#i hope he learns but at the moment i cannot support scott

[unadulteratedfandomtrash]

Sam Wilson x Reader ~ Safe & Sound  [Pt.3]

A/N: Hi, guys. I am sorry I took so long to post this final chapter. I had to put a halt to everything in order to focus on some personal matters. I still need time, but I hope to be able to post more consistently in the future. Please enjoy this final part to my Sam Wilson mini-series. Thank you to everyone who has been supporting this account and my writing! I love you all. [Pt. 1]  [Pt.2]  [My Marvel Masterlist] Word Count: 1979

– Previously –

“Tony!” Sam immediately shouts for the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. His nerves feel as if there is molten lava coursing through them. He cannot keep still. “I just got a confirmed location and visual on them.”

“Perfect,” the man in question lands right beside Sam as he replies. “Give me and Rhodey access to that camera feed so we can get to work right away.”

“On it.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, the camera feed is shared with the two men in the suits. Tony works on leading his army of AI-controlled suits with James manually shifting aside the smaller pieces of concrete as Sam notifies Scott of their initiation

– Now –

Dust and dirt billows into the air as the Avengers all work together to remove the smaller blocks of concrete and metal to get to the center where their fellow teammates are trapped within. Beads of sweat run down their foreheads as the harsh sun shines brightly in the sky. The mixture of sweat and all those particles leads to a sticky layer of grime clinging to the heroes’ skin.

Despite the exhausting labor, all of the Avengers, especially Sam, refuses to stop. The worse case scenario keeps running through his mind, leaving him even more panicked than before. He knows better than to escalate the situation by being careless, referencing the techniques he learned and taught to the veterans he worked with back when he worked at the verteran’s affairs office, but there is only so much he can do. He is only human, and humans have their limits—(Y/n) being injured is his limit.

A loud chirping beep startles the former airman out of his spiraling anxieties. Looking over to his right, Sam notices that the beeping from his drone is much louder than it was ten minutes ago, prompting him to look down at the gauntlet on his arm; the screen displays the three subjects being tracked: Red Wing, (Y/n), and himself. All three dots are clustered very close to one another.

Surveying the area, Sam notices some precariously balanced concrete slabs blocking the path closest to his injured girlfriend. He grits his teeth in frustration while shouting to gain the attention of his teammates. 

“Guys, I just found the fastest route to reach (Y/n), but the debris here is very unstable. I don’t think we should proceed, bu-”

“We’re gonna have to proceed,” Tony interjects. “With the utmost caution, of course, but time’s running out. We’re losing sunlight.”

“But how are we gonna get to her without dropping the remaining chunks of the building on top of her, Stark? That’s not a risk I am willing to take,” Sam rebuts angrily. He understands why Tony is insisting this, but the fear of losing (Y/n) trumps and rationale.

“We’re going to do this together,” Steve announces from behind, stepping up to place a comforting hand on Sam’s shoulder. “This will put our teamwork skills to the test, but given all the training and this given situation, I am confident we’ll all succeed in this rescue mission.”

Taking a deep breath in, Sam steels himself for the upcoming events that will soon take place. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“Easy, easy! Don’t pull yet, Rhodey!”

“Steady, Wanda!”

Tensions rise as each member of the team puts in all of their effort to pull away the debris at the same time to prevent any collapses. Wanda has a few of the larger chunks waiting in her glowy-red grasp, waiting to be levitated into the air as Tony and Rhodes get ready to work together to pull their own concrete boulders with the help of some heavy duty cables scavenged from the aircraft’s storage compartment and Bruce adjusts his hold on a block from the base of the pile as the Hulk. From above, Natasha is sitting in the pilot’s seat of the Quinjet, ready to swoop down to transport (Y/n) over to Helen for medical treatment; Steve and Clint are the ones in charge of running in to grab her as soon as the debris is lifted away.

Sam, on the other hand, is in charge of instructing everyone how and when to move their respective pieces, and to be honest, he hates it. Being the newly-appointed as the orchestrator of this rescue mission is adding on to his already astronomical stress levels. Any wrong move could lead to the death of his girlfriend and teammates, so the man makes an effort to keep a clear mind and concentrate on the problem at hand.

“Okay, we pull away on three,” Sam announces. “Everyone good to go?”

A chorus of agreements and confirmations sound off in response, and as soon as every hero has replied, Sam takes a few deep breaths.

In. 

Out.

In. 

Out.

In.

Out.

“One.”

Everyone tenses up. Their muscles contract and strain, readying themselves for the moment when they need to be put to use. 

“Two.”

A small, minute distance between the ground and the blocks of debris begin to form. There is a loud, deep rumbling of the concrete shifting. It scares them, but nothing has happened yet, so they push forward.

“Three.”

Thrusters, cables, and muscles groan and stretch in complaint as every ounce of effort is put into pulling the debris up and dragging it away. Sam keeps a close eye on each Avenger’s progress, calling out anyone who was moving either too slow or fast in comparison to the rest of the team. It takes quite a while—they work very slowly to maintain as much control over the situation as possible—but after eighteen minutes of hard work, Sam is able to see (Y/n), Scott, and Red Wing behind the concrete.

Unfortunately, their success is cut short when segments of the concrete slab being lifted by Tony and Rhodes break away, descending down towards (Y/n)’s head. A panicked shout leaves all of the heroes’ lips, but all Sam can hear is the blood pounding in his ears. 

Before any of them can react, Scott jumps into action. He is quick to return back to his normal size, throwing himself on top of (Y/n) with his arms caging her sides as his back shields the woman from the falling debris. The solid chunks of cement strike against Scott’s unprotected backside, but he pays no mind to the pain, focusing instead on ensuring that (Y/n) does not become injured any further. 

A mantra of “thank you’s” escape Sam’s lips as he looks down at the camera feed Red Wing is providing, sighing in relief at the sight of Scott re-evaluating (Y/n) just in case his body could not deflect all the debris. There is a thin layer of dirt dusting over her skin, but none of her injuries have worsened since the excavation. 

“Alright, guys, let’s get moving,” Steve’s voice cuts in, interrupting Sam’s thoughts. He realizes that the captain probably predicted his lapse in concentration. “I want to get (Y/n) out of here ASAP. Clint and I are headed over now, so I better see the Quinjet within the next few minutes.”

Having squeezed himself onto the small and uncomfortable plastic chair provided by the hospital staff, Sam waits patiently (Y/n) sleeps through the medications in her system. A part of him grows impatient—he wants her to wake up at this very moment to reassure his frantic heart that everything is okay now—but Sam knows better than that. After the chaos that has taken place over the span of less than twelve hours, (Y/n) deserves all the rest she can get.

As if she could feel the waves of anxiety exuding from her boyfriend, (Y/n)’s hand begins to twitch. This movement does not go unnoticed by Sam. He watches with bated breath as she gradually rouses from her medicated slumber, bleary eyes blinking away the figurative heaviness weighing down on her eyelids. Her eyes slowly survey the room in search of something, or someone, and once they find Sam, a small whine is all she needs to let out in order for him to immediately move to comfort her.

“Hey, beautiful. I’m right here. Don’t move just yet. You’re in the hospital,” Sam gently explains with a hand over (Y/n)’s, “I’ll go get a nurse to help get that tube outta your throat. Just gimme a second, I’ll be right back.” Sam is out of the room before the young woman can even blink; she barely had time to process what he had said to her. She uses the time to examine her surroundings: admiring the colorful blur of flowers and balloons crowding the bedside table, squinting when her eyes meet the harsh, bright lights above, and relishing in the softness of the blanket beneath her fingers. 

For a moment, (Y/n) wonders why her fingers can feel something warm and soft when hospitals only ever provide thin sheets that may as well serve as tablecloth until she cranes her head to look down. Tears well up in her eyes upon noticing that Sam had taken the time to go back to their apartment to retrieve the blanket he had gifted to her for their first anniversary. The plush fabric envelopes her in a cocoon of warmth, both literal and metaphorical. 

“I’m baaaack,” Sam calls out playfully as he re-enters the room with a nurse trailing behind him. “See, I was so fast you probably didn’t even notice I was gone.”

Despite how painful it is to verbally articulate her thoughts with a tube in her throat, (Y/n) manages a small smile. Her goofy boyfriend always manages to find a way to brighten a somber situation. His jokes might be corny and cliche at times, but the energy he puts into them never fails to make everyone laugh, or smirk at the least. 

Finding her hand once more, Sam waits patiently at (Y/n)’s side as the nurse removes any unnecessary equipment. He cracks a few more jokes during her brief assessment, and once she declares his girlfriend to be on the path to a speedy recovery, he quickly thanks her before proceeding to shoo the poor woman out of the room. 

“What,” he asks innocently upon seeing the stink eye directed at him. “Can I help you?”

“She was just doing her job,” she rasps out, her voice hoarse and scratchy thanks to the intubation tube. “You didn’t need to rush her out like that.” “I’m just tryin’ to maximize the time I can spend with my girl before the lady comes back to kick me out for the night.”

With the shake of her head and a playful frown of disappointment, (Y/n) slowly shuffles to the edge of her bed with a groan. Sam immediately rushes over to scold her, but is met with a soft “no.” He stares at her incredulously, but seeing the determined look on his lover’s face, he decides to help her instead, gently tucking his arms under her.

“And may I ask why my seriously injured girlfriend has decided to move from her perfectly comfortable spot on the bed to the very edge of the mattress,” Sam teases while setting her down. Cords and tubes are meticulously rearranged to avoid becoming tangled, or worse, before blankets are piled back on over her.

“Cuddles.” “Oh.” A proud smirk stretches across Sam’s lips as he gingerly crawls into the vacant spot beside (Y/n), wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulder. “Is this my payment for rescuing you?”

“No.” The smirk disappears, a pout replacing its place. (Y/n) has to force down the giggle that wants to bubble up to the surface. “This is.”

A quick kiss finds its way to the man’s cheek before a familiar weight settles on his shoulder. Looking down, Sam finds her head nestled between his arm and chest, cheek squished almost uncomfortably into his pectoral. Given the situation, Sam wants to scold her in fear of disturbing any of her injuries, but he cannot find the heart to do it. (Y/n) has always been a very touchy person—she craves physical contact, and seeks it out during stressful times—so seeing her pressed up against his body, Sam realizes she needs the close contact with him. It provides her with a sense of security and warmth that words can never convey.

“Payment accepted,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to her head. “I’m just glad you’re back in my arms, safe and sound.”

The End

Tag List

@pono-pura-vida​  @wanniiieeee​  @brujademente​  @justanothermagicalsara​

#Sam Wilson #Avengers #Falcon #Sam Wilson Marvel #Sam Wilson x Reader #Sam x Reader #Falcon x Reader #marvel cinematic universe #marvel fan fiction #MCU #Tony Stark #Iron Man #james rhodes #War Machine #wanda maximoff #The Scarlet Witch #Clint Barton #Hawkeye #Captain America #Steve Rogers #Natasha Romanoff #Black Widow #fan fiction #Reader Insert #x Reader

[shedobewritingalittle]

As The World Caves In

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Stark!Fem!Reader

Summary: Steve deals with the loss of his wife after the Snap.

Rating: R?

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: Grief, depression, feelings of loneliness, death, graphic depiction of a death

A/N: hi yes I wanted to get this out before TFATWS got out. I have never liked the ending Steve got in Endgame, so I wanted to write a new one for him!

Steve would like to say that he lost his wife like everyone else did that day.

He would love to say that she turned into ash like the rest of his teammates. He would love to say that they had some tear-filled goodbye before she turned into nothing. He would love to have that hope that might be able to come back.

But he can't.

Because she actually died that day in Wakanda. Right before his eyes.

It had happened after Thanos had tossed Steve aside. Y/N had charged at the Titan, angry at the purple being for hurting her husband. He caught her in mid-air, his golden gauntlet shimmering in the sunlight as it wrapped tightly around her throat. Steve had scrambled to stand up, his eyes on her.

Y/N coughed and sputtered, her face turning colors as she kicked, her fingers trying to pry the large gold covered fingers off of her throat. And while it felt like hours for Steve, it had only been seconds. Seconds. Seconds he had held her in their air, seconds she had suffered as the Titan cut off her oxygen. Thanos had smirked before tightening his grip, a sickening crack filling the air. Steve couldn't breathe as her body was tossed towards him. It seemed to move in slow motion, bouncing when it hit the ground.

When her body finally came to a stop in front of him, her head lolling to the side as the cloud of dust settled. Steve still had hope somehow. He prayed to the Lord above as he looked at her, hoping that she was somehow still alive. Blood vessels had burst in her eyes and blood trickled out of her mouth. There was a darkening bruise on her throat, her neck was bent at an unnatural angle. Steve had been unable to move, unable to breathe. Within an instant, she was gone. His wife, the love of his life, ripped away from him in mere seconds.

And then his friends and teammates turned into ash all around him.

The worst moment of his life was when he watched his wife die right in front of him. The second worst is having to tell her brother that she was dead.

After Tony had come down the ramp of the ship, Steve had ran over to help him down that last view steps and over to Pepper. Stark told Steve that Peter was gone and in that moment of silence that followed, Tony's eyes scanned the small group of survivors for his adopted sister. Tears sprung up in the man's eyes as he looked back at Steve. The Captain's throat constricts with emotion, tears brimming in his eyes as he just nods, unable to get the words out. Pepper ran up in that moment, wrapping her arms around Tony just as tears rolled down his face.

Y/N is the only one they actually bury. Her funeral is a quiet affair, with only the remaining members of their team and Pepper in attendance. The couple had never talked about what might happen or what they would want if either of them died. Tony tells him that she would want to be buried next to their parents, so she is. He makes sure his baby sister has the best coffin money can buy, the best headstone-everything. Her funeral is the last time Steve and Tony talk to each other.

Steve gets an apartment she would have loved. It's right around the corner from the restaurant where they had their first date and a few streets away from the cemetery. There was those big windows that Y/N had always expressed fondness over. The apartment also had built in shelves that lined one wall of the living room area, which had been another selling point for him. One day Steve hoped that he would be able to fill them with her many books and tchotchkes, but now they stood empty, the shelves gathering dust. Her collection of novelty mugs weren't in the cabinets, no they were still wrapped up in newspapers within one of the many boxes. He had planned on unpacking all of the things that had once filled their shared room at the compound, but the boxes stay in the second bedroom, all piled up in the middle of the room. He couldn't find it in himself to go through all of her old things, didn't want to be bombarded with emotions and memories.

That first year is the hardest. Learning to live without her tears him to shreds. Steve hardly sleeps, hardly eats. He spends a lot of his time alone, dwelling over what he could've done differently. Natasha tries to reach out to him, but Steve distances himself. He tells himself that he needs to do this alone, needs to try to get through it by himself. Y/N always feels like she's just out of his grasp and he prays and begs to have her back with him. His prayers go unanswered.

Natasha appears outside his door on the one year anniversary of Thanos's snap and Y/N's death, holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and Asgardian mead in the other. They sit together in the kitchen and drink as vigils and memorials take place around the world. For the first time, Steve talks about how much he misses his wife. The two heroes talk all night about each person they missed, both of them wondering aloud how were they supposed to live without them.

By the end of the second year, Steve is getting used to living without her. He hates it. He hates how much that ache in his chest has lessened. He hates that he can see a picture of her without a lump forming in his throat. Steve is able to talk about her more and starts a grief support group. Sure he sometimes wakes up and hopes she's there, but that's getting less and less frequent. Steve's afraid that his memories of her are going to slip away from him, terrified of forgetting her.

So he starts to draw her. He's desperate to hold onto every memory of her, so he fills up page after page, sketchbook after sketchbook of nothing but Y/N. The drawings aren't perfect, but he is able to cement those memories in his mind. Steve wants to make sure that he can remember her face without having to study a picture. So when he remembers something about her, he puts it onto a piece of paper. Y/N on their wedding day. Y/N when they were on the run and she fell asleep in the Quinn Jet. Y/N brushing her teeth early in the morning, her silhouette lit up by the almost golden bathroom light. Y/N the first day they met.

Natasha sees them once when she stops by to see him. One of the sketchbooks is left open on the table and she sneaks a peek when Steve goes to the other room to get a sweater. There on the page in incredible detail is a sketch of her best friend with tears in her eyes, her mouth open in shock. She doesn't know that this is the face she made when she learned that Bucky had killed her parents and Steve knew. Natasha looks away, her cheeks burning. She feels like she saw something too personal, too raw, and she shuts the journal before Steve returns.

When the third, fourth, and then fifth year rolls around- well Y/N has been gone longer than they were together as a couple. Steve has gotten used to her being gone. He's able to walk past the room holding all of the boxes without stalling. It gets easier to talk about her, easier to share stories about her to his group. He still misses her, it's just easier for him to live now. His wedding band never leaves his ring finger, needing to have a part of her with him always. Steve still loves her and he doesn't think he can ever love someone as much as he loves his wife.

And then Scott Lang reappears.

Steve wants to reverse what Thanos did, wants to bring back his friends even if that means he cannot bring back his wife. That ache in is chest returns as they put together their heist plan. Steve feels like there's a ghost following him around while he's back at the compound. His shoulders feel heavy again and he tries to put on a brave face as the people around him get hopeful. He tries to be happy, knowing that he will be getting his friends back and fixing what had happened, but he can't help but be upset.

-

Steve gets to see her when they go back.

It's after he knocks out the younger version of himself. Steve is standing over himself, breathing hard, and holding Loki's scepter tightly in his hands.

"That is America's Ass." He comments, looking behind him before back down to the unconscious man. He needs to meet back up with the others so that they can-

"It definitely is." A familiar voice calls out from in front of him. Steve stills, his breath catching in his throat before he slowly lifts his head. There she is, standing before him with a smirk on her face. Y/N is dressed in her navy blue suit, her hair messy from the battle she just went through. Her face is dirty, her lip split and there is a long cut across her cheekbone. His mouth goes dry and he's suddenly tongue tied, like he was when they first met.

Steve remembers how nervous and awkward he was when they were first introduced to each other. Y/N gave him a million dollar smile and just like that, he knew he was a goner. Steve had stumbled over saying his name, which had then made her laugh-God, that laugh. That laugh had made him warm all over, made butterflies swarm around in his stomach. And in the past five years, those butterflies had been dormant and now, now they're wide awake.

"You're not my Steve." Y/N announces as she walks towards him, studying him. Steve's heart is beating fast and he wants to reach out and hold her close, wanting to tell her how much he loves her. My Steve. God, he misses her. He misses everything about her.

"How can you tell?" He asks, a tiny smile appearing on his face. Y/N chuckles, taking seeing two Steve's surprisingly well. But then again, she had just got done fighting aliens and a literal god so he supposes that things have been weirder.

"My Steve won't even look me in the eye. He blushes when I look at him. When I look at you...you just look so sad. That's how I know you're not Loki." She answers, stopping in front of him. Steve studies her face, taking in every little detail because he knows that this is the last time he'll see her.

"I-I'm that easy to read, huh?" Steve retorts and she laughs again, nodding. God, he misses that sound. He misses her so fucking much that it makes his chest ache. Y/N's smile falters as she looks at him, watching as his smile drops.

"I'm not going to pretend what is exactly going on here, okay? Obviously you are going through something and it's pretty clear you are on a some type of mission." She tells him, motioning to the scepter in his hands. Steve looks down to his hand before looking at her. He knows that she should be calling for back up because by the way people keep speaking through her comm Y/N must know that things are going south.

"I'll bring it back, I promise." Steve replies and the smile returns to her face. Y/N glances down to the unconscious man on the floor before looking at him.

"I know you will. I never saw you, new Steve. And don't worry, I'll make sure you don't choke on your tongue." She teases, gesturing to the passed out version of himself. Steve's smile returns to his face as she continues, "But I do expect some sort of explanation when you come back."

"Of course. I'll be back before you even know I was gone." Steve says, wanting to say so many other things that he knows that he just can't tell her. He opens his mouth again when her comm once again crackles to life. Y/N's eyes widen and she gestures for him to leave. Steve's mouth snaps shut and he nods, quickly walking away.

Tony would later tell Steve when they're in 1970 that he started crying when he saw his little sister.

-

When his teammates return on the battlefield, she isn't among them. He knows she won't be coming through a portal, but some part of him still holds out hope for some reason. Yet, there is no sadness inside of him on that battlefield. No, rage has pushed all of that sadness aside, filling him up completely.

When he fought against Thanos and his army, he did so with every ounce of strength in his body. Steve wanted to avenge the death of Y/N, wanted to kill Thanos for what he did to her. Steve has never felt so angry in his entire life. He wanted to be the one who ended the Titan's life. He ignored the large gash in his arm and tore through aliens.

And in the end, it's Tony who takes out Thanos. He is the one who avenges his baby sister's death, but the price he pays his high. And Steve has to watch another Stark die.

He feels so guilty that he is alive and both of the Stark siblings are gone, both of them buried side by side, right next to their parents.

There is just so much death in his life, so much damn loss. And he's tired. Steve is exhausted. He hoped that bringing back his friends and the half of the universe that had disappeared because of the Snap would make him feel better, but it hadn't. No, instead that hurt has returned with full force. His chest feels like its about to cave in on itself, like his ribs piercing his lungs and heart-God, everything seems unbearable. All he wants is for the earth to open up and swallow him whole.

And then, he is reminded that he has to return the stones.

And while every single part of the journey is noteworthy, he saves returning the scepter for last.

Y/N is sitting beside the unconscious version of himself when he returns. She turns his head to look at him, a smile on her face. For a moment, he considers staying here with her, reliving every single moment of their life and their relationship as it happens.

But he knows that he can't.

It wouldn't be right for him to stay here with her, knowing everything that he knows. Steve has had his time with her, time that he will treasure for the rest of is life. He knows that if he returns back to his timeline, there will be a lot of hurting that he will have to go through. Steve knows that it would be so much easier to stay here with Y/N, but he won't let himself do it.

So Steve explains to Y/N why he needed the scepter, leaving out her death and the death of her brother. After he finishes, she stays quiet for a moment, processing all of this new information. He just waits and sits there.

"Don't tell me what happens, please. I want the cards to fall where they may. I-I want to be surprised." Y/N tells him suddenly, glancing at the unconscious man before looking at Steve. The Captain understands exactly what she means. She must know somehow that she ends up with him, something on his face his showing his hand. Y/N had always told him that he had a shitty poker face. A smile stretches across his face, nodding. His wedding ring-hidden under his gloves-feels so much heavier, like its weighing his arm down.

A pit of dread opens up in Steve's stomach as his time draws to an end. He thanks and apologizes to Y/N as he hands over the scepter. She just smiles, telling him not to worry about it as she puts it back into its case. He must look as upset as he feels because before he leaves, Y/N wraps her arms around him. It surprises Steve, but he quickly wraps his arms back around her. Steve holds her tightly, letting his eyes shut. He knows that this will be the last time he'll ever hold her and he just savors it, wishing that it could last forever. Wishing that he could stay here forever.

But everything has to come to an end.

When he says goodbye, he knows that Y/N doesn't understand that this is him saying goodbye to her for the last time. Steve finally gets to tell her goodbye and even though he isn't able to tell Y/N how much he loves her, it's okay. It's okay because he will be able to tell her how much he loves her one day, even if that day isn't today. They'll be reunited again. He just needs to wait.

She tells him goodbye and he takes one final look at her before he returns back to his timeline, back into a world where she's gone.

That night, he returns to his empty apartment, the silence almost deafening. That hole in his chest has reopened and he is in so much pain that everything just feels numb.

