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drivingsideways · 3 years

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Melo is My Nature Review

Well, as usual, I’m late to the party! I picked up 2019′s Melo is my Nature/ Be Melodramatic with some trepidation since I was (am!) still smarting a bit from the disappointment that’s Hospital Playlist S2, and I wasn’t quite ready for another.

I’m so glad I gave it a chance! While it isn’t a “perfect” series- in the nature of the world *sigh*- its combination of quirky, clever, self-aware humour and heartfelt performances won me over from the first episode.

More thoughts under the cut (along with some spoilers)

I’m very fond of ensemble dramas that love their characters, and “Melo is my Nature” does that very well. Perhaps a little too well, to the point that you feel the writers letting themselves be more than a little indulgent during the middle stretch of the episodes. But I can’t complain too much, because yes, I know the feeling! “Side characters” that refuse to stay in the lane and take over the narrative are also my favourites, as a writer and a viewer. I loved, loved, loved Lee Joo-bin as the flighty-but-amazingly-smart Lee So-min; that felt like such a delightful clap-back against the prevailing sentiment that often goes against young, successful women and the ridiculous levels of expectations of them, in how they need to perform gender and femininity and smartness. I loved that (like Emma! There’s a lot of Jane in this series!) the writers managed to make her likeable even though they never disregard her flaws or its consequences.

Another performance/ character that I totally adored was Baek Ji-won as Jeong Hye-jeong, the industry maven who may be (?) a nod to Kim Eun-sook, I suppose! I was afraid at some point that they’d just trash her character, by making her a little too ridiculous in an unkind way, but I found some of the loveliest scenes involved her- like the one where she tells Jin-joo to do the work, but not be too successful. In the end, there was a love and fondness for her, a genuine empathy, that really was core to what made this show so successful.

Shout out also to two of the weirdest characters I’ve watched, but thoroughly loved- Heo Joon-seok as Director Dong-gi & Lee Ji-min as Nutritionist (?) Da-mi. I absolutely adored that the only wedding in this series is between these two, and they do it in a completely predictably-unusual way.

Re: the “main” characters, I loved all of them without exception, though some more than the others :) One of the things I love about the show is how real and present the three female leads feel; they feel like whole, entire people rather than caricatures of them, even when the show reaches almost unusual levels of quirky. I love that a through-line of the narrative is how important women’s labour is- to themselves. The work they do, which is acknowledged as a part of their identity rather than just something they do to pay bills (though of course there’s acknowledgement of that aspect too!), their hunger to do it well and for it to matter- all of that is portrayed in a way that’s charming but still taken very seriously. And the way you know that its taken seriously is in the things they focus on- how Oh Jin-joo struggles to write alone, and how Han-joo’s learning to be someone’s mentor while struggling with her own insecurities, and how lost Eun-jung feels, when work which was supposed to give her purpose fails her in a time of crisis, and how unmoored she feels without it.

Re: the romance- I’m someone predisposed to dislike heterosexual romance, especially at the present moment, so it’s always with a great deal of hesitation that I start watching shows that I know have a large romance component. It’s always a bit of a coin toss for me whether the show will end up making me hate the romance or just about tolerate it. I rarely expect to *like * it. So “Melo is my Nature” was a pleasant surprise! This is one of the few series where I felt the writers put in the work to sell the “main romance” of the show. You get to know the Oh Jin-joo and Beom-soo in sharply etched sketches before they move into the romance part (with a lot of tongue-in-cheek meta humour about the formulaic nature of tv romances). I genuinely felt that thrill of “oh this could go platonic or romantic and I would like either” slowly ease into “oh my god these two are MEANT TO BE”, because the Romance is clearly in the all the ways they are NOT meant to be, but also, very, very definitely are. DELICIOUS. Just my cup of Jane Austen in a different context/ time.

Through most of the show though, my heart was divided between two characters- Jeon Yeo-bin’s stellar Eun-jung and Han Ji-eun’s pitch perfect Han-joo. Jeon Yeo-bin brought edginess, dark humour and a deep, almost- inconsolable grief to Eun-jung. Some of the stand out scenes of the entire series are hers: the moment where she watches herself on video talking to an imaginary person, and the moment she breaks down in front of the psych after talking about her mother. Watching this show, it really felt like- oh, she’s a star. Consider me sold on her for life (though, no, I will not watch Vincenzo unless there’s a Hong Cha-young supercut out there, in which case, please put it in my eyeballs now)

Han Ji-eun, imho, actually pulled off the toughest performance, because I think Han-joo’s strength of character is so often concealed by her “silliness” (in a similar vein to So-min’s), and that often makes her someone you’d overlook or not take seriously. But god, she broke my heart, from the scene in the first episode where she’s sitting alone at a table after a rough day and watching her horrible ex live his best life to the hilarious and excruciating “Oppa” scene, to the one where her kid is quite unconsciously cruel to her in the way kids can be. I was disappointed in the way they dropped the “reveal” about whom she’s dating in the last episode- not that I wanted her to be in an romance with Jae-hoon, god, NO- but it felt quite clunky. This is one of the two complaints I have with the show.

The second one is that starting from the middle, episodes began to noticeably feel like scenes/ sketches spliced together. Each scene is, within itself, perfectly written and performed, but the seams between the stories began to show. I felt one of the main reasons was that Eun-jung’s trauma tonally felt like it belonged in another show, but instead it had to get stitched into the mostly happy/ frothy storylines of the other characters. Sure, we had Hae-joon and his girlfriend’s terrible relationship, but the show had an easier time integrating that by way of Han-joo.

That said, I love how clever this show is! I love that it loves its own cleverness and can’t resist the urge to show it off- from all the meta references, in-universe jokes, and oh, that entire episode devoted to farting, complete with a song about it, which I think maybe my fave episode of the series. A great look at the place of performance in intimate relationships (and how the women bear the burden of it more than the men), but coming at it from a place of compassion and humour rather than anger. Love that choice, for the show and us!

I think @rain-hat mentioned in a comment here or twitter that Melo feels like a part of a triangle of shows along with Run On and Search : WWW. I’m inclined to swap out Run On for Rookie Historian, or huh, maybe change the triangle for a quadrangle? Rookie Historian dares to imagine a past where our protagonist is (mostly) unshackled by the patriarchy and in the “modern” ending to its main heterosexual romance, reminds us that people have always found ways to find joy and thrive outside the rigid bounds of society. Search: WWW goes about it in the opposite direction- placing us in a present/future where the patriarchy doesn’t and hasn’t ever mattered. Melo, I think, doesn’t quite do that, but in common with both these shows, it refuses to focus on the trauma of living under such structural violence, and instead talks about how we all (irrespective of gender) can find a way to remain unbroken by it. And while both Search:WWW and Melo do well at queer-platonic relationships as an alternate to the heterosexual project, it’s Run On, I think, which goes furthest there- firstly because though ostensibly structured around a het romance, that romance turns out to be falling in love with yourself/ loving yourself; secondly because it’s most explicitly queer in the choices that the characters make and the lives that they choose for themselves- Min-joo & May are each others darlings and will be for life, Yeong-hwa and Ki Seon-gyeom are allowed a tenderness in their friendship that feels like an explicit repudiation of toxic masculinity, and of course, you have May being asexual, but not aromantic, and Goh Ye-jun’s whole arc of accepting himself as a gay man, and finding acceptance of that identity from others.

Anyway! tl;dr would recommend (and have recommended!) Melo is my Nature to anyone fond of women, clever story telling and also ridiculously happy songs.

#kdrama #melo is my nature #be melodramatic #i gotta build a master list of my reviews #if only to save myself from tag and search misery #i'm a queue for you

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iamthenightcolormeblack · 3 years

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Pride and Prejudice 1940: "When Pretty Girls T-E-A-S-E-D Men Into Marriage"

Made during the Great Depression, this classic black and white film is loosely based on Austen's novel and is set in what is likely the 1830s rather than the Regency Era (late 18th century to early 19th century). It is an escapist piece which capitalizes on nostalgia for a simpler time by transporting its viewers to a chocolate-box vision of the past, while paying homage to Austen's social satire by delivering plenty of laughs along the way.

Overall Thoughts on the Film:

The first time I watched this movie, I was confused because the plot as well as the setting was revised significantly (the events after Darcy's first proposal are changed to hasten the happy ending; Darcy's letter and Elizabeth's visit to Pemberley are not included in this movie). This changing of plot points makes the 2005 movie a much more faithful adaptation in comparison with this version, in spite of the creative liberties both take with the novel.

Production Design:

The movie is a typical example of Golden Age Hollywood productions, with beautiful actresses and melodramatic flourishes added to increase the drama. Some of the lines are delivered very quickly, in keeping with the comedic style of the time.

The music: definitely not historically accurate. A lot of sentimental, "ye olde timey" string arrangements that emphasize emotions or fast-paced waltz music for balls/parties.

The 1830s costumes are beautiful; it seems as if no expense (or quantity of fabric) was spared in making them. The bonnets are way taller and have more decorations than typical 1830s bonnets. Some of the patterns/fabric choices are very 1930s, and the costumes are exaggerated in such as way as to make the wearers look like fancy turkeys.

Hair and Makeup: very 1930s, with finger/sausage curls, plucked eyebrows, lipstick/lip makeup, and long lashes.

The sets: the dollhouse-like interiors are lavishly gilded and made to look as opulent as possible. Outdoors scenes are lush, with lots of flowers and bushes; the garden in which the second proposal takes place is gorgeous. The set design transports the viewer into an idyllic vision of the bucolic English countryside.

The Lead Actors:

With the exception of Laurence Olivier, the majority of the actors are American, since this is a Hollywood production. Many of the characters in the film's imaginary vision of pastoral Britain speak American or make clumsy attempts to imitate British English.

Greer Garson: while she is definitely too old for the part, she perfectly conveys Elizabeth's intelligence, outspokenness, and sarcasm. Her facial expressions are killer as well; with the arch of an eyebrow along with a snarky side eye, she captivates us all. All in all, Garson effectively shows off Elizabeth's impertinence through her nonverbal acting (this reminds me strongly of Jennifer Ehle's Elizabeth Bennet).

Laurence Olivier: he effectively conveys Darcy's pride while hinting at his deeper feelings beneath the surface (I can see why Colin Firth spoke so highly of Olivier's portrayal of Darcy). Most importantly, the film emphasizes Darcy's intelligence; he is certainly Elizabeth's intellectual equal. While this portrayal of Darcy is very accurate to the book, Darcy's pride does go away pretty quickly (he and Elizabeth form a tentative friendship early on) and his social awkwardness isn't immediately obvious thanks to his charm. Also the unflattering hairstyle with the greasy hair and painted on sideburns makes me sad.

Key Scenes:

Opening scene: The title card appeals directly to the audience's nostalgia for a sentimental, romanticized past: “It happened in OLD ENGLAND (this was actually capitalized), in the village of Meryton…” The Bennet women are at a fabric shop, where they gossip with aunt Phillips about the rich people moving into Netherfield Park.

The carriage race: this scene, which isn’t in the original novel, represents the rivalry between the Bennets and Lucases. The mothers both want their daughters to be the first to snag the rich bachelors.

The first ball: There is a historical anachronism as the music is a waltz by Strauss, who became popular in late 19th century, specifically the Gilded Age; far too early for the Regency Era or 1830s England. Other changes from the original novel include Elizabeth meeting Wickham before Darcy; other events from Aunt Phillips’ ball (which isn’t included in this movie) and Wickham and Darcy’s confrontation are included in this scene.

Elizabeth’s impression of Darcy at the ball: she puts on airs and mocks his casual dismissal of her as tolerable (definitely a parallel with the 1995 version, where Jennifer Ehle does the same, but privately with Jane).

Great comedic change: Darcy introduces himself to Elizabeth after calling her tolerable and asks if she will dance with him (this originally takes place at Mr. Lucas' ball). Right after rejecting Darcy, she instantly agrees to dance with Wickham; in a humorous moment, Darcy evacuates to a corner of the room to sulk while seeing Wickham dance with Elizabeth.

The “Accomplished woman” scene: the dialogue lifted directly from the book for the most part. Darcy, in a departure from his trademark seriousness, shows off his playful side when reacting to Caroline Bingley's "turn about the room." I particularly like this added repartee from Elizabeth Bennet to Darcy, which is clever but also foreshadows her prejudice: “If my departure is any punishment, you are quite right. My character reading is not too brilliant.”

Elizabeth can't stand Mr. Collins: After twirling about his monocle, he pronounces that: “It might interest you to know my taste was formed by lady Catherine de Bourgh.” The best part of this scene is when Elizabeth plucks a wrong note on her harp when Collins gets really annoying.

The Netherfield ball (which is now a garden party):

Elizabeth running away from Mr. Collins: She looks rather ridiculous, almost like an overdressed turkey, in a white dress with puffy sleeves as she runs away from an overeager Collins. Then she hides in the bushes while Darcy helps her to hide, telling Collins he doesn't know where she is. It's fun but most likely not something a proper lady and gentleman would do (two people of the opposite gender out alone, shock!).

The archery scene: Darcy attempts to teach Elizabeth how to shoot a bow and arrow, even though he doesn’t hit the bullseye. She goes on to impress him by perfectly hitting the bullseye every time; Darcy learns his lesson: "Next time I talk to a young lady about archery I won't be so patronizing." Caroline Bingley, very passive aggressive as usual, shows up for her archery lesson right after and it's absolutely perfect.

Mr. Collins attempts to introduce himself to Mr. Darcy: Laurence Olivier captures Darcy so perfectly in this scene (really set the precedent for Colin Firth). When Mr. Collins starts talking (inviting Elizabeth to dance with him) Darcy tries to keep himself well-composed but has a pained expression on his face as if he’s about to pass out. Olivier masters the way Darcy can look so miserable but also disgusted and proud at the same time.

Mr. Collin's proposal to Elizabeth: I like the added touch of Mrs. Bennet pulling Elizabeth back by her skirt when she tries to run out of the room. The dialogue is taken directly from the book, and the scene is made even funnier when Collins holds on to Elizabeth's hand desperately and doesn’t let her get away. My only quibble is that Elizabeth isn’t indignant enough when Mr. Collins doesn't take no for an answer.

Elizabeth and Darcy at Rosings: I like that Olivier subtly indicates that Darcy is clearly affected upon seeing Elizabeth at Rosing, hinting at deeper feelings beneath the surface. I also like how the scriptwriter emphasizes that Darcy indirectly praises Elizabeth and enjoys their conversations, while she remains convinced that he hates her. Sadly, the original dialogue of the piano scene is not included, which is unfortunate as it allows Darcy to reveal his introvert tendencies, calling into question Elizabeth's assertion that he is unpardonably proud.

First proposal: The famous opening lines are mutilated with awkward punctuation: “It’s no use. I’ve struggled in vain. I must tell you how much I admire and love you." While the rest of the dialogue matches up closely with what happens in Austen's novel, both of the actors aren’t emotional enough; instead Elizabeth cries very daintily, and Darcy remains serene, which conflicts with the book's description of both of them being very angry and defensive at each other.

THE SCRIPT:

The first half of the film up to Darcy's first proposal follows the events of the original book closely, though certain blocks of dialogue are moved elsewhere and other events such as Mrs. Phillips' party are skipped over. The most significant changes, besides updating the setting to the 1830s, are made to the second half of the book to squeeze the key events of the story into the movie before delivering the inevitable happy ending.

Brilliant Quotes:

Mr. Bennet's reaction to Mrs. Bennet's despair over the situation of their 5 unmarried daughters: “Perhaps we should have drowned some of them at birth.”

Darcy insists Elizabeth cannot tempt him: “Ugh. Provincial young lady with a lively wit. And there’s that mother of hers.”

Darcy is an arrogant snob: “I’m in no humor tonight to give consequence to the middle classes at play.” (Technically the Bennets are part of the gentry; they just are less wealthy than Darcy).

Elizabeth's reaction to Darcy pronouncing her to be tolerable at best: “What a charming man!”

Elizabeth rebuffs Darcy's offer to dance after overhearing his insult: “I am afraid that the honor of standing up with you is more than I can bear, Mr Darcy.”

Elizabeth favors Wickham after witnessing the bad blood between him and Darcy: “Without knowing anything about it I am on your side.”

Mrs. Bennet's comment after she sends Jane to Netherfield under stormy skies: “There isn’t anything like wet weather for engagements. Your dear father and I became engaged in a thunderstorm.”

Mr. Bennet's reaction to Jane's fever: “Jane must have all the credit for having caught the cold…we’re hoping Elizabeth will catch a cold and stay long enough to get engaged to Mr. Darcy. And if a good snowstorm could be arranged we’d send Kitty over!”

The sisters' description of Mr. Collins: “Oh heavens! what a pudding face.”

Caroline Bingley at the Netherfield garden party: “Entertaining the rustics is not as difficult as I feared. Any simple childish game seems to amuse them excessively.”

Darcy reassuring Elizabeth after helping her escape Mr. Collins: “If the dragon returns St. George will know how to deal with it.”

Darcy learns his lesson after Elizabeth beats him at archery: “The next time I talk to a young lady about archery I won’t be so patronizing.”

Elizabeth comments about a curtain: “Oh that’s pretty. It’s a pity you didn’t make it bigger. You could have put it around Mr. Collins when he becomes a bore.”

Elizabeth on Kitty and Lydia: “2 daughters out of 5, that represents 40% of the noise.”

Elizabeth sees Lady Catherine for the first time: “So that’s the great lady Catherine. Now I see where he learned his manners.”

Lady Catherine's attitude towards philanthropy: “You must learn to draw a firm line between the deserving poor and the undeserving poor.”

