#i have emotions leave me alone

[hanzajesthanza]

“what does geralt get from that friendship…”

another post examining the weight of geralt and dandelion’s friendship… because i don’t think people recognize how painful and debilitating loneliness can become.

the witcher as a deconstruction of the genre takes fantasy tropes to their most logical ends—it asks us to consider what The Lone Swordsman feels, looks into the humanity in a Cold-Blooded Killer. and it turns out he’s not cold-blooded at all.

that despite some superhuman abilities, he laments and worries and curses himself, just like any other worker of any other profession. just as the farmer is scorched by the sun, the washerwoman’s back aches, and the scholar goes half-blind studying, a witcher deals with all of the pains and annoyances and dangers of his job in a mundanely human way.

but the farmer, the washerwoman, and the scholar have something the witcher does not have—they’ll always be seen as human and part of their society. at the end of the day after enduring all of their labor, they have their wife to caress, festivities to attend, and taverns to frequent. but for a witcher? after the killing is over, what does he have? no one and nothing. not even a thank you. he is met with fear and hatred everywhere he goes, baseless bigotry and dislike.

I did my job. I quickly learned how. I’d ride up to village enclosures or town pickets and wait. If they spat, cursed and threw stones, I rode away. If someone came out to give me a commission, I’d carry it out.

so he faces not just loneliness, but being deliberately ostracized and cast out from society. geralt can’t even find a polite word in most settlements, much less a friend.

‘(…) Tell me, where should I go? And for what? At least here some people have gathered with whom I have something to talk about. People who don’t break off their conversations when I approach. People who, though they may not like me, say it to my face, and don’t throw stones from behind a fence. (…)’

this kind of loneliness is not a mere inconvenience. it’s completely altering to your self-perception and ability to see the positive in the world.

each day is not lived, but endured.

day in, and day out—forced to the most difficult and lowest labor in order to survive, and knowing that were you to die, no one would search for your body, few would miss you, hell, they might even spit “good riddance”.

in this situation, to find a friend, is not only friendship, but a rescue.

without dandelion, geralt may have drowned—drowned in solitude, amidst a sea of strangeness.

‘(…) And I’m alone, completely alone, endlessly alone among the strange and hostile elements. Solitude amid a sea of strangeness. Don’t you dream of that?’

No, I don’t, he thought. I have it every day.

because dandelion is not only a bright soul, characteristic rippling laughter and the strum of a lute, but someone who will intently listen to geralt, someone who mutually enjoys his company.

‘(…) you almost jumped out of your pants with joy to have a companion. Until then, you only had your horse for company.’

someone who doesn’t see him as strange and at the fringes of society at all, but as an utterly normal man.

and doesn’t impose demeaning, sappy sympathy onto him, but sobering and realistic “quit your bullshit” which ridicules the very thought that he should internalize societal hatred.

Do you know what your problem is, Geralt? You think you’re different. (…) [You don’t understand that] for people who think clear-headedly you’re the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everybody was so normal. What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat? That you know a few spells? Big deal.

dandelion isn’t “willing” to accept geralt for himself—he already has accepted him. and to him, it’s no difficulty, it’s nothing worth discussing, because he sees no abnormality and no strangeness in him.

while others “prefer the company of lepers to witchers,” dandelion has already offered geralt to share his room and board. not out of sympathetic pity, not out of fetishizing curiosity. because… they’re friends.

and what else does this friendship save him from?

not only from others, but from himself.

worse than enduring others’ apathy and hatred is one’s own thoughts—the darkness and negativity which builds from witnessing and experiencing such behavior.

dandelion’s ability to counter and dispel geralt’s pessimism and self-flagellating tendencies—again, not out of pity, but out of friendship—is undeniably invaluable. someone to rescue you from your darkest thoughts, when you begin to spiral.

and in this darkness, all you can do is cry. you cry, beg for someone to help you, please—

Help! Why doesn't anyone help me? Alone, weak, helpless – I can't move, can't force a sound from my constricted throat. Why does no one come to help me? I'm terrified!

to be alone, the saga reminds us, is worse than a death sentence. to be alone is to “perish; stabbed, beaten or kicked to death, defiled, like a toy passed from hand to hand.” to be alone is to suffer, and to be with someone is to save them from that suffering.

'(…) I wouldn't like anything bad to happen to you. I like you too much, owe you too much-'

'You've said that already. What do you owe me, Yennefer?'

The sorceress turned her head away, did not say anything for a while.

