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#i hate lying to them but i cant handle noise

thelov3lybookworm · 2 months

Text

My Fault (part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: Starting over.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: Lol i just know half of you all gonna hate me for this, but this is the only way i could think of that would be good. I dont think making her end up with someone ese would have helped, so if you dont want her to end up with cass, then please dont read this.

also, why does sarah not tell us how people who cant winnow travel??? 😭😭😭

anyways, enjoy!

•○🌑○•

Nina's excitement was palpable as Y/n slowly inserted the key into the front door of the home she shared with her husband, trying not to make too much noise in case he was in there, probably sleeping.

It was no use though, Y/n found out once she entered and ran up to her bedroom. Nina had just plopped down unceremoniously on the couch, telling Y/n to hurry up.

The moment Y/n pushed open the closed door to her and Cassian's bedroom -which she was sure was open when she left- she was hit with the strong scent of her husband.

Y/n froze on the threshold, staring wide eyed at her husband, who was on his knees in the middle of the room, fat tears rolling down his face.

He looked up, his eyes containing a world of pain and sadness and guilt and too may emotions that Y/n could not categorise them all.

"Cass?" Y/n mumbled, daring to take a step towards him. He released an anguished cry and launched forward, a dull thud echoing in his wake.

Cassian wrapped himself around Y/n's legs, sobbing into her abdomen. Y/n stared at the top of his head with furrowed brows, then rose her eyes to where he had been kneeling previously.

There, she found a worn diary lying on the wooden floor, left haphazardly. Y/n's blood chilled.

It was her diary.

Y/n usually hid it in her drawer, but she had been writing in it before she left to get coffee with Nina and everything went south.

Cassian had been gone more and more in the recent months, and to cope with all the sadness and need, Y/n began jotting down all that she felt in her empty diary.

And now he had read it all.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Y/n was still frozen when she realised that her blouse was sticking to her skin because of his tears. "Tell you what?"

"Everything. Why did you not tell me how much you'd been hurting? Why did you not tell me that I'd been a shitty husband?"

Y/n watched his shoulder shake with every violent sob that ripped out of his chest, numbness spreading through her. "You were never around long enough for me to say anything."

He sobbed harder at that, and Y/n couldn't take it anymore. She let her hand drift to the top of his head, gently caressing his soft hair.

"My love, why are you crying?" Y/n reached down, cupping his jaw and tilting his head back. She ran her thumb across his cheek, wiping away the tears that never stopped, her other hand still resting in his hair.

More tears flowed from his eyes, and he opened his mouth to speak, but right at that moment, Nina spoke up from behind Y/n. Y/n hadn't even heard Nina walk up the stairs, so busy was she getting lost in her lover's eyes.

"Get away from her you bastard."

Y/n turned halfway, Cassian's death grip on her lessening just a little as he too peered from around Y/n. Y/n absently noted that Nina had left her bag down in the living room.

"Nina, please-"

"Y/n, don't. You just told me you wanted to leave, heal. What happened now? Are you having second thoughts?"

Y/n felt Cassian freeze, and she sighed, glaring at Nina. "You... you are leaving?"

"Thank you so much Nina, just what I needed." Y/n bit out, turning her back to her friend and glancing down at her kneeling husband. His skin was pale, paler than Y/n had ever seen him.

"What! I just helped you out! You had to tell him anyways!"

"Yes Nina, but I would have been more gentle!"

Nina huffed as Y/n grabbed Cassian's forearms and tugged. He complied, climbing to his feet as new tears gathered in his eyes. Y/n ignored her friend and grabbed Cassian's face tenderly in her hands.

"Cass? I... I need to leave."

"Why?" He whispered.

"I don't think I can handle letting your family walk all over me anymore. I need to stand up for myself. I'm sorry Cass, but I need to do this. Even if it kills me, I need to leave."

"I- they're your family too." His voice was quiet and uncertain, as though he knew Y/n would not believe him.

Y/n gave him a small, pained smile. "I don't think they feel that way."

"Please don't go Y/n. Rhys is feeling guilty for what he did. I'm sure everyone else is too. Maybe they're on their way here to apologise."

"Never seen anyone more delusional." Nina murmured from behind Y/n.

"Cass-"

Before Y/n could even get a word out, Nina piped up.

"If you really want to be with her, you can come with us. Leave this hell court."

Cassian ignored Nina again.

"Y/n, please don't go. I need you. We can all start over again. I promise they will realise how wrong they were."

"It's too late now. Give us a straight answer. If you love her, leave this place and come with us. If not, stay here and rot."

"Come on, Y/n. I can't leave them. They're my family."

"And she is not? You should not feel obligated to love someone because they're your family or whatever."

Cassian glared at Nina, then mumbled to Y/n. "Are you not going to defend me from her?"

"Like you defended her from your asshole family?"

Y/n could see Cassian trying to hold back a snarl at that, and she sighed, pinching her nose bridge between her forefinger and thumb. "Y/n. We need to talk. Alone."

Y/n nodded, glancing at her friend, who rolled her eyes. "I will be standing outside. Call for me when you're done."

She looked like she wanted to slam the door shut as she left, but she simply pulled it until it made a soft click.

Y/n turned to Cassian, offering him a tentative smile.

"Yes?"

Cassian took a step back. "I- I'll start from the beginning."

Y/n nodded uncertainly, wondering what he wanted to tell her. He grabbed Y/n's hand, gently tugging her to the end of the bed and sitting her down onto it.

"I... I don't know how to explain, but I'll try." Cassian took a deep breath as he settled into a kneeling position in front of Y/n. "First of all, I need you to know that I only ever kissed Nesta, and that was when I was drunk out of my mind."

He released a breath before continuing, clutching Y/n's hands as if they were his lifeline. "I... I know that isn't an excuse for what I did, and I never should have been at Rita's that night, but it happened, and I don't think anything I do or say will justify it.

"It started that day a year ago. When Rhys wanted to send me on a month long mission. Asshole, now that I think of it. I just now realise it for the plot it was." Cassian shook his head in disbelief. "He told me no one else could do it and that only I could do it. That should have alerted me, but alas, I now know that I'm very thick skulled."

A small giggle left Y/n, and Cassian's eyes rose to her lips, a little of life returning to the dull hazel. He smiled softly as his eyes met Y/n's, and her breath hitched. It had been far too long since the two of them had time like this.

"I remember you cried that day. That was the first time I'd seen you cry. I was so stressed because I did not want to leave you. That would have been the first time that I would be away from you for longer than a day. You told me you would write to me everyday."

Y/n could remember it very vividly. The way she had sobbed into Cassian's chest just as he was about to leave, the way she had stared up at him as his tears fell too. It had been a nightmare, to put it nicely.

"But you never did-"

Y/n interrupted him. "What do you mean I never did?"

Cassian glanced up at Y/n from where he was playing with her fingers, meeting her eyes with furrowed brows. "You never wrote to me? I never received any letters."

Y/n's lips parted in confusion. "I- I wrote to you everyday Cass. Sometime even multiple times a day."

Cassian stared at her in disbelief, and Y/n could see the gears in his brain churning. His mouth opened a few times, wanting to speak but no words coming out before realisation set in his features.

"Rhysand."

Y/n searched Cassian's eyes as anger and betrayal entered them, coming to the same realisation.

"Oh Cass." Y/n mumbled, reaching up to cup his cheek.

"Fucker." Cassian said under his breath, his wings flaring slightly.

After a moment of Cassian cursing Rhys and his entire family line, he continued. "I never received those letters, so I was a little upset because I was looking forward to writing you. When I returned, I decided that it would be best to give Rhys all the information I had before coming home so I could spend some days with you, locked away with no one interrupting us.

"But when I arrived, Rhysand said things about you that riled me up. He told me that he had asked you multiple times if you had to send any letters and that each time you told him to, basically, fuck off. I did not believe him, but it kept happening every time I was gone, to the point where I was starting to wonder if you liked me at all."

Cassian rested his head on their joined hands, releasing a deep breath. "I never should have believed that bastard, never should have doubted you. And I will forever regret that. Rhys also kept up with his manipulating to get me away from you, I see that now. I should have stopped him the first time he said things about you, but I guess I didn't want to upset him after everything he's done for me."

"He is your family, isn't he? He would not have expected anything of you." Y/n told him, making him nod.

"I know. Recently, after Feyre and her sister's arrival, Rhys started to gaslight me into thinking I liked Nesta. He made me spend more time with her, train her. He got so much out of it. For one, he could get me away from you, whatever his reasons. By assigning me to Nesta, he could keep her busy and out of the way.

"He... he really fucked up my mind. He is a daemati after all. Yesterday at Rita's, I realised something was wrong. That I couldn't put up my shields properly. Then the next thing I knew, I was kissing Nesta. I left soon after, not wanting to be near any longer."

He sucked in a tired breath, his hold tightening on Y/n's hands. She gave him a gentle squeeze and he continued. "Today, when I was about to come home, Rhys convinced me to stay till dinner. And I just... somehow couldn't say no. It was like- like..."

Cassian trailed off, his wide eyes meeting his wife's.

"Oh Cassian." Y/n slid onto his lap, pulling him close. "I'm so sorry he did that to you. I wish I had known what was happening sooner so I could stop it from ever happening."

Cassian shook his head, staring at the wall behind Y/n's head, his features distant.

"Not your fault. You could not have stopped it from happening."

Y/n knew that, but that didn't stop her from wanting to rip off Cassian's brother's head. Hell, she wished at least she's gotten a little bit of power from her parents so she could do anything to stop what Rhys had been doing to Cassian.

She could not even winnow, so what was she even worth? At least this Nesta was powerful enough to be mated to Cassian.

"I just- I just don't understand why he wanted you to be with Nesta."

Without moving his eyes, still that far off look on his face, Cassian mumbled. "She is my mate, and the mother pairs people who can produce the strongest offspring." Finally, Cassian met Y/n's gaze, his eyes haunted. "He wanted me to produce as strong as an offspring I could."

Y/n's heart broke for her husband. She knew how much the high lord mattered to him, and the betrayal she felt would probably not even compare to what he was feeling.

Cassian opened his mouth on a gasp, about to say something when knock drew their attention, stopping Cassian from speaking.

"Are you done yet?" Nina's voice called out. Y/n looked from the door to Cassian. He stared at the door like it had caused him some personal offence. "The caravan will not wait up for us, and only an hour is left-"

"Caravan?" Cassian questioned Y/n, turning to look at her as his hands fell to her waist. Y/n nodded.

"Neither of us can winnow, so Nina had to contact a friend who knew of an agent. He technically transports people from one court to another on horse and carriages."

Understanding entered his eyes. "You- you really were going to leave."

Y/n nodded, making to pull away from him so she could start packing up. His hold on her tightened.

"Please don't go. I need you. I will make it up to you, I promise. I will wait forever if that's what it takes to earn your forgiveness." His eyes were again filled with tears, making it harder for Y/n to turn away.

"Cass... I won't forgive you. Not anytime soon at least. But... maybe I can give you one last chance."

The tears overflowed from his eyes even as a huge grin split his face. "Thank you. Thank you so much my heart. I will not let you down again."

Y/n studied him for a moment, smiling when he started laughing softly while wiping at his tear stained cheek with the sleeve of his shirt. Y/n gently pushed back some stray strands of hair from his face, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"Maybe we can start all over again. Like we never knew each other."

Cassian nodded. "Even though what good times we had together are precious to me, I don't think we can mend this. We need to start over."

Y/n smiled wide for the first time in what felt like months, genuine joy singing through her blood. "Let's get ready then."

•○🌑○•

Nina's pov.

It was around ten minutes after that the door opened, and Nina nearly fell to her knees and thanked the mother for it. She was getting bored standing out here all by herself.

And in the next moment Nina wondered if she was dreaming.

Y/n stood in the doorway, a huge smile and blush on her face. That was not what shocked Nina, though it played a part in it.

No, it was Cassian, who stood behind Y/n, holding two duffel bags over his shoulder, a quiet joy on his face.

Nina rose a brow at the couple, who only grinned. Releasing a disbelieving sigh, Nina pushed away from the wall she was leaning against.

"I had booked an extra seat just in case. Thank the mother I did."

Y/n grabbed Nina in a quick hug, and her happiness brought a small smile to Nina's lips as well.

Y/n turned and practically skipped down the stairs, happy to leave. Cassian moved to follow, but Nina caught his arm. He looked down at her, his brows raised high.

"Don't you dare hurt her now. Or I will fucking carve your wings from your back. Understood?" If possible, his eyebrows rose higher, almost disappearing into his hairline. Obviously, Nina wished Y/n never forgive him, but Nina also knew how happy the brute made her best friend, and that was all Nina could ask for.

He studied her for a moment, then nodded, pulling his arm away from her. "Hmm. Good."

With that, both of them followed Y/n, ready to start all over again, make a new life.

•○🌑○•

Taglist: @mybestfriendmademe @awkwardnerd @cleverzonkwombatsludge @blogforficslol @fasoaurore @fanboyluvr @darling006 @sonics-atelier @saltedcoffeescotch @lees-chaotic-brain @leeknows-wife

General Taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686 @cassie6392 @kennedy-brooke @tele86 @miluiel1 @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @piceous21 @mybestfriendmademe @anuttellaa

Cassian Taglist: @moonlwghts

#cassian #cassian x you #cassian x reader #acosf #cassian acotar #cassian acosf #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fandom #acotar fanfic #acotar fluff #acotar series #acotar writing #night court #General of night court #lord of bloodshed #mating bond #sarah j maas #acotar headcanon

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bakugohoex · 3 years

Text

part one: “you want to sleep on the floor”

pairing: katsuki bakugo x female reader

cw: university student y/n, implicit nsfw, fluff and language

word count: 3400+

a/n: this is dedicated to the one anon who was super sweet to me yesterday, all of your support means the world to me and i hope you guys enjoyed this

summary: in which you’re neighbours with pro hero katsuki bakugo, one night your roommate and her boyfriend get a bit too loud, with no where else to turn you end up in the apartment of bakugo’s, sleeping beside him you both realise the hidden feelings between one another

part two

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

The bed squeaked and headboard banging against the wall, moans filled the apartment and the sound of ongoing thrusts erupted out of one single room. You hadn’t slept in hours, the sound from your roommates room vibrating against the whole apartment.

What was even worse, was not just having both your rooms side by side, meaning every time the man thrusted back and forth inside of her you could hear her bed hit the wall, no it wasn’t just that, it was the fact this had been going on for hours now.

You saw the digital clock indicate three am, how could one couple go at it for two hours straight, better yet who gets horny at one am and thinks lets having a fuck session whilst their roommate is next door.

Well your friend clearly did, it wasn’t like you wanted to interrupt them, they hadn’t seen each other in a while and deserved something. But at the expense of your sleep, it was a lot more than you had expected. You had prayed they would stop but the moans of his name continued, and it seemed like they would never stop anytime soon.

You swung your legs off your bed, yawning as the stars filled the sky, you would go to the balcony, probably try and fall asleep outside if it was summer, but it wasn’t. It was fucking winter and you could see the snow form on top of the window ledge. There was always the sofa, you put a hoodie on your body, covering the short shirt and bottoms you wore, dragging your duvet to the sofa.

Staring up at the ceiling, trying to gain some sleep, you hoped the noise of their maniac sex would calm down. But to your luck, the noise seemed to get even more louder, as if they had left the door open. You really did not need to hear the consistent grunting and moaning coming from your friend and her boyfriend. You knew tomorrow morning you wouldn’t be able to face them after the night they were having.

You were cynical, the last time you had sex being months ago. You were touch deprived and even worse the crush on your pro hero neighbour made it worse, when you’d go in the early mornings to the balcony or get your mail, you’d see the man.

He’s be sweaty from some sort of training, his black vest always clinged onto his body perfectly. He was like a renaissance art piece, he deserved to be in a museum. You tried to think about him, to get rid of the sound of your roommate, you had had an encounter with him in the morning. He had come back from an early morning run and you had gone to get the mail. Flicking through it Bakugo called your name to make sure the elevator didn’t go without him.

The pro hero was drenched in sweat and his long-sleeved running shirt clung to all his muscles, the shorts and leggings he wore underneath sticking to his thigh muscles. It was a sight for sore eyes, and you tried to not stare. “Hey Bakugo.”

You spoke politely, he looked down at you flicking through the mail, mainly magazines and other shit. “Y/n.” He spoke coldly, how could you had a crush on such a cold man.

“I saw on the news about the villains you captured, it was cool.” You tried to converse; he raised an eyebrow crossing his arms.

“It was more than cool, I did it single handily, stupid extras didn’t even help.” He smirked as if he was reminiscing in the past nights action.

You looked up at him, his jaw clenched. “Oh well you didn’t need their help in the first place, did you?” You teased a grin on your face.

He saw you step out of the elevator about to answer but instead keeping quiet, you wish you had stopped walking waiting for an answer but your boldness at teasing had made you too flustered to wait. He often was cold to both you and your roommate, mainly your roommate who found the pro hero an irritant. You often saw his friends come back and forth out of his apartment; you were shocked at how his friends were a foil of the man.

He was angry and frustrated and red riot who you assumed was his best friend frequently visited. Your roommate hated the boy due to her theory that he looked down on commoners, you were studying to go into (any career) and you had been working hard. Was she right? Were you really nothing more than commoners needing to be saved.

Your thoughts turned to your roommate and you got out of your daze of the pro hero, you really couldn’t sleep with the grunts. Your best option was to find somewhere else to sleep for the rest of the night, you were glad it was Sunday the next day so you could have a lie in.

You thought of who you could text to ask if you could spend the night, most of your friends being their own university students with their own problems. Your finger lingered over Bakugo’s number before you decided to just straight up ask him if you could sleep on his sofa.

Leaving your duvet in your room, you unlocked the door of your apartment, quickly slipping out. You finally had some peace without having to hear any more vigorous thrusts, did he want to split her in half or something. You rested your head against the door, before pacing outside Bakugo’s door, the number nine on the side. You hesitated knocking, maybe you should’ve texted before knocking at his door at half three in the morning.

It was only by accident and your nerves that you quickly knocked on the door. Maybe he wouldn’t even hear it, it was early morning, and he could be sleeping. About to leave the door, you were met by the man, he was shirtless, only wearing some grey joggers. You were almost about to admire his body, but as he raised his eyebrow a ‘what’ coming from his mouth you started to spew out your thoughts.

“…so yeah, my roommate and her boyfriend have been fucking for nearly three hours now, and I need my sleep so can I like sleep on your sofa or floor” He raised an eyebrow, his arm was leaning against the top of the door, his height making it easy for him to reach. “It’s fine, if you’ve got no room, I can just go back and h…”

“Shut up and get inside.” You were shocked but quickly obliged, walking into his apartment.

It was not what you had expected, the same layout even with two bedrooms. “My spare room has my hero stuff in it, you want to sleep on the floor”

He was grinning at the idea of you sleeping on the floor, “I can sleep anywhere just not in a sex ridden apartment.”

“My bedrooms free.” He spoke, your face reddening.

“Umm…aren’t you s…sleeping there?” You asked not meeting his gaze.

He crossed his arms, his blond hair less spiky from sleeping. “We’re adults Y/n, we can sleep in the same bed.”

You nodded, not speaking out of fear you’d say something wrong. He walked towards the room as you followed in suit, “stay on your side and we should be fine.”

You nodded again, he went on his side, lying down bare in front of you. It was a sight, his room was boiling, you took your hoodie off he looked at you, trying to not see how your shirt rid to show your exposed stomach. He looked away just as your head popped out of the hoodie. You laid on your side, Bakugo’s broad shoulders made your own touch his as he was partially on your side.

“You have a nice apartment.” You complimented knowing the two of you were still awake facing the ceiling.

He huffed, side eyeing you, he watched as your brought the covers around your shoulders. “It’s exactly like yours, minus the horny roommate.”

You laughed at the comment, turning to face his body. You didn’t care if you both weren’t classed as friends, you were going to try and somehow become friends of sorts. “Who wouldn’t love a horny roommate?”

“Me, I need my space and defiantly cant handle being around sex noises, you should’ve shot them with your quirk or something.”

You hadn’t even told him what your quirk was, it was simple and useless in most situations. “I don’t think its possible for me to do that with my quirk.”

He raised an eyebrow still facing the ceiling, his arm had moved behind his back , you could see his arm muscles all on show, “oh yeah what is it then?”

“Guess.” You teased, stretching the word out. Bakugo finally faced you, he saw how your hair framed your face, your eyes looked tired, but you seemed more awake than you had when you had knocked on his door.

“Just tell me, shitty woman.” You pouted at the man.

“You’re no fun, I can create sparks from my fingertips, I know it’s lame, it’s why I’m at university.” Bakugo looked at you, you expected laughing to come from him, you had heard him call most people extras and those without quirks had been mocked by many people. You expected the same at your lame quirk.

“Can you show me?” He wasn’t acting the same, you ignored his calmness, putting your hand from under the cover. You rubbed your fingers together, a spark coming from each finger, it was like a firework sparkler and was painful to touch. But the application of it was never pro hero material.

His hand moved closer to it, “I would…” He did anyway, his finger touching the top, he quickly moved it away after feeling it for less than a second.

“Oww, Y/n what the fuck? It stings.” You laugh, making the sparks go away, grabbing his hand your breath cool air on it. He hadn’t expected this action, feeling your breath on his fingertips, made his ears go red.

“It’s okay now.” He pulled away, not looking at you.

You didn’t say anything, nobody said anything, you could hear the clock tick away, the minutes going past. Maybe Bakugo had gone to sleep, but as you turned back, he had been fixated on the ceiling. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He spoke with frustration on his tongue.

“Oh, I don’t know you seemed out of it.” You spoke turning away from him, you could feel his legs move closer to your own, you didn’t dare think of the actions you wanted him to do to you. Inside trying to think of other stuff.

Bakugo instead broke the silence, “your quirk is decent.” It was some sort of compliment and you would take it.

“Really?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” You laugh at the boy, his own mouth twitched upwards. “At UA, there was a kid who made purple balls from his head, so you’re already one hundred times better than him.”

You supress a laugh at someone having a more useless quirk than you, “was he at least hero type.”

“He was just some extra, but he was below four foot and a pussy.” You couldn’t suppress it any longer, a laugh wavering through the room. “And a perv, he loved looking up girls skirts.”

“For some extra, you did pay attention to him.”

“When you have friends that I have, you hear too much unnecessary information.” You smile turning to face him again.

You thought of the heroes who he worked with, who came intro his apartment, they seemed like nice people to be friends with. “So what you don’t pay attention to your friends?”

“I pay attention to important people.” He turned back to face you, both of you under the covers but Bakugo’s hand had moved on top of the duvet, right on top of your body. You didn’t question the action instead questioning him.

“And who’s important to the great Katsuki Bakugo.” You gave a gleeful look waiting for a response.

He thought it out, before finding the confidence to speak, “you.”

You were dumbfounded, your eyes widening waiting for more context, “me?”

“You study (subject area), you and your roommate go to yoga every Friday night, you babysit who I assume is your nephew once a month, you like drinking coffee on the balcony and you always seem to have cooking magazines in your hand.” You were shocked at how much he had remembered and seen from you.

“You noticed.” You were calm on the outside but freaking the fuck out at how much he acknowledged about you, you had spoke about your studies, and what you normally did when you passed by him, but you never expected him to remember.

“How could I forgot your interests.” You smiled looking down before he spoke again, “oh yeah, and you have a massive crush on me.”

Your cheeks reddened, were you that obvious, “w…what?”

“Y/n, I know when girls have crushes on me, I’m surprised in the months I’ve know you; you have brought back one guy and he was the polar opposite of me.” You remembered the guy you had brought back to have sex with, he was the opposite of Bakugo, from his appearance to personality. “Was he able to fuck you good at least?”

A cocky smirk was placed on the blond’s face, his red eyes were filled with a knowing look, you shook your head feeling his hand press harder on the covers, feeling how his hand rubbed back and forth on your leg from on top. “That’s what I thought, I bet you didn’t even cum.”

“I didn’t.” You blurted out.

“You’re lucky you’re better than the other extra’s, you actually have a chance of getting with me.” You looked at him, his other hand moving towards your face.

“Just getting with you?” You hesitantly spoke, your hand meeting his to stop him.

He realised how he had phrased it and quickly rephrased it, “not just to fuck Y/n, I’m not a man whore who does one-night stands.”

“So you’d want to go on a d…date?” You question, pulling his hand towards your cheek.

“Your words not mine.” He spoke defensively, you smirked wanting to close the gap but being scared to make the first move.

He noticed your eyes move down towards his mouth before he closed the gap. The fast pace of the kiss made you more turned on for him, his hands on your cheeks bringing your closer to his face. You had never been kissed like this before, never felt this thrill inside of you and you craved more. His hand moved to your thighs, making you move on top of him, before you sat on top of his exposed chest, your lips still attached to him.

His hands on your sides bringing you closer under the covers as your hands went to his face, making the kiss’ pace fasten. You moaned his name, an instant turn on at the sound of hearing his first name, he had often seen you reading outside on the balcony, he admired how peaceful you got.

But every day when he saw how calm you looked, he fell more and more in love with his neighbour. He watched how you went through the motions every time you read a new book, it was like you were in your own fantasy and he loved it.

His grip on your sides moved to your ass, he squeezed it, making you moan again, this time allowing his tongue access inside your mouth. You loved the feeling, loved his tongue with your own, he loved how you sat on his perfectly, the way one of your hands had moved to his bare chest, glossing over each muscle. As you both parted, he bit at your bottom lip, tugging to make one last moan come from your mouth.

The sound making his ears tingle in enjoyment before he flipped you over. He craved you but was always going to ask before he moved onto other things. “I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do.” He spoke his mouth on your stomach moving upwards, he was a predator and you his prey and he wanted to devour you.

“I want to wait.” You spoke breathlessly.

He nodded, “I can still kiss you right?” He stopped kissing right underneath your bra, his hand having lifted your shirt up.

“Yes Bakugo.” You smiled feeling his mouth latch upwards, past your bra and onto your neck. Sucking the spot, his hand on your side as he continued to nibble and bite on your collar.

“It’s Katsuki, baby girl.” The single word sent your insides into to turmoil. A purple bruise formed on your neck, before he captured your lips his own. Your legs wrapped around his back, as you brought your arms round his neck, wanting to limit the gap between the two of you.

“Baby…” You trailed off speaking through the kiss, it was too much excitement as his kiss left you a sloppy mess, you felt like putty in his hands. He let go letting you breath, before lying on his back.

“Come ‘ere.” He grabbed your waist, bringing you closer to his body. “We can finish this after our date tomorrow.”

“Is that a promise.” You smiled boldly, his face going into the crook of your now bare back, his arms around your exposed stomach and lips kissing your shoulder.

He went to your ear, licking the back of your ear before nibbling at the earlobe, “I’ll show you what you’ve been missing out on, and we’ll make your roommate hear it all.”

