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#i guess i'm just scared of it being average at best after all that work
seneon · 9 months
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heyy, i dunno if you still take requests but can you make oneshot with rayne x anorexic gn! reader, how he find this and react, also how he helps the reader??
i've been struggling with ed for 2 years and still trying to recover, i guess it's going good :')
btw that's ok if you don't wanna write, i love your works, tysm <33
take it easy ──── ft. rayne ames x anorexic gn! reader.
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about. rayne finds out his s/o has anorexia and tries to help them. warning: sensitive topics about ed. | 0.6K words.
notes. hi anon! i hope you're doing well. i'm actually proud at the fact that your ed is going good, keep it up!! if you need any help or just someone to talk to, my dms are always open yayyaya. ily anon tysm for requesting! also, i'm not experienced with writing ed, but i'll try my best (:
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honey-coloured eyes watched in observation as e/c ones shifted around in uneasiness. your eyes were looking around the food that was on the table, served fresh and awaiting to be eaten.
what could go wrong with the freshly served food that you yourself ordered?
that was what confused rayne ames, your boyfriend, who's currently on a date with you. he hasn't gotten the time to eat or spend time with you in a while, and this was his only chance for the week. so why was he feeling a sense of uneasiness that was just . . . there the moment he met up with you? why did asking you out for a lunch date felt like it's something difficult for you to say yes to?
rayne ames didn't know the answer to that, but if his lover who looks forward to spending time with rayne at any free moment has difficulties of agreeing, he's going to find out what's wrong.
"y/n, why are you not eating? is the food not to your liking?"
ah, food. a subject that even disgusts you from the very sound of it. something you've been avoiding in a while.
when rayne proposed a lunch date, it had you right in a pinch. it was something you didn't want him to find out in the most ridiculous ways possible. something about even consuming a single piece of solid food gave you a grave fear that it might cause harm on you internally.
the fear of gaining weight and being made fun of society that exceeded the average weigh scares you so much. it scared you to the point where you viewed food as something to not be consumed, but to be portrayed as a primordial fear.
it was difficult for you to even look at rayne when he asked two simple questions. you didn't have an answer for either questions, so your lips remained sealed and your eyes adverted it's gaze to the table where you shut your nose to not inhale anymore of the food's smell.
"have you been having trouble with eating..?" rayne asked silently, barely a whisper but audible to you. his face is a sad one, full of sympathy for the worst outcome to come out your mouth.
but he listened. to your every single word. the difficulties you've been having with the people around you focusing on your image, sheer and utter fear of gaining weight, the times where you throw up each time after trying to consume even the littlest amount of food.
even as you speak about your difficulties, rayne felt his heart broken. he hasn't been there with you all this time when you were going through such a difficult time. he felt like guilty for not being there for you. it was just the weight of guilt that now rests in his very own shoulders.
rayne stood up from his seat and embraced you in a hug, a token of compensation that he wasn't there for you whenever you needed him the most. thus he apologised over and over again, telling you words that means so much to you.
slowly by slowly, as days passed by, rayne skipped out on many of his duties, telling the other divine visionaries to help him for a period of time. in that period, he tries his best to encourage you with little portions of food, telling you to eat and trying his hardest to reassure you affirmative words that was only meant for you.
it took a while to do so, but rayne always told you 'take it easy' and it always manages to make you feel at ease.
with the help of rayne by your side, you felt like you could feel most comfortable and safe as you definitely will take everything easy now.
for if you are going to bear such a heavy burden, rayne will surely do it with you.
together.
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yooniesim · 1 month
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I REALLY don't want to come off as mean because I understand what it's like to struggle financially and the stress that puts you under, but I really really think it'd be for the best if you stopped using curseforge, Ceci.
Please do early access if you must! We get that it's not a matter of greed but rather a matter of survival, but please please use the means less damaging to others while keeping yourself healthy. Sims politics is nothing compared to a genocide. I hope you think about it, and I hope you can meditate on this choice. My thoughts are with you and your family 💜
Thank you for this kind comment, nonny! 💜
Honestly, I have considered it. Having a paywall is the last thing I want to do, but after living under this much financial strain for around a year now... well, it's weighing on me. As is using curseforge in the first place. I'll be honest- this month, I'll get $50 from cf. For the whole month. Sometimes it's more if I have points leftover from the previous month (so like $100 in one month), but usually that's the average. Having to use it for such (relatively) little money and dealing with the guilt of using it and the hate that results is pretty damn tough, I'll tell you that much. Like, curseforge fucking sucks and even beyond the boycott I resent the hell out of it at this point. I literally hate it and want to delete it so bad but it's the reason I was even able to even buy my meds this month. I've been working on making my patreon have better benefits without having an actual paywall, and some amazing people have kindly donated, but the amount per month varies so much it's tough to rely on. I'm really getting to be at a loss of what to do at this point. I've been exploring every other possible avenue of extra money I can that fits with my current job schedule, I do other freelance work online on top of that and cc making, and sell any stuff I have left from my collecting days. But I'm still in the red every month and it fucking sucks man. And then to come on here and have people say you love/support genocide, while researching and finding out even more about how Overwolf fucking sucks and trying to figure out how to help the boycott, then people just straight up lie about what you said so others will gossip about you publicly like middle schoolers- it's seriously awful all around. Sorry to vent at you nonny, but it's honestly depressing.
