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out-of-this-dimension · 3 years

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Hypothetically Rewriting Assault’s Story + Some General Assault Opinions

There’s a game my husband and I like to play when we watch a movie, play a game, or read a book that has a story that we don’t really enjoy or we enjoy certain parts of but not others. We look at things we’d keep and things we’d change and we build a story from there-- sort of like an AU but we don’t really go into the writing part, we just stick to theorizing and mapping a general story.

I decided to play that game with Star Fox. Not because I think Star Fox has a bad story but because sometimes I think the stories could have been handled better. Note: for the rewrite game, I only really look at story, even for video games, I don’t really look at gameplay mechanics, but I do understand those have a lot to do with story potential so I do take it in as a factor... I just don’t bother to “rewrite” the mechanics, if that makes any sense at all. Some of my list today will include boss encounters but I wouldn’t necessarily say those are mechanic-related... more like “event-related”.

I’ve mused a bit in the past about rewriting Adventures and Command and I do have plans to do a mock up of an Adventures remake eventually. However, today I was thinking about how I would go about handling an Assault re-write in particular. Much like Command and Adventures, I don’t have any beef with the core story but I do think there’s a few things that could’ve been better about Assault’s storyline-- like they had good ideas rolling but they didn’t quite refine them.

Under the cut because SUPER long.

My basic feelings on Assault are pretty positive. I think the game is generally just fun and I like that it feels like the natural progression from SF64. I liked getting to see planets we haven’t seen since the N64 era in better graphics and I liked seeing Star Wolf return. I also just thought the aparoids were neat enemies.

Generally speaking, though, when it comes to Assault, I think it suffers from the thing it tries to push the most-- the story. I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking the story is better than it is because it’s the first game since SF64 that really follows the same Star Fox vibe without retelling the Lylat Wars. Don’t get me wrong, the overall plot is great but the execution and pacing are... wonky. Certain characterizations also take a hit in some regards but no one really talks about that when Command exists. That’s something we’ll talk about later on with this post.

That being said, Assault really does have a lot good going for it. An absolute banger of a soundtrack, some great dialogue, a neat story synopsis, the introduction of cool characters like Panther and Beltino (who existed but was always off-screen), and just good levels.

So, here’s what I would add, I suppose, if I were to somehow have the ability to rewrite Assault. Originally I had this in paragraph form, but I’ve made it into more of a list under topic segments with main points bolded for your viewing pleasure. Some of these points might be considered nitpicky and while I do understand that yes, this is a game about space animals, I do hold the developers in high enough regard to make a game with a continuity that makes sense.

The Story Changes

- Reduce Pigma’s storyline in Assault. This is the biggest one for me because a bulk of the plotline feels like a giant chase to just get at Pigma and it feels like it derails from the actual plot with the aparoids. We only go to Sargasso because of Pigma. We only go to Fichina and then back to Meteo again, because of Pigma. That’s 3 levels in a 10 level game devoted to just tracking down Pigma and chasing him. While it makes the build up to fighting Pigma kind of nice, I personally feel like the plot could be reduced to 2 levels. If Assault overall was a longer game, I could see them making it 3 levels. Overall, though, in its current state, I feel like the side plot overstays its welcome and the aparoids promptly get shoved to the side in favor of “Oh no, we gotta get to Pigma!” And I get the main motive here is to show how the aparoids affect people and because of the build up, it does a good job at showing how utterly terrifying the aparoids are. But it’s still too long given the length of Assault’s story. The only alternative to this is make Assault longer, which... honestly, it should be.

- Revise the scene with Tricky. I’m obviously not well-versed in dinosaur biology but I’m pretty sure dinos didn’t grow that fast from what studying I HAVE done. And why is he suddenly king now? Did his parents die? He seems not affected by this at all? Like it’s a funny scene with him, Fox, and Krystal, but it’s odd if you really look at it. Give us, as players, more context because I’m still not even sure what happened to make Tricky suddenly the leader and... big. As a note, you’re gonna hear me gripe a lot about the Sauria level in this post.

- The Star Wolf + Peppy sacrifice is a low effort way to raise tension/stakes and then cop out. Oldest trick in the book, imo, is to act like you’re going to kill off important characters only for them to be alive miraculously. And let’s face it, as an audience we all know they aren’t going to kill those characters because it’s Nintendo and those characters are too beloved. I would’ve forgiven them for only doing this with Peppy or Star Wolf, but when you tack them both together and throw in the fact they make it seem like you’re going to have to kill General Pepper too... yeah, it’s just a bit much of the same trope over and over again. I wanted to put a note in here about how I’m fine with the Great Fox being “sacrificed” but overall, it needed to return to the series because of it’s icon status, but I think that’s more of a gripe at Command instead of Assault.

- Keep Pigma alive. This will conflict with a point I have later on about the game consistently having characters cheat death for easy drama points but with Pigma, I would’ve kept him fully alive... but maybe with some physical damage from the aparoids. I understand he’s semi-alive in Command and tbh I don’t know where I stand on that. Why keep Pigma alive, you might ask? I feel like his character has a lot more potential than being “just the greedy guy”. Like he’s got good potential future villain material for future games and... if I’m honest? I just don’t see Nintendo wanting to keep Pigma dead so why even bother killing him off? They couldn’t even commit to him being dead in Command anyways so it seems very moot.

- Bring Bill and Katt back. Assault is acts a bit like a big reunion of all of our SF64 favorites but our two favorite side characters are suspiciously missing. Wouldn’t Bill be out on the front lines fighting against Andrew in the beginning? Or maybe back in Katina? And wouldn’t Katt inevitably show up in the midst of the invasion, maybe to pointedly check in on Falco?

- Bring Andrew back for the final fight. I think Andrew being defeated early into the game is fine overall but I think bringing him back in for a reunion final fight against the aparoids would serve to really solidify that it’s really everyone vs the invading aparoid force. It would show that not only is Star Wolf willing to put aside their differences but so is basically everyone in the Lylat System in the name of survival. Imagine the Venomians and Cornerians working together against an aparoid fleet, giving Star Fox and Star Wolf time to attack the queen? I just think it’d be neat and it’d open up the potential for some fun banter mid-mission. I do understand that quite a few people consider Andrew canonically dead after Assault but personally, I feel that his defeat left his fate questionable (I’m a staunch believer that unless there’s a body, they’re probably alive, especially for Nintendo games because, again, they never like to kill people off) so him returning in Command never really bothered me.

- In general, reconsider some of the character portrayals. Unfortunately, when a series has a different studio for each game, character portrayals will inevitably have inconsistencies. While I give Namco a lot of credit for putting in oodles and oodles of detail into the game (particularly the levels), I think they failed in their portrayal of Fox, at the least, and Wolf is a considerable offender as well. While it’s obvious that Fox in Adventures was effectively modeled off of Sabre even in terms of personality, Rareware was at least able to justify Fox’s newfound jaded attitude with the passing of many years and a distinct lack of steady income, resulting in the team being in disarray. Assault’s Fox is a stark contrast to his cynical interpretation with seemingly no explanation other than maybe “Oh, I have more money and a gf, maybe I should behave myself”. As if the sudden change in personality wasn’t random, Fox also just seems very blah, like a blank slate stereotypical shooter game protagonist dude with little to no emotion. Wolf is less obvious but gets slated into a mentor-like role midway through the game and ends up in a respectful rivalry with Fox... which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except for it happening abruptly (and, I mean, Peppy is right there). But I take less issue with this and more of an issue with the fact that there’s an entire level establishing that Wolf now runs a crime den with effectively what seems to be an army and no one bats an eye at this. He doesn’t even call on them to help with the aparoids. Did they all die when the aparoids attacked Meteo? Are they safe somewhere else? Where do they go? How was Sargasso able to operate without the CDF being on their doorstep with warrants for arrests?

- Don’t kill all the dinosaurs. A bit of a dramatic statement but the ending screen that showed all the damage to Sauria really bothered me. While I understand that the dinosaurs had less of a chance against the aparoids than a more technology-focused society like Corneria, I was a bit disappointed that the decision was made to just state that a lot of tribes had been wiped out. I know this could easily be retconned in a future game and I feel like it should be. “But why, Amalia? Why are you disappointed by that?” 1) It’s a little too grimdark for my tastes. 2) The fact it all happened off-screen felt very hand-wavy. And 3) It brings into question the entire point of Adventures. Why did we bother to save this planet if it was going to be reduced to rubble and ash 1 year later? Where were the Krazoa in all of this? Why did they not make an appearance at all to try to stop the invasion with their alleged powers? It just raises too many weird questions and I feel like Namco didn’t think it through too much. Which I mean, sure. Family, kiddo game. I’m not asking for bigbrain plot and lore but I’m squinting at this bit because it does feel very contrary to the lore from the previous game.

- Make the aparoids more relevant. As nice as it is to have a random bad guy from another galaxy, I feel like there was more that could be done with the aparoids in terms of their origins. Tiny things, mind you, not huge revelations. Off the top of my head, they could have been tied into Krystal’s backstory to help alleviate some of the complaints that she was too random to be added to the series’ main cast. Alternatively, they could have been a product of Andross or even a weapon prototype from Corneria that fled the lab (I actually thought the game was leaning in that direction for a bit then just Nothing Happened). I get that the vagueness of their origins leaves room for people to speculate and speculation is nice but... when you leave too many things unknown, it starts to feel less like giving fans room to interpret and more like just doing random things for the sake of it. I think a lore tidbit here or there would work wonders for the aparoids instead of leaving them as just borg/zerg clones.

Level-Based Changes

- Add either Aparoid RedEye or Aparoid General Scales as a boss to Sauria. Given that this level mysteriously lacks a boss, which is just weird compared to the other levels, I think that they had the opportunity to add something cool to go along with the cinematic feel they were going for with Assault. Assault’s cutscenes do play in a movie-like fashion and it’s clear they’re trying to make the game as epic as possible. It’s a shame they had so much fodder for a great boss here but they failed to go through with it. Alternatively: Add a Krazoa-Aparoid fusion. Why? Because Star Fox is about cool epic sci-fi and that would be cool epic sci-fi incarnate.

- Add a boss to the Aparoid Homeworld Level, aka the penultimate level. Another one I felt was personally weird that there was no “final defense system” to challenge the team. Would be cool to do an aerial battle over the aparoid planet with some giant flying aparoid.

- Be kinder to Sauria. The level had some good homages but overall was incredibly small and incredibly short. It felt like a bone tossed to Adventures fans but was not entirely true to the setting built by Rareware. I’m... not even sure where the Sauria level is supposed to take place? I presume it’s Walled City but it doesn’t really have the same color scheme or aesthetic? Also where is my revised Adventures music? Why do all the other levels get it but Sauria doesn’t?

- Put some of those funky items from the multiplayer into the main campaign. I don’t know why some of these things, items especially, were omitted unless it was purely due to time constraints. I remember having missile launchers and jetpacks in the multiplayer and was a bit sad that they were not in the main campaign. Retuning the levels and adding those in would be a nice breath of fresh air for the more tedious on-foot missions.

- More levels. Self-explanatory. Still sad we didn’t get the Zoness or Titania levels in the single-player mode.

I think all of the above changes would improve the game, though I recognize all of this is being said 16 years later after lots of time to contemplate Assault’s weaker points. I’m not entirely certain how long Star Fox Assault took to develop but given that there’s obviously quite a bit scrapped from the game (an entire arcade mode was scrapped as well), I’m going to assume that the studio felt pressured to shove the game out the door and into the hands of customers. It’s a shame, really, because I think a little bit longer in the oven would have done a lot of good. Still, the product we got was good in its own right and a game that many people look back on fondly. I haven’t gotten to replay it in years but I hope to quite soon.

You might wonder why I bothered typing this all out and I guess my point was this-- Assault was great but it wasn’t perfect, and while a lot of other games fall under a crushing amount of scrutiny, Assault seems to dodge it. And don’t get me wrong-- I adore Assault. But given that not many takes exist out there about rewriting it, I decided to give it a shot. For variety’s sake.

I do want to a mock up of a revised Assault story, which I think I will get to work on after completing this while all my ideas are still fresh in mind. So stay tuned for that sometime in the near future. I will also be doing my Adventures mock up at some point but probably not for a little bit as I do wanna focus some of my free time on actual fic-writing.

Anyways, if you stuck around this long, thank you for reading! Have any changes you’d like to see to Assault if you could time machine your way back to the early 2000s? Feel free to post in the comments, I’d love to read your ideas!

#star fox assault #starfox assault #super long #queue'd

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bqstqnbruin · 3 years

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“Do you want some soup?” gives off very much soft matty tkachuk with pregnant wife/gf vibes🥺 i love your writing btw!!!

7. “Do you want some soup?”

So this is one of the three blurbs related to my Teach Me Something series, taking place before Part 3 although I don’t think you need to have read it to get the gist of the blurb (but still read it anyway :))

Happy blurb weekend!

__________________

Oliver was sick, which meant you were more exhausted than normal trying to take care of him. You didn’t know if you had the same thing he did, but you definitely felt as shitty as your two year old at times. Actually, you didn’t even feel that awful, just waves of sickness coming and going, but never lingering for more than a few minutes.

Matthew heard you in the bathroom after coming back to your room from checking on Oliver. The two of you sit on your bed, Matthew’s arm around you as his fingers run through your hair. “How are you feeling?”

“I think better than Oliver, but at least he’s asleep now.”

“Can I get you anything? Do you want some soup? That might be the only thing you can eat, right?” Matthew suggests, kissing the top of your head.

“I don’t even know if I can keep it down.”

The two of you sit there in silence, listening to see if Oliver wakes up again. “Have you been feeling sick at school, too?”

“I’ve had a sub in for the last few days, remember?” You had been calling out, waking up every morning throwing up on top of Oliver being sick. You had been out for about a week, your students emailing you in absolute panic since the sub the school had put in place for you wasn’t following the lesson plans you laid out for them. “I feel fine right now, that’s the thing. I don’t think whatever I have is contagious, because Oliver would have the same symptoms and he doesn’t, and so would you.”

You sit there again when Matthew suddenly jumps off the bed. “Oh, my God.”

“What?” you panic, looking at your husband's frantic look.

“Oh, my God,” he repeats, grabbing his keys. “I’ll be right back.”

You follow him out of your bedroom and to the front door. “Matthew, where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back!” he yells to you, getting in his car and driving away.

You hear Oliver wake up, calling for his mommy. You go down to his room to take care of him, sitting with him as your little boy whines about however he was feeling. You both eventually fall asleep, Oliver in your arms, when Matthew goes into his room. “Babe, wake up,” he says, putting Oliver down in his bed and bringing you back to your bedroom.

“Shit, I didn’t even think I was tired.”

“Do you remember the last time you felt like this?” Matthew asks, taking something out of the bag he put on the bed and holding it behind his back. You shake your head no, surprised that he would even be able to remember it. He pulls out a box from behind his back. “You were pregnant with Oliver,” he says, a smile on his face with the pregnancy test waving in the air.

Your jaw drops, smiles on both your faces. “Oh, my God,” you say, taking the best and going into the bathroom with it. Matthew comes and sits on the floor with you, his arm around you as you wait for the results. Your backs were against the bathroom counter, the test just sitting there. “I’m so nervous.”

He kisses the top of your head, his fingers dancing along up and down your arm. “If you are, when do you think it happened?”

“I’d probably have to go to a doctor for that.”

“I hope it was the time with the handcuffs,” he says, trying to calm your nerves as both of you laugh. “Should you be able to figure that out on your own? You’re a chemistry teacher.”

“How many times do I have to beg you to learn what chemistry actually is?”

“The fact that you haven’t caught on that I’m not going to is so upsetting.”

You fall into silence, watching your phone timer count down until you can look and see the results. “That was a great time with the handcuffs, though,” you admit, breaking the silence as the seconds wind down. “I hope I am. Pregnant, I mean.”

“God, I hope you are, too,” he says, his hand cupping your face as he pulls you in for a kiss. Your phone time goes off, Matthew with the biggest smile on his face. “Ready?”

You reach up, grabbing the test. You were so scared to look at it, but seeing Matthew’s smile in anticipation was just killing you. Two lines. You start crying, happy tears falling down your face when you show Matthew the positive pregnancy test. “Babe, are you crying, too,” you ask, reaching up to wipe a tear that was rolling down his cheek.

“Oliver’s going to be a big brother.”

“He’s going to be a big brother,” you repeat, getting up as Matthew engulfs him in your arms, tears still fall down his face as he kisses you again.

You were still a little in shock, you and Matthew going over to your bed. You were pregnant. Oliver was going to have a little brother or sister. “If we have a girl, can we name her Tessa?” Matthew asks.

