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#i havent been eating right and probably definitely havent been getting enough sleep
heartfullofleeches · 1 year
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Im sorry, can we get nsfw for headcannons for Venti, i miss them🥺
Mime Time- You orginally asked for sfw and nsfw so we get both because we havent talked about them much.
Sfw
Ventri is exactly 8'8 ft. Part of that height is their shoes but I will not say how much. They're more reserved than shy, but they do act timid around you. Most of the gifts they give are visible , but once you get to know each other you start to feel a ring band around your fourth finger
As their name and a few posts imply, Ventri is a ventriloquist along with being a mime. They are able to perfectly mimic voices just by listening to them long enough. Ventri has a number of puppets for different reasons, but the two that matter most are the grumpy clown one they always have and one of you that they use to encourage themselves when they are down.
While Ventri is younger, they often played the "mom" role for their older sibling and make an excellent caretaker. Since they can't normally talk, taking care of you is one of the ways they show their affection. Even before you met you'll find clothes folded on your bed or meals in the fridge. Ventri also can't eat so they like to stare at you while you do it instead.
Ventri is more of a stalker than aggressor meaning they like to follow you around and don't often make contact unless you are in trouble or they are giving something to you. They wear a locket with a picture of you sleeping in it
Like their brother, Ventri has an "imaginary friend" too
They have an excellent singing voice, but you can only hear them sing when they use the right puppet. This puppet in particular is usually used to vent their inner thoughts. When you're in the equation, most of the songs they sing are love songs
Nsfw
Ventri is definitely a bashful lover in the bedroom. They feel a touch uncomfortable without their puppets, but they would never bring one in the bed and have to work around it.
They prefer to use their fingers on you than the actual act. Due to their size there may be some minor issues, but Ventri favors your pleasure over their own. Their tongue has been sewn into their hand too so that definitely does something.
They love when you're verbal/tell them what to do. Your voice is one of their biggest comforts and they like being the one you call on. It'd be hard to catch them in the act because they are very careful about it, but Ventri has used their you puppet in private for reasons you can probably guess.
Without the stitches in their mouth, Ventri likes to leave marks on you. Their bite can be a touch painful so they don't do it unless you consent, but even the smallest nick will leave a scar which is what they want
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grenyan · 1 month
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pbbbbt
1. When did you lose your virginity?
a little over half a year ago
2. Rough sex or soft sex?
i dont have enough experience to answer this. for what i like to see in porn (and when i say porn almost always know i mean hentai manga): rough sex
3. Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes
its so hard being a pee enjoyer in this world
everything else i could say i think is common in kinkworld but taboo to say out loud like slapping and whatever. and i like when fictional characters get stabbed/impaled or the heavy moans they make when theyre dying in battle but yea dw about it
4. Favourite sex position?
dont know enough abt myself to answer for me but i like seeing missionary. oldie but goldie ig LOL but also when the person on top has their spine straight and hands on the other person’s hips fucking them like a toy while they lay on their back, thats cool too (idk if that desc makes clear what i mean)
5. Do you like to be dominant or submissive?
i like both in theory. the reality is im so anxious i had to sub 😞 its a little upsetting lowkey. but my gf was a top + dom so maybe i shouldnt judge myself too hard when she probably wouldnt have liked it if i tried anyways
6. Have you ever had any one night stands?
LOLLLLLLL. no.
7. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
nope (🤤)
8. Have you ever been caught masturbating?
ive been walked in on twice but both times i happened to have had my body under the covers, and if they wondered the bumps under my sheets looked like my legs were spread apart with the knees up, they didnt ask or show it on their faces
9. What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?
i dont own any sexy underwear 😔
10. How often do you have sex?
ive only had sex when my ex flew here, so besides the multiple times during her three-day stay ive never had sex. no, not even e-sex. so not often at all
11. Is there anybody right now you'd like to have sex with?
*starts listing fictional characters*
12. Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?
kinda prefer receiving but im flexible
13. Most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you during sex?
every day i wonder if she noticed i farted quietly
this is so unsexy but im so gassy and scared of farting no matter the setting 😭 i think its cuz i eat too little. would leaving the room before sex too fart ruin the mood? worry over farting made me not want to do anything rough tho. well, thats my awful confession of the day
14. A song you'd listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?
yall finna call me corny but… kiss me good-bye by buck tick 🙏🏾
15. Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?
bed ofc
16. A song you'd listen to during soft/slow passionate sex?
kiss me good-bye
ok ill come up w something else. hmmm. promise by ciara? something like that
17. Are you into dressing up for sex?
that would be epic
18. Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?
its gotta be in the bath or my dumb ass would slip with cartoon sound fx and fall on the hard tile
19. If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?
hey, you asked that earlier
20. Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?
i havent, and ig i would if we all knew each other
21. Do you/would you use sex toys?
what kind of fool would say no…
22. Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/ picture?
yuh
23. Would you have sex with your best friend?
if she wanted to, but its not something i dream of or anything (it would definitely strengthen our warrior’s bond)
24. Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)
insufficient data
25. Something that will never fail to get you horny?
the mindless rutting of someone so horny + x-ray views of creampies are two things that came in mind at once
26. Early morning sex or late night sex?
late night <- guy who is nocturnal btw
actually when i read “early morning” i imagined “when i wake up,” but for me the time i go to sleep tends to be early in the morning and i wake up in the afternoon. so. actually. early morning sex please
27. Favourite body part on the opposite sex?
please read below
28. Favourite body part on the same sex?
this is an interesting question since human body parts are generally the same no matter sex except for, what, 2-3 differences? so even if i believed i had a same and opposite sex my answer choices are kind of limited. unless for some reason i liked navels on bodies from one end of the spectrum but not the other. anyways, no matter the sex i like thighs and ass. im counting that as one body part. idgaf. hands are great too
29. Something that you have hidden in your room that you don't want anyone to find out?
my vibrator + some kinda steamy doujins/zines/anthologies, but neither of those things are super bad. i dont physically own any hard porn (yes, even the doujins i own are mature but not Porn)
30. Weirdest sexual act some has performed or tried to perform on/with you ?
no ones tried anything weird w me. unless you count putting their tongue between my gap
31. Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]
i have. it was bad. as expected from someone w my diet! that said, my ex didnt complain
32. Is it ever okay to not use a condom?
well, yea. think of the creampie fans! if you can get pregnant, please be extra careful and consider birth control and etc tho unless you also like pregnancy. thats all
oh yea and irl unless you like creampies you should really use condoms as much as you can , esp if youre at risk of spreading stds. yea
33. A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience?
i would just eat and lose interest in sex LOLL
maybe id find it hot when i actually do it, but if i imagine (for example) licking chocolate off someone i think id be enjoying the meal too much to care abt sex. sorryz
34. Worst possible time to get horny?
its amazing i made it thru high school without once asking to go to the bathroom just to jack off, everything considered. if i were to make up smth thats never happened to me, getting horny while watching a movie w parents or smth would suck. especially if i get hit w the full-body shiver that happens when i see smth super hot
35. Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?
yes‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
36. How much fapping is too much fapping?
if you fap more than me, get it together fr (/jk, theres no limit unless it ruins your life or you get put on a sex offender list)
37. Best sexual complement you ever got?
im often complimented for my body, esp my ass, but since its so often i dont think its special enough to qualify as an answer for this. i dont have an answer for this
38. Favorite foreplay activities?
gary i need neck kisses
i like tongue kissing in hentai but it was kinda mid irl. idk if i was doing it wrong or i was too nervous abt my nonexistent kissing skills or what
39. What do you wear to bed?
depends on the weather. i most prefer sleeping in my underwear tho
40. When was the first time you masturbated?
should i answer this? lets just say i was young, but not like. 5.
41. Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/ video of yourself?
if i were to go on discord rn i could probably save some i sent to my ex, but i deleted them from my phone so i dont have any on me
42. Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?
ive never done so
43. Have/would you ever have sex in public?
depends on how public we’re talking, butttt i probably like the idea more than the execution anyways. id be so worried abt being seen it wouldnt be fun anymore
44. Have/would you ever had a threesome?
tldr; have? no. would? sure
45. What is one random object you've used to masturbate?
ive never used anything weird to masturbate.
directly. if we’re talking about jerk off material? well one time i was touching myself while watching arthur because i hadnt completely figured out how masturbation worked yet (you have to watch/imagine something sexy while doing it bro)
46. Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?
can you imagine if i didnt
47. Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)
yea. why? idk. feels nice ig.
48. How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?
first of all, you cant look like an uncared for desk at a school. your tattoos should be organized and purposeful.
second of all… actually that might be all i got. i mean, i dont want to sound rude, but i kinda prefer ppl who arent tatted tf up (so i like some tattoos but not too many), but its not a dealbreaker or anything. itd be fucked up if i was alt but despised tattoos lol
49. How would you feel about taking someones virginity?
i did that, unless you believe “taking” equals “topping.” i dont think i like this kind of language anyways… “taken”… nothing was taken from anyone -_-
50. Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?
idk. hot sauce near orifices?
51. Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?
imagining either of these makes me think “i should kms in this scenario,” not cuz i hate the jobs but cause im way too nervous for this. pornstar i GUESS.
52. Do you watch porn?
strictly defining this as “do you look at videos of real people doing sexy stuff,” then rarely. if the videos can be animated, then i dont watch hentai anime anymore very much. too many lolis + the animation is often ass
53. Have you ever been called a freak? Why?
yes, for 1. liking pee and 2. liking watching my fave characters suffer physically and emotionally
54. Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?
not reallyyy but im willing to try (at home) (not while out in the town)
55. Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?
definitely not. 🤔 actually if a person has a penis then i personally dont like long unkempt hair down there. trim that shit‼️ but if they dont have a dick then idc
56. If you could give yourself head, would you?
yes‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
57. Booty or Boobs?
you already know #lesgeddit (i love boobs too i promise)
58. Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)
i have not. i have some interesting opinions on cheating tho if you ever wanna ask
59. If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do
(1) jack off (2) go outside and see how im treated (3) jack off again (4) jack off (5) see if i can find someone to have sex w rq
60. have you ever watched someone masturbate?
yea, my gf jacked off in front of me when i gave her the r18 doujin featuring her favorite character that she asked for
61. has anyone ever watched you masturbate?
nuh uh
62. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?
no 😔
63. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)
drawing circles on my weewee with a vibrator
64. What is your bra/penis size?
34C i think. my penis ive never measured but uhh. i was told its small 😂
65. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?
nuthin
66. Where do you shave?
when i do so: armpits, legs, arms just for the love of being smooth
67. [girls] Are you a squirter?
nopee
68. When was the last time you masturbated?
before i left to this trip to my friends house… a week ago i think 🥲🥲🥲 i dont normally go this long without masturbating
69. When was the last time you had sex?
hey. i answered this didnt i
70. When was the last time you watched porn?
can i change this question to “viewed sexually explicit material”? then.. frankly i view porn like i eat food. multiple times a day babyyyy
71. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?
ive only ever bought one, my trusty bullet vibrator
72. Guys:Circumsized?
i am not
73. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?
gary i need neck kisses. gary
74. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?
i miss having my hole fingered im ngl. it would take too long for me to cum from it (i tried once myself and it took 20min) but it just feels so good 😵‍💫 and i cant even do it myself. someone else doing it feels so much different somehow. and thats fucked up and evil
75. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?
i cannot
76. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?
nope
77. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?
some weeks ago i think, but idr what happened
78. Which wet dream was your favorite?
any dream where im balls deep in pussy yessirrr
79. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?
i have 2 friends. id sleep w them if they wanted to cuz idrgaf (aromantic moment)
80. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?
im paranoid that if i list the characters someone will figure out who i am, but yes, there are characters. no celebrities. just characters. well theres some celebs where if they wanted to fuck me id be like Okay! but i only fantasize abt fictional characters. maybe one day ill namedrop them
81. Favorite sexual position?
i swear this was asked earlier
82. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?
its never been done to me but i love it in fiction. im not sure if irl id ever display the behavior required to be called as much. due to, you guessed it, anxiety - im really reserved in bed
83. Are you into any BDSM?
never tried it personally but i like what i see 👀
84. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?
cant fuck beyonce cuz she left me for that fuck ass jay-z 😡
85. Do you like dirty talk?
i think i do, but since i dont talk fr during sex i would never ask for it. its unfair since im so reticient.
86. Are you loud or quiet during sex/masturbation
quiet. but. ever since i had sex its been hard for me to keep from moaning thru my orgasm. weird right? but im def not a screamer or anything <- has done nothing rough and so cant truly know
82. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?
the ppl who walked in on me mentioned earlier were both my parents. in both cases they were telling me to wake my ass up and get out of bed
83. What kind of porn do you like to watch?
i got asked this as a college freshman once and said nothing for so ling they had to change the topic. my ex also asked me this and i gave such vague answers that she had to talk abt herself. for some reason this is such a hard question for me, known porn addict
but i have some answers now. ive thought about it. if you mean “videos of real people,” then i mainly watch dryhumping and masturbation videos with cum and moaning. hehe
the drawn porn is rough sex. i look at those more often than the videos. and for reasons that take a while to explain and require a different post, i mostly look at straight sex drawn by women. if the guy doesnt look kinda like a girl then the way the sex is drawn has gotta be crazy to make up for it… like he aint letting her pussy breathe 😭
84. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection/wet over them? What about masturbated to them?
no to both
85. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them?
discord gf moment
86. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?
i havent
87. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?
i havent, but since im aromantic itd be a good situation for me. if i found someone i trust n all
#g
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mellow-worlds · 4 months
Text
older rants
I kind of want to feel the same way it felt that day my aunt and uncle wouldn't leave me alone and forced me to eat. I don't want that part, but before eating anything, I was probably as close to fainting as ever. I want to faint. Do I? Well, I want people to know I'm unwell. I suppose fainting would be very dramatic. But it would make my issue seem real. It honestly feels a little wring to be so whiny when in reality, nothing much has happened. I'm not being that whiny, but I'm pretending to be super anorexic or whatever, when I'm not. I just don't eat all that much and do intermittent fasting overkill but hahsjs ksjsjbshs I'm fine. I do still have some anorexic traits and thought patterns but that doesn't mean I am anorexic. I havent even been doing this for all that long, maybe 3 weeks?? And honestly, feeling weak is awful. But it'd be real? I just hope the pain doesn't come back. Anorexia is super painful. I hope it doesn't sneak behind my eyelids while I try to sleep and I hope it doesn't make me moan in pain.I'm so jealous of the people who are naturally skinny. I'm so jealous of K. I should eat healthily. Ofc I'm not losing weight if I only eat sugar. And I'll try to exercise at least a little. Hhh. I guess it's a start. And I eat so unhealthily, anything would be an improvement.
I think I have so many toxic traits because of my abysmal self esteem. For example my constant need for validation and attention and in the past my need of some sort of control and wanting to be seen as good and being marvelled at which never happened lmao. But then again, sometimes I do think I'm pretty smart? Evidence says otherwise but sometimes I do feel a little smart. And sometimes I think my face shape is pretty. So maybe my self esteem isn't as bad as I'm claiming it is? Maybe it's not to blame for me being a terrible person?Talking with P today was so nice. It was only short but very very nice. L was also there and we laughed a lot and gosh I like this man so much. I think I'll really just "keep trying". It's fine. We can be friends. Rn I'm not as willing anymore to kms because I talked to G at uni again and it was a lot of fun, but honestly...... yeah no. It's the right thing to do.
