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#i have no life so I'll probably read it
fumifooms · 3 months
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Chilchuck’s wife and family - Facts, theories and headcanons
I want to keep this as a sort of masterpost on Chil’s family situation if I can, but if we get a lot of information on it (in the additional content that Kui is gonna make) that renders this more or less useless I probably won’t update this anymore. If you find other crumbs of information or I've said anything factually incorrect please do tell me! I'm planning to edit this as we go since I want to compile most if not all of the information and pages we get about this topic on here, and if I just wait to post it perfection paralysis will nip this in the bud. It focuses a lot on Chilchuck and Chilchuck's wife relationships, but the daughters and Chilchuck's own parents and siblings are talked about as well.
CW/disclaimer: This post talks about messy family dynamics and such, there’s no outright abuse I’m implying anywhere, but alcoholism and neglect are mentioned and discussed. I’m not here to demonize anyone! I love every character involved and I just want to theorize about the topic as a layered issue that involves complex characters. Also, I try to use very transparent language as to when I’m citing or analyzing canon information and when I’m giving a personal interpretation or headcanoning.
Abbreviated table of content:
Timeline and circumstances
Possible strains on the marriage
The hair question. Confirmation on what his wife looks like?
Other family dynamic & post-canon theories & headcanons
Parenting style + misc in a reblog addition (new)
Let’s start with the facts, shall we?
Timeline and circumstances
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So, we see that Chilchuck and his wife are childhood friends, and they married at 13 years old and had two children in that same year. Since half-foots reach the age of maturity at 14, they seem to be what we'd call teen parents. It's a bit debatable though, since Laios says the age of maturity for tallmen (humans) is 16 instead of 18 or even 21, so what's considered to be the age of maturity is a cultural thing and isn't fully reliable when we want to compare to our irl understanding and what developmental stage it perfectly aligns with. Also, during the succubus chapter Chichuck says that his daughters were all now of age to be independent, and Chilchuck's wife leaves to live with Flertom, which would mean that Puckpatti was independent at age 10 and lived away from home as well (since she's the third/last daughter). Ah yes another interesting thing to note is that we don’t know the pregnancy periods for the races, since Meijack and Flertom were born the same year. It could be tight timing or it could be something else, but I don’t think they’re twins, they keep talking about them being the oldest and the middle child, them being twins is definitely the sort of thing that would get mentioned.
Him starting working on the island notably happens just one year before his wife leaves him. I don't remember the other instances of him mentioning it though I feel like it happened, but since he started working at the Island's dungeon, working as a dungeon diver and then forming the half-foot guild, that probably means he started being away for longer periods of time and having a less reliable schedule on when he'd be coming back home. It is said that he went back home somewhat regularly iirc, though he usually ends up sleeping at the half-foot guild quarters. I'm not sure if Kahka Brud is also where he lived with his family, or just since he rented someplace new after she left him. He and his timeline state that he was born in a small village "northeast of the island", which he left at 14 one year after being married, but it isn’t stated where they go after so it’s unsure how far his home was from the island if it wasn’t in Kahka Brud. We don’t know when his father died so if that factors in to him leaving his village we have no clue.
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Chil also says that he hasn’t seen or spoken with his wife nor daughters since the incident, which would mean he's gone 4 years without contact with his family during the events of canon. I don't remember if Chilchuck is said to exchange letters with his daughters, beyond the initial one from Flertom saying her mother was with her, so I've been assuming he hasn't.
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He also says "For about ten years I’ve been travelling to dungeons in various areas and doing work" which considering he’s turning 29 that year would mean he started around 19 years old? The panel also gives details what sort of work he’s been doing. Either way it’s confirmed that Chilchuck travels for his work a lot.
In addition, since Chilchuck has the seal of approval of the bicorn + says so himself, he has always stayed faithful to his wife. So that means that unless he's had previous adventures before he was 14 and got married, he's never dated anyone else in his life, nor had romantic or sexual encounters/experiences with others in his 16 years of marriage right up to canon (year 514). I feel it’s safe to say that it’s implied that during all these years starting from when they were married, Chilchuck's wife was a housewife whose main job was taking care of the kids and the house.
Marcille's take on what happened is unreliable, as Kui even takes the time to directly say so in the Adventurer's Bible, so I don't want to use it as a baseline even if it offers some insight on what could have happened (her feeling out of place, leaving to test his love, etc etc).
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What Chilchuck says seems to be accurate though since it pertains to his perspective of the events! Unlike how Marcille's theory flows, Chilchuck was aware that something was off before she left since she "suddenly fell into a bad mood".
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Piecing everything together, my theory: Chilchuck and his wife were childhood friends and have always always sort of danced around of each other, the classic movie love story with childhood sweethearts, until they ultimately confessed and got together. While dating, Chilchuck's wife becomes pregnant and they're both unequiped to deal with the situation but decide to marry, either a bit forced in order to cover it up or hopeful to make the best of it. They make it work as they can and Chilchuck works to provide for the family while she takes care of the home and the kids, which means that even though he's not a deadbeat father (he cares, he was at least a bit involved in their lives and raising them since for example he knows how to braid hair after all) he ends up being rather absent from home. It only gets worse over the years, especially when Chilchuck starts working further and further away from home and coming home less often, and since Puckpatti left home Chilchuck's wife is alone at home most of the time, never knowing when Chilchuck would be coming and if to prepare the table for two instead of one, or even if he'd be coming back at all since his work is dangerous. The humdrum and lifestyle would get to her, they've grown into different people in these 10 years of marriage and she doesn't feel the spark or feels valued & seen anymore, so she leaves. He feels confused and betrayed which turns into anger so he doesn’t try to reach out and mend things, and with the way he says they’re estranged and he moves away I think he’s avoiding his family somewhat.
Possible strains on the marriage
Tfw all your daughters are independent and your husband is gone to work almost all the time and he barely even tells you that he loves you, is there even a reason to stay together anymore? Every day it’s just you and an empty house and chores to do, wondering if you have to cook for one or for two today.
Alright it’s analysis and theorizing time! Although there are more facts down in this post if you care about Chilchuck's wife's appearajce, Chilchuck's parents & siblings or the kids, the essential facts so to speak were all in the first part.
We don't see Chilchuck showing any discontent with his wife through the manga so I'm assuming that he was content in his marriage, happy with his wife, and with how he stayed faithful to her even in the 4 years after she left (and never stopped calling her his wife. Which also shows a weird stubborn attitude since he wasn’t planning on reaching out to her and mend things but I’ll put aside the possible entitlement/coping mechanism for another time) I think he truly loved her and still does. Since she left him and not the reverse, I'm putting a lot of emphasis on his wife's side of things. Especially since we do see how Chilchuck is at work quite a bit but never see how he is at home. I’ll be sounding harsh towards Chil on this but he’s pretty much the only party we can criticize since we don’t know her, I still side with Chil on the leaving issue though, he’s justifiably pissed if she left without a word what the hell even.
Alcoholism and health
Chilchuck’s favorite food as listed in the Adventurer’s Bible is beer, and it’s shown that he’s prone to drinking until drunk whenever he gets the opportunity to. A cheerful drunk is still a drunk. (Extra reading: if interested here's a oneshot FMA fanfic by a friend that goes in depth about this very topic that really illustrates what sort of family dynamic that can bring about. It’s not dunmeshi but it’s a good read.) Chilchuck is also canonically underweight, starving himself for a strict weight management diet (Extra reading: you can look at a short compilation post about that here). Did you know under eating makes one irritable? And this is on top of Chilchuck sometimes/regularly coming back home with "horrible injuries", since Marcille guesses it and he acts like she’s dead right on everything that far.
It’s rough seeing someone you love mistreat themselves, not being able to shake them out of that and having to stay to see them wasting away. It’s rough seeing them put their work above their own health. Putting their work even above their family. Putting alcohol over family time. It's not that simple, but there's always that element when asking someone you love to tone it down with things like alcohol or such, that if they refuse, then it feels like they value that thing more than they value your feelings or opinions. That they love alcohol more than they love you.
You know how there’s often this thing of "Well I’m providing everything for this family, so whatever else that I do you don’t get to complain." I do think that it’s something they’d have argued over a little bit, not that he’d say it that way, but the essence of it. "Chilchuck, you’re drinking a lot of alcohol often, I’m worried maybe you should ease up on it." "This is what I want to do in my free time, give me a break.", "Dear, your mood gets worse when you’re hungry, I really think you should stop dieting-" "Would you rather I die in a trap because I was too heavy?", "Honey I don’t like when you work so far away from home for so long" "Well what else can I do, do you have any better idea?". That sort of thing. Even if not being passive agressive or snappy, or even spoken upon, these situations can cause tension, or a feeling of powerlessness or imbalance in the relationship. Although I personally feel like they were both rather passive in their relationship (thus having little arguments), which itself can be a problem since yes they let each other live but they grew more distant and less communicative as a result, more on that later. Content and tolerating, rather than happy and fulfilled.
Workaholism and long distance
Spending a lot (or even a majority?) of time away from home for years and years obviously can strain relationships in many ways. Besides becoming more distant, both with his wife and his daughters, there's just that side that maybe you grow apart or you end up not knowing them all that well. Like the fictional dialogue excerpts I wrote just above, the way Chilchuck puts work above most things can by itself be the source of a lot of unhealthy habits and strains that could not only hurt himself but his relationships too. Devoted doesn’t mean attentive, even if Chilchuck 100% devotes himself to only her romantically and works in the goal to support her that doesn’t transfer into being there for her, even when he physically is.
An absent father isn't necessarily a deadbeat father, but an absent father is absent. And alright, we don’t know what his schedule was like exactly, but he was busy and traveled around, I think it’s fair to assume that if we were to make comparisons it’d be like parents irl who are often on work trips. We don't know what Chilchuck's wife's social circle is like, but regardless of how big or small or supportive it is it would be easy to get lonely I think. Besides raising the kids undoubtedly falling more onto her shoulders as well. Managing a household can be very hard and tiring even when not alone, I can imagine she felt like she missed the support of Chilchuck either as help or comfort oftentimes. We know very little about her, but I don't get the impression that she'd build up resentment over it except maybe her ‘falling into a bad mood’, but exhaustion? Absolutely.