“Tessa Tkachuk?”

“Yeah, sort of like Taryn but not quite,” he says.

“I love it.”

“And for a boy, what about Charlie?”

You think about it for a minute, shaking your head no. “Another nickname for Charlie is ‘Chuck.’ We’re not gonna set our kid up to potentially be called ‘Chuck Tkachuk.’ Absolutely not.”

“We’ve got time to figure it out,” he says, hearing Oliver wake up again. “I got him.”

#Matthew tkachuk #Matthew tkachuk imagines #calgary flames imgaine #calgary flames #flames #flames imagines #nhl #nhl imagines #hockey #hockey imagines #blurb weekend

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soulwillower · 4 years

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heather • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

[based off the song heather by conan gray]

requested: OMG I HAVE AN IDEA IDK IF ITS GOOD AND IDK WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT CAN U DO A FIC WHERE LIKE ITS BASED OF YHE SONG HEATHER BY CONAN GRAY WHERE THE READER AND RICH HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR SO MANY YEARS AND HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACHOTHER BUT THERE BOTH SO OBLIVIOUS- SO WHEN RICHIE LIKE GETS A GF ONE DAY THE READER JUST WHSKWHDIWHWIW IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT LIKE AT THE END THEY REALIZE THEYRE IN LOVE. SORRY IF ITS TOK SPECIFIC. LOVE U. IM RUNNING OUTTA CHARACTERS

warnings: swearing, mentions of underage drinking, themes of cheating but no actual cheating, angst, fluff at the end, unedited.

thank u guys so much for being so patient with this fic <3 love u all so much!

[losers + reader are 18+ in this.]

4.4k words

(also, this fic starts with a flashback and idk if i like this style, but lmk if it works)

♡

the persistent beat thudding in your ears seems to do nothing more than dim your already low mood as you sip on lemonade by yourself in someone's basement bar, sitting on an uncomfortable metal barstool and leaning your head heavy against your chin.

these days, it seemed as though the world was painted in gray.

you look around almost lazily; bev and ben went outside in the snow a couple minutes ago, stan just took a girl upstairs - you're left alone now, because mike and eddie had to study for their exam and bill was feeling under the weather. and richie, as usual, was late.

there's almost twenty other people in the room right now, but you have no desire to speak to any of them. you've been trying to have fun tonight, but you're just having a hard time, feeling distracted and unable to stop thinking about wire framed glasses and a certain bright smile.

your wandering eyes halt your thoughts as a girl in your class - heather perez - catches your eye from across the room, her hair falling in natural curls that makes you sigh in envy. she smiles and waves at you warmly, gesturing for you to come and sit with her. you swallow and look down into your cup of dreary, graying lemonade as you try not to think about how you look in comparison. she's so fucking pretty. you look back up and shake your head with a friendly smile, faker than a plastic flower, and nod to the bathroom. she shrugs and smiles, turning back around.

she was too sweet, it hurt.

her naturally dark hair, long and wavy, her smooth dark skin, her laugh.... but suddenly, your head snaps back up after recognizing a familiar sight on heather's figure.

-is that richie's sweater?

your heart thumps and churns in the most unsavory way as all the breath leaves your lungs in one swift exhale. you feel sick to your stomach and your hand falls to hit the counter to stabilize yourself, the lemonade sloshing out of the cup slightly. but you pay no mind. heather's wearing richie's sweater...

you know that sweater really well. it's definitely his, and for some reason that makes you want to cry.

you blink and force yourself to suck air into your lungs as you look around quickly, anywhere but at heather perez wearing richie tozier's sweater, with all the stripes and patterns and the rough polyester material. you're not sure why you're so caught off-guard, you knew that heather perez was maybe-kinda-sorta seeing your trashmouth. he'd mentioned it in passing a few times and you've not been able to keep it off your mind as bev and bill whisper to richie about it in the halls or during hangouts when you were laying in stan's lap pretending not to hear it.

it hurts, though. holy hell, does it hurt when richie turns the corner and the typical, 'hey, richie!' choruses through most of the people in the basement - and yet his eyes are just set on her.

it hurts even worse when you make eye contact with him and he smiles at you, nodding in greeting and calling a "hey there, toots!" over the thumping of the noise before turning back towards heather.

your heart thumps erradically as you eye him sliding an arm around her shoulders easily, pulling her into his tall lanky frame, crushing your chest and deflating your trembling heart. heather's head falls onto richie's shoulder and you shiver, feeling colder than you've felt in so long. the lemonade you force to your lips tasting like stale water as the sight of richie pinching heather's shoulder and thumbing his own sweater on her frame make you feel empty.

even now, weeks later, you remember how it felt. you sip on the boiling tea and immediately burn your tongue, making you swear as you stare out your window, the snow falling around your house in the dark making you feel an odd, empty kind of peace. that fucking sweater.

you haven't talked to richie in almost a week and a half - he got in trouble the night after the party and his parents took his phone away - at eighteen years old, his parents took his phone - so that he could 'spend time with family' (a task that made you chuckle to yourself when bill had explained it to you about twelve days ago).

it's winter break, though, and you've been missing the last piece of your eight-person puzzle the last few times you've hung out with your friends. it feels empty without richie's boisterous shenanigans, snarky looks and goofy comebacks... you feel really embarrassed for missing him so deeply.

tears well up in your eyes as you think again about his damn sweater, the one that heather was wearing, the same one he'd given you not even three weeks prior.

"well look at you." richie says with amusement trickling through his voice like melting icewater through a calm creek. you spin towards him with a grin eclipsing your face as you shrug around his sweater, pretending not to smell his strong scent and pretending not to feel the immediate comfort it gives you.

"you know, for as dumb as it looks, i kind of like it." you tease, brushing some hair back from your eyes as the sweater sleeves fall back down past your hands. he laughs, eyes not leaving you for a second.

"shit, doll. keep it." he says, sounding serious. it makes you pull a face at him, starting to lift it slightly over your head to return it to its rightful owner.

but he shakes his head, hands gently gripping your arms and halting your motions, subsequently setting your heart on fire. his lips are set in a gentle grin as he shakes his head again. "it looks so much better on you."

it's spoken simply, in such honestly that it makes you blush nearly immediately. in fact, you're so flustered that all you can do is shove him a bit, stuttering out a quiet, "shut up, richie, you- i - okay, whatever."

it makes him chuckle as he takes the soft blow of your hands against his shoulders, deftly running his hands through his curly locks as he shakes his head. "you're adorable, kid."

you're lucky he'd turned around to gripe around on his messy bed for his laptop, because the stupid grin you're sure is painting your face is enough to make you dig your own grave and then hand him the shovel. if only he knew how much you liked him.

you didn't keep the sweater after that night, though. at the time, you'd told him it was because it was putrid; that the colors and patterns were a sin to man and that you'd never be caught dead wearing it out. he laughed the whole time because you had literally worn it to the store with him it with him that same day. but now, you'd give anything for richie to give you that sweater again, to feel that polyester inseam fall against your stomach and your arms and chest, like a huge richie hug (without all the bones and the cologne and the caffeine-pulsing heartbeat - so not a real richie hug, but as close as you could get to the real thing without actually just having it).

god, you like him too much. you rub your face with your palm, the moisture from the tears that had accidentally escaped your eyes smudging against your face. you're tired, almost - it's like an empty, heartbroken exhaustion that sags your shoulders and chokes your throat and makes you zone out for minutes at a time. one thought overwhelms you right now, so as you see a car's headlights shine out your window through the falling snow, you don't even notice it.

you just wish you were heather.

you've tried to hate her. really, you have - you figured maybe, just maybe, if you were able to rant to bev or eddie about how much of a bitch heather is, how she's terrible to richie and how boring she was, maybe you could justify the heartbreak in your chest.

but god, she's so perfect. heather, with her shiny hair, bright smile, her flawless mind and caring heart. she's, as far as you're concerned, an angel. of course richie would choose heather, who wouldn't?

the other day at that party, you'd tried your hardest to ignore your intrusive thoughts, but you can't help feeling like it would all be better if heather didn't exist. and even that thought alone hurts your heart, because you remember the smile on richie's face when he looked at her, swathed in his sweater and floating around the room like a beacon of light.

and you could never, ever in good conscience take that from richie.

you almost laugh at how absurd it is - now you're talking to yourself while you stare out the window, half asleep, dreaming of freckles placed just like constellations and crooked noses, of jawlines that jut out and long, lanky fingers; of loud, chipping laughter and beat up high-tops with cuffed corduroy pants.

"y/n?" a voice behind your door makes you jump a bit, unsettling your already disconcerted bones. you’re imagining him, now? you laugh into your scalding mug for a second, but after a double-take at the doorway you find the angel himself to be standing there with a perplexed look.

"richie, what're you doing here?" you ask, rubbing your eye to make sure no tears are left. he looks troubled. "i knocked, but nobody answered. so..." he says with a shrug, and you ned, tucking a leg under yourself and nodding.

"what are you doing, toots?" he asks, backlit by the hallway light. and then you finally can see what he's wearing, and you almost laugh at your own misery.

but you don’t laugh, your brain short-circuiting as you feel the knife twist further into your abdomen. the stupid fucking sweater.

“-um, nothing. y- did you get that back from heather?” you try to deliver the line as smoothly as possible, but by the look on his face, you did a real shit job at that.

“what?” he asks in an exhale as he shakes snowflakes from his hair and shoulders, closing your door as he walks towards you and falls to sit next to you on your windowsill seat.

“i thought you gave her that sweater.” you say and he raises a brow, “yeah, like two weeks ago.” he says slowly, eyeing you. he adds, “she obviously didn’t need it after that.”

you frown, “did she need it then?” you didnt try to sound bitter at all, but your voice comes with more of a sting than you’d anticipated.

as always, richie meets fire with fire. “it was twenty fuckin’ degrees out, she was wearing a tank top.”

you don’t know what to say so you just stare out the window with a quick huff, crossing your arms. "why does it matter? it's a sweatshirt." he mutters. "i was just being nice to her."

you nod, pain twisting around in your stomach. he's right, it's just a sweater. but he gave it to her, because he likes heather better.

“what’s up with you, kid?” he asks, gentler this time.

“don’t call me kid, richie.” you say sharply, not meeting his eyes. “and there’s nothing up with me.” you know you’re being difficult, but you really don't have the energy to argue with him right now.

it’s quiet again, and the silence is even more awkward. you take another scalding sip of your tea.

“um, y/n... is this because of heather?” he says after a bit. you feel the tension that the acknowledgment brings as it hits you in the thick, cold air. richie’s tapping a rhythm on his thigh, so you can tell he feels it too.

"richie." you say weakly, your voice coming out too quiet, too obviously broken and exhausted. "i cannot do this. please don't do this right now"

he blinks at you, eyebrows furrowed. "sugar, i'm so lost right now."

you decide to change the subject. "-why'd you come over?" you ask, actually looking at him then immediately regretting it. he looks hurt and confused, like a lost puppy.

"oh. um, i just need to tell you something.it's about heather, too." he sounds anxious, and you roll your eyes, looking down at the tree outside your room as wind blows powdery white mounds off its branches.

“can this just wait until tomorrow?” you whisper. doesn't he get it?

it's quiet and for a moment you believe that he's going to leave it, to not bring up the obvious jealousy brewing in your chest. but he breaks the silence too soon.

"i tried to kiss her." he says and you immediately look towards the door, the most immediate escape possible.

your breathing gets heavy; if you have to hear this, you know you'll admit your feeling to richie, and you don't want to do that to him. but you have a suspicion that he already knows.

"richie, i'm so, so glad to see you. and that you like heather. really, i am. but- it's not a good time. i'm not- i'm not okay." you say, voice thick as tears well behind your eyes.

richie’s eyes widen almost comically as you make eye contact and his hands immediately find purchase on your arms, his thumbs rubbing in the way that he has done ever since that one foggy summer you spent in the sewers. "y/n/n, what's wrong, sweetheart?" he asks, watching sadly as a tear slips from your cheek. it breaks your heart when he calls you sweetheart, and you shake your head.

you can't tell him the truth - that you love him, so instead, you mumble, "i've missed you. there's a lot going on, and i just really need you."

he looks guilty as he pulls you into a warm hug, one that takes you off guard but that you return gratefully. "you've been too busy spending time with heather and with your parents, and i understand that, i just - you know, i miss you." you say, voice muffled as your cheek is squished into his shoulder. he sighs shakily, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “i know i’ve been with her a lot, i’m sorry sugar.” he mutters.

it feels like you’re both holding something back from the other.

"i wish i were heather." you say against his shoulder, knowing richie’s completely unaware of the depth of your statement. but he pulls back and stares at you, an unknown look on his face. you open your mouth to say something, but you're cut off before you can get anything out.

and his lips fall against yours lightly, almost as if they’re ghosts against yours. his presence feels fleeting.

you barely close your eyes and press closer to him before you snap out of it, jerking backwards with wide eyes.

richie’s eyes fall open too as he looks at you questioningly. your heart is thumping heavy as you shake your head, more shocked than you thought ever possible. “what?” he asks, as if he’s surprised you’re not kissing back.

you give him a sad, broken look. you think you’ll cry as you mutter, "why would you ever kiss me? i'm not - i'm not nearly as pretty as her, i'm just-"richie suddenly looks like he might get sick, his face paler than usual as the steam from your tea dwindles idly between you. he cuts you off. "-why are you - why are you saying all these things y/n/n-”

“heather. you like heather.” you say frantically, trying to remind him so you dont have to live through this fresh faced heartbreak twice as painful if he kisses you again.

but richie shakes his head, and your confusion skyrockets just as much as your heartbeat."no. a-amy asked her out." he says breathlessly. "-she said yes."

you blink, pulling even further away as it dawns on you. "wait. so... so you only want to see me after the girl you wanted finds someone else?" you ask, watching as the smile gets smacked off of richie's face so quickly you think it may give him whiplash. "wait, no-" he starts, but you shake your head.

“richie, do you understand how hurtful that is?” you say, voice heavy as you try not to let tears fall.

he shakes his head, eyes glossing with tears as he gapes at you, “n-no, y/n-“

“fuck, richie. i know you know about my feelings for you. how could you do this? i’m not heather, i’m reminded that every time i’m in the same room as the two of you. she’s had you completely mesmerized for the last month, you can’t just use me to distract yourself.” you say, your tea completely forgotten as a tear escapes your eye.

he shakes his head, looking at you with an emotion you don’t have the energy to decipher. “leave, richie.” your voice is broken and it shakes as you look away from him.

you’re not sure what you were expecting, but when richie stands up silently you dont even look away from the window. you see him wipe his cheek in your peripheral before he sighs quietly and walks out of your room, shutting the door quietly.

you cry openly as you hear your door shut downstairs, your hands shaking as you cover your face, your shoulders shaking with sobs. you make it under your covers just as you hear a car engine sputter outside, your heart empty and lips still tingling as the feeling of richie’s lips linger on yours. you groan into your pillow and let out another sob, your eyes squeezing in agony as your heart feels like it’s ripping in two.

because even if they’re not together, richie still likes her.

why couldn’t you be heather?

you cry until you’re asleep, your now cold mug of tea resting on the windowsill as your phone charges next to you and snow swirls in the dark sky.

when you wake up the next morning, your headache is nearly blinding. you feel like crying more as you remember last night. you roll over and rub your eyes, unlocking your phone groggily.

but you check your notifications and your heart immediately stops as you see a missed call from richie at 3:49 in the morning last night, and a voicemail left a minute later.

well, you guess he got his phone back.

your fingers tremble as they hover above the play button, feeling like you may vomit from anxiety - the message he left is two minutes long.

closing your eyes, ready for even more heartbreak, you press play and hold the speaker to your ear.

“um, y/n.” the voicemail starts off, and you’re already tearing up because richie’s voice is full to the brim with anxiety and he’s not using his usual nicknames for you.

“uh... okay, i- i know it’s four in the morning, and you’re probably asleep - god, i hope you are, and that you’re not ignoring me. not that i dont deserve it, but i just want you to get good rest. uh, a-anyways. fuck,” there’s an awkward pause and you’re holding your breath.

“you know i’m not good with phone calls or voicemails-“ his rambling just adds to your anxious feeling, but you think if you don’t listen to this, your anxiety would eat you alive.

“- fuck, i don’t know how to say this. kind of ironic, i guess, since i’ve been thinking about saying it like every day for probably more than a year- okay, i’m... god, spit it out, trashmouth.” his voice gets thicker and you can hear the emotion as he takes a shallow breath.

