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#i have extremely low self esteem
michi-mystuff · 4 months
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My aromanticism: I don’t like anyone but I want to be liked by everyone
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13eyond13 · 1 year
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#been thinking about genetics and nature vs nurture and all this sort of stuff a lot lately#and just contemplating why people are the way they are and how much is sort of hardwired vs learned etc.#anyway I'm definitely wayyyy more like my dad than my mom and i think i have actually learned to become sort of the ideal companion#for people like my mom#because my mom is the harder to please and stronger personality in the household who is way more obviously emotional and sensitive#and i empathized with her automatically in a sort of female solidarity way as the household is all boys otherwise#but anyway i know im just naturally like my dad in disposition and humour and looks and everything else but i also know i probably studied#how he handles my mom and her outbursts and insecurities and learned to react to it similarly to him as well#she's a very odd mix of one of the most empathetic kindest people you'll ever meet and also incredibly critical and sensitive to criticism#and she barely ever will tell you you did a good job at anything and will point out mostly only the bad stuff or flaws in whatever you do#yet also HATES that her own mom is exactly the same way and was traumatized by that growing up herself#i honestly 100% believe her mom (my grandma) is undiagnosed autistic and simply doesnt even realize how she comes off but it really#affected my mom growing up and now she is constantly on alert for anything that could possibly be a critique of her and will throw you#under the bus instead if you ever say something even remotely close to negative about her or arent extremely thoughtful about showing up#to the multiple events she hosts every single week#anyway the way my dad usually reacts is just being extremely quiet and steady and dry humoured in reaction to this and when she starts#critiquing him and bringing up all his past failures as a way of making herself feel better about her own bad self esteem he kind of just#takes it and doesnt take it personally because he knows shes doing it for low self esteem reasons#even though its not really fair to him and she would absolutely hate anybody doing the same to her#when i think of my dad's gentle quietness and humour and how much he hates being aggressive or critical i think of when we played a#board game called qwelf once and in the game he was made to act like a drill sergeant and scold and yell at all of us as we moved#our pieces around the board and the best he could do was to mutter stuff like 'get your buns in gear there soldier!'#it makes me lol to remember it my god he simply can't it's the most unnatural thing for him in the world#anyway i always wonder how much of my similarities to him are just genes and how much are learning from him#by watching and admiring and mimicking#because having nieces shows me that kids are absolutely little sponges who try to do everything they see you doing without even knowing#if it's a good thing to be mimicking or not and that can be a bit of a terrifying responsibility as the adult#i am glad i learned good coping mechanisms from dad and how to handle unfair criticism and lack of praise in stride as well but#something i had to teach myself as an adult was how to have healthy boundaries and be assertive when i feel like im being treated poorly#because my parents are both huge people pleasers who struggle with it themselves
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froggyf4g · 1 year
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I’m so close to just caving in and making a tinder or bumble or whatever bc like the chances that I’ll meet my future boyfriend out in the wild is extremely unlikely… but idk I’m too anxious about putting myself out there to be perceived lmao
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computerpeople · 11 months
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fanon michael - the masked brother, usually some sort of jock as a kid who grew up to be a pathetic depressed adult. has a guilt complex. hates his father. hated by his father. super masculine. usually very bold and in your face in some way
my michael - the crying child. the golden child after elizabeths death. elizabeths twin brother. loved his father. was expected to follow exactly in wills footsteps. is basically a little clone of will, comes close to repeating the cycle of going from victim to victimizer. feminine. soft spoken. disabled adult with a stuffed animal collection
fanon vanessa - extremely competent, usually has a sister or her and vanny are two seperate beings somehow? usually very jaded and closed off from the world. much more willing to deal with gregory. stoic. lying about her childhood
my vanessa - extremely elated emotional moods and rapid switching behaviors, has a dissociative disorder thsat was used by will to create vanny. naive, new to the serial killer business, has no idea what shes doing. extremely competent in the parts that come to her naturally (pattern recognition, coding, computer programming) but completely clueless in other situations. low grasp on her behavior.
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sadie-wolfdawn · 2 years
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ok ik ive said similar before and will say similar again but the way in which a) its not surprising I latched onto alex, b) im happy that her retcon/expansion lore wise has only made her hit closer to home for me.
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meows-on-you · 2 years
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My Roxanne design plus, Fnaf! Oliver [They are besties]
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wingstobetorn · 2 years
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//Cant sleep so drawing Ozmoze goes brrrr
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strangestcase · 8 months
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I think people would armchair diagnose bad people with cluster B disorders much less if psychiatric disorders hadn't all been given names by ableists who of course picked the traits most unberarable to "sane" people to name them rather than, you know, the ways it affects the people that have them. It's like, when doctors are all "this disorder gives you extremely low self esteem. and it's called the Selfish Fucking Asshole Disorder" or "this disorder makes you want to die so bad. and it's called the Hysteric Bitch Disorder" or "this disorder disconnects you from your peers. and it's called the Insane Evil Cunt Disorder" and so on and so forth, so of course you have people going "oh, this person is a selfish fucking asshole, they MUST have Selfish Fucking Asshole Disorder! this further proves that all people with this disorder are like that in the first place!" Do You See It
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spideyjimin · 2 months
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Perfect time | jjk
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⤷ part of the timing series
⏤ pairing: jungkook x female reader 
⏤ genre: parent au, exes to lovers, ceo au, angst, fluff, and smut 
⏤ rating: 18+
⏤ warnings: dilf!jungkook, tattooed!jungkook, swearing, mention of heartbreak, childbirth, mention of complications during childbirth, mention of abortion, mention of death, mention of toxic relationship, low self esteem, mention of the motherhood’s hardships, mention of sex, teasing, flirting, sexual tension, nipple play, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, jealousy, mention of breakups, dispute, making out, fingering, and creampie
⏤ words: 18,086
⏤ summary: right or wrong time? actually, was there a time at all for you and jungkook? following your heartbreaking conversation with him, you feel that you were loved but not wanted. however, would it be worse than feeling wanted but not loved? nevertheless, there’s a deep feeling inside you telling you that it’s far from being over with jungkook. will this mean that one day it will be the perfect time? 
 ⏤ author’s note: the final part is finally here! it's less than 20k as I thought it would be but it's still quite long for me 🥴 I truly hope you enjoy this last part of the timing series, it was honestly super fun to write it & it also helped me a lot! i hope you like this part, let me know what you think! thanks a lot for all the amazing support , it made this wild experience very funny! 💛
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As you’re looking at the screen with total disbelief, it makes you feel that the universe is throwing an unpleasant joke at your face. Your heart suddenly starts beating extremely fast in your chest. There’s absolutely no possible way that this moment is really happening. That this is real. 
Your world is totally collapsing under your feet. 
The past nine months have been quite hard, especially after the heartbreak Jungkook caused. Remembering the day he abandoned you sends shivers down your spine. You don’t like thinking about that moment because you felt completely alone with your bleeding heart in your hands. Currently, you don’t really know if you moved on from him but you’ve been seeing a guy, Yeonjun for the past two months. You’re not dating but you’re simply enjoying each other's company. Being around him makes you happy and that’s all that matters. 
Right now, you’re lying on a medical examination table in the emergency room. This morning you woke up with terrible back pain. A pain that had only been growing even though you took some painkillers. Throughout your life, you experienced quite a lot of back pain so at first, this didn’t really surprise you, especially since yesterday was a crazy day.  
Then, a stomach ache was added on top of the back pain which made everything very much unbearable. Yeonjun told you from the beginning to go to the doctor to check that out but you refused. When the stomach ache appeared, he took you to the hospital. There was no way he was going to let you suffer even though you were being very stubborn and you didn’t want to go. 
Well, now that you’re looking at that screen, you believe he did right. He’s staying in the waiting room while you’re being examined. But thinking of him currently breaks your heart because what you’re seeing on the screen will probably put an end to the blooming relationship between you. You don’t want to lose him, he’s been such a ray of sunshine in your life. Even Lux told you that you look happier than ever since he’s been part of your life.  
“I believe there is no need to tell you that we’re looking at a fully developed baby,” the obstetrician tells you. “Considering the size and the position of the baby, I would say that you’re in labor.” 
A tear runs down your face. Since the baby is fully developed, it means that they were conceived nine months ago. Jungkook is the father of this baby of yours. He’s the only man you slept with nine months ago. 
“Based on what I see right now, there are no concerning health problems but we would need to take several exams once they are born,” she adds. 
You’re in complete shock. How on earth is this even possible? How could you have not noticed this? Were there even signs that you ignored? How could this baby have grown hidden inside your body? And why has this happened? 
“I know this is a big shock,” the obstetrician says with a lot of sympathy. “But the only thing we can do right now is deliver this baby, check that everything is okay with them, and then you will think about what you’ll do.” 
She isn’t wrong but your brain has totally stopped working. You’re not able to think or say anything because this is just too much to process.    
“Would you let me check how many centimeters you are dilated?” 
You simply nod because like she said, the focus right now is to deliver this little human safely. She informs you to remove your pants and underwear, to place your foot in the foot supports, and to place your butt as close as possible at the end of the table. She places herself in between your legs to examine you properly. She definitely isn’t the person you were expecting to have between your legs…
As this moment completely overwhelms you, all that you want is to have your mama with you. You just wish to be in the comfort of your mama’s arms because no other arms will ever be able to comfort you, well except your father’s. And right now, you feel like a little baby that needs to be reassured by her parents.        
“You’re 7 centimeters dilated,” she informs you. “The baby is almost here. We would need to move you to a delivery room.” 
She keeps talking about all the information you need to know before the delivery. But your mind stopped listening after ‘the baby is almost here’. You’re simply disconnected from reality since this is too much to handle. All you think about is to have your mama. Nothing else. 
“Would you need someone to come?” she asks you. 
“I need to call my mama,” you reply. 
The obstetrician helps you to come down from the examination table. Quickly, you put back your underwear and trousers. As you do so, you notice that your belly has grown a tiny bit. In the midst of what she said while you were disconnected, you heard her saying that your belly will suddenly grow a lot until childbirth. This is scary. Extremely scary. 
Once dressed, you grab your phone to call your mom. The obstetrician indicates to you to follow her to move to the delivery room. 
“Mama,” you say when your mom picks up. 
“Hello, sweetie,” she answers. 
“Mama,” you repeat, “I’m going to have a baby very soon,” you immediately burst into tears. 
Now that you’ve said it out loud, it seems real. You’re really going to have a baby today, you’re about to become a mother. The mother of yours and Jungkook’s baby. But you’re absolutely not ready to endorse that role. However, beyond not being ready to take on that role, you also have nothing prepared in your apartment to welcome a baby. No bed, no clothes, no diapers, and all the other things a mother is supposed to have when having a child. 
But the true question right now is: do you want to keep the baby? or would you give them up for adoption? 
“Yn,” she starts saying, “where are you?” 
You tell her which hospital you are in and she immediately declares that she’ll be there in a couple of minutes. With surprise, the obstetrician hugs you to try to soothe you. Honestly, it’s also hard for her to see you in this ravaged state. 
“I’m so sorry to be the one announcing this devastating news, miss y/l/n,” she whispers while caressing your back. “I really want to say that everything will be alright but it’s a promise I can’t make. Childbirth is hard, there might be complications, the baby could have issues that I couldn’t see in the ultrasound, and after all that, you will need to decide if you want to keep the baby.” 
You hug her even more because it’s hard to hear all those things. This day is only getting worse and worse. Not only have you found out that you’re carrying a baby that you’ll have to deliver, but you’ll have to decide what to do if they live and have no health issues at birth. Give them up for adoption or keep them. 
“Your mother is coming, right?” she asks and you nod. “Then, you’ll have the biggest support,” she adds. “Have you also informed the father of the baby?” 
Right there, your body freezes even more. In the middle of all this chaos, you haven’t thought of informing Jungkook. Actually, you haven't even considered having Yeonjun informed since he’s waiting for you to come back. But you have to inform both of them, they can’t stay in the dark and even if you’re angry at Jungkook, you have to tell him. He deserves to have the choice to be present at your baby’s birth. 
So you pull away from the obstetrician to call your ex. She instantly understands that you’re about to call your baby’s father. She takes a step back to give you the space you need. As you’re waiting for Jungkook to pick up, you nervously bite your lower lip. You haven’t spoken in nine months, and now you’re about to tell him that you’re carrying his child who will be born still today. 
“Yn,” Jungkook says with surprise when he picks up. 
Jungkook wasn’t expecting at all to receive a call from you, especially after what he did. He hears you sniffle and honestly, it breaks his heart. He wonders if it has anything to do with the space he asked for or if it has anything to do with him at all. 
“Are you okay?” he asks with evident concern.
“I’m calling you because I’m about to give birth to our child. If you wish to be present, you can come,” you simply inform him. 
At your words, his body completely freezes. He can’t believe what he’s hearing and many questions cross his mind. But honestly, he doesn’t want to waste a second questioning you, it’s better to join you at the hospital and raise any questions there. It would be better. After that, he asks which hospital you are in and he leaves his company to get to you as soon as possible. 
Nurses appear in the room, asking you to wear a hospital blouse while the obstetrician calls for Yeonjun. Slowly but surely, your belly grows bigger. It’s still small but currently, you probably look like you’re 4-5 months pregnant. The blouse kind of hides it but it’s there, your pregnant belly is there. This is becoming very real. You’re about to give birth to a baby that you created with Jungkook. A little human will come to the surface of the earth because of you. 
However, the only reasonable thing to do is to give this baby up for adoption. Jungkook broke your heart, you haven’t spoken since then and you’re absolutely not ready for this. A baby isn’t a little thing. A baby is a human you’ll have to forever take care of. A baby you’ll be responsible for at least 18 years. This baby will forever link you with Jungkook and because of all those reasons, this baby will be happier with another family. If you had found out about this pregnancy at its premises, you would have aborted. There’s no doubt about it. Now, you can’t abort but you can offer them a much better life. 
