#i hate being so sick all the time also.

[formulapisces]

reblog or <horrific thing will happen to parent>

reblog to get <specific amount of money>

reblog for <luck and something about a crush>

reblog if you aren’t <racist, homophobic, etc>

reblog or else <terrible tragedy happens>

reblog if you care about <obviously a good cause but is baiting you to look like a horrible person if you don’t reblog it>

SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP

#they all say ThIs OnE aCtUaLlY wOrKs #your friends with ocd do NOT appreciate this at all the next time i see one of these posts on my dash i’ll scream #alèssi says things #actually ocd #ocd #‘but you can just block the reblog bait tag’ it doesn’t get rid of shit. #if you’re not actually 7 years old why are you reblogging obvious bait and chainmail? grow up a bit. i’m so sick of it #the people reblogging this with ’reblog if you agree’ etc can also kindly go fuck themselves. #tw repetition #<- sorry i didn’t tag this earlier 🤍 #i hate this so much why so many re logs #and reblogs being like ‘sorry i do this tee hee 🤭’ it’s not funny i’m not joking these posts are distressing!

[widevibratobitch]

Since we're both as unwell about him as we are I consider you to be someone who knows a fair amount and what do you genuinely think the real James Fitzjames would feel if he saw the Terror's depiction of him? (As in watching the whole show)

HUH good question. first of all i think he'd be a little discombobulated by the very experience of watching a tv show but personally i choose to believe he'd at least be happy he was made into one of the main characters?? and that so many cool and sexy insane people are obsessed with him now <3

having said that. as much as i love show!fitzjames they did nerf him down A LOT. they robbed him of the joyous whimsy that was such a characteristic trait of the real jokester supreme fitzjames (show!fitzjames also has little to no relationship with his irl lieutenant buddies which. sad.)

we also know now that. most probably. he was actually fully english so i can only imagine he'd be Not Pleased about the cairn scene to say it lightly lmao imagine you and your adoptive family making significant efforts throughout your whole life to disguise the fact of your illegitimate birth and then 150 years later some people make a high rating show where they babygirlify you not only spill your secret to the millions of people watching (or secrets, plural, and make you call yourself a fake as a cherry on top lol) but they also get it wrong and make it Even Worse (from a victorian englishman's perspective) like stop guys he's already dead lmfao

having said that. he would have loved the britannia costume and the your nails are a terror line. i know he would.

#look. i personally think it'd be SO funny #like. look. listen. we reblog pictures and memes of him and say how hot and funny he was and it is all true. #dude was incredible and funny as shit and he did do drag and kick ceilings and id give anything to fuck him woah who said that #but he was ALSO an early 19th century white englishboy colonialist lol #(so is show!fitzjames like please my beautiful racist wife is so much more than just her gender issues and stigmata guys....) #and we dont really know much of his actual feelings on crozier (sick owl... i think of that one a lot) so who knows #maybe they did end up in a fucked up yet heartfelt and deeply intimate homoerotic relationship in the end #but it'd be much funnier if they didn't and actually ended up really fucking hating each other lol #id love to lock them both in a room with nothing but a tv screen playing a compilation of their scenes together on a loop #(the 'are we brothers' scene itself is looped three times for maximum awkwardness damage) #ANYWAY #obv we know francis crozier said rpf is fine but we dont know what's fitzjames's stance on that one.... #it doesnt matter anyway. get gendered yaoid and portuguesed idiot #the terror #james fitzjames #og jfj #i wish they'd given tobias the signature forehead curl that makes me lose my mind on the real fiztjimbles #but i want to believe he'd enjoy being portrayed as god's most beautiful specialest little princess in a james ross wig

[kinnbig]

🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

#this is so incredibly stupid #but i've just spent such a long time worrying about my physical health and everything going on with that #(and there's still so much weirdness and uncertainty and scariness going on with my physical health) #but it just somehow never occured to me that i'm also depressed. #like. i had BAD depression as a teenager but i've been mostly mentally okay in the last 5 years. my issues have mostly been physical. #and then these last few months since all this scary health stuff started happening i've been so lethergic and unmotivated #and have been isolating myself from my friends #and struggling to find fun in any of the things that i love #i've been sad and stressed and empty but somehow. SOMEHOW. i did not consider that i was suffering from some Mental Unwellness dfkjfdjkdjkf #i just thought i was being pathetic #🫠🫠🫠 #it sounds so stupid but now i realise i actually feel a bit better? #like oh. OH! depression! i hate you but i know what you are! #i'm not just a bad friend and an embarrassingly pathetic creature. there's a reason!!!!! #and there are ways to deal with it!!! #cool!!! #but also like it makes sense?! i'm incredibly sick and in a lot of pain and spending so much time getting tests and worrying #of course that's going to affect my mental health lol. #okay. anyway. yeah #tbd

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[simcardiac-arrested]

once again sorry to everyone for bringing this to your dashboards. but some of you are like, genuinely delirious. not even in a funny way. & i hope you die. i hope we both die. hand in unlovable hand etc etc

#Just so fucking bizarre to me how people can be Like This. there has to be something so wrong with your brain on a fundamental level #i can’t even laugh about this or anything because i genuinely feel pity for these people. it’s so sad to me how you’re gonna be like 20 #and then go in a niche tumblr community and create drama over Nothing. over Thin Fucking Air #like do you not have a life? do you not have college? or a job? doesn’t it get tiring? don’t you ever feel ashamed about all this #and the fact that they go and complain about the shipping and the ‘fandombrained’ people as well…. oh my god #how are you going to be TWENTY. and DO THAT. are you seriously sick. ? do you need help #just say you are homophobic and that you hate kids and go. it’ll save everyone a bunch of time for sure #anyways. as someone who has been a rain world fan since 2018. i love you embracing canon. i love you changing canon. i love you disregarding #canon entirely. i love you ships that make sense in canon & that make absolutely zero sense at all. i love you fancharacters that don’t #follow canon rules. i love you ‘cringe’ fancharacters and self inserts. i love you self shipping. i love you oc x canon shipping. #and i love you taking inspiration from designs. i love you community & i love you artists & i love you art #i love you borrowing elements and being inspired and referencing something because you liked it. #are fandoms perfect? GOOD GOD no. is every Fan perfect? no. am i also sometimes annoyed or irrationally pissed off over a ship that #i think is stupid and is illogical. Yes! i’m only human! but i can still love and appreciate the whole CREATIVITY of it all. and the whole #Fun that people are having. i love you having fun. if i don’t like it or if anyone else doesn’t like it they can just Cope #instead of hateposting about it on main and indirectly bullying people who are most likely children. or lgbt. or both #anyways. please continue doing whatever you want. The world is your oyster and you only live on earth once #everyone else can fuck off

[astriiformes]

Someone put a curse on my family this year for real I am holding my head in my hands I have no idea how to fix any of this anymore

#tiny sister is having a rough time but also lashing out at everyone else about it and making some choices she might regret #and i am in another state and dying #all this on the heels of my dad's very scary surgery stuff #and my. well [gestures] #i am so tired folks i feel like if i don't intervene this is only going to get worse. but i don't know what to do or how #we don't even know where she is right now! apparently!! #and no one thought to tell me until like! yesterday! even though it has been days!! #sometimes being the sibling that moved away sucks so bad!!! #feeling sick and terrible and like i need to cry for a few hours maybe except i don't know if that will like. help #i'm so worried about her #2023 end already challenge #this has been one of the worst years i've (barely) lived through and it's only halfway over. hate that

[weirdstrangeandawful]

TW: substance abuse, addiction recovery

I think I screwed up a rib coughing. And as a result am taking cough suppressants that contain something I should not be taking in recovery. But I don't have a choice because of the pain.