“y/n/n, you make my hands shake. i swear, my heart feels like it’s going to backfire and explode when we touch... and it scares me so fucking bad.” you feel your heart halt in your chest, the air leaving your lungs.

you keep the phone pressed tightly to your ear as richie’s recorded voice goes on.

“-fuck, y/n. i’m terrified. sometimes i think.... like, whoever created me... they designed me just to be yours. and... it’s not in the same way i feel about bev, or bill, or eddie-“ his voice breaks as he sniffs on the other end and it dawns on you that he’s crying. “-you’re you. you’re y/n. i tried to like heather as more than just a friend. but...” it’s silent for a second.

“i just kept comparing her to you. i do that with everybody. i think i’m broken. i love you so much that it hurts.” he’s crying enough by now that it’s leaking into his speech; he’s hiccuping, stuttering slightly, his inflection changing as you can almost picture the tears rolling off his thick eyelashes and onto his rosy cheeks.

“-and i can’t sleep right now knowing that i hurt you like this. i can’t believe that i let you think of yourself as lesser than heather in any way-“ he sobs quietly in the recording and takes a stuttering breath. "i can’t believe i put myself before you. i’m such a shitty friend. i should’ve been giving you my stupid fucking sweaters the whole time.”

tears are pouring out of your eyes as you sit up, ripping the comforter off your legs. you’re pulling on socks and your shoes as you continue to listen to richie’s voicemail.

“i’m sorry that i kissed you, and i’m sorry that i dragged you into this m-mess, that i used heather as an excuse to ignore my feelings for you. i-i love you so fucking much, and i’m just so scared of hurting you. i’m so sorry that i hurt you, y/n.”

you have to see him.

“-and, um, i’m sorry i left this voice message. this is probably the worst way to find this out but i figured that it would be easier for us to ignore if it wasn’t in person- y’know, because you don’t have to respond. just- now you know. that i’m sorry, and that i don’t expect you to forgive me or want to speak to me for a while. i just- i need you to know that you’re so loved, y/n. and that you deserve so much better than me.

“so, um, okay. i’ll let you sleep now. b-bye.” he whispers the end and then the line cuts dead.

you’re left with shaking breath and tears in your eyes as his voice rings in your head. you try to take in what he’s just said, but you think you’re about to pass out.

how can richie love you back?

you brush your teeth almost aggressively as your heart beats erratically in your chest and then you’re suddenly flying down the snowy road towards the tozier’s house.

you realize too late that you look completely awry, hair unbrushed, eyes puffy and swollen, shoes untied as you knock on the front door of richie's house.

went opens the door, richie’s younger sister sat on his hip as he smiles at you, "y/n! long time no see. richie's upstairs in his room."

you smile at him in thanks, too rushed to say anything to him or munch. then you’re all but sprinting up the stairs, only feeling the anxiety as you throw open the door to his bedroom.

you're relieved that he's laying in his bed, surrounded by pillows and fluffy comforters as he jumps from the noise of your arrival.

when he sits up, neither of you say anything. his eyes are red and rimmed with tears, a heartbreaking sight as his lower lip trembles slightly. you're sure you look the same as you take a step towards his bed, your eyes not leaving each other's for a second.

he looks incredible, still.

"y/n..." he whispers finally, his eyes wide. "did you get my message?" he says, lips tilting in a stupid, forced smile. his voice holds no humor in it's sad thickness, though, and you sigh as you look down to the carpet.

you shake your head, "can you not joke for a minute, rich?"

he laughs wetly, standing up fully and although he towers at 6'0, he looks so small. "i can try, doll, but then i'll start to cry a lot, and that's just not what anybody wants-"

"richie." you say, effectively ceasing his rambling. it's cold in his room, bright white from the snow outside, and silent. he looks at you with huge eyes and a red nose.

but you don't know what to say. you’ve spent so long wanting to be heather, but now you've found out that richie's loved you this whole time. it hurts, but you can't wait another second being away from richie.

you launch yourself towards him, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to your mouth.

this time, the kiss is warm, unexpected again but much more loving. it's a kiss that tastes like tears and love and trust, and all you can feel is richie as his hands find purchase on your cheek and back, pulling you so close to him that you can feel is rapid heartbeat.

he pulls back to mumble against your lips, "i'm so sorry." you shake your head, pressing another kiss to his and loving the feeling of richie against you finally. "i love you." you say, feeling his grin against your mouth.

"i love you so much." he says, pulling you lightly to fall onto his bed with him and tickling your sides.

you laugh lightly, swatting at his prodding fingers. "please stop crying." he whispers, laying above you with a small smile. you roll your eyes, "you stop crying rich." you retort, and he shakes his head, one of his tears falling onto your cheek. you jump from the feeling and wipe it away, sniffling a gasp and pulling him into a tight hug, his legs tangling with yours.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles. you cup his cheeks so his lips pucker out and you smile at him, whispering, “i forgive you, rich. i love you.” and then you place a soft kiss to his lips and he kisses you back enthusiastically. he pulls back and hugs you again, burrowing himself in your neck.

"i didn't think i'd ever get you." he says, muffled by his face in your shoulder. "thank you for trusting me. i love you so much." he kisses your collarbone lightly and your fingers play through his curls lightly as you smile, eyes closing. you're so tired.

"i love you more, richie."

you fall asleep with richie curled up beside you, his breath light on your chest and arms clutching you against him. you fall asleep with richie’s lips on your neck, his legs entangled with yours.

you fall asleep contently, knowing that you no longer have to wish you were heather.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier @simplesammyx @brxken-heartsclub @clownsloveyou @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @finnskindofwoman @kait-tozier @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters <33

#richie tozier x reader #losers x reader #losers club x reader #jewish richie tozier #bill denbrough x reader #stanley uris x reader #beverly marsh x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #ben hanscom x reader #mike hanlon x reader

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yibuo · 4 years

Note

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head*

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK)

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

#reply #if i could write my essays with this much passion i'd be a lit major #longlivetonystark

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gothamsnightmare · 3 years

Text

List of Gotham/Valeska twins stuff I’ve been writing on that I might consider sharing some day

Note: So far, all of my stories are reader-inserts. I found that to be a lot easier to write when I started out, also, I’ve always sucked at coming up with names. I have been thinking about possibly turning a few of them into OC’s later on however, especially since it’s starting to look like in at least one story it will actually require me to have a specific name for the reader character at some point, so there’s always the chance I’ll re-write some of these later. Can’t say for sure though, cause I’ve been looking up names and now I’m having the problem that a name that spoke to me as a gf’s name, but also really sounded great to me for a sister character, so, now I can’t decide what to use it for.

These are the stories I think I might like enough that I would feel comfortable sharing them one day, although I can’t say for sure cause I really haven’t finished any of them yet and many of themdon’t even have a beginning with, so I could possibly really only do a preview for most of them so far, cause even though I tried really hard over the last couple of months to finish at least one of them, I just keep getting more ideas for them but never for the parts where it matters

Long story short, I might post some previews from some of these stories soon, especially if there turns out to be some interest (which I hightly doubt, since there wasn’t any so far). So on to what will be a long and pointless post about some of my stories:

Family Ties

I have to thank @sunlitroom for making this post, the first picture in it inspired me to write this story.

I don’t know why, but I always loved the idea of a sister for Jerome and Jeremiah that ends up being kind of torn between the two of them because of their hatred for each other.

When I first played with the idea for her, I imagined her only a few years older than them, like in my first story ‚Hands off‘, but this post gave me the idea: what if Jerome and Jeremiah had a sister that was several years older than the twins, and by that, already old enough to have moved out and left the circus when Jerome killed their mother, and she always had to look after them when they were younger because of their mum not bothering.

Basically, the moment I saw the first picture of this post I thought: I could totally imagining the twins and their sister being part of their mothers act at the circus when they were little, like that she had a different act back then. That she wasn’t an exotic snake dancer yet, just a regular snake artist, and her children were essentially the main focus of her act, like an idea of the owner of the circus, you know, cute kids and deadly animals, guaranteed crowd pleaser.

This is the first story that is going to be different than my other stories, in the way that it doesn’t take place in one time line, but it jumps around between various stages of the Valeska siblings life, starting out with when the twins were around 5 and then as they get older at the circus, on to when Jerome kills their mother and ends up at Arkham, all the way to when Jeremiah is reunited with his sister again for the first time after he was changed by Jerome’s laughing gas.

The story is perhaps a bit heavy at times I guess, because I really decided to dive into how hard it was for the Valeska siblings at the circus with the on-going abuse, and I let them deal several times at various ages deal with the aftermath of these moments. Most of these so far I made up, but I am also planning on including pre-existing things from the Gotham canon, like the story Jerome told about him having his hand boiled in a pot of soup I’m currently trying to write something with, so yeah, it is definitely a bit rough at times.

This story also deals with why the twins’ sister decided to leave the circus and her brothers behind even if she can’t look out for them anymore then, why his sister is the only one who Jerome still trusts after Jeremiah left, what might have played a part in Jeremiah later turn into a villain that has a habit of manipulating people and why it’s so difficult for their sister to navigate her relationship with the twins. Also Jeremiah and Jerome always have their problems getting along in this one, even when they’re little, because they’re just so very different.

Sleepless Nights

This is a story that takes place over Seasons 1 to 3 (but will likely just brush Season 2 briefly). It starts out shortly before Jerome kills his mother as he sneaks over to his only friend at the circus after a night of torment at his mother’s. She’s the only one who he’s able to talk to about what he has to go through at home because he knows he can trust her, although he’s starting to reach a point where he’s done going into the details every time. She cares a lot about Jerome, and the more she has to see what’s happening to him, the more she’s starting to see things his way. So she gradually doesn’t just grow into the only person he will ever care about, but likely his future partner in crime.

Arkham

Title is a bit misleading now because it doesn’t just primarily take place at Arkham anymore, but I had intended it to take place at Arkham in Season 4 originally and end with the breakout, hence the title. But once the ideas for it really hit me, I realized it would go way beyond it. Now it starts at Arkham and goes all the way to the end of Season 4

This is to date my longest story (almost 32,000 words at this point and I’m still nowhere near done yet).

One day, I had an idea where I wanted to write just a story about Jerome hanging out with someone at Arkham, but it ended up not really anywhere cause I couldn’t really think of anything, the idea seemed to random.

Then I came the old discussion about how many Jerome fic writers tend to write about the exact same themes on here on tumblr again and before I knew it, I suddenly had my idea. Since my goal with any of my art has always been to try to be different, I hope I kind of managed to accomplish it with this one.

Essentially, the original story idea turned into a story about a woman that Jerome meets at Arkham that instantly becomes not only the only person who cares about him, but is everything he never thought he would ever have in a person and he ends up opening up to her more than he ever intended to when he first decided to talk to her.

Basically, she ends up becoming the only one who Jerome tells the real reason behind his plan to break out of Arkham, however, despite how close the two end up with each other, since she gives him a lot of freedom and never pressures him to do something he doesn’t want to do, and this kind of backfires on her a little because she ends up never being 100% in the loop about his plan despite how much he shares with her. And in case your wondering, yes, this is going to go all the way to the very end of Jerome’s story in Season 4.

Note: This is the female character I mentioned above that I might rewrite from reader insert some day because she needs a specific name at a certain point.

Fights at Arkham

This is another story where the twins have a sister, this time, it’s more like an AU where Jerome didn’t die but still managed to change Jeremiah with his gas, and now they currently happen to be stuck at Arkham at the same time as their sister.

This turns into a huge problem for all three of them, because since she still loves both of her brothers, she expects them to act as civil as possible when around each other, which they will have to do if they want to spend time with her, as she’s fed up of having to put up with their fighting by now and doesn’t want to switch between having to spend time with one of them at a time.

Since the twins just hate each other so much by now, she can’t really prevent the fights from constantly happening, the only thing she can do is try to make sure their fights don’t turn violent, something that is often a bit of a challenge for her

However, since she knows her brothers way better than they would probably like to acknowledge, she also knows a thing or two about how to keep them under control.

Unfortunately, I’m still massively struggling to find a way into this story, it requires a the random argument between the twins that is supposed to turn into a bigger fight, so I could only give you a preview of what happens once their fight is close to getting out of control.

Mad

Simple premise, Jerome’s girlfriend is mad at him after one of their crime sprees, and after giving her some space, he decides it’s about time to make her get over herself.

Partners

Jerome inadvertently develops a crush on his partner in crime when he looses track of her during a crime spree. When he confronts her about it, she doesn’t really know how to handle it

Chance meetings

A story that unfortunately so far only contains a few segments that don’t really connect with each other yet, which is a shame because the basic idea would be based on another attempt of writing something a little different.

We all know the old idea of course that Jerome is definitely the kind of guy that would likely end up stalking a girl when he takes a liking to her, and while I could totally see him do that, I suddenly thought: what if it was the other way around and it happened to him?

This is not exactly a stalking story per se, but essentially, one of Gotham’s female criminals (not one from the Gotham canon) is so impressed by Jerome and the way he does things that she shows up out of nowhere one day while he’s out killing people, and from that day on, she just keeps popping up everywhere he goes, until the point comes where he almost expects her to be there because she can’t seem to stay away from him.

And at the end, this story ended up giving an idea at the end that led to another story called:

Nightly visits

While thinking about the fact that Jerome would not be above stalking some woman he’s obsessed with, I suddenly realized I could also totally see him just crashing at a woman’s place at night that he took a liking to without her knowledge, you know like secretly staying on her couch every night and leaving before she wakes up in the morning.

And that thought turned into: what if she knew about it though. And what if she just lets him do this while pretending not to notice? And this leads to eventually them both becoming aware of it and finally starting to acknowledge it and start talking to each other.

So basically Jerome turns into the crazy guy who keeps showing up at her apartment every night to spend the night and leaves again in the morning, but once they get to know each other better, they get closer and he ends up staying longer or showing up earlier than he had originally meant to when he had decided to hang out at her place.

There’s another story that I’m thinking of sharing that doesn’t have a title yet, but I’m worried it might be to plain and cute. In it, the twins have a sister that is a little bit younger than them (cause I figured the way the behave towards her might work better if she’s not the older one this time) who suffers from nightmares because of the abuse in the family, and it started to become so bad for her, that she now spends the night sharing a bed with one of the twins to cope. But, since Jerome and Jeremiah are at a point where they already constantly fight with each other, you could say they end up in a little bit of a competition with each other about who’s better at comforting her after a nightmare.

And, in a similar type of premise, also without a title so far, Jerome is at Arkham at the same time as his sister (this time she’s older again), and he goes to visit her at night in her cell, seemingly for no particular reason, but since she knows how to read him way too well, she figures him out pretty quickly and they have a little bit of a late night talk about growing up and how things have changed now (or how they haven’t really)

#gotham #jerome valeska #jeremiah valeska #my gotham writing #gotham fanfic

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dxmedstudent · 4 years

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As a longterm single person... or a person who was single for long times during parts of my life, I’m usually very onboard with shifting the focus. But it feels like this entire article is a lazy missed opportunity. It somehow manages to alienate me even though I really, really want to be able to agee with it. For a start, the article does nothing to address that yes, society does highly value romantic relationships at the expense of other meaningful relationships, and pressures people - particularly young women, to conform to the expectation to be in one. The expectation to be in a relationship and how we are treated when we’re not in one goes far beyond people valuing sex. I’ve talked about this at length before, so I’ll skip over that part for now. It doesn’t even touch on how ace or aro people experience such a ban - you don’t have to be in love or having sex to miss a significant other - the key is in the ‘significant’ bit.

“And while I know there could be some troubling long-term consequences to this legal accident, I can’t help but feel that the frustration of many is misplaced.”

No. This is your first mistake. People are allowed to be frustrated that such a rule renders physically continuing intimate relationships if you live apart illegal. People are allowed to be frustrated that they can go to primark, risk coronavirus at work, use the tube, but aren’t allowed to hug their GF. Hell, people are allowed to just be annoyed they can’t go to the pub. It might not be a priority, but I wouldn’t write in whining about how other people miss something that I am not personally fussed about. “It means we can’t go to the pub, to a party, or to a friend’s house to sit on the sofa with a bottle of wine laughing our heads off; we can't have our families round for Sunday roast; we can’t even go inside if it starts to rain during one of the permitted back garden gatherings of six.”

But fundamentally, we can have a party. We can see 6 friends or family outside. We can share food with them. We can use the bathroom. We will soon be allowed to start going to establishments to eat and drink. However rather hilariously, the article somehow manages to paint sitting on someone’s sofa as equally (or more) important than romantic and physical intimacy with a life partner. Who cares that some people haven’t been able to see their intimate partner at all, much less so much as hold hands in 3 months, when I wanna sit on someones sofa!