I'm on the verge of just saying fuck it, but the truth is, I'm scared to. The bottom line is that I can't function without my meds, and no one here on tumblr is gonna be with me irl to help me or pick my ass up, you know what I mean? When I log off here, simblr doesn't matter, I'm the one that deals with my own life and any negatives of that. And no matter what I do online or irl activism wise, I have this shit haunting me in the back of my mind. It feels like selling your damn soul for 50 fucking dollars, man. And how pathetic is that, you know? I guess it probably sounds like a simple choice to everyone else, but it isn't. I'm still deciding what to do and hoping, praying, that a few opportunities I'm trying to get irl yield some results. Cos like, even with CF, I'm kinda screwed either way at this point lol. I don't know. What does it even matter, right? I'll consider the early access option, but it's more probable I just quit CF and not do any paywall/CC making in general before that happens. I think if I did early access all my want to be a cc creator would suck out of my body even more than it is now. And boy has it fucking waned ever since I started posting on CF. I don't know. It's literally midnight and I think I need to sleep on it- I was supposed to already be asleep, but I saw your ask and had to answer it, oops. Sorry to ramble, nonny. Thanks again for the ask and being understanding 💜
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dolcefarnientelife · 9 months
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So you all don't know me truly speaking I don't know myself either I know I want to become rich but how I don't know that
So if you're confused what are you reading don't doubt your reading skill I very confused while writting this
I heard that Journaling helps to sort out your thoughts so I guess let do it here on Tumblr
So I'm going to be anonymous here
Right now as if today life is confusing I have enrolled for a medical school admission test prep classes but I am not sure if I want to do that I did it because it seems like the simplest answer but now when it's due date is coming closer I am panicking
I'm in school too it's 12th standard I'm going to be 18 by the time I pass out but everyone will be 17 only I'm already year behind I have big dreams with loads of money a beautiful and intelligent wife impeccably outstanding four kids who are overachiever in every field so am I but only in dreams I'm no where near it in reality I'm scared I will even disappoint myself can you believe that I'm not good enough even for me in my imaginations all of them have dreams success and love I don't have that I don't think I ever will
I also think I'm turning atheist I am s Muslim by the way but between all thse chaos in life I turned to him but still I didn't find calm I was so disappointed in myself when I failed to be on the path for more than 2-3 days so stopped all together
While writting these I'm constantly thinking is really how I feel or it's my best foot forward strategy I'm checking myself at each step if this is me but is me IDONTKNOW
I'm not talking to anyone at home these past w days after a fight with my father because I screamed he slapped me 3 times while I was trying to eat so flipped my plate which was infront of me so mom told my father to slap me again so I stopped talking to her
You know I continously want to cry hard so whatever is in me come out but it's not happening I am searching crying people on YouTube watching sad movies but still nothing
I used to listen to romance audiobooks and stuff now i have stopped enjoying them suddenly maybe because when female protagonist describe the male hero he always so good successful a winner in everything and muscular over 6ft ans d all brilliant I get jealous if them because I'm not like them maybe never will I 5ft7in I was going to write only infront of it but I changed my mind when summer vacation started in June I decided to better myself I started working out sleeping early watching joe rogan alex huberman and all other but then fell out of it . When I got into it deep I realized I need money to become muscular jacked and all then started watching iman gadzhi then realized I m not capable for it then stopped exercising too
I thought I have mental problem you know I walk while listening to music and start creating different scenarios sometimes when come out of it I feel maybe I was a saying it out loud or maybe mumbling and my family and people think I am talking to myself or turning my neck to talk to someone who isn't there so yeah there's that too
I'm not doing good in school too I used to be fairly good student but now I'm going below average I m scared of being poor and helplessness you know ibdont want to be that I want a big house good earning a bigger dick maybe I didn't told you all I am a male so yeah I'm a currently 17 year old male
I watched a reel in which I came across the phrase dolcè far niènte phrase its Italian I think it means sweetness of doing nothing so I named my account after that
I have more thing but maybe some other time in another post
I just going to the post option when I saw gif option I clicked on it searched dick first and it showed a bunny and then I searched penis then it showed this?here? Yeah nothing
I am ashamed 😅😅
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mooifyourecows · 2 years
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moo i’m having such a hard time i have so much school work to do and i have a C and i’ve never had a C in my life i’ve only ever gotten 1 B and even then it like wrecked me and my sister was just like poking holes in my entire career/life plan i’ve been creating and i wanted to go to prom but i have no one to go with and both of my sisters have been asked but i feel lame tagging along with their friends and i know it’s dumb but just everything is building up to make me so overwhelmed all the time and we have end of the year testing and act prep and it’s so exhausting
hey babe sorry for the late reply. i'm so sorry you're feeling bad lately but let me fill you in on a secret that us adults all know
all these things that you feel awful about right now? The C grade and feeling lame about not having a date for prom and your life plans not being respected... it's no big deal
this isn't to say that you're not allowed to have big feelings about this type of stuff but i'm here to tell you that it's all very small not just in the grand scheme of the universe but also in the grand scheme of your life.
You got a C? Great! That's average! That's exactly where you should be! Getting a B or an A is unexpected and incredible and worthy of celebration but C is where the majority of your classmates are sitting. That's why it's called the average. I know "average" has been turned into a dirty word and everyone is so scared of being it but it's not a bad thing. It means you're doing just fine 👌 Right on schedule. Perfectly alright and doing what we all thing you should be doing. Your crops are watered and are flourishing and everything is AOK. You know what my mantra in high school was? "D for Diploma babeeeey". (And "F for fogedaboutit because this class sucks anyway" 😤)
I promise you that getting a C in high school will not negatively affect you in any way shape or form. Most colleges don't give a crap if you got average grades. The only ones that care if you were a straight A student are lame and too expensive and probably racist and sexist and full of nepotism babies anyway. And who wants to go to college at one of those lame ass places? Not I, I say. Not I. And neither should you, because you're way too good for them right?
And guess what, it's okay that your sister is poking holes in your plans because you know what else has holes in it? Cheese and fishnet tights and those things are the BEST.
Also, you're young! Don't lock yourself into plans that might change along the way. It's good to have a plan and goals but it's a LIE that you have to have your whole entire life planned out when you're still a teenager. It's a lie and it's harmful to your future happiness because you don't stop growing and changing once you hit 18, you know? You're gonna grow and change your WHOLE LIFE and that means you might change your mind about things you once thought would never change. Pursue your dreams but don't be so rigid that you don't allow yourself to stray from the path here and there, or even abandon it altogether if that's what makes you happiest 🌈
(and if your sister is poking holes just to be a bitch about it, tell her to suck a dirty sock because she's just a hater and we don't listen to haters)
I understand the desire to want to go to prom. But lemme tell ya, i went twice and it was boring as hell. at least for me. but i'm not a fan of getting dressed up and dancing tbh so i don't know why i expected it to be fun lmao
STILL, if you want to go to prom, then don't let the lack of a date stop you! it might seem embarrassing to show up alone but I swear everybody will be so caught up in their own business that they won't even care. when i was in high school, a girl took her grandpa as a date and after the initial "huh, she brought an old dude for a date, interesting" reaction, we all just moved on. because everyone likes to think they're the main character and they don't have time to think about what anybody else is doing.