It’s also implied imo, even beyond Chil not often being at home, that they rarely go out together. And that could very well be part of why she was mad after the outing. In Marcille’s theory she says that her wife felt out of place amongst all the cool adventurer coworkers, and if it’s a rare time that they go out together and it was supposed to be about her meeting his coworkers… I feel like what could have happened was that she felt out of place yes, and even moreso if she ended up not participating in conversations much because of it and no one really seemed to care, and the evening was all Chilchuck and his coworkers chatting it up as always and she was an outsider, if she sort of just faded into the background, if it felt like nothing would have changed wether she was there or not... If she felt like her presence didn’t matter on this special outing that rarely happened, it could have been the straw that broke the camel’s back for her to want to leave, definitely. He finally comes back after a long work travel and they finally go out and this is what their quality time is like? The outing that was supposed to be about her & them both ended up being all about him, and once more she was supposed to just orbit around him and his life without complaint or her own selfish wants like a devoted wife. With how Chil said that she got mad "all of a sudden" on the way home and he didn’t know why, plus that he was probably drunk (which may very well have made the whole thing worse), I feel like it supports that he didn’t pay her much attention during the evening, not that I’m assigning him ill intent at all, I’m sure that for him, it was a casual and fun night out and he didn’t think it'd been unpleasant or alienating for her.
That night
And all of this speculation in order to try and figure… What happened? Why did she leave? I've already gone into it a fair bit, but this is where I discuss it fully in depth.
We can’t rely on Marcille’s theory. Neither in the why she felt so out of place enough to want to leave, nor if her intention when leaving was to "test" him. I definitely agree that the reason why she left is layered and that the night/outing was the straw that broke the camel’s back more than the cause perse, but besides that it’s hard to say how much of it was impulsive and how much was because nothing else had worked to fix their relationship, or how long she'd been thinking of maybe leaving him.
Personally my favorite interpretation isn't that she found herself to be boring surrounded with Chilchuck's adventurer coworkers, or her reason for leaving is super centered around insecurity and if Chilchuck even loves her anymore, but that she sees how rich and eventful Chilchuck's life is and at the same time realizes how stagnant her own life has been. Chilchuck has adventurers for coworkers and they go out to bars and spend evenings together chatting it up, while she always does the same house chores every day and waits, and wonders, uncertain about when her huband would come back, and waits some more. She has a sort of passive role in her own life that gets pulled in one way or another by the people around her at their whims and needs, which is also a recurring theme in the manga: having a passive role in your own life, or a role that's devoted to others. Like with Falin who's always following her parents' directives or following Laios around, being the party's healer and eventually sacrificing herself for Laios and Marcille (she also doesn't seem to think much of marriage, as seen with Shuro proposing to her and her not having answered yet, which fits with how she was supposed to have an arranged marriage in her hometown too; a loveless marriage isn't something alarming to her). Izutsumi too, whose whole arc is about her gaining freedom and figuring out how to use this empowerment for herself and what she wants.
So she'd sit there, not knowing anyone except Chilchuck and not being able to follow their conversations about dungeons, and think about how this is a world she's totally apart from. How she knows so little of the world compared to him. She'd realize that while she's always waiting for Chilchuck to come home, dedicated to him and their family, Chilchuck's world doesn't stop and end at where and when he sees her, that while she's waiting he's living and experiencing things and being self-fulfilled. She's so passive and devoted and her tasks seem almost senseless now that the house is empty except for her, and in that time he's formed half-foot unions and she understands so little of what his life has become outside of her sight. This isn't a diss on Chilchuck or his attitude, I just think that it'd make her ponder about happiness and lifestyles, what's worth it and if she's content with her life. I think she'd find that her and Chilchuck aren't on the same page anymore, and probably they don't communicate much or even that they don't know how to communicate with each other anymore.
Other factors
They really do seem to be on different pages and not know how to communicate with each other well, since for example Chilchuck thinks that on the way back home she "suddenly" fell into a bad mood and seemingly left it alone, or otherwise they didn't talk until he knew what was wrong. Or like how she left and Chilchuck never reached out to her to talk or mend things, just like she never reached out either. According to Marcille it could be that she wanted to "test his love" and see if he'd even care if she was gone, but Chilchuck just got angry that she left like that and never reached out to her, so if that's true they definitely have incompatible expectations or ways to deal with things like that. Maybe she thought of leaving as something he should react to by trying to win her back, but Chilchuck did nothing and let her do her thing, and tbh if that were me I'd also have waited on her to reach out because I figure out that if someone leaves me they want space from me idk. He seems to be rather passive when it comes to interpersonal relationships and how they can mess up, made an analysis post here that talks about it, so the way he reacted by not reacting doesn't feel surprising, maybe she didn't know/remember that part of him, or wanted to shake him out of that tendency. He has no clue why she left, and there are just so many misunderstandings here that it's impossible to know what happened and how she felt and what she wanted for the future.
Also, we’re shown that younger Chilchuck, when he started dungeon crawling, is much more "innocent" and optimistic, less closed off on himself and bitter, and maybe he hasn't even developed his famous "sarcastic retorts" and "abusive remarks" yet as is plastered on all his character introductions and stats. Chilchuck has definitely changed a lot over the years, and some would argue not for the better. Staying with someone for so long has implications that they'll change and be different of course, but signing up for marriage with someone can still leave you questioning that choice decades down the line when they're so different
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We get to see his freckles fade in sync with his corruption arc /j
Tfw when you can’t recognize the man you fell in love with.
The hair question
Edit 1/13/2024 leak!!!! Things aren’t officially confirmed but this is a safe bet. You can still read this section to see my reasoning to thinking she had black hair prior to this tho haha
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It's not all that important rationally, but the community's been split on the topic: is Chilchuck's wife blonde or not?
Kui highlights Chilchuck being attracted to blondes a grand total of three times, and many assume that his wife is blonde due to this. However, the only vision we see of Chilchuck's wife is Marcille imagining herself as a halfling, so it's up for debate! Flertom has black hair, and that's mostly been the key clue that has people arguing.
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I'm not an expert in genetics but black hair is a dominant gene, but it also doesn't mean a black haired parent can't have a brown haired kid, or that two brown haired parents can't have a kid with black hair. As long as one of the parents have it in their genetic code from somewhere in their family tree, it's possible, if not maybe unlikely.
People have been taking Flertom having black hair as evidence that Chilchuck's wife has black hair, but it could be Chilchuck that has the gene and could pass it on. Although...
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That seems unlikely. We don't know what Chilchuck's elder brother's hair color was, and his elder sister does have a darker brown hair color, but in the case their parents had black hair or the gene for it, it seems highly unlikely if not impossible for the dominant black hair gene to miss this many amount of time in the gene russian roulette game.
And so I shall now call a witness to the stand, and you reader shall be the judge… Dandan.
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You know, this guy? He makes appearances throughout the whole manga, but only has one spoken line in an easy to brush over flashback iirc. He's most often seen hanging out around Chilchuck and other half-foots, but it's unsure how far back he and Chilchuck go.
Now. Remember how Chilchuck and his wife are childhood friends? What if, and hear me out, what if Dandan is related to her. A cousin, or a sibling. Or maybe he's Chilchuck's cousin, even, if we go the reverse route.
The chapter cover
Look at the chapter cover below! We see each member of the main party at a table that's meaningful to them and their history, mostly showing themes of family, community and routine. Laios and Falin sharing a meal by themselves, Marcille at a meal in the cafeteria at the magic academy, Senshi by himself cooking in the dungeon, Izutsumi with Inutade at the Nakamoto household, and... Chilchuck, surrounded by much more mysterious and unknown characters and surroundings.
The only face we see besides the infant is a young one on the left which strikes me as looking a ton like Chilchuck! I doubt it's Meijack or Puckpatti, or someone else, especially since Chilchuck left his hometown pretty early which must make family gatherings harder (and routine is implied with the others’ panels). If it were Meijack I think Kui would have drawn it to more closely match her too, and have her usual freckles. I also don't think it's just Chilchuck and his own family, since if that's Chilchuck the only sibling with black hair he could have is his elder brother and the infant in the middle is clearly, well an infant.
My thoughts are that the table is shared with family friends, or at least members of the community. The elderly person implies that either there's extended family or it’s a gathering, especially if Chilchuck's grandparents don't live with them. Community is implied to be very important with half-foots imo, and if Chilchuck is from a small hometown like he says that would surprise me even less. Childhood friends are often brought together as friends because of circumstances, such as proximity or their families being friends! Doesn't that kid almost off-panel on the right, with a Flertom-like hairstyle and black hair, look to be the same age as the Chilchuck on the left? 👀
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Also… Notice the dragon plush she’s holding?
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Passed down from mom to daughter? The "most likely belonged to his daughters" is interesting too
If he is related, Dandan could be the infant. I suppose he doesn't end up mattering all that much in the end if you theorize that the Flertom-like kid is his wife on its own though haha. But wether or not you think that this is convincing enough, it's all we have on the topic for now.
Ah yes! Lastly, I've seen the sentiment around that his wife should be blonde, that Chilchuck's taste for blondes, if not the thing that brought them together, should be an acquired taste from loving his wife. That if that's not the case, then Chilchuck's type being blondes is either out of place or insuting or unromantic, etc etc. I can't help but disagree! I think, especially with how Chilchuck and his wife are domestic and all about knowing each from a young age, familiarity etc etc, that it would be so sweet if she wasn't his type! Loving someone so deeply, even if they aren't an idealized type... Which is a common theme/story & character beat in Dungeon Meshi.
Family dynamic theories
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Meijack is the most capable, takes after her father the most, seems to have her own business as a locksmith but has a stable steady life. Flertom is the most social, she works at a tavern which seems stable and is ambitious with marriage plans, she has a caring side to her since she sent her dad a handmade gift. Puckpatti is the most upbeat, though she has the most unstable lifestyle, seemingly doing odd jobs.
His daughters do seem well adjusted, which encourages me in that their family seems amicable on the whole and (at the very least) decently functional. We don’t hear what they think of Chilchuck but presumably none of them are on bad terms with him or each other. Flertom does say that "half-foot men are stingy" which, gee, I wonder what half-foot man would have made taught her that- though it does also seem to be a racial stereotype in general, with how for example Namari also says to "steer clear from stores with half-foot clerks".
Flertom seems to be the only one who reached out after their mother left (the only one who's mentioned to have done so at least), and it's because she was the one who took in her mother. It’s not implied that they exchange letters regularly too iirc, it possibly was the only letter they've exchanged since then. I wonder if the daughters even know the full story, if their mother told them all about it or very little. Maybe some are pretty out of the loop, or more distant.