As you’re walking in circles in the room to distract from the excruciating pain, Yeonjun enters the room with worry written all over his face. 
“Yn,” he says while coming in your direction, “what’s going on?” 
You take a very deep breath as you feel a contraction. “I’m about to give birth,” you tell him, “to Jungkook’s child.” 
With Yeonjun, you have spoken quite early on about your ex but you haven’t spoken about everything. He knows the most important things, just as you know the overall story of his relationship with his ex. His eyes wide open, absolutely surprised by your words. All this time that he has known you, there was literally a human growing inside you. That’s wild. 
“It’s a cryptic pregnancy,” you add. “The pain I’ve been feeling was due to the fact that I was in labor.” 
Yeonjun nods, understanding the situation. It all makes sense now. But he’s worried about you, about what you’re feeling right now. 
“How are you?” he asks with concern. 
“Not good,” you reply. “Physically this is horrible and emotionally, it’s devastating. My mind is all over the place but I don’t want this baby,” you tell him crying. 
Yeonjun holds you close and dearly in his arms. He can only imagine how you are feeling right now. This is a life-changing thing. After this, you’ll never be the same no matter what decision you take. 
“I don’t want this baby,” you keep repeating while sobbing in his arms. 
He doesn’t know what to say nor what to do. You’re in pain physically and emotionally and all he can do is support you through this. It’s not going to be easy from now on but he’ll hold your hand, he’ll be there for you because it is what you need. His heart is very much broken when he hears you crying and repeating that you don’t want this baby. It’s hard for him but he pushes away what he’s feeling to be there for you, to focus solely on you. 
His eyes scan the room to find a nurse. He needs guidance to help you in the best way possible. Plus, he knows that you deeply need it as well. The medical team needs to guide you through everything until the birth. A nurse enters the room at that precise moment. 
“Have you changed your clothes, miss y/l/n?” she asks while getting closer to you two. 
“Yes,” you answer, looking up at her, “but please call me yn.” 
She nods with a little smile. 
“The obstetrician informed me about the full situation. The good news is that the baby is very well-positioned and they are slowly descending. I will need to examine you so we can check if we see their head.” 
This time, you’re the one nodding. Yeonjun helps you to reach the hospital bed and to lay down. It’s quite difficult to move with this terrible pain caused by the contractions. The nurse checks everything and a smile appears on her face. 
“So we see the baby’s head, this is good. Now, it’s a matter of hours before the baby is here.” 
Tears roll even more down your face. In a matter of hours, your world would change forever because of this exact baby that you don’t want. 
“Yn, I know it’s very hard for you right now but I need you to only focus on giving birth,” she says. “I will guide you through every step and I won’t be leaving you alone. In no time, this pain will be gone.” 
Her words are adorable and it touches you deeply but it doesn’t change anything. 
“Now, I will need to monitor your contraction and baby’s heartbeat. It won’t hurt, I’ll only place a monitor on your belly. Is it okay?” 
Again you nod. While the monitor is placed on your belly, the door opens, revealing another nurse with your mom. She runs to you. The first thing she does is place a kiss on your forehead. 
“Oh my god,” she whispers. “It’s really happening.” 
For everyone in this room, it feels unreal. This pregnancy has had the effect of a bomb because it is beyond unexpected. Nobody saw anything and your mother feels some guilt as she sees you with tears in your eyes and so much pain painted all over your face. She should have noticed it. 
But it’s nobody’s fault. Nobody could have seen it. 
“I don’t want this baby, mama,” you say with tears running down your face. 
“I know, sweetheart,” she caresses your face. “But don’t think about it now, focus on giving birth, and then, you’ll decide what to do with the baby,” she says before pressing another kiss on your forehead. 
“But I don’t want…” 
Before you can finish your sentence, the door opens to reveal Jungkook. His eyes land on the only person he has ever deeply loved. You. He instantly notices that you’re suffering ⏤ and not just a bit ⏤ but his heart breaks when he sees you crying. This only sight is too much for him but he’s here. Never would he have missed the birth of his child. Your child. This is something he never thought possible. Neither did you.   
The atmosphere is quite heavy in the room, all of you feel it. All eyes are on Jungkook, he offers a little smile before walking in your direction. Yeonjun moves to give him the space to be near you, and it’s just at that moment that Jungkook notices him. However, he doesn’t really start questioning who this man is and what he is doing here. All he cares about right now is to understand this situation. 
As you see Jungkook standing next to you, it makes this chaotic situation even more real, which makes it even more overwhelming. You can’t have a baby with him, it’s not possible. Things between you have never worked out and they are actually complicated.  
“Hey, yn,” he finally says. “What is going on?” 
“I didn’t know,” you tell him, still crying. “I promise you that I didn’t.” 
The second he entered the room, Jungkook instantly understood that you weren’t aware of this pregnancy. The suffering was beyond the one of childbirth, there was an evident emotional distress written all over your face and it was combined with the pain of childbirth. He assisted at Arya’s birth so he saw how painful it is to give birth to a little human. So, naturally, he didn’t need you to say anything to understand the full picture.  
“It’s okay, yn,” he gently says, “I knew it.” 
You nod. Every person in this room is shattered to see you like this. Your mother and Jungkook would even say that this comes close to how you were when your sister passed away. You look completely overwhelmed by the situation, and the only other time it happened was with your sister’s death. 
“How are you feeling?” 
Even though this is causing a lot of pain, you can see that Jungkook is genuinely and deeply concerned about you. 
“Not good,” you admit honestly, “and I don’t want this baby.” 
“It’s understandable, yn,” he replies. “This is a massive surprise, and giving birth is hard too but you have the support of every person here, we won’t let you down in this particularly difficult moment.” 
To be honest, you weren’t expecting those words to come from Jungkook’s mouth. From your mother or from Yeonjun, yes but never from Jungkook. However, it warms your heart. Having them three supporting you through this difficult moment helps tremendously. It doesn’t erase the physical and emotional pain but it eases it. 
The following hours have been the most painful ones that you ever experienced. Time seemed to have completely stopped while the intensity of the contractions smashed you completely. But slowly, you could sense the baby descending. It was extremely weird but it was also a very unique experience. Even if you were in pain, you were also in awe of everything that your body was doing to give birth to your child. 
You walked a lot in the hospital with Jungkook and your mother to help out with the pain but you were stopping every time you were having a contraction. Yeonjun was present but in the background because this moment was yours and Jungkook’s. It wasn’t his even though he really wished to be part of it. This wasn’t his child that you were delivering. It was Jungkook’s. 
Once you reached the 10 centimeters of dilation, you laid down on the hospital bed to give birth to your baby. It was horrible to push, you were feeling like everything inside you was getting ripped. Feeling the baby being pushed down was awful. Jungkook was holding your left hand, encouraging you the way he could. On your right side, it was your mother that was holding your hand. Yeonjun wasn’t in the room, you were simply allowed to have 2 people with you. It broke your heart that he had to leave but honestly, he preferred that way. What truly mattered to him was to be present for all the other moments. Plus, he’ll be present for you once the baby is born. He’ll support you when you have to make a decision concerning your baby.  
After what felt like an eternity, the room was filled with the loud cries of your baby. The baby was instantly put against your chest, your hands automatically wrapped him to make sure that they were really here. The feeling of your child’s skin against yours eased your mind in a way that you can’t express. However, what hit you the most was the love you felt for that tiny human. How could that even be possible? Hours ago you didn’t even want this child to even exist but right after being born, you felt love for them.  
This love you felt isn’t that love described by every mother. It wasn’t like loving your mom for example but there was a certain love, one that you weren’t expecting to feel since you didn’t want this baby in the first place. 
The baby’s cries calmed down when they were placed against you. Your hands naturally caressed them in an attempt to calm them down. The moment was reassuring for you both and definitely very much needed. It was your first interaction together. The first moment you shared with the little human you created. 
“This is a very loud little boy,” the obstetrician said while revealing the gender of your baby. Her eyes looked up at Jungkook. “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?” 
Your ex nodded before moving closer to her. She showed him where to cut and he did it with immense pride. It was the second umbilical cord that he cut but each time, he felt nothing more than pride. The pride of becoming a father.  
“This strong boy was born on December 15th at 22:01,” the obstetrician said while looking at the clock in the room. 
The second the time of birth was announced you handed the baby to Jungkook. Despite everything, he was the father after all and he deserved a first moment with his son. A big smile appeared on his face when he saw his son for the first time. Just like you, he felt an unexplainable love for this tiny baby. Honestly, while you were in labor, he didn’t stop to think if he wanted to keep this child or give them up for adoption. He was only focused on helping you out. 
Inexplicably, as you were watching them, you felt something inside your heart. Again, it was something you can’t quite describe but it was definitely some sort of love. If you were honest with yourself, you’d know that you were still in love with Jungkook, and seeing him with your child made your heart burst even more with love. 
Your eyes were glued to that little tiny human that you literally pushed out from your body. This morning, you were still simply you. And just like that, at night, you became a mother. 
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Jungkook spent the night with you at the hospital. He informed Eunjin that he would need her to take care of Arya for at least a week. He didn’t explain the reason behind his request but he told her that he would explain later. Right now, what matters the most is being next to you and figuring this all out. Because now, you’ll have to decide the future of the boy you conceived. 
Your son underwent multiple tests in the first hours of his tiny existence to confirm that he didn’t have any serious medical condition, which was the case. The little baby is in solid health and he amazes you even more, he dearly held on to life. No matter what decision you make, you will forever admire this strong little boy. 
For the past hour, you’ve been looking at him sleeping in his little crib. The nurses swaddled him in a blanket and put a little cap on him. You can’t help but find him extremely adorable but as you stare at him you wonder if keeping him is the best thing to do. Merely hours before he was born, you didn’t want him but the love you felt for him the minute he was born has changed everything. You’re not sure anymore about what has to be done. 
“He’s so calm,” Jungkook’s voice echoes in the room. 
Your eyes look up at him. He’s sitting on a chair, on the other side of the crib and he’s also been staring at your son for the past hour. Both of you are completely lost, none of you knows what to do. For sure, you both have always wanted to have children but never under those circumstances. Well, Jungkook feels extremely guilty to have another child with someone he’s not in a relationship with and he can only blame himself for it. But this time, it’s completely different. This was a surprising birth. 
“He is,” you reply. “It seems like he doesn’t want to bother anyone,” you add. 
Seeing this little baby brings Jungkook back to the day Arya was born. She was even tinier than him, they were also very different but the love he felt for them the second he saw them for the first time is exactly the same. They are both his children, the flesh of his flesh. Looking at his tiny son makes him want to keep him. He wants to protect this little human. He wants to raise him. He wants to see him grow. He wants to see what kind of person he will become. He simply wants to give him love.  
But the truth is that it ain’t that simple. Neither of you expected this baby to arrive and he knows very well that he broke your heart. Things are definitely not easy between you. Adding a child in the mix won’t make this any easier so realistically speaking giving him up for adoption is the best thing you could do for this child. He’ll be with parents who will deeply love him, with parents who will be happily together. He’ll grow up in a much better environment. This child deserves the best. 
“This whole situation breaks my heart for him,” you say while your gaze moves between your son and your ex. “He’s been hiding for 9 months, surviving while I wasn’t taking any precaution. I have so much admiration for him but he deserves better,” your eyes now stop on Jungkook. “I didn’t even want him before he was born, I didn’t even notice him. He was literally growing inside me and I didn’t see him. What kind of human am I?” 
You start crying intensely. Jungkook stands up, running in your direction before holding you tightly in his arms. You blame yourself a lot for this whole situation. If you had noticed your pregnancy earlier, you wouldn’t be in this position right now. Feeling his strong arms around you brings you some kind of comfort. It also makes you feel like you’re not alone.
“Hey,” Jungkook says while rubbing your back, “don’t be hard on yourself like that. It is definitely not your fault, this is something you couldn’t have noticed. And look at him, he’s very healthy, he’s perfectly fine so even if you didn’t feel him, you did everything great otherwise he wouldn’t be here and healthy.” 
Your eyes are completely shut while you sob in Jungkook’s arms. Honestly, having him by your side in this crazy situation is very helpful and very much needed. You desire nothing more than to be angry at him for absolutely everything but this is a position you both put yourself in. You need him to navigate this together and in the best way possible. This is a human’s life we’re talking about. It’s not a little thing you can get over. 
“This is definitely a tricky position we’re both in because we have to decide what’s best for him in such a short amount of time but I truly believe that he’s here for a reason. No matter what decision we take, I’m sure he’s going to do just fine because he’s your son. You’re a very strong person and look how strong he already is. I’m absolutely proud of the little man he already is,” Jungkook confesses. “Being able to call him my son swells my heart with pride.” 
Fatherhood is something Jungkook knows very well. Being proud of your child is something you feel the second they’re born. But in this case, he feels even more pride for him because he survived 9 months while hiding inside you. He’s very much aware that the decision you’ll take will be the best for him but he’ll forever feel tremendous pride for this little man. 
“You’re not at fault nor should you feel guilty for all of this. It’s nobody’s fault here. Things are pretty rocky right now but we will go through everything together. I won’t ever leave you alone.” 
Jungkook means every word that leaves his mouth. He’s not proud of the way he handled things when you came back to his life but this is a situation that he doesn’t want to run away from. For sure, he can’t leave you alone, especially right now. He’s aware that you need him more than ever, and he also needs you. And from now on and whatever happens, he’ll forever be by your side. There’s no way he can abandon you after this.   
“However, now, we should focus on what future we want to offer him,” he whispers. 
The way you’re holding on to his arms reminds him of the time your sister passed away. That’s the only other time that you held him like this. It feels like your life really depends on it and that if you let go, you’ll die. And it devastates him. Because those two events are completely opposites. The last time was because of the ending of a life, death and this time is because of the beginning of a life, birth.     
“I don’t know, Kook,” you manage to say in between sobs. 
