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#i hope i answered your question
ultimatedreamer104 · 2 months
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What's your sexual preference, if you don't mind me asking?
so when I found out what the LGBTQIA plus community was and what most of the letters stood for I did some diving, and for a long time I was like oh I’m just I’m just straight, and then for a while “OK maybe I’m bi-“ but then later I was like, “but everyone’s pretty…” and so I was like “maybe I’m pan?” Which for a long time I was very confused about because I couldn’t find Pan- I had limited resources so for a long time, and the situation that I was in when I first started doing research on this was not a situation where I could really ask people “hey, could you tell me kind of why I’m feeling this way?” because while I had trusted my family, I knew that if I even brought this up to them, they would have totally send me away to a camp or something, which, honestly maybe that would’ve been better… so I came to terms with the fact that I like all people because people are just so pretty, so then one day I was watching a YouTuber, who is explaining her sexual journey and she said she had found out that she was Demi pansexual. I was like oh, let me explain it pretty much how she explained it, pretty much being Demi pansexual means that you are attracted to all genders, but you’re not willing to be in a relationship, unless you know the person, which, honestly at that point, I was lying to myself, because shortly after I identified this, I went to Seaworld with some friends of mine, and I met like a complete stranger, and she was like “you’re really cute. Do you wanna be girlfriends?” (Oh yeah, I use she/her pronouns) and I was like “yes,” because even though I did not know her at all, I have been touched starved, and like needy of affection for so so long, that I was willing to take anything, so I was kind of lying to myself about the pansexual situation because I think I wanted to believe that I wouldn’t just accept anybody who was offered up to me, but that is a lie. I would accept anybody I just wanted a partner who would care for me- but that didn’t work out with her because after that, we never saw each other again, and she fell out of communication with me, which was partially my fault, but pretty much we broke up after that because you know it wasn’t really working and since then, I have not had a partner, but when I think of it for a while I thought I was possibly as asexual or possibly aromatic, but then I realized some of the problems as identifying with that, and so, after doing some deep diving, I found Panromantic asexuality this is when you feel romantic attraction towards people of all genders, but do not feel sexual attraction. This means that you may enjoy hugging, cuddling, and other forms of physical intimacy, but don't want or need to have sex. Which I was like oh my goodness this is kind of me! Because, while I have been raised in a traditional home that had taught mainly traditional values, where the parents of the household had pretty much shown the idea of any of their children, identifying with any part of the community, when I finally get access to this, I still had some of those values put into my head that you know I had to get married and I had to have children and you know I never really wanted that to a degree because while I do want to one day, find a forever mate, who I can get married to who I could possibly have children with… there’s so many that I have in myself of you know going through childbirth-I don’t wanna do that no matter how many pain meds I have- I would much rather adopt, it’s something that I’ve been wanting to do since like nine years old- but this might’ve been a rambling answer and I really hope that I answered it the way you were expecting me to? Anyway, if you have any more questions, you can either DM me or send an ask and I will do my best to answer it. :)
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Does Will have any reason to be jealous of Bedelia? It annoys me that Hanniball gives a touch, a kiss so easily to others (Alana, Bedelia). I know with Will it's more of an emotional bond, but I think it's so deep that it should extend to physical fidelity as well.
Logically? No. But that won't stop Will from feeling jealous. Both Will and Hannibal are very jealous. Hannibal would choose him without a doubt over Bedelia and Alana. In "Mizumono", Hannibal intended to kill every person except Will. Maim, sure, absolutely. Hannibal was heartbroken and needed Will to know it. But he didn't want Will dead. The only reason Hannibal chose Bedelia is because she was safe and the next person who understood him best. While Bedelia understood Hannibal, she didn't really empathize with him. She didn't get him to his core like Will did. They both saw beyond the person suit but Will (at least partially) liked what he saw and saw himself in there. Bedelia just saw a killer.
The thing is, Hannibal does touch Will in ways he doesn't touch others. He cleans his wounds, he's tender, he holds his face and neck. He even holds Will after gutting him. Hannibal doesn't give that same level of intimacy. Sure, he has sex with Alana and (presumably) has sex with Bedelia, but sex isn't the only way to be intimate.
From the outside though, Will does see Hannibal choosing others over him, which is why he is jealous. But he doesn't see that Hannibal settled for someone else in the absence of Will. There was a hole that needed to be filled, but the cup would at best be half full. All Will sees though is how his own cup is empty, assuming Hannibal's is full.
