#i hate that i won't just nice on because I'm clinging desperately to the of chance he'll come back

[lila-lou]

✨Needy✨

Summary: Jensen finally comes home after weeks of filming and shows you how much he missed you.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: 18+ only! Language, smut, pregnant reader

Word Count: 2477

A/N: No hate towards anybody. It's just fiction.

English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

"How do you feel?".

You were currently laying on your large sofa in the living room, your head resting on your left hand while your right hand caressed your belly.

“I’m fine Jay, really”, you smiled at your boyfriend, who was walking over to you with a beer and an orange juice. He looked beyond tired and exhausted. Not surprising considering he only landed four hours ago.

Austin wasn't known for large snowfalls in the winter, so this exceptional situation had led to complications with flights. Jensen's already long flight landed over three hours late, which didn't help his mood. When he saw his pregnant fiancée curled up on the sofa with a broken rib, he was more than pissed. Jensen had only endured the last few weeks on set because he was clinging to the thought that he would soon be able to hold you in his arms again. You and your unborn baby. You've been calling each other every night for the past two weeks to pass the wait, but not once have you mentioned your broken rib.

“Here you go”, Jensen tried to say as nicely as he could while handing you the orange juice, but all the words that came out of his mouth were mumbled. He actually knew that he shouldn't ruin the evening with a bad mood, but the last few weeks had taken a toll on him and his nerves were frayed. Not only was everything going haywire on set, but he also missed you. You were five months pregnant and he felt like he had already missed everything.

You gratefully accepted the glass and took a long sip before setting it aside. Jensen stared blankly at the television, which was playing a horror movie.

“Hey”, you sighed, taking his free hand in yours. “I just didn’t want to burden you unnecessarily. You were always so worried about me and the Baby and with all the stress on set, I thought you wouldn't have to worry about more. I went to the doctor and it’s not that bad”, you tried to explain yourself, but Jensen just rolled his eyes.

“(y/n), you are carrying our child! Do you really think there is something more important at the moment than you and your well-being?”, he replied, still slightly irritated. Of course Jensen was worried and you loved him more than anything for that, but sometimes he could be really overprotective.

“If I promise you, that I won't withhold anything from you anymore, can we please end the evening somewhat peacefully? You didn’t even kiss me when you came in”, you murmur towards the end. Jensen took a long sip of beer and sighed in resignation. Of course he knew he was acting like an ass and that you absolutely didn't deserve that, but he was just worried and stressed.

"You're right. I'm sorry. It's just... the last few weeks have been really stressful and... I feel like I've already missed so much with the little worm", Jensen admitted a little desperately before gently pulling you into his arms. “Besides, I missed you terribly”, he kissed your head lightly.

“Jay… I’m only five months pregnant. We still have four long and wonderful months ahead of us before things get tricky with you being away. You haven't missed anything yet. Except maybe my morning sickness and trust me, you should be glad you weren't there". You tried your best to lighten the mood a little, even if it really wasn't easy. Slowly but surely you could feel him relax. “I hope so”, he murmured before pulling your face to his and finally placing his lips on yours.

“Now tell me about the shoot”, you whispered against his lips with a big grin. While Jensen started talking about his new colleagues and the set, you made yourself comfortable in his arms and pulled the blanket a little higher.

Almost a year ago you moved in with Jensen. You previously had a pretty stressful long-distance relationship. While you were completing your studies in Seattle, Jensen was mostly in Toronto filming “The Boys”. In his free time, he often took the opportunity to spend time with his three children in Austin. Since he was always on the plane, jumping from appointment to appointment, you were usually the one who visited him. It quickly became clear that Jensen wasn't leaving Austin to move in with you, so you had no choice but to leave Seattle.

Luckily you already liked Austin and settled in very quickly.

Jensen had no plans to have any more children, and you hadn't thought about children either. But after your delayed and somewhat escalated housewarming party, contraception wasn't particularly emphasized.

The moment you finally told Jensen about the pregnancy was probably the worst moment of your life. You were so afraid to tell him that it took you forever to say the words without them being swallowed up by your sobs.

Of course, Jensen was anything but enthusiastic, after all, he already had three wonderful children and after his divorce from Danneel, he was happy to take things a little slower with you. However, it didn't take long for him to come to terms with the idea of becoming a father for the fourth time. He still had bad days every now and then where he worried it would all be too much, but overall, he did very well. And now he couldn't wait to finally hold the little munchkin in his arms.

While Jensen told you about his time on set, now in more detail than on the phone, his hand, somewhat distracted, stroked your small baby bump.

“Are you coming to the doctor’s appointment tomorrow? My doctor said we might be able to tell the gender”. Jensen continued to hold you tightly in his arms, your legs crossed over his lap and your head resting lightly on his biceps as he looked down at you.

“Of course, I’ll come”, he kissed your nose. “It’s just the three of us for the next two weeks”. His gaze moved from your eyes down to your belly.

“Is it kicking yet?”, Jensen’s eyes sparkled slightly. You'd think that after three kids he would already know it all, but unfortunately, he was on set for most of his ex-wife's two pregnancies and so wasn't as involved as he would have liked.

“Well, I definitely feel the movements, but they are hardly real kicks. In about 6 weeks you should be able to feel the kicks”, you told him as you watched his hand move in light circles over your belly.

After a while Jensen looked up again. “Being pregnant suits you”, he grinned at you, making you roll your eyes with a chuckle.

“You know how to make a woman blush”, you replied, playfully hitting his chest.

Jensen leaned down to you and pressed his lips lightly to the spot under your ear.

“I know damn well how to make a woman come too”, he whispered harshly to you.

You couldn't help but press your thighs together as a shiver ran down your spine. Despite the fact that you had been together for so long, Jensen still had a strong effect on you. "You think so?", You breathed as he started kissing your neck.

You giggled, your breath hitching slightly. You did not receive an immediate response. Instead, Jensen pulled you onto his lap in one quick movement. As you straddled his legs, he grabbed your ass somewhat roughly with both hands and pushed you closer to him. His lips slid down your neck, leaving wet kisses behind.

“It’s been far too long, sweetheart,” he murmured deeply, his breath hot against your soft skin.

While he kept one hand flat on your lower back, he slipped his other hand into your sweatpants before leaning in to kiss you.

“Actually, I imagined our reunion a little differently”, you whispered against his slightly parted lips, which only lightly touched yours. “With fancy and hot underwear, you know?”.

Jensen couldn't help but laugh lightly, but he stopped with a deep moan when he felt how wet you already were. “Shit baby, I’ve barely touched you and you’re already dripping”, he grinned slightly arrogant. If you weren't so incredibly turned on, you probably would have rolled your eyes. Jensen gently rubbed his fingertips over your soaked clit, making you moan immediately.

“Jensen”, you whined as he continued to tease your clit.

Your eyes were barely open, but you knew Jensen was grinning to himself. You could feel it on your lips.

“Pleaaaase,” you grabbed his thighs and leaned back further so he could get a perfect angle, despite your little baby bump.

“I´ve got you”, he grinned, slipping his middle finger inside you. A soft gasp escaped you as Jensen curled his finger and hit your sweet spot. As he added a second finger, you dug your nails into his skin. “Fuck”, you let out a throaty moan.

“You’re even tighter than usual, baby. I guess I really left you alone for too long”. Your eyes were closed as you were completely absorbed in the feeling your fiancé was giving you.

“Ugh… you did”, you agreed as your eyes met.

With a jerk he pushed your upper body closer to his again and pulled his fingers out of you. No matter how much he loved teasing you, it had been far too long since the last time he could truly feel you.

His arms wrapped tightly around you as he pressed his lips to yours again. “Shit, I missed you so much”, Jensen murmured against your lips, making your heart beat faster.

“I missed you too”, you answered barely audible.

Within seconds, Jensen laid you on your back, tugging your sweatpants and panties off your legs before kneeling on the sofa in front of you, looking at you expectantly. “Touch yourself”, he ordered before you watched as he deftly unbuckled his belt. He loved watching you, almost as much as you loved watching him.

Even though you did this a thousand times, you couldn't stop the blush from rising on your face.

Nevertheless, your fingers found their way to your wet heat as if by themselves. Your teeth sank into your bottom lip as you felt your own wetness. You carefully dip a finger inside yourself, making you breath heavily. By now Jensen already had his throbbing erection in his hand.

“Just like this Babygirl”, he groaned, switching his gaze between your heated face and your spread legs. Your head fell back into the soft couch cushions as you adjusted to the feeling of your finger sliding through your wet folds. Jensen tried everything to hold onto himself and watch you longer, but the desire to bury himself inside you overwhelmed him.