Anyway, P looks so good. :) I really do get obsessed too easily. Is it obsession though? I just write about him a lot, I don't necessarily think about him incessantly. He does look very good, especially with his glasses. Today in the lecture, our arms touched just a little bit. And he smells sooooo good. Even his tobacco smells nice somehow. But he also has this other scent that's just so nice. Idk I think I could gush about him for the rest of time. Maybe. I think he's awesome.I really, really enjoyed talking to him and L. And I hope to talk more with L in the future in general. And ofc I wish I never stopped talking to P. I wish he liked me. Istg I'm trying. I'm trying to be better and prettier. I wish I was good enough for like literally anything. I'm not really anything and not good enough yo be anything. I wish I was skinny so P could have half a reason to like me.I saw that there's scars on L's arm. They looked artificial, but also well healed and I couldn't really get a good look. I don't really know what to make of this. She doesn't seem like the type of person to hurt herself, she's too sweet. But I suppose I shouldn't try to deny it? And I guess that ultimately, it doesn't affect me. She seems really happy now, I don't think I have to be worried. Makes me wonder what people would think about my scars. Luckily, so far no one really seems to have noticed. Maybe this one girl from my old class. Or A and J. Definitely no one from uni :). Sucks enough that my sisters know. I also wonder how people will react when I kms. I suppose I also don't seem like the type of person to do so. Momentarily, I'm super happy. Yk, when I get to talk to friends. It turn to shit the minute I'm left to myself. And this morning, thinking about P, it really made me sad. He'll never like me. It's fine. Just sad. I shouldn't be sad about things i could expect. Still am. Oh well.
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genderfreezone · 3 years
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the-black-birb · 4 years
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ahh hi ! congrats on 600 omg, that’s such an amazing milestone !! do u think I could get some first time nsfw hcs for kuroo, oiwawa and kageyama? like it’s their s/o’s first time aha, I think I worded that kinda weird I’m sorry alsklssn
Mmm i love first time stories bc they can be dorky and cute!! Nsfw warning <3 also sorry these are very long
Kuroo Tetsurou
Before your relationship, Kuroo has had one other serious partner so he kind of knows the drill
When you to started getting really heated with your make outs and you told him you were a virgin he was completely cool with that! He wanted to make sure the two of you took your time so you'd never feel uncomfortable
You two do plenty of things before sex. You give him handjobs, he eats you out, you help each other get relief
But you haven't gone all the way yet, until the night after a comp
You didn't know if it was the adrenaline rush of winning that had him pumped, or the way he looked playing that had you shifting in your seat, but you two were all over each other
Nekoma was staying at a hotel, the boys were rooming in groups of three. Somehow kuroo convinced yaku and kai to stay with the 2nd years so you and him could have alone time (he has to take them for ramen to make up for it)
Neither of you expected it to escalate. You were all over each other, you straddling his waist and his hands flush over your skin, pushing your shirt up
But you were certain this would just end when you got too nervous about the boys one room away from you
Wrong. Absolutely wrong.
You were grinding against him hard, breaths shallow, getting lost in the heat of the moment
"I-" you choked out in between breaths. "I want you inside me."
Kuroo stopped to stare at you. "Are you sure? Y'know the guys are right there-"
"We'll just be quiet then," you cut him off with a kiss.
Kuroo wasted no time in shedding his clothes, you followed suit
It was only then you realized you'd never seen him fully naked before. You'd gotten him off, but usally his pants stayed on (or at least his shirt did)
Kuroo in his naked glory. Wooh. That was a lot to take in. And the way his eyes looked at you, drinking you up, you felt heat pooling in your core
Ever the gentleman, Kuroo wanted to prep you first (he was impressive). He uses his fingers, making sure to stretch you out nicely
Probably makes you orgasm just on his fingers so he can tease you about it later
And the whole time he's doing it you've got your hands clamped tightly over your mouth, trying to keep quiet. Kuroo delighted in the way your chest heaved and your neck tensed as you swallowed back moans
Once your prepped, he asks you one more time if you're certain you want to lose your virginity at a hotel in the middle of nowhere with his teammates on the other side.
You do, and he wastes no time in entering you (he had condoms with him just in case something like this happened)
He enters you slowly, giving you time to adjust
He likes sex rough and fast, but he knows right know is about you. Once he bottoms out and knows your good, he rocks himself back and forth slowly and gently
His cock is long, so even his little motions have you convulsing with pleasure
But as soon as you adjust, Kuroo starts to speed up. He can't help it, his patience and self control is thin
He's bucking into you fast when you come, but he's focused on riding out his own orgasm
There isn't much he can do for aftercare without the two of you being found out, so he just texts Yaku asking if they'd be able to stay in the 2nd years room for longer than planned
Yaku is like "yeah we can all tell you were going at it please shut up"
No one questions why you're limping the next day
Oikawa Tooru
I don't think Oikawa sleeps around, but he's definitely had a fuck buddy or two, as well as exclusive relationships
Safe to say, he's far more experienced out of the two of you
You're a little intimidated by it, but he assures you he wants nothing more than to treat you right
So with Oikawa you have to tell him when you're ready to have sex
When you do, he plans everything out. Gets his parents out of the house, sets the mood with candles and incense and everything and spoils you silly
Oikawa is a switch, but he likes to be a whiney sub. That being said, you need him right now and he intends to show you how much he can help
Is absolutely a giver. Worships your body, doesn't leave a single inch of skin un-kissed
His lips are all over you, your neck and breasts and stomach and thighs- everywhere
He doesn't leave marks (yet) because he wants to be loving and caring and for you to remeber your first time sweetly
When he finally sees you starting to relax under his touch and loosen up, he starts pressing kisses closer and closer to your core
Eats you out, and he is damn good at it. Eats you out like your pussy is the last meal he'll get to eat and, damn, he is trying to savor it
When you've come for the second time and you're whiney and needy, cheeks wet with tears, only then will he finally fuck you
Probably has flavored condoms, idk why i just need to include that
Oikawa has incredible self control, so he takes his pace incredibly slow. He's pushing into you slowly, and when he's finally all the way in his thrusts are long
The feeling of him inside you lingers, even as he backs away, and has you gasping for more
But even as you're cumming around his cock and squeezing him so damn well he doesn't waver
He keeps his pace slow and consistent, so much so you're going crazy
Praises you as he does it. "You're taking me so well, baby." "You feel so good, love." His words fill you with just as much pleasure as his actions
Doesn't make much noise until he finally comes, at which point he just lets out a low grumble. Frankly, it's uncharacteristic of him but he's doing all he can to keep the attention on you
King of aftercare. Runs you a bath, massages your muslces, and keeps asking you if you're alright
"Was that okay? Are you tired?" He's so insistent you're rolling your eyes
"I dunno, Tooru, I think we'll have to try again to make sure," you say lazily, still tired out from the multiple orgasms he ripped from you
Oikawa just smiles, running an arm up and down your side. "Let's rest for now, love. We can go again in the morning."
You hold him to his word.
Kageyama Tobio
Listen if you havent had sex yet, Kageyama definitely hasn't either
So you're both virgins, you're both clueless, and it ends up being kind of funny
Unlike Oikawa and Kuroo who both know to have a conversation before sex you and Kags are both flustered and confused
It was a pretty typical weekend, your parents weren't home so Kags came over to watch a movie. The two of you got into a heated makeout (again, fairly typical at this point) and as you were adjusting how you were sitting, kags hands tight around your waist and yours flush over his neck, you accidentally push onto his crotch
And Kageyama groans. Loudly. As in, he throws his headback and lets out a noise from the bottom of his chest
You freeze. He's never done that before. Soon, you notice the growing erection in his pants and you, very much a virgin, have no idea what to do
So the two of you sit there in silence, staring at each other, neither of you sure how to talk about this
"Should we-" "Did you-"
...
"I mean-" "we could-"
Finally you've had enough and you burst, going "are we about to have sex?"
And Kageyama is sitting there, straining against his pants like, "um, if you want?" bc he doesn't know how to explain exactly how eager he is although it's certainly almost obvious
"D-do you have condoms?"
Of course not. Neither of you were prepared for this. But if there's a day to lose your virginity, you'd much rather it be a weekend that your parents are out and you can take all the time you want
So you rush to the newest corner store to pick up condoms (but you're embarassed so you buy a bunch of snacks and sneak them in) and leave Kageyama sitting in your bed, with an erection
And Kags is there sitting there thinking "just wait for her to come back, she'll be back soon. Just distract yourself" and he tries to put the movie back on or think about volleyball or anything to calm his raging boner but then he thinks about you again and it all comes crashing back down
By the time you get back to your house, he's red and sweating all over and damn his pants are straining around his cock (he's a grower)
And you'd like to do everything you can to help him, really, but you're still absolutely confident so you walk into the room and go "uh, I've got condoms?"
And Kags is trying not to touch himself before you got there but as soon as he sees you he's feral
"Fuck [Y/N] come here-" and he's pulling you on top of him and ravishing you with his lips
As much as Kags wants to dominate you, he's feeling awfully needy right now so you end up doing all the work, stripping both of you of your clothes while Kageyama admires you and lays kisses all over your collarbone and chest
Finally you get to the underwear and you look at him one last time, settled between his thighs with your face dangerously close to his crotch and go "are you sure, Tobio?" with your big doe eyes
Kageyama thought he was about to cream himself in his boxers right there
He didn't, though, instead insisting you just get on with it and you did, popping out his cock (wincing, slightly, because you've never been this close to a penis and damn they're kinda...ugly...) and rolling a condom onto it
The first condom tore bc you didn't know what you were doing but fortunately you had a whole box to spare
And finally (Kags cannot stress this enough: finally) the both of you are ready (you haven't done much foreplay bc neither of you realized that's an option)
You end up riding him bc Kageyama just wants relief and he's gotten choked up with how hard he's gotten
And while it'd be magnificent to say the penetration was euphoric and you felt yourself fill up so well, it's also unrealistic
You just feel weird with something lodged between your legs. You're not really sure how it's supposed to feel so you just start moving
As it starts to feel good, Kags is bucking up into you at the same time and, fuck, it's just starting to get good-
And Kags cums. It's over way too fast and you've barely even gotten any pleasure but what did you expect?
Kageyama wants to apologize for not being better (even as he's sweating, hair plastered to his forehead and breath shallow and fuck thats hot) but you're just rubbing soothing circles over his shoulders
"It's fine, baby, we'll just have to practice more."
Well, he won't mind that
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Just found out that my best friend is pregnant (FIRST IN OUR GROUP I'M SO EXCITED) and I'm wondering, is there any baby/pregnancy stuff that people don't think to gift but would be really nice to have? Very happy for you :3
not sure on baby stuff since i’m still occupied so i havent yet had the chance to regret not having something.
as for preggy stuff, here’s a mix of both inexpensive and quite expensive gift options!
pregnancy pillow! if bff isn’t too far along then the back pains might not have settled in just yet, and they can get BAD like i sometimes have trouble walking from bed to bathroom without shouting bad. that decreased significantly with a C-shaped pillow! now instead of literally every night it’s only once a week or so!
bamboobie pillows! they’re little microwavable/freezable pellet-filled pillows that you slip into your bra for soothing sore tiddies. and they WILL be sore. perfect for pregnancy, excellent for postpartum, still useful during periods! mine were 10 bucks uwu
a seat cushion! i sit in a computer chair nearly all day and it was already losing the cushion after over a year of heavy use, so i’ve been using a throw pillow to sit on because my tailbone has been taking a BEATING. additionally, i don’t have hemorrhoids yet but i probably will eventually, so a really good cushion will be essential. that’s more late-game content tho.
doppler! you get to see the ‘heartbeat’ (still just a single artery and not yet an actual heart) during the 8-week internal ultrasound. if you’re really lucky, you might get an earlier one, but normally heartbeat is first heard at 6-8 weeks. dopplers are external though, and doctors don’t typically use them until 12 weeks because it’s difficult to get audio externally until that point. if you buy your friend a doppler, it won’t be able to be used until probably the second trimester, ideally after 16 weeks. for this gift, i highly recommend getting one that doesnt require apps or programs, and you should include a tube of echo gel, aloe gel, or aquaphor, whichever clear moisturizing gel you think bff might prefer, because any doppler needs gel to function and its best to get smth you can just massage into the belly after imo. this is the one i have, it’s on loan from a friend so i hafta give it back but i like it since its the plug-n-play type lol. but remember, dopplers shouldnt be used often, once every few days is fine enough.
a grabber! this is the kind i have, i kept it from when i was bedridden from my knee injury a few years back. i normally can’t reach into my top load washing machine, but with a belly bump, now i definitely can’t. it’s getting harder to bend over or reach into tight spaces, so having a grabber is really handy, especially with a magnetic tip! i like this specific kind because i hang it on a screw by the little string pulley bit at the end. that way it doesnt fall over or get misplaced.
grippy socks! self-explanatory. a firm foundation protects bebbie. and everyone likes cute socks!
foot bath! maybe a late-game present, but keep it in mind for a few months down the line. anything to soothe the feet would be a GODSEND right now. i already have problems staying on my feet for too long, but the heavier i get the harder it becomes! i’d kill for 30 mins in one of those fish tanks where the tiny little fish eat all my dead skin. even a small massager would be nice lol. i don’t want my husband touching my feets right now bc theyre sooooo calloused and flakey ;w;
melatonin gummies and a sleep mask! it gets so hard to fall asleep for some reason. ppl will be like “sleep while u can teehee!” like they forgot about the fucking insomnia. it’s enough to make you feel homicidal. those delicious ass strawberry gummies knock me out soooo fast now, and a nicely weighted sleep mask keeps it hella dark even when my man forgets to turn off the goddamned lamp.
white noise machine! if bff doesn’t already have one, that is. i invested in a $100 one (it was slightly on sale, so i got it for 70ish) that has tons of options, i prefer brown noise the most, white and pink noise r too sharp for me. it’s even got an alarm function! i adore it and it helps us sleep because i get distracted by every bump in the night, especially with cats. and if bff doesnt like it, baby absolutely will! white noise is most of what they hear in the womb from bodily ambiance so they’re already used to it.
thats all i can think of right now, i probably included things that lots of people think of already, but i just included stuff i don’t think about until i need it lol
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s4ijoh · 3 years
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meet me halfway (across the globe). suna rintarou
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SUNA RINTAROU X GN! READER
GENRE: slice of life; facetime call; fluff
WORD COUNT: 1.4k+
WARNINGS: established relationship; mentions of stress
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in which suna is somewhere far away…
[10:22] rin: “you up?”
[10:23] rin: “big game tomorrow morning.”
[10:23] rin: “cant’ sleep. need to see u.”
the phone buzzing on the bedside table startles you out of your morning somnolence. the empty spot in bed next to you feels a weird type of unfamiliar. you drowsily stretch your arms out, reaching for the ringing device while dragging out a loud yawn.
you are taken aback by surprise once you take a look at the numbers displayed on your phones lock screen: 10:25am. its already past midnight in his timezone. he shouldn’t be up this late.
swiping through your phone's screen, you waste no time in dialling his number once you come across the green facetime icon and luckily, it is only a brief moment until he is picking up and oh boy are you met with a sight to behold. if it werent for your concern, you could’ve just stayed there, marvelling in awe at your boyfriend, sitting shirtless against the headboard in all his glory. his pale skin is gleaming a beautiful shade of orange under the dim light of the table lamp thus reminiscing a statue made of gold; his tousled, black feathery hair sticking in all different directions yet with just a few loose strands cascading down the sides of his temple and framing his face in such way that made him look effortlessly handsome.
he looked as beautiful as ever. however, despite the apparent picture perfect scenario, you would be a fool not to notice the clear signs of restlessness showcased on his features nonetheless.
“sorry, did i wake you?” suna apologizes tenderly with a doting frown on his face once he notices your lids still heavy with vestiges of somnolence just barely peeking from the bottom of the screen. your phone is propped up on your chest, the lower half of your face hidden away from him as you refuse to get up from your comfortable position laying under the warm blankets.
