylo has been denying himself for years, the fact that it has been a struggle, should be gratifying...but right now, Armitage mostly feels a sudden, indescribable rage. “I’m glad they’re dead,” he says, meaning Snoke and Pryde and Palpatine. “I wish I could kill them again.”
Kylo hums in agreement and throws an arm around Armitage’s waist. He looks like he might fall asleep at any moment.
Armitage buries his clean hand in Kylo’s hair and wipes the come off the other as best he can on Kylo’s bedsheets. His cock is half-hard, but he doesn’t feel the need to do anything about it. For the moment, all he’s thinking about is the exhausted giant sprawled against his side. “Get some rest,” he whispers, and Kylo shifts and snuggles closer.
~
When morning comes, Kylo is still curled against him, and he’s still holding Kylo, and it wasn’t a dream.
Armitage does think about Kylo a lot, he has to admit. He’s always thought about Kylo. He just thought it meant Kylo was his biggest obstacle, requiring the most attention and planning. Not—
“Hi,” Kylo says sleepily, raising himself up just enough that he can see Armitage’s face.
“Hello,” Armitage replies, smiling without even thinking about it.
“I want to suck your dick,” Kylo says.
Armitage lets out a snicker, even as his cock twitches in his trousers. “Needy thing, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” Kylo says cheekily. “No one’s here to tell me what I should want anymore. Can I?”
“Of course, darling,” Armitage says, with more fondness than he thinks he’s ever heard in his own voice. (Has his voice ever been fond?)
Kylo shivers and grins and lets out a little giggle, and Armitage had no idea the Supreme Leader could be adorable, but he apparently can.
He also, Armitage shortly discovers, has an extremely talented mouth.
Something is happening here. Armitage has never felt this way before, never even considered that he might feel this way, and yet relating to Kylo now feels so natural, as though they’ve been like this forever. It’s hard to put a finger on what’s changed, when so much is different, but one thing is obvious: Kylo is happy, and Armitage likes it.
He’s not sure he’s ever seen Kylo happy before.
Kylo pulls off Armitage’s cock with a delightfully obscene slurping noise. He licks his lips and says seriously, “I’m not sure I ever have been. Have you?” Before Armitage can even begin to process that staggeringly matter-of-fact pronouncement, Kylo descends again, and it’s not long before Armitage is crying out, hips twitching up as he comes down Kylo’s throat.
“Come here,” Armitage says as his mind slowly surfaces from the fog of orgasm, because not holding Kylo right now is intolerable. Kylo obeys, crawling back up the bed, and Armitage wraps both arms and one leg tightly around him. “You’re mine, aren’t you?” he says thoughtlessly, because that’s how he feels right now, and only after the words are out does it occur to him that they might have been the wrong thing to say. So many people have tried to own Kylo, his whole life: his parents, the Jedi, Snoke, Palpatine, the galaxy as a whole. But this is different. Surely Kylo knows that. Never mind that Armitage barely understands what’s going on at this point. Kylo has to know— “And I’m yours,” he attempts to clarify. “Aren’t I?”
Kylo is quiet for a moment, and then he lets out a loud sniffle. Turning his face into Armitage’s neck, he says wetly, “Yes.”
Last night, Kylo vowed that no one would ever hurt Armitage again. Now, Armitage makes Kylo that same promise. “It’s the two of us against the galaxy,” he says. “And the galaxy’s going to lose.” Kylo laughs a little, raising his eyes to Armitage’s face again, and Armitage leans forward and kisses him.
“You’re sure about that,” Kylo says against Armitage’s lips, and it isn’t a question.
“Nothing can stop us,” Armitage says. “Not now.”
He doesn’t have the Force. He doesn’t have the power of foresight. But he knows it’s true, knows it just as he has always known he was destined for greatness. He knows that now that he and Kylo have found each other, found the real each other, any who try to stand against them will fall.
And, as it turns out, he’s right.