It strikes me that they don't seem to be very close. We're not shown anything that leads us to believe they don't like their father, but I think they're so used to him being absent for work that such distance is normal for them and they don't really long for a deeper relationship or to see him often. They were already out of the house and it seems like they didn't see each other much at that time either so for them it would be just a bit less than the regular amount of Dad time. It's been 4 years Chilchuck what are you doing... But yeah! From what we see they seem mostly unaffected, almost indifferent, not that we can truly tell. I imagine Flertom is the one most attached to Chilchuck with how she sent him a handmade cowl, and I think he rubbed off the most on Meijack teachings wise (besides her attitude, she’s also the one who still wears braids, and we see that Chilchuck braids hair). It makes sense, since they're oldest, and on the contrary I think Puckpatti is the one that knows her father the least. It'd fit the timeline with him working away more while she grew up imo.
Wouldn't it be interesting then that she's the one that Chilchuck says is carefree, in the official translation "doesn't treat life real seriously"? That she's the most optimistic, the most go-with-the-flow, out of the bunch? To me that sounds like a result from her being the youngest and Chil being the most often at work, thus her getting raised by her mother without as much involvement from Chil. Far be it from me to say Chilchuck would raise his daughters to be unhappy btw, not at all, we just all know what down-to-earth values he wants others to have so he doesn't have to worry about them.
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Although… Puckpatti spotted?? Seems like he wants to stop her from buying something? His heart meter for her is full <3 (Note: I’ve seen it be argued that this could be his wife. I disagree, since the "stop them" and way that the long haired one is off-center compared to everyone else gives the sense that it’s many of his daughters, and the fact that it’s styled after a dating sim doesn’t mean it’s romantic love as we see with the others. Otherwise imagine being her wife and he tells you not to buy stuff when you go shopping together rip)
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Headcanons time:
When naming the daughters, together they choose a pool of names they’d like but only one has the final say, and they alternate between who that is. Chilchuck sticks around more near the end of her pregnancies, and he hasn’t missed any of their births. I don’t have any opinions on who named who right now, but there could be some interesting stuff to theorize with Puckpatti, like them taking extra care picking the name together because they settled on her being their last daughter for fluff, or it was supposed to be Chilchuck but he was so busy that he ended up not picking in time and she was the one to name her for angst.
Actually scratch that I have a new theory : What if it’s actually customary for each parent to pick one half of their half-foot kid’s name? So then each would have chosen half of each girl’s name… And this could be why Chil calls Puckpatti Patti instead of Puck which is her first name, because he’s stubborn since Patti was his pick lmaoooo. Pattipuck doesn’t have the same ring to it alas, his wife was so right
Chilchuck liked to do activities with the girls when they were young. He's not opposed to relaxing at home with them perse, but he likes to do workshops with stuff like arts & crafts to develop their agility some. I don't think they'd do much outings to places like restaurants or theatres for money reason, and I don't think Chilchuck is much of an outdoors type, but he could accompany them to nice fields to play in, or in winter places to play in snow and sled, and organize some activities at home. He's not home very often so when he is he likes to take it easy as a break from work and values the time he gets with his family.
Chilchuck would sometimes work from home as a locksmith, say, unlocking a chest for a customer. In those times, Meijack would take interest and watch him work, even handing him the tools he needs as he goes. In this way, Chilchuck taught her a lot about the work of a locksmith over time. He's also the one that would oil door hinges or do renovation around the house- when he's available.
Like the plushies under his table in his home that we see in illustrations, Chilchuck has a lot of mementos from his daughter (and his wife) he keeps around. Sometimes they take a bothersome amount of place, but throwing anything out isn't something he's seriously willing to consider. Flertom's the most artistic and she used to help with sewing clothes back together, so he has a cheap ceramic mug painted by her when she was really young and small embroideries around.
Imo Meijack would be the most distant in the present. Flertom makes efforts for her parents and is pretty involved, and Puckpatti's distance is more out of being a bit airheaded and being busy + not having a great grasp on time or what's a normal amount of family contact, but Meijack's the one who knowingly and intentionally keeps some distance. I think she’d be the least optimistic about their family situation, and although she’d be hopeful when Chilchuck reached out to them again she’d be a but hesitant. I think Meijack would hold some grudges, being the one most critical of their parenting, both grateful to her dad for working so hard for them and saddened that he wasn't in their life more. Since Flertom was born in the same year I think it’s possible that Meijack was pushed aside a bit to take care of the younger baby more, out of necessity rather than lack of love. Her mom probably needed a lot of help around the house too. Flertom wasn’t blind either, and she cared about & noticed her mom’s emotional states, but she’s on the whole more hopeful and forgiving.
This is my most far fetched one but it is a hc after all, but I think it'd be interesting if one of them had food hoarding tendencies/stress. I like to think it's Flertom, because she's the middle child and would get told that her older sister and younger sister are "growing and need the food" so she wouldn't be allowed to take as much refill or such, add that to them not having much money to frivolously spend on food and that makes a kid who's worried about not eating to her hunger and tends to be possessive over food (I'm projecting). Differential treatment is inevitable in families with many siblings, and it can manifest in small or big ways, maybe they realize it maybe they don't. Working in a tavern has helped eased that tendency of her though, and while she does diet a bit she always leaves a meal feeling satisfied.
When they were younger, Flertom was a real firecracker, loud and spirited with some troublemaking tendencies! She was the daughter that got in trouble & got scolded the most. You can still see slivers of it now that she’s an adult, but she’s much more poised and diligent. She has much more acquaintances than friends, but she has a couple of best friends and usually gets along well with most people. Puckpatti was always a bit head in the cloud, very kind if not gullible, and tended to make friends somewhat easily but didn’t keep them for long, preferring to keep meeting new people and not keeping in touch well. She isn’t super talkative but tends to ramble when she does. Meijack is very introverted, she has more trouble making friends, she has a good handful though they don’t meet up often, her friendships tend to last and she’s close to them. She’s grown more confident over the years, less repressed and more quiet. Meijack as the big sister tended to be the listener for her younger sisters who had more social mishaps. Flertom has dated once before and it only cemented to her that she was going to have very high standards from then on.
Meijack wears thigh-high boots because she hates when sand, dirt or snow gets in her shoes. She wears practical clothing but avoids anything frilly or flashy. Puckpatti also dresses practically, but she does enjoy pretty clothes, it’s more out of necessity and due to not having enough money to indulge. Flertom has a social stable job and she loves prettying herself up (especially as she’s in search of a husband) so she’s the one who gets the most and nicest fashionable clothes and accessories.
Chilchuck is hinted to have had a rather dysfunctional family himself (alcoholic father, distant siblings, etc). So he doesn’t really have the best model on how to raise someone and such. I imagine it was a sort of neglectful home situation, where the kids are encouraged to be independent. If they didn’t have to work or help around much, then free range parenting sort of thing. We do see how the family has full and warm feasts, where someone cleans his mouth with a rag, so it’s not like he didn’t have a caring circle or a tragic childhood though! I don’t remember if it’s explicitely stated, but he’s heavily implied to having grown up poor, as most half-foots, and I just think it's the hardened hardworking family type of childhood where just like he does with others they instill somewhat harsh life lessons in him, which in turn encourages him to indulge in the simple pleasures of life like alcohol and sex, or at least women’s beauty and crass jokes. We do see he seems more optimistic when he's younger in flashbacks, so a bunch of his harsh view on the world is still likely learned and earned rather than taught. I still think he inherited many flawed views from how his father acted, like his attitude about excessive drinking not being a big deal and worth it. That work hard play hard, enjoy life die young mentality he has, shown mostly in the "alcohol" section of his Adventurer's Bible profile, could very well be partly a result of the general poverty half-foot communities are that he grew in as well, like how he doesn't hope for things to be as best as they could be and contends with good enough. As far as I remember, his mother is never mentioned, but I doubt it implies she was out of the picture. She was probably a regular sort of mother that took care of the home as well and was still around when his father died. It looks like there’s a good age gap between one sibling to the next, that could be interesting to dig into too.
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A part of Chilchuck’s character is that he takes responsibility for safety and actions of people around him and is very often looking out for them to not do faux-pas wether socially or literally with stepping onto traps. The way he says "I’ve got three people to think of here" makes me think that’s also how he’d think about having to provide for his family, and that could be a source of stress and insecurity for him. Caring for others is a pretty integral part of his character and we see time and time again that his family is very important to him, in any case.
Post-canon
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This pic has so much to say!! It’s the ‘thank you for reading’ double page spread where they’re going to a big dining table at the castle with Laios and the main gang. First family gathering in 4 years perhaps?! I’ll say, not feeling very hopeful that his wife isn’t in this, not even implied to be just off-panel with a hand or anything… I imagine before this he still talked to them at least a bit and figured their family situation out, but I think this is still in the early stages of reconnecting. Haha imagine being one of them and receiving a letter saying "Hi it’s been a while… I want to introduce you to my ex-coworker the king and his friends, you up for that?" I don’t want to reconsider all my hcs for this yet, but this pic does seemingly show an eagerness from all the daughters to reunite and reconnect! Meijack’s could be seen as more hesitant, but I think it’s just awkwardness from meeting so many new people, of high status no less. Chilchuck does seem awkward and somewhat self-conscious though, and while that could be just from say Marcille and the others meeting his daughters and him not knowing how to act, I think that also shows that Chilchuck is unsure how to act around his daughters too. Can’t blame him, I’d be stressed too. Anyways, the daughters are all dressed up! Puckpatti even brought flowers! And I doubt it’s just for Senshi, or just to be in with the king. Oh also also, Puckpatti chides Meijack here, seemingly on manners?, so that implies new/different family dynamics there~
We know with the succubus chapter that he does plan on reaching out to his wife again and shooting his shot, and when Marcille was dungeon lord he told her she could help think of a plan to make up with her together at which point Marcille showered him in gifts and flowers intended for her and his daughters. So we do know that whatever happens and however it happens, Chilchuck definitely will at least reach out to her to win her back or worse case scenario get closure on the situation.
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These are his plans before it’s revealed that the Island is… Well, not an island but the golden kingdom, so the news that Laios is king and that might have changed them a bit, but I think he’s still gonna stick around to help with the half-foot guild for a while.
