#i hate my body so fucking much

[avatar-of-the-web]

local mans body throws shitfit from starvation, still throws an even bigger shitfit because it doesn't like breakfast and would prefer to starve despite his brain disagreeing

#i hate my body so fucking much

[trans-loki]

.

#lucien txt #tw body dysphoria #i hate my body so fucking much #i looked in the mirror after a shower and started crying #why do i exist #i wish i wasn't fat #life would be so much easier for me if i were thin #:((

[transmascissues]

today, my coworkers’ refusal to see me as a man put one of our patients in a position where they felt unsafe for the third time. i’ve been at this job for less than two months total. i don’t even care about getting misgendered anymore, i just want the people we’re supposed to be taking care of to feel comfortable around me.

i work at a hospital where we have to supervise our patients in a lot of vulnerable situations. there are safeguarding rules in place for certain things that male employees aren’t allowed to be present for when it comes to female patients. and yet, the people training me and telling me what to do have repeatedly put me in situations where i’ve been forced to do things that the female patients aren’t comfortable with me doing. and because they have repeatedly failed to teach me the rules for doing my job as a man, i have no way of knowing when i’m crossing one of those lines unless one of the patients tells me.

i’ve had to watch a victim of SA stare at me in abject terror as my coworkers asked her to strip naked with me still in the room. it took several minutes for her to even be able to speak enough to ask if i could leave the room. i found out after that she broke down crying the moment i walked out. my biggest regret is that i didn’t realize what was happening fast enough to leave before she ever had to say something, because she shouldn’t have had to say it. i never should’ve been allowed in the room in the first place, because that’s not something male employees are supposed to be present for. but i didn’t know that yet, because i was training and i thought surely, they wouldn’t train me to do something that directly violated their own safeguarding rules. that moment was the first time, and it’s haunted me ever since, but it wasn’t the last time. not only did it happen for the third time today — it almost happened for the fourth, and would have if someone hadn’t spoken up to say they should pick someone else. i care for these people so deeply, it’s why i took this job, and i’m so tired of hearing the fear in their voices when they have to ask me not to do something i never should’ve been told to do.

i’m very used to the personal discomfort of being misgendered. i willingly deal with it a lot at work as well as in other situations, not because i’m in the closet (at this point in my medical transition that would be impossible), but because it’s such a frequent occurrence with my coworkers that we would never get anything done if i took the time to correct them every time. but to see it get to the point of causing such visceral discomfort in other people? people i’m supposed to be taking care of and keeping safe? that’s something else entirely, and i’m fucking exhausted.

and after all of that, some of them still look at me like i have two heads when they tell me what to do and i say “i can’t do that, only female employees can” because i’m learning now. clearly i’m already seen as a man by our patients, but my coworkers would still rather put them in an unsafe situation than just train me as a man.

#to be clear it’s four different things they’ve asked me to do that im not supposed to #as soon as i find out about one rule they ask me to violate a different one that i didn’t know about #i will never ever forget that girl’s face and i’ll never stop being angry for her #for all three of them but especially her #i hate my coworkers for a million different reasons #the patients are the only reason i didn’t quit this job after the first day #i just want to do right by them and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one working there who does #it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too #most of them know nothing about trans people but they’re so willing to learn and so respectful and we’ve had such great conversations #they’re getting fucked over by someone else’s transphobia when they themselves don’t have a single transphobic bone in their bodies #i hate this place because i care about the people in it too much to stand by the way it treats them and it’s killing me #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia

[dhmis-autism]

Hey hello!

Here are some colored doodles of the fun little DHMIS bodyswap idea thought up by the very fun, very smart @escargon! I did them way back when and wanted to finish them up to add to the fun lol.

It was sooo much fun to draw and I hope I made it clear whos who by the body language/dialogue but if not! I put a helpful little diagram in there. Also,as well, I think if Duck had access to a relatively-normal sized body like Reds’ that duckman is dressing up and NO ONE can stop him. So that’s the last two.