~
The Deaths of Allegiant General Pryde series on AO3
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malfoysdarkprincess · 4 years
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Power of the Darkness ⇝ ii.
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Summary: Before the galactic domination of the First Order, we follow a young Y/N and Ben Solo through their creation as the new found Lord and Lady of the Galactic Empire under the reign of Supreme Leader Snoke. Both are Jedi’s gone dark, making you both extremely powerful and feared by every civilisation in the galaxy. Will the first order come out on top or will the new found heroine Rey and the resistance destroy and last remainder of the dark side?
Pairing: Kylo Ren/Ben Solo x Reader Word Count: 1.4k A/n: Chapter two yippie!!! Alsooo, we’re gonna ignore the fact that technically palpatine is anakins father because we aren’t about that incest life lol. I was also thinking of splitting this into three ‘series’ like the movies and follow the timeline in each one? So this ‘series’ is pre-tfa and during tfa, then second ‘series’ is during tlj and third is during tros. Lemme know in my ask box if you like that idea or if I should just keep it as the one? Next chapter is when the action starts ;) Enjoy ! x Part one
Y/N’s eyes snapped open and she was back in her Jedi hut, her heart threatening to break her rib cage with how hard it was beating. Tears begun to spill onto her face, and she held back a sob. Y/N was beyond confused and felt like she didn’t know who she was. Ever since she was little, she felt more of a connection to the dark side then the light, but she trained with Luke to get rid of that connection but that only deepened it.
You now know what the right path is to follow, my child.
Y/N allowed herself to sob once she knew Snoke was no longer in her head. She was confused and didn’t understand anything but one thing. Who she thought herself to be was a lie.
*
“Again!” Master Skywalker yelled, his eyes thoroughly assessing his Padawan’s. They were perfecting a normal Jedi stance form, but it was clearly too hard for some, making the whole group have to repeat it.  “Again!” he repeated again, Y/N huffed and repeated it, as did Ben.
“If he says again one more time, I’m going to shove this saber up his-”
“Again!”, he cut Ben off; which caused Y/N to stifle a laugh. Surprisingly, the group got it after about one hundred attempts. “Alright, go and rest we will be training again in an hour. Y/N I need to speak with you,” Luke said as he turned around stalked into the temple. She swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled at Ben.
“I don’t know Yasmina, I think she should get kicked out for almost killing you the other night by using sith techniques,” Y/N’s ears perked up when she heard Yasmina, Andria and Matthew talking about her. Her eyes narrowed at them.
“I’m telling you; she’s conspiring to be the next Sith leader. I mean, she’s friends with that weird boy who was related to Darth Vad-” Matthew was cut off by Y/N force choking him. His face went purple and red as he struggled to breath. The girls were yelling by Y/N was blinded by rage, but she was pulled back out when Ben grabbed her shoulder.
“Stop.” He whispered in her ear. She stopped concentrating on it and let go, Matthew took in a large breath very audibly. Y/N narrowed her eyes at them, making them turn away and walk to the other students. Y/N placed her hand on top of Ben’s and sighed. She looked up and noticed Luke staring at her. She sighed and went up the steps to speak with him. He only shook his head and walked back into the temple with Y/N trailing behind.
*
“You have been disobeying orders and being reckless. What are you doing? You almost killed Yasmina and now Matthew?” Master Luke yelled at Y/N; his hand been thrown about in anger. She went to open her mouth, but he cut her off. “Whatever it is, you need to fix it. From now until future notice, you will not be allowed to train with the other Jedi student; including Ben.” Luke had stated. Y/N’s eyes widened at what he said. Then she felt her anger bubble.
“What? You can’t do that! You can’t just cease my training over things so... so... insignificant! They’re going to have to learn how to battle like that Master Skywalker! This is such bull-”
“Not another word from you. You will only be able to watch and study the movements, but you will no longer take part. That is final!” He yelled, his hand slamming into the table. Y/N’s chair pushed back abruptly as she got up. She slammed the door behind her as she left for her hut. Luke only sighed and sat down, R2D2 whirring and beeping next to him. “I know I was harsh I have to be. Ben’s turned to the dark side and he holds such a terrifying future. But Y/N… I need to get it through to her that the right place is here and not with Snoke.”
