Tumgik
#i hate being around them bc i always feel like i‘m stupid and can do nothing or nothing i do would be as great as what he is doinh
augustzeichnerin · 3 years
Text
.
0 notes
thechampagnelovers · 3 years
Note
I‘m back for you! 🕺🏽 (Sorry the song has been stuck in my head all day)
I already started following some of your mutuals hahaha. I always stalk who you interact with and stuff and if I like what I see I follow. 😌Okay you even thinking about making me something makes me go 🥺🥺🥺. Thank youuu you don‘t have to do that but I sure as hell appreciate it! 🥰
I am so thankful for that extensive Taylor review oh my. Now when I think about it I remember being friends with a die hard Taylor fan when I was like 16 and that was around the time 19889 came out and I am sure I did listen to some of those at that point. So maybe I will be able to be convinced. 😳😳😳 We will see how this goes, I will listen to everything you told me and I will, as always, report back to you! I do have to say I am a bit jealous you have friends that are into fandoms. I don‘t have that at all. Sometimes I just want to cry about the brilliance that is One Direction music to people irl but all I get is weird stares and people who „understand“. It‘s a hard knock life. 😂
I am just a loud personality that makes a fool of myself and the people who appreciate my wits normally stick around to become my friend. That‘s how it‘s always been I think. 😅 Not that I would call it a strategy to make friends. I just don‘t know how to act in public asjskdhk. Maybe I will send you a poem or something I wrote when I feel confident. We‘ll see. 👀
Listen, I love Niall too. You do good by trusting him.
Oh my GOD why did you ex text you to come over? Are you still friends? Or trying to be? Or was like just downright booty call things? Honestly that doesn’t even sound that bad. I think I would have had a heart attack when an ex of mine would ever even try to contact me again. But I do understand why you stopped, it was my main reason too and that hasn‘t changed. 😅 I had the worst time getting off my pill. Same with my friend, she got terrible acne she is still struggling with. It‘s so scary what these things can do to you?
Well at least you know it can be good to cry, that is a start and more than a lot of people can admit!
I think I will google the book to know what your talking about and I hope I won‘t regret it. At least it had a „happy“ ending.
Happy to hear you are better! Hope it stays that way! 😌 My week has started bad and isn‘t going good but just sending these asks makes it a little better so thank you! Sometimes I‘m chilling on here though and I am reblogging and then I am reblogging stuff from you and then I am like shit I still need to answer hahaah. So yeah that‘s where we are nowww. x
what would you like? a collage type edit? anything in particular? please i would love to make you something! it’s the least i can do, and it’s fun too
skjdjk tbh i got very lucky i guess, idk :/ but dont worry about that, with time you’ll find people who share things with you, i just got lucky i’ve always been around people like that. I’m happy to hear you’ll give taylor a chance, she’s totally amazing and the lyrics please her lyrics are just perfect
OMG i would love to read one of your poems, it would make my whole day <3 i bet they’re wonderful
idk how it happened but that week i remember being so horny more than the usual and then one day he just messaged me and was like hey we should fuck and i said YES and then i had a breakdown because i cant do the sex without feelings bc im a hopeless romantic so i couldnt do it :/ like, rn my stability can’t handle casual sex, specially with him. so, thats what happened, i sort of manifested it and then i chickened out skdjks ugh pills are the worst tbh, we shouldn’t bother at this point but i kinda need them :( i only hope they can make me feel better 
ohh you’re so sweet, thank u <3 yeah you’re right, idk i just have to let myself cry once in a while but i hate it, i feel so stupid kjdsks
im so sorry to hear it started bad :/ it do be like that sometimes, how are you feeling? hows the asthma? im happy at least i can make u happy dsjkssd and OMG YOU REBLOG FROM ME???? now i’ll go through every blog in my notes djfksdjfl 
1 note · View note
funnytiepnsy · 4 years
Text
Story time. Bc I am pissed still
Back when I lived with my grandmother and she had to have brain surgery, she decided it’d be a good idea to leave me, a 14 year old kid with adhd, alone with my 9 y.o. brother for a week. Not only is that ILLEGAL, but it is unrealistic as hell for her to have expected me to be able to balance cleaning, cooking, laundry, taking care of myself and my brother, schoolwork, etc. by myself as a kid.