“Fuck it”, he muttered, freeing himself from his jeans and boxers before leaning over you and pressing his lips greedily to yours. You could already feel his hardness against your pussy when Jensen broke the kiss to take off your shirt. “Fuck, they’ve gotten huge”, he whispered as he massaged your left breast over your bra. You couldn't help but grin when you saw his lustful look. “Do you want to keep talking and teasing or finally start fucking me, Ackles?”, you challenged him, your hands sliding under his shirt and tugging at the hem impatiently.

“So needy”, he grinned down at you, pulling his shirt over his head so you could immediately run your hands over his strong chest and broad shoulders before pulling him closer to you by his biceps.

“I’m going to fuck your tight pussy so good”, he groaned, hovering over you again as he took his cock in his hand and lined himself up with your wet folds.

You shuddered as he pushed himself into you until he bottomed out, stretching you almost painfully and letting out the deepest moan you've ever heard.

"Shit honey, you´re okay?", he chuckled, but actually looked a little worried. It took a few seconds until you found your breath and therefore your voice again. "Yeah... I just... almost forgot how big you are", you admitted.

“Well, after tonight you won’t forget it in a hurry”, he winked at you with a grin.

With that, he withdrew completely and spread your wetness with his tip, sliding it between your glistening folds. Jensen's gaze was literally glued between your legs and you could see in his eyes how much that turned him on. “Jay…please,” you begged, wiggling your hips, trying so hard to get him back in. He responded instantly to your requests and pushed his swollen cock into you again, making you moan loudly. As he thrusted into you harder than he had since you were pregnant, he firmly grabbed your hips and pushed them up from the soft fabric of the couch to thrust into you from a better angle. He hit your sweet spot over and over again, which had got you close within a few minutes. “Jay… I’m…”, your hands grip his wrist as you arch your back desperately. "I know, baby. Just a few more minutes", he moaned, watching your breast bounce in your bra with every hard thrust he gave you. Your lips met again, taking the breath away from both of you. You could feel his hot breath in your mouth again and again as he tried to suppress his moans. “You’re so fucking tight, baby”, he groaned against your swollen lips.

By now you were just mumbling pleas and desperately wanted him to allow you to come.

“Cum for me (y/n)”, his lips trailed down your neck, sucking on your delicate skin. Those few words were all you needed to squeeze his cock even tighter. With loud moans and closed eyes, you finally came.

“Fuck baby”, his voice cracked as he felt you clenching around him.

Seconds later, you could feel him spilling his cum inside you as his head fell back down on your shoulder. His deep moan against your collarbone sends shivers down your spine, creating even more sparks in your stomach as you live out the rest of your orgasm.

It took you both quite a while to catch your breath, still overwhelmed by the feeling.

Jensen held his position a little longer. When you finally felt your heart stop racing, you let out a quiet chuckle, brought on by your thoughts, which you immediately said out loud. “I’m not on the pill”, you whispered, stroking strands of his soft hair while his face was still buried in the croock of your neck.

"Well, I can't knock you up any more than I already did, can I?", he grinned and slowly raised his head.

“I guess not”, you grin, pulling his face to yours and kissing him gently.

“I really missed you”, he whispered as your eyes met.

-

Part2

#jensen ackles #spn #dean winchester #smut #jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #jensen x y/n #jensen x you #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x y/n #pregnant

[pigeonwit]

hi pidge! i was wondering if you knew of any canon era fics where davey and jack grow apart/jack goes to santa fe/separate/whatever and reunite sometime in the future?

... you know i could've SWORN i did, but i actually don't? which is a shame because jack leaving for santa fe, regretting it, and coming home in shame but knowing exactly what he wants and davey staying in new york, desperately wanting to welcome jack back but refusing because he knows how much jack can hurt him and won't risk it again, all set against that backdrop of period typical homophobia and keeping up appearances is a really cool idea. maybe davey actually did resign himself to living purely for his family and is close to settling down with a nice girl in a cushy job he hates, but has convinced himself its worth it for the sake of not letting his heart get broken again. what was he thinking, right? and it'd be so interesting to see how jack goes about rebuilding his friendships not only with davey but with everyone else he left behind. because i can understand people like race and crutchie feeling abandoned, but itd also be a great way to explore how jack was forced to grow up before he should've and how stressed he was acting as the leader to 100 boys at the age of 17.

that being said i feel kind of bad leaving this with just saying 'sorry no, whoopsies!!' so i'll recommend the two (technically three) fics that immediately came to mind when i was wracking my brain for anything that kind of fit this description. behold:

favorite crime by @we-are-inevitable (side bar this took me too many attempts to find again because i kept spelling 'favorite' the british way) - jack and davey engaged in a secret relationship which jack ended out of fear that due to his success with his political cartoons, they'd be under more scrutiny and thus more likely to be found out, leaving davey behind. they do TECHNICALLY reunite in the future but the story isnt meant to have a happy ending; instead you get a really achingly poignant story about love, fear and the consequences of both. the prose is gorgeous and the characterization is (in my opinion) the most solid in the fandom. jack's absence from daveys life is like a scar across the fic and you really feel how it affects davey to have such a permanent pain everpresent in him - but also having the memory of it nonetheless. its probably not the comforting fluff you're looking for but it IS a beautiful fic and if you're in a good enough place to read it, i recommend it!!

keepsakes (and trinkets) by @livesincerely - this is modern era, but it fits the bill almost perfectly. jack and davey were together but jack got a job offer in santa fe, causing a misunderstanding of davey wanting to support jacks dream while wishing he'd stay and jack not wanting to pressure him into uprooting his life while wishing he'd come with him. after finding davey while back in new york for a visit, they finally confront each other and all those old feelings come back to the surface. it's one of my favourite fics; i'm a big sentimentalist and i love the idea of keeping an object tied to a person for so long that you eventually dont even realize how much of that person is still in your life, still clinging on to the edges, not quite letting go. i love the idea of not even realizing how much a person is still clinging to the edges of your life until that person is THERE and suddenly oh, its unavoidable. all those little keepsakes and the memories attached are still there. you can try to get rid of them, but at a certain point that person has touched so much of your life that you dont even notice it. its just everywhere. i love that shit. im obsessed with that shit. it's one of my favourite go-to comfort fics when i need a little mental treat.

if anyone has any fics that DO fit this request in its entirety please let me know, because i would like to read them!

#fic recs part three! yay :D #i was brave and actually tagged people this time instead of doing the old @/ trick be proud of me #fic recs #fic hoard #newsies #javid #javey #ask #anon

[mangedog]

thinking about being fat and how like 80% of my body dysphoria/internalised fatphobia would go away if the people around me accepted fat people as normal and natural and beautiful

like. it's been a very long journey for me to find acceptance in my body. i haven't even reached body positivity for myself yet, only neutrality at best. but the world is stuck in body negativity, and when your entire environment is telling you one thing while you're desperately trying to tell yourself another... it's hard man. it wears you down.

and it's an uphill battle. one day i feel ok about myself, or maybe, miraculously, even good. and then someone says something - an offhand comment, or a targeted one - or my clothes cling a bit too tightly or there's a new diet ad on tv or a surgeon i consult about life changing (life giving) top surgery says he won't do it until i lose weight because otherwise it won't look nice enough (no medical reason whatsoever, just your results would look better if you weren't so fat)... and I'm thrown right back into self hate, eating disorders, avoiding mirrors and any clothes that aren't at least a size too big.

I'm so tired. and while I'm obviously mad and tired about the fatphobia of the world around me, I'm more tired of how it infiltrates my own thinking and views of myself and others. I've found myself thinking, "oh well at least I'm not as big as them", or "I'm only 30kg above my ideal weight, it could be worse" or "at least i eat healthily and I'm trying, unlike some"... who do these thoughts benefit? not me, certainly not other fat people. I'll tell you: it benefits a thin world. diet companies and fatphobic doctors and personal trainers and the health food shop and the vegan restaurant and the fast food shop you binge eat at because it's never gonna get better, I'm never gonna be thin, so why do i even try?

i don't know what my point is. i don't even need a point. I'm just angry, and sad, and tired. it shouldn't be this way.

#dogpost #fatphobia #internalised fatphobia #medical fatphobia #medical discrimination #no bold #long post #some days i think i love my hairy fat trans bear body! other days (sometimes the same days) i want to die because of it

[mysticdragon3md3]

💜...