R2 just whirred. “She scares me just as much as Ben does. I just… I need to make sure she doesn’t choose the wrong side.”
R2 just beeped.
*
“Ugh! This is frustrating” Y/N collapsed onto Ben’s bed, him peering over his textbook. “They can get away with speaking badly about you, his own goddamn nephew, but when I force choke them, well aren’t I the bad guy!” Y/N threw her hands up and groaned.
“I hope you realise there’s a big difference between both of those actions, Y/N” Ben stated, merely flicking his page over. She grunted in response and stared at the ceiling. In that moment, she wanted to scream and cry. She was so fed up from Snoke, to Luke and finding out her true identity. She also wanted to stab Matthew, Andria and Yasmina in their stupid faces. Y/N was beyond pissed. She felt the bed slightly move, then felt the pressure of Ben’s head on her stomach.
It only calmed her down slightly, but she distracted herself by threading her fingers through his black hair. She inhaled deeply and exhaled it all out. “Relax love, everything is going to be okay” he mumbled into her stomach, which slightly tickled. This gave Y/N to think. If they continued their path to be Jedi knights, they would not be allowed to love each other. No emotion only peace. Y/N was only here because Maz wanted her to learn the ways of the Jedi, how to control her force sensitivity.
Although, if it wasn’t for that, Y/N more than likely would not have met Ben. Her best friend, her right hand, her lover. He was her first friend ever at the mere age of eleven and twelve. They were drawn to one another, it was a weird sensation that neither of them could describe, even to this day. It was weird sometimes she swore she could hear him speak, but his mouth never moved. Y/N had always dismissed it as some weird mind game that the force puts on the young apprentices.
“I’m kinda hungry, let’s go see if supper is ready Love,” Ben mumbled against her stomach, making her softly smile at the boy. They waltz into the dining hall and, sure enough, supper was served. They grabbed their usual servings and sat at the opposite end of the table from everyone. “I think you really scared the shit out of Matthew,” Ben noticed, lifting his bread roll in the direction of the boy. Y/MN raised her eyebrows, mouth full of food, and turned in the direction of where the asshole would be, and sure enough, when she made eye contact, he instantly diverted it.
Y/N turned back to Ben and smiled, some of her half-chewed food showing on her teeth. “You are vile,” Ben joked and threw his bread roll at her. Y/N laughed and swallowed.
“Don’t worry, someone will have something smart to say. How much more trouble can I really get in?” Y/N joked. It was tiny things that they would say about you, but as soon as they mentioned Ben, you swore you would kill them. Ben would get enraged, but you would always beat him in harming that assholes that you called fellow pupils. Besides, you didn’t really mind anyways. Y/N noticed Yasmina whispering something to Andria and them giggling. Y/N sighed and shoved more of her food in her mouth.
“I don’t understand how she, out of everyone in the galaxy, was chosen to be force-sensitive and to come here to train. Her parents were nobodies, she’s a nobody. Her parents more than likely sold her off to get some spice and alcohol, I mean look at the state of he-” Andria was cut off by a dinner knife impaling her right hand. She screeched in pain and Y/N’s jaw dropped and stared at Ben. She had never seen him that violent, truly violent. Andria began to wail more, and Luke came bounding into the dining hall. He helped Andria up and escorted her to the infirmary, his eyes glazed with fury. “Ben why did you do that, you know I can hold my own.” Y/N whispered to the boy. He twirled the fork in his hand and stabbed it into the tabletop.
“I know you can, still pisses me off. She needs to learn a lesson and respect us. They all do. We’re more powerful than them.” Ben growled, his eyes narrowing at the fork. Y/N sighed and smiled.
“Ben?” Y/N question, her lips perked up.
“Yeah?” he looked up, his gaze light on the girl in front of him.
“Nice Shot.”