Of course when she got home our house was in disarray because I made my priorities cooking, laundry, and taking care of me and my brother. I didn’t really have time for cleaning or dishes or barely any schoolwork. She was furious with me and made me feel horrible. She called me a terrible kid, told me I didn’t care about her at all, stuff like that. I told her I really tried my hardest but she didnt believe me. She told the rest of my extended family what had happened and they were also all pissed at me. I felt like my world was crashing down around me with my only support being my best friend, my then boyfriend, and my brother.
Also, about not being on meds, what a fun story! Around the time I started 7th grade I was going to a psychiatrist along with my brother. I told her my struggles with things akin to symptoms of ADHD, though I never was put on medication or told what was wrong. Fast forward 2 years to my freshman year of Highschool. I had just moved and found a new therapist. She brought me to her house one day to discuss and talk, and showed me some of my psychiatric documents. On the paper with diagnoses it read depression (knew i had and was taking meds for), anxiety (again, knew and was taking meds), „other unspecified trauma“, and.... ADHD? I told my therapist that to my knowledge I had never been diagnosed w/ adhd. She said that was strange and to ask my grandmother, so when I got home she did. She said she was sure I didn’t REALLY have ADHD so she told the physicians not to prescribe me anything. I was shocked and angry. If I had known sooner I could have avoided so much difficulty.
A similar thing happened to my brother too. He was diagnosed with autism at a very young age but again, my grandmother refused to believe it and changed doctors until she found one that said he was „only“ adhd and who also recommend corporal punishment. She promptly got him prescribed as many sedating drugs as she legally could so he’d be a quiet little child or whatever. It makes me fucking sick.
Anyways yeah. Sorry for this I‘m just so outraged right now after thinking about it.
Edit: more because sjdklfkgnvv
Elementary school was hell for me. From the day I started I was the weird kid and the gross kid. No one wanted to play with me. No one talked to me or invited me over or spent time with me. I felt so alone. A lot of my recess time was either spent swinging on the swings, wandering around the playground, and in 5th grade, sitting on the ground and that’s it.
Thinking back on it I feel like I missed out on a lot. I felt like no one liked me, and I grew to despise myself. I still have about 90% of that residual self hate today.
My freshman year of Highschool played out similarly. I felt humiliated when anyone noticed me because it was almost always negative, most of the time no one did though. I didn’t make any friends or memories or anything. I hope the rest of high school isn’t this way. I don’t want to get hurt again. I only have one friend who lives in a different city that I can’t drive to and I haven’t seen them at all this year because of this stupid fucking virus. I feel miserable.
Middle school was okay because thats when I made a friend finally. But a lot of shit happened that I don’t want to get into. I also still felt disliked by everyone around me but I could drown it out because I had someone to talk to.
I feel so tired of this. I just want people to like me and be happy with me. What am I doing wrong? I don’t want to make people sad or uncomfortable or angry. I feel like that’s all I do as well as inconvenience or manipulate people. I don’t know what to do. I can only distract myself with interests or cute or funny pictures or videos.
3 notes · View notes
Text
i‘m sorry ✨ | aaron hotchner x daughter!reader
this was requested by an Anon <3 
Prompt: #85 - “I wanted to apologize.” with Aaron Hotchner
Characters: Aaron Hotchner, Y/N Hotchner, Jack Hotchner, mention of Hayley Hotchner, Lola (BFF of Y/N), Jennifer Jareau, David Rossi
Warnings: none 
A/N: i worked really hard on this and i actually should be asleep by now bc of work tomorrow but i felt in the to write and please send me feedback! ily :))
wordcount: 2.424
„Still nothing?“, Lola asked Y/N, as the young teenage girl kept staring down on her phone.