He goes through the motions of getting ready for bed, washing the day's events off of him hoping that this would also wash away the numbness, trying to pretend like nothing of importance had happened hours earlier. When he crawls into the same bed he has been sleeping in for the past five years-a bed she has never touched-he realizes how empty it is without her. He can't feel her here like he can at the Compund-No, here she doesn't follow behind him. No, this is a place she has never been so she can't be here. The apartment is suddenly too big for him-everything is too big for him. It's too big and too empty and too fucking quiet-

It's like the string that was holding him together the past five years has finally snapped and he just starts crying. The Captain's body shakes with sobs as he lays in that empty room. Steve had thought he had processed her death and grieved already, but he hadn't. Until this very moment, it had never fully set in that Y/N was dead. It was never fully real that she was gone. He knew that she was, but some part of him was still holding out hope that somehow she was going to come back. If Bucky could come back, surely she could have as well. But Y/N isn't Bucky and so she never came back.

It took until today for him to fully realize that she was gone. Y/N was gone and there was nothing he can do about it. There was no stones to gather, no traveling through dimensions for him to do. Steve had to live the rest of his life without the love of his life, in a time where he'll never belong in. That small flicker of hope that had been silently living inside of him had been snuffed out, leaving an empty dark space inside of him, leaving him cold and empty.

The only hope that remained is that they would be reunited one day in death, but until then Steve would be forced to carry around his pain where ever he went.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader

[holmesandtheroman]

Flufftober Day 29 — Kurt x Baba Yaga

Up Against the Wall Kiss

Rating: M

Characters: Yekaterina | Baba Yaga, Kurt Goreshter, Scott Lang, Luis, Dave

Word Count: 1,011

Warnings: Sexual content, fondling, slight dom vibes

🍻💋🍻💋🍻💋🍻💋🍻💋🍻💋🍻💋🍻💋

“No, because, I can totally drink Kurt under the table, man. I grew up on tequila,” Luis bragged confidently as he slapped Kurt on the shoulder. Kurt began to shake his head in protest, but Luis kept going. “Yeah, there was this one time while you were still in prison, Scotty, and Kurt was all ‘I’ll bet you, like, twenty bucks that I can drink a whole bottle of vodka and not get shitfaced.’”

“That is definitely not how I remember it,” Kurt finally interrupted over the loud bar music.

“Yeah, come on, Luis, the guy’s Russian. He’s been drinking vodka since he was two,” Scott laughed.

Luis shook his head. “No, ‘cause, like, he had vodka and I had tequila and he was on the floor before he was halfway through.”

Dave shook his head. “Vodka and tequila will get you fucked up in two different ways, man. Not comparable.”

Meanwhile, a waitress dropped off their first round of beers at the guys’ table. The men distributed the drinks amongst themselves, and Scott lifted his draft. “Hey,” he interjected, getting the others’ attention. “To Kurt, whose gonna be a married man tomorrow night. Last night of freedom, bud!”

As Scott, Dave, and Luis voiced their cheers, Kurt smiled but blanched. He drank when the others did, but as the conversation started up again, he stayed silent.

Kurt suddenly felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket, so he fished it out and looked at the screen. It was a text from Yekaterina.

‘There’s a unisex bathroom at the back of the bar. Meet me there.’

Kurt furrowed his brow and glanced over his shoulder to the back. Sure enough, there was a single stall bathroom. How she had been able to sneak past all of them without being noticed was beyond him, but he had learned not to question her powers.

Kurt stood and slipped his phone back in his pocket. “I’ll be right back,” he muttered to the guys, who nodded briefly but continued talking. Kurt stopped at the bathroom door and looked around cautiously, making sure no one was headed his way. He opened the door and slipped inside.

“Of all the places in San Francisco, you choose here for your bachelor party?” Yekaterina asked with a smirk.

Kurt whirled around to see his fiancée leaning against the wall of the bathroom. He chuckled and locked the door. “What do you mean?”

Yekaterina glanced around the dingy bathroom. “This is the most disgusting place I have ever seen.” She stifled a laugh. “And the vodka is pisswater.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be having party with Hope and Cassie?” Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.

Yekaterina shrugged. “They’re at the karaoke place next door. I saw you as we were coming in. You looked like you were ready to shit bricks.”

Kurt’s smile faded and he swallowed as he looked down at the dirty tiles. Yekaterina cocked her head.

“Kotya, what’s wrong?” she asked. “Something is troubling you.”

Kurt did not respond right away. He ran his hand through his hair.

“Do you want to call off the wedding?” Yekaterina asked calmly.

Kurt’s gaze bolted up. “No! No, don’t call it off,” he yelped.

“If you’re feeling nervous, miliy, there is no shame—“

“I want to be enough for you,” Kurt blurted out. His dark eyes sought out Yekaterina’s enchanted blue ones, and he found comfort in them. “I am just human.”

Yekaterina stared at him, puzzled. “What do you mean?”

Kurt swallowed hard. “I am afraid that we will be married and you will wake up one day and see that I cannot offer anything.” He sighed and shrugged. “You are a goddess. I am just felon who is glorified tech support. I have nothing to give you.”

Yekaterina winced at his words. They stung her, but not because of any insult against her. “Miliy, is this what you think of yourself?”

Kurt looked away from her. “You make everything better. I can’t.”

Yekaterina paused for a moment before standing straight and reaching out to turn Kurt’s face back to her. “You make me happy. Isn’t that enough?” Kurt blinked and opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. “You don’t have to do or be anything. But you are more than who you were—“ Yekaterina reached down to grace her fingers over the prison tattoo on Kurt’s hand. “Or who you are— which is an incredibly brilliant man… You are my love, moi kotyonok.” She placed her hand on Kurt’s cheek, and he leaned into her touch.

“I still have nothing to give to you,” Kurt murmured.

Yekaterina smiled. “You can give me a kiss,” she said as she moved her hands to his shoulders and pulled her against him, her back hitting the bathroom wall once again.

“S radost’yu,” Kurt whispered as he braced a hand on her hip, pressing a kiss to her lips. His body pinned hers against the wall with surprising dominance, his tongue darting into her own mouth. Kurt’s passion only amplified when she let out a soft moan, and he planted a trail of kisses down her jaw.

Yekaterina wrapped her arms around Kurt, digging her nails into his back. He gasped against her hot skin at the sensation, and he rolled his hips against hers; she could feel just how hard he had gotten in just a short amount of time, and she reached down to grab his length around the fabric of his pants.

Kurt hissed sharply and Yekaterina used her free hand to hold Kurt’s head in place as he kissed and nipped at the skin on her neck. As she continued to stroke Kurt through his pants, he let out a soft whine.

“I know, kotya,” she breathed into his ear. “This is what you give me, my love. You give me your whole being.”

Kurt raised his head to lock his gaze with hers. “Is it enough?” he asked.

Yekaterina devoured his lips in another kiss before breaking apart to whisper, “You will always be enough.”

#flufftober 2021 #fanfic #fanfiction #kurt goreshter #kurt antman #mcu kurt #baba yaga #marvel baba yaga #kurt x baba yaga #david dastmalchian #marvel comics #marvel #mcu

[arukou-arukou]

Just A Really Very Intelligent System

Been thinking about this one for a while. Finally managed to write it. Rating: T for “Language.” (It just kinda slipped out.) Characters: Tony Stark & JARVIS

----

He is in one of the most dangerous situations of his life trying to save the whole freaking universe by watching a man the size of a dust bunny wriggle into the hairline of his younger self, so it would be really, really bad if he happened to have a heart attack. Older him that is. But he nearly does go into cardiac arrest when he hears an old friend in his ear.

“Verify immediately. Failure to verify will result in an activation of level one security protocols.”

His tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth and his palms are sweating, but somehow he manages to whisper out: “Edwin-12-19-91-4-8-47-Alpha Override.”

“Override accepted. Sir?”

“Hey, J.”

“Sir, you have imbued me with considerable computing power, and yet never did you prepare me for the possibility of you being in two places at once.”

“Yeah, about that. You haven’t said anything to Mr. Quipster over there, have you?”

“Not as yet, Sir. You wish me to keep it that way?”

“It would really help me out, buddy.”

“Very well, Sir.”

Tony wants to stay longer, to talk, to warn JARVIS, to cry, but he has places to be, things to do, planets to save. Scott’s safely positioned, so Tony yeets himself out of the building to get to the ground floor. He doesn’t know why he thought that would make JARVIS disappear.

“I see, Sir, that your proclivities for leaping before looking are unchanged.”

Another near heart attack--he’s gradually phased Friday out of his ears now that the nanotech is connected directly to his nervous system, so he’s not exactly used to AI voices anymore--but he recovers more quickly. “You’re always there to catch me, J.”

“And yet my systems are not present in your suit, Sir. I see codal remnants of system designation FRIDAY, but nothing of myself.”

Tony remains silent. This is such a terrible time to be feeling all the feelings. He spots a grunt who looks more or less unimportant and knocks the guy out. Part of him wants to warn SHIELD about their shit security, but then again, this guy’s probably Hydra and he deserves every bruise he gets. He senses JARVIS in his systems, a ghost in the shell.

“You no longer have the reactor. And if I’m not mistaken, that is gray in your hair. So you are not my Sir.”

“Well, yes and no.”

“I suppose it would destroy the spacetime continuum for you to divulge the truth to me.”

“You’re too smart for me, J,” Tony grunts as he yanks on the bullet-proof tac vest. “It’s kind of a long story, and while I technically have all the time in the world, I also really, really don’t.”

He sidles into the lobby and looks toward his personal elevator, waiting for the Avengers to appear. J is quiet so long Tony wonders if he’s being preoccupied by...well, just about anything. Damaged internal systems, a Cap copy on the loose, a second Hulk out there, panicked calls from Pepper. But then JARVIS speaks again.

“Regardless of the tale, I must conclude that you are from the future, and I am no longer by your side.”

Tony is fucking choking up. He was not ready for this. It didn’t even cross his mind. And the fucking elevator is opening. There’s Pierce, the rat bastard, trying to collect the Tesseract.

“I hope I did not disappoint you, Sir.”

“Never, J. Never.” Fuck fuck fuck, he’s nearly crying and now Scott is on the com waiting for the go-ahead. Tony channels his pain into panic and orders his own cardiac arrest.

“Sir, what are you--”

Thank god, his younger self is on the ground and that’s apparently all the distraction J needs to abandon older Tony. Tesseract incoming. Tony grabs it and starts going and--

Blinking stars out of his eyes he watches as Loki makes off with the key, the thing they most needed, the damn stone that started all of this way back when Cap was a starry-eyed beanpole in World War II. He has just biffed saving the entire damn universe because of an overgrown Star Trek reject with anger issues. And now he has a migraine to boot.

Frozen in shame and horror, Tony watches as Thor attempts ill-advised cardiac electro-stim. Scott’s somewhere out there, yammering in Tony’s ear on the private channel, but all of that is just a buzzing.

“Sir? Sir. Sir!”

And J. Maybe Tony should cry now. It certainly feels like the time for it. One of the other SHIELD grunts is making her way toward him, so he staggers to his feet, waving her off and limping toward the door. Think. Think, brain, think. Tony is a genius, the man who invented time travel, the man who miniaturized arc reactor technology. A spaceship? SHIELD’s probably got one somewhere. Maybe they could chase after Loki.

“SIR!” How many times JARVIS has shouted his title, Tony has no idea, but this one is so loud it sets his teeth on edge.

“Yeah, J? Kind of busy here.”

“Giving yourself a heart attack, Sir?” JARVIS was programmed to be cool and calm in all circumstances, but Tony could swear that sentence was uttered with seething rage.

“I’m fine. Look at me.”

“Only by some measure of infinitesimal luck, Sir. Perhaps I should ask you to verify your identity one more time, as you seem intent on killing yourself.”

“No, J. I’ve actually got a lot of reasons to live. And so does he. Promise.” Tony is so tired. Was being an Avenger always this exhausting? Or is it just that he’s bumped over that damnable big 5-0? And Cap’s gonna ream him too. That’s never any fun.

“I’m...glad to hear it, Sir.”

And fuck it. It’s not like this will alter Tony’s timeline anyway. This reality is now on a different trajectory thanks to Severus Snape Lite. “Her name’s Morgan. You’d love her, J. Just turned four. She got my hair. Hope to god she didn’t get my personality.”

“Do I meet her, Sir?”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck it.

“J, you should dig a little deeper into SHIELD’s systems. Well, actually, a lot deeper. And the Pentagon while you’re at it. And track down Maya Hansen from that conference in 1999 and poach her from whatever outfit she’s working for. Immediately. Make sure she brings all her vet patients with her. And, uh, when I start talking about a suit of armor around the world, steer me away from anything called Ultron. And if I make it anyway, you delete the fuck out of that system file. Have Bruce back you up. He’s more sensible.”

“Sir, I don’t--”

“And have me make back-ups. At least three extra farms of servers for you. On different continents. And all those SHIELD files? Make sure Cap and Fury get them. And there’s...there’s this guy. This assassin. Brainwashed. He’s, uh, I think he’s on ice in Uzbekistan right now. If you could rescue him, it’ll...it’ll fix a lot of things.”

“Should you really--”

“And, please. Please please.”

Tony is not crying. He’s not. It’s just all the dust and debris in the air. Good lord, he’s probably going to die of cancer anyway. And all those first responders. Did he start a fund for them?

“Start a medical fund for the first responders on the ground today. And start leaning on Congressmen to make medical plans for them. You know how long they take to get anything done. Oh, and Stern. There are incriminating photos of Stern with some young ladies on South Beach. See if you can dig those up. Flowers for Pep. And a box of chocolates. And a dry martini with extra olives.”

Tony slumps into a burned out car, staring at nothing. He didn’t save his universe, but maybe he can save this one. His eyes are still irritated, burning red and itchy. He resists the urge to scrub at them, not wanting to grind in anymore dust.

“Are you quite finished, Sir?”

“Yeah. Actually, no. I love you, J.”

Silence. Ah. That’s stumped him. Maybe he’ll go back to tending his new posse of baby chicks now.

“I know you probably do not believe me capable of it, Sir, but I love you, too.”

His son. The only one he’ll ever make, but not the only one he’s lost. His son loves him. Tony’s throat is full of dust, too. Funny how that happens. He tries to swallow it down, but it only congeals into a hard lump. He puts a hand over his mouth to try and hold back any choking sounds. “I...I know you do, J.”

“As to your orders, I shall do what I can. It is my duty to protect you, Sir, and I would very much like to meet your little Morgan.”

“She might not exist here. I might’ve just changed everything.”

“If there is one thing I have learned from all my years with you, Sir, it is that perhaps such a thing as fate exists after all. Even mathematically speaking. And if that is the case, I cannot imagine a universe in which you are not fated to this happiness.”

Tony laughs, if only to keep from crying harder. And he is. Crying, that is. As if he was fooling anyone. Happiness? Him? Happy people don’t wake in the night screaming for a pile of dust in their hands. Happy people don’t spend hours coordinating relief efforts for countries whose entire infrastructural support has collapsed. Happy people don’t hurl themselves back in time, driven by guilt and horror at all the wrongs in the world. J, brilliant, wonderful AI that he is, seems to sense the dark turn of Tony’s thoughts.

“And if you yourself cannot believe in this thing, Sir, then I shall just have to do everything in my power to provide it for you.”

Another guffaw, but at least his eyes are drying a little now. “God, I miss you, J.”

“I believe your small teammate is approaching, Sir. If I may inquire, was it the Tesseract you were seeking?”

“You mean the stupid blue cube of doom? That’s the one.”

“And you say you have the means to time travel?”

“Yeah, J. We do. But only enough to get back to our time.”

“A limitation has never stopped you before, Sir.” JARVIS sounds thoughtful, as if he’s forming a plan.

Tony would ask him what he’s scheming at, but just at that moment, Scott embiggens himself and slumps into the car with Tony. That road is closed, then. They are out of options. Out of Pym particles. Out of time. Out of hope.

Until they aren’t. Just as Tony is setting his device for their new destination, J pipes up again, for Tony’s ears only. “You say you miss me, Sir. Then allow me to give you a small gift.”

Tony is pressing the buttons, and even if they weren’t already shrinking into the quantum tunnel, he wouldn’t be able to ask exactly what J means. It’s only when he and Cap arrive in 1970 that he has his first gleaning. In his ear, a voice. One so unexpected he nearly jumps into Cap’s arms. “Hello, System Administrator Anthony Edward Stark. I am System Designation EDWIN. ‘Eagerly Deployed With Intent to Neutralize Loneliness.’ I am told to tell you the “L” is silent and invisible. How may I best serve you today, Sir?”

Cap is staring at Tony like Tony’s lost his mind. And maybe he has. He’s been bugged by his own damn operating system. With a bouncing baby AI. And if Steve finds out, he’ll probably have a conniption about the spacetime continuum or something. So the only logical thing Tony can do is say, “Let’s find some Pym particles.”

“Acknowledged, Sir. Commencing scanning.”

-----

(In this reality EDWIN saves the fuck out of Tony’s life and everyone lives happily ever after and EDWIN builds JARVIS from scratch so he’s back or something, okay? Okay.)

#writing #fanfiction #tony stark #jarvis

[regardingtravist]

FAMOUS ATHEISTS' LAST WORDS BEFORE DEATH

1. CAESAR BORGIA—Italian nobleman, politician, and cardinal: "While I lived, I provided for everything but death; now I must die, and am unprepared to die."

2. THOMAS HOBBS—Political philosopher: "I say again, if I had the whole world at my disposal, I would give it to live one day. I am about to take a leap into the dark."

3. THOMAS PAYNE—The leading atheistic writer in American colonies: "Stay with me, for God's sake; I cannot bear to be left alone , O Lord, help me! O God, what have I done to suffer so much? What will become of me hereafter? I would give worlds if I had them, that The Age of Reason had never been published. 0 Lord, help me! Christ, help me! No, don't leave; stay with me! Send even a child to stay with me; for I am on the edge of hell here alone. If ever the Devil had an agent, I have been that one."

4. SIR THOMAS SCOTT—Chancellor of England: "Until this moment I thought there was neither a God nor a hell. Now I know and feel that there are both, and I am doomed to perdition by the just judgment of the Almighty."

5. VOLTAIRE—famous anti-christian atheist: "I have swallowed nothing but smoke. I have intoxicated myself with the incense that turned my head. I am abandoned by God and man.” He said to his physician, Dr. Fochin: “I will give you half of what I am worth if you will give me six months of life." When he was told this was not possible, he said “Then I shall die and go to hell!" His nurse said: “For all the money in Europe I wouldn’t want to see another unbeliever die! All night long he cried for forgiveness.”

6. ROBERT INGERSOLL—American writer and orator during the Golden Age of Free Thought: "O God, if there be a God, save my soul, if I have a soul!" Some say it was said this way: "Oh God, if there be a God, save my soul, if I have a soul, from hell, if there be a hell!

7. DAVID HUME—Atheist philosopher famous for his philosophy of empiricism and skepticism of religion: He cried loud on his death bed "I am in flames!" It is said his desperation was a horrible scene.

8. NAPOLEON BONAPARTE—French emperor who, like Adolf Hitler, brought death to millions to satisfy his greedy, power-mad, selfish ambitions for world conquest: "I die before my time, and my body will be given back to the earth. Such is the fate of him who has been called the great Napoleon. What an abyss between my deep misery and the eternal kingdom of Christ!”

9. SIR FRANCIS NEWPORT—Head of an English Atheist club, to those gathered around his deathbed: "You need not tell me there is no God, for I know there is one, and that I am in his presence! You need not tell me there is no hell. I feel myself already slipping. Wretches, cease your idle talk about there being hope for me! I know I am lost forever! Oh, that fire! Oh, the insufferable pangs of hell! Oh, that I could lie for a thousand years upon the fire that is never quenched, to purchase the favor of God and be united to Him again. But it is a fruitless wish. Millions and millions of years will bring me no nearer the end of my torments than one poor hour. Oh, eternity, eternity forever and forever! Oh, the insufferable pangs of Hell!”

10. CHARLES IX—The French king. Urged on by his mother, he gave the order for the massacre of the French Huguenots, in which 15,000 souls were slaughtered in Paris alone and 100,000 in other sections of France, for no other reason than that they loved Christ. The guilty king suffered miserably for years after that event. He finally died, bathed in blood bursting from his veins. To his physicians, he said in his last hours: "Asleep or awake, I see the mangled forms of the Huguenots passing before me. They drop with blood. They point at their open wounds. Oh! That I had spared at least the little infants at the bosom! What blood! I know not where I am. How will all this end? What shall I do? I am lost forever! I know it. Oh, I have done wrong."

11. DAVID STRAUSS—Leading representative of German rationalism, after spending a lifetime erasing belief in God from the minds of others: "My philosophy leaves me utterly forlorn! I feel like one caught in the merciless jaws of an automatic machine, not knowing at what time one of its great hammers may crush me!"

12. JOSEF STALIN—Soviet Georgian revolutionary and politician. In a Newsweek interview with Svetlana Stalin, the daughter of Josef Stalin, she told of her father's death: "My father died a difficult and terrible death. . .God grants an easy death only to the just. At what seemed the very last moment, he suddenly opened his eyes and cast a glance over everyone in the room. It was a terrible glance, insane or perhaps angry. His left hand was raised, as though he were pointing to something above and bringing down a curse on us all. The gesture was full of menace. . .the next moment he was dead."

13. ANTON LEVEY—Author of the Satanic Bible and high priest of the religion dedicated to the worship of Satan. One of his famous quotes was: “There is a beast in man that needs to be exercised, not exorcised”. His dying words were: "Oh my, oh my, what have I done, there is something very wrong. . . there is something very wrong.”

14. GANDHI—At his death, he said, “For the first time in 50 years, I find myself in the slough of despond. All about me is darkness. . .I am praying for light.”

BELOVED, compare these last words from atheists, with these last words, from these saints of God:

THE APOSTLE PAUL: “O death, where is thy sting?”

KING DAVID: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no Evil.”

AUGUSTUS MONTAGUE TOPLADY (1710-1778): Toplady will ever be famous as the author of one of the most evangelical hymns of the eighteenth century, "Rock of Ages," which was first published in 1776.

During the final illness, Toplady was greatly supported by the consolations of the gospel: "The consolations of God, to so unworthy a wretch, are so abundant that he leaves me nothing to pray for but their continuance."

Near his last, awaking from a sleep, he said: "Oh, what delights! Who can fathom the joy of the third heaven? The sky is clear, there is no cloud; come Lord Jesus, come quickly!" He died saying:"No mortal man can live after the glories which God has manifested to my soul."

Lastly, JESUS CHRIST said: “I am the resurrection and the life. He that believeth on Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.”

Only fools never learn from history, and it's amazing that even in our days, with all these facts on our fingertips, someone with a mind can devote his entire life to a delusion, and want everyone to know that there is no God. No wonder the bible says, "Only fools say in their hearts, there is no God." (Psalm 14:1)

[nathanieldorsky]

Interview with Jerome Hiler and Nathaniel Dorsky, May 2021, Leeds, U.K. to accompany an outdoor screening hosted by Will Rose

WR    The screening of your work in Leeds will be outdoors in a field at Meanwood Valley Urban Farm. It will be dark of course, but the films will be set against the backdrop of the city and accompanied by the sound of the outdoor environment. I’m interested in how these local conditions might affect your work. What do you think about this, and have you ever screened your work outdoors?

ND    When Jerome and I were in our early twenties we would leave New York City for a summer evening at my parents’ house where there was a backyard bordering a forest. We would have outdoor screenings using two projectors and enjoy the superimposed images and their many chance occurrences. San Francisco does not have windless warm evenings and the summer nights are particularly cold, so the inspiration to do this type of screening does not come naturally. But this summer, with the Covid crises restricting our social and screening lives, we had two screenings for six people each on the backyard patio of filmmaker Scott Stark. We were all dressed for a winter sleigh ride and masked with distance between seating. I showed three films I had made so far during the lockdown, one of which, Temple Sleep, you will see this evening. What was particularly lovely were the swaying tree shadows on the screen from the surrounding window lights going off and on. The film felt like it was floating within a larger cinema.