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rye-views · 4 years
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Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983) dir. Richard Marquand. 7.4/10
One of my new fav characters is Max Rebo. I liked the band’s music.
The Ewoks are sorta cute and kinda funny. I like em. The one with the dead friend was sad.
Spoiler: [About a new and improved Death Star being made. In the meantime,  Luke sends C-3PO and R2-D2 to Jabba the Hutt to send a message to allow him to speak to get Han Solo back and as a gift, he can have the droids. Jabba doesn’t agree to it, but C-3PO is used as an interpreter and R2-D2 is sent to the sail barge. Princess Leia is dressed as bounty hunter with Chewie as captive. The bounty is 25,000, but she asks for 50,000 and uses a thermal detonator to make her point of having it. He agrees to 35,000. In the night, Princess Leia unfreezes Han from the carbonite as it is hanging as a decoration in Jabba’s palace. They get caught while Han can’t see. She gets enslaved while he is imprisoned with Chewie. Luke uses the force to allow himself in and ends up falling through a trap door of Jabba’s as he sends him down to be eaten by the rancor. A gamorrean falls with Luke and gets eaten first. Luke manages to overcome the rancor and kills it by pushing a button that allows a large door to fall and crush it. Han, Chewie, and Luke are brought out and sentenced to be terminated by being fed to the Sarlacc at the Pit of Carkoon. Lando is also here in disguise and ready to help Luke. Luke keeps threatening to let them go or Jabba will die. Luke is pushed off a plank to fall into the pit, but manages to jump backwards and climb back up with his lightsaber thrown to him by R2-D2. He fights his way and his enemies fall into the pit. Boba Fett is also tying to recapture him, but fails. Lando slowly falls down the pit, but is saved by Han, who is slowly getting his vision back. Leia uses her chains to choke Jabba to death. Everyone goes back to the Rebel Alliance except for Luke and R2-D2, who head back to Dagobah to finish his training. He talks with Yoda, who is dying of old age. Yoda affirms that Luke finished his training, but isn’t a Jedi yet until he confronts Vader. He confirms that Vader is his father and that there is another Skywalker. Yoda then dies. Luke then talks to Ben and asks him why he lied about his father. He says Darth Vader did kill the good father and a new villain was created. He said his words were true in a certain point of view. Luke says he can’t kill his father, but Ben says he can’t avoid his destiny. When Ben mentions that Luke is their only hope, Luke says there is another. Ben says it’s his twin sister and that they were all separated to keep everyone safe. Luke immediately feels and know that it’s Leia, which is confirmed. Emperor Palpatine is visiting and Vader ensures the Death Star will be completed on time even though his commander requests more workers. Palpatine then asks him to bring in Luke to turn him to the Dark Side. The alliance have received information from Bothan spies that the death star is not operational yet, imperial fleets are spread throughout the galaxy, and the Emperor is on the station itself. Han’s team goes to the moon of Endor to take down the energy shield, so that an attack can be made. The fighters, led by Lando, head to the superstructure to bring down the main reactor. Han, Chewie, Leia, and Luke get on a shuttle and enter the moon with and old clearance code. Vader himself says he’ll handle them after feeling Luke’s presence on the shuttle while Luke feels like he is endangering the mission. They have to take down two stormtroopers once they land, but one manages to escape. They catch up to him, but more stormtroopers are alerted. Chases happen as Leia and Luke get separated. Luke manages to regroup with Han after all the stormtroopers were stopped and they go look for Leia. Leia has managed to find an Ewok, who was hostile towards her, but opened up after learning she means no harm and has food. A stormtrooper attacks her and the Ewok helps her. Han’s group get trapped in a rope trap, but cut their way out. The Ewoks then take them hostage, but believe that C-3PO is a type of god. They come across Leia at the Ewok camp as they are about to be cooked to be served for C-3PO. Luke commands him to make the Ewoks obey to take them down or he’ll use his magic. C-3PO