“Then, let’s think together,” he says while gently pushing you. 
As much as he wants to be the strong one, he can’t when he sees your ravaged face. This is beyond heartbreaking. His hands place your hair behind your ears while you clean your face. You thank him for helping you out, and he offers you a little smile. Both of you quickly glance at the little boy peacefully sleeping in the crib.  
“We need to think beyond what we are feeling right now, okay?” he asks and you nod. “So, first off, what would happen to him if we gave him up for adoption?” 
You take a moment to think. It’s a bit complicated to really think with all the overwhelming negative emotions you’re feeling right now but you try as hard as possible to push them aside. You really want to focus on your son’s future, he truly deserves it. 
“Well, a social worker would come to take him and probably ask us if we are 100% sure we want to put him up for adoption. Afterwards, I’d be discharged and we would both go back home. We would resume back to our lives pretending that nothing ever happened,” you say, Jungkook nods agreeing with your reasoning. “However, we would realize that it’s impossible to pretend that nothing ever happened. Right there, we would most probably regret our decision and imagine how things could have turned out if we kept him. Maybe, we would reach out to each other to discuss it. We would cry and we would probably try to find him to see what he has become.” 
Just the thought of having regrets hurts a lot for the two of you. At that exact moment, the right decision becomes quite clear but it is still best to go through both scenarios. 
“Now, from his point of view,” you say. “Most probably he’d have a rather good life unless he remains forever in a foster home. There are chances that he’d grow up feeling unloved, he’d wonder why we gave him up for adoption. If he ended up in a family that would deeply love him, he’d be loved but there would forever be this feeling of being not wanted. That feeling would also come from the fact that I had a cryptic pregnancy and that he was hiding all along,” you finalize. 
This is a heartbreaking reality but you’ve heard in many documentaries that most adopted kids feel that way. It’s hard for them to feel wanted and loved. Your son doesn’t deserve to grow with that feeling simply because he wasn’t expected in your life. It’s a shock right now but it won’t be the case forever. 
“I couldn’t agree more with you,” Jungkook replies. “And now for the other scenario?” 
His big doe eyes stare at you deeply. You give yourself a couple of seconds before replying although you pretty much know the answer. 
“First off, we would have to find a name because he couldn’t go by baby forever,” a little smile appears on your face as you look at your little baby. Jungkook notices the way you smile and it can’t help but warm his heart. “We would have to find an arrangement and figure out how we would want to raise him. It probably would never be easy but I guess we could find a common ground for him. There’s absolutely no doubt that we’d love him but we would need some time to overcome the shock we both feel right now. I’m very much uncertain about what the future holds if we keep him but I know that no matter what we’ll love him with all our hearts because we are his parents.” 
Saying out loud that you are his parents is another reality check, and those are the final words to conclude your decision. It’s quite obvious what you’ll do. You’re keeping him. 
“On my side, the decision is quite taken,” you say, looking up at Jungkook. 
His deep stare sends shivers down your spine. Honestly, it would be a lie to say that you don’t feel anything anymore for this man but it’s best to brush it off. 
“I’ll keep him because, in the long run, it is a decision that I would never regret,” you explain. “I’m very much aware that it’s not going to be easy for a lot of reasons but I already love him so much and I will forever love him. I can’t give him up for adoption because I will eventually regret it and I will break him by doing so. He deserves the best, I’m convinced I can give him that or at least I’ll try every day to do it,” you say. “Because I’m his mom.” 
Jungkook smiles when you say that you’re the mother of his child. He doesn’t doubt at all that you’ll be a great mom, from his perspective, you already are. 
“But the final decision will also depend on you,” you add. 
“My decision was basically taken the second I laid my eyes on him,” he tells you. “But I had some doubts due to the shock. However, now that we’ve thought of both scenarios, all that I have to say is that I would never be able to live without him. He’s my son. I couldn’t live with myself if I gave him up for adoption.” 
You’re thankful Jungkook was the reasonable one that made you really think about the future. A decision can’t be taken on a temporary feeling because it can cause a lot of damage. For sure, due to the surprise, giving him up for adoption seems like the right option but in the long run, it isn’t for any of you. Three lives would forever be broken. 
“Thank you,” you say as you lay on your head on his shoulder. 
Jungkook would be lying if he said that he didn’t love feeling your head on his shoulder. He would say right here that he regrets what he did to you nine months ago but he’s also very much aware that he doesn’t deserve you, especially not after what he did to you. It also won’t be correct of him to discuss that when you’re going through a tough time. Right now, all he can do is support you and be a good father to your child.
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For the entire day, there’s been only you, Jungkook, and your little boy. You both agreed to be alone the entire day to focus on the right decision to take and to also find a name for your baby boy. But it has been a struggle. None of you seem to agree on a name. 
“Did it take you and Eunji so long to find Arya’s name?” you ask. 
Even though you know where the name comes from, Eunji also chose it. Your ex didn’t name his daughter all by himself, there’s a mother too. At the end of the day, she was the one who carried Arya for nine months. 
“Well, it for sure took us more than 5 months,” he replies. “When we found out that it was a girl, we started a list with all the names we loved. However, we didn’t like the names the other liked. For 2 months, we kept adding names to the list to see if we could find one. Arya wasn’t on my list because it had a deep meaning for me, it was the name we agreed to give to our daughter,” his eyes stare deeply at you. 
You still remember the day you were talking about all the cute names you’d give to your children. It’s a moment that always warms your heart because back then, everything seemed so easy. Your sister was still alive, you hadn’t kissed your ex-crush, everything was going well with Jungkook, and you were still head over heels in love with him. Well, honestly, it is still the case today even if he broke your heart. 
The man standing in front of you has been your greatest love, the first man you really and deeply loved. A first real love always remains in your heart although they hurt you. They will forever stay in your heart. Hopefully, with time, the strong feelings you have for Jungkook will diminish, or at least, you hope that you will be able to keep moving with your life without those sentiments being an obstacle to your romantic life. 
“Proposing that name would be like a betrayal towards you. I couldn’t do that,” he whispers. “Eunji was the one proposing it and at first, I pretended I didn’t like it. She really loved it but it was kind of removed from our list, which was still empty when she was 7 months pregnant,” a little smile appears on his face. “Then, at that point, you realize your daughter will be here very soon and you have to find a name. We needed to find compromises, we needed to find names that we at least liked a little bit. Again, Arya was not on our list,” his eyes never leave your face. 
Honestly, as you glare at him, you can see in his eyes all the affection he has for you but you brush it off. However, it is actually the way he’s looking at you. Jungkook holds a lot of affection for you. He’ll always cherish you even though he behaved like a child. His heart still burns for you but he can’t come back in your life. Or at least not right now. For sure, if he does so, he’s very much aware that he’ll break your heart once more and you absolutely don’t deserve it. He’s even convinced that he doesn’t deserve you. 
Those past nine months, he got the time to sit down and contemplate his actions. Unquestionably, he acted like a child. He was selfish, he only took from you what interested him, and then threw you away. But honestly, he never wondered what it would be like to have you back in his life. For the past ten years, he desperately wanted you back but he didn’t consider past that, probably because deep down, he was convinced that you would never come back. However, you came back and everything simply became overwhelming. 
“Eunji kept bringing back Arya, and I don’t know, I simply gave up at some point because I always adored that name,” he explains. “I only explained after the birth of Arya why I didn’t want that name for our daughter, but honestly, for a long moment, I felt I betrayed you. I know it’s a deep emotion but back then, I hadn’t moved on.” 
It is still the case today. The only difference now is that you’re actually around him and things are way more complicated than back then because he’s the one that messed everything up. Today, it’s his own fault if he can’t move on.  
For a brief moment, you simply stare at each other like there’s nobody else but you in the room. It brings you both back to the time when you were lovers, when everything was absolutely easy. For a moment, you forget all the terrible things that have happened between you. You forget how toxic your relationship has been. It’s easy to forget when strong feelings are involved. 
“It’s nice to finally know the background of Arya’s name,” you break this special moment, your eyes looking down at the little baby sleeping. “Now, we have to find one for our little mister.”   
Well, this time around, you don’t have 5 months to find a name for your son. Today, he needs to have a name because he needs to be registered. The nurses have agreed to extend the deadline a bit but only because Jungkook is quite known and they were charmed by him. 
“You know, I want his name to be related to my sister in some kind of way because I think she has sent him to us,” you say, convinced that your little man is a little gift from her. A gift she’s giving to you and Jungkook. She always adored him, you used to call yourself the ‘Fantastic Four’. You used to spend a lot of time with her and her boyfriend, it was always a good time. 
“Yes, I’m also convinced she gave us this little man, and it would only make sense to name him in a way related to her,” he replies. 
Jungkook was terribly affected by her death. He loved your sister, she was one of his closest friends, and losing her was devastating. Certainly not in the same way as you because she was your everything. As you lost her, you lost a big part of yourself. 
“She’s my angel, the star that shines the brightest in the sky,” you add. 
“Maybe we could try finding a name whose meaning is star?” Jungkook suggests. 
You nod, totally agreeing with him. That’s definitely a fantastic idea. Jungkook googles ‘boy name meaning star’, and you both look at the suggestions. There’s nothing really interesting and matching your interests. The only thing you agreed on was to give him a short name like Arya. 
The boy name you had chosen when you were younger was Axel but when you looked at your son, it didn’t feel like it was his name. He doesn’t have a face of being called Axel but in case you don’t manage to find a name for him, you’ll go with Axel. It would have made sense to name him like that because it was your decision but it doesn’t seem right. 
However, the name Leo appears in Google's suggestions. The name catches your attention. Leo makes reference to a constellation in the sky and it also means lion. This is the perfect name for your child. A constellation is a group of stars so it definitely makes reference to your sister. Lion is a very strong animal, and your little baby is already very strong. This name is absolutely perfect for your son. 
You and Jungkook look at each other with a bright smile on your faces. There’s no need to say anything, you both fell in love with this name. Then you look down at your calm little boy. 
Jeon Leo, it’s perfect. 
You bend down as much as you can, your body is completely sore from giving birth. It hurts everywhere. You caress the soft face of your son, he giggles a bit but not much. Now, this is your reality. You’re the mother of Leo, the son you share with Jungkook. Things are pretty rocky right now, and for sure, they are going to be for a little while. Your emotions are all over the place, and you’re convinced they will be for a time since now, you’re not going to sleep much. 
But right now, all you want to focus on is your son. 
The next day, both you and Jungkook agreed on only having your parents visit you. If each of you starts inviting people, at the end of the day, a lot of people will come, and it will be too much for you and Leo. It was absolutely adorable to see them interact with the baby. For your parents, it is their first grandchild but it isn’t the case for his parents. However, it doesn’t change the fact that they were mesmerized by him. 
Your parents shed a little tear when you explained the meaning of his name. When your parents were in the room, it felt like your sister was also present. Honestly, it was a magical moment. A moment you’ll forever cherish in your heart, especially when they hold him in their arms. Your father even cried when he had Leo in his arms. At that precise moment, it didn’t matter that they never really liked Jungkook, it didn’t matter that he hurt you. Nothing really mattered, except sharing a family moment. 
Having Jungkook’s parents was also very special. You hadn’t seen them in a while so it was good to see them. They were extremely happy to have another grandchild, they also liked the name. they said it was original just like Arya. Honestly, they were as surprised as your parents that you had a child together. None of them knew that you had seen each other but they didn’t raise out loud any question since this birth was unexpected.  
When you’re alone at night in the room, you stare at Jungkook rocking Leo in his arms. Minutes ago you were breastfeeding him, it was a battle but slowly you were getting there, but it was a special and bonding moment between you. Now, Jungkook is trying to find a bonding moment with his son. Both of you are trying to create a connection with your son and learn how to love him. 
Nevertheless, as you’re looking at them, it hits you in the face that Jungkook is now part of your family.
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For the first time in four months, you’re out without Leo. Your mother and Lux took you out of the house so you could breathe a little bit. Everything has been a complete mess since Leo's birth, and honestly, you haven’t been feeling very great. From your perspective, you’re a terrible mother because it feels like you don’t love him at all. Yes, you felt some kind of love when he was born but since then, it feels like nothing has changed. For sure, the sleepless nights haven’t been helpful. 
Most of the time, you feel completely lost. You don’t know exactly what you need to do, but the only thing that calms him down is when you hold him or when you’re breastfeeding him. But outside that, you don’t really know what to do. Everything is simply overwhelming. Being a mother is overwhelming. 
“How are you feeling?” Lux rises after the waiter brings the coffees. 
Your mother has come quite often to help you with Leo. She’s been your savior. Well, Jungkook has also been your savior. The fact that he already has a daughter is actually useful. He’s been by your side in every way. He’s very supportive and he always finds the words to reassure you when you’re crying in the middle of the night because you can’t put Leo to sleep. Frankly, without him, you don’t know how you could have survived those past four months. 
“Extremely tired,” you answer. “Physically and mentally.” 
They both know how hard it has been for you, and they can’t imagine how it must feel to become a mother overnight. On top of that, the father is your ex. It mustn’t be pleasant to constantly be around your ex, and let alone one that has broken your heart not long ago. 
“But having Yeonjun helps me to kind of relax in the middle of this chaos,” you add with a little smile growing on your face. 
Yeonjun has been your rock since the birth of Leo, he has helped you a lot. For sure, Jungkook has been your savior but Yeonjun is your rock. Without them and your mother, you would have completely fallen apart. He often comes to visit and he calls you everyday. He always makes sure that you eat every day and he’s also present to remind you when you need to take a shower. 
However, what surprises you is how both he and Jungkook have managed to coexist together very peacefully. You’ve been living at Jungkook’s place since your son’s birth and the reason behind it is to make things easier. You are together through every step, you change diapers, you feed him, you reassure him when he cries, and you take turns when he wakes you up at night. You’ve been in this together and that’s your strength. 