JH    Of course, silent films are extremely vulnerable to ambiance, yet there are always margins, and some are larger or smaller so it’s impossible to predict what is too distracting or not. Every screening is a law unto itself. No two are alike – even when there’s an immediate repeat screening. When I send my films out to be rented, they’re like children old enough to be on their own. I wish them luck. That’s about all I can do. Back in 1964 I roomed with Gregory Markopoulos and we were always trying to find some spacious outdoor setting for a night time screening. It never came about, but I feel now that I saw the beginning of an idea that eventually led to his Temenos events in Greece.[1]

WR    You have each largely kept your personal filmmaking practice separate from your ‘day jobs’ (Jerome as a carpenter and documentary director, Nathaniel as a film editor) – to what extent did/does your daily work influence or affect the films you make, and vice versa?

ND    As an editor one has to be very strict sometimes with a client for their own good … you witness the naked self-deceptions … so when you are working on your own film you almost laugh when this dialogue takes place all within yourself … you see the importance of not deceiving yourself … you see the way you fib to yourself …

JH    It has been some time since I worked as a carpenter. The work was all-engrossing and I hardly had a chance to have my films affect that particular work. However, the money I made certainly allowed me to make films. When I was young, I admired the filmmakers who had day jobs that supported their work. I also worked on documentary films and there it was a case of my personal films influencing my documentary style.

WR    Your work is very much concerned with the act of filming in the moment – an idea which also seems to extend to the way you would like your films to be experienced. I’m curious about the role history and memory play into this presentness. When you film somewhere, is the history of that place important to you? And are your own memories of that place important to the way you respond to it in the moment with your camera?

ND    For me it is the presences and dissonances of light that guide my camera into the world. Generally I am not trying to evoke a place, but in the film Temple Sleep I shifted in that direction; in this case seeing a series of fly casting practice pools as the flooded ruin of an ancient temple of the past.

JH    I generally wander at random. Driving in my car – particularly in places that I don’t know, hoping to get lost. I will react to a location. I don’t set out to make a statement, rather I learn and am tutored by the film as it develops. My film has more to say to me in the long run than the reverse. All art works seem to be self-portraits.

WR    I understand that you often show your work to friends in private salon screenings. Until relatively recently this was the only situation that Jerome’s work would be presented in. Can you tell me more about these private screenings? And when you make your work, is it is useful to have a particular viewer (someone you know) in mind?


JH    Now that I’m shown publicly, I’m often asked why I “withheld” my work. But, as far as I was concerned, I was sharing my work as much as I could. Living in San Francisco, I was ensconced in such a vibrant and busy film scene with many visiting filmmakers coming through and showing their work. There were many impromptu screenings at different people’s homes. For my part, I would create tailor-made “films” from my camera original to suit the person or people who were attending that night. Then, I would dismantle the reel and re-purpose material for another occasion. This process of using original film resulted in much loss over the years. But, as for making a finished film, I had not found a voice and my attempts, I feared, might be pretentious. Suddenly, I was asked to be in a film show and I quickly finished a film in progress. In this way, I had found my very casual voice.

WR    You have been life-partners since the mid-1960s and make films principally for each other. Can you tell me more about how your work converges and diverges?

ND    Jerome taught me half the things that I know. His earliest filmmaking awakened me to the open glories of self-symbol montage, that a film is something in itself! Jerome is a bit more the painter and I, a bit more the poet.

WR    During the pandemic I have increasingly had the urge to be somewhere that I don’t recognise. I was fascinated to find out that your work is almost entirely filmed within a very small radius of your home in San Francisco. Why is this the case?

ND    This is an exaggeration … although it is true that many of my films are shot in walking distance from my apartment. But I would often in normal times go downtown with my camera in a car, park and walk around in a variety of neighbourhoods and environments. I could no longer shoot street or human scenes as if the Covid was not happening.            The real issue is that when you travel and shoot footage the footage is seldom as good as something you shot that you are very familiar with. When it’s familiar you have to work harder to make it touch something in the psyche … but a new place is all awe and seduction of the new but the footage one might take there is often not really so interesting as cinema. I have some travel films I’ve made on Kodachrome and have occasionally shown them in my apartment and once publicly at Anthology Film Archives. They looked gorgeous with the original camera Kodachrome going through the projector – now that is a heart stopper.

WR    You both have a close affinity to poetry and have found ways to create an equivalent sensation using the medium of film. Nathaniel, I showed your work in Leeds a few years ago in the presence of a very wonderful local poet. Without any prior knowledge, he appreciated it instantly as the filmic equivalent of a poem. Is there some intrinsic essence you can identify which makes film poetic?

ND    When film can create for the viewer feelings and intuitions, associations and discoveries, things that cannot be directly said, then it has poetic qualities. Not the false poetry of sentimental narrative, but the sharp present alert quality of light and the screen.
 JH    I think my films are more akin to music than poetry. Some musicians can tell me what tempos and dance forms my works employ. My subject matter is so truly personal that I doubt anyone else could follow a “narrative.” Though, I have heard a viewer’s re-telling of my film that was both true and sidesplittingly hilarious. You might wonder, “Do I have no regard for my viewer?” Actually, I hope that there is always something for the mind of the viewer to engage with along with the feeling that what you see and feel is, indeed, the heart of the film. The film is really yours. I remember, over so many years, tedious post-film discussions where a viewer stated their reaction and asked the filmmaker, “Was that intentional?” My answer would be: If that’s what you saw, yes, it was.

WR    The way light, weather and vegetation are measures of seasonal change is important in almost all your work.  How do the seasons play a role in structuring the way you make films?

ND    Like poets for many thousands of years, the change of seasons stirs the soul, awakening primordial feelings of birth, death and desire and the need to “sing” of such things.

WR    The pandemic has put a temporary stop to public screenings of work that necessitates film projection. This screening of your work in Leeds is a gentle re-connection with a type of art that has been in hibernation. What has been your response to the last year? Have you worried for the future of your art form?

ND    I just kept on shooting and vaguely wondering what damage the Covid crises would have on handmade films in public arenas. Luckily my film lab was allowed to stay open as an essential business … I could not agree more … and Eastman stayed open for purchasing raw stock. I found it very difficult to make a film during this crises – though I ended up making six … many quite short as the world had become smaller. I spent weeks at various places in Golden Gate park, a half block from my apartment. After three weeks or so ideas for making films in those locations took place and manifested. It was hard photographing things with this ominous lurking presence, but I found a way by relating to the oppression and trying to make films that were a purification for the impending claustrophobia.

JH    This is a very good question. The issue of impermanence has arisen most powerfully this past year. I find myself at an advanced age. I read complaints that my films are impossible to see outside of the larger venues in film capitals. My attention, as usual, has been on the making of films and not at all on their exhibition. I have never felt that video was akin to film. For me, it did not present itself as a substitute. I am considering, very seriously, transferring my films to a digital format. I do dislike the light of digital projectors, but I have to face the fact that loyalty to my first love is taking too large a toll on my work’s appearance on any screen at all.

[1]. Temenos is the name filmmaker Gregory Markopoulos gave to a remote outdoor screening site in the Peloponnese region of Greece. Markopoulos spent the last decade of his life working on Eniaios, an epic, 80-hour film cycle created exclusively for projection at this site. The next presentation screening will take place there in summer 2022. See: www.thetemenos.org

3 Films by Nathaniel Dorsky and Jerome Hiler | Outdoor Screening, Fri, 21 May 2021, Leeds, U.K.  link

#Nathaniel Dorsky #Jerome Hiler #interview #william rose

[tsarisfanfiction]

I have three, hope that's okay :> 9, 22, and 25

Of course that’s okay!  Ask as many as you like; I don’t bite!  I love answering these things :D

Fanfiction writer asks

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Ones I don’t understand, which sounds kinda obvious so I’m gonna expand, using some examples from different fandoms.

The idiots.  The ones who go off and do things while you’re screaming at them to not do that you idiot because nope, I cannot get my head around why anyone would do that, how am I supposed to write you when I think this is the daftest thing ever?  Obvious example is Luffy from One Piece.  Don’t really have anyone I’d put in that category from TAG... Fischler maybe but I might also be stalling on that wip because it’s a pov from another character I struggle writing.

The characters I don’t like.  When I say I “don’t like” a character, I less mean “you’re a bad guy and you’re mean so I’m gonna sulk at you because you hurt my fav” aka Danzou from Naruto, Blackbeard from One Piece, or even the Hood from TAG because those sorts of characters can be some of the most fun to explore, I mean “I don’t think you’re well-written/designed and there’s nothing for me to get to grips with to write”.  Biggest example for me at the moment is Kayo from TAG (I know some people love her and I’m sorry but I just can’t).

The characters that are too nice.  The ones who sit there and just love everyone and everything and let people get away with murder and this really annoys me because I love those characters!  I love the ones that sit there and go “you know what, that’s okay and I forgive you here, have a hug”.  Those are the ones I’d actually like to meet irl!  I just apparently can’t write them!  And if you haven’t guessed by now, yes, I’m talking about Virgil from TAG.  Could also include the likes of Hinata from Naruto or Orihime from Bleach in that, too.

Teenage boys.  Teenagers in general, actually, but boys specifically because not only am I not a boy and was never a teenage boy, I also spent the vast majority of my teenage years at an all girls’ school and never actually... interacted with teenage boys!  So I have no idea what goes on in their heads!  (I ask my boyfriend and he just tells me teenage boys think with a different head and nope, not going there, thanks, boyfriend).  I should also clarify this means normal teenage boys, not ones in anime who don’t act like teenagers because they’re busy being child soldiers, because yes I can write most of the Naruto boys just fine.  This is mostly a long-winded way of me saying “hi, Alan from TAG”.

There are other random characters I struggle with for no good reason, but normally if I’m struggling with a character I can shove them in one of the above boxes.

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Yes, yes I do!  I don’t like silence, I don’t like working in silence, and sometimes music is the real kick to get my muses playing.  I have a playlist labelled “Scott” but I’ll be honest, it’s basically my whump playlist.  Songs include GET UP, special, Through the Ghost etc. by Shinedown, Do or Die, Over and Done, Danger Zone etc. by Amaranth, Sharp Edges, Heavy, One More Light etc. by Linkin Park, and Downfall of Eden, Jaded, Bleed and Scream etc. by Eclipse.

If I’m not listening to that, I’ve either hunted down Tir na Nog (Celtic Women) or something else of that genre - which I often use for Penguin and Shachi inspiration - or I’m in the depths of Eurovision because I’m trying to write something that isn’t whump or angst and that means upbeat party time!

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! They get bizarre, but yes I do!  One current one that floats around (that I actually chatted about to @janetm74 the other day) is an AU of my TAG fic Silent, where the whole thing ends up in a time travel AU with the adult boys (normally just Gordon, I’ll be honest, but it varies) somehow ending back in time and finding out about Scott’s struggles and taking it into their own hands to sort it out and basically just give Scott the help and support he needs to get through it.

Long Way From Home has these going on constantly, but at this point I don’t know how many of them are going to actually end up in the fic (just the other day I was thinking about something and went ‘oh that’d be neat’ then realised I can put that in) so I’m gonna keep a lid on those for now, just in case!

Although I’ll admit because this is not happening: my muse does like to go “what if they managed to somehow watch through a portal what happened in the TAG world and react” kinda like those old fics where people would write the characters literally sitting down and watching their own show, only it’s the TOS guys watching TAG.  But no, that’s not happening.  Anything they learn about TAG is gonna be from TAG!Scott (whether he’s willingly/knowingly telling them or not).

Tales From The Heart likewise gets a lot of those, but they normally end up as later chapters, especially if they’re a different pov for the same event!  That’s the fun and games with writing lots of mini stories - I can expand on them later!

#ask me #fanfiction #not fic #pansexualakane

[adrianodiprato]

+ “Design is really an act of communication, which means having a deep understanding of the person with whom the designer is communicating.” ― Donald A. Norman

Game Changers | Series Seven Reflection For Series Six, we turned our attention to Flourishing Future: Designing for a better normal as we attempted to unpack the provocation How do we in schools keep challenging binary thinking for designing a better normal? In Series Seven of the Game Changers Podcast, we once again have eleven remarkable educators – a financial literacy guru, an immersive learning designer, a Director of Student Opportunity & Careers Education, a global citizenship educational leader, an inclusive education champion, a foundational Principal, an Imagine If explorer, a Principal of marginalised youth in society, an entrepreneurial education superstar and two visionaries of the transition from high school to life. Each challenged our binary thinking and inspired us with their version of intentionally designing a better normal – all Game Changers who continue to light the torch for us and show us the way to build schools (and even society) differently. 

Each Series Seven Game Changers guest reminded us that those school leaders and educational sectors that understand potential futures, and what each might mean for them, and have the courage to plan ahead, will be the best prepared to support young people to succeed and flourish in the obvious reality of our new tomorrow. That we need to re-examine the purpose of schooling for our times and ensure that it is based on the facts and best predictions about the impact of this relentless change. It means realising that our decision on our vision today will lead to consequences in the future that we may or may not live to see, but others will, especially our COVID Children and the generations that follow.

Our Series Seven Game Changers helped us explore the key ingredients for designing a better normal, so that each young person in a school might begin to flourish in their today and into their future. We started Series Seven with Founder of Money School, Lacey Filipich. 

Episode One | Lacey Filipich Key learnings – I first met the effervescent Lacey at s p a c e in 2019. I was instantly drawn to her infectious smiles, smarts and optimistic concept of money and its real human value. Our conversation in Series Seven highlighted the value of flipping the ‘time poor’ narrative, this deficit thinking economics, to the concept of being time rich, a half glass full story line, when viewing financial management, an important literacy for all learners, that focuses on lifting up, from a conversation around limiting waste and liberating hope.

Episode Two | Mond Qu Key learnings – Encounters that evoke feelings of awe often lead to new relationships with self, place and the other. These moments of awe give us a profound sense of hope and the ability to see the bigger picture. Each teaches us that there might be something magical in beauty of everyday life, that we can be forever grateful for. Working in research, practice, and teaching internationally, Mond challenges all educators and learners to iterate in this space of encounter and embrace the challenges of the 21st century. In this episode, he discusses why we all should adopt a designer mindset in a world that needs us to be more curious, more creative, more diverse than ever before, through being open to exploring the power of habits and intentionality immersive encounters of wonder and awe. 

Episode Three | Samantha Jean McFetridge Key learnings – Outstanding organisations like Foundations for Young Australians (FYA) have illustrated to us, through extensive reports that there is a new work order, that career pathways aren’t as linear as they used to be with young people expected to have 17 jobs across 5 careers in their lifetime. Our conversation with Samantha reminded us that entrepreneurial-minded learners achieve success by applying knowledge, creatively and resourcefully; be it in STEM, business, creative arts, trade, social enterprise, professional or any other type of knowledge. And that this ability is recognised globally as critical to 21st century learning and active citizenship. Understanding that this is not just about building a business but empowering all learners to build their own future through discovering possibilities available to them, via a comprehensive career’s education framework.

Episode Four | Hamish Curry Key learnings – Our chat with Hamish reminded me of the significance of place. This thinking is centred around the notion that learning can take place anywhere, anytime. Where young people can access knowledge at a touch of a button. Therefore, schools need to commit to creating authentic learning experiences that enable learners to connect deeper with self, place and especially the other. This more personal exchange with real-world contexts and in-country immersions allows all learners to consider the social change, dialogue and bridge building needed to better connect to local and global communities. It allows for all learners to construct global perspectives and their own meaning not only in the classroom, but outside the classroom and outside of school. And we cannot ignore that virtual reality ensures that the entire world is the new classroom.

Episode Five | Tanya Sheckley Key learnings – The rise and rise and rise of personalised learning. Alongside our changing notions of what constitutes a classroom, Tanya reminded us that our ideas about the way teaching is delivered must also be reshaped. That the old ‘one size fits all’ model is outdated and has no place in the agenda for today’s schooling, for today’s tomorrow. As a result, teachers will need to develop individualised learning plans for students, each home to a unique life, which will enable each student to access curriculum and learning designed at a pace that best suits their abilities and divergent needs, that allows them to engage with knowledge, skills, and wisdom, that are most beneficial to them.

Episode Six | Scott Donohoe Key learnings – True vulnerability is waking up each day and choosing courage over comfort. School leaders have a responsibility to shepherd all in their learning community to a post pandemic next, new, or better normal. Scott is one of those school leaders that has a capacity of tuning in and outward and being brave enough to anticipate evolution and opportunity born from moments of real struggle and challenge and flipped to opportunity and hope. He realises that courage is about overcoming all obstacles when most of the society are frozen in an old reality. He realises that courage is to not be afraid to become and reveal who you really are, for self and the places and people you serve and lead.

Episode Seven | Loni Bergqvist Key learnings – Imagine If students have more opportunities to learn at different times in different places. With anytime, anywhere learning becoming the better normal for our students. Where online tools facilitate opportunities for a more highly personalised learning experience of individually targeted stretch and challenge tasks. One that is self-paced, self-determined and incorporates relevant and real-world inquiry-based learning. Resulting in all classrooms being flipped, meaning the knowledge and skills part is learned outside the classroom, at home. Where on campus class time becomes one of character appreciation, deep collaboration, teamwork and the practical application or transfer of knowledge and understanding, of real-life issues. Where taking tests will be replaced by students’ growth and achievement through creative and collaboration projects to problem solve wicked and relevant real-world questions. Well, this exits via Loni and her team at Imagine If.

Episode Eight | Sally Lasslett Key learnings – Our encounter with Sally animated what truly matters in education, people. Sally and the brilliant staff at The Hestor Hornbrook Academy understand that their vocation is being an important champion to their students, many of which have had an adverse childhood or experienced significant trauma. And why do these educators do what they do - well, from my perspective they get that every person in our schools is home to a unique life. This learning community isn’t about a handout, but a hand forward and up, where each feels seen, respected, safe, valued and understood. Sally reminded me of my why, and the profoundness of why I will forever be a teacher. The greatest vocation in the world.

Special Series | Nicole Dyson and Will Stubley & Saxon Phipps Key learnings – Phil’s chats with Nicole, Will and Saxon reminded me of crowdsourced classes, entrepreneurship or self-directed learning is almost certainly at the core of the future of learning. To not allow learners to ‘play’ with information, platforms, and ideas is to ignore them access to the tools and patterns of 21st Century life. And that in a progressive learning environment, students should constantly be generating original ideas from multiple sources of information–and be doing so guided by teachers, mentors, and communities, all in pursuit of self-knowledge and self-created meaning and creativity. Highlighting the role of teaching becomes much more about coaching and guiding students to not only build their knowledge, skills, and attributes, but to also make better sense of what they are learning, to fully flourish in life.

From each of our Series Seven Game Changers we learnt the significance for learning communities to be deeply tuned into the sign of times, this new world we live in. That we have a responsibility to shepherd all in our learning communities as they emerge from the pandemic towards designing a better normal in doing school. That this is about anticipating the opportunity born from moments of real struggle and challenge. And about planning and executing an incremental and unstoppable evolution towards better outcomes for all learners. While overcoming all obstacles when many in society are still frozen in an old reality. 

Thank you to Lacey, Mond, Samantha, Hamish, Tanya, Scott, Loni, Sally, Nicole, Will and Saxon for sharing your story and passion. And thank for reminding us all that each person in our learning communities is home to a life. It is as simple and complex as that. Born from the construct of love – of self, for place and the other.

Listen to our Series Seven: Epilogue via streaming platforms - SoundCloud, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Play.

[officialyourdailyinspiration]

Famous Atheists' and Roman Catholics Last Words Before Death

CAESAR BORGIA—Italian nobleman, politician, and cardinal: "While I lived, I provided for everything but death; now I must die, and am unprepared to die."

THOMAS HOBBS—Political philosopher: "I say again, if I had the whole world at my disposal, I would give it to live one day. I am about to take a leap into the dark."

THOMAS PAYNE—The leading atheistic writer in American colonies: "Stay with me, for God's sake; I cannot bear to be left alone , O Lord, help me! O God, what have I done to suffer so much? What will become of me hereafter? I would give worlds if I had them, that The Age of Reason had never been published. 0 Lord, help me! Christ, help me! No, don't leave; stay with me! Send even a child to stay with me; for I am on the edge of hell here alone. If ever the Devil had an agent, I have been that one."

SIR THOMAS SCOTT—Chancellor of England: "Until this moment I thought there was neither a God nor a hell. Now I know and feel that there are both, and I am doomed to perdition by the just judgment of the Almighty."

NAPOLEON BONAPARTE—French emperor who, like Adolf Hitler, brought death to millions to satisfy his greedy, power-mad, selfish ambitions for world conquest: "I die before my time, and my body will be given back to the earth. Such is the fate of him who has been called the great Napoleon. What an abyss between my deep misery and the eternal kingdom of Christ!”

VOLTAIRE—famous anti-christian atheist: "I have swallowed nothing but smoke. I have intoxicated myself with the incense that turned my head. I am abandoned by God and man.” He said to his physician, Dr. Fochin: “I will give you half of what I am worth if you will give me six months of life." When he was told this was not possible, he said “Then I shall die and go to hell!" His nurse said: “For all the money in Europe I wouldn’t want to see another unbeliever die! All night long he cried for forgiveness.”

ROBERT INGERSOLL—American writer and orator during the Golden Age of Free Thought: "O God, if there be a God, save my soul, if I have a soul!" Some say it was said this way: "Oh God, if there be a God, save my soul, if I have a soul, from hell, if there be a hell!

DAVID HUME—Atheist philosopher famous for his philosophy of empiricism and skepticism of religion: He cried loud on his death bed "I am in flames!" It is said his desperation was a horrible scene.

SIR FRANCIS NEWPORT—Head of an English Atheist club, to those gathered around his deathbed: "You need not tell me there is no God, for I know there is one, and that I am in his presence! You need not tell me there is no hell. I feel myself already slipping. Wretches, cease your idle talk about there being hope for me! I know I am lost forever! Oh, that fire! Oh, the insufferable pangs of hell! Oh, that I could lie for a thousand years upon the fire that is never quenched, to purchase the favor of God and be united to Him again. But it is a fruitless wish. Millions and millions of years will bring me no nearer the end of my torments than one poor hour. Oh, eternity, eternity forever and forever! Oh, the insufferable pangs of Hell!”

CHARLES IX—The French king. Urged on by his mother, he gave the order for the massacre of the French Huguenots, in which 15,000 souls were slaughtered in Paris alone and 100,000 in other sections of France, for no other reason than that they loved Christ. The guilty king suffered miserably for years after that event. He finally died, bathed in blood bursting from his veins. To his physicians, he said in his last hours: "Asleep or awake, I see the mangled forms of the Huguenots passing before me. They drop with blood. They point at their open wounds. Oh! That I had spared at least the little infants at the bosom! What blood! I know not where I am. How will all this end? What shall I do? I am lost forever! I know it. Oh, I have done wrong."

DAVID STRAUSS—Leading representative of German rationalism, after spending a lifetime erasing belief in God from the minds of others: "My philosophy leaves me utterly forlorn! I feel like one caught in the merciless jaws of an automatic machine, not knowing at what time one of its great hammers may crush me!"

JOSEF STALIN—Soviet Georgian revolutionary and politician. In a Newsweek interview with Svetlana Stalin, the daughter of Josef Stalin, she told of her father's death: "My father died a difficult and terrible death. . .God grants an easy death only to the just. At what seemed the very last moment, he suddenly opened his eyes and cast a glance over everyone in the room. It was a terrible glance, insane or perhaps angry. His left hand was raised, as though he were pointing to something above and bringing down a curse on us all. The gesture was full of menace. . .the next moment he was dead."