Darcy takes Elizabeth's advice: “I’ve thought a great deal about what you said at Netherfield, about laughing more...but it only makes me feel worse."

Elizabeth and Darcy have a conversation with Colonel Fitzwilliam: “He likes the landscape well enough, but the natives, the natives, what boors, what savages … Isn’t that what you think, Mr. Darcy?” With a smile: “It evidently amuses you to think so, Miss Bennet."

CHANGES FROM THE BOOK:

The first half of the film up to Darcy's first proposal follow the events of the original book closely, though certain blocks of dialogue are moved elsewhere and other events such as Mrs. Phillips' party are skipped over. The most significant changes, besides updating the setting to the 1830s, are made to the second half of the book to squeeze the key events of the story into the movie before delivering the inevitable happy ending.

With the exception of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, the portrayals of the characters are (generally) true to the book.

As I said earlier, the film neglects any sort of historical accuracy when setting the story in romanticized "Old England," where genteel people pass simple lives that revolve around dresses, tea parties, social gossip, and marriages. A lot of Austen adaptations present an idealized vision of Regency life, where people are dressed immaculately, flawlessly adhere to "chivalry," and find love in the ballroom. This contributes to the misconception that Austen's novels are shallow chick-lit books with flat characters who live for lavish parties and hot men, instead of stories of unique, complicated women who happen to be well-off but aspire towards love, respect, or independence instead of being content to make economically advantageous marriages. Austen's novels are character novels and she doesn't waste time writing about dresses or tea parties; balls, while exciting, are just another part of daily life for her characters rather than some Extremely Big Special Once In a Blue Moon Event.

Austen's multifaceted view on marriage turns into a game of matchmaking. She recognizes it as necessary for women to survive in the patriarchy, since they cannot provide for themselves unless they marry well, but at the same time, presents marriage as a means for freedom if it is a loving partnership between two people that respect each other. In contrast, marriage is a game of manipulating the partners into wanting to marry (ex. Lady Catherine and Darcy's trickery). Also, it seems to be a given that Elizabeth will marry for love, unlike in the book where it is uncertain whether she will achieve this.

Kitty and Lydia's antics are viewed much more sympathetically as those of young people having fun; in the book, their behavior harms the family's social reputation, reducing the chances the Bennet daughters have of making good marriages.

Louisa Hurst, Georgiana Darcy, and Aunt and Uncle Gardiner are not in the movie.

Wickham is introduced much earlier than in the book; he is friends with Lydia from the very beginning. Interestingly, he doesn't begin to trash-talk Darcy until Bingley leaves; in the book he does so much earlier, before the Netherfield ball.

Darcy is more considerate towards Elizabeth at the Netherfield party (ex. rescuing her from Collins), until he overhears Mrs. Bennet scheming to get the daughters married. Elizabeth forms a tentative friendship with him until finding out that he separated Jane from Bingley.

Jane is more obviously heartbroken over Bingley's departure than in the book, where she keeps her pain to herself. In the movie, she runs away to cry, which is uncharacteristic of her.

Collins is a librarian instead of a clergyman. I dislike this change because some Austen scholars/fans think that Collins being a clergyman is a deliberate choice as part of Austen's social criticism. Collins is representative of how hypocritical the Church is, since he worships Lady Catherine's wealth instead of God, and preaches moral lessons instead of actually using religion to help people. My theory is that the change was made because of the Hays Code, which led to the censorship of movies for "unwholesome" or "indecent" things; the religious criticism could have been offensive.

Elizabeth reacts rather too kindly to Charlotte marrying Collins by showing concern for the loveless marriage. While she does worry about the lack of love in the marriage, initially she is extremely surprised, outright shocked, and confused.

The scene where Darcy tries and fails to talk to Elizabeth (the "charming house" scene in the 2005 movie) just before the proposal is removed.

Darcy's letter is skipped over and Elizabeth overcomes her prejudice of Darcy very quickly, as shown when she tells Jane she regrets rejecting his proposal. This is contrary to the book, where overcoming her prejudice is an emotionally exhausting and slow process that continues all the way up until the second proposal.

The Pemberley visit is removed; instead, Elizabeth returns home to the news that Lydia has eloped. Visiting Pemberley is very important as part of Elizabeth's re-evaluation of Darcy's character and provides an opportunity for Darcy to show Elizabeth that he has changed for her. The visit is key in increasing Elizabeth's love for Darcy, and removing it means that the characters have less personal growth (also wouldn't it have been great for the audience to be treated to another gorgeous estate of "Old England?"). Instead, Darcy visits Longbourn on his own and offers his help in finding Lydia. When the news comes that Wickham accepts very little money in exchange for marrying Lydia, it isn't as shocking as it is in the book because Darcy had already expressed his intentions of helping Elizabeth earlier.

Here's the change that bugs me the most: Lady Catherine becomes good; though she is a busybody, her main priority is Darcy's happiness. Her confrontation of Elizabeth is a scheme hatched between her and Darcy as a test to be certain of Elizabeth's love. This does not make sense on so many levels: first, Darcy insists that "disguise of every sort is my abhorrence," so why would he resort to trickery, however well-intentioned, to find out if Elizabeth still loves him? Second, Lady Catherine is a social snob and objects to Elizabeth's low connections; also she has an arranged marriage planned for Darcy. Third, in the book, because Elizabeth likes Pemberley and gets along really well with his sister Georgiana, Darcy would have had some evidence that Elizabeth, in the very least, cared for him. And the added claim that Lady Catherine approves of Elizabeth because she likes rudeness and thinks Darcy needs a humorous wife irritates me further because the marriage of Elizabeth and Darcy is revolutionary since it was made in defiance of societal rules!!! Why, why, why in the name of comedy did they have to do this?!

Darcy kisses Elizabeth (in a stagey and melodramatic way) after she accepts his second proposal. Seems a bit uncharacteristic of him.

All the sisters get married at the end. Happily ever after.

CONCLUSION

This movie certainly was not aiming for faithfulness to Austen's novel; it ignores her detailed portrait of Regency era society and its attitudes and focuses on the "light, bright, and sparkling" aspect of Pride and Prejudice that gives the story its timeless appeal.

All in all, this comedy of manners is definitely a classic thanks to the clever dialogue and jokes within the script, along with some great acting.

@appleinducedsleep @dahlia-coccinea @princesssarisa @colonelfitzwilliams @austengivesmeserotonin

#pride and prejudice 1940 #pride and prejudice #pride and predjudice #jane austen #movies #movie review #laurence olivier #classic movies #we stan p&p 1940

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sixofpomegranates · 3 years

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Rain in California - Act 1 - Fame

🥀Mini Series “Rain in California” Act 1 - Part 3 - Fame🥀

✨My Main Masterlist✨ | 18+ | AO3 | Wattpad

🥀Soundtrack🥀 | ✨Aestethic Trailer✨ | 🥀Masterlist🥀 | Words: 6.4k

🥀click here for the previous chapter🥀

TW: ANGST (LIKE REALLY), mention of loss/death/addiction/sobriety/murder/abortion/miscarriage, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, depression, addiction, substance abuse, drugs, alcohol, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, mentions of OD, PTSD, Self-Harm/Cutting, religious trauma, past physical/psychological abuse on child/teen, abusive parents, teen pregnancy, murder, injustice, withdrawal symptoms,

Songs in this Chapter:

Heartbeat - Don Johnson

Seven hours and a Gastric Suction later, [y/n] felt like hell.

Her throat hurt and the medication they´d given her didn’t work. Now she laid in her hospital room, in her uncomfortable bed and was mostly angry at herself. [y/n] didn’t know why she had acted so stupid…well, probably because she had been high as hell. Not feeling able to control herself, when taken more than usual.

She didn’t want to be so erratic, but when she was high, it just all seemed so easy. Saying the things she thought, doing things she normally would never even dare thinking of, not being hurt by others...On drugs she felt free. Herself.

Although she didn’t even know who she was anymore.

When Spencer was holding her in the bathroom?

That was the first time somebody had said something to her about her addictions, except for ‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’, ’It´s not that bad.’, ‘We´re here once you´re ready.’ and ’She´s just having a rough time.’.

It was the first time somebody really seemed to see through her and literally forced her to look at herself in the mirror. To care for her enough to show her tough love. Leroy, Hank and Tom had tried it, but given up on her, sure they supported and cared for her still, but for them she was already too far gone. And they were probably right about it.

But the dog? He still had wanted to help her, even after she tried being her ugliest.

She had gone too far, still remembering his face, the terror in it, when she cut her wrist, when she had taken all her pills at once. [y/n] had wanted to hurt him like that, her mind, her stupid junkie mind, had her convinced, that doing it would be a great way to get back at him.

Because she felt hurt, being rejected by him.

Most likely she had scarred him for life. And now he hadn’t come in, since she was allowed to have visitors, and probably would never come back.

She has successfully driven away the only one that had still cared enough.

Now, mostly sober, she felt like a monster, aware that she was a wreck beyond repair.

Of course she had, in the beginning, thought about stopping. But the drugs were the smaller evil to her, since they calmed her mind and made her forget the pain. She would stay alone forever, unworthy other people´s love, her mind should at least be allowed to be numb.

*****

“I came as fast as I could. What happened?”, Philip handed Spencer a duffle bag, filled with [y/n]´s clothing. He had asked him to bring it, since Spencer didn’t know how long she would stay.

“They pumped her stomach and had to stitch the wound on her wrist.”, he stated, making the short manager´s eyes go wide.

“Are you insane? What if they hurt her vocal cords?”, the tall one tried to remain calm, but had to really force himself to not hit Philip.

Why was that a priority?

“I didn’t wanna let her die. She could´ve OD´d. What would you have done?”, Spencer asked slightly aggravated.

“Carry her to the bathroom and force her to throw up, until nothing´s in her stomach anymore. Then I usually take her to bed and give her water every hour and feed her soup until she´s better.”, the manager explained and Spencer felt like that had to be a joke.

“That has happened before?”, he asked baffled and Philip nodded. “Yeah, a couple of times, but she always either took something or cut herself. Never both at the same time. Where you two fighting again?”, he asked reproachful and Spencer felt the guilt sink into his heart. “See, agent Prentiss? This is why I said, [y/n] didn’t need a bodyguard.”

“I´m sorry, but I don’t think that this is the result of having a bodyguard. It´s much more one to them not getting along and [y/n] being highly addicted to a couple of substances.”, Emily stepped in for Spencer.

The manager just ignored the her obvious insinuation of the rockstars declining mental help, before going into [y/n]´s room. The agents then just looked at each other before going in too.

*****

This was the first time Spencer saw [y/n], since they got here. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to be alone with her before. She was laying in her bed, bandage on her left wrist, looking directly at him when he came in. They had taken of her make-up, making Spencer realize, that she was prettier without it. Her jet black, dark hair in a ponytail. To him she looked calmer and softer like this. The real girl behind the façade. Philip was already all over her.

“[y/n], you look awful.”, he said, shaking up the pillow as she got up a little, to sit.

“Feel like it too.”, her voice sounded a little raspy.

“Poor girl. How is your voice? Do you need anything?” “Fine. My throat´s just a little sore. Can you check me out of here? The faster, the better. That way I can go home without the media knowing.”, Spencer and Emily shared a look.

“The paparazzies showed up an hour ago.”, Emily stated, making [y/n] nod.

She leaned further back in her pillow and looked at Spencer, like she wanted to say something.

“C-Can you still check me out, Philly?”, Philip nodded.

“Of course. I´ll be back asap and then we´ll take you home so you can pack.”, he walked outside and [y/n] looked at Emily.

“Can – I don’t know – you maybe go with him?”, she asked her friendly.

The dark haired woman shared a look with Spencer, who nodded at her. Signaling, that he was okay being alone with the singer again. Emily then nodded and walked after Philip, closing the door on her way out. For a second Spencer thought about leaving the room too. To, no longer, have this black-haired demon take hits against his sanity, but then her voice cut into the silence of the room.

“I´m sorry.”, she said and Spencer wondered, if she was being honest.

“For almost killing yourself?”, he asked her sarcastically and she shook her head.

“For how I treated you.”

“I´ve been through worse. You´d need to be trying way harder, if you want me to break.”, he answered her cold and she began looking at her hands.

“I´m sorry, I tried pressuring you, to take drugs.”, Spencer shrugged at that. “You were high. If I didn’t relapse after the love of my life was killed or when I was put wrongfully into prison, I won´t relapse because a pretty girl is offering me drugs.” “Doesn’t make it better or okay. I saw the token in your room, when I was looking for my pills. I knew and still did it. You must really hate me.”, [y/n]´s voice sounded like she was about to cry.

“I don’t hate you.”, he said gently, sitting down on her bed. [y/n] let out a self-degrading laugh and looked at him, tears filling her eyes. “No, it´s okay. I deserve it.”, she looked over to her IV drip bag, filled with clear liquid, and hit it slightly. “That stuff makes me sentimental.”, she tried saying jokingly, but sounded just sad.

Spencer looked at her for a while, thinking about what he could say. He hadn’t thought she would apologize for how she acted and he had meant what he had told her. He didn’t hate her. Yes, she was emotionally draining to be around, it wasn’t all bad though.

Spencer remembered Philip and how he had talked about the two sides of people.

“That´s no medication, [y/n].”, she looked at him confused. “You lost a lot of water so…Yeah. What you´re feeling is the drugs wearing off.”, he cooed, holding himself back with the rambling. “Nice. That´s what every junkie loves to hear.”, both chuckled a little. “Hey, I give you ten thousand dollar, if you get me some pills, my head hurts like hell.”, she said it in a joking manner, making Spencer chuckle and shake his head.

“No chance. I´m not bribable.”

“Makes you one of few in Hollywood.”, the sound of rain made [y/n] look to the window. “Can you open it?”, he nodded and got up. “Thanks. I love the sound of rain. People always portrait it to be so sad when it rains, but I think it´s nice…cleansing.”

He opened the window and sat next to her bed on the chair. They listened to the sound of raindrops hitting the streets for a while, when he decided to take the shot and ask [y/n], what had been on his mind for the last hours.

“Why are you doing it?”, she looked at Spencer, making a questioning noise. “Cutting yourself, taking drugs.”

“The pain makes you feel alive and the drugs help you hide the side effects of being it.”, Spencer chuckled a little.

“So melodramatic.”

High, she would have probably devoured him, but now she only smirked and rolled her eyes. By now a certain realness tried finding its way in both their voices.

“What was your reason for taking them then?”, she asked, leaning in his direction.

Spencer thought a second, honesty was earned and he wanted her to be honest with him. So he gave her a trust bonus, reviling a bit of his darkness.

“I wasn’t giving the chance of choosing to take them. I was kidnapped and my tormentor, at least one of his personalities, thought he would help me handling the pain.”

He could´ve sworn to see empathy in her eyes, but instead of showing it or whispering words of condolences, like so many others would do in this situation, she just smiled.

“And there I was, thinking you´re just a hypocrite.”, he shrugged. “Well…I am one.” “How?”, [y/n] asked, a little frown appearing on her forehead. “Because you were right. I think you are attractive and maybe my motive wasn’t all just about protecting you at the concert.”, he could feel himself blush.

“I´m sorry for acting out, after…you know.”

“It´s okay. Would you feel better, knowing that I really hated making the decision, to not sleep with you?”, she nodded.

“A little.” “Good. Cause it was. But it was the right thing to do.”, she smiled a little and began focusing on her hands again.

“You see, I get it now and I´m glad, at least one of us, has made a right decision tonight but…I don’t know how I´ll be to you, when I´m high again.”, her concerned voice made him take her hand. Being afraid of your own mind, no longer being able to control it, was something he was very familiar with. “Then don’t be. We could get you into rehab.”

[y/n] chuckled and took his hand with both of hers, caressing it with her thumbs. She seemed to be thinking. Making Spencer believe she may be taking his offer. But the longer she thought, the more obvious it became, that she was losing to something dark inside her head.

“Would be a waste of time.”, she whispered, her playfulness gone, as if reality just slapped her into the face.

“But if you continue like this, you´ll be dead soon.”, [y/n] gave him a gentle smile.

“You always say that, like I don’t plan on dying with twenty-seven.”

For a second he tried reading her, hoping she was joking, having made those suicidal jokes a little to often in the last days. When he didn’t like the answer, he prepared himself to hear it from her.

“Do you?”, she nodded. “I´m going to join ‘Club 27’ and then drift into oblivion. My songs and everything I did, only becoming an relic from the past.”

The way she said it, made it sound like she had already made peace with that decision. It frightened Spencer, making him think of how to make her re-think it.

“What about your friends?”

“There´s only the band…and I started pushing them away from me, a long time ago. I saw how it will end for me and decided not to have it hurt them, like it hurt me, when I found my mom.”, he shook his head. He refused to accept this as an answer.

“And what about yourself? You can’t just feel like dying is the only option.” “It´s not. But it´s the most relieving one.”

The calmness in her voice and body language showed him so much. What had driven her into that state? A state were death was seen as a relieve, because everything else hurt too much. Depression. She showed signs of it. Many people with addicted use it to cope with their mental problems. What had happened to her? His mind traveled back to the day before, to the only moments when she had let her façade slip.

To the silver bullet that would kill her.

“What happened to your baby?”, he asked her stern and she looked at him defeated.

“Oh, I see…I´ve been profiled. What do you think happened?”

“You lost it.”, she nodded, but he continued, carefully watching her body language. He wanted answers, but would stop when she would get too uncomfortable. “Probably because of your abusive father.”, she nodded again, seeming a little numb to his words. “Was he religious?”, the black-haired girl chuckled and answered him a little sarcastic.

“Depends on how religious you´d call a reverend. Why?”

“Religious trauma or trying to shock people. Your music, I mean.”