“dont worry about it, baby.” you hurriedly push his apologies aside whilst rubbing the sleep off your eyes to try and not make him feel too bad about it “you know you can call me anytime. im always waiting for you on the other end whenever you need me”
he offers you a subtle smile, although its odd — its weak, not sincere. it is not the usual signature smirk with a teasing remark on the side you earn whenever you say something cheesy. it is also hard to miss the darkening spots growing under his tired eyes, his usual sparkly green orbs now nearing dull, heavy with underlying frustration. it made it all crystal clear.
rintarou is not an outwardly emotional person and definitely not one to voice his concerns. his pleas for help were often left unspoken and it takes a sharp eye to see through his unwavering surface. for the most part, the blank expression he's seen wearing most of the time did a pretty good job at shielding his feelings yet his eyes often betrayed him.
he had taken off a couple days ago to somewhere foreign for an important match. you know how sometimes, before a decisive match takes place, he lets pressure get to that pretty head of his and relies on you to keep him grounded and soothe his racing mind. for the longest time, he had been capable of keeping his emotions at bay and deal with his troubles on his own but ever since you came around, rintarou found himself growing selfish and craving your comfort, finding solace in your reassuring words and warm embrace.
you miss the old days when your lover was just at an arm's length and all it took was for him to say the word for you to drop everything and come running to his house, to hold him in your arms and make it all feel better. you remember people in highschool claiming suna was bound to fade into the background given his lazy tendencies and lack of enthusiasm. (what a waste of potential, they would say) suna would shrug. he never payed any mind to it — you praised him on his unshakable nature. it should be a major ego boost for rintarou to know that, not that many years later and against the spiteful tongues of some of your classmates, he made a name for himself as a first division professional volleyball player, thus proving them wrong.
however, he still has quite a few demons to tame inside his head. one of which was self-doubt.
you let your eyes roam his tired features for a moment. “you need to get out of your head, rin”
suna knew you could read him like an open book. you made him feel vulnerable under your scrutinizing gaze. he felt exposed. to have you stare directly into his naked soul was intimidating, more so than to have you stare at his nude body, like you have done dozens of times before. but just like you did with his body, you had taken your time to get to know every corner of his soul. you knew him like the palm of your hand — both mind and body.
“i know.” he tears his gaze away from yours, looking down while running a hand through his disheveled hair and down to scratch his neck in frustration. “tell me how have your days been?”
the silence of his hotel room was eating him whole and he needed you to distract him. most of the time, suna was fond of the silence. after a rough day he found comfort in laying down in his bed and basking in the quiet. he found peace in it. sometimes it was in the quietness of his own little world that he found the solution to his problems. but upon your arrival to that mysterious world of his, your voice soon became his favorite sound. he craved you to fill in the silence that he once treasured.
and so he listens. suna listens as you talk throughout the night (who would’ve guessed you had just woken up), rambling on about your days as other trivial things — namely how you could never get used to starting the day without his morning cuddles. he found it endearing how you seemed to speak enough for the two of you. he was a man of few words so he was lucky to have found someone to fill in the silence for him. and so he listens until his eyes start progressively feeling heavy, your voice lulling him to sleep.
“hey, baby” he calls in a barely audible raspy voice. suna lays down on his side under the cold unwelcoming bed sheets, holding his phone next to his face on the pillow “put your pretty face on the phone”
a soft smile crawls its way up to your flushed face at his sugar coated words, his voice although drowsy sounding sweeter than saccharin. you were so lost in the lovely image of him that you failed to notice that your face was barely on the frame, just your eyes peeking shyly from the bottom of the screen.
you shuffle in bed, turning on your side to mirror his position. its almost as if you’re not a hundred miles apart and he's lying right next to you, if you squint hard enough.
“there you are” he mumbles weakly under his breath, a loving smile on his pillowy rosy lips that you miss dearly.
his eyes appear weary through the screen yet he never fails to look at you with the utmost love. dumbfounded, you wordlessly stare at each other as you fall into a comfortable silence that is however, filled with a hundred unspoken words.
his love is quiet, hesitant at times but never shallow. he felt deeply and feared he wasn't the best to put it into words so sometimes, his love, it hides beyond lingering stares and shy touches. it remained unuttered most of the time but words are futile when he has shown his devotion to you countless times before.
“hey rin. you think you can go to sleep, now?” you notice him fighting the urge to let his eyes close shut, battling to stay awake for a little longer to try and memorize your face for later so he can dream of you tonight.
he simply nods with his eyes shut, too sleepy to pronounce a single word.
“call me tomorrow after the game, alright?” he nods yet again, noticeably starting to drift away at last but not before muttering a quiet i love you before the last hint of consciousness leaves his body, eliciting a tender smile from you.
“i love you, rin. ill meet you in your dreams tonight.”
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[a/n]: so! writing this fic made me realize that im undeniably in love with suna and he now owns a 51% share of my heart. (oikawa. ill never forget you. its not you its me (suna) maybe its time i move on. 🤒 jk jk ill have both pls and ty 🥰)
anyways ye i guess im back from my mini hiatus (as a full suna whore) :))
this is honestly a word dump, initially this was supposed to be like... what.. 500 words long? i just thought of the prompt “put your pretty face on the phone” and the rest is just me pouring my love for him into words ah-ha. (you probably noticed how it is unnecessarily cheesy 🙄)
just for the record!! i havent finished season 4 just yet 🐸 lmao. i took inspiration off of nooras (@/inarzki) characterization of suna because she was the one who made me fall in love with him in the first place.
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ohhmyheart5678 · 3 years
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When in the streets of seoul (5)
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*warning* this mentions death, murder, suicide, guns, and other gruesome and dark content if you are sensitive to these kinds of things do not read it
Pairing: Chan x female reader
Word count 2.1k
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*****
It's been six days, six day fucking days since I've been trapped here. I absolutely hate it. I spent the first three days not speaking to anyone and the other three finally excepting the fact that this is going to be my life now.
It's such a nice place. I get fed the best foods, I sleep in the most comfortable king sized bed with silk sheets, I have the best clothes, and I'm still miserable.
I went to the speaker and pressed 1. "Kinely ! You need something?" Chan sounded quite concerned. He believed that I had everything I needed but he forgot one thing. "I need to go to the store" I say sharply. Even though the deal was  that I wasn’t able to go in public he haven't let me out of this room yet.
He says I'm not cooperating and so I have to wait. "What do you need from the store that I can't get for you?" I could hear the slight annoyance in his voice but he could never be as annoyed as I am right now. I mean he is keeping me hostage for Christ sake. "Just take me to the store you dickhead" I was honestly so done with him.
I needed to get out this room and I needed to go to the store ASAP. "I'm not going to the store because you won't tell me what it is" Chris was trying to put his foot down but little did he know I was far better at this game than he was. "Look I need pads either you take me to get them, or you can suffer the consequences of trying to find the perfect pads for me which I guarantee that you won't and then you'll have to take me to pick them out anyways, or we can always go with the option of me bleeding everywhere" there was a long pause before he finally responded.
"Fine I'll take you to the store" was all he said before it went completely silent. I waited patiently by the door until a boy comes in. "Hey seugmin did Chris send you for me" he just gives a simple nod. "Felix and I" he simply says while fully opening the door that he was standing in just enough to show his body. Once he swung open the door it revealed Felix. The orange haired boy waved at me.
Since staying here Chris has sent the boys at least once so that they could introduce themselves since I'm gonna be seeing a lot more of them. I've learned about what these boys do. Since I had nothing better to do the least I could do was steal information on the guys I'm going to be living with from now on.
For instance Chris is the oldest and the leader. He calls the shots, he looks over the plans, and makes sure everything runs smoothly he does need to do much work but Felix says Chris is the last resort and that he’s feel bad for anyone if Chris was called in. Then there's Minho. He is one of the main men on the field he's the look out and distraction, and supposedly from what I heard he does a damn good job at it. Plus Minho has a medical background so if anyone gets hurt he’s the man everyone goes to.
There's also changbin he's got quite the temper so they use him when there's need for extreme measures you know if they need .. a mess. I heard he can get pretty creative with that stuff.
Hyunjin, who often checks on me throughout the day is the sniper. He knows weapons like the back of his hands and could handle them blindfolded. Then it's Jisung, they call him Han. He is the best fighter in the house. You can have a gun in the fight and he could still win.
Felix known as the second Aussie of the house does the interrogations. He can get anyone to talk, his deep voice scares mostly anyone , but for the ones that are harder to get through. Let's just say they can either come out alive while missing some part of their body. Or they can come out in a body bag.
Seugmin is the hacker, he can hack into litterally anything. You name it, he can hack it. He's the one who got the information on my dad.
Last but definitely not least there's jeongin they all him I.N . He is silent but deadly. The red hair boy is like a ninja. They use him when they want to get the job done quickly but quietly.
We arrived downstairs where Chris was waiting for us at the door. I figured he was already handling business downstairs so he fetched the two boys to get me. "Thanks gentleman I got it from here" it was his nice easy of telling them to go away.
We got into his car and he drives us to a nearby store. I looks around searching for the right ones as he stands behind me trying to figure how the whole process works. I saw the pack I wanted and grabbed two of them. "Ahh now I know for next time" he says as if he has just been enlightened. "Next time?" I wanted to know what he meant by next time.
"Next time its you know... that time, I'll be able to pick out the right ones for you" that’s so aggravating! My only reason to get out the house was once again taken from me. Chan probably could tell that I was slightly disappointed by his statement so he changed it a little , I mean seeing that he’s talking to a hormonal women who’s not necessarily in the best mood at the moment. "I mean unless you'd like to do it for yourself" A small smile slightly appeared on my face as I handed the cashier the goods to ring up. "Is there anything else you want or need from here before we leave" Chris wanted to hurry out of here because this was time he could be spending working at home. "Nope" I was completely content with having what I needed so far.
Once we arrived back home I was instantly sent back to my room. Sitting there in boredom I looked around for some form of entertainment. There was absolutely nothing to do in this room and I was just now realizing it. For the past few days all I've been doing was sleeping and eating , so I didn't stop to think about it . I was too busy being sad about being locked up in a room by a bunch of psychos.
I looked over at the speaker not wanting to bother Chris because I rarely want to even speak to him. I walked over pushing the number 5 on the speaker and hoped this man was in his room.
"Hey kinely are you doing ok?" He genuinely sounded concerned. "Can you come over here please" I knew I didn't have to really ask him because he doesn't mind coming and checking on me anyways but I thought to ask just in case . "Sure just give me a sec" Hyunjin was always in here and even though Chris comes in often to talk to me he's always busy it's only for a few seconds before he goes back to "work".
Hyunjin came within fifteen minutes. He knocks making sure I'm not naked or anything. I think that it was pretty nice of him to do considering the other boys just come in as they please. I mean I know it's your home and all but a girl needs privacy.
"Come in" I yelled from my closet, I had just put on sweats and a hoodie to get a little comfortable. "You sent for me?" He walked in and closed the door behind him. "I was wondering if you could stay in here for a little longer than you normally do? I think I'm gonna go insane in here by myself" he chuckled at me being immensely dramatic. I put the back of my hand on my forehead pretending to be a damsel in distress.
He walked over to my bed and sat on it and patted on it which was his way of telling me to sit down. "Maybe you don't have to stay in here all the time" he seemed like he was getting somewhere but I was yet to follow. "What do you mean?" Was he gonna take me out this house or was I reading this wrong? "Its not much but maybe you could come to my room. There's tons of things to do in there. We just can't let Chan know I'm taking you out considering he wants you in the room." He fidgets a little wondering how I was going to respond to his offer.
Hell yeah I was gonna take this opportunity to leave the room! I had nothing else to do in the looney house. "Why not?" I shrug not wanting him to know just how excited I was. He grabs my head and leads me to his room all the way in the other side of the house.
My jaw dropped once he opened his room door to let me inside. He had arcade games like ddr, those ones when you race on the motorcycle, street fighter and pac man. He had a giant tv mounted on his wall in front of his bed and a wii console which I havent seen in years. "Told ya" he crossed his arms leaning against doorframe while admiring the dumb look of shock on my face.
"Where do we even start?" I was still looking around trying to pinpoint the first thing I wanted to do. "Doesn't matter where we start all you need to know is I'll kick your ass at any game in this room" his cockiness shines through, a side of him I haven't seen since I first met him.
What he didn't know was how competitive I can get "You're gonna be very disappointed when you realize how much you suck compared to me, especially when I beat you in dance revolution" It was on now. I can see a gleam in his eyes and knew he was almost if not just as competitive as I am.
Twelve rounds, six wins , and six loses later. We decided to watch a movie. "How's it feel to loose to someone as amazing as I?" I stood on his bed placing my hand on my hips. I'm sure he's yet to meet someone as dramatic as me. "We both won and lost the same amount of time so I'd say we're equally as amazing if you ask me" hes right about that but this his room and his games that he plays all the time if he didn’t win then it would be embarrassing. Hyunjin pulls my right leg causing me to fall on his bed. "You asshole!" My body had no control over itself. It was bouncing up and down on its own and I couldn't even stop it.
"You were to one who wanted to watch a movie and you can't even sit still" Hyunjin teases while I finally get myself together and sit up all the way in the bed. "Plus you weren't calling me a asshole when I took you out of your room." I gasped while holding my chest. "Oh how dare you?" I squinted my eyes at him and he laughed at me.
I must admit I haven't felt this good in a few days. I almost forgot that I was being held against my will but the thought is always in the back of my mind. I finally settle down and Hyunjin was nice enough to let me choose the movie I wanted. So here we were, on the bed watching a movie. For comfort I lay my head on his shoulder and her wraps his wraps around me.
I felt relaxed and almost safe. Soon I fell asleep with the movie playing in the background. Hyunjin was staying still trying not to wake me up. In fact so still that he ended up falling asleep himself.
I just needed to wake up on time before Chris realizes that I'm gone.
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princeprince81 · 2 years
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Adventure#53: Chicken Pot Cum Drinks
Continuation from last story, we went for our Chicken Pot late lunch after our hot sweaty morning activities. (Which mall you all go find out yourself ba). The plan is after lunch then we come back to bath.
The mall is rather quiet, probably due to covid and also the thunderstorm. Joey is in her black tube (bra less as the tube is rather tight le), with a jacket over it, a pair of old denim shorts from BKK with loose opening and tiny black thongs.
Surprisingly there is a small queue outside chicken pot due to the cold weather. We joined the queue and wait for our turn.
While waiting for our turn, we saw my ex retired boss (chinese in his 60s), with his grandson, queuing slightly behind us.
"Isn't that C?" Joey asked as she recognised him, since she always joined me for the company events previously.
"Ya, he shiok lo. Retired liao and now can relax with grandson." I replied and I waved at him.
"Hello, nice to see u guys around. You all stayed around here too?" C came over to talk to us. "Long queue sia today"
"Ya, we just shifted into this area recently. Why not you join us lo with your grandson. Almost our turn anyway" Joey offered.
C went back to get his grandson and joined us at the table as we got our table, a corner bench table for 4. Me and C on 1 side while Joey and C's grandson on the other.
The first half of the lunch was normal, we were chatting about old times while C grandson ate quietly while watching his ipad (kids nowadays).
Halfway through the lunch, Joey is getting hot as I saw her unzipping her jacket. C who was sitting diagonally opposite Joey obviously saw her glistening cleavage and said "Hot right. This kind of weather eat this the best. Eat liao will sweat out."
Joey nodded gently and continued with her food. I can tell that Joey is being careful so that her jacket will not expose too much of her cleavage and her nipples through her tight tube as she is not wearing bra.
Then suddenly C's grandson ipad slipped from the stand and onto the table. Instinctively Joey stretched out to catch it, but at the same time hit the grandson's bowl. As a result, spilling the food and soup onto the table, and spoon onto the floor.
"See la. How you eat. Tell you don't watch ipad when u eat" C chided his grandson as he reached under to retrieve the spoon. After a long while, trying to reach for the spoon, I also bent over to try help C.
What a view we were seeing. Joey was sitting cross legged (her habit) with her black thongs clearly in view from the loose openings of the short shorts. No wonder C is taking his time. To make things worse, the spoon is right at the corner below Joey and C was squatting under the table reaching out for it, with his face right smack in front of Joey pussy. I am sure he can see glimpse of her pussy and even smell her sweaty and wet pussy which has just been fucked and cummed into.
Finally C emerged from under the table with his face all red. Joey is almost done cleaning up the mess on the table, with the help of the staff. By then, her jacket is already wide opened, cleavage in clear view with nipples clearing showing thru the thin black tube.