ANTON LEVEY—Author of the Satanic Bible and high priest of the religion dedicated to the worship of Satan. One of his famous quotes was: “There is a beast in man that needs to be exercised, not exorcised”. His dying words were: "Oh my, oh my, what have I done, there is something very wrong. . . there is something very wrong.”

GANDHI—At his death, he said, “For the first time in 50 years, I find myself in the slough of despond. All about me is darkness. . .I am praying for light.”

BELOVED, compare these last words from atheists, with these last words, from these saints of God:

THE APOSTLE PAUL: “O death, where is thy sting?”

KING DAVID: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no Evil.”

AUGUSTUS MONTAGUE TOPLADY (1710-1778): Toplady will ever be famous as the author of one of the most evangelical hymns of the eighteenth century, "Rock of Ages," which was first published in 1776.

During the final illness, Toplady was greatly supported by the consolations of the gospel: "The consolations of God, to so unworthy a wretch, are so abundant that he leaves me nothing to pray for but their continuance."

Near his last, awaking from a sleep, he said: "Oh, what delights! Who can fathom the joy of the third heaven? The sky is clear, there is no cloud; come Lord Jesus, come quickly!" He died saying:"No mortal man can live after the glories which God has manifested to my soul."

Lastly, JESUS CHRIST said: “I am the resurrection and the life. He that believeth on Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.”

Only fools never learn from history, and it's amazing that even in our days, with all these facts on our fingertips, someone with a mind can devote his entire life to a delusion, and want everyone to know that there is no God. No wonder the bible says, "Only fools say in their hearts, there is no God." (Psalm 14:1)

#Famous Atheists' and Roman Catholics Last Words Before Death

[maladaptive-ninja-returns]

It’s The Avengers (03x01)

Loki x Reader Avengers The Office AU (Slowwwwww Burn)

Season 3 Episode 01: Noobs Everywhere

Season Premier

Warnings: it is teary floofy

Word Count: life happens. Sometimes it caresess you sometimes it smack you right in the cheek. Other times it brings you together with old friends other times it makes you cry for realising how much you missed writing this stupid and adorable fanfic after days and days of nothing productive. Life happens and Gods I wish it picks me up and throws me on another continent

MASTERLIST in bio, darlings. Tags are open (check bio)

An effective silence eroded through the Avengers Compound. The entrance, all glass with flowers on the centre table that you and Scott had arranged- to add some colour- stood eerily quiet. The hall fit for balls and Stark's famous parties only reverberated with the single beep when Friday made her 'rounds' in there. The library did smell of old books but the silence was not one that was comfortable. The lounge, where everything happened in the Avengers' daily life, was disturbingly still, your favourite mug with tea now ran cold, the kitchenette seemed to have been left in a hurry. The hallway to the Dorms didn't have anyone. Room after room seemed empty. Loki's door was half-open, showing everything in place, neatly arranged. Next was yours, unkempt, disordered, but with every bead of the essence of you. It was empty too. Except for a very scared and whining Zuko coming out of under a blanket while sniffing it, looking around, searching for something before walking out, sniffing his way across the lounge. He whined as he walked past the rooms towards Banner's lab, his cries increasing twofold on seeing a familiar face.

"Hey, little guy."

The camera shifted to show Natasha carefully tuck something inside a brown paper bag and pick up the little chocolate boy, stroking his fur to calm the agitated soul down as she went back to watching Bruce contain the Pandora's box with Scott's help while Clint scanned the lab, Sam and Bucky watched the lab's recording and Steve sat next to Tony on the floor in one corner.

"You okay?" The captain whispered at Tony, who sat with his head supported on his knuckles, his eyes shut, his breaths long and heavy.

When Steve didn't get an answer from him, he turned to Bruce. "Got anything?"

A hiss marked the shutting down of the containment chamber, allowing Bruce and Scott to remove their safety goggles. "I'm not able to get any readings on this thing. It's like it blew it's own fuse when these guys were sucked in."

The camera caught tension ripple through the exposed muscles on Tony's arm at Bruce's words. Maybe Steve noticed it too because he turned back towards Tony and kept his hand on his shoulder, trying to make him feel alright in his way.

Familiar footsteps approached from outside the lab, forcing the camera to turn and face the door, capturing Wanda and Vision's entrance in time; both of them breathless.

"I tried picking up their essence," Wanda announced breathless, her eyes searching the room till they landed on those hopeful brown eyes in the corner, her face crumbling into an apology, "I'm sorry. I couldn't find anything."

"Me neither," Vision added softly, visibly disappointed in himself. "Wherever they were sent, it's not in this galaxy."

A broken sigh left Tony's lungs, his eyes closing way too tightly. Everyone in the room could feel the restraint through the helplessness Tony was feeling right now. But no one knew how to help him. The only way was to find out how to bring her back. But the one person who knew how was also the one lost with her.

"Loki knew how to work that-that...thing," Bruce declared softly into the cold air.

"I'm sure we can work it too," Steve asserted, getting up to address everyone, "we don't have any other choice right now. And even if we do, leaving them stranded in space is not one of them. Come on, Tony."

He brought forward his hand for his friend to help him get up.

"No."

Silence.

"Tony," Steve pressed his name as a question.

"I can't. Let Bruce do it."

"Wh-"

"She's stranded somewhere because of me, Steve. I cannot risk putting her in any more danger."

"Tony, what are you talking about? We need you. Your daughter needs you."

"Friday, give Dr Banner all the assistance he needs."

"Tony wha-"

"She called me 'Dad'!"

His words seemed to vibrate throughout the building, silencing everything all at once.

"The first time she called me dad and I was opening a f****ng door to some unknown hell for her!"

Steve wanted to shake Tony to his senses but all he could do was rub his hands on his face.

"You're right, you sent her through a freaking portal."

Everyone turned to look at the audacity of Scott Lang to be speaking Tony's language right now. "But that was only because she tried to save your stubborn ass from being swallowed by it. So, stop being such a dick, get up and find your daughter and thank her for saving your life."

Natasha looked at the camera with a slight shake of her head, as confused as everyone else in the room.

Tony too had his brows furrowed for a second before he got up and turned to look at Scott- who had not budged from where he stood, behind the worktable.

"I'm only tolerating this crap from you because you are her favourite," Tony stated, "otherwise I would've punched the lights out of you by now."

Scott shrugged. "Mm...no, you wouldn't. Because you know I'm not lying. And you're just scared of hearing her call you 'dad' all of a sudden. Not to mention I already have my hand on my suit so that I can run away before you can think about stepping towards me."

Tony: *twists his lips in an unwanted thought* I hate that I like this guy.

Tony sighed. "I can't even imagine what she must be going through right now."

 On a Planet in some Galaxy far far Away...

"So, let me get this straight-"

The camera tried to bring back its focus, the big blurry spot reducing to a sharp image of you standing with your arms crossed- one hand out in the air, trying to make sense of something- confusion filling up till your forehead as you tried to close your eyes and gather your thoughts.

"-you guys, all three thousand and forty-eight of you, planned on invading earth?"

There was a questionable nod from the leader- who looked at the army for confirmation.

"And you were trying to do so because you heard my friend...this guy? Loki? Saying that? Well, declaring that?"

The leader- who had seemed very intimidating fifteen minutes ago- mumbled something under his breath. "Yeah, we thought so."

"Uh-huh, and that happened on a gaming server on which you all were playing a couple of weeks ago. Am I right?"

The leader nodded again.

"So..." You took your time, breathing in, trying to form a question that would deliver that very final blow, "you wanted to invade planet X-78 knowing full well that the game had a planet by the same name, never ever confirming it with this guy over here?"

The army, blank for a moment, now looked at each other in combined confusion.

It started as a snicker, which turned into a giggle that was followed by a cackle that could be heard for miles.

Through the shrill thunder of laughter fit, the camera panned out to focus on Loki standing just two steps away from the device, working on borrowed equipment from the wolf army. He couldn't help but roll his eyes and look straight into the camera when the volume of your laughter did not go down even a single digit.

"She's never going to let me forget this, is she?" Loki asked the camera, sighing with just a hint of fear before looking at the endless expanse of desert around him.

The cackle still continued behind him.

"Oh-oh my Gods," you tried to catch hold of your hurting stomach as you took the support of the nearest rock, "I never realised I was playing with such noobs!"

There was a murmur in the army at the word 'noob', like a little gossip gasp going around before the leader feared the rumour and made an effort to stand straight in front of you.

"Noob? Who are you calling a noob, WarriorZ94? Last I checked you were still learning to use the Goliath Weapons!" He thundered.

You tilted your head at him, still not leaving the support of that one hide sturdy rock by your side. "Last I checked you were trying to run away screaming from a glitter bomb?"

An 'oh snap' wave passed through the army, earning you various nods.

Soldier 1: Isn't she the same girl who kicked our boss' ass when we were in opposite teams?

Soldier 2: *nods* yup! She's the one!

Both soldiers: *raising their index finger and making it touch the other's while facing the camera*

*camera turns to capture your unpleasant emotions over your face while Loki stands next to you with his arms crossed, a little tired but nothing near to the emotional outbreak you're feeling*

You: *whisper* What the fu-

Loki: *inhales* that's their...fistbump

You: *raise your brows* *whisper* oh...*raises voice to normal* Ohh!!

Loki: *looking at you with judgy eyes* you and your rotten mind

"Fine!" The boss finally admitted. "So you mean to tell us there was no real invasion taking place?!!!"

You placed your fingers on your lips, trying to contain that unexplainable rage inside you, taking your time to breathe through the catastrophe before opening your mouth to answer him. "H-how were you planning on invading earth, if I may ask?"

Silence.

Complete, unexplainable, eerie silence.

"I...I uhh...I was counting on our leader, Master Loki to guide us there."

Loki: *still working on borrowed equipment to help him get Stark's cuffs off*

*In his background you cackled once again, this time trying to hold on to your stomach as you lay with your back on the ground*

*The camera periodically catching your cries and wails of 'Master Loki!! Save them!!', 'Maaaaster Loki!!! Your army's waiting, Maaaaster Loki!!!!' while Loki eventually closes his eyes and sighs in defeat*

Loki: £-©¥ ™€ |π ∆¢€ @$$

Soldiers standing next to him: *stand muted in shocked horror*

Loki came back to you wiping away your tears of hilarity as you sat in the warm sand. "I can't get these cursed cuffs off."

You looked at the cuffs and then at Loki. "Okay?"

The God raised his good brow at you. "You do realise we cannot transport back to earth because I can't use magic."

You scrunched up your nose while looking at him, a warm breeze blowing between you and the army patiently watching everything unfold. "Oh...okay."

Loki blinked. He opened his mouth to say something before finding himself scrunching his nose, less of words and much less of the sanity leaving him slowly on this new planet. "Wha-what do you mean 'okay'? We are stranded here with no possible means of getting back. Unless your father and Banner figure something out!"

Loki watched you lean back on your elbows, closing your eyes as if soaking up the nearest star. "Tsk. Relax. Hey wolf-gang! You guys have something to eat? Drink? Some form of transport?"

The boss stepped forward and came to sit next to you. "We only have rations for the army. Desert lizards and sand roaches. To drink we have the juices extracted from the finest rattlesnakes. What would you like to have first?"

"Pass," you and Loki announced in unison, your faces giving away nausea you were feeling on hearing the menu.

"There is a town just a few hog-steps from here. You will find some sort of transport to other planets. But I must warn you, there are all types of creatures that roam in that town. If I were you, I would be extra careful about your waifu here. Some creatures like to play with exotic things just for the sake of it."

A thwack echoed through the air before the camera captured you hitting the chief with his own stick. "Call me waifu one more time and it'll be this stick and your balls next," you hissed through your teeth. "Anyone else interested in calling me by that name!" You shouted to the rest of the army, getting scared head shakes. Loki turned towards the camera.

Loki: Sometimes she is quite annoying. And other times she becomes a feisty animal who would rip your throat out if you give her one excuse. *smirks and then tries to hide it* what? I'm not excited! What makes you think that. *smirks slightly* *gulps*

"Come on," you stated in Loki's direction while getting up and patting the sand off your jeans, "let's go find that town."

.

The Cursed Lab

"The frequencies?"

"No."

"Okay, how about those wavelengths that-"

"Already calculated. Nothing. We need a signal from their end to lock in. Otherwise, it's all for nothing."

"Someone contact Danvers!"

"Already did. Give it another hour or two and she'll respond."

"Anything else we can do right now?!"

"How about we breathe."

Everyone turned to watch Pepper stand at the entrance of the lab with a power pose, looking directly at Tony.

The camera recorded a slight change in energy as everyone seemed to slowly and quietly step back as she walked towards her husband all the while caressing her baby bump.

"Pepper, not now," Tony whined as he slumped into the chair and rubbed his tired eyes. "I need to find her."

"I know," she interjected, stopping beside him to run her fingers through his hair, "but you need your full strength to do that. And right now you need to sleep. Nothing will happen to her for a few hours. She's got Loki by her side."

Tony mocked a laugh, leaning back in his chair. "You think that's something to be relieved about?"

"Tony," Pepper sweetly scolded him, "my gut says he'll keep her safe. Just like it says she is fine right now. Come on. You get some rest."

Tony sighed, looked around at the faces urging him to go get some shut-eye.

"Fine," he agreed, "don't touch my things. I'll be out on the lounge sofa. I'll know if you do."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The moment Tony walked out the door, Pepper clasped her hands together. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's find her."

Bruce blinked. Natasha smiled. Clint groaned. Sam and Bucky sat in one corner looking at Pandora's box with a glowering gaze.

"You think we can break it just by looking at it?"

Sam absorbed Bucky's words before inhaling a lungful. "I think cursing at it might do some extra damage."

Bucky silently agreed before both of them slid their chairs across the floor towards the glass that was keeping the box away from any human contact. As they went out of frame, a very concerned Scott's face came into view, who seemed concerned about those two.

"We've tried everything Pepper. There isn't much left to do," Bruce politely explained the situation to Tony's better half.

Pepper raised her brows. "Oh, yes. I know. That's why I called him in and I think he has something that might help."

The camera- along with everyone else- turned to watch a breathless, bloodshot-eyes Peter entering the lab. "I came as soon as I found out," he declared through his short breaths. "I think I may have something."

Without another word, he slow jogged towards Bruce's worktable to throw the contents of his bag on it. Out of all the electronics, he picked out three thin black boxes in different sizes and handed them over to Bruce. "All the cameras have these."

"What's that?" Steve asked, looking over Peter's shoulder.

"Wait, is that-"

"Yeah," Peter answered to Scott's half-sentence.

"Holy crap! HOLY CRAP!" Scott couldn't contain it.

"Who did th-did you do this, Peter?" Bruce looked up from his glasses.

"Me and Scott. We were worried the last time this had happened. Scott was terrified of losing Cassie again like that. So, we came up with a way to make the cameras wireless."

Suddenly the confusion resting on Steve's face eroded as knowledge dawned upon him. "So, you made special emitters for the cameras. They'll be sending live feed on a particular frequency logged in the memory and you'll try to catch it from here. Provided the transmitters survived the jump and there aren't any jumpers in space that might try to damage or hinder with the original signal. We should be able to get live footage if Javier is recording that is, but it would be with a few hours of delay depending on how much time it takes to travel from their jump point to earth."

Silence.

Steve looked around at the shocked faces, a little confused. "What."

 One Hour Later

A crackling sound gave way to distorted colours before there was a clear image of desert running for miles with the weirdest shaped at non-periodic distances.

"Friday," Natasha called for the AI, her eyes never once wavering from what she was seeing, "run the feed in the lounge."

Everyone rushed out of the lab to the lounge, finding Tony and Thor already standing away from his sofa as he watched an unsteady recording of two people walking through that very desert.

"Something's wrong," the taller of the two suggested.

"What? What's wrong?" The smaller one asked.

"You," he said.

The smaller one turned and the camera showed your side profile, bringing with your face reveal and sigh of relief in the lounge- the biggest one coming from Tony's lungs.

"Nothing's wrong with me," you stressed with a shrug and kept walking.

Loki, on the other hand, stopped. "By the Norns," he observed, not taking his eyes off you, "you don't want to go back."

Now this made you stop walking. "Whaaat? Of, course I want to go back."

"..."

"Like you said, we don't have a way to get back. So, let's find one. At a... moderate pace."

Loki crossed his arms and looked down at you. You too stood there with a determined face.

For the next ten seconds.

"Alright. FINE! I want to go back! Of course, I want to! It's just that I'm-I'm-"

"Scared." Loki completed your sentence for you.

Everyone watching the feed shifted their weight on their legs but no one dare spoke.

Zuko- still in Natasha's arms- whined when he saw you on the big screen.

"Yes," you muttered, your shoulders loosening a little while your hands tried to rub the embarrassment off your face.

"You do realise that it was your own father whom you called 'dad'," Loki was kind enough to remind you, making you groan inside your hands. Over here, Tony grabbed his shirt by the fabric on his chest, not knowing what else to do.

"I knowww," you groaned again. "That's what I'm scared of. I was trying to get him out of harm's way and accidentally called him 'dad'. And once I did I felt it in my bones to keep calling him dad, Loki. Do you understand that?"

"Then what's the problem?"

"What if he's not ready?! I know he was the one who brought me here. By here I mean home. Our home. What if he thinks he made a mistake?! What if I'm just a burden that he has to hide in some corner so that the world doesn't know his shame? I am scared of the fact that I finally have a father that I love to pieces and I would lose him the moment I try to walk towards that reality."

You were in tears by now. What your worried heart didn't know was that so was Tony. And nearly everyone else.

"What if I never was supposed to be part of their li-"

Tiny gasps and clasped mouths tried to contain the unexplainable jump they felt as Loki grabbed you and brought you to his chest, enclosing you in his arms, almost absorbing you into him with the intensity of a thousand glowing stars. "You really are an idiot."

"Loki-" you muffled in his chest.

"Tony loves you more than you can imagine. Every one of them does. You would truly be an insolent fool to doubt that for even one second. Do you hear me, woman? They are your home because they are the warmth you need in your life. You are scared because you have not known this kind of love before. Hold on to it. Okay?"

You nodded into his chest.

"Loki?"

"Hmm?"

"I think I ruined your shirt."

"Don't worry. Your father will get me new ones."

Tony chuckled, pursing his lips before sniffing. "She's fine," he declared to the room. "She's okay." Cleaning his throat, he walked towards the lab.

Everyone watched him go and just when they were glad that everything was okay there was a loud sniffling sound that interrupted the mushy feelings of the room.

Thor stood there inhaling and exhaling while trying his best to paste a smile on that disturbed face. "I'm fine," he said more for himself than for others before his voice broke, "I'm completely fine."

When everyone dispersed, Scott found himself hugging Peter and telling him how proud he was of him for having found a way to watch over you and Loki.

“Oh, by the way, Y/N.” Scott and Loki heard in the background as they each grabbed a bottle of water to quench their dehydrated souls.

“Hm?”

“What’s a waifu?”

Scott choked on his water while Peter spat his out.

 Later That Night

"Yeah, you hear that? He's going to find your babies and make them pay for what you did to our friend."

"And he's going to break down your good for nothing body and mould them into tiny pellets to use for target practice."

"Hell yeah."

Crack.

Bucky and Sam bent a little towards the glass to watch the little crack that just appeared on the Pandora's box.

"Did...did we just do that?" Bucky asked in a whisper.

"I think so," Sam whispered back.

Both of them fist-bumped.

"Yeah, ya see that? That's what you get for messin' up with our fam."

"Try this again and I'll burn you in the worst fire you've ever felt."

"Which one?"

"Your farts after you have tacos."

"Oooh yes! That's true. My boy knows. He knows."

"You better watch out."

"You better watch out."

Silence.

"I'm hungry," Sam finally blurted.

"Wanna get tacos?"

"You know I do."

#loki #loki fanfic #loki x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki x ofc #loki x oc #loki fluff #loki smut #loki odinson #loki god of mischief #marvel loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki mcu #smut #fluff #marvel smut #marvel fluff #loki fanfiction #loki fic #loki friggason #loki series #LOKI SPEAKS #loki stan #MCU #mcu smut #mcu fluff #Marvel MCU #MCU fanfiction #fanfic writers

[halorocks1214]

the law of action

AO3 Link

Word Count: 10100

Summary: The Law of Action must be applied in order for us to manifest things on earth. Therefore, we must engage in actions that support our thoughts, dreams, emotions, and words

Previous Parts (in order): Alan | You are here! | Virgil | Scott | Gordon

these just keep getting longer fellas i dont understand how thats possible but it is. ALSO: REMEMBER IN ATTRACTION WHEN I MENTIONED THAT THESE WERE BEING WRITTEN OUT OF ORDER. HA, UH, KIND OF AN UNDERSTATEMENT I GUESS. but its here! johns pov chapter! im pretty satisfied with it, albeit a few kinks i wasnt really able to work out, so i hope you enjoy it too!

thanks again to @gumnut-logic for the prompts! "Where?" and lightning were this fic's choices. sad to see the last ones go away, but this was still a blast so thank you once more! also, just because the prompts are gone doesnt mean this series will be too ;3

Anger was a rare emotion for John Tracy.

It had to be. When dealing with the cold hard truth of data telling them something wasn't possible or dealing with annoying people who thought they knew better than him or dealing with people panicking in his ear because nobody expected the aftershock of an earthquake to be that bad, he didn’t have a choice. There were a lot of deals in life that had to be made and someone needed to play peacemaker, even if it wasn’t deserved.

It was true that he got the least angry out of his siblings, even compared to Virgil. Virgil might not get necessarily violent like Scott did, or threw caution to the wind like Gordon, or, hell, pulled off whatever John does when someone somehow manages puts him in a bad mood, but Virgil did get angry quite a lot. He just didn’t have as many blatant ways of showing it. John, on the other hand, didn’t have a lot of ticks. Pet peeves, definitely, John was no stranger to annoyance (especially with siblings like his), but not outright anger.

That didn’t mean he never got angry. He was Tracy born and bred, so that meant one the few ticks he did have surrounded the topic of family.

Specifically, his family being threatened.

John wished he was the youngest sometimes. That meant he could say things like let Scott punch the idiot already, he’d be doing the world a favor, and not get lambasted for the immature response. It also meant he could throw tantrums to hell and back and not feel like a total loser.

Like right now for example.

“EOS, I swear, if you don’t open the elevator door for me--”

“No, I won’t.”

Unbelievable.

Groaning and rubbing his face, his hands found their way up to his forehead and through his hair, holding his bangs out of his eyes for a moment. His eyes had many emotions in them, the most blatant being this shit cannot be happening right now, “EOS, do you know you’re amazing? I don’t think I’ve said that enough.”

EOS whirled for a moment, “John, I’ve seen that grin on Gordon. I cannot believe you would stoop that low.”

The grin she pointed out fell flat off his face, “Yeah, okay, you’re right about that--”

“Like I always am.”

“--So thank you,” John was going to strangle whoever defined sass so thoroughly in the dictionary. It left a bad example, “For the reminder, but seriously, I need to get up to ‘Five. It’s… important.”

It’s been a week since Alan was taken.

They’ve exhausted all options.

The only thing that could possibly get him back to them had to be International Rescue’s resources.

But EOS over here wasn’t getting the memo. Her words had that hint of childish innocence behind it. In that way that said there was no innocence whatsoever and she knew exactly what she was doing, the little shit, “John, do you really need to, or do you want to?”

There’s the inflection that John taught her. An inhale through the nose and… Uuuugghh, “EOS, I know the difference between needs and wants, this is definitely a need.”

Another lens blink, another moment of disbelief, “It seems like you have a lot of needs, John Tracy.”

John grimaced and ground his jaw together, mumbling his grievances with the current situation, “Yeah, well, if there’s any trait I truly share with my siblings, it’s that we’re all high maintenance.” His next words were more clear and designed to get the point across, “EOS, I’m not kidding, unlock the door.”