And this is such a good whump trope? I will not have the spoons to write for quite a while let alone to start anything new but I have had such a good fic idea for over a year now and this fits right in...

#I am going to be so mad if I did bruise or break a rib coughing of all things #that's so pathetic #I am also having a hard time deciding if the pain's actually unbearable or if I'm too tired to bear it #I know I've survived worse pain but does that mean this is bearable? #it would be so nice to go 'ah something hurts? it must be injured' #I really hate being chronically ill #whump #whump trope #sick whump #recovery whump #substance abuse

[munamania]

i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru #but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days #and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay! #and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing #i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail #i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time #not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me #im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me #anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early #i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great #and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most #expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth #but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans #but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated #about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like #u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends #w yall. things happen #abby talks #and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw #a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes #OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it #was years ago but also like christ!

[musical-chick-13]

Thoughts on toxic yuri?

One of my very favorite storytelling concepts, I love it when women make each other worse. <3

I do think it's important, for me anyway, to note the difference between a dynamic that's toxic in one direction versus something that is mutually toxic. The first one doesn't really interest me a whole lot, usually because it means one character suffers constantly without being allowed to do anything else--at the very least, it will come across as the more ""normal"" character not really being that into the relationship in question. I need BOTH parties to be unhinged.

The important thing for any fictional relationship (though we're specifying toxic yuri here, obviously) is that it's interesting. If there is no limit to what the women can do within a dynamic, then there are an infinite number of ways for that dynamic to go. And while you can learn a lot about a character through examining their values and positive qualities, you can learn just as much (if not more) by considering their flaws. And those flaws really come out in the case of toxic yuri; characters get to show the uglier parts of themselves in this context, which I am always a fan of. A fraught, complex relationship, when written well, can be a really great way to psychologically explore the characters: what inspires them to act this way? why do they think this behavior is acceptable? if they don't think it's acceptable, why do they keep doing it? what do they think about the concept of love as a whole? how far would they go for intimacy or to be understood? how do they view other people in general? and probably most importantly, what led to them developing the beliefs underlying their actions in the first place?

From a more "psychologically, why do people enjoy this" standpoint, mutual toxicity often goes hand in hand with extreme obsession, extreme jealousy, and a willingness to forgive a whole lot of horrible shit. Which, yeah, in real life you don't want to be in a relationship like that. But I think there's a lot of emotional resonance in exploring those feelings. The idea that someone will never leave you. That they think so intensely about you specifically that they'll break anything and anyone to stay with you. That even if you're the worst version of yourself, someone will still want you because that's still you. Someone knows exactly how to fuck you up because they genuinely understand you. Things in fiction that we would never want in real life can be incredibly interesting or even cathartic to witness from a distance. I think we all feel things that scare us sometimes (or even simply feel an innocuous emotion so intensely that it scares us), and looking at unpleasant feelings within fiction can help identify, parse out, process, and successfully cope with those feelings. And I think, at the end of it all, a lot of people want to matter to someone, in some way. It makes sense that some creators would take that concept-of meaning a great deal to another person, of affecting them deeply-to its absolute extreme through writing.

(And also, consider. That I am very gay. And that horrible women are very attractive.)

#good morning I am here to make my Thoughts™ everybody's problem :) #THANK YOU I LIKED THIS ONE A LOT #multi t(ASK)ing #also thank you for making 'yuri' pink that delighted me #me + messy wlw media <-this too is yuri #behold! a creation! #also re: mutual toxicity. I understand that this is quite a thing to claim to want when probably The™ wlw ship of all time for me is #mireille x silvana #but a) mireille is rather unhinged on her own outside of her relationship with silvana courtesy of being a highly cynical assassin #(and is herself not immune to doing some pretty intense shit for the sake of people she loves) #b) mireille is committed to KILLING silvana for said toxic behavior. #& also c) their rivalry is so DEEPLY personal that mireille is still obsessed with silvana even if it's for...not the same reason silvana #is obsessed with mireille. like the TYPE of obsession is different but the LEVEL of obsession is the same. if that makes any sense. #(also. some of the ways mireille acts suggest that hate might not be the ONLY thing she feels toward silvana. there's obvious homoerotic #tension on silvana's end but I think there's some on mireille's too. at the very least she seems to regret that silvana wasn't #the kind of person mireille originally thought she was. along with probably a sick sense of pseudo-respect) #mel screams about fictional ladies again #writing #fiction #toxic romance #(<-not really sure how else to tag this)