He does the same with Molly in that he can't have Hannibal (he thinks he doesn't want him by the "Digestivo" breakup though), so he settled for someone else. They each just try to fill the void the other carved out of them to no avail. At least until the end where they both choose each other equally and can be sated and at peace.
I also think part of Hannibal's hesitancy to go further is because he wants Will to openly want it. Hannibal knows he wants Will, and wants Will to want him. He wants to be chosen, which is part of the reason he was so heartbroken in Mizumono is because Will made Hannibal believe Will was choosing him when in fact he wasn't. Sure, Hannibal could have made moves earlier, they both clearly dissolved the doctor-patient boundary. But he wanted Will to want him freely and for that love to not be influenced. For once, Hannibal wanted to be wanted and needed and chosen and prioritized, and for that to feel earnest and genuine, he had to let Will get there on his own. And Will did by the end. He chose Hannibal and thought it was beautiful.
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frostfairysteve · 1 year
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I know when you talk about it, the sun and steve occasionally get referred to separately, so with agender sun steve would Steve know where the disconnect with gender comes from as the sun encompasses them more, or do they just view it as who they are or maybe just another side effect of swallowing as sun?
The sun is a separate entity so far as in that it is using Steve as a host, as a vessel. As the sun grows, Steve becomes less human, and more sun, which is to say, as the sun grows, Steve is becoming the sun and the sun is becoming Steve. There will be a point in which they're one, or as close as one as a sun and once human can be.
With that said, Steve will always remain Steve; even as a sun, as a being made of pure light, his shape will be there, although only vaguely human, and whatever remains of his humanity will be recognisable as Steve Harrington.
The disconnect with gender has less to do with the sun itself, and more with the changes the sun brings allowing Steve to realise that there is more to a person than male or female, just like there's more to love than the opposite.
His feelings about gender have always been there, and as the sun burns away at his humanity, those feelings can finally rise to the surface. Perhaps, if not for the sun, Steve would be thinking of himself more as something between man and woman. Perhaps the sun has in fact changed his relation to gender as a concept more, as to where he finds himself outside of it instead somewhere between.
And maybe there'll be one day when he drops gendered pronouns completely, where he can no longer separate himself from the sun and feels more comfortable being them than him, but for now, Steve and the sun are separate, for now, it's him and it, not them.
His experience and feelings don't have to change his pronouns after all.
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ssreeder · 1 year
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I’m not sure if this has been asked before but…
Why did Arnook never ask Sokka to watch and protect Yue during the siege of the north?
Because there are so many ways you can interpret that character just from canon. He may have seen Sokka’s fight and leadership and genuinely felt he’d protect Yue, or he saw how much Yue cared for him and tried to keep him as far away from fighting as possible.
I’m totally aware it was probably a split second decision on his part either way, but since there probably won’t be a lot more about the nwt in liab canon, I was wondering if you could give some insight into the character? Totally cool if it was just what needed to happen to catalyst Sokka getting captured.
I’m honestly just fishing for northern water tribe lore cause I think they’re interesting. Plus I tried to send an ask about yue and tumblr fucking died on me and i lost like 10 minutes of thinking that i now can’t recall. These last few chapters have been real tear jerkers. And Yue’s death reveal to Sokka has me thinking about ✨where this all started✨
Ok so honesty hour - it was for the plot, but when giving it more thought here is how I imagined the interaction going.
Sokka & Han have their little scuffle and Sokka is approached by Arnook, (& because in LIAB if someone has gone ice dodging and earn their mark they are considered a man and allowed to go to war) so yeah Sokka is 15 but he is a man in the tribes eyes. Also they don’t know him as the goofy kid like most of the SWT men do. Sokka showed up with the avatar & has seen battle & fought the FN & is ultimately an experienced warrior to them.
Which he did do those thing but he was very sheltered with aang & Appa - (damn it that beautiful sky bison made everything so much easier) so I believe Arnook would have asked Sokka where he felt he was needed most during the battle and Sokka of course would say “with the other warriors” (he had something to prove to himself unfortunately - trauma from his dad leaving as such a pivotal age and such) so Arnook (knowing Sokka is the avatars friend) placed him out on the wall, with other experienced warriors who were told to keep an eye on him (because yeah he is a warrior but also a 15 year old kid) and he was stationed in an area close to the healers and away from where they thought the most of the fighting would be.
Unfortunately we know what happened there & that’s what lead us into well…. *gestures at mess* all this.