„Nope. He didn´t reply or call.“, Y/N answered, sadness hiding in her big brown eyes. She had hoped so much that this one time her father would actually stay true to his word, but yet again, he broke his promise. Y/N wasn´t even surprised anymore.
„I´m gonna give him one last chance.“, she said as he dialed Hotch´s number again, hoping that her father would pick up and tell her that he´s on his way or that he´s just looking for a parking space. But nothing. He didn´t pick up.
Sighing deeply, Y/N hang up and turned her phone off.
„I´m sorry, Y/N/N.“, Lola tried to comfort her best friend who gave her a fake smile.
„It´s okay, I guess. He´s just busy saving the world which is more important.“, Y/N answered as she put her phone in her bag and grabbed her water bottle.
„But this isn´t right. You should be his number 1 priority. He promised to come tonight.“
„When did my father ever keep his promise?“, Y/N said as she walked towards the room of the room, „come on. Let´s go. We have somewhere to be.“, and with this the young girls got ready for their last cheerleading competition in highschool. A special event for which Y/N would have loved the presence of her father. But this would always remain a dream.
  Later as expected, Y/N came home from their victory celebration. They had won the competition with a perfect score. To celebrate, they went out to have dinner as a team. During this, Y/N completley forgot the time. During weekdays, she was supposed to be at home by 9. Now it was almost midnight. But Y/N found herself not caring about this. Her father didn´t care about her, so why should she care about pleasing him by coming home when he wanted her to? Carefully, Y/N put the key into the lock and tried to open the door as quiet as she could. When inside, she got rid of her shoes and jacket and placed her sports bag right next to her shoes. She then only grabbed her cell and went tot he kitchen to get something to drink when suddenly, the light turned on. Closing the fridge, she found her Dad standing opposite to her.
 „Care to tell me where you´ve been all night?“, he asked in his bossy voice.
Y/N rolled her eyes and tried to walk past her Dad who wasn´t having any of it and blocked her way.“
„Y/N, I think I asked you a question.“
„And I think you should find the answer to this question for yourself.“, Y/N hissed as she went to grab her bag. Right than and there, something inside Hotch´s mind clicked.
„Oh no..“, he groaned.
„Oh yes. I´m glad you´re remembering now, almost 6 hours after it.“
„Y/N, I´m…“
„Save it Dad! You´re not sorry. If you would be, you would finally change something. It´s not like we´re in this situation for the first time. I´m on this team ever since I joined Highschool 4 years ago and yet, you´ve only been tot wo competitions.“, Y/N argued, trying her best to keep her voice down, knowing that her little brother was upstairs sleeping. Jack didn´t need to her Y/N screaming at their Dad, which actually was, for once, at loss for words.
„Well, do you have anything to say about this or can I go up to my room now?“, the girl wondered as she stared at her father.
„I-I´m just…I´m sorry. You really need to believe me. I just forgot..work..it´s so busy and Strauss and I don´t know where my head is and I know this doesn´t make it better, but..“
„You´re right Dad! It´s actually making things worse! This was my last competition ever with this team. I´m graduating soon and there won´t be any more chances to see me compete. You missed the final chance. I told you how important this was for me and yet again you broke your promise….how in the world am I supposed to believe you that you care about me..about us?“, the girl hissed angrily, tears gathering in her eyes, which she tried so hard to hold back.
„This is not true and you know this. I care about the both of you, a lot. It´s just the job. It´s so stressful…“
„But JJ manages to be there whenever Henry has a game. How can she do this and you can´t? Why don´t you just say that you´re not interested in seeing me compete instead of building up my hopes everytime again, only to smash it back down in a heartbeat.“, and now, Y/N was openly sobbing.
Aaron stared at his daughter, his heart aching. He hated to see her like this, but there as nothing he could do right now to fix his mistake. He messed up, again. He wanted to change, to be a better Dad. But why is this so hard?