I never thought before how FE3H used Bernadetta to make jokes that laugh at people with social anxiety. Then again, i was the idiot so desperately happy to see geek culture on TV, back in the day, that i didn't notice The Big Bang Theory was making fun of geeks, until i heard more from internet fandom. I was just happy to see something relatable. I just did that Leonardo di Caprio "point at the tv" meme and didn't think beyond that. Thank goodness we have the internet and YouTube now for finding better representation of subcultures.

I'll have to go back and watch Bernadetta's Supports and how she's used in the main story. I'm woefully underinformed on both. I just watched a few of her Supports, and not even finishing some that i did watch. I just wanted to see people being nice to her. As soon as it wasn't about that, i ditched.😅 And I'm still not interested enough to watch through Black Eagle routes. So maybe I've had a picture of Bernadetta and how FE3H used her in its story, mostly full of gaps, that i let my brain fill up with only nice interpretations.

...Or maybe I'll watch it all and still like Bernadetta, because I'll still relate to her and because I've always liked characters who are just struggling with unconfidence. I like watching other characters be nice to them, create a safe space for them, encourage them, or when they have character growth to slowly gain more self esteem. Maybe I'm just so desperate for that protection fantasy, I'd overlook the anxiously relatable character being the butt of jokes. Who knows what will happen with my reactions.

I feel the same way about Marianne. That's why i really hate Lysithea's FE3H Support with her, but prefer their FEW3H Support. I have seen a lot more of Marianne's cutscenes and Supports, and i still like her. So maybe that foreshadows how I'll feel when i finally see all of Bernadetta's scenes.

Or maybe I'll completely turn on them when i finally start analyzing how the story uses them, instead of pointing and saying "ooh! Relatable!". That's what happened with me and Big Bang Theory. Yikes, that was problematic...!

I'm kind of afraid to look deeper, because i really like just feeling protective towards emotionally frail characters. I like ingenues and small cute mascot characters. It's how i hope the real world regards me when i feel similarly unconfident. Maybe indulging such fantasies is the hope i cling to, to convince myself it wont be so scary to go outside my comfort zones, and to have hope that people won't react with scorn at my fummbles. Or maybe it really is my fantasy of how i wished interactions played out, to indulge as reprieve from real life memories of bad interactions, I'd like to smother with distraction. That stuff is important to me too. I kind of dont want to let go of liking Bernadetta and Marianne.

But i have a history of being easily swayed by others' food for thought, especially opinions from people i already respect. Would i be able to hold my own, differing opinions, or would i feel too guilty if someone else's opinions viewed mine as problematic? I hope i can remember that this is just fandom and people can validly hold different opinions. I mean, representation is important, and FE3H as well as other media I've loved, can still have problematic aspects to improve, which should be improved. But i have to stop taking things so seriously that i torture myself with guilt for liking things/characters that others interpret as problematic. The important thing is to not let problematic media influence yourself into being hurtful towards real life people in the real world, right? That's the argument we always use vs antis, when they say problematic, dark stories/characters shouldn't exist, because they falsely equate representation with advocation. I shouldn't crumble if it turns out my opinions differ from someone else's that i respect. I should be...more confident.

#lrb~lrt #relatable #interpretations #personal preferences #favorite characters #processing thoughts #confused with myself #please ignore my idiocy #redeaglesfe #social interaction #social anxiety

[strawberry-barista]

⚅ — Anonymous asked: — ⚅

⚅ — You were right, no one wants to hear what you have to say. Why would they? You're useless. No one needs you, not even Joshua, now that he has Hope. Every single person you love feels unloved, unloveable, do you really think that's a coincidence? No. You make them feel that way.

You push a sense of closeness onto everyone around you to fuel your own ego, your own desires, and are unwilling to consider any other kinds of relationships. You miss the warmth and comfort of your own family, and you try to fill that hole with impressionable, troubled "kids" who you claim to adopt. But what kind of parent has a favorite child, Sanae? How do you think Joel felt when you told him that? How do you think it feels to always play second-fiddle to a whiny, entitled brat who has done nothing but hurt you, who won't even let you avenge your own daughter?

Oh, but he lets you hug him. And kiss him. And where would you be without that? That's why you cling so hard, why you let him mistreat you--you would be so cold and lonely without him, and you couldn't stand that. It doesn't matter how subpar you think his personality is, because he shuts right up when you're giving him affection, anyways, and don't you love it when he does that?

Ah, well, don't let me stop you from continuing to ruin the lives of everyone you decide to "adopt." I hope the next old man who bumps foreheads with you and calls you "Kitten" is somehow able to love you back. — ⚅

Insult the Muse!

— ★ ⚄ ★ —

It takes Hanekoma a moment to respond to this. There was so much vehemence in it, and it was almost hateful in its delivery. He wondered if he had done something to hurt this person in the past. Or maybe it was just the case of someone trying so hard it was coming off as desperate...

In any case, it wasn't entirely wrong. He had made terrible mistakes, and he had to acknowledge that. He couldn't act like nothing happened. It was the current that really had any sway on things, though. Not that he should forget these past transgressions, but that he should move forward anyway. That was the name of the game, wasn't it? Move forward anyway.

He pulled a grin at his customer and turned to pour them a coffee float, "In the midst of all that, you still found a way to wish me happiness in the future? That's sweet'a ya, boss~ Mm... In all seriousness, though, you gotta know all that stuff, that... Those bad memories? They're just that. I have to do what I can to atone for that... Ah, but... That's probably not a satisfying answer, is it?"

He glanced over his shoulder to spy his guest, judging the weight in their posture before returning to his work. This one was coming along nicely, and it has was sure the dollop of ice cream would soften them up a bit.

"Let me address everything you've talked about, one at a time... I am... Painfully aware of just how much no one needs me. It's one of my biggest... Ah... Hurdles, I guess. I'm not supposed to call 'em problems anymore. Negative language, ya know. But yeah. That's something I gotta work on. Well, I just see it this way, now: if I'm not needed, all the better. That means they're doin' good, or they're on the road to doin' good. I shouldn't want someone to need me. Emotionally, spiritually, or physically. I want everyone to be independent and happy with their lives. And I'm glad Joshua is finding help in others. I want him to make more friends and family. It's good for 'im. It's a good step. It doesn't bother me if that pulls him away from me. He's free to live his life with whoever he wants to. I'll always be here for him either way. Mm... I dunno if I would agree that I'm the reason they feel that way, though, boss. We've all got our own hurdles to get over."

He finished brewing the coffee and scooped out the ice cream, being sure to doll it up a bit before he spun around and carefully placed the glass before his guest. If there was no one else in the café at the time, he was happy to show off his skills and be flashy here.

"Now, when it comes to my trying to use them to replace my own family, you're... Kind of right. I'll give ya that. I've got this big old hole in my chest, boss, and I wanna fill it with all the warmth and love and happiness that I miss from 'em. And so I try to build a family with those people I get invested in. And yeah, maybe I could learn to chill a little about that. After all, not everyone wants that outta me. Haz, too, he didn't wanna be that close. So... I'm learning to step back and respect their boundaries. That's something I'm working on right now. The reason I told Joel about how I felt was because I didn't want him to feel blindsided by that information later, or suddenly understand it to then feel as if he wasn't important because of it. And I didn't want him to feel lied to in case he already knew. Lemme give ya a little secret, boss. Most parents have favorites. I bet even single kids have parents who play favorites among their friends. But that's not what this is. My connection to Joshua is on a whole other kinda level. We're soulmates, I truly believe that. Bound by countless universes. He's literally the one person I am destined to be tied to, no matter what. Of course I love him most. I can't help that. But when your heart's as big as mine, there's plenty'a room, and that's the important thing."

And finally he leaned forward, pressed his elbows against the counter and he lowered himself down and gazed over his glasses at the other, really sized them up. He couldn't help how his smile got just a little bigger, how proud he was of himself for holding these truths in his hands and being able to look them full force, dead in the eye.

"Aaaand, about your little comment? I can truly say that I wish that for myself, too, one'a these days. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that a part'a me still wishes it could be the obvious, but that's done and over. And I'm movin' on. I'm not holding out for anything, of course, but if I stumble into love, maybe I'll try a little harder next time, eh?"