Idk if that answers your question but to keep it simple haha I think Arnook would have given him a choice, and whatever Sokka (as a man) choose he would have supported.
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endlessdreamerxoxo · 2 years
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Tbh I use to read Eddie Munson X reader fics until I fell into the hellcheer hole so I stopped reading them but I hate it when people make Chrissy a villain in the fics because it's so ooc of her and I've noticed it a lot with reader fics were the male character has a crush, interest or is shipped a lot with a female character because I remember this time I read a fanfic about this male character and they made this female character a bit of a bitch but I just thought she would get character development, I was wrong because the reader's dog attacked and K!lled that female character and even worse y/n was friends with the brother of that female character and when he found out that y/n's dog K!lled his sister y/n was being a big bitch to him telling him to get over it and it wasn't her dog (when she clearly knows it was her dog) and once I read that horrible chapter I never wanted to read a fanfic with that male character ever again
Honestly, I think this kind of dilemma speaks to the fact that society/culture has told the majority of young females (I only citing females because the majority of Y/N stories are geared toward that audience and written by those members) to view other females as competition, especially where there has been a uptick in media that prioritize one depiction of being a woman over another under the guise of "empowerment". I think it also speaks to a few stigma surrounding that one having a "past" before falling in love with their long term partner and one can't possibly love someone so different than they are.
I don't care if someone writes a Eddie x reader or an Eddie x oc stories. I've written or thought of plenty of those stories for different fandoms. But I think it's pretty obvious whenever a person hates Chrissy for whatever reason from their writing. Whether they make her a bitchy popular girl, or cut her completely out of the story and replaces an oc with her own life (along with Jason). I think this habit comes from their own projecting of meeting people like Chrissy in their lives, and the way the media chooses to portray people with her characteristics. They aren't viewing Chrissy as she is supposed to be; but rather an embodiment of everything they've learned to hate. Which is a shame because Chrissy is a great subversion of her own trope with a lot of potential for growth and depth. The Duffers hired Grace because every other actress played Chrissy straight-forward.
I think this is why movies like Clueless and Legally Blonde are such iconic films because the creators wanted to turn the tropes on their head and make the protagonist someone who the majority of viewers were going to hate. Yet, those movies makes you want to root for Cher and Elle because it takes the time to show them as 3-dimensional beings and their films doesn't mock/talk down their interests or fashion choices as immoral or wrong. These movies are also successful at not shaming the other women for having opposing views or interests. But there a lot of more teen movies where a girl that displays a hyper-femininity appearance or mainstream interests are made to be the villains, whether their behavior justify such a label.
I hate the argument that Eddie couldn't love Chrissy because she is everything he dislikes because it's such a narrow view on romantic love based on the superficial. Like yeah, on the surface, they have nothing in common and she is everything he dislikes. But the foundation of romantic love is more than physical. Romantic and lasting love is when the lust dies down, who do you want to be with you? See you at your most vurnuable state? Who do you want to see you cry? Chrissy and Eddie were on the outskirts of that type of love. They opened to each other in the forest, and they never did to anyone else. And pigeon-holding Eddie to only falling in love with an alt girl because he is in subculture is the most social conforming agenda. it's like you being arranged to marry someone solely because they like pop music and you like pop music. no consideration for any other trait.
Also Eddie is allowed to find someone attractive and the attraction is not be something to be help. You can't help attraction, even if you are heterosexual or attract to the opposite sex shockingly. And if Eddie had a type, what's wrong with that? Many people have dated outside of their type and have been very happy with their partner. And like it or not, Eddie realistically would have a type and it would've been based on the beauty standard of the time. Have you seen those video girls in the 1980s?
Finally, it is not a big deal if Eddie had past loves. It would be totally normal for any 20 year old man to have a fling or crush on someone, and it doesn't have to end badly. many people have unrequited crushes in their childhood that just doesn't work out because of mundane reasons, and doesn't mean that other person was a bitch to said person. Just because someone loved a person before you doesn't negate your entire relationship. I absolutely love the hc that Eddie x Tammy Thompson was a thing once and in my own head, the pair had their own thing and connection away from Chrissy (outside of Tammy looking like Chrissy) but they broke up because Eddie was being an asshole and wasn't being honest with his own feelings. Not because he doesn't like her. But because he liked Chrissy more and Tammy knew her worth.
sorry, this is a long ass answer because I have been thinking about this problem for a week now. So I hope that you'll like my answer and I hope that I answered what you want me too.