"Sorry for the mess. Thanks for cleaning up Joey." C apologised as we continued with the chatting and lunch. Nothing much happening.
"It's a pity here don't serve alcohol, if not we can enjoy better." I commented.
"Ya, I have a bottle of xo in my car. Sometimes bring to restaurant to drink. Still got 3/4 left. If you don't mind we can go your new place for second round." C offered.
Joey and me agreed as we headed over to our new place.
Once at the new place, we proceed with the usual of show flat walk around before settling at the sofa for our XO. By then, C's grandson is tired and fell asleep, so we let him nap on our bed.
Joey and C is seated on each corner of the small 2 seater while I sat on the floor in between them. "Looks like you are doing fine. Got pretty house and wife. That's good." C commented.
"No la, house so so only leh boss. Thanks to your guidance also ma. You more lucky. Can retire early and relax life now. Thanks for the XO also. Quite nice." I replied.
"Then wife leh? Haha." Joey interrupted as she adjusted her legs up onto the sofa and sat crossed legged. She must be getting high. As she was adjusting her position, once again, the tiny black thongs is visible from the loose openings of the shorts.
C eyes lit up as he replied, "Wife confirm good la. Pretty also la. Happy wife happy life ma. Cheers."
Soon we are almost finishing the bottle with C enjoying his views. By then Joey already dozed off on the sofa, with her head leaning against the arm rest, legs curled back towards C, showing the curvature of her round butt and butt cheeks.
C's grandson woke up and walked over as we finished up the last glass. He was standing in front of the sofa where Joey's butt was and tapping C with his sleepy eyes and spoke softly, "Yeye. I am hungry le. Can we go back?"
C bent forward, turned his ears closer towards his grandson's mouth and said, "Sorry boy, yeye cannot hear clearly. What did u say?" Unknowingly by doing so, C also ended up very close to Joey's butt with his nose almost at the opening.
It's pretty obvious that C is also awkward and turned on by it, as I can see a small bulge appearing in his shorts. At this distance and opening, he can definitely see glimpse of Joey's wet pussy and thongs and maybe even the ass hole. He can also smell the musky, sweaty pussy smell after our morning session of packing and fucking at home and also sweating at chicken pot.
What it seems like a short question from the grandson feels like an eternity. "Oh ah... Okok. Ah. Let's go back." C replied as he slowly stood up reluctantly.
"Joey is so tired ah. Haha. It's ok, let her sleep. We make our way first. Thank you for having us." C stood up and left.
I went back to the living and started clearing up. Joey is still well asleep with her position unchanged. What a sexy sight and I felt horny again after the drinking. I sat down next to her and adjusted my position and angle to be as where C was. Indeed I can see her butt and pussy clearly. I took a deep long sniff. Wow the smell is very obvious too. I continue to enjoy the smell and sight as my cock gets harder.
Then I slowly slid one hand in and caress her sexy round butt, also sliding my fingers along her barely covered pussy while stroking my cock with the other.
"Hmm.. Ahhh.." Joey let up a soft moan as she stirred from her sleep.
I slowly removed her shorts, leaving her in just the thongs and then slowly parted her legs. There she is, semi naked at the bottom, on the sofa with her legs wide apart.
As carefully as I could, I slowly ran my tongue along her wet pussy, savouring the salty pussy taste, tongue fucking her at times.
"Ahhh.. Hmm ahhh dirty ahh. Leh. .. Ahh" Joey moaned as she is enjoying with her eyes closed. "Nice.. Hmm..... Hmm.."
Seeing her getting wet enough, I inserted 2 fingers in one swift action as I continued licking her. That got her startled as she sat up.
"Ahh.. No... Ahhh. Its you ah. Scared me." Joey said in relief. "Where is C? Ahh...... Ok... Havent.. Ahh. Bathe leh.. Dirty.. Ahh"
I ignored her question and continue finger fucking and licking her pussy. "Your hubby is drunk and sleeping in the room ahhh. What a hot wife you are. Sexy big butt. Your chee bye taste so nice. So salty. Smells musky. Can smell the pee, sweat, pussy juice and cum smell." I began to role play.
"Noo not here C. Ahh. I haven't bathe.. Ahh.. Not there. This morning sweating. Ahh. No.. Ahhh.. Wet le.. Ahh." Joey joined in the role play as she is already turned on by then.
"You want it too right. Ahh. Wear so shorts and so small piece of thongs, teasing me since at chicken pot already. U horny little girl. What a naughty and dirty chee bye u have.又臭又骚." I stood up and placed my unwashed cock next to her mouth. "Come and let me enjoy too. You deserved this dirty cock too. Come enjoy the taste."
She bent forward and sucked my dirty cock in one go. It feels so wet and warm in her mouth. "Hmm ah.. Smelly. 好臭。好咸。ahhh. Ahhhh." she commented.
"You deserved the taste. Come let me give up more." I took my cock out, turned her over in doggy position on the sofa and fuck her hard. "So wet but still tight. Ahh. Ahh fucking wet u horny girl. You like it right. Getting rammed by my old cock. What a nice wet ass hole u have too. Its nicely lubricated by your juices le. You like it here?" I slowly push one finger into her wet ass hole as I continue to doggy her.
"Noo. Ahh. Not... Ahh. 屁股 dirty. Ahh not the ass.. Ahh. So wet.. Ahhh ahh. Le... So... Easy.. Ahh go in.. Ahh fucking..ahh my ass.. Ahh." Joey moaned out loud as I trying to make up what she is trying to say.
I continue finger fucked her ass while doggy her hard. All we can hear are our moans and piaking sounds. I fasten my pumping and fingering as we reaching climax. I took my cock out and cummed onto her ass, just outside her ass hole as she orgasmed together. She slumbered down with her head resting on the sofa seat with her ass still high up, while I stood there recovering and watch the cum slowly slid down onto her puckering ass hole and fucked pussy. What a sight.
We rested for a few more minutes before bathing together for the day. What a tiring day.
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escapewriter · 3 years
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Hey There Delilah
pairing : seungkwan x reader
synopsis : if only you got his address right, maybe he wouldn’t have been that salty.
genre : fluff, humor, slight angst
word count : 3.3k
warnings : none
posted : 01/16/21
a/n : IM SO SORRY THAT I HAVENT UPDATED THIS FOR A MONTH. BUT I GOT INSPO BECAUSE HIS BIRTHDAY WAS COMING UP SO HAPPY SEUNGKWAN DAY!!!!
TAGLIST : @vibecheckvernon @beomiebear5 @lightoflife @skylions-den @noniesgirl
won’t let me tag : @pandora1834
send me an ask/dm if you would like to be on the taglist
pieces of love masterlist // playlist // main masterlist
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“Do you have to leave so soon?” Seunkwan pouted as he held your hand and rolled your luggage in the other. “I mean, you have time to stay a little longer.” He looked down at your intertwined fingers, slightly swinging it.
“You’re telling me this now? If you told me earlier, I could have gone later but I already got my ticket and we’re literally standing in the middle of the airport.” His mouth fell open as you giggled, releasing his hand to cup his face in your palms. “Don’t worry, Kwan, I’ll be back before you know it. And remember our deal, okay? Only letters.”
He sighed but repeated your words in a defeated tone, “Only letters.”
//
“Man, fuck these letters.” Seungkwan groaned in annoyance as he crumpled the 5th piece of paper into a ball and threw it into the trash bin. Jun looked up from his phone where he was seated on the couch, a concerned, yet amused, look in his eyes.
“What’s wrong? Can’t spell their name right?” Laughing at his own joke, he didn’t notice his friend swiftly turn in his chair to glare at him, shutting him up with a cough. He cleared his throat and nervously sat up straight, “Seriously, what’s wrong? Don’t know how to spell something or what?”
“No that's not the problem, and even if it was, I wouldn’t be asking you how to spell something.” Seungkwan turned back to his desk, resting his head on the wooden table. “I haven’t gotten a letter in a month. Do you think something’s wrong?” Jun hummed again, listening as he scrolled mindlessly on his phone.
“I don’t think you did anything wrong, they’re probably just busy. I mean, New York is a busy place and they gotta pay attention to some things, I guess.” Seungkwan turned around again, looking at the coffee table Jun had his feet propped up on.
“I don’t think I did anything wrong. I’m saying, maybe something is wrong.”
Jun looked up, eyes staring at Seungkwan’s furrowed eyebrows, “Wouldn’t their family tell you though? I honestly don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Just write the letter and ask them what’s wrong and if they don’t reply, then... there's your answer.”
“Aren’t you such great help.”
//
Seungkwan slammed the pen on the desk, finally finished writing the letter to you. He doesn’t really know why you stopped sending letters; it was usually a one to two week delay. Nevermind that, Seungkwan is sure that after you get this letter, you will definitely reply to him.
“Jun, can you read this for me? See if it sounds good?” He turned to the male who was eating on the small table, holding out the letter for him to take. Reaching over, Jun retrieved the letter from Seungkwan’s grasp, scanning the neat handwriting before reading:
Hey there,
How are you? Are the people treating you nice there?I sure hope they are because you’re too kind for this world. What’s it like living there so far? I’m sorry for all these questions, I’m just curious because ya know, it's New York City!
So… it’s been a while since I’ve gotten a letter from you, but maybe you’ve been busy. I mean, this internship, it’s a big deal so I wouldn’t want you to worry about sending letters all the time. Plus it probably keeps you occupied so don’t worry about anything, I’m just glad you’re happy doing what you love.
Anyway, uh, I heard back from Vernon. He said that he can show you around since he’s in town visiting with his mom. I don’t know if you’ll get this in time, but maybe he’ll contact you about it!
I really miss you. I know it was such terrible timing for me to have confessed. Just two weeks before you had to leave. Ah I wish I could’ve done it sooner. Anyway, I hope you’re doing well. Don’t overwork yourself and stay safe, okay?
Remember, time square could never shine as bright as you. I know it’s cheesy but I’ll always say it because that was my best pick up line ever. Okay, now get back to work! I’ll see you soon! I’m counting down the days!
From, Seungkwan
Jun put down his arm that was holding the letter and looked at Seungkwan who was munching away the food on his plate, “‘Time square could never shine as bright as you?’ MAN, and I thought Mingyu was the cheesy one in our group.”
Glaring at the elder, he snatched the letter from his hand, muttering something under his breath. “It’s from a song. An inside joke you wouldn’t understand.”
Jun took a sip of his soda, sighing as he set the can on a coaster, “Well, whatever it is, cross your fingers in hopes that they mail you back,” He stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans, “I’ll take my leave, gotta go cleanse my apartment.”
Seungkwan nodded, looking at the letter in his hands. Of all the things, it had to be letters.
//
“Seungkwan, get up.” He mumbled in his sleep, trying to shoo away the intruder that was waking him up. “Seungkwan, have you gotten mail from them yet?” He groaned again, not aware of his surroundings as he rolled over, arm hitting a hard surface beside him. “Man, you really are a pain. Anyway, I have a letter for you.” Seungkwan shot up, squinting at Jun who towered over him in his bed.
“You have a what for me? I’ve been waiting for almost three weeks for one, did one finally come in?” Jun’s eyes widened, not realizing sooner that he didn’t receive a letter from you.
“Oh, uh, you see, um, I was just… kidding.” Seungkwan narrowed his eyes before making a frown and crashing back head first into his pillows. “Seungkwan, come on man. The letter probably got lost in the mail or something. You never know.”
Sitting up, he stared at what’s ahead of him; a bookshelf. The shelf had various books, photo albums, picture frames, etc. Mainly, it had a picture of the two of you hanging out the day he finally confessed — just two weeks before you had to leave. He doesn’t remember that night, though he wished he did after staring at the photo for so long now.
“Seungkwan! What are you looking at?” Jun leaned over, trying to take a glance at what his friend was eyeing, though it appears it is something that won’t make him feel any better. “Okay, enough is enough. You helped me during my break up, so I’m gonna help you through this letter drought, okay? Okay. Now, up you go!” Jun lifted the man from his bed, dragging him to the middle of his bedroom before plopping him down on the rug. “You're not gonna help me out Seungkwan? Come on, please.”
“What if they met someone,” Jun thought for a moment, hoping what Seungkwan said didn’t turn out to be true. He had to stay positive and make sure his friend does too.
“Hey, don’t think like that, okay? Now get up and wash up, we’re going to get food.” Seungkwan sighed, finally deciding to listen to his friend.
//
“Jun, I know you meant to go out to get food, but I didn’t think that I would pay for it AND we eat it at my place.”
“It’s the thought that counts, and thank you for paying. The food? Muah.”
Seungkwan rolled his eyes and put a piece of meat into his mouth, staring at the desk that was against the wall. He eyed the papers, pens, and pencils; a wave of sadness crashing over him. He couldn’t help but think that you actually had moved on. All the doubts he had in the beginning when you left resurfaced as he thought that maybe you just used him for those last two weeks you had spent with him. But why would you do something like that? It didn’t make any sense, but maybe Seungkwan doesn’t really know you.
“Hey, Seungkwan what’s the date today?”
“Not sure, why?”
Jun hummed, noticing that Seungkwan hasn’t been keeping track of the days recently, so he decided to keep this valuable information to himself, “No reason, just wasn’t sure.”
//
Seungkwan sat at his desk, thinking about how he should start the next letter to write. He used to write every week to you, but now he hasn’t written to you for over a month. He swirled the pen in his hand, attempting to gather words to form a sentence in his head. Finally, that imaginary lightbulb lit up, his eyes sparkling with ideas.
Hey there,
How’s New York City treating you? Have you taken care of yourself? Eating all your supplements?
Scratching his head, he scribbled on the paper and decided to use this as a rough draft and to rewrite it later.
How’s New York City treating you? Have you taken care of yourself? Eating all your supplements?
I don’t know what’s going on, but I hope you’re safe over there. It’s getting more and more difficult for me to go so long without seeing you and hearing your voice. I miss you.
He thought maybe it was too cheesy, or maybe he was so in love he couldn’t control it. Nope it was too cheesy.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I hope you’re safe over there. It’s getting more and more difficult for me to go so long without seeing you and hearing your voice. I miss you.
Taking a small sip of his coffee, Seungkwan closed his eyes, thinking about the situation he was in. He used to be so good at saying all the right words in his letters but now he couldn’t even find anything to say. He doesn’t even know if you're reading them or not. That hurt his pride a bit because of how much time and dedication he spent to write and think these out to send to you, only to not get a letter in almost two months. That’s the crazy thing about love; one would do anything for the person they love.
Snapping his eyes open, he checked the time only to find that it was no use because the clock was broken. The ticking of it irritated him and it always felt like it was getting slower and slower.
Focusing on the paper in front of him, he decided that if you weren’t going to send any letter, then he wasn’t going to either. It sounded like a great idea, but it was also bad at the same time. He didn’t know why, but he chose to ignore the bad part.
//
Jun could sense that Seungkwan was feeling a bit better than usual, but that's what freaked him out the most. Seungkwan hasn’t been this active ever since he got his first letter from you, so he guesses that his friend received a letter. Jun wanted to ask, but the fear of the thought not being true made him hesitate and not ask at all. He didn’t want to see his friend in despair again. After all, you are coming home in a few hours.
Seungkwan hasn’t felt like he has right now since a few months ago. It could be the weather, the feeling of the air, the food, anything. He just knows that today is a good day.
“Jun, what are we gonna do today? I’m feeling great so we should go out.” Jun pursed his lips as Seungkwan looked at his friend, waiting for an answer. Jun looked up in thought, but his mind just wandered back to his bed or the couch because he was feeling a lazy day.
“I don’t know, I’m not really in the mood to… go out.”
“Why? Are you feeling okay?” Seungkwan raised his hand to touch Jun’s forehead, only for Jun to smack it away.
“I feel fine, I’m just a bit lazy is all.” Jun thought to himself, thinking about how you’d for sure want to see Seungkwan and to talk to him about everything. Well, that's what he thinks and hopes. “Can we stay here for a bit and then head out?”
Plopping down next to him, Seungkwan turned on the TV, clicking through the channels before keeping it on one show. “Let me know when you want to leave.”