If you WANT a date though, I encourage you to take the initiative and ask someone that you know doesn't have a date yet! Prom isn't inherently romantic, so you can ask anybody, regardless of gender or your relationship with them. It can even be someone you're not that close to. it's not like you have to be attached at the hip with them for the entire night. I know it's embarrassing and scary to put yourself out there like that but I swear that pretty much everyone is feeling the exact same way. it doesn't have to be a big deal. Just a little "hey, i want to go to prom but i dont want to go without a date, do you wanna go with me?" Hell, you don't even need to color coordinate if you don't want to.
so much in this world is just made up, so make up your own solutions to your problems! there are no rules that are so set in stone that you can't wriggle your way around them. I PROMISE it's not that serious, even if it might feel that way right now. which is totally okay, btw. you're allowed to feel like these things are huge and important. don't invalidate your feelings by telling yourself that you shouldn't feel that way about them. but use my assurance as a little booster. in ten years, this will all look so itty bitty and silly that you will laugh about how seriously you took it. and in those ten years, I guarantee you'll prefer to look back and see yourself at prom than at home wishing you were
you don't need to do everything perfectly on the first try, babe. You don't even need to do anything perfectly at ALL. i know it's hard to accept that after so long of thinking that perfect is the goal and anything short of it is a failure, but i promise, cross my heart and hope to die, that perfect is just another made up thing. give yourself a break. take a deep breath. tell yourself that you're doing great and that's better than anyone deserves from you. they're LUCKY that you even bother showing up, let alone give the type of extreme effort you give.
it's the year 2022 and we're not beating ourselves up for not fitting into uncomfortable, pre-made boxes anymore
lower your standards, lift your chin, you're doing awesome and I'm so proud of you 🖤💋🌈
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tinamaetales · 2 months
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Run it Back
“Hardest-working, best conditioned, most professional, unselfish, toughest, meanest, nastiest team in the NBA.”
One of the best memories I have since becoming a fan of the Miami Heat is that iconic clutch 3 of Ray Allen in game 6 of the 2013 NBA Finals. I can remember watching that live on TV and after he made the shot, I was jumping and screaming in the living room because, man, that felt so crazy! It was one of those rare moments in my life when I can say I felt this thing called euphoria; I was just watching that game on TV because I'm from the Philippines and I already felt intense emotions, what more are the people who are actually in the arena, right? Let alone the players and the coaching staff... it must have been one of the best nights of their lives. That was the kind of moment where you can say "I had the time of my life." That clutch 3 pointer made me feel euphoric for about a week, lol. 
There are some people who will find it weird that I felt happy and felt as if the success of the Miami Heat at that year's NBA finals was also mine but that's what makes being a fan so exciting, right? You felt a sense of belongingness in the success of someone you look up to. I grew up with an inferiority complex. I always feel bad about not just being average but below average. I guess this is because I grew up in an Asian society wherein academic success is very valuable. It's either you're the gifted kid or you're not. In school, there were times wherein teachers would get frustrated with me because I'm slow in learning things. As a kid, I get so scared of not learning things easily because the kids in my class are all so smart, leaving the “outcasts” like me the feeling of wanting to just hide at the back of the classroom so the teachers will not get mad at you. I never really had proper friends in school, until high school. During elementary school, I'm almost always on my own. So watching sports games became a solitude. I am a sucker for rags to riches stories. That's why the stories of the athletes who came from humble beginnings and ended up being successful are my favorite. However, most of us are used to knowing the stories of these superstars in the sports world. Making it in the league is not the end of it, though because you still have to prove your worth. I was not really into the undrafted players before because most of the time they are just on the sides as the stars are always the main characters of the games. Until I learned about Duncan Robinson. 
I guess the NBA 2013 finals was the last time I was fully invested in the Miami Heat and the NBA as a whole because I became busy with a lot of things in my personal life. I totally forgot about the basketball world until the pandemic hits and my favorite artists (mainly iKON) are not that active. I can remember dropping by at the main office of my work for some errands (I work at a government agency but our office building is separated from the main office) when I notice a familiar team on their TV. The staff were watching a basketball game, it was a Heat game and they won that game. (In case anyone's wondering why I'm at the office during a basketball game, I live in the Philippines and the timezone here is different. Live NBA games here are in the mornings). Of course, after the game they interviewed the best player of the night and it was Duncan Robinson. At that moment I realized that it's been years since the last time I watched an NBA game and the guy is not familiar with me. After that I researched about him and the current Miami Heat roster and long story short, it reignited my love for the game and for my team. 
Duncan is not the only undrafted player in the NBA who gets minutes but it was his journey towards the NBA that made me become interested. His journey to the NBA is inspirational because he was undrafted yet he did not give up on his dreams. He worked so hard to get to where he is today. From Division III in college to being an undrafted player to earning a two-way contract and then finally to a $90 million dollar contract with the Miami Heat, I can’t help but feel inspired by that journey. And while I started watching Heat games again, other undrafted players in the roster also caught my attention like Max Strus and Caleb Martin. Max was also undrafted and went from one team to another and just when he was about to get the opportunity to have playing minutes, he got injured. But like Duncan, he worked hard and now after he got his shot with the Heat, he was signed with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Caleb, on the other hand, is also an undrafted player. At the 2019 NBA Draft, he watched his twin brother get drafted while he was not. Although he was eventually signed to the same team as his twin, he got cut off. Fast forward to today, he is now a vital player for the Heat. Guys like them are proof that just because it didn't work out the “normal way” does not mean it’s the end of the journey. They did not let adversity bring them down, instead they used it as a fuel to work harder. Somehow, their journey served as my motivation to keep going. 
I was so used to seeing success stories and sometimes I feel jealous when others win in life while I feel stuck in the rock bottom. It’s difficult to stay motivated when you see others having it easy. But watching the stories of undrafted players like Duncan, Max and Caleb through Inside the Heat episodes, I feel less alone (if I describe it correctly). They are a living testament that you never lose when you keep working hard. When your focus is on yourself and not on others, then you can have more time to improve your skills and reflect on your weaknesses and turn your adversities into opportunities to get better. Just like what Olivia Rodrigo said in her song Jealousy: their win is not my loss. I should stop comparing my journey with others because we all have different timelines. What works for one does not mean it will work for the rest of us. 