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longlivelindanny · 8 months
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What kind of show is Blue Bloods?
It’s a drama cop show about the Top Cop family of New York. There’s family relationships, as well as work relationships. S1-4 is peak for the family stuff, and s5- now is for the partner stuff. (It is of my opinion not to watch past s7, because the quality drops drastically). At times, it gets over-dramatic and very soap-operaish towards the end, but that’s the downfall of a show that’s been on for thirteen years.
The most interesting episodes, to me, are the ones that showcase Danny and Linda’s (his wife) relationship. It’s interesting to me to see how Linda, a civilian, copes with the police stuff. Generally, she is the poster child for it. But occasionally— like when her family is in danger or Danny’s being needlessly reckless— she doesn’t like it. Part of the reason I like Danny/Linda so much is that they aren’t always fighting, like on some other cop dramas. They only fight when the family is in direct danger, Danny’s done something incredibly stupid, or he’s being an asshole to her. (And unfortunately, the asshole-ness increases as the tone of the show shifts).
But it’s not the show for you if you’re one of those people who hate cops. It definitely glorifies them, but it also shows bad, corrupt cops. And you also have to suspend some belief when the Reagan kids are constantly going to each other for information on their respective cases.
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merakiui · 2 years
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hello, I really hope this ask gets through
im just going to go through with this ask
what are your thoughts about writing a piece for a fandom that is sort of alive and sort of dead but for characters that have been there since the beginning
now I'm not asking you to write anything it's more of me asking a question because Im writing something for said fandom and for a character that has very little xreader recognition but it's just difficult in the manner that said character wouldn't do such things that I have planned out. (but that is not what I'm asking)
this is all over the place, I'm so sorry
but I think what I'm trying to say is that while I do write things and post, I can't tag. I just can't. I can write something easily (when I'm actually up for it) but all motivation leaves at the tagging part. especially here on Tumblr.
because while I do want to write for character, I just don't think I have the heart in tagging that character in the piece even though it is mainly about him
so basically like
is it okay to write for a character and a fandom and not properly tagging the piece?
while I do know it won't get much attention, because well no tagging correctly, I'm ready for that sort of thing
oh man
this got way longer than expected
//|\\ ihaven't really slept, so if this ask gets through, it's only because of my off-balanced confidence infused with improper sleeping arrangements //|\\
When it comes to tagging a piece, you should always use the correct tags. It’s especially important to tag something if it contains triggering subjects, is nsfw, or is dark content. That way if anyone happens to see it and it isn’t what they might be looking to read they can filter and block the tags. If you’re writing something and you don’t tag the fandom or something like (character’s name) x reader there is a chance it won’t be read as much (though with the help of reblogs it can be spread and viewed by others). Additionally, tagging the character will allow people to know who the piece is about and whether it’s x reader or not.
It’s fine to limit yourself to a few tags if you don’t want it to get attention in the main tags, but if it’s anything nsfw, dark content, or triggering you should use appropriate tw/cw tags so that others will know what the writing consists of.
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spikyhairedsilhouette · 5 months
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what does Spiky most despise about himself?
bonus ship question: what trait of Kimi’s does Spiky most detest?
in my head it's canon || @quiet-kunoichi
this might be somewhat verse dependent, so bear with me here. i think universally he struggles with how much he actually cares. emotions are generally uncomfortable on him & he usually would prefer to be rid of them altogether. his relationship to himself & his emotions differs slightly across AUs.
in ninja verse, he's a bit more expressive (hence the lovely nickname that he loathes), so he quite despises that he's less adept at hiding his emotions than he'd care to admit. conversely, his ability to express emotions is quite poor in modern verse, and he's very hard on himself about it, criticizing himself for how alone & isolated he is.
high school verse is one of the only verses where he's a bit less judgmental of himself in that way, but that's not to say he isn't self-conscious (because what teenager isn't?). i think in hs verse he more so despises how much he fails to be his authentic self. he's got a lot of imposter syndrome & regularly defaults to his trademark snarky demeanor as a result, but that's not really him. hs spike is the softest version of him that exists.
as for what he detests about kimi.... um, isn't it obvious? he detests how she makes him feel, in every sense of the word. he can't stand how manipulative and pompous she can be, and yet those are some of the key things about her that attract him. so of course he fucking hates that she's able to outsmart him in that way. he's also not too fond of how moody she is, but he's come to appreciate it as something that makes her more complex and interesting. it's far better than the alternative. a basic bitch, he does not want.