I get it. These rules are still wildly different to our usual lives. You’re right, it sucks that we also can’t enjoy platonic touch. Hugging a friend, patting someone on the back. Just being able to be indoors and have a meal. But the rules let us live out a much closer approximaiton of life with friends - which is a start. Now, I have friends who run the full tactile spectrum from ‘absolute huggers’ to ‘don’t touch me’. I miss a good hug or just being able to sit beside each other, but for the most part I can easily enjoy most of what I can do with friends under the current rules. Apart from sit around playing board games together, cos you can’t do that 2m apart and it’d be less than ideal to do outside. This has still had a big impact on our social lives - particularly if you live apart from friends as I do. So I feel you. I can’t just up and drive over to most of my friends’, and even if I did, sitting around outside for a couple of hours wouldn’t be with the long trip. When you’re not allowed indoors or to stay the night it makes the kind of socialising many of us do much harder. It’s the same for me seeing my family, too. So I get it. It’s just that being banned from being within 2m of someone has a much bigger impact if you’re in a romantic relationship. Because physicality (and not just sex), and spending lots of time together is a bigger part of the deal when it comes to having a significant other. Many people aren’t overly physically affectionate with friends - I know many people who barely do beyond a handshake or stiff hug - and that’s fine. These laws just take away a much bigger dimension from a romantic relationship, than from most platonic ones.

On the Facebook group I run for single people, those who live alone simply want to know when they will be touched again. And by touch I mean simply a pat on the arm, a cuddle from their mum, their best friend holding their hand. These are simple things, but are so important. They matter to people just as much, if not more, as whether they have a 'significant other' sharing their bed - but you wouldn't know that from the discussion around these new rules.

See, this is important, so maybe lead with this? It’s heartbreaing that many of us effectively have been banned from all human physical contact. But that doesn’t mean intimate relationships aren’t important to others - and complaining that those people are commenting on how it affects them is misplaced. Ths is not a competition between whether it’s worse that we can’t hug our friends or our boyfriends. Not being allowed to see an intimate partner is also depriving you of cuddles or simple gestures - a lot more than just sex.And yet the article frequently chooses to frame it as a ban against hookups when it also affects many people in relationships who can’t move in at this point in time. I’ve seen people complain that they can’t spend time with or touch their partners of several years, for example. But actually, we also shouldn’t have to minimise the importance of sex, even in a casual setting. So let’s get onto that. “Those grieving for those they've lost to Covid-19, I’m sure, are far more interested in when they can hold their loved ones than when they can next hook up. Headlines about sex bans must feel particularly grating to them.” News just in: holding your loved ones and sex are mutually exclusive. You know, if any of us lose loved ones, we’ll be heartbroken and it will suck whether we can’t hug our sister who lives far away, or our boyfriend who we don’t live with. Please don’t use cheap emotional blackmail to suggest people can’t miss both or that both can’t be one and the same if you love your partner. I’d argue this probably says a lot about what the author thinks about relationships or sex, but I hope it’s just poor writing. “The uproar about the apparent ban on sex also plays into the rather sixth form idea that absolutely everyone is having loads of sex all the time. God forbid a few of us have to wait a few months for our next chance.” Also, tangential much? People aren’t upset because they can’t go 3 months without sex, they are upset because 3 months in a pandemic without any intimacy with a loved one is hard, especially if you’re in an intimate relationship that got suddenly cut off. Because that person and their support and cuddles is particularly important to you. This is also a weird double standard: It’s apparently OK to be devastated because nobody can give you a hug, but god forbid you are sad about being entirely separated from a significant other against your will. Also, apparently we’re all fantasists playing up how much sex we’re having. I don’t understand why this article comes across as so weridly moralising, but it does. Reducing sex to hooking up is moralising behaviour: and as someone with an interest in sexual health I have to state that it’s not up to you to put a value on sex for someone else. I don’t like it being illegal for me to hug my sister, or ... yes, have sex with my boyfriend- or you know, hug him too since this isn’t about sex alone. But I’m not here to police if someone doesn’t like the rules because they just miss sex. Whoever they have sex with. Sex is a fundamental part of being human for most people. Intimacy is core to many people’s mental health, particularly in a relationship, and that need is valid. Physical intimacy in general is a massive part of intimate relationships. It’s taken decades of progress for people to accept that sex is valid and enriching, not shameful. I’m worried that yes, behind our attitudes lies the still pervasive social attitudes that sex is dirty, wrong, and something for us to police if it doesn’t fit the bounds of what we consider acceptable. We haven’t eliminated harmful attitudes to sex, and the desire that others get to decide if vulerable populations like disabled people or the poor are allowed to have initmate lives. This is about how easily rules can be used to oppress or police others - as they have been in the past. What happens to sex workers? To our LGBTQ friends if someone decides that gay sex is riskier? It’s worth noting that intimacy is only illegal if you live apart - favouring those rich enough to have the space to move in together and the married. The poor, those living with others, those who aren’t ready to take that step, those who rely on sex to make a living - face an entirely different set of rules. It’s worth asking yourself why it’s OK to move in (and risk exposing each other) but not OK to visit the person you’d be allowed to expose all the time. Why it’s OK for the government to draw a line on which relationships matter, and when - and what hoops you have to jump through. This isn’t new - out LGBTQ friends will tell us this was always a thing. But we need to be ever more vigilant as our personal lives are policed more and more. “Nobody is talking about this” is legitimate criticism when we’re talking about a horrifying event people may be unaware of, but lazy writing when we’re talking about something that both evidently affects many people and ... is being discussed. It allows you to fill an article with righteous indignation about how people aren’t doing something rather than just... doing it. As it is, I’ve read multiple articles about people missing grandchildren, wanting to see recently born babies, missing their friends, struggling with this whilst being single. I’ve read articles about the lonely and vulnerable. And actually, more articles about all those things when you add them up, than I’ve seen about romantic relationships. Which is great - because this pandemic and the lockdown are having a massive effect on a lot of people in many ways, and it personally interests me that we record those experiences and share them. I’ve even seen so many articles about people missing going to the pub, or which restaurants they wish they could visit. And that’s OK, it can be the little things about normality that we miss. I miss museum dates, for example, and there wasn’t even any sex involved! We all miss normality. And I’ve had those conversations in real life, too. These conversations are important, but it’s possible to have them without downplaying something that doesn’t matter to you when it obviously matters to other people. I have been single for long periods of time; I’d be the first to suggest here’s more to life than romantic relationships. Hell, at times that was my absolute last priority. I’ve lived away from friends and family - I am not new to loving people at a distance, and it’s still been hard despite my having the experience to deal with it. If anything, this pandemic just shows how those links feel very different, when we’re not able to travel. Suddenly everyone feels much further away, and I re-evaluate just how happy I am to live far away. For what it’s worth, I think we need more articles highlighting how difficult it is to manage all sorts of interpersonal relatioships at a distance as lockdowns ease. And as someone who’s in a romantic relationship, the pain of bieng isolated in all these spheres just isn’t the same. I miss hugging my mum. And I miss my friends. And I miss my boyfriend. It all hurts. Looking at her own personal examples, the crux of the matter isn’t that she can’t see her family or friends - it’s that most of them live far away, and even if they live nearby, she’s not allowed to hug them. I’d love to hear more about people’s lives - what they are missing, what they hope to be able to do soon. And I can completely empathise with her: I wish I could see my sister, too: I’ve only seen her once since lockdown, briefly and under social distancing. I miss my friends - we live far apart but that used to be easier to bridge when we weren’t under lockdown. I have friends’ babies I’m yet to meet. New BFs yet to be introduced, etc. Weddings we’ve all missed. I can fully empathise with the author’s frustration at being unable to do these things - it has truly had a significant impact on my life this year that I’m mssing out on many of these things too. But that doesn’t in the slightest make it any less awful that I can’t be with my boyfriend, too.

#sex and relationships #jesus christ #i would never have predicted I'd be out here talking about how sex is important to people #it isn't even that important to me personally most of the time #but come on #long post #covid-19 journal

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gg-astrology · 4 years

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Can you tell us 10 things about you? and about ur friends irl? How u met them/ how long u know them/ what u like to do with them? This is gonna sound nosy but how's ur love life hdjsks LISTEN YOU'RE LIKE MY DREAM BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ACT LIKE WE'RE TOTES HOMIES OKAY IM A VIRGO SUN PISCES MOON smh a girl is cURIOUS AND (platonically) IN LOVE WITH YOU 😖❤❤❤❤

Hey there!! 💕💓❤️ Oh wow!!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️ Don’t worry this is fine!! I’m actually -- like, really happy and giddily flustered you’d want to get to know me!? 💕💓❤️ I’m really flattered and really grateful/touched aaaaaaa only virgo/pisces deserve rights, my current wife is also a virgo/pisces this is obviously some kind of synastry destiny (jk *wink wonk?*)!! 💕💓❤️thank you for caring about me!!! 💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️💕💓❤️

Yeah sure!! 💕💓❤️I can tell you more things about me!! 💕💓❤️

Disclaimer? I think it’s good for the audience to know where I’m coming from and who I am? I just think transparency/knowing who you’re talking to is important because knowing who I am, can also help you and me see where my flaws are and where I may be coming from! 💕💓❤️ Or what I provide, but where I might miss my mark somewhere, y know? 💕💓❤️ Not to say you have to judge me, I just don’t see the point in not just being who I am and saying yeah I can see where I took the L there. It’s just-- better? for future endeavors as well? So here we are?

More about me? In sections?

10 things about me?

I’ll start with this since it’s the shortest!

This may come off as totally random but I do better in colder climate than hotter ones -- even though I currently live in a tropical island

I used to live in the US!

I actually have a designated place where I go to sit, open up my laptop and answer asks from tumblr. I sit outside my little patio and stare out at my garden, and then answer qs from here!

This means I’m always subjected to the Wild Life coming at me unexpectedly sometimes, but my cat also visits me at my table! So it balances out!

My favourite drink is milk but I like plant-based ones, or rice milk? Or the lactose free ones! They’re delicious!

Cherries are my favourite snacks but I usually get them once every 3 months -- so the result is I don’t tend to snack often. This is by design of me trying to Not Snack + using my pickiness to weaponize against myself and my eating habits.

To unwind I watch cat/animal videos on youtube before I go to sleep - it’s not very effective because I have to keep my eyes open to see, plus I always end up making cooing noises at the screen -- so I’m not sure when if it’s actually making me sleepy or not. But it’s working so far so I’m continuing to do it.

I have very specific knowledge of certain things in very acute details + link/resources of further studies on the topic, but otherwise I have 0.5 braincells most of the time, just a lot of Forbidden Knowledge.

I have a folder of cursed memes and that’s all you need to know about my sense of humour I think?

Love life?

I am currently single! 💕💓❤️ Gf application is always open! 💕💓❤️ However, I’d like everyone of you to know I’m a 95 liner and I will not accept applications from those born after 98′ 💕💓❤️

Although I’m bi + had ex-bf before... I am (as of right now) on the fence about men personally in my personal life (disclaimer) because I’ve got a week of quarantine, thus I haven’t been doing the do and can think clearly for once. I am contemplating. Men. And the necessity in life. Y know?

Although my love life is free!! I am not excused from the occasional panic of having a crush (annually). I’m lucky enough to go through it just once every year, but every time it happens I am an absolutely clown + always in turmoil. It’s what happens when you’re a sag venus who can’t control your p***y brain. Luckily, my crush just have to insult me or make me explain things from my past and then I’d be too traumatize to crush on them again. It’s quite effective, and works out best for all of us! 💕💓❤️

I’ll refrain from talking about my ex because I know I have a habit of recounting the good and being mushy. Even if we ended it on rocky terms. So! I’ll save everyone from that. 💕💓❤️

Friends (expanded, clarifications?)

The ones I mention on the blog are usually

taurus/taurus,

cancer/cancer,

leo/libra,

leo/cap (x2),

virgo/sag,

libra/aries (x2),

scorpio/sag,

scorpio/cap,

sag/taurus,

pisces/scorpio,

pisces/aqua,

Oof that’s alot.. This might be better to outline in a timeline format... so leo/libra, scorpio/sag, libra/aries and partially virgo/sag are whom I grew up for the majority of my childhood-teenage life! 💕💓❤️

They obviously made a very big impact on me! 💕💓❤️ They’re with me through thick/thin, leo/libra (sag rising) is the extrovert of the bunch. He’s one of my best friends, close guy friend, most of the time I too find him a little exasperating because he’s.. well its his problem so nevermind, but he’s also very endearing! 💕💓❤️ If it wasn’t for him-- well, there’s also another leo I thought was very endearing in a little brother kind of way. So leos to me have a very positive influence in my life, they’re very cute especially when they ask for your attention. I think they are like puppies/kitties when they are needy, and their blatant way of just being themselves always makes me feel refreshed + I admire them for it. In the end, I’m totally heart-eyes endeared for Leos! 💕💓❤️

Scorpio/sag is also my best friend! 💕💓❤️ She’s a taurus rising, and she’s so sweet, kind, chatty and very open/friendly to people! 💕💓❤️ Her, my cousin (who’s also a scorpio but a scorpio/pisces), and quite a few of my other best friends who are scorpios - actually made me realize they’re not like what they’re usually describe as. Maybe that’s just me? But I think they’re very sweet and comforting to be around, not to mention they’re quite supportive and willing to listen when you’re having a tough time with something!! 💕💓❤️The pillar of support and one of the few rare people I don’t mind interacting with (actually crave interacting with them) because of just how chill they are, I wish more people recognize that in a scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Libra/Aries is one of my longest childhood friend, probably from birth! 💕💓❤️ He’s a supportive big brother type figure. But he can be very silly and he doesn’t hold himself so seriously most of the time! 💕💓❤️ Whilst he’s very understanding and quite nosy with others, he tries to be subtle/sleek but he isn’t! I think he’s very endearing when he wants to be, and he deserves someone who loves him lots as well 💕💓❤️ We reunited for the first time in 6 years the other day? And I think we both ended up crying a little and holding hands because we miss each other alot! 💕💓❤️ It was very nice, I think he’s much more emotional (just suppressed) than what people realize! 💕💓❤️ He’s very caring though - like willing to talk you through your problems and make sure you’re taken care of, back on your feet, but also willing to smile scarily at people who’ve hurt you and actually take them to court/yell at them for you. I think its very sweet! 💕💓❤️

Virgo/Sag is someone I hung out with for a short period of time, but kept in contact with periodically throughout my life because we ended up going through similar majors/path in life! 💕💓❤️ She’s someone who’s very caring, wants to take care of you, when she’s endeared by you she makes sure to dote on you often! 💕💓❤️ Actually, she’s born a day after Namjoon I think? But that’s not the point, the thing is - she’s my virgo/sag and when she’s not by my virgo/sag she’s super cool and I can see that many of our friend respects her/think she’s very mature + she’s the Shit! 💕💓❤️ I really admire her too and I think she’s super cool, but more than that, I love how caring and tender she is. She’s the best 💕💓❤️

These are the people I grew up with, and then I went to college and met/lived with Scorpio/Cap + Pisces/Scorpio+Aqua.

Scorpio/Cap and I actually hit it off since the first day? We were in orientation, and we’re both talkative I guess! But in similar ways. He appreciates my bluntness/sense of humour and I like that he’s sarcastic and the only one engaging enough to be around/paying attention to what’s happening. We went to a house party together and then had 1 class together the semester. After that, me and him decided we’d live together off campus (along with our other friend who fell through, I think he’s a Leo?) - whilst we lived together we share majors in the same division, on holidays or at night after class, we’d grab dinner together + walk there, or we’d eat at home and binge watch a marathon he’d pick together. 💕💓❤️ It’s really fun! 💕💓❤️

Both of us like cooking, so he’d make dishes/drinks and I’d do that and we’d coerced each other to hang out in the living space together. Basically, we’re there to force each other to socialize/hang out with people and also encourage each other. It’s very fun! But we also had moments where we’d buy each other dinner/go to art galleries/exhibit together. There’s more serious too of course, like talking about our problems or worrying about stuff. But I think I found someone who looks out for me/I can look out for him, be confidants for each other and not be embarrassed with each other. Besides this, he also found my p0rn collection and suddenly mentioned it when we’re on campus so now I can never unfriend him because he has blackmail material on me. I’m forced to be his friends forever now.