My personal ideal post-canon Chilchuck life is that after around a year or two of helping around in the golden kingdom, especially regarding half-foot working rights, he gets his shop and finally settles down. He prioritized the whole half-foot guild because there are changes to attend to and people to help, but also used that to procrastinate a bit on getting in touch with his wife again. He does send a letter though, and when she replies they then meet face to face. They explain how it was like on their end, their grievances and their feelings, and they do reconcile. But… It’s been 4 years and his wife has frankly moved on. She’d rather they stay as friends, and Chilchuck has mixed feelings on it but is ultimately fine with it. He was halfway resigned to not reconciling with his wife in canon after all. But no longer do they have cut contact! They get together with the girls for the holidays and the ambiance is nice! He starts exchanging letters more regularly. He also gets a second family of clingy asses with Izutsumi and the main gang and so though he lives alone in his shop he’s well surrounded and well loved, and his daughters visit to check up on him every so often.
I really like the… Maturity of Chilchuck’s plotline, if that makes sense? To me the ending that fits the most is him and his wife reconciling, but not getting back together. I like that they could still be adults about it and at least amicable even after divorce, and that that wouldn’t be treated as a tragic ending. In the end, they were childhood friends and teenage parents, they rushed things a bit and I genuinely think they’re just not that compatible. If not then, at least having it be a gradual process, getting back together and making it work until they’re truly comforatble with each other. Destroy the relationship to better build it again stronger!
Although, his arc in the manga is to allow himself to form connections and be optimistic, which would fit well with him and his wife getting back together. I def think Chil would get healthier post-canon which could fix the issues they had in their relationship though. Like for one he starts eating more, which improves mood & irritability & health, and also after the whole half-foot guild he plans to settle down with a shop so it wouldn’t be long distance or unstable anymore which would definitely give his wife some peace of mind. If they still do some long distance at first while he gets the half-foot guild stable, it’d be really cute if he sent pressed flowers with his letters to her… That could make a nice fic concept, like over time all the pressed flowers and exchanged letters hehe (oh shit that’s a nice title)
My post-canon timeline is Chilchuck lives a nice life living alone in his house except his friends all visit him and care and even tho he likes living alone it’s also bittersweet and every corner of his life is haunted by mementos of the ones he loves and the moments he had with them. But then it’s also like the shared duty of everyone to pass by his shop when they can and keep the old man company and sometimes that means many people come at the same time like if both Meijack and Marcille came the same day~ Cozy life, no regrets except a lil regrets still. That’s it that’s all I want.
Misc
I didn’t know where to put this, so new category time! Family truly is a central theme of Chilchuck’s character. His reaction to learning more about how life gets made is so awed by the wonder of the world. Life indeed…
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The implication of this page is that Chil didn’t know about the science side of how procreation works, though of course he did know about the practical side of it. This is speculation, and we have no clue how widespread the information of how reproduction scientifically works lol, but I think it’s fair to think that half-foots’ education especially in smaller communities is handled by the parent, school of life style, or if there are schools then the education is very general and it probably ends early. I think this is supported by how for example half-foots’ jobs we’ve seen are based on experience rather than knowledge, like being a locksmith. Of course any job has its fair share of specialized knowledge to learn, but jobs you learn on the fly pretty well. This sort of dynamic contrasts a lot against elves many tallmen communities, like with the magic academy, where education and knowledge are valued almost above experience, this is what the mandrake chapter was all about after all. Poorer communities tend to have poorer education systems as well irl, it’s a whole issue.
So I already said my piece about his wife not being blonde and it being nice and romantic because literally you don’t need someone to be a beauty ideal to love them and that’s fine and normal and even more romantic imo. But!! I do have an headcanon, now that his wife’s appearance is all but explicitly confirmed. While their hair is blonde, yes their hair is wavy and the ‘main’ one has deep-set eyes, not unlike his wife! Now this is a ‘which came first the egg or the chicken’ question, but while most people seem to be assuming that he got with his wife because she was his type, since they’re childhood friends I feel like it’s his love for his wife that shaped his preferences in that deparment. Like ok he loves golden hair and hers is black, but isn’t it so much more romantic that he has so much love and devotion for his wife and has stared lovingly at it so much over the years, that it’d become his ideal? He loves her eyes <3
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Conclusion
Reminder that I’ve got more stuff in a reblog addition now. What I've got left to add at some point:
Compile more info on Chilchuck's father and his other family
Reread the manga and catch details like exchanged letters & his work schedule. Reword some things to repeat myself less maybe
A buddy is planning to make a name analysis post for everyone, and I might have more to say especially about the daughters once I know what possible meaning their names have
Other stuff I may be forgetting about
And thus I leave you with a lil web weaving I made about Chil & his wife’s relationship~ And this is where I’d put panels of Chilchuck’s wife… IF THERE WERE ANY
Should we call Chilchuck's wife Mrs. Tims... We don't know dunmeshi marrital traditions though, and half-foot already have somewhat complex naming conventions... I hate that we don't really know if the daughters' last names are Chils or Chilz. Oh yeah the last names change each generation, that’s odd right? But in english it sounds like saying Chil’s, like, [father]’s, so I think this also supports how half-foots communities tend to be tightly knit and live in the present, for them to be like "Ooh so you’re [father]’s little one eh? I know who that is and this is insightful as to who your family is to me!". Iceland’s a place where last names are like this, though I don’t know about pros and cons of it in that context
Ah and I have a bittersweet spotify playlist about her and Chil too, here if ya want. That’s it the post is over
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athamad · 7 months
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Theseus and women
Theseus is one of the most hated characters in Greek mythology on the internet and l wanted defend him because l love him and he's clearly, VERY clearly misunderstood. Now, by misunderstood l don't mean, "Oh, his father wasn't around so he was traumatized," l mean he is always characterized as this misogynist egoist man who everybody loves just because he's a MAN™, which isn't true at all. I'm not going to explain why l love him directly in this post but I'm just going to explain why people misinterpret his relationship with women, because other than his "misstreatment" of women, he's literally just a guy.
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Theseus and Amphitrite
Like, look at him! He's just a boy! Anyways, let's start with the obvious reason he gets hate.
Ariadne
We all know the story of him leaving her behind and then Dionysus finds her yada yada. We don't know why he does this, some people say that he's just a jerk and did this dick move because he wanted to but l beg to differ. Many modern-day writers tried to explain this abandonment, though most of them just painted Theseus as a jerk like leaving her because she was annoying or like what l said, just because he's a dick. I was researching how authors reasoned him for his abandonment and guess what THERE ARE SOURCES ARE EXPLAINING HIS ACTION, 1) She was killed by Artemis, this is not a well-known one but it is an explanation of him leaving Ariadne behind, Ariadne was killed by Artemis while she was giving birth to his sons, l couldn't find a reason on why she did it but this is a reason, 2) Dionysus demanded him to leave her because he wanted her, some sources say this and even say that the reason Theseus forgot to change his sails was that he was sad about leaving Ariadne behind, now, does this mean he's an angel, no because some sources do say 3) Theseus willingly leaving her behind, however, they all give a different explanation. A reason l like comes from the book "The king must die" where Ariadne is participating in a human sacrificial ritual and Theseus doesn't like that because it reminds him of Medea or something. I don't know l just read it while researching l didn't read the book but l like it, Ariadne being all crazy and that because it would explain why she's great with Dionysus and her parents are both very cold people, one being a goddess and one being... Minos. I heard there are versions where Athena tells him to leave her but l couldn't find them so that could have been added very later. Now, what version do l see as the truth? None. I like the version my brother suggested, which is "He forgot,". HE FORGOT, HES FORGETFUL, AND HE ALSO FORGETS TO CHANGE THE SAILS. I like it so much because HES LITERALLY JUST A GUY. But, in all seriousness, you can dislike Theseus for leaving Ariadne behind since there are sources that say he left her willingly but check the other versions too.
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Theseus, Athena, Dionysus, and Ariadne.
Now that that's out of the way, let's see any other reason Theseus gets hate that involves yet another woman! Which is...
Helen
There is a myth that Helen is kidnapped by Theseus... That's it. So, for context (even though everyone knows it already) Theseus and his "best bud" (wink, wink) Pirithous are both demigods, Theseus being Poseidon's son and Pirithous Zeus's. Since they both have divine blood, they conclude that they will marry one of Zeus's daughters, Theseus picks Helen and Pirithous picks Persephone (like an idiot). They abduct Helen, yada yada, try to abduct Persephone but fail miserably, yada yada. And people dislike him because... he kidnapped Helen, yeah, okay, let's break this down. Kidnapping women was a very well-known thing in ancient Greece, was it acknowledged it was bad? Yes. But was it still there? Also yes. But this isn't about lust, Theseus kidnaps Helen because she is Zeus's daughter and he thinks he deserves at least a demi-god because he is one too. Can this be considered hubris? Yes, it can, and in my opinion, it is. Theseus has done very heroic stuff and wants something in return, he thinks that a mortal wife is too little for him so he picks what he thinks is the best thing for him, a wife whose father is Zeus. He doesn't do this as an act of lust, just hubris, and maybe for reputation, since Helen is the most beautiful woman, having the most beautiful woman as a wife is a thing to be proud of. But that doesn't mean Theseus gets what he wants immediately, because Helen is young, very young. He even acknowledges that as an Athenian, which is okay to marry a 14-year-old girl, but Helen is younger. Sources change her age from 9 to 12, but the point is, she's too young. So, Theseus decides he'll wait and gives her to his mother in the meantime. When he gets rescued by Heracles, he faces consequences, which is learning his mother is now a slave to Castor and Pollux. This is what l like about him too, he's a king, a hero, yet faces consequences more than anyone. Even if he doesn't, when he does bad things to another, bad things happen to him later, Karma bites him in the ass, and in my opinion making a character face consequences is the best way to make them feel human and relatable. Theseus isn't the only one, every mortal in Greek mythology are human-like character to me because they face consequences! Heracles, Achilles, Agamemnon, Odysseus, Bellerophon, and many more make bad choices, face the consequences, and acknowledge them! Theseus kidnapping Helen is a bad thing, yes, but he didn't even touch her because she was a child and his mother got taken away in the end.
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Theseus taking away Helen
So yeah, this is it. I was going to go into more detail about his relationship with women since there are women he helps and respects but this is all for now. If l made any mistakes, please let me know without sounding rude, l can take constructive criticism. Anyways, have a good day!
(@coloricioso was the one who asked me to explain my Theseus obsession, so here it is!)