Yeonjun has been coming to your ex’s place. Jungkook has welcomed him with open arms and Yeonjun has felt comfortable being at his place. Your ex was the one encouraging you to give him a chance, to see where things could go but for now, it’s best to not start a relationship. Everything is pure chaos and you’re scared to hurt him unwillingly, simply because you’re going through a lot right now.
Jungkook has seen the way he helped you since the moment you were crying in the hospital bedroom and the way he has been there for you when he got all the reasons to leave you. He knows Yeonjun is the right one for you. 
“That’s sweet that he’s been around,” your mother says. “I noticed how it has been helping you to stay sane.” 
That is true. He’s been respecting your space which is more than appreciated while you try to figure out how to balance everything. As soon as things calm down a bit, you’ll go back to your apartment. You can’t stay forever at your ex’s place, especially since it’s hard to always be around him. The heartbreak is still very much here, and sometimes you feel like it’s amplified by the lack of sleep. But right now it seems like the easiest solution to navigate those first months.
“Yep,” you answer. “But it’s also not always easy to constantly be around Jungkook,” you add. “I know that we agreed that it was the best solution to live together for the first months of Leo’s life but it doesn’t change the fact that he hurt me.” 
Maybe overtime, it won’t hurt anymore, at least that’s what you think. It’s already been more than a year and it hurts less than it did months ago. Certainly, having Yeonjun now helps a lot to ease the pain. He’s been treating you like a real princess and you feel extremely loved by him. You actually can’t wait to see how things will evolve with him, especially once you go back to your apartment. 
“It doesn’t hurt as it did months ago but sometimes, all this chaos amplifies the pain. In those moments, I try to avoid him as much as I can,” you explain. 
Well, sometimes, it’s complicated to avoid him, and most of the time, you completely explode. You throw all your anger at his face before totally bursting into tears, and since there’s nobody else in those moments, he’s the only one holding you in his arms to console you. Jungkook can imagine how it can be difficult for you but all he can do is be present for you when you need it. 
“Honestly, I don’t know how you do,” Lux tells you. “If I were in your shoes, I would have already punched him in the face. I already wanted to do it with Henry when our son was born so I can’t imagine how it must be in your situation.” 
Nobody around you can understand it. They can try but that’s it. Jungkook is the only one who can understand you. He also became a father overnight, he also had to figure out how to love his son, and he also had to figure out how to balance this new life. The only thing he can’t understand is how to live with an ex that broke your heart. 
“It’s for Leo’s best interest,” you say. “And for mine as well,” you admit out loud. “It would be too hard if half of the time I was alone in my apartment.” 
The two options you considered were living together for a couple of months or sharing custody right from the start. However, you knew that sharing custody would be way too difficult for you. You won’t regret the decision you made because even with Jungkook by your side, it’s still not easy. Your heart breaks whenever you hear Leo cry. 
“But as soon as we find a balance, I’ll move back to my apartment. We agreed we’d stay at his place for at least the first 6 months of Leo’s life and that we’d assess the situation every month. But it’s quite obvious that it’s not the moment yet.” 
They both nod. If right now this dynamic is what helps you, then you should keep doing it for as long as needed. Being with them out of the house feels good, it simply feels good to see other faces. You simply enjoy this moment with them. For the next 2 hours, you stay with them and talk about everything and anything. 
Afterwards, you go back to Jungkook’s place. Since Arya is with her mother today, he was all alone with Leo. When you arrive, he’s half asleep with his son sleeping on his chest. There’s white noise playing in the background. It’s probably one of the YouTube videos he found to put Leo asleep. Your eyes quickly check out his torso which is on full display. He’s still extremely hot, and sometimes, you catch yourself wanting to have sex with him. You know it’s all due to your hormones being all over the place. But to be honest, being a father makes him look extra sexy. 
“Hi, yn,” he whispers. 
You get close to take a look at your son, he’s peacefully sleeping on his father’s chest which makes him look extremely adorable. Leo has been growing a lot for the past four months and getting chubbier day after day but it’s normal. The nurse told you that he has a normal weight and height for a four-month-old. Your son is absolutely so cute, he looks like a perfect mix between you and Jungkook. 
“Hard to put him to sleep?” you ask with a little smile. 
“Yep,” he replies. “Even doing the skin-to-skin thing wasn’t helping, but thankfully, white noises always work,” he says while trying not to speak too loudly. 
“Maybe it’s best to try to put him in his crib?” you ask. 
“Maybe not now,” he answers. 
Jungkook feels a certain guilt by contradicting you, especially since he notices that you didn’t like his answer. But before he can even add something, you nod and leave the room to go to the bathroom to take a quick shower. However, before doing so, you sit down on the floor to pump your milk. Your breasts are heavy and full of milk. If you don’t empty them, even a tiny bit, they’ll explode. At least that’s what it feels like. You place the pumps on each of your breasts and close your eyes. 
Seeing Jungkook’s body always wakes a fire inside you, and you need to calm it down. You always feel some culpability, especially since you’re falling in love with Yeonjun. There’s no doubt that you’re going to end up with him but Jungkook is always in a corner of your mind. He’s always there, and you’re afraid to hurt Yeonjun. 
There’s a knock on the door, followed by Jungkook calling your name. You instantly open your eyes before readjusting yourself on the bathroom floor. 
“Yes,” you answer. 
“I’m sorry for contradicting you,” he mumbles. 
“It’s okay Jungkook, you don’t have to be sorry every time we contradict each other,” you add. 
Today, his disagreement had a bittersweet taste. You don’t exactly know why but it hurt you a bit when he didn’t agree with you. It’s silly but it doesn’t change the way you feel. 
“I saw your face, yn,” he adds. “And I know that face very well, you didn’t like my answer.” 
You close your eyes for a brief moment, taking a deep breath. You’re trying to calm yourself down. 
“Leave me alone,” you say while opening your eyes again. 
Now, Jungkook is the one taking a deep breath.It’s not always easy for you both to raise the little man, and right now is one of those moments. He’s scared to hurt you again in those moments, and you clearly don’t deserve it. You’re discovering maternity under those exceptional circumstances and hurting you even more will only make things worse. 
“Leo is now sleeping in his little crib,” he tells you. “You were right, he’s better there.” 
Lately, your ex has been trying to be gentle with you. No matter how you’re feeling, he’ll let you take it out on him. The situation you’re both in is tricky but he wants you to know that he’s there for you. That you’re not alone. 
“Okay, just let me take a shower,” you reply. 
“Okay but if you need anything, let me know.” 
Jungkook leaves you alone, and you enjoy that moment to calm down. For sure, you need it because you don’t want to explode for something as little as this. Afterwards, you leave the bathroom with your pump, and the little bottles with your milk. The first thing you do is go to the kitchen to put the milk in a small bag and indicate the day and the hour of the milk withdrawal. You place it in the freezer and then, you quickly go to your room. 
Leo is sleeping in his crib, he seems so serene. Your ex placed a little blanket on him, and you caressed the right chubby cheek of your son. You’re proud of yourself to have survived so far and to have kept him alive this far. He’s so big now compared to when he was born, which is normal but it always impresses you how much he has grown in such a short amount of time.
After checking on your son, you join his father in the living room. You sit next to him on the couch, he’s wearing a shirt now and you’re thankful for that. 
“I’m also sorry for my reaction,” you tell him. “Leo was finally sleeping on you after you struggled so it was normal you didn’t want to move.” 
Since Leo’s birth, you and Jungkook have been communicating a lot. It’s a good thing because it has been helping you tremendously to navigate this all. 
“Don’t worry,” he answers, “I guess we’re both to blame here.” 
“And please try to wear shirts when I’m around,” you add. 
A smile appears on his face. He noticed the way you were hungrily looking at him, he’s also been doing it from time to time. He still finds you extremely attractive, and seeing you with your son makes you even more attractive. He wishes that things were different, he wishes to have never broken your heart because he’s convinced things would have been easier. 
“Well, the skin-to-skin contact is important,” he replies. You roll your eyes, he’s such a tease. “But don’t worry, I’ll try to wear a shirt next time,” he winks at you. 
There’s no doubt something is happening between you. The little spark is coming back and you’re simply letting it consume you both. None of you is trying to push the other off. It almost feels like nothing has ever happened. 
“But if I do so, you’ll have to cover your chest every time you breastfeed,” he adds. 
Right there and then, you understand what is going on and maybe because of the hormones being all over the place, you don’t feel like stopping him. He’s making you feel desired, and damn, right now, you desire him more than ever.  
“And if I don’t want to?” you teasingly ask. 
A smirk appears on his face. He gets closer to you, your eyes closing when you sense his warm breath against your skin. It instantly sends shivers down your spine. 
“Then, I might do unholy things,” he whispers in your ear before biting your earlobe. “Unholy things that our son can’t see,” he adds. 
His lips press a gentle kiss on your neck, right under your ear. Your arms wrap him, bringing his body closer to yours. His lips leave a trail of kisses from your neck to the corner of your lips. Your heartbeat increases while you breathe faster. His eyes meet yours. They are filled with lust, something you haven’t seen in a long time. Honestly, that simple gaze gets you wetter. 
Now, you desperately crave him.  
His lusty eyes understand it and in a blink of an eye, he presses his hungry lips against yours. Even though you’re both fully driven by desire, this kiss is soft and tender. It’s not bestial at all like it could have been. In fact, you’re actually convinced that if you rush it, it will destroy the magic behind this exact moment. His strong arms wrap tighter around you almost as if he’s scared to let you go. 
His lips are so soft on yours, the tenderness of the kiss making your heart melt completely. You honestly missed being kissed by him because nobody compares to him. Your heart is pounding extremely hard in your chest while the butterflies in your lower stomach are making you feel completely alive. Your hands cup his face while you kiss him passionately.  
If someone told you a year ago that you’d be sitting on his couch while kissing him intensely, you would have laughed so loud. And probably, you’d start crying in your bed because it would cause a lot of pain to picture kissing him again. And if anyone told you that you’d have a baby with him, you’d die instantly. 
Slowly, Jungkook pushes you to lay on the couch. In a matter of seconds, your shirt is pulled out and his greedy lips find their way to your nipples. They pleasantly torture you, and you don’t hold back your moans. At this moment, you completely forget that you have a son sleeping not too far from you. 
Your back arches, bringing your body closer to his mouth. Your baby daddy doesn’t spare you at all, he tortures you in a way that only he can do. Your hands are running through his hair, almost as if you’re trying to hold onto something. Now that you’ve become a mother, your breasts are super sensitive so this torture is driven crazier than it used to. 
On top of that, it’s the first time you’ve been intimate with someone since your son’s birth. It’s also the first time another man other than your son is touching your breasts. This moment is making you feel like a woman again, something you had completely lost when you became a mother. For the past months, you’ve been first and foremost a mother, a desperate one but the woman part has been put aside. However, Jungkook is bringing back that side of you, and it makes you feel alive. 
Slowly the nipple sucking turns into you getting naked. It turns into him thrusting into you like there’s no tomorrow. For hours, you make love, completely forgetting everything. You’re in your own bubble. A bubble you should probably never have created but this feels exquisitely good. Having Jungkook in between your legs burying his cock deep inside you is like being in heaven. 
Your body has completely changed since Leo’s birth, and having sex with Jungkook helps you to explore what this new body sexually adores. But nothing compares to the feeling of his hand touching every part of you that has changed, and his lips too. However, what warms your heart is the way his eyes stare at your body. They glow so much, and it makes you feel desirable again. 
For sure, the way you see your body shouldn’t be defined by the way a man looks at you, but it helps to embrace this new body even more. Yes, you’re thankful this body provided everything Leo needed, especially since you didn’t know he was there. Yes, you’re thankful you delivered him safely. Yes, you’re thankful it gives Leo everything he needs in his first months of life. But your body changed and it’s a body you have to discover all over again. 
Your body isn’t just your home anymore, it’s Leo’s too. 
Everything is different and everything feels different. This new body is more sensitive so having sex is a hundred times better than before. Sex feels even more intense. And god, let’s not start talking about doggy style. Orgasms are coming one after the other. Everything is overwhelming but in a good way. 
Jungkook, on his side, finds you even prettier than before. Surely, it has to do with the fact that your body carried Leo for nine months and is now providing him with all that he needs. Having sex with you also feels more overwhelming for him. He’s been desperately holding back his orgasms to not come like an idiot after 3 seconds. 
After having all that sex, you simply lay on the couch next to each other, heavily breathing. You’re simply staring at the ceiling in silence for a moment. Then, Jungkook grabs the baby monitor to take a look at your son. 
“Even with all the noise we made, this kid slept,” he says with a heavy breath. 
Your eyes glaze at the baby monitor, and a little smile appears on your face. Your baby daddy puts it back on the coffee table before grabbing a blanket to place it on both of your bodies. You offer him a little smile and you rest your head on his shoulder. This intense activity tired you out a lot. It’s best to try to sleep a bit before Leo wakes up.
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Jungkook is standing at the entrance of the private school that Arya is attending. As surprising as it sounds, he took a paternity leave combined with the annual leaves he’s entitled to take, even if he’s the CEO of Jeon Industries. Being present as a father in his child’s first months of life always mattered more than anything else in the world. Those leaves surprised the entire world but the company can survive without him for a little while. He hired the best people so he trusts them. 
Once all those leaves are over, he’ll run the company from home. Going back to work with a baby who cries a thousand times at night is quite hard, and he already looks like a zombie. Since he’ll work from home, he’ll choose when to work and when not. At the end of the day, he’s the big boss so he can do whatever suits him. But right now, his priorities are his children and you. 
“Daddy,” Arya says while running in his direction. 
A bright smile appears on his face. Lately, he’s been trying to adjust to this whole new dynamic. It’s hard trying to spend as much time as possible with Arya when Leo captures all the attention. At first, she was a bit jealous of her brother but slowly, she’s been accepting that she has one now. She’s been trying to help, she gives you the diaper when you’re changing Leo, and she speaks to him when he’s crying. She’s doing what she can and it’s adorable. 