Pisces/Cap and Pisces/Aqua are my roommates after Scorpio/Cap - actually, Pisces/cap invited me to live with them when I was finding a place, it was very fortunate! 💕💓❤️ We’re all close friends because we live in the same hall during first year, plus me and Pisces/cap (and a Gemini friend) would get drunk + go to parties together so!! This is very convenient! 💕💓❤️

Actually.. Pisces/cap, me and Gemini friend.. I went with Gemini friend to buy his apartment with him (along with his friends, I’m good friends with them too) and Pisces/cap went with him to buy furnitures lmao! 💕💓❤️ And then me and Pisces/cap moved in together, although I didn’t room with them. I roomed with Pisces/Aqua whom till this date is my favourite roommate I’ve ever lived with! 💕💓❤️

It’s a little messy with Pisces/Cap but not in a? bad way? at all? Like we’re close friends who still talk often, but they did confess once over the holidays, and I turned them down (that was when I was about to move in) - we did make out along with pisces/aqua but like.. that’s... I guess that’s normal for college y know? We did a couple projects together for their class, like a comic about me and gemini friend, poems, photography, I drew them something. And I think they did have something with Gemini friend as well but! Gemini friend moved away on the last year so it never went anywhere there.

But these are all good memories we had together and it’s not like-- bad at all, I don’t ever think badly at them for it because it was honest to them/for them, it was their emotions and tenderness from the heart? I can’t ever look down on anyone for that or judge them for being true to themselves, I actually think they’re very brave to be able to heal themselves and process things especially involving emotions like that. I also think these are all precious and honest memories, being friends with them definitely helped me grow my EQ by so much. Without them, I’d be very close-minded today! 💕💓❤️

Pisces/aqua is my roommate for a long time, and I love them to bits too! 💕💓❤️ They have two cats, both I love so so much and would sacrifice getting up for very often! 💕💓❤️ More than that, Pisces/aqua is so smart and able to pick things up immediately! It’s honestly very admirable, how they pierce things together. Whether it’s tarot or astrology, they’re the one who got me into this actually? 💕💓❤️ It was their interest before it became mine through proxy or maybe osmosis lmao, but they’re quite judgey and sometimes have a ? idk, superiority complex/elitist attitude towards stuff sometimes? So I never really talked about it much with them because it can get really frustrating sometimes 💕💓❤️ I do love them lots though, I can be ignorant of a lot of things and really slow on the uptake, but they’re very nice and kind and patient with me - honestly they’re as patient as a saint sometimes with me. And I’m really really thankful to them for it! 💕💓❤️ They’re getting married this year to a Scorpio! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/taurus and Cancer/cancer are my college best friends. Actually we hang out outside of class too! 💕💓❤️ I celebrated cancer/cancer’s birthday with them and their friends/roommates and it’s really fun. Heres why it’s -- like, momentous. It’s because my college classmates are more like colleagues or co-workers, so we don’t usually have that kind of camaraderie outside of first year. Plus, we’re all kind of working or busy with our private life outside of class - so it’s hard to reconvene that with who you know in classrooms.

They like their private life separated from the college one, which is what I prefer as well. I really adore them though, since we have a major that usually makes us get little to no sleep and have to stay at school at night-till morning most nights (for programs on the computer or printing facilities, rip) -- they’re the one who would either stay up with me, working together at the same table and we can ask each other for fresh eyes on our work. Or they’d motivate me to go home and not be stupid to stay at school. Or they’d drive me home so they know I get back safely/on time. It’s just -- I adore them so much they’re very very good! 💕💓❤️

Taurus/Taurus is also a college best friend whom I befriended later on in the years, they’re really sweet! 💕💓❤️ We have more of a friendship where we spend time outside together, walking in the city trying out a new cake store or just going back to their place to play games or talk about what else we have going on in our lives. They’re really busy!! Since they’re involved in church activities, they travel to another town an hour away every sunday - their dedication to their work, school and church (AND spending time with their fiance’s family + fiance) is amazing! 💕💓❤️ They also got me my first job at the firm they’re working in, in our last years - I made sure they’re not too tired and get their work done on time so they don’t rush their finished project. Or give better advice if the teacher is making them fume. I really like them lots too, we had alot of fun together AND they’re a foodie! 💕💓❤️

There’s another Libra/Aries whom I knew from college, while I was still living with Scorpio/Cap - I was in another town/not the same town as the Pisces back then. But Libra/Aries was close and she’d come by often! We’d travel the city together, lay on the lawn, go to parks together or exhibit. They’re very proactive and we spend a lot of time talking about work and projects, personal interests, when we watch movies together - we’d spend time sitting in cafes after watching them to talk for hours/until closing about the movie ( ‘we have alot to unpack’) -- they’re a lot of fun to talk to because they’re just as intense about stuff! 💕💓❤️ And their interest is genuine, give good hugs, a little too loud for our cats but she means well! 💕💓❤️

This is brief recount of everyone, mostly focusing on activities we did together but knowing them as people obviously made a big impression on me! 💕💓❤️

Leo/Caps are people I met since I finished college/working now, they’re my two admins on the blog actually! 💕💓❤️So internet friends, but I really click with and they’re soothing + fun to be around when I’m home/anywhere! 💕💓❤️

Sag/Taurus is also another internet friend, I’ve known her for a year now? But man, every conversation is an adventure and she’s so fun to be around! 💕💓❤️ Also very sweet and an extremely kind person, in a fire sign kind of way. Which means a lot of gawking from me and very loud laughs. But yes! 💕💓❤️ Very good people! 💕💓❤️

I do have friends from work... but well we’re not close enough for me to actually consider them good friends/talk about them personally? They’re nice! But I have yet to form a more positive opinion about them - it’s positive and negative, so I’ll see who survives and come through as a person I’d like to hang out with outside of work. 💕💓❤️

To Virgo/Pisces anon:

Here’s my best friend application do I make the cut please reply 💕💓❤️

#about me #phew this took a while to answer!#virgo/pisces anon #are we best friends now pls tell me #anon #asks

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dandequill · 4 years

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novel prep tag: blackbird

i was tagged for this by @magicalwriting! thank you so much!

in this tag, there are a lot of questions going in-depth about the wip in question (i’m choosing blackbird) and because of the detail i must warn that it’s rather long! also, because i’m still rather new here, i don’t really know many people to tag, so I’m just going to pick a few at random from my followers:

@three-seas-writes @the-moving-finger-writes @rewrit @anika-writes @spirit-of-helimire

and so we begin!

first look

describe your novel in 1-2 sentences (elevator pitch)

maria quintana (vain, moody, and a loser) and ingrid piuma (owner of one outfit, carefree, and also a loser) clash paths when on the run from a stuck-up aunt and stuck-up sister, respectively. they hit it off and have a lot in common, or so it seems; maria is yet to learn of the complex web of holy curses, familial trauma, and quest to halt an impending magical catastrophe which sets ingrid apart from her.

how long do you plan for your novel to be?

i don’t have much in the way of a length-goal for the novel in particular, but more generally i think the story could work well as a duology, with one story focused on maria and the other on ingrid.

what’s your novel’s aesthetic?

ooo, that’s a fun one. i have a pinterest board which does a decent job of encapsulating it, but think along the lines of gritty detective drama meets urban fantasy meets sweet sapphic romance.

what other stories inspired your novel?

the very earliest, basic idea of kids hunting a sleeping magical figure came from the raven cycle, but the story has spiralled drastically beyond that since then so the link has become very, very tenuous. other influences include fairy tales such as fitcher’s bird (+ a variety of other ‘rescued by the sister’ types).

share 3+ images that give a feel for the novel

as mentioned prior, there is a pinterest board with more images, but here are a few favourites i have selected:

main characters

who is your protagonist?

i consider maria and ingrid to be joint-protagonists, so here is a brief run down of both-

maria quintana:

- naive + sheltered; not much experience with the world beyond her hometown, so being forced to spend her summer in a big city in a foreign country isn’t exactly her idea of a good time

- daughter of two artists who rebelled against their families to be together; they want her to be better, she wants to be the same, and her cold-hearted aunt wants to warp her into something else entirely

- tall hipster lesbian gf

ingrid merlero piuma:

- laid-back + ‘eccentric’; changed entirely by the death of her mother a year before the events of the novel to become more aloof and self-focused, motivated by spite for her father

- middle of three sisters, all of whom have an agenda against their tyrannical father and rebel in different ways; she uses laziness as a weapon to diminish his control over her

- short punk bisexual gf

who is their closest ally?

maria and ingrid act as each other’s allies, plus a small gaggle of strange boys maria ends up living across the hall from (matei, evan, sal + dajuan) and ingrid’s sisters, sirena (elder) and jordana (younger)

who is their main enemy?

maria’s personal enemy is her aunt arabella, who drags her away to a highly academic summer school in a distant city in the hopes to mould maria in her own image (what maria actually gains from this trip is a quirky girlfriend and intimate experience with the darker strains of magic); ingrid’s primary enemy is her father, whom she suspects of being involved in dubious criminal activity as well as more generally being a control-obsessed patriarch; the sleeping sorcerer at the heart of said dubious criminal activity is the eventual enemy for both.

what do they want more than anything?

maria wishes to follow her own heart and desires unhindered, living a romanticised version of life in which she avoids all pitfalls and suffering; ingrid wishes to move into her own place and not have to worry about generational curses any more.

why can’t they have it?

maria, as one might guess, is more entrenched in fantasy than reality, and has yet to understand that reality is more complex than what she desires and therefore she can never live entirely free of hurt; ingrid’s father is into some dodgy stuff and she and her sisters feel an obligation to stop him from hurting anyone else before they get on with their own lives

what do they wrongly believe about themselves?

maria believes she is infallible and untouchable, beyond the touch of the harsh realities of life which affect everyone around her; ingrid feels obliged to act as a saviour and impede every one of her father’s schemes, as well as having a myriad of self-esteem and confidence issues stemming from the trauma of her father’s emotional abuse and manipulation

draw your protagonist! (or share a description)

whoops i may do digital art but i am yet to draw either of these babes-

maria: lanky lady (5”11), hispanic-coded (story set in a fantasy world, not real world), the fluffiest hair imaginable on a human being, eyes that she considers dull and pebble-y but which ingrid cornily compares to the pristine cuorren sea, freckles everywhere, makes and patchily mends her own clothes to imitate her parents’ messy artfulness

ingrid: short queen (5”4-5), hispanic-coded with a slightly darker complexion than maria, shoulder-length black hair (often twisted back into the smallest ponytail on the face of the earth), lighter green eyes, also peppered with freckles, wears the same plain jeans and shirt everywhere, every day, much to the chagrin of maria

plot points

what is the internal conflict?

maria must come to terms with the harsh realities of life and the flawed way in which she sees the world; ingrid must overcome family-related trauma and not project her pain onto maria

what is the external conflict?

maria’s family conflict with her aunt; ingrid’s struggle against her father; the eventual conflict with the (no longer) sleeping sorcerer

what is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

maria could have her romanticised illusions of life shattered suddenly and horrifically as opposed to broken down gradually (ie a sudden tragedy befalling herself, ingrid, her parents); ingrid could be forever trapped by something or someone even after she escapes her father, cursed to never have her own personal freedom

what secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

i haven’t settled on the specifics yet, but it will be ingrid revealing one of her many personal secrets to maria in a way that completely changes maria’s view of her and, subsequently, their relationship; this could be the death of ingrid’s mother, the abuse from her father, her father’s madness and obsession with the sleeping sorcerer, or another, slightly smaller secret

do you know how it ends?

i have revised a few potential endings, but am yet to pick on the specifics; so far it is still a vague idea

what is the theme?

found family, fantasy vs reality, personal freedom vs duty to community, different types of love and relationship, death and mortality

what is a recurring symbol?

imagery of birds may be stereotypical, but it’s my favourite, and features heavily in a novel called ‘blackbird’ (this... should not be surprising) - different birds are associated with different characters and relationships, and are used to signal/foreshadow events attached to their respective characters. blackbirds themselves are attached to ingrid.

where is the story set? (share a description!)

the name of the city where it’s set is cuorren, which i once described to a friend as ‘seaside rome with a gang problem’ - here are a few images i assembled on the pinterest board which have inspired the setting:

do you have any images or scenes in your mind already?

i know the opening scenes more or less off by heart; i also have maria + ingrid’s first kiss, the first time maria visits ingrid’s troubled house, and a few other cutesy scenes of them together (i... should probably write more off this story beyond romantic escapades...)

what excites you about this story?

the themes are very important to me personally and i love that i get to express them through the medium of sapphic romance and dark fantasy, two of my greatest joys in life!

tell us about your usual writing method!

it doesn’t exist

uhhh... i have a planning document on the go and the first few scenes set out, but honestly every time i try to write beyond them, i panic and feel like i don’t know what i’m doing and go back to the plan. so i guess that makes me a planner over a pantser. which, believe me, has not always been true!

if you have made it this far into the post, thank you so much for reading! i hope this has been a good insight into my favourite of my three projects.

- m.b.

#writeblr #new writeblr #writer tag #writers on tumblr #novel prep tag #blackbird wip

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mediocre-riverdale · 6 years

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Riverdale Can’t Develop Relationships Rant

Ok so this is going to be long, sorry for that.

Choni (Cheryl/Toni)

• Don’t get me wrong, I like Choni and I think it’s good that Cheryl has someone who loves her but this relationship lowkey came out of nowhere.

• Lets review: they have a few very short conversations (if you can even call them that) in which Cheryl says something rude, Toni says something along the lines of ‘I know you’re acting mean for a reason’ and Cheryl basically responds with ‘I’m popular, totally fine, and totally straight ha ha ha 👀’. Other than that they don’t really spend much time together until the Love Simon scene.

• The Love Simon scene: so, Cheryl is outside this theater and is going to see the movie when Toni shows up and offers to see it with her. Cheryl accepts, which is odd because up to that moment Cheryl had been pretty clear about how she felt about Toni and the serpents. There’s really no reason for Toni to want to spend time with Cheryl either, they didn’t know each other well and all their previous interactions were unfriendly.

• (Toni highkey just wanted to get into Cheryl’s pants, but that’s a story for another time).

• (Also was Cheryl planning to go see Love Simon alone?? she was going to sit there, in the back, completely alone and in the closet and return home from just crying in a theater by herself?? That was her frickin Saturday night plan)

• After the movie they go to Pop’s and Cheryl comes out to Toni which partly doesn’t make sense. I realize Cheryl was emotional that night and she didn’t have friends to come out to, but why would she come out to this random serpent of all people? Did she know Toni is bi, and if so, how? It seems very odd to me that Cheryl would out herself to a gang member she saw ONE movie with.

• Once Cheryl comes out, Toni calls Cheryl sensational. Remember how I said earlier that Toni wanted in Cheryl’s pants? Well, here’s an example of that. THEY HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR LIKE LESS THAN A MONTH. There is no way Toni could know if Cheryl is sensational or not, though it was a nice thing to say.

• Also it was kind of a weird thing to say. Sensational?? To some random north side redhead that made ur gaydar ping? Really Toni?

• Anyways, they have some flirting moments which are actually pretty cute, Toni saves Cheryl from conversion therapy (damn Toni gets attached real quick) and they seem genuinely good for each other but the premise of how they get together is weird.

• They go from 0-100 in a very short period of time. Over the course of a few episodes (maybe a month or so in Riverdale time) they go from being lowkey rivals to sending heart eyes at each other and we haven’t seen a lot of screen time between them since the show deleted a lot of their scenes. Them deleting the scenes makes no sense because they could’ve easily fit them into the episodes and it would have made Choni seem a lot more developed, but nO.

• Cheryl becomes a serpent near the end of season 2 which I kind of understand more than SOME people in that gang (ahem, Archie) but still, Cheryl has hated the Serpents for most of her time on Riverdale and now she’s one of them. It makes little to no sense. She wouldn’t have joined if it weren’t for Toni and again, she’s only been dating Toni for maybe a month or so?

• Either way I guess the Cheryl Hating the Serpents storyline is dropped now, so thanks for the inconsistency Riverdale.

Bughead (Jughead/Betty)

• WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH THIS SHIP OH MY GOD THE WRITERS HAVE TURNED IT INTO A DUMPSTER FIRE!

• ok, let me rephrase

• So if u watch the show u definitely know bughead since it’s the most popular ship in the show. They’re also the Ship of Going to the Extremes.

• If I go in depth about this it’s going to be way too long so I’m just going to list how Bughead evolved over these two seasons: it starts with Jughead and Betty being cute, Jughead climbs in her room and calls her Juliet, wears this tux and smiles at her, and they do normal teenage first relationship stuff. Then shit gets crazy.

• Season one is relatively tame to be honest. They seem a little too into each other for a couple that had been dating for about a month or two, but whatever they’re 16 and I can understand getting overly invested in each other when you’re young like that.