#busy dizzy and lazy ⤙ic⤚⚄ #you still lack in experience ⤙answer⤚⚄ #is this a place to shine? ⤙post neo⤚⚄ #mentioned: kingsmedley #mentioned: hopeful hugz #mentioned: fallenphxtxgrapher #mentioned: pureposer #long post tw #//CUT BECAUSE IT'S VV LONG GUYS

[casspurrjoybell-22]

Master - Chapter 2c

*Warning - Adult Content*     

"I'm just going to make a quick stop at a friend's house okay?" Master says but I barely register his words as my eyes stay glued to the outside.

It wasn't dark outside anymore, it was bright and beautiful. 

There was the big, yellow sun that Arias told me about but it hurt to look at it and there was the light, blue sky, that one was nice. 

There were other machines that moved around like the one Master and I were in. 

Everything was big or moving very quickly.

I wasn't sure if it was amazing or scary.

But then suddenly we were pulling away from all of that and going somewhere deep inside until we stopped at a really, super big house that was really big but covered with plants. 

I liked plants, they were pretty, I wanted plants.

This big place looked a lot like Master's, it looked like someone forgot about it and never came back.

Master and I walked towards it but I kept myself close to Master, slightly terrified of losing him.

It was easy to move around now because Master fed me with something called pizza. 

It tasted absolutely disgusting and I hated every bite of it but it made Master so happy to see me eat it so I forced myself to.

I didn't like it though but my body did.

"Malcolm," Master yelled after entering. 

I shake a little at the force of his voice but keep close.

"Lincoln. Lincoln is that you?" a desperate voice yells from deep and far somewhere. 

Then, in an instant, the other Master from the night before was standing in front of us. 

Which meant that this was where Arias was. 

I look up at him with excitement and hope but that slowly dies away when I see the Master covered with fresh scratch marks and teeth marks that were slowly closing. 

"Lincoln you have to help me. He's crazy. H-He keeps attacking me every time I try to get into my room."

"You got him here? Impressive," Master replies with amusement.

"It's not funny Linc. He's crazy." the second Master shouts before looking down at me.

I stiffen a little and just stare up at him, Master said I didn't have to look away from anyone so I was trying not to. 

"Why is he so well behaved?"

"What's his name?" my Master says ignoring the question. 

But I was smiling widely at the praise.

"I don't know," the other Master whines before turning around and disappearing. 

Master picks me up before following after him. 

Then they slow and begin walking at a normal pace and Master lets me down so I can do the same. 

"He doesn't talk. Just growls and bites and scratches."

"Has he tried to escape yet? Elves are really strong, he could easily get out." Master replies sounding surprised and intrigued.

"I thought he would as soon as I opened the cage door but he hasn't. 

He stays and doesn't run but won't let me get even remotely close."

Then, Arias' Master sighs before stopping at a big, wide door. 

"Brace yourself."

He opens the door with a rough push before ducking behind Master while I poked my head out from behind Master with hopes of seeing Arias curiously. 

My eyes immediately find the vibrant gold ones which were scary on first glance but familiar to me but Arias was in attack mode. 

A deep snarl escapes his throat as he begins to sprint towards us, lunging only to fall short when his eyes landed on me.

I rush pass Master without a thought and crash straight into Arias' open arms. 

I hug him tight and hard, the way he showed me a hug was supposed to be like and smile at the familiar warmth of Arias.

"I thought I'd never see you again," I whisper into Arias chest as I cling to him.

"Me neither young one. My prayers have been answered, you are safe," he replies with his deep voice which ran like silk off his tongue.

"Kalem?" Master calls after a moment making him freeze in my friend's arms.

A cold shiver of fear and panic rushes down my spine as I pull away from Arias and rush back to my Master's side.

"I-I-I'm so s-s-sorry Master," I try but my words are barely words, I sink down to my knees, desperate and fearful as I take my punishment position. "P-Please punish m-me."

"It's fine Kalem, calm down," Master aids with his usual tender voice which transfers to touch as he pulls me up to his feet. 

He presses a finger to my chin, raising it for him to see me. 

"I am not going to punish you but how do you know this Elf?"

"A-Arias was my friend in the slave house Master. My only friend," I answer quickly and shakily, only looking back to Arias when Master does but frown when I find him glaring at my Master with hatred.

"So you're name is Arias," Arias' Master comments making himself known again and begins walking towards Arias as he continues. "I thought you couldn't speak or something. My name is Mal.... OWWW..." he shouts jumping back as Arias sunk his teeth into Malcolm's hand. "Stop biting me."

"Stop trying to touch me," Arias replies unbothered, before flipping his long, white hair over his shoulders.

"You're so mean," Arias' Master says sadly as he glares at Arias who looked like he didn't care.

Arias' Master continues to yell and complain but I barely take it in as my stomach begins to twist and turn in the worst ways. 

It felt like it did after a trainer punched me too much in my stomach and made anything left in me come up, I could feel something wanting to come up now.

I tug gently at the ends of Master's shirt, bringing his attention to me instead of his friend.

"Master," I call hoarsely as I bend a little from the pain, my face becoming wet with sweat.

"Kalem?" Master questions taking my face in his hands. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," I mumble before shutting his eyes tightly when everything begins to hurt. 

"M-Master, I'm s-scared," I whimper in his hands when I begin tremble slightly and then things try to come up.

Master's eyes widen as he holds me and rushes us to another room, holding me steady as I empty everything inside of into the bowl of water he held me in front of.

I try to breathe but another round comes out and it hurts so much, tears pool in my eyes as everything comes out, even blood. 

I sob in Master's hand, mentally pleading for him to make it stop but it doesn't.

"What did you do to him?" I hear Arias roar alongside determined footsteps.

Master doesn't reply, he just holds me steady until it finally ends and the pain stops. 

Then Master washes my mouth clean and picks me back up, letting me sink into him while I cried.

"What did you feed him?" Arias' Master questions, sounding serious and concerned.

"Yes, I bought him some pizza. He said he hadn't eaten in two days," Master replies sounding concerned as well.

‘I'm so useless.’

"You can't just switch his diet like that," he sighs making me cling to Master tighter. "They feed them stuff like gruel. You’ll need to keep feeding him that and then slowly take him off it, to introduce other simple foods."

"I can't keep giving him that garbage," Master hisses harshly making me shiver.

"If you don't he'll just keep throwing it back up," Arias' Master explains calmly. 

I look up to find Master glaring at the other Master before he looks back to me. 

"Whatever you gave him probably tasted like garbage to him anyway."

"I'm sorry M-Master," I croak through the tears. 

Feeling ashamed and tired and useless. 

I'd lied to my Master and made him take care of me. 

I hadn't once helped him or serviced him. 

I am such a failure. 

"I'm a-a horrible s-slave..."

"Don't you dare apologize. This is my fault completely," Master says angrily making my tears grow. 

I couldn't even apologize without upsetting him, I look away and try to hide in the Master's chest. 

Master sighs deeply before speaking again. 

"You have been nothing but perfect Kalem, I promise. Let's get you home so you can rest."

I don't reply, just try to tuck myself back into my chest as best as I can and stop the sobbing. 

But it doesn't stop. 

Master doesn't bother saying anymore, just begins walking taking me away from Arias and his Master friend.

                                                      *****

"Thank you, Master," I say, trying to sound as thankful as possible before I begin digging into the gruel Master prepared for me.

This was familiar and didn't hurt. 

This was good.

"Why didn't you tell me you hated the pizza?" Master questions once I finish the entire bowl.

"I didn't want to disappoint you, Master," I reply with nothing but regret in my heart. "I'm sorry Master for wasting your food."

"Don't apologize Kalem," Master corrects quickly. "I was in the wrong. We'll slowly get you off this gruel okay?"

I nod my head unsurely, not understanding how a Master could be wrong.

"I think you've had a complete overload today. Let's get you to bed," Master says before slipping off his stool and begins walking. 

He stops when he realizes I haven't followed and still remain perched on my own stool. 

I frown slightly at Master before snapping out of my daze and quickly rushing after him.

Master stares at me for a long moment before he smiles proudly and picks me up suddenly, I squeak a little at the quick movement and hold on tight as he begins to walk again.

"If you want me to carry you Kalem, all you have to do is ask," Master whispers, looking down at me with a smirk

My cheeks heat up with embarrassment, he'd caught me and I couldn't do anything to hide but bury my face in his chest without risking a response. 

Master walks all the way back to the first room I'd woken up in, laying me back down in the softness.

"What is it?" Master asks sensing my discomfort.

"These aren't the slave quarters..." I mumble looking around at the large room once more.

"No. Because you aren't a slave. You're a human being and this is your room," Master says firmly making my eyes all but explode. "You can do whatever you wish to it. Decorate it or leave it. It's completely up to you."