Jungkook places himself at her level to catch her. The days he has her are the days he’s the happiest because he’s surrounded by the people he loves the most. Even if he’s extremely tired, he’s extremely happy. Having a surprise child is absolutely not easy but slowly it’s getting easier. 
“Princess,” he says when he catches her. 
Nothing can compare to feeling his kids in his arms. Leo is still very small but when he holds him, he simply feels at peace, the same way it feels to hold Arya. But then, there’s you. Having you in his arms feels like being home. His heart is reassured whenever he holds you tight, and he always tries to provide you with the same feeling when you’re crying. In the past six months, he has seen you cry a thousand times and each time has been heartbreaking. Most of the time, he also ends up crying because you’re both completely overwhelmed by the situation. When it happens, you’re also the one holding him tightly. 
Leo has brought you closer than ever. 
However, it’s in a totally different way. You’ve become super close friends, and it kind of makes this situation easier to deal with. For sure, there’s a lot of pain from the past and it’s hard but you’re closer. What definitely changed your relationship is the sex. Since you had sex for the first time after your son’s birth, something deeply changed. After that time, you only made love one other time but you’ve been pretending like nothing ever happened. Because you both know that it’s mostly a physical need. 
Jungkook would be lying if he said that he doesn’t think about it quite often. When he lays his eyes on you, he’s brought back to those two incredible moments, and he wishes he could repeat them. But there’s a limit, especially since you’ve been trying to figure your life out. He noticed how things changed between you and Yeonjun. He’s fully aware that it is because you slept together and you don’t know what to do anymore. However, he's 100% sure that it’s not even in your mind to get back with him. 
“How’s your day going?” he asks his daughter. 
The little girl starts ranting about her day at school while he holds her hand and walks with her to the car. Eunji left Arya’s belongings at his place earlier today. She’s been quite helpful since your son’s arrival, and it’s been more than appreciated. Any help received right now is more than welcome. Eunji understands that this is a very complicated situation and she’s been trying to adjust as well. Most of the time, Arya only spends the day here and sleeps at her mother’s so she isn’t woken up at night by Leo. This was an agreement the three of you made. Of course, there are days where she spends the night here but it doesn’t happen quite often. However, tonight, she’s going to sleep at her father’s place, and she’s very excited. The reason you all agreed is because it’s friday and tomorrow she doesn’t need to go to school. 
Jungkook helps her to get inside the car, and as every day, she requests to listen to Part of Your World from the Little Mermaid, her favorite Disney movie. By now, you all know this song since you play it all the time. Her father doesn’t understand how she isn’t tired yet to listen to it on repeat. No doubt that he is tired of it! As they arrive home, Arya rushes to the living room to see her little brother. Luckily for her, you’re there, sitting on the couch and breastfeeding Leo. 
A bright smile appears on your face when you see her. She quickly caresses her brother’s hair before pressing a gentle kiss on his head. 
“Hi, baby brother,” she whispers. Her little eyes look up at you and a big smile appears on her face. “Hi, yn.” 
“Hi, little monster,” you answer. “I’ll give you a kiss once Leo’s done eating.” 
She nods and sits next to you. Your eyes move to Jungkook who’s putting down his daughter’s backpack. His eyes meet yours for a brief moment before quickly looking down at your breast. When you notice it, a little laugh leaves your lips while you shake your head. It’s funny the way he’s always mesmerized by your breasts. If there weren’t the kids, he would have probably said or done something. 
After Leo’s eaten enough, you made sure he burped. Then, Arya asked if she could hold him, and of course, you helped her hold her little brother. She’s always adorable and it warms everybody’s heart that she takes her big sis role very seriously. You’re thankful your son has Arya as a sister. She definitely has the biggest and most wonderful heart in the world. 
For dinner, you and Jungkook prepared lasagna much to Arya's delight. She mentioned a lot of times that it was absolutely good and she also spoke a lot about her friends because one of them is throwing a little party for their birthday. She sounded extremely excited which was cute. 
Once both Arya and Leo are sleeping, there’s just you and Jungkook in the kitchen. He’s drinking wine while you’re drinking a beer without alcohol. 
“We have to talk about what we’ve been doing,” you tell him. 
For the past few days, it has been on your mind to talk with him about the two-night stands you had. If it happened, it’s for a reason and you also need to discuss it with him because you’re a bit lost. You’re falling in love with Yeonjun but there’s Jungkook and you’ve been sleeping together. It kind of makes you feel guilty although you’re not in a relationship with him. 
Jungkook nods and takes a sip of wine. 
“I know I wanted it and I don’t regret it at all but there’s Yeonjun,” you start saying but before you can add anything, Jungkook interrupts you. 
“Listen, I’ve seen how confused you have been those past few days and I know it’s because of what we’ve been doing. What is going on is complicated, we suddenly had a son and we suddenly started living together. We share a history so for sure we’ll forever be attracted to each other in a way,” he says. “But don’t start pushing Yeonjun away because of me. He’s the right one for you.” 
It hurts to say those words out loud but truth being told, it’s better you try something with Yeonjun than him. He’s scared to hurt you once again and he’d die if he ever does it again. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself because you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him. Being friends is the best solution for you. 
“He’s been treating you better than I ever did so you should give him a chance. We’ve been pretending that nothing happened and it’s best we keep doing it. Don’t torture yourself any longer and just try. I’m sure you’ll be super happy and that’s the thing you deserve the most. I never was the right one for you but he has been the second he came into your life,” he finishes. 
A tear runs down your face. This Jungkook in front of you is such a more mature version of him than the one that broke your heart over a year ago. This man is the one you have always wanted to see but now it’s too late. Your heart beats for Yeonjun. You were scared that having sex with your ex meant that you were falling for him all over again. However, now that he is saying those words, it makes it clear that it is just an illusion. You’re still falling in love with Yeonjun but you simply had a moment of weakness due to the complicated situation that you are in. 
“And please don’t feel guilty, you didn’t cheat on him or anything. But I hope that all of this will help you to see things clearly,” he adds. 
You stand up and hug your baby daddy. In the end, the birth of Leo helped him to get more mature, that’s what you think. But the truth is that you’re the reason behind his growth. Jungkook needed to be present for you, he needed to be your shoulder to rest on while you were trying to figure out how to become a mother. You simply needed him, and he had to grow to be what you needed the most. Jungkook had lost you and all he could do was to make sure you’d be happy. Even if that meant without him.
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8 years later
Today is Leo’s 8th birthday. 
A bright smile appears on your face when your eyes land on him. He’s running all over Jungkook’s living room with his friends. He’s such a big boy and you’re proud of the little man he has become. 
“Mommy,” as those words are pronounced, you feel a little hand pushing your dress. You look down to see your second born, Levi. 
“Yes, sweetie?” you ask before grabbing him to hold him in your arms. 
Levi is the son you had with Yeonjun. He’s 4 years old and is a miniature of his father while Leo is more of a mix of you and Jungkook. So most of the time, people don’t believe them when they say they are brothers. However, that isn’t the case when it comes to Arya and Leo as they both resemble their father in a certain way. 
“Can I have cake?” he asks. 
“Not yet,” you answer. “You’ll have a piece after singing happy birthday to Leo, okay?” you tell him. 
The little boy nods before asking you to let him go. Hyejoo, the mother of Taehoon, one of Leo’s friends, joins you. She has become a very good friend of yours and she has been very present in your life for the past year. It’s been almost a year since you and Yeonjun broke up, and let’s say that it hasn’t been easy at all. For a bit over a year, the relationship has started to deteriorate. At first, it was a bit due to the monotony but you both tried to find a solution. It worked but only for a short time. 
Yeonjun lost his job, he started drinking instead of finding a new job. Your income was then the only one coming in. Obviously, it became hard to live with only one income and a drunk boyfriend. You tried to make him realize that he needed to move his ass but it only made everything worse. Trying to reason with an alcoholic is like talking to a wall. He got defensive and you were constantly fighting. In the midst of all that, you were trying to protect the kids but they could sense and see that everything was different. 
One day, you vent to Jungkook with whom you became good friends. Since he’s literally one of the wealthiest men in the country, he offered to help you. You couldn’t refuse since you had to feed two little monsters but that made things even worse. Yeonjun suddenly became jealous of Jungkook. That was the last straw. 
He never had any reason to be jealous of Jungkook. It was your ex, the romantic love between you was long gone and he is now a friend. But above anything else, he is Leo’s father. You never wanted any stupid tension between them since there are kids involved. The three of you always made everything work out for the kids and a simple job loss threw that all away. 
Today things are still complicated with Yeonjun but the break-up was his wake-up call. From there, he started getting his shit together. Temporarily you agreed to let him live with you but he had to quickly find a solution which he did. All along, Jungkook was there as he’s been doing for the past 8 years. He has been your shoulder to lay on when you need it the most. 
“How are you?” She asks. 
“I’m fine,” you tell her. “Seeing my boys excited about this birthday party truly makes me happy.” 
Seeing them happy is all that you need to be happy. Nothing else matters. 
“But you know, this date always has a bittersweet taste,” you confess. “It was one of the hardest days of my life.” 
Even though you love Leo with all your heart, it doesn’t change the fact that his birth was one of the most arduous days of your life. It will forever be like that, and every birthday will be a reminder of that day. A day you endured physical and emotional pain and a day you didn’t want him to come. When you look at him, being so happy to celebrate his birthday with his friends, it crushes your heart that you didn’t want him at first. But that’s the truth. 
“Well, it’s more than understandable,” she says. 
Your eyes move to Jungkook, who is speaking with some friends. He has changed a lot over the past 8 years. He has grown into a very mature man and it amazes you to think how different he is now. Nine years ago, he broke your heart. Now he’s the one amending it. He did a lot of work on himself, he faced all his demons and fought them. And he did it for himself, he didn’t use the stupid reason of ‘it’s for my kids’. He finally understood that he needed to take care of himself first. 
In the midst of all that internal work, he found a girlfriend, Jihyo with whom he’s still with today. She’s a sweetheart and you love her. She’s definitely the one he needs. You’re so happy that he found her, he deserves his happy ending. A couple of weeks ago, she told you that she’s convinced that he’ll propose to her any time soon. Even though he’s your ex, you’d be glad to assist at his wedding. Jihyo and Jungkook have been together for 5 years which is a record for him. 
“I know but it’s complicated to remember that day,” you add. “But seeing him this joyful today eases all the pain that was brought on that day.”  
Jungkook joins the two of you, he greets you with a bright smile and the three of you talk about the kids. Hyejoo has 4 kids, the oldest is 10 years and she’s complaining that he’s started to not listen to her. She’s getting worried about how it will be during his teenage years and also soon after Taehoon will become a teenager. 
Leo’s father explains to her how he has been dealing with Arya who’s almost 15 years old. It’s sometimes quite difficult, you’ve seen it with your own eyes but she’s still that adorable little girl that she was when she was younger. She’s just growing up, experiencing love, having her hormones all over the place, and having her first periods too. Compared to Jungkook at that age, she’s a saint. Plus, she adores taking care of Leo. She likes picking him up at school, preparing a little snack when they’re home, helping him to do his homework, and watching series and movies together. She also sometimes takes care of Levi whom she considers too as a younger brother. 
At some point, Hyejoo leaves you and Jungkook alone. Both of you are still keeping an eye on the children running around everywhere. 
“Jihyo isn’t coming today?” you ask. 
Jungkook’s smile completely disappears and you instantly understand that something happened. You wouldn’t go so far as to say they broke up but by his face, it definitely looks like it. 
“No,” he replies. “Not today nor any other day,” he adds. 
It breaks your heart to hear that they aren’t together anymore. They were just right for each other but if it’s over, then there must be a good reason. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” you gently ask. 
“Not now,” he says while shaking his head. “Let’s enjoy this little party and we'll maybe talk about it afterward. This day is already tough for us two and I prefer we celebrate our son.” 
You nod, understanding that he doesn’t want to talk about it now. A breakup is never easy, you’ve experienced some and it was always hard. The last one being quite rough, especially since Levi was involved. You wished things were different but it is what it is. At the end of the day, what truly matters is that you and your children are happy and living in a healthy environment.  
The rest of the afternoon goes well, Leo being super happy to celebrate his birthday with all his friends and family. Yours and Jungkook’s parents are also present, they wouldn’t miss their grandson’s birthday. They spoil him quite a lot but it’s normal, that’s what grandparents are supposed to do. This afternoon is a success and it warms your heart. 
Exceptionally, Leo and Levi are sleeping at Jungkook’s place and right after the party, they crash down in Leo’s bedroom. Of course, Leo’s father hired a cleaning company to clean his place. That’s the perk of being wealthy. 
Once everybody is sleeping, you and Jungkook sit on the couch with a glass of wine. This has become a tradition for the past eight years. It always feels good and you also place a picture you took of the three of you in a photo album. With it, you can see how much your little man has changed over the years. 
“He has grown so much,” Jungkook says as you watch all the pictures. 
“Indeed, and he’s such a gentle and sweet boy,” you add. 
Jungkook quickly looks at you and takes a sip of wine. Things have changed a lot for the past 8 years but he’s delighted with how things have turned. Well, he’s just sad that in the end, neither your relationship with Yeonjun nor his with Jihyo worked out. He still remembers vividly how happy he was when you were both in healthy relationships after all the chaos that yours was. But it looks like you'll have to start all over again from scratch. 
“We did a very good job despite how everything started,” he says. 
“I still remember the day he was born like it was yesterday,” you reveal.
It’s also the case for him. It was very complicated to become parents under those circumstances but he’s so proud of all the work you did. Once you live separately, you try even harder to make everything work out for Leo. That meant having difficult conversations and a lot of disagreements but in the end, it was worth it. 
“And it broke my heart seeing you in so much pain,” he confesses. “It wasn’t just physical, it was emotional as well and the only other time I had seen you like that was when your sister passed away. Right there, I knew that you needed me more than ever and that I couldn’t mess up again.” 