For a second [y/n] let go of his hand, making him rest in her lap. Spencer refused to pull it away, if she would start talking, he wanted her to know that he was still there. He had, by now, enough pieces of the puzzle, showing him a dark picture of her past. A reason, why she tried to be high so often.

Reality was a sharp knife and its cuts couldn’t hurt so bad, when you numb yourself.

“My father was always hitting my mom, but when she then took off, there was only me and him. He forced me into the mold of the perfect, religious daughter and when I wasn’t as obedient as he would´ve liked, he´d make me read the bible for hours and beat me senseless.”, she started gesturing to her stomach and chest area. “Of course only hitting me in places, nobody would see the bruises. When I was fifteen, I got caught trying to smoke for the first time, by a teacher. As they notified my father, he locked me into the dark broom closet for a week. Out of spite, I then started smoking regularly and met a boy through it, Daniel.”

Spencer watched [y/n]´s face light up for a second. She looked like JJ or Rossi, when they were talking about Will and Krystall. Like he probably did, when he was thinking about Maeve.

“He went to the same school as I and his abusive parents were addicts, like my mom had been. We kinda bonded over that and would sneak out at night, spending hours together, talking about the stupidest things. Thinking we were so deep and intellectual. He, at one point, started stealing his parents weed, so we could get high together. Made getting beaten easier. The time with Daniel was the first and last time I ever felt those butterflies. You know? This childish feeling of love?”

She smiled at him as he nodded, remembering those butterflies too, but then the smile darkened and she took Spencer’s hand again. As if to try and hold onto him, shielding herself from the dark memories creeping up.

“I got pregnant with sixteen. A shame. I managed to hide it for a few weeks and Daniel and I came up with the childish idea of running away together. We thought, we could just get jobs somewhere else, buy a home and become a family…Like foolish kids.”, her self-degrading laugh broke Spencer’s heart, as she tried swallowing her tears.

“And it didn’t work.”, he whispered and she only laughed, voice dripping in sarcasm. “Of course it didn’t. A woman from church had overheard us talking and the rumor of me being pregnant was already out there, since I threw up so often at school. So she thought she would help me, if she told my father.”, Spencer squeezed her hand a little. “You wanna know what he did?”, he shook his head.

“What?”

“He waited for us to meet at night. As I crawled out of the window, he stormed outside with his shotgun and confronted us. After I admitted to being pregnant he hit me, making Daniel step between us and start fighting with my dad to protect me and the baby…and my dad- he-…he then just shot him. In-…In cold blood, just pulled the fucking trigger.”, [y/n] voice was filled with disbelieve. Like she still wasn’t able to believe what she had seen.

“My father then grabbed me by the hair and tried getting me to go back into the house. I, obviously shocked about him just shooting my boyfriend, refused to and so he started beating and kicking me, till I stopped fighting back…Needless to say, I lost the baby after that.”

As a few tear ran down her face, she let go of Spencer´s hand and wiped them away. Letting a cynical laugh follow.

“That’s not even the best part of the story. Nothing happened.”, Spencer looked at her frowning.

“What do you mean with ‘Noting happened’. He shoot a teenager. Weren’t there any repercussions?”, she shook her head.

“No. Because he told the police, that he came outside to me screaming, because Daniel was beating me. Angry at me, for being pregnant. He stated that he just did what he had to do, to protect me.”, he shook his head in disbelieve.

“Weren’t you questioned? Didn’t you tell them what really happened?”

“I would try telling, but nobody believed it. Because the reverend, a pillar of our community, would never do such thing. They thought I was just lashing out and framing my father, because I was high and angry at him for shooting my boyfriend...Daniel´s parents didn’t even care, too high to get what had happened. After that, I wasn’t allowed to go to school anymore, in fact, I wasn’t allowed to do anything anymore. My father taught me at home and every Sunday I was allowed to go to church and pray to have my sins being forgiven.”

Spencer nodded at the amount of information she had just given him.

He felt bad for her, started to understand her, started to hate her father and the cruel injustice she, Daniel and the baby had suffered.

Why had they only once, tried to get her into therapy?

The amount of suffered trauma had to end in a situation like this, left untreated.

It was eating her alive, suffocating her, and everybody who saw it, just slapped the ‘She´s gonna be okay’-Band-Aid on this gashing wound, moving on with their own life´s, while she was losing the battle inside her head. He got up and sat on the bed next to her, she scooted a little, giving him some room to lean back too. As he lifted an arm, [y/n] rested her head on his chest.

“Then how did you get…viral…?”, he looked at him and the confused spoken word, smiling.

“You know about that?”

“Luke.”, he answered and she nodded. “I wasn’t allowed to have a phone, but I was allowed to use our computer once a week for an hour. I would record myself singing and playing guitar on our shitty webcam and started uploading it, not thinking anybody would ever see it. With eighteen I got in contact with this guy, he said he was in the midst of establishing his own record label and he would love to pay my flight to LA, taking me under contract. I accepted and just ran as fast as I could, before my father could get me.”

[y/n] again laughed cynical. Seemingly a coping mechanism of hers, to play down the pain and severity of things and situations.

“When I arrived, he then offered me to stay with him, if I´d be…you know…nice to him. He earned a shit ton of money with my music, while I got nothing…But everything was better than going back home again.”, she sat up a little, so she could look at Spencer, again with that sparkle in her eyes.

“At one point, when I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore, I had to work at a pizza restaurant to afford rent. There I met Leroy, Tom and Hank at the Open-Mic-Night. I told them a little about what was going on and Hank sued that guys ass. He didn’t want anything in return…just happy to help me. If you think Hank is scary now, you would have shit yourself, seeing him in court!”

Both chuckled. Spencer could, thankfully, only imagine how terrifying the fifty year old biker could get.

“After winning the case I asked them if they were interested in becoming a band and we made some demo tracks with the money I had gotten. The label took us under contract and introduced us to Philip, who became our manager.”

“But you weren’t into anything but marijuana. How did we end up here?”, she sighed.

“The label has a lot of expectations surrounding me. One of them was for me, to go out and be publicly seen with their other artists, for the image. They were taking a lot of stuff and I always said no, sticking to weed. But somewhere along the line, I wanted to know how it felt. If my mom was right, for choosing it above me. And I think I get it now. Everything I told you before? My dad, my baby, Daniel? They´re gone. I´m able to standup for myself and not letting me being pushed into something I don’t want, like when that creep wanted me to whore myself out to him, just so I´d have a roof over my head. Life is just easier that way and thankfully shorter too.”, Spencer pulled her closer.

“I like you like that.”, he almost whispered. “Depressed?”, [y/n] snickered and he chuckled, shaking his head. “Real.”

“Only fair. I´ve been a real bitch to you, the whole time.”, he shook his head again. “Not that bad.”, she hit his chest gently, while giggling. “Oh, please. I can handle it. Come on.”, he sighed playfully, admitting the truth. “Okay, yeah. You´ve been a bitch.”

They laid there for a while, [y/n] seemingly thinking, before she talked again.

“You´re gonna pass on babysitting duty for me now, I guess?”, she asked hesitant, making him chuckle.

“Nope. I´m gonna stay.”, [y/n] sat up and looked at him, like he had completely lost his mind.

“Why in the world, are you doing that to yourself?”, Spencer shrugged. “Savior complex.” “I´m not worth it.”, he shrugged again. “I know. But the sober girl inside you is. You know? The one that knows my name, speaks French with me while playing Mozart and puts a blanket over me when I fall asleep while reading.”

Then she asked him something that hit too close to home. Revealing a reality he liked to ignore.

“You can’t save everybody. You´re aware of that, right?”, he nodded as she laid back into bed, her head resting against his chest again. “But I can try.”, Spencer whispered against her ear.

“Would you mind just watching TV with me? Withdrawal headache´s a bitch.”

Spencer grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. After many attempts of finding something interesting, [y/n] stopped him from switching the channels. They had come across an 80´s music special. Something with the name ‘Heartbeat’ by Don Johnson had just started playing. Although [y/n] didn’t move a lot, Spencer could tell she was excited. Moving her lips along the lyrics.

“I don't care what you say

You can give it away

Your money don't mean much to me.

I've been out on my own

Gonna got it alone now

'Cause that's the way it's got to be.

Ev'rybody tells me how I can beat the odds for now.

Well I've been standing by the fire

But I just can't feel the heat.”

“That’s a great song.”, Spencer shrugged, again not feeling too much connection to the music. But it did sound nice. At his shrugging she hit him a little and put on a badly played face of disbelieve and shock. “Show some respect for the classics!”, he laughed at her words. “Respect for the classics? You called Beethoven a deaf bitch.”, now [y/n] shrugged. “Touché.”, she giggled, laying her hand on her head as if to ease the pain.

“Looking at me

It's easy to see

You think you know just how I feel.

If you do to me wrong and it won't take me long

Before my restless heart will heal.

I'm looking for a love

Love like mine”

“That was good music back then.”, she whispered against his chest. “Heart break, real emotions…love that stuff.”

“Why don’t you play more of it then?”, Spencer asked, Luke in his mind telling him about their music just no longer trying to hit the feelings. [y/n] giggled a little. “I´m guessing…Luke told you?”, he nodded and she let out a sigh. “Remember when I told you about the label having expectations? Every song I make has to go through them first, before being released. At one point, I had nine songs, completely done and they only greenlit one of them. Told me the others ‘weren´t my style’, ‘not exactly my genre’ or ‘wouldn’t speak to my audience enough’. So I just stopped looking for the deeper emotions. Still love the music I make, but the feeling´s dead. My lyrics helped me coping at the beginning, but the restrictions the label set me, ended that.” “Why don’t you just write those songs again? It doesn’t matter if anybody hears them.”, he suggested to her chuckling in response.

“They tell me it's so hard to find

But I can feel it in the rhythm of the heartbeat in the street.

Heartbeat - I'm looking for a heartbeat”

“If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound, mon amour?”, Spencer looked at her for a second, flustered by the realness she let him see.

“Yes. For me it would.”, he told her, making her giggled. “I probably lost my ability for stronger emotions anyway. But thanks, Spencer.”

His heart skipped a beat as she said his name.

“Heartbeat - I'm looking for a heartbeat

Beating like mine.”

As the door opened Spencer quickly jumped up, Emily looking at him with a lifted eyebrow.

“Uhmm…Hello?”, she asked, more meant as a ‘What´s going on?’. Philip walked in right after her, not having seen the both of them more or less cuddling in the hospital bed.

“Oh no, it´s raining again.”, he sighed as he closed the window and stepped aside for the nurse, who took out the IV from [y/n]´s arm. “Okay. I got you released from hospital, [y/n]. I have the papers and ta-da.”, he handed her a white little paper bag. “Your pain medication and antibiotics for the arm.”

“Thanks.”, she answered and passed it over to Spencer. “Ca-Can you…so I take them correctly?”, he looked at her confused.

“You sure?”, she nodded and Spencer smiled at her. Baby steps. “Of course.”

“I thought Dr. Reid would stop his bodyguard duty, now that you´re going to stay with me?”, [y/n] shrugged.

“I- I don’t know.” “You know, I can protect you too.”, Philip insured her. “Yeah…but I would feel safer with my guard dog around.”, she looked at the tall man. “Only if you´d be okay with that, Spencer.”

“More than okay.”, Spencer smiled at her, making her smile back.

“O-Okay, that´s fine. That´s gonna be fine. Dr. Reid can sleep in my office. Now get dressed, so we can pack your stuff at home.”

Philip handed [y/n] her black duffle bag, Spencer had put on the floor next to her bed. She opened it and pulling out some jeans and a black sweater. When she tried to get up she was a shaky on her legs, but managed to go to the bathroom. Spencer stayed close to her, being able to catch her in case she´d fall. When she closed the door behind her, he looked at Philip and Emily.

“How many paparazzies are out there?”, he asked and Emily held her breath, shortly thinking.

“Too many. Just checked before coming in. You guys better think of a plan, if you don’t want [y/n] to be seen by them and become five o'clock news.”, both men nodded and then looked at each other.

“Okay…so, Philip? Where do you park?”, Spencer asked. “Outside, visitors.”, he nodded and looked to his friend.

“Me too. Emily, you?”

“Car park.”, she answered and Spencer handed her his key.

“Okay. We trade. I take [y/n] home in Emily´s SUV. Emily takes [y/n]´s car and you, Philip, you just drive to the mansion. Maybe we can make them think she´s still in medical care, that way.”, all of them nodded to each other, not really knowing what more there was to tell. Not knowing if the plan would even work.

*****

When [y/n] looked in the mirror, in the tiny bathroom of her hospital room, after washing her face, she felt okay. Horrible, but okay.

Feeling kind of stupid, having given Spencer her medication. It had felt right. But she didn’t know why. Did she want to make him happy? Well, he certainly was. But honestly? Nobody just stops being addicted for one person. Having your addiction tendencies being bound and under control solely for another person than yourself probably never works in the long term.

She knew she would have to stop for herself and that just wasn’t worth it.

She just wasn’t worth it.

Spencer would leave again, he was just another person in her life that would vanish, never to be heard from again. Her life would move on, just like it did now and that was it. It was okay like that. There wasn’t much to be expected anymore and she had made her peace with it. Having lost the will to try years ago.

Somehow she had decided however, to enjoy the few moments she would still have with this man. A man she barely knew, but yet, felt so interest in. A man that either lived his best boomer life or just simply lived in a cave without Wi-Fi, giving his lack of knowledge by simple words like iconic and viral.

Maybe it was his lack of interest in her Rockstar persona, that intrigued her. She had heard him and Philip outside of her room. Spencer had not given a single fuck, that her voice could´ve been ruined by having her stomach pumped, as long as she didn’t die. That was nice. Being more than an expensive voice. Being counted as a human.

She wanted to know more about him, had given him her silver bullet, as a sign of trust. Now she wanted his or however much he was willing to give. Being high would ruin it, being high would maybe have her forget something. [y/n] knew she would still need to take the bare minimum of her drugs, so the withdrawal wouldn’t kill her, but for now she would like to be semi-clean. The headache and the freezing being acceptable.

She had put on her fresh clothes, liking that they didn’t smell like cigarettes, wondering why she even smoked, when everything just started to reek and ruin the nice smell of her lavender perfume. Was it still out of spite, because her father didn’t like it?

Maybe she would quit…on the other hand…maybe just reduce them a little. For now, she didn’t have any, anyways. She would probably need some chewing gum.

When she walked out of the bathroom Spencer smiled at her, stepping closer and his hands cupping her face.

“Hey. You okay? You´re a little pale.”, she quickly nodded, her heart beating as fast as it always did shortly before a concert.

“Yeah, just not wearing any makeup, so…”, he shook his head, thumb stroking her cheek.

“Uh-uh. You weren’t pale like that before. You feeling sick?”, actually yes, she did.

“A little.”

“We´re gonna get you something to eat later and then you should take a nap. Philip is going to drive in his car and we´ll meet him at your house. Emily already left.”, [y/n] nodded, quickly stepping away from Spencer. She hadn’t even noticed Philip still being there, while he smiled at them.

“I´m gonna leave now and you guys just go to the garage and wait a few minutes. When something happens you call me, okay [y/n]?”, she nodded, Spencer taking her duffle bag as Philip hugged her and then left.

She and Spencer went to the car park, her having the hood from her sweater pulled into her face, hoping nobody would recognize her. The last thing she wanted was a media scandal, so shortly after the her teen-pregnancy was brought to light. People talking about the ‘out of control’-Rockstar almost dying due to an overdose. Not that they were completely wrong, but still. She hated when strangers acted like they knew her, only because they read one of those crappy articles.

When they got into the car Spencer turned on the seat heating, without saying a word, only smiling at her. Why was he so nice? Was it his savior complex or did he just have a great personality?

Driving to her mansion in silence, they were met with an array of paparazzies in front of it. Spencer parked across the street. [y/n] quickly fixed her hair, should they notice her and start making photos.

“Tinted windows, they don’t see you.”, he told her, making her relax.

For a second she thought about how much she hated this. The flashes of the cameras pointed into her face, only inches away from it. Asking her inappropriate question, because fame cancelled out the right of privacy. They were always waiting for her to do something, to be put on a blast for.

Maybe she could just, a little longer, be a no one. Like she seemed to be, alone with Spencer.

With Philip, she never had even five minutes to herself. Yes he was nice, but he was so in-your-face sometimes. Smothering her with care.

“Spencer?” “Hm?”, he turned to her. “Would it be okay, to just go undercover?”, Spencer raised his eyebrows. “Undercover?”, her cheeks flushed a little.

“Yeah…get a hotel room and some junk food maybe…” “What about Philip?”

“I´ll text him…I- I´d just like to be alone.”, he nodded at her words, already starting the car again. “Oh, sure. I get that.” “Alone with you.”, was that sentence too bold? “I know. Already thought so.”, he put a hand on her thigh, gently squeezing it. She smiled at this gentle gesture. “Any hotel okay?”, he asked her, as she laid her hands on his, wanting to make sure it stayed there. “Sure. But you´ll need to get the room. I tend to attract attention.” “Really?”, he asked in a playful voice, as he pulled into the main street. “Yeah, apparently I look like this one singer from a rock band.”, she answered, giggling, even though it killed her head. “Huh, weird. Wouldn’t have noticed.”, he almost whispered, seeming to have noticed it.

“Maybe we should get me some nicotine patches too.”, she smiled, making him look at her surprised.

“Stopped smoking?” “Yeah, thought I´d try it. Maybe you can smell my perfume better like that. Lavender.”, Spencer chuckled. “Sexy. Kissing a smoker only seems good in the movies.” “You know movies?”, she said, playfully mocking him. “Russian and black-and-white ones.”