'You travelled with him,' she said finally. 'Thanks to you he was not alone. You were a friend to him. You were with him.'

it is true that geralt has saved dandelion countless times, helped him, gotten him out of some scrape… but to ask what did geralt get in return? are you kidding me?

did you ever consider that it is dandelion who saved geralt?

by being with him. by being by his side. by being his friend.

indeed, dandelion has rescued geralt, countless times, from the yawning jaws of endless loneliness. he’s helped him, chased away the danger of geralt’s own rumination. and he’s gotten him out of scrapes, his own insecurities and bitter helplessness.

so what does dandelion give geralt? what does geralt get from their friendship?

an amusing question. what one gets from friendship is the friendship itself. and that is more than enough.

#the witcher books #gerlion #geralt of rivia #dandelion #jaskier #the parallels with ciri’s story makes me so emotional like… #ciri is just geralt but younger and alone. and thus she suffers so immensely #i included ciri’s nightmare because i think that’s how it feels to be alone #you just cry out ‘help! why won’t someone help me?’ and no one answers #and the funny bit is that everyone is like ‘ugh you cannot get RID of dandelion’ like #i think that’s the most comforting and relieving thing about him. he will never leave and abandon geralt. #there is nothing geralt *would* or *could* do to ever push him away #the kind of friendship where you never worry about being too ‘weird’ for them because they straight up dont care if youre weird #honestly idk how more people dont see them like this because i feel like loneliness is so pervasive right now #does everyone else just have this kind of best friend and for that reason take dandelion’s presence for granted #s: i want to be by your side #c: geralt #c: dandelion #excerpt #analysis #like. this is how it is: #the entire world: ‘you’re nothing you’re worthless and you’re inhuman’ #dandelion is NOT like ‘omgggg of course you are something 🥺🥺 pwease don’t think badly like that’ #no. he’s like ‘the hell? that’s the stupidest thing ive ever heard. why the hell are you even listening to that’ #dandelion has a kind of masculine energy that the fandom does not like lmao

[cinclidaefang]

Hello everyone, may I draw your attention to my recently acquired boy? My little guy?

His name is Kuroha and he is a one month old mexican black kingsnake :}}

#he just had his first meal with me and I am insane about it!!! #I have to leave him alone for ancouple days so I’m sharing him woth you all to cope #I’ve wanted this species for 5+ years so you can imagine the emotional state I’m in #snakes #mexican black kingsnake #mbk #screaming from the void #or erm I guess I need a photo tag? #Futography #yeaahhahah…

[impossible-rat-babies]

vierapril day 14--breath/release

"it ends this day. one way or another, it ends"

#ffxiv #shadowbringers spoilers #vierapril #vierapril24 #oc: eyrie kisne #i should have a gpose tag #love the bisexual rock candy going on here emet selch very nice #anyway im emotional about these two leave me alone

[seance]

I do remember bits of our life. She smelled like embers. From keeping those measly fires alive for the long nights. I remember my hunger. And her stomach growling twice as loud as mine. She used her magic to create elaborate meals that we couldn't afford. I would have done anything to make her smile. And yet... the day she left me, she was sick. She needed water, so I went to get her some. And when I came back, she was gone. I called for her. But she was gone. She loved you the best she could. To save you, she had to let you go. This can't have been the only choice. It wasn't. It's simply the one she made. And now you have your own impossible decision. I won't abandon Ciri. Even if it costs me my life.

#thewitcheredit #witcheredit #netflixedit #the witcher #userbecca #userava #useravia #ughmerlin #tusermich #geralt of rivia #visenna #edits #just a little something to remind everyone that even if i rarely gif him alone geralt is still so dear to mee #i'm replaying tw3 for the 99th and he will forever be my fave character #him having mommy issues is so valid and makes very much sense #henry honestly killed me in that scene in s3 #the raw emotion the knowledge that leaving him behind was a CHOICE #him refusing to even toy with a similar idea now that he has ciri #god :( it makes me so sad that he didn't even have a proper closure #flashing gif /

[lvstharmony]

​beyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people i’ve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.