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bobacupcake · 7 months
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begging... pleading... for a bigger version of that pikachu gif (if possible), i am so utterly enchanted with it its unreal (i have that exact plush in my house!!!)
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ladykagewaki · 1 year
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Ooohhh can I ask 30?
What do you do to feel at peace? TLDR Version: I don't believe in divine (or related retribution), and I am super duper introspective. I also make shorterm goals to get through tough times. Hm, well I need to preface this with the fact that while I was raised Catholic, but I am not at all religious now. In fact I officially left the church. Paperwork sent to Rome and everything. Letting go of this idea that the divine is keeping an eye on all of us has created a fairly peaceful foundation in my life. If I encounter a trauma or experience a negative senseless event, it is just some random thing that happened and I can skip a lot of confusion. No one is keeping score and we don't have to defend ourselves from a vague perma-evil. So I don't take sensless things personally. BUT WHY? There is no why. It just is. I'm just bopping along trying to do the best I can. And so my baseline inner peace is fairly unshakeable. It is what it is, no use wasting my energy on trying to justify or figure out "why". Life just is. Keep on boppin! With that said, in the immediate, I lean a lot on introspection. I have a tendency to isolate and really tease out my emotions and examine not just the feeling, but what is the source of that feeling? Have I felt this before? How did I handle it and how has this shaped me? Figuring out the source and level of familiarity, etc, allows me to control my emotional life. I can then create a path forward.
This all goes for good things too. When something great happens I also revel in the goodness. Have I had this happiness before? Have I become a better person because of it? Can I share it with anyone? then I settle those feelings down on that peaceful foundation to make it stronger.
So I guess it's just a preventative measure and has taken a lifetime of me learning about myself, focusing on objective truth, and a bit of goal setting.
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tedllasso · 1 year
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you just like alba because she's portuguese like you.
first of all that's not true but also ofc I like her more cause she's portuguese. 😂😂
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hellsitegenetics · 16 days
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Hello hellsitegenetics! I gotta tell you, you are my favourite blog in this digital jungle and your work really brings a smile to my face (: it's very cool, keep it up! Every time I see the phrase "string identified" i imagine a robot voice saying that (as a lead up to an output) which makes it very funny when it appears in a reblog - just wanted to tell you that. Anyways, I actually have a real question for you: What's your favourite "string identified" so far?
Greetings from a biology nerd!
String identified: tgtc! gtta t , a at g t gta g a a g a t ac (: t' c, t ! t t a "tg t" ag a t c ag tat (a a a t a tt) c a t t aa a g - t at t t tat. Aa, acta a a a t : at' at "tg t" a?
Gtg a g !
Closest match: Neoneuromus ignobilis isolate Gutianshan chromosome 5 Common name: Dobsonfly
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(image source)
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comradekatara · 7 days
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do you have a masterpost of "ty lee comes from crypto-air nomad" posts? I'm fascinated by this idea and want to read everything I can but I can't find where it started 😭
i feel like this is a question better posed to @kyoshi-lesbians, who, at least in my book, is the leading expert in ty lee studies (among other things). that said, i can definitely synthesize the argument (and why i find it cogent and persuasive), even if i don't actually know from where the theory originated (but i'm sure that if you look up "ty lee air nomad you'll immediately be directed to an old reddit page or fan forum from years ago; it's a "theory" that goes way back).
firstly, ty lee's appearance is distinctly "air nomadic" in a way no one else's is. save for aang, of course. she and aang do bear an uncanny resemblance. everyone else in the fire nation has yellowish brown eyes, for example, while ty lee, like aang, has charcoal greyish brown eyes. and they also have similar (round and cute) facial features, similar expressions, similar vibes. similar dispositions...
ty lee does not "have the personality" of a ruthless fire nation soldier, despite acting as the princess's right hand who takes out more opponents than pretty much everyone else put together. ty lee acts like an airbender, flirty and flighty. her relentless optimism and goodwill and cheer is decidedly a mask, but it is a mask she adopts adeptly. even if she is performing, she nonetheless performs the "aang" function of her respective group.
ty lee presents herself as more spiritually attuned than other people in the fire nation, who outright disrespect the spirits and spirituality. her constant talk of auras is likely a calculated move on her part, as nearly everything is, to make her seem silly and trivial, because she thrives best when she goes underestimated. but her talk of auras also has to come from somewhere, and seeing as literally no one else mentions auras once throughout the entire show, ty lee's sources are clearly scarce.