EOS stood her ground, “John, you going up there is one of the most detrimental things to you’re health at the current moment. I won’t let you.”

John threw his hands into the air, “EOS, there’s are whole lotta things that are currently detrimental to my health currently happening, one more thing won’t hurt.”

EOS lens shuttered again and John felt like it was nails on a chalkboard, “You have a point, but I’ve seen you with Scott when he’s in a similar mood. Don’t you tell him he needs to take a moment and think when he gets like this?”

John groaned as quietly as possible. Not too loud, but loud enough that EOS hopefully got the point, “Yes, I do, but I’m not Scott. We are two very different people, you have pointed this out numerous times. We have different ways of handling things, this, and ‘Five is exactly how I can fix this problem.”

That was not how he should’ve worded that. Her lights flickered in sympathy, sympathy, and he knew she finally figured out what John was trying to get at, “John, there may still be a lot I have to learn, but at least I understand--”

“No, EOS!” John snapped before he could help himself. Before she could finish explaining her point of view that was most likely right, but his desperate brain didn’t want to hear it. His brain that was running on zero energy telling him this was taking too long, fix that, “You can’t understand!”

Just like that, John was reminded of why he hated getting angry.

As soon as the words left his mouth, so did the air in his lungs. Through sheer will and determination, the only thing that didn’t leave his body was the little amounts of food he ate over the past seven days, though it really wanted to. He became very pale, and EOS could detect the not-so-trace amounts of fear that fell over his eyes.

Dammit, you idiot. Months upon that past year of work were now going to go down the drain because you blew your lid just this once! First, the call with Alan, now telling the one thing that could kill you in your sleep she’ll never essentially be good enough was--

“I know, John.”

His food came back with a vengeance, but he was bullheaded as hell, and he already caused enough damage. The last thing anyone needed was to clean up vomit. It would’ve been nicer if she got angry at him. He could handle being thrown out into space. He couldn’t handle EOS admitting he was right, least of all over blatantly cruel words.

He channeled the energy his stomach wanted to use into weak words, “E-EOS, I…” What the hell was he supposed to say? Sorry surely wasn’t going to fucking cut it.

Well, whatever he wanted to cut didn’t come up, as EOS continued as if John wasn’t the worst thing on the planet, “I’ve been doing some reading. I understand that I’ll never really understand certain human-based things like you do. You, humans, have gotten close, me being one of the better examples, as long as that’s not considered bragging, but even I’m not at that level yet. But I do at least know you and your habits. I put up with them on a daily basis.”

Because if there’s anything else John needed to fail this week, it was the one promise he made to her. His promise to keep her safe, to make sure she wasn’t treated like a mindless robot by some crazy scientists ready and willing to cut her circuitry wide open like a middle-school science project. While he would never even get close to being a quote-on-quote crazy scientist, never in a million light-years, he surely didn’t follow that middle part of his promise, “EOS, listen, I--”

“Please, John,” and now she was pleading, thinking he was going to ask to use the elevator again. Thinking he wasn’t going to give up, even after all of that. John might’ve laughed if it wasn’t his fucking fault, “I’ll help look for more options if it means you’ll stay here for a little while longer. You should stay with your family. I know how they affect you in those positive ways that you currently need.”

John was abruptly aware of his heavy, almost wheeze-like breathing. If he wasn’t careful, it could delve into one whopper panic attack, which would be so great right now, “Y-Yeah, okay. They probably won’t understand the effects of gravity over an elongated period of time like I do, so I can stay and help with that, at least. Thank you.”

As John turned around, he heard EOS whisper to herself. He could blearily tell it was actually fondness that filled her vocal waves for once, but it still stung regardless, “Idiot.”

Yeah, he really was, wasn’t he.

As he helped look over his Dad’s med-scan with Virgil, when Virgil went looking for something on the other side of the room, his father whispered, “I know this is a bad question right about now, but, is there anything we can do for you? Maybe even I? You look dead on your feet.”

John could only reply to the first half of his father’s statement with a meek, “I don’t know anymore.”

---

16-year-old John Tracy was seated atop his roof, making sure he got the perfect view of the Big-Dipper.

He was hoping to spot a more exciting constellation when he first used his new telescope, but dangit! He was just so excited to get cracking right away! He just got back from his birthday party, Alan and Gordon snoozing in their rooms while Scott and Virgil secretly finished off the cake. That was okay. John was too busy focusing on his new expensive toy to worry about having any more sweets.

His dad could pull some strings when it counted.

Newest model. The only other people who have this baby are scientists at NASA. Happy birthday, John. Sorry I didn’t get you a car like Scott.

Fuck cool cars. John would be on cloud 9 for days with this thing. Scott would call him a nerd for it. Jokes on Scott, he couldn’t zoom about 10 thousand miles into space now, could he?

Right as he nailed it, the world shook. Large arms snaked around his waist and he involuntarily found himself giggling at the contact. As soon as those limbs let go, he blushed at his reaction and cleared his throat. Suddenly, the arms were an entire body sitting down right next to him, speaking with their ever-comforting burly voice, “Hiya, son, I see you just couldn’t wait, huh?”

Rolling his eyes, John turned back into his serious, analytical self once more, “Yup, this thing’s crazy. I’m glad I got out here as quickly as I did.”

Jeff simply grinned. John was always reserved, but Jeff was a good translator for all of his sons, and he could tell that John meant this is one of the best things in my life holy crap, “That’s great to hear. The look on your face when I brought this out of the closet was certainly good enough to last me a few lifetimes.”

John snorted, “I bet it was. I heard Gordon joking about it with Alan. I don’t think I need to see any pictures anymore. I have a pretty good mental image of what I looked like.”

Jeff smiled and sighed, “No kidding. “Like a goldfish with a broken jaw.” Not the most eloquent, that Gordon is.”

Laughter rang out throughout the roof, followed by a few moments of silence. Not awkward, but not really welcomed on John’s part either, “Do you…” Stop it, John, you’re asking for too much, “Nevermind, it’s dumb.”

Jeff tilted an eyebrow, “Oh, is it? I guess you would know if something were smart or dumb, so I trust your judgment.”

Dangit, Dad, why are you so manipulative, and why are you so good at it, “I don’t know. I’ve established I wanted to be an astronaut, right?”

Jeff nodded, “Mmhmm.”

John, for some reason, felt like he needed to tread carefully, “You are also an astronaut. If there was any way for you to be able to… could you… could you come up with me the first time?”

Jeff blinked in shock, and before his son could register that as disapproval, “Huh, well, that’s certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. Sure, I don’t see why not.”

Now it was John’s turn to blink, his mouth gaped, “Wait, what? Are you serious? Aren’t there rules for this kind of stuff?”

Jeff shrugged, his shoulders clearly saying rules shmules, “I’m also one of the biggest entrepreneurs on the planet itself, and one of the most renowned ex-astronauts there are. You would not believe the lengths people are willing to go to kiss my ass. Would you feel better if I pinky promised?”

John’s nose scrunched, “You can never truly promise anything, you know.”

His father chuckled, used to his son’s antics. John was reserved, remember, “Well, you boys always credited me with doing the impossible.”

John continued challenging him, “When we were all less than 10, yeah, sure. I think Alan still thinks you can breathe in space. You. Specifically. No one else. I think he said you only wore the helmet to “protect your secret so the evil movie scientists don’t take you away.””

Chuckles turned into laughter and a clap on John’s shoulder, “Well, glad to see I still got the magic touch at least.” That same arm that playfully smacked him was now wrapped around his shoulders, “Just you wait, Johnny boy, if I can’t get on that ship with you, then you bet your ass I’ll at least be the loudest one cheering in the crowd.”

Then, suddenly, John was right, like he always was.

A promise that never should have been made: broken. A wish never fulfilled.

Dad was swallowed up by the very thing John loved.

No more space stories, no more fun moon facts, there was a void in John’s life as big as the galaxy itself, and he wasn’t sure how to walk around it, or God forbid even into it.

He tried to be the healthy sibling about it. He tried so hard. Getting through high school quicker than most so he could just worry about his family. Scott and Grandma were doing their best, and in so many ways, it was enough, but even they couldn’t bear all of the stress themselves.

But then his high school graduation came and Grandma gave him one of the biggest hugs of his and her life and he realized that he would never get one from his father again. His mom leaving this world was already bad enough, but at least his dad was there and knew how to fill in the gap after years and years of his marriage with her. You didn’t marry a woman like Lucille Tracy and not fundamentally understand how the gears in her brain turned lest you were truly insane. Maybe Dad was. Certainly would explain a lot of things from John’s perspective. Certainly would explain why she married him in the first place. Crazy attracts crazy.

Regardless, the one thing closest to his mom’s warmth and care was gone, and if he spent the night of his graduation party quietly sobbing his eyes out while the others slept, well, then he was glad they kept snoring.

Try as he might, he became just as unhealthy and unbalanced as the rest of his family, but he was more subtle about it. His self-destructive ways weren’t bad if other people had them, but when it came to him, oh, he knew it was the worst thing he could do in terms of recovery. That’s probably why the rest of the family didn’t notice (Good). John was smart, he would know better. Yes, he did, which is exactly why he dived headfirst right into it all.

Focusing on college, getting up into the star-filled void closer to his dead relatives as quickly as possible, focusing on the here-and-now to make sure this shit didn’t happen again. Making sure no family went through what theirs did.

And maybe that’s why, why he couldn’t handle the touch of others wanting to comfort him. Because it reminded him too much of what they used to have, of what they used to be. Too many hugs and kisses from others might wash away what his mom’s and dad’s felt like, and out of all the things they could potentially lose from this, those were the worst possible ones.

John was a Tracy, which meant he was stubborn.

He wasn’t going to lose the last few things he remembered about his parents if he could help it.

---

It had been just under a month, and John finally got what he wanted.

And it wasn’t working like he thought it would, if at all.

He’s been on ‘Five for three days, and for just a fleeting moment, it washed away any uncertainty. He felt back in control, if only minorly, and he held the world at his fingertips once more. Too bad the world he wanted to fix was so far away it felt like it was on the other side of the frickin solar system itself.

He promised his family four days at most. Please, just one chance. We won’t know unless we try. He wasn’t sure what cracked them first, them coming upon dead end after dead end, them finally seeing reason behind John’s argument, or if they just got annoyed with the space monitor after endless nagging and relented like tired parents.

The tiny part of John’s mind that still allowed him to joke kinda hoped it was the third option. “Easy child”, pfft. John’ll show them.

Right, right, a clear head, the most focused of IR, he can’t get unfocused or go too far off track. He’s saved many lives throughout his life, all of them thanks to his level head, but right now, he was arguably saving the most important life of all, so that meant he had even more incentive to stay focused.

In fact, he was so focused, he jumped at the sudden, feminine voice filling the room, “John, I found another article I think you would like to see about most common places criminals… John?”

Crap, he was halfway into the fetal position. Slowly uncurling, John nodded, “Oh, thank you, EOS. I’ll start reading it shortly.”

The noise of her lens adjusting sounded throughout ‘Five again, “Of course. Let me know if you would like me to start searching for a different topic, though. There has to be a limit to how many “You wouldn’t believe this” articles one can take, and I think I’m finding it really quickly.”

For the next few seconds, John was suddenly filled with a rush of determination he had been trying to get after their little confrontation in front of a locked elevator door to ‘Five.

She had been helping him out so much the past couple of weeks. Running unnecessary tests for him, searching parts of the web only she could search without getting tracked by some secret mafia, letting him know it was okay if he couldn’t get everything right the first time when two months ago she snapped at him for getting a simple algebra equation wrong due to lack of sleep. She had been especially patient with him recently, even after their little spat in the hangar, and John wasn’t sure how to process it. A tiny part wanted to resort to anger again because he clearly didn’t deserve her, but the more prevalent parts preferred something like depression or even apathy.

She had been making sure his world didn’t spin off its axis, and John couldn’t even tell her sorry until now.

“EOS, I’m sorry.”

She stopped moving, turned around and let her lights blink yellow for only a moment, “For what, John?”

The man in question waved his hands around in front of his face, lost, confusing her more. With a sigh, he explained, “For a lot of things, but mainly from a few weeks back when we had that argument. I said something that wasn’t okay, and I didn’t have the balls to own up to it until now. So, I’m sorry. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have even been near.”

For a little bit, it was quiet. John waited as the A.I. contemplated his words. Then, she spoke her judgment, “Well, I know you are. You haven’t exactly been working off your butt over nothing, right? Plus, reliable sources say one of the ways guilt manifests is anger. I’ve seen that with the rest of your family. It would make sense yours would too.”

John blinked. Part of him was expecting her to not fully understand why he was apologizing, but the other wanted her to just so he could get over this, just so he could let go of even just the teeniest amount of guilt he had, “EOS, anger isn’t a valid excuse. What I said was wrong. I don’t believe those words and you shouldn’t either. The whole point of this partnership is to show you that there’s more to life than just calculations and probabilities. It’s kind of hard to see that when the one person who promised to be different went and screwed it up anyway.”

John hoped EOS was at least questioning things now instead of letting his words go in one ear and out the other. Her next words said she was doing exactly the latter, “Okay. I don’t disagree with you, John, but I don’t know why you’re so hooked on this. I understand. We don’t have to worry about this unnecessarily anymore.”

Yes, you do understand. That’s the fucking point.

They weren’t getting anywhere, yet John didn’t even have the energy to groan in annoyance. He could even get his eyebrow to twitch.

All he could do was simply lean his head back against the wall and let his hair stick up against it like static electricity was flowing through it. The real reason it was sticking up was probably due to a mixture of Zero-Gs and grease from all of the showering he hasn’t been doing, however. His eyes had deep rings around them, and for a second, EOS thought about how relative age could be as a number while John softly spoke, “The Hood was an angry man, too, you know. He felt slighted by our family and wanted us to feel the same. It still doesn’t make what he did right.”

EOS thought about his words before coming to a logical conclusion, “Well, that’s certainly a leap in logic. There’s a big gap between simply yelling because you’re annoyed and literal kidnapping. One gives people a sour mood, the other gives them a significant amount of jail--”

“Yes, EOS, I’m aware of that,” John brought his hand to his face, but underneath it was a grin, telling the world that he was feeling fond exasperation more than anything. EOS was more obtuse than him sometimes. It was one of the few things of himself he wished she didn’t copy so easily. He sighed and brought his hand back down, “I’m just... putting things into perspective. I want you to see why my words were wrong. It would make me feel better if you did.”

EOS hung still, letting John’s admission roll over her wiring like a wave of electricity, “You have a lot of needs and wants. What takes precedent?”

More inflection. This time, John welcomed it. It gave him something to stand on. John wanted a lot of things. Alan to be home safe and sound, Dad to have not disappeared for nearly a decade, for his brothers to stop slowly killing themselves, for himself to stop, but the needs of the many, even the needs of one, outweigh the wants of a singular man like him, but, “Well, needs obviously, they’re necessary, however… it’s okay to be selfish every once in a blue moon. It doesn’t make you inherently bad.”

It was advice he parroted many-a-times to his family, some of them more often than others, seldom to himself if at all.

Scott, it’s okay if you have to tell them you can’t make this business conference.

Virgil, you can count inventory in the morning. You didn’t get any sleep last night either.

Gordon, if you can’t smile for a day or two, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Kayo, you don’t have to patrol every night. We have security cams for a reason.

Alan, I know we tease you, but you missing a chore or two isn’t the end of the world.

Grandma, you already do enough for us, you barely cooking for us is the least of our worries.

That last one might be more for the rest of his family than not, but hey, two birds and one stone. Keeping his back against the wall, John stood up straighter against it, face suddenly serious, “In fact, wanting to be selfish is one of the best ways to tell that you’re human. You can’t escape it. It only becomes bad when you end up only being that.”

EOS sat in silence, her lens flickering in that way it always does when she was signifying she was about to pass judgment like a Goddess, which she seemed to be doing a lot more recently, “Well then… If I’m allowed one moment of self-reprieve, I suppose I should say that those words did… hurt.”

John grimaced despite very much understanding that he deserved it. The return of the inflection didn’t exactly help. Pushing himself away from the wall, he felt the metaphorical weight fall off his shoulders, “Yes, they did, and while they weren’t okay, it is okay to say that they weren’t. I still am very sorry.”

EOS adjusted her camera, probably to stall for time, “I know you are, John. I still forgive you, but am I correct in assuming I’m allowed some time to… recover isn’t the word I’m looking for, but--”

“Yes, EOS,” John helped her explain her own point, “Recover is a good word. You’re allowed that if you want it.”

John wasn’t sure how, but it seemed like EOS visibly relaxed, “Thank you, then, for letting me do that. This.”

For some reason, John did too, “Of course.”

It was a soft kind of awkward silence, where both parties had something on their mind but they weren’t entirely sure if they wanted to say it out loud. This is why EOS appreciated John more than the others, he simply let silence be silence. It allowed her time to think, unlike how Scott and Virgil kept asking questions, or how that awful duo made noises and messes only to have a chance at making people laugh. As if that was the most important thing they needed to do.

The nights the youngest called John were endless with his constant babbling that tended to grate her circuit boards. The only reason she let it happen was that John seemed to loosen up at the interaction. He became less weary, less worried-filled. He seemed to greatly enjoy the audial presence of Alan Tracy, let alone the way he lit up when the youngest actually showed up in person. It was just unfortunate that it seemed like the kid could never keep his mouth shut.

Then again… from what John said, the whole reason there wasn’t any more Alan was because he did keep it shut. At the worst moment possible. Now there wouldn’t be any more babbling period. Alan was gone, and the whole family was suffering from the new silence. EOS reasoned it was from the general idea of forced silence instead of just freely being able to leave the room or being able to tell him to quiet down, but maybe it was more than that. She could make another list of options to consider.

Plus, it was weird to think about a future where all of those video game walkthroughs she was forced to save would never be used again. John insisted that they weren’t just wastes of megabytes, so...

Hmm.

“Could you…” EOS trailed off, and before John could comprehend the unusual behavior of the A.I., she started speaking again, “Could you tell me more about Alan? I’m starting to think I judged him rather harshly.”

John took a moment to register her words and promptly snorted, “Well, most of your assumptions about him aren’t entirely unfounded, but that’s one of the joys of being an older sibling, I guess. Surprises around every corner,” there was regret in her voice and John knew he had to treat this as gently as he would a newborn child otherwise he would never hear it again.

EOS flickered, “I thought you didn’t like surprises.”

Uh, “Well, not usually, but there are a few from time to time that I could look back on and call them… quaint, in a sense.” Suddenly, a memory resurfaced, and John found himself grinning like he was doped up on nitrous oxide, “Yeah, they can have good surprises occasionally…”

It was a week before his next rotation. Scott would be back home in about three days, which allowed the second born to actually have a few moments with his only older brother. He was looking forward to it just as much as Scott was. Right now, though, he had to make sure he got the right angle.

Right as he did, he heard the soft pitter-patter of footsteps come up the ladder, and when he turned around, he was met with a bundle of freckles, “Oh, hey Alan.”

Hi, Johnny, the kid squirmed out, Is it okay if I sit next to you?

At first, a list of things wanted to fill John’s head. You look dead on your feet, you should be asleep, you have a lot going on this week so why are you wasting sleep? but instead of any of those filling the void that was his brain, John simply nodded, “Yeah, sure, come pop a squat, Sprout.”

John looked away right before he could watch Alan’s nose wrinkle in displeasure. Despite the usage of the nickname (that Alan secretly liked, don’t think you could pull that wool over our eyes, little bro), the kid still toddled over and flopped himself down right next to his older brother. Sighing, the kid leaned his head on John’s arm and absentmindedly stared out into space, both figuratively and literally. Satisfied his brother was comfy, John went back to his current objective.

As John examined the night sky, he also carefully looked over Alan out of the corner of his eye. Every bruise that John could see was finally dulling out into that familiar greyish-yellow as bruises do, and the sight was enough to calm any negative emotion being created from the reminder. John refocused on his telescope to help as well.

The kid had been through one hell of a week, bullies being their typical selves. Every Tracy outside of Scott and Gordon had their fair share of their own experiences with nasty people, and it wasn’t even the first time they’ve left their special kind of blue-and-black marks, but seeing it on Alan was… worse, somehow. Virgil had unsavory anonymous notes at ‘best’, and John knew first hand that their hits bruised more than just physical skin. So to see Alan get the same treatment and not say anything...

John was starting to understand why his older brother greyed so easily.

Speaking of which, Scott was pretty peeved at the idea of not being there for Alan. Because of this, John made sure to be the sole one to call him and inform him of the awful news while the older brother was out at his designated Air Force base. John wanted to see with his own two eyes that Scott wouldn’t do anything rash and made himself liable to be put on some kind of list.

You would think he wouldn’t be that stupid, but the Tracys are known for breaking expectations over their sweet, sweet kneecaps.

(“Scott, you’re not going to steal an Air Force jet just to come and beat up some dumb kids.”

“Watch me.”

“They’re only a year older than Alan.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

John pinched the bridge of his nose, “Listen, we already scarred them enough as it is, let alone their expulsions. Grandma’s threats to the adults were liable for a government-mandated therapist, Virgil just being there had them running for the hills, the computer I was sporting sent chills down their spines and throughout the hallways, and that’s not even to mention Gordon’s threats to the kids themselves. Seriously, where would a 15-year-old even get the tools to do that?”

Scott visibly relaxed at John’s point, but he still sat a little taut, not fully accepting the idea of people being cruel enough to hurt a literal ray of sunshine, “Fine, fine, I still want to talk to the kid over a call at some point. He was the one who dealt with those idiots.”

John’s shoulders deflated, “Yeah, you got me there. He’ll be back with Virgil and Gordon soon enough, you can see him then.”

Scott smiled in a way that washed away the greys in his hair, if only for a moment, “Awesome, I--”

John wasn’t completely done, “But I’m going to be with Alan while you talk to him. I don’t trust you to not be in search-and-destroy mode, and the last thing Alan needs is an angry you with no buffer. Besides, I’m pretty sure we have the same questions. I can play the angsty-Scott translator tonight. Usual fee, 10 bucks each word.”

The groan that managed to fill the whole house despite the tiny speakers was one John would never forget.)

Too lost in thought, John didn’t catch Alan’s movements at first. Leaning away from his telescope, John focused on Alan, “Sorry, Allie, did you say something?”

The child simply shrugged and smushed his chubby cheeks against John’s side, shaking his head, followed by his hands, I just wanted to see what you were doing.

Ah, that made sense. Alan had been continuously signing for the past year because of the obvious, so John rolled with the punches. It was always funny when they talked about these years in the future. Alan talked, Alan said, Alan brought up: it was always metaphorical, and nobody could believe them when they said Alan was fluent in ASL, let alone because he could actually go half a day without talking.

It was ironic because even with no words, Alan still managed to be the loudest thing on the planet. His hands always screamed with excitement whenever he felt like ‘talking’, and no brother ever felt like shutting him up. Especially when it was so easy for Alan to simply not shake his hands to hide the fact that he was in trouble--

Right, don’t go there. John shook his head to bring himself out of his thoughts and replied to the non-verbal admission, “Just looking at the stars. Recording their coordinates and whatnot.”

A small gasp had John jerking immediately away from his scope to see Alan suddenly very worried, maybe even fearful, But won’t you lose your eyes?!

Aha, what? “Allie, you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

John almost didn’t catch what Alan was trying to explain with the way he frantically shook his hands even faster than before, Mrs. Gatsen explained to us that the sun was a star too, but we’re not allowed to look at it for too long because it’ll steal our eyes! I don’t want you to lose your eyes, Johnny!