So now as I reminisce about the previous NBA season, I can’t help but feel some sense of “panghihinayang” because the Heat almost won the championship.I remember how hard I was praying last year to let the Heat advanced to the playoffs because I really wanted them to win the chip while my three favorite undrafted players, Duncan, Max and Caleb are still on the same team. Also, they would have made history for being the first play-in team to win the championship; a team with about 70% of their roster are undrafted players. Now that we are in the new season, Max is on a different team now while Duncan and Caleb are still on the Heat. What these three have taught me time and time again is that you have to learn to accept that life has its way of making things work for you although sometimes it’s not in the way you expect it to be and it’s okay. What matters the most is you refuse to give up when adversities hit you - you always have to run it back. Run it back in a sense that you should keep going even if things get difficult. Turn your breakdowns into breakthroughs. Turn your adversities into opportunities. Turn your setbacks into great comebacks. As long as you are breathing, keep going. After all, if God keeps on giving you another day to live it means He still has plans for you. And those plans are meant to prosper not harm you.
X, 
TinaMae
PS, I really hope this is the year that the Heat finally get their 4th championship. 
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zombies-aliens · 4 months
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So how was my day today. Well I went to the gym at 5am but I got there at 6am and had friends waiting :/ so I felt bad for that. But they get along well so there's that, I know I probably didn't bother them since they had each other but I still don't wanna do that tomorrow. Oh yeah I'm going tomorrow btw. I should prob be sleeping rn but I have to write about my day first. Well I went to work later that same day 🙃 it wasn't so great, idk how the other two were awake and I took a nap...
You know what dude my day has been so weird at work. I really don't have it in me to talk atm. Nothing really bad happened, it was a pretty average day, but something was weird and maybe it was because I was so sleepy. But it wasn't just that my attitude and thoughts were bad :/ I had just bad thoughts today that my friends don't really like me, they're just pretending, shit like that. And you know, that really effects me and I think of scenarios of how id respond if something were to go wrong in the friendship. Which I hope doesn't. It was creating a tension in myself for no reason. But part of me feels like it's true. I hate being disliked by people I want to be friends with, but I'm scared to say that I want to be friends because get unsure about if they're really my friends or if I'm something else to them. And I'm the stupid one. That's not ideal for me obviously. My day wasn't so bad for what happened in the physical world but in my own private inner world. There was trouble in paradise today. I hope tomorrow is better. I hope they both like me. But I could go on about how they both known each other probably way longer than I have and I'm the new friend of the group so I'm kinda feeling like the outcast in a way ESPECIALLY AT THE GYM HOLY SHIT. And honestly that's what Kickstarted my bad attitude, it's bc even tho my friend is married with kids, her and the guy get along pretty damn well, even she called him baby at the end after a hug, and I didn't get a hug. So I felt kinda I guess cold. Like I get no love. I mean hey it's fine I try to remember I'm not entitled to anything. I probably said that in another post but yeah it's the same thing I try to remember that to humble myself and not act like a kid who didn't get to play and have fun but the others could. I felt like an outcast in all honesty. And she's still inclusive with me like she says hi and still said bye to me but idk man, and she even texted to see if I'm good to drive home, but I fucking hate how shit I felt seeing and hearing that. I just want that intimacy as well you know? I haven't had that in so many years. Physical intimacy, and it doesn't have to be sexual neither. It doesn't have to be with my married friend neither.. but is this the best it's gonna get for me? I'm just gonna be someone's third wheel all the time? It sorta pisses me off bc like I don't wanna see that shit it ruins my mood but they don't get why it does tho. It's cus I've been lonely for so fucking long. And that set off a reaction in me like holding a mirror to me and it's just me, or maybe a guy friend, but there's never a girl by my side I can call mine and she can call me hers. It's just. Me. I'm sad man. I'm actually getting sad now. I just want a girlfriend to feel the love everyone's feeling all the time. But not just any random girl of course. But yeah. That's been my life for a long time. It's depressing and lonely. I think what I like about having a girlfriend is that, im her favorite. She liked me so so much that we are a couple now and that's the proof. She chose me and I chose her. We both like each other and don't take it for granted. But with me and my friends it's just so cold and empty. We're friends but idk why. Just because we hang out in the same place for 8 hours? Like my friend I went to the rave with said he enjoys my company but dude... wdym? Name 2 conversations we've had that were good? You can't. Name a time where I made you laugh? You can't. Name a time where- man what's my last name man do you even know my birthday? I don't know his neither. Like why are we friends it's so shallow 😅 this shit isn't even funny to me. I'm just confused. It makes more sense with the girl, but not with him. He's a cool dude sure, but... idk. And I'm gonna see these two tomorrow. I don't get how I'm the only one that questions but I'm probably the only one experiencing this. Nah you wouldn't get it. Cause it's always just me isn't it.
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natewriteslol · 3 years
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Hey! Could i request the dorm leaders with an esper MC? Kinda like Mob psycho or Saiki k :) and maybe they don't really use this ability of theirs that much since in their world they're literally a teen who's trying to live a normal life(like Mob basically), so nobody knew about their psychic powers except Grim since the mirror said that he couldnt sense any magic in them(i'm pretty sure that psychic powers don't really count as magic but idk lol).
Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna write it! :)
 A/N: Ooh this was a fun one! I haven't watched Mob Psycho (I know about that fine ass blonde man-) but I have watched Saiki k and I loved it, still need to finish it tho jlafljhdas 
Characters: Kalim Al-Asim, Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Vil Schoenheit, Azul Ashengrotto, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia
P.S: I’m so sorry this is so long omg but I guess this is a strong comeback-
Warnings: none except for language
Riddle:
-You wanted to stay as far away as possible from him
-Riddle was part of the trio of people you wanted to stay away from: Riddle, Vil, and Azul
-Riddle paid so much attention to fine details that if something was up, he'd definitely notice it
-But unfortunately you were best friends with the two goobers of Heartslabyul: Ace and Deuce
-And Riddle had started to pay attention to you and your habits, and something was off with you
-It's almost as though you tried too hard to be normal, like Jamil
-And he could never let something like that happen again, so yes he was watching you
-One day you accidently slipped up and was irresponsible with your powers
-Grim was bothering you since he got into a deal with Azul for tuna and they were standing outside with the twins, since Grim lost
-You told him to fend for himself and teleported, however you didn’t plan where you would go
-And you teleported into the Heartslabyul dorm
-What sucks is that your teleportation power was literally flashy with a bright ass green light every time you popped in somewhere
-Just when you thought you were lucky since the whole dorm was uninhabited...except for Riddle who watched the whole thing
-He was completely shocked, he didn’t know what to say other than “What did you just do?!” 