• It’s a very rushed relationship. In the first and second episode Betty has a crush on Archie, cries about him, seems heartbroken when he says he only thinks of her as a friend. By like the seventh episode (there were only 12-13 episodes in the season, I’m sure, so Bughead happened within ten episodes) she has completely forgotten Archie (who she liked for years and had been previously been best friends with, though she barely hangs out with him in current episodes) and is kissing Jughead.

• As per usual, Riverdale takes Bughead from 0-100 in the blink of an eye and competely changes how they act.

• For the whole first season Jughead actively does not want to join the Serpents and is very clear about that. However, at the end of season 1 he gets a Serpent jacket and all that changes. While Jughead is off doing this, Betty is being the typical ‘girl next door’ and has that crush (but lmao, they ditched that storyline too sO). There’s one episode where this football player, Chuck Clayton, lies about Veronica giving him a Sticky Maple (some Riverdale sexual act, put the dots together yourself) and so to get revenge B & V decide to tie him up in a hot tub and burn him until he admits what really happened on the date, while filming. This gets weird very quick because Betty shows up in a black wig and lingerie and says that ‘Betty couldn’t make it’ (Taylor Swift is sueing), then once Chuck confesses she tries to drown him, pours maple syrup on him, calls him Jason, and tells him to apologize to Polly.

• so instead of Bughead staying the cute relationship it is in season one the show makes them bring out the worst in each other and act like they’ve been dating for years. They’re obsessed with each other. It’s kind of unhealthy, they literally make each other worse.

• Jughead becomes the Serpent King and Betty becomes his Serpent Queen, despite having little to nothing to do with the south side besides her connection with Jughead.

• yep, another Riverdale gf joining the Serpents for their significant other

• They’ve also only been dating for a short while and go from being two damaged, trying their hardest teenagers to two gang leaders (Jughead literally skins a woman) and it seems they just keep going further and further which each other, increasing all the dangerous crap they can do.

• How did they get to this point? No one knows. A couple kisses and some longing looks quickly turns into this crazy ass gang relationship where they both do terrible things and the other is completely okay with it.

• Betty does this Serpent initiation dance in front of a bunch of old men and her mom, it’s very sexual and she’s in her underwear on a pole. She also starts wearing her Dark Betty (black wig and lingerie outfit from when she tried to drown someone) to bed with Jughead and briefly becomes a cam girl.

• Season 1 Betty would never do this

• They totally change both of their season one personalities to help fit the plot and are suddenly ready to do absolutely anything for each other, despite the fact that Betty had a HUGE CRUSH on Archie about 3-5 months ago

• If Jughead kills someone, Betty will be there to cover it all up and wash the blood away, previous storylines and character development be damned

Varchie (Veronica/Archie)

• I honestly don’t have much to say about these two because while they’re underdeveloped, they aren’t the most underdeveloped couple on the show and actually have some good moments together

• But anyways, the show starts when Veronica comes to Riverdale. Archie sees her at Pop’s and immediately likes her (they end up kissing in a closet at a party early in season one) and every viewer can tell that they’re going to date because it’s just so obvious. He has heart eyes from the moment he sees her. Veronica seems to like him too but she holds off for like two seconds because of her best friend (? not really, B & V don’t interact ?) Betty.

• Most season 1 relationships are fairly wholesome tbh.

• Yes, they have their drama because it’s Riverdale but no one is doing anything too drastic yet

• Archie is a COMPLETE fuckboy for the first season. For a lot of the season he dates this teacher, Ms. Grundy, and they have these sex scenes that I guess are supposed to make us think a teacher/student relationship is cool? Which, no. She tells him to stay away, he won’t leave her alone, and eventually Ms. Grundy has to leave to go screw other students/get choked out. So Archie moves on. He dates Valerie (one of the forgotten Pussycats, don’t worry u don’t need to know her name since Riverdale will give her zero screen time) for a hot minute and I forget why they broke up but I remember she throws a drink in his face so that happens. He also kisses Cheryl one time but isn’t really into it. When Bughead starts dating he throws weird jealousy looks their way even though he said he only liked Betty as a friend, it’s clear this dude can’t make a decision.

• Surprise, surprise, in season 2 this all changes and Archie starts making decisions. Which isn’t exactly a bad thing, but he becomes very committed to Veronica (again, keep in mind he’s only known her for about 3-6 months)

• Suddenly he’s ready to become hubby material and meets her dad, who he has a weird relationship with. Veronica’s dad is in the mob or something and Archie kind of joins his business (he’s like an unpaid, crazy intern) and runs around doing whatever Mr. Lodge asks him to. He’s a total obedient puppy. He makes promises to risk his life protecting Veronica, runs after a robber who stole something from her (possibly a necklace, idk I haven’t watched that episode in a while) even though literally everyone tells him not to and that it’s dangerous, gets kidnapped by her old (boy)friend, and says I love you first.

• Not all of these are bad changes but they’re sudden, out of the blue changes. He goes from kissing like 4 (?) girls and being jealous over Bughead to being totally committed to Veronica over the course of a few weeks. Seriously, it’s like at the end of season 1 he’s kinda fuckboy Archie and then in season 2 he’s willing to throw himself in front of a truck to protect her.

• Throughout this Veronica lowkey joins the mob or something. The show isn’t very clear about what’s going on with her family, except that it’s bad and Veronica goes from not really wanting to be in it to wanting to run the business to just wanting to be a normal family again. It’s very on and off.

Other Relationships (do I really need to name them, they’re so in the background that I literally can not remember who’s with who outside of the core four and Choni)

• Kevin gets to kiss a couple guys in the show, one of them being Moose. What’s going on with Moose? I can’t remember if he’s out or not but since they’re kissing in the season 3 promo I guess something is happening with them. I don’t really know because throughout the whole show they’ve gotten like 1-4 min of screen time. I feel like the show is going to have them kiss randomly (no one really knows what’s going on with them so any kissing between them is already kind of underdeveloped) and not talk about it for the rest of the season

• ARE REGGIE AND JOSIE A THING OR NOT? They flirted (weird because they’ve never spoken to each other in the show before then) and a lot of people shipped/still do ship them but we haven’t seen much from them. What was the point of having them flirt if you’re not going to do anything with it, writers??

• BETTY AND CHERYL: they’re relatives and while sometimes they’re nice to each other, other times they’re just terrible with each other. They’ll go from smiling and being friendly to arguing and hating one another within seconds. Betty actually blackmails Cheryl with her brother’s murder video (more evidence of Bughead changing each other) in one episode but there’s been episodes before/after that where they seemed friendly together.

• BETTY AND VERONICA: take this romantic or platonic, which ever way u want, but they screwed over this pairing. The first 3 episodes they’re calling each other BFFs and saying how they need each other in their lives and then they just kind of... ditched each other. They barely interact and when they do they’re arguing, which is very different from how Season 1 was.

Conclusion:

• Riverdale DOES NOT know how to gradually change someone’s actions/personality or how they interact with friends/significant others. For a lot of the characters their season 1 selves are almost completely different people from their season 2 selves.

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candi-girl · 5 years

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KH3: Hollower Than Any Toy Review **Minor Spoilers**

I just beat KH3 yesterday. I came out of it feeling a bit disappointed. The game is beautiful and the mechanics are still fun but everything from the story to the boss fights felt a bit lackluster. The last boss fights were extremely easy and did not feel as epic to me as KH2's last boss fights. In fact, I liked KH2's ending way more. I haven't played KH2 in years and I still remember exactly how it goes and how I felt after beating it. After what felt like an eternity of reflecting and deflecting light beams back at Xemnas, Sora and a badly wounded Riku sit hopelessly on the shores of the Realm of Darkness. Suddenly a letter in a bottle with a familiar seal emerges from the dark sea. A light shines, a slowed down piano version of "Sanctuary" plays and we are back in the welcoming and colorful world of Destiny Islands. Donald and Goofy lovingly embrace Sora. His eyes then lock-on to Kairi's, Roxas and Namine's eyes follow suit. This felt wayyyy more emotional than KH3's ending which I struggle to remember even though I beat it today.

Before I go any further, I feel I must preface this especially for a post about KH. No, I haven’t played all the spin-off games but I AM A PASSIONATE FAN of the main games in the series. I played the first one for PS2 at 11 when it came out and I was absolutely blown away and in love. I played KH2 at about 14 and got sucked in all over again. In college, I would play Birth By Sleep in between classes. I played 1.5 for PS3 sometime in college as well. Most recently at 27, I played 0.2 from the "The Story So Far" bundle for PS4. I have tried playing Chain of Memories numerous times on an emulator but couldn't stand the Card System and never got very far or finished it. I've also tried 358/2 on an emulator and I've even tried watching it but never got far with it either. I have skipped Re-coded altogether and as soon as I saw the Dream Eaters Link mechanic in DDD I stopped playing that too. I have played a little bit of the mobile KH game but not for long. Suffice it to say, I'm not into mobile games or games for portable devices. The only 2 games I can recall that I have beaten on a portable device (besides Pokemon games on Gameboy) are Birth By Sleep and FFVII: Crisis Core (both PSP). Generally, I get more immersed in games on a TV screen.

Okay so background out of the way, here is what bothers me about KH3 and probably why KH3's ending didn't make me feel as much as KH2's ending. And let me just say, I know this might not be a problem for others who have played all the games, read all the news and external books, probably follow Nomura on Twitter but I don't do that. When it comes to gaming, here is my process: I see a cool game, I want it, I buy it, I play it, I judge whether I like it based on the content in the game, nothing external. I don't follow any gaming news or actively pursue it. If I happen to have the time I’ll watch E3 and hear about things here and there but mostly, when I pick-up a game, I'm hoping it can be self-contained. So, knowing that about me, you can see why I absolutely loathe that if you haven't played KH DDD, KH Recoded, KH 358/2 Days, KH X (the Foretellers lore stuff) you're missing out on like 3/4 of the story.

Chain of Memories being between KH1 and KH2 irked me but I forgave it because the characters and story were still basically the same. Lock keyholes to protect various worlds from being consumed by darkness, help characters in those various worlds with their problem, stop main baddy from opening up Kingdom Hearts, and don't forget that friends are your strength and light. Nothing is wrong with keeping a story “Simple and Clean” and in fact, I think if a story is simple you can focus on making stronger character arcs and make the game super character driven so that the dangerous stuff that happens to characters IS actually scary and emotional! (Side Note: I also believe that because of the association with Disney, the KH franchise feels like it cannot tackle more mature themes like actual death of loved ones, failure, betrayal, etc. which really holds back what a game about the Heart could explore in a more serious, sophisticated manner. However, games like “Ni No Kuni” still find ways to talk about death, depression and grief in ways that are appropriate for younger audiences so it’s possible to do it, KH!)

And I know that KH3 pokes fun at itself for having so many different titles in the franchise and I know it tries to get you up to speed but it cheapens the experience when SO MUCH of the story-telling and lore heavily relies on externalities and not the self-contained game. It seriously becomes a hindrance and emotional barrier when #1 I don't know know what's going on (or don’t understand/feel the extent and impact of something that's supposed to be dangerous), #2 don't know characters well enough to care about them and #3 there are no real stakes in the KH world because every game you fight the same goddamn enemies. I don't know all the Organization members like the back of my hand so their deaths don't do anything for me plus you fight them at least twice throughout the series (maybe even more) so that shows that they can always come back. The rules and logic in KH are very fast and loose. It's like playing a game with a child and when they are losing they make something up. And all this "I think I should know this character but I don't remember" dialogue is so cheap. Stop with the amnesia story-lines! Games like Chain of Memories and Re-Coded, that are made for portable devices are made to hold fans over until the big main game comes out. Let’s be real, KH: Re-Coded might as well be called “KH: Re-Sell” because it’s KH one all over again but on the DS. Now there’s nothing wrong with a company re-branding and re-selling a product if they know fully-well that there is a market for it (in the words of Cutler Beckett, “it’s just good business”) but for the love of all things good, DO NOT PLACE INTEGRAL plot points in them that the main games will gloss over. And don't expect me to read Jiminy’s Journal!

Who is this game for? It plays like a casual game but feels like beginning a story at it’s falling action point. I can’t imagine being a newcomer to this series and playing this game and understanding it. I played the game super slowly, exploring each Disney world thoroughly, trying to take it all in but there is so little KH story given throughout the game. Once I moved on to the Badlands, the actual main KH plot began to unfold. When I first started playing KH3, my gf (who has only played a few hours of the first KH) asked me "so why are you going to other worlds if you're not locking keyholes?" I stumbled on my words to give her an answer. I replied "Sora needs to regain his strength and get the power of waking." She nodded but I knew it sounded kind of stupid. "He looks pretty powerful already!" She said as she watched me defeat hordes of enemies in the first world, Olympus. And that was another thing. I felt super overpowered from the beginning all the way up until the end. When fighting Xehanort all I could think was "that's it?" The game is all about Sora regaining his lost powers and learning the power of waking but you start off super powerful anyway.

This may be a bit of a tangent but in Final Fantasy X, Yuna started off as the weakest, most feeble, docile character in personality and combat as she is just a white mage. I avoided using her at all costs. I had Lulu for black magic and switched Yuna in only when I really needed Protective magic or healing. However, by the end of the game, Yuna with her fully decked out Nirvana staff, third tier white and black magic, double-cast, and ultima became my most valuable and dangerous character. Not only does she literally become stronger in combat, but her (dare I say it) heart becomes stronger too. She becomes bolder and braver. She starts questioning her religion and the society and world she grew up in. She grows in every sense of the word. Yuna’s character trajectory is one of the most poetic I’ve ever seen and experienced in a game and I absolutely love that it’s FELT both in the combat of the game AND the story. I guess the point I’m trying to make is there should be growth in the character’s development but also growth in the game mechanics and combat. FFX is a game that intertwined both forms of growth organically and I think KH3 really should’ve done that as well. Starting off weak and THEN becoming powerful enough to take on the big baddy in the ending rewards the players for their efforts and also feels way more satisfying. Also, a certain character that begins with “K” and ends with “airi” could’ve EASILY been the Yuna of this game. But once again KH3 repeats the same old ideas over and over again. Also, speaking of Final Fantasy, where are my Final Fantasy characters in KH3??

I know this sounds like a negative review but overall, I actually did enjoy playing KH3 and it was great to see all my favs and like I always say, it always feels like home. I'm definitely not done yet (gotta synthesize ultima, collect all treasures and lucky emblems, reach level 99, and maybe play some mini-games). But ultimately it did not have that emotional impact on me like the first 2 KH's. Maybe I AM too old and broken. Maybe when I replay it one day I'll feel differently. Anyway, see you in 2040 when KH4 comes out!

#kh spoilers #kh3 spoilers #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 3 #kh3 #kh3 review #personal

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annashipper · 6 years

Text

Belated Megapost - 09/04/18

Anna: Sorry I’m so late in posting these, but I was away from Tumblr for a day and a half and this is what happens when I don’t empty my inbox.

~*~

Nonny Nr. 1: "i'm fascinated by how many posts there are saying in effect, "this one did it for me, I no longer believe they have kids."--- sorry anon but where r u seeing this lol

Anna: I thing it’s probably the fact that Ben and Weirdo seemingly left the pillows back in London to travel to Vermont for the Bunes’ wedding during Easter weekend (after leaving them back in London for a quick getaway to Finland on New Year’s Eve) and instead of rushing back, they took a detour to NYC to have dinner, go to the theatre, take a pap walk and then return back to London only because Ben had to be at the IW fan screening tonight Nonny. Just a hunch as to why people who were on the fence are jumping over to the dark side.

~*~

Nonny Nr. 2: Boy these two get vacations w out their kids every few months. I used to think that believing there were no kids was crazy and anytime I went that road I shook myself back, but I’m convinced these liars don’t have kids in their house. Unless as others have suggested there is something about them where they have been deemed unable to safely care for the two children themselves unsupervised there is no reason for constant vacations and time away.

Anna: But ... but... but... sneaky pics at a restaurant, two pap walks for the price of one, and a night at the theatre for Ben. The man has his priorities...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 3: Maybe nonnies are right. I think the kids are real but maybe these two aren’t safe parents and can’t have them on their own. It sounds out there but they did sell one kids face to the media for an article calling Sophie pretty when they had an active stalker. Maybe they aren’t safe with children and can’t have them w out down third party present. That pic of Hal had other people in it. Maybe they can only be w them when someone is watching them

Anna: Or maybe the man we saw next to Ben during Pilo 2.0′s Heath pap op was the baby’s father, and he was there to take him back home after the paps Ben seemed to be talking to in other pics from the set were done snapping pics.