You smiled in agreement; his arms wrapped around your body. You had not expected this to happen, you had thought you were doomed to be alone, but in the angry boys defence, you never even thought he acknowledged you. But as you laid hearing his soft snores in your ear, you gleamed at how you had got something you had been craving for months now.

bonus scene

You woke up the sound of Bakugo in his kitchen, finding his discarded shirt, you wore it, it was a lot bigger than you, but you hoped Bakugo liked it. You walked into the kitchen, a plate of pancakes on the table. “I mad…” He turned around seeing your cute little face in his shirt. “You really want me to bend you over right now.”

You giggled walking up to him, he grabbed your waist planting a soft kiss on you mouth. It was a lot calmer than last nights, but still had the same love in it. You heard his front door open, but Bakugo’s grasp on your was still tight, you squealed not wanting to be seen, instead Bakugo flipped you around, his body pressed onto your back and his chin resting on your shoulder.

“Oi Bakugo, did you forget we were meeting at the…” He trailed off seeing both of you. “Isn’t that your attractive neighbour.”

Your face reddened, “I said you could use my spare key in emergencies.” The door was still wide open, and you knew Bakugo’s shouting would raise some attention.

“I thought you died.” Kirishima spoke. “I’m Eijiro Kirishima, you’re the neighbour, we’ve all had to hear so much about.”

You smiled at the fact Bakugo spoke about you, it melted your heart. “I’m Y/n Y/l/n.” You smiled, Bakugo’s grip loosening as you went to shake Kirishima’s hand.

“Nice to meet you.” He smiled out.

“What the fuck is all the noise.” You saw the door of your apartment open, you looked at your roommate who looked tired and her hair dishevelled. “Y/n what the fuck are you doing in there?” she looked between Bakugo and you, the way his arm was placed around your waist.

“You didn’t, even after everything I said.” She spoke a loud. “Tell me everything.”

She grabbed your hand, dragging you out. “I’ll see you tonight.” You shouted at Bakugo who watched you walk away.

“Ooo pancakes.” You heard Kirishima gleam out, Bakugo watched you get dragged away. A smile at the fact he had finally gotten what he wanted.

proceed to part two here

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alaina-rose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-su-ki

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crowsent · 3 years

Text

tales from the smp: the village that went mad ft. salt losing his goddamn mind

“im jack. and. im a farm person, and i like p o t a t o e s”

starting the stream well i see. ponk coming in with generic potato boy and i love him for it

QUACKITY

“my name is helga, wife of badboyhalo” QUACKITY

karl: “bad, explain your character other than person that beats up their wife”

bad, immediately: “well, i do declare that my name is jimmy and im the mayor of this town”

and then bbh just fucking starts spinning around when hes asked what the name of this town is, theres a pause, and then he fucking hits us with “not a very good town, town” like BAD

this is why i love this man

this is why i fux with this man

he is unparalleled

but as much as i love bbh and would literally murder god for him, he still canNOT match the quiet theatricality of mr corpsehusband saying “im gonna turn around and itll all make sense” and then he has a fucking CAT TAIL

corpse “choke me like you hate me” husband is a fucking CATBOY ladies and gentlemen

hes a fucking catboy which further proves something which we already knew was true all along: furries exist in minecraft and are, in fact, accepted in society and treated no less differently than humans

this is why fundy and antfrost can just walk around without anyone telling them shit

this is why wilbur can fuck a salmon

corpse “catboi” husband paved the fucking road and drove down in a custom vintage jaguar so every other furry on the smp could fucking drive behind him in a second hand porsche

i salute you mr corpsehusband

truly amazing

miles memeington, connoisseur of steak and bob, “bob the builder” need no explanation

CORNELIUS COMING IN WITH THE BRIGHTASS NEON GREEN BODYSUIT EVERYBODY

GIVE IT UP FOR CORNELIUS

BEST RPER ON THE ENTIRE SMP

CORNELIUS GREENBODYSUIT EVERYONE

tubbo with the very cute ‘i am robin, i am an orphan child” being IMMEDIATELY ruined by karl sayin

“dont let technoblade hear about that”

i love this already

feed me technoblade lore. the man never fucking uploads so i have to get content adjacent to him

i wanna hear about technoblade the orphan killer. i want that backstory lore

and also i wanna protect robin the orphan boy because hello???????????

that skin???????

let me adopt you mr orphan boy

i love quackity just very casually going “my husband and i had intercourse” at the fucking TOWN MEETING BY THE WELL

truly

quackity’s comedy is unmatched

“hes into lots of weird stuff. he taught me this one thing called dunderhead”

and IMMEDIATELY someone (cant tell who, i have auditory processin issues) fucking goes “i DO NOT know this woman” and tbh if i were in that fucking town hall listening to my fucking weirdass neighbour casually lay out all her family secrets, id fucking say that shit too. id fucking disown this bitch as my neighbour. id fucking pretend she doesnt exist

imagine your fucking next door neighbour siddling up to you in the fucking w*lmart while youre just minding your own goddamn business trying to buy a fucking banana and your next door neighbour helga is dressed in a fucking bikini going “my husband fucked me so hard i couldnt walk” and even though you are clearly not interested and trying desperately to get away from her and her wackass gossip, helga goes ahead and fucking LISTS OUT HER HUSBANDS KINKS IN THE FUCKING FRUIT AISLE AT FULL VOLUME

id die

id just fucking die

id uninstall life right then and there

id pack my fucking bags and take a fucking extended vacation to guatemala and never return. id fucking change my goddamn name just to ensure that people never associate me with this woman.

thats what quackity is doing and i am very thankful this man exists and has given us the treasure that is helga

cOuLd iT Be iN ThE nAMe oF SaTaN???????? 🤔

karl

bruh

bustin out the fucking OLD conspiracies huh

“or could it be in the name of content on karls stream”

and hes just casually breaking the 4th wall too huh

kinda stealing techno “ill read donations in the middle of rp bc i need a distraction” blade’s go-to method there huh

its fucking funny tho. hes narrating this all serious-like but then he just goes “content on my stream uwu” and unrepentantly shatters that suspension of disbelief (in a good way)

but it wouldnt even matter bc apparently, satan and karls content have no difference

does protection exist in the smp? im worried for helgas health

the woman visited 3 different fucking houses in one night

i love how the rp just stops dead in its tracks around the campfire

no one was using any of the names

corpse was out here calling everyone by their actual names and not the names of their characters

this might just be bc im a pathological liar whos seen and heard shit but

i love him but

i mean

bbh cant lie

the man cannot lie

his voice is off, pitch wrong, tone sus

he is deffo a murderer

being accused of something hes not would make a person defensive/angry and bbh is not either

the man is LYING

and his argument/defense was LITERALLY tubbos

man cant lie

send this murderer to hell

tubbo can lie, but imo hes not. his voice is the voice of a person whos telling the truth

man is legit the doctor

a doctor who chose to fucking lay on the LORE

father killed in the red-eyed village wars????? mother taken from a young age?

motherfucker brought the LORE

motherfucker brought the SOB STORY

motherfucker legit said “here is my canonical in-character reason for being a doctor fuck you”

and honestly

what is bads defense?

karl asked if the town should kill an orphan over a mayor and there is legit no right answer to that

there is no good rebuttal

so bad straight went “you make a great point. just execute me”

amazing

10/10

idk who said it but “orphans just suck up resources” whoever you are i love you

i was eating my chips in peace but then i almost choked

thank

I FUCKING KNEW TUBBO WASNT THE MURDERER

his voice did not match

my bets on fucking ponk

its fucking DREAM

DREAM MURDERER

my respect for this man

motherfucker

shouldve known

he was kinda quiet at first but then he suddenly started talking a lot

son of a BITCH

gg dream

round 1 wasnt very rp heavy but

i can excuse that

who in the FUCK is making choking donald duck noises

who

bbh got a new skin cool

WHO IS MAKING THE CHOKING DONALD DUCK NOISES

corpse, about dreams death: “they killed him in front of me”

the town: “who was it corpse?”

ladies and gentlemen corpse, without a moments hesitation: “im also blind”

so the murderer is deffo not corpse. deffo not tubbo. probably not lazarbeam probably not bbh

that leaves quackity, george, and ponk

MY PARTNER WAS KILLED

i knew corpse was a catboi but i didnt know that mr dream “i went on a date and almost married a fox” wastaken partnered with a fucking catboy

what is this

dnf is out, dream corpse is in /j

bruh

MY PARTNER WAS KILLED

bro

the tragedy

CALM DOWN WENCH THE BOY DID NOTHIGN

CORPSE

STOP

CORPSE

standing up for tubbo like that

corpse

please

my heart cannot handle this

okay so its deffo not corpse and tubbo. most likely not quackity after that fucking disaster at the campfire. probably not lazarbeam or bbh. still think its george and ponk

CORPSE

he got executed trying to console tubbo who legit WENT IN THE PRISON TRYING TO LOOK FOR HIM

BRUH

WHAT THE FUCK

TUBBO

technically its robin but

TUBBO

he lost his father so quick what the FUCK

i will murder god for robin

the little shaking head he does after corpse got killed. going completely silent as he lost the one family he had left.

bruh

robin bby no

I KNEW HE WASNT THE MURDERER

tubbo

im sorry

I KNEW IT WAS PONK

was wrong about lazarbeam/george tho

bruh

what the fuck

tubbo/robin honey i am so so sorry

catboi corpse i am so so sorry

#tales from the smp #dsmp #salt liveblogs

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

Text

5 Simple Rules For A Successful Fake Relationship: Ben’s POV

5 SIMPLE RULES MASTERLIST

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summery: 14 scenes told from Ben's Perspective.

Warnings: A whole lotta angst and badly handled feelings. swearing, drinking, a little bit of smut/masturbation (18+) basically everything from the other chapters but from Ben’s side lmao

Words: 22 790 (oh god im sorry, but all the sections are separated so you don’t have to read it in one hit!)

A/N: I know it's like super duper late but here is the final chapter of this series that I promised! Basically just a collection of blurbs (maybe a few oneshot length parts too) that tell the story from the other side. Some are his point of view of things that occurred in the main chapters, some fill in gaps that reader wasn't around for.

I had a lot of fun writing from a perspective I don't normally write from! It was a bit of a challenge at times but definitely something I'd like to do again.

Taglist: @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies

@coni-martina @hardforbenhardy @cubedtriangle @vicouscirce @arianabrashierstuff @pattieboydwannabe @maggieroseevans @theprettyandthereckless @friccinfricks

“Pick up Joe, pick up,” Ben mumbled to himself, pacing around his trailer. The phone rang out and he let out a grunt of annoyance as he switched to text message.

I fucked up. Call me.

It was an anxious ten-minute wait in which Ben found it hard to sit still or focus on anything other than what a colossal mistake he’d made. He tried to go over his lines instead, tried to focus on the next scene you’d be filming together but all he could think about was you. You and how badly he’d fucked up. Finally Joe put him out of his misery. “Thank Christ,” “Sorry I was asleep,” a yawning Joe said from the other end of the line, “What happened that you needed to contact me at 6am?” “I said yes,” “To?” “Joe, I know it’s early for you but please try to keep up. I said yes.” There was a pause as Joe tried to work out what Ben meant and then realisation dawned, “Nooooo,” “Yes. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Oh my god,” Joe groaned, sympathetic, “You said yes? To the fake dating schtick?” “I wasn’t going to,” “I should fucking hope not. After everything we talked about yesterday? After we agreed it was a horrible idea?” “I know! I know,” Ben had to pause to gulp in a breath, his chest suddenly feeling too tight to handle the oxygen, “I was going to say no. I came in with a plan to say no and it was on the tip of my tongue for the entire meeting. They were going through these pages explaining it all and all of the rules we’d have to follow and I was ready to say no, I was going to say no,” “So what happened?” Ben flopped down onto his couch, the one he liked to nap on when time allowed, running his hand through his hair as he spoke, “I looked over at her and my mind clouded over and I said yes,” “Did she ask you to?” “Nope. I think she knew what I was thinking through the whole thing, she seemed shocked when I agreed to it. Fuck, why did I say yes?” “Cause you’re a fucking idiot.” “You can say that again,” “I could but I won’t.” Joe exhaled slowly into the receiver, “Jesus man,” “Yup. You wanna know the worst part though?” “Agreeing to it wasn’t the worst part?” “I’m not totally disappointed,” “Ben,” Joe sounded mildly horrified so Ben hurried to explain. “I mean, I know it’s bad. I know there were a thousand ways to better handle it...sticking to the plan and asking her out after we wrapped being the least of them. But...I have date ideas picked out already. There’s this wine and art place she’d love and the ice-skating rink and I’d love to take her to that Chinese restaurant near me. And I’m kind of happy I have an excuse to look at her now, touch her. I don’t have to worry about if she’s caught me staring or if I’m doing a bad job of hiding my feelings because everyone’s going to think we’re dating anyway so what’s the fucking harm,” “Alright Ben, I’m gonna stop you there. You need to get this shit under control. I suggest going to a bar, getting drunk, and getting into the pants of the first girl who talks to you.” “Can’t,” “Oh don’t give me that bullshit. You’re not so hung up on this Y/N chick that you can’t think about sleeping with someone else, are you?” “Doesn’t matter, I literally can’t unless I want everyone to think I’m cheating on her. Don’t think that’d go down well with the studio or anyone else really. They’d crucify me for fucking up the plan after less than a day.” “Would you have followed my advice even if that wasn’t the case?” Ben mad a non-committal noise, “Probably not. I just want her,” “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend? I distinctly remember you whining about a boyfriend.” “Apparently it was never that serious. He was boring.” “You’re boring too Ben. Hate to break it to you but you’re dull, unexciting, tedious. She’s not going to want to date you either. Might as well give up now,” “Have you got a thesaurus sitting in your lap?” Joe laughed despite himself, “I thought this was going to be a crush Ben. Short lived.” “Me too. It’s not though. I can’t get her out of my mind. When I’m with her I don’t want to leave and then when I have to leave all I can think about is when I’ll next see her. She’s so wonderful and beautiful and kind-hearted. She likes pulling faces at me from behind the camera and she’s got the cutest laugh…When she’s nervous about a scene she bounces her leg. Every time. And she’s so sweet to everyone on set, always chatting with whoever is around and making jokes and stuff. I want to make her laugh. I want to calm her when she’s nervous. I want her.” “Maybe you should just tell her how you feel now. I know you wanted to wait until after the movie but I think that horse has bolted,” “I can’t tell her now, are you insane? If I tell her now she’ll call up her agent and cancel the whole fake dating thing and she’ll never want to see me again,” “Maybe she wants to date you too,” “Nope. She literally said to me she wouldn’t date me in real life,” Ben paused, thinking, “d’you reckon there’s a chance she might fall for me too? Like, with the whole pretending to date thing? Maybe I could convince her I’d be a good boyfriend,” “Don’t get your hopes up Ben,” “You’re right. She’s not going to change her mind about me. We’re friends and that’s it. And I’ve just gotta focus on finishing this movie and getting through the whole relationship without her figuring anything out.” “I don’t envy you, buddy.”

***

It took Ben a few moments of lying in the dark to remember why he felt so nervous first thing in the morning. But the waiting message from Peter about what time the photographer would arrive was enough to remind him. He lay there a little longer, trying to prepare himself for everything, trying to convince himself that seeing you first thing in the morning would be enough of a turn off to stop him from feeling the way you made him feel. It didn’t work, the convincing or the seeing you. If anything, seeing you yawning as you left his spare room just made it all the worse. You, in his pyjamas. It made his stomach flip. He found it hard to pull his eyes from you as you drank your coffee, found it hard to not enjoy the sight of you in his pyjamas in his kitchen. You’d never been there before but you didn’t feel out of place. He could imagine other mornings, making pancakes together, you with a spot of batter on your nose that he’d wipe away and replace with a kiss, or else making you the first tea or coffee of the day and bringing it to you in bed, snuggling under the covers with you, your head resting on his chest as you talked quietly about whatever was happening that day. But planning out how you’d look for the camera was a sharp reminder that it wasn’t real, that you were only there because of work.

“And, um, he was very careful in how he worded it, but they want us to look like we fucked. Also I told them I’d take you home so there may be someone waiting for us there too, he never got back to me on it.” “Shit, okay. Umm, guess I’ll just wear this then?” he watched as you indicated the pyjamas you’d borrowed, his pyjamas, “might lose the pants though, help sell it a bit more.” “Yeah, guess so,” Ben had to clear his throat and avert his eyes, terrified that you’d be able to see what he was thinking, willing himself to stop thinking about helping you out of them. “What time is it?” He glanced at the oven, thankful to have even the smallest of diversions, “Twenty past eight,” “God I haven’t been up this early on a weekend in months.” “Not one for farmers markets or anything then?” This was a better topic. Boring, safe. “Not really. Much prefer lying in bed doing nothing.” Shit, “Me too,” he laughed, trying not to imagine you in his bed in just his shirt (fuck the pants they were too big for you anyway). “We’re meant for each other,” Ben took another sip of coffee to keep from groaning. You had no idea what you were doing to him and he wasn’t going to be the one to tell you. Not now at any rate. He’d killed any chance of anything happening when he’d agreed to this stunt and now he had to suck it up and deal with it. “Did you want to have a shower or anything?” “Nah, you can if you want though,” “Might as well wait until I get home. But I am gonna clean my teeth, especially if we have to kiss.” Jesus, the kiss, he’d almost forgotten about that, “Maybe mess up your hair too, make it look like you didn’t sleep much.” This is dangerous territory. “Well how could I when you’re such a good lover,” Oh god oh god oh god, “I know you’re joking but if anyone asks, I’m incredible. You came like three times,” “Did I now?” “Of course,” “Good thing no one’s gonna ask then, don’t think I’m great at lying,” Ben wanted to stop, wanted to switch back to talking about farmers markets and breakfast options but he didn’t seem to have control over himself anymore, “Besides, it’s not really a lie, I am that good. You just haven’t experienced it personally.” You poked your tongue out at him as you turned back towards the bathroom. As soon as he heard the door shut Ben collapsed forward against the kitchen counter, leaning on his palms as he grappled with what had just happened. He’d need to keep his wits about him from now on. Flirting like that couldn’t happen again, he’d been lucky that you'd treated it like friendly banter. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown out the voice that suggested you’re lack of awareness was proof of how disinterested you were. It was only when he heard the bathroom door swing open again that he forced himself to move.

“How do I look?” you asked as you re-entered the room. Can’t avoid looking at her now, she wants your opinion, “Gorgeous.” It was true. Everything you’d done to make yourself look like you’d had a late night just made you even more desirable. The messed up hair, the smudge of makeup around your eyes. He gulped when he noticed the undone buttons of the flannel shirt, just enough to tease, and the missing pants. Tell her you want to pin her to the wall and undo the rest of those buttons. Tell her you want to wake up to that sight every morning. “But do I look like I’ve been thoroughly fucked?” “Oh, right, ummm,” he gave you another cursory look, trying not to linger on any part of you for too long, “yes, I think so,” “I feel like there’s something missing,” suddenly you turned on your heel and stepped back towards the bathroom. Ben waited where you’d left him until, “Oh! I know. Might be taking it a bit far though.” Clearly he was supposed to be part of this conversation, so he followed you to the doorway, stepped just over the threshold, “What is it?” You were scrutinising your appearance in the mirror and he let himself watch your reflection, “what if you gave me a hickey?” Ben’s breath caught in his throat though he managed to stutter out your name. “Yeah, I know, that’s a weird thing to ask. Don’t worry, I think we’ll be fine without it,” He inhaled deeply wondering if your backtracking was a sign that you’d worked out what was going on in his head. He couldn’t let that happen. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to give you a love bite, though he’d prefer to be covering you in them. Slowly, he let the breath go again, “no, you’re right. A hickey will definitely make it look more authentic,”

“It’s not totally inappropriate for me to ask?” Babe this whole thing is inappropriate, “No, no, we have to make it look legit. Here, I’ll uhhh,” With another, less than steady, breath, he stepped behind you, close enough that you were practically leaning against him. His heart began to beat faster, his stomach did summersaults. Carefully he wrapped his arm around your waist to steady himself, pull you closer, as he pushed your hair to the side. He glanced at your reflection, waiting for you to stop him, to notice his shaky fingers and burning skin and to jump away from him. But you didn’t. You let him lean in, let him press his lips to your neck, let him mark you. He felt your own breath speed up, felt you tilt your head, inviting more. And then. It was only a small hum, but it had definitely come from you. He glanced at the mirror again, saw you had your eyes shut. You liked it. He was giving you a hickey and you were enjoying it. This might be his only chance to do that, to make you feel that way. He refocused on your neck, where his lips met your skin, soothing the fresh brand with his tongue. He could happily have given you ten more, was tempted to go in for a second at least. Instead he let you go, stepped backwards as quickly as he could manage. If he waited too long he’d end up saying something he’d regret. “Will that do?” “It’s great Ben really ties the whole look together,” He tried to match your smile though it felt like there was a warning siren going off in his head, “Good. Good. Okay then, I’ll umm, what time is it?” “Just after nine. Wonder if the photographer is here yet,” “I think I will jump in for that shower actually, by the time I’m done he will definitely be here,” he needed some time to compose himself before he even thought about stepping outside the door with you, “Make yourself comfortable though, watch some TV or something.” “Alright. Thanks for being so cool about all this. I know you’re a little sceptical about the benefits and everything.” “It’s fine Y/N, no need for any of that,” he forced another smile as you left but the moment you’d pulled the door shut it slipped again. Slowly he made his way to the tap, splashed his face with cold water. His fingers still tingled where they’d rested against you. The echo of your hum was stuck in his head. Your perfume still lingered in the air. “Fuck,” Ben directed the curse at his reflection, unsure any other word could sum up better than that. The fact that you didn’t want him was fucked, having you here looking the part of the perfect girlfriend was fucked, giving you a hickey for the performance was fucked. And the fact that he was sporting a semi from it was really just the cherry on top of his totally fucked sundae. He couldn’t go back out to you in such a state, especially not when you were going to have to make out for the camera. A shower to relieve himself was the only answer, though he felt bad about you being only a couple of rooms over.

With a final prayer that you wouldn’t overhear or work out why he’d changed his mind about the shower, he turned the taps on and began undressing, wincing a little as he stuck his arm under the scalding hot water. With some adjustment he was able to fully step into the shower, pausing for a moment to relax under the steady beat of the water before reaching for the soap. Of course, you were on his mind as he wrapped his hand around his cock and slowly started stroking himself. The way you looked in his shirt, the swell of your breasts just barely exposed, tantalisingly so. The hem of the shirt draped over your bare thighs. You’d make such a sight dressed like that, lying in his bed, the sheets tangled around your legs. Better still his legs tangled between yours. He thought of the hum you made as he’d sucked at your throat. On the verge of a whine, maybe even a moan. Would you whine if his lips were on your chest instead? What about your thighs, leaving a trail up to… His breathing was faster now, hand moving at a similar speed. We’re made for each other. Your voice, your words. You’d say it, half pant it, while he was inside you. Made for each other. And you’d hum that hum of pleasure. Your thighs, under his shirt. His arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close as he pulled your hair aside. What if you gave me a hickey? The warmth of your body leaning against his, such a contrast to the cool bathroom tiles. That hum. Those thighs. The way you say his name. Made for each other. Your lingering perfume. Your lingering warmth. Your lingering hum. His name on your tongue. He bit his lip to keep from making any sound as he came onto the floor of the shower. It took Ben a few moments to right his breathing, eyes pressed shut so he could hold onto the fantasy for just a little longer. But he knew he didn’t have the time. At least you get to kiss her again. He rushed through washing his hair, scrubbing himself clean. As he stepped out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and swiped his palm over the fogged-up mirror. He forced himself to smile, tried to make it seem natural but that just made it feel more fake. Maybe you wouldn’t notice. With a final exhale he left the bathroom, heading towards his bedroom to find some clean clothes. Your laugh cut through the mostly quiet house. Something on the tv, a cartoon by the sounds of it, had made you laugh and Ben couldn’t help but smile for real at the sound. It made it all seem worth it.

***

It had been a bit of an odd week. Everyone at work knew about the relationship and Ben had found himself set upon by well meaning set dressers and ADs who were curious to know when it had started and how they’d kept it such a secret because “seriously Ben, no one suspected anything.” That was nothing to his friends though, who were shocked he’d never brought it up even in passing and who demanded to know when they could meet this secret girlfriend of his. “Someone’s gotta tell her about the time you pissed your pants at the fair,” “I was seven and had drunk a lot of coke,” “Excuses, excuses. What’s your excuse for never mentioning her before?” “I thought we were going to play FIFA, not talk about my love life,” “We were but that was before we all saw your girlfriend’s arse online,” “You can’t see her arse in that shot,” “Near enough. And we can definitely see the giant fucking hickey on her neck. Now explain yourself,” “Alright mum,” Ben shook his head, “I mean, you know I don’t normally date people I work with. Neither does she. We both wanted to give our selves some time to see if it worked, to make sure what we thought we were feeling was legit and not on screen emotions carrying over or anything like that.” “Well it looks legit judging by photos,” “Shut up,” Ben sighed, rolling his eyes, “I actually really like her,” “Hey, I have a question. When the fuck have you been seeing this chick? Because your down time is spent with us.” “Oh, umm, y’know, after work and stuff. I don’t spend all of my time with you guys,” “Uhhh beg to disagree,” Ben tried to keep his tone normal though his heart was racing. If they figured it out now it could all be over, “Fuck off I have a life outside of you. And just because I was hanging with you guys in the evening doesn’t mean I didn’t see her earlier in the day.” “Nooners?” “Lunch dates.” “Uh huh. Okay, lunch dates. She’s a good shag though, right?” “Oh yeah, fucking….great shag,” “You gotta give us more than that mate,” “Sure, okay, but first can one of you kill me,” “Boooooo,” Ben laughed as he was pelted with crisps, “I’m so going to kick all your arses, now hand me a controller.”

The week had also brought him a copy of your rules. He’d taped the sheet to the bottom of his sock draw where no one else was likely to see it but he could still have a daily reminder that none of it was real. Being around you made it easy to forget you weren’t actually his girlfriend, the lines between friendly banter and flirty teasing becoming too blurred. Of course, he also had Joe reminding him to keep his head straight. He’d called after he saw the morning-after photos. The conversation had started with Joe calling Ben a moron but quickly shifted into Ben ranting for close to an hour because he’d, that morning, heard all about the conversation with Felicity and how you’d spent so long talking up his prowess. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or scream. “Is this some kind of punishment? Did I do something completely fucked up in a past life and now I’m paying for it?” “Maybe. Or maybe it’s a lesson on why you don’t agree to something because a pretty girl smiles at you.” “Oh bugger off, you’re absolutely no help,” “Well what do you want me to do?” “I don’t know.” “I could talk to her for you.” “Mate, that’s you’re worst idea yet.” “When’s the date?” “This Saturday.” “Just keep reminding yourself you’re there as friends. Don’t get sucked in by the act.” “I’m trying.” Easier said than done, especially when he’d had the date planned for a solid few months. Not officially of course, but in the back of his head. You and him and a bottle of wine as you sat close together and painted. When he imagined the date you wore a sun dress and decorated your canvas or plate, or whatever it was he pictured that time, with little hearts and lipstick kisses. He’d make you laugh with some kind of joke and you’d lean your forehead on his shoulder. Everyone else would melt away as you looked up at him, still smiling. And you’d say something about how you should have realised you loved him sooner. “Because I do, Ben, I love you,” Which is when he’d kiss you, softly.