-You explained to him, and that just pieced everything together
-How you solved overblots with such ease, and that one day you had a “strength potion to test for Azul” was such bs!
-Riddle ends up keeping your secret, since he values your privacy but if you do something major and mess up then he will tell!
-”I understand but please be more careful with your powers. I need to institute discipline and you are no exception, Y/N.”
-He really does care about you and doesn’t want you to be found out 
-Goes the extra mile to cover for you often, and in exchange you help him out with things :)
Leona:
-He didn't really care about you at first but as you started to hang Jack and Ruggie, Leona started to get more suspicious
-Your scent had proven that you had some trace of magic, but Leona just couldn't put his finger on it
-So he sent Ruggie after you for a couple of days
-If you were a threat to Savanaclaw, Leona would crush you
-But Ruggie had only reported back that everything with you was perfectly normal
-"Just give it up Leona, they're just an ordinary human. The scent is probably weird because they're from a completely different world."
-But Leona still had that feeling, so he was keeping an eye on you
-You had made a deal with Crowley to keep your powers secret to solve problems on campus (it did cut repair costs and handymen costs in half so-)
-Your new quest was to rid the forest of the Angolo fungus that was manifesting into living fungus blobs 
-The one thing that gave you away was Grim, as you both had to stop by the Greenhouse to read some info about the fungus
-The cat beast was being far too loud, not understanding why he had to go and mess around with the icky fungus
-You simply replied “It’ll be quick, I’ll just use Hydrokinesis and dry out the fungus since they’re mainly filled with water. They become fertilizer once dried so we can just leave them there.”
-And there Leona was, ears perked up once he heard your voice
-Hydrokinesis? What are you talking about?
-So he set off, following you to the forest
-You started to fly, turning the once green and lively fungus to brown dust while Grim napped against a tree
-Leona for the first time in the while, was left speechless
-Once you noticed him, you realized you had to talk to him
-Confronting him later on, luckily Leona didn’t spill to anyone 
-He promised to never tell anyone about what he saw, and had no clapbacks for what you had to say 
- Leona doesn’t even benefit from this secret...besides mayyybee one day asking for your help if his pride lets him
-By the Great Seven why does everything have to not be in his favor-
Azul:
-Another one who you have got to be careful around, since he’s incredibly observant
-More observant than Riddle
-Azul noticed that you’re an incredibly average person, and were incredibly relaxed even during the most stressful situations
-And almost every single time whenever you were in a tight spot, it works in your favor
-Just how is that possible? Solving overblots left and right? Every single time you disappeared the infestation of magical beasts are gone? 
-One day, you were getting picked on by a three guys, their stature far above yours and incredibly strong. How could you possibly win?
-Just as he was about to scoop in a save you, you slammed one of the men into the concrete, taking on the other two by electrocuting them, the blue lightning buzzing in your palms
-They were completely knocked out, dusting off your palms and picking up your things only to face Azul’s eyes
-After giving an explanation of what that was, he was still speechless
-Azul at first was incredibly shocked and then since Azul is Azul... later on realized this had benefits
-He could just blackmail you to be his new bodyguard!
-Oh how he always manages to bend life to his will-!
-So you could just wipe his memory... or turn him into stone...nvm
-You’re now Azul’s arch nemesis since you end up saving people from his scamming and you’re basically untouchable and there’s nothing he can do about it
-But he does find your great strength admirable (and a lil hot, I mean what can u say seeing someone floating in the air with electricity flowing through them is a nice look okay Nate shut up)
Kalim: 
-Oh Kalim my beloved
-He just thinks that you’re incredibly talented and a little mysterious
-You have your little quirks and he has his! Who is he to judge?
-Until one day you wanted to make the load lighter on Jamil, since the berries that Kalim had requested for were only in season in one country
-You decided to just teleport and then come back with the berries so Kalim wouldn’t be pouty 
-You were outside the door ready to teleport when last minute you felt a hand on your shoulder
- “Oh Y/N you forgot-!”
-And there both you and Kalim were, in a berry field thousands of miles away from the Scarabia dorm
-Kalim screams, falling to the lush green of the field
-What happened?! Where are we?! How did you do that?!
-You quickly gathered all the berries at light speed, making sure that you got back before Jamil realized that you were gone
-Kalim wasn’t scared of you, rather impressed that you were able to keep a secret for that long, he could never!
-You’re already super cool, and on top of this you have otherwordly powers!
- “It must’ve been stressful living your life like this! But don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret!”
-Yes he sometimes asks you to perform some of your powers for him, sorry Y/N-
Vil:
-While you were his friend, he was incredibly suspicious of you
-Even though you wiped everyone’s memory, he still had the faint memory of when he was in overblot mode of you blasting him with a beam of light
-Vil was incredibly upset as one of his assistants had mixed up his items, and left one of his vital skincare items on the set of where they were filming a new commercial
-It was being shipped and would take 3 days to reach NRC
-His mood was horrible and you had to do something about it to give grace to the Pomefiore dorm
-So you went to the second story of the Pomefiore dorm, ready to use Apport (the power to pull anything before you) 
-However, Vil felt incredibly guilty
-He was acting like a child and he shouldn’t have taken it out on the people who he loves and values
- “Y/N, how I was acting was incredibly inappropriate and- is that my moisturizer? How did you get it?”
-Starts freaking out as this was impossible as it was on it’s way from being shipped from another country
-This was the last straw for him ther was no justification for this that wasn't done by some form of magic
-He takes you to his room to make you sit down and give him an explanation for this
-Once you finished, Vil understood but was still freaked out
-He cares alot about keeping your powers a secret and will cover for you
-"So my aport powers need to exchange something of equal value so... I exchanged it with that Scucci purse over there-
-"MY LIMITED EDITION SCUCCI PURSE?!"