#DHMIS #don't hug me i'm scared #dhmis duck #dhmis red guy #dhmis yellow guy #I have SOOO MUCH TO SAY ABT THESE BC THIS CONCEPT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO MY ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT #so im just putting it here bc. i said everything nessecary I think. #anyways i think yellow in reds body would just be crouching down the whole time. not used to the height and is a lil scared of standing up #also think he would mouthbreathe so hard he'd get the whole front of yarn wet itd be disgusting shkdsh #i think either ONE of them in yellows body is like 'OW WHY DO I SUDDENLY HAVE A MIGRAINE' #and I absolutely think Duck in Reds body would be a literal actual monster #He would let the new height go to his head SOOO FAST its not even funny like. just absolute menacery #and obligatory getting to wear normal clothes of course. again. mad with power imo. #also i DID draw but didnt finish the idea that Red would hate both of the other twos clothes. like just be so viscerally uncomfortable #i drew a lot of stuff that didnt make it here but yknow what thats just stuff only my good friend Bear shall know i suppose............ #my dhmis postings #me art

[local-limebug]

jason todd has so many underrated canon love interests. essence, isabel, artemis, and rose are all characters i love with him. like those are good ships. why is everyone ignoring them?

#look. i have Opinions on this matter. #i know that fandoms have incurable mlm fetishization disease which is why jayroy is so much more popular than these ships #and i like jayroy but. come on. jayrose solos. #but fr like 😭 ik we all hate whatever he had going on with babs and kori because what the fuck (i hate dc writers) #but jay/essence was a good ship!! it would have added more focus onto who jason is outside of being a vigilante but still being a warrior #because its p much canon that he has magical affinities that dc pretty much ignores now #and isabel! jay/isabel was such a good ship too for showing the more civilian view of the red hood and who jason was as a civilian #jayrose is my personal fav solely because they're one of the few duos we've seen as good friends and i just love their interactions #and rose has that anti-hero (?) potential right. i think jayrose is a good ship for who jason would be as a vigilante outside gotham #ik i'm focusing on jason more than the love interests when i talk about why these ships are so interesting but rn that's just because i'm #trying to figure out why these ships are so ignored among jason fans in favour of ships like jayroy or jaykori or jaybabs or batc*st #because imo these have so much more potential than those ones :/ #i forgot to speak on jaytemis. i love jaytemis because i think jason deserves a woman that can yeet his 6 foot brick wall body with ease- #but more than that it really would have been a very fun idea to explore the amazonians' moralities and politics more #because jay and artemis were supposed to parallel bruce and diana. i just think there was again potential there for jason to break off from #the batfamily #yk? #limebug's original posts #jason todd #rose wilson #artemis of bana mighdall #isabel ardila #essence #sorry to any jayroy shippers that might see this even tho i didnt individually tag jayroy. i'm one of you i promise i'm a multishipper #if anyone wants to discuss this my dms and askbox are OPEN

[cyberfreaky]

i think about this photo literally every single day u have no idea

#HIS BODY!!!! #oh my god #CRUSH ME OLD MAN #he’s so fucking fine i hate him so much #jake sully #dilf jake sully #sel’s thoughts ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[dizzybizz]

redraw of a galo from last year!!! :3

side-by-side comparison :-)

#i thought this didnt take too long and apperantly it took like 7 hours. i thought it was like 3 or 4. #my sense of time is. a bit skewed n fucked up. #promare #galo thymos #my fav rooster ever #my art #i kinda rlly love how this one turned out :D i think ive improved a lot too DJAHGSHG i love doing redraws sm #like the pose is way closer to what i was imagining and mmm yeah its also just more dynamic n his body doesnt cut off awkwardly #i like the colors and face better #i do think the og has a lot of charm. i dont hate it or anything. i just like seeing how far ive come :) #this time around i also had a way easier time identifying what was bugging me while i was working on it and actually addressing those thing #like i resized his head a lot n tilted his whole upper body etc #idk ive just been getting more comfortable and confident with my art :))) #ok enough. ENOUGHHHHH. anyways i love galo so much ok thats all