ty lee also fights like an airbender. despite generally taking the offensive, ty lee nonetheless exhibits a graceful, acrobatic quality when in combat. she never kills anyone either, merely incapacitates them momentarily. and when she is faced with stronger than typical opponents, she usually relies on her skills as an acrobat by taking the aerial advantage. note her ability to jump incredibly high, such as in "the chase," or her ability to run along a moving cable wire in "the boiling rock." ty lee's skills go beyond merely being a good acrobat. she's incredible. and perhaps even exhibiting some latent airbending skills she inherited from her ancestors.
ty lee's air nomad ancestry coheres really well with her arc as a character. imagining that her family of genocide survivors hid in the heart of the fire nation and assimilated into the imperialist culture that sought to exterminate them makes her own role that much more impactful. there's already a beautiful parallelism to the fact that ty lee is an acrobat and performer who contorts herself to suit the desires of others and performs obsequious loyalty for her own survival, but an extra layer of depth is added if she's also assimilating into the royal court by reducing herself and hiding her true feelings and motivations, just as her family did.
i see ty lee's ancestors as having assimilated into the imperial core out of fear, but over the generations, genuinely being subsumed into fire nation culture, with the desire to social climb a natural extension of their patriotism. but there are also still facets of ty lee's ancestry, whether genetic or otherwise, that have remained in traces. the generational trauma, for example, definitely reflects why her parents had so many children. and the fact that she's constantly torn between two worlds, as a genocide survivor who also directly serves the imperialists who murdered her ancestors, represents her internal struggle as someone who desires freedom of expression and the choice to assert her individuality, but is also forced through circumstance into lying and deflecting and manipulating (which, to be honest, is also the air nomad way) for the sake of survival.
surviving is ty lee's number one priority, in a way it just isn't for mai. mai and ty lee both come from social climbing families (although i've always assumed that mai's family is far wealthier than ty lee's) but mai is also depressed and frustrated and bored out of her mind. and even though she was raised in a family that forced her to don a mask and reduce herself and perform a passive model of femininity, she also has no problem stating aloud how she's feeling and what her limits are (with the exception of when azula gives her a veiled command as a test, and mai has no choice but to obey).
mai has the privilege of knowing that the stakes don't really matter, which she all but states when she claims that she grew up in luxury and opulence, and always had everything handed to her. which isn't to say that she led a perfect, easy life. she wouldn't be as depressed and repressed as she is if there weren't factors actively harming her, but she still chooses to join azula by choice, even if it's really only the illusion of choice between two awful options, whereas ty lee has to be coerced through violence.
mai kind of has a "fuck it we ball" attitude and doesn't really seem to care about her own safety (if anything, she's more concerned with comfort), whereas ty lee would do anything to ensure her survival. and that kind of mentality illustrates how she differs from most of the fire nation elites, who were inculcated into imperial privilege and never really considered what prioritizing survival even entails (zuko learns that lesson the hard way). ty really exhibits the mentality of the genocide victim/colonized subject through her prioritization of survival in the face of what to mai is a problem, but to ty lee is an existential threat.
whether or not ty lee even recognizes that her desperate desire to live comes from a place of generational grief and trauma is another story, but i do think there is something to be said for the fact that descendants of genocide survivors can feel that grief as it has been passed down to them. i think ty lee feels it, and i think that it motivates her to do whatever it takes to live, because above all, she is a survivor. and even if she has to assimilate and manipulate and cut away every part of herself that's real and authentic and true, she will do it (until she doesn't). and that's also, incidentally, what makes her such a great foil to aang.
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ssreeder · 3 months
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Hi! Thank you so much for posting the new chapter :) I can’t even put into words how much I love your work. It feels crazy because I have been following liab for over a year now and I think I’ve never been this consistent with anything in my life :D i don’t know if it’s a secret but do you have the next chapters already planned out? And do you know how many chapters this part is going to be? Thank you for you hard work!!
Hiii aww I’m so glad you liked the new chapter! & yeah wow I’ve been writing this fic for like 2 years I think, shiiiit what is time ahhh. Thanks for sticking with me so long <3
I actually have pretty much all the chapter planned out until the battle begins but my problem is I do them by events so it’s like I want this this and this to happen in a chapter but idk how long it’ll take to make that happen but I know what I want to write lol.