//
Seungkwan soon fell asleep on the couch, laying on his right side. Jun looked at him and then to the clock. He set a reminder on his phone before you left on when you would come back and what time.
It was currently 3:10pm and on his phone, it says you arrived at 1 o’clock in the afternoon. The airport is quite away and you probably are feeling tired after the plane ride, but Jun can’t help to look back every time he hears a car go by, hoping that it’s you to see Seungkwan.
He sighed, glancing at his sleeping friend before getting up and placing a blanket over him. He’s had it rough for the past couple of months, the thoughts of his brain eating him alive. Oh how he knew the feeling all too well.
Hearing a car door shut, Jun peeked outside, seeing you approach the house. Quickly and quietly, he opened the front door and closed it, meeting you halfway.
When you saw him, you immediately smiled, “Jun!” He raised his hand up to his lips, shushing you.
He began to whisper, “Where the hell have you been?” You eyed him weirdly, but shrugging as it was only Jun in front of you. “Do you know how much pain Seungkwan was in? He’s been waiting so long for you to reply.”
You were confused, “What do you mean? I was the one waiting for him to reply back to me. I came here to see what was wrong.” Jun sighed before signaling you to Seungkwan’s home.
“You go in. He’s asleep on the couch and will probably wake up hungry.” He gave you a soft pat on the head, “Glad to have you back, now I’m gonna go. Also, he’ll probably get mad, so don’t mention me.” You giggled before giving him a small hug.
“Thanks Jun.”
//
Seungkwan groaned, sitting up as he looked around the room, trying to spot Jun. Finding him nowhere, he sighed thinking about how he never went out. Turning to put his feet down, he lifted his arms to stretch, a yawn escaping past his lips. Mid yawn, he sees you at the doorway from the kitchen with a tray. He blinked a few times, not sure if you were really there or if it was just Jun. He rubbed his eyes as you came closer and set the tray onto the coffee table.
“About time you woke up, I’ve been here for an hour.” Seungkwan said nothing, his mind still thinking that this was all just a hallucination. He glazed over at the clock on the desk and saw that it was almost 4:30pm.
He heard you clear your throat, his mind now processing that you were indeed actually there with him in the same room. You began to walk around the small table, “I made your favorite soup,” Sitting down next to him, you looked into his wide eyes, “Why are you so surprised? I should be the surprised one here.”
Blinking a few times, he finally said your name. Lifting up his hand, he caressed your cheek lovingly as you smiled bitterly. But then he remembered how you never responded to him, and how you had the audacity to come into his home as if nothing was wrong.
He narrowed his eyes, taking his hand away from your face before standing up abruptly, “Why didn’t you mail me back?” Your eyebrows shot up and so did your legs, but wanting to one up him, you stood on the couch.
“I could ask you the same thing, Seungkwan! I haven’t received a single letter from you.” A shocked look flashed over his features as he looked up at you.
“What do you mean ‘haven’t received’ a single letter? I sent a few asking you why you didn’t respond. But what did I get? N. O. T. H. I. N. G.” You glared at him, not believing the words you were hearing. You sent so many letters with no information as to why he didn’t respond back to you.
“Really Seungkwan? You want to play victim?”
“Victim? I am the victim!” You scoffed, getting off the couch and walked around the table to put some distance between the two of you. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You’re accusing me of not responding when I did.” You rubbed your temples, pacing in front of him as you took small glances at his messy desk filled with crumpled papers. You walked over, picking up a ball and unfolded it, reading what he wrote before tossing it aside.
“I told you I wrote. And I did stop, I admit, but that was only because you never responded. I did write to you.” You looked at him, trying to think about what went wrong before an idea popped in your head.
“Seungkwan, what was the last letter you got from me?” He looked around his desk, scanning the messy area before pointing to the only neat pile. You picked up the letters, reading each date and word on the envelopes. However, you immediately knew what the mistake was.
You sighed and closed your eyes, biting your lower lip in frustration. Turning to Seungkwan who was sitting on the couch and eating the food you prepared, you debated if you wanted to hurt your pride by telling him what you did wrong.
He looked at where you were standing with the letters in your hands, as clear sadness in his eyes. You thought about the pain you may have caused him because of one stupid mistake. If only you got the address right.
“Okay Seungkwan, I know what happened, but hear me out.” His eyes narrowed, but he motioned you to continue, “So, when we write letters to each other, we put our address on it, right?” Nodding his head, he took a sip of the warm soup, “Well, the people I was working with moved me to a different department which relocated me to a different city which was far from my apartment.”
You watched his eyes, seeing the expression that tells you he knew nothing about it, “Yeah, you knew nothing because in the letter that I wrote to you, I put the wrong address. I put a 5 instead of a 6.” You looked down, too ashamed to face him and his hard eyes. Seungkwan was surprised, he didn’t know how to process the information, so all he did was laugh.
“I can’t believe how stupid you are.” You let out a soft laugh, hiding your face in the letters. “But I have a question still,” He tried to look at your face, but couldn’t see anything except your nodding, “If we wrote our address, why didn’t you just look at my old letters?”
Placing the letters on the table, you let out a loud groan, softly stomping over to the couch and sitting right next to him. Leaning against his shoulder, you sighed, “Like you said, I can’t believe how stupid I am.”
Seungkwan laughed, moving his arm to wrap around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. You wrapped your arms around his torso, catching his familiar scent that you missed so much.
“Seungkwan?” He hummed, loving the feeling of having you in his arms again, “I’m sorry I got your address wrong.” He smiled, rubbing your back as a soothing gesture.
“I know. But just remember I’m never letting you live this down.”
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oh-for-fic-sake · 4 years
Text
The Ground Rules
Geralt lays down the law with the help of yennefer after catching the reader haveing a bit of me time in the bath.
Masterlist
Ok this took all day as i couldnt stop tweaking it and i got to the point iv just got to step back and throw it out there or im gonna scream.Any way this is to go along with pastry negotiations its based after that one so could be considered part two? can be read stand alone tho in all honesty these modern reader inserts are gonna jump about in timeline cos my plot bunnys are twats. Im basing my Ciri on a mix of mature netflix Ciri and slightly mischievous witcher 3 Ciri. Any way i hope you enjoy this one im pretty pleased with it xx 
WARNING: Adult Themes, Smut, DubCon Swearing MxFxF 18+
Dont like it dont read it.
Geralt snaps when you take matters into your own hands.
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The Ground Rules
"Well someone is excited" Jaskier drolled as he watched your form slowly creating distance between you as you marched ahead.
As the small rickety town came into veiw you cried out a victorious and dramatic "still alive" causing eye rolls and chuckles in the group. Honestly this was the first real town you'd come to since being here and you were thrilled. Sure you'd passed a tiny smattering of houses four or so days ago where you'd traded for some bread, tiny amount of dried meat and a few other essentials oh! and yenn had managed to replace your pastry to the amusment of the resident witcher. They'd both been more open with you since the whole pastry incident-which you thought was an off handed comment on yennefers part but she and geralt had since indicated otherwise.
The people in the village had mentioned of a near by town that was rumoured to have a contract out on a nest of some monster thingamajigs that you hadn't botherd to remeber the name of .You looked down the verge towards the town with immediate thoughts of eat, bathe and sleep- on a bed, a real fucking bed ,ok so it wont be a temper mattress but you could live with that-oh my fucking god hot water,a nice loooong soak you moaned in your throat the thought alone brought tears to your eyes. You walked ahead trying to usher the group.
And maybe you could have your own room. Honestly sharing a bed with the couple was becoming an issue for you,your crush on them was definatly getting out of control now constantly blushing under their heated glances and they are becoming more touchy feely, Hands lingering longer than nesscasary or leaning in so close so thier breath tickled the hairs on your neck basically doing anything to get you flustered and you swear to god yesterday yennefer copped a feel whilst helping you threw a small steam which you didn't need help with;not that she listened. Bottom line you were becoming sexualy frustrated pretty much staying in a constant state of arousal a night away from them to take care of business would be very much appreciated. 
"Come ooooonnnn guys keep up" you turned looking back at them drawing out your whine befor resuming towards the town
"Someone should catch up with her she looks like a girl on a mission" Yennefer commented 
"Yes. Ciri would you keep her near the main gate and out of trouble while we settle roach in the stables ,here take her this she should cover up befor anyone gets any ideas" geralt grunted as your form began to dissapear down the brow of the hill ,ciri looked between the two before shrugging grabbing his offered cloak then ran to catch up with you.
You glanced to the side as you heard footsteps noticing Ciri fall in step with you she held out his cloak.
"Here geralt said to cover up before people get any ideas" you sighed it wasnt your fault his shirt hung off of you showing a large amount of shoulder and chest luckily when the hoover portal of doom sucked you in you were in fleece lined black leggings that had been durable enough to survive the last 3 weeks on the road(your stitch t shirt hadn't survived your initial fall) because you doubt he'd have anything your hips would get in to. Rolling your eyes you pulled the heavy fabric across your shoulders repostioning it so that it wasnt draging on the floor to much but was still sheilding your body. 
"He's such a dad" Ciri giggled nodding in agreement befor reciting what esle geralt had requested ordered. You scoffed shaking your head
"So he doesnt even trust me to walk through a town, he does realise im an adult right? That i can do things with out causing trouble. i mean for god sake im not jaskier" she snorted 
"I think its more like he doesnt want other men trying to sleep with you" you did a double take 
"The hell you know about that sort of shit? has Jaskier been corrupting you?"
 A knowing smirk crossed her face as she held her hands up coming to a halt facing you just inside the wooden gates of the town.
"You think i havent noticed whats going on by myself, Geralt likes you so does yenn jaskiers noticed to, think he's going to write a song" 
"He better bloody not and anyway maybe i want to find a companion for the night." You announced tersely crossing your arms only to freeze as you heard a growl from behind you.
"Oh yes, i may have forgot to mention that witchers are senses are really sensetive" she smiled sweetly, you gaped why were you only being told this now. Looking between her and the others approaching.
"Wh-what how the fuck you leave that out? d-do you think he heard us? from back there" She nodded 
"Most definitely" you gulped feeling yourself shrink into Geralts cloak a little at the looks you received from Geralt and Yennefer as he spoke to her telling her what youd just said.oh fuck.
"when you say senses you mean all of 'em? Not just one or two?" hoping beyond hope that something had been lost in translation.
"Nope all of them sight, smell, hearing the whole lot" she replied watching the colour drain from your horror sticken face. You'd been getting wet over the past few days. And the realisation that he probably knew embarrassed the shit out of you. Geralt smirked obviously he heard.You were so fucked.he knew and if he knew then she knew.oh my god. You were sooo fucked.'whelp there goes my dignity' you thought. He strode past you to the mediocre stables with roach in toe ready to hitch her for the night.Jaskier and yenn followed pulling some of the bags off of the horse then passing them out to their respective owners. Geralt then stood before you all giving you all the 'game plan' as you call it.
"we will find an inn and eat after that you get settled in for the night whist i see about this contract."
"don't bother about me tonight im going to catch myself a young fair maiden for the night" you scoffed at Jaskier's announcement drawing his attention
"Sounding like a creeper there Jask, what? you gonna do throw a net in the tavern? don't think they'd take to kindly to that" he huffed through his nose aggravated. 
"No im going to sing in the tavern and lure a beauty to my side for the night" you played along widening your eyes in false realization
"oohh so your gonna go pay for it, how does it work exactly is it by hour or-" Geralt quickly intervened covering your mouth one to stop the inevitable spat and two before you could corrupt Ciri any further Jaskier deadpanned giving you a flat look.
"you're welcome to come find out for yourself im sure your just Itching  to get some relief-"
"JASKIER! you go ahead at least try to keep a bit of coin back this time" Jaskier 1 Y/n 0.
You glowered behind Geralt's hand as he dismissed the smirking bard who turned on his heel prancing off quite pleased with himself. You smacked Geralt's hand away wiping your mouth with the back of your hand before slowly making your way down the street into town.It had taken nearly half an hour to find a decent inn that had room for the four of you. A room with two double beds that had a heavy curtain to split the room into two it was usually rented by traveling families. You groaned as you walked in, now you really couldn't take care of business, you followed Ciri as she placed her bag on the bed on the left following suit you placed yours on the other half of it only to have Yennefer quickly relocated it to her side of the other bed. Ciri snorted giving you a knowing look.you sighed then stomped across the room. Knowing all to well that it was futile to argue with the sorceress ,the witcher was stubborn but she was something else. Geralt handed a small pouch of coin to Yennefer.
"This is for the new clothes Ciri needs a thicker cloak preferably fur lined maybe new boots to not sure how long those will last in the mountains." yennefer hummed as she pocketed the money. 
"And the clothes for Y/n as well?" 
"Yes, should be enough there for what we discussed if not i'v got a bit more saved" you raised your brows blinking at them.
"err what was discussed? guys? what did you talk about? was it about me? helloooo" you waved as they ignored you.Yennefer pulled off her cloak leaving it on her side of the bed. you and Ciri followed their lead only for Geralt the tug yours back across you giving a sharp look as you rolled your eyes.The group made its way down into the quiet main room of the family run inn where you were served a meal of roast beef with vegetable trimmings ,before you knew it Geralt had left to find out about the contract with a final 'Behave' thrown in your direction.To which you grunted in response,too full to even tell him to 'jog on' - a phrase that still frustrated the witcher as he didn't know the meaning-. Yennefer had asked for a bath before your meal which you were just informed was ready leaving you alone with the sorceress. You had all decided Ciri would have the bath first then you, yennefer and finally geralt if he was back before it got cold.
"I cant breath" yennefer laughed out loud you rubbed your tummy closing your eyes
"I mean honestly, I think theres food in my lungs" groaning leaning back against the chair she gave a sympathetic smile
"Well you did inhale your food, maybe next time take it easy."
"Can you blame me, been the first meat iv recognized since i got here" It was true so far you'd been living on meats that you wouldn't have necessarily chose to eat back home rabbit,mutton venison ect.
"After we've bathed we will rest for the day but tomorrow we have to run over to the seamstress and get your new clothes, not sure how long we will be here and might have to order some or have them taken up,you are a little thing.Might have to have some leather work done too." you squinted pointing an accusing finger at her
"You calling me a midget? we going for shots now are we?" she smiled sheepishly
"No .no shots?. i just meant your petite don't worry its very cute. Anyway we are only picking up the basics a few day dresses ,Riding clothes boots that sort of thing" you blinked owlishly flushing as she called you cute. 
"Riding clothes yes. Dresses no thank you" she stared unblinking at you for a few moments making you squirm at the calm expectant gaze that was getting heavier by the second, it was like the eyes of a mother when you'd been caught doing some dumb shit you knew you shouldn't be doing.
"Stop it....Yenn no... cant i just get something like Geralt has..please... i'd be much more comfortable...even Jaskier i mean im not one for the puffy bits but 'd make do....."
she blinked slowly
"Oh fine but only one or two no more and your not getting rid of these leggings either" you gave in, her gaze was to unnerving and it did things to you. Her face lit up. She was looking forward to seeing you in feminine gown instead of a her and Geralt's shirts not that she minded but it'd be a nice change to your strange stetchy leggings (not that she minded you in the form fitting bottoms) She moved leaning in to your side hand on your thigh patting it lightly.
"Thank you, don't be so worried i will take good care of everything" you gulped as you felt the flushed skin of your face grow hotter,your core clenching and warming at her sultry reply you closed your eyes trying to regain a bit of control. Suddenly her attention was drawn to a pink skinned Ciri who had finished her bath and changed Yenn nodded and released your thigh. You bolted upstairs hearing a chuckle as you did.
