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#i have been emotionally compromised by dao
victoriousscarf · 1 year
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For the ship/don't ship meme: I'm a basic Dragon Age bitch, so Anders/Fenris? :3
Oh lord...
Ship It
What made you ship it? Oh yeah okay fine let's go here. It's about the great X of their respective arcs, the two sides of the same coin, the same trauma coming out in entirely different ways, the endless ways in which they could save each other or doom each other, the fact that they are on the same level (Like, do not get me wrong, I enjoy Fenris and Hawke but there's always a power difference between them. It's partly just how the game is set up, and unavoidable, but Hawke is /fixing/ Fenris, and I think long term that's not great. Fenris and Anders are starting out on the same level, and can either heal together or damn each other together, they ain't fixing each other except through sheer bitchiness). It's the opposites attract only to find out they're not so opposite, it's the reborn Andraste and Shartan revolutionary potential of a mage anarchist and the former slave rising up together, it's the sheer potential for the ultimate hurt/comfort of finding out the man you thought was your enemy is exactly the same as you are. And they fall under my preferred ship of "unrepentant violent assholes in love" so there's that too.
What are your favorite things about the ship? I mean all of the above, yes, but also just like. The potential for the angst, the drama, the HEALING. They are the ultimate "if only the world had been a little kinder to you, we might have made it."
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? I guess the fact I ship them at all? Apparently some people are really not into that.
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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So @dreadfutures is apparently an angel because she sent me these images by @forystr which were apparently a commission of my boys? Anyway I'm losing my mind.
Alim is so done and Mahanon is so goddamn earnest and that is just CORRECT.
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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@dreadfutures has been sending me sketches of Mahanon and I like die every time.
Like look at the boooooy and his fluffy, fluffy hair. Sorta wish I'd thought of the braid/ardent blossom combo myself.
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victoriousscarf · 2 years
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Taking down my art reccently and realized just uh how much of it is Dragon Age but also in case anyone was wondering who my faves actually are:
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My custom matting job is also a big hint.
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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For the meme, I would like to ask 19.) What is the biggest difference between your protagonists? and also 20.)Who handles responsibility the best? And who handles it the worst?
19. What is the biggest difference between your protagonists?
I’ve once described this as the “fucks to give” scale.
Alim Surana started out with negative fucks to give when he was 19 and fresh out of the Circles (to the point he straight up fought with Flemeth for 20 minutes about whether he was going to do shit all with the Wardens after Ostagar, because he couldn’t figure out how an elf and a mage was going to get anyone to agree to any treaties ever, and frankly even at that point he was tired of people so desperately trying to kill him) and he’s only lost more fucks all the time since then. He’s at something like negative a thousand fucks. (See also his line: I ended the Blight at 20. /Everyone/ can bite me)
Mahanon had quite a few fucks and now he’s down to only a few of them. He stopped giving a fuck about how people blame the Dalish for their own destruction, about Orlias, about a lot of things. But the fucks he does still give are a lot and bring him a whole bunch of angst.
Hawke gives /so many fucks/. He has never let go of a single fuck in his entire life and it brings him a lot of pain. He’s literally breaking under the weight of carrying that all around with him and frankly could learn from the other two about letting some of that go.
20. Who handles responsibility the best? and who handles it the worst?
Alim is by far the best. He’s been Warden Commander for practically two decades now (thanks to time travel lol). He may be an angry little shit most of the time, and have little patience for Ferelden nobility, but when it comes time to knuckle down and push through and lead his Wardens through hell and out the other side, he does it like flipping a switch. He saw his lover sacrifice themselves, and stepped back to allow it to happen a second time if he had to. He’ll push all that personal stuff down and make the hard choices.
Mahanon has been Inquisitor twice now, but he’s also constantly caught up in anxiety. He /knows/ he disbanded the Inquisition last time and then got himself killed. The potential of a second Exalted Council haunts him and he keeps undercutting himself in an attempt to avert what might not even happen. However, when the moment comes, he’s ready to go. He’ll take that responsibility and leadership and wield it with both hands. There’s just a lot of doubt he has to let go of still.