[mytardisisparked]

"I'm a hater." "I love hating things." Cool. Good for you. I'm a lover. I love finding the simple joy of life. I love being caught up in the whimsey. I love laughing at dumb jokes and smiling when something even vaguely cute happens and telling people I love them as often as possible and reading dumb books with a lot of heart and eating fun food for the simple change of pace. I love engaging with things critically but, ultimately, still finding the wonderful, happy, lovely things about it. The world can be cruel and dark and mean and hateful and, doggone it, I am going to mine every ounce of joy out of it that I can find and then I am going to inflict that joy on other people.

#so sick of the eternal pessimism some people have about stuff #think critically and be a thoughtful person yes #but also don't let it bog you down #and if you really have your heart set on being a pessimist about everything at least don't bog other people down about it #we all have a limited time on this earth and with the people around us and i literally don't care I am going to find as much joy as I can #I simply don't have time to hate stuff all the time

[stupid-dyke]

I can tell i am now experienceing actual real sleep deprivation and not just the omnipresent idiopathic hypersomnia fake sleepiness that my stupid lying body never shuts up about. I can tell because I am fallijng asleep in class regardless if I take my medication and I feel like everything is so, incredibly stupid and horrible, and everyone giving me homework or telling me to do anything is attacking me. And I can;t hold a conversation. And people are noticing my strange manner and pointing out that I seem wrong. And yet here we are AGAIN I have AGAIN stayed up late AND not gotten any work done. And on top of that I broke my fucking glasses tonight because I left them sitting on my fucking bed. And I'm freaking my parents out by crying over the phone and also I think I actually injured my shoulder last week its been hurting for four days now. and I'm so sad and mad at myself for not sleeping and not working but I can't work because I havent slept and I cant sleep because I havent worked. And every single time I get in a bad time like this my dad worries im going to die because i was suicidal for like a week in 2019 and then he gets mad at me for worrying him and I feel so so so guilty. Im so so sad.

#and I dont want to fuckign sleep even though i really need to and I spend every fucking seconf of every fucking day being sleepy #because even when I get enough sleep im still FUCKING sleepy so what is the FUCKING point. Why not just NOT FUCKING SLEEP. #Im so fucking sick of myself and my body and my pain and my stupidity. #AND ITS SO STUPID BECAUSE HERE I AM MISSING ALL MY ASSIGNMENTS SCARING MY FAMILY WEIRDING OUT OTHER STUDENTS AND MAKING MY PROFS HATE ME #BECAUSE IM FUCKING SLEEPY. stupidest fucking sounding reason on earth to have a fucking crisis. #no one ever hears me say im sleepy and thinks oh thats really serious i really want to help you now its literally just annoying to ppl #haha wait til you have kids or get older or a full time job ha ha #cool I am fuckign terrified of the future because I know how mad everyone gets at me when im too disabled to do what im supposed to #and I know its going to get to a point where I can't and there will probably be no one left to help me. I'm almost certainly going to outli #outlive my parents and my sister and even if i ever get married ill probably also get divorced so I'll be all alone #friendships aren't safe becuase you can love someone so much for 5 years and she just tells you one day she doesn't want to be burdened #by you anymore and you never hear from her again #its a dark scary fucking world and you want me to be passionate about a field of study or something?? jesus christ can you all just fuck of #I dont want to go to grad school i dont want to work i dont want to live alone i dont want to live with my parents forever #my head hurts so much goodnight guys sorry for ranting its literally fine im literally just really sleepy sorry for being melodramatic

[olive-riggzey]

I just need to get something off my chest about getting "complimented" for my body

I hate it. It makes me so uncomfortable when people tell me that they wish they had my body. But if I ever dare complain about it, people think I'm fishing for compliments when I'm definitely NOT. And I know my problems aren't nearly as bad as the ones on the other side, but it makes me feel so awful because I feel like I'm somehow reinforcing the mindset that fuels fatphobia. It just makes me so upset that people use me as an "example" like that!!!