It’s the first time Jungkook is telling you that. You weren’t aware he felt like that but he was there for you, he was your savior. There’s no doubt that without him you wouldn’t have survived the first year. It was intense on a lot of levels but you learned a lot from that period of your life. 
“You never told me that,” you tell him. 
“I never saw the point of saying it,” he says with a little laugh. “For me, it was obvious. I already had a daughter, I kind of knew what to do. It was a shock for me and it took me some time to adjust to that new reality but you were completely overwhelmed by the entire situation. It was normal to be your shoulder to rely on,” he takes another sip of wine. 
“Without you, I wouldn’t be here today,” you admit. 
It warms his heart to hear those words. Of course, he already knew that because he saw how much you blossomed afterwards but it’s always nice to hear it from you. 
“Well, I gave up on you a bit after your sister passed away. You pushed me back but I should maybe have stayed instead of leaving. But when you were giving birth to Leo, he was also my son, and abandoning you would have been very cowardly. I also made sure I would forever be there even if you pushed me back,” he professes. 
“I’m very thankful you were there even when I was exploding,” you rest your head on his shoulder. 
This year, the conversion is quite deep. Usually, you simply talk about the funny events of the year and laugh a lot with a glass of wine. No boyfriends and girlfriends are allowed, it has always been a moment between you and Jungkook. Those moments have contributed a lot to reinforce your friendship. 
For a moment, you stay like that in silence. This year is different. Neither of you has a reason to end this moment. You don’t have Yeonjun waiting for you at home, and Jihyo isn’t waiting for Jungkook upstairs. This year there’s just the two of you. And it feels nice because you can truly savor this moment. 
“I don’t know if I ever told you that I wanted to have a child with Jihyo,” he starts saying. You shake your head. “We were very good together and I wanted to build a family with her but it all fell down. That’s what really hurts me today,” it breaks your heart to hear that. “She was expecting a proposal but I never did it, and to be honest, I don’t even know why. I loved her and wanted it all with her but I was unable to get married to her. We had a fight a month ago and she brought up that she’s kind of waiting for a proposal that never comes. I confessed to her that I can’t for unknown reasons and she got even angrier because she knew why.” 
You frown and stand up straight to glance at him. You’re a bit confused about how Jihyo would know why he wasn’t able to see himself getting married to her. 
“It was because of you,” he says with a little voice, his eyes staring deeply at you. “She told me that since the beginning of our relationship, she knew that I was still in love with you in a certain way. It was obvious for her but with time, she saw me falling in love with her so she believed things changed. However, she realized she was wrong when the proposal was never coming. She realized right there that I’d never marry her because subconsciously, I was still waiting for you.” 
Your heart is beating like crazy in your chest, and you feel your cheeks getting on fire. In his jealous phase, Yeonjun told you more or less the same thing but you thought that he was so wrong. Although, a tiny part of yourself was convinced that he was right. You thought that he was overreacting because Jungkook is Leo’s father and you would never accept Yeonjun attacking him. A good relationship between the three of you was deeply important for you because of Leo and Levi. However, maybe you were wrong. Truth being told, you broke up with him because you were still in love with Jungkook. 
“And now that you were single, there was absolutely no point in me being with someone else,” he adds. 
Jungkook gets a little closer to you and places his hand on your tight. 
“She broke up with me and it hurt a lot, especially since I was convinced that it was ridiculous but she didn’t change her mind at all,” he continues. “I really thought she was delirious but then, I started to deeply think about it. I analyzed how I was acting around you, and how I was feeling when you were there. I was quick to realize that she was right, I was subconsciously longing for you.” 
His fingers caress your tight. Your entire body is reacting to his words, this is a heartfelt love confession, and damn, it warms your heart in a way that you can’t even express. 
“I’ve been waiting for you for eight years, yn,” he confesses out loud. “And I think I might wait for you my entire life because, since the beginning, it was you. It has always been you and nobody else. I just was an idiot to have let you go twice but maybe, it wasn’t the right time for us. I know now that if you ever give me another chance, it would be the perfect time.” 
You place your hand on top of his, your eyes quickly glance at them before you look up at him. Jungkook is glowing right now in a way that you’ve never seen before. You fell for this man 20 years ago and since then, you never fell out of love for him. Since the beginning, he was the one holding your heart. As he said, maybe it was never the right time and you both needed to grow up before the perfect time would come. 
You know now that today is the perfect time. 
The past 8 years, you built a solid friendship, you faced the hardest obstacles together and you both worked a lot on yourselves. Today, you’re both different people, and these versions of yourselves can finally fully love each other.  
“I feel deep inside of me that now is the perfect time,” you admit. 
And without any hesitation, Jungkook kisses you passionately. This kiss feels completely different, it feels like you’re kissing for the first time ever. Maybe it’s because you’re different now and you need to discover each other all over again. The kiss is gentle, not rushed and you can taste the wine on his lips. Being kissed by Jungkook brings you to heaven, and you always loved being kissed by him. Slowly, you fall on your back on the couch, your hands running through his hair while you never stop kissing. 
For a moment, he breaks the kiss to look at you and rub his nose against yours. Soon enough, he presses his lips against yours for a languorous and fervent kiss. This could go a lot further but you both know that if you want to make it work this time, it’s not a good idea to have sex now. Sex is never the solution. So, Jungkook ends up laying next to you on the couch, a bright smile displayed on his face. 
“We always finish doing something on this couch,” he playfully says. “There must be something on this couch.” 
You turn your head to look at him. 
“Maybe someone put a spell on it,” you answer. 
“Well, you put a spell on me, that’s for sure!” He tells you before kissing you once more. 
He’ll never grow tired of kissing you. Your lips are his favorite thing in the entire world, he could spend hours kissing you.
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The past few weeks, you’ve been flirting with Jungkook and going on several dates. It feels like things are falling into place, you’ve been talking a lot, enjoying each other's presence and simply being in love. You’ve never been this happy in your entire life, you adore being around him. This time around feels super easy. Of course, you haven’t said anything to your children because you don’t want to give them false hopes although Arya has been suspicious of what’s going on. She already noticed something had been happening when you were leaving Leo at his place one day and she raised the question. However, you denied it. 
Also for the past weeks, you haven’t had sex at all. To be honest, it surprises you a lot because you’re both very attracted to the other but you’ve been putting that aside to build a healthy relationship. You both desire to make it work this time so there are a lot of efforts to be done on both sides. Maybe more on his side than yours but still, this is something you work on together. You’re two in a relationship and it takes two to make it work.  
Today is Valentine’s Day and you’re going on a date together. Arya has nicely accepted to take care of her brother, and Levi is staying with his father. Jungkook is taking you out to a fancy restaurant, and you’re honestly super excited to spend this evening with him. You put on your prettier red dress and he’s wearing a very fancy black suit. He looks absolutely hot in that suit, you always loved watching him in a classy suit. 
The restaurant is obviously full but people aren’t talking too loudly. There’s a band playing some romantic songs, and it definitely creates a lovey-dovey atmosphere. You’re absolutely delighted to be celebrating this Valentine’s Day with Jungkook. 
“Before we take this relationship to the next step, I really want to apologize for how I acted the last time we were trying to be together,” Jungkook starts saying and you nod. “At that time, I had spent 10 years waiting for you to come back and I never truly thought about the eventuality of it really happening. So, when it happened, it was overwhelming because I simply didn’t know what to do. But it’s also because I had never done the proper work on myself before letting you back in my life.” 
This conversation is one that you have been waiting for years. You never forced it because you always judged that it had to come from him and not from you. Forcing something will always have the opposite result but you’re glad that it’s happening now. 
“Well, now looking back, I can confirm that it’s true,” you jokingly reply.  
“Back then, it seemed a lot easier to push you back. Having you back was so overwhelming that I wasn’t even able to properly do my job. It was never your fault, it was mine. I was immature and a total jerk. I hid behind the excuse of wanting to put my daughter as a priority when I should have made you my priority. I hurt you a lot and I’m very aware of it so I made sure to never do it again.” 
You grab his hand on the table to squish it. This man right here seems to always find a way to melt your heart. 
“Your happiness is the only thing that always mattered to me, and I made it my priority. Even when we were friends, I did it. That’s also the reason why I convinced you to try with Yeonjun, I saw the way he was making you happy. Also back then, I would have never been able to give you that happiness otherwise I would have fought for you. And I also didn’t deserve you, I guess I never did,” he confesses. 
The last sentence definitely breaks your heart. You want to contradict him but for sure, back then, he didn’t deserve your love because when you gave it to him, he just threw it away. But today, things are different. He has shown you in many ways that he has changed and that he deserves to be loved. That he deserves your love. 
“Don’t say that, Jk,” you tell him with evident sadness in your voice. 
“It’s the truth, yn,” he replies. “You’re such a strong and wonderful woman, you went through so much and you’re still standing tall with a big smile on your face. I never faced half of the things you did but still managed to act like a dick. I’m proud that you’re Leo’s mom so he can have you as an example and just be wonderful like you which he’s already proving to be,” a smile appears on his face while thinking about his son. “Even if I hurt you, I would do everything the same way because I got to be Arya’s and Leo’s father and I got to grow with you by my side.” 
Jungkook changed a lot, that’s sure. You’re not sure he would have said that 8 years ago but things are different now. Leo really changed everything but in a good way. Without him, you’re not sure you’ll be sitting in this chair today. Maybe you’d still hate Jungkook but you’re sure of one thing. You would have found your way to him. You never truly believed in things such as destiny but with Jungkook, it’s different. You always knew that you were destined to be together.  
Jungkook could be saying all those words in vain without meaning them but the way he’s been acting lately ⏤ and also since Leo’s birth ⏤ proves that everything he’s saying now is the truth. You believe him. 
“If you were saying this right after you had hurt me, I would have never believed you,” you start saying. “But it comes years after and I got to witness your growth. However, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to be easy. Like you said, you hurt me and ever since, I struggle a bit to trust you. I feel like at any moment you could do it all over again,” Jungkook nods. “We’ve been having a very good time and I really want to keep doing it because I always loved you as well.” 
A smile appears on his face. 
“I promise this time around you won’t regret it,” he whispers. 
The rest of the time in the restaurant goes well. You laugh a lot, speak a lot, drink a lot, and eat a lot. This is a wonderful moment. One that you won’t easily forget. Afterward, you both decide to spend a little extra moment alone in your apartment. It won’t last long because you'd rather not leave Arya alone with Leo for too long. Well, honestly speaking, you simply want to have sex because the physical attraction together with alcohol isn’t quite a good combination. You just can’t resist the other like you’ve been doing for the past weeks. 
As soon as you pass the entrance door, you jump on each other’s lips in a very fervent and needy kiss. Jungkook’s hands lift up your dress, definitely not wanting to waste any second. His fingers directly find their way to your panties, and the mere contact of his cold fingers with your warm pussy sends shivers through your entire body. When you sense him, you realize that you’ve been desperately craving this moment for a while already. 
His fingers rub against your pussy, causing a trail of moans to leave your mouth. Your moans are a melody that he’s been longing for a while. Just the sound of it makes him grow harder in his pants. In the rush of desperately desiring to have sex and not leave the kids alone for a long time, you walk backward until reaching the dining table and you fall on it. You’re now laying on top of the table. Jungkook removes your panties and simply pushes down his pants and underwear. By reflex, you open your legs and Jungkook instantly places himself in between.  
None of you speaks during this moment, there’s just the sound of your heavy breathing echoing in your apartment. He doesn't need much prompting to start thrusting into you. The two of you moan like crazy, you definitely don’t hold back since you’re alone. There’s absolutely no need to withhold.  
Your baby daddy thrusts deep inside you and it causes the table beneath you to squeak. But to be honest, you couldn’t care less about that. You’re simply enjoying this extraordinary moment together, and it’s wonderful to feel him deep inside you. Everything feels wonderful with him. Quickly, an intense orgasm hits you, provoking your entire body to shake. The man you love senses it, a greedy smile appears on his face but he keeps going. When you have an orgasm, it simply brings him closer to the edge. 
However, the orgasm + the pleasure clearly makes you orgasm even more. It’s orgasm over orgasm, you can’t stop yourself. You’re overwhelmed with pleasure and you don’t ever want to stop it. You just let it go. The feeling of it makes him desire to completely explode inside you but for sure, he needs to ask you first if you’re okay with it. 
“Can I come inside you?” Jungkook asks. 
You can barely say ‘yes’ but you still manage to say it. In the moment, you don’t care where he comes, it’s the least of your problems. And with your simple answer, Jungkook lets it go. His orgasm hit him violently, this little quickie was what he badly wanted. 
For a brief moment, you stay like that. He goes to the kitchen to grab tissues for the two of you so you can clean yourselves from all the juices that come out from your bodies. 
“That was intense,” you say while cleaning yourself.  
“More than intense,” he replies, a little laugh escaping his lips. 
“We should do that more often,” you suggest. 
Jungkook shakes his head while still laughing. For sure, he won’t be the one complaining about having more often sex with you. 
“Maybe I should head home so Arya doesn’t go too crazy with Leo,” Jungkook adds. 
Obviously, you won’t go with him. Things need to be done slowly and even if Arya has some suspicions, it’s best she doesn’t know yet. This time around, there are three children involved and there is no space for acting like idiots. This brings a lot of happiness to you but they should know when you’re both confident that it will work. 
“Yes, you should,” you reply with a little smile. 
You stand up and rearrange your dress before walking in his direction to be closer to him. He’s zipping his pants and looks up when he notices your presence. His arms wrap around your waist, bringing you closer. He presses a gentle kiss on your forehead, your eyes automatically closing for a brief moment. 
“This night was wonderful, yn,” he whispers. “I adored the moment spent at the restaurant, and I want nothing more than to repeat it.”  
You press a soft kiss on his lips. 