Ben shook his head to clear it, focusing back on the script in his hand, though you’d soon distracted him again. The real you, not the fantasy date one. The one who was bouncing her knee and staring off into space. He gently touched your shoulder, “Hey, are you okay?” “Huh?” “You’re jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?” “Oh, nothing,” He didn’t believe you, “Is it about our date tonight?” “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?” What a blessing that would be. I might actually be able to get over you. I could stop imaging you in my bed, “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” “What?” Shit. He hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud, “I’ve been worried about it too.” You nodded, your leg twitching as if gearing up to bounce again. “But I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?” “Yeah I was, but-” “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake,” Ben didn’t necessarily believe it himself, or at least not for himself. He was going to struggle. But you didn’t have any underlying feelings to fight. For you it really was just a good time painting, “they’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple,” “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” “It’s okay,” before he could stop himself he’d reached for your hand, rubbing the back of it. He wanted to do more, to hold you tight and tell you it would be okay. But that would be too much. Instead he rubbed your hand and tried to distract you, “I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.” “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?” “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?” “Theres like six, Ben,” “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,” You laughed. It was the best sound in the world and he was determined to make sure he heard it again on your date.

It took Ben an hour to decide on an outfit. He’d had one set aside but looking at it in the mirror it felt too dressy, he needed something more casual. He paused for a calming smoke and then had to brush his teeth again. On set he chewed gum after a smoke, especially if there were kissing scenes, out of politeness more than anything. But the small part of him that hoped you were treating the date as an audition for the roll of real-life boyfriend worried that it would hurt his chances if he tasted like cigarettes. Assuming you’d kiss. So he brushed his teeth again and changed into an outfit he didn’t hate and then worried that he was overthinking it and should have gone with his first outfit, and needed another smoke. Which meant he had to brush his teeth a third time. It took all his willpower to not ask the uber to pull over so he could have another quick puff. But then he was at your place and you were there and he wasn’t panicking anymore. Maybe it was because you looked jittery and nervous and something in his brain overrode his own anxiety to ease yours, or maybe you just had that effect on him. Whatever the reason it meant he could focus on helping you relax. “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” He was nearly positive you hadn’t eaten yet, too anxious. “Uhh, s’pose so,” “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?” “I swear I’m not normally.” “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” Ben inwardly groaned. When the fuck did snookum become a thing? Why won’t you stop me Y/N? Please god stop me from flirting with you! It was a relief when he made it to the McDonalds without any more slip ups and he could focus on his food and encouraging you to eat yours. He felt things were going well as you walked hand in hand through the bottle shop. He’d squeeze your hand if he felt you tensing up, make you laugh again, distract you. But then you had nudged him and pointed out the photographer. “Relax, he’s not important,” he said softly, pulling you into his side, trying to keep his own breathing even. Your face had paled at the sight of the camera, and Ben was hit by an overwhelming urge to protect you. He kept you as close as he could, soothed you as best he could. It became easier once you’d reached the shop and could get lost among the other couples and groups of friends, though he caught you checking for the photographer through the glass of the shop front. Ben hesitated for half a second before he turned your head towards him, “Forget the photographer Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We’re just two friends having a fun night out, okay?” This wasn’t the carefree date he’d been fantasising about for months. But he held out hope it still could be. If only he could make you see it. He opened the wine, talked about the art options, anything to distract you from the world outside of the shop. You took a little to warm up but he was glad to see you looking around the room as he went to collect your blank ceramics, taking everything in, and soon enough you were both contemplating designs for mugs, the photographer and the reason for the date seemingly forgotten.

Ben’s hope grew with each passing minute. The longer you were there, the more at ease you became. He got to hear your laugh again, frequently. And the conversation flowed naturally as each of you concentrated on your artwork. The design came to him quickly and he went slow, trying to make his lines as straight as possible and trying to make the engagement ring look like the one you’d spent so much of the shoot wearing. We’re really good at this dating thing. Part encouragement to help when you got nervous, part wishful thinking perhaps. But it was a quote from the movie so you wouldn’t read too far into it. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction to the mug and, as soon as he was done, announced it. “Alright, show me then,” Ben watched closely as you examined the still wet design, chewing on his lip as he tried not to care if you cared that the lines weren’t totally straight or the colours didn’t work. But as soon as you realised what the quote was you smiled. He found himself grinning as you told him how much you loved it. “Thought it was kind of fitting. Plus, it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.” “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had,” Ben turned the mug back towards himself, double checking for any flaws. He wanted it to be perfect for you, “Best proposal I’ve ever given.” He was on the verge of adding, “My real one will be better though,” but stopped himself short. That would lead to a topic of conversation he didn’t want to deal with. Not with you. Not now. He was a little surprised as you leaned in close and lowered your voice. “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?” “Promise,” he said leaning closer as well. From the outside you must look like a proper couple, whispering sweet nothings as you ignored the rest of the room. His eyes darted to your lips. Kiss her. He could, couldn’t he? He could get away with it. That was what you were there for, to be a couple, to have photos taken of intimate moments. No one would question it if he just closed the gap, not even you. But he hesitated too long, the shriek of laughter from another table interrupting the moment. He leaned back in his seat, trying to put some distance between you before he lost his head again, “So do I get to see mine?”

Ben was nearly speechless when you did eventually let him see it. The guitar with the lyrics beside it. He couldn’t have stopped from smiling even if he’d wanted to. “And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?” “It is? It’s just the song I overheard you playing that one time.” That one time. A few weeks previous. Between scenes, as he’d waited for the cameras to be organised around the new set. He hadn’t meant for anyone to hear him, least of all you. But he’d been starting to feel tense and wanted to unwind before filming resumed so he’d gone back to his trailer and taken out his guitar. It was a song he’d always liked but he’d been listening to it more often since meeting you and it was the song his fingers had begun to play without him realising. Now here it was, on the mug you’d painted for him. And you had no idea that when he sang about the stun gun lullaby, he was singing about your laugh, or that you so completely had his attention that no other woman could compare. The song might have been written for someone else but whenever he heard it, it was you being sung about. Was that a sign to not give up hope? His heart ached with how much he wished you loved him the same. Fuck, love? He’d never let himself think the L word before, that was serious shit. But it fit. He was hopelessly in love with you and there didn’t seem like there was much he could do to change the situation.

***

Ben looked up from his laptop to see you, brows furrowed, digging through your bag. “Something wrong?” he asked as you pulled your lips between your teeth, worrying at it absentmindedly, in what he had to admit was an adorable fashion. “Uhh, I think I need to go home,” “How come? If you forgot something I have a replacement here. What was it sunnies? Chapstick? A book?” “No, it’s not that sort of-” “Then what? You already have a toothbrush and PJs here,” “No it’s something else... I just think I’d be more comfortable at home today,” Ben tried to keep his voice steady but his mind was whirring with the possible reasons for your sudden wish to leave. Did you know about his secret? “Well a-are you sure I can’t help. We’re meant to be seen together this afternoon and if we leave now they won’t be able to get a shot of us smooching,” You chuckled at his word choice and he found it hard to repress his smile. “I’ll apologise to Mary and Peter, tell them something came up and see if we can reschedule,” “Are you positive there isn’t anything I can do?” You shook your head slightly, “if you really must know my period is a little early and I don’t have any tampons on me. Happy?” “Oh,” he began to laugh at your slight embarrassment, more relieved than embarrassed himself, “is that all? Y/N, you’re not the first girlfriend I’ve had, fake or not. I’m a 29 year old man I can deal with talking about periods, and I can certainly run to the shop for you,” “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that. I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today,” ““Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” You didn’t look convinced, eyeing the doorway to the hall. “Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.” You hesitated a moment longer, “oh alright, as long as you don’t mind,”

It took Ben two minutes to collect his shoes and wallet and car keys and then he was out the door, assuring you he’d be as quick as possible. On his way out he saw the photographer, getting into position by his front gate. He shot Ben a questioning look at the detour from the set plan as Ben hopped into his car. As he reversed out of the driveway he caught the photographer’s attention. “Making a run to the shop to pick up something for Y/N. Might be a good photo in it,” Ben felt odd talking to the man – a man who he recognised well enough, who had witnessed every intimate moment he’d shared with you (and who had been the catalyst for a number of them), but a man he knew next to nothing about. But he hoped that by leading the photographer away he was ensuring you’d have a peaceful respite from the constant intrusion of knowing you were being watched. The photographer nodded, replaced the lens on his camera and headed to his own car, following Ben to the closest supermarket. The distraction of communicating with the photographer was almost enough to make Ben stop kicking himself for not being more prepared for this eventuality. It was only once he was at the store, standing in front of a shelf of feminine hygiene products that he was truly side-tracked from his lack of foresight, and realised he had no idea what you wanted. You picked up your mobile on the third ring. “Hey, it’s Ben, what do you want?” “Don’t tell me you forgot already,” “No, I mean, what sort. There’s hundreds of boxes to choose from, I have no idea which brand you like or what, um…strength you need.” “Oh,” you laughed and described what your go to brand’s packaging looked like. He scoured the shelves, trying to block out the snap of a phone camera as the photographer got his shot. “Ah, got it,” he said as he finally located the right one, pulling down a box for you now and one to keep in his bathroom for future use, “see you in a few.” “Thanks Ben,” “It’s nothing,” he refrained from closing the call with a love you, instead just saying, “Part of the boyfriend package.” On his way back towards the register he detoured into the tea and coffee isle, picking out a box of herbal tea bags that said For Women on the box, hoping they’d sooth whatever cramps you were dealing with, and then grabbed a box of chocolates in case you wanted something sweet to snack on. The photographer was outside already, waiting to get a shot of him leaving with a full bag.

It made Ben’s heart swell to see how grateful you were for his haul. He went to the kitchen to make you a tea and himself a coffee as you ducked into the bathroom. “Did you find the Panadol?” he asked, rattling the box of painkillers as you joined him in the lounge. “Yeah, thanks. I took two but I might need more in a few hours, if I’m still here. I’ll buy you a new box if I use too many,” “Don’t be daft. How are you feeling?” “Yeah fine. A few cramps but it’s nothing.” “Do you want a cuddle?” he asked without thinking. “What?” Ben shrugged, “I don’t know, my ex said that cuddling up with me made her feel better. But that’s a different- she probably said it so she had an excuse to make out a bit,” You laughed, “a cuddle would actually be very welcome right now,” “Oh, well in that case,” Ben shuffled over, patting the space beside him, and tried to remember that you weren’t really dating. But he couldn’t stop himself from pulling you tight against him and breathing deeply.

***

Ben wasn’t drunk. Not properly so anyway. He was too much of a chatty drunk to trust himself when he was sloshed. He’d had enough to loosen up and to dull the ache he felt whenever he looked at you. And to leave his keys at the bar. Nothing a glass of water and some TV couldn’t fix. He’d lost himself in the show when his phone dinged, nearly jumping at the unexpected noise. It was a text from Joe.

WTF?

It took Ben a few seconds to work out what it referred to but then the afternoon came back to him, the last scene you’d filmed, the photo he’d posted. Shit. “Ah, shit. Forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep?” he cast around for a reasonable excuse, “We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.” “Sure,” you said, already pressing buttons on the remote. “I promise I won’t be long,” “Take your time, it’s fine.” Ben smiled though it slipped as he left the room and pulled up Joe’s number. He shut the door of the room he used when he stayed over, already sure this would not be a conversation he’d want you to overhear. “What the fuck is that photo Ben?” “It’s nothing,” he sighed, “just the last day of filming,” “Are you alright, you sound weird?” “We went out for a drink.” “You and Y/N?” “And the rest of the cast and crew. And, before you say anything, no I didn’t get so drunk I blabbed about anything. I do have some self control,” “I wasn’t saying anything,” “No but you were thinking it. Anyway, I think I’m allowed to have a few drinks under the circumstances. Not exactly easy being secretly in love with your co-star who you’re also fakely dating,” “Alright, alright, point made. But that doesn’t explain the photo,” “Like I said, last day of filming,” Joe waited for more and begrudgingly Ben continued. “It was our last scene together and I wanted to commemorate it,” “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.” “Y/N said it was a bit cheesy,” “Uhh yeah, little bit,” Joe laughed, “you’re not worried it was a bad idea?” “No. We got told to post stuff, which you already know since Y/Ns posted tonnes and you’ve commented on nearly all of them. Figured I should pull my weight,” “Someone has to keep an eye on you two. Stop you from doing something stupid.” “That’s what you’re doing is it?” “You sure you didn’t post the photo with that caption because you’re dying to tell her how you feel and this is a safe way to do so?” Ben scuffed his foot along the carpet, digging his toes into the rough material and feeling like a school boy being admonished by a teacher, “So what if it is?” “All I’m saying is be careful. You’re keeping two very large secrets and–” “Yeah Joe, I fucking know but I don’t have much of a choice here,” “That’s what I’m saying…look, I know you’re a bit of a romantic at heart but you’re also not the sort to get this hung up on unavailable skirt so I believe you when you say you love her. But don’t let it slip out because that’ll just make things worse.” “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess,” “Neither do I. Frankly I don’t think you were thinking. At least, not about yourself.” “Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it?” “Alright. This is going to sound harsh, but it’s coming from a place of friendship. Just stop.” “What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.” “That’s not what I meant. I understand you can’t get out of the fake relationship stuff. But, maybe you can get out of the other side of things. Just tell her. Intentionally, tell her. I know it’s not what you want to hear and I know you’re going to argue with me and say you can’t but why not? If you tell her and she admits she likes you then great, you can be together for real. Or, if you tell her and she says she doesn’t feel the same then she can’t get out either and you can be miserable together and she’ll at least stop hanging around you so much when you don’t have to be seen together and you can get over her.” Ben shook his head, “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel,” “I just think this whole situation…sucks for you. A mirthless laugh rose in Ben’s throat, “of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening,” “Are you sure she doesn’t feel something, even if she’s not saying it?” “No I know it’s completely one sided.” “Is there any chance she already knows? You’re not the most subtle guy in the world Ben, maybe she figured it out before you were approached about the fake out,” “No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew,” Ben heard Joe sigh, “I don’t know what to say then man,” “I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her. But it fucking sucks that it’s only in public.” “What about now that the movie’s finished?” “I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will make it easier to stop thinking about her…I doubt it though. It’s not like I haven’t tried already. I spent the whole of pre-production and the first weeks of filming trying to get her off my mind and I couldn’t I don’t know how and I don’t think I could unless we literally stopped talking to each other entirely and, honestly I don’t know that I could handle that. But again, we’re back at I don’t have a choice here. I have to keep seeing her and being with her and being her boyf-” A door slammed at the other end of the house, making Ben jolt. “What is it?” “Nothing, I think Y/N just went to the bathroom or something.” “She’s at your place?” “No, I locked myself out of my place. I’m at hers. I should go though, we’re halfway through an episode.” “Ben. Be careful.” “Always am.”

Ben hung up with a sigh. Joe could tell him to move on or spill the beans all he liked but it wasn’t so simple. He slapped his cheeks and shook his head to clear it, pulling a smile back onto his face as he headed back to the living room. He was a little surprised to see the room empty but settled himself on the couch once again, pulling a throw blanket over himself. It smelt like you. Without thinking he pulled up Instagram on his phone and revisited the photo. You’d commented on it, less cheesy but there were heart emojis strewn throughout. A similar sentiment to his original caption. He sighed and shook his head, clicking out of the app to find something else to read until you returned. The sound of your footsteps drew his attention. Something had changed. You looked pale and unwell. “Are you okay?” “Fine, thanks. Just tired. Might call it quits after this ep.” He didn’t think you’d drunk that much but maybe it was just starting to catch up with you now. Then again, it had been a long and emotional day. You had every right to be wiped out by it and especially now that you were home with no filming or celebrating to distract you from how exhausting it all was. He offered you a spot under the blanket in case it would make you feel better to have some human contact. Just for that reason of course, nothing to do with wanting to hold you. He shrugged it off when you refused and didn’t really think of it again until the episode ended and you went off to bed. He was still too alert to sleep himself, still dwelling on the conversation with Joe. So he flicked TV channels until he found something mildly distracting, a rerun of a dumb home renovation show that was easy to get sucked into.

When he did finally feel tired enough to go to bed he turned off the TV and the lights and began to tiptoe down the hall to his room. But there was light coming from your room. Not the yellow light of a bulb but the blue light of a phone or laptop. You were still up. Maybe you really weren’t feeling well. He wondered if he should check on you, offer to make you a tea with honey and lemon or something else comforting. Did you need tissues? A pot in case you had to throw up? Someone to hold your hair back? He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and sighed. This is exactly what you shouldn’t be thinking. He glanced at the light under your door again and then turned and continued his path up the hall. But, after that, he felt awake again. Unable to sleep. There was too much to think about. Maybe the caption on the photo had been a mistake. Maybe Joe was right and he should tell you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. When it came to you that’s all there was. A noise interrupted him, you groaning and the creak of springs as you shifted in the bed. Is she having a wank? That was his first thought. Does she need help? Was his next. Dangerous. Everything fell silent again and he realised you must have just rolled over to try and get comfortable. He didn’t know whether he was relieved or disappointed. He rolled onto his side, pulled the blanket up a little higher, willed himself to fall asleep but it was out of the question. You shifted again, your bed creaking with the movement. Maybe he should check on you, in case you were unwell. Or maybe there was something on your mind too. Maybe he could help. It was bound to be easier to solve than the mess he was in at any rate. He was on the verge of swinging his legs out of bed again when he was reminded of what Joe said about trying to forget you. He could feel that need to protect you, look after you, rising in his chest again. That wasn’t helpful, it wasn’t what he needed. He sighed and stayed in bed and listened to your tossing and turning until he finally managed to sleep himself. Only to dream of you.

***

Ben settled the bill, walked out of the restaurant and kept walking. The entire time thinking back on the days, weeks before the fight was due to occur. Something had seemed off about you. Or maybe that was just hindsight. If he had noticed anything, if he had ever thought you seemed out of sorts, he’d put it down to stress from auditions, trying to find the next job. It wasn’t always easy lining up another project after one had finished. He understood how stressful it could be, especially for an actress like you who was on the cusp of something bigger, looking for your big break. But maybe he’d been blind. After that dinner, after everything you said, there was no denying that something more was going on.

You’d been…not your usual self. From the moment you arrived. He’d asked if you were nervous, but he hadn’t been able to see any of the usual signs. No bouncing let, no bitten lip. So nervous wasn’t it. But you weren’t happy either. He had been though, happy to see you, happy to be with you again. Even with the looming argument. Truthfully, he’d been thinking of what would happen after, when you were alone together and able to just hang out or whatever. He should have realised things were going south the moment you told him to stop looking so happy. He just kept repeating the evening over and over, rewinding and rerunning every moment as if he could figure it all out just from that. Another moment leapt to the front of his mind. “So having a public spat doesn’t bother you but you almost lost your lunch over our first date?” “That was just because the whole situation was new and I felt weird about going on a date with you.” That had hurt though he knew he shouldn’t have let it. Of course you’d have felt weird about going on a date with someone you had no interest in just for the sake of a movie. But still, it had hurt. A taste of what was to come. “Are you nervous?” You didn’t really seem to care what he said. Of course, he hadn’t given you the whole truth. It wasn’t totally dishonest to say argument scenes made him more nervous than love scenes but that was omitting bigger elements. Maybe it would have been more truthful to say the concept of a public fight wasn’t something he was particularly fond of. But at the time he’d felt like if he’d said then he’d have ended up admitting that it was especially true when you were involved. That all he wanted to do was look after you and love you, not argue in a room full of strangers just trying to enjoy a nice meal. After that he felt like he hadn’t been able to get you to say more than a few words. You who was usually so open and conversational. You who he’d spent more time with recently than just about anyone else. You who he could always talk to, joke around with. It was frustrating that you wouldn’t just tell him. He remembers feeling frustrated, of getting short with you. He regretted that. But that was when he was sure something was wrong. He might have ignored all the signs before that but as soon as he felt you had closed yourself off, he wanted to know why. Wanted to figure out what was bothering you, what could have happened. A fight with Felicity? Bad news about an audition? Maybe he’d said something offhanded and hadn’t realised he’d upset you (god if thats the case I want to know even more so I can apologise a hundred times over). He asked about it all, wanted to make things better, but then you were letting rip. Completely off book and unscripted, even when he gave you cues to get back on track. He would have been impressed with your performance except he was so taken aback by it. Without thinking he’d reached for your hand. He can see it happening in his mind, as if he were viewing the scene from above. The way you’d wrenched your hand away, leaving his sitting uselessly in the middle of the table. And all he could hear was “clingy and needy” in your voice with such…what was it, disgust? Hatred? And before he could so much as open his mouth to stop you, you were gone. That’s not what was meant to happen. You were meant to leave together and laugh about it afterwards. He wasn’t meant to be walking through London on his own, trying to figure out what went wrong.

It was then that Ben looked up and realised he didn’t know where he’d walked to. He considered stepping into a bar with all the noise to drown out your voice, all the alcohol he could handle to make him forget. Clingy and needy. But he thought better of it and turned to hail a cab instead. What he couldn’t stop himself from doing was calling you, though he was left disappointed when it went straight to voicemail. He listened for the beep as if he were going to leave a message but when the beep came he didn’t know what to say. What could he possibly say? What changed? Am I really so clingy? What can I do? Closer to home he tried again but the same thing happened. He hung up before the beep.

As he was letting himself inside his phone rang and for the length of a heartbeat he thought it was you. But it wasn’t. It was just Peter telling him that the video had gone live, congratulating you both for putting on such a good show, being so convincing. He ran through some early statistics, something about how many times it had been shared already, and then followed it by saying they wanted separation for a few weeks, until the make up dinner. Ben listened in a daze. When Peter finally hung up Ben opened twitter. The video was easy to find. He put his phone down on the kitchen bench and moved to pour himself a drink. Maybe he didn’t have quite as much alcohol as a bar, but he had enough to do the trick. His phone was staring at him the entire time. He shook his head, moved the phone to his pocket and headed to his bedroom. His guitar was there, the perfect way to clear his head. He picked it up, sat on the end of the bed and, without thinking, he played the opening chords of that song. Your song. With a slight clatter as his hands knocked the wood, he let the guitar drop back to the bed, trying to dig his phone out of his pocket. The video was still there, waiting for him. Proof. It wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t made up. He couldn’t see your face from the angle it was taken. But he could see the tension in your shoulders, the way you pulled your hand back as if you couldn’t think of anything worse than having him touch you. And he could hear you. Clingy and needy.

Ben watched it just the once, unable to suffer through it again. It wass already playing on a loop in his head, he didn’t really need the visual reminder. And then he called Joe. There wasn’t really much else he could do. No one else he could talk to about it. Joe had seen it, had watched it, and he commented on how good it looked, how real it seemed. “I think that’s because it was. Y/N went completely off book. We didn’t plan it to be like that,” “Is that why you look so shocked?” “Yeah, guess so.” Ben gulped down a mouthful of his drink and wished he’d brought the bottle with him. “I’m trying very hard not to call her something beginning with B right now,” “Joe she’s not a bitch, she’s…I don’t know. Something must have happened, I just don’t know what. “Maybe she’s starting to crack? Pressure of keeping up a fake relationship is getting to her,” “Can you try not to sound too excited by the idea. I’d remind you I do actually love her and if things work out between us I’d like for you to meet her.” “You can’t blame me for disliking her when I get a call from you every other day telling me she’s broken your heart again,” “You’re such a drama queen,” “Fine, I’ll try to keep my dislike to a minimum. But could it be that? I know she doesn’t have the same baggage as you but it’s probably not easy for her either,” “She called me clingy. Needy. Why would she say that?” “Because she’s a bitch.” “Bloody hell Joe,” “Unless…” “Unless what?” “Is there any chance she knows?” “You mean about me? Come off it, absolutely not. It’s not like I tell everyone I meet about it. You’re the only person who knows.” “Alright, then it must be something else.” “What do I do? I can’t,” Ben sighed, “It was meant to be different. We were going to have words at the restaurant and then go home together looking tense and then laugh about it when we were alone but instead…instead I’m home alone with half a bottle of whisky and a fake girlfriend who won’t answer my calls. What the fuck am I meant to do with that?” “Just give her some space Ben. You don’t know it was you. It could have been any number of things. It might just be that she was having a bad day and because you were already set to have the spat, you caught the brunt of her frustration. She’ll call in a day or two, embarrassed and apologising and you can go back to pining in peace. Out of curiosity, what was the fight originally going to be like?” “Oh, um…We’d decided that I was going to suggest she meet my family and she was going to say she wasn’t ready for that and it was all getting too serious or something like that.” “Well, that’s pretty much what she actually said isn’t it?” Ben thought for a moment. He’d been so wrapped up in her description of him, he’d not really thought about the overall message of her monologue, “Yeah, I suppose it is.” “See, she wasn’t as off script as you thought. She just jumped the gun a bit and took you by surprise. I’d guarantee that it’s something else entirely and you just happened to be the unlucky outlet for her anger.” “Maybe you’re right. She did say that thing about pretending everything was okay and acting like we’re serious….how I love her more than she loves me,” “And you’re certain she doesn’t know,” “100 per cent. She’s never had the chance to find out,” “Then of course I’m right, it was just an issue of timing and you being in the line of fire,” “Maybe I should see her,” “No! Bad idea Ben. Really bad idea.” “I just want to be sure it wasn’t my fault. If I’d been less wrapped up in pretending she was my girlfriend then may-” “Stop beating yourself up. Just try not to drink too much and get some sleep. She’ll sort herself out and call when she’s less mortified by the whole thing.” “Okay, yeah,” “And for fucks sake, stay off twitter,” Ben hung up, feeling marginally better but unable to shake the feeling that it was somehow his fault. Clingy and needy. Clingy and needy. Clingy. And needy. The way you’d spat the words at him. The way you’d stormed out. He sighed, slumped forward, and ran his hands down his face. No, Joe’s right, it’s not you. But, as much as he repeated it, Ben still found tears clinging to his palms as he pulled them away.