I am a slave. 

That's all I am, a slave. 

I don't own things and I would never try to change something that Master owned.

"I-If not slave quarters, M-Master floor?" I beg desperately as I try to sit up but Master just pushes me back down.

"You will not sleep in a cage or a cell and you will most certainly not sleep on the floor," Master denies with the same determination as he brings the soft fabric up to my neck.

"B-But Master..."

"Kalem," Master says with finality in his tone as he leans over me.

Staring straight at me with his dark eyes and handsome face. 

His face was long and he had a shadow of a beard that didn't look harsh, his eyes were kind and his gaze gentle. 

I think my Master is the most handsome Master in the whole world.

“This is your home now unless you chose to leave it," Master says, wincing slightly from his own words. "And in your home, you are free to do whatever you wish. You are not a slave. You're a brilliant, beautiful young man who will never suffer the way you have. You're free Kalem."

I stare up at Master for a long moment, trying to take in all his words. 

It takes me a while to understand them but I piece them together enough to understand what type of Master I had.

My Master was crazy.

"My room is the one at the end of the hall. Come to me if you need anything. I've cleaned your bathroom so you can use it now." Master says as he adjusts the soft rectangle under my head.

Master pauses to look down at me once again.

I freeze as I look back at him. 

My fingers gripping the edges of the fabric as Master studied me. 

My lungs fill with air as I stare at my crazy Master, heart thumping with the need to make him happy. 

Then suddenly, Master leans down and presses a light kiss to his forehead that makes me suck in a breath. 

He palms my chest like precious glass before he offers me a weak smile.

"Goodnight Kalem," Master says making my heart flutter happily, maybe I did make him happy.

"Goodnight Master."

[hiraethenthusiast]

The Hollandairé | t.h.

pairing: ceo!tom x ceo! reader

word count: 16k+

synopsis: exes cross paths on a big event. will they be able to forget each other's mistakes?

warnings: language, sexual innuendos, mentions of an anxiety attack (if you squint), talks about miscarriage, my favourite angst.

a/n: well, well, well im back from a very shitty writers block! look at me, writing angst with exes? oof. can you tell that i absolutely love angst and makeouts in the end? i was somehow inspired by 'idfc' by blackbear to write this fic lol. it took some time and ofcourse i went overboard with it, so hope you enjoy! don't forget to like and reblog! (i even made a moodboard kinda thing uwuwu)

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"Conan I won't hesitate to knee you in the crotch if you don't stop pulling me off this sofa right this second" You tell your roommate, who is desperately trying to get you to go to a gala with him. Being a CEO brings its pros and cons. Pros being, you have a private jet, you're your own boss and you can shout at people with a reason. Cons being, annoyingly nice roommates. You had just shifted to a penthouse in downtown London with your friend Conan, because you refused to stay alone in this bigass house. (You tried living alone once, you were bored to death)

"Conan leave me alone yoo!" You said whining and hunching back into the sofa.

"Get the fuck up and get ready for the launch dude you promised me you wouldn't leave me hanging" Conan shouts over the voice of the t.v. blaring in the background. You pull you hand away from his grip and reach for the remote to shut off the t.v., focusing back on this tall red-headed figure in front of you.

"You know I don't like fancy shit." You grumble.

"It's YOUR fancy shit, get up Y/N." He says and reaches for your arms now, finally making you stand.

"Call Laura, I really don't want to go." You say pulling your phone out from your back pocket and handing it to him.

"If you haven't realised, your manager is the one who forced me to force you to attend the introduction of your fashion line" He fights back.

"- and Y/N. Hey, look at me. You've dreamt of this for how long? Almost all your life. And if you miss the chance to see your empire expand, it's gonna be devastating. You'll obviously miss the fashion show who's got the actual Rudy Pankow walking on a ramp, you'll also miss the opportunity to see people happy with YOUR work. Now get your ass up and get ready." He says and leaves the room, to get ready himself.

It's not that you don't want to go, you really do. Afterall, all of it is your hardwork. But the reason you're not going is because of that asshole. That asshole with whom you used to go out with once, the one who's current goal is to bring you down. The one and only, Tom Holland. You two used to date at some point, the ones who were in love actually, but the rivalry you two have got going on now has lead to you two knowing too much about each other. More than you know about yourself, the other knows it all. Small arguments turned into big ones, that eventually lead to the two of you leaving each other alone. You don't want to go because whenever you meet him, it all turns up into a big mess and your night is typically ruined, and you weren't in the mood for that, atleast not today. He's just a narcissistic bitch who thinks of nothing but degrading you. And that's the reason you don't want to go. Because you know if you talk to him one more time, these banters will persuade you.

But you do realise that you have to go. You have to go because you haven't gone to the last two launches for your perfume and swim line as well, and if you don't go today, Laura will actually end you.

So you just chug all your tea, leaving the kitchen with a grunt to go get ready.

"Hey Marco, can you send in that pantsuit I got done the other day? Look over for modifications if possible, although it looks great in just the solid colour, and please get it drycleaned." You tell your designer over the phone, to which he agreed and you go into your room to get your hair and makeup done.

"Wear a dress to the launch of your fashion line when it gets famous, yeah?"

"Pantsuits all the way Holland, you know I hate dresses."

"I know you do."

You remember the faint memory from over two years ago, that dream actually coming true, just without the person you dreamt it with.

You put your hair in a low bun with a middle part, giving you a classy formal look, and you do a almost non existent makeup look, only your eyes bold to accent with your outfit. Marco drops off the forest green pantsuit at your house, you giving it a twist with wearing a lace corset beneath the blazer.

"I look hot." You told yourself.

You and Conan leave for the event, you fidgeting in between 15 minute durations, Conan reassuring you that he'll be with you until the night ends.

That didn't last long. You lost Conan as soon as you entered the venue, so you occupied yourself with having conversations with other company owners, hearing how they're doing in the industry, blah blah blah.

"Do I look like I care?" You say to yourself.

You move ahead, only to cross paths with the one and only. He was wearing a cherry coloured perfectly tailored suit, adding a hint of Tom with the glasses. He looked good.

"And what do I owe this pleasure, Ms. Y/N?" He says, twirling his champagne glass in his hands.

"Look Holland I really don't have time for this shit, please take a goodie bag on your way home" You say with a bit of sass and start to move away, only to get your arm held back, making you bump in his chest.

"I see you wore the pantsuit you always wanted to wear at your event, angel " He says, making you pull away from him.

"Don't ever call me that again, and this is a warning." You were about to continue further with your answer, but you were utterly shocked to see the person in front of you.

"Is that the Y/N Y/L/N, in person, the one who's way too busy to answer my phone calls?" He says, making you laugh a bit.

"Jaeden?" You say, laughing heartily.

"In the flesh, tigeress." He says, doing grabby hands at you as an indication to pull you in a hug. You oblige and walk towards him and give him the biggest bear hug you've given anyone in two years. You pull back just to hit him on the chest once, playfully ofcourse.

"Tigeress. Oof haven't heard that in a while" You keep your conversation going on with Jaeden, while Tom is absolutely dumbfounded about whatever just happened in these past few seconds.

There's this hot guy named Jason or whatever, who calls you 'tigeress' and you aren't pestering him for calling you with a nickname but you definitely were ready to give Tom a piece of your mind when he called you 'angel'? Who is this guy?

Tom goes off to find Conan, who was situated at the bar downing a shot of tequila.

"Hey who's that guy Jason?" He asks him, pointing towards you and Jaeden in the middle of the hall.

"You mean Jaeden?" He says, biting onto a slice of lemon.

"Yeah whatever who is he?" Tom asks again, turning towards to bartender asking for a glass of whiskey.

"Why do you want to know?" Conan shoots back.

"Just curious. Can you just fucking tell me now?" Tom tries again, getting frustrated now.

"Chill dude. Jaeden used to work with Y/N a long time ago. He had this crush on her for like forever, but then Y/N went in for entrepreneurship and they were just not in contact with each other." He says.

"Crush huh?" Tom says, gripping onto his glass so tight that his knuckles almost turned white.

"Why do you look like you're about to murder someone?" Conan asks, getting concerned.

"Because I might." Tom says, grinding his teeth while forcing a smile.

The night goes by pretty smoothly, for you. You and Jaeden were clinged to each other almost the whole night, and then Tom watching you both from a distance, trying not to snap hard at people. He just took enough of it, he had to do something. He wasn't really sure why was he jealous, 'maybe because you love her' his heart said, but his mind crossing paths with a 'no you don't' in the middle. He was in a dilemma, but was mostly leaning towards his heart's side. He finally got up from his seat and walked towards you.