#i have left so many people throughout my life #and #if someone would ask me if i’d regret any choice i’ve made i would say no #i regret hurting people yet i wouldn’t change a thing if i could #without the suffering the sacrifices and the lessons i would not be the person i am today that i can finally say i’m proud of #whenever i read the question “would you want to be your friend if you’d meet yourself?” deep down my answer was no #i was a good friend and i always tried my best to be there for everyone #but i was so blinded and overwhelmed by my pain that i tried so hard not to project on others that it was exactly the thing i’ve done #i was extremely caring sensitive loving and selfless but my ”bad“ traits were just as extreme #my emotions were so overwhelming that they were scattered all over the place that it didn’t allow me to have any control over them #i used to be so terrified of being alone. all i’ve felt was a great loneliness that was residing within me #until i’ve gathered the strength to leave an entire friendgroup with people that meant the world for me #they weren’t good for me anymore just as i wasn’t for them #since that day i’ve grown a lot i became a better and healthier version of myself #i learned how to be alone and to find the peace in it and in myself #all i’ve had was Allah swt. and He is all i will ever need. #without the hardships in terms of friendship i wouldn’t have been able to learn how to be alone and love and enjoy it #without it i could not say that i could easily give up the people in my life #i could if i had to bc i have Allah swt. #but i’ve learned how to choose and to choose the right people #i don’t need you and never will but i choose you bc i want you in my life and i think that makes it so much more special #i can finally say that i love the person i am today and can’t wait to see myself grow even more as the cycle of growing is never ending #I still have so much to learn and I will let it come to me with open arms #an open mind and an open heart #above all the most precious gift i’ve earned is to learn how to have tawakkul. #everything that happens every trial that is afflicted upon us has meaning #and it’s beautiful. #being able to pick out the khair in everything is the biggest blessing #alhamdulillah for the things that bruised my soul alhamdulillah for the things that mended it #alhamdulillah for everything bc truly; Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

anyone else ever get struck with a sudden feeling of distaste or being tired of someone who you usually really like/are friends with for literally no reason whatsoever? or is that just me

#like this has been happening with various people all summer #I'll be like... the thought of this person causes negative emotions that are literally directed at nothing #it isn't anything the person has done I just. feel like I don't care and don't really want to put in the effort with whatever friend #which is really weird bc I KNOW if I DO just put in the effort and ignore that random feeling I'll have fun and enjoy myself!! #bc I DO still like my friends actually!!! I just sometimes feel like I Don't and idk why #Lu rambles #this is especially odd when it's the sound guy bc like. not only have I been massively crushing on him all summer #but he's also one of the few people I genuinely have clicked with here. like we get along. it's cool. I've been slightly in love with him #so why do I now have this weird feeling like I want nothing to do with him/don't care #actually I feel extremely ambivalent about just about everyone right now but for some reason especially him #wait maybe it's PMS actually.... the Leave Me Alone Don't Talk To Me Don't Look At Me Don't Make Me Show Up hormones have hit :/ #...that would actually explain several things from the last couple days. I should start tracking it #ok sorry I'm done externally processing my emotions on Tumblr dot com. bye

[teyamsatan]

i should absolutely never be left completely alone with my own thoughts for too long bc the spiral is spiralling in my brain and it's just not good to anyone if i think uninterrupted.

#i have overanalysed i have scrutinised i have sent myself into frenzies of feeling all the bad emotions one can experience #and now i'm tired cried out and in a carb coma from all the fruits i've eaten in a short amount of time #this is what happens when lys leaves me alone for the night #and my bf is gone

[saturnsorbits]

There’s a secret line AU of my self-ship, where before Bakugo realises he’s actually in love with Kirishima and not me, he gets me pregnant and we have to co-parent…

#He leaves me before we know… #And I tell him over coffee - tell him I’m keeping it too… #He just nods; thin lipped; thinking - unreadable. #And then; he says he’ll be in touch. #He’s not. #I go to the first scan alone. #And the second. #When Mitsuki finds out; she sends me a card and a bouquet - Both an apology and an olive branch… #We meet up twice a month after that. #More closer to the birth. #But I hit almost full term before Bakugo finally reaches back out… #He’s sorry - Ofc he is and he does everything in his power to make up for his absence. #There are no excuses; he’s just there trying to make things right. #And it’s great; having him back; having the support - #but it hurts too… #Bc he’s got that look in his eyes again… The one I thought meant he loved me; except this time I’m not fooled. #I know that look isn’t for me. It’s for the baby. His baby. Growing inside of me. #It kicks up horrible selfish emotions. Bc ofc I’m glad he loves the baby - OFC I am… #But it stings none the less. #Pulls at bearly healed wounds. #It gets better tho. #He’s there for the birth and him and Kiri are the best parents in the world to our little boy - #He takes to calling Kiri dad #And Bakugo is always fierce in my defence when people pass me off as a surrogate. #It’s an odd family - yes - but it’s ours. #And when Bakugo and Kirishima have thier children it grows… #As does it when Denki and I add another little boy to the mix.