***

Ben looked at his phone and bit his lip. His eyes shifted back to the ocean of brake lights ahead of the car and then back to his phone. He was already running late and the traffic didn’t seem to be moving. God he did not want to be late. Not after everything that had happened. Not after you’d cleared up the mess from the fight, not after he’d made such an effort to be less clingy, to give you more space. Things weren’t back to normal by any stretch but at least you were talking again, at least you’d missed him. The conversation you’d had the previous night, staying on the phone to watch TV. He’d been surprised by your suggestion but equally as thrilled. It had to be a sign that you felt something too. People don’t just watch episodes of TV over the phone for anyone, do they? He was in with a chance, he knew it. But, in the hours after the episode had ended and the call with it, he’d come to one conclusion. He had to tell you. He had to bite the bullet and tell you. If he wanted something real with you, you had to know. And if he kept it secret any longer it could lead to more arguments which he definitely did not want. What he wanted was for you to understand why he’d become so attached, and hopefully, to reciprocate. So he was going to tell you. And he couldn’t be late.

As the car inched forward Ben made up his mind. He was going to be there on time, one way or another. With a thankful word to the driver he got out of the car and hurried onto the pavement, beginning to walk towards the restaurant. He’d spent all day feeling like he was about to have a heart attack, chest aching with how badly he wanted to see you and how nervous he was about your reaction. He wasn’t going to fuck up now. As he walked a display in a shop window caught his eye and he quickly stepped inside. The bell tinkled as he entered, getting the assistant’s attention. She gave him a up and down glance as she greeted him, as if trying to determine the occasion based on his outfit alone. “Welcome to Coming Up Roses, what can I do for you?” “I need a bouquet,” “I can certainly help with that. Any flowers you had in mind?” “Uhhh not really. Spur of the moment,” “Well what’s the occasion then? I have flowers for everything from weddings to funerals, I’m sorry to Congratulations,” “Um, I’m about to tell the girl of my dreams that I’m in love with her,” The woman smiled, “I’ve got just the thing,”

A minute later and Ben was once again hurrying up the street, clutching the freshly wrapped bouquet, his heart pounding as he tried not to worry about how much time was passing. He had to pause at one point to get a map up on his phone, unsure of the restaurant’s exact location. He was further away than he thought and quickened his step, threading through groups of people on nights out, trying not to bump into anyone. You were already there, waiting. He could see you from half a street away and ran to meet you, kissing your cheek and handing over the bouquet before he really registered that that’s what he was doing. It was only as you were smelling the flowers and complementing them that he realised you were there, actually there, and he suddenly felt extra nervous about it all. “I saw it in the shop and, um yeah, I don’t know, they seemed nice, a-and I know you, um, like nice things, so,” Ben wanted to die, wanted to be sucked into a hole in the ground, sent through a time warp, anything to not be there babbling at you like a fucking idiot. “It’s very sweet of you, thank you,” “I’m glad you think so because right now it feels kinda cliché and cheesy.” Shut up “Now you have to carry them around all night,” fucking shut up, “what was I thinking?” for the love of all that is holy, “And god can I just shut up. Sorry.” He didn’t know what had come over him, but he wished it would go away. And things only got worse as he looked you over, took in your whole appearance. Seeing you just made him want you even more, especially with how gorgeous you looked. He wanted to kiss you, tell you. But he had to be able to speak to tell you and he wasn’t going to be able to do that until he relaxed a little. A drink, that’s what he needed. He downed his first one fast, willing it to work its magic. It did help calm him, though your laugh just made his heart race again. Halfway through the next glass he felt like he could say it and was on the verge of just getting it out into the open when you were interrupted, shown to your table. He took it as a sign that it would be bad timing and that he needed to wait. Instead he focused on just having a good night with you. The memory of your last dinner was still in the back of his mind but he pushed it away by reminding himself that things were better now. He felt himself relax more as you talked and with every touch you gave him. The drinks were definitely part of it too but he put it down to you mostly. How much you sooth him, how happy he finds himself when he’s in your presence. He could breathe properly again. You startled him a little by saying Joe would want to meet you but of course, you don’t know that he knows that it’s all a big production so you just meant it in a friend-being-curious-about-the-girlfriend type way. Very far from the truth. But Ben agrees and changes the topic.

When dessert arrived, he thought maybe that could be a good time to say it because it’s the end of the meal and you can leave quickly if you need to. But before he get’s to it he finds himself asking something else instead. “Can I ask about these last couple of weeks?” He hoped he hadn’t wrecked the evening by bringing it up but he was curious too, “Was it good? The space, did you get what you wanted from it?” Ben worried at his lip as he watched you slowly finish your mouthful and set the spoon down. “Yes. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t helpful because it really was. Just, having that break from everything. I think I really needed it. But I really really missed you too.” That was a relief. Proof that you were on the same page again, back to normal. And proof that you did care about him. “I’m glad. It was hard not seeing you but yeah, helped me figure some stuff out too. Confirmed some other stuff.” “Like what? If you don’t mind me asking.” This is it, this is your moment, “Like, um,” He wanted to say it, had the words picked out already but, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t risk driving you away again, causing another scene. Maybe he could say it back at his place, away from the cameras and the interested public. Maybe that would be smarter. All the same, he felt disappointed with himself for not having the guts to just tell you, and to try to cover the moment asked if you wanted to leave. As you step outside he remembers the kiss that was expected and he leans in to remind you. It’s more than a kiss though, different to all the other times you’d kissed. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to it. Any excuse really. And he says as much when he, somewhat accidentally admits to having missed kissing you. It was a thought that somehow slipped out of his mouth, but either you didn’t hear him or you were too caught up in the moment to say anything. Or she feels the same. He pushed the hopeful thought down as you kissed him back. His heart pounded as he felt your hands on his chest, as if it were trying to tell you what he’d been too much of a coward to say. And then you whined and settled on his lap and god what a fucking gorgeous sound. He’d spent months getting off to the memory of a hum and now you were gifting him a whine? An eager, excited whine at that. The sort of thing he’d been trying to imagine and it was so much better than anything he’d come up with. Your hand was in his hair and he very nearly echoed your noise back to you from that alone, but it caught in his throat as you kept kissing him, tongues twisting, your chest pressed against his. He wanted to hold you close and touch every part of you he could reach all at once, unsure of whether to grab your arse or you hip or the back of your neck. So he did a bit of it all, slid his hand along your arm and then down your back and then to your arse. And all too soon it stops. He could have cursed that driver and the heartless car horn that interrupted and sent reality crashing back down around him.

Once you were inside the safe zone of his house, away from the act, he expected things to go back to normal. You’d take off your makeup and then make a cup of tea and fill a glass of water for your flowers and you’d wind down with something on TV before you both went to bed. He’d have to have a shower to get off without you suspecting anything because there was no way he was going to be able to sleep with the memory of your tits pressed against him and your whine and your kiss swimming around his head. But you don’t walk to the bathroom like you normally do. He pulls the wallet from his pocket, places it deliberately next to his keys. But you still haven’t moved. He turns slowly, notices the way you swallow and lick your lips and he swears he’s on the verge of asking what you’re doing or saying something about it being a mistake, at least the thought crosses his mind, but you were standing so close (when did she get so close?) and when you kiss him again he just kisses back.

It’s a mistake probably, definitely, he knows that. He can hear the siren in his head again telling him to stop, pull away. But the problem is that it doesn’t feel like a mistake, doesn’t feel like it should be, and when he takes a step back you step with him and again and again until he’s somehow on the couch with you on his lap again. And why would he stop that, why would he say no to you when you fit there so perfectly and you feel so good? And all he can think about is that whine and that hum from all those months ago and he wants to see what other sounds he can pull from you so he drops his lips to your neck. “Wait, wait,” He’s confused as to why you’re stopping him and even more confused when you’re not in his arms anymore. “It’s rule one Ben,” Bugger rule one. Bugger all the fucking rules, you’ve broken most of them tonight anyway if they weren’t already broken. A voice in the back of his head reminds him what a big mistake that would be, but it can’t argue against making out. Making out isn’t against the rules and you know it too, you hesitate when he says it out loud. “I’d be good to you Y/N, you know I would,” he’s not sure if he’s talking about here and now, physically, or something deeper, something in the realm of boyfriend but what does it matter because both are true. You shake your head, “You know this isn’t real, right Ben?” And then it all comes out. That you knew about his crush. And everything stops. Just stops. He can’t breathe, air doesn’t exist anymore, and he’d say his heart had stopped too except he can hear it pounding in his ears, drowning out whatever you’re saying. You knew? You’d known for months? All those times Joe had suggested it, all that time he spent worrying about keeping it from you and you already fucking knew? And then everything seems to speed up all at once. The air rushes back, as loud as his heart, which only doubles it’s pounding until he can feel it trying to punch a hole through his chest and escape. Rational thought returns, connecting dots and drawing conclusions almost faster than he can keep up. “Is that why you were upset before the argument? Is that why you didn’t want to see me for the last two weeks?” “I thought some space might help you stop feeling that way.” He has to laugh at how fucking ridiculous an idea that is. That space would have ever helped him purge you from his system. Love isn’t that easy to get rid of. And his tongue must have sped up with the rest of his body because he’s saying it, the thing he’s been putting of saying, the thing he’s been wanting to tell you all night, and he wishes he could stop because this isn’t how he wanted it to go. This wasn’t how you were meant to find out. But no matter how much he screams at himself he can’t take it back. It’s out there. And you look horrified. “You love me?” Three words have never been spoken with more contempt than you managed to cram into that once sentence. “You don’t have to say you don’t feel the same, I know.” Your silence cuts through him like a knife, shredding what little hope remained. His heart isn’t beating against his chest anymore. It’s been kicked across the room and lies lifeless against the wall. “That’s what I thought.”

He can’t be here anymore, can’t look at you. He wants to leave but he remembers all the cameras outside, reminds you of their presence in case you’re planning the same escape he is. He’s trapped there and so are you. So he puts as much space between you as he can, heads to his room and slumps heavily onto the end of his bed. All he can think about is those three words, you love me? Not a hopeful question. Not even stunned surprise. More of an accusation. He tastes blood but otherwise barely notices when he tears his lip with his teeth. You must hate him for getting you both into this mess. He hates that he’s done it, that he’s put you in this position. And he knows you’re never going to want to speak with him let alone see him again. And he knows that as soon as the cameras leave, you’ll leave too. And that thought hurts just as much as everything else. You’re moving about, he can hear you walking around. It sounds like you’re pacing. Five steps and then a turn and then five more steps, another turn. Something about the rhythm breaks through his overactive, panicking, worrying mind. Something about it calms him. Maybe it’s that knowing you’re restless and agitated makes him want to comfort you, despite everything he’s feeling. Or maybe it’s just because the sound of your footfall means you’re still here. And if you’re still here then maybe he can smooth things over. He doesn’t expect to fix everything. He’d understand if you still wanted to erase him from your contacts and pretend you were only ever colleagues. But if he can just explain himself, explain that he never meant for this to happen, explain why he kept it from you or tried to anyway and maybe explain what he’d wanted tonight to be instead of the clusterfuck it’d become. If he can get any of that out then maybe you won’t hate him quite so much.

He says your name softly, not sure he’s allowed to say your name, “I heard you pacing.” “Sorry, I’ll keep the noise down.” “No, that’s not- it’s okay. I just thought, since we’re both clearly awake and since they haven’t left yet, I thought you might like a cuppa.” “I didn’t think you drank tea,” Have you really not noticed yet? He never bought tea bags, until you started coming to stay over regularly. Twice you opined about not being able to have a cup of tea before bed and that was all it took for him to start keeping them in his cupboard along with the biscuits you prefer. That’s how he knows it’s love. He took a breath as he pulled out mugs and stuck the kettle on, resolutely not looking at you. If he looks at you he’ll spill his guts and won’t be able to stop. He has to make tea first. Just the way you like it. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.” It comes out the second he looks at your face and it’s only that you’re telling him you understand that he doesn’t immediately say more. He drops his eyes to the brown liquid in his mug, undrinkable in his opinion, but a perfectly adequate distraction. He needs to get the words right this time. No stumbling and stuttering, no blurting things out without thinking. He needs to say it right so you’ll listen and understand what he’s trying to do. “I promise I understand where you’re at and I’m not going to try and convince you or to chase you or anything like that. I really am trying not to feel this way.” He glances back at your eyes, terrified of what he’d see there. “It’s okay Ben, I know you wouldn’t. I just wasn’t expecting you to drop the L bomb.” “Please don’t hate me,” it’s a whisper compared to everything else he’s said but there’s no way to make his voice stronger. It’s the thing he’s most worried about and admitting it out loud to you is harder than he imagined it would be. “I could never,” the sincerity with which you say it is almost enough to make him cry but the hug is what pushes him over the edge. It’s more warmth and kindness than he thinks he deserves after everything he’s done. And it’s exactly what he needed. Comfort and reassurance in one simple gesture. He wraps his arms around you for the third time that night, his face pressed into the cook of your neck, and you let him, squeezing back, as he lets everything out.

***

The night after you met Joe, Ben visits him again, this time without you. It had always been the plan, to see Joe a few times, as much as the press circuit would allow, while he was in the US. But after the previous night it’s more necessary. And yet, Ben was struggling to vocalise any of his questions. It’s not until after dinner, when Joe suggests they take their drinks out onto the veranda, that any of it comes up. It’s peaceful out there, sitting in the cool night air, each of them taking turns to swig from their beer bottle as they talk. But Ben’s mind is constantly disrupted with thoughts of you. It’s the first time since all the promotion stuff started that he’s had more than a couple of minutes away from your side. Joe isn’t helping, constantly glancing at Ben, frowning, as if he’s trying to work something out. But he’s the first to crack, making it easier for Ben to talk. “How’s it going?” “Press is fine, bit boring. You know how repetitive it can get,” “And you know that’s not what I meant,” “Yeah. Nah, everything’s fine. Mostly,” “Mostly?” “It’s not easy having to share a room with her. I mean, it’s fun though. I’m glad she’s the one I’m doing all this shit with. We’re mates and we’ve been working so closely for so long now that we…get each other. Like there was this interview where one of the questions made me uncomfortable and she knew straight away and broke in to take some of the heat. She just says whatever she can to make me laugh or ease the tension or whatever will help. And I know when she’s getting nervous and needs a break or a fresh cuppa. But when it’s just us in our suite it’s…hard. I don’t know, I’m just trying to keep some distance even though there’s not much to be had. What did you think of her?” “Honestly?” “Of course,” “She’s perfect for you. Except for the not being interested part.” Ben nodded, letting his eyes fall to where his fingernail was digging into the label on his bottle. “Although…” “What?” Ben looked back at Joe, “You think she might be?” “I don’t know. And I don’t want to get your hopes up. She certainly doesn’t think she is. I asked her about it while you were out here last night and she was adamant that she doesn’t think of you that way but that’s not how it looked to me.” “We had a moment yesterday. Just before we came here. Nearly kissed.” “Seriously? Again?” “I stopped it. Kind of wish I hadn’t. Maybe if something happened, she’d change her mind,” “I know I’m not part of this situation and I wasn’t there and can only go off of what you’ve said and the one time I’ve met her but, for what it’s worth, I think you made the right call.” “Yeah?” “I don’t think you want anything to happen with her until you’re both more sure where you stand. Definitely not while you’re stuck sharing a hotel room.” “But what if -” Joe shook his head, “I watched her last night. She looked at you a lot and not just because you were the one talking. She also smiled a lot whenever your attention was on her. I was half expecting her to say she had a thing for you but wasn’t sure if she should tell you or something like that. So I think there is a good chance she is attracted to you but for some reason, doesn’t want to admit it and I think sleeping with her would just make things more complicated and worse for both of you. You said she had her little freak out thing when you were hooking up after that date. You don’t want to let things get further and have her freak out again.” “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just confusing myself because we’ve been in such close quarters. I just wish things were more certain y’know? Like, she keeps saying she doesn’t like me as more than a friend but then we’ll have a moment like we did in the hotel, or like on the plane when she was leaning on my shoulder to help with my crossword puzzle, or when we fucking made out. And then I’m back getting my hopes up only for her to turn around and crush me again. And it’s probably nothing anyway. Just pent up urges since we’ve been fucking trapped in this for months now.” “I don’t know man, it might be more than that. She seemed really into you last night.” “Nah. She’s horny and I’m there and that’s why we’ve had these near kisses and stuff. She’s said she doesn’t like me so that’s it. Maybe it’s better that way anyway.” Joe shook his head again but let the subject drop, “So how long are you here for again? There’s this restaurant up the road I should take you to.”

***

The closer he got to his parent’s place the more tightly wound Ben felt. Bringing a girl home to meet the family was always at least a little nerve wracking – wondering whether they’d like her, whether she’d like them, how many embarrassing stories he’d have to sit through. But he could safely say that with you it was worse than with anyone else. There was so much history with you, despite never having legitimately dated, that he couldn’t stop thinking about. You meant so much to him. And he knew his mum was going to love you (how could she not) and that meant he was going to be asked why it took him so long to bring you around and about where it was headed and they were questions he didn’t really feel up to answering. Of course, on top of all of that, there was the prospect of sharing a room with you, maybe a bed. You hadn’t entirely worked out the arrangement and not knowing was just making him more nervous. Not just for himself either, for you as well. If he was nervous he could only imagine you were too. You were going to be facing questions as well, judgement from a new family. A family you didn’t even want to be part of. So he kept close to you all night. Because it’s easier to pretend to be a couple when you’re by his side and it’s easier to avoid tough conversations when he has the excuse of introducing you to someone else up his sleeve. And it’s so much easier to keep his folks away from you when he’s got your hand in his. He does circuits of the garden with you, chats to everyone with you, repeating the story of how you met and the fiction of how you started dating. And the whole time he’s trying to make sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself at least a little because you don’t even have actual feelings for him to push you on. He’d gladly endure first meetings with every single member of your family tree if you asked but he knows you’re only there because you have to be. Unfortunately, he’s also had a bit to drink so eventually he has to relieve himself, silently cursing his bladder because it means he has to leave you on your own. You don’t seem to mind too much. If anything, it feels like you’ve found your feet and are actually having a good night which he’s glad for. But he still goes as quick as he can.

He’s on his way back when he sees you and instantly realises something’s wrong. Your leg is bouncing so rapidly it’s a wonder you don’t knock the underside of the table, and you’re looking around as if you’re trying to find him. His first thought is that someone has said something inappropriate. There’s plenty of drunk cousins around and who knows what one of them might have said or done in a misguided attempt to be charming or impressive or flirtatious. But then he realises who you’re sitting next to and his stomach drops. So he hurries over to the table and takes the seat beside you, laying his hand on your knee to try to calm you. It works well enough for you to be able to sit there a little longer until he can find a reasonable excuse to leave the table and his mum. He’s not in the mood to be at the party anymore and leads you to the exit, politely waving off anyone who tries to convince you both to stay a little longer. “Better?” he asks once you’re outside, relieved when you say yes. “She mentioned us getting married,” “What? Why the fuck would that have come up?” Ben couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He’d been prepared for a lot but not that. “It was just a passing comment but I….” “It’s okay, c’mon, let’s go home you can tell me everything.” Without thinking he pulled you into a hug, breathing out when he felt you lean into him.

By the time he got back to the house Ben wanted another drink. You’d sat under his arm the entire ride back, keeping quiet, obviously lost in thought as you absentmindedly played with his fingers. Every brush had made him want to take your hand properly and tilt your head up to kiss you, irresponsible and selfish as it might be. One of the upsides of being back home was knowing where his parents hid their best booze, so he dug out a bottle of his dad’s Johnnie Walker, feeling a little like a teenager again, pinching a drink to impress a girl. You laughed though so he counted it as a win. But the reason you were alone together, no longer at the party, was still weighing on him and clearly on you as well. “So what happened back there?” He handed you a glass and waited until you felt you could speak. “I guess it was just harder to be around your family than I was expecting.” Everything you said made sense he supposed. He’d not really considered it that way because he wasn’t so much lying as just playing pretend. But, as much as he wished you were on the same page, he understood where your guilt came from. He tried to make you laugh again but when it didn’t work he set his glass down and took your hand. “Seriously, Y/N, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. The premiere is coming up in a couple of weeks and then pretty soon after that we’ll break up and I’ll tell them it just wasn’t working. They’ll accept it and never have to know the truth. And then we can forget this whole thing and move on.” His chest tightened at the thought of it, not being allowed to even pretend to have you anymore but he clamped down on it for your sake. “But it must be hard for you too. Having me here and everything,” He half shrugged, looking down at where his thumb was brushing the back of your hand softly, “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” Ben glanced back at you, about to tell you it was sweet of you to care about how he was doing, but when he saw your expression he stopped.

He was a little shocked by the kiss, stumbling back a step or two, the warning siren blaring in his head again. Everything told him to run away and yet his feet were frozen in place. Joe had been right when he said he shouldn’t do this, and he’d been here before. It hadn’t gone well then so what made him think it would be better this time? But somehow he can’t find the words and you kiss him again and he decides he’s going to let it happen. He’s sick of trying to fight how badly he wants you and you clearly want this too. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be trying to undress him. He decides he’s going to let himself be selfish for once and just go with it. After the decisions made it all turns into a bit of a blur really. You’re leaning against the table and then he’s carrying you up to his room and it’s like every almost kiss, every missed opportunity and pent up moment you’d never let yourselves have is breaking all at once. You’re on his bed now and god he’s wanted you like this for so fucking long and who cares if it’s wrong. One night won’t matter. And he’s surprised by how wet you are when you pull his hand towards your cunt but he loves that you’re taking the initiative and that you clearly want him just as much as he wants you. You don’t tell him to stop. You tell him how to touch you, what feels good, and he loves that about you too. Even more than he loves how you sound saying his name as you clench on his fingers and shiver through your orgasm and fuck, he thought the whine from last time was a captivating sound but it has nothing on this, on how you sound when you cum for him. He’s going to be thinking about that moment, about you saying his name like that forever. He wants to be inside you, wants to hear it again, wants to make you feel even better and he’s forgotten where you are and how you got there so he leans over and realises this isn’t this room. This room isn’t as prepared as he’d like. For a moment he thinks that’s it and maybe it’s for the best except then you say you have condoms as you get up and rummage through your bags. He wants to know why – were you planning this or are you always just prepared like that? – except then you’re coming back towards him and he really doesn’t care why, just that you do. You climb on top of him and he feels breathless at the sight. He wants to worship you, every inch of you, and he wants to be as close as possible, pushing himself up to kiss you again because he loves you. He says it without meaning to but he doesn’t care, he’s just trying to get you to moan his name again, rubbing your clit until you’re both finished, breathing hard against each other. You’re kissing along his jaw and he wants to stay like that forever, blissed out and tangled in each other’s embrace. But reality rushes back, ignoring how desperately he’s trying to cling to the moment, and he realises how messy everything suddenly is. It hurts too. Knowing it’s not real, knowing that you don’t want what he wants. He remembers what he said just moments before, that confession whispered against your lips, and it makes him feel queasy with embarrassment on top of the heartache that’s already setting in. How many times does he have to put himself through this pain before he gets it through his head? It’s not reciprocated. It never will be. “I’ve gotta…” Ben nods his head in the direction of the door, hoping you’ll fill in the blank yourself. He wants to leave but he also wants to stay there with you, so he settles on shifting out of your reach and looking over at you, not quite able to meet your eye. “I wasn’t expecting that to happen,” Weren’t you? “Neither. Are you okay?” “Yeah. I, um, it was really good and I-I think I kind of needed it.” Ben tried to smile but it didn’t feel like it worked properly. Sure you needed it. A quick fuck to break the forced dry spell. He wanted to run from the room, flee the scene “It was good for me too. Really good. But it can’t ever happen again.” He averted his eyes again, focused on slipping back into his underwear. There was half a second where he looked around for his shirt before realising it was out at the table with the unfinished whiskies. He’d have to tidy up so no one would be able to work out what happened.

Ben downed what remained of both drinks, the burn of the alcohol a welcome distraction, though much too brief. He grabs his phone from the table, drops the glasses onto the kitchen sink and heads outside to throw the used condom into the garbage bin. As if he was going to leave the evidence of his cowardice and misjudgement inside for anyone to find. Ben turned to head back towards the door, but he didn’t want to walk through it. Inside he’d have to face you and he wasn’t sure how to do that yet. Instead he walked down the sideway into the backyard, taking a seat on the retaining wall by the flower bed of peonies. It’s not exactly warm sitting there in just his boxers and his fingers shake a little as he unconsciously find’s Joe’s name in his contacts. Joe must be busy or asleep or something (What’s the time difference again?) because he doesn’t pick up. Instead the call goes to voicemail. “Joe, it’s Ben here. Um… you’re gonna laugh so hard when you hear how fucking stupid I am,” Ben forces a laugh himself, “So I, uh, I just told Y/N that I love her….again….while we were having sex.” A pause as it sank in, “I’m not even sure how it…how we got to… We were just talking and then we were in bed and…. But it’s okay because I told her it could never happen again,” Ben thinks of how affectionate you’d been after, kissing his jaw and his nose, clinging to him, but it wasn’t real, it was just your post-sex, post-orgasm mood. He starts to laugh, less false but not entirely natural either, “I have to drive back with her tomorrow. Christ. Talk about bad timing, huh. But it’s fine though, it’s fine, totally fine. Joe, it’s fine. Because it wasn’t real. We’ve both been pent up and she spent all day with my family and had to listen to my mum talk about us maybe getting married. This was her reward. And that’s all it was. And I’m the idiot for hoping it could ever be more than that. I mean it’s not like friends don’t sometimes fuck, right? Especially when they’ve been drinking and pretending to date. Sex doesn’t have to mean feelings and it doesn’t for her and that’s fine.” There was that tight feeling in his chest again. Ben cleared his throat. “The drive will give me a chance to tell her it was a mistake. Because it was. This whole thing was a mistake. It was a mistake to fuck her and it was a mistake to bring her to meet my family and it was a mistake to pretend to date her and the biggest mistake of all of them was falling for her. And I haven’t been doing enough to reverse that. I know I said I have been, but I haven’t. I got caught up in the maybes and what ifs and I didn’t really try to move on. But now I…. It’s gotta fucking end sometime. I can’t keep doing this. So I’ve got to tell her it was a mistake and I don’t love her. Maybe I never did. Maybe I’m the same as her and it was all just because I was horny. Whatever. Now I can move on with my life. She doesn’t love me and I don’t love her and she’ll just be some bitch I nailed and we’ll both be happy, right?” Ben sighed and swiped at his blurry eyes. He’s not sure if the voicemail cut out midway through his thought process but it probably doesn’t matter. Movement from upstairs catches his eye. You in his old bedroom, getting dressed and leaving the room. He’s a little worried that if he heads back inside now he’ll bump into you on your way to get a drink from the kitchen but he can’t sit outside in the chill air all night. He takes a breath and swipes his knuckle over his eyes again before heading back inside, creeping towards the bedroom. You weren’t anywhere to be seen, though he guesses that means you’re in the bathroom. When he reached the bedroom again, he dug into the closet and pulled out a number of spare blankets, stealing a pillow from the bed. It’s not a particularly comfortable nest that he makes but it’s warm and doesn’t smell as much like you as the bed does. The pillow still holds a trace of you, but he flips it over and the scent is gone. He’s there when you get back, already pretending to sleep, curled in on himself facing away from you. “Ben?” He squeezes his eyes tighter shut, listening as you flick off the light and tiptoe back towards the bed. There’s a creak of springs as you get comfortable and then another as you move again. “Ben?” Your voice sounds even softer that time and Ben is tempted to answer but he bites his tongue. “Ben I-I…. Goodnight.” There’s another creak as you settle back down again. Ben lies perfectly still until he’s sure you aren’t going to move again. He doesn’t want to hear whatever you’re trying to say. It’ll just be everything he already knows. So he keeps quiet and feigns sleep in the hopes that real sleep will bring it’s respite sooner rather than later.