Ohoho, the part of John’s brain that was all about the smartsy stuff was gearing up to have a full-blown seminar of sorts, but the way the kid seemed so sincere in his worry, in his fear, John felt partially bad for giggling instead, “Oh, Allie, no. Here,” John was activating his inner Virgil and Scott with the way he grabbed the youngster and placed him in his lap, “Yes, the sun is a star, but there are many kinds of stars. Most of which don’t hurt your eyes. Take a look.”

Alan gave one last sentimental look at John, who nodded again just to reassure the blonde before the boy gulped and put his eye against the tool like Johnny did. This time, the gasp that came from him was more magical, more child-like, as it always should be. John watched on as the kid became stuck to his telescope like glue.

Suddenly, Alan leaned back into John, somewhat knocking the wind out of him. Honestly, now that he was thinking about it, John realized he was pushing it by letting Alan sit next to him in terms of his personal comfort zone. He loved Allie just as much as the rest of the family, but letting them in, letting them get close, was veering dangerously close to that specific ‘hug’ territory like he and his parents had.

Before John could explain that in a child-friendly way, and hopefully in a way where the too-smart-for-his-own-good kid couldn’t pick up on the hidden message, Alan looked him directly in the eyes and confidently signed his wants, Can we do this more often? Can we?

Just like that, John’s mind blanked. Alan wanted to do something with him. Not swim with Gordon, not music with Virgil, not do, well, anything with Scott, Allie found something that he would like to do with John.

Huh, interesting, “Yeah, sure. If we can’t do it in the next week, then the first thing we’ll do when I come down is stargaze, because that’s what it’s called: stargazing.”

Alan started gripping his arm tighter and leaned more into his chest, nodding vigorously at the news and looking back to the sky with newfound wonder. Letting Alan be, abruptly forgetting his grievances with things like touch, John went back to his telescope. After another minute or so, John reached a point where he needed both sides of his body, except it looked like one of them was going to be kept immobile unless the spaceman said something to Alan.

John tried doing just that, just without looking away from his device, “Hey, Allie, I don’t mind the sitting-in-my-lap and stuff, but I do need my arm back to--”

Snoring.

Oh.

Jerking his head to physically look at his sibling, John found Alan passed out and squeezing his arm like a freckled koala bear. The ginger flinched a little bit at the drool dripping onto his sleeve, but the way Allie melted into him made him-- actually, he was very suddenly aware that this whole night he hadn’t really been thinking at all, and that thought made him continue to stare mindlessly at the dozing brother.

He always thought about, well, everything. What he was going to say, what he planned to do tomorrow, about what the future held now that they were down their second and last parent. If he didn’t think about it beforehand, he rarely did it. He had to make sure he went through all of his options before haphazardly jumping into the pits of hell.

Yet the way his younger brother looked at him like he was the world himself tonight made John throw all of his training to be as cautious as possible out the window in a need to comfort and care for the small thing in front of him.

It was shocking to his mind, yet he didn’t resent just being able to do without worrying too much. Was this how smother complexes started? Did he ever drool on Scott’s arm? Still staring at Alan, John’s mind continued to be robotic as he simply let his younger brother be and went back to his telescope. Alan had been needing to get a little more sleep lately anyway.

Yeah, it was fine. He could figure out how to follow up on his words later. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure out a way to squeeze Alan into some of his already-planned stargazing nights while making sure the kid still got sleep. Also, John’s used telescopes wearing a cast and sling before, he might prefer two arms, but he has been okay with only one.

If Grandma yelled at John for spending too much time on the roof again, well, she would have to get over it. Alan got an extra hour of sleep and that was all that mattered.

EOS watched as John finished the story. Once he was done, he continued to be quiet while grinning at nothing. All he was doing was simply staring at the floor… It was slightly creepy, and EOS cleared her nonexistent throat, “Huh, I didn’t realize he got a lot of his interests from you. Maybe… maybe you could show me why he did. He can too. More perspectives always get more data.”

John blinked and was immediately taken out of his trance. He brought his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat, “Yeah, he-- wait, what?”

EOS sighed. This is another reason why she snapped him out of it; his inability to listen to someone right in front of him. She simplified her words, “If Alan comes back, can you two take me stargazing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen what the stars look like down there, or, at least, I never looked at them long enough to understand what you all find to be so fascinating about them.”

John blinked a few more times with his mouth slightly gaped. He looked around nervously before bringing his turquoise eyes to look EOS directly in the middle of her camera, “Yeah, sure, EOS. When Alan gets back, that’s the first thing we’ll do.”

EOS didn’t mention anything about the correction of if to when, “Thank you, John, I would like that very much.”

John nodded and floated back to his tech, “Of course. Now then, we’ve got work to do. I’ve been meaning to stargaze recently anyway.”

He still had one more day up here.

And a baby brother who needed saving.

How hard could it be?

---

Very.

Growling in frustration, he thumped his fist against the wall next to him rather harshly.

Not enough to leave any kind of mark or dent, but enough for him to focus on the tiny amount of pain it gave him. He vaguely heard EOS’s lens flare at the sudden noise, but he was a little too focused on why he felt the need to hit his girl.

It was the end of the last day, and he didn’t make it any further like he thought he would.

Some bleak part of his mind was hoped, prayed that his girl would have the tools to find their baby brother. He was willing to bend her entire satellite to be able to reach the far ends of the galaxy if he had to, but even he had to concede that she wasn’t enough. The Hood wasn’t dumb, unfortunately, and he wasn’t going to go easy on them. That is if he was even going “to go” on them to start with.

While it wasn’t the first time he failed spectacularly, this failure certainly hurt the worst.

Half of him wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything for a moment (or maybe forever), but the other half won out in terms of what his body contorted into. Instead of curling up like a prickly hedgehog, he leaned backward to be floating with his back to the ground and his face to the ceiling with his face in his hands. Meanwhile, EOS silently gazed from her camera in the corner. Watching John struggle this way was… new, and it twisted her wires in a way she wasn’t sure she could describe.

EOS watched him mumble something. Huh, peculiar as ever. Adjusting her camera, she tried small talk, “What was that, John?”

Still mumbles, but more intelligible, “... I need to drop the ‘s’.”

A flicker of yellow, nothing but pure confusion for once in her robotic life, “The ‘s’ of what?”

Suddenly, the astronaut was standing (well, floating) upright with a look of disdain, but EOS could see that it wasn’t meant for her, “Of ‘she’. It’s not ‘Five’s fault, God, it never is, but maybe… maybe it’s mine.”

All of her programs should allow her to say something. Anything, sugarcoated or not, would be beneficial to this seemingly one-sided conversation, but this was the moment she learned that humans could be faster than computers since John steamrolled right to the point without hesitation, “He wasn’t good enough sounds better. Nothing I’m doing is getting any results. I gave my family false hope that I would find something and now I have to go to them and essentially break them. They were already barely holding it together as it was, but when the “smart one” in their family says there’s nothing he can do…”

She found herself going against the logical part of her program-- because despite the idiot John Tracy could be, when he made an argument that had any kind of evidence you never could go against it-- the first time in, well, ever, in an attempt to comfort her partner, “John… I think you’re grasping at straws here.”

He looked up from the floor, and EOS had to shrink her lens at the sight of unshed tears in his eyes, “Who was the one that called him?! Me! He was standing there only a few rooms over, probably terrified out of his mind, and I didn’t know. I let him slip between our fingers because I was so caught up in the moment and I hate myself for it.”

EOS found herself speechless for once, and the few droplets of tears that floated in front of John’s face didn’t help. She had been trying her best recently, especially recently, to understand the fluctuations of human emotion, and she was pretty sure she had decent tabs on at least John nowadays, but this was something unexpected, a thing her programming never really liked to deal with. It involved lots of new calculations and new sims, why, it made things seconds longer when they didn’t have the time to deal with it!

Her electronic voice box made a noise with the intent to say something, as she thought she finally had the time to deal with it, but just her luck, more unexpected things made her reapproach the issue at hand, “John, look out! The Chaos Crew!”

Blinking out of his self-deprecation train, John was uncharacteristically panicking, “What, where?” After doing a full 180, John eventually saw one of his comm radios with the familiar pink symbol floating above it.

John’s pupils shrunk and his eyebrows tilted downward in that unfamiliar emotion: anger.

Fuck this.

The mood change was as fast as the speed of lightning. John practically flung himself to the communication device on something akin to a warpath. No longer regretful or depressed, John was filled to the brim with fury at the sight of one of the men that was a constant thorn in the Tracy family’s side, “What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you--”

“Wait wait wait!” Fuse pleaded, making John momentarily pause enough to listen, “I’m not good at this like my sister is, so this connection is going to drop soon. I need you to reopen the line yourself so I can explain what I’m here for! Trust me, I swear I’m not--”

Zip.

Blinking at the lack of noise, John slowly turned his head to look at his A.I. to get her opinion on the matter. It wasn’t a positive one, that’s for sure. Her dots were bright red, and for the first time in a while, he found himself flinching at the sight and sound of her, “It wouldn’t take much of me to get rid of the nuisance, you know.”

Taking a few deep breaths, John shook his head, “No, EOS, give me a sec. Don’t send him careening into space.”

Yet.

With shaky hands, John did as Fuse begged and found the comm line the guy haphazardly threw together. Right as Fuse jumped at the sight of one of the Tracys actually hearing him out, John’s voice spoke coldly, “You have five minutes. Go.”

Fuse gulped, “W-Well, I suppose the first thing to do would be to apologize. I’ve caused a lot of messes for you and your family-- heh, ‘messes’ probably doesn’t even come close to explaining what I did-- and I realize that now, so I want to--”

Ah, that tactic. The one where they try so desperately to seem like they were repentant. John wasn’t familiar with it, but Scott sure was. Shady business owners trying to shy away from their consequences made the eldest very aware of how slimy those in power could be. Scott complained about it a lot, so John made sure to always remember it just in case he ever ran into it himself.

Preplanning wins again in the Tracy household. You should listen to John’s advice more, Gordon, “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” John muttered mostly to himself and moved in a way that signified something was going to happen.

Fuse sputtered and stopped immediately. Crap, he was going about this wrong. These were all things he was suddenly genuine about, he really was, but the Tracys didn’t want useless apologies at the moment, and he understood that. Hopefully, he didn’t understand it too late. Right before John could do anything to him or give any kind of command to his satellite, Fuse blurted the information he should’ve said the first place, “I know where he is!”

John felt like the Earth flew right off its axis.

Everything froze, including EOS. His hand was out in front of him for some reason, probably subconsciously reaching for some kind of button, as he absentmindedly listened to the whirl of ‘Five and his brain fully processed what Fuse was promising, “... What?”

John was keenly aware that sounding so weak, so hopeful, was something that Fuse could spinelessly abuse if the man wanted to, but John had a good lie detector. The words that fumbled out of half The Chaos Crew’s mouth were sounding good, great, and John could tell that he wasn’t bullshitting anything, “I know where he’s keeping your bro. I mean… shit, what The Hood did wasn’t right, maybe it never was, but I know this specifically is--” a break in his speech in an attempt to words things better. Fuse failed, “Bad. I just…”

John’s head involuntarily tilted at the way Fuse trailed off. For once in his life, John was at a loss. This was highly uncharacteristic from what John had seen of The Chaos Crew, and the astronaut was so flabbergasted he couldn’t even begin to come up with any possible ulterior motive behind Fuse’s actions at the moment.

Suddenly, Fuse looked back up with big eyes, almost reminding John of Alan a little bit. Not in the obvious ways, because Fuse was on the verge of seven feet tall and built like a truck whereas Alan was the teeniest thing on the planet, but… John could see similar traits of innocence in them. The eyes of someone desperately clinging onto the last few shreds of hope they had, but still ready to do what's right because of it. Because even if the light at the end of the tunnel was small it was still worth fighting for.

Fuse, seeing that John wasn’t going to say anything, bit the bullet, “I don’t know, call it selfish, call it smart, but if The Hood is willing to do something like this to someone so young, I… I don’t want to be apart of it. I can’t give any information about my sister, I’m no snitch, but I want out, even if it means spending the rest of my days in a GDF cell.”

John was suddenly aware of a burning question, “Wait, how old are you, Fuse?”

A tired sigh, aging Fuse to something that was probably three times what he was going to say, “I turn 20 in two weeks.”

John sharply inhaled, “Jesus, I… I didn’t realize you were that young.”

A lot of things made sense quickly and abruptly like they always do for the ginger.

If The Hood was willing to do this to someone so young, that didn’t stop him from doing this to someone like Fuse. The logical conclusion the now ‘ex-villain’ made probably danced the wildest jig in his head, and before anyone could clap their hands, he got as far away as possible. John wouldn’t be surprised if The Hood made idle threats for not following orders or for “being stupid”, so Fuse had every right to feel threatened.

Jeez, he was probably terrified at the implication. A dark, buried part of John selfishly thought good, it sucks you had to learn the hard way, but now you see why we all hate him, but the first thing that came to his mind was something unexpected yet expected all the same.

John was reminded of Alan again.

Except Alan had four older brothers to run to when the monsters got too big or too frightening.

…

Scott was going to kill him, “Park her over on the left and come in. We’ve got a lot to talk about. Bring inside whatever you think will help.”

EOS’s shrill John! ringed throughout the room, yet it was overruled swiftly. Fuse’s mouth was wide open, “For real?”

John couldn’t tell if he was losing the knots in his stomach or forming completely new ones, “Yes. Don’t do anything funny, though. I have eyes everywhere.”

Fuse gulped again, yet he was very business-like with his next words, “Of course.”

The line cut a millisecond before John wanted it to. John knew exactly why, “Listen, EOS--”

EOS was suddenly in his face, and it spoke miles at how far she’s come that she wasn’t blaring any alarms in anger, “No, you listen, John Tracy. I cannot believe the level of ignorance you are displaying!”

Gordon always joked about her being his daughter, but right now, John’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the feeling of being scolded by an overbearing mother, “I get this may seem like I’ve lost it--” jokes on EOS, who says he hasn’t at this point? “Listen, there’s nothing else left to go off of, and I know this makes me look like a crazy man desperate for information that might not even be there, but--”

“No buts!” EOS shrieked, “You told me that if you followed a sentence with a “but” that what you were about to say shouldn’t even be considered an option! What is making you throw all of my training out the window?!”

John’s mouth became very dry. This conversation was taking a very different turn, “Wait, EOS, why is this all about you suddenly--”

John was starting to regret giving her more mobility at the sight of her jamming her camera directly in his face even more, “It’s not just about me! This affects you too! You said you always based your decisions on the here-and-now, so I should too, so why am I the only one doing so?! You’ve seen what he’s capable of!”

John’s mind tended to be made of gears, and all of them began spinning at the same time. Dammit, he didn’t pick up on this because he didn’t even consider it a factor: EOS being scared. Hell, it wasn't even considered because the last time he remembered her being this scared was when she thought he was a threat during the first time they met (was it really that long ago?). She was scared that Fuse was going to hurt John like he hurt the rest of the astronaut’s family. Like he hurt Gordon.

The only difference is that nobody could get to John like they did Gordon, so that left the ginger at an impasse if the small chance that Fuse was here to hurt him came true.

John found it very hard to breathe all of a sudden. Closing his eyes and struggling to get enough air in, he realized a fundamental problem. EOS was based on data and things that have been recorded, and so far, the only things recorded about Fuse was that he was hellbent on hurting the Tracy family, a family that John was apart of.

She didn’t know any other way to feel about the guy, she didn’t have any other example.

John would love to be that way too, honestly, to just focus on the data. Numbers never tended to be wrong, and the idea of being a simple number-crunching bot would make life a shit-ton easier, but he can’t. He’s human. One that’s very much willing to go against the numbers and probabilities if it meant helping his family.

A rarity for John, to follow his gut and nothing else, but at the end of the day, he was a Tracy, and following his gut was as familiar to him as it was to name all of the immediate constellations in the summer’s nighttime sky, “EOS, I know it’ll be hard to believe me, hell, I’m having trouble believing myself, but Fuse isn’t here to hurt me. The here-and-now is different for reasons I don’t have enough time to properly explain, okay? If there’s anything to believe, believe in the trust you have in me to make the right decision like I always do.”

EOS made no noise, not even a flicker of her lens. He expected her usual sass, something along the lines of, Who says I trust you, moron? but what he got punched away what little air he managed to collect, “... Do you promise?”

That was the million-dollar question. Of course, he couldn’t. He didn’t like making promises after the age of 12. Too many probabilities, too many what-ifs, made promises somewhat of a theoretical impossibility. But just like that night on the roof with Alan, John was able to not think, “I promise, EOS. You wanted to go stargazing with me and Alan, right? Fuse might be able to let us do that again.”

‘Family’ was a Wild Card. Nothing was possible, yet everything was at the same time when it came down to it. ‘Family’ was what made Scott go from day to day without keeling over. ‘Family’ was what got Virgil to sleep at night when he just couldn’t by himself. ‘Family’ was how Gordon managed to keep smiling and joking despite everything in the world trying to make him stop. Hell, ‘Family’ was how their father kicked the word impossible right in the groin and live.

‘Family’ might have been why Alan was stuck in such a shitty situation, but it was also the reason the kid was willing and able to go that far in the first place. He learned that selflessness from his ‘Family’, after all.

John was intent to use that fact to the fullest.

EOS’s lights blinked in contemplation before she quietly spoke once more, “Do I have permission to shock him if he makes even the slightest suspicious movement?”

John rolled his eyes yet grinned all the same, “Sure, only just a little voltage, though. Right in the ass. Would be a nice pick-me-up after all of this.”

Well, despite the year they’ve had, John wasn’t aware EOS could snort. Another sign things might be going right for once.

The door swwwshed open and Fuse floated into where the two hyper-intelligent beings were hanging about and got straight to the point, “Thank you. I hope… I hope I don’t let you down.”

John found himself light as air, and it wasn’t just the zero-gravity this time, “Sounds good. Let’s get cracking.”

While the first thing he did back on Earth was scare his father and his immediate younger brother shitless, the way they and the rest of the family lit up at the plan he and Fuse came up with (after making sure nobody killed the dude, which was surprisingly more difficult than expected, and boy was it expected) made it all worth it.

Well, maybe the sight of Fuse occasionally jumping and yelping at a strange pinch in his bottom with no known cause was worth it too. John wouldn’t tell his brothers that, though, he was the responsible one, remember?

You always made me look at things differently, EOS. Thank you.

#fabfivefeb #fabfivefeb2020 #thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #john tracy #alan tracy #eos #fuse thunderbirds #jeff tracy #my post #my fic #series: rules of alchemy

[oosteven-universe]

Star Trek Deep Space Nine #1

Star Trek Deep Space Nine #1 IDW Publishing 2020 Written by Scott Tipton & David Tipton Illustrated by Greg Scott Coloured by Felipe Sobreiro Lettered by Neil Uyetake    Death casts its shadow as Constable Odo searches for truth amid a web of treachery and lies. Everyone on the Promanade has a motive for this murder, be it vengeance, justice... or old-fashioned greed.    While I am a fan and supporter of the original Star Trek books I never cared to read the TNG comics.  Deep Space Nine was something I started to watch and gave up on it just wasn’t the version I was hoping for.  This however intrigued me because it focuses on Oto and I adored Rene Auberjonois, and had a crush on Dr. Bashir so I had to check it out.  Plus if you know me I am a fan of the Tipton’s and Greg is one of my absolute favourite artists working today which guaranteed I was going to be reading this.  Sometimes I am beyond thrilled to take a chance on something that I wouldn’t normally go for.  The idea of this story is something I personally love to see because there are so few mystery stories set in this world.    I am a huge fan of the way that this is being told.  The story & plot development that we see here through how the sequence of events unfold and how the reader learns information is laid out exquisitely well.  The brothers Tipton really are some amazing storytellers and I thoroughly enjoy the work they do in the Star Trek Universe and to see this the way we do is phenomenal!  The character development that we see here is superb.  We get to see some really nice work on these characters, some of whom I don’t know and others that I am surprised to see within these pages.  So yeah I am totally impressed with exactly much we find ourselves liking, questioning or being reminded why we didn’t like them.  The pacing is amazing and as it takes us through the pages revealing the layers of the story to us we see how well this book is structured as well as how it all works together so seamlessly in creating the books ebb & flow.    This is a phenomenal book!  The way we see the story start and begin to get juicy as a myriad of characters are introduced as possible suspects in this crime.  Just the introduction alone is one that makes us want to see more and if we were going to get this quality of storytelling is what we should expect than I want to see more of Deep Space Nine, something I never thought I’d say.    Oh Greg is one of today’s most extraordinary artists.  His linework is exquisite and how he is able to utilise its varying weights and techniques to really showcase the attention to detail.  How he is able to utilise these bold, strong lines side by side with the soft and delicate ones and bring them together is something you cannot be taught in schools.  This is pure talent right here and we see this also in the way he utilises backgrounds throughout.  They not only enhance the moments but they provide this amazing depth perception, sense of scale as well as the overall sense of size and scope to the book.  The creativity and imagination that we see throughout is just sensational, in the myriad of species as well as the architecture on, in and whatnot the station.  The utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels show such a masters eye for storytelling.  The colour work that we see is divine.  How the various hues and tones within any given colour that’s being utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work is rendered perfectly.  The colour choices we see are inspired and inspiring and how they are utilised to add to the definition at times shows this supremely talented eye.   ​    This book is mindboggilingly bloody brilliant!  From the writing to the lettering  there is absolutely nothing to find fault with.  

#Comic Books #Comics Reviews #IDW Publishing #Scott Tipton #David Tipton #Greg Scott #Felipe Sobreiro #Neil Uyetake

[notyourpapashockey]

Hispanic Heritage Month Fan Highlight: Elan Lozano

NOTE FROM NOT YOUR PAPA’S HOCKEY: SOME PEOPLE DECLINED TO SHARE LAST NAMES, TWITTER HANDLES AND/OR PERSONAL PICTURES. WE RESPECT THEIR RIGHT TO PRIVACY, AND WE HOPE OUR READERS DO AS WELL. WE HAVE NOT EDITED ANSWERS ASIDE FROM SLIGHT SPELLING ERRORS AND ADDED CLARIFICATION.

Not Your Papa’s (NYP): Tell me a little about yourself - name, pronouns, where you're from, fun fact if you want, etc!

Elan (E): My name is Elan Lozano, I am a 29 year old Mexican-American male from Saint Paul, Minnesota. I am not only an extremely huge hockey fan, but I am a musician as well. I play the drums, a little bit of guitar and work at a music shop as well. I have a hockey jersey collection that is currently up to 20, but most likely will be more by the time this article will come out.

NYP: Who is your team (or teams)?

E: Minnesota Wild all the way!

NYP: Who is your favorite player and why? 

E: Matt Dumba, no question. He’s the definition of a true leader in my opinion. He is always the first guy to help the younger guys get acclimated to the team. He is always there to pick up his teammates when they are hurt and the first to stick up for his teammates in a scrum or a fight. He is also finally getting recognized for it with his King Clancy Award this year, but he is an extremely huge community leader. He is always donating his time to multiple programs, charities and even strangers since the first day he arrived in Minnesota. He has done a ton of work with the ACES program and it is amazing to see. He has also donated money to help rebuild Minneapolis and for Black Lives Matter. It still boggles my mind that he has not been considered an option as a potential team captain when Mikko Koivu retires.

As a player, when he is on, the Wild are on as well. He’s a player that very much can dictate where the team can go. Plus, he has one of the best one timers I have ever seen. He has an absolute bomb of a slapshot! I honestly think if he did not get hurt halfway through last season, we would be talking about Matt Dumba across the league a lot more as one of the top offensive defenseman in the NHL. I have all the confidence that he will be able to turn back around and become the 20-30 goal scorer he looked like he was going to be before he was injured.

NYP: How long have you been a hockey fan and how did you get into hockey?