[timegears-moved]

tbh i gotta take back what i said before. totk hasn't really done anything to make me care about this version of zel*nk

#bwark #don't get me wrong it's still a fine ship but i think this is just a case of me preferring their friendship #and also it's more of a criticism of this incarnation of link than a criticism of the game itself #he's just too. static. i don't like that he shows more emotion at cooking than at the actual tragedy of the plot #and i know that it's stated that he has anxiety from the pressure of the calamity but like i said he's still capable of showing emotion #but like at the wrong times. it's cute that he's happy about food but where's the shock that he was asleep for 100 years and everyone he #once loved is dead and he doesn't even have memories of them before seeking them out #or that his best friend had to suffer a millenia as a dragon for the sake of everyone #compare this to like. idk tp link's horror when ganondorf holds up midna's fused shadow and crushes it with his hand #and his relief at the end that not only is she back to her true form but is still the same mischevious midna he's known the whole game #or sksw link's pure anger at ghirahim for kidnapping zelda near the end #or ww link's visible guilt and heartbreak at having to leave his grandma behind and alone to go and save his sister #not trying to be mean because i still like him. he is still link after all. but idk he just falls a bit short for me #like his promise to mipha's father comes across as very shallow when he kept a blank face at her in both the memory and her spirit scene #the only character that benefits from him being flat is revali and that's because it fuels revali's dislike of him because of a #misunderstanding and lack of communication #totk spoilers #<- in the tags at least

[portraitoflestatonfire]

“Louis doesn’t love Lest—”

#leave him alone!!! #they have very different ways of expressing their emotion #as a fellow frigid bitch with eldest daughter syndrome I feel a kinship #nobody understands me! except all of the other unwell strangers in my phone #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #interview with the vampire #iwtv #interview with the vampire amc #amc iwtv

[catlokis-blog]

Tell me about how Bubby also has NPD I want to hear your ramblings

alright!! there might be some moments of mischaracterization (i feel like that's not the right word but i'd be framing him differently than the intention yk?) because i haven't rewatched hlvrai for a hot second! but!! here is my bubby narcissist theory, brought to you by someone with the disorder

probably the most obvious one is that bubby is EXTREMELY self-centered and confident. to a nearly satirical degree. he's often described as "crass" or "egotistical" because he's constantly talking about himself, how good he is, & talks huge about himself because he made to be the ultimate lifeform, duhh.

but it's also been shown he has some STRONG self doubts in the extent of how "perfect" he really is in moments of weakness, it's especially highlighted during his betrayal arc (ill come back to this) once he's been brought into his tube again, but it's also even highlighted during small moments in the commentary when he would stop praising himself briefly to doubt "is my plan working?" before immediately switching back to "yess, yes, im the best"

he's also been shown to be a compulsive liar towards tommy a lot with his "classic pranks" which is a habit that can come in a lot of npd patients, usually as a form of self-preservation or some other defense mechanism. (benrey also has a similar symptom here, where his memory will rewrite events to be biased in his favor! but this isn't about him)

his short temper and somewhat bitter attitude can also be easily taken as a lack of empathy for those he doesn't consider "on his level", so to speak, noting strong disregard to anything gordon really has to worry about - this doesn't mean he doesn't have his moments, however, just that he shoves it to the side a lot

another thing about his temper - he's very destructive! narcissistic personality disorder comes hand-in-hand with destructive anger issues, usually targetted towards the thing that's causing them the most frustration, but it could also really be anything (such as the random scientists he decides to kill)

probably the thing that solidified it the most for me was the concept of the betrayal arc as a whole, though. his only reason for going with it because he was convinced that nothing was his fault - but it had to be someone's, because people with narcissistic personality disorder can really struggle to figure a "that's life" kind of thing. he immediately pointed the blame to gordon once he realized gordon had failed the experiment, and instead of benrey helping correct his misleading train of thought, he fed into it and led bubby to assist in getting gordon's arm chopped off

something that, may i add, bubby did not want to happen!

npd is often caused by trauma, which could easily be a result of his tube and being a case of study, but that's more of a theorizing part.

i think the main reason why i take all of this as a personality disorder headcanon and not a "he's just a little charmingly shitty" way is that even once he's redeemed these qualities never go away - and nobody seems to mind that. nobody is constantly telling him that he needs to "fix his attitude" - they just learn how to understand him :)

this is kind of thrown together very like... haphazardly i can't explain it all very well BUT that is my opinion!! bubby npd haver