“You´re a little nerd, huh?

“Hope that’s not a deal breaker?”, she looked at his little worried, almost insecure look.

Yes, the junkie who just ruined his night, by having a mental breakdown, would think a nice, smart guy that liked watching ‘Dr. Who’ was a dealbreaker.

“It´s actually kinda cute.”, he let out an adorable giggle and for a second she could feel her heart skip a beat.

*****

Spencer had gotten them a hotel room in a small hotel with individual, private entrances. Definitely not as classy as [y/n] was used to, but private enough, not to be seen. Before, he had bought her nicotine patches and gum and they had gotten some pizzas.

Now her arm was plasters with some of the patches and they sat on the bed, eating pizza and watching ‘10 things I hate about you’, making him see just how quirky [y/n] could be. Singing along to every song, telling him how much she loved watching it, secretly at a friend’s home, as a teen; giggling like crazy when something funny happened and gushing over things she thought to be romantic. Spencer had given her her medication and the withdrawal, at least in the moment, seemed to be manageable.

After the movie she had insisted on him picking something, making him extremely nervous. He didn’t think that any of his picks would have her enjoy the next two hours, but she didn’t let him say no. So he put in an old black and white movie called ‘La Dolce Vita’, about a week in the life of a philandering tabloid journalist living in Rome. He laid down in bed and signaled [y/n] to come closer. She had quickly cuddled up beside him, seemingly touch starved by the way she held him close. A very familiar feeling for Spencer.

After he had begun stroking her hair, she had fallen asleep faster, then he had fallen for her.

Seeming to like every side of her, every part, no matter how damaged or ugly. Spencer had pulled the sleeping girl a little closer, gently kissing the top of her head and smiling to himself. What he had smelled two days ago, had been lavender. He drifted of as well, only waking up half an hour later, when the credits woke him.

Turning the TV off, before laying close to [y/n] again, now spooning up behind her, face buried in the crook of her neck, arms wrapped tightly around her.

To be continued...

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#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #reader insert #spencer x reader #spencer reid reader insert #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer x fem!reader #spencer x you #spencer reid x you #reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds x y/n #spencer x y/n #rainincaliforniaff

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gisellelx · 3 years

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I generally like your Carlisle, but I think your Esme so blend. I find it curious because of the amount of time you spend thinking about Carlisle, your Esme only seems like someone that reacts to him, not someone that exists beyond him. As an independent person. Even your Edward is more fleshed out than your Esme. She doesn't feel like she has a personality. (She's better than S. Meyer's Esme, but still). Do you find her difficult to write?

An astute observation, anon!

Carlisle and Edward are the two characters I find most central to the stories within the saga I find compelling--it's shouldn't be too surprising that you'll often either find me writing their relationship as father/son/best friends or taking a slash AU approach. And that also means I've had a lot of practice writing them--both from inside their heads and from the POV of others observing them.

Esme I have less practice at, and really only stepped into when I started jotting down random one-shots on tumblr and discovered they were for some reason all coming from a 3rd-person Esme POV. It seems she loves Carlisle as much as I do, despite his extraordinarily obvious faults, which makes her a really fun character to be in the head of. But it also means I'm striking off in a new POV, and usually when I do that I throw out a lot of writing before I'm happy with it. (Case in point--I wrote about 50,000 words in order to produce the 15,000 words of Alice POV that make up Present Perfect.) One reason I decided to play with Cien Años is because it gives me an opportunity to get to know Esme a bit better, and also to let myself post things that are a little rougher as I get a handle for who I think she is.

And yes, I find her very difficult to write.

I don't agree with the assessment that Esme is a doormat or a creepy stepford wife. But canonically she does very obviously live first for Carlisle, and second, for her children. That is super different than most of the other characters in the saga, and doing that without making her seem like a void is hard, especially in the construct of a fic in which the chapters are designed to put both C and Es together in moments which show the inner workings of their relationship as it evolves and has evolved.

When Esme balances Carlisle, it’s subtle. It’s not in big, melodramatic fights. When she’s doing something it is usually for him, or while she’s thinking about him. If she’s with him, her attention is on him. It doesn’t mean she never thinks about other things, but when she’s alone with Carlisle he’s her focus. So that unto itself is always going to make her seem a bit...milquetoast? Her focus is generally pretty singular and I think that's right for her character.

But she's not unidimensional. In order to really bring out Esme as I think she might be, I need to set her against a character who is not Carlisle, which I've done in a handful of places. But that doesn't work for this current WIP, in which I've set my task as making each short about the two of them together.

That being said, I have a handful of times when I feel like I nailed expressing how I see her character even while she is with Carlisle. One is in chapter 7 of IIG, when she laughs at Carlisle being all melodramatic about having broken up the family. Even though she's mad at him for being a workaholic, she isn't mad mad at him, and her happy personality and unwillingness to take Carlisle's moping seriously inject exactly the balance I think she holds in their relationship.

Another time I think I did a good job writing the character I see was in the immediately previous chapter of CA:

She winced but said nothing. “Did I hear your father mention this injury was a fall out of a tree?” She grunted disapprovingly. “Storm last week took out a branch and I forgot. Stepped on air.” His smile came unbidden. “Air isn’t very supportive.” “So it seems.”

This to me, captured the right level of impetuousness, a little bit of disregard for authority, and the ability to bring Carlisle out of his shell that I feel are the hallmarks of her character. So I'm constantly trying to figure out the right way to bring that out in interactions which don't necessarily demand a direct challenge to Carlisle.

At any rate, this question spurred me to use these moments when I was happy with the way I drew her character to make a pretty substantial revision to the zero/tumblr draft of the next chapter of CA, "Scars." In the first go at it, I uncovered the idea that Esme was gently calling Carlisle out on his denial of his own trauma. (Honestly, I was pretty shocked when Esme thought of Carlisle as having been murdered, which is not something I've ever put into words before.) In draft two, I brought that out by putting that sentiment in dialogue instead of in prose. And in draft three, I made it the central problem of the short, rearranging a lot of the prose so that it's more centrally about that, and about who has control, and of what. It's kind of a fascinating peek at revision, to be honest! This "nah, discovered something more useful, so going to go back in and rewrite 50% of this and rearrange the rest of it" kind of revision is pretty common for me, but usually only my beta readers get to see it happen, so it's kind of fun to put it out here all linked. I think I'm getting closer to the Esme in my head, but I leave that for my readers to judge.

Original Slight Revision Full Revision

#asks #fanfiction #esme cullen #characterization #writing #revision #cien años #honestly I am really anxious to write something about Rosalie and Esme bonding over Carlisle taking their pain for granted #I think that's central to both their characters

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thespoonisvictory · 3 years

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i just... Don't Like c!ranboo. the way ranboo plays him falls flat to me, he has a bad case of Babys First OC. c!ranboo feels directionless, hes carried along by long boring monologues that tell the audience his motivations instead of showing them in any impactful way. Also, I'm so bored of the dark psychological horror thing at this point

this is very controversial, and there’s a lot to unpack here lol

(for context, I am a huge ranboo fan, he’s probably the streamer I watch the most after wilbur and phil. i also really enjoy a lot of c!ranboo, and this is coming from a “if I could improve his character, how would I” moment)

I honestly really respect ranboo’s acting ability, so I have to disagree with you there, but as for Babys First OC? eh, kind of. the whole “my tears scar my face so I cannot cry” is very, melodramatic, to say the least, and there are definitely moments where I think ok rein it in a little buddy. I think his character is well developed and not overpowered, which differentiates from that pitfall, but there are also times where I feel like his cc!ranboo is trying very hard to make c!ranboo cool, and it doesn’t always work.

as for him feeling directionless, I would have agreed before tubbo and michael became more prominent, but I really feel like they gave his character something to center around and kept him from just wandering through different plotlines. as long as more of his lore keeps this around, I actually enjoy that ranboo is less politically minded and more concerned about his loved ones.

for the monologues? unfortunately, I do think that’s fair criticism. I talk about it a bit here, but I think my thoughts on it can be summed up like this:

the bit from ranboo after tommy’s death that near brought me to tears was ranboo silently placing flowers next to tommy’s grave. that told us pretty much everything we really needed to know. then, we got a 45 minute monologue where ranboo ran that sentiment into the ground.

it wasn’t bad, but I wish cc!ranboo would let his actions speak over his words sometimes.

and the psychological horror? I dig it tbh. like I said, I do think cc!ranboo tries a little too hard to make his character/storyline cool sometimes, but it ultimately comes down to whether that genre is something you like, so I can’t fault you if you don’t.

this got long, but I wanted to give a fleshed out answer so I didn’t come off as if I completely hated or loved c!ranboo, it’s a mixed bag for me.

#ranboo critical #c!ranboo critical #but with love #I care him #but these are like my suggestions

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i-prefer-the-term-antihero · 3 years

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So this is going to be a long, overemotional/melodramatic post... but I need to get my feelings out somehow.

I've only watched ep1 so far, but I really love the look of, and am really excited for, the new Loki show.

When I first saw that some Marvel shows were coming to Disney+...okay, yes, I was definitely excited about Wandavision and Loki, because those are three of my favorite marvel characters. But at the same time, things did feel a bit like a marketing ploy. Of course Disney would make a bunch of marvel shows on their new platform--thats what'll sell. Of course they'll pick Loki, because he's really popular and that'll sell more. I wasn't even sure I'd watch Falcon and Winter Soldier. It didn't feel like I could genuinely be excited about the shows, thinking this. And, don't get me wrong, this problem is still there, no doubt about that.

But I've definitely enjoyed Wandavision and Falcon and Winter Soldier, especially the former. I thought they were solid shows.

So even though I LOVE Loki as a character...I came to the trailers with this sort of bias in mind.

Now, let me be clear, I don't just love Loki.

He was probably the first character I ever became truly obsessed with. I'm pretty sure he was the first villain character I liked, and kind of awakened my love for redeemable villains (which, if you couldn't tell by my url, stays strong today). He's a character I've loved since Thor came out in 2010. He's been in my life for ten years, and in a way shaped who I am.

I enjoy marvel overall, but pretty casually. I definitely keep up with all the movies, but I don't totally obsess over all of them. However, I still remember just how unfathomably excited I was when Dark World came out. How unbelievably happy I was to see Loki again. How I savored every joke he made, every tender moment with him, and just how happy I walked out of that theater. When I watched Ragnarok, I was older, so I wasn't quite so giddy, but that kid inside me is still there, and still jumped and grinned every time I saw him come on screen.

Needless to say, he holds an extremely special place in my heart. Even though I have characters now that I potentially like more, he's sort of been my "favorite character" for ten years, and I will always adore him.

I'm sure its been said by plenty of Loki Stans but...I absolutely hated how Infinity War went.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad because he died. Okay, of course I'm mad he died. But I can deal with character death. In fact, I sometimes prefer a character getting a dramatic and fulfilling death to them getting a happy ending. (And there are things I liked about his death--like, I really adored his dialogue, that he was dying for a good cause.)

But what I hated the most was that it felt like the creators didn't know his character. Loki is the god of mischief. He would never EVER launch a straight attack on a villain, no illusions, no back up plan. I'm sorry, but that's just not him at all. (Sure his plans in Avengers were more scattered and went horribly...but, firstly, he was being mind controlled so he wasn't all there, and secondly, if I remember correctly, there was still a level of mischief in his plans. He didn't generally do things straightforward. That's part of what made it fun to watch.).

(Loki wasn't the only character I felt they did this with in IW. I hated that they just had Cap live his life through time with Peggy. Not that I hate that idea itself, it's cute of course. But Cap is so incredibly selfless. He would never just do something so selfish like that...It wasn't him).

In addition to that, I felt like I saw the puppet strings so clearly in that scene. That movie was all about shock value. I don't think a movie--at least one in a franchise like marvel--should ever be made purely for shock value. It should be about what's right for the characters and the overall storyline. If there's some shock there, great. But give the audience an actually fulfilling story. Don't make your entire plan to shock and horrify the world that loves these characters/this franchise. In that scene, it truly felt like they were "Oh hey Loki's like the most beloved character, right? Lol, let's break his neck within the first five minutes to show we mean business. They'll hate that."

I'm a writer, I know the merit in going "okay, hey, we're going big here, we need to set up our villain early, and set up how this movie overall is going to go with the first scene." I know why they felt the need to kill off a character in the first five minutes.

And hell yeah I'm largely just mad because it was my fave, of course I am.

But it didn't feel like they were going "Okay does this make sense for Loki's character? Is this a good way to have him go out? Will this satisfy our audience who loves him?"

It felt like they were going "Okay let's pick the most beloved character so it'll shock, annoy, and hurt people the most."

And I'm not okay with that.

I'm just some shmuck, there's nothing I can do about that. But I'm not okay with that. I was so not okay with that, that I've pretty much hated marvel for all the years preceding Infinity War, and have not been fully excited about anything marvel related since then. I have barely interacted with Loki content since then it affected me so much.

I know it's melodramatic, but It felt like they were killing my childhood. That little piece of me that got excited every time he came on screen. That piece of me, that had been so excited to see him be on the side of the villains in infinity war, because it just meant I got to see him. It truly felt like a small part of me died when I watched him die.

So when the Loki trailers came out? In a weird way ....I couldn't even be excited.

They were bringing him back, potentially erasing the problem I have with Infinity War. And yet...I couldn't be excited.

First off, when I saw what happened with him in Endgame (it made me extremely happy and hopeful, let me tell you, but it obviously didn't fix everything) I was kind of under the impression he'd just be causing mischief throughout space and time for the show, and I was absolutely here for it.

So when I saw the trailers were him getting caught immediately, and then recruited for the side of the good guys...I was like "okay so...the same plot as other Marvel movies? The plot of Ragnarok again? He gets stranded on an alien planet, and has to work for the leaders. There's lots of fighting, like there is in every other marvel movie, which is the part I least care about." When I saw the trailers I didn't get to see Loki being himself at all. I saw other people controlling him, and then him working for the good guys. That's not Loki. Loki is mischief. Loki works for himself. Loki fights, yeah, but his character actually has depth and emotion to it, he's not just for brainless fighting. (And whoo boy let me tell you I was mad when I saw the DB Cooper part of the trailer and thought they chopped his wonderful hair off when they made him a good guy, like they were totally changing his identity. And also let me tell you the SHEER RELIEF I felt when I found it was just a tiny scene, and his wonderful hair will remain (please God let it remain)).

So here I was thinking "great, its infinity war all over again. I'm gonna have a whole show of them not knowing and staying true to his character."

Even though that little kid inside of me was still there. Even though that little kid was going "Dude! Dude! It's Loki! An entire show about Loki! You won't have to wait for him to show up on screen, he'll just always be on screen! He'll be the protagonist! Do you realize how much I would have loved this if I got to see it years earlier?" I was so tired, and so mad.

But now I've watched the first episode.

And for the first time since infinity war...I felt like I could breathe again.

Here I thought they'd forgotten his character. They forgot that he's the god of mischief, that he's funny, that he's, well (to use the words of Thomas Sharpe)...absurdly sentimental.

And they didn't at all.

From minute one he's himself, wanting to rule the world, cracking jokes, refusing to be controlled, causing mischief when and where he can. They actually showed the progression of why he'd be willing to work for them really well.

And gosh I loved that scene where he sees what his life would be like. From the moment Mobius started showing him scenes from his life, I was desperately hoping he'd be left alone with the device and get to see more of his life, and desperately hoped he'd see and react to his death.

And they did not disappoint.

They remembered. They remembered that he's ambitious, that he's not controlled, they remembered that he's funny and mischievous, and that he's a special marvel character, that you can actually get deep and emotional with. They remembered all of it.

Watching Loki watch his own death was like taking all those years of anger, and for one brief moment melting them away. I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. Wasn't alone in going "hey that's not Loki." Loki himself was watching it, and could judge that for himself. And most importantly, it was confirming before my eyes that it was no longer was his end.

And him being the villain and the hero? I cannot explain to you how much I love that idea. How much and how well that keeps in line with his character. A great premise and protagonist can make for a poor story if it has a poor villain, and, to be fair I haven't seen how it goes, but that seems like the perfect--and perhaps only--villain who could make this show absolutely stellar. I'd love to see them explore that Avengers-level villainousness, with him also being a hero like we see at the end of Ragnarok. It'd be fun to see his two sides trying to convince each other to join them. It would truly feel like they understand all aspects of his character.

I'm older now, so I don't get nearly as excited about things as I used to. I wish I did. I almost wish this came out when I was younger so I could be more excited. But that kid is still inside of me, and I'm so excited to see him on screen all the time.

Now...I don't really care so much if it's all about the money.

It's a whole show about Loki. I don't have to wait for him to come on screen, he's just there.

This feel like more of a relief than I can possibly express.

(@mylokabrennauniverse @annievvv7 I’d be curious to hear your thoughts/if you’ve felt similarly!!)

#loki #loki tv series #loki tv series spoilers #loki tv #loki series #loki laufeyson #marvel #mcu #marvel loki #loki mcu #loki show #marvel mcu #loki marvel #mcu loki #thor #thor the dark world #thor ragnarok #infinity war

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noodlecupcakeswritings · 3 years

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An Unbreakable Bond - Chapter 1 (Kylo RenxOC)

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren now has everything he could possibly dream of, except for someone to rule by his side. And he'll do anything to get Cora back.

The final fic in my Kylo/Cora Star Wars canon series. This is most definitely a TROS fix it fic because fuck that movie and shitty writing.

Please leave likes, comments and reblogs if you like it. If you want to be added to the taglist, please let me know.