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pinacoladamatata · 8 months
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"if you fancy Astarion, you might want to consider therapy. He's so damaged I must have him! Enjoy the fantasy and then call a therapist. It's a two step thing and it's very important you do both." - Amelia Tyler what do your narrator eyes see? 😂😂😂
#ohohooooohoo the little random tidbits devs and voice actors have dropped about his companion arc is making me NERVOUS#just throwin out some meta thoughts here#in order for astarion to *get rid of* the tadpole; cazador *has* to die first. like i'll bet my left tit this is conditional#since cazzy is apparently a control freak he might be enemies w the mindflayers/absolute cult bc ''bleh bleh my city''#i think its entirely possible that we could ally w cazador against the absolute; this would like have to result in astarion attacking tav#im just worried it might be like; you have to at least temporarily side w the absolute if you kill cazzy?#idk! idk!#and like i do think there will probably be a 3rd option of like 'i hate both these groups kill them both' but man.#and then there's whatever is going on w his ''this soul is not for sale except in the realm of the undead'' stamp#like are we gonna have to go the there? wherever the fuck that is?#pls amelia i am begging on my knees i need a sign! of hope!#bc now the hug and hand holding in the trailer is making me think larian is trying to trick me into believing he'll be okay#only to hit me with a devastating ending(s) no matter what#idk. man. i read astarion's writer was fanes writer. idk dos2 but like i am aware of what......happened w that 'romance'#pls i need a sign larian#i am so sick of the bioware style romances! the morrigans! the solases ! the unresolved endings of it all! ENOUGH#i want closure from this i am begging#for once in my life i just want closure for a video game romance ending#i JUST THINK LIKE ideally. for me. he'd have at least 1 ending where he's not cured but lives happily ever after*#i am having a hard time picturing him cured of vampirism. tbh. but if it's possible without him immediately dying then. well hats off#its 2 AM here i need to knock it tf off and go to bed#........unless.....yall want to enable me and discuss this further#i am 1 more bad day away from writing a thesis on this in MLA format istg
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deeva-arud · 3 months
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Boo!
I'm the paranormal activity on your dash :]
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torgawl · 5 months
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i keep thinking about how “is this what justice means to you, answer me neuvillette”, despite having been used in a case all those hundred of years ago, was probably a question that haunted - and still haunts - neuvilette during the entire time he has been chief of justice. i keep thinking about how they highlighted his struggles through time with both carole and wriothesley's trials. how guilty and powerless neuvillette must have felt for not being able to support and save those he recognised as vulnerable and victims before a system that corrupted their fates but that he wasn't able to change despite his position. the theme of being a casualty of a system no matter if you're the victim or the perpetrator in its eyes. the way neuvillette took, in both cases, things into his own hands. even if it was too late to fix the hurting carole and those who cared for her went through, even if it was too late to save her life; even if it was impossible to change wriothesley's past, his verdict and subsequent imprisonment; neuvillette went above and beyond, making use of his influence, to allow both melusines and wriothesley the opportunity of a better future - to melusines by making sure they weren't discriminated, to wriothesley by supporting his attempt at a second chance in life. i think part of the reason he's so intriguing is our awareness that this internal conflict he's bound to have is so complex. you have a chief of justice, or a judge, that is supposed to be imparcial and follow the law stictly confronted with situations of social injustice, unable to protect those who rely on him. you have someone who understands better than anyone what it means to be an outcast, being able to relate to those who are ostracised and have their pain weaponise against them. you have, in vautrin's case, a friend who cannot even showcase his own pain and is still expected to fullfil his juridical duties despite being personally related with those involved in the case. someone who people constantly turn to but whom he feels like he has no right to turn to himself. it's about the conflict between his feelings and his duty, between what's expected of him and what he can actually do. i think that's why the end of his story quest is so emotional and why it's so heartwarming to have him realise he isn't an outcast anymore, that he has a community there for him too. because a system is a system and he will probably never be able to save everyone, because yes he isn't human, but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to belong or that an active demonstration of love towards individuals and people he can relate to rather than the theoretical concept of humanity isn't meaningful. in fact, i'd it's a lot about that, about finding ways to be kind and how community gives meaning to life; how personal relationships and targeted kindness can shape society, or at least i think so
#i don't know if this makes sense but i like how character's stories in fontaine are interconnected in the perfect way that they're used to#give depth to each other while also existing perfectly independently#i forgot to add navia's story to the post but that's also another scenario used to characterise neuvillette#the same way wriothesley's backstory exists independently but it's also used to give depth into neuvillette's character and his motivations#the same way navia and clorinde's probably will as well#i always headcanoned (is that a verb 😂) neuvillette and wrio's friendship stemming from neuvillette trying to atone to his silence during#wrio's trial. i think it makes sense. i think it probably meant a lot to wrio too to have someone be so trustworthy after everything he#went through the betrayal from his adoptive family and his only aid through his life being the melusines who aren't human#and neuvillette being that sort of comforting older figure especially probably feels familiar to wrio#i have no idea what i'm trying to say actually i have a big headache at the moment and i feel almost delirious but i just love the concept#of neuvillette as a character and i think a lot about his friendship with wriothesley how it began and the grief and guilt neuvillette#probably still carries#but also about how he also gets the chance to a brighter future and how he achieves it so naturally without even realising#how he never expected anything from his compassion even if he saw it as duty and didn't interpret his own kindness as anything other than#his own responsabilty towards others#like idk am i making sense???#he's just so cool 😂#like yeah there's a layer of there's no reason he would have any animotisity towards humans because they're not at fault for the primordial#one's actions but from that to actually actively being so empathetic and compassionate goes a bit of a long way?!#okay i'm over i'll shut up this is probably si confusing i apologise if anyone read this mess shsjhs#this is also influenced by my tbk brainrot because loving others actively is a big theme and i just think that's beautiful actually#genshin thoughts#genshin impact#my post
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oneiricazalea · 1 month
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Happy 5th birthday to my dear OC, Sei ♥
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greenerteacups · 6 months
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How do you feel about the fact that Bellatrix was Voldemort’s concubine/lover?
This ask prompted a real coleslaw of emotions.
Top level, I can't take the Cursed Child seriously as canon. I'm a purist about text to begin with — no word of God or adaptation can change what you put in the original books, and if the author wanted the text to be different, they had their shot — but, even if not, the Cursed Child is bad. Like, it's My Immortal type bad. It's the kind of bad that makes you glad it didn't come out closer to the original books + movies, or it could have had a Game of Thrones-type cratering effect on discussion and fandom. The Albus/Scorpius dynamic is cute — everything else about it sucks. It is a no-fly zone for good ideas. The Golden Trio are all twisted into funhouse mirrors, Voldemort has a daughter, and most perversely, the absolutely horrific mutilation of Cedric Diggory's character (in no world did that boy become a Death Eater! he was KIND AND DECENT! and he DIED ANYWAY! that was THE FUCKING POINT!!!!!!!).
Second layer: let's say that Bellatrix/Voldemort is canon and explored beyond the writers going "whoops gotta find a working womb for Voldemort's kid." That's a really interesting dynamic. It's a horrible dynamic! It's a motherfucker of an age gap to begin with, and it would have started when she was in her late teens to early twenties! Plus, she was married. To another man. So that would have to be explained? Because she obviously wasn't always so mindlessly devoted to Voldemort that she couldn't entertain connections with others? But that's not to say that I'm against it as a narrative decision. Tom Riddle is (captain obvious moment incoming) a Bad, Bad Man, and the idea of him seducing a younger woman is actually an understandable extension of his connection with his followers that's not explored in the books. Because, like: the Death Eaters are a cult! Riddle runs a death cult. Cults use sex to manipulate members. One of the oldest tricks in the book.
Third layer: this could be a kind of interesting move for Riddle, who as a villain is never developed all that much, and doesn't have much in the way of humanizing qualities. Because Riddle is anti-love as such. He doesn't believe in it, and if you believe Dumbledore, he's not capable of it. (I don't really love this take on the character, but I think that Riddle thinks this is the case, and Dumbledore is so grizzled and jaded by the years that he believes him. Dumbledore's great failure with Tom was never seeing past the person Tom wanted him to see — or, rather, looking at Tom and seeing Grindlewald when he should have seen Harry.) So for him to harbor enough affection for Bellatrix to take her as his (only?) lover, when he doesn't seem to need it to convince her to join him (and he doesn't really need her support, anyway) creates a wrinkle in the Story of Voldemort as we're told. It suggests that either Tom or Dumbledore (or both) is lying about his capacity for love— or at least his capacity for human attachment. And that Tom isn't so unique as either of them would like to believe.
Also, it adds a wrinkle to Bellatrix's character, too: even if they met when she was an adult, there's manipulation happening there that's clearly one-sided and unequal. or at least, there probably is. and if it's consensual, or if she aggressively pursued him— that's interesting, too. my point being: this isn't a bad idea, necessarily. it's a bad idea because i don't think the writers of the Cursed Child thought about any of that when they were trying to find a womb for the Voldebaby.
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susponte-archived · 4 months
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i had a good therapy session , and i'm in a slightly healthier headspace than i have been over the past few days. if anyone still has questions , reservations , concerns , or anything they would like to get off their chest you are welcome to send me an ask or im. even just in general , not necessarily about the past week. i'm an open book about everything and i have only ever cared about doing right by the people around me. i might be slow to respond to messages to make sure that i don't push myself back into a dangerous headspace , but i'll get to them all eventually. there's absolutely no pressure to remain friends or mutuals if you are no longer comfortable with that.
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mymp3 · 6 months
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trailer talk
#compendiumnotebook#i probably articulated a lot of my trailer thoughts better to my mutuals and friends i was dming the other day#but the tldr of it is that im kind of disappointed they only seem to be adapting mostly movie and portable stuff#not that i hate hate portable or hate hate the movies#but saying that this is going to be a faithful remake of base 3 and having only portable events and options available + adding movie stuff#feels like a big slap in the face to fes and manga enjoyers. and dont get me started on the hammy lovers.#and also is just straight up incorrect. wish they would say what they're adapting rather than saying its a faithful remake#damn im so sorry yall. especially because if they wanted to do a portable adaptation she should be here.#even if im not her number 1 fan i get how dirty it feels#but tbh i am leaning more towards femc as dlc rather than the answer as dlc now#bc atp it just seems like they take fes for granted and brush it off#bc its not as popular#just feels kind of mean a bit#“manga and fes are there. but portable and movies seem to be popular so we can do more of that!”#minato being able to work a job is something i dont like. he's constantly overworked in every other department of his life.#now hes gotta work too?#it seems like this hero is less chronically ill tired angry and like theyre trying to give him more energy and “wipe away his wrongs”.#iddkkkkkk#im sure I'll warm up to it in game#and find a way to work this into my reading#but for now those are my thoughts#oh! i like his mp3 player saying hi to him. thats precious.