says he can’t pretend to be a god, but does so and the Ewoks don’t listen, because they don’t believe. Luke uses the force to raise C-3PO in the air on his chair and they are all let go by the Ewoks. Then C-3PO spends the night telling the Ewoks stories of their adventures. Luke talks with Leia to see what memories she has of her mother since he doesn’t remember his. He then talks about Vader being here and how he has to confront him. Leia wants to know why and Luke admits Vader is his father. He then tells her of her power because the force is strong in his family. She understands and feels that she is his sister. She wants Luke to run away from Vader, but he believes he can feel the good in Vader and wants to turn him back. Luke goes and surrenders himself to Vader and tells him to turn back and let go of his hate, but Vader says it’s too late for him. He turns him in to the Emperor. Han’s team get to the control bunker. The Ewok gets 3 out of the 4 stormtroopers to chase him as he drives off on a speeder bike. They take down the last stormtrooper, but learn it’s a trap because all of Vader’s best men and some AT-ST Walkers to attack them. Emperor tells all this to Luke to get the anger out of him. He says all the rebels are walking into traps and that the Death Star is operational. The Emperor tries to get Luke to come to the Dark Side. The Ewoks gather up and attack the Imperial forces, allowing Han to attempt to get back into the control room. R2-D2 gets fried trying to get in and Han hot wires it incorrectly. Lando’s crew learn that the shield is still up and head back. They plan to retreat, but Lando wants to give Han more time, so they fight for the time being. Chewie takes control of an AT-ST Walker and they end up overcoming everyone. They send a fake communication to the control room to say that the rebels ran into the woods and they need some more support. As the control room comes out, they manage to get in after stopping them. They blow the place up. Darth Vader and Luke battle. Luke says he would’ve died now and can tell Vader is good. Vader disagrees and says he must meet his destiny if he isn’t going to come to the dark side. He then can tell from Luke’s thoughts and learns of a twin sister. He says maybe she’ll turn if he won’t. Luke eventually gets angry and cuts off Vader’s hand. Emperor comes and tells Luke to take Vader’s place by giving into his anger. He refuses and Emperor uses Force Lightning to torture Luke to death. Vader watches. He eventually picks up the Emperor and throws him down the air shaft to his death while Vader is being electrocuted. Lando’s crew manages to get in now and they manage to destroy the main reactor. Vader tells Luke to take his mask off since he’s dying anyway. He sees him with his own eyes and dies as he tells Luke to tell his sister that Luke was right about him. Luke takes his body and leaves as the Death Star explodes. Han says Luke probably wasn’t on the star when it blew up and Leia says he wasn’t. Han believes she loves Luke and when she says she does, he says he understands and won’t get in the way. She says Luke’s her brother and he understands and kisses her. Anakin (Vader) is put on a funeral pyre and then the rest of the world celebrates. Luke sees the spirits of Anakin, Yoda, and Obi-Wan and then goes to celebrate with the others.]
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skywlkrr · 4 years
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VERSE: ANAGNORISIS
plotted starter for @negotiaetor​     
     𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐑’𝐒 𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑, but all that Anakin knew was that he would heed whatever order was given to him. No questions asked. So when his new Master ordered that he make a ‘diplomatic’ visit to Ortega to ‘convince’ them to join the Empire, he made little resistance. It was a mission originally intended for the young man alone, Palpatine had been explicitly clear about that. But Obi-Wan had expressed his own interest in coming along. Anakin was surprised, for sure, but he would not turn down an opportunity to be alone with the other, if even for diplomatic reasons. Anakin had convinced the Emperor to allow Obi-Wan to accompany him though it was not an easy task. It was true that Palpatine still did not trust Obi-Wan, to which, Anakin tried to convince him otherwise. However, little by little, Obi-Wan was able to gain a bit more trust (hopefully) from the Emperor. 