(& sometimes the characters don’t LISTEN & I say be nice and make this an easy talk and they’re like no fuck you author I wanna fight right now and the convo takes 1.5k instead of idk 500 words lol. )
I just posted chapter 15 & I’m going to GUESS we are about halfway done. In my mind we are halfway through the last book and that means we have roughly 15 chapter left to go then the epilogue.
I’m pretty good at estimating chapter count but horrible at word count estimation haha.
Thanks for the ask I hope you have an awesome day!!
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fantastic-nonsense · 24 days
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I love your thoughtful SoC meta! I would love to know your thoughts on Kaz and Jesper’s relationship. Specifically, I adore Kaz but one thing in particular that always seemed so dark to me was that he enabled Jesper’s gambling addiction even though he obviously does care about him. Kaz is obviously willing to do a lot of fucked up things in service of his goals, but this one in particular, toward his own brother figure, I find sad. It’s kind of addressed during their fight at the end of CK but still feels a little unfinished.
I love Kaz and Jesper's relationship. There's sooooo much to dig into there (way too much for a single meta); it's super juicy and complicated, and one of the best complexities of it is that they often enable and feed off of each other's trauma. The pre-canon status quo is a situation where Kaz and Jesper are, in many ways, using and abusing each other as a way of avoiding dealing with their own trauma. It's a fascinating push-and-pull dynamic because neither of them are pushovers and yet neither one is particularly interested in facing their Issues™ head-on, and they both seemingly recognize that in each other and give each other an uncharacteristic amount of grace in helping the other avoid dealing with it.
In Kaz's case, that most often looks like enabling Jesper's gambling addiction and then repeatedly bailing him out of trouble under the justification of "he's loyal and competent, it would be wasteful to let the other gangs kill him." In Jesper's case, this looks like ignoring Kaz's countless and extremely obvious issues in favor of playing the loyal second. Basically, it's not just Kaz enabling Jesper's gambling addiction; it's also Jesper enabling Kaz's unhinged ruthlessness with little pushback other than a few snarky comments.
They also project a lot of their own issues onto each other! Kaz pushes Jesper away in part because he's projecting the grief and blame he feels over Jordie's death onto Jesper, but Jesper is using Kaz's ruthless pragmatism to escape the crippling disappointment of returning home to face his father's judgement for being a college drop-out, gambling addict, and gang member. And Kaz withholds praise and verbal declarations of trust from Jesper because he hates acknowledging that he cares about people, but Jesper uses Kaz's emotional detachment as a crutch to avoid dealing with his own commitment issues by pining after a boy he knows will never reciprocate his advances. This status quo is, of course, insanely unhealthy for both boys long-term, but where would we be if any of the Crows actually dealt with their issues in a healthy way?
That dynamic, imo, is also only possible because Kaz and Jesper have known each other for longer than anyone else in the main crew; Kaz may have let Inej in further, but he let Jesper in first. As far as we know, Jesper is the first person Kaz genuinely lets past his mile-high walls since Jordie died...but he very deliberately holds him at arms' length in a way that he does not with Inej (something that Jesper notices and is jealous about!). Being "the first" in this case unfortunately comes with a lot of baggage, and Kaz and Jesper would both lowkey rather die than talk about how much they care what the other thinks of them.
Kaz clearly didn't recruit Jesper looking for a friend or someone who reminded him of his dead older brother; he recruited him because he saw someone with a useful skillset who he preferred to be at his side rather than in a rival gang or dead in the canals. It's to Jesper's credit that he managed to break through those walls anyway, but there's only so much he can do in the face of Kaz's armor. And like Inej, Kaz's closed-off personality and actions hurt Jesper repeatedly. But he stays anyway, because he (like Inej) sees the boy underneath the mask that Kaz wears and cares a little too much to let him go:
“He wouldn’t—” Jesper stopped short, and then he laughed. “Of course he would.” Jesper flexed his knuckles, concentrated on the lines of his palms. “Kaz is…I don’t know, he’s like nobody else I’ve ever known. He surprises me.” “Yes. Like a hive of bees in your dresser drawer.” Jesper barked a laugh. “Just like that.” “So what are we doing here?” Jesper turned back to the sea, feeling his cheeks heat. “Hoping for honey, I guess. And praying not to get stung.” Inej bumped her shoulder against his. “Then at least we’re both the same kind of stupid.” “I don’t know what your excuse is, Wraith. I’m the one who can never walk away from a bad hand.” She looped her arm in his. “That makes you a rotten gambler, Jesper. But an excellent friend.” “You’re too good for him, you know.” “I know. So are you." -Ch. 17, Six of Crows
Kaz is unused to verbalizing the trust he places in others and actively in denial about how much he cares about them until Crooked Kingdom; he spends his time deliberately being cruel and pushing people away even as he proves over and over again that he doesn't actually want them to leave him. This casual assholery hits those closest to him (Inej and Jesper) the hardest because they are clearly trusted with his life but not with his heart, and that hurts them both.