Warnings: Language, Nightmares, Major feels, Blood, Depression, Trauma

Chapter 1

Cora

2 months later

Pain radiated across my belly, agonising and debilitating. All I could do was crawl across the floor, hoping to cross paths with someone that could help me. Breathing deeply, I waited for the pain to ease a little before moving again. I only made it a couple of metres before collapsing again from the pain. Glancing behind me, I noticed the trail of blood smeared across the floor and wall; the blood was thick and dark. The pain tripled, agonizing every cell in my body to the point I thought the pain might kill me. Laying on my side, I managed to let out a shrill scream as a final resort for help.

Waking with a start, my hands clutched at my stomach, my body covered in a cold sweat. Panting, I unzipped myself out of my sleeping bag and checked it for any signs of blood. Finding the material stain free, I breathed a sigh of relief before the tears came. Hugging my knees to my chest, the tears turned to soft sobs. This was how I started every morning now, waking from a nightmare and then crying for my lost daughter. A part of me wondered if Kylo was also haunted by the loss of our child.

Forcing myself out of my tent once I was dressed, I headed over to the small cafeteria area that had been set up. Only once again I had missed breakfast. Sighing, I put the tray back and went to find Leia for any updates. Checking her tent first, I found it empty. Next was the centre of the camp, where plans would be discussed, where we’d contact other allies. A few pilots stood around the table, but no sign of Leia. Continuing my search, I found Leia sat on a large rock watching Rey who was meditating.

Sighing, I turned, ready to leave them to it. Since Rey had shown up, she’d been very insistent on Leia training her. As if Luke training her hadn’t been enough. Yes, it was great she’d refound her family, but just because she had Skywalker blood in her veins didn’t mean she was the saviour we needed. “What do you need, Cora?” Leia asked. “Nothing, I’ll come back later.” Leia glanced over her shoulder at me with her knowing smile, “come. Sit with me.” Holding back a sigh, I gave in and sat with her, keeping my gaze on the forest floor.

Leia placed a comforting hand over mine, both of us sitting in silence for a few moments. She didn’t need to say anything, she already knew what was wrong, what had been wrong for the last few months. Once again, I was suffering from nightmares, my mind forcing myself to relive the moment I lost Kendra over and over again. As if I hadn’t suffered enough, I couldn’t even find peace in sleep. Leia knew what it was like to lose a child in a way, so she knew the pain and guilt I was dealing with.

“Rey, could you give us a moment please,” Leia broke the silence. Rey opened her eyes with a confused frown, “but I thought we were training?” “We’ve been doing a lot of training lately; you could use the break and I need to give other matters my attention.” “But I was this close, I felt something,” Rey continued to press. “Rey, that isn’t important right now. Go,” Leia replied firmly, her voice raised a little. Even I was a little stunned with Leias words. She hardly ever raised her voice at anyone.

Rey didn’t argue and left us alone, heading back towards camp. Only when we were truly alone, did Leia speak. “You missed breakfast again,” She mentioned. “I wasn’t that hungry, anyway.” “And how did you sleep last night?” “The same as usual. Not great. At least I’m far enough out that I shouldn’t be waking anyone this time.”

Leia entwined her hand further with mine before squeezing it comfortingly. “You didn’t need to do that. If anyone has an issue with you, they can come to me.” They wouldn’t, they were all too respectful of Leia to raise their concerns about me. A potential First Order spy who had been sleeping with the enemy. Of course, they had issues with me. Frankly, I wanted nothing to do with either side now, but I had no choice thanks to sentiment. My debt to Leia would always make me a part of this fight.

“I know your blaming yourself, but what happened was not your fault, it was beyond your control,” Leia spoke. “Yeah, that’s what I keep hearing. I’m just having a hard time believing it.” “What could you have done differently?” Exhaling, I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, “I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did. I should have made him take me to a safer location, somewhere Snoke couldn’t have...” I trailed off as my voice wavered and tears filled my eyes. “You know, he’s too far under Snokes influence that he wouldn’t have listened. Snoke likely did it turn him further to the dark side.”

Whilst Leia was right, that still didn’t stop me from feeling guilty. It didn’t stop the feeling of being a failure. As a mother, the top priority is to protect my child, and I had failed to do so. Now I had to suffer the consequences. “I don’t know what to do with myself anymore, Kendra gave me a sense of...purpose and hope. Everything seems pointless now without her,” I explained, one hand pressed to my stomach, “I feel…empty.” “You need to take the time to focus on yourself, time to mourn your loss. I feel your trying to bury or run away from these feelings instead of facing them because your afraid of the pain.” “That’s not what I’m scared of.”

“Then what is it?” Shaking my head, I got up from the rock, “it doesn’t matter.” I couldn’t give her my reasoning, she wouldn’t understand. None of them would, they’d think I was stupid or melodramatic. “Cora, your feelings and reasoning matters to me,” Leia attempted to draw me back in to the conversation. “Its fine, you have more important people to be dealing with right now. Like Rey.” Leia started to give me her signature look of disappointment, but now it didn’t have the same effect on me.

“She might have Skywalker blood running through her veins, but in my eyes she has yet to do anything to earn that name,” I spat. Before Leia could say anything else, before I could feel guilty for snapping at her, I stormed further into the forest. After trying for years to bring Ben home to end this war and failing, it infuriated me how they now thought Rey could do so. If he would not come home for his lover and lost child, then he wouldn’t come home for his estranged cousin. If anything, another reminder of his past and the Skywalker family would drive him further away.

Having walked for a while, the camp was now completely out of sight and earshot. It felt good to be well and truly alone for a few moments. To have the peace of the forest to myself. Closing my eyes I took a few deep calming breaths, listening to the sounds of leaves rustling in the breeze, some thinner branches creaked and groaned. The force was the only comforting presence to be felt. Opening my eyes, I froze, eyes widening at the person before me. There was no way he was here, that he could have found me. Fear, hatred, and anger filled me at the sight of Kylo Ren. Every part of me wanted to run, knowing he was likely here to kill me. But this time I knew I had to face him whether I was ready or not.

Taglist: @sweetfictionalworld, @sweetsec-93, @cltex84, @jana-banana-fana, @neeharlow

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chaoticallysapphic · 4 years

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the great divide part three

summary: Who knew that eight words would be your undoing. If you had known then what you know now you wouldn't have signed up for Suyin's dance troupe, you probably would have left Zaofu just to be safe. But you didn't and fate had branded you with a path that chained you to someone who would break your heart.

a/n: sooo there will probably be one or two more parts, I’m feeling one. I was hesitant to release this because my insecurities regarding my writing have kicked in and so I think this is good? But at the same time I’m unsure and so yeah. As always, thank you to @medeliadracon for beta reading this.

word count: 8K

He didn't make it.

Baatar found Bolin with Varrick and Zhu Li in the woods and they almost beat him, but he used Varrick to get Zhu Li and Bolin to stop fighting. Your heart cracks as Baatar walks in with that same smug attitude with all three of them in cuffs behind him. Two soldiers push them inside until they are all in front of Kuvira.

“Don’t torture us” Bolin begs. Kuvira stands from her chair, leaning against the desk as she glares at them. “Send these three away on the next train. Bolin and Zhu Li will be going to the reeducation camp for our most severe dissenters.” You whip your head around to stare at her, silently pleading for her to stop.

She ignores you, which you shouldn’t be surprised by, as she rounds the desk and walks over to Varrick. “And you will continue to work on the spirit energy project under close, armed supervision.” She emphasizes the word ‘armed’ before swiftly turning around and walking back towards her desk. “I want it weaponized immediately.”

Zhu Li does something unexpected though, and flings herself onto the floor by Kuvira’s feet, she pleads for mercy, swears her loyalty, and insults Varrick all in what seems like one breath. Your brows pinch together, in the three years you’ve known her she’s never seemed discontented with her life nor job. If anything you had thought she was secretly fond of the eccentric billionaire.

Kuvira believes her though and sends Bolin along with Varrick away. Zhu Li is sent away to do… well, you don’t know. Once everyone leaves it’s just the two of you and Kuvira is seething. Once everyone is out of earshot she goes over to her table of maps and sweeps her arms across them, effectively knocking everything to the floor.

You jump in surprise before slowly walking over to her like you would an injured animal. She slams her hands onto the metal and practically growls with rage. “Did you know?” she spits out.

She keeps her back to you and you stop midstep, lying has always been a bit so-so for you. You wouldn’t brag about it but I mean you’ve gotten away with secretly being with Kuvira, which involved a lot of lying, throughout the last three years and no one suspected a thing. “No, I knew he was unhappy with how we left Zaofu but I would have never imagined that he’d turn against us.”

You come up behind her and cautiously slide a hand over her shoulder and wrap your other arm around her waist. One of her hands comes to rest on the arm wrapped around her as she tries to control her breathing. “Breathe, Vira,” you say calmly and kiss her back, she makes some kind of choked sound and you pull her tighter against you.

“You won’t ever betray me… right?” she chokes out. Your heart cracks and with some effort, you turn her around to face you. You cup her face and pull her closer until your foreheads are resting on another. “Never, I would never betray family.”

You know about her childhood, she had slowly opened up to you about it over the years and you knew that the effects of being left behind by her parents would never truly vanish. You knew you had to stop this before it got too far, but you’d do it to keep her and your future together safe. She has tears racing down her face and you're sure she’s imaging worst-case scenarios right now. “I’m staying by your side until the end of time,” you murmur and she lets out a weak chuckle at your melodramatic words.

You don’t know how long you stand there comforting her but you certainly don’t mind spending your day with her in your arms. When the sun is starting to go down she checks for any sign of her breakdown in the mirror and fixes a few stray strands of hair from her bun.

The stress of this fight along with being so close to home was starting to get to her, you realized. It’s probably why she’s been so affectionate, she’s losing her grip on her cool-headed facade. “I have some things to do, you don’t need to wait up for me tonight.”

Your heart drops at her words, “Vira did I do something wrong?” From your knowledge Baatar isn’t even staying in the camp tonight, she ordered him to be the one to escort Bolin to the reeducation camp and watch over Varrick.

“You did nothing wrong, I just have something that needs to be done so I won’t be going to bed until late. I don’t want you losing sleep while you wait for me,” she walks over to you, she doesn’t touch you but the look she sends your way reassures you that it’s going to be okay, at least for tonight. “I left a present for you in the tent, I hope you like it.”

You send her a confused look, she never really gave you gifts before. She was too busy uniting the earth empire to shop or make personal items which you understood, you’d seen the personal toll it had taken on her.

She leaves you to go discuss some plans for tomorrow if all things go well and you rush off to your tent. You pass some of the communal sleeping tents for soldiers and an infirmary before you finally open the flap to your small tent. Inside are two decent sized cots on either side of the tent with a small chest for clothes and such.

On the left cot is something rather large wrapped up in leather. You unwrap the gift and what greets your eyes is metal, there’s a note atop the metal though and you hesitantly pick it up. Inside is Kuvira’s elegant penmanship and says “To keep you safe.”

You carefully place the note down, you think you’ll keep it for sentimental reasons. When you pick up the metal you realize it’s armor. You bend it on and smile, it’s lightweight but is made from one of the toughest metals you can bend, there’s armor for your legs and arms that you bend on. It’s comfortable and there are sections on the tops of it that can be bent off like the metal that accent Kuvira’s uniform.

You run your fingers down the smooth metal, and flush. This is unique and meant only for you, it wasn’t all that romantic per se but you loved it and would cherish it for the rest of your life. You bend it off and carefully place it in the chest before heading to the mess hall for dinner. With Bolin and Varrick gone you don’t know whom to sit with until your eyes land on Zhu Li who is eating at the far end of one of the long metal tables lining the marquee. You grab your plate of food and march over to her, once you're in front of her she looks up from her plate and her eyes widen a bit as you sit down across from her.

“Bolin told us that you want to stop her too” she whispers, scared of others hearing.

“I want to stop this, but I won’t hurt her” you reply, a group of young soldiers walks by with their helmets off, obnoxiously laughing about who knows what. You pick up your fork and take a bite of your food, “Unless Korra can work something out with Suyin she will take Zaofu, I thought I got through to her but I know her conversation with the Avatar has caused her to throw away my suggestion.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Zhu Li replies. “If I can weasel myself into being a lab assistant I can try to sabotage the weapon but no one has given me any orders yet.” You set your fork down as you try to think up some kind of plan, honestly, you’d only been thinking about Zaofu but now you're wondering what else she has planned if she wants that weapon built.

Two higher-ranked soldiers stop behind Zhu Li, the taller of the two clears his throat whilst the shorter one says “Kuvira wishes to see Zhu Li.”

You both stand but they stop you when you begin to get out of your seat, “just Zhu Li.” Your brows pinch together as they take her away, leaving her meal behind you try to keep your distance as you follow after them. Thankfully neither seem to notice you as they lead Zhu Li to Kuvira’s tent. It’s two hours later, the sun has long since gone down, that Kuvira and her guards exit the tent but Zhu Li doesn’t.

Your heart pounds at the possibilities that race through your mind, you take a step toward the tent when a hand wraps around your forearm. You whip your head around and meet the stare of one of Kuvira’s most trusted generals. “Kuvira asked me to make sure you get into your tent safely.”

“What do you mean?” You yank your arm out of his grasp and frown.

“She thinks it’s unsafe out here at night. Let’s get you back to your tent.” You hesitantly follow after him and glance around to see if anything strange is happening elsewhere but it all looks perfectly normal. Once at the entrance of your tent you give him a curt nod goodnight before heading inside. When you turn around you see the outline of his body as he stays outside your tent, standing guard.

Your heart drops. You could earth bend out but that’s loud and he’ll hear you, then you’ll have to explain to Kuvira why you felt the need to leave which she won’t be happy with. You just want to make sure Zhu Li is okay. You sit on your bed for an hour as you try to come up with a plan to leave when the alarms begin to blare.

Your stomach drops and you quickly exit the tent, the general tries to stop you from leaving so you bend off two pieces of metal from a nearby weapons crate to cuff his hands and bend the earth at his feet so he can’t run after you.

You race between the tents and crates of supplies as you head towards all the commotion, floodlights are shining at a specific spot, Kuvira’s tent. Panic bubbles up your throat at the thought of something happening to her but the sight before you has you skidding to a halt.

At least a dozen mecha suits are surrounding Suyin along with Wing and Wei whilst Kuvira walks away from the scene, your eyes land on Zhu Li who is laying in the bed behind them, shielding her eyes as the mecha suits shoot the three Beifongs with an electrical shock. No.

Why would Suyin do this, she had to know it wouldn’t end well. The general you had trapped from earlier comes bounding down the path behind you and grabs a hold of your arm. “I am not going to get demoted because of your ass,” he spits out and drags you away, you don’t fight him as you look over your shoulder and see the unconscious Beifongs get dragged away.

When you get back to your tent the general all but tosses you inside and takes post once more in front of the entrance. Feeling defeated, you change into your pajamas. As you're pulling your tank top over your bare chest you hear the general talking to someone outside of the tent, it’s silent for a moment before a seething Kuvira enters, you see his shadow disappear, leaving the two of you alone.

“Why would you leave?” She demands, taking a step closer to you.

“I heard the sirens and was worried something happened to you!” You reply, your chest heaving as you glare at her. “I don’t care if a dozen guards are posted outside. If I feel that you may be in danger I am going to come running to aid you.”

She blanches at your confession and takes a step back. Her fury visibly dissipates so you take a step forward and cup her face in your hands. She looks down at you with a look of confusion. It breaks your heart anytime she gets confused by your love for her. “What are you going to do with them?”

Kuvira pulls away from your grasp and looks at the ground, it must hurt, they once considered her family. “I’ll have to use them to get Zaofu.”

You glare at her, “you said you’d consider my option, did you even think it over?!”

“With them, in our custody, we can take over Zaofu with minimal force, your family will be fine” she retorts, a look of frustration settling on her features. “It’s a good thing we have them or else taking it over could have turned into a bloodbath.”

“Vira… We can never go back to Zaofu if you do this, please.”

“If you want to stay in their good graces then leave!” You take a step back, your eyes widening.

“I won’t leave you but by doing this I will resent you, this city was our home! I wanted us to move back here one day and introduce you to my parents, maybe buy a house in the main dome, and attend dance lessons again. We can’t have that future if you invade it.”

Kuvira snarls, “I don’t have to listen to this.” She goes to leave and your heart drops, Baatar isn’t here but the idea of waking up without her insight sends you into a panic. All those mornings full of tears take over and you grab her wrist before she can.

“Wait, just stay. Don’t just… run away while we’re fighting because you don’t like the subject,” your eyes brim with tears. “I’m deeply upset with you and I’m hoping that maybe you’ll change your mind, for me, please. But don’t go sleep somewhere else, you can stay on the extra cot just… just stay here.”

Kuvira pulls her wrist out of your grip and nods, you go lay down on your cot and you watch as she changes into her pajamas before getting in the one across the way, her back facing you.

You frown but will take whatever you can get at this point and turn the knob of the oil lamp until the flame is snuffed out.

You wake up to the sound of the chest between the beds snapping shut and when you open your eyes you're greeted with Kuvira fastening her metal shoulder pads into place. You sit up, causing Kuvira’s eyes to snap up and look into your own.

“I’m going through with it,” she responds. Your shoulders slump as you try to fight back your tears.

“I won’t have any part of it” you spit out before laying back down and turning your back to her. You hear her groan out in frustration before storming out of the tent, leaving you to your thoughts. There has to be a way to stop this. You know if you just outright walk up and fight her not only will you lose but she’ll never forgive you.

It has to be planned and calculated but there isn’t enough time to keep Zaofu from being invaded, maybe last night you could have done something, tied her up, and driven far away with her, but she’s probably already getting her troops into position.