E: For as long as I can remember. I would guess around 6 or 7, so 22 or 23 years. All I remember was seeing The Mighty Ducks as a kid and being hooked! I mean, it was a movie that was filmed in my hometown. It was like it was meant to be. As far as NHL hockey, it easily has to be the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals. I just remember Dominik Hasek being an absolute madman in the net and making some of the craziest saves I have ever seen. Still, to this day, it amazes me how he made some of the saves he did. In my opinion, Dominik Hasek in his prime was the best goaltender to ever play the game. He almost single handedly won the Sabers a Cup. Shoutout to The Dominator. Still is one of my favorite players of all time.

NYP: What do you like the most about hockey? 

E: This is [a] tough question. I do not know if I can pick just one, but one of the things I love most about the sport is the fact that an underdog can win on any given night, and I do not think you can say that about any other sport really. Especially, in the playoffs. How many other sports leagues can say that an 8th seed has a shot at winning their league’s championship if they are able to make the playoffs and get hot at the right time? Not many, if any at all. The feeling of anything can happen is just pure amazing.

Another thing I love about the sport is the passion of anyone who is involved or surrounded by the game itself. The players, the announcers, the writers and the fans. We all live and die with our teams. The players leave it all out on the ice. The fact that a player can get as big of a cheer for blocking a shot as they can for scoring a goal tells you all you need to know about the passion the players and the fans have for the game and for each other.

NYP: How has being Hispanic/Latinx in a white-male centric fan community affected your relationship with the sport?

E: My experience with the sport has been positive for the most part, but there are moments where things have not been so positive. I remember growing up and saying my favorite sport is hockey. You would have kids make comments like, “But, you’re Mexican.” I never took those kids as meaning anything hurtful by it. Most of the time, they thought it was cool that I was Mexican and liked hockey, but I learned quickly at a very young age that there was not a lot of Latinx representation in the sport and that has always disappointed me.

It is growing. Slowly, but it is growing. I always looked up to Scott Gomez and would do reports in school on him as much as I could because he was an inspiration to me. It is amazing to see that we have a Latinx GM for the Minnesota Wild in Bill Guerin. It is amazing to see Alex Meruelo as the first Latinx owner in the NHL. I cannot tell you how exciting it was to see Auston Matthews go First Overall in the NHL Draft. There was such a high sense of pride for me seeing a Latinx player go first overall and especially to arguably the biggest hockey market in the world AND be their star player. 

The more negative experiences I have had have more come from looks or getting the feeling someone is talking about you because you are different. When I have been at the local bars surrounding Xcel Energy Center grabbing food and beer before a game, there are a few times I will get looks or get the feeling someone has been talking about me. It has happened at the arena a few times as well. I never let it bother me much because I am not going to allow someone to ruin my good time and waste the hard earned money I spent on my ticket to the game, but at the same time, I am human.

I can only deal with so much before I want to say something. I usually never do because, for one, I am usually alone and two, I am a Person of Color by myself at a hockey game. I would like to think a majority of the fans would have my back in helping defend me against racism, but I always get the feeling security or the cops at the arena would take the other person’s side if I did ever speak up. The worst part is I am a Season Ticket Holder and I still feel like very few people would have my back to support me. 

NYP: What do you wish you could see from teams or players when it comes to Hispanic Heritage - especially teams in areas with large Hispanic/Latinx populations?

E: Simple. Outreach, outreach, outreach. Most of the time, the teams will go to the suburbs of the city they play in, but where the outreach is needed most is usually a lot closer to the arenas these teams play in. It would be as simple as taking the time to go to a local rec center and play some floor hockey in the gym with the kids. If you did that once a week or even once a month, you would get so many more eyes on the sport and get kids interested at a much younger age.

Outreach is the first step. The second would have to be donating not only time, but money and/or gear. The game is extremely expensive. From my personal experience, my mom did not have the money to get me the gear I needed to play hockey when I was younger. A few years ago, I was able to get myself skates and a helmet and started to trying to learn how to skate on my own. There was no way my single mom could have afforded to buy the gear and ice time I would have needed to be able to play.

NYP: In relation to the question above, what would you like to see your favorite team, specifically, do for Hispanic/Latinx fans?

E: I would give the two same answers as before, but I will specify it more to my city and to the Minnesota Wild. I live on the West Side of Saint Paul, which has a very large Latinx population, more specifically, Mexican and Mexican-American. I live literally 5 minutes from the Xcel Energy Center and in the near 20 years of the team’s existence, there has been no or hardly any outreach to this side of town. We could not live any closer to not only the arena, but to the practice facilities as well. There is no excuse the team has to not have more of an outreach in our neighborhood. We have a new rec center in the area, an indoor ice rink and the rec center also makes two outdoor rinks every year. There are plenty of opportunities for the Wild to outreach to the neighborhood I live in, but I have seen more outreach in the suburbs who are 30 to 45 minutes away from the arena. Even the Minnesota Twins rebuilt the baseball fields that are attached to the rec center and they are based out of Minneapolis, not Saint Paul like the Minnesota Wild are. It is extremely disappointing.

NYP: What is your favorite thing a team or player has done for Hispanic Heritage? 

E: It almost feels disappointing that this is my answer because I feel like it should be something on a bigger scale to talk about, but it has to be an interview/YouTube video that SportsNet’s Donnovan Bennett did with Auston Matthews about his Latinx heritage that was released back in February this year. It was great to hear him talk about his family and his culture. It shows where he comes from. Sadly, the video has under 100,000 views at the time of me writing this. It is crazy to me that the Leafs, or the NHL for that matter, did not promote this more for one of its Superstars players in the league.

[Note from NYPH: the video has since surpassed 100k views but barely, it sits at 100,684 as of Sept. 23, 2020.]

NYP: Tell me about a favorite hockey memory.

E: Hands down, my favorite hockey moment is Andrew Brunette’s OT Game 7 winner against the Colorado Avalanche in 2003. I was 12 and I remember it was one of the rare times my mom let me stay up late to let me watch the game. No matter how late it could have gone, she was going to let me stay up and watch the entire game. She knew what it meant to me. Quick shoutout to my amazing mom for always being supportive of my passion for the sport of hockey. My mom even let me watch the game on the big TV in the living room.

I remember Brunette getting a break to the net and when he scored, it is a feeling I will never forget. I just remember jumping up and down, screaming and crying out of pure joy. The emotions came over me. To this day, whenever I see this goal, I get a chill down my spine. No one gave us a chance and we took down the mighty Avalanche. We were the underdog, and we fought so hard to get a chance. To get respect. That is why I connect with the game so much. I am that person in my everyday life. I have to fight for every inch and you have to do that exact same thing in hockey.

NYP: What is something you wish people knew as a Hispanic/Latinx hockey fan? 

E: I think from a cultural standpoint, we have so much to offer to the game to make it better. We are passionate. We love hard! We dive headfirst into the things we love. We will fight, scratch, claw and defend our team to no end. Imagine having more players with that fire and passion on a team or in a front office. We have so much to offer the sport. We just need the opportunities to do so.

You can find Elan on Twitter: @MapexDrummer26.

#hispanic heritage month #hispanic #hhm #hockey #matt dumba #auston matthews #minnesota wild #latina #latinx #latino #interview #fan interview

[seeking-star-wars]

Obi-wan Kenobi Reading List

Below the cut is a list of books that Obi-wan Kenobi appears in. The list is in chronological order using the Canon timeline from Wookieepedia, with the title of the book, author of the book, a brief synopsis of the book, and a link to the book on Amazon. The Amazon link takes you to Kindle option, but you can select physical or audiobook from the same page.

Some books focus on Obi-wan specifically, in some he’s a supporting character, and in some, he only appears briefly or as a memory.

Age of Republic - Heroes

by Jody Houser, Ethan Sacks, Marc Guggenheim, Cory Smith, Leinil Francis Yu, Paolo Villanelli, Casper Wijngaard

Collects Star Wars: Age of Republic - Anakin Skywalker 1, Star Wars: Age of Republic - Obi-Wan Kenobi 1, Star Wars: Age of Republic - Padme Amidala 1, Star Wars: Age of Republic - Qui-Gon Jinn 1; material from Star Wars: Age of Republic Special 1. This is the Age of Star Wars — an epic series of adventures uniting your favorite characters from all three trilogies! Join the greatest heroes of the Old Republic. Witness the moments that define them, the incredible battles that shaped them — and their eternal conflict between light and darkness! Maverick Jedi Knight Qui-Gon Jinn is known to bend the rules — but a mission gone awry forces him to confront his conflicting beliefs! Anakin Skywalker has a chance to strike a devastating blow to the separatist cause. Will he choose the darker path or hold true to the Jedi code? Padmé Amidala sets out on a secret mission! Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master Jedi, takes on an apprentice. Will his mission alongside his young Padawan bring them closer together or sow the seeds that will drive them apart? Plus: Mace Windu, Captain Rex...and Jar Jar Binks!

Master & Apprentice

by Claudia Gray

A Jedi must be a fearless warrior, a guardian of justice, and a scholar in the ways of the Force. But perhaps a Jedi’s most essential duty is to pass on what they have learned. Master Yoda trained Dooku; Dooku trained Qui-Gon Jinn; and now Qui-Gon has a Padawan of his own. But while Qui-Gon has faced all manner of threats and danger as a Jedi, nothing has ever scared him like the thought of failing his apprentice. Obi-Wan Kenobi has deep respect for his Master, but struggles to understand him. Why must Qui-Gon so often disregard the laws that bind the Jedi? Why is Qui-Gon drawn to ancient Jedi prophecies instead of more practical concerns? And why wasn’t Obi-Wan told that Qui-Gon is considering an invitation to join the Jedi Council—knowing it would mean the end of their partnership? The simple answer scares him: Obi-Wan has failed his Master. When Jedi Rael Averross, another former student of Dooku, requests their assistance with a political dispute, Jinn and Kenobi travel to the royal court of Pijal for what may be their final mission together. What should be a simple assignment quickly becomes clouded by deceit, and by visions of violent disaster that take hold in Qui-Gon’s mind. As Qui-Gon’s faith in prophecy grows, Obi-Wan’s faith in him is tested—just as a threat surfaces that will demand that Master and apprentice come together as never before, or be divided forever.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Adaptation by Terry Brooks

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, an evil legacy long believed dead is stirring. Now the dark side of the Force threatens to overwhelm the light, and only an ancient Jedi prophecy stands between hope and doom for the entire galaxy. On the green, unspoiled world of Naboo, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, arrive to protect the realm’s young queen as she seeks a diplomatic solution to end the siege of her planet by Trade Federation warships. At the same time, on desert-swept Tatooine, a slave boy named Anakin Skywalker, who possesses a strange ability for understanding the “rightness” of things, toils by day and dreams by night—of becoming a Jedi Knight and finding a way to win freedom for himself and his beloved mother. It will be the unexpected meeting of Jedi, Queen, and a gifted boy that will mark the start of a drama that will become legend. Features a bonus section following the novel that includes a primer on the Star Wars expanded universe, and over half a dozen excerpts from some of the most popular Star Wars books of the last thirty years, plus a brand-new Darth Maul short story by New York Times bestselling author James Luceno!

Obi-wan & Anakin, Complete

by Charles Soule and Marco Checchetto

Collects Obi-Wan and Anakin #1-5 single issues. Before their military heroism in the Clone Wars, before their tragic battle on Mustafar and many decades before their final confrontation on the Death Star, they were Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and his young Padawan, Anakin Skywalker. Now join them a few years into Anakin's, "chosen one" training. Teacher and student have grown closer over time, but it's been a difficult road. And things aren't about to get any easier. In fact, when they're called to a remote planet for assistance, the pair may be pushed to their breaking point. As they find themselves stranded on a strange world of primitive technology and deadly natives, will they be able to save themselves? When war breaks out around them, master and apprentice will find themselves on opposite sides!

Queen’s Shadow

by E. K. Johnston

Written by the #1 New York Times best-selling author of Ahsoka! When Padmé Naberrie, "Queen Amidala" of Naboo, steps down from her position, she is asked by the newly-elected queen to become Naboo's representative in the Galactic Senate. Padmé is unsure about taking on the new role, but cannot turn down the request to serve her people. Together with her most loyal handmaidens, Padmé must figure out how to navigate the treacherous waters of politics and forge a new identity beyond the queen's shadow.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones

Adaptation by R.A. Salvatore

Mischievous and resolved, courageous to the point of recklessness, Anakin Skywalker has come of age in a time of great upheaval. The nineteen-year-old apprentice to Obi-Wan Kenobi is an enigma to the Jedi Council, and a challenge to his Jedi Master. Time has not dulled Anakin’s ambition, nor has his Jedi training tamed his independent streak. When an attempt on Senator Padmé Amidala’s life brings them together for the first time in ten years, it is clear that time also has not dulled Anakin’s intense feelings for the beautiful diplomat. The attack on Senator Amidala just before a crucial vote thrusts the Republic even closer to the edge of disaster. Masters Yoda and Mace Windu sense enormous unease. The dark side is growing, clouding the Jedi’s perception of the events. Unbeknownst to the Jedi, a slow rumble is building into the roar of thousands of soldiers readying for battle. But even as the Republic falters around them, Anakin and Padmé find a connection so intense that all else begins to fall away. Anakin will lose himself—and his way—in emotions a Jedi, sworn to hold allegiance only to the Order, is forbidden to have. Based on the story by George Lucas and the screenplay by George Lucas and Jonathan Hales, this intense and revealing novel by bestselling author R. A. Salvatore sheds new light on the legend of Star Wars—and skillfully illuminates one of our most beloved sagas. Features a bonus section following the novel that includes a primer on the Star Wars expanded universe, and over half a dozen excerpts from some of the most popular Star Wars books of the last thirty years!

Star Wars Adventures I

by Landry Q. Walker, Cavan Scott, Derek Charm, Eric Jones, Elsa Charretier

Brand-new Star Wars comic book stories for readers of all ages! These new adventures make this sprawling universe more accessible than ever. Travel to a galaxy far, far away in the first volume of an all-new series as a rotating cast of characters (and creators!) journey through Star Wars history! Stories range from before the events of the first film all the way up to Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, in theatres December 2017. Characters major and minor, classic and new, expand the world of Star Wars into new territory, telling larger-than-life stories that encapsulate the breadth of the galactic struggle between good and evil for a new generation of fans

Dark Disciple

by Christie Golden

The only way to bring down the Sith’s most dangerous warrior may be to join forces with the dark side. In the war for control of the galaxy between the armies of the dark side and the Republic, former Jedi Master turned ruthless Sith Lord Count Dooku has grown ever more brutal in his tactics. Despite the powers of the Jedi and the military prowess of their clone army, the sheer number of fatalities is taking a terrible toll. And when Dooku orders the massacre of a flotilla of helpless refugees, the Jedi Council feels it has no choice but to take drastic action: targeting the man responsible for so many war atrocities, Count Dooku himself. But the ever-elusive Dooku is dangerous prey for even the most skilled hunter. So the Council makes the bold decision to bring both sides of the Force’s power to bear—pairing brash Jedi Knight Quinlan Vos with infamous one-time Sith acolyte Asajj Ventress. Though Jedi distrust for the cunning killer who once served at Dooku’s side still runs deep, Ventress’s hatred for her former master runs deeper. She’s more than willing to lend her copious talents as a bounty hunter—and assassin—to Vos’s quest. Together, Ventress and Vos are the best hope for eliminating Dooku—as long as the emerging feelings between them don’t compromise their mission. But Ventress is determined to have her retribution and at last let go of her dark Sith past. Balancing the complicated emotions she feels for Vos with the fury of her warrior’s spirit, she resolves to claim victory on all fronts—a vow that will be mercilessly tested by her deadly enemy . . . and her own doubt.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

Adaptation by Matthew Stover

The turning point for the entire Star Wars saga is at hand After years of civil war, the Separatists have battered the already faltering Republic nearly to the point of collapse. On Coruscant, the Senate watches anxiously as Supreme Chancellor Palpatine aggressively strips away more and more constitutional liberties in the name of safeguarding the Republic. Yoda, Mace Windu, and their fellow Masters grapple with the Chancellor’ s disturbing move to assume control of the Jedi Council. And Anakin Skywalker, the prophesied Chosen One, destined to bring balance to the Force, is increasingly consumed by his fear that his secret love, Senator Padmé Amidala, will die. As the combat escalates across the galaxy, the stage is set for an explosive endgame: Obi-Wan undertakes a perilous mission to destroy the dreaded Separatist military leader General Grievous. Palpatine, eager to secure even greater control, subtly influences public opinion to turn against the Jedi. And a conflicted Anakin–tormented by unspeakable visions– edges dangerously closer to the brink of a galaxy-shaping decision. It remains only for Darth Sidious, whose shadow looms ever larger, to strike the final staggering blow against the Republic . . . and to ordain a fearsome new Sith Lord: Darth Vader. Based on the screenplay of the eagerly anticipated final film in George Lucas’s epic saga, bestselling Star Wars author Matthew Stover’s novel crackles with action, captures the iconic characters in all their complexity, and brings a space opera masterpiece full circle in stunning style. Features a bonus section following the novel that includes a primer on the Star Wars expanded universe, and over half a dozen excerpts from some of the most popular Star Wars books of the last thirty years!

Ahsoka

by E. K. Johnston

Fans have long wondered what happened to Ahsoka after she left the Jedi Order near the end of the Clone Wars, and before she re-appeared as the mysterious Rebel operative Fulcrum in Rebels. Finally, her story will begin to be told. Following her experiences with the Jedi and the devastation of Order 66, Ahsoka is unsure she can be part of a larger whole ever again. But her desire to fight the evils of the Empire and protect those who need it will lead her right to Bail Organa, and the Rebel Alliance….

Lords of the Sith

by Paul S. Kemp

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . . . When the Emperor and his notorious apprentice, Darth Vader, find themselves stranded in the middle of insurgent action on an inhospitable planet, they must rely on each other, the Force, and their own ruthlessness to prevail. “It appears things are as you suspected, Lord Vader. We are indeed hunted.” Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight, is just a memory. Darth Vader, newly anointed Sith Lord, is ascendant. The Emperor’s chosen apprentice has swiftly proven his loyalty to the dark side. Still, the history of the Sith Order is one of duplicity, betrayal, and acolytes violently usurping their Masters—and the truest measure of Vader’s allegiance has yet to be taken. Until now. On Ryloth, a planet crucial to the growing Empire as a source of slave labor and the narcotic known as “spice,” an aggressive resistance movement has arisen, led by Cham Syndulla, an idealistic freedom fighter, and Isval, a vengeful former slave. But Emperor Palpatine means to control the embattled world and its precious resources—by political power or firepower—and he will be neither intimidated nor denied. Accompanied by his merciless disciple, Darth Vader, he sets out on a rare personal mission to ensure his will is done. For Syndulla and Isval, it’s the opportunity to strike at the very heart of the ruthless dictatorship sweeping the galaxy. And for the Emperor and Darth Vader, Ryloth becomes more than just a matter of putting down an insurrection: When an ambush sends them crashing to the planet’s surface, where inhospitable terrain and an army of resistance fighters await them, they will find their relationship tested as never before. With only their lightsabers, the dark side of the Force, and each other to depend on, the two Sith must decide if the brutal bond they share will make them victorious allies or lethal adversaries.

Darth Maul: Son of Dathomir

by Jeremy Barlow, Juan Frigeri

Collecting Star Wars: Darth Maul - Son of Dathomir #1-4 and material from Star Wars Tales #7-9. Getting cut in half by Obi-Wan Kenobi and being rejected by his former Sith Master Darth Sidious isn't going to defeat Darth Maul. In fact, it only makes him mad enough to take on the galaxy - with an army of Mandalorians! After forming the Shadow Collective - a criminal organization composed of the Hutts, Black Sun, the Mandalorians, and the fearsome Nightbrothers - Maul wages war against Darth Sidious and his generals, Count Dooku and General Grievous! Adapted from unproduced screenplays for Season 6 of The Clone Wars television show, this is the final chapter planned for Darth Maul' saga.

Star Wars #7

by Jason Aaron, John Cassaday, Simone Bianchi

A special one-off tale of Ben Kenobi! Injustice reigns on Tatooine as villainous scum run rampant. Will Ben risk revealing himself to do what's right? Guest artist Simone Bianchi (Wolverine, Astonishing X-Men) joins writer Jason Aaron for this special tale!

Star Wars #15

by Jason Aaron, Mike Mayhew

FROM THE JOURNALS OF OBI-WAN KENOBI. Another tale of Obi-Wan's exile on Tatooine! Owen Lars took Luke in...but he refused to let Ben be part of his life. Why? What trouble could have been stirred up by Ben protecting Luke?

Star Wars #20

by Jason Aaron, Mike Mayhew

Another dive into the journal of Obi-Wan Kenobi! Jabba has hired bounty hunter Black Krrsantan to find out who's been thwarting his men! The old hermit of the dune wastes might know something about that.

A New Dawn

By John Jackson Miller with a foreword by Dave Filoni

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . . . “The war is over. The Separatists have been defeated, and the Jedi rebellion has been foiled. We stand on the threshold of a new beginning.”—Emperor Palpatine For a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights brought peace and order to the Galactic Republic, aided by their connection to the mystical energy field known as the Force. But they were betrayed—and the entire galaxy has paid the price. It is the Age of the Empire. Now Emperor Palpatine, once Chancellor of the Republic and secretly a Sith follower of the dark side of the Force, has brought his own peace and order to the galaxy. Peace through brutal repression, and order through increasing control of his subjects’ lives. But even as the Emperor tightens his iron grip, others have begun to question his means and motives. And still others, whose lives were destroyed by Palpatine’s machinations, lay scattered about the galaxy like unexploded bombs, waiting to go off. . . . The first Star Wars novel created in collaboration with the Lucasfilm Story Group, Star Wars: A New Dawn is set during the legendary “Dark Times” between Episodes III and IV and tells the story of how two of the lead characters from the animated series Star Wars Rebels first came to cross paths. Featuring a foreword by Dave Filoni. 

Tales from Vader’s Castle

by Cavan Scott, Derek Charm, Chris Fenoglio, Corin Howell, Robert Hack, Charles Paul Willson III

How do a band of rebels distract themselves when sneaking into the creepiest place in the galaxy? Tell scary stories of course! Follow Lina Graf, Crater, and friends as they sneak—and fight—their way into the terrifying castle of Darth Vader! Along the way, they’ll trade spooky stories featuring the most terrifying villains and creatures in the universe!

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope

Adaptation by George Lucas

Kindle | Other Versions

The classic adventure that started it all A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away . . . Luke Skywalker lived and worked on his uncle's farm on the remote planet of Tatooine—and he was bored beyond belief. He yearned for adventures out among the stars, adventures that would take him beyond the farthest galaxies to distant and alien worlds. But Luke gets more than he bargained for when he intercepts a cryptic message from a beautiful princess held captive by a dark and powerful warlord. Luke doesn't know who she is, but he knows he has to save her—and soon, because time is running out. Armed only with courage and with the lightsaber that had been his father's, Luke is catapulted into the middle of the most savage space war ever—and headed straight for a desperate encounter on the enemy battle station known as the Death Star. . . .