For Inej, resolving that behavior looks like giving him an ultimatum ("I will have you without armor or I will not have you at all") and telling herself to walk away unless he meets her challenge. For Jesper? That looks like duking it out on top of the Geldrenner when they're both at rock bottom, because of course that's the only way either one of those boys is ever going to verbalize the tension that underlies their relationship. There's just a lot of baggage and mutual toxicity and unsaid words that neither of them are very interested in dealing with until everything comes to a head during the Clocktower fight.
I think we also forget that the Kaz-Jesper dynamic we see in the majority of the duology is not their normal dynamic: it's how they interact when Kaz is mad at Jesper. And a mad Kaz is, within the scope of canon, a pretty cruel Kaz, which is something that I think a good portion of the fandom likes to handwave away in favor of pointing towards Kaz's active attempts to be better in the back half of the duology.
Ultimately we only see the "normal" Kaz-Jesper dynamic for the first 12 or so chapters of Six of Crows (when the Dock Fight/Eyeball Incident happens) and the last few chapters of Crooked Kingdom. Those chapters are a really interesting look into what that relationship looks like when they're on good terms. It's clear that they're good friends, trust each other a hell of a lot, and joke around with each other quite a bit (the "saves ammo" joke in the parley chapter, their interactions during the Hellgate breakout, the "man with a knife!" "man with a gun!" exchange immediately after Kaz throws Oomen overboard, etc), but we also see the stress points: Jesper getting mad at Kaz for not telling him about Big Bolliger's betrayal, Kaz sending Wylan with Jesper during the prep chapters to keep an eye on him, and Jesper's bee and honey conversation with Inej on the Ferolind, for example.
These stress points are what fracture and crack in the aftermath of Jesper accidentally alerting the other gangs that they were headed out on the Ice Court Job and nearly causing Inej's death, and further buckle under the stress and pressure that Kaz and Jesper deal with during the following month and a half: the Ice Court job, Van Eck kidnapping Inej on Vellgeluk, Colm showing up in Ketterdam, and the Sugar Silo/Auction scheme.
In this way, I think Kaz enabling Jesper's gambling addiction is less about Kaz being actively cruel towards someone he sees the ghost of his brother in and punishing Jesper for the sins he percieves Jordie to have made (which is also true, and a meta for a different time!) and more about the weird balance of toxic mutual leniency Kaz and Jesper have allowed the other to provide for them for over two years...and how that leniency breaks down once it's not just Kaz's life or time on the line when Jesper fucks up.
Put more succinctly: for a long time, Kaz and Jesper existed in a toxic balance of enabling each others' worst impulses and behaviors, which was only able to be verbally addressed when they were both at rock bottom, desperate, and seemingly had very little left to lose. This conflict is somewhat addressed and resolved in the conversation where Kaz refuses to give Jesper the last of the parem and offers up a tiny bit of information about Jordie—showcasing his own growth and how he's finally trying to break the cycle by refusing to enable Jesper's self-destructive tendencies—but that level of tension is unable to be properly resolved in one single blowout argument. And I think it's deliberately left a bit unfinished because neither of them are really in a place where they're ready to address everything they've left unsaid for so long, even in the epilogue chapters.
However, we do see the beginnings of that reconcilitaion (Kaz asking Inej to tell Jesper that he's "missed around the Slat") and the story ends on a hopeful note regarding Kaz's commitment to removing his armor, which implies a lot about the resolution of that dangling thread. And of course, we know that by Rule of Wolves they're back to being thick as thieves and fucking around as usual, so clearly they hashed it out at some point in the in-between (and personally? I don't think it took either of them very long after the CK epilogue chapters to do that hashing out).
tl;dr: I love it when two traumatized and emotionally constipated teenage boys use each other to avoid facing their own personal problems and then get into a fistfight to avoid talking about how much they care about each other. Top-tier dynamic. Chef's kiss. I could talk about them for hours.
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Sorry if you’ve already put this somewhere and I didn’t see, but what’re your favourite ships?? :3
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Women
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