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bbq-potato-chip · 6 months
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i can't think about drawing right now I HAVE THINGS TO DO!!!
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evilmagician430 · 1 month
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who up sinning their fest
#one of my worst recent hyperfixations i'll admit#and i dont even have an excuse like ohhh i used to read this back in the late 2000s before all the terf shit#no i got into it in late 2023 this school year cause i stumbled across the tvtropes page#and i was like 'sinfest'? isnt that the name of that terf Twitter comic? but the cover image showed a sick ass artstyle so i read it#and im just obsessed with it now its such a strange spectacle. its like a political cartoon and a newspaper comic at the same time#my fav era has gotta be late 2000s maybe early 2010s sinfest... hell maybe even mid 2010s sinfest if i ignore the sisterhood#now every strip is just about jewish people or calling trans women groomers#and almost every once-likable character is now canonically a terf and/or racist and/or antivaxxer etc#or theyre just not in the comic at all anymore like my dear criminy and fuschia#i hope we never get another appearance from them godbless#cause last time we saw criminy he was helping squig and slick break a terf out of she/her penitentiary. with fuschia's permission#theyre definitely the best part of 2010s sinfest. a bygone era#the best part of 2000s sinfest is the sharp artstyle and lil e just being evil#and the best part of 2020s sinfest seems to be. um. laughing at how ridiculous it is? its kind of hard to enjoy though.#i intend to stay updated on it because i like being able to say i've read all of sinfest start to finish#but man i gotta get an adblocker soon cause i read it on the official website cause idk how else to read it online and the ads are constant#really funny when ur reading a strip criticizing the prevalence of ads in our day to day life#not as funny when you remember tatsuya is probably making money off of them. so yeah im gonna install ublock#but the problem is i usually read it on my school computer to pass time. and that technically isnt my computer so i cant download ublock#anyways. i could ramble on about how much i love and hate and am obsessed w sinfest all day but heres some fanart of the characters.#id like to make my own headcanon version of sinfest aka sinfest if it was good#but headcanons arent enough... i need to kill tatsuya ishida#sinfest#squigley sinfest#monique sinfest#lil e sinfest#the devil sinfest#tangerine sinfest#images that are horrid to see and look at#mspaint
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jacksintention · 9 months
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Still unwell about Rilke and PH
I love the dark hours of my being.
My mind deepens into them.
There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.
Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that's wide and timeless.
So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a gravesite
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots
embrace:
a dream once lost
among sorrows and songs.
#There's in Rilke and especially in this particular book a lot about the world‚ created in the beholding and loving it‚#and one existing to love the world. There's so much about the world being created by that loving and knowing the world of one individual#person that loves and knows it. A kind of feedback loop of existing and being by love and knowledge that is all a participation#on the act of creation. The person coming to exist to love and know the world‚ and creating the world by loving and beholding it#This is also present on Juan Ramón Jiménez‚ among others‚ but 5 yo me was obsessed with those poems. ANYWAY#This topic made me think of Lacie a lot but in this particular poem that topic + the 'I'm sorry' scene + the figure of Lacie beyond Lacie‚#a Lacie that's legend and real‚ a Lacie always sitting under a tree‚ life ending and life expanding so to speak‚...#That kind of knowing it all in a glimpse that is knowing in an instant and eternal (which again reminds me of Kierkegaard‚#fitting I'd say with Rilke). I'm explaining myself terribly but I don't want to talk too much haha But yeah it all seemed very fitting#There was another poem about spiralling so to speak around god that I also thought was very Lacie but very PH in general#('I live my life in widening circles / that reach out across the world. / I may not complete this last one / but I give myself to it /#I circle around God‚ around the primordial tower. / I've been circling for thousands of years / and I still don't know: am I a falcon‚ /#a storm or a great song?'). The spiralling around god in what is still some sort of emanence or reflection of it while being also#different iterations of the self which all reflect it also reminded me a lot of Cantor's transfinite numbers#Which again is quite fitting and coherent with the other authors and PH imo‚ but I may be biased. Anyway yes. This reminded me of Lacie#I didn't plan on drawing anything at first and now I have to flinch to read the poem#I hope I'll recognise enough of what I've written when I eventually come back to this#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#mine*
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hua-fei-hua · 4 months
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at church reading the hymn lyrics like "hey i learned that word from genshin!" and "hey i learned that word from genshin!" and "hey i learned that word from translating song lyrics so that i could write genshin fic!" and "hey i learned that word from genshin!" and finally "omg i learned that word from the king's avatar"
#花話#it's funny bc i Objectively know more cn than the last time i was here seven years ago which is great#bc the last time i learned any cn in a classroom was seven years ago lol#and i think that's probably a combination of Very Much Not Wanting To Lose What Skills I Have +gnshn n similar giving me occasional practice#but yeah of the words i Remember where i learned them it's like 85% gnshn 14% lyric translation n 1% king's avatar lmao#been trying to connect my laptop to the mobile hotspot i have here and Suffering(tm)... pain and agonie#i mentioned this on main but apparently i just Cannot have a line acct for w/e reason#(i suspect it's bc i made an acct in america on my phone number but temp sim card --> diff phone number here)#(and since i didn't expect this i didn't tie the acct to an email --> i am unable to have line)#however my mother and i have graduated past emails and are now just using regular texting to communicate it seems#ANYWAY i get to see the jade cabbage today. i hope. and other things i also hope!!#i was going somewhere w/the line thing OH it's bc on the way home from church my mom saw a sign that said 元氣 and was like 'genki desu!'#it is always kind of a surprise to hear my mom speak jp bc it sounds simultaneously clumsy and full of confidence#she has friends in japan (college roommate + old pen pal + i have no idea she's lived Quite a life i feel) n i once found her old letters#and was kind of surprised bc they were like entirely in jp so obviously she could read n understand a lot#but anyway my mom went on to talk abt how taiwan continues to have significant japanese influence to this day n i was like yes... weebs c':#it's also interesting bc we'll go sightseeing n she'll be like “ye that's from american/jp occupation times but they gave back the land'#'so now it's xyz' n i'll be like. almost 'tails.jpg A Colonialism.'
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superboy: the man of tomorrow 1 spoilers
(it's just one panel but below the cut just in case)
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memory identification: go!
#dc spoilers#memory identification CHALLENGE#okay so: obviously there's the 'waking up in cadmus'#the friends don't seem like a reference to anything - i mean ig it could be donna's death but i think they're just a generic memory#or possibly it's yj:dc and there's just nothing that actually happened to reference?#i think that's tara dying#and then the last one: match punching him?or is it superboy-prime punching him?#(to be conner is to be constantly getting punched by alternate superboys dsfdsfs)#anyway (despite this one angsty panel) this was fun and zippy#v. light-hearted and not a whole lot to it - looks like it'll be space adventure + punching-stuff#there isn't enough here to really hook me but the art is cute and conner's narration is bouncy#so if they keep putting it on the app i'll probably keep reading#i really wish. mm. okay WARNING RANT INCOMING this is kind of tangential and maybe it's just the comics that i pick up#but i feel like of the few modern comics i've picked up - a lot of them are very light on the characters having concrete problems#even problems as simple as 'getting bad grades in school' or 'have to lie to my dad' or 'need a job to pay the rent'#like. i feel like tim in robin '93 had concrete problems that couldn't be solved with a pep talk and 'you just gotta believe in yourself'#dick in nightwing '97 - same! concrete personal life problems that could not be resolved by a pep talk!#and i really miss. like. characters experiencing dilemmas or having to make trade-offs#and just generally i miss a bit more realism - like. conner feels unneeded. okay? so?#shouldn't he be going to school or something? why is costume-stuff top of mind? where are the authority figures/external forces?#i think these kinds of intensely-internal problems can work in non-visual fiction bc you're in the character's head BUT#comics are largely visual and everything with real emotional punch works way better if it's concrete things that i can see#anyway that's just my personal preferences though and it's not superboy's fault!#conner's never been a realistic character - he had goofy merchandising and was a kid celebrity and so forth#and although i didn't read his preboot solo i don't think he ever went to school there either? except in adventure comics?#so he seems very well-suited to plucky space-adventure#and i wish him the best. go forth and prosper conner!! punch those aliens!!
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han-gyul · 2 years
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miniscule-meow · 1 year
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Charlie and Felix: Bad Decisions
The long awaited follow-up to Bad Times
Writing Masterpost is Here
Extra long chapter (about 4.5k) I thought about splitting it into two but decided to go ahead and post the whole thing because I felt bad about how long it took me to write this
Warnings: Blood Mention, Alcohol, Some Language
~*~*~*~
For the first time since the beginning of the semester, they don’t sit next to each other in class. The room isn’t a huge lecture hall, but there are still plenty of open seats. Charlie sits off to the side, a little closer to the front than her normal spot next to Felix. She doesn’t turn around to check if he’s there, as far as she knows, he might have skipped the class today. The minutes drag along, the lecture seems extra boring without her friend sitting next to her. She knows that they probably just need to talk it out, and everything could be fine again. But honestly, she doesn’t really feel like doing that right now. He took all of her trust and threw it right back in her face. She’s allowed to be upset about that. Not that he even cares. If he didn’t want to be friends with her anymore, he could have just said that. But whatever, no time to think about dumb boys, she tries to focus on the boring lecture instead.
It goes on like this all week, they just mutually pretend that the other one doesn’t exist. Today, once class is over Charlie takes her sweet time packing up her stuff at the end of class. Usually, she would go get lunch with Felix after this class, but that’s obviously not going to happen right now.
“Hey Charlotte!” She turns and finds a girl standing next to her. They have… never really spoken, it takes her a moment to place a name with the face before her. She thinks it’s Madison. She was in her group at the first day orientation for transfer students, but aside from that they haven’t really spoken much. “Not to be, like, nosey or anything, but did you and Felix break up?”
“Um. We weren’t dating.” Charlie says, uncomfortably shifting her backpack onto her shoulders.
“What? Totally thought you were. Huh. But, so like, you’re fighting then, right? You haven’t sat next to each other all week”
“Why do you care?” Charlie raises an eyebrow.