"You're so lucky you’re skinny." Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up. I do not CARE about being skinny. I literally couldn’t care less about how thin or fat my body is. This just happens to be my body's resting position. I am a small person. I celebrate when I gain weight because my ADD meds surpress my appetite, and it was such a struggle to eat EVEN WHEN I WANTED FOOD BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY. I literally always eat food when I'm hungry because why wouldn’t I??? Why would you deprive your body of something it is literally begging you for????? Why do people have to think that one body shape is superior and that that shape is worth the deprivation??????

"Why do you eat so much bread? That’s so many carbs." Do you even know what carbs are for. Also I eat bread because it tastes good. Nothing anyone says will ever get me to stop living on bread and rice. "But you'll get fat!" SO WHAT???? What is so wrong about being fat???? NOTHING! Stop trying to make me feel bad about what I eat for absolutely no reason. I literally couldn’t care less what you think about me. I am mad that you had to be a 'phobe about it.

But seriously. I did ballroom dance for more than a decade. Competively. Every single costume that my studio used had the dresses made to make the girls look skinny and busty with hips to spare. "You were blessed, unlike the rest of us," my coach once told while she unstitched the padding from my dress. The lady that measured us thought it would be funny to tell everyone that my waist was the same size as the biggest guy on the team's thigh. I overheard one of the moms comment on a girl, whispering to my mom to ask if the girl was pregnant. She proceeded to tell my mom, "It’s too bad my daughter doesn’t have a body like your daughter's."

And they wonder why nearly every girl on the team ended up with an eating disorder????

After I came out as ace, I had someone tell me that my body is "wasted on someone that's not going to use it." Oh, so my worth is now being equated to how "sexy" you think my body is???? Are you even hearing yourself??????

It's not fair that people keeping putting up this invisible divide between me and those with bodies that they for some reason don’t like. I literally love fat people, and there have been way too many times that I've been used specifically by a 'phobe to make fat people feel inferior. Leave me out of it!!! I don’t care about your stupid diet culture or whatever!!! Stop trying to use me in your sick and disgusting ways of shaming people that are literally perfect!!!!

#Zeta Rambles #Vent #CW fatphobia #CW body shaming #CW eating disorder #Long Post #I'm so tired you guys. I'm so sick of this. #Watching my friend compare herself to me in the mirror made me want to cry #You're so beautiful and it’s not fair that you’ve been convinced that you're not #Also throwback to the time my cousin tried to make me feel bad for eating a cheese sandwich??? #She said “It's literally all carbs!” And I looked and her and said “Yeah my body needs those.” #I need you guys to understand that I would love to put on some weight. I'd love to be a stocky little gremlin BUT NO. #These stupid genetics I have are so annoying. Also buying enough food for my fast metabolism so expensive 😭😭😭 #Like PLEASE can I store some of the food I eat for longer than 2 hours?? I hate being constantly hungry #Anyways it's late. I'm tired and sad. Time for me to go to bed.