Once in the room you sighed in relief, making your way towards the screened off section that held a large oval tub full of steaming water. Discarding your clothes as you all but melted into the hot water.You submerged yourself getting your hair wet scratching tentatively at your scalp that had begun to ache under the grime. Spotting a small stool with what you'd consider toiletries, a bar of hard sweet smelling soap and a few vials.You grabbed the soap, opting for using it for your hair as well unsure what vials did what and went where.After scrubbing all the built up sweat and dirt you you closed your eyes lounging back against the slanted end tub you relaxed a few moments it wasn't long before you were feeling much better ,tired muscles succumbing to the soothing hot water.your body hummed. 'no one would have to know' as your summarized that this was the perfect opportunity to relieve yourself of other tensions, 
'its not like geralt could smell you under water, i mean i dont think dogs can thats why criminals cross rivers when their being hunted on tv isn't it?' biting your lip you peaked an eye open and listened out carefully feeling naughty when you began moving your hand to the apex of your thighs gasping as your finger ghosted over your hardened bundle of nerves .Fuck. Your clit was sensitive not surprising when Geralt and Yennefer had practically edged you for nearly a week. You whined quietly as you began a fast rhythm on your clit ,other hand slinking down to your opening rubbing your fingers up and down the warm weeping hole. You bit off a groan as your hips gyrated against your roaming hands. Stomach tensing as you drove yourself faster and faster to the edge.Almost there.Fuck almost-you jumped hissing 'shit' ,ripping your hands away from yourself , sitting up fast enough to make your head spin splashing a wave of water over the floor when you heard the door open slamming the wall beside it.
"err theres some one in here!" you called out loudly, angry at who ever just interrupted you.You got nervous as the heavy steps quickly made their way towards you.Realizing who ever it was didn't care for your modesty as they were coming your way you slung your top half out of the tub to grasp the towel screaming because before you could grasp it and cover yourself a large calloused hand enveloped your shoulder shoving you back into the water.
"WH-GERALT THE FUCK? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME." you shouted at him as he released you then you looked down slapping your hands down to cover your self as he raised his eyebrows and gave a lop sided grin.He defiantly looked like the big bad wolf in that moment eyes ablaze with a hunger you wasn't sure you wanted to explore or not. Collecting yourself swallowing dryly before scolding him in a voice that seemed to become smaller with each word.
"hey! get the fuck out im trying to bathe you prick" you heard the door open and close again in a less violent fashion. And suprize suprize yennefer glided into view behind the .
"Thats not all you were doing tho was it? i can fucking smell you" was growled at you as geralt wet his lips you squeaked. 
"huh? b-but.. i thought..w-water" you stuttered out as your brain malfunctioned on on an epic scale. Yennefer gave out a loud laugh.
"so thats why he tore threw the inn like that.honestly Geralt i thought something was wrong" she continued laughing as she replayed the way geralt had all but vaulted the tables to get to the stairs. you pouted throughly humiliated
"something is wrong" he ground out before kneeling beside you .Shifting you tired to create some distance from him. He was having none of that wasting no time thrusting his hands into the water tugging away your shielding hand the other forcing its way between your legs. You slammed back against the tub gasping trying to get away. All you'd achieved was his hand pinning your hips to the back of the bath by your pussy
"GERALT WHA-"  
"Lets lay down some ground rules" He squeezed your throbbing heat in his hand curling his fingers dangerously close to your opening you bucked moaning breathlessly .Your eyes searched Yennefer's for help but she wore a similar hungry look that he had. Another slow squeeze brought your attention back to the brooding alpha male in the room.
"This is ours.ours to lick,suck and fuck as we see fit, to do what we please with and is off limits to your wandering little hands we clear on that?" You groaned out as he emphasized certain words with teasing brushes of fingers and a slow rub of his palm. Realizing that he might actually be serious.You nodded quickly babbling as he rocked his hand back and forth igniting the heat that you had built alone.
"C-crystal-please Geralt PLease" You threw your head back as his hand moved deliberate and teasing.
"You think you deserve it? after being caught up here playing with yourself?" You nodded then shook your head confused, unable to really concentrate on anything apart from his magnificent hand ,half lidded eyes and clenching your fingers tight around the thumb he was using it to control your movements as your body whithered under his ministrations.
"Really?" He said smirking as he held completely still you sucked through your teeth biting back curses.He chuckled smug bastard. moving trying to get some friction to no avail.
"Well we have been teasing the poor thing ,of course shes going to try sorting herself out the first chance she gets .Honestly Geralt what did you expect? i did tell you" yennefer reasoned as she stood behind you combing threw your wet hair you before grasping your free hand pulling it up out of the way kissing your palm before ghosting her nose down your neck pressing soft kisses along it you mewled at her and tried to coax geralt to continue again by rolling your hips.
"I suppose we could let her off this time" His voice was pure sex as he glanced down before giving into pushing two thick fingers up into you. his breach of your walls had an initial sting but was incredible as your needy walls tried sucking him deeper greedy to be filled.
"oh-oh fuck Ger-please" you arched your back pushing down onto his hand clutching onto Yennefer's wrist. you were so hot .fuck.he was gonna make you cum too quick. You panted throwing your head side to side as your legs tensed then raised up towards your torso, your pussy wrapped tight around Geralts fingers as he held them deep every few thrusts making you feel just how your walls rippled around him. he alternated between fast and shallow then slow and deep trying to build you up slowly he wasn't going to rush you, he was skilled enough to walk you up to the edge and throw you off whenever he damn well pleased. You'd never been this desperate in your life . Yenn's cool fingers delicately teased out your nipples pinching and flicking them until they stood out provocatively. You rocked against the both of them as Geralt made sure to start dragging your clit up and down with his palm as he finger fucked you curling his fingers searching for that small spot that'd send your mind reeling. Yenn had leaned down kissing your cheek and begun whispering lowly into your ear.
"He knows what he's doing doesn't he?Iit wont take him long to find every single spot you have, thats the thing with bedding a witcher they are much more observant then regular men. I have no doubt he will know when your going to orgasm before you do.He has the ability to force them out of nowhere when ever he pleases.. He is quite cruel like that" you moaned out loud snapping your head back high pitched and vulgar sounds tore from your throat as Geralts invading fingers began rubbing furiously back and forth on a soft spot inside of you.Unable to control yourself as your legs and tummy spasmed erratically as your tearfull moans and pleas filled the room
"Thats it oh i think iv found it~" he boasted as he moved his elbow pinning a knee to the side of the tub leaving your clit cruelly exposed for Yennefer,they shared a look as she moved her hand down to join Geralts taking over to rub small firm circles on your exposed clit.
"oh-OH fuck noNOno i cant please i ca-UGh to-Too much please FUCK" Yennefer was quick to swallow your moans in a kiss of clashing teeth and tongues before any one could hear ,tears streamed down your face as your body ached your pussy contracting painfully around his swiping digits. Pulling back for air the sorceress placed open mouthed kisses over your shoulders leaving red marks with her teeth and sucking bites.
"Good girl your being sooo good you don't have to ask this time" she praised as she reached your ear befor sucking harshly below your jaw. you were quickly becoming putty in their hands Geralt growled as he picked up the begining tremors of your orgasm.
"Look at me" you obeyed instantly moaning as you watched the white wolf pull his lip up in a snarl that would have scared you any other time.
"This is what you were made for, your ours, we own you, mind body and soul we own every whimper ,every tear ,every orgasm and hole they are ours for the taking when ever we choose,from now only ecstasy you will know is what we give you" You'd never have guessed how filthy his mouth could be but it seemed to have the desired effect as a sudden rush of heat was your only warning before rearing up screaming out, not sure if you'd shut your eyes or blacked out for a moment as you gushed into the bath water.Geralt pressed into you persistent while Yennefer's hand continued the tight circles efficiently drawing out the best orgasm your ever had.Finally their movements ceased and your body went limp wracked trembling in the aftermath as your orgasm ebbed away slowly. After giving you a few moments to come down and catch your breath Geralt removed his fingers you whimpered inside's still so sensitive after your orgasm, sucking on them he moaned deep and feral before plucking your clenched fingers off his thumb. Yennefer quickly wiped your pussy gently clearing the cum from between your swollen lips. Making you twitched as the cloth ran over you.Pulling you from the bath was a joint effort as they rested you on the bed and began patting you dry with the towel.Moaning in protest as your arms waved loosely trying to take over only having your hand smacked away as they finished.Lying back looking up at them bleary eyed trying to stay awake you felt like jelly, giving up fighting you rolled over yawning tucking your arms below your head Yennefer tilted her head stroking your hair sending you into a relaxed sleep.
"Poor dear ,Oh look at her geralt shes all fucked out and we haven't even fucked her yet" 
"hmm she'll be ok we just need to work on her stamina" he replied patting your bottom as he pulled the cover over your washed out form.Geralt panicked
"Shit wheres Ciri?"
"well when you came charging in down stairs i told her to go find Jaskier and stay there until one of us came to get her" Yennefer said with a sly grin he shook his head and scooped her up kissing her passionately. As he took a few steps to the now vacant bath
"well the bath is still warm care to join me?"
"with pleasure lets try not to wake her tho"
.
See you soon xxx
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bloodycassian · 3 years
Text
A new Hope
ACOTAR - Cassian x (no gender) reader. Reader is an Illyrian trying to better the future of their people. 
Cassian would not doubt that the world ending may be caused by Rhysand, once he learned of his newest relationship. Cauldron hope that Rhys would be able to explain it better than Cassian was to Rhys. 
“She has a great sense of fighting ability. Rhys listen - she’s just as much of an asset as Feyre is!” He shouted as Rhys walked away. 
“An asset or an ass you can look at Cass? I have tolerated quite a few of your less than admirable partners here but I will not have an Illyrian. The Three of us are enough as it is. Besides we dont even know what clan they’re from I wont-” Rhys paced at the top of the step, his anger building the more Cassian tried to persuade him. 
“Rhys just meet them! Meet them and you’ll understand.” Cassian’s voice was quiet at the end,  almost pleading. The high lord paused, glancing at his friend. Rhys had never known him to use that tone unless it was utterly serious. He weighed the risks in his mind. Deny his Army General a simple pleasure or risk losing valuable secrets about his home territory to possible enemy Illyrian clans? The choice was obvious in his mind, but Cassians’ persistence on the matter made him reconsider. 
Rhy’s sighed, his power draining from his taut muscles. He waved a hand at his friend. “If I feel even a glimmer of note taking in their mind I will -Cassian, I will wipe it clean.” His friend’s face lit up with gratitude. 
Cassian bound up the steps and clapped his high lord on the shoulder, his wings flaring with excitement. “You know not all us pure bred Illyrians are such lying assholes.” 
+
You knew that someone would have to winnow you. The experience itself was much much different than how anyone described it. It made flying to the balcony almost impossible. Your head swam in dark spots and stars that weren’t actually there. Cassian’s warm hands righted you before you tumbled over your own feet when hitting the landing. His strong corded arms wrapped protectively around your middle, making sure you were adjusted to your feet again. 
Your stomach rolled. Never from your entire life of flying had anything made you that woozy before. “I think I’m good now - lets just fly next time.” You breathed and nodded to Cassian for approval. It felt like your entire body had been squeezed into a hole and pulled out the other end. 
“I had the house make breakfast-” Mor chirped as she walked in from the stairs. Food appeared on the enormous table. You turned, and vomited over the side of the balcony. 
+
A few hours later, Cassian was beaming at you from across the table. All were laughing at a story he had just gotten done telling, and this place truly felt like a home for him. You could understand why he wanted so much better for you, for all the Illyrians. Better was possible, especially with such a forgiving high lord that was willing to help with ruling over the war camps. 
“Very charming dear boy, but I believe we were here to interview your new pet.” The tiny woman at the end of the table finally spoke. Her eyes shone of a strange silver white that you had never seen before, and she did not eat. She was unsettling, and the rest of the table quieted. Amren, was her own person in the most definitive way. Cassian had warned you of her. You cleared your throat.
“I believe we have enough open minded Illyrians to begin our own camp, a new group where there are no rites, and females are not clipped.” You had practiced it in your head over and over on the days leading up to your meeting with Rhysands inner circle. 
Cassian was grinning like a smug cat at the high lord and lady. Feyre could not hide her shock, and Mor took a long sip of her wine. Rhys leaned back in his chair, intrigued. “Wouldnt that mean a slaughter of these people? If the others found out. You would be painting a target on your back from the start.” No judgement, only pure questions and curiosity. 
“We are trained, and are willing to shed blood if it comes to it.” You stated, willing your voice not to quaver under his questions. You could feel the power in his mere presence alone, and did not want to see it in action. You took a breath before revealing what you had been hiding until this moment. You glanced toward Cassian, who nodded in encouragement. You rolled up one of the sleeves covering the back of your hand. “I am willing to lead them.” Your dark onyx siphon glinted in the light. Utter silence coated the room, shock echoing throughout. Amren’s mouth dropped - then began beaming at you.
You rolled up the other sleeve, revealing the siphon on the opposite hand. “I am willing to protect them. We just need your help.” You stared at the high lord, who’s eyes were wide and jaw clenched. You didnt want to know what that meant. There was a soft chuckle from behind you.
Azriel was smiling wide as he stood next to you, taking your hand. “Welcome to the club. No way Rhy’s is letting you go now.” 
+
“No winnowing. You can fly back with me or not, but I am going to vomit up that lovely dinner.” You pulled on your jacket, happy to be out of the hot seat at the table. So many questions from every angle besides Amren, who had just summoned a cup from the house and drained it. 
“You’ll have to get used to it sometime. Rhys’ seems very interested in you.” He nudged your shoulder lightly, his wings flaring out - as if to taste the night breeze. “And not at all grateful to me for finding you.” He grumbled. 
You rolled your eyes and stretched your arms, preparing for the long flight. You refused to stay the night, despite Feyre insisting. Nerves would probably make it impossible to sleep anyway. Not to mention the thought of sleeping in the same place as Cassian. He was… too tempting. 
“Maybe we stop and camp if you’re still not feeling great.” He started for the ledge, then in a swift stride disappeared into the darkness. You glanced behind to the empty, already cleaned dining room. Magic house, must be nice. You felt a twinge of sadness as you leapt from the balcony.
A howl of adrenaline ripped through the air as Cassian hit an updraft just before the outside of the Illyrian mountain range. His heart soared, the cold wind kissing his skin and making him feel the best kind of alive. You circled with him, the soft glow of the campfires below were warm, but not inviting. You knew those fires were lit for the ones without even tents to call a home. Shame crashed through you. 
Children of your kind, sleeping out in some of the most vicious winters that Prythian had to offer. It made you shudder. You had done all you could for the mothers of some of the children. For the ones willing for change. You knew that it was an uphill battle to create them a new home, but it would be worth it. It would pay off eventually. 
If it worked.
Cassian banked toward you and matched your speed, his powerful wings within touching distance of yours. There was a long moment of silence between you. The wind and the rasp of your wings against your clothes the only sounds. Your face stricken, you tried to force a smile at him. “You dont have to go back, you know. We can figure something else out if you don't want to stay at the House of Wind.” 
“What would that show my people?” You snapped back at him. The offer was kind, yes but Cassian might not know how bad certain camps had gotten. Especially the smaller ones. Males had begun usurping smaller villages and kicking children and females out of their own homes. That was on the good days, on the normal days there would be puddles of blood in the dirt roads the morning after the raid.
“I just mean maybe we should.. Stay out together?” Cassian trailed off. You felt your cheeks flush with color. “I mean if you want or if you dont its fine we can-” he started rambling as you descended together, landing just outside the flickering light of the village. 
“You mean the great Night Cout General wants to share a tent with a war camp Illyrian?” You teased, pulling your coat tighter against the cold. The wind on the ground seemed to whip more harshly after landings. As if it was punishing you for being in its way. 
Cassian boomed with laughter, “I havent heard of sharing a tent in years. I cant deny it is appealing.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you. His dark hair curled around his neck, bringing out the color in his dark cheekbones. He stepped toward you, blocking the wind. “Youre appealing.” His voice dropped to little more than a growl, his eyes were dark glancing from your lips to your eyes. 
Your stomach flipped, tying knots up to your slamming heart. His wings flexed out, hands reaching for yours tentatively. The calluses on his palms were warm, and tough where a sword would lay. They matched his personality. You were ready for this. After looking at his full dark lips so long you were beyond studying the shape and curve of them. You were ready to see if they matched him as perfectly as his hands did. 