[my-castles-crumbling]

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS TO BE A GIRLBOYBOYGIRL I DO NOT WANT ESTROGEN AND A FUNCTIONING UTERUS AND TITS THAT HURT AT RANDOM INTERVALS SOMEONE PLEASE--

#rant #fuck this #i hate it here #i hate this #i hate my body #i hate everything #i hate it so much #tired #gender identity #genderfluid #genderqueer #gender stuff #transmasc #nonbinary

[figofswords]

looking for jobs is so hard when you have unreasonable expectations like "pays a living wage" and require absurd accommodations like "lets me sit down occasionally"

#properly disabled people im so sorry. i just have hypermobile joints and fucked up feet #and even with just that its the wild west out here #i just did the math and at my current job the amount i make in a month is less than what we usually make in a day #AND the amount of standing reaching carrying is hell on my body. my shoulders are Protesting #so. at this wage? im lookin for other options #and folks! there are no good options! anywhere! #and im not even lookin for art jobs right now this is just basic retail shit! #'get a college degree' they said 'if you have a degree you'll find a job easy' #art jobs I've given up on for now bc it willl probably require me to move to like. la or dc or ny and im not ready for that lmao #in the meantime i would like to just. like. start making enough money to pay rent?? #without having to be almost 100% financially dependent on my dad??? as a 23 year old college grad???? #why is this too much to ask??? #i show up to a job where the application said 'with reasonable accommodations' and i say can i have a stool to sit on pretty please #and they go ooooh hmmmmmmmm yeah idk about that.....are you sure you can't just be in pain? #we just dont think you'll be able to do your job sufficiently if you aren't in pain. we think you will do a better job if ur suffering #because. America or something. god i hate it here

[7-7-cherry]

love is real and true (source: canon rosasa duet)

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #sasara nurude #rosho tsutsujimori #rosasa #sasaro #osaka big up is the song ever idc if people think it's boring i will listen to it 50 times in a row and kick my feet in joy at every moment #the fucking. the singing makes me want to cry they're sooooo precious and in love it makes me insane #i had a surprisingly pleasant time drawing this actually (shocking bcus i suck shit at full body art 99% of the time therefore hate it) #hopefully i can get around to doing more block party related drawings cuz WOW i love these EPs so much #7-7-cherry drawingz

[neverfeelpain]

Fuck this and fuck that.

Fuck sleep and fuck food.

Fuck this body and fuck these thoughts.

Fuck life and fuck existing.

But most importantly,

Fuck you and go fuck yourself.

#fuck #mentally fucked #hate people #i hate him #i hate it so much #i hate this #i hate it here #hate myself #i hate my brain #i hate my body #i hate you #depressiv #depressing shit #kinda depressing #depressing quotes

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

#sci speaks #i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me. #i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men. #i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring. #also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life. #this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed. #lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??” #“why are you together??????????” #i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror. #i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better. #the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified #but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships. #just an observation. #i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but. #of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does. #it makes a difference. it does. #which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body” #im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me. #i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have. #my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here. #sorry this went off on a tangent. #but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues. #i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous. #i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got. #once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that! #couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.

[to-dance-beneath-the-diamond-sky]

physically shaking with rage at the response I got from my Senator after calling and emailing him to stop funding Israel. He calls himself a liberal democrat but even so called liberal democrats are racist Islamophobic genocide supporters.

I literally want to throw up

#Senator Richard Blumenthal supports genocide #I told him I would make it my life’s fucking mission to make sure everyone knows that and that he never gets re-elected to office again #I also told him he should be ashamed of himself and he has blood on his hands #I told him a lot of things #And I doubt he’ll even read them #But fuck I want him to #I want to storm into his office and call him a racist Zionist to his face #I want to show him the bodies of the children who’s death warrant he signed #I want him to fucking care and stop fucking funding genocide #I hate this world so much #free palestine #gaza #free palestine 🇵🇸 #palestine #🇵🇸 #israel