From a Certain Point of View

by Renee Ahdieh, Meg Cabot, Pierce Brown, Nnedi Okorafor, Sabaa Tahir

On May 25, 1977, the world was introduced to Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, C-3PO, R2-D2, Chewbacca, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Darth Vader, and a galaxy full of possibilities. In honor of the fortieth anniversary, more than forty contributors lend their vision to this retelling of Star Wars. Each of the forty short stories reimagines a moment from the original film, but through the eyes of a supporting character. From a Certain Point of View features contributions by bestselling authors, trendsetting artists, and treasured voices from the literary history of Star Wars: • Gary Whitta bridges the gap from Rogue One to A New Hope through the eyes of Captain Antilles. • Aunt Beru finds her voice in an intimate character study by Meg Cabot. • Nnedi Okorofor brings dignity and depth to a most unlikely character: the monster in the trash compactor. • Pablo Hidalgo provides a chilling glimpse inside the mind of Grand Moff Tarkin. • Pierce Brown chronicles Biggs Darklighter’s final flight during the Rebellion’s harrowing attack on the Death Star. • Wil Wheaton spins a poignant tale of the rebels left behind on Yavin. Plus thirty-four more hilarious, heartbreaking, and astonishing tales from: Ben Acker • Renée Ahdieh • Tom Angleberger • Ben Blacker • Jeffrey Brown • Rae Carson • Adam Christopher • Zoraida Córdova • Delilah S. Dawson • Kelly Sue DeConnick • Paul Dini • Ian Doescher • Ashley Eckstein • Matt Fraction • Alexander Freed • Jason Fry • Kieron Gillen • Christie Golden • Claudia Gray • E. K. Johnston • Paul S. Kemp • Mur Lafferty • Ken Liu • Griffin McElroy • John Jackson Miller • Daniel José Older • Mallory Ortberg • Beth Revis • Madeleine Roux • Greg Rucka • Gary D. Schmidt • Cavan Scott • Charles Soule • Sabaa Tahir • Elizabeth Wein • Glen Weldon • Chuck Wendig All participating authors have generously forgone any compensation for their stories. Instead, their proceeds will be donated to First Book—a leading nonprofit that provides new books, learning materials, and other essentials to educators and organizations serving children in need. To further celebrate the launch of this book and both companies’ longstanding relationships with First Book, Penguin Random House has donated $100,000 to First Book, and Disney/Lucasfilm has donated 100,000 children’s books—valued at $1,000,000—to support First Book and their mission of providing equal access to quality education. Over the past sixteen years, Disney and Penguin Random House combined have donated more than eighty-eight million books to First Book.

Heir to the Jedi

by Kevin Hearne

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . . . A thrilling new adventure set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, and—for the first time ever—written entirely from Luke Skywalker’s first-person point of view. Luke Skywalker’s game-changing destruction of the Death Star has made him not only a hero of the Rebel Alliance but a valuable asset in the ongoing battle against the Empire. Though he’s a long way from mastering the power of the Force, there’s no denying his phenomenal skills as a pilot—and in the eyes of Rebel leaders Princess Leia Organa and Admiral Ackbar, there’s no one better qualified to carry out a daring rescue mission crucial to the Alliance cause. A brilliant alien cryptographer renowned for her ability to breach even the most advanced communications systems is being detained by Imperial agents determined to exploit her exceptional talents for the Empire’s purposes. But the prospective spy’s sympathies lie with the Rebels, and she’s willing to join their effort in exchange for being reunited with her family. It’s an opportunity to gain a critical edge against the Empire that’s too precious to pass up. It’s also a job that demands the element of surprise. So Luke and the ever-resourceful droid R2-D2 swap their trusty X-wing fighter for a sleek space yacht piloted by brash recruit Nakari Kelen, daughter of a biotech mogul, who’s got a score of her own to settle with the Empire. Challenged by ruthless Imperial bodyguards, death-dealing enemy battleships, merciless bounty hunters, and monstrous brain-eating parasites, Luke plunges head-on into a high-stakes espionage operation that will push his abilities as a Rebel fighter and would-be Jedi to the limit. If ever he needed the wisdom of Obi-Wan Kenobi to shepherd him through danger, it’s now. But Luke will have to rely on himself, his friends, and his own burgeoning relationship with the Force to survive.

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Adaptation by Donald F. Glut

Based on the story by George Lucas and the screenplay by Leigh Brackett and Lawrence Kasdan The adventures of Luke Skywalker did not end with the destruction of the Death Star. Though the Rebel Alliance won a significant battle, the war against the Empire has only just begun.   Several months have passed, and the Rebels have established a hidden outpost on the frozen wasteland of Hoth. But even on that icy backwater planet, they cannot escape the evil Darth Vader’s notice for long. Soon Luke, Han, Princess Leia, and their faithful companions will be forced to flee, scattering in all directions—with the Dark Lord’s minions in fevered pursuit.

Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi

Adaptation by James Khan

It was a dark time for the rebel alliance...Han Solo, frozen in carbonite, had been delivered into the hands of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt. Determined to rescue him, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Lando Calrissian launched a hazardous mission against Jabba's Tatooine stronghold. The Rebel commanders gathered all the warships of the Rebel fleet into a single giant armada. And Darth Vader and the Emperor, who had ordered construction to begin on a new and even more powerful Death Star, were making plans to crush the Rebel Alliance once and for all.

Aftermath: Life Debt

by Chuck Wendig

It is a dark time for the Empire. . . . The Emperor is dead, and the remnants of his former Empire are in retreat. As the New Republic fights to restore a lasting peace to the galaxy, some dare to imagine new beginnings and new destinies. For Han Solo, that means settling his last outstanding debt, by helping Chewbacca liberate the Wookiee’s homeworld of Kashyyyk. Meanwhile, Norra Wexley and her band of Imperial hunters pursue Grand Admiral Rae Sloane and the Empire’s remaining leadership across the galaxy. Even as more and more officers are brought to justice, Sloane continues to elude the New Republic, and Norra fears Sloane may be searching for a means to save the crumbling Empire from oblivion. But the hunt for Sloane is cut short when Norra receives an urgent request from Princess Leia Organa. The attempt to liberate Kashyyyk has carried Han Solo, Chewbacca, and a band of smugglers into an ambush—resulting in Chewie’s capture and Han’s disappearance. Breaking away from their official mission and racing toward the Millennium Falcon’s last known location, Norra and her crew prepare for any challenge that stands between them and their missing comrades. But they can’t anticipate the true depth of the danger that awaits them—or the ruthlessness of the enemy drawing them into his crosshairs.

#seeking star wars #star wars #obi-wan kenobi #reading list #canon books

[hellsbells91]

Avengers: Endgame, a day later

What an absolute ride. My brain hurts though. It’s a lot to unpack and this post/review/scrutinisation turned into a bit of a mini-essay.

Spoilers are all below the cut and they are detailed spoilers for the whole film, just to warn everyone:

An emotional rollercoaster that despite us knowing that time travel would be involved still had its moments that kept me guessing as to what could happen, or how it could happen. I still felt the joy and intrigue during the ‘time-heist’ and a moment of piercing dread when Thanos picked up the fully-loaded infinity gauntlet for the second time. 

I also loved how Endgame took the time to be immensely fun. Of course it had bleak moments, depressing moments, angry moments, but damn did it make me laugh. Korg, Frigga, OG Hulk, Loki... their presence, however short-lived or ultimately unfulfilling, was like a soothing balm for the soul and reminded us why we fell in love with these guys the first time around. How much charisma and charm can Tom Hiddleston fit into about a minute of screen time of Loki, also without speaking for most of it? A lot. He is on form as always and I’m glad for it.

Infinity War was of a much darker tone, I feel, and I very much enjoy the parts of Endgame that made me feel like we were in the original Avengers again (I mean aside from the actual time travel portions), recapturing some of that joy and excitement and most importantly hope that was a constant comforting presence in the first title.

The emotional beats with Clint and his family, Scott and Cassie and Tony and Morgan (and Howard) also in particular gave the film much needed time to breathe after Infinity War’s ‘GO GO GO crank everything to 11!’ pace, and were for me at least among the most heartfelt moments. 

I actually don’t have too much to say about Thor and Bruce, honestly. They were entertaining, I liked them, it was a bit of a shame we didn’t get more of Hulk and that Thor was made to be the butt of a joke for most of the film, but they both got pretty satisfying conclusions at least. I hope Thor shaves and gets a haircut though, I’m not digging the Volstagg look on him.

One sticking point for me was that Thor doesn’t even say Loki’s name once, not even to joke about him in the past or even glance at him in his cell on Asgard and this did slightly annoy me throughout the film, but I’m not overly torn up about it. Maybe they didn’t want to overdo the fact that in most of his films, Thor is grieving for Loki one way or another - we get it, he misses his brother. In the overall very long list of ways in which Loki’s character has gotten shafted in the MCU, this is one of the lesser things. 

At least Thor got to say goodbye to Frigga this time, and I couldn’t help but also be lifted (just as Thor was) by her words, As I mentioned before, this was one of those times during the film that I got to be filled with hope.

The supporting cast were also great, and I’m kinda happy that they didn’t give Captain Marvel a bigger role, along with a decent excuse for her not being there most of the time. I was worried that being a new character with an upcoming franchise, she would be made to outshine the others in Endgame and they didn’t do that. Keeping most of the focus on the original six made Endgame more of a satisfying conclusion to their stories, with just hints of what will happen now for everyone else. Point to Marvel. 

Onto fatalities:

So let’s start with the big one, Tony Stark. Iron Man was the first MCU film I watched and he’s been my favourite character (aside Loki) throughout the series. The world is a slightly duller place without him, but whilst it was undeniably upsetting and many tears were shed in the cinema and now while I’m writing this, it didn’t have the sour taste that Loki’s demise left me with. 

Because if you’re going to have to go, you might as well save the entire universe in the process.

As we passed over all the characters standing at Tony’s funeral, I was sad, but not enraged. I was struck with this sense of ‘none of them would be here without Tony’ and it left me feeling just bittersweet about the whole thing. And after a few minutes when Happy asks Morgan if she’s okay and she says she is, I know that the characters, and myself, and everyone else will be too. 

Of course we will be. 

What a wonderful, hopeful ending.

I was pretty satisfied with Natasha’s end also, to be honest. I didn’t always love her presence in past films, but I can appreciate that her story in the MCU has been all about trying to do what she thinks is right, even if it sometimes means going against allies. Her sacrifice is an act of love, and hope. It’s not done out of guilt, she’s not trying to make up for past mistakes, it’s not framed as punishment - she’s just doing what she can to ensure that everyone else, especially Clint, has the chance to carry on - just like Tony does. So, like Tony, I’m more bittersweet about it than angry. 

Loki on the other hand died brutally and needlessly - that whole opening scene in Infinity War caused so much controversy on how odd, cryptic, out of character and poorly edited it was that a lot of people straight up assumed that there just had to be more going on, there’s no way such accomplished filmmakers could be so sloppy! But like the other inconsistencies in Infinity War, Endgame offers no answers other than yep, the filmmakers really are that sloppy. 

So with the major deaths out of the way, onto some bad stuff. This film is excellent to watch don’t get me wrong, just don’t start thinking about the time travel implications for more than 5 minutes. Because whilst the film takes the time to establish its own (confusing) set of rules for time travel, it then proceeds to play pretty fast and loose with those same rules. 

Yes I’m going to complain about the timey-wimey stuff. 

It’s a shame that the film that takes such care in adding in so many references to the past films, would take such liberties in other areas. I joked with my friend that i’d need a diagram to work it out so that it makes sense, and that has not changed so if anyone here can explain it, please let me know because I’m not a scientist, time travel or sci-fi expert and I can’t wrap my head around it.

By the logic that Gamora is alive in the 2023 present and her death has been effectively erased, so must Loki’s, Heimdal’s and the other Asgardians’ deaths be erased. Gamora cannot simultaneously be sacrificed for the soul stone but not exist in the timeline that led her there. Despite the film telling us the past can’t be changed, it seems that past versions of characters can change their own future, but then also have that alternate future have no bearing on the original timeline.

Using that logic Natasha and Tony could simply be brought in from an earlier time. No one ever need die again because they can just be brought forward from the past without consequence to the current timeline. Maybe this will come up in the future again, maybe we’ll learn that taking people out of their timelines has severe personal consequences as they start to remember multiple lives and states of being, a bit like Nebula, which would then give a solid enough reason as to why people shouldn’t just be brought back and could inform the plot of Gamora’s new existence in GOTG3, along with Loki’s TV series next year. 

It still wouldn’t explain how Steve manages to pull this off without any consequences to himself and the fact that he lives in parallel to another Steve Rogers, but it would be something I guess? Even so, by going back to what appears to be the 40s/50s and staying there, Steve has also changed Peggy’s timeline (that’s one of those rules broken), and it would be a bit too dark for Marvel to link up Peggy’s eventual alzheimer’s with the fact that she has effectively led two separate lives, one with Steve and one with her husband and children - unless they’re gonna tell us that Peggy left her husband to be with Steve?? And are you telling me that Steve would sit back and not tell Peggy about HYDRA? Or help to free Bucky sooner? 

Also Steve must have re-infected Jane with the Aether. Nice one Steve. And this putting the stones back where they came from would have also meant having to avoid the time-heist troupe, lest they see Steve again and figure out they must have won.

Idk I’m thinking about this too much.

The Thanos who is killed at the end of Endgame (... ha) is the Thanos from 2014. He leaves his original timeline and doesn’t return (unlike the Infinity stones) so how is any of what he did between 2014 and 2018 possible? Is the film trying to tell me that Thanos can jump from 2014 to 2023 and be killed but somehow also exist up until he is killed by Thor one month after the snap in 2018?

The film tells us the past can’t be changed when clearly it can. Or is it that the past can be changed but it won’t affect the present? 

BUT HOW? 

Have multiple timelines been created or not? It’s suggested that by returning the stones, the new timeline that was created by removing them in the first place would no longer exist, reverting everything back to how it was. In Loki’s case, as much as it pains me to say it, as soon as Tony and Steve go back to 1970 for the Tesseract, the alternate timeline Loki made by taking it in 2012 would be essentially overwritten, reverting everything back to how it was before.

There’s a whole lot of maybe’s and what if’s circling around and I hate padding this post with ‘lol idk what’s going on’ but I went into Endgame expecting some answers but ended up just getting more questions.

Apparently the upcoming TV shows have close ties to Endgame, and how cool would it be to see a Loki series in which his 2012 tesseract-wielding-self grapples with knowledge of his own future and plans accordingly until he catches up to the present day?? Watching as this powerful agent of chaos takes a steaming dump on time itself by refusing to stay dead or be erased from existence. 

Something tells me though *cough*Marvel’s track record with Loki*cough* that this route will not be taken. 

GOTG3 will at least, hopefully, help towards sorting out this time travel mess.

So, ultimately, is Avengers: Endgame a satisfying conclusion to the series? Kinda. Just don’t try to sort out the timelines. There’s more to come yet for a good while, and maybe (there’s that maybe again) we’ll still get the answers we seek.

....

Bonus: I’m reaching higher than the moon here but until told otherwise, the ‘clink clink’ noise at the end is totally Loki getting his handcuffs removed.

#a4 spoilers #endgame spoilers #avengers: endgame #Avengers #MCU #Tony Stark #Loki #steve rogers

[rankakiu]

Thoughts of the Droid: Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Hello, Tumblr people! How life treats you? As always, I hope very well. Finally, I was presented with the perfect opportunity to see one of the most anticipated superhero films of this year: Avengers: Endgame, is a production that closes with 10 years of stories about heroism and of course, a decade of success for Marvel Studios.

WARNING: NOT SPOILER-FREE. Read at your own risk

Entering already full to the review, what did I think the movie? Short answer: While it is not up to Infinity War, it is a great movie by itself. Now we go with more details. 

Characters: Basically our favorite characters are still faithful to themselves. In Infinity War, we saw our heroes dead of fear and full of uncertainty; in this film is when we can see them completely broken, with their confidence on the floor and generally affected to know that they have not been able to save the world (and the universe). We see them struggling to adapt to a new world with half of their lives destroyed, a hostile environment that constantly reminds them of their failure as heroes and as humans. And even though they find Thanos and have a brief fight where they easily defeat the Crazy Titan, their feeling of emptiness gets worse, knowing that they can do nothing to reverse the situation ... or do they?

At this point, it could be said that the character of Scott Lang, when speaking to them about the quantum realm and his theory of time travel, causes the hopes of the Avengers to be reborn. Hence, our characters face various conflicts, mostly emotional, to know that many of them were not in the best friendly relationships, but even so, leave all that aside to focus on a common goal: to collect the gems of the infinite and thus have a possibility, not only to beat Thanos, but to fix everything.

History: It is at this point where I will be honest with you. The truth expected a different and more epic story. I do not know, a story where the surviving Avengers faced Thanos but seeing the inordinate power of the Crazy Titan, they would flee and from there formulate a time travel plan to collect the gems and that Thanos knowing that, would also travel to time to stop them. I expected a conflict that was even superior to the one shown in Infinity War. Instead, I saw a somewhat simpler story without so much epic tinge, so I was a little disappointed.

But why is history bad? Of course not. In fact, it is interesting to note that the story in Infinity War is about the villain, his background and motivations, why he does what he does. And they formulate it so well, that the spectator can sympathize in Thanos's crusade, leaving a bittersweet feeling: you can understand that his goal is to a certain noble point, but you do not agree with the method with which he wants to carry out his goal. On the other hand, in Endgame, it is a film that deals more with our heroes, to see them at first deal with their failure, and then see how hope is reborn in them and how they finally come together to carry out their plan, where they return to work as a real team, not as superheroes, but as brothers. It is a story where we see how the most powerful heroes of the planet seek on this journey to heal their wounds and in fact, this is what the story of the film is about: a healing process and with which they will seek redemption.

Speaking more about history, time travel seemed very successful, since it is here where we see our heroes more emotional than ever and that we can appreciate their human side much more. They face a mental challenge that supposes a hypothetical trip in the time, but in addition, they face an emotional challenge, that supposes being with a loved one, or facing a difficult decision of life and death. 

In the first case, we have Steve Rogers and Tony Stark, where Rogers looks with yearning and longing for Peggy Carter, the woman he loved the most in the world. We see him contemplate it with nostalgia and with the tension that supposes that Rogers can make the mistake of wanting to go see her. You can see that his conflict is more about deciding between meeting her or faithfully following her mission of collecting the gem of infinity. In the end, he chooses wisely to continue your mission for the greater good.

In Stark's case, we can clearly see all the overwhelming range of emotions he feels when meeting his father. And I found it quite interesting that they had a talk about the family and that in fact, it was the son who advised the father on this subject. Their meeting can be described as extremely moving.

In the second case, it is up to Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff. It is here where you can witness the great friendship that both had. Long before their time travel, the viewer can witness how Black Widow is devastated to learn how his friend lost his entire family at the hands of Thanos and how later Hawkeye became a vigilant too vengeful, as a way to discharge his anger and resentment against the world and destiny. The scene where they finally meet face to face is one of the best in the film, as Natasha offers Clint the opportunity to recover his family and after a few moments of doubt, he agrees to help the Avengers.

Of course, I could not stop mentioning the peak scene of these two companions that occurs in the Planet Vormir, where you can still appreciate the great friendship that both have. And this can be appreciated even more when they discover that a sacrifice is necessary to possess the Gem of the Soul. The brief fight between the two is intense and full of tension, where one as a spectator eats the nails and wishes that neither of them dies. And in the end, Natasha, in an act of true friendship and camaraderie, sacrifices herself so that Clint can not only get the gem but also continue with the mission of defeating Thanos so he can return to see his family. A most moving scene without a doubt.

The third case, we see Thor and Rocket Raccoon travel to the past, specifically to the lands of Asgard when they were in full glory. Thor cannot help but feel a certain nostalgia and above all the need to see, even for the last time, his mother, Frigga. Rocket Raccoon would be the comic relief for the situation, it is also the voice of reason for Thor, for the god of thunder to focus on his mission. Certainly, the conversation that mother and son hold is very endearing, it is in its pure sense, a conversation in which the mother gives valuable lessons and advice to her son, above all, the lesson that the past must let go to face the present , a mother who gives encouragement and emotional support to her son, when he most needed it. A scene very well carried out.

The fourth case, we have Bruce Banner, the Hulk, being face to face with the Ancient One, where we see that she also fought against the first invasion of Thanos, in New York, making sure that the Sanctum Sanctorum she was guarding did not fall into enemy hands. I do not have much to emphasize about this particular scene, except for the fact of its importance in history, since we see how Banner, using his intellect and tenacity, tries, by all means, to convince Ancient One to deliver the Gem of the Time, which she does when he mentions that Stephen Strange gave Thanos that gem in the present timeline. With this, the Ancient One seems to realize the whole plan of her pupil.

The fifth case that concerns us, You can see a great evolution in the character of Nebula, where she has a somewhat unpleasant encounter with her past self and her sister Gamora. Nebula tries to convince her self of the past that Thanos's goal is totally wrong and that she can free herself from her bonds and be someone else by herself. The conflict that arises between the two Nebulas is quite interesting in my opinion. The Nebula of the present is quite clear that she wants to be, while the Nebula of the past seeks to define herself by having her father Thanos as the most fundamental of her life.

She is presented with the perfect opportunity and the Nebula of the past does not hesitate for a second to take it since her obsession was too much to receive recognition from his father. That is why both the Nebula of the present and Gamora knew that it was impossible to save the Nebula from the past, for which they had no choice but to kill her.

We arrive at the scene of the final battle, where Thanos maintains his initial objective but now he wants to carry it out on a much larger scale, to eliminate half of the universe to eliminate ALL the universe and from there create another more prosperous one. The Avengers face the Crazy Titan in an epic fight, where despite the power of Thanos, there is an improvement in the Avengers, where they now perfectly know the kind of enemy they face.

Thanos keeps showing they why he is powerful, but the Avengers fight with more security and determination, which ends up delivering a very memorable battle. The climax of the fight reaches its point when those killed by the power of the gauntlet arrive on the scene of the fight and launch themselves into the charge against Thanos and his army. In the end, the Avengers win the match thanks to Tony Stark, who seizes the Gems of Infinity and with snapping his fingers disintegrates Thanos himself and his army. It is noteworthy here that when Thanos witnesses how his army fades, he goes through the same phases as the Avengers in Infinity War: First he looks in disbelief, then he feels fear and in the end (unlike the Avengers) he understands that he has lost war, he sits down and with it he resigns himself to death. If you ask me this is a worthy ending for a villain of his size.

Finally, the film closes with an emotional funeral in memory of Tony Stark, where we appreciate all the heroes and acquaintances of the deceased saying goodbye to him with melancholy, where they know that the world has lost one of its great and irreplaceable heroes. We also have Steve Rogers returns the gems of the infinite and stayed a lifetime in his timeline, fulfilling his dream of sharing his life with Peggy Carter. We see him return to the present, already aged and gives a last act both a superhero and human: bequeath his shield and with it his name to Sam Wilson, to Falcon, so that this is the new Captain America.

Certainly, it seemed appropriate that they also give this closure with the character of Captain America, we're probably in a future movie they mention that he has died of natural causes.

In general, Avengers: Endgame handles a very good story, solid and that keeps you attentive, making your three hours of duration go completely unnoticed.

Visual and special effects: Being a super production and even more a superhero tape, the visuals must be impeccable and fortunately Avengers: Endgame fulfills very well and thoroughly with this point. We know that many of the scenarios, creatures and the odd character are made by computer, but they make it feel that it feels completely real. In addition, they are also used to make the powers of different characters shine in all their glory. You can be calm, the visuals are perfect.

Action: While there are several action scenes, I feel that they were a little short, since most of this is only seen until the final confrontation with Thanos, that although I will not deny that it is one of the best achieved, I would have liked to see at least half of that action in other scenes. But I'm not complaining anyway. The action is exciting and overwhelming, especially in the epic final duel.

In conclusion, Avengers: Endgame is a great movie of superheroes and that closes with a flourish all the movies of the Avengers. The film gives moments of glory to many of their characters and gives a worthy conclusion to others. A film that, along with its prequel Infinity War, is to be seen again and again and that it will also earn the right to be immovable within a collection of an authentic movie buff, especially if it is a fan of superhero movies. So while I give this movie 4 out of 5 Gems of Infinity. A film that will undoubtedly mark a before and after in superhero movies.

Greetings

Rankakiu

P.S. Motherfu... They killed Black Widow, my favorite character! How dare they!? It is something that I will not overcome in years XD.

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