A high pitched whistle sounded through the camp. Cassian groaned, his hands tightening on yours. Your eyes widened as you spied the cause of the interruption. A band of males were circling a fire, a few of them with weapons. Some with nothing more than a few scraps of clothes. 
“Shit” You breathed, starting toward the group. You didnt know what you would do, but nothing would touch this village, the camp you worked so hard to preserve. You felt your siphons thrum with power. You would eviscerate them if they would not listen, you knew that much. You had hopes with this side of the village, that this would be more civilised than the south side where the fighting rings were. 
Cassian grabbed your wrist before you could get farther. “I will help. Show yourself to them. Let them feel fear of the siphons. If they dont listen I can.. I will help you.” His eyes hid nothing, icy rage filled them. 
You spun and kissed him, quickly. Quickly before he could pull you in, and get lost in the feeling of pure him. He faded to the shadows, the whisper of his wings the only thing telling you he was monitoring. Even facing a band of murder frenzied Illyrians, you could barely get the smile off your face.
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mollydollyjournals · 3 years
Text
Everything feels so quiet again. I hate this about being nocturnal. At least during the day more people are around and online and I might have a little interaction. I wonder if I'll ever get my body clock to function on a 24hr schedule. Even as a child and teenager I've always had sleeping problems though. My body clock has always fought against regular timing. I definitely find it easiest when I'm actually excited to get up for something in particular, but that's not all there is to it. Besides that feels like a tall ask right now.
I've been crying a lot recently. I dont usually cry that much at all but the past month maybe, in increasing frequency, and the majority of the past few days, I'm always on the verge of or in tears. I'm on so much prozac I can sometimes feel it pushing me to just smile through it and do something, but I think my mind wins over it when it sees that my 5 minutes of positivity didnt bring luck like everyone says it will. I'm tempted to lower my dose just so I can at least be consistently sad. Part of me hopes I'd get bad enough to SH and do more noticeable stuff so someone will realise how I feel, but part of me knows that's not how itll work and I'll just do those things and feel even worse because I'm still by myself. Most of me feels guilty because that's the dramatic stereotype and nobody likes an attention seeker, but most of me also knows it's not socially acceptable to directly ask for help and support. The times I've said a thing about how bad I feel, very obviously in need of support, i havent got it. So if i did something more, i still wouldnt get it, but I'd just be bothering people even more by letting them see. But then maybe I'd actually get the balls to just end it properly and get it over with. But I also know I'm not someone who'd do something so final without exhausting all options first, which means I'd also say that more directly, and then the same issue applies.
I'm so sick of feeling like this. I feel like such a waste of space and it's the same problem where I need x to do y but I need y to get z and I need z to get x. Whenever I try to force myself to break that cycle alone, I burn out. I feel worse for the fact that I'm doing it alone. I feel like theres no point in achieving any of it if I'm still alone. I did so much growing up by myself and doing way too much and all it got me was a bit more time alive so I could watch everyone else actually live and realise how cut off i was. Last time i had a major breakdown i came out of it over time but i felt worse afterwards than before because of the fact that I'd had to deal with it alone. I felt resentful of all the people who saw me say outright on my social media 'I feel really terrible and I need support/dont think I can deal with this alone/etc' and either said nothing or just briefly acknowledged it then continued on. I didnt really get over it, I just stopped in the same way a baby learns to stop crying eventually if nobody comes. So i came out of the breakdown with the resentful and anxious feeling that i cant really rely on anyone and am truly alone.
Now I'm so much more sensitive. Of course I'm more sensitive. I'm scared this is more permanent mental shit that I wont be able to get rid of. I cant stay like this forever. I never used to be this bad. But I had some outlets at least, and some hope that it might be different at some point. Now it feels like I'm just so worn out and I need to rest and be protected but the longer I go without it the more I need and the more impossible it gets and then I feel like theres no point in trying because theres no way to fix the cycle. Not without some anime-level miracle.
All I can do is drink and hope I get distracted by something else for a while. Hope I get chatty and confident enough to send the first messages and make the first posts, hope the audience happens to be responsive. Hope I come up with some kind of idea that'll keep me busy and entertained.
There was a day a few months ago where I drank a lot over the course of a day, and I started getting really bad palpitations where my heart was stopping for a few seconds at a time and restarting painfully. It especially stopped whenever I lay down and kept still, ie when I was trying to sleep. I thought I was probably going to die in the night so I wrote out a little note on my phone just in case. But I was kind of happy about it. For whatever reason, a few friends had been online and we'd all talked a lot, and I'd had things to do, and we talked about what we were doing throughout that day, and we all screwed around and shitposted, and it was just nice. It didnt feel so much like quarantine as just long distance friends and I felt like if that was gonna be my last day then so be it.
Of course, I didnt die. It turned out my meds needed adjusting so I did that and the palpitations lessened. I kind of wish I did just die. I guess it's morose. But it would have taken the guesswork and worrying out of all this. I'm just so tired. Its not that I dont want to get better and enjoy life. I just dont know if I can. I dont know if theres too much damage been done. I was already a difficult case before the pandemic but it's really fucked me over a lot and brought up a lot of old and new insecurities and I dont know if I'm really able to make the transition to something normal and okay.
My heart palpitations are bad again right now. Today it's because of restricting food. Theres some kind of weak heart trait in my family so I've always had the occasional palpitation, but they get bad sometimes. It's not painful right now, just weak. If I breathe too deeply it loses rhythm. I keep beginning to hyperventilate from anxiety and my heart gets irregular and weird. Of course as I say that I get some pain.
I dont feel like I can eat more though. I did have a meal for dinner. Low calorie, but a meal. So my calories for today weren't super low. One thing that's always consistent about my thing with food etc is the control element. That when everything is bad, I need something to go my way, and this is all I can do. I dont know.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Probably not. But I really want to. I really need to. It only takes small things, small distractions to keep me going. If I can just survive long enough to keep at some things to change my situation, maybe I can get out of this. But if I crack, I drink and binge and do other things that make me feel worse. I dont know. I'm trying to drag myself along but I guess it doesn't look like I'm doing anything at all.
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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years
Text
Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.
Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.
Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.
How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.
Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.
Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me. 
Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.
Do you know your blood type? o+
Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up. 
Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.
How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish
Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.
Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.
When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?
Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.
Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not. 
How many bedrooms are in your house? four. 
Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.
Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah
Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.
Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.
So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.
What would you rather be doing? school
What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming
Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby. 
Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.
Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple
Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty
Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.
Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing. 
Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.
Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.
Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue
Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs
Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.
Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan
What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.
What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her
Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.
Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.
What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.
Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.
Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke
What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town
Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.
Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.
What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric. 
Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.
Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.
Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.
How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.
Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.
Do you like your parents? i love my mom.
Do you secretly like someone? No.
Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I
What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.
Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk
Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.
Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.
How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy. 
Are you wearing socks? not at the moment. 
What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.
Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont
Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes
What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.
Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.
Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.
Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.
Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times. 
Did you get any compliments today? No.
Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.
What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.
Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.
Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more. 
Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.
Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore
Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha
What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.
If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october
Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore. 
What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin
Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.
Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.
Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.
What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.
Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no
Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.
Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.
What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday
If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.
If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.
What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.
Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.
What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.
If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know. 
When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.
Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.
Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.
How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.
What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.
Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.
Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.
What’s your current mood? Bleh.
What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls
How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.
When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.
Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah
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drangues · 3 years
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ansbwjjcnw I still gotta read it but my motivation to Do New Shit is. So very low right now. All I want are naps. BUT I’m sure an art of Tangled!Dazatsu from you would look really nice, if you decide to draw it! ALSO GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TEST IM ROOTING FOR YOU, make sure you get enough sleep and eat something filling!!! Anyways, let’s be honest- Dazai and Chuuya only get worse when their attention flustered their boyfriends. (Nyanon, 1/7)
This is because (A) they think Flustered BFs are fucking adorable, and also (B) they know this means that their boyfriends haven’t been appreciated much and that means War (on their low self image). Also I love the implication that rich kid!Dazai and Chuuya’s natural reaction to being Pissed at each other is to spoil Atsushi or Akutagawa. It’s great. And! That is: EXACTLY. What I’m saying. (Nyanon, 2/7)
I can imagine them as that one post of the writer and the artist throwing chapters and pictures at each other, ahaha. Dazai practically being the embodiment of a chaotic author is Very Fitting, he writes when he writes and in whatever genre strikes him. No, there’s no need to worry about him, he’s definitely not living on coffee and spite alone. And Atsushi is definitely the type to mostly stick to fluffy drawing, I think! (Nyanon, 3/7)
He can definitely do other things, but he probably finds drawing cute stuff comforting. Also Kyouka likes the super cute ones and he’s pretty much willing to draw whatever to keep the baby sis happy. I also imagine that he’d do commissions? Because it never hurts to have an additional source of income. Except he’s a pushover when people tell him his prices are “too high” or something, so Kyouka has to put her foot down and tell him to Not give in, haha. (Nyanon, 4/7)
(It’s okay Dazai, I’m an attention whore to. I want to be complimented too much.) And! Poor Atsushi, haha, he probably wasn’t expecting his favorite author to say he liked his art? He probably keysmashes and then draws a cute little doodle for another one of Dazai’s fics and then Dazai is just. Gone. Also ten bucks says that their first DM interaction is Dazai saying something memey. It just feels like something he’d do. (Nyanon, 5/7)
And a bonus: Kyouka does really deep analyses of different shows and books and games, and occasionally on fanfiction as well. Kunikida makes a comprehensive, huuuge post on the lore Igor different series because I feel like he’d enjoy doing something like that? Just like, organizing the background and making it more understandable, if that makes sense? I’m not sure what Chuuya would but I get the distinct sense of someone who makes edits and aesthetics from Akutagawa. (Nyanon, 6/7)
Yosano and Ranpo both probably have that weird “list of questionable shit the authors need answers to” blog or something... I’m in too deep. Help. But! Have another Concept: Faking dating jealousy cliche, with Dazatsu and Chuuaku. Basically, Chuuya decides that he and Atsushi should pretend to be a couple to see if it’ll get their crushes attention. Cue confusion and jealousy from Dazai and Akutagawa, who may or may not have realized their own feelings. (Nyanon, 7/7)
dude dont worry i was joking there no pressure!! and felt. right now im so sleep deprived and studying for a test and i have oTHER ASSIGNMENTS TO DO- its all draining, and i mainly feel bad because i havent posted any art, but i do know that fandom is not a job but a hobby and its okay that i take my time
also kyouka being his number one supporter is just!! so!! cute!!! in my opinion kyouka would be that very young but hella good with technology in the fandom like, she would make gifs and edits in an INSTANT and when everyone learns shes fourteen theyre like W H A T?? either way, shes the one who probably shows atsushi the ropes of digital art and has the vibes of that young tech person in a show that definitely can hack into any government files. (as a joke she would most definitelly do an edit of “dazai” except its just screenshots of his fics and some lines here and there with some dramatic effects and sexy music. atsushi wont admit that he has it downloaded)
dazais way to start a conversation is definitely sending a random meme to get it going, since atsushi would be too shy to initiate conversations
also kyouka doing deep analysises is so her!! she would probably even start a youtube channel where she explains everything in that robot voice and funny editing but no one can lie that all her videos are very in depth.
OH GOD KUNIKIDA IS THE TYPE TO GATHER ALL THE FACTS OF A SHOW, POST ABOUT IT. EXPLAIN THE MAGIC SYSTEM FOR ANYONE THATS CONFUSED. IF THERES AN ANIME WITH A CONFUSING PLOT THAT YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN?? KUNIKIDA IS YOUR MAN. HE CAN EXPLAIN ALL OF JOJO SEAMLESSLY AND DOES MANY REVIEWS ON ANIMES AND GATHERS ALL SORTS OF LORES MEANWHILE YOSANO AND RANPO ARE THE MORE CRACKHEADED ANALYSTS (when the three collab its just kunikida trying to be serious while yosano and ranpo do the fuckboy lip bite behind him and then throw in jokes and “author if you do not explain why these two characters are a little too fruity ill personally use my chainsaw on you” “why are these two siblings even together, wHY ARE THEY IN THE SAME BED-”)
dude. i feel like chuuya and atsushi would fake date and it would be for akutagawa. atsushi definitely wants to tell dazai about this but chuuya is afraid dazai will run his dumb mouth, plus when they “announce” it chuuya just Sees how dazais demeanor changes and is like “you know what,,lets keep this up” (either way akutagawa would end up crying like a loser in front of chuuya and chuuya would feel so bad for even fake dating to make him jealous meanwhile dazai is just mad that he couldnt have internalised his feelings and bottle them up “you just H A D to date the slug, my biggest pet peeve!!! if it was anyone else i wouldve MAYBE let it sLIDE-”)
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seoups · 4 years
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TRIGGER WARNING: ANGST, SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, SUICIDE
Growing up in the system with your brother didn’t help you growing up. You and Keigo had no parents to help you with anything. But you had each other, and that was better than any parental relationship.
Your brother soon became a pro hero and the number 3 pro hero. His hero name is Hawks. When your quirk had developed, it was learned that you had the same quirk as your beloved brother.
Keigo trained you as much as he could before you were sent to take the UA entrance exam.
Not to his surprise, you passed the exam and were set to start going to school at UA.
“Good job, squirt,” he ruffled your hair. “Thanks,” you said. “Aren’t you excited?” he asked. “Not really,” you said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to be a hero but I’m just not excited for 3 years of getting judged by my peers and self-questioning if I’m good enough to be in the course.” “You need to lighten up,” he said. “If only it was that easy,” you said. “Are you ok, kid?” he asked. “Sure,” you said, walking away to your room. “Hey, kid, get back here!” he exclaimed, flying after you. “What?” you asked. “Seriously, are you ok? Do you wanna talk about something?” he asked. “Yeah, I’m fine. You can go,” You said. “I know something’s on your mind,” he said. “Just… you’re such a legend around here. What if I can’t follow your footsteps and be as good as you,” you said. “Everyone at this school are the best of the best. What if I can’t compare?” “Kid, I’ve taught you everything I’ve learned. You are more than comparable. And even if you still worry about that, just don’t tell anyone that you’re my sister,” he said. “Sure,” you said. “Ok, now get a good night’s rest cause you have to go to school early tomarrow,” he said. “Ok, sure. Are you gonna come drop me off?” you asked. “I’ll try my best to make it,” he said. “Ok,” you said.
~
Your brother ended up being busy in the morning and you flew to school yourself. Once you arrived at the UA gate, you landed, encountering a red head with pointy teeth.
“Woah, that’s an impressive quirk,” he said. “Oh, uh, thanks,” you said. “I’m Kirishima. I think we met at the exam,” he said. “Oh right, I’m y/n,” you said. “What class did you end up in?” he asked. “Class 1-A. What about you?” you asked. “Me too! I hope the rest of our classmates are cool and manly like you,” he smiled. “I’m not that special,” you blushed. “Yes, you are!” he exclaimed. “Your quirk is so cool and flashy. Mine’s nothing in comparison to yours.” “What? All quirks are awesome,” you said. “Well, the flashy ones are definitely the best for heroing. Speaking of heroing, your quirk is a lot like Hawks isn’t it?” he asked. “Oh, I, uh, never thought of that before. I guess they are quite similar,” you internally panicked. “Oh hey, Kirishima!” a boy who distinctly reminded me of pikachu screamed out towards the red head. “Hey Denki!” Kirishima exclaimed. “Who’s this?” Denki smirked. “I’m y/n,” you said. “Nice to meet you, Y/n,” he smiled.
You smiled back.
“Are you in 1-A too?” you asked him. “Yeah! This is gonna be so much fun!” he exclaimed. “Maybe,” you smiled.
Maybe this class wasn’t going to be so bad.
~
During lunch, you got a call from your brother. You answered, bringing the phone up to your ear.
“Hey, kid, how’s the first day?” he asked. “It’s surprisingly good. It’s a lot better than what I expected,” you said. “That’s awesome! I got to go, but I’ll see you later tonight,” he said. “See ya,” you said, ending the call.