An hour or two later you convince yourself to get out of bed and get dressed, you stare at your armor with anger gnawing at your heart before you bend it on and storm out of the camp. It’s completely deserted as everyone is most likely taking over Zaofu right about now, as you turn towards Kuvira’s tent you slam into someone and stumble backward.

Zhu Li falls to the ground with a thud and you let out a slew of curses as you bend down to help her back up. “I’m so sorry,” you immediately apologize.

“It’s okay, I didn’t get hurt or anything.”

You look around to see if perhaps there’s a straggler or two, but again it’s a ghost town. “Have you seen anyone, most specifically near Kuvira’s tent?” Zhu Li shakes her head and you grab her wrist before pulling her after you. “I can’t stop her from taking over Zaofu but I can try to bring this whole thing down.”

Once you enter the empty tent you and Varrick's former assistant immediately sift through her piles of paperwork and plans to try and find something useful. So far it seems to be stuff you knew or had a hunch about, there were some blueprints for a couple of reeducation camps, you want to rip them to sheds and light this whole place on fire but you know you can’t leave any evidence of your snooping so you put them back and move behind her desk.

Inside her drawers are more pointless papers, copies of contracts she’s made people sign, and an in detail map of the earth kingdom. You know you must be missing something, this can’t be everything.

Curiously, you get onto your knees and look under her desk, there you spot a metal compartment that must be bent to open. You bend it open and out falls at least a dozen of folded-up papers.

“Zhu Li'' you quietly call out and she immediately walks over to you, you place the papers on the desk, her eyes widen in relief as she picks up the first piece of paper and unfolds it. You grab another and read through the contents, it’s plans for after she wins, none of which look promising. You place it back down and pick up another, inside is some kind of blueprint for a massive mecha suit, you narrow your eyes as you try to make sense of all the many notes and numbers but you've never even seen an engineering blueprint before.

"Zhu Li do you know how to read blueprints?" You ask, she rounds the desk and looks over your shoulder. "Yes, I've helped Varrick draw up quite a few."

You hand the paper to her and watch as her eyes dart from one side of the paper to the next. Her eyes widened in horror. "This is a massive mecha suit, they plan to make it out of platinum…"

Why would Kuvira need such a thing, Zaofu is the last place she has on her map. You sift through the other papers when your eyes land on a specific one. You unfold it and spread it across the table, you think you might be sick.

Its battle plans, an intricate strategy on how to take over Republic City. "She never told me about this…" As you stand in shock Zhu Li zips into action, she lays the blueprint onto the table and finds a blank sheet of paper and some charcoal, placing the paper over the blueprints she starts to trace the plans for the mecha suit. "We can't stay here for too long, Kuvira might send someone to check on us."

“We need to get this to the Avatar.” You grab another blank sheet of paper and a pen before writing down as much as you can about her planned attack. Kuvira always made it sound like after Zaofu it would all be over, every time she reassured you she’d always say “once we get to Zaofu we can drop this facade.” But with all these blueprints for different types of weapons that you know Baatar is most likely building, you realize she was lying.

“How do we do that? It’s not like it’s easy to sneak out of this place.” Zhu Li pockets her copy of the plans and carefully folds the original before placing it back in the pile. You fold your paper that is covered, front to back, in vital information. You place all the documents back inside the hidden compartment before bending it shut once more.

Truthfully you don’t know how you’ll do it, the only way you can think of is breaking out the Beifongs which has your heart racing. You’ve never done something like this, how do you break someone out whilst not blowing your cover? You both leave her tent and head to the back of the encampment, far away from anyone who might still be around.

“I need to break out the Beifongs, you’ll go with them back to republic city to help Asami figure out a way to stop this mecha suit from causing any destruction while I stay here and try to do the best I can to weaken our force.”

Zhu Li takes the paper you give her, she looks down at the folded document, trying to figure out what to say. “Bolin told Varrick and me when he broke us out of the lab.” Your eyes widen and it feels like ice has been poured all over you. You know Zhu Li won’t tell Kuvira what she knows but the years of keeping it a secret have programmed you to feel dread at her words. “It’s brave, what you're doing.��

You gulp, “do you think, what with the deeper bond and all, someone can forgive their soulmate if they betray them?” It’s been on your mind since this morning when you decided that you weren’t going to sit on your hands anymore. Suggestions didn’t work, you had to stop this with force.

“I hope so.” Zhu Li’s grip on the paper tightens just a bit and you realize you never asked her if she’s ever met her soulmate.

“Tonight is our best bet, Kuvira will most likely move them to a more secure location in the morning. We should meet here at midnight tonight. Bring a backpack with some supplies for yourself, okay?” She places the paper in her pocket with the blueprints and nods.

“You’re doing the right thing y/n,” she says in an attempt to comfort you. It doesn’t work.

“The leftover mecha suits that are here, is there a way to discreetly sabotage them?” You ask, Zhu Li grins.

“I made those with Varrick, that’ll be a piece of cake.”

“We need to work on those immediately while this place is still empty…” You pinch your brows together as you think of another way to help. “Do you… can you make yourself one of those electrical gloves, I read the equalists used them and you might need one tonight?”

“I don’t know where I would get the materials for that but I know what it takes to make one.”

You both begin to jog over to the row of mecha suits left behind, Kuvira will probably have some of her weaker soldiers take these. Zhu Li grabs a wrench from a nearby work table and gets to work on disabling them, you stand guard. When she’s on her third one you hear a buzzing sound from behind you, you whip around and see the train fast approaching. Baatar shouldn’t be back so soon.

You grab Zhu Li’s arm and pull her behind a crate as the train whizzes past, that nosy little shit has just made your plans ten times more difficult. “Is there some kind of faster way to dismantle them all at once?”

Zhu Li shakes her head. “Not without it being obvious that they are damaged.”

“We should keep working on these, I’ll try to scope out where Baatar is going so I know if we need to stop.” Zhu Li nods and gets back to work as you run towards the train platform. If you have to, you are okay with knocking Baatar out and locking him up somewhere until this is all over, but you know that’ll just make things more difficult.

When you get close enough to the platform you hide behind a jeep and watch as Baatar and a few men get off, strangely enough, Varrick isn’t among them. Looking beyond the platform you see that Kuvira’s troops are gone, but some tracks lead to Zaofu… she went through with it.

“Get me a jeep, I need to tell Kuvira what happened,” Baatar’s nasal voice breaks you out of your thoughts. One of his soldiers starts to head towards your jeep, fuck. You slowly back up and dive behind a crate to keep yourself from being seen.

The engine revs to life, the jeep leaves a cloud of dust in its wake as the soldier drives over the platform to pick up everyone. Good, you're still alone. You hesitate, waiting to make sure they don’t turn back to the encampment and don’t move until the car is a mere speck in the distance.

When you return Zhu Li is on the third to last one. Thank the spirits, you look around the area to make sure there isn’t any evidence of her work, no fallen screws or dented panels, but everything looks perfectly normal. Never in your life did you think you’d be doing something like this, going against your soulmate and attempting to sabotage a militaries forces

Your heart still pounds as you try to keep watch, with every little noise Zhu Li makes as she works, fear squeezes tighter at your heart. “I’m done,” she calls from behind you.

You jump in surprise and place a hand over your heart, “sorry I-”

“I know” she gives you a reassuring look before she puts the wrench back where she found it.

You're on your way to the mess hall with Zhu Li when you pass the weapons tent. Stopping in your tracks as an idea pops into your head you grab Zhu Li by the arm and tug her inside. “What are we doing here?”

“If we can’t get you one of those shocker thingies then you need to pick out a weapon from here, it should be something small and easy to conceal.” Zhu Li nods and slowly walks over to a shelf lined with weapons. Her eyes drift between the weapons hanging up, then down to the ones left laying on a table.

You don’t want to rush her but it’s been a few hours and people might start coming back soon. After the most agonizing ten minutes of your life, she picks up some kind of gun with a thick, clear cylinder. “What is that?”

“A tranquilizer. We can use this on any guards that we come across tonight.” She grabs a couple of refills and tucks them, along with the now emptied gun, into her jacket for safekeeping. You both leave after that and keep walking to your destination.

As you reach it, you notice the first group of soldiers return. Both of you sit down and try to idly chat about things like where did you grow up? Or what made you become an assistant? So that anyone who passes doesn’t think anything suspicious of you two.

As the sun starts to go down, more and more people have returned and the mess hall is filled to the brim with hungry men and women who seem to be celebrating their easy victory.

You got up at some point and grabbed some food for Zhu Li and yourself, both of you seem to struggle with forcing the food down as everyone around you is laughing at the fall of the once-great Zaofu. It sickens you when you hear someone from behind talk about the defeat of the once great Beifongs. It’s only later, as you're walking back to your tent, that you encounter a complication.

That same general from last night is standing outside your tent, waiting for you. “What do you want?”

“Kuvira asked me to help you transfer your things into Zaofu,” he eyes you as he speaks. You scoff.

“You can run back to Kuvira and tell her I am not setting foot in Zaofu.” You try to push past him but he grabs your forearm, his grip is so tight it causes you to hiss out.

“I mean what I said about me not getting demoted because of some bratty friend of Kuvira’s who can’t follow orders,” he snarls as he leans down to get in your face. You heart pounds, he’s so much taller than you, so much bigger. You try to yank your arm out of his grasp but he pulls you closer. “Get your things so I can take you to Zaofu.”

He pushes you into the tent and stands guard at the entrance, preventing you from leaving. You know if you told Kuvira what he just did he’d not only be demoted but fired altogether, but that requires walking into Zaofu and you can’t look at what she’s done to it.

General Yin is high up, he’s one of Kuvira’s most trusted Generals. He’d probably know exactly where the Beifongs are being kept…

You pack up everything into the trunk but keep your armor on and exit the tent. “I’m not leaving without my friend,” you say defiantly and stick your chin up, settling your glare on his face. He rolls his eyes in annoyance and says “then take me to them.”

You walk over to where Zhu Li says she’d be sleeping and once in front of you and call out, “uh, Zhu Li?”

She peaks her head out and pinches her brows together in confusion at the sight of you with the General close behind. “We’re going to Zaofu, make sure to get all of your things.” She nods and ducks back inside. A couple of minutes pass before she emerges with a backpack and an overcoat on. General Yin doesn’t think anything suspicious of it as he leads you to a jeep where you place your trunk in the back.

Both you and Zhu Li sit in the back and he speeds off towards Zaofu, you don’t know what to do, you didn’t think about how you’d get him to talk, just that you would. Halfway through the drive, you shout over the whistling of the wind “I have to pee!”

“Hold it!”

“I can’t! I think I’m about to wet myself, just pull over and I’ll go behind a tree.” He pulls over towards the forest and puts the car into park. When you get out so does he and he even follows you to the tree that you pick. “Uhm… Some privacy would be nice.”

He swiftly turns his back to you but remains close, you pull at the zipper of your pants so he can hear it, your heart is pounding so fast you can hear it in your ears and feel it in your fingertips. You’ve never attacked someone before.

Without a second thought you bend the earth until it’s up to his waist, he lets out a shout of surprise and as he raises his hands to bend back you hit him right in chi on the side of his neck. When he tries, nothing happens. He lets out a panicked “what did you do to me?!”

Zhu Li jumps out of the jeep as you zip your pants back up before walking around to look him in the eyes. “Where are the Beifongs being held?”

“Like I’d tell you!” He squirms and continues to try to bend, he’s terrified. Perhaps in different circumstances, you’d feel bad for doing this to someone but he did grip you so hard you can already feel a bruise coming. This will teach him to be nicer to others.

You tighten the rocks around his waist causing him to let out a shocked groan of pain. “Tell us where they are and the damage I do to you will be minimal.”

“Aren’t you Kuvira’s little pet?” He spits out. Your eyes widen at his implication and squeeze tighter.

“I have a lot of pent up rage and I am not afraid of hurting you!” You shoot up two more pieces of earth that grab onto his hands and bend him back. He cries out in pain and you hear Zhu Li gasp behind you. “Now, where are the Beifongs?”

When a minute goes by and he doesn’t respond, you bend him back further. “Fine! Okay fine just please stop” he shouts. You let go of his hands and he slumps in the piece of earth holding his lower half tightly. “They’re being held in some wooden cage outside of the city, Kuvira has them on one of those special trucks for transport.”

Special trucks… Those are platinum. “How many guards?”

“I-I don’t know” he looks between the two of you, “I really don’t know please don’t bend my arms back again.”

“Give me an estimate, you’re one of Kuvira’s top men. How many do you think she’d station around that truck?”

“Probably five or six, they're important.”

Zhu Li sighs and steps forward. “You're gonna take us to the truck and if you make one wrong move I won’t stop y/n from doing whatever she wants to you.” Your eyes widen a fraction, you’ve never heard her talk like that before.

He vigorously nods and you bend the rock that keeps his body held firmly away. Before he can even think about attacking you, you bend two of the extra pieces of your armor to cuff his hands. “Zhu Li, you should keep your gun out,” you say to her, she nods and pulls it out of her jacket. General Yin's eyes widen as she points it at him. “Well, we don’t have all night.”

He stumbles through the darkness of the woods as he leads you uphill. Zhu Li keeps her finger on the trigger of her tranquilizer as you keep your hands at the ready, every step you take you feel the earth around you to keep yourself prepared in case he tries to run.

When you see lights up ahead you wrap a piece of metal around his mouth and put your hand on his shoulder to keep him in place. Between the trees, you can see it’s one of those massive trucks with a roof over the bed, the back is facing you which offers you a glimpse of Huan, you think his name is. He has his face pressed against the side of the wooden cage as he stares off into space.

There are six guards like General Yin predicted. “We should knock him out,” you whisper to Zhu Li. She nods and points the gun at his back before pulling the trigger, a dart shoots out of the barrel and you hear him let out a muffled groan before he slumps over. You wrap your arms around him to keep him from falling onto the floor, she wraps her arms around him to help gently place him on the floor. For good measure, you bend the earth beneath him until only his head is sticking out.

You and Zhu Li crouch behind a large boulder as you peek around to check out the scene. “How do we do this?”

“They can’t see me, we already have to figure out what to do with General Yin…” You reply.

“Can you bend from behind this rock? You could make some kind of distraction and I can try to take them out with the tranquilizer.” It’s the best option and only idea that either of you can think of, so you nod.

You peek around the rock again to get a sense of the layout before whipping back behind and letting out a deep, shaky breath. You can’t fuck this up, this is not the time to run off crying or be weak. This is for her, for Kuvira, you remind yourself. This is for your future and happiness.

When you lean forward you have half your face hidden behind the rock and you're knelt low to the ground to try and offer you coverage.

“Do you know when our shift is over?” One guy asks. You pause to listen in.

“I think like an hour or two,” another says as he kicks a rock. “This is so boring.”

“I know right, everyone is celebrating right now and we’re stuck on guard duty.” You roll your eyes at the one guy's complaint before taking a deep, steady breath. You got this.

Placing a palm on the ground, you slowly clench your fist causing a large crack to go right underneath the center of the truck.

“What the fuck?!” With both of your hands, you push with all your strength and the crack widens. Zhu Li takes the opportunity and shoots one of the guards in the very back of the neck, he falls with a thud and the guard closest to him turns around. He opens his mouth to shout, so you bend off a piece of metal from your armor and shoot it towards him. It wraps around his mouth right as Zhu Li points her gun towards him and pulls the trigger.

Two down, three to go.

“Show yourself!” One shouts. One of them starts to bend bushes out of the way to try and find where you're hiding, you tap Zhu Li’s shoulder and point to him, she seems to get the message because she takes him out next. The only problem is the other two men saw exactly where the dart came from. Fuck.

There’s a medium-sized rock next to one of the two, so you bend it and fling it towards him. He narrowly jumps out of the way, doing that distracts the other guard which gives Zhu Li the chance to shoot at him next. “I don’t have any darts left,” she says in a panicked voice, you’ll have to take this guy out the old fashioned way. “Well I guess we’ll have two guys to worry about,” you say before revealing yourself.

The guard pauses, his eyes widen as he sees you take a step towards him. “But…”

You charge, shooting a piece of the earth into the air, you twirl with the grace of a dancer and fling it at him, with the force of your throw it speeds towards him. He shoots up a small wall made of rock to protect him, your rock hits. Due to the impact, parts of his wall crumbles. You can see him because of that crumble, see him running towards the driver’s seat of the truck.

Every car has a radio… You race forward and bend a wall up that blocks the door to the driver's side of the car, whilst he breaks it down you advance behind him and grab his arm. He whirls around to stare at you in horror. He pushes against you, effectively making you stumble back. You think of Bolin, of how he did that once and you fell onto your back with a groan. You think of the days spent learning how to take down someone with your fists, but most importantly you remember what he said one day.

“You might hate fighting, but one day you’ll need to think about what's for the best and throw a punch.” Taking down this greasy asshole is what's best, you tell yourself as you punch him in the nose.

“Fuck!” He stumbles back and clutches his nose, whilst he’s distracted you bend the earth underneath to effectively trap his body from the collarbone down. There’s blood trickling out of his nose, you’ve never made someone bleed before. This is for the best.

You bring your hand down in the same spot you did General Yin, rendering the guard of his bending so you don’t have to worry about him escaping. You turn around and see Zhu Li look at you with this look of surprise. “Who knew you could throw a punch,” she says, breaking the silence.

You both head to the opening of the truck. “Y/n?” You hear Suyin say, she grips the wood and looks at the both of you with wide eyes, “Zhu Li?”

“Is there a door to this thing?” You point at the cage and Suyin looks up. “It’s above us but it’s locked.” You nod and look over at Zhu Li.

“One of these guards probably has a key or something we can use to break it open.” You both search the guards but come up empty, even the guy you punched doesn’t have them, which when you bend some of the earth away to check his pockets but still keep his feet and hands encased, he curses you out.