     They were sent on their way to Ortega. The travels there were mostly uneventful, save for the smaller intimate moments they were able to share now that they had no lingering eyes. But the moment the ship landed on the surface of their destination, they were no longer themselves, but extensions of the EMPIRE’S hand. They needed no introductions when approaching the palace doors. Guards attempted to question them but Anakin pushed through without paying them second mind. The pair of them were guided down long, elegant chamber halls until they reached the room that held the Queen of Ortega and her court. Inside he could already hear chatter and debates. Good. Right to business. The chamber doors swung open and the pair of them walked in, “Please, do not get up on our account.”
     The room grew deadly silent as they watched the two. Any chatter that had once been died the moment the doors swung open. Icy blue hues scan the room to see who was all collectively sitting at this meeting. That’s when he spotted her; the princess Anakin Skywalker had grown fond of long ago from his first visit to Ortega. She was still stunningly beautiful, perhaps more filled out and her face harder to read as the years of politics had taken their toll on her. His gaze narrowed on her and he could tell that she instantly recognized him. Or a past version of him. Anakin Skywalker he was no more. He had shed that name the moment he took on his new Master. But he gave her a charming smile as he strode into the grand chambers, the doors behind them slamming shut and echoing off the walls. “Good evening, your majesty,” He turned and gave a nod in the direction of the others now standing completely still (in fear he hoped), “Esteemed members of the court.”
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     The young Sith apprentice walked deeper into the chambers, carefully watching everyone within. He could sense an array of emotions; anger, fear, concern, and confusion. Good. His robes swayed behind him as he walked along the table of diplomats, slowly circling them all. No one said a thing, they all just watched as the two entered. “We will be tonight’s entertainment. But before any of that, I have one question.” He walked over to the grand table of food and began searching for something he did not yet know he wanted, “Is there anyone here who opposes the Empire? Who does not wish to heed the Emperor’s wishes?”
     The amount of darker energy pulsating out of the younger man was staggering. He had grown more confident in his powers of the dark side and he certainly was not one to shy away from it. The air around them felt as thought it had thickened, as if each and everyone of the was encased in a thick, heavy fog. It was choking, hard to breathe, and DEADLY. It was just an introduction to what would come should anyone step out of line or even attempt to speak back with any opposing view. The young Sith settled in his search of food and picked a few smaller berries from the table. He then turned to face the crowd of various expressions. His attention narrowed on the princess, now queen. 
     “Anyone at all?”
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I am always here for Padme Amidala headcanons.
She doesn’t remember much of the election season—she was only thirteen, and it was a blur of hands shaking hers, holodroids recording as she sweated through heavy gowns; her campaign manager saying, smile, naberrie, don’t you want to be a queen?
It’s a good question. She’s not sure how she would have answered it, if she’d known what she was getting into.
Her mother is an astrophysicist and her father owns Naboo’s largest interworld shipping yard; if it hadn’t been for Senator Palpatine, politics would never have occurred to her. But the Senator had noticed her, plucked her from the Young Leaders of the Naboo during their visit to Theed. He had taken an interest, suggested a stylist and a campaign manager, introduced her to the ‘right’ people.  (Padme was never entirely clear what the criterion was, for these determinations. In hindsight, she probably should have asked.) 
On the night of the election, he had taken her by the shoulders, and said, congratulations, your majesty, and Padme Naberrie had been so overwhelmed she wept, there on his shoulder.
She has a panic attack, just before her coronation. It’s not something she’s aware of, at the time, but the moment they fit the ceremonial death’s mask over her face she is gone, she is far away—she watches the proceedings from outside herself, as Padmé Naberrie dies on her knees, as Queen Amidala rises up in her place. 
Padmé thinks, my gods, that unfortunate wretch, that queen amidala. I pity her.
She does like her handmaids, though. The first year of her reign is occupied by training, a thousand things that must be learned—including hand-to-hand combat, the art of weapons, and the geopolitical landscape of the galaxy. She is not from a traditional noble family; she has not had the kind of education most queens receive from birth. Instead, she has herself, a dozen girls who could pass for her twin (if you weren’t quite sure what Queen Amidala looked like) and a furious determination not to make a fool of herself.