“Boyfriend?” Kirishima asked. “Brother,” you corrected. “Oh gotchu,” he said. “Me? A boyfriend? No one would want me,” you laughed. “What? You’re crazy,” Denki said. “Not crazy, just right,” you said. “Not right, just fucking stupid,” Sero said. “I- Sero’s such a bully,” you laughed. “You clearly havent had a conversation with Bakugo before,” Kirishima said. “WHAT DID YOU SAY SHITTY HAIR?” Bakugo screamed. “Ah, I hear it now,” you laughed. “I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!” he screamed. “Wanna try me, pomeranian hair?” you asked, sending a feather close as possible to his neck. He growled in your direction. “That’s exactly what I thought,” I took the feather back. “Damn, Y/n, you’re kinda scary,” Kirishima chuckled. “Good,” you chuckled. ~
You flew home, in a surprisingly good mood. After a few hours, your brother returned home.
“Hey, kid, how was school?” He asked. “It was good,” you smiled. “A smile? That’s unusual. What’s got you so happy?” he chuckled. “I have some friends now and they think I’m pretty cool,” you smiled. “No one’s ever really done that before.” “That’s amazing, y/n!” He smiled. “Kiri did say that my quirk was similar to yours but other than that I don’t think they suspect anything yet,” you said. “You should just tell them I’m your brother,” he said. “That’s too high expectations for me,” you said. “If they’re really your friends they won’t judge you based on your family,” he said. “I don’t want to take any chances. I like them a lot, Keigo,” you said. “I don’t want to lose the only friends I’ve ever had. You of all people should understand that.” “Y/n, I-” you cut him off by leaving and going to your room, locking the door behind you. “Y/n, come out,” he knocked on the door. “No, I’m tired,” you lied. “That’s bullshit, you sleep at 1 in the morning,” he said. “I’m sleeping early,” you lied again. “Bullshit. Y/n M/n Takami get out here,” he said. “No,” you said. “Y/n, please. Just talk to me. I know you’re dealing with a lot of shit right now and me not being here most of the time isn’t helping with that but I need you to talk to me,” he said. “I’m going to bed early, Keigo,” you said softly. “Just please tell me that you’re ok,” he said. “I’m fine,” you said. “Ok. I believe you. Goodnight, y/n,” he said. “Night,” you said.
You moved to your bed, lying down.
If I have this great life where my brother makes a ton of money and is one of the top heroes, why do I feel like this. Why do I feel like my life is nothing compared to everyone else? Why do I feel like I’m not doing enough? Why do I feel guilty for feeling this way?
You sighed before getting up and going to the bathroom, rummaging through your cabinets. You grabbed your razor, smiling as the light glinted in the blades. Disassembling the razor and grabbing a blade, you lifted your skirt and the band of your underwear. You pressed the blade into your skin, dragging slowly, trying your best to hide your whimpers.
I deserve this. I shouldn’t be sad. I have everything. I deserve this.
You wrapped your cut with gauze and bandage before you pulled down your clothes again and rinsed the blade, tossing the razor in the trash.
I deserve this.
You went back to your room and flopped on your bed. The pain coming from your side distracting you from your energy you still had left, causing you to go to get tired and go to sleep.
~
“KID WAKE UP, YOU’RE GONNA BE LATE!”
You woke up to the sound of Keigo screaming. Quickly getting ready, you ran out of your room.
You ran to the apartment door.
“Wait, Y/n, you have to eat something!” he screamed. “I’m good,” you said before running out the door.
You ran to the first floor before flying to school. You entered the homeroom 2 minutes late.
“Y/n! You can’t be late!” Iida exclaimed, doing some weird hand motions. “Let alone late on the first day!” “I slept in and my door was locked so my brother couldn’t wake me up,” you said, sitting in your seat. “Why didn’t you parents wake you up?” Denki asked. “Don’t have any,” you said. “Oh, I’m sorry, y/n,” Kiri said. “It’s not like they left me, I never even met them in the first place,” you shrugged. “I just try to forget about it.” “It must’ve been tough without parents growing up,” Uraraka said. “We managed,” you shrugged. “Guys, lay off with the questions,” Jiro said. You smiled at Jiro. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Kiri, can you cover for me?” you asked. “Yeah, sure,” he said.
You went to the bathroom and locked yourself in the stall.
Lifting your skirt again, you used a feather to cut a light slit in your hip again, this time lower than the last one.
They probably left because of me. They saw me after I was born and were so disgusted that they threw me and Keigo out. He should be blaming me for not having our parents. Why doesn’t he?
You wrapped gauze and bandage around your hip.
The gauze seemed to be lightly visible, but it wasn’t visible enough for someone to question.
You walked back to class.
“Thanks for covering,” you mouthed to Kiri.
He gave you a thumbs up.
~
“Hey, Kid,” Keigo said as you walked into the apartment. “Hey, you’re home early,” you said. “Yeah, I had some free time,” he said. “Ok, well I have to do some homework,” You said, walking toward your room. “Wait a minute, Kid,” Hawks stopped you. “What’s that?” he gestured to the gauze. “Oh, it’s nothing,” you panicked. “Don’t lie to me,” he said. “I said, it’s nothing,” you repeated. “I will pin you down and see what it is, don’t test me,” he said.
After a second of quick thinking, you attempted to run to your room but Keigo, who has trained his quirk longer, was faster than you and swooped in front of you.
“Y/n, show me it,” he said. “Keigo, please, no,” you cried. “Kid, the fact that you’re trying to hide it from me is making me worry and I’m really hoping it’s not what I think it is,” he said. “Keigo please,” you pleaded. “Show it to me. Please,” he said softly.
You cried as you lifted up your skirt and took off the gauze.
“Did you do this to yourself?” he cried. You sobbed as he pulled you into a hug.
“Do you want therapy? Will that make you better? What can I do to help you? Please I’ll do anything to help you,” he sobbed. “I don’t know,” you cried. “Is school doing this? Is Aizawa drilling you too hard cause I’ll beat his-” you cut him off. “School isn’t doing this,” you cried. “We’re gonna get you therapy and a diagnosis. We’re going to the doctor tomarrow after school, don’t be late,” he said.
You nodded before heading towards your room.
“Wait,” he said. “Bring me all your razors.” “Keigo I-,” you started. “Don’t argue with me on this one,” he said. “And I’ll go to your room and check so don’t try hiding any.” “Ok,” you nodded your head.
I can just use my feathers. I’ll be fine.
“And don’t fucking think about using you feathers. No more locking the door,” he said. “I’m sorry,” you said. “It’s not your fault,” he said, pulling you close and pressing a kiss to your temple.
You smiled and went to your room. Grabbing your packs of razors and bringing them to him.
“How am I supposed to shave?” you asked. “Here, hold up,” he said.
He went to his room and came back. A beard trimmer in his hands.
“Use this. The blades arent sharp enough to cut you but they shave pretty well,” he said. “Thanks,” you said, putting it in your bathroom.
~
“Hey, y/n, are you ok?” Kirishima asked, clearly worried. “Oh, uh, yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for worrying about me though,” you feigned a smile.
He got closer to you.
“Y/n, are you sure? I know the look of not being ok and you’re giving me that look. And I know that was a fake smile,” he whispered.
You took a deep breath before speaking again.
“Meet me outside after class,” you said. “Ok,” he smiled.
You smiled as you saw Kirishima outside.
“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” he asked. “You were right. I’m not ok,” you said. “Do you want to talk about it? I’m all ears. I know how it feels to not be ok,” he said. “Um, you know how I don’t have parents but that really affected me a lot and my brother not being around a lot also contributed to that so I started to do a bunch of really, uhm, unhealthy things like self-harm,” you said, your voice breaking. “Y/n, if you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” he said, hearing your voice break. “N-no, I want to be able to talk to someone other than my brother about it,” you said. “Ok, then continue,” he smiled. “Yesterday, my brother found out that I self-harm and there was a lot of crying but he was really supportive and wants me to get better and now I have a doctor’s appointment today and I’m getting diagnosed,” you said. “That’s amazing, y/n!” he exclaimed. “I hope that you can get better and stop your habits.” “Thanks, Kiri,” you smiled. “Can I tell you something?” he asked. “Sure,” you said. “I like you a lot, Y/n. And I want you to get better and be happy so I’m gonna do whatever you need me to do to help you out,” he blushed. “You like me?” you asked. “Yeah, and I don’t care if you don’t like me. I just want to help you out,” he chuckled.
You smiled before you hugged him.
“Thanks, Kiri,” you smiled.
He hugged you back.
“No problem, Y/n,” he smiled.
~
You ran to Kirishima as you entered school grounds.
“Kiri!” you exclaimed. “Y/n! How’d it go?” he asked. “It was good! She diagnosed me with depression and prescribed me some meds, and I have therapy tomarrow. I mean, I was sobbing the whole time but it counts, right?” you asked. “It does,” he smiled. “and I’m really proud of you for doing that.” “Thanks, Kiri,” You hugged him.
“So, you two aren’t dating?” Denki asked. “Nope, just best friends,” you said. “Somehow, I doubt that,” he said. “Well, we’re just best friends so you’re gonna have to believe it,” you said.
You two chuckled.
~
“Kiri! I’m a week clean!” you cried. “Good job!” he picked you up and spun you. “It’s all thanks to you,” you said. “I didn’t really do anything,” he said. “What do you mean? You supported me the entire time,” you wiped the tears from your face. “You did that all yourself! All I did was reassure you,” he smiled. “I love you, thank you for being there for me, Kiri,” you hugged him. “O-Of course, Y/n!” he smiled.
“HAPPY 1 WEEK!” Keigo screamed as you entered the apartment. “Thanks, Keigo,” you chuckled, hugging him. “Are you feeling better?” he asked. “Uhm, a little bit,” you smiled. “The intrusive thoughts are gone so I call it a win.” “That’s good. You’re awesome, Y/n. Thank you for doing this,” he hugged you again. “It’s not that great of an accomplishment but thanks,” you chuckled. “Are you kidding me? This is amazing progress! Next thing you know, you’ll be 100 years clean!” he smiled. “I don’t even know if I’ll live to be 100 years old,” you said. “Don’t say that,” he pouted. “I mean like in the natural way,” you said.
Lie. The intrusive thoughts aren’t gone. You aren’t doing better and this accomplishment is bullshit. It’s praising you for doing the very least.
Brushing the thoughts aside, you went to your room.
~
“Tomorrow, we’re gonna have a bring your parents to school day. Yay,” he feigned a cheer.
The whole class looked at you with a sympathizing look.
How did they all know? Were people talking about you behind your back? Where they trash talking you for being a loser with no parents?
“Y/n, I’m sure you can bring your brother?” Aizawa asked. “Oh, uh, maybe,” you said. “He’s really busy most of the time so I’m not sure.”
You can’t even get your own brother to show up? That’s fucking pathetic.
You were sure that’s what they were thinking. You knew they wouldn’t say it to you because they were too nice.
“Keigo, there’s this bring your parent to school thing tomarrow, do you want to come?” you asked. “You want everyone to know that I’m your brother? What about the high expectations?” he asked. “High expectations are better than everyone thinking that I can’t even get my brother to hang out with me,” you said. “Ok, I’ll come with you to school tomarrow,” he said. “Thanks,” you said. “Anytime, kid,” he said.
~
“Kid, let’s go, we’re gonna be late,” Keigo said. “I’m coming!” you exclaimed.
We left the apartment and flew to school, landing at the gate.
“Woah, Y/n, this is your brother? Your brother is Hawks?” Denki asked. “Uh, yeah,” You said. “Nice to meet you,” Keigo shook his hand. “You too,” Denki said.
Kirishima ran up to us, a taller woman coming behind him.
“Hey,” he slung his arm around me. “Hey, Kiri. Meet my brother, Keigo,” you said. “Nice to meet you. I’m Kirishima,” Kiri smiled. “Nice too mee you too, Kirishima,” Keigo shook his hand. “Oh, and this is my mom,” Kiri introduced us. “Nice to meet you,” You smiled.
We walked with Kiri to class 1-A. Keigo pulled up a chair next to me and sat by my desk. Everyone was staring at us.
Aizawa had everyone introduce their parents and you waited patiently until it was your turn to introduce your brother.
You and Keigo stood up.
“Uhm, this is my brother, Keigo. You guys probably know him better as Hawks,” You said. “Nice to meet my little sister’s classmates,” Keigo ruffled your hair. “You’re impossible,” you said, fixing your hair.
You two sat back down.
You looked around. Everyone was so happy with their parents.
I could never have that relationship with my parents. They looked so happy with their parents. Their family doesn’t have to worry about them killing themselves.
I should just end it so Keigo doesn’t have to worry about me.
“You ok?” Keigo asked. “Yeah, I’m good,” you smiled.
They probably left you cause you were weak and lame.
You took a deep breathe before you and Keigo left for your next class.
“Alright, Kid. This was fun but I have to go work,” Keigo said. “Ok, what time are you gonna be home?” you asked. “7 maybe?” he said. “Ok, I’ll see you at home,” you said, hugging him. “See ya, Kid,” he said before he took off.
Is that the last time I’ll hug him?
~
The day ended as soon as it had started, and you headed home.
You popped the note into your pocket and started flying home. You flew to the top of the apartment building and stood there.
I’m sorry Keigo. I’m sorry Kiri. I’m sorry for being a pain. I’m sorry for making you worry.
You flew up higher before you put your wings away, letting yourself free fall.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
You felt yourself getting close to the ground. But you didn’t stop yourself.
You let yourself fall and hit the pavement.
~
“WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?” Keigo screamed in the Hospital waiting room. “Sir, please calm down,” the doctor exclaimed. “Just tell me what she did,” he cried. “Based on the injuries, we can tell that she fell from a high distance. At least 500 meters. And since we know she was heavily depressed and was taking anti-depressants, we believe this was suicide. Especially cause we found this in her pocket,” the doctor said, handing the note to Keigo. “Thanks, doc,” he rubbed the tears out of his eyes.
He opened the note.
Hi,
It’s Y/n, but I guess you know that. I know your angry. I know you’re hurt. I know you probably hate me but you have to understand.
I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t pretend I was ok when I wasn’t. The pills weren’t helping. The therapist wasn’t helping. The intrusive thoughts never left. They just got worse.
I wanted to help people but it turns out that I couldn’t even help myself.
Keigo I’m sorry. You were the best brother in the world and I’m sorry for doing this to you. I love you so much and thank you for trying to help me out. I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I’m sorry for being a terrible sister. I’m sorry for ruining everything. I’m sorry for being the worst. You were so supportive and you just wanted the best for me but I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t stay here and I need you to understand that. Please continue to be a hero and help everyone. I love you.
Kiri Thank you for being there for me and being the only one I could rely on at school. Your quirk is amazing and is definitely hero material, flashy or not. You’re going to be the best hero out there. You were always so smiley. Keep smiling for me, ok? I love you.
~
Keigo wiped the tears away from his face before he stepped into the classroom. He stood at the front.
“If you guys remember me, I’m Keigo, Y/n’s brother. You might have noticed that Y/n wasn’t here yesterday and I’m here to talk about that,” Keigo said, his voice breaking. “Yeah, is she sick or something?” Kirishima asked. “The day before yesterday, Y/n killed herself,” Keigo said.
The class was silent. No one could comprehend what happened. Kirishima was stunned. His best friend killed herself. He thought she was getting better.
They had a moment of silence for their classmate.
Keigo walked up to the redhead.
“You’re Kiri, right?” he asked. “Yeah, I am,” Kirishima said. “She wrote a section for you in her note. You should read it,” Keigo handed him the note. “S-She did?” he stuttered. “Yeah. You were incredibly special to her. Thank you for trying to help her,” Keigo tried to smile.
Kirishima tried to smile back. He read the note before handing it back to her brother. Keigo ripped off the part that was for Kirishima and gave it to him.
“Thanks,” Kirishima said.
Keigo smiled back before leaving.
“I’ll keep smiling for you, Y/n,” Kirishima smiled.
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