"Y/L/N." He says, keeping his composure.

"Yes?" You turn around to come face to face with him, laughing on something Jaeden had said.

"Board of Directors want to meet you on third floor. I was going that way only, wanted to inform you." He says.

"Oh okay. Jaeden I'll be back in a few. And tell me about that Mario Kart incident." You say, your laughter dying as you walk towards the elevator, motioning Tom to move as well. You both enter the elevator and you click the button for third floor.

"So Jaeden's a long lost friend, I assume?" He tries to small talk, failing miserably.

"Yeah, I used to work with him a long time back. Why do you ask?" You say, being the nicest you've been to Tom in two years.

"Just making small talk. So, exactly how long ago, you used to work with him?" He tries again.

"A really long time ago." You tell him.

"When we were dating?" He says, hesitating.

The elevator dings and you reach third floor, both of you moving into a very empty hallway.

"Why do you care Tom?" You say, making him frustrated even more.

"Because you're my fucking ex-girlfriend whom I'm worried about because that asshole has a mega crush on you" He says, making you jerk your head towards him.

"How many whiskeys have you had?" You ask him, because he was sounding oblivious that's for sure.

You turn around to open the meeting room to find it empty, making you glare at Tom once again.

"Why the fuck did you bring me up here Holland, where's the meeting?" You say, narrowing your eyes towards him.

"There is no meeting Y/N, the Board didn't show up this year, remember?" He says moving and fidgeting around the room.

"Then why did you bring me up here, dumbass?" That put him over the edge. He starts walking towards you making you take a few steps back, finally cornering you in the room.

"Because that guy is fucking flirting with you Y/N. That guy has been roaming around the whole night with my girl, touching and hugging my girl in front of me and you expect me to keep my calm? Huh? I don't fucking care okay? You're supposed to be mine and I was a jerk who let you go. I can't stand seeing you with other people. What the fuck is wrong with you Y/N, why did you leave me?!" He shouts at you, making your blood boil even more.

You push him back and stand in front of him, glaring as if you were going to rip his head off.

"No Tom, YOU left me, alright? I cried almost every night after that day when you left, and you didn't even have the empathy to give me a call. You, are too self-absorbed, and not me Tom. It was all you. I haven't been to even one of my launches just because I know you'll be there, you'll be there to put me down again. And why the fuck do you care about whom I talk to huh?" You shout at him.

"Why would I come to every single one of your launches Y/N?! To see you! To see the person who understood me more than I did, just to fucking see your face and calm my nerves!" He shouts back. He moves towards you and holds you chin to put your eyes at his eye level.

"Look at me Y/N. Look at me. Did we mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you? Look at me in the eyes and tell me you never loved me. Tell me I meant nothing to you and I'll leave this second. Tell me that this was all a lie." He says, making your eyes water.

"You know I can't tell you that."

"Then why do you keep hurting me Y/N?! You hurt me so much! You left me when I needed you the most! I wanted you and you weren't there-" He shouts again.

"SHUT UP TOM, SHUT UP! Stop it! Stop! Please. Stop." You're crying hysterically now, hunching up in a corner trying to calm yourself down. Tom immediately sees it and runs towards you holding your hands and cradling them.

"Hey, hey Y/N. Look at me, look at me baby. It's Tom. Hey baby. I'm here, yeah? I'm here. Stop crying come on babe, please. Love, look at me. I'm here." He says, now running his hand over your cheeks wiping your tears.

"Go away. Go away from me." Is all you say, which makes his ears perk and brings water to his eyes.

He stands up and moves out of the room, closing the door just to hear you crying again. He sits down on the floor with his back on the door now, crying, waiting for you to say something.

"Please, open the door." He says, bursting into tears and hugging himself with his arms, wishing it was you.

Fifteen minutes pass by and you still haven't said anything. Tom misses you so much, and it was so fucked up of you to leave him like this. He was hurt, but he could never stop loving you. Ever.

"Losing you would be a nightmare that I'd beg to be awaken from everyday." You say opening the door, your eyes blood red, hair disheveled making Tom look at you, whose eyes were blood red too.

"What?"

"I was pregnant, Tom." You tell him, making his eyes widen and holding your hand for comfort.

"The day-" You clear your throat "The day we fought is when we lost the baby. I was going to tell you I was pregnant that day, but then that happened." You were crying a bit more now, but still held you composure so you can handle Tom from now.

"The argument gave me too much stress and, and it was affecting the baby so as soon as you left, um, my stomach started aching really badly and, and yeah we lost our baby then. That's why I left." You say, you were crying on his shoulder now, intentionally ignoring his reaction because you knew it would hurt him.

"We, we- lost our baby?" He says, a bit shocked but choking on his tears. You remain silent.

"Hey, hey. Listen. It's okay. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I shouldn't have fought with you. You were already really worried and I just added onto your pressure. I'm so sorry baby I'm so so sorry." He was full-on crying now, he sniffled in your neck because he was too afraid to show his emotions.

"It wasn't your fault Tommy, it was ours." You say, running your hand in his curls. The way you missed his chestnut curls. It was all good again, well atleast you hoped.

Tommy. That always brought butterflies in his stomach.

You talked everything out in the bathroom, while washing your faces and cleaning up. You both understood that everything was going back to normal, just like the old times. One conversation lead to another, and you spent two hours on the bathroom floor just laughing and having gossip.

"It's been a while." You say laughing, looking at your watch.

"Yeah."

"Why did you say 'my girl' Tom?" You ask him directly.

"Hm?"

"You called me 'my girl' in the conference room. Why?" You tell him, and he instantly remembers that he did do that.

"You're in my head almost everyday Y/N. Even when you're not supposed to be. It shouldn't have been this hard letting go, but it was. I still love you, even if you don't." He says, taking some tissue paper off the counter.

"Who said I don't love you?" You say, making his eyes widen.

"Wha- wh- what are you implying here?" He stumbles upon his words, making you laugh.

"I still love you, you goof."

"Y/N you have to be serious you're making me want things I can't have." He says wholeheartedly.

You say nothing but grab him by his collar and kiss him with full force. After two years, you felt those soft lips on yours again, reminiscing every moment you had missed in these past years. They felt the same, soft and plump, just as if they were made for you. They fit in with yours like a puzzle, that was meant to be solved by these two hearts which were tangled, but now, in a right way. Tom kissed back almost immediately, feeling your lips was like a dream come true. A recurrent dream in his mind. You both pull back to see red and puffy lips and give out a light laugh. He doesn't stop, he keeps leaving peppery kisses all over your face mumbling sweet words again and again.

"I missed you so, so much angel." he says leaving a kiss on your nose.

"I missed you too bubba." you say leaving a small peck on his lips.

"Let's go now, we've been here for almost two hours." You start to move towards the door, but get pulled back by your waist.

"Tell Jaeden to maintain distance, yeah?" He says.

"Or what?" You say in a playful tone.

"Babygirl, I think you've forgotten what I'm capable of." He says, kissing your neck.

"I think I have. And stop kissing me I look shit." You say, laughing.

"I really don't care. You still look hot and I'm trying not to kiss you senseless right now." He says leaving another harsh suck on your skin, which can hopefully be covered by your blazer.

"Are you going to eyefuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?" You say, now kissing Tom's sweet spot.

"Finish this event in the next half an hour. I'll see you at my house babe." He says leaving one last peck on your lips.

You both reach downstairs after fixing your makeup and hair, you reach upto the stage and and hold onto the mic.

"Thankyou all for attending the event. We look forward to having more business with you! Don't forget to post something about our line 'The Hollandairé' on your social media platforms and don't forget to tag us! We are, The Y/L/N's thankyou have a good night!"

He listen to you and smirks to himself, because you do do what you say.

"I'm going to name my first fashion line 'The Hollandairé' " You say making a banner with your hands.

"And I'll be right with you then baby" He says, kissing your cheek.

Looks like he kept his promise too.

tagging some friends whom i think would like to read!:

@hollandslittlekoala @hollandsmushroom @leafy-holland @tomsoxytocin @scarletspideyy @t-lostinworlds

(pls do tell me if you don't want to be tagged further on!)

don't forget to reblog!

ilysmmmm. tpwk y'all!