“You totally are. ‘OMG’ Did he go total werewolf on you?” Charlie is briefly taken aback by her saying ‘oh em gee’ out loud in real life, it takes everything in her to not make a face at that. “It was a full moon recently you know and I-”
“No. no, no,” Charlie cuts her off, definitely making faces now, “I’m not going to listen to your stupid conspiracy theories. He’s not a werewolf, okay? He’s just a dumb boy. That’s it. I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Oh. Well, I’m sorry. I mean, you two have been inseparable like… the whole year and now...” She shrugs. “Nikki totally thought you were being mind controlled to hang out with him.”
“Yeah. Okay, I’m walking away now.” Charlie turns to leave.
“I told her that was stupid!” Madison calls after her.
“Okay, bye.” Charlie waves as she walks off, thankful to escape that conversation before she was asked if Felix has scales or something. Great. Apparently, some people still have time to be curious about her stupid personal life drama. She doesn’t get why everyone is so curious about Felix. He tries to keep to himself, but everyone seems to want to insert themselves in his business. There is that picture of him floating around, but it’s super blurry and you can’t really tell that it's him, or that he’s gigantic. But ever since then everyone just seems to have their own version of who -or what- Felix really is. She guesses it makes sense that people would try to get information out of her, because Madison was right, her and Felix had been inseparable until recently.
“Charlotte, wait wait wait!” Madison runs after her. “I’m really sorry about your breakup and stuff. If you want, next weekend there’s going to be a huge party at Troy’s place. You should totally come. Meet some new people and stuff.” She hands Charlie a scrap of paper with an address on it. Then Madison stands there just long enough to make Charlie feel awkward, “Okay bye.” And with that, she flits off. Charlie looks at the note in her hands.
She’s never been invited to a party before. But thinking logically, there’s no way that would be any fun. Just a bunch of people shouting at her over music, asking her about Felix the whole time, drinking cheap beer, not studying for the finals that are right around the corner. She balls up the note and shoves it into her pocket.
Nothing changes the next week. Felix still hasn’t reached out to her, and she has stubbornly refused to reach out to him first. People mostly leave her alone, everything is relatively normal, if this is what normal has become. No friends, no fun, super normal. By the time the next weekend approaches, she finds herself seriously considering the party thing. She finds the crumpled note and smooths it out on her desk.
The night of the party rolls around, and she actually finds herself driving to the address, and parking a block down from the house. There are a LOT of cars on this street. Once she steps out of her truck she can already hear the dull thump of music and sound emanating from the house. She takes a deep breath before heading inside, determined to make some friends. She’s wearing her hair down, and she took care to pick an outfit that was both cute and comfortable. It’s a pair of overall shorts with a light long sleeve shirt underneath. That, paired with her black combat boots and some tall socks pushed down around the top of the boots. She wore her cutest bralette underneath for herself to help boost her confidence. She felt so cute she even took a selfie before she left. Here’s to new beginnings. It’s a little too cold outside for her outfit, so she grabbed a jacket before she left, but once she entered the house, she quickly ditched her jacket and pushed her sleeves up to her elbows.
It's loud and crowded. The people are packed into every room. Music is playing everywhere, and people are holding drinks, shouting over the music. She looks around. Some people glance her way, but she’s mostly ignored. She finds her way to the drinks.
“What is this?” She asks someone near a big container of a red liquid.
“Jungle Juice.” They shout back.
“What’s in it?”
“I don’t know. Everything?” They laugh and wander off. She’s sure there was something warning her about stuff like this in orientation. She pulls a mug out of an open cabinet and pours herself a glassful. It’s weird that they don’t have plastic cups? She always saw the stereotype of the red solo cups, but I guess they really like to play by their own rules here. Who is going to do all the dishes? What if something breaks? She shakes her head, this is why she doesn't get invited to parties. She just tries the drink already. Bleh. It’s strong to say the least, but... it’s relatively drinkable.
Several cups of jungle juice later she has flitted through several groups. Introductions, small talk, wander, repeat. There hasn’t been anyone she’s immediately clicked with like she had hoped. She joined a group playing a drinking game for a bit, which was fun, and got more fun the more drunk she became. Eventually, she finds herself sitting on the couch in the living room, the room twisting around her. Everything is just sounds and shapes. It's awesome, it's horrifying. Part of her thinks she’s had too much, and part of her is trying to reason why she should have just one more.
She pulls out her phone, it’s late. No notifications. No that's not true, she got a spam email for hot singles in the area, great. No real notifications at least, that is to say, nothing from Felix. She’s not surprised but she’s bummed. She can’t help but wonder what he's is doing right now. He would hate this party, she’s not sure if she hates this party or not. She should call him. She should absolutely not call him. Her phone is already ringing.
“Hello?” His voice answers. Oh my gosh he actually answered. She didn’t think he would answer. Why did she call him right now?
“...Hey.” She is immediately conscious of how she sounds so drunk. He must think she is so drunk. She is so drunk.
As she’s thinking that things couldn’t get any worse, fates twisted smile shines on her. Todd, resident bully, guy she’s pretty sure was in the fight with Felix the first day he actually talked to her Todd takes her phone, holding it away from her.
“Don’t drunk call boys that aren’t here sweetheart, pay attention to the ones that showed up.” He looks at the phone, laughing “Felix.” He reads quietly, looking at her once more, recognition sparking in his eyes. She stands, protesting and goes to grab for the phone. This would be easier if the room didn’t warble as she stood. To make matters more complicated Todd’s buddy, Drew comes from out of nowhere and slings an arm around her, holding her back. “Oh. Well, this is interesting.” He exchanges a glance with Drew. “You wouldn’t mind If I invited your boyfriend to the party, would you?”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” is all she can think to say. He just laughs and holds the phone up to his ear. “He probably already hung up he-”
“Hey Lizard boy." What a stupid nickname, he isn't even a lizard or a werewolf or anything like that. "You still there? Yeah. No, no this is your buddy, Todd. Remember me?” Her stomach drops, he didn't hang up. Maybe he did but Todd is just bluffing. There’s a pause. She tries to interject, but Todd just holds out a finger her direction, and turns away. “What? Aw that’s cute she’s got a nickname. No, Charlie can’t come to the phone right now.” He speaks mockingly and shares a sly look with Drew. Him saying her nickname makes her feel wrong. “She’s a little preoccupied with my pal Drew. Hey, you two, keep it PG over there.” He winks at her; her cheeks burn and Drew just laughs.
“Hang up! That’s not funny!” She tries to get away from Drew to snag her phone back, but she has no luck.  
“Anyway, we’re at Troy’s place. I believe you and I have some unfinished business, if you want to come pick up your girl. Two birds, one stone, you know?”
“I’m not anybody’s ‘girl’ can you grow up?” She thinks that this would have been a cooler thing to say if she hadn’t slurred through half of her words.
“Yeah, yeah, that was her. I don’t know how she’s getting home, man. If you don’t pick her up, she could always stay with me. Plenty of room for two in my bed.” Him and Drew share another crude laugh at her embarrassment.
“No. No. Felix don’t come here. I’ll just uber or sober up soon I-” She’s certain that most of this is coherent. “He wouldn’t come pick me up guys, we’re not… He doesn’t even-” She’s being solidly ignored.
“What’s that? 20 minutes. Yeah. See you soon.” He tosses her phone back to her. She fumbles with it and ends up having to pick it up off the floor. Thankfully the screen is still intact, unlike her social life, and her sense of pride.
Todd and Drew finally get out of her space, but they stay in the living room, it has the best view of the door. The groups around the immediate area sneak glances they think she can’t see, and they’re all huddling talking and giggling. She sits back down on the couch and waits.
The door opens several times as people come and go, she holds her breath each time. Eventually, Felix steps in. She looks at him, wide eyed. He actually came. Why did he actually come here? He scans the party before his eyes lock on her. He looks pissed, and it makes her heart freeze. He stalks across the room with such intensity, shouldering through everyone in his way with ease. He stops in front of her, saying nothing but holding a hand out to her. He's inviting her to take his hand, but his irritated expression makes her faulter, and freeze in place.
“Hey lizard boy, looks like you made it after all.” Todd pipes up. The room is absolutely buzzing with electric energy.
“Come on. Let’s go.” Felix says down to her, breaking her from her frozen state. She realizes she doesn't want to piss him off any more than he already is. So she takes his hand. He helps her up, completely ignoring Todd.
“What? Leaving so soon? Stay awhile. Have some fun. I believe you and I need to finish up an old conversation we were having anyway.” Someone slings an arm around her shoulders, pulling her away from Felix. It’s probably Drew, Todd’s sidekick.
What happens next all moves so fast. One moment Felix and Todd are having a tense conversation, the kind you just know will end in a fight. The next moment, she’s tossed backwards. She stumbles back, catching herself on an end table and toppling the whole thing over. She manages to crash down with the table, a decorative lamp and several cups with varying amounts of liquids all smashing down on top of her. Shit. Her cute outfit is soaked in alcohol and whatever else it was mixed with. That’ll probably stain. She pushes herself up onto her hands and knees. This would all be so much easier if the room wasn’t spinning. She looks down at her stained outfit and briefly registers the cuts on her arms. Why did they think that using actual glass would be better than red solo cups?? Now they have to do a bunch of dishes AND they have to clean up a bunch of glass. Clearly this was not well thought out on their end.
By now, the music has stopped, and a circle has formed around the boys. There is a lot of shouting, everyone has their phone out. She pushes her way through the crowd to find Felix on top of Todd, just absolutely wailing on him. He’s landing blow after blow, before Drew comes up from behind him, his nose already bleeding, and he rips him back. The two of them struggle on the ground while Todd writhes in agony, trying to get back up.
“Felix! Stop! Stop!” She shouts, rushing forward. The two boys make their way to their feet, and Felix, having sustained several hits himself, shoves Drew back before she can get there. The crowd scrambles to part to avoid him. He slams against the wall, leaving a nice big dent in the drywall. Felix looks around the circle, and everything is still for a moment. He nods once before his gaze lands on her once more. He's not even gigantic, but just by looking at her it makes her feel no bigger that a gnat. He’s bleeding from his knuckles and a lot from his face, but he’s the only one standing so she supposes that’s a win? He steps forward, not offering a hand to her this time. Instead he pulls her tightly into him and promptly leads her out of the house. Everyone is staring. She quickly grabs her things as they leave.
She glances up at him once they get outside. It’s much quieter out here. Wait. He���s not normally taller than her, They’re roughly the same height, but now he’s at least a head taller than her.