#tldr hes emotional self centered easily manipulated slightly delusional and very insecure deep down which we see small hints of #which is EXACTLY what its like to have npd! #hlvrai #dr bubby #cats asks #cats thoughts #OH AND AN ADDDITION #hes also very defensive when people point out ''flaws'' #like how when his head is in the cieling he immediately goes like oh i like it there leave me alone #and when he turns into a car he deflects #half live vr but the ai is self aware #bubby #doctor bubby

[scorpiotrait]

Jonquil: (holds baby) Baby: (is hold)

me:

#HELP LMAO I searched “sobbing” and then “crying” in the GIFs #and then Tumblr was like ARE YOU OKAY???? HERE'S RESOURCES YOU SAD BITCH #no I'm just having emotions about my pixel dollhouse leave me ALONE #ts4 #Legendary Legacy #Jonquil Rian #Griffin Rian #Rian-Goth Household #sims 4 legacy #sims3 legacy challenge #sims 4 random legacy

[galadae]

sometimes I think about the last enw fight and how zenos asks if it was all worth it. I think cala told him she just wanted to go home

#endwalker spoilers #home is lots of places to her. mostly people #but also this is the only time she showed zenos any emotion except anger or fear #idk I just think about their interactions a lot #bc cala refused to try to empathize with him #even in sb when she had all that rage and saw similarities between them. that realization only made her angry and afraid for *herself* #bc how could she be like this person who did such awful things. so she was always guarded around him at best #and when he came back she just wanted him to leave her alone #i think at most she may have pitied him #but that was the extent of it #her last words to him were the only time she told him what she truly wanted #anyways. sometimes i'm sad that cala didn't try to understand him. the whole my mirror thing...she never got it. #but it's also so tasty to me

[vampiremansionpoolboy-moved]

going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim

#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his #head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when #hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly #hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju #and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and #especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger. #and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and #he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if #thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die #for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the #viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be #doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky #tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift. #hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect #him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding #and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers. #he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he #still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW #EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM #anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind #herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug #when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their #bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually #toad.txt #i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways #pacific rim #pacific rim spoilers #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #newmann

[cherrytomatoboys]

Last week im like ew this guy is texting me too much. Then today he stopped texting me and I'm like what you hate me now 🥺

#i really hate myself so much #like this so embarrassing #why cant i be normal i know it's not a big deal #and i have to leave him alone anyway #god i hate having emotions #just knowing someone was talking about me behind my back it hurts

[mister-finally-found-himself]

I agree that the gender fluid thing is queerbait if I'm understanding you right. Like I think it's like one of the only instances of queer baiting in the show

yeah like i don’t think lokius is queerbait by the definition (they never actually said it was gonna happen, or heavily hinted at it, etc). BUT i do think that if you observe their interactions in the show it’s clear they were doing SOMETHING with that. just thinking in a sense of like, if they were a straight couple then people would absolutely be saying yeah there’s something there. but i don’t think it’s queerbait because while yeah it’s in there, the creators, writers, etc. never actually said anything about that.

and the whole thing about him being genderfluid. it. bugs me so much because before the show came out i was so hyped for that because they DID say like, yeah in the show he’s genderfluid and then didn’t actually do that. the credits scene with the file where it says sex: fluid was. idk not good rep at all because it’s SO EASY to miss even if you do watch the credits. and then playing it as if the loki variants think it’s strange that there’s a woman variant of them. it’s not at all what they made it out to be and it bothers me so much. like the queerbaiting there was absolutely intentional.

ALSO i was very disappointed at the bi rep. like it’s more than i expected from marvel honestly BUT they still hyped it up as this big thing like yeah loki’s bi!! it’s canon!! and then just threw in a 3 sentence thing that’s super easy to miss. and then like. never brought it up again ever. and that wouldn’t be a big deal to me in the sense of like “yeah, he’s bi, it’s normal it’s not a big thing, it’s just part of who he is” like i would think that would even be a great aspect of it IF they didn’t hype it up so much and make it a big thing outside of the actual show. it’s just. idk it bothers me

#anyway. i’ve made it past the big emotional reaction so the finales not as bad to me as it was last night #i still have very mixed feelings about it but it’s nothing to do with queerbait or anything it’s just the whole character development then #leaving him alone for all eternity thing. idk i’ll probably make a post about it later #ask #loki