“There’s nothing more I’d love to do,” you answer. 
A smile of true happiness appears on both of your faces. This night will for sure be a moment you’ll forever cherish. None of you will ever forget because this night is the night where things finally took the right turn. After this night, your relationship kept blossoming and turned into the most wonderful thing in the world. Of course, when you told the news to your children months later, they were extremely ecstatic. Seeing them that way made you realize that this was all you ever needed. 
It took you 20 years to find the right time but eventually, you found it. You were the right person for each other but it was never the right time. Timing is such a complex concept, however, it was time that allowed you to grow and fall in love all over again. You were each other's right person but it was too soon. You needed to experience all the things you lived before being brought back again. Leo’s 8th anniversary was the moment you both realized that it was finally the perfect time for you. Since the beginning, it was simply a matter of timing.  
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I took a nap earlier in the day & had a wet dream about Ghost, I haven't had a wet dream since I was 14, so thanks for that, CoD fandom
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raposarealm · 1 year
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meduka
MEDUKAAAAA
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Ok yeah sorry to probably disappoint some people, but Madoka's not really my favourite from the original Quintet. Like to be perfectly clear, I love her dearly, but. I don't go absolutely feral over her like I do some certain other characters. I do absolutely adore the Quintet's designs, though, and Madoka's uniform is both very solid on its own, as well as thematically a fantastic callback to her unbreakable ideals and pursuit of hope as a magical girl, but also highlights her original naivete in trying to rush into a duty she didn't fully understand for the sake of making herself useful. Err, also, the literary theming around Madoka's personality as it fits into the story is an essay that others have already written so I'm just gonna say here that it's all really well done and there's a reason this series is still my favourite.
Once again, sadly no bingo, let's hope for better luck next time.
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lunaa007 · 1 year
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Astrology observations #1
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Welcome to my first astrology observations!
I’m in no way a professional astrologer, this is purely for fun. Take only what resonates with you! I'm happy to discuss these points further in the comments :)
♦️ Leo mars live for the praise. They love words of affirmation, especially in bed 😏 They call the attention effortlessly when exercising, dancing or other mars-related activities. But they might not always like this.
♦️ Chiron 1st house can be very insecure about their appearance if they don’t work to heal this. I know someone with this placement that hates mirrors as they never liked what they saw. But it gives great potential to heal and help others regarding these issues.
♦️ Sagittarius mars people could regularly need new experiences in their sexual life. They might be open to try everything once “just to see”, and they might lean less toward monogamy than other mars placements.
♦️ Moon in the 6th house might be more sensitive to anxiety as their emotions lie in the house of daily life and routine. So they might have to deal with their emotions on a daily basis. They might need regular physical movement and consistent routines to feel regulated and content.
♦️ Pluto conjunct MC might hate posting on social media as they could feel exposed and vulnerable if they do. They might have an intense need to keep their life private.
♦️Mercury conjunct/square/opposite Pluto might swear a lot, or at least more than what they were taught was okay. If their education was very strict they might swear only when surprised, like if they get hurt or forget something.
♦️Venus in 10th house or conjunct MC can work in the fashion or makeup industry and be known for their beauty and sense of aesthetics.
♦️Saturn in Aquarius could have interest or talents in Uranian fields such as astrology or technology. They might be motivated to work towards social causes. They also could have an emotionally distant outlook on life.
♦️Lilith conjunct Ascendant create strong reactions everywhere they go. They are provocative without trying. People can get easily obsessed with them as they exude tremendous sex appeal. But they can also get very aggressive and negative reactions towards them without any reason.
♦️Mars square pluto absolutely need to channel their energy and anger into exercise and breath work. Martial arts is the best for them. If they don't control this energy it can get dangerous for themselves and even for others in extreme cases. But if they learn to control this tremendous force, they can achieve incredible things.
♦️Venus square Saturn can have a lot of difficulties with their self-worth, which affects their relationships. If you have a low self-esteem you will settle for less than you deserve. Once they have sufficiently worked on themselves and on their self esteem, they can find great love. This doesn't mean it can't come early but it might be more challenging. However, Saturn delays but never denies. They are not doomed and will find love (this depends also on other placements and aspects).
♦️Moon in Taurus can have a very calming and healing aura. People feel at peace when with these natives, especially when hugging. They are very grounded and stable, which is felt by others and is very reassuring. However, they can be stubborn at times as Taurus is a fixed sign.
♦️Mars in the 12th house could be passive aggressive sometimes as they do not recognise their own anger and never really learn how to control it. They might have sudden outbursts which can take the people around them by surprise.
♦️Sun opposite Moon can have a difficult relationship with their mother. They can feel that their mother's personality is the complete opposite of them and that they are not understood by her. Other aspects to the moon can come accentuate this or make it easier.
♦️Pisces Mars often have a talent for dancing. One of my best friends has this placement and she is a professional contemporary dancer. Her movements are so graceful, it really looks like water moving. Mars at a pisces degree (12°, 24°) can have a gift for dancing also to a lesser extent.
♦️Pluto in the 9th house can bring transformations and soul evolutions when traveling overseas, studying a higher education or moving abroad.
Thank you for reading ❤️
© lunaa007
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igotanidea · 11 months
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My eleven : Jason Todd x fem!reader
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Request: Can you do a Jason Todd x reader where the reader doesn’t think she has a chance with Jason because “he’s a 10” and the reader has low self esteem.
Warining: all the typical that comes with Jay: swearing, teasing, bickering, slight innuendo in one sentence
***
„How the hell did I even get here?!”
“Are you having fun, Y/N?!” Steph yelled to her from the other side of the dancefloor. It was Brown’s birthday party and of course all of her friends and family were invited. Poor, shy, introverted Y/N being no exception to that even though she was trying her hardest to come up with any pathetic excuse that ever existed.
But Stephanie was not known for letting people off easily.
And that is how Y/N got here.
Here being the middle of the crowded club, filled with people, most of whom she did not even know. It was like suffocating, but she just put a thumb up and smiled at Stephanie, cause was else was left to do? She was practically dragged here to have fun and enjoy Friday night, damn it.
And more to that, she was forced to wear a dress.
A dress for God’s sake! Most of the time she felt insecure in pants and simple T-shirt so getting dolled up was just too much. Very much too much.
She had to get out. To find just  a little bit of peace and air to breathe, being it in the bathroom or outside or wherever else far from the people.
It took a lot of effort to squeeze between the moving bodies, unnoticed by any of the family members, but Y/N was fast, flexible and extremely sneaky when situation called for so she made it out to the door safely, nearly tripping over her own feet at the very end.
“Damn it!” she hissed exhaling deeply and letting all the frustration out.
“I take it you don’t like it here either?” a deep male voice, seasoned with mockery came from the right side and at first she almost expired, but quickly realized it was just Jason.
Just Jason.
Not that she was having a massive crush on him, for months now.
“Are you trying to give me a heart attack you idiot!?”
“Is it working?” he raised an eyebrow at her puffing on the cigarette.
Oh damn it’s working. My heart is definitely beating faster than it’s supposed to.
“NO!” she scoffed
“Whatever you say, princess“ Jason smirked  “but I don’t think you were expecting to see me here”
‘You mean outside or at Steph b-day party?”
“Let’s say both”
“Well, I never took you for a party animal Jace, so….”
“I’ll tell you a secret” he pushed himself off the wall and came closer to Y/N. too close! “I didn’t really come for Brown…..” his gaze focused on her , eyeing her from head to toe and ended flickering between her lips and eyes making the girl choke down. “That;s a really nice outfit, princess….” He muttered and she was suddenly extremely aware of every nerve ending in her body “I guess I’ll see you inside” before she could gasp a single word Jason trampled the butt, smirked at her and disappeared inside.
What the hell just happened?!
Her head was spinning, heart jumping out of her chest, breath becoming uneven
Jason fucking Todd.
Of course he was just making fun of her. There was not a chance he meant what he said as a complement. Not an option that he was interested in her.  He was a  freaking edgelord, trained at intimidating people and bickering.
So why were her cheeks burning like that? Why was there a smile lingering on her lips, wondering that maybe…. Maybe …..
“Hey you!” this time it was female voice throwing her back to reality
“Me?”
“Yes, you.” a tall girl stepped into the light and Y/N could see her face. The other girl was just beautiful.  Her every step showed the confidence and determination. Oh, that one knew what she wanted and how to get it. And y/n had a feeling why she took interest in her.  “How do you know the 10”
“the 10?”
“That guy you were talking to. Don’t you know the scale?”
“Oh, no, please” Y/N whined “why do people feel the urge to judge each other like this? This is just …. Humiliating and freaking objectifying!”
“sorry to break it to you, sunshine, but that’s how the world works. People judge each other. How else would they get together? There are some rules to maintain, and social status is the barrier. Simple as it. Your… friend is a total 10. And so am I.”
“Right…..” as if Y/N didn’t know that. Of course she knew that was how it worked. She was actually painfully aware of that. And familiar with the fact that Jace was most definitely a 10. His ripped body was speaking for itself, and the little scars on his face, including that hated J was only adding to the flame. He was perfect image of a bad boy and it’s no news that most of the girls fall for that. To add to that, Jason was also a perfect mix of many different traits. Rough and sarcastic, but deeply caring. Harsh and violent when it came to enemies, but loving and longing for the one that were close to him. He was keeping his walls up and was wary, but once you gained his trust you get to know him on so many different levels. Y/N knew all that. And it was not easy to see herself in comparison. Boring, average, ordinary girl. She didn’t stand a chance.
“Listen, pidgeon. “ the blonde said, running fingers through her hair, fixing them to look sexier “I’m just saving you heartbreak. Stay in your line. Go back home, change into sweatpants and chat with someone online. That’s more of a place for someone like you. Do you understand me?’
“Oh, fuck you.” y/n muttered  
“Mhm. Someone definitely will do that tonight….” The girl grinned like a predator and followed  Jason inside.  
Y/N had enough. No matter how much this would break Steph heart, no matter how much of a cowardly behavior it was, she was going home. But that meant getting back to the club, grabbing her coat and perhaps seeing something her poor heart could not take.
“Oh fuck it!” she hissed to herself again. “just get yourself together, girl. You knew that one day, sooner or later, he was going to get a hot girl. Just get that shit inside your brain and keep smiling for him. If anyone deserve happiness it definitely Jace.”
If only that little pep talk worked. But no matter how much Y/n tried, her emotions were stronger than her brain. And unfortunately she saw exactly what she was fearing so much. The blonde had already approached Jason, smiling at him innocently, fluttering her eyelashes and talking, talking and talking while he was just listening. After a couple minutes of that show, his face expression changed from curiosity through amusement and then to taunting. And then he laughed at her face.
He laughed at the hot girl.
And then he turned around spotting Y/N with tears in her eyes and became concerned in a blink of an eye, ditching the blonde and rushing towards his friend.
“Let’s get the hell out of here” he mumbled grabbing her small hand, enveloping it in his and simply leading her out.
Y/N should not have felt so good having his attention and care. She shouldn’t have let him do all that. She shouldn't have enjoyed his warm hand holding her and sending heat waves all over her. She should have told him to stay and relax and have fun, to forget about her, but she just couldn’t do any of that. She wanted him. She needed him to ease her pain and soothe her and hold her and to be with her and never, never, never let go. Stupid, selfish silly girl.
“Y/N.” Jason grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him the second they were back outside.
“Please, don’t ask me who hurt me. Please, don’t use that words ‘cause I will break under the weight of your care.” She thought “care that is not mine for the taking….”
“Who hurt you?” he asked exactly what she was fearing.  And then she truly could not hold it back any longer as her body started shaking and she found herself in his warm, calming, protective embrace, sobbing desperately, unable to form any coherent words, just crying into his chest. “Shhhh. Just tell me. I will make it right, I promise.”
“No….” she sobbed and it made him pull away and look at her.
“What do you mean ‘no’? Y/n/n? What is going on? Whoever made you sad does not deserve to breathe.”
“Jason, please just let go off me. Please, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t let you do this anymore.”
“Do what, love?”
“Stop calling me that” she struggled against him, but he was too strong and kept her close. “Why can’t you see? You’re a 10! I don’t even reach within the scale! You should find yourself the girl in your league! Why can’t you just stick to the rules!”
‘You’re unbelievable.” He chuckled shaking his head “truly unbelievable.”
“Stop making fun out of me! You shouldn’t…. You can’t …..” she hiccupped
“That is really bold of you to start a sentence like this. Telling me what do. But go on, I'm listening carefully.”
“I’m not good enough for you! I’m no one! And you…. you’re you! We’re not supposed to even be seen together! It will ruin your reputation and ….”
“My reputation….” He almost laughed “dammit, love. Are you done?” he locked his hands on her waist and it made her eyes grow wide. Something was terribly wrong here.
“No, I ….��
“Too bad.” He interrupted her, pulling her closer and she immediately put hands on his toned chest to separate their bodies. Grave mistake since feeling all that muscles only made her want him more. Again. “Cause now I will speak and you will listen, baby.”
“Baby?”
“You’re gullible. Self-conscious. Oblivious as fuck. Why? Why can’t you see that I don’t give a damn about should, could, must or mustn’t. I do what I want. Screw the rules, which are fucking stupid by the way. Me being a 10, shit!” now he laughed for real and that wonderful, rare sound made her close her eyes, indulging in this.  “Like I care!”
“But you are! For me!’ it just slipped through her mouth without her thinking “shit, did I say that out loud?”
“I’m glad you did.” He leaned forward a bit, testing the waters, and when she did not pull he back just put his lips onto hers, his grip on her tightening, her hands tangling in his hair. She was making out with him. In front of a public premise. Where everyone could see.
“No…” she pulled back upon realizing what was happening “this is wrong….”
“Stop being stubborn” he muttered resuming kissing her, this time harder, more intensely, that sudden craving of her taking over him. He finally had her without all her inhibitions and doubts. He had her in his arms.