Sabé took her place for most of the blockade, the negotiations. Padmé was so angry she couldn’t speak to the Trade Federation without shaking. Once, she lost her temper completely and threw an ornamental vase at their representative—they stopped sending representatives, switched to holos. Choked off the food supply to Theed until Padmé apologized, clenching her teeth so tightly she was afraid her jaw might break with it.
Later, after, she is viciously glad when Palpatine comes to her, tugging on the heavy livery collar that marks him Galactic Chancellor. (Nervously, she thinks then. Like a beast playing with a fresh kill, she revises later, in light of new information.) 
Padmé is in her nightdress, and she is still viciously glad when she says, “Make them pay, for daring to touch my world,” and Palpatine smiles, all teeth.
Once upon a time, there is a Queen, and she is good, and frightened, and mostly tries, tries very hard. Keeps trying. Wakes up the morning after trying, and lets her handmaids adorn her, and tries again.
Nevertheless, she spends the last seven and a half months of her reign desperately counting the moments until it’s over, until she will be free. There is talk of making her senator, but she dismisses it as gossip at every turn, rejects it even when Queen Jamillia offers Padmé the role. 
She has a hundred thousand plans—sitting in a restaurant with no one and nothing to interrupt her; catching up on the holodramas she loved; walking her sister to school; listening to her father complain about managers and her mother complain about apprentices and all she wants, she thinks, is to even just a glance at what normality might look like.
(She thinks.)
There are some journeys you cannot come back from, and queenship is one of them. At thirteen, the Lake District was the whole galaxy, but has fought a war, plead for her people on the floor of the Senate, gone to the furthest reaches of the Outer Rim and met Jedi, ratified treaties, almost died a hundred times over. (She goes swimming in the mornings, and cannot keep herself from thinking, this is everything? this is all? for the rest of my life?)
Her mother thinks she should found a school. Her father thinks she should be enjoying herself, perhaps meeting her future partner. Her sister is largely quiet, perhaps because they are virtual strangers to one another. (Padmé has not been back to the house of her birth for—too many years, when Sola was a happy child and not a sullen adolescent. She’s skipped so much of the middle of her family’s life, she doesn’t know how to make up for it.)
She’s not used to how desperately, horribly impotent she feels, shunted to the sidelines of her world. After a few weeks, her mother begins hiding all their datapads so Padmé can’t scroll through the morning holos and spend the day working herself into a rage over galactic affairs and idiot political decisions. Padmé writes passionate transmits to her many old colleagues, advising on courses of action, but their replies are cool, a formality. (She is not Queen Amidala anymore, they do not have to listen to her.)
Jamillia passes an edict thatPadmé had spent months ensuring would be stillborn and without support, andPadmé is so furious that she unearths her old handmaiden training blaster, and spends the afternoon blasting holes in a garden statute.
(“You grandmother gave us that, as a wedding present,” her mother sighs, whenPadmé eventually makes her way back. “It was horrible and ugly,”Padmé says in her most airy queen-like voice, and her mother laughs.)
She is so starved for substance that when Palpatine sends a transmission asking if she would like to meet him for dinner—the Senate is in recess, he has retreated to the Lake District to escape the miasma of Theed—Padmé jumps at the opportunity.
He still smiles with his teeth and not his eyes. Padmé was not aware how much she missed that—or rather, how much she missed the danger of it. To sit and talk in smooth, wide circles and have a conversation in the unsaid spaces was a thrill, electric and missed.
(She is not Queen Amidala anymore; she is just Padmé. But she has missed politics, all the same.)
“I know you would not consider it, when our queen—” he says ‘our queen’ with the faintest trace of irony in his voice, andPadmé bites down a delighted laugh at how pleasantly obvious he’s being, like a joke, just between them, “—offered you the mantle of senator.”
“I was hoping you might consider it now,” Palpatine says. “I think we could do…great things, you and I. We could change the galaxy.”………..what is Padmé Amidala to do, but say yes?
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