#tom holland #tom holland and reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland gifs #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom holland x reader #raya writes #raya is a mohmaya #q #smut #angst #fluff #makeout #jealousy

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Californian Dream (Pt. 07 of 11)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2.6 K

Summary: Being part of one of the richest families of California doesn't mean you're happy. Your life is boring, and you're surrounded by meaningless people and their meaningless talk. Even during Summer, with the break you have from college, there's nothing good going on. Nothing but the new pool guy, Billy, the most handsome man you ever saw. You were successfully avoiding him, not wanting to act like an idiot in front of the guy until Billy accepts to be your date for a fancy gala you're forced to attend. The night was going well, even better when he sneaked you out to go to the beach. But a gang of criminals breaks into the party, kidnapping the heirs to the wealthiest families, which includes you. So, for your safety, your parents want you to stay with Billy, living in his apartment until the criminals are caught. And that could take weeks, maybe even months.

Warnings: Light violence

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×

Broken

“Listen, listen...” Cupping your cheeks and drying off some tears, he looks into your eyes. “I'm all sweaty and disgusting. Let me shower and then we'll talk, alright?”

Forcing yourself to nod, you look down, suddenly ashamed of how you were clinging onto to him. “Alright.”

“Ok.” He hesitates a little before heading to the bathroom.

With both hands on your head, you pace around the living room, the image of Alice's hands burning through your mind. Why did they do that? Was it some kind of punishment for her trying to run? Or were they sending a message? Or are they just that cruel? What will happen to the others? To the last one, if the police don't find them and if the private investigators fail?

Turning the damn TV off, you messily wipe the tears away, going to the bedroom, sitting on the bed and waiting for Billy to come out. You just want him. You feel safe with him, and if this makes things weird after, you'll apologize.

This time, when the door opens, you manage to hold back, pushing back the urge to jump into his arms again. Billy looks sad, only breaking eye contact to put his shirt on. “Come here.” And that's all it takes for you to run into his embrace again, more tears taking the place of the ones you dried off, then fighting for more space. “I'm sorry.”

You can't say anything. There are no words to be said now. So you just cry, arms around his midsection as you let your heart out. It's a mix of fear and desperation. It could've been you if Billy wasn't there to sneak you out. You wish you could see Alice, but at the same time, you don't want to. Seeing her hands on the TV was bad enough. You can't even start to think about the trauma she went through. This whole thing can't be happening, it feels like a nightmare.

“Come. Lie down to rest a little.” Billy guides you to the bed, and you only move because of him. You barely feel your legs. When you lie down, and he moves to stand up, you hold his arm.

It's not the time to blush or feel nervous. Or to think about what it means. You want him, you need him here. With you. “Stay, please.” Begging, you move aside when he nods. Billy lies down on his back, facing the ceiling. You hold his arm, just so you're touching him somehow, but it's not enough. The tears keep coming, your mind keeps imagining what else those people, your friends, the people who you grew up with, are suffering right now. “B-Billy...” Your voice cracks, and you squeeze his bicep a little.

“What, princess?”

“I'm sorry...” You whisper, already moving closer to him.

Billy's eyes meet yours, a worried and confused expression on his face. “What for?”

You don't say anything, you just move closer to him, laying your head on his chest. A breath escapes your lips when you feel his arms around you, grounding, protecting you. Now more than ever, you understand what Billy did for you when he sneaked you out of the gala. It could've been you with chopped fingers, or going through something much worse.

“You make me feel safe.” You mutter, eyes closed shut. His heartbeat is calming, and slowly, your breathing starts to slow down until it's steady again. Billy has a hand around your waist and the other comes to caress your cheek every once in a while. But the most important thing is that he doesn't let go.

You're not sure how long you stay there, but the only thing keeping you from falling asleep is the pain in your stomach. You're hungry, and that's the only thing that makes you move, sitting up straight. Moving the hair away from your face, you look down at Billy. “I'm sorry for... Doing this, but I just needed to... I needed you.”

“It's alright.” He sits up too, a hand softly rubbing your arm. “Are you feeling better?”

“Not really.” You mutter, running a hand through your hair. “But I'll make us something to eat. We're both hungry and it'll distract me.”

“We can do it together, what do you think?” He asks as he stands up, offering you his hand. You take it, letting him guide you to the kitchen.

Billy keeps the small talk as you cook and then eat, even succeeding to take a few laughs from you. When you're done with the dishes, you go back to the kitchen table to share an ice cream you bought yesterday. Seated side by side, you have a little fight every time you happen to move to get some ice cream at the same time, slapping each other's hand with the spoon.

“Do you wanna talk about...” Billy speaks low, careful. But it's ok. You'll have to talk about it eventually.

“They cut off three fingers from her right hand and the index finger from the left.” Your voice is weak, and you look down at your empty spoon. “They showed it... I mean, it was covered by white bandages but... It was obvious, and there was some blood on it and I just can't understand why they'd do something like that.”

“They don't need a reason.” Billy caresses your cheek, his finger running through the line of your jaw. “I know you feel awful but I can't help but feel relieved that's not you.” His stare is intense but kind. “Even before, I'd hate to see you in her place.”

“Even before?”

“Before I knew you better. Now... It would kill me if anything happened to you.”

“I don't think I wanna go back home.” It comes out suddenly, without considering what it truly means. But it's the truth. The truth comes to a lot easier to you now that you're not constantly trying to hide what you think or feel. “I know it's mean to think about myself now but I don't think I can go back. I can't keep doing that. I can't waste the summer with those stupid events, and I can't go back into studying law, I can't...” You stand up, pacing around with both hands in your head. “I can't keep pretending those people are my friends and I can't keep pretending that person is who I am.”

“What is your plan, then?”

This makes you turn around to look at Billy again. He hasn't moved, the ice cream long was forgotten and his attention on you. “Won't you even try to make me change my mind?”

“No.” He stands up, coming closer until you're face to face with him. Billy seems sad, a deep breath leaving his chest. ”We are responsible for our happiness. That's why I left Hawkins and if you want to leave California–”

“It's not about California.” Cutting him short, you sigh. “I love California. I just want... This.” You gesture at the apartment. “Having a place that I like, that doesn't fit a hundred people. Studying something that I care about, going to the places I wanna go, making real friends.” Since Billy started taking you to some parties, you've been growing close to Stacy, Anne, and Jimmy, Billy's friends who are now becoming your friends too. You feel more comfortable with them than you ever felt with the people you grew up with.

“Well, you don't have to think about it now. When you have to make a decision, you'll know what to do.”

“Yeah... I think I will.” You should look away, but his eyes... You feel like you could sink, and drown, and die. Slowly, you stand on your toes, trying to feel if Billy will step back. You don't even know what you're doing, it's almost involuntary, you're just chasing his lips.

But instead of moving away, he meets you halfway bending down a little to connect his lips to yours. Your arms quickly embrace his neck and you end the final distance between your bodies. You don't wanna think too much. Whenever you kiss Billy, you don't wanna think about anything. You just wanna feel. And right now, more than ever, you need him, this close, the taste of his lips so addictive, making you a little mad when you need to pull away to breathe. But you don't move away, you stay there, foreheads touching. With your eyes tightly shut, you caress his cheek, fingers tracing his jawline.

He's just about to say something when the phone starts ringing, and very reluctantly, you step back, gesturing for him to answer it. When he turns his back at you, you immediately touch your lips, smiling a little. As stupid, as insane as it is, Billy is the only guy you want to kiss. He's the only one you'd ever want to kiss. “What's up?” He says. “No, I can't go today... Because I have something more important to do here. I'll go on Friday. Bye.”

You're just about to ask him what was that about when you remember he was supposed to go to the gym today. “Hey, you can go. I'll be alright.” No, you won't. But still, you don't want him to stay if he wants to be somewhere else.

“Completely out of question.” He walks to you again, reaching out his hand. “Come. Let's watch some nice movies or something.”

And so it happens. There's this random movie going on, and you try to focus on it the best you can. On the couch, Billy holds you all the time, and it doesn't take much until your head is on his shoulder. But the happenings of the day got the best of you, and soon enough you feel yourself tired, eyelids heavy with sleep, falling close.

When you open your eyes again, you're in bed, with the morning light piercing through the light fabric of the curtains. You have the blankets all around you, and for some reason, when you get up, you feel cold. Maybe it's the air-conditioning, but Billy likes this temperature, and you haven't had a problem with it until now. So you just decide to put on a cardigan instead.

It's a war against yourself not to watch the news. You want to know how's Alice, but you don't want to see another take of her mutilated hand. Or hear what the reporters are saying about it. So you basically pace around the house, doing nothing, but trying to keep busy. For some reason, you're terribly tired, exhausted even, struggling to focus on this afternoon talk show instead of changing the channel.