[manasurge]

Tis' the season where I mentally and physically suffer. Complaining below (feel free to ignore, I'm just venting. I usually do this every year to get most of it out of my system lol):

mmm the fall/winter SAD is indeed in full swing. No warmth + no sun = a bad bad time. I always get so annoyed when ppl assume that I love winter bc I'm a "winter baby", as if that has any sort of divine intervention on instantaneously adapting you to perfectly fit the climate you were born in. NOPE. Silly human superstition. I start to freeze once it hits below 20C. I wish I lived in a warmer climate o|-< The depresso is probably going to make me very whiny and moody until next spring, so an early forewarning bc I'm EXTREMELY annoying about it this time of year bc it's the only way I know how to deal with it. But moreso in addition to the physical stuff is how badly it messes with my mind, making me so depressed to the point of just... sitting in non-moving silence where I become stiff as a board (very painful btw) and I isolate, making the bad depresso brain time even worse where I overthink everything bc of the silence and isolation. It's also always the time of year where everyone goes quiet too, which is understandable, but also makes things 10x worse (I am very alone in my life and where I am, and kind of rely on online friends bc they're all I have. I don't even have a pet. I'm literally just, loner mode. I don't really have much family to speak of, and only one family member I do speak to. I have little to no connections at all. But regardless, this is still the best living situation I've been in my whole life, so that's saying something).

#i hate the cold; I hate ice; cold air hurts my skin and burns my lungs #i hate snow (I'm sorry I just don't think it's pretty. It's gross; erases all colour/everything; blinding; kills everything; claustrophobic #I hate long nights; i hate all the darkness #I take Vitamin D drops every day during winter and they don't really help #I also use those special lights meant to help during the long darkness for the same reason; and they also do not help #nothing works!!!!!! eating and drinking hot things doesn't help me stay warm bc heat dissipates away quickly and doesn't help my extremitie #the cold makes me SO dry and dehydrated; makes my bones hurt; makes outside DANGEROUS AF. ICE IS BAD. BE CAREFUL. #I can't retain heat; my hypothyroidism makes me colder by default and I just don't metabolize good/fast enough to keep myself warm #(my body temp is lower than average; fun fact! same with my blood pressure! both of them are very low) #I think my average from all the times I've had it scanned during covid was 32-36C. No idea how that works; I just remember checking it a lo #my fingers and hands are going to freeze; making it harder to draw/type/etc. #I'm not going to wear gloves inside my home bc that's dumb and they don't help anyways. It will just screw up my ability to use my hands #I get to be in pain for months with increased potential of being sick :/ #also I HATE bundling/layering myself with clothing or blankets; it's suffocating; restricting; sensory hell for me; sweaters are uncomfy :( #also whenever I try to do that all it does is insulate the cold for me; keeping me colder for even longer!!!!! it's so unfair!!!! #I've worn out 2 space heaters already and they don't work properly anymore (I used them both so much I wore out my preferred settings lol) #sobs; i'm a sad plant lizard

[lafortis]

@mutuals if you're curious why I haven't posted anything About The Thing, it's because I'm stupid enough to be easily traceable from real life to the internet, and also occasionally exist in the direct vicinity of the kinds of politicians that could, theoretically, have an intelligence service vetting people nearby. I don't like, have a clearance to worry about or anything, and technically I'm a contractor anyway, so it's not like I can get fired, but there is a hypothetical world where having a history of vocally supporting "terrorists" etc would put me in a very very awkward situation

#dont think its because i have shitty takes is all i ask #ill probably delet this tmo for the obvious reasons #also to be clear im not self important enough yo even think a background check has ever been done on me #most times high profile individuals are nearby its for like 1.5 hrs and very like #brusque and poorly planned lol #its just like... the chsnce is very much there #there are certain shows that frankly dont align with my politics and never did and made me sick #that this year i am very much going to exercise my right to decline to work on #but just like. local and national politicians and stuff? i dont hate em or anything #but CSIS would in theory not take kindly to me having the opinions that i may or may not have #and doubly take unkindly to me publically espousing them #anyway sorry for being a cuck and a shitlib 😫 i also wish it weren't sl #so*

[zemnarihah]

the thing is i'm so ready for this semester to be over buuuut i really don't want to go on summer break... maybe it would be nice if i didn't have to work but like. lol. basically i just hate the feeling of not really relaxing but not having a structured way to work on my actual goals and interests.