***

Ben’s phone rang and he admonished himself for hoping it was you. He was meant to be getting over you. Besides, the hope was misplaced. It was his mum. “How did Y/N’s audition go?” “Uh,” It took him a moment to remember the excuse he’d made up, “yeah, well I think.” “She’s lovely, Ben. I’m glad you finally let us meet her,” “Yeah,” He didn’t know how else to respond but his mother didn’t need much more encouragement than that. “You should bring her back soon, I’d love to have more of a chance to get to know her. It was a bit hard with so many people there.” “Yeah, um, I’d have to check when we’re free.” He said, dragging his fingers through his hair. “I’m sure you could find one night for us,” “Yeah. But there’s the premier coming soon and we’ve both got auditions and meetings lined up so I don’t know for sure. But let me talk to Y/N and we’ll find a day that works.” “Maybe a weekend? You could stay for a couple of days then, wouldn’t have to rush off.” “We’ll see. Depends.” “Don’t leave it too long honey,” “I won’t mum. Sorry, I’ve got to run, expecting a call back about something.” “Alright, love you,” “Love you too mum,” Ben threw his phone to the other side of the couch and sighed. He’d been expecting that call but that didn’t make it any easier to get through. Not when he’d spent the last few days thinking about that night and everything that had happened. The way your lips felt on his, the way you’d looked sitting on his lap, the way you’d sounded when you came. He shook his head as if he were an etch-a-sketch but the thoughts didn’t disappear, they just morphed into thoughts of later, in the car on the way home. How you’d nodded when he’d said he didn’t love you, clearly overjoyed with the news but trying not to show it.

Ben hadn’t gone cold turkey with you, there was still some contact, but he refrained from anything too unnecessary, spent as much time as he could with his other friends, and tried to keep any replies to you as simple as possible. Unfortunately his parents was less restrained. A few days later his mum called again, checking if he’d had a chance to invite you over yet. The day after he received a message from his dad suggesting he come down for lunch on the weekend (and encouraging him to bring you along), and then a couple days after that there was another call, one which he ignored. Every time he was thrown back to that night. But not even ignoring the calls helped. It just left him dwelling on everything and it didn’t even deter them. When next his mum called he found himself in yet another conversation on the topic and only just managed to stop himself from hanging up in her ear. He couldn’t do it anymore. It was pointless, all of it. The part of him that had thought you’d fall for him if you slept together had been proven wrong so there was nothing left to hope for. But with his family and friends thinking you were dating, always asking after you, and with you texting him memes and requesting his help, how was he meant to move on? What he needed was a clean break. But the breakup wasn’t scheduled until after the premiere and it wasn’t like a date had been set, it was up to the studio or your agents or someone else. And Ben wasn’t sure how he’d be able to wait it out that long.

A breakthrough came in an email from Peter, an update about the movie Ben had signed on for. Originally it was meant to film in England, but those plans were in the process of changing. Part of it would still be done around London but now it seemed a big portion of the filming would happen in Spain too. Peter seemed unsure as to how this change would clash with the plans for the breakup but Ben saw it as the opportunity he needed. He wouldn’t be leaving until after the premiere anyway so it wouldn’t change your last public appearance together, but it would also work as the clean break he’d been looking for. Plus, as he reasoned to Peter, they could use the distance as an excuse for why the breakup happened. Peter seemed to like the idea and agreed that the change of location wouldn’t affect anything enough to make Ben drop out. Ben was relieved, having been excited about the project since he first picked up the script, and began looking forward to getting away from you properly. Being in a completely different country would give him the time and space he needed to stop thinking about you. It would be easy to sever all ties to you and get on a plane and move on, maybe meet someone who could drive you from his mind. He’d have to break up with you though, not just through the press but as a friend too. He couldn’t have you texting him while he was away or commenting on photos he posted online. It had to be complete. He had to remove you from his life entirely. After the premiere would be a good time to tell you. He’d pull you aside at the party or maybe tell you in the limo on the way home. It’d be hard to explain but you’d understand. She’s probably been wondering how to get rid of you anyway. Surely, you’d be pleased to hear he was going to leave you alone, not bother you with his stupid feelings anymore. You’d agree it was for the best.

***

The night of the premiere snuck up on Ben. He’d been distracted with warding off his parents every invitation, on top of sorting out everything for his trip to Spain. Before he knew it the night had arrived making him feel equal parts excited about seeing the final product of what he’d spent so many months working on and anxious about seeing you. All he could think about was what he was going to say to you. He felt bad about cutting you from his life but there was relief too, knowing it’d be over soon. As he dressed in the suit his stylist had picked out he went over the speech he’d mentally written. It’s just a breakup, you’ve done it before. Tell her you’re sorry but you can’t see her anymore. That’s all you have to do. So, it was with this confusing mixture of emotions that he got into the limo and he only felt more ill at ease as he approached your place to pick you up. “You look lovely,” he said as you climbed into the car beside him. It came out more robotic than he meant it to. But there was a sense that this was the last time he’d be allowed to properly look at you so, while you were getting settled and taking in the interior of the limousine, he allowed himself a final chance to look you over. A hundred other adjectives to describe how beautiful you were, all dressed up and glowing, popped into his head but he kept those to himself. He couldn’t second guess his decision now. It was the only way to stop caring about you. And yet, he could feel his resolve crumbling just from being near you for the first time in weeks. No. Don’t let her get to you. This is why you can’t be in contact. Ben felt his hand curl into a fist as he reminded himself how useful the space would be. What he needed was some rules, guidelines to follow to help him stick to his plan. He ignored the irony as he came up with them. No holding hands. Actually, make that no physical contact. No voluntary physical contact anyway. He was bound to be asked by someone to take a photo with you or appear on camera with you and he couldn’t refuse if they asked for him to touch you or kiss you or anything. Do as many interviews as you can without her. That would hopefully keep interactions to a minimal. Don’t look at her during the movie.

It was surprisingly easy to stick to the rules as you both made your way down the red carpet, but he knew it wasn’t so much his choice as it was how busy and noisy and chaotic everything was. People called his name from every side, reporters looking for quick interviews, fans looking for autographs or photos. He was able to sidestep you easily, answering questions that were thrown at him on his own until someone asked if they could speak to you both at once or get a photo of you together. Whenever you were waved over to join him, he attempted to maintain as much space as he could, but you seemed to have set your own rules just to make it harder for him. You took his hand, leant your head on his shoulder, stood so close your leg brushed against his, stroked your hand over his arm, anything and everything you could to be closer to him. Ben wasn’t sure if you really were acting more affectionate (clingy and needy) than normal or if it just felt that way because he was attempting to hold back. He put up with it though, unable to do much besides press on to the next interview without you. The hardest part was when you reached a bank of photographers who wanted a number of photos of the happy couple. Someone called out for him to kiss you and then suddenly the entire crowd was calling for it. He kept it soft and brief, though a part of him regretted not making the final kiss you’d share better.

After that he was able to escape you for a little, talking to people as everyone gathered in the theatre to watch the movie. He didn’t look at you again until he was on stage with you, introducing the film and saying his words of gratitude and celebration. But even that didn’t last long and then he was able to take his seat and focus his attention on the screen. Watching himself was always a bit of a weird experience. Part enjoying what he’s helped create, part critiquing his performance, and part wondering why it had been edited the way it had been edited. But somehow it was even stranger sitting beside you and watching you play at being in love with him. He recognised expressions, small smiles and looks, that you’d given him on dates during the course of your relationship. Just proof of how fake everything with you was. It left him with a bitter taste in his mouth and an oddly jealous feeling in his gut. And he could feel you looking at him but he stuck to his rules and kept his eyes fixed ahead.

He turned to his other side afterwards to talk to Alfie, wondering aloud how everyone would react to the movie and laughing about how well it had turned out. Ben couldn’t think what to say to you, knowing the inevitable end was coming. It was closer now that everyone was heading to the after party. So he was grateful when Alfie joined the two of you in your car. “You two ready to party?” He laughed, “Fuck I love that work gives me such a good excuse to get plastered.” Ben laughed along but he was stuck by the realisation that of course there’d be drinking. He’d have to watch how much he had, especially around you. He didn’t want to say something he’d regret or not be able to explain himself properly. “I think shots are in order to get us started. Meet you both by the bar?” “Sounds like a plan Al,” “I’m making yours a double Jones. We’ll have him dancing on the table by the end of the night, right Y/N?” “Oh I’d love to see that.” Cameras flashed as the small group got out of the car. Alfie headed off down the line, catching up with one of the others, leaving Ben and you on your own. Ben felt you press into his side, hanging off his arm, and thought about what waited in the club. Alfie with shots followed by champagne and cocktails and whatever else would be pressed on him during the night. He didn’t want to blurt it out or let it slip in front of other people. He had to tell you before he’d had anything to drink, just in case. It was now. It had to happen now.

As soon as he was inside, Ben looked around for somewhere he could have a quiet word with you, somewhere no one was likely to overhear. A nearby mirrored hallways seemed the perfect place. Everyone else was busy heading into the main room and it was out of view of the photographers still hanging around outside, waiting for the stragglers to show up. “Can I speak to you over hear a sec?” he lead you around the corner, looking around to double check for eavesdroppers, “So, there’s something I need to…Y/N?” he realised you hadn’t been paying attention, probably keen to get inside and celebrate. “Yeah, sorry, Um…” Ben didn’t hear what you said next, too busy trying to remember everything he wanted to tell you, “I was going to hold off until later but I don’t want to let something slip after a few drinks or anything like that. I can’t do this anymore. This whole thing was a mistake that I should never have agreed to and I need it to be over now.” He could see how confused you were, “You know they’re going to break us up in like a week, right?” “Yeah well, that’s too long to wait. I’m breaking us up now.” He kept talking, sure the shock of it would wear off and you’d agree with him once you’d heard it all, “And…I don’t think I can see you again, not for a while at least. I need some space to forget this ever happened. I, um, I start my new job in a few days so I think they’ll probably use that in the magazines to explain our breakup. And I don’t expect I’ll see you until after it’s finished. If then. So…good luck with that witch movie. Take care of yourself.” He didn’t want to hear you agree with him, didn’t want to hear you say it was for the best or that you were going to suggest the same thing or even a goodbye. So he pushed past you and followed the noise until he found the bar. As promised Alfie was there, with a few others, a shot glass in each hand. He handed one to Ben. “Where’d Y/N go?” “Oh, uh, loo. She’ll be here in a minute.” “Well here’s to a job well done and hopefully some fucking record breaking box office numbers,” “Cheers to that,” Ben clinked his glass against Alfie’s and downed the shot, hissing a little, “another?” “Read my mind,” Ben lost himself in conversation and drinks, chatting with those around him for a while before moving on to talk to more people. Beer in hand, he headed towards the side of the room where a couple of the other main cast were sitting. Claudia looked up as he approached, “Heya Ben! Where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her all night,” It was only then that Ben realised he hadn’t seen you come in after he’d left you in the hallway. He glanced around in an attempt to spot you, a pang of worry shooting through him but then he stopped looking. She’s not yours to worry about anymore.

***

Ben woke up with a minor hangover the day after the premiere. Maybe it was karma. Despite what he told himself, he’d kept an eye out for you all night, but never saw you and he was more than a little worried that it was because of what he’d said. It was tempting to call and ask where you’d gotten to but a quick glance at the clock told him you’d likely still be asleep anyway. Besides, he knew he shouldn’t. He’d told you he wasn’t going to see you again and he intended to stick to his word. Instead he sent a group message to his mates and invited them around for one last hang out before he left for Spain. The next call he made was to his mum. “Hi honey. How’d the premiere go? “It was really fun, movie looks good.” “How long before you fly out?” “Couple of days,” “Shame there’s not enough time for you and Y/N to come over for dinner,” “Yeah, um, about that… we broke up.” “What? Why?” “It just wasn’t working. Mutual decision, we both felt it had run its course but decided to keep it quiet until after the premiere. So, yeah, no dinner, even if I was going to be in the country.” “Oh, honey, are you okay?” “Yeah, fine. Like I said, we both knew it was coming so y’know, no hard feelings or anything.” “It’s a shame, she was so lovely,” “Yeah, well, sometimes things just don’t work the way you think they will.”

The boys arrived in the afternoon, bringing a mixture of snacks and a few beers with them. They settled in the living room to play video games. Ben liked the company. It was a good distraction. Or it would have been if talk hadn’t turned to you. “Bit surprised you wanted us here and not Y/N. Figured you’d spend your last days in the UK with her,” “Why would I when we broke up?” “You what? When?” Ben shrugged, “We broke up. Few days ago,” “Jesus man, I’m sorry,” “Don’t be, it’s fine. I dumped her.” “Yeah but you had to go to the premiere with her right? That’s rough,” “Was a bit but there was an open bar so I coped,” Ben laughed. “Might be time we got him back on the market then,” “What? We only broke up a couple of days ago,” “You’re clearly not too cut up about it,” “What the fuck would you know, you’ve been single for what is it, three years now?” “Well you didn’t tell us when it happened, and you never even told us when you got together. We found out through a magazine, so obviously you weren’t really that serious about her” “We were waiting until after all the movie stuff was done, and that’s bollocks.” “Excuses. Besides, getting someone new to suck you off is the best way to forget an ex. This is your phone right?” “Oi give that back,” There was a scuffle as Ben tried to grab his phone back but he was outnumbered and pinned down as the boys redownloaded his Bumble app and signed in for him, laughing about how he used the same password for everything. “She’s fit, give her a like,” “Oh I like her, might be a bit tall for you though Ben,” Ben rolled his eyes as he watched them swipe on profile after profile until they heard a noise that meant one of the girls had sent him a message. “There you go Ben, didn’t take long did it. You’ll forget all about that Y/N chick in no time,” Ben snatched his phone back, “You guys are such wankers,” “That’s not very nice considering we’ve just got you a new girl,” There was laughter and more teasing as controllers were passed around and the game was loaded. Ben closed the app, thumb hovering over it to delete it again. But maybe they were right. Maybe someone new would be good. He set the phone down again and turned his attention to the game.

***

Spain was beautiful and having a new movie to work on was the perfect distraction, especially considering how many stunts, fight scenes, and action sequences were involved. It gave him a chance to meet more people in the industry, people he was excited to work with, and really focus on something other than you. The cast went out together frequently too, dinners at local restaurants, drinks in the hotel bar, getting lost in an unfamiliar city. There was no trace of you there, no reminders of date nights, nothing but work and a new country to explore. Occasionally he’d get a notification that a reporter or curious individual was trying to message him, asking questions about you and the split but he ignored them. Ben deleted the Bumble app too within the first few days, knowing he wouldn’t use it. There was no time, even if he’d wanted to hook up with anyone. He could always reinstall it once he was back home. Once he knew you were in the past. Because the problem was that at some point every night, Ben would get back to his hotel suite and be left alone again. For a while he’d be able to think about what scenes would be filmed the next day, maybe practice some fight choreography. But eventually he’d run out of distractions and then all that was left to think about was you. Peter had sent through the first articles that reported the breakup and since then he’d found himself wondering if you’d moved on yet, found someone else to date now that you were allowed to. He’d considered checking your Instagram account but had held off, knowing it was a step in the wrong direction. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway. He hadn’t gotten over you enough yet to deal with photos of you and another man together.

This night was much the same as the others had been. Everyone met up for dinner, followed by a couple of drinks and then headed back to the hotel to unwind. Ben decided to call it an early night. He’d spent a good part of the day hooked up to harnesses and wires, being flung at a wall over and over. He was sore and tired figured some extra rest would do him good. He was just settling into bed, trying to keep his mind on the TV show he’d put on when he heard the knock. He listened closely for a moment but it couldn’t be for him, he’d put up a do not disturb sign on his door, so he turned back to the TV and flicked to a different channel. Another knock. It definitely sounded like his door but who would it be? Maybe one of the other actors? But they’d all heard him say he was going to have an early night, so surely not. Again Ben ignored it. The third knock got Ben out of bed, stumbling to the light switch and then the door, ready to politely tell whoever it was to fuck off and let him rest. “Sorry but can you not see the do not dis- Y/N? What ar-” Ben was surprised. Surprised you knew where he was, surprised you’d come there after he’d told you he didn’t want to see you, surprised that you were covering his mouth to shut him up. “You wouldn’t reply to my texts and I didn’t know if you’d listen to any voicemails I left you but I have something I need to tell you so that’s why I’m here.” There was a beat as Ben waited to hear what could be so important that you’d come all the way to Spain to tell him. “I love you.” He gasped but your palm was still over his mouth so he couldn’t say anything. It had to be a joke, didn’t it? But you didn’t look like you were joking. He waited, listening as you explained everything. It was wonderful to know you felt the same but his shock didn’t lessen. He’d been so sure about everything. So sure about how little you’d felt for him, so sure you would have understood why he needed space. And now you were here telling him the exact opposite? It was unfathomable. Maybe it was a hallucination? Maybe he’d got a concussion when he hit the wall too hard earlier. Does concussion make you hallucinate? But blinking didn’t make you disappear and the hand against his mouth felt real enough. “I’ve missed you so much, so fucking much, and all I’ve wanted is to see you again and hear your voice and hug you and I’d really like to date you for real, or at least be friends again because not having you in my life is complete shit.” Ben felt tears prickling his eyes as he realised how backwards he’d had it. You loved him. You. Y/N. You loved him so much you’d flown to Spain just to tell him. “That’s all I had to say,” you said softly, pulling you hand away. Ben staired in disbelief for a moment but you looked as if you were fighting the urge to run for it and it brought him back to his senses. “Thank god,” it was all he could think to say as he reached out to hold you, pulling you tight against him and kissing you the way he’d wanted to kiss you for so long. Relief flooded his system when you kissed back. He didn’t have to forget you or force himself to move on. It had been an impossible task anyway. He was glad to stop trying.

It’s only when someone makes a noise further down the corridor that he lets you go, asks if you planned to stay, lead you inside and towards the couch. There were things he needed to clear up first, before he could let himself be fully happy with the situation. He looks at you properly then. You look tired, worn out. He’s not sure if it’s from the late hour or the flight or because you’ve not been sleeping properly but it makes him feel guilty that he upset you. He hates that he pushed you away and wasted months trying to get rid of you when you’d both actually wanted the same thing, to be together. But you’re here now. He reached out to brush a strand of your hair behind your ear, almost dizzy with joy that he could do that. “I’m really sorry for how I acted,” You smiled softly as you took a seat and Ben fell into the spot beside you, unable to take his eyes from you. He lets you lead the conversation, trying to sort out his mess of emotions as he explains himself. I thought if I told you I’d never been into you, acted like it, then I could make it true.” “Did it work?” “Of course not,” How could you ever think it would work? That he could just forget you so fast, after he’d fallen for you so hard? “Which is why I pushed you away.” You nodded, seemed to understand where he’d been coming from. He hesitated before reaching out to grab your hand again, a little afraid of touching you lest you turn to smoke and vanish. But you didn’t. He stifled a yawn, hoping you wouldn’t take it as his disinterest in the conversation. He’d stay up as long for as long as it took to go over everything, no matter how tired he was. “Has there been anyone else?” “Anyone else what?” “I saw a thing about you dating again,” That was surprising, not what he’d expected you to bring up. He hadn’t even realised it had been reported on. But he shook his head, explained about his friends encouraging him to move on. It seemed to satisfy you because you leant on his shoulder, let him hold you. He apologised when he yawned again, about to suggest he put a pot of coffee on so he could keep talking. But then you suggested going to bed and he had to agree.

As soon as his head hit the pillow Ben knew he’d fall asleep fast. Even with the excitement of your arrival and the buzz of joy you brought. He kept his eyes on you. Everything seemed too good to be true. You grabbed his hand and placed it around you, shuffling as close as you could. “You’re actually here, yeah? I’m not just dreaming it?” Ben asked, voicing aloud his biggest worry. “I’m here Ben.” She’s here. In your bed. “Don’t leave, okay?” “I won’t.” She’s here and she’s staying. “I love you,” he needed to say it again, to make sure you knew that he still felt the same. “I love you too,” It was comforting to hear you say it again too, made his heart burst as he kissed you again. He didn’t want to stop but he was much to tired to do anything else. Still, he fought sleep for as long as he could. He’d lost so much time being apart from you that, now he had you back in his arms, sleep felt like a waste of precious hours. Hours he could spend kissing you, being with you, making sure you felt loved. He couldn’t fight it forever though, eventually had to give up. The last thing he saw before he shut his eyes was you, smiling at him, as you lay beside him.

***

It had been a long day what with moving you into his house. Even after the boxes were inside and everyone who had been helping out had gone home, there was still a lot to do. Everything needed to be unpacked and put away. Ben had been clearing space on all his shelves and in all his cupboards to fit everything you’d brought with you. Plus there was new furniture from Ikea to unpack and construct. Like the chest of draws he’d been working on before he got up to stretch his legs and grab a glass of water. He caught sight of the magazines that had been left in the kitchen and, chuckling at their stories of marriage and babies, stacked them in a neat pile before he grabbed his drink. As he walked back through the living room he saw you, curled up on the floor beside the box you’d been working through. “Y/N?” Ben shook your shoulder to wake you, trying not to laugh as you blink at him groggily, still half asleep. “Alright, cuddle bunny, up you get. Time for bed, yeah?” “But the boxes,” you argued though it was unenthusiastic and slurred with sleep. “The boxes will be there tomorrow. C’mon, come with me,” Ben half carried you to the bedroom and helped you under the covers, leaving you with a kiss on the forehead before heading back to the draws he was halfway through building.

By the time he was finished putting the draws together Ben was feeling fairly tired himself. He moved the spare screws off the floor so no one would step on them and then headed back to the bedroom. You were still there, sleeping soundly. Ben paused in the doorway to look at you. It was a sight he loved, you in his bed. The first time you stayed over and slept in his bed rather than the guest room had been a monumental occasion though the novelty of it had worn off a bit now, especially with how frequently you’d stayed at each other’s places before the move. But still, he’d never get sick of seeing you beside him, where you belonged. Same as he’d never get sick of making you tea or trying to convince you to eat an actual breakfast or making you laugh. It was in that moment, leaning against the doorway of the bedroom you now shared, one wall lined with boxes of your belongings yet to be put away, it was then that he knew he wanted to marry you. Have a family with you, spend his life with you. He’d go out and buy a ring once you were moved in properly, though he could hear his friends telling him to wait a little longer, see how everything was living with you first. But that didn’t matter. He wouldn’t have to give it to you straight away after all. But he knew that was what he wanted with you. And now that you were together, after so much time and trouble, he never wanted to let you go.

#my writing #my fics #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy smut #its currenty 1am #i have to be up for work in about 5 hours #this took longer to edit than i thought it would #(probably because its 22 effing words long lmao)#but here you go!#its done!#i think some of my formatting went a little janky when i was copying it into this post #but whateveri think its just added extra line breaks between paragraphs #so it should still be readable #anyway #im gonna pass out now #i'll see you tomorrow when i come to complain about work

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vennilavee · 4 years

Text

the soul of a flame - ch 1

the spark

pairing: levi x reader of color

summary: levi follows his squad to a new bar called the silver sapphire and finds you, a pretty girl with a knack for making drinks.

warnings: alcohol, cursing

word count: 2022

a/n: reader is a reader of color because that's how it's going to be. if i feel like i cant relate with some of the fics posted here/ao3 bc of obvious physical attributes assigned to reader, then im sure many others feel the same as well. ENJOY

***

Levi suspects that his squad is getting shitfaced. Again. It’s only the end of a grueling few weeks after they’ve been appointed to his squad and had to go through a stricter, more regimented version of Cadet training.

It was Levi’s version of training.

He had them training from early hours into the heat of the mid afternoon until the sun began to dip into the sky. They never outwardly complained, not to him at least. They knew better.

Levi had granted them an early evening, to which all four of them had been surprised by-

“What? You four earned it,” Levi says with his arms crossed, “Don’t look so surprised. I’m not a tyrant.”

“Of course not, Captain Levi,” Petra chirps, an always sweet smile on her face.

Oluo elbows her, telling her to stop being such a kiss ass and Petra gapes at him.

“Me? Look at your hair! You can’t even pull off bangs the way Captain Levi can,” She scoffs, arms crossed over her chest.

Levi rolls his eyes, not bothering to conceal the fondness he has for his team.

“Get outta here,” He says not unkindly.

He didn’t think they would end up finding their way to a bar for two nights in a row. They’re getting ready for their third night at the same bar and Levi has to know.

What the hell has gotten into his team?

“Which one of you four idiots is gonna tell me where you’ve been sneaking off to?” Levi asks, appearing suddenly in front of Oluo and Gunther.

“We told you Captain! There’s a bar not too far from here,” Eld says enthusiastically, “There’s a rumor that they make their own alcohol with gold there.”

“Right,” Levi scoffs, “That has to be the only reason why you four come back shitfaced every night. Because of gold.”

“Not me, sir!” Petra protests, earning herself a glare from Oluo.

“Who are you lying to, Petra?” Oluo says, “And it’s not gold, Eld. I hear it’s diamonds and rubies. Sapphires, too.”

“How the fuck do you make alcohol out of diamonds, rubies and sapphires? Do you hear yourselves?” Levi says, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“That’s what it tastes like, Levi. That’s what her alcohol tastes like,” Gunther says dreamily.

“So which is it? You like the alcohol or you like her?” Levi says, a faint, uncharacteristic teasing in his tone.

“Doesn’t help that she’s very pretty, sir,” Petra says thoughtfully, tapping her chin.

“I’m sure it doesn’t,” Levi rolls his eyes, turning his back on his team, “Enjoy. You’re expected to be ready for training at dawn.”

“Yes, sir,” They all chorus while saluting.

“Levi,” Gunther says, “You should come later, if you want. Hange and Mike will be coming later.”

“Tch,” Levi waves him off without another word and Gunther shrugs.

He has better things to do than drink shitty alcohol from a shitty bar with his friends and fellow soldiers.

***

It turns out that Levi in fact, does not have better things to do than drink shitty alcohol from a shitty bar with his friends and fellow soldiers. Hange had convinced him to join them. And her version of convincing had been blackmailing him into holding his most favorite tea leaves hostage and loudly telling him that he needed to get out more often otherwise he’d turn shrivel up and turn into a grump-

“If we hurry and go, we can reverse the process before it’s too late.”