Hawke is obviously the worst lol. Which goes back to all those fucks he has to give, but also the fact that like, he carries around a lot of guilt about it. He doesn’t want people following him, or believing in him, because look at how that turned out last time. (Even though now he’s aware that in the potential future, Alim and Mahanon might both be dead, and in which case Solas actually pinned him as a leader of the resistance, and he’s been trying to deal with what that would mean, in the back of his head. Bracing himself to accept that responsibility if he has to but frankly, he would rather not thanks).
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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#6 and #9 for the DA OC ask meme! 👀
6. What would they think of each other’s combat skills/techniques?
Well, Mahanon has straight out said he wishes all his mage companions could learn the Force Mage/Spirit Healer combo, because he /really/ likes that, and it’s one reason (besides everything else plot related) he keeps dragging Hawke out with him. He definitely respects Alim being an Arcane Warrior because that’s cool to bring those ancient elven traditions forward, and because a mage with a sword is pretty badass. He might not realize Alim is also a shapechanger yet though. So he’s very positive on both his super destructive mage friends.
Hawke is gonna lose his entire mind when he realizes Alim is a shapechanger meanwhile (Alim: I can’t turn into a dragon. Hawke: But you have the foundations of HOW to turn into a dragon please dear maker teach me). He might not fully get the Arcane Warrior stuff but he’s not gonna mess with Alim and his sword.
Alim respects any power that can break the bones of everyone in a several foot radius, so he might agree to teach Hawke the shapechanging bit in return for the Force Mage stuff, because honestly the last thing he probably needs is more ability to crush the field in front of him, but he sure likes it.
Meanwhile both mages are pretty positive on the fact Mahanon is an inspiring little shit with a giant axe, but even with his sword, I figure neither of them know that much about the finer points of axe skills.
Basically they’re all super positive on each other and their various ways of crushing everyone they want to in their way. It’s a violence love fest here.
(One time, I think it was in a comment to you, I mentioned how I think each of them would have responded to a bar fight, which I think explains their respective reactions to battle:
Hawke would break the nearest bottle if he ran out of weapons, because he’s a knock them down, use everything at hand street fighter.
Alim would, except he’s always got brass knuckles in his pocket and thus is never without a weapon to smash someone’s face in with.
Mahanon meanwhile is hiding behind the bar, complaining about the fact they couldn’t just talk this all out, while he’s massively escalating the issue by making moltov cocktails).
9. Would your warden or Hawke have actually accepted the role of inquisitor if Cassandra had located them as she’d planned to? Would they have been a good leader for the Inquisition?
Alim? Probably not. First of all he’s got his hands full being the Warden Commander, a total distaste/outright hatred of the Chantry, and he remembers too clearly how the nobles reacted when he moved into Vigil’s Keep. It’s not that he wouldn’t be a good leader, because he’s already an excellent leader, but he’s also very jaded and cynical and gives negative fucks at this point. But he does have a deep bench of allies and everything with Morrigan would probably have been pretty interesting. Though I’m not sure the Well of Sorrows would have been good for him persay.
Hawke would have done it, despite the fact he’s also jaded and cynical and hates the Chantry a whole ton and it probably wouldn’t have gone great. He’s a great dude for inspiring people, and convincing them to agree with him, but he’s also running on a lot of guilt, a lot of depression, and being shoved into a Chantry like organization would probably have spiraled him down further into both of those things. Plus, the Mage/Templar conflict wouldn’t have been wrapped up even remotely as neatly as the game pretends it can be, because as soon as Hawke showed up as Inquisitor both sides would have flipped their absolute shit. No mage would trust him, and no Templar would trust the Inquisition.
However, stumbling into the wrong place at the wrong time and picking up the bad magic glowing thing sounds like something he would have done.
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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Now that he's finally shown up and starting making noise I realized I forgot to put up some screenshots of Alim Surana, no fucks to give Warden Commander of Ferelden.
He's the very first Dragon Age playthrough I ever did back in 2014 and while I love many of the other Wardens I did playthroughs with he is still THE Warden. Also, considering Inquisition wasn't even out yet, his coloring matches up quite well to Kieran's.