#i couldn't take summer classes my school barely offers the classes i need during the school year #so i'm just working more hours. whatever e will be in town that will be really wonderful and obviously i can draw and make art #but i just like. i like being in school! beat me take my blood whatever #i hated this semester which i knew i would like i just had to get these classes over with i fully predicted this #but next semester i have an actual drawing class and also. imagination class.... which is.... i'm unsure what to expect. but. #it's called imagination visual literacy actually but i will be calling it imagination class bc i think it's funny #ig visual literacy is a real thing. which is very fascinating so i'm excited #i also have 3d modeling which i'm a bit afeared of but every time i'm scared of a class it ends up not being that bad bc then i remember #that i'm a capable adult and not a helpless child that will collapse if i get a little confused #and it's online which i think may actually help bc i can like pause the lecture and replay parts and stuff #BASICALLY i'm just very sick of my classes and i want to move on to things i'm actually interested in but i have to just work all summer. #i'm just ready to keep goingggg like let's goooo why are we stopping

[piplupod]

one of the cashiers at the grocery store i go to is so fucking fixated on shoplifters and it drives me crazy any time i check out through him (i try to avoid him but his checkout is often the most open/empty - hm! i wonder why! - and im often on a tight schedule w the bus). he brings up shoplifters every opportunity he gets and he seems so convinced that theyre a huge problem.

BUT WHAT REALLY GETS ME ,,, is that today the customer in front of me was needing a price check on one of the items bc it should've come out to be cheaper, so he was kind of apologetic abt it and saying "ah well, yknow, six dollars is six dollars, especially with how expensive groceries are right now" and i was nodding and agreeing (trying to show that i dont mind the wait and also solidarity my guy good for u for speaking up and getting the price fixed on that) AND THE CASHIER AGREES. FULLY ACKNOWLEDGES AND BEMOANS THE FACT THAT GROCERIES ARE CRAZY RN. AND THEN GOES ON TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SHOPLIFTERS. HUH ??????

so you agree that groceries are unreasonably expensive... and that sometimes ppl can't afford them... and yet ....................

#HE MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY CMONNNN THINK ABOUT IT DUDE.... #i knew him in highschool (small town things lol) and im pretty sure he was one of those kids who thought cops were really cool. so. yknow. #not surprised. just annoyed fdjkl #i would say smth like ''oh does ur paycheque get docked if shoplifters come thru or smth?'' but i dont want to piss him off #i would like to remain civil with the cashiers here bc its the only grocery store i can get to most of the time fdsjkl #but like. i would love to find out why he hates shoplifters so much #when i worked at DQ in highschool and ppl stole dilly bars or FULL CAKES... i did not give a single shit #even though the managers and boss would get kind of angry at us (but they knew we couldnt do anything abt it really lmao) #and then we had to put locks on the customer-facing freezers which was a hassle for us #AND STILL. I NEVER FELT ANGRY AT THE SHOPLIFTERS. BECAUSE WHATEVER DUDE LIFE IS EXPENSIVE GO GET THAT ICE CREAM!!! #also i was not paid enough to care LMFAO and i know for a fact that this cashier isn't paid enough either bc my brother used to work there #I DUNNO DUDE. HONESTLY I HAVE MAD RESPECT FOR SHOPLIFTERS #i've potentially done it a few times and its fucking terrifying esp w the amount of cameras installed now fdsjkl #i dont do it now even though i need to more than ever bc i was making myself sick every time i possibly did it #i'd get home and sit in the bathroom for an hour trying to make sure i wasnt about to throw up from the stress fdsjkl #also it was stupid to do honestly (but . needed. so yknow.) bc again. i dont have any other options for accessible grocery stores really #ANYWAYS. fuck that cashier i hope he realizes what a little narc he's being and gains some class consciousness or smth idk #all for one and one for all etc etc etc we're all in this together my guy #pippen needs 2nd breakfast