-He loves you, but you're dead to him, Y/N dear
Idia:
-Before he knew you, he didn't really notice anything off with you
-A little quiet sure but he minded his own business, he had bigger things to focus on
-Until you hung around Ignihyde more often for a project, fixing a huge generator by yourself for one of your partners for a project
-They took a break only after you told them that they could and apprehensive went to go get food and water
-Anyone with eyes could see that there's an overbearing amount of energy flowing through the fairly large sized cube
-Wait, you were wearing no gloves, you could get electrocuted! Why would have your bare hands on something like that?!
-Just as he was able to yell, it was too late, your whole body was flowing with the bright blue energy... and then you let go
-You were walking completely fine, you went and held a random wire on the ground, placing the electricity inside
-The static from your hair was gone, and you looked completely normal. . .
-Just what the hell are you?
-He did hours of research trying to figure you out, even sending Ortho to monitor you
-Yet there was nothing, you were just a “regular teen” 
-Was ready to get S.T.Y.X.S on your ass- (is that too soon to joke abt my bad overblot boys-)
-Until one day he caught you again bending electricity to your will
-Is incredibly impressed with your power (lowkey wanting to experiment on you)
-After he realizes that you can read minds Idia is so damn frightened
- “O-Okay I promise not to say anything, just don’t tell anyone what I’m thinking a-alright?!”
Malleus:
-You were one of the only people who he trusted
-Malleus had always detected some form of magical aura that was otherworldly from you and it never seemed to fade
-And it wasn’t often, but it was almost like you knew what he was thinking
-Whenever he was deeply upset he felt a twinge of energy from you, and then you would insist and help him out with his problems
-And he flat out says “Are you reading my mind, Y/N?”
-You had never been directly outed like this before, you felt horrible 
-You never read people’s minds unless it was very necessary
-whenever Malleus felt deeply gloomy you felt like it was important to just read his mind and help him with the problem
-You explained it to him and apologized, but he wasn’t upset
-In fact, he was smiling?
- “It seems like we have alot of things that we’re hiding from each other. But... you always had the best intentions whenever you used your abilities”
-He let out a sigh and reluctantly admitted, “And, I know that I’m quite stubborn with revealing my feelings.” 
- “I will keep your secret as long as you keep mine, Child of Man,” the dragon fae said, you both shaking on it
- “I always had a feeling that you were special, but I never thought it would be something of this caliber...” 
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lokisprettygirl · 2 years
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I know your busy with other requests but I had a ideas and I don't want to lose it so could you do one where y/n is a slave for grandmaster and Loki goes to sakaar to get something I guess idk you can decide this part anyway he sees you about to be forced to do something you don't want to with the grandmaster( sexual type and she super scared) then Loki asks grandmaster if he can buy you which he does get y/n but she is afraid at first but she falls in love with him and then some smut afterwards.
(Smut,angst,fluff,and grandmaster being a old pervert) anyway when you get a chance I hope you can write this thank you. Also keep up the amazing writing I love all of your stories
Hi I tweaked it a little, didn't exactly turn out like you requested but I tried my best 💚
Warning : Sexual assault, 18+ , Smut, Dirty language
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Loki fell on Sakaar after him and Thor battled their sister hela. However, Calling it a battle is a bit of a magnification . When he reached sakaar he was immediately captured by slave traders and taken to this crazy guy known as Grandmaster. Now he had two options, fight the monsters and die or almost die in the process, or make a deal with the grandmaster. Loki charmed his way in with the sleazy grandmaster, he has been through so much that grandmaster seemed so mellow in comparison and in return he wanted his life to be spared. He planned a swift exit from this wormhole, all he needed was a spaceship.
After a week or so Loki planned his escape thoroughly, he just had to make sure he won't get caught so he wanted to check up on him first. But what he found there horrified him to the core,
A woman or so he assumed, much younger than the grandmaster, was on her knees, crying and shaking, begging him to stop as he tried to shove his cock in her mouth. He knew the grandmaster had no morals or values but he did, he couldn't just leave a helpless woman behind.
"Grandmaster" Loki called out to him and you looked at him, as your eyes met his, you got even more scared. Was he going to join in too? You were so afraid. You recognised him, he attacked New York all those years ago "Oh loki darling, come join us" grandmaster winked at loki and you shuddered "Who is she?" Loki asked him "A mortal, we usually don't get these so I got really excited as you can see" he pointed towards his cock and you wanted to barf "A mortal? From midgard?" Loki asked him but you responded instead
"From earth you dumb shit" you yelled and grandmaster chuckled while loki just gave you a smile. He liked that you had the fire still left in you "Feisty one isn't she" grandmaster bites on his lips and you wanted to hurl again " Grandmaster would you be so gracious as to give her to me? She can be of greater use to me" he asked the master and he looked at him confused "What use?" He asked him and you're even more scared now "I believe this female is a virgin, I'm working on this spell and I need the blood of a virgin"
You were not a virgin at all but you saw the look Loki gave you and went along with it. Was he trying to protect you ? Why would he? What is this place, you looked outside from the window and you gasped, you saw flying spaceships, one minute you were on earth and then with a flicker of light you got here. Your first thought was alien abduction and you were not wrong in this case, as absurd as it felt, aliens were officially a thing now
"But what will I get in return?" Grandmaster asked him and Loki did a quick thinking "I'll bring you mortals much better looking than this one, this is not even average as per midgardian standards" he insulted you and you gasped "Arggh really? Well I want three of these and bring someone with a dick too" he winked at Loki and then he disappeared to get dressed.
Loki bent down on your level and he unchained you "I'll get you out of here" he whispered to you and you looked at him "Why are you helping me?" You asked him and he looked right into your eyes "Because I can?" He shrugged as he looked at you confused. Before grandmaster could get back he grabbed your arms and took you out of his chamber, then he walked you towards the spaceship he was going to use to escape "Sit down and buckle up, it's going to get wild until we are out of here"
He told you and you buckled in your seat "What's your name?" He asked you and you looked at him "Y/n" you answered meekly and he smiled "Sweet" he was attractive, tall, had shoulder length raven hair, green eyes, pale skin. He looked like a supermodel to be honest.