“Kuvira will find out about this, she’ll kill you in an instant” he spits out in rage. You look up and into his, part of you wonders if she will. You don’t think so, but you’ve seen her slipping these past few days and it seems she left a piece of herself at each stop you guys made during the tour.

“That requires someone telling her,” you say as you bend the earth back up to his collarbone. No key… You walk over to the truck entrance and sigh. “Zhu Li, can I see your gun?”

She gives it to you, sending a quizzical look your way. You ignore it as you climb inside and then climb to the top of the wooden cage. You grab the gun so the handle is facing downward, your hands gripping the barrel.

Before you begin, you look into the openings of the wooden cage and make eye contact with Suyin. “I have terms,” you say, everyone looks shocked. “If I let you out, Kuvira won’t be imprisoned, instead sh-”

“Y/n, she has to face the punishme-”

“She will be put on house arrest in a city of my choosing. If you try to imprison her then I expect the same treatment for your son.” Silence follows so you continue. “You won’t try to kill her again and you will take Zhu Li, along with these two guards, with you to Republic City where you will give the Avatar vital information we found.”

“Y/n she’s a monster, nothing can be done to fix the damage she’s cau-” You squeeze your eyes shut. You are so done of being talked over and interrupted, of being silenced.

“She did what she thought was best, if you had put your pride aside and helped the earth kingdom when asked we wouldn’t be put in this mess. Her intentions were pure when this started, but trying to bring order when you're just some nobody isn’t easy. Sacrifices were made and she’s lost herself but she’s still in there, I know it. I will leave you in here and turn my back on you, on this, if you don’t agree to my terms.”

Your palms feel sweaty and you have to cling tighter to the gun to keep it from slipping. Neither of you breaks eye contact, you glare into her green eyes as you await a response. Suyin’s eyes widen and a look of… recognition? Settles on her features.

“She’s your soulmate, isn’t she?” Very slowly, you nod. “I knew Junior wasn’t it.” Suyin clenches her fists as she sighs. “Fine, I agree to your terms.”

“If you break your promise, I’ll destroy everything.” You whisper the last word but she hears you loud and clear. Suyin gulps and nods in understanding. As you exhale you smash it down onto the lock, it rattles. You do it again, as hard as you can and this time there’s the smallest of cracks. You keep doing it, your arms ache but you have to get them out and quickly.

Soon your chi block might wear off on that one dude or the guards for the next shift might show up. It feels like all your dreams come true when it finally snaps open. You toss the gun to Zhu Li who catches it. You fling open the latch and climb down.

Suyin and Baatar Sr. give their kids a boost so they can climb out. After all three are out, Baatar Sr. helps Suyin out, once she’s out she lays flat on her stomach and grips onto him, helping pull him out.

You climb out of the truck and sigh. “You need to take General Yin and that-” you point at the guard behind you, the one still awake “one as well.” You bend the earth away from the guard, Wing and Wei pick him up and carry him over to the bed of the truck. You lead Suyin over to Yin, who is thankfully still passed out. You both bend the earth back into the ground and each takes aside as you lug him over as well.

“What are you going to say?” Zhu Li asks, you pinch your brows together and look down at your feet.

“I…” You begin. You look around at the scene before you, General Yin and that guard can bend earth, there are obvious works of a bender at the scene. “You and General Yin teamed up together to break out the Beifongs, Yin was working with the guard as well…”

“She won’t believe it” Suyin pipes up. “You're squeaky clean and he’s one of her top generals.”

Suddenly the image of her on the verge of a panic attack flashes to life.

“Did you know?” she spits out.

She’s already suspected you once in the last two days, Suyin's right. “You should come with us,” Zhu Li says. You shake your head and purse your lips.

“Maybe if I’m a bit messed she’ll believe me.”

“What do you mean?” Baatar Sr. inquires.

“I need one of you guys to uh… hit me in the face.” You look at everyone and they all look at each other in contemplation. It’s Wei who steps up as he pushes his sleeves up for dramatic effect.

“I’m pretty angry at you and Kuvira so I’ll do it.” You let out a weak laugh and square your shoulders, Suyin places a hand on Wei’s shoulder and looks into your eyes. “You don’t need to do this.”

“Yes I do, we need to make this believable,” you look over at Wei. “Leave my eyes alone, you need to leave a mark though.”

Wei lets out a deep sigh as he gets into a fighting stance, you squeeze your eyes as you wait for impact. A minute stretches by and you're about to tell him to just do it when his fist collides with your cheekbone on the right side of your face. Intense pain encases your face as you stumble back. Before you can fall someone catches you as you cradle your face in pain.

That is going to leave a mark. Zhu Li places you back on your feet, you faintly hear Suyin scolding Wei. “I need…” you groan as more pain shoots into your cheekbone from moving your mouth. “I need Yin’s empty dart.”

Zhu Li looks through her jacket pockets before pulling it out and handing it to you. “Can you get back to the jeep by yourself?”

“I’ll be fine, you guys need to hurry though. A guard switch should be happening soon.” The three Beifong children pile into the trunk of the car along with Zhu Li as Baatar Sr. heads to the driver's seat, Suyin stays behind for a minute as she gives you a quick once over.

“I… I promise to stick to my terms.” You nod, scared of the pain that will most likely happen if you smile, she slowly walks over to the passenger seat and climbs in. The engine roars to life and soon they are speeding down the dirt road that leads to a tunnel. Your walk back to the jeep is agonizing, it’s almost pitch blackout and every twig that snaps has you spinning around to see if someone’s following you.

When the jeep finally comes into sight you let out a breath of relief. You probably look a little too polished so begrudgingly you cup some dirt in your hands and smear some on your good cheek, neck, and a little bit on your clothes for good measure. It has to look like you were knocked out and put up a fight.

You set the dart onto the passenger seat and let your hair down from your updo, Kuvira makes sure all the women in her command have their hair out of their face to keep distractions to a minimum. Running your fingers through it a few times to mess it up you look in the rearview mirror of the car and sigh, this is the best you're gonna get.

Putting the keys into the ignition, you drive towards the place you once called home.

#kuvira x reader #kuvira/reader #fanfic #lok fanfic #kuvira fanfic #kuvira #legend of korra #the great divide #the great uniter

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snifflyjoonie · 3 years

Text

Hay(fever)

In which Namjoon’s love of autumn comes with one itchy side effect.

snz-centric with Namjoon as the sickie and Seokjin as the caretaker.

Word Count: 4255

a/n: Helloooo everyone! I was super excited about this request because, despite Namjoon being my bias, I’ve never actually written a fic for him. (If you exclude the soulmate series, of course.) This one allowed me to combine my love of autumn and allergies lol, so it was a real treat to write. The only thing I monkeyed around with a little request-wise was putting Joon and Jin on a hayride instead of just being in a car. Hope you don’t mind, anon! Anyway, I really hope you guys end up liking this one! I’m super happy I was able to get this out a lot faster than usual for you all. Enjoy the rare Joon content~

Autumn was captivating; Namjoon had always thought so. The way the biting chill of winter began to bleed its way into the summer’s overbearing heat felt oddly poetic to him. Watching the foliage start to change colour and wither made him feel grounded. All things came to an end, he reminded himself. There was beauty in the way the leaves fell from their branches. It was a seasonal memento that showcased how life’s tragedies presented new beginnings.

Plus, It didn’t hurt that he was a fan of hot apple cider and warm pumpkin cookies.

Unlike Namjoon, not all of the members shared the same sentiments towards the season change as he did — but the leader never let it bother him. He learned early on to tune out complaints so as to not let them spoil his own enjoyment. He’d lost track of how many times he’d heard groaning about the weather shift, or the clattering of teeth brought on by an underprepared (or in his eyes, overdramatic) body reaction.

Along with the beauty autumn brought, Namjoon also loved the colder weather that accompanied it. The way the beginnings of winter nipped at the very tip of his nose during late autumn mornings excited him in a way that waking up slimy with sweat on a sweltering summer day did not. If asked which he preferred, being cold or being hot, he knew he’d answer cold without a moment of hesitation. Being too hot left him feeling drained and nauseous, whereas being too cold made him feel alert and driven. It was an easy choice, in Namjoon’s eyes.

In the same way Namjoon found the member’s complaints of the cold to be melodramatic, many of the other’s got tired of hearing the leader shouting autumn praise from the rooftops. The two that gave him the most grief were easily Yoongi — whose hands were always cold as ice from autumn until spring — and Seokjin — who always seemed to catch a cold right around the time when people stopped saying “I think it might rain” and instead said “I think it might snow.”

It’s not that the two didn’t like autumn per say, they just didn’t like hearing about it every five seconds. It reminded them of the colder days yet to come, which was easily something the oldest pair of Bangtan would’ve preferred to forget. Granted, it was nice to see their leader in such high spirits, and that would never be something they would outwardly complain about, but his mood would be considerably more tolerable if he simply just chose to tone it down. That however, was something Namjoon would never do. He truly believed there wasn’t a single thing that could make him dislike the transitioning season, and he was almost always able to find the beauty in the things his members were looking forward to the least.

Excluding, of course, the way the changing greenery always seemed to make his allergies flare-up.

It happened every year without fail. The temperature would drop, the leaves would fall, and Namjoon’s nose would start itching. Despite its yearly recurrence, the leader never seemed to readily anticipate the way his body would fully reject autumn to the highest degree. To Namjoon, when the weather got warmer his allergies were simply out of sight, out of mind. He was always ill-prepared for the watery eyes and runny nose that would seemingly come out of nowhere after he spent maybe a bit too long outside admiring the colours. The irony of the situation was not lost on him, and his members always made sure to tease him enough so he wouldn’t forget it, but overall he didn’t mind too much. Namjoon wasn’t the type to let a sniffly nose stop him from enjoying the things he loved the most.

Which, he supposed, was exactly why he ended up sneezing enough to get dragged off of a half-finished hayride in the first place.

“Hyung.”

The sound of Namjoon’s voice pulls Yoongi’s attention away from his computer as he glances over his shoulder to find the younger man standing in his studio doorway.

“Joon-ah.” Yoongi responds with a low, almost disinterested-sounding hum. He pulls one side of his headphones from his ear and turns himself back towards his computer. He doesn’t directly say it, but the gesture is enough for Namjoon to know he’s welcomed inside, and he quickly closes the door behind himself.

“Are you busy?”

Yoongi shrugs. He’s always busy; or at least it feels that way.

“No.” He answers, blowing a tired-sounding breath through his nose as he adjusts himself at his desk. “What’s up?”

Namjoon walks himself further inside and takes a seat at the couch closest to Yoongi’s set up. Yoongi steals a glance at him, one eyebrow raised as he watches Namjoon pull his phone from his pocket. He’s starting to wonder if something may’ve happened, as it wasn’t often that Namjoon dropped by unannounced, but Namjoon was fast to explain his sudden visit.

“I know this probably isn’t your thing,” Is what the leader starts out with, and it takes every ounce of self-control Yoongi can muster to not grimace at what might be coming. “but I was supposed to go with Hoseok, and he’s still not feeling very well.” Namjoon pulls up some sort of article on his phone and flips it around for Yoongi to see. The rapper squints at the image and this time can’t stop his face from contorting in distaste.

“Are those...pumpkins?” He asks, his lips forming a thin line as Namjoon nods in confirmation.

“Yeah, it’s a one-day event this organization is hosting. Like...a pop-up?” Namjoon explains with a sigh as he leans himself further back into Yoongi’s couch. “They’re setting up a lot of things that are pretty common this time of year out west. I guess there’s going to be pumpkin carving, hayrides...things like that. Hoseok agreed to go with me a few weeks ago, but...that cold he caught isn’t letting up.” The leader shoots Yoongi a look that instantly clues the rapper in to what he’s hinting at. He lets out a sigh and folds his arms across his chest as he waits for the inevitable.

“The event is only happening today, and I was really looking forward to it, so if you’re not busy...I was wondering if you might come with me, instead.”

There it is. Yoongi can’t help but frown. Activities like this really weren’t his thing, and he knew the other knew this. He figures Namjoon must have truly been excited for the one-time event to have even come to ask him in the first place.

“Did you ask the younger guys already?” Yoongi deadpans as he brings a knuckle up to his nose. He can tell immediately that this isn’t the type of reaction Namjoon was hoping for as the leader’s face falls ever so slightly.

“They’ve got a photoshoot or something today.” Namjoon explains and Yoongi’s eyes soften. It explains why Namjoon came to him — he really didn’t have many other options with Hoseok being down and out. “They left pretty early this morning. Not sure when they’ll be back.” The leader sighs and looks everywhere but Yoongi as he leans forward again, resting his elbows onto his knees and folding his hands together in front of himself. “Hyung, if you don’t want to it’s not a big deal.”

Yoongi hums. It’s a deep, low sound as he searches for the right way to let Namjoon down. He really has no interest in something like this, but he still manages to feel a bit badly for the leader, anyway.

“Honestly, Joon-ah,” He starts after a brief silence, “I think I might be catching whatever Hobi-yah has. I probably shouldn’t.” It isn’t a lie, his sinuses have been stinging since the early morning and his throat was starting to feel a bit raw, but he knew the excuse was still pretty weak. He felt fine enough to do things, he just really didn’t want to go.

Namjoon makes a disappointed noise as he sucks air in through his teeth. It’s almost enough to make Yoongi feel guilty.

“No worries.” The leader says as he pushes himself back up with a small grunt. “I didn’t think it would really be something you’d find interesting, but I thought I’d ask anyway.” He scoffs to himself and adjusts the beanie on his head. “Honestly I’d be fine just going myself, but...I can’t drive and it’s too far to bike.”

“Why not request a driver?”

Namjoon shakes his head and waves a hand at him dismissively as he turns to leave. “Doesn’t seem important enough to bug the staff.” He admits. “I’d feel bad making the driver wait around for just me.”

“What about Jin-hyung?”

Yoongi watches Namjoon pause in his tracks. He looks over his shoulder at him, and the expression of realization on his face nearly makes Yoongi crack a smile.

“I didn’t even think to ask him.” Confesses Namjoon. “Do you think he’d go?”

Yoongi shrugs, he really doesn’t know. To him, it could go either way.

“I mean, if you want to go that badly, it would be worth it to ask him, don’t you think?”

Namjoon seems to mull it over before ultimately nodding in agreement. It makes Yoongi feel a bit better about his refusal — the ball was now out of his court and firmly in Seokjin’s. He was sure he’d hear about it from his hyung later on — Yoongi had fully thrown him under the bus knowing very well Seokjin had a hard time saying no to Namjoon — but he’d cross that bridge when he’d get to it.

“Thanks for the advice, hyung.” Namjoon smiles, his dimples making an appearance against his honey-coloured cheeks. “I hope you start to feel better.”

Yoongi grunts out a sound that could possibly be interpreted as ‘thank you’ and pulls his headphones back into place as Namjoon closes the door behind him. Some part of him hopes that Namjoon will manage to convince Seokjin to go, but he doesn’t dwell on it too long. He has work to do, anyway.

Seokjin steps out of their vehicle and instantly regrets every decision he’s made that has led him to this point as an icy burst of autumn wind whips his hair in a thousand different directions. He shoves his hands as deep as they can possibly go into his trenchcoat’s pockets and buries his nose down into the collar. He wishes that he had simply told Namjoon sorry, not this time, but after trying to pawn the obligation off onto Yoongi (and finding out the other had done the exact same to him) he felt too badly for the leader to refuse his request any further.

That was how Seokjin found himself standing in an open field in the middle of autumn very much wishing he had slipped on an extra layer before leaving the dorms. Or two. Or three.

“Hyung,”

Seokjin turns at the sound of the honourific and meets eyes with Namjoon’s smiling face. The leader’s nose is already turning a soft pink from the chilly weather and Seokjin is almost positive he looks much the same, if not worse. He just wasn’t built for the cold in the same way Namjoon was.

“Anything you want to do first?” Namjoon asks, his bright smile never faltering. Seokjin wondered why the leader seemed to get so much joy out of standing around and freezing for a few hours but he supposed he was grateful he could play a part in it.

“Whatever you want, Joon-ah.” He answers with a small smile and an even smaller sniffle. He removes a hand from the comforting warmth of his pocket to swipe a finger very briefly against the underside of his nose. He swears that if he catches a cold Namjoon will never hear the end of it. “Maybe we could grab some hot chocolate?”

Namjoon lights up brighter still at the mention of the warm drinks (something Seokjin didn’t think would be humanly possible) and is instantly nodding his head in agreeance.

“That’s a great idea.” Hums the rapper as he too ends up sniffling quietly against the back of his hand. “The entrance to the event is just up ahead, I think we might need wristbands.”

Seokjin nods as Namjoon leads the way. The entrance itself isn’t very far, in fact Seokjin can see it from their parked car, but he still wished they had parked closer, anyway.

The event itself was taking place entirely outside in a large field the hosting organization seemed to have rented for the day. There was a knee high wooden gate around most of the area that was funneling people into a single open entrance where they could collect wristbands that then allowed them free reign to the activities inside. From what Namjoon had told him, it seemed like most of the activities were generally popular out west where holidays like Halloween were more widely celebrated. Seokjin supposed he was excited to an extent — he always enjoyed experiencing new things — but he just wished the weather could be a little bit warmer.

The two men approach the entrance after their short walk over and Seokjin’s teeth are already chattering. He listens to Namjoon say a few words to the ticketer before he starts to fish his wallet from his back pocket. Seokjin tries to follow suit, but Namjoon is quick to stop him.

“If you think you’re buying your own ticket, you’re crazy.” He chuckles, the sound deep and low. It reminds Seokjin of waves crashing against the shore. “It’s on me, hyung. I appreciate you coming.”