Since you brought it up, remember when Sophie Hunter was craning her neck, smiling at the pap in NYC while her first born’s face was being photographed in HD (while presumably the whole family was terrified because of the Red Ribbon Stalker was tying ribbons around Ben’s flat) Nonny? I do :D

~*~

Nonny Nr. 4: If Ben and she do ever split, and Ben wants to re marrying, I hope women keep this behaviour in mind. As far as everyone is concerned he has children and based on his behaviour he is a bad father. No one who is told to believe this parenting story of bens should ever allow him to father their children. He is not able to parent.

Anna: At least he knows how to hold a baby safely, which is more than I can say about Sophie Hunter Nonny ;o)

~*~

Nonny Nr. 5: yeah, this is starting to get creepy. like legit creepy. the way these two constantly vacation w out their kids is creepy. i seriously think something is wrong w ben and sophie and that they probably are not mentally fit to be parents. i mean that. its too weird. a few dinners, fine. but the constant vacations and constant never being seen w the kids on a daily basis. something is up. i think the kids are real but i think ben can't actually have kids safely with him and sophie

Anna: Like I told Nonny Nr. 4, at least Ben knows how to hold a baby safely. The one time we saw Sophie Hunter hold one, she was carrying it like a sack of potatoes...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 6: the fact that these two are vacationing away from their babies for every major holiday makes me thing someone else is raising them, and the few times that they supposedly had these kids out of frame were just visitations one at a time. i don't think the kids are in the house w ben and sophie anymore and no, suddenly seeing them w two kids won't convince me. there is some reason for the past few years they haven't been w them during major holidays and day to day

Anna: Because both pillows are imaginary?

~*~

Nonny Nr. 7: i believe chris was an oops on ppurpose by sh to trap ben, and then they just had hal cause ben figured he was stuck might as well make it work. they are only ever seen w one at a time. no major holidays w the family that we know of for some time ( the first one?), when they were w hal, there were people around that we joked were his real parents. he won't talk about them. what if the kids are being monitored by a third party, and these two can't be w them alone? why else would they be on constant trips during the holidays w out them? the dinners and dates out i can undertand, but not seeing them arund town for years, add to that they seem to be free of the kids on holidays etc. im thinking the kids don't live w them full time

Anna: What if the answer is much simpler and Sophie Hunter is not the exception to every rule of human gestation known to doctors and Harvey thought Weirdo had a grand idea at PSIFF and baiting the general public about an imaginary pregnancy would do the trick and get Ben loads of publicity? What if when Ben lost the Golden Globe Harvey decided it was time to confirm speculation and Ben “drunkenly” sealed his fate at the after party? What if the second pregnancy was Ben’s idea because he was desperate to convince people his totes for real, not PR stunt family was not imaginary?

~*~

Nonny Nr. 8: This is off topic but did anyone else not get the ending of TCIT. If u got it can someone enlighten me lol

Anna: Julie gives birth to the child that was conceived when Stephen visited her at her cottage (presumably the baby will grow up to be the boy Stephen sees in the train). Stephen knows that Kate is still out there in the world, and will always be in their hearts. Hope that helps Nonny :o)

~*~

Nonny Nr. 9: boutique productions is a meaningless title, like all her other titles. it just means people could potentially hire her for a specific production, and it appears no one is hiring her. like someone else said, no one labours on a work only to have it not seen and not make money. Nothing has been marketed or made public, no one has hired her to do anything. its just a way to explain away why she has not directed anything, no plays, no operas, nothing in a gallery, no theatre showcases

Anna: That’s not true Nonny. James Byng hired her to read letters to an unsuspecting audience. But yeah, in all seriousness, the silence on the ‘new work from Opera Director extraordinaire Sophie Hunter’ front is defeaning...

~*~

Nonny Nr. 10: theatre operator? great! which theatre? plus theatre operator could be anything. is she in charge of sched the shows that are played? 'cause that has a different title. is she the janitor?

Anna: I’m guessing the Fail was just taking the piss Nonny. Much like when they forget her name and call her Rachel. Or Ophie. Or Turner. LINK

~*~

Nonny Nr. 11: Got a question for anyone who might know. Did the tabloids pull those pics of BC with Hal because the were faked by 1) having a kid that was not his, or 2) did they detect tampering with the photo itself?

Anna: It’s anyone’s guess Nonny. All we know is that the Fail had bought the pap set and decided not to use it, going for a stock picture of him as Sherlock instead. LINK and LINK

~*~

Nonny Nr. 12: 'What was the reason behind all the fluffing of Sophie Hunter’s CV?' My guess is that both parties agreed it was necessary. BC's side couldn't have a gf that had almost nothing to show to the public or that her work history was a bit of a disaster. Too embarrassing & the media would have started digging into her past as soon as she was introduced. So fluffing it is. Sofa's side: for the same reasons I mentioned above plus she might have demanded it to further her non existent career.

Anna: She looked soooooo good on paper (at least until we started digging deeper) and it turned so bad so very fast with the first stomp off... :o/

~*~

Nonny Nr. 13: Today's question proves you are the master of understatement, Anna! Because 'fluffing' doesn't begin to describe the travesty that is Weirdo's CV. Lies, both blatant and subtle. Plagiarism and the claiming of credit she never earned ... it all goes far beyond fluffing. That doesn't even address the joke of "Wimbledon Spectator".

Anna: I’m not as harsh when I’m well-rested Nonny ;o)

~*~

Mess Anon: Okay after hearing they also went to Sleep No More and the speakeasy afterwards, I might start teetering towards the fake kids camp. No one brings their kids with them overseas to have them stuck in a hotel room while they go shopping, go to plays, bars, and out to have a vegan meal. It’s one thing if you are a working trip, but another thing if you’re out doing multiple things for pleasure. The poor kids only got to go to a museum for an afternoon. SMDH! Mess anon

Anna: Mess Anon, I back excellent chocolate chip cookies. Step on over to the dark side :P

~*~

Anna: To the Nans and Antis still sending me angry asks, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like playing with my food today. I’m sure you understand :o)

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jassycatx33 · 6 years

Note

Everything that includes "chocolate" in the title!

IWow!!! Thank you, you’ve given me something to do!This will probably be pretty long so I’ll put it under a read more!

chocolate: when was your first kiss?

When I visited Gigi we kissed but I can’t tell you which day it was exactly that we had our first kiss!! (We’re lowkey both babies so we actually haven’t done like a proper kiss, we just did little pecks but I still count them)

french vanilla: how old are you?

I am 21 years old! (Feels really weird to say that still, even 2 months after my birthday lol)

cotton candy: three places you want to travel to?

Top place I want to travel is to visit Gigi (my girlfriend) again, but I’d also like to go to Japan one day and to California!

strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?

Hmmm… Probably Spanish because it seems most useful to know as a second language and it seems like a pretty cool language from the bits I learned in high school (and have since forgotten rip)

coffee: favorite cosmetic brands?

I really don’t use makeup enough to have a legitimate answer to this question lol

mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors?

Indoors for sure, I’m really not big on the outdoors. There’s bugs and the sun burns me (in the summer at least, during fall and winter it’s not so bad but I still prefer indoors)

cookie dough: do you play any instruments?

I can sort of play piano but I’m really not good at all lol

rocky road: favorite songs at the moment?

One of my all time favorite songs forever, even if I haven’t been listening to it much lately, is hold on by florI don’t know what I’ve been really into lately, I jump around a lot and I’ll be honest I’ve been listening to songs from anime the past few days and I don’t feel like listing them because it’s embarrassing lol

butter pecan: favorite songs for life?

Okay I didn’t know this would be mentioned but like I mentioned before, hold on by flor. I don’t know why but it’s really hard to think of others because my music mood changes all the time. But I can always jam to hold on by flor.

cheesecake: what’s your zodiac sign?

Gemini!

toasted coconut: the beach or the pool?

Pool, I don’t like the beach that much??

chocolate chip: what’s your most popular post?

Oh idk I think one from back when I was into Achievement Hunter in 2013 or 2014 lmao. I wouldn’t even be able to find the post to show you I’ve been on this site too long

bubblegum: books or movies?

My answer to this used to be books but I find it so hard to read for fun ever since high school so I’ll say movies

pistachio: manga or anime?

Definitely anime, although I do enjoy manga (especially the Fullmetal Alchemist one)

salted caramel: favorite movies?

Castle in the Sky!!! That’s my main favorite but some others I like are: the Incredibles, Moana, Shrek 2, and Megamind (those are the only ones coming to mind right now and I realize these are all “children’s” movies lol)

birthday cake: favorite books?

The Book Theif is my main favorite. I also really like the Ender’s Game and Warriors series (even though I haven’t finished reading through either series yet lol)

moose tracks: favorites for manga?

Fullmetal Alchemist!

orange sherbet: favorites for anime?

This might come as a surprise but… Fullmetal Alchemist (specifically Brotherhood, but I enjoy the ‘03 one as well!) I also really like Soul Eater, Tokyo Ghoul, and Ouran High School Host Club (These are all the anime that I rewatch like 400 times instead of watching new anime lmao)

peanut butter: favorite academic subject?

I like English a lot! But I also like math (certain kinds, mostly algebra)

black raspberry: do you have any pets?

Yes I have 3 cats they are my babies!!! Starfire, Sparta, and Brianna!

mango: when and why did you start your blog?

I think I started it back in 2011 or 2012 because I had heard about it on twitter or something and I wanted to look up Harry Potter stuff lol

mocha: ideal weather conditions?

A partly cloudy day with like 60 degree weather so I can wear a hoodie, but don’t need anything heavier. And I don’t like too much sun so clouds are good!

black cherry: four words that describe you?

Annoying, dumb, stinky, ugly … I mean I would use those but that’s just me being mean to myselfSome actual words I could use to describe myself: Emotional, caring, weird, kind

neapolitan: things that stress you out?

So many things oh gosh. School, family, life… You don’t want me to go on really.

raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music?

Probably like rock/alternative and pop to an extent? Idk I like most music really, if it has a cool beat that I can jam to then I probably like it

chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy?

I love m&m’s, Hershey, Dove and that’s probably it?? I especially love mini m&m’s those are the best

toffee: a card game that you’re good at?

I’m awful at all of them honestly and also I barely know any actual card games lol

lemon custard: do you eat breakfast?

Typically no I don’t.

dark chocolate: turn ons?

My girlfriend

fudge: turn offs?

Anyone who isn’t my gf lol. Ah but a real answer is people who are mean for no reason, I really hate that

peach: how do you relax?

What is relax????? Um usually I just kind of watch stuff or play video games, talk to my girlfriend, hang out with my two friends. That’s about it lol

praline: a popular book you haven’t read yet?

So many honestly. But um… Of Mice and Men? That’s a big one right? Haven’t read it

superman: do you like sweaters?

I like the look and aesthetic of sweaters but I don’t like wearing them? Or I’ve just never found ones that work for me

cherry: do you drink tea or coffee?

Neither, I only like hot chocolate for hot drinks

dulce de leche: an instrument you wish you could play?

Drums! I’ve been wanting to learn drums for a while now. Idk if I ever will or if I’d even be good but it seems so fun!

blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

I do this a lot honestly lol

ginger: a new feature you wish tumblr could have?

Ummm???? I have no idea lol

blueberry lemon: favorite blogs?

I don’t use this site very often anymore (I put stuff into my queue and I go through the tags) but like I love all my friends blogs!

almond: favorite mean girls quote?

“I don’t know why I did it. I guess it’s probably because I’ve got a big lesbian crush on you. Suck on that!” It’s like my favorite part of the movie lol

butterscotch: what color are your nails right now?

Black. I always paint them black lol

cinnamon: have you ever been confessed to?

Yes? Like confessed love or like having a crush on me? I’ve had people confess that they have a crush on me a few times.

blue moon: have you ever had a crush on someone?

Yes, quite a few really and most of them I regret but I have a crush right now on this really pretty and funny girl named Gigi and she’s the best

cappuccino crunch: do you take naps?

Usually I don’t, even though I probably need them sometimes lol

mint: the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?

Please don’t make me think about embarrassing things. I can’t think of what is the MOST embarrassing thing I’ve ever done over my whole life because I probably blocked those memories out but in more recent times (like a few months ago or something) I went to Dunkin Donuts and I wanted chocolate frosted donuts but they had none and so I panicked and I just stood there saying “Um… um… um” out loud to this poor cashier dude who was offering suggestions that I kept turning down until I decided to just get a plain glazed donut. When telling this story to my friends I told them that I basically broke lol. It was pretty embarrassing though and the Dunkin Donuts I went to was in the mall and sometimes when I walk past I see the cashier guy and I’m like I can never go in there at least not when that dude is working lol

brownie batter: do you like sushi?

I’ve never really had it so I can’t really say. I can say that based on my pickiness when it comes to eating I probably wouldn’t enjoy it much but idk

key lime: where do you want to be right now?

Not to be too gay (even though that’s my mood all the time) but I wish I was with my girlfriend which is where I always want to be tbh

red velvet: do you wear prescription glasses?

I do! It was weird I didn’t need glasses for the first 19 years of my life and then suddenly I did. I like them though, I think they make me look better (also they help me see lol)

green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream?

I like chocolate chip cookie dough and vanilla, that’s basically it lol.

Thanks for sending the ask Ace! I don’t know if anyone will read through all of this but I had fun answering them all!

#dumb Jasmine is dumb #iamthemadcap

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haljathefangirlcat · 3 years

Text

still thinking about that “we Have To Talk about how quips are ruining fandom by destroying meta and turning all fic into shitposts” post @ms-demeanor wrote a great rebuttal to, and about the other posts she wrote about it and about the You’re Doing Fandom Wrong attitude in it, and about the notes on those posts. not gonna reblog or reply to any of those because my thoughts are admittedly kind of random and jumping from place to place and probably OT to the point of the discussion, but you know. still thinking.

so, uh. not trying to start wank or anything but enjoy the ranting that got way out of hand under the cut.

so, like... that one “we can’t just block everyone who quips and shitposts because some of these people also write actual meta but then they unfortunately go back to Not Engaging With Canon by writing quippy shitpost-y stuff” line, or however it was actually phrased? besides the blatant entitlement with the “you have to fandom ONLY in ways I like, I can’t just engage with the part of the content you create that I’m interested in and scroll past the rest” thing (which kinda reminds me of the whole “you can’t CNTW on some of your fics, I should be able to read ALL of your fics” thing, in a way) and the ”I refuse to curate my fandom experience and I’ll make it some stranger’s problem” thing (which... reminds me of a few other things, but tbf it has probably been around since the very first days of fandom), what if someone doesn’t even see meta and quips/shitposts as fundamentally different and mutually exclusive approaches to fandom? what if they see them as just two ways to be interested in a specific fandom and interact with it, and maybe even closely linked together, so going from one to another is actually very, very easy for them? hell, what if they (gasp!) even mix quips and meta together sometimes?

I have a few posts about what I think Baran bo Odar and Jantje Friese might have been doing with mythological references and themes in Dark, and about what I got from the series finale. some are meme-like, phrased in a joking tone, probably even shitpost-y? another one is literally just a gifset plus me having intense Feels in the tags, and the last one is an edit of the kind I’ve seen people complain about as “those cringey unoriginal tumblr aesthetics that all look the same” in at least a couple of occasions. does that automatically mean I only wanted to “win” at fandom (with my hard-earned prize being... a handful of notes in a fandom that’s not even that big compared to others) and that I haven’t actually spent probably way too much time thinking about the significance of Martha’s Ariadne play as a commentary on character interactions/plot/narrative themes (and honestly still do from time to time), or that I don’t occasionally read the captions under other people’s gifsets and suddenly feel very much enlightened about why the Ariadne play mentions the myth of the Flood of all things? that I didn’t start reading posts and comments and reviews and theories about the series finale as soon as I finished watching it? that, just because I didn’t write 10K+ words of Perfectly Serious Seriousness about all that stuff, I simply refused to Engage With The Text?