The duo stood in silence for about 5 minutes before Y/N whispered quietly: „You managed to break my trust in your promises completely. How am I ever supposed to believe a word you say again?“
„I know I messed up Y/N, and I don´t know what else to do instead of telling you I´m sorry over and over again.“
„You should actually mean it. Those shouldn´t be empty words, they should have a meaning.“
„They do. God, I care about the both of you so much and I´m so sorry that I hurt you this much. I can´t stand to see you like this. Please, what can I do to make things better?“, Aaron asked his daughter, basically begging her to help him out.
„Trade places with Mom.“, she said and went up to her room, closing the door to her room and breaking down against it.
   A few days passed by since the ugliest argument Y/N and Aaron ever had. The both oft hem didn´t speak to each other. Y/N couldn´t stand being in his presence right now; she only did so when they had breakfast before school, but only because of Jack, though the young boy could sense that something was wrong between the both of them. But Y/N also knew that the last thing she said to her Dad wasn´t okay as well. Nobody deserved to get told something like this and she felt horrible because of this. Yes, she missed her Mom´s and at the beginning, she blamed her Dad for what happened with Foyet. It had took her a while to understand that it wasn´t his fault and that he too lost someone very important. To wish him death just because he didn´t come to a stupid cheer comp wasn´t right, but yet again, Y/N wasn´t ready to forgive her Dad just like that.
The Hotchner´s just finished having breakfast when Jack grabbed Y/N by the arm.
„Y/N? Are you okay?“, he asked, looking up to his sister with sad eyes.
„Yeah…I´m fine. Why?“, she answered confused.
„Because you barely speak to us anymore and you just seem different.“
Y/N inwardly sighed and gave her brother the best smile she could bring up.
„I´m sorry buddy. I´m just…not really in a good mood. School is kicking my ass and I did something I´m not really proud of.“
„I´m sorry Y/N/N.“, Jack whispered as he hugged his sister tightly at which Y/N almost started to cry right there and then. He was so pure and innocent. She wished she could see life again through the eyes of a child.
When they let go of each other, Y/N grabbed her bag and went straight out of the door, only turning around to wave to her little brother and then she was gone.
„Daddy?“, Jack asked as he turned towards his Dad.
„Yeah, buddy?“
„You need to fix whatever happened. You´re the superhero. Fix it.“, and with that Jack got up as well, running up to his room.
If it only was that easy.
  „Hey Mom! Wow…it´s been a while since I´ve been here. I still think it´s weird to talk to you because all I see it this stone and some flowers but here we go.“, Y/N said as she placed down new flower she brought on her way to the cementery and than sat down next to the headstone. The young girl leant against it as she looked up into the sky. When she walked out the door this morning, she didn´t really have the intention to go to school. She needed a time out. So she decided to visit her Mom and get whatever was bothering her off her chest.
„I-I messed up Mom. Big time. I don´t know if I can fix this. I was just so angry and I said some hurtful things to Dad. I was just so furious that he didn´t keep his promise and put his job before me. And then, I just told him, straight in the face, that he should trade places with you. What kind of a daughter am I? I´m horrible.“, Y/N explained as tears ran down her cheeks, „I was hurting and still am. But I was so ridiculous. Really. I just….I miss you Mom. I miss you being here with us. I don´t know what to do most oft he times. I´m just so lost I guess. I still haven´t found my place after everything that happened and it´s been five years. It´s not Dad´s fault that he´s always so busy, but sometimes it just feels like that he doesn´t even care about us anymore. Like, I´m more at Jess´ place than I am in my own home. I just want things to go back to normal. But how do I do this? How do I fix this big mess?“
  „Y/N hasn´t spoken to me in over 4 days now and I think she won´t talk to me any time soon.“, Aaron sighed as he rubbed his face with his left hand, „I really messed up Dave.“
„Aaron, it wasn´t you´re fault that.“, Rossi started but got interrupted by the Unit Chief.