Seokjin tries to object but Namjoon is having none of it, politely refusing each of Seokjin’s rebuttals. Eventually, the eldest gives up, and simply sticks his wrist out for the ticketer to apply his paper band. Namjoon is smiling as he watches, his dimples having not left his cheeks since they first arrived, when Seokjin notices his eyes start to squint ever so slightly. It almost looks as if he’s just thought of something new he wants to say, or like he’s realized he left the oven on, but Seokjin knows better and adverts his eyes to give the other a bit of privacy.

Sure enough, not a moment later he hears Namjoon suck in a sharp inhale of breath and can see him twist to the side out of the corner of his eye.

“hh— hH’KTtch’hiu!”

Seokjin looks back over in time to see the aftermath, namely Namjoon bent down into his steepled hands, before the leader rises back up with a sniffle he presses against the back of a wrist.

“Sorry.” He scoffs at himself and clears his throat ever so slightly. “Alright— let’s go get something warm to drink.”

Seokjin hums in agreement, accepting a pamphlet the ticketer offers him. He folds it open and gives the small map inside a look-over as he closely follows Namjoon into the main area.

It doesn’t take the two of them very long to find the drink stand and this time Seokjin firmly puts his foot down when Namjoon tries to also buy both of their drinks. He quickly fishes out his own wallet and hands over money before the other can object any further. The singer accepts the drinks with a warm smile and tries to hand one over to Namjoon, but the rapper is hurriedly turning away again and burying his face into his hands.

“hh’NGtx’ch! ha’INGTch’hiuu!”

“Yaah,” Seokjin tries to make his tone sound scolding, the way a hyung should sound when lecturing a dongsaeng, but ultimately he thinks he misses the mark. “You’re not catching Hoseok-ah’s cold, are you?”

Namjoon responds with a shake of his head as he sniffles tentatively into the palms of his hands. When he rises back up, Seokjin is quick to notice the deeper shade of pink his nostrils have turned.

“Sorry, I’m good.” He tries to assure, reaching out to take one of the styrofoam cups from Seokjin’s hands. “Thanks for the hot chocolate.”

Seokjin eyes him warily but ultimately just nods his head, taking a sip of his drink. He can’t stop himself from basking in its warmth, letting out an appreciative hum as the chill in his bones backs off ever so slightly.

“Hyung, have you ever been on a hayride?”

The question catches Seokjin a little off guard as he swallows down another warm sip of hot chocolate.

“I’m not really sure.” He admits. “I don’t think so.”

“Well...would you go on one with me now?” Namjoon gestures somewhere behind Seokjin’s head and the singer turns around to, sure enough, spot a carriage filled with hay and other patrons being pulled by two beautiful brown horses. “I’ve never gotten to ride one before, either.” Finishes the other.

“Sure, Joon-ah.” Agrees Seokjin as he takes another gulp of his warm drink. He has no reason to object, plus the way Namjoon’s face lights up is enough to make the prospective hayride worthwhile.

The two men are quick to scurry over, not wanting to miss this carriage and have to stand around waiting for the next. They flash their wristbands at the driver who motions for them to hop into the back. They do their best to scramble inside, handing each other their drinks as they hoist themselves in one at a time. The carriage is fairly spacious, and they find a nice spot near the back that is cushioned comfortably by a large bundle of hay.

Namjoon is absolutely beaming as a worker assists a few more patrons into the carriage before signaling to the driver that all of the seats were taken. His enthusiasm makes Seokjin smile as he huddles himself a bit deeper into his coat. Thankfully, the carriage was blocking most of the wind, making Seokjin feel like they had made the right choice in choosing to go for a quick ride.

They are able to hear a sharp jingling sound of the reigns being manipulated before the carriage gives an abrupt jerk. The two men bump their shoulders against each other from the slight jostle as the carriage begins to move, sending them off on their very first hayride.

For the first few minutes, even Seokjin finds himself having fun. He’s laughing along with Namjoon as they sip their drinks and admire the gorgeous fall scenery around them. The crisp smell of autumn combined with the slightly musty smell of the hay and horses leave Seokjin feeling oddly nostalgic despite having never smelt a smell like this before.

Namjoon however was seemingly not faring as well as Seokjin to the strong seasonal smells that wafted aggressively around their carriage. It didn’t take long for his laughter to start to peter out and instead get replaced by increasingly wet, urgent sounding sniffles.

“Are you alright, Joon-ah?” Seokjin finally asks. He had tried to ignore the sounds of the other’s sniffles as best he could, but even some of the other riders nearby were starting to take notice.

Namjoon turns to Seokjin and gives his head a small shake, aggressively pinching his nose between a thumb and forefinger in a rapid itching motion. Seokjin is quick to take notice of how red the appendage has become, as well as the way Namjoon’s eyes seem to be welling up with tears.

“What’s going on?” He tries asking again, but instead of answering Namjoon is thrusting his half-finished hot chocolate into Seokjin’s free hand. The rapper wastes no time leaning himself nearly fully into his lap, wrapping both hands tightly around his nose and mouth as he lets out a quick burst of sneezes that Seokjin can’t help but notice sound horribly, horribly itchy.

“Yaaa, Joon-ah, what’s—”

The singer is cut off when Namjoon explodes into yet another round of sneezes that tumble out of him without a moment for breath in between. Each one sounds more powerful than the last, and when he’s finally finished, the only word Seokjin can think to describe the gasp of air he takes is ‘greedy’.

Seokjin carefully sets Namjoon’s hot chocolate between his knees and extends his hand out to the other, gripping his shoulder tightly and yanking so the younger man would look at him. When Namjoon does turn, Seokjin can’t stop his mouth from falling agape. Namjoon’s eyes are red rimmed and tears are spilling from them at a rapid pace. His nose is as bright as a strawberry, and his nostrils twitch in a way that indicates his sneezing is nowhere near done.

People are staring now, and in Seokjin’s eyes, it’s warranted. He tries to keep Namjoon’s attention on him but the other is slowly coming undone as his breath starts to catch in his throat once again. He brings his shaky hands up to his nose and mouth and this time turns his body inwards towards Seokjin. He manages to suck in a quick breath before ducking down with three sneezes that sound pinched and strained, the man very clearly doing everything he can to try and keep them contained.

“hh’KXxgt! ‘Nngxt’chh! huh’INGgxt!”

Seokjin wastes no time digging into his pockets to find the tissues he had crammed into them prior to leaving the dorms. He had figured with the cold weather he might have ended up sporting a bit of a runny nose during the day’s activities, but instead the tissues were clearly going to be put to a much better use. He grabs a handful and guides them into Namjoon’s hands, receiving a grateful, relieved sigh in return.

The rapper brings the tissues up to his face, first using them to dab at his streaming eyes before hasity securing them around his horribly twitchy nose and blowing forcefully. The sound is productive and nasally and makes more than one person around them turn their heads in distaste. Seokjin is almost one of them.

“What’s gotten into you?” He asks as Namjoon catches two more sneezes into the tissues in between blows.

“Dunno—” The younger chokes out, following it up with an itchy cough as he squeezes his eyes shut in irritation. “But my nose is on fire.”

Seokjin opens and closes his mouth, truly at a loss for words. It isn’t until a burst of wind stirs the loose hay in the carriage that the realization begins to dawn on him.

“Namjoon-ah,” He starts as the other recovers from yet another bout of sneezing. “Please tell me you took an antihistamine before we left.”

The way Namjoon looks at him with pure, unbridled guilt is enough to tell Seokjin that he most definitely did not. Without hesitating further, Seokjin yells for the driver to stop the carriage. He manages to hold both of their drinks in one hand while his other stays busy firmly dragging Namjoon off of the carriage as the other snuffles uselessly into his soggy tissues.

Seokjin doesn’t let go of Namjoon’s forearm until he has dragged the other so far away from the carriage that they can barely see it anymore. He turns to Namjoon with a look on his face that exudes pure exasperation.

“You didn’t take an antihistamine and you wanted to go on a hayride?”

“I didn’t think it would — hh! — didn’t think it would matter.”

“Namjoon-ah.” Seokjin was bewildered. “You have hayfever.”

“What’s that — hAH’KTCHh’hiuu!” He cuts himself off with a sneeze that he catches into his elbow before turning back to Seokjin with a sharp, wet sniffle. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“That was a hayride.”

“I didn’t think hayfever actually had anything to do with hay.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes and lets his head fall into his hands. Yoongi was absolutely going to get an earful for setting him up like this as soon as they got back home.

“It doesn’t, but—” He sighs and pulls his head back up. “Use some common sense next time, at least. God, if I would’ve known you hadn’t taken anything, I would’ve…” He sighs again, this time really letting it drag out, before turning his attention back to his sniffly counterpart with a much softer expression on his face. “Are you alright, now? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sneeze that much.”

“Yeah, I think so.” Namjoon murmurs, but he follows it up with a rough scrub of his horribly reddened nose. “My nose is just itchy.”

Seokjin can’t help but feel for him.

“I’m sure it is.” He hums.

He really does feel badly for Namjoon — they hadn’t even been at this event for a full hour before Namjoon’s own negligence threw a wrench into their plans. He knows how much the rapper had been looking forward to this, and it made him feel bad that they clearly were going to have to cut the activities short.

“Tell you what.” He finally speaks, catching eyes with the sniffly man across from him. “Why don’t we try picking out some pumpkins and just bring them back to the dorms to carve there, instead?”

The smile that overtakes Namjoon’s face is as bright as the sun and instantly warms Seokjin’s heart as he finally hands the other back his now lukewarm hot chocolate.

“And hey,” He starts to add, a coy smile creeping onto his lips, “Why don’t we pick one out for Yoongi-yah, too?”

#this one is a DOOZY #and I am actually very proud of it #i busted out 6/7 pages tonight and ended up finishing it which like never ever happens for me so i am veeeeery over the moon #i really hope you all like this one!#mine #bts sickfic #allergic!namjoon #bts snzfic #bts snz

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lizacstuff · 3 years

Text

SCK / Edser Asks - mostly 31

(Asks under the cut, there are some spoilers and speculation in there so tread carefully if you don’t want to read that)

Anonymous said: Based on the photos of epi 31 that were released, I saw a theory online that said maybe Deniz bought Eda a star (picture she's holding a certificate paper). Gosh I hope not. That's an Eda and Serkan thing.

It seems to me that buying a star is so specific to Serkan and Eda it either can't be it, OR if is it then they (Eda and Deniz) are doing it to purposely troll Serkan and push at his jealousy buttons, since even if he doesn't remember it, he knows he bought her a star. I can't imagine Deniz sincerely buying her a star and surprising her with it, because there is no way that goes over well with her, but who knows. I'm done pretending I know the limits of what this show will do, lmao.

Anonymous said: A lot of fans think that Deniz is proposing to Eda but that's one huge box for a ring! I feel like maybe he's been keeping things that are from their friendship over the years and is gifting her that. But I hope not, because I like to think of Serkan being the sentimental one over things related to Eda. Thoughts?

This scene may have to do with Deniz letting Eda know his real feelings, maybe, but why would he propose so soon, in public when they're already fake engaged, and when he knows Eda is still in love with Serkan? And you're right, it's way too big for that, perhaps it's something from their childhood? idk. I'm having trouble working up any interest in what Deniz might put in a box, because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. He's boring.

Anonymous said: Although I have no context for the situation that leads to Serkan asking if Eda is happy in the next episode, I still need her to answer honestly. Now that they both have calmed down, had time to adjust to the current situation and he is clearly interested in getting to know her, she needs to tell him exactly how she feels about everything. Heck, totally okay with a comment that “she would have fought for him and their relationship if he had ever given her a chance.” He remembers their kiss, he is having flashes of her and wants to spend time with her, her expressing interest & opening up has to hit differently this time. And if he still says he is going to be with Selin then I do not even what the point of this storyline was 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yeah, I'm pretty in line with you on this. I would love it if Eda was completely, emotionally honest with him in a moment like that. But my fear is that Eda's pride, understandably wounded by his engagement to the psycho, will get in the way. Our girl doesn't like to appear vulnerable, we've seen it too many times. And being honest about their feelings is NOT how they fell in love the first time around, is it? Nope they were both too terrified to admit it, until push came to shove.

As far as the point of the storyline, its to show us that Serkan will fall in love with Eda even when the circumstances are completely stacked against them. To that end they have STACKED everything they could against them. So I think the only thing we can do is have patience. There’s no doubt what the endgame plan is, in show time it’s only been a few days, we need to give Serkan a minute to let the war between his heart and brain play out. I think this episode is going to show us a Serkan who is drawn to her and SHOOK by her. And Selin seeing all of that.

Anonymous said: yeah, i think the amnesia plotline is especially hard to watch rn because of selin's presence and her and serkan's "relationship" and that's where most of the frustration around current eps stem from. altho, i have seen ppl get mad that he's not remembering from "key moments" in their story and somehow it ruins a part of their story and idk.. i just disagree bc clearly there's a plan there for what triggers his memory and when it happens.. and i feel like something has to be coming soon there

Oh, yes, I completely disagree with anyone who thinks that he needs to be remembering moments to prove his love. What bullshit. HE HAS A BRAIN INJURY. It’s AMNESIA. It’s not a choice. It’s not a diss on their love. I’ve noticee that there are legions of fans out there who don’t get the, “If I lived 100 lives, I’d fall in love with you 100 times,” and keep thinking that him recovering his memories is going to be the silver bullet that fixes thing. I don’t think so. I do think he’ll get them back eventually, but seems to me he’s going to need to fall in love first. Which hopefully will become more fun to watch, because that’s pretty damn powerful.

Anonymous said: I was just thinking, it kinda sucks we never got to see what Serkan's other two wishes were. Obviously that's all gone and forgotten and the way the story is going now, Serkan may have to offer Eda 3 wishes for hurting her after the memory loss. It would be interesting to see how that would go (it could be for humor purpose or could actually be meaningful for their relationship). Your thoughts?

Oh, yes, I wish we could have seen what the rest of the wishes were. It was a really fun construct that they didn’t play out. Probably a victim of the change in writers around that time. Since none of the wishes could violate the contract, I really don’t know what Serkan was going to ask for. I think when all of this is said and done, Serkan’s going to have to grant more than 3 wishes for Eda...

Anonymous said: Think I will take my lead from you and stay positive about SCK. And I am going to believe the next episodes is full of great moments between Eda & Serkan that are actual steps back towards each other. Totally get that it has only been 3 days in the show but the weakest part for me has been how tightly Serkan is holding onto his relationship/engagement to Selin...yikes! It makes me cringe seeing his arm around her. I get that was his defense mechanism but it left Eda heartbroken with nothing to work with. Now he has softened, acknowledged her talent and his interest in her and after realizing he is totally jealous about her being with someone else then he needs to put an end to his engagement with Selin.

Oh yes, CRINGE CITY. I can barely look at her. Ugh. The arm around the waist is the worst! But I think you’re right, it’s his defense mechanism. He’s using it to keep distance with Eda who scares the CRAP out of him. Poor dummy.

Anonymous said: “the barnacle on the ass of this show” 😂😂😂😂 Thank you, I needed that laugh, and never has Selin been better described. Those spoilers I’m reading better not be right 😤

Okay, I'm loath to get into spoilers, but are you talking about the Selin fake pregnancy rumors? I think those are more speculation than spoilers (however the last two weeks the end of the ep hasn't been in the spoiler drops, but then leaked out as prevalent rumors, so.... maybe happening again?)

Anyway @echoapothecary and I talked this through with the spoilers yesterday and I think this rumor does work with the spoilers and it might not be so bad if it happens the way we speculated. Of course all of this is predicated on these spoilers being correct, and who the eFF knows. Spoilers:

The end of the episode is not in the fragman

The end is a bomb

The final scene is bad but it will come in handy because it will serve to unmask Selin (the start of her downfall)

So with those spoilers... I do think the cliffhanger bomb could be Selin telling Eda she's pregnant. But notice that key point... telling Eda.

Selin is going to be freaked out after seeing Serkan's interest in Eda grow all episode, and she’s supposedly going to witness something that happens between Edser on the boat. So by the end of the episode she probably feels him slipping away and will be beyond desperate. So I could see her dropping one big bomb, a hail Mary pass, that she thinks might drive Eda away and even out of town.

So if she did that would definitely be a “bomb” and it would also be “bad” from the audience perspective. Now to it “coming in handy because it will serve to unmask her.” I’m pretty sure she and Serkan have not had sex since the accident. The show went out of their way three times to show us they aren’t sleeping in the same bed. So once Serkan finds out what Selin said, he’s going to instantly realize she told one whopper of a manipulative lie to Eda. And if that happens it suddenly calls into question every single thing she’s told him since he called her after the accident. Hence, unmasking begins.

So if that happens, and Selin tries to manipulate Eda into giving up, I could see Eda deciding to leave town. Selin might even tell her Serkan doesn’t know because its too much right now on top of the amnesia, so it’s up to Eda to step back and so Eda won’t mention it to him and expose her lie. Who knows. If it happens I expect it would be resolved in 32 after some angst and some dramatic Serkan and Eda moments (imagine him going after her if she’s trying to leave and he finds out why from someone like Melo or Deniz).

Anyway, is this what’s going to happen? WTF knows. Speculation is never correct, it could be anything, but it seems right in line with the melodramatics this show has been going for since the plane crash. Selin is rumored to be leaving soon, so if this is how we get rid of her soon, fine by me. I just want her off this show BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

#sck spoilers #edser #sen cal kapimi #Sen Çal Kapımı #sck episode discussion #sck 1x31 #sck speculation #sckask #asklizac #anonymous

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