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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For Mahanon....
14. which demon is most frightening to them?
You know at this point it’s like... he’s faced so many demons, and fought so many, and killed so many I’m not sure he’s even /scared/ of any of them anymore. Like he gets annoyed as shit about despair demons because they fly off in circles and he has to chase them, and he’s faced the nightmare twice and technically “won” both times, so can we really say he’s /frightened/ anymore?
But on the most important note... he’s never actually seen a desire demon, now has he? Because if he ever thought about that for more than 30 seconds I think he’d be pretty goshdarn terrified.
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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37 for Hawke from the OC ask meme!
What is your OC’s biggest dream?
He wants to be a DRAGON.
(like I know we all like to joke about this, right, because it is funny! It says a lot about Hawke's humor and response to strange and wild situations but--
If you think about it, Hawke is having one of the worst days of his life, he's been running since Ostagar with Carver, lost the battle and his home, his sister was just killed and suddenly? The tides are turned in a single second by Flemeth. Like just imagine what he could DO, what he could have DONE with that power. He could have carried Carver, he could have saved Bethany, he could have turned the tide himself. it's fairly understated in the forest is dark and deep but there's definitely a reason Hawke learned both spirit healing and force magic in Kirkwall--and it's so he won't feel that useless or helpless again if he can help it (except of course he did end up feeling that helpless and useless all over again).
I mean he'd also like everyone he ever loved to be healthy and whole and happy but since that's literally impossible he'll just take being a dragon, thanks.
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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So sometimes I pop in Inquisition and play through random bits of the Mahanon playthrough just to make sure I'm getting the inflection in his voice right and...
Man I shouldn't talk to Solas lol.
(I say having also just started a new Solas romance playthrough from the very beginning because I need to apparently read every fucking codex again ugh).
Anyway in the first screenshot Mahanon is saying (to Solas) "But you don't need anything. From anyone. You're known for that." And in the second he's saying "It was that impressive to see me awake?" And honestly I want to hug my sweet summer child before he had his heart brutally broken.
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victoriousscarf · 4 years
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The Inquisition inspired shawl at last complete!
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The pattern is "Use the Force" by Kristen Ashbaugh Helmreich on Ravelry. I used Lorna Laces Shepherd Sport in "The Skyway" and "Ravinia."
It took me a long time to find a color that matched the green that felt properly Inquistiony, but the sort of golden brown and green combo shows up a lot in the background and the setting. Plus I liked how the wedges of the pattern almost look like tears, as the Breach tears apart the sky.
Some inspo screencaps:
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victoriousscarf · 3 years
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Fenris and Dick for the character meme ☺️
I think this message came through when I just got my new computer and for some reason it glitched out like 8 times ahahah so yeah this is late whoops.
Fenris
do I like them: I mean I lay awake at night thinking about them does that count?
5 good qualities: he’s willing to grow once given the chance, he’s willing to open up and learn how to forgive, even if it sometimes feels like it’s a painful climb up a steep hill, dry sense of humor, an amused dork when he’s happy, and will never stand down knock them out fighter as long as he has something to fight for
3 bad qualities: I feel like most of his bad qualities are straight up a result of having no memories outside of his trauma and slavery so I mean... yes he’s angry and bitter and close minded but who wouldn’t be?
favourite episode/etc: idk a Bitter Pill? It’s a disaster from start to finish but I really like the different bits that get revealed over the course of it, including when he shows up at the Hawke estate afterwards
otp: Anders.  (I mean huge shout out to the canon romance with Hawke but given about 20 seconds every fic I write turns into Fenris/Anders)
brotp: Varric, non-romanced Hawke, Isabella, Aveline, listen the boy needs all the friends he can get
ot3: /sleep/happiness
notp: any slave owner from tevinter (including yes Dorian, tho I see the redemptive possibilities that would make it appealing)
best quote: I like his lines about his hate after a bitter pill, but also when he talks about Mabari defecting to the Fereldens when they were fighting Tevinter
head canon: he definitely read Anders’ Manifesto if he was taught to read, either by accident or on purpose but he’s read it.