“You’re taller.” He scowls at that, not responding otherwise. “Like… like holding a rubber band stretched open all day?” She recalls one conversation they had, where he compared it to that. He said if he were to try to maintain a height taller than his ‘normal’ height, it would be like trying to keep a rubber band stretched at the same distance all day long. She could imagine him trying to appear more intimidating in there by making himself larger. It also probably would make him stronger she guesses? Charlie doesn’t know how that works. Felix shakes his head slightly.
“Like trying to shove myself in a little box.” He whispers to her. Oh. He’s fighting it off. He’s trying to stay a normal height, but he can’t hold it back completely. That also makes sense. It seems to be triggered by intense emotions sometimes? Charlie also doesn’t know how that works. She knows very little about how his abilities work, she just knows that they exist.
“Oh,” is all she can think to say. “Um. Felix, I wanted to say. Um-”
“Keys.” Felix cuts off her thanks or apology or both, she honestly hadn’t decided yet. She realizes they’ve made it to her truck.
“But, wait. How did you get here if… How will you get your car-”
“Just give me your keys, Charlie.” He holds out his hand to her.
“Right. Sorry. Okay.” She digs through her bag, and after drunkenly fumbling through her belongings, she fishes out her keys and hands them over. He helps her into the passenger side of the truck. “Don’t um, don’t grow and break my truck, please.” It’s not really funny, but she laughs anyway. He just gives her some irritated side eye. They start down the road in silence. It's uncomfortably quiet, so she tries to fill the silence with some chatter. “So, uh I just wanted to tell you I-” He cuts her off again, this time reaching forward and turning up the radio. Message received, shut up Charlie. She sighs, and quietly leans against the window. She doesn’t try talking to him again, instead she focuses on a more important task, not throwing up.
They get back to his house, a decent looking barndominium- that is to say, basically a remodeled barn. It's in a secluded area, and it's got high ceilings, what more could a size shifter need. Felix steps out of the truck, immediately significantly taller than he should be. He fumbles with opening the door for her, his hands are an awkward size for the handle. He finally gets it open, and catches her as she half stumbles, half straight up falls, out of the truck.
“I’m gonna throw up.” She mumbles.
“For real?” He asks.
“For serious.” She nods. He sighs and forces himself to be a few inches shorter. He’s shaking with the exertion of keeping himself human sized, but he helps her inside, and leads her to the bathroom. “Oh jeez. I don’t want to puke in front of you. This is so embarrassing.” She’s sprawled on the floor, hovering over the toilet. He silently ties her hair back before just leaving the room as she revisits all the drinks and bad decisions that she made that night.
He leaves her be, going outside to finally stretch out. He grows to full height, sighing in relief. It gets easier to get this big every time he does it. It feels like he's unlocked something, and there's no going back now. He figures he has a few minutes alone while she’s in there throwing up. He can just sit like this for a moment and get it out of his system. He focuses on steadying his breathing. He should really clean up after Charlie is done in the bathroom. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror when he was in there and he is a bloody mess. All too soon, Charlie’s small voice reaches his ears.
“Felix.”
“Go back inside.” He huffs, not wanting her to see him gigantic and bloody and stressed.
“Yeah. I get it, you hate me, and you don’t want to talk to me, but-”
“Charlie. Just go back inside.” Not feeling up to unpacking that right now, he brings his hand down, gently ushering her back inside and blocking the door with his fingers.
“Can you just listen to me?!” She shouts, kicking at his fingertips, “I just need like, a first aid kit. Or maybe, I dunno, some bandages?” This gets his attention. He pulls his hand back, grimacing as she stumbles forwards.
“You’re hurt?”
“No, I just wanted to play Doctor!” She throws her arms up exasperated. He just looks down at her, brow furrowed. He looks annoyed or maybe concerned. He’s probably both, she’s both too drunk to discern the difference and too drunk care. “Not that you really care either way," she huffs. "It isn’t a huge deal I just, I fell back at the party, you were there but you might have been a little… distracted, and … yeah.” She gestures to her arms, having carefully rolled up the sleeves once more.
“Let me-” He whispers, already seeing the red staining her arms. He pauses for a moment like he’s trying to focus, but then he huffs, looking frustrated. She supposes he can’t shift back to normal just yet, another thing she doesn’t quite understand how it works. He moves over from his seated position to laying on his stomach. It’s kind of dizzying watching him move when he's that big. Just simple movements send vibrations through the earth around her. She swallows thickly, and can’t stop from taking a step back away from him as he settles before her. “Just let me see," he says gently. He props himself up on one arm, and reaches his other hand towards her slowly. She hesitates, but eventually she reaches out one of her arms and his gigantic fingertip comes to meet her.
Delicately, he pinches her wrist between his finger and thumb and pulls her arm out so he can get a better look. He leans forward, taking the scene in with wide eyes. He’s close enough for his breathing to ruffle her hair. Her heart pounds in her chest as he silently scans over her. His eyes rake over the cuts on her forearm, flicking over to see the same situation decorating her other arm. He only holds her there for a moment, but he is completely focused on her. She’s never felt more seen than right now. His eyes find their way to her face, she looks from his massive fingers holding her hand to finally bringing herself to meet his all-encompassing gaze. She thinks this is the first time he’s actually looked at her since he picked her up from the party. Or since their fight. It almost feels like it’s the first time anyone has ever really looked at her. Maybe it’s just because she’s drunk, hurt and relatively tiny. Like a bird with a broken wing, a mouse stuck in a glue trap. But, the way he looks at her, she doesn’t feel like a wounded animal he’s taking pity on. She feels like his whole world, at least for that one fleeting moment. He seems so captivated with her. She’s so insignificantly small, she could fit into the palm of his hand. And yet, he looks her over with such care and intense attention to detail it makes her feel like he can see each of her individual eyelashes.
“I'm sorry. you wouldn't have gotten hurt if I would have just-" he clenches his jaw, his expression turning dark and unreadable. Her pulse picks up, this is what he looked like before he decided to make it his mission to make her fear for her life. She pulls her arm back, it's still clamped solidly between his thumb and forefinger. That seems to get his attention. "Okay. Yeah.” He lets her go, withdrawing his hand. Part of her misses his warmth immediately, but another part of her is just relieved. He pushes his palms into the ground and returns to sitting, towering above her. “Just give me ten minutes and I’ll come in and help. Okay?”
“Alright,” she answers breathlessly before turning and going back inside. She sits on the floor in the bathroom, just trying not to bleed on anything important. She feels both better and worse since throwing up, mostly better though she thinks. The room still spins lazily around her as she waits. She is very aware of how cold and wet her clothes are. With sore arms she peels her shirt off, leaving her still wet overalls on, now with just a lace bralette underneath. At least her shirt isn’t sticking to her anymore. She’s still drunk and cold though. One step at a time she supposes.
Eventually, Felix comes back in, his normal height once more. He lays eyes on her for a beat before quickly averting his eyes with a quiet, "Oh Jeez." He digs through the bathroom drawers, setting out first aid supplies on the counter. “You, um. Why did you feel the need to take your shirt off?” He doesn’t look at her, but she can see in the mirror, he's blushing.
“Everything is wet and sticky, and cold. I spilled a lot of drinks on myself when I fell.” She says very matter-of-factly.
“Alright. Um. Okay.”
“I think I broke their lamp too. What kind of person has a house party but doesn’t invest in red solo cups. All the cups were glass. I broke so much glass. Why didn’t they think about that as a possibility. And besides, who is going to be stuck doing all those dishes? Cups aren't even expensive.” She shakes her head, looking up at Felix, his hands are braced on the counter, he’s focusing on the medical supplies, taking stock of what he has and definitely avoiding looking at her. “You can look at me, dude. I would probably wear this in public in like… the summertime. Maybe I’d put like a flannel on top of it. Different shoes. You don’t need to be so… scandalized.” She shrugs.
“Okay.” He nervously taps the counter a few times, she’s pretty sure he only spoke up so she would stop rambling. He takes a deep breath before continuing, “I just, you are very drunk and now you're removing... layers. I just don't want to make you... uncomfortable" he clears his throat. "Okay. Okay. Come here, let’s make sure you don’t still have glass in your arms.”
He bandages her up, taking care to rinse and disinfect the wounds. Her arms took the brunt of the damage, but she has some scrapes on her knees as well. She rambles as he works, and when he doesn’t respond she rambles some more, her words slurring into one another. As he bandages her first arm, she mostly just does a lot of apologizing. ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘This is embarrassing, I’m sorry.’ Just looping. Felix responds once or twice with something resembling ‘it’s fine’ or ‘you’re okay.’ But once it’s clear that she’s still going, he just lets her talk. It’s when he switches to work on the second arm that she takes a big breath and starts really getting into it.
“I guess I kind of ruined your night, huh? You probably had better things to do with your Friday. I’m sorry. I know you wanted me to just leave you alone. I'm... I'm still mad at you by the way. So, I promise, I will leave as soon as I'm sober, and we can go back to pretending that we’ve never met. I know that you don’t want to be my friend anymore and stuff. So, that’s why I went to the party in the first place. I thought that I could meet someone cool and make new friends and stuff. That obviously didn’t happen.  Lesson learned though, and I probably won’t be making that mistake again. I know it sounds super lame, but you were my only friend. I don’t mean to say that to be like ‘oh feel bad for me and be my friend again.’ I don’t mean it like that, it’s just… how it is. I just, I don’t know. I guess I just wish I knew what I did to make you not like me anymore. I just- Gah, I’m such a loser.” She is just noticing the tears streaming down her face. She uses her free hand to attempt to wipe them away. “This is so embarrassing. I’m sorry. Forget I said any of that. I'm mad at you." He lets go of her other arm. She finds her way to the floor, leaning against the cabinets and she buries her face in her hands.
“Charlie. I don’t hate you.” He sits on the floor beside her. “I never hated you. I have just been a really, really bad friend to you. I'm sorry."
“Yeah.” She sniffles. Dropping her hands into her lap. “Why did you want to do that?”
“It’s dumb.” He sighs, “I just. I'm not used to getting that big. My classmates always said I had a useless power and... Anyway I have to go back to the academy for the summer and I just. It's kind of really complicated, but I took some shit out on you and... You don't deserve that. I'm sorry. I understand if you want to pretend like you never met me."
Charlie looks at him for a long while before she leans into him, wrapping her freshly bandaged arms around him and burying her face in his shoulder.
“I missed you.” She mumbles into him.
He sets her up to sleep on the couch, but first he gives her some clean, dry clothes to wear. He sets a glass of water and some aspirin on the coffee table in front of her for the inevitable hangover she will have in the morning.
“I missed you too.” He says resting his cheek against her head.
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