"So what are you doing here? How did you get here?" He asked you and you told him the truth, you had no idea how you got here "So you're nice now? I remember you attacking New York" you asked him and he gave you a sad look as if hurt from your perception "It varies from moment to moment darling, I'm in my nice phase right now" you didn't ask him anything after that, he saved you from that sleazy asshole and that was enough.
He landed the aircraft on a deserted planet "We need to lay low for a while, I have loaded the ship with adequate amount of food so inform me when you feel ravenous"
You were not expecting him to be so nice with you? He attacked New York right? He was a legit terrorist on earth, You two stayed on the unknown planet for few days, it had water and fresh air, almost felt like Earth.
You walked over to him as he was chilling on a piece of rock and you sat next to him "So where are we going from here?" You asked him and he smiled as he looked at you. Your mention of the word 'We' surprised him, he doesn't even remember the last time when someone included him and made him part of something, instead of everyone being against him.
"I'll have to drop you back to midgard, your family must be waiting for you right?" You nodded in no and you placed your head down on his shoulder "I don't have anyone close, probably why they decided to capture me, no one would look out for me if I go missing" he looked down as he heard you he felt sad about your situation, he understood the pain of being alone in this world "Where will you go then?" You asked him and he sighed "Well I definitely can't go back to Asgard, and midgardians still hate me and for good reasons, so that's not an option either" he chuckled and you smiled "Well there's one midgardian who is becoming quite fond of you" you looked at him, your eyes glanced towards his lips and he instantly leaned down to kiss you
Then he took you back on the spaceship and laid you down on the convertible seat "You want this pretty mortal? You want this god to fuck you?" He asked you and you pull him in for a kiss "pleasee yess" he smiled as he heard you and he used magic to undress you, he saw bruises on your torso and your thighs and it enraged him, they were healed quite a bit in the last three days but still visible "Did he hurt you? The grandmaster?" He asked you as he ran his fingers through your bruises, the touch burning you up and healing you at the same time "His people did"
You mumbled and he looked at you with his soft green eyes "You're safe with me darling I promise" and then he kissed you passionately "I know loki, I feel safe with you" he undressed himself using magic again and your eyes widened at the size of his length, you have never been with a man so blessed but then he was no ordinary man.
"You don't judge me for what I did? To your planet?" He asked you as he rubbed his cock over your wet folds and you moaned loudly "I did when I saw you, but then you..you saved me from an eternal damnation and now I can't help but wonder ..what drove you to do that all those years ago" he teared up as he heard you, he didn't expect you to be so honest with your words and so supportive at the same time, you didn't suger coat your words and he adored it "I am.. oh darling' once I have you like this I won't let you go, you wouldn't want that either trust me, still want me inside your warm wet cunt?" He asked you and you nod in yes as you bite on your lips
"Little midgardian whore" he thrusted inside you in one quick motion and you gripped on his shoulders, your nails digging into him, his filthy words made you wetter if it was possible, he fucked you with every inch of his life, he haven't had a woman in so long, because who'd want to fuck Odin honestly? "Fuck so tight, darling, fit me in so well" he mumbled, and you could hear the sloppy sounds of his cock sliding in and out of you. He realised that he really loved being inside you, probably more because you cared a little about him, he has never been cared for, not in a romantic sense atleast.
"Ohh I could feel you clenching me little whore, gonna cum all around my cock ? Go on sweet girl" his fingers rubbed your clit and you couldn't hold back anymore. You have never been fucked like this, now when you compare your previous sexual encounters with him they all seem like amateurs, you have never had a man fucking you so passionately.
"Ahhh fuck youre dripping darling, so filthy, I'm going to cum inside you my midgardian whore, you're mine now, you belong to me" he mumbled as he came inside you, his cum felt cold instead of warm and you were surprised pleasantly. Once he calmed down enough he pulled out of you and he leaned down to kiss your forehead
"I apologise if I crossed a boundary with my words, didn't want to offend you my lady" he pecked your lips and you smiled at his concern. He was considerate and drop dead gorgeous "That was perfect loki, I have never had a man fuck me like this"
You giggled and he kissed on your cheeks one by one "Not a man"
"Ooh God yes...you're a god" you whispered and he smiled
"DId you mean it when you said that I was yours?"
He looked at you surprised, would you want to be with him if he asked? He had to take that risk "Only if you want, instead of taking you back to midgard we can go somewhere else from here, and once things calm down I'll take you back to your home"
You smiled as you heard him, maybe an adventure with the god of mischief wouldn't be so bad
"Take me with you loki, I want to be yours"
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coonhoundcat · 2 years
Text
Brief Tribute | Hero x Villain
-Trying to channel the cadence and feel of a barely rehearsed story delivered by a non-professional speaker while still making it an interesting and coherent read-
"I used to walk with them, in the evening. They never slept; I guess they wanted to live up to the saying." A weak smile.
"I remember a time, just after dusk, we were walking together, and there in the alley--I didn't see it at first-- they pulled me aside, to watch: there were a couple of men, threatening a citizen. I couldn't see it that well, but the victim seemed raggedy. Might've been homeless. And I could hear the slurs. I saw one of the aggressors throw a punch, and, not a word spoken, this legend just straight up shoots them. All of them. Everyone but the victim. And then we just kept walking.
"And I thought, okay, that was a pretty intense reaction, maybe they're just having a rough night.
"And I didn't stop thinking about it until two weeks later, when we were out near the park, and it was a little earlier than usual, still kind of light outside. And there's this pond there-- and there was a kid, y'know, probably in their twenties-- sitting on a bench, just throwing handfuls of the whitest bread you've ever seen. Straight up Wonderbread, like something Hero would eat to express their personality. And I didn't think anything of it; just a kid feeding the ducks. But then this motherfucker at my side walks right up behind them and just slaps their hand down on this kid's shoulder, scared the crap out of 'em, and they lean in beside this sap's ear, and I hear them say: 'Don't you ever feed them that shit ever again. Or I'll blow your brains out.' And then this guy, this immaculately well-dressed human being, just reaches into his coat and pulls out a ziplock bag full of birdseed, and drops it in this kid's lap, like it's nothing. And then then we just continued our walk like average, civilized people.
"And by this point I'm thinking: well, that was kind of weird, but I'm starting to really like this maniac-- emergency duck feed and all.