Dick
do I like them: ahahahahahahahaha
5 good qualities: loyal, chooses to be kind, snarky and punny, hella smart, actual emotional intelligence compared to some of his bat-mates
3 bad qualities: anger issues, guilt complex, workaholic
favourite episode/etc: crikey there are so many. I really like every time he and Bruce reveal how wildly and deeply fucked up they are over each other (such as bloodborne) but also I really like the original New Teen Titans run a lot.
otp: /happiness
brotp: Donna obviously
ot3: I have now almost written two whole Roy/Dick/Bruce fics so I guess??
notp: idk if it’s a notp but every time he gets shipped with Barbara I get unhappy with canon.
best quote: Holy --- Batman!
head canon: is it even a headcanon to say he’s demisexual?
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victoriousscarf · 4 years
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Tagged by @justastormie for five male characters I love and I present to you without much thought at all:
1. Like Skywalker aka the power of hope and redemptive love in a dark and cruel world, who saw the worst of the Galaxy and still thought no one was too far gone to be saved (the sequels can bite me).
2. Dick Grayson aka the boy wonder, who also was shown the worst of the world and chose to believe in goodness and justice and to believe in a man who sometimes can't believe in himself, and to be the moral compass of a whole crew, a whole team, a whole city, and to still be kind at the end of it.
3. Neville Longbottom aka the almost chosen one, the forgotten and abused and belittled one who still chose to fight, to become himself, to embrace what he loved and what made him unique and to use it to be better than he (or anyone else) was.
4. Hank McCoy aka the snarky blue asshole of my heart, the mad scientist with a flair, the man who hated what he was so much he tried to change, only to make it endlessly, unforgivably apparent what he was, who had to learn to live with and embrace what he thought he hated. Who is still terrified of himself and keeps going anyway.
5. Fenris aka I'm always emotional about Dragon Age and if I'm emotional about dragon age I'm probably emotional about Fenris, who doesn't even know who he is and isn't sure he wants to find out, but he's free now and that's what free men do. Who only has memories of pain and enslavement, who doesn't know kindness or compassion but maybe he wants to try. Who is a mess of bitterness and rage and hate and maybe, maybe, can slowly let some of it go, inch by inch, before it swallows him alive. Who wants to try. Who can in fact become exactly what he never believed possible, if given the support and love and will to do it himself.
Listen I think this was just list out some of your faves but in fact became let me wax poetic about why I had a type and you might notice it has to do with love and hope and accepting yourself and also kicking the world in the face when it deserves it.
Honorable mention to Jake Peralta of the 99 because we need more role models of men unlearning toxic masculinity and embracing both their own softness and the kindness and love of those around them.
@meddalarksen @ophidiae @obstinatelybored idk who ever feels like it
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victoriousscarf · 5 years
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For writing prompt, #32 w/ Fenders?
“I think I’m in love with you,” Anders said, not looking at Fenris and Fenris froze from where he was standing in the doorway, holding a bottle of wine and one of the baskets of food Hawke sometimes randomly left in his doorstep as if he couldn’t actually feed himself. Anders had sneaked in earlier that night and after he had passed out Fenris had sneaked away to fetch the food because of the two of them the mage was much worse at feeding himself. 
But before he could recover, Anders continued. “And that terrifies me.”
“That terrifies you?” Fenris finally managed. 
Most days he wasn’t sure what he was doing, but whenever the mage came to him, he let him in. When the mage had first kissed him, he had let him and sometimes he still woke up in the middle of the night with a scream somewhere in his throat at the thought he had just handed another mage his leash, let him have something of Fenris’ he could ill afford to give away.
But when Anders turned his head to stare at him, there was something terrible in his expression. Fenris almost dropped what he was carrying. “Yeah,” Anders said. “Yeah it scares me.”
Fenris swallowed, almost ran but instead he came closer to the bed, setting the wine and food down and standing in front of where Anders was sitting on the edge of the bed. He tilted his head back to watch Fenris. Fenris bit his lip and Anders’ eyes went there. “Why do I scare you?” he asked finally.