Which is how he found himself walking to the bar that Hange coerced him into going to. It’s called the Silver Sapphire, and honestly, he can’t think of a shittier name for a bar. Sapphires aren’t even silver.

Levi hates any amount of attention on him, and the way the bar goes silent for a moment when all eyes land on him makes his skin crawl. He sits at his own table, away from the ruckus of the other squad leaders and his own team as the noise around him resumes. He fully expects his team to see him and surround him soon.

At least none of the shitty kids were here.

“Captain Levi! You caaaame,” Oluo says, as Petra sits across from him.

“Came to see what all the fuss was about,” Levi shrugs, “And Shitty Glasses decided to hold my tea leaves hostage if I didn’t show up.”

“Orrrr Captain Levi wants to see the pretty bartender,” Petra says in a singsong voice, eyeing him curiously.

Levi lets her have her fun. It puts a smile on her face, so he lets her have it.

“Try some of my earthwater, Captain,” Oluo says, pushing his glass towards Levi.

“I’d rather die by the hands of my own blades than drink anything you’ve put your shitty tongue in, Oluo,” Levi says tonelessly, “Earthwater? What the hell is that?”

“The stuff made of diamonds,” Hange appears from around the corner and sits next to Petra, “You were right, Oluo.”

“Hange,” Levi says curtly, crossing his arms over his chest. Hange lets out a peal of delighted laughter at his irritation.

“Shorty’s upset with me because I told him to get out of his office for the first time all week,” Hange whispers to Petra.

Levi rolls his eyes so far back he’s certain he sees his own skull.

Suddenly, Petra elbows Hange, discreetly looking at the bar and whispering to her with a tipsy giggle. Levi hears Gunther and Oluo sigh like lovestruck fools, even Petra and before he can ask them whether they are soldiers of the Survey Corps or whether they’re idiots in high school-

He sees you making your way to them from behind the bar and can kind of understand why they have hearts in their eyes, and why they’re behaving the way that they are. His own throat is a little dry but he clears it subtly, eyes not leaving you.

“Third night, huh? To what do I owe this pleasure?” You murmur, all smiles and warm, dark eyes. You have a notebook and a pen in your hand to take their orders.

Levi is aware of the intensity of his gaze over you. Your dark green silk shirt is neatly tucked into your black pants that hug your hips and your legs. It’s loose and yet sits on your torso like it was made for you. The dark green is a shade or two darker than the Survey Corps capes, but you wear the color much better than anyone in the Corps ever could. Levi catches a glint of gold at the base of your throat attached to a thread of gold wrapping around the column of your neck. The top two buttons of your shirt unbuttoned carelessly, allowing him a peek of your deep skin glowing with the lights of the bar.

He swallows.

“These four idiots have been raving about your drink, what is it dirtwater?” Levi says tonelessly, “Must be pretty shitty if it’s called dirtwater.”

“It’s called earthwater, actually,” You reply easily but Levi catches the bite in your tone, “You should have one. On the house. It’s my own recipe and maybe it’ll loosen the stick up Captain Levi’s ass a little bit.”

His teammates, all traitors apparently, snicker at your comment.

“Fine,” Levi scoffs, “I’ll have your shitty drink. And what happens when I decide that I don’t like it?”

“That won’t happen,” You wave him away with a smirk across your painted lips, “After all. I made it.”

And with that, you saunter away with the rest of their orders and Levi sinks into his seat imperceptibly.

You look over your shoulder and toss him a reckless wink and a rogue smile. It takes a second for Levi to realize that you’re looking in his direction. He turns his gaze away from you, ignoring the heat creeping up in his neck.

***

The minute you see Levi of the Survey Corps walk into your bar, you know you had to see him up close. You’ve only heard stories about him, rumors mostly. That he’s a well oiled Titan killing machine. That he’d climbed the ranks of the Corps quickly, too quickly. You’ve heard that he’s an Underground kid, and that has your interest piqued.

The entire bar goes silent when he pushes the doors open. Clearly, Captain Levi doesn’t just walk into bars very often. Your eyes immediately shift to the rest of the Corps, in a separate corner of the bar.

He looks disinterested as he observes the bar around him. You have an eye on him, as you do with all your new and high profile customers. You notice how he relaxes in his seat, but he has a watchful eye on his surroundings, too.

Maybe it comes from being from the Underground. Always trying to be five steps ahead of any perceived threats. Maybe it comes from his Corps training. Maybe both.

You can’t help your eyes from wandering as you watch him subtly from the bar. He’s handsome, somehow both rough and effortless at the same time. The planes of his face are lined with cues of life and loss and you wonder how close you can get to him to see more.

You prepare five mugs of earthwater, adding a little extra mint to their drinks to spruce it up. You strive to impress, and Captain Levi is no exception. Carrying all five drinks on a tray with one hand, you head back over to their table, ignoring the hollering of your patrons around you. You turn your head towards them while you’re still walking, and flash them a gratuitous wink to quell them. They sigh happily and you roll your eyes fondly.

They’re just drunk and happy.

“I’m back,” You announce, “One earthwater for each of you.”

You hand a mug to each of them, careful not to slosh the liquid over the rim. Levi eyes the mugs impassively- they’re made of shiny brass and have a thin handle on the side. And they’re clean, he realizes as he inspects the mug.

“I’m curious to hear your thoughts, Captain,” You say with a smile, your right hand on the table and your left hand on your hip. You lean on your right hand and Levi tries to ignore the way the collar of your shirt slips to the side, the hollow between your neck and shoulder exposed. He catches the glint of something shiny on your left hand before taking a sip in front of six pairs of waiting eyes.

They all lean in close to hear the verdict.

“It’s not shitty,” Levi says, pleasantly surprised. Not that you’d be able to tell. It’s a little sweet but not overwhelmingly so. He can taste richness in the aftertaste of the drink and the combination of it with mint is unlike anything he’s ever tasted. What exactly is in this drink? No wonder Oluo says it’s filled with diamonds and sapphires.

“Ha! I’ll take it,” You say triumphantly, “Well, enjoy. You know where to find me.”

Your dark eyes linger on Levi for a second longer, searching for the hidden roughness that only an Underground kid can have. But he’s no kid, and he hides it well.

So do you.

Levi is no stranger to pretty women, and he knows beauty when he sees it. At first glance, you look like you’ve been born and raised inside of Wall Rose. Your brown skin glows despite the absence of sun, you smile so boldly that your cheeks must hurt, your eyes are mischievous.

And yet. It only takes one sweeping glance at you, at your confidence and the twinkle in his eyes for Levi to see how much of yourself you’ve given to be here. To have something called your own. Your hands were rough when you had handed him his mug and he saw faint, old scars on your forehead and your neck when you had leaned in.

He can admire from afar, can’t he? No harm, no foul. It’s not like he’ll be coming back here anyway, right? He’ll probably be dead before he can.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi x you #levi ackerman x you #aot imagines #snk imagines

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mego42 · 3 years

Note

Hii!! I was wondering if you plan on continuing Swear on a Silver Knife?? That first chapter got me hoooked!

Hi!!! I super am and I am so! extremely! pleased! you like it, that fic is my weird little unexpected but deeply beloved baby tbh.

I’ve been making myself to stay focused on song bc it’s so close to being done, but once that’s up, I’m getting right back into swear. I already have ch 2 fully drafted (though in need of some rewrites and editing), 3 halfway drafted, and the rest worked out in a pretty detailed outline, so I’m feeling good about picking it back up once song's finished.

in the meantime, please enjoy this snippet from ch 2 for your troubles (it is nsfw in case you’re in a pharmacy or garden center or what have you)

Beth looks to the basket she’s using in place of a bedside drawer. Eyes the little pouch containing Annie’s congratulations-on-divorcing-your-trash-husband present. It’s an idea, anyway. It’s not like she has to think about—she won’t think about...anyone—thing. Specific.

Shucking off her jeans, Beth flops down on the air mattress and grabs the little pink vibrator. Her old one—and oh God does she hate thinking about it, wondering what happened to it, who’d seen it—had been a pretty standard issue: cylindrical, twist the base, press the button, and there you have it. This one’s smaller, intended only for external use, came with modes. It was quieter too—not that that mattered anymore.

Lying back, she wiggles a little, trying to get comfortable, grimacing as the plastic mattress squeaks against the floor. She really should bump an actual bed up her list. If for no other reason, her back can’t take much more of this. Then, closing her eyes, she presses the vibrator on, jolting as it hums to life.

For years Beth’s...alone time has been pretty, well, vague. She’s never been all that into porn. She knows there’s quality, feminist stuff out there but has never quite had the time or patience to find it on her own, and the thought of asking...

It’s bad enough that her little sister has bought her not one but two vibrators now; Beth doesn’t think she could handle Annie’s commentary on Beth knowing or not knowing how to use them.

And Ruby, well. Beth’s always been acutely aware her marriage hasn’t been remotely comparable to Ruby and Stan’s and she’s never been able to bring herself to talk to her friend about anything that might bring that to the surface. Beth knows Ruby wouldn’t judge her, but in some ways the thought of her sympathy is worse.

Anyway, as a result, Beth’s developed a very...potent imagination.

She imagines sensations, feelings, being touched deliberate and intent and knowing. Being able to let herself go. It’s always been general or vague—hands, lips, skin—she’s never been big on specific scenarios.

It’s only recently that her fantasies have turned...particular.

Hands have developed calluses that fit the grip of a pistol, adorned by rings, a cold and biting counterpoint to her flushed skin. Lips have turned lush and expressive, quirking with sardonic amusement, falling slack in awed reverence. Skin has become burnished and velvety smooth, stretching taut over hard muscle, decorated with swirling black ink.

No.

Beth’s eyes pop open and she stares at the blank, white ceiling above her. The soft buzz of the vibrator carries on, even as the heat that’d started to gather dissipates.

She huffs out a breath.

You think any of them can do this to you? You think anyone else can?

Gritting her teeth, Beth shakes her head, forcibly clearing her mind, then closes her eyes and tries again.

She concentrates on the hum of the vibrator, the thrumming sensation against her skin. She focuses on each spike of her pulse, following each thread of heat twining through her, imagining fingers drawing patterns across her skin.

She thumbs the intensity up a notch, a soft moan escaping as she clamps down on nothing.

Her legs tingle, muscles twitching as the heat crawls down them and Beth digs her heels into the air mattress, her hips canting, searching, chasing a memory. A phantom hand slides up her thigh and she throws her head back, imagining a cool night breeze against her fevered skin, the sound of laughter echoing across a city square underscored by the sounds of late night traffic only a few feet away and when she blinks her eyes open, for a split second she sees a face silhouetted against a streetlight and she bucks, coming up off the mattress and—

No.

Flopping back with a frustrated groan, Beth fists her free hand in her blankets, gritting her teeth and shaking her head to clear the memory.

Okay, fine, maybe she wants specific. It doesn’t have to be—

Casting about for a memory, any memory she can latch on to and use to block out...anything else, Beth remembers the class this morning and Bobby’s hand splayed wide across Mandy’s stomach.

That’ll work.

She clicks to the next setting, gasping a little as the steady buzz turns to a rolling wave, a pulsing sensation that ebbs and flows, drawing out her pleasure with each undulation.

Beth whimpers, spreading her legs a little more to get a better angle. Her eyes fall shut and she concentrates on the image, imagining the feel of a hand—Bobby’s hand—big and warm and heavy against her stomach, fingers spread wide and dipping low, then lower. The heat builds, smoothly, steadily, each cycle of the toy stoking it higher, and higher, and pretty soon she’s arching, rolling her hips in time to the vibrations.

She flicks the vibrator up, the buzz intensifying and she bucks. Her necklace shifts, the charm a shock of cold as it flips and falls against the hollow of her throat. She remembers the feel of another pendant dangling, tapping against her collarbone in time to the movement inside her. Remembers tangling her fingers in the chain, the links biting into the crease of her palm as she used it to tug him down to her. Then the taste of him, rich and smooth on her tongue, as she’s kissing him and kissing him and kissing him and he’s kissing her back, a nearly frantic urgency in the press of his lips and the way his breath gusts shakily against hers as they move together, scaling a peak, the edge looming closer and closer and then she’s—

Not thinking about Bobby anymore.

No.

Beth rips the vibrator away, her whole body trembling, muscles spasming and heat pin-balling around her nervous system so close but not quite enough to push her over.

She flops back down on the bed, toy still clamped in her hand, humming uselessly, the noise loud and obscene when it’s not muffled by her skin. She stares up at the ceiling, blinking away the memory of the blank expanse awash with the afternoon sun, streaming in through the gauzy curtains.

The ceiling stares back.

Fuck.

#oh god i miss this fic #am def hype to jump back into it #ty v v v much for asking about it anon!!#my fic #swear on a silver knife #shut up meg

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lofikids · 2 years

Note

[ SMILE ] jesse & yON ???

sexual tension prompts! <3

[ SMILE ] : sender begins to grin at something receiver is saying, like a big unstoppable grin.

her eyes widen- she hadn’t seen his smile in a while, it earns a little uncomfortable noise that seems to get caught in her throat as it attempts to surface- almost as if she’s subconsciously pushing it back down again. “why are you smiling? it’s not fucking funny.” juxtaposition to his own, her expression sat deadpan. gaze remaining on his own as she allowed him to chew on her response to his amusement.

obviously, jesse wasn’t finding her words funny. yon had admitted, with or without her own consent for it, that she still cares for him. i don’t think thats completely settled in her head just yet, it went something along the lines of, ‘you’re all i want, you are all ive wanted, but i don’t need you.’ and as harsh as yon wished it to be, talking face to face, it’s a lot harder to push back emotions that she and both him no longer want to feel. for emphasis, yon decides to repeat, “i don’t fucking need you.”

she watches as jesse’s smile fades, a little feeling of satisfaction rushes through her - eyes following his every move as she continues, “i’ve never needed you. you’re nothing to me.” his response fills her with rage, ‘keep lying to yourself.’ she hates that he knows her so well, that he’s right. she can’t handle it. yon repeats herself, his nonchalant responses to her statements only adding fuel to the anger that was brewing within her - but of course, it wasn’t just hate, was it? frustration.

the room they sat in, their old studio, it was only so big. the more their emotions built up - especially yon’s, the smaller the space felt. when’d they get so close, yon wondered. stood facing one another, the females hand sat on his chest for a moment, seemingly to create some space between them- but yon doesn’t push him away. no, her fingers claw at the material, if someone were watching they’d even see her pull him slightly closer.

they watch each other closely, exchange a few curse words, yon mutters something along the lines of, “i hope i never see you again.” though her voice, her tone, it’s shifted. her annoyance had faded out, completely, leaving her lips was nothing but desperation. he could sense it too, they both know what they wanted. they hated it. but they wanted it so badly.

each other.

there’s a delay, there’s a - we shouldn’t do this. they’d hurt so - the ache of their hearts so desperately clawing at their hungry libido as their gaze remained on one another, but it wasn’t strong enough. their body & soul collides once more, it’s hard to tell who initiated the kiss. yon’s stumbling backwards, her claws still digging against his chest. they only free his skin to create a little stability for herself once the two collide with a table behind them. it happened so quickly she began to get a little dizzy. his lips are arrows, daggers, the deeper the embrace became - the more that hunger and frustration grew. her jaw was soon being painted, yon’s hands danced, her nails hunted - her legs trapping him flush against her.

not a breath was taken. as his kiss found her neck, that anger rose again and yon found herself pushing back - tumbling from one side of the room to the other - regaining some control. her hands are in his hair, twisting and not so gently pulling as her body desperately creates some friction between them. the caress continues for what seems like forever - their careless and anguished lust for one another was almost trance like ; a trance to be broken by a sudden crash. time starts again, they’re staring at each other, almost in shock. yon pulls away first, immediately backing away and breaking his gaze.

oh shit.

there’s a silence, that shit eating grin is back. yon takes a second, her lips part as if to speak something important - alas, nothing. she cant conjure up any words. her mind is fuzzy, she’s angry. but no longer at him - at herself. quickly, she gathers up her jacket and without a second thought - she’s gone.

#jesse x yon #. answered #. ic #UMMM MMMM MM M #UMMM M MMNMMM #UHHHHHHHHHH.

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duchessfics · 5 years

Text

Sarah Paulson’s Characters Watching a Horror Movie with their Girlfriend

Requested by @urleastfavtree: Since Halloween is coming up, could you do Sarah Paulson’s characters watching a horror movie with their S/O’s

I chose horror movies for each, but they are easily replaceable with whatever you prefer. These are shorter than my last headcanons, but I hope you like it!

Billie Dean Howard

For Billie the horror genre doesn’t have that much of an appeal. She already deals with the paranormal on a daily basis. So when she watches a movie she wants to leave that side of her life behind.

However, even though she isn’t interested in watching horror movies, she knows you love them. So she’ll tolerate them for her babygirl. Her only rule is no paranormal/supernatural movies

Even though most of those films are tacky for her and she knows they aren’t real, it hits a little too close to home and you respect that.

So you decide to go with a scary movie classic: Halloween. Even though this is an older movie and seems silly at times you watched this movie as a kid and it holds a nostalgic appeal.

Of course Billie will do anything and everything to make her darling angel happy. But she also selfishly loves how you cuddle into her at the scary parts. Holding you tight to her makes watching any horror movie worth it.

Lana Winters

Lana has an aversion to horror movies because of her past and absolutely refuses to watch any kind of slasher/serial killer movie. She feels less bothered by paranormal movies, but still won’t choose to see one.

But you ask her about seeing the movie Alien and explain that it’s not a typical horror movie with a slasher or something paranormal. She begrudgingly agrees and lets you take her to a special Halloween showing at the local movie theater.

Even though Lana keeps a brave face, when the alien bursts out of the crew member’s stomach and as Dallas makes his way through the air ducts she tenses up and holds your hand.

By the countdown of the spaceship destroying, she has moved your arms to wrap around her and partially hides behind your hands at any noise.You ask her if she’s ok and say that you don’t mind leaving if this is too much for her.

But she shakes her head and says she wants to see the ending. Once the movie is over, Lana admits that the movie was actually pretty good, but that movie was enough excitement for her for a long time.

(https://fishkreizler.tumblr.com/post/180133040284/cordelia-goode-ahs-apocalypse-8x10)

Cordelia Goode

Cordelia thinks scary movies are kind of silly, but she is also happy to watch them with you. While most would expect Cordelia to be the scaredy cat, you are the one hiding your face in her arms. But when she asks if you want to stop watching you say no.

In celebration of Halloween, you manage to convince your girlfriend to watch the whole Insidious series. You try to put on a brave face, but the moment you see the red-faced demon standing right behind Josh you squeal and hide in Cordelia’s comforting embrace.

She laughs at your reaction...laughs as if not just seeing what you saw and asks if you’re sure you can handle this. You tell her it’s ok and you want to watch them all.

But by the time you finish the series, you flinch at every noise and shadow, clinging to Cordelia and not letting her go.

She holds you soothingly and suggests you watch a lighter Halloween movie before going to bed. While Cordelia doesn’t understand why you like movies that scare you, she goes along with it and will comfort her sweet girl through it.

Bette and Dot Tattler

While Dot doesn’t mind scary movies (in fact she actually kind of likes them) Bette hates horror movies. She’ll have nightmares for weeks if she even hears something too scary.

Bette is your sweet girl so you don’t ask her to watch horror movies except for one time a year: Halloween. And you have to coax her a little, promising to hold her close and give her lots of hugs and kisses (maybe some ice cream too).

So for this Halloween you pick the movie Creature from the Black Lagoon. Something about the film appeals to you and Dot loves it, smiling at you once and awhile.

On the other hand, halfway through the movie Bette whimpers she can’t watch anymore. So you hold her close and run your fingers through her hair in a soothing manner, letting her bury her face in your shoulder.

By the time the movie is finished Bette sleeps peacefully in your embrace while you and Dot talk about how good the film was. Then you both decide to reward Bette for sitting through this, by making some candy apples to appease her sweet tooth.

Sally McKenna

Ok, let’s state the obvious--Sally loves horror movies. Sometimes you and her will disappear for days watching her favorite ones. However, for this Halloween you plan to introduce her to a franchise that came out after she died.

You wait until November 1st since you both spent the day outside of the Hotel Cortez on Halloween. And that November morning you wake her up in a giddy voice and tell her you want to show her something.

Sally is confused at your cheerfulness so early in the morning, but listens. That’s when you pull out DVDs of the whole Saw franchise.

Sally has never seen them, so you pop the first one in right then and begin your movie marathon. Sally loves them for the gore and loves her baby girl even more for knowing her so well.

By the time you finish the last movie you both are exhausted of seeing bloody corpses, but Sally holds you close before softly saying that the movies gave her a couple ideas for future guests. You say her name in warning and she tells you she’s kidding, but the twinkle in her dark eyes says otherwise.

(https://televisionsgif.tumblr.com/post/152378339702)

Audrey Tindall

Audrey’s reactions to scary movies is probably the most similar to Miss Sarah Paulson...aka she hates them because they terrify her. Like, a lot.

You manage to get her to agree to watching a scary movie, saying that it’s more of an adventure movie. But Audrey disagrees when you pick out the movie IT (2017 version).

That creepy painting coming to life? No. The headless boy chasing Ben only to run into Pennywise? Also no. A leper? Nope. She literally gets up and washes her hands after that. A room full of clowns? Hell no. And Pennywise climbing out of a refrigerator? Fuck no, she rebukes.

You try to keep your laughter contained as you watch her reactions, but her yelps and cursing cracks you up. By the time the movie finishes, Audrey is winded like she went out for a run and is left exhausted.

Audrey makes you check the closet and under the bed where you act like something grabs your arm (which ended with you being called an asshole as you laughed). But you hold her close when you get in bed and soothe her, promising to keep and eye on her until she falls asleep.

Ally Mayfair-Richards

While Ally has overcome most of her phobias and fears, she doesn’t like to watch things that make those resurface. Plus she doesn’t want horror movies to be around Oz.

Although you like horror movies, you understand where she is coming from and respect her wishes. However, this Halloween, after Oz goes into a candy coma, Ally says she’s willing to watch a scary movie...but nothing too scary.

So you pick out the movie Zombieland. It’s definitely gory, but the comedy makes it a lot less scary. And Ally even starts laughing at the different phrases Tallahassee says.

As you watch the movie, you keep cuddled up together. Although Ally doesn’t say anything, you keep getting distracted by her brushing her fingers along your hip. Eventually it feels like she is trying to drive you crazy.

And even though you intended to watch the movie, you don’t protest when she starts to kiss you. Then you pull her into your lap and you both end up making love with the movie on in the background. But that treat was better. Much, much better.

(https://yourghostcat.tumblr.com/post/179898885939/what-are-you-talking-about-you-cant-work)

Wilhemina Venable

For Wilhemina, she doesn’t like horror movies. Not because she’s scared of them, but because they seem like a pointless waste of time.

But you tease her, saying that she’s just scared of the movies but doesn’t want to admit it. At first, Wilhemina just rolls her eyes, but you tell her she should prove that she isn’t scared of these films. Otherwise you think she’s lying. So she says fine and tells you to pick out a movie

You smirk and say that you’ll do her better and choose a series: the Final Destination series. And you begin your movie marathon.

As you watch the films you giggle at Wilhemina’s critical commentary when watching each movie. And these movies are ridiculous. But when you get to the end of the last movie her mind is somewhat blown at the twist.

Then you admit that you didn’t think she was a scaredy cat, but you wanted to spend some time with her. She says that she figured, but warns that you should watch your back because now she’s reserves the right to give you a scare.

Tagged: @marilynroselleprentiss, @saviorinsilk, @chokemepaulson, @versonstar, @lush-les-lady, @cordwliagoode

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

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mxloveforall · 4 years

Text

Kihyun X Minhyuk fluff ————- Pt 2

Kihyun was currently in his room, the whole week he’d been on edge expecting minhyuk to turn and tickle him. But shonwu surely hadn’t told him yet, as min hadn’t acted or even glanced his away when it came to that.

“Starship called, they said they need myself kyunnie, Hyungwon, Jooheon and wonho to head over to the office for some modelling offers” He heard shownu call from the living room, he left his bed heading in to join them.

“Okay hyung, can we get food while we go out?” Changkyun asked joining the group in the lounge.

“Of course, you two will be fine here while we go?” Shownu asked, as all the members darted their eyes towards minhyuk and kihyun.

“Definitely, don’t worry hyung take your time” Minhyuk winked walking away into his own room. Kihyun noticed he was definitely acting strange he would normally complain about them going for food but instead he was okay with it?

His blood was racing and he began to feel nervous.

“Okay, wonho gran the keys, see you in a bit kyun” Shonwu chimed following the other members our the door.

The sound of the door locking rang through the apartment. Kihyun shuffles forward going to head to the kitchen to search for some dinner for himself and his hyung.

“Ah kihyun ah, where are you going?” Minhyuk made him jump. Turning around to face him.

“I was just going to look for some food for dinner did you want something ?” Kihyun asked.

“Hm how about I pay for a takeaway for us ?” He walked closer to the smaller member.

“Oh are you sure? I don’t mind cooking something”

“Of course but can you help me with something in my room first? I need to move one of my canvas’s off my bed and onto the wall” He was now in front of kihyun forcing a fake smile.

“Um..sure yeah n n now?”

“Why are you so nervous kihyun is everything okay?” He asked smirking.

“Im fine just a little hot that’s all” Kihyun rushed passed the other into minhyuk’s room. “Where’s the canvas?”

Minhyuk walked into the room, slowly shutting and locking the door behind him. “I’m looking at my canvas kyun ah”

“What do you mean hyung” He innocently asked.

“You know exactly what I mean kyun, why did you lie to me about being ticklish. You help me with the maknaes and wonho all the time, ticking them for ages when it could have been you.”

“Minhyuk wait it’s not like that i- i- was going to”

Minhyuk just laughed “No kyun you would not have, we all know how stubborn you are. Lie down on the bed” He sternly commented.

“Wait please hyung i’ll do anything” Kihyun pleases.

“No way, I hate liars kihyun you deserve this” The eldest pushed the smaller boy on the bed. “Now I have run out of canvas to paint on and shownu hyung told me that you have a very perfect body for me to paint on hm?”

Kihyun’s ears and neck slowly changed to a bright shade of pink as he watched the taller member wonder into his cupboard brining out a box.

“How long do we have... a couple of hours I think kihyunnn” He hummed. “I’ve wanted to do some new paintings for a while”

Kihyun didn’t say anything just sat fumbling his fingers as he lyed on the bed, he had watched minhyuk do this time and time again. Before he would tickle one of the members he’d sit taunting them, winding them up before he did.

“I think this is everything” He turned to the brown head boy a box in his arms.

“Minhyuk please go easy on me, I don’t think I can handle you” He whined.

“Oh kyun, you know I can’t do that” He sat at the boys feet slowly pulling a tie fell his box.