The gang probably already let out the next rescue. Will it be the same? No, it's probably more. Who will be the next one they'll release? How many fingers will they still have left? Will they have both arms? Or all of their teeth? The thoughts won't leave you alone, and the talk show sucks, so you stand up, moving to the window and setting your eyes on the ocean out there, the horizon on a light shade of blue as the sun sets.

The noise of the door opening makes you look over your shoulder. A wave of relief washes over you when you see Billy, and you're just about to run to him when he mutters a harsh ‘hello’, moving straight to his room. Stopping in your tracks, you try to process it. Turning the damn TV off, you brace yourself as you go back to the couch, waiting for him to come back. But it takes longer than normal, and when you finally hear the bedroom door opening, your eyes follow him when he moves to the kitchen space. And that's when you notice you're starving.

Pushing yourself up, pulling the heavier coat you have on now even closer to your body, you walk over to the table. “Billy, can you make something to eat, I'm really–”

“You've been in here all day and you couldn't even cook something?” He suddenly snaps, both hands on the sink and his back turned at you. The roughness of his voice gets you by surprise, startling you.

“I–”

“I have been out all day, working my damn ass off, and now I have to come home and make dinner too? Don't you think I might be exhausted?” Without looking at you, he opens the fridge, looking for something, but after a few seconds, he violently pushes the door shut.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bursting out, you try not to let the tears roll down. You're overwhelmed right now, and the last thing you need is Billy freaking out for whatever reasons.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” He finally turns to face you, slamming his hands on the table. “You have no idea what it is to deal with your kind. I clean your pools, I fix and wash your fancy cars, I change the lamps from your chandeliers, and I'm not even treated nicely. I'm the staff, the working class, a freaking nobody who's only useful to put together broken things, and then I can be kicked out.”

“My kind?” Raising your voice, a humorless laugh escapes your lips. “Haven't you said something about me being the only owner who ever offered some help?”

The laughter that escapes his lips surprises you. It's mean and cruel, so unlike everything you have seen of Billy. “And how exactly would you help me? Raking leaves?”

“Yeah, I–”

“When you're skimming the pools, it's cute. You're a good soul helping the unfortunate. When I'm skimming the pools, I'm the unfortunate, who couldn't find a better job other than serving the upper class.” He's yelling, his eyes full of anger. This isn't Billy. Something happened, but right now, you don't care. You don't think it's fair to throw it on you, but maybe he's right. Maybe coming here was a mistake. “And that's exactly what I'm doing here, in my own house. Or have you forgotten what your dad said, huh? That I'll be paid after those assholes are caught so I gotta make sure all your needs are attended? So yes, I guess I'll make you something to eat. I wouldn't dream of letting you do it yourself, ma'am.”

“This good soul will be leaving your apartment tomorrow morning.” You mutter, turning on your heels and heading to the bedroom. It's his turn with the bed, but you don't care. If that's how Billy sees you, this is who you'll be. The mean, rich kid you were raised to be. You push the door closed so violently that the loud bang startles you, a hand coming to your heart. Locking yourself inside, you climb into the bed, hiding your face in the pillow.

After all this time, you can't believe that's what Billy thinks of you. After opening your heart to him, saying things you haven't even admitted to yourself before, he still sees you as one of those people. Maybe this was a huge mistake. Maybe letting Billy get so close was a mistake. Maybe kissing him... That was the worst part. You never thought you'd want that with anyone, but he came and lit up this spark in you. Now, it's over, and you're heart is broken. Tomorrow you'll either find a place or just check if Anne or Stacy can let you crash at their place for a while. But you can't stay here. Whatever you thought you and Billy could become... It's over.

×

@multific @dontxfearxthereaper @nope-thanks @nikkixostan @shinydixon @clockworkballerina @infinitelycharmed23 @lilred91

#imagine billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove imagine #billy stranger things #billy stranger things imagine #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction

[ton-e]

OOOF SUCH AN ANGSTY THOUGHT but I just watched this Euprhoria scene https://youtu.be/wNJ5sGL3vD4

AND ITS SO?? FUCKED??? UP?? Because I want this scene for Anthony and Virginia so!! Fucking!! Much!! Because one thing about Anthony's drug addiction is that?? Since it was indoctrinated into his being from such a young age, it's like a 3rd limb, a coping mechanism forced between his teeth and overflowing his system with a rush of blackness and delicious numb. Obie thought him how to swallow dry pills before he thought him how to read a contract.

He's a kid, dead mother, dead parent, ghost father. Only ONE authority and parent figure in his life, which something Joseph won't sleep over for longer than he hopes. He had a soothing voice, pills, a needle and dust. And Virginia knew about it.

She also knew there was such a brightness raging within Anthony, too bright to be contained, but too amazingly powerful to be let out. His touches are gentle, the tempo of his laughter demanding all attention in the room. He's got the kind of laughter everyone smiles when hearing, infectious and cheerful and what good things are made of. She fell in love with his smile, first.

The love for his intelligent came later, when she stood witness to the spark of the man christened the smartest man in the world. Anthony's mannerisms when he works is mesmerizing, has you praying to the way his hands talk in synch with his lips, clinging to every letter, syllable, and vowel of his energetic rant.

It's terrifying, watching that light die out when his pupils dilate and the blue of his eyes seem duller, brightness and thoughtless. It scares her. It scares her it's something so normal about his life, how no one comments on it. She did. Because she wants to spend as much unpromised time with him as possible.

Anthony is one in a million, a star that's painfully easy to reach but hard to see. A presence that simply comes into your life and stays there, even after he's gone.

"I've always wanted to have what my parents had. You know, they'd,-" she laughs, always happy to talk about her family. "When they were freshly married, they would schedule arguments, because they fought so often. Mama used to tell me fighting took most of their days, so daddy made a time stamp over what to argue over. She used to say "Bernard, I don't want to spend my life becoming the woman my mother was. I don't want to be bitter, and angry, and so busy arguing with my husband I forget how to love him."

So what my Daddy did when arguments went too far, was, he bought the biggest cake in the whole bakery and took it home. "Morgan, I'm not gonna be able to finish this by myself, you'll have to help me otherwise the money's gonna be wasted".

They grew old and turned to dust together. Fairytales have nothing on them."

She tells Anthony this when he's as high as the sky, head in her lap and emotional after an argument with his sly uncle with a ravenous glint in his eye that makes something ugly recoil at the core of her belly. Their fingers are interlaced, feeling more intimate than anything.

He blinks up at her with a new found sobriety. " Then our lives are gonna be nice."

It's hard to contradict a futurist. After all, only Starks match Starks.

The day she takes his pills away is when The armor is nationalized by the army.

"Please just open this door Pep. Pep! Pep, come on, Rhodey is being a DICK and uncle Obie is on me like the plague, and I really just- I really need those pills, Pep, so please just open this door. I just, I just need to be no one, nothing for a while. I love you so much, and you love me, and you understand why I need this so much. I promise, I'll just take one, one pill and that's it, please--"

"Tony," her voice seems faded to the drumming on the other side. Her heart beat increases, and so do the volume belonging to the fist digging in the wood of her door. "I can't force you to be good with yourself. But I can't let you kill yourself, either. You're throwing yourself into the gutter and I want no part in it."

"Pepper-- can we not,-- why do you suddenly want the high ground?! Why does everyone think I'm some pedigree bastard who can't take care of his goddamned self, because I did, after my entire family got their guts spilled on a highway and New York swallowed Howard. These are the only thing that make me feel okay. Uncle Obie understands that, why can't you?"

Her silence increased the desperation of his voice, raw and scrapping for a crumb of control. " Pepper. Pepper, please, just open this door. Please. Please, honey." The door quivers at the force of his thundering on the other side. Labored breaths keep her grounded till he walks away from the material, cheeks wet and tears choked.

"I'm sorry, Tony."

"Pepper? Pep? Virginia I-I swear, you better open this door right now! IF, IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR, I WILL HATE YOU, UNTIL THE DAY I FUCKING DIE," every sob of his knives at her heart. "OPEN THE DOOR PEP! PEPPER,-"

The pounding of marble and the broken mantra of her name phantoms the apartment, covering the sound of her sobs and any other noise.

#earth 513 #BABIESSSS #Anthony stark #rupert rhodes #obie stane #Virginia potts #Joseph #Howie stark #scene #dialogue #fic #my writing #Youtube