“Because love always does,” Anders said. “Let alone loving,” and in his pause Fenris filled in too many words. Loving someone broken, bitter, angry, and harsh as he was. No wonder Anders was scared of it.
“Loving someone like you,” Anders finished and Fenris winced but then Anders’ hands came up to his waist, and they were warm there and it almost soothed the hurt. “No, Fenris,” Anders murmured, still looking up at him. “You’re so beautiful, and so hurt, and I think I could just hurt you more.”
Fenris frowned, not sure if that was all that better. “Are you planning on hurting me?” he asked. 
“I’m not planning on it,” Anders said. “But then again, there’s an awful lot I haven’t planned on.”
Fenris swallowed, bit his lip again. But something in him ached, because he had been so focused on the second half of what Anders said, the first had barely registered. “But you--love me?”
And Anders eyes were looking up at him, his hands on his waist and Fenris reached forward, steadying himself with a hand on Anders’ face. “Yeah,” Anders said.
“That terrifies me too,” Fenris whispered and Anders’ mouth quirked, almost into a smile.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Fenris said and Anders rose, standing up in the space between the bed and Fenris, but his hands stayed on his waist and Fenris dropped his hands to his shoulders. 
“I love you,” Anders said, like now he just wanted to taste the words and Fenris’ breath caught. “I don’t care how stupid it is, or what will happen. Right here, right now, I love you.”
“Right here, right now, you have me,” Fenris said and it felt like an admission too big for him, for the room, maybe even for all of Kirkwall. 
And Anders’ eyes widened, like he realized what those words meant. He raised one hand, smoothing his fingers across Fenris’ cheek and Fenris was so used to his touch now he didn’t even flinch anymore. 
When Anders kissed him, it felt like another admission, another confession and Fenris leaned up into it. “You have me,” he said again and felt from the way Anders pulled him closer that maybe he didn’t have to say he loved him. Not yet. Not when he admitted he belonged to--with--Anders. 
He belonged with him. 
He kissed him again, leaning against him and Anders took his weight, took him close and held him and for a second Fenris forgot to be afraid of everything that was between them. 
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victoriousscarf · 6 years
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Okay so it may have been somewhat obvious that I'm riding super high on Dragon Age feels and that's because I decided, like an idiot, to replay all three games jumbled up like mess, including the DLC for DA2 for the first time (shit Legacy is really good and after like four playthrough without Sebastian he's actually a bit of an adjustment and God the dog is so good). Which means I've like gone from Legacy to the Siege of Adamant to the Landsmeet in Orgins basically on different nights this week and it's been a ride and I have a lot of various thoughts but
One thing that constantly stands out to me is how lopsided the Warden vs Hawke choice is in Inquistion. Like I know a lot of people when confronted with Allistair like love Allistair (and no lie I'm fond of him even tho I've thrown him under various buses in my five playthroughs possibly more on that later) but like he'll never hold a candle to disaster dumpster child of my heart fucking Hawke.
But even more so narratively the Warden sacrificing themselves vs Hawke sacrificing themselves does not feel equal for several reasons.
One it feels like a betrayal of Hawkes story and arc, a sad, bitter end in a life full of bitter defeats and more than anything he's alone. Varric may or may not be there but Hawkes story was about their friends, their family, and to end alone in the darkness feels like it just spits on so much da2 was actually about. (I feel like YMMV here for sure but it doesn't sit right for me, being able to casually kill off the protagonist of a whole game and it feels more like a bitch move against the bad reviews da2 got than something that made narrative and emotional sense. I'm not saying Hawke wouldn't and shouldn't sacrifice themselves at some point, just man, not like this).
But on the flip side it does feel like a more satisfying end to basically any of the warden's stories. In no small part because bioware has been doing it's best to make us forget warden's short lifespans, plus, their whole motto is literally about sacrifice.