Moving up to his head he gently tied Kihyuns two wrists together above his head. Before moving down the bed to do the same to his feet.

“This is perfect, now as my canvas you need to keep still okay ? So I don’t make any mistakes” Minhyuk threatened, as he rolled up the boys t shirt revealing his toned stomach.

Kihyun felt a shiver run down his body as minhyuk opened his box grabbing some blue paint and a long fluffy paint brush.

He dipped the brush into the paint before he dragged it across kihyun’s tummy.

“Waithahah” He giggled underneath the touch.

“Hey stop my canvas needs to be still” Minhyuk laughed as he carried on painting shapes and dragging the brush across his ribs.

“no hahahahaha akakakansjajahshahahah pleahahah” Kihyun couldn’t stop the laughter that poured out his mouth.

“You know I don’t think this brush is cutting it I think i’ll use my hands instead, that would work better right?” He teased wiggling his fingers above the boy.

Kihyun just shook his head, “Pleasse minhyuk I cant take this”

“That’s not my problem” He replies before digging his fingers into the boys armpits causing the member to scream. “How about here” Minhyuk went faster on his ribs and tummy now that the paint had dried, tracing patterns over the clean parts of his stomach.

“Or here?” Minhyuk dipped a finger into his belly button causing more laughter from underneath him.

“Minhhahahahah pleahahaha I canthahaha takakah anymorehehahaha” Kihyun had tears rolling down his face as his laughter became silent.

“Oh you know the boys don’t have a modelling thing to go to or dinner they just wanted to leave us alone so I could tickle you, however I changed my mind before I started and they’re on their way back now to help me” Minhyuk leant down to the boys stomach.

“You don’t mind some extra hands do you?” He said before blowing raspberries across his stomach. Kihyun’s hyena pitched laughs were filling the room drowning out the noise of the other members entering the flat.

“Okay kyunnn i’ll give you a breather, only for a few minutes though”

“Haahah pleaseee hyung i’ll cook for you everyday but I don’t think I can deal with the others as well as you”

“I think you can kyun” Jooheon pouted as he opened the door revealing the other members standing behind him smirking.

“You lies to us hyung” Chnagkyun whined as he sat bedside him on the bed.

“You shouldn’t lie to your brothers hyung, so I guess we have some making up to do?” Wonho smiled as he leaned down gliding his hand over kihyun’s thigh.

“Please I didn’t want to I just didn’t know how” Kihyun panicked as the members sat around his body. “Guys come on we can work this out”

“I don’t think so kyun” Shownu chuckled.

That was the last thing he heard before they all dived in and tickled him everywhere, his feet, knees, arms, torso and neck. Not one member easing off as they just went faster and more intense.

That was when he knew that he was now screwed.

#changkyun #hyungwon #jooheon #kihyun #minhyuk #monsta x #mx #wonho #shownu #kihyuk #tickle fic #monstax headcannon tickle #ticklish

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chloasiajones · 4 years

Text

This is my next smau. It's a Harry Potter smau. Neville X F.!Reader pairing. There's a bit of Fred X F.!Reader pairing in here. There's also Neville X Fred X F.!Reader. Title:A Muggle's Love Story

Trigger warning: Slight swearing! Mentions of sex! Will be mentions of rape! Slight abuse! If you are sensitive to these things read at your own risk! Major Fred fluff!

Y/n was a muggle brought into the world of magic, at a very young age. She didn't know how to handle it. And with her older sister, her guardian being the only one who could take care of her, it proved to be difficult for her with her sister being the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor, and her having to live in the world of magic. She feels a little left out, seeing as both her sisters, her older and her younger, - her twin - are wizards and she is not. But that all disappears when she meets the one person who helped her realize not everything is about that. And it's not all its cracked up to be. Neville was there for her since she was young and they became the best of friends. However, as they got older they realized their feelings were more for each other than they even orginally thought. But what happens when Neville finally has the courage and another man tries to swoop in and take him from her?

Beginning Special Part 5. . .

Fred's P.O.V.

I knew how Y/n was getting and I didnt like it. I felt for her. I hurt for her. I want to beat the shit out of Neville. I know that dumbass feels for her, just like I do, but he wont tell her. All he tells her is that he has a crush on this girl, but he wont tell her who it is. Neville is supposed to be her best friend and he's basically keeping a secret from her. Way to keep the trust up Neville. If he truly does hurt her, and makes her want nothing to do with him and I have to pick up the pieces of what he broke - I cant promise I'll hold myself back from wanting to beat the hell out of him. Y/n held onto her empty glass staring into it. I knew she was drunk and I knew she wanted more. I wont let her do this to herself. She said nothing to me as I took the glass from her. I picked up the bottle of Fire Whiskey and brought it back to the kitchen, putting it away. I gently place the cups in the sink. Y/n had her hand on the side of her neck, entangling her fingers in her hair long beautiful dark brown hair (or y/h/c)

"Fred? -"

She sounded like she wanted to start crying.

"What is it hon?" I asked her as I walked back over to her.

I sat back down next to her.

"I want Neville," he sentence sounded slurred and she looked like she wanted to cry.

She actually did have tears in her eyes. I sighed as I looked at her. I moved a piece of hair from her face.

"I know sweetheart," I said to her softly not exactly knowing what else to say.

"What do I do about Neville?"

I looked directly into her beautiful bluish/green eyes (or y/e/c/).

"You can talk to him. - Maybe it'll help straighten things up,"

She had a few tears fall from her eyes.

"No!! - He likes someone else and I don't want to hear it again,"

"Maybe he does like you and he just didn't want to tell you, so he phrased it differently, because he was scared,"

She sighed as she looked at the floor. I jumped slightly as she put her hand on my knee. I knew where that would lead for me. Damn physical issues. She moved closer to me.

"Fred?"

"Yes?"

I tried acting casual, but I was having so many issues. Y/n took me by surprise as she smashed our lips together, kissing me passionately. I knew the kind of state she was in, and I would never take advantage of her while she's like this, but I had the urge to kiss her back. To show her the love I have for her. And that I could love her more than Neville ever could. I slipped my hands to behind her neck, pulling her closer. I knew she liked it as she hummed in satisfaction. I still wanted to distance myself. I would never let us, get any farther when she's like this. I felt her hand moving up my leg farther. I moved slightly from discomfort. Not from her or what she was doing. It was what it was causing. I continued to kiss her as her hand stayed on my inner thigh. I wanted her to. I wanted her more than anything, but I wont let it happen. That and despite what Neville has made her feel, I know she still loves him. And I want her to sort things out with him before she makes any major decisions like this. I breathed out softly as she stopped kissing me, resting her forehead on mine. She slowly slipped her hand more towards my front. I wanted to stop her, but my physical needs needed her more. I let her touch me.

"I want you Fred," Y/n said to me in the softest voice she could.

"Y/n, I dont wanna, -"

She had a few more tears slip from her eyes.

"Please Fred, - I need you," she pleaded.

"No, you need to rest," I told her.

She touched her lips to mine softly moving them. Her thumb gently moved in circles.

"Please,"

I said nothing. I want to say yes. I want her so bad. As she can physically tell, but I refuse to let it happen this way. Though I wanted to see how far she would actually get. I slightly nodded. In an instant she had our lips pressed together. She turned our kiss into passion. I let out a soft groan as she moved her leg over, straddling my lap. I let her move her hips down onto me. I wanted her more and more as the seconds passed on. I put both my hands on the sides of her neck, pressing my lips to hers harder. She hummed once more in satisfaction. I closed my eyes leaning my head back, as she moved her lips to my neck. I breathed out softly as she kissed the most sensitive part of my neck. She let her hands, move down my chest moving their way up my shirt. I wanted her so bad. But I cant. Not when she's like this. I wont. I knew I was gonna have to stop her soon. She pressed herself into me harder as she took off my shirt. I pulled myself back from her only slightly. She was trying to catch her breath from kissing me.

"You need some water," I said to her in a soft stern voice.

"I need you," she told me trying to be persistent.

"Water first and then me," I negotiated.

Of course I didnt mean it, but I'm trying to get her to settle herself. At most I'll do is snuggle her close to me as she sleeps. She still wanted to protest as she smashed her lips onto mine once more. I let myself kiss her as I stood up, while holding her. I laid her down on the couch. She reached out to me as I took my lips from hers, leaning back.

"Fred, no," she protested.

"Sweetheart, I'll be right back," I reassured.

I gave her a soft reassuring kiss. Honestly right now all I wish I could do, is go to Neville's apartment and kick his ass. He did this to her, just because he's too afraid to tell her what I did. I let my hand drag from hers as I walked to the kitchen. I sighed as I grabbed one of the regular glasses from the cupboard filling it with cold water. I brought it back to her, kneeling down on the floor in front of her.

"Here hon, drink this, - I promise you'll feel better," I said to her in the softest voice I could possibly have.

She sighed as she took the glass.

"And then I can have you?" She asked hopeful still not knowing what she was saying or what she actually wanted.

"Yes, then you can have me," I lied.

I hated lying to her. I never have before, but I cant hurt her anymore than she already is. I love her too much for that. I held onto her other hand as she started to take sips from her water. I was hoping she wouldn't remember what she wanted from me while she was like this. That way if it ever is me in the future, we can start fresh.

Almost an hour later. . .

I had taken the glass of water from her quite a few minutes ago. As I walked back from the kitchen I had found her snuggled with the blanket at the end of the couch, and she had fallen asleep. That's the sight I like to see. I just stood there for a moment staring at her as she slept. She really is the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes upon. I walked to the other end of the couch. I was as careful as I could be as I crawled onto the couch behind Y/n. She was sound asleep. There was no waking her up now. I put my arm around her, holding her as close to me as I could. Being as respectful as I could be. As she noticed me next to her, while still sleeping, she turned herself into me, snuggling herself into me. I had my head propped up with my elbow. I used my other hand, to trace a finger down her face softly.

"Dont worry Y/n, things will get better - I promise," I spoke to her.

She let a soft noise leave her as she slept. I wrapped both my arms around her, pulling her even closer, letting my eyes close. I wont let anything happen to her.

. . .

Neville's P.O.V.

I sighed as I stood before Fred's apartment door. I was nervous, so beyond nervous to tell Y/n how I felt about her. However, I know Adelina is right. Though the way she's going about this is a little unfair. Again I do agree with her. I have loved Y/n pretty much since we first met. I've always wished I could tell her, but I've always been too afraid. I was just afraid of rejection. Though I really wonder how its actually going to go, because of Adelina's reactions to things I said. I knocked on the door, only to get nervous as there was no response. I knocked again, only to get the same response. I could feel myself getting anxious. Seeing as Y/n was supposed to be here, and Fred usually never goes to bed before three. And with knowing that he likes her, my heart was racing at an uncomfortable pace. An idea crossed me. It wasn't the greatest idea, but I had to know. I took out my wand using the, "Alohomora," spell to unlock the door. I'll apologize to Fred later for breaking into his apartment. As I opened the door and looked at the couch, my heart sank and my stomach fell a thousand feet. There on his couch lay Y/n, asleep in Fred's arms. It looked as if they were as close as they could possibly get to each other, without actually being on top of one another. And to make things worse Fred had no shirt on. I could feel tears coming to my eyes as I looked at them. They were both sound asleep. I backed out of the apartment, softly closing the door. As I walked down the hall to leave, a few tears fell from my eyes. As I stood outside, I could feel anger rising towards Fred. In anger I blasted one of the trees, accidentally breaking one of the branches. Whoops. I walked off. Adelina was right. I was too late and I lost her to Fred.

. . .

The Next Morning. . .

Y/n's P.O.V.

I woke up, with my eyes in a blur, holding my head as it pounded. I sat up on the couch, almost with tears in my eyes. I scooched forward so my feet touched the floor. I knew I was at Fred's place. And I knew I came here late, but I dont remember much after our conversation about our friends.

"Oh, damn," I spoke out not even being able to handle my own voice.

"What's the matter hon?" Fred asked me as he kneeled down in front of me.

"I have a killer headache," I replied still holding my head.

"I know, -"

Fred moved my hands from my head. I forced myself to open my eyes, looking at him. I questioned why he wearing just his sweatpants and nothing else. My stomach dropped a thousand feet. Fred held out a glass of water to me and a couple of ibuprofen.

"Here take this and drink this," he said to me in such a caring voice it melted my heart.

I took the ibuprofen from his hand taking it, and drinking from the glass of nice cold water. Once I was a little more with it, and my surroundings, I set the cup down, awkwardly turning to look at Fred.

"So, - I'm not so sure I want to ask this, but - um - Did we - We didn't - You know -"

Fred seemed to know what I was trying to ask. He took my hand in a gentle soft gesture.

"No, Y/n, we did not have sex," Fred reassured in a calming voice.

I breathed out in relief as I looked away from him. I knew he was smiling.

"Oh thank God, - I'm sorry but that would've really messed things up,"

"I understand -"

I looked at him again.

"I couldn't let myself give in when you were like that. I would never take advantage of you like that,"

A soft smile passed me.

"Thank you Fred, -"

I locked our fingers together, placing my head on his shoulder. He gently placed a kiss to the top of my head.

"I love you so much Fred," I spoke to him.

"I love you too darling,"

I moved away from him.

"But I love Neville too, - And I should really text him, and try to get to the bottom of what's really going on,"

"I understand that,"

I stood from the couch.

"Wait, -"

Fred stood from the couch.

"Let me take you to breakfast first, - Get you back to normal," Fred offered to me as he started to walk to the stand by the door.

"I am normal," I said to him.

"Not normal enough, -"

I pretended to be offended as I gently punched his arm. He chuckled.

"Let me take you to breakfast, - Please," he pleaded.

I sighed as I looked at him.

"There's no talking you out of this is there?" I asked him.

"Nope,"

He put his hand on my back as we walked out the door together. He took his keys before closing the door and locking it. I honestly wouldn't know what to do without him. I will be honest, I'm a little scared to find out the truth from Neville. But I have to know. I need to know what he meant, and if he really does like someone else. If he really does like someone else, then I guess my choice I pretty clear.

Taglist:

@cece-lives-here

@saur20

#harry potter smau #harry potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #fred weasley #george weasley #neville longbottom #neville smau #neville imagine #neville x reader #neville x you #neville fluff #neville fanfic #fred fanfic #fred weasley fluff #fred fluff #fred x y/n #fred x you #fred x reader

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lifesucksheres20bucks · 5 years

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Reddie going to on a date to the fair...only if you want💗

YES I LOVE THIS CONCEPT

*i took me so long to write this, there might be some errors sorry*

- def like last summer of them all being in derry

-their 18 and richie is moving to LA and eddie is going to NY

-richie knows his time with eds is running out and hes been a lot more clingy than usual

-eddie knows it too and hes been spendig a lot more alone time with his favorite trashmouth

-eddie HATES change so he has regular panic attack just thinking of being away from the losers (especially richie)

when he gets the panic attacks he usually just throws himself onto richie and starts playing with his shirt

richie started seeing a pattern and lets him calm down, he tries rubbing his back or making him laugh

when eddie isnt with richie when he has one (which tends to only happen at night) he will sneak out of his house and go to richies (richie now leaves his window open for eddie bc of it )

the losers part ways in about 3 weeks

so for the past week eddie has been sleeping at richies everynight, he waits for his mom to go to sleep and goes directly to richies house

they usually just lie in bed somewhat cuddling

they both know theres this unspoken thing between them but no one acts on it

the second to last week of August theres the annual Derry summer fair. The losers have been going there since forever and its like the best part of the summer for them

they usually all go together for a whole day and stay to watch the fireworks then head to mikes farm for a sleepover/bonfire

one day richie cant take it anymore and calls bev, he just kinda blurs out that he loves eddie and bev starts laughing

“yeah we all figured you guys love eachother”

“wait you guys? you think eddie loves me too?”

“well none of us spend every night cuddling, and holding hands and sitting on each others laps”

“you guys noticed that huh”

“omg you’re such a idiot sometimes rich”

“idk what to do though, how am i going to live without eddie”

“you guys will see each other, dont worry, we promised each other annual trips and we all come back to derry for the summers right? You guys will see each other eventually”

“but i can barely stand being without him for a day. You remember last month when his mother didnt let him leave the house bc he coughed? I was freaking miserable that day and i made everyone else miserable too.”

“well rich, i dont know what to tell you, youre going to have to find a way to survive without him, you guys can still call each other when your in school. Its a temporary move, you guys can live together or whatever after college”

“i need to tell him how i feel, i cant just leave without telling him”

“I think thats a good idea, let me know how it goes”

the next day the losers go to the fair, end up causing too much trouble (like always) and then went back to mikes farm. they all got drunk and very emotional, lots of crying bc they were all moving. some promises were made about calling each other at least once a week and plans were made about visiting each other during the thanksgiving holiday and taking a spring break trip together. (their all going to NYC for thanksgiving to see the christmas tree and probably going to LA for spring break)

during the sleepover richie and eddie and sleeping next to each other, richie reaches out to see if eddie is awake and as soon as richies hand is on eddie back, eddie turns around and puts his head on richies chest.

“eddie do you want to go back to the fair with me tomorrow?”

“yeah we can go back , i think mike would like that bc he was totally smitten with that gir-

“no i mean just you and me”

“just you and me....uhh um okay that sounds like fun”

THE NEXT DAY

after eating breakfast at the farm they make up some weird excuse to why they couldnt hang out with the other losers and both leave (richie somehow said he needed to buy a cat)

-once they get to the fair theres this kinda awkward silence between them. Richie tries to make stupid jokes but all hes getting from eddie is nervous laughter

“hey eds whats wrong” richie says as he grads eddies hand

“i just, idk what are we doing?”

“well were at the fair, its this big fun thing we do every year”

“i know what a fair is you idiot, i mean why did you only want to come with me”

“bc i wanted to spend the day with my little eds!” (richie def pinches his cheek)

“dont call me that! god im so not going to miss that nickname when college starts”

“stop lying to yourself my little spaghetti, youre going to miss not hearing it everyday”

they end up walking around trying some of the games.

eddie spotted a Koala that he really wanted and richie set out a mission to win it

he ended up spending like 20 dollars on tickets bc he kept losing the game. but when he finally got it, the look on eddies face made it all worthwhile

eddie decided to name the koala trashmouth for his knight in shining armour that got him in the first place

richie melts

eddie also named him that bc richie TOTALLY loves to koala hug eddie (and thats also why he wanted the koala in the first place bc he thought of richie when he saw it)

eddie gets them both candied apples

richie drops his after two bites

so they end up sharing eddies

at the end of the day richie insists on going to the ferris wheel

so they go and they sit right next to each other, eddie head on richies shoulder and finger intertwined

they stop at the top and richie thinks its now or never

“hey eds, i need to tell you something and i dont want you to say anything, just let me finish”

“hm okay”

“you know how a couple of years ago you told me you loved coming to the fair because being here with your friends made you so happy. And that you absolutely loved coming on the Ferris wheel because being so high up and seeing the beautiful view of the town at sunset made you feel at peace and so whole...”

“yeah i remember that”

“well thats how you make me feel”

richie is playing with the hem of his shirt and every second that eddie doesnt say anything he starts shaking more and more

eddie sits quietly, in shock, and finally starts to process what richie says. he is quickly distracted by a tapping noise coming form richie

he looks at richie and sadness overcomes him, hes never seen richie look so nervous and scared in his life. the only thing he wants to do is hold him tight and thats exactly what the does

the second eddie takes richie into his arms richie just starts sobbing. the relief of the secret and the reality or their situation was just too much for him to handle

“shh shh ‘chee its okay, please dont cry baby”

“ i just, i dont know how im going to survive without you, youre my bestest friend eds and i love you so much..”

“i love you too richie, so much, why do you think i always sneak into your bedroom? all the panic attacks? its all because i keep thinking of college without you”

“why did we wait so long? i should have told you when i was 14, fucking hell Tozier always says stupid shit but never the right shit”

“richie stop youre not stupid, I should have told you, i just didnt know how. I know we waited too long but im so happy it happened this way. I dont think it would have worked out if we had told eachother sooner, we were so young. Now that were moving out of this shit hole we get to be ourselves and we can make this work”

“but youre going to be so far away...”

“ill come visit you and i you can come see me, ill call you every night, this is going to work, i know it is bc its us and i know were meant to be together”

“promise you wont forget me when im in LA”

“how can I ‘chee, you’re literally all i think about”

“wow okay this is getting really cheesy so can i just add a bit more cheesiness and kiss you at the top of the Ferris wheel?”

“ ugh okay but only since were already here and i dont think i can wait a minute longer”

richie cups eddies face and kisses him passionately

(ITS A SHITTY ENDING I KNOW I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO END IT IM SORRY IM REALLY NOT MADE FOR WRITING)

this is definitely a story they will share with their kids in the future ❤️

#richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #reddie prompt #character prompts #yeah its pretty shit im sorry

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kyouxa · 5 years

Text

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Ayato Sakamaki (Story 03)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! I’m an amateur translator, but I hope you do enjoy it anyway!♡

Place: Orange Mansion ー Living room

Ayato: Ugh it’s so annoying. Ruki gathered us all here, I wonder what's the reason for this.

Yui: Eh, what you mean?

(It's been a few days since I joined them, but nothing happened until now)

(Is he gathering us all to discuss what we will do in the future?)

*Ruki enters*

Ruki: Is everyone here?

Shin: Yes, we are. We were waiting for you

Yui: (I’m wondering what they will talk about, I hope it’s not some privat sibling stuff)

Ruki: It’s been a few days since Eve joined our mansion. So let's talk about our present situation again.

Until now we’re having Eve, the key to become king, but she couldn't give us any informations until now.

Yui: (That's right, tho. I’m the key to make someone the king but I still don’t know how)

(I actually don’t know anything about Adam and Eve)

(No matter how long Ruki-kun is waiting, I can’t help them now...)

Ruki: I wonder whats causing your lack of memories, but as long as they come back soon, I dont mind it.

Thats why we should start to prepare for the worst scenario. At least, until she remembers everything again.

What I mean is, that we should prepare for an attack from the other families.

Yui: Attack..?!

(That’s right, they are going to fight their real brothers because they don’t remember them)

Shin: Hm. I like the idea. It's a good opportunity to beat the disturbing flies that aim for Eve.

Ayato: Yes thats it. So it‘s okay to kill every member of each family?

Ruki: Thats right

Kanato: Is that so. I‘ll be welcoming all those noisy people in hell if they just try to enter our mansion.

Yui: (The atmosphere just changed... I‘m sure it’s going to get serious. But I don’t want them to kill each other.)

Shin: Don’t you think the Violet family with Carla as their head will attack as first?

He‘s the one who would be the most violent in getting her in his fingers. Thats why, we should eliminate him first.

Yui: (Shin-san, Carla is your brother and you‘d never want to hurt him...)

Kanato: We should be aware of the scarlet family with Reiji as their head tho. They seem to be pretty strong too.

Ayato: That’s interesting. It seems like we wont be able to kill them without a strategic and smart plan.

In my opinion the first person who would attack us is that insane guy. Reiji wouldnt be a big problem

Kanato: Well, you have a big mouth Ayato-kun. There won’t be any forgiveness if you lose Eve to anyone else

I'll tear you down and make you regret that you even started breathing the same air as I did.

Yui: (This really means they are going to kill their real brothers...! They can’t do that)

(But, what can I do, how can I get everyone’s memories back...?)

(More then anything else, I want Ayato-kun to get his memories back... maybe we could escape then)

Ruki: A few days passed since we received Eve into our house. Until then nobody decided to make any further movements.

Ayato: Well, if you really think thats the case. We should attack them as long as we can!

Ruki:*sigh* That idea is completly nonsense. But, we should think about a plan for now.

Tell me about your opinions.

I cant think straight in such a situation anymore, thats why I will listen to whatever your plans are.

Ayato: Well why don’t we split up then.

Shin: Not bad, Ayato. What is our brother thinking about that plan?

I wouldnt come up with a better idea, brother

Ayato: Tch, brother, my brother my ass.

Ruki: Shin, Kanato you two are going to collect, any possible information about the families then. If you got sth imporant report it immediately to me.

Shin: Got it.

Kanato: ...Understood.

Ruki: Ayato will be waiting in the Mansion, while taking care over Eve. You better take responsibility for your role as guard.

Kanato: Wait a second. Why is ayato only waiting here.

Ayato: Eh?! Dont talk shit! Why do I need to stay home!?

Kanato: I just cant accept that. Why can’t I stay here instead of Ayato and look after Eve?

Yui: Huh?! Kanato-kun...

Ayato: I’ve been locked up in that mansion until forever now. I want to go outside too.

Ruki: ......

Kanato: Ayato, are you agreeing with my interests?

Let’s exchange roles then. You just need to hand it over to me, I promise, I‘ll take care of Eve from now on

Ayato: Hah? As if I‘d give my role away. She‘ll obviously go with me and get informations

Yui: Huh? What are you saying it’s dangerous if I go outside..

Kanato: Thats right. What kind of an idiot are you to get such an idea.

There is no way you could guarantee that Eve is safe in your hand either. She could be robbed away immediately if you don’t pay attention.

Ayato: I know how to protect her!

Kanato: I don’t agree

Shin: Cut it out already you two! Is it too much to ask if you could follow the orders you were given?

We'll do it as our brother instructed already. Kanato is going outside, Ayato will stay here.

Ayato: I did not agree to that decision yet!

Kanato: I totally hate this decision

Ruki: — be quit

Kanato: ......huh?

Ayato: What is it....

Ruki: Ayato, Kanato. You‘re misunderstanding the situation.

You two are useless for me if you don’t do what I order you to. I have no use for you then.

Kanato: ...

Ayato: ...

Yui: (Amazing, Ruki was able to make them quite that easily...)

Ruki: The most important thing is now, Eve needs to be protected at all cost

Don’t make any moves out of your own Intension... I’ll give you the orders

You just have to play along to what I say. Got it?

Ayato: ...Tch

Kanato: ...Hmh

Ruki: Its settled, cool your head for a while, until you are completly calm

Shin: Heh, it looks good. You should do what our brother says.

*Shin and Ruki leave*

Yui: (They both left...)

Ayato: Damn it!

Yui: (He kicked a chair...! He’s really angry)

Ayato-kun you should relax a little...

Ayato: Shut up! Fuck this, I'm leaving!

*Ayato leaves*

Yui: Hm! Wait, Ayato-kun! Where are you going?!(Ayato can’t let me stay here lonely! I need to follow him!)

*Yui follows him*

Kanato: ...*giggles*

Place: Orange Mansion ー Corridor

Yui: A-Ayato-kun, wait! Please calm down...!

Ayato: You can calm down!

That intelligent bastard, is always so annoying. I’m not taking any order from him!

Yui: (He’s so angry... that’s so frustrating)

(When I was at Sakamaki's house,Shu and Reiji were always fighting like that)

(Shu-san doesn't interfere and Reiji-san is a little tough to handle, I really miss them)

(It may be that Ruki-kun's way of giving instructions is making him angry)

Ayato: I hate being locked up, the great me is supposed to do sth better as playing around.