“Jace….?” She asked hesitantly when he cut the kiss and leaned his forehead on hers.    
“You’re right y/n. You don’t fit the scale. Cause sure as fuck you are my 11.”
“But….”
“Oh, no, baby, forget it. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that to you, but I’m not letting you go away from me now that I have you.”
“Is this real?” she mumbled.
“Let’s see about that.” He smirked and kissed her again. And again. And again. Proving that this was not just a crazy dream of a delusional girl, but deep honest feelings on his part.  
He loved her.
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bas-writes · 6 months
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50 Plus Size Y/N Prompts
When I was looking for an inspiration for a Nanami x chubby Y/N fic I realised that crushing majority of prompts and ideas are related exclusively to hurt/comfort or are drenched in extremely low self-esteem and lack of confidence. So, decided to put together my own list, covering a variety of situations from mundane and domestic to sensual and sexual. I based the ideas on my own experience as a fat person, so I'm aware they won't fit everyone, but I hope those can give you inspiration to explore in your creative work ❤ Of course, prompts are left to individual interpretation!
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cw: some prompts are more gendered than the other, some are suggestive or addressing a strictly sexual situation
Leaving hickeys on thick thighs.
Wearing bigger partner's clothes. Bonus: bigger partner is not the chubbier one—it's the chubbier partner who gets to wear bigger clothes
Loving tummy kisses.
Lovingly or teasingly tracing fat rolls and love handles.
Nuzzling into soft chest or tummy for comfort.
Thick thighs save naps because they make the best lap pillow.
Fat person being picked up and/or carried around, no hassle, no protests of being too heavy, just sheer joy. Bonus: it's one of those crazy strong characters so they literally pick Y/N as if they were a doll.
Them being a personal heavy breast holder with built-in enthusiastic massage option.
Back massages because we all know that big chest weights way too much.
Ticklish kisses in the jaw area because they find the double chin cute.
Adoring to feel Y/N's weight in their lap.
Plus size lingerie. Them buying it for Y/N or Y/N showing off in it.
The way Y/N's chest/ass/thighs/tummy bounces during intimate times. It drives them crazy. Bonus: they're being ridden and enjoying every second of it.
Being in absolute awe of Y/N's figure.
Hugs from behind that do not necessarily end up with a full arm wrap but that's okay, one possibly can't envelop their whole universe.
Pulling Y/N closer so they can feel their big ass better.
Work out or a sport activity that's not related to weight loss or diet. Just enjoying active time together.
Finding it difficult to sleep without Y/N because they miss the body they can embrace and/or the warmth it gives.
Stimming or teasingly playing with Y/N's softer parts.
Foodie dates. Testing new places, taking tons of photos for their food instagram, feeding each other cute desserts, stealing the best pieces—or contrary, leaving them for their partner.
Y/N loves to eat and their love adores it because they have someone to enjoy their cooking.
Both them and Y/N love to cook and eat. A friendly rivalry over feeding the other better.
Tons of photos of Y/N and selfies with them. Every moment has to be caught on their camera. Bonus: they are a celebrity or social media persona & they love to show off with Y/N's photos.
Daily affirmations, soft words and touch related to body type, all those compliments and smooth lines.
Reminding Y/N to eat because no, the "fat supply" won't make up for a good meal, they have to eat regularly.
Gender affirmation when the fat body type sometimes can make it difficult for Y/N.
The shared celebration of gender euphoria when Y/N finally finds a way to nicely flatten and shape the chest. 
Choosing Y/N because they are fat. Them being into bigger people and actively choosing them over people with different body types.
Seeing Y/N naked for the first time and going absolutely crazy about it.
Tracing and kissing stretch marks.
Yoga pants effect. The curves just look so good in them.
Looking together for a good supporting bra.
Loving when Y/N is wearing a crop top.
Encouraging Y/N to wear more close-fit clothes Bonus: there is absolutely no perverted reason behind it ;)
Supporting Y/N through weight gain or weight loss.
Enjoying a beach date. Every body is a good beach body if it has a cute beach wear on!
Scratching/washing Y/N's back because sometimes it's just hard to reach that stubborn spot.
Muscular body type partner x fat Y/N. Big partners solidarity!
Discussing together a new tattoo idea. Choosing the best placing for it. Bonus: it's a tattoo composed to fit nicely with fat rolls or stretch marks.
Helping Y/N shave the back of their legs or any other hard to reach part of their body.
Insisting on keeping Y/N's thighs close to their head during oral sex.
Treating rash/burn caused by friction between thighs, bra or other piece of clothing.
Shibari or harness on a plus size body.
Picking up the self ironic negative talk and turning it into something positive
Being proud of Y/N, showing them off whenever there's an opportunity.
Y/N posing them for a photo, painting or a sculpture. Bonus: Y/N is their muse.
Warming hands between Y/N's thighs. Bonus: maybe their cheeks or ears feel cold too ;)
Them wearing Y/N's shirt for comfort. Bonus: it's not a typical over-sized comfort piece of clothing but a perfect fit. They still insist on wearing it.
Hand and bite marks on ass and hips. Bonus: loving aftercare.
Doodling/painting on Y/N's body: thighs, arms, ass… Bonus: it's a part of a spicy play.
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Please, reblog and/or credit, when you use (but don't @ me!). The divider made by @/saradika.
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luveline · 6 months
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I'm having extremely horrid self-image these days so I was just wondering if you could write Aaron comforting reader about it?
You used to do your makeup on the bedroom floor in Aaron's floor length mirror. He found it endearing apparently, he'd always laugh quietly and step around you, promising that one day he was going to get you a vanity. 
And then he tells you he loves you and asks you to move in, and then there's a vanity waiting for you when you do. Aaron stops laughing in the morning and starts leaning down to kiss your cheek. "That's better, hm?"
It feels like playing dress up. You appreciate him, you love him, but you sit there with your makeup bag and your hair oils and feel awful. Deep down, pervasively, achingly awful. You're not the type of girl who gets the nice house and a nice boyfriend, who sits at her vanity primping and preening. No matter what you do, you'll always look like this.
"What are you doing?" he asks quietly. 
He's laying in bed behind you, sleep heavy on his tongue. You wipe a cotton pad wet with toner over your cheeks, avoiding his gaze in the mirror as you answer, "Just getting ready." 
"For what?" 
"Just the day." 
"You don't sound very happy, honey." He sits up, the front most strands of his hair falling onto his forehead, due for a trim. When he says 'honey', his brows lift from their furrow imploringly. It's madness that he can wake and throw himself straight into profiling mode. "What's wrong?" 
"It's nothing." 
"I don't think so. Come back to bed." We'll talk about it goes unsaid. Aaron's voice can colour a thousand shades but your favourite is this gentle lulling, his hand stretched out over the sheets to beckon you in. 
You put your used cotton pads aside and stand with a weird feeling in your throat like you swallowed something without chewing properly. Aaron watches you. He's good at pretending he isn't, but you know he is, his dark eyes tracing the shine of toner on your tacky cheek. 
"You smell nice," he says, kissing under your jaw, forcing your face up. "And you're so soft."
"Trying to butter me up before you ask me what's wrong." 
"But I'm not lying… What is wrong?" 
You meet his eyes, asking for permission of a sort that you don't need to ask for. He lifts his head in answer and opens his arms, pulling your face into the crook of his neck and your chest against his, murmuring, "Honey, honey," over your head. "What's wrong?" 
It comes as little surprise to him when you explain, your voice hushed with shame. I just feel so… disgusting. You don't say it with distinction but he gathers it anyhow, your lack of self esteem, not in the sense of putting yourself forward, but in that you don't like the way you look, the way people see you. 
"I can't control the way you see me, so you see me at my worst." 
"You don't have a worst." He lays back against the headboard and drags you down with him. "You're always beautiful."
You shake your head. 
You and Aaron linger in silence for a while, the only sound his fingers tightening against the fabric of your t-shirt on your waist. "Do you know why I wanted you to have your vanity?" 
"Well, you kept tripping over me in the mornings." 
"I did… I'd be watching you get ready and I'd find myself distracted," he says, low and quiet, as though confessing. "So yes, I'd trip over you. I wouldn't watch where I was going but I'd want go be closer, and I'd accidentally hit your arm and you'd look up. First in the mirror, and then over your shoulder. My heart–" He clears his throat. "Your vanity was an act of self preservation." 
"Because you're so old?"
"Careful," he says lightly, giving your waist a squeeze. "Because now I get to watch you from right here." He looks down at the vanity and you follow his gaze, seeing more of him than you, wrapped up in his arms. You look peaceful together. "Every morning." 
You close your eyes, rubbing your cheek into his shoulder. "And that's fun for you." 
"It's the best part of my day." 
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buccini555 · 5 months
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𝐓𝐨𝐤𝐲𝐨 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬: "𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡"
˖◛⁺⑅♡ Them reacting to you saying you don't feel pretty
₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ · ° H e a d c a n o n s !
⋆ ࣪. 𝐹𝑡. Ran Haitani, Rindou Haitani, Sanzu Haruchiyo, Kakucho Hitto, Izana Kurokawa, Shinichiro Sano, Inui Seishu and Kokonoi Hajime
𝗪𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗦𝗲𝗶𝘀𝗵𝘂 𝗜𝗻𝘂𝗶 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗞𝗼𝗸𝗼𝗻𝗼𝗶 𝗛𝗮𝗷𝗶𝗺𝗲/Ambient Music Playlist (𝑆𝑝𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑝)
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•.*° 𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢
Ran always had in mind the fact that you had problems with your own appearance, despite that, in a way, he just couldn't understand you the way he really wanted.
"What? Pretty enough? You're much more than enough, It's true, baby you're perfect to me." Ran would speak in a calm tone while gently running his hand through some strands of your hair.
Later, after hugging you for a few brief minutes, he would make you look at him and pay attention to his every word.
"I hope you don't think I'm lying when I tell you how perfect you are." Right then, Ran wouldn't rush to stop kissing you.
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•.*° 𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢
It is undeniable that initially Rindou could not have the necessary understanding to try to understand your problems with your appearance since he finds you extremely attractive, despite this, when he realized the seriousness of your lack of self-esteem, he began to pay more attention in you.
"You're already pretty enough for me, you don't need to say those things about yourself my sweet." Rindou would speak in a serious tone, hugging you right after, while he wanted to comfort you, he would be a little afraid to say something that could make you feel worse.
"You know you should believe me, don't you?" Stroking your hair affectionately, he would speak calmly, Rindou honestly wasn't lying when he said he thought you were incredibly perfect.
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•.*° 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐲𝐨
Haruchiyo always showers you with the most varied compliments possible and never hides how obsessed he is with your beauty, despite this fact, he understands your problems with your appearance and always at least tries to help you overcome them.
"Don't you think you're pretty enough for me? You know that's not true, baby." He would express his displeasure in a few words, despite being somewhat reserved, Sanzu went to great lengths to try to make you see yourself in a kinder way.
"Listen to me." He would hold your face making you look directly into his gray eyes.
"You're perfect, I wouldn't say that for nothing." Haruchiyo would say in a serious tone.
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•.*° 𝐊𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐨 𝐇𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐨
Your lack of self-esteem was something that really worried Kakucho, even so, he committed to helping you in the best and kindest way possible.
"Enough? What do you mean? Listen to me, princess. You are much more than perfect, much more than beautiful, believe me, hmm?" He would say gently caressing your face and kissing your forehead, Kakucho really doesn't like seeing you sad, for that reason, he would always do his best to keep you well and would always praise you.
"See? You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, I'll never get tired of saying that." With a shy smile, he would speak when he finally managed to make you smile at him.
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•.*° 𝐈𝐳𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚
Izana doesn't accept the fact that you don't think you're beautiful, he simply can't understand the motivation for such low self-esteem.
"Baby, listen to me, you're perfect, believe me, please." He would speak in a completely serious tone, Izana didn't like hearing you being so hard on yourself, for that reason, he wouldn't allow you to say things like that.
"I know it seems selfish of me, but I can't understand it, I just wanted you to see the same beauty in yourself that I see." Izana would pay more attention to his speech and manners so as not to end up hurting you, and he would also be even more determined to help you see yourself in the adorable way he saw you.
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•.*° 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐨
Shinichiro has always been aware of your problems with your appearance, although he can't understand how you really feel, the older one always goes out of his way to try to make you feel beautiful.
"Hey, hey, hey... Don't talk like that! Baby, you're beautiful." The taller one would say while holding your face, making you look at him and pay full attention to his every word.
"Someday, you'll realize how beautiful you are, that you'll even let go of me, I'm sure of it." He would say trying to lighten the situation, Shinichiro definitely wasn't very good with words, but he really remained determined to make you see yourself with a kinder look.
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•.*° 𝐈𝐧𝐮𝐢 𝐒𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐮
Seishu never had as high a self-esteem as people imagine, for that reason, in a way, he understands you like no one else would.
"Don't be so cruel to your own appearance." He would say looking at you directly, as if he was noticing every detail of you.
"You're simply the most beautiful person I've ever seen, I know you might not believe it, but try to give yourself the chance to see how beautiful you are..." He would say smiling, gently caressing your face and giving you a soft kiss.
Inui is usually the type of person who expresses himself with few words, so he believed he had already done enough, even if he wanted to just spend a few long hours praising absolutely everything about you.
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•.*° 𝐊𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐢 𝐇𝐚𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐞
Koko felt unable to understand your low self-esteem, in his eyes, you always were and always will be the most perfect person that could exist, of course, far beyond your appearance.
"Don't say that about yourself, you are much more than beautiful, much more than enough, you know..." Kokonoi would tell you as soon as he heard you saying that you didn't think you were pretty enough, the taller one would gently hold your face and spend a few seconds observing you in silence right after.
"...If you could only see yourself the way I see you, you would realize how perfect you are." In a low tone of voice, he would say almost as an outburst, Hajime would go to great lengths to make you see yourself in a kinder way.
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