„Yes, Dave, it was. I promised my daughter to be there for her when she needed me and I broke this promise…again. How can she ever trust my words again? I´m her father for god´s sake.“
„But you´re also human, and human´s make mistakes. No one is perfect. It happens. You should just talk to eachother.“
„Last time we did that she ended up sobbing and wishing that I trade places with Hayley and to be honest, I sometimes question if..“
„Now stop right there, would you? We all know that she said that because she was mad and furious and that she actually didn´t mean this. So don´t put too much meaning into it. Here´s what´s going to happen tonight. You´re gonna leave this place at 3pm today to pick up your kids from school and then you sit down and have a nice long talk with your daughter..“
„How am I supposed to do that when she won´t even look at me?“
Right when Rossi was about to answer, Hotch´s phone rang and groaning inwardly, he picked it up.
„Hotchner? Yeah…that´s correct. What? Okay, thanks for informing me. I will look into it and get back to you. Thanks for letting me know. Bye.“, and with that he hung up again.
„What was that about?“, Rossi wanted to know.
„This was Y/N´s school. She hasn´t been attending classes today. Infact, no one heard from her all morning and since she or me didn´t call in sick for her, they called me and wanted to let me know.“
„I bet there is a simple explaination for that. She´s a teenager, going through a whirlwind of emotions right now.“
„I´m gonna call her. And then Garcia should track her phone.“, Aaron said as he picked up his phone and dialed the number of his eldest child. But nothing.
„She´s not answering. What if..“, Hotch started to panic. This couldn´t be it. This fight couldn´t be the last talk they every had. Where was she?
„Aaron, calm down.“
„I´m gonna calm down when I´ll know where my daughter is and..:“, and yet again, the two agents got interrupted by a know on the door.
„Come in!“, Hotch screamed and was greeted by JJ in the door. „Hey Hotch. You have a visitor.“, the blonde agent said and with that, she stepped aside revealing Y/N.
„Y/N…omg.“, the agent said as he stood up to go and hug his daughter who didn´t fight the embrace, „I was so concerned. The school just called and said that..“
„I wasn´t there. I was with Mom.“, Y/N whispered as she looked down on the floor.
Rossi and JJ slowly made their way out of the office to give the two oft hem some privacy.
„Y/N…I-I´m…“, Aaron started, but got interrupted by his daughter who started to sob and hug him hard.
„I´m so sorry Dad. I didn´t mean what I was saying. I-I was just s-so mad at you because you weren´t there a-and..“, she took a shaky breath, „what I said was mean and hurtful and not okay..and i´m so sorry. I feel so bad for it and I wanted to apologize.“
„Shhhhh, honey. No, it´s okay. You had every right to me angry at me. If all, it should be me apologizing to you. I´m so sorry that i disappointed you again. I really didn´t mean to do so, but everything just got a little to stressful and I´m just lost…you know. I mean, it´s been 5 years already, but I´m still not cut out to be a single father. And I-I don´t know. I´m really really sorry….“, Aaron apologized and also had a few tears in his eyes.
„Guess we´re both just a little lost in life.“, Y/N laughed and wiped her tears away, stepping back from her Dad.
„Maybe…but I´m gonna work on it. I´m gonna work on myself. For you guys. I care about you. I love you both. You´re my life, my everything. I need you guys. Please, give me a second chance.“
Y/N smiled up at her father, before speaking again: „I know you do and I´m sorry for thinking otherwise. Guess we both have to work on ourselves, huh?“
Hotch smiled down at his daughter and engulfed her in another hug: „I love you, Y/N/N. Always.“
[ @dontshootmespence @veroinnumera @ultrarebelheart @illegalcerebral @cherrybombs-and-rabbitholes @bucky-smiles @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars @jennferjareau @crimindsaspe @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @ssaunitchief @docspencerreid @uncomfie @lookwhatyoumademequeue @tenaciousarcadeexpert @marvelfanlife @sam-carter-in-training @sweater-vest-reid @crimeshowtrash @acespence @spencerreidreads @idkbutspencer @iammostdefinitelyonfire26 @princesswagger15 @dionnaea ] 
612 notes · View notes