... and if I said that I feel a little irrationally self-conscious at the idea of writing down all of my (often rambling, sometimes jumbled) thoughts about a series that to me actually does feel very deep and complex, so adding memes and humor to that or finding different means to put my ideas out there makes me feel more comfortable expressing myself while also taking off the (admittedly made-up) pressure of having to write a whole coherent essay where I have to find a clear and explicit way to explain where every single thought comes from and how it leads to the next like I’m gonna get graded on it? or that a lot of those thoughts stem from memories of spending five years of high school translating and analysing ancient Greek poetry and reading and watching and discussing every available interpretation and reinterpretation of it from Nietzsche to Vernant to Dürrenmatt to Christa Wolf to Pasolini to a lot of others and from certain things in Dark violently hurtling me back to those times without even asking for permission, so a part of my self-consciousness is actually “I probably don’t actually know/remember enough about this to base a whole in-depth analysis on it even though I do think there’s something there” and another part is “shit I’m too lazy to dig through all of my old textbooks and homework and additional readings to hunt for the thing I feel the desperate need to reference or figure out who might have said it, so no extended explanation here either”? I guess in the end it would all boil down to “there’s an amount of effort and physical and mental energy I’m willing to put into fandom but I also have limits to stop something that makes me feel happy from becoming a chore”, which. considering the whole “you have to put all your resources into constantly pouring out 100% serious meta and nothing else because that’s what I like, no deviations allowed” thing? yeah, I can see saying stuff like that would still make me a blight upon fandom. and/or Not Engaging.

which, I realize, it’s a thing I keep coming back to. but that’s because I really, really, really hate it? seriously, what even counts as Engaging With The Text correctly? not shitposts, and not quips either, apparently. Regardless of the fact that humor and crack have existed in fandom since forever and that it’s actually not uncommon AT ALL for them to be born out of looking at canon from different angles, pointing out whatever the fan in question finds surreal/strange/implausible/convoluted/awkward/just kinda funny about it.

also, not canon divergence/what if fics motivated not by a desire to “fix” something that made us feel bad when it happened in canon but by a desire to actually fix what we felt was objectively a poor writing choice from the author, because we shouldn’t Engage by analysing the text to criticize it or to think over how and why certain aspects of it don’t work for us or how we think the structure of the text itself could be modified or even improved, we should Engage by... writing meta and/or writing canon-compliant fics with perhaps a little allowance for slightly-to-the-left-of-canon-compliant missing moments fics, I guess?

from what I’ve gathered from reading other fandom discussion some time ago, AUs are also out, especially Modern/No Powers AUs, because those are always just an excuse to slap your fave’s name on your OC/disguise your original fiction as fanfic to get comments/ignore all that’s interesting about canon to write yet another dumb syrupy high school or coffee shop AU, even if I’m honestly not sure what kind of AUs people are even reading to never get to the “there’s no supernatural threat so let’s focus entirely on the fucked-up family dynamics and blatant mental issues in a world where you can’t just ignore them by marrying off your daughter or sending your son to be someone’s squire” AUs or the “this is pretty much what happens in canon but adding new dimensions and different outlooks on the themes by moving everything to a new context” AUs. seriously, I could rec you a pretty great “this guy would be a horrible father and treat his children horribly in any world, it’s not just the feudal society around him, it’s him as a person” AU and that’s literally just the first thing that came to my mind. but, hey, maybe Engaging is only engaging with the canon plot and setting and nothing else, what do I know.

... fuck, thinking about it, I’m not even sure if by “not shitpost and not quips” I should even mean humor/crack? because it’s not like the OP was clear about it in any way? maybe it’s just all that’s weird and tropey and not-canon-compliant? I can see the “everybody gathers in the main character’s stuff to smoke weed and weird shit happens” fic I got a chuckle out of some time ago being one of the dreaded tumblr-born shitpost fics that are supposedly ruining fandom by ensuring that fans stop thinking (?), but what about the “everything is the same but this one character is a catboy, not for any particular reason but just because” fic I’m currently following and loving? people have been joking and shitposting about catboys a lot on tumblr lately (I distinctly remember that the last catboy joke to pop up on my dash was the “I’m your catboy gf and I’m stuck in a wall” one...) and finding an always-a-catboy!AU initially got an amused smile out of me, so is the mere premise enough to make the fic just a joke/just taking a trope and running off with it/just part of a shallow trend? even when the author literally goes “oh shit just realized this is all a metaphor for neuodivergence and masking” in the story notes? unless writing a character who’s never explicitly stated to be neurodivergent in canon as a being literally or metaphorically neurodivergent in your fic is always shallow projecting or posturing issuefic... instead of, y’know, looking closely at the text and Engaging with it by interpreting it that way....

I feel all this ranting/venting might end up plunging into Why We Slash discussion territory now, so I better stop here.

anyway, in short, good to know I’ve been in fandom for years yet I’ve always been just a Fake Fan who Can’t Think and is constantly Doing It Wrong (by Not Being Transformative Enough, possibly). gonna do my best to stay exactly like that in the future <3

#... see THIS is why i don't write meta #fic is so much easier be it crack or not #ugh i feel i should probably delete this to avoid a giant headache but let's give it a try

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youraaaa · 3 years

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February 16, 2018

10:37pm

To my TOTGA (The One That God Allowed),

Hi! For sure, you will be surprised reading this novel-like letter for you. But wait! Look at the date above when I wrote this. Yes, 2018, how many years had passed? I don’t know why I suddenly had the urge to write a letter, maybe I wanted to ease the pain that I am going through right now. Oops, sorry… It’s all about you, not me. So let me start…

Totga- The one that got away. I had so many totga in my life. But I wanted it to be The One That God Allowed because I know God has the right ‘One’ prepared for me.

At the point of your life now when we haven’t met yet, how are you? Are you happy and contented? I hope you are doing fine. Are you in a relationship? If so, I hope you are still enjoying exploring and learning things about love and commitment. It is okay for me so when the right time comes, we’re already matured and we’ll be able to handle our relationship. Are you sad? If so, I hope I can be right beside you just to cheer you up, bully you (sorry but I am a bully) and wipe your tears away (if you are a cry-baby). Are you experiencing a heartbreak right now? If so, all I can do is to pray for you; that you’ll be able to recover from your wounds, be happy and to love again. Are you lost? Are you having a hard time right now? I hope you are clinging to God because He is our rock, our fortress, our saviour and our Lord. You may not know what He is doing but trust His plans. I hope you are enjoying your season, your journey where you need to explore life and to develop yourself.

To be honest, I want to meet you at this season. I want to talk to you until we are drained exchanging our wonderful stories. I want to hug you in times like this; where I am lost, fixing myself and longing to meet you. I want to hold your hand, to travel in the beautiful places with you and to worship the Lord together. I want to know your very soul, your heart. I want to touch your face and look at it even if it is annoying. I want to bully and laugh with you. I want to understand you. I want to reach you. I want to know your family, your life and your hobbies. I want to love you. My heart longs for you. I want to meet you very soon. Where are you now?

But I know it is not the best time for us to meet. I have to endure it and enjoy the season of waiting. As I am writing this letter for you, seems like God is speaking to me right now. All the things written on the 3rd paragraph is like God talking to me how He is longing for my love. He is waiting for me too. Waiting for me to know Him more. I have to be faithful and obey God. I want His will be done because I know it is all for our own good. So let’s trust His love and plans for us. His plans are far better and bigger than ours. In this season of waiting, I promise to enjoy my journey with God. I promise that I will fix myself. I will rise up and walk my life with faith. I am suffering from many sickness-mild depression, migraine, insomnia, low immune system, etc., (in short, I am not a healthy person) my self-esteem was gone, past wounds, I lost my job, and I am still uncertain what the future lies ahead. But don’t worry, I know God is with me. I know that these storms shall pass. I just have to believe in Him. The few slammed doors and unanticipated plot twist happened to me is just the beginning of a new chapter- bigger, bolder, better, and brighter. God serves as my light in the darkness. I hope in your season, you too are clinging on God’s love. He is the greatest provider. I will surrender everything to Him just like what He wants me to do.

On the other hand, I am also grateful that God placed different people in my life for a reason, in seasons. I guess you are grateful too, right? Through them, we had learned many lessons which made us to be a better person. My friends helped me to know more about God that’s why I am thankful. We are continuously changing through the grace of God. I am also grateful why it happened and why it didn’t happened. God is just protecting me. He wants me to reach Him out. And day by day, I am so ecstatic and amazed knowing Him.

At a time like this, I hope you are really okay and enjoying your life. We can never fast-forward time nor request God just to make our paths crossed. Chill, and stay put! We still have lots of time to make ourselves complete. And I hope that by the time when God allows us to meet, we’re already a complete and matured individuals. I don’t have any idea when is the right time, maybe one, two or three years from now, but we have to be strong. I’m sure you too are excited to meet me, to see how I looked like, and to know my heart. My presence may not be there, rather, I may not be right beside you, but you are always tucked in my heart. I am always praying for you. I will patiently wait for you no matter what it takes. I hope you are also praying and longing for me. Actually, I was planning to give you this letter once I already know that ‘you are the one that God allowed’. I’m sorry it took so long but what’s important is we finally have each other. Isn’t it amazing?! There are billion people in the whole wide world and it’s just you? HAHAHAHA! Brace yourself because I will annoy you forever.

You know God is really amazing, right? He is the perfect matchmaker. I thank Him for many heartbreaks, lessons, people He sent me for a season just to teach me lessons, and for molding me. Why? Because from all the failed relationships (by the way, I only had 3 ex-boyfriend at this time haha, 1st it takes 4yrs, 2nd 2yrs, and last 6 or 9months) and almost relationships/ totga (the one that got away), it all leads to you. Yes, JUST YOU (KIDDING! HAHA), ONLY YOU, YOU- My soul mate and my other half. I am thankful because it is you. I couldn’t ask for more. Seems like the missing piece of my soul finally found its place. We are so blessed. This letter gets too cheesy, and I know you are so ‘kilig’ where your smile almost reached your eyebrows. HAHAHA!

Thank you, TOTGA. You never gave up searching for me. After all we’ve been through, our hearts found its way to be together. The search is finally over! May we grow together with Christ as our center. Praise the Lord for He made our paths intertwined. He is the greatest author of our lives so we should forever praise and follow Him.

I love you and I always will. (SORRY NA! I AM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC AND A FRUSTRATED WRITER SO I’M A SWEET, CLINGY AND CHEESY GF. BEAR WITH IT! OR ELSE I WILL KICK YOUR ASS!). Are you still breathing or did you die because of kilig? HAHAHA KIDDING!

Your TOTGA (THE ONE THAT GOD ALLOWED),

2/17/18

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irlpinkiepie · 6 years

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tmg concert writeup

so me and @butchaligned went and saw a mountain goats concert last night, here’s my thoughts

i’d like to preface this with two important notes: one, this was the absolute best experience i’ve ever had, and two, as of me starting to write this it is 3:25 am and i’ve resolved to stay up until i finish it so i can’t guarantee this will be intelligible by the end

so, are you familiar with “the cow song”? i wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t, because it’s an obscure song from the hound chronicles and is quite frankly? not that good. well, over the course of about an hour and a half, i became well acquainted with this song - turns out it was played at an ohio live show in 2006, and the people right behind us in line were determined to get him to play the cow song again (or, one of them was, one of them was staunchly against the idea, and one was indifferent but supportive) so we spent most of that hour and a half singing or hearing the cow song - which, i remind you, is really not a great song. if you’ve ever wondered what a mountain goats concert is like, take that fact, add in the fact that there were at least a dozen lesbians in attendance, and you’ve got a pretty good idea

the concert venue itself, i might add, was nominally a theatre, refurbished from what was once a church - that added a lot of wonderful ambiance to the whole scene, but it also severely limited the amount of available space. i’ve never actually been to a concert before this one, and i kind of had the impression that there was a potential to sit down at some point. there was not. we stood for four hours. and we loved it

then the opening act comes out, and they play a bunch of songs, and they’re pretty darn good, and then they walk off the stage. that may seem like an unfair summary, but hear me out: 1) it is technically accurate 2) while their music was indeed very good, it also was distinctly forgettable? case in point i totally forget their name (jenny besetzt, google tells me) - it was very enjoyable in the moment but looking back on it i can tell you very few things about it stylistically that i remember; it was sorta rock-y but with not much lead guitar, and i couldn’t really make out the vocals at all so 3) because the mountain goats were playing right afterwards, there wasn’t space at the back of the stage for another drum set, so they had their drums right at the front of the stage and it kinda overwhelmed everything else - not ideal, but not particularly avoidable sidenote though it was exactly the kind of music that i could see in like, the soundtrack of a hollywood movie, and as such it would have been the perfect music to kiss your gf to. wanda if you’re reading this we gotta go to a concert at some point

(also worth noting that they are genuinely very good; just also there were a lot of factors about their performance that made it hard to remember)

so then the stage is cleared and set up for the mountain goats themselves. the keyboard desk is set up, then covered with a red sequined cloth, then topped with a wooden cobra statuette. white electric candelabras flicker to life at the back of the stage. truly, they are living up to the spirit of their newest album. the fact that it took about 20 minutes to set up the sound systems adequately can be overlooked at this point.

and then..... it begins. and bizarrely, the songs that they start their show off with? letter from belgium, slow west vultures, mole, and cotton. not that those aren’t all jams, and letter from belgium was absolutely a powerful opener, but there’s something about choosing 4 songs in a row from we shall all be healed that’s pretty impressive

then they go into their new stuff - john has a really long story about unicorn tolerance and what the unicorn symbolism has meant to him throughout his life, and he plays it on this black lightning bolt shaped electric guitar and it’s rad, and then they do rain in soho and andrew eldritch and it’s all a blast, and then jon and matt and pete walk off stage and it’s just jd on stage with his acoustic guitar and i’m like ‘okay. clearly the real show has begun now.’ this is a gross error on my part, but i’d like to believe it’s an understandable one.

he leads in to the next song with the phrase “the best love songs hide their intentions as deep as they can”, and then plays night light which. WOW i’m just floored, especially since that’s one of my favorite songs of theirs, and then after that someone asks him about the tax bill and he says ‘well, y’know i’m self employed, so i get taxed a huge amount, and it sucks to have to give your money to someone else - unless you’re a christian, which i am, but uh - i believe that we should all be taxed exorbitantly and the money should go to help us all” and the crowd cheers, and then he says “i also am very cynical about institutional politics and very depressed about it all... as you can probably tell by this song” and he plays moon over goldsboro and during a couple of the instrumental breaks including right before the last few lines he played this quiet little guitar riff and i swear you could have heard a pin drop in the audience when he did it and then for those last few lines suddenly it all picked up and he was almost shouting them and it was incredibly powerful to listen to and i’m like ‘wow okay yeah this is what it’s all about’ (again, misconception, but understandable) and then pete walks back on. they play linda blair was born innocent, which was a jam, and then the rest of the band walks back on and i’ve kinda lost the plot at this point

but i’m willing to roll with it, and they play another couple songs from goths which i know less well (the grey king and the silver flame attunement and shelved) and then they do you or your memory and hearing it with the full orchestration live is just absolutely life-changing, and then they play see america right and my soul has thoroughly ascended into heaven at this point because there’s really nothing that prepares you for the experience of hundreds of other people relating to a song at the same time and in the same raw and visceral manner and then they play foreign object and matt douglas is actually playing the saxophone live and he does a couple awesome solos and i sing along the whole way and my voice just doesn’t give up

and then they play up the wolves, which is just this magical experience and i adore every second of it, and then they do their bows and leave the stage but the crowd just keeps cheering for another solid minute or so, and they walk back on and do an encore, which. i’m not sure what i was expecting an encore to be, but i feel like it was somewhere in the region of ‘one popular song, maybe no children / this year since they haven’t hit those yet’. instead, they play we do it different on the west coast (which john actually starts singing the second verse in the middle of the first, and just has to stop and talk through the chord progression until it repeats - good performance tip) and instead of the piano outro it’s replaced by this sax bit which is really rad, and then they go from there into the diaz brothers which is awesome, and then they play game shows touch our lives? but instead of the really slow and somber album version it’s this incredibly upbeat rendition which, i didn’t realize you could do that with music but i’m so glad you can because it made the communal listening to the song that much better

and then from there they played this year, and somehow again i just sing along the whole way despite having never done that before, and they bow and walk off stage and the crowd keeps cheering, and then everyone but jd walks on and starts playing an instrumental, and then jd walks on doesn’t even pick up an instrument he just goes straight to the mic and starts talking and he talks for a few minutes and i don’t remember everything he said but he ends it with ‘this song is in 6/8, you can sing along’ and they play no children and somehow without the guitar it sounds so much more powerful especially since john is screaming the lyrics at this point and so is the entire audience, and he’s like leaning down into the front row and interacting with the fans at this point and during the ‘hand in unlovable hand’ line he reaches out and grabs someone’s hand from the audience and then just as the song is building to a crescendo all the volume cuts out but the intensity is still there and it goes into this super slowed down, no guitar, life-changing rendition of spent gladiator 2, and that’s the actual end of the show

overall it was 100% worth the two and a half hour drive it took to get there and back (in fairness i was asleep most of the way back (sorry aaron) so that wasn’t too bad) and is absolutely an experience i’d like to repeat but also i’m not sure if my body could handle that. 10/10

#talking always yes lots of reading #donut rebagel #i'm very delirious right now but genuinely this concert was so great

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