That bastard should actually know that!

Yui: Maybe... it is better for everyone that way

(I know Ayato-kun is strong, I wonder why he cant go...)

Ayato: Hah? What are you saying. Did you secretly team up with that bastard or what?!

Yui: Kya!

(My shoulders are pressing against the wall, it hurts—)

Choices

1) ーStop him (black)

2) ーDont fight (white)♡♡♡

ー Stop him

Yui: It hurts! Stop that...!

Ayato: What are you saying. You are usually enjoy it aren’t you?

Yui: ...I dont

Ayato: heh...! You’re a pretty bad liar.

Just continue lying to me and I'm going to be angry.

Yui: Ayato...kun...

ー Dont fight♡

Yui: I don’t wanna say I’m weak... ah.. It’s just that I don’t want to fight with you...

Ayato: You are weak! Im stronger than anyone in this house! I want you to know that

Yui: That’s not it...

Ayato: I'm stronger than anyone, I’d never lose!

So don’t worry about it.

You just have to remember that you’re protected by me. I won’t let anything happen to you

Yui: (I know that Ayato is stronger and cooler than anyone else!)

(I’m just worried about him, because I love Ayato-kun)

end Choices

Yui: No, I just want to think about ways other than fighting...

Ayato: The scent of your blood is distracting me.

Yui: .....ah....!

Ayato: I might try another place today, what do you mean?

Yui: Eh, that is...!

Ayato: That’s right, I’m going to pierce you with my fangs just because you like it.

You want to feel the pleasure right? Let me hear your voice then.

....ahh.....ah... haa... aah....., You look excited, I know you like it when my fangs pierce your smooth skin...ahh..!

Yui: Ahh...Hmm...!

(I want the Ayato who I feel in love with, back then so badly)

(It's true that our thoughts were connected but everything’s vanished now.)

Ayato: Look at me. In this house, no, who is the strongest in the world?

It’s me right? Say it for me. I won’t stop until you do as I say.

Ah... Hmm...Ahh... !

Yui: ....Ahh...!

(...What. He’s more violent today. My conscious is fading... already...)

(I don’t want to say that..., but if I don't say what he wants, he’ll kill me like that...!)

Ayato: Hey, say it, Chichinashi

Yui: You’re the best Ayato-kun...

Ayato: It’s Ayato-sama!

Yui: Ayato...sama...hn..

Ayato: heh, you’re not done yet

Yui: ...is... the... best...

Ayato: You really cant say it without me getting a little rougher on you

Show me more of that face... Ah... Haa... Aah... !

Yui: No... ahh!

Ayato: Heh... why are you pretending that you don’t like it? You should beg more for me...

Yui: (I can’t feel any strength in my hands and feet —)

Ayato: Whats with your strength. Are you giving up already?

Yui: stop...!

(I fell on the floor... I tried to get away from him, but he forced me to stay.)

Ayato: You truly are an idiot. Get up now.

It seems that it was so miserable that you'd rather be sleeping on the floor then preach me. Hehe!

Yui: (This atmosphere— It’s like the first days I met Ayato-kun...)

(Back then, I hated him...)

Ayato: What is it now. Even if you show me those hate filled eyes, I will not show sympathy.

Yui: (That Ayato-kun in front of me is not the person I fell in love with)

(I know Ayato-kun, he cares about my feelings and considers how much he sucks...)

(But he’s not here anymore—)

Ayato: (That was fun. After all it is the most interesting to play with her like that ......)

*strange noise* Ayato: ...ugh... what is it?

...Not again. Why did it come back... shit

Yui: Ayato-kun... what’s wrong? Are you okay?

Ayato: Shut up, it’s nothing serious. It’s just this annoying dazzling again...

Place: Sakamaki mansion ー Outside

Ayato: ugh...?!

Yui: Ayato-kun...?

Ayato: ah... ahh... ahh.. Just what, was that...?

Yui: W-What is it...?

Ayato: There was a place, which I don’t know... running through my head...

Yui: Hey?

*time passed*

Yui: (What does that mean? Did he remember sth from the past, what was it)

(Maybe his real memories are coming back little by little?)

Ayato: ughh... that was weird. Was that a kind of daydream? I really don’t know...

Yui: (I believe that Ayato still has some memories in his head. If I’m only able to recover them —)

Ayato: I’ll return to my room now. Let’s continue our play on another day.

*Ayato leaves*

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Ayato: (That dazzling is so annoying when it appears.)

....why is it only happening when I’m going to drink her blood?

That place... I've seen it, but I don’t remember it, yet I feel like I’ve been there.

Besides, I get that strange feeling when I suck her blood.

She's just my bait, I shouldn’t worry too much about it.

There’s, something burning in my heart... what is that supposed to mean.

Fuck, I’m getting irritated. I’m sure it was just a daydream.

Surely if I stress myself with that dazzling, it might get worse at that point.

Whatever, I shall go to my room.

That woman won’t get away that easy next time.

I wonder what we should play tomorrow... let’s see.

→ Story 04

← Story 02

#diabolik lovers #diabolik brothers #diabolik lovers translation #diabolik lovers ayato #ayato #ayato sakamaki #chaos lineage #chaos lineage translation #ayato sakamaki translation

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inmyheadcnk · 4 years

Text

it’s insane the amount of shit i keep bottled up inside. the pain, confusion, anger, and bitterness that i feel rarely consumes me. but today is one of those days. i fucking miss him. i never ever wanted to know how it felt to miss someone to this extent. i feel like i cant breathe. i feel like i’m walking around with half of me gone. he was my best friend. the only person i ever met that actually gave a fuck about what i had to say and encouraged me to be myself and not give any amount of fuck about what others said. it was just us. everything else was background noise. i don’t get it. i don’t get how this all ended so fast. i know i’m young and there’s other people out here but there’s only one josiah. regardless of his flaws and all the shit he did wrong, he will always mean everything to me. he’s down to earth and if he loves you, you should be considered the luckiest person on the planet because he loves hard. and he will make that known. he acts like a dumbass sometimes and will argue with you just to see your point of view but he is articulate and smarter than most. he is filled with ambition and he’s passionate about so much. he’s extremely cautious but if he wants you in his life you will know. he is stubborn and hard headed but if he finds what you say to be sensible, he would consider compromising. he is not someone that you should push to change, instead encourage him to be his best self. you have to love him for who he is. he will grow and learn at the pace he wants to. you have to be patient and support him, never pressure. josiah will always be josiah and josiah will do what he wants to do. it’s annoying but you can’t help but love someone who is exactly who they are. he never tried to be anybody else. we created “telecapicity” and lived in our own world. i loved plotting to pick his boogers and wipe them on him. we would go on jamaica ave and split our only $5 to get two pizzas and a soda and continue to have a “gucci” day. we would go to the gazebo at baisley and always have the best conversations. i remember he told me to try to meet him there once in a dream. i had a dream about him recently where we finally saw each other after all this time and he just laid next to me and put his arm around me. i smiled and remember feeling the most comfort ive felt in a long time. i wish i knew how he was doing. i wish i could run to him right now and have a conversation with him. i wish he still cared. there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t think of him. i’m driving myself crazy i know that but i cant help but imagine him reaching out to me again just like the last time. a fucking start over. i’ve learned so much. being alone has its perks. we both failed each other in many ways. i made plently of promises i didn’t keep and so did he. we got together when we were 16. we were so young and had nothing to worry about. we lost our way when we started having shit to worry about. life hit us. deep insecurites hit us. so much shit happened at once and i didn’t know how to handle it. i was incredibly weak. we could’ve made it work. i loved him the way i knew how at the time.

i don’t know if we are ever meant to be, i don’t know if we’re soul mates, i don’t know if three years were all we were meant to spend together. i don’t know if i’ll talk to him again. but i am grateful that i had a chance to spend a great deal of time with him. i’m happy that i was able to give out so much love and get it back. our relationship was no where near perfect. but we tried. for a long time we tried even when we probably both knew it was best to let go. in our worst moments we would argue in circles, mostly due to me. i appreciate the fact that he sat and went through all those circles. i know i made things hard for him. i made it hard to love me and hard to talk to me. i led the people around us to believe he was the bad guy. i understand now why he said i was a manipulator. at times it felt like he knew me better than i knew myself. our friendship was sturdy though. i don’t understand how that of all things fell apart with the rest of us. i’d be lying if i said i didn’t want us to be together. but more than anything i yearn for my friend back. he is a special person. he leaves a mark on people. i don’t have a single bad thing to say about him. he will always have a huge piece of my heart. i don’t know how to not love him. i don’t know how to hate him and move on for good. i don’t know what the future holds for us. all i could ever ask for is more strength. i know i’m probably just another ex to him now. i know he probably hates me. while that kills me inside i know i can’t force him to care or love me. or to even ever talk to me again. things were supposed to be different. we were supposed to grow so old together that our knees gave out and i would have to change his diaper. he’d be ashamed but he’d forget about it 2 minutes later. that damn dementia. he wrote a poem to me after i wrote one for him and he said “in due time, to have and to hold. unconditional love and uncaged doves. a legacy started, our once strong knees long departed. and farted will mean sharted”. he felt that way once about us and that’s enough to keep my heart whole. maybe things weren’t supposed to be different, maybe this is how things are supposed to be. maybe we’ll reconnect. maybe we’ll never talk again. either way i just pray that we both will one day find peace and a lifetime of happiness.

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marvel-af · 5 years

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For The Best (Part 5) (Peter Parker x Reader)

I know its been a hot sec since i updated this, so here you go! If you ever read the little blurb before the fics, reply to this with “corn”. Hope you enjoy!!

Warnings: Talk of Suicide, Peter Parker’s guilt complex and bad parents

Words: 2530

My Masterlist is linked in my bio

Peter lets out a loud laugh at a joke from Ned. The noise is enough to break Sarah from her thoughts.

Y/N’s dad was going to be here any second, according to the texts that were blowing up her phone. Y/N still didn't know he was coming, and Sarah knew that Y/N wouldn’t be happy when he came.

“Sarah? Are you okay?” MJ asks. Sarah blinks a few times.

“Uh yeah.”

No. Sarah was sweating, and only a few more texts away from shaking. She hated lying to Y/N. She just looked so happy for the first time since her break-up and the news of her cancer, she was even laughing along with Peter and Ned. She looked okay. Sarah didn’t want to ruin that.

Peter and the rest of the nurses had done more for Y/N in a few days than Y/N’s own mother had done in years. Sarah will forever be grateful for the help she’s received from them and she knows Y/N is too.

Paul slowly walked the short path to Y/N’s apartment. He wanted to quickly drop his bags off at where he would be staying. He uses his key and opened to door quietly.

To put it shortly, the apartment looked like shit. As Paul walked through the room, his heart breaks for his daughter. There are blankets thrown all over the living room and containers of food left out on the coffee table. He walks past the living room and passes the bathroom.

It looks like a murder scene. There is a cup on the floor, surrounded by drops of blood, and the toilet seat was covered in blood. It was dried, given the days it had been since Y/N was there. Paul feels his eyes sting for his daughter, that she was going through this, almost alone.

He shakes his head, rubbing his eyes and willing the tears back. If Y/N was sick, the least he could do was be strong for her. He leaves his luggage in her bedroom and then speeds to the hospital, mentally preparing himself to support Y/N.

Y/N notices the door handle move before she hears Sarah exhale deeply.

“Dad?”

“Daughter.”

“W-what are you doing here?” Y/N stutters. She spares a glance a Sarah, seeing her hiding from her gaze. Suddenly it clicks, and Y/N shoots a glare at Sarah.

“Well, I heard that you got cancer,” Paul's face softens. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you call? You know I would’ve been here at the drop of a hat.”

“That’s the issue! I don’t need you here, watching me with those sad eyes!” Y/N pauses, watching a look of hurt flash across her father’s face. “ Look, I-I know you want to help me but, I just didn’t want to worry you and I didn’t want you to feel like you have to be here. I’m sorry you had to hear it from someone else.” Y/N says, her eyes downcast.

Peter, Ned and MJ sat watching the worried man stand in front of his sick daughter.

“Well, I’m your dad, so you get me here, worrying about you.” Paul says, defiant as ever and suddenly Peter realizes where Y/N gets her stubbornness from.

“Um, our lunch break is over, so we have to go.” MJ says slowly standing up, Peter and Ned following. Paul whips his head away from Y/N and looked at the group of nurses.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry. I’m Paul, Y/N's dad. You guys are?”

“I’m MJ, and that’s Ned and Peter.” MJ says motioning to the boys standing behind her.

“And how did you guys all meet?” Paul asks. Y/N stiffens in the bed.

“We’re nurses here and we all meet in the cafeteria.” Peter lies. He shoot a look at Y/N, almost as if to say, ‘we’ll talk about this later’.

“Very nice, well it was nice to meet you all. Y/N always was good at making friends.” Paul smiles sadly. The nurses nod and exit the room.

Paul turns back to his daughter who sat in the hospital bed with her arms crossed as Sarah sits beside her with a frown.

“So, where’s Derek?” Paul asks with a smile. Sarah sighs lightly and hunches over with her head in her hands.

“We broke up.” Y/N states. Paul notices the way her eyes become slightly watery and she clenches her jaw.

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. Was it because of the-”

“It wasn’t because of the cancer Dad. God, your mind always goes to the worst place. We broke it off before I knew.” Y/N interrupts.

“Okay, well I’m sorry.” Paul says, pulling a chair over and sitting quietly. He can’t take his eyes off of her. She already looked so sick. The shaved head, the sunken features, the dark bags under her eyes, it all broke his heart.

“Stop staring at me.” Y/N says, her voice sharp.

“Sorry.”

Y/N winces as the nurse gently pushes the needle through her skin.

“Good job Y/N.” The nurse says. She knows it’s supposed to be comforting but Y/N can’t even bring herself to smile back at the nurse. As her dad sits next to her silently Y/N wants nothing more than to sink into the chair and never be seen again. But she can’t, so silently she wishes her dad would stop looking at her as if she’ll shatter into a million piece at any given moment.

It drives her crazy. Her clenched jaw hurts and Y/N contemplates just ripping the IV out and running up to the roof again. For a moment she wonders what would have happened if she did jump before Peter found her.

Would Derek have come to the funeral? Would her mother have come? Would she even be sad? Who would miss her besides Sarah, Dad and maybe a few people from her job?

Her thoughts are interrupted by Peter walking into the room with a smile that could blind the sun.

The only good thing to come out of this cancer diagnosis was Peter. And his friends of course. But Y/N felt a more special connection with Peter.

“How it going so far?” He asks. Paul looks up from his laptop and smiles at Peter.

“Peter! What are you doing here?” Paul asks. Peter blushes.

“Well, I just wanted to...to make sure Y/N was doing alright.” Peter says glancing at Y/N.

“I’m okay.” Y/N mutters, her eyes pointed downwards. Peter laughs and pulls up a seat next to the bed.

“And the truth is?” Peter smiles, grabbing her hand.

“I-I just feel so gross and ugly. And I miss my hair.” Y/N grumbles.

“Hey, you could never be gross or ugly, you are so beautiful.” Peter says, staring deeply into Y/N’s eyes.

Paul watches as Y/N and Peter talked and as Peter held Y/N’s hand and as they looked at each other. Paul could recognize the lovesick puppy look on Peter’s face from a mile away. It’s the same way he used to look at Y/N’s mom. Quietly, Paul stands up and walks into the hallway. Y/N and Peter don’t even notice the older man walk away, too busy laughing and talking.

Once Paul was in the hallway, he pulled out his phone.

Kara

Your daughter is in the hospital with cancer. If you care as much as you claim, you’ll be here.

Paul sent out the text and stowed his phone back in his pocket. He leaned up against the wall and sighed. He wasn’t sure it was the right idea to tell Y/N’s mother to come but he rationed that she deserved to at least know.

When Paul walked back into the room, Peter was gone and Y/N was back to frowning at her phone.

“Where’d Peter go?”

“Back to work.” She mumbles.

Y/N lays in the uncomfortable hospital bed alone, visiting hours are over and Sarah and her Dad both left.

Sleep doesn't come easy when her mind is screaming at her to go back up to the roof and finish it all. She knows she shouldn’t but the ideas are loud and overtaking any good thoughts she can attempt to come up with.

Y/N pulls out her phone and scrolls through her recent texts. She sees the group chat between her, Sarah and the nurse and she clicks on Peter’s contact.

im bored

A few minutes pass before Y/N gets a response.

Hi bored, I’m Peter.

lame

Sorry :)

what can i do in a hospital after visiting hours

Sleep?

i cant

Well, I’ll make you a deal. If you fall asleep, I’ll come in early with breakfast.

you would really do that! my hero

Go to sleep. I don’t want to deal with a cranky Y/N in the morning.

Y/N falls asleep quickly after the promise of a good breakfast and seeing Peter.

The sound of the door slamming shut wakes Y/N up. She panic for a moment before seeing Peter stand sheepishly at the door, holding the handle still.

“Sorry.” Peter smiles. Y/N relaxes back on the bed and smiles sleepily. Peter feels his heart beat a bit faster, but quickly calms himself. I’m just helping her out, no feelings here, he reminds himself.

“How are you here so early?” Y/N says glancing at her phone.

“I work here. I don’t need to wait for visiting hours.”

“Huh, cool,” Y/N sits up, “so food?” Peter laughs and raises a bag of food, handing it over to her. He sits in the seat that usually belongs to Sarah.

“Praise you! I’m so over oatmeal.”

“Yeah I’m nice like that,” Peter smiles, “so how are you?” Y/N pauses, her face falling for a moment before putting on a big fake smile.

“I’m holding on, cancer sucks, but I’m working on it.” Y/N lies. Peter notices the fake smile and the overly optimistic words. It just doesn’t sound like Y/N.

“Well, finding you on that rooftop was insanely scary. Like I knew about Derek and I knew about your diagnosis, but watching you sit on the ledge, was crazy. I mean I thought you were going to…” Peter pauses looking up at Y/N. Her face is guilty.

“You weren’t going to right?” Peter asks. Y/N opens her mouth to speak, but quickly shuts it again.

“Wow.” Peter says, his eyes widening.

“Please don’t tell Sarah. I don’t want her to worry about me anymore.” Y/N says, her voice cracking and her eyes watering.

“I went up there planning to jump but once I was actually up there, looking down at the ground, I couldn’t go through with it.” Y/N explains. The urge Peter felt to protect Y/N nearly quadruples.

“Well, I’m glad you didn't.” Peter says.

“Yeah me too.” Y/N smiles sadly.

“So, do you still think about it? Because you have to realize how good your treatment is going. Dr. Barton is seriously the best. This cancer won’t kill you Y/N. So I guess you have to decide how you leave this hospital.” Peter says bluntly. Y/N gulps.

“I don’t want to die Peter. I want to be able to walk out of this hospital, cancer free. I want Sarah and my Dad to be able to think about something besides me. Hell, I want to see my hair grow back.” Y/N laughs wetly. Peter feels his eyes sting.

“And I want to see more of you… and Ned and MJ and I want to be able to hang out like real friends. I don’t want to die.” Y/N says slowly. Peter lets out a breath of relief.

“But some illogical part of me does.” Y/N breaths out.

“Y/N, as a nurse at this hospital, I need you to tell me if you currently have any plans to hurt yourself.” Peter states firmly.

After a moment, Y/N huffs and says no. The crashing relief that comes down on Peter is enough to make the tears that were waiting in his eyes fall freely.

“Y/N, I need you to know, that I want to protect you and I really enjoy being with you. But I’m being selfish.” Peter says.

“What do you mean?” Y/N questions. Of course Peter has ulterior motives she thinks.

“When I was younger, my parents died in a plane crash. I lived with my aunt and uncle after that, and they were amazing. Until my Uncle Ben died, it was a mugger and I was there with him. I could have done something, anything, but I stood there as my uncle got shot and bled out in front of me. I spent a lot of my time regretting every decision that led me to that point. And lets just say, now I’m really protective of the people I care about.” Peter says.

Y/N sits with her mouth parted slightly, processing the words that Peter just said. And Y/n thought her problems were huge. At least her parents were still alive, maybe she didn’t talk to one of them, but last Y/N knew she was alive.

“Peter, I’m so sorry.” Y/N says. Peter waves his hand.

“I didn’t say all that to get you to feel sorry for me. I said it because I want you to know why I’m really hanging out around you. When I saw you on the roof, I felt this need to protect you. I wanted to help you like I couldn’t help my uncle.”

“Okay. That’s okay Pete. Just don’t smother me and we’re good.” Y/N says, trying to calm Peter.

“Thank you.”

Y/N lets out a yawn.

“If you’re tired, I can go?” Peter says standing up.

“Don’t go.” Y/N says, grabbing Peter’s hand.

“Come on, you don’t have to be at work for a little bit. Come lay down with me.” Y/N says, moving over on the small bed to make room for Peter.

“Oh no, I shouldn’t.”

“Please,” Y/N frowns, “I have cancer.” She pouts. Peter lets out a short laugh. He really wants to stay with her, to protect her obviously. He want to have her lay her head on his chest and he wants to feel her warm breath on the bare skin of his neck.

“You play that card, you’ll win every time. It’s just not fair.”

“Great so get up here.”

Peter kicks off his shoes and climbs up onto the bed, but instead of her resting her head on his chest, she presses her face into the side of his arm.

“Comfortable?” He laughs softly.

“Very.” She says, her lips moving on his arm. Peter brings his other arm over to rub her bald head and he swears he hears her groan. A small smile creeps onto his lips when he hears her breathing even out, and he falls asleep soon after.

Tags:@xxxxdelenaxxxx @dashlilymark @itsteatimelovely @starkillazz@sarahsassafras13@brokenuntilapril26th2019 @casuallytumblingdownthestairs

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just-a-dumb-gay · 5 years

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Imagine this as a Penelope/Posie comeback. (Warning: Long Post)

And as much as I love Hizzie, im gonna think realistically here and not have them be a thing. Because I honestly doubt Hizzie will actually happen (not that that'll stop me shipping them.)

So say Legacies continues on for many more seasons. Penelope doesn't come back but is mentioned. Like im sticking to the theory she's helping Caroline. So perhaps Ric is on the phone to Caroline and says something like "How is she handling everything?" but we never find out who 'she' is. And there's a couple phone calls like that.

So that and Josie has a couple more love interests, but none stick. She's clearly still stuck on Penelope.

So season 4 ends on sorta a cliffhanger, but nothing too major.

Season 5 then picks up after a time jump and starts a couple weeks before the twins 22nd birthday.

Now im thinking of this as what could be the very first scene of the season.

It starts with a shot of a phone with the alarm going off. Then we hear someone groaning (because nobody likes alarms lol).

We then see it's Josie, so she picks the phone up and turn the alarm off before burying her face back in her pillow mumbling something like "Too early.".

Then there's someone laughing from off screen and Josie turns over and glares at this unknown girl we cant see.

This girl laughs more because grumpy morning Josie is adorable.

Josie then just mumbles a "shut up" before pulling the covers over her head in a hope to go back to sleep.

Unknown girl then comes over and pulls the covers off of Josie who just dramatically covers her face with a pillow to block the sunlight.

Then, we see this unknown girl sit on the bed beside Josie and also attempt to pull the pillow away.

After managing to get the pillow she just puts it back where it was.

Josie then says something like "I hate morning people." or "One long lie, is that too much to ask for.".

Unknown girl just laughs and offers a hand to help Josie out of bed.

Josie takes this girls hand, and then pulls her down on top of her. We then see it's Penelope.

So Josie is still kinda grumpy, but cant help but smile at having Penelope laughing above her.

We get a really cute kiss. Then Penelope, not moving from her place on top of Josie, says something like "Now are you going to move, or do I have take the covers and pillows again?". Which is cute because it implies this has happened more than once.

Josie just groans again before wrapping her arms around Penelope, pulling her down so she's lying on her chest.

Penelope fights a little before giving up and getting comfy, shifting so her head is on Josie's shoulder.

Josie says something like "10 more minutes." or "We can blame traffic for us being late.". Penelope then laughs and pulls the covers back over them.

It looks like they're about to go back to sleep then theres an unusual noise off screen.

Penelope perks up and a few seconds pass before Penelope is about to get out of bed and go see what made the noise.

And then Lizzie burts into the room and just is her usual self and says "Come on. Get up. Places to be!"

Penelope just sighs and flomps back down, hiding her face against Josie's neck. And now its her turn to pull the covers over their heads.

Only for Lizzie to magically pull the covers off the bed. And Penelope says "Why did we give your sister keys to our apartment?". To which Lizzie would give some snarky reply, although her and Penelope are now actually somewhat getting along.

And then that all continues into the rest of the episode.

Throughout the season we find out ALOT: -

- Penelope did leave to help Caroline find a cure for the merge.

- Once Josie graduated she moved to Europe to help them find a cure, while Lizzie stayed behind to help Ric and see what they can find out together.

- Eventually they think they found a cure, so Lizzie moved to wherever in Europe Posie and Caroline are.

- Posie were going strong so they bought an apartment together (or more like Caroline bought it for them. Josie's 21st birthday present.)

Turns out, Lizzie moved because the witch they need to do the spell to stop the merge refused to leave her home for some reason.

The show picks up a few weeks before their birthday because they still have things they need to prepare for stopping the merge. And that's why Lizzie comes to wake Posie up.

But, in typical TVD/TO/Legacies fashion, something goes wrong. At the end of the first episode, we find out the witch they needed to do the spell was killed.

And there we have the main plot of the season unfold. They have they're cure/loopehole thing, but they need to find a certain type of witch to do it. Maybe from a certain bloodline, or from a certain coven. Just something like that.

So that's Posie, Lizzie and Carolines storyline.

Back at the Salvatore school we find out that after graduation, Ric offered Hope a job there. She's a teacher, so like Dorian 2.0 because she can actually do magic and stuff and her and Ric are still close so he trusts her with big things going on.

They find out about the problem with the merge loophole witch and start seeing if they can find anything to help. Along with another storyline.

To sum up what im thinking for the whole season plotline. Another coven of witches dead set on destroying the Gemini coven. Said coven of witches will do everything they can to have the merge happen. (for a reason I cant think of rn lol)

So the last episode of the season, they've defeated evil coven of witches and finding someone who can help stop the merge.

But to stop the merge, the twins actually have to start the merge spell. They both siphon the same thing (maybe Penelope or Caroline) so they are as close to equal strength as possible.

And the end of season cliffhanger we get is them both passing out and then Penelope asking "Did it work?" while rushing to Josie's side. To which the witch helping them replies "All we can do is wait and see now."

Then in the next season they're both fine. Posie get engaged, maybe we even get to see them get married. Other happy stuff happens to other characters. And everything wraps up to a happy ending.

-----

And then we all cry for a week after saying goodbye to TVD universe one last time.

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