Okay so. Allistair abd Loghain both become wardens in Origins which is roughly ten years ago from the beginning of Inquistion, Inquistion is about three years long (?) so Allistair has been a warden longer than Loghain but they're both at the very least a decade into their wardenship. Pretty sure Origins doesn't mess around when they say wardens have about fifteen years to live post joining which means they're both dangerously close to the point where the taint is gonna start taking over their bodies and the calling becomes too loud to ignore (I think inquistion did weird things with the calling as being the only peril to wardens: uh no the point is the taint consumes them the calling gets louder and they go to the deep roads to die fighting rather than become a ghoul twisted by their poisoned blood. But of course that's a larger story about Inquistion trying to walk back a lot of the fucking weirdness and terror of the earlier games. Aside from Envy they somehow made fighting an army of blood mages dull I still don't get it). So what I'm saying is the Origin wardens don't really have that much more time. We don't know when Stroud joined but it was probably as long if not longer ago. Hawke meanwhile is probably somewhere between 30 and 40 and doesn't have a five year will probably be dead window.
Now this is the first time I've played Allistair as the warden so I'm not really through his bit yet so I can't speak to it entirely (tho I admit I find him sorta annoying? Like after all this time and you're as childish and victimized as ever. Ten years of being a warden and you can only complain? Ok. I get wanting to keep a character recingizable but I feel like what character development he gets in Origins is sorta ignored). But even so a dramatic sacrifice after being betrayed /again/ feels like a decent enough ending for his years as a warden. A redemption for an order he loved from the start. Stroud meanwhile is such a non character it's almost irrelevant to talk about him except to quote the warden motto: In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice. You might as well do the dramatic sacrifice to save others that's your job as a warden.
Loghain is last here because I actually think sacrificing himself in the fade is the best ending to warden!loghain's story you can actually get. (Also unlike Allistair who is upset and whiny about being hunted Loghain takes this with his usual grim humor like ah yes I'm still not one of them fancy that and I'm sorry I love him and his redemption arc so fucking much leave me here). Because like, he was the farmer turned poacher turned revolutionary turned war hero turned traitor turned king turned warden. He believes completely in his goal in front of him to the exclusion of things like sensibility and morals. He's loyalty was never to people but to Ferelden itself... Except sometimes he tripped on the way and then his lionheart tendencies go into overdrive. Marric. Anora. He loves selectively because he loves somewhat completely. He calls the Warden friend here in Inquistion something that makes me drop my controller and clutch my chest (and this last playthrough I actually earned a lot of approval from him so we actually /were/ just about friends... All you have to do is compliment Anora and you get +6 to +12 very quickly he's such a proud papa fucking kill me). Loghain doesn't have a lot of friends! He was never truly accepted by the wardens! He should have died during the Blight ten years ago! He's basically been living (and fighting) on borrowed time since then.
But here's the other thing: he doesn't have a lot of friends. The Warden. Marric.
Hawke.
He calls Hawke friend. (How did they meet??? Why don't we get along? How does mage!purple!Hawke and Loghain become friends??? I need to know!) This is a dude who cares for very few people but he and Hawke refer to each other as friends.
He's been living on borrowed times. He's been fighting all his life and he's betrayed and been betrayed and has done horrible things and made up for it as much as he can with his blade and blood and he's been hearing the calling scratch with it's claws at the back of his mind for months...
And if it comes down to him or Hawke let him sacrifice himseld for one of the few friends he's ever had. Let him make the choice to live up to his warden oath to eke out the tiniest bit more redemption open to him. It would have been a relief to him to die during the Blight, imagine how much more it is now, knowing he's protecting one of the few friends he's ever made. Knowing despite Hawkes furious yells this is better, because Hawke is a survivor and they're going to make it out of this too.
Tldr leaving Hawke in the fade seems a terrible end to their arc, leaving the warden makes narrative sense considering like warden lore but fuck me up it's like Loghain's best possible ending and I'm really emotional him and Hawke are friends wtf bioware you can't just say that and then never show me how this happened
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victoriousscarf · 5 years
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So it occurs to me about this time last year was when I was last in total fucking Solas based hell.
I know this because I haven't been home in almost a year and have rediscovered gems like this
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And my Solas candle off Etsy.
But let's be honest that cheap ass Christmas decoration really does look supciously like a Halla.
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