"So we kept this up for a while, and I started getting into more projects with them, and we started doing public work together-- made it all business official. And I found out that they'd get these ideas into their head-- they'd stew and stew, and just couldn't get 'em out until they'd done something about it. So one night they took me by the elbow, just outside a shabby little loan store. And they asked me about that time with the homeless fellow. Wanted to know if I remembered it. I said 'yeah', and they gestured over their shoulder like this, and they said, 'they have unpaid debt here--a payday loan. Half this side of town is wrapped up with this place. The interest is... steep.' And they looked at me, and I don't know why, but I was terrified. And then they smiled at me, and they said- they said, 'We're going to pay it off'. And I said 'okay'.
"We walked into this loan office, and we just paid off hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt; cleared out every account. They were pulling out just wads of cash, all of it stuffed in their jacket, vest, down their pants, in their fucking socks, it was awful, and it was beautiful. And we walked out of that store, knowing we had done something incredible.
"Of course, we burned the whole building to the ground later that night, and we never looked back." They broke into restrained laugher, which tapered off quickly.
"I guess, what I'm trying to say, is-" Neat rows of sparsely occupied chairs seemed to stare back at them, and they paused. So few had come. It was fitting, somehow, how the grass seemed so dull and lifeless, how the sky above threatened to storm. The rain must have started already; their cheeks were damp. "They were always the best... The greatest Supervillain this city could ever have. I... I never appreciated them as much as I should have. I miss them so much." They finally broke down, flinging themselves into the openly weeping figure beside them, just barely keeping it together enough to whisper sweet condolences.
"... Villain knows that this is our wedding, not your funeral, right?"
Supervillain looked worriedly back at Superhero, gently taking their hand. "... I may have misjudged my choice of 'Best Man'."
Villain and Hero sobbed uncontrollably into each other's arms as the ceremony hesitantly continued on.
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babymetaldoll · 3 years
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DIWK - Chapter one: "Yes, I'm a genius"
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Word count: 10,5 K
Warnings: Cursing, but it's mostly a fluffy nerdy start to our story.  Mentions of the L.D.S.K episode (Season 1, E06) and A real Rain (Season 1, E17).
Summary: Spencer meets the BAU new member, a young S.S.A. who happens to be just as nerdy as he is. (Y/N) is excited to join her dream job finally, but she is decided to create an imaginary barrier between her personal life and her job 'cos she doesn't want to make the same mistakes her father had done.
A/N: It's happening!!! I'm so excited!! I'm sorry it's gonna be long, so I hope you enjoy the ride 💕. Let me know what you think!  
Series Masterlist
Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | 
     ┅┅┅┅┅┅┅༻❁༺┅┅┅┅┅┅┅
Spencer's point of view
I remember everything that happened the day (Y/N) first arrived at the BAU. It was Monday, November 7th, 2005. Morgan had teased me for a whole week already, as soon as Hotch told us a new member of the team had been selected.
I first saw her when she had her last interview with Aaron and Gideon. My eyes were glued to her from the moment she stepped into the bullpen, and of course, Derek saw me.
- "What caught your eye, kid?"- he asked, walking to my desk. He sat on it and cut me one of his smirks, telling me he knew something was going on. I cleared my throat, trying to turn to my pile of paperwork, going through the papers, and narrowing my eyes, pretending to read.
- "What?"- I know I couldn't fool him, but at least I tried.
- "Do you know her?"
- "Who?"- Morgan looked at me in silence. He knew I knew what he was talking about- "The... no, Hotch is talking with someone..."
I was completely flustered.
- "That I can see, do you know her?"
- "No..."- I whispered and looked over again, this time staring at the scene inside the office, trying to figure out what they were talking about.
I could see (Y/N) smiling at Hotch, and he... smiled back, which still surprises me. Our Unit Chief never smiles in the office, and somehow, (Y/N) always manages to make him grin and express tenderness. I guess that's one of the things about her I love, the way she always manages- somehow, I still don't know how- to make everybody around her happy. Especially me. I had never been as happy as I've been since I met her.
- "Hey, Hotch!"- Morgan waited until she was into the elevator to call Aaron and start asking questions- Who is she?
- "That's Supervisory Special Agent (Y/F/N) (Y/S/N) (Y/L/N), and she is going to be part of the team, starting next week."
My heart stopped. (Y/N) was gonna work with me. I was never going to have another intelligible thought or idea if she was going to be around. Of that, I was sure.
Derek turned to me with a grimace of taunt as I tried my best to look away and hide my red blushed cheeks. Damn it. I hate it when he makes me feel like a kid. He did that then, and he still manages to do it now, even when I'm already thirty years old.
- "Did you hear that, pretty boy?"- I was so glad it was just him and Hotch. I didn't want anyone else to listen to that conversation- "You are going to get many chances to talk with that pretty girl."
- "We are going to have to go through the fraternization policy then."- Hotch joked. Yes, he joked and smiled as he walked away.
I could barely talk or even look at her during her whole first day. I was so embarrassed that week 'cos I had just failed my firearm qualification, and I knew everybody was judging me. At least that's how I felt. It didn't work that Morgan welcomed me that morning with a freaking whistle. I felt like the mockery of a Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and of all days, (Y/N) had to arrive that morning.
We had a long briefing that day, JJ catching (Y/N) up with a few cases we were reviewing, and Hotch gave her the proper induction to the team. Penelope loved her. It was friendship at first sight.
- "I'm so happy you are here to stay! There aren't enough girls here at the BAU!"- she nearly squeaked as soon as we left the meeting room- "I want to know everything about you! We are going to be best friends. I can feel it!"- (Y/N) smiled at Garcia and nodded.
- "If you are a cat lover and a sucker for nerdy things, then I guess we are already family."
Her answer made Penelope shriek in excitement as I walked back to my desk quickly. I knew Derek wasn't going to waste the chance to embarrass me in front of her, and I needed to avoid it no matter what.
- "Considering it's your first day, and so far we haven't got a case, I say we should all have lunch together. There's a small place nearby"- Morgan smiled sweetly at (Y/N), and she nodded.
- "I'd love to."
- "Spencer here was just telling me how he wanted to know how you got to the BAU so young; he is excited not to be the team's baby anymore"- I turned to Morgan slowly. I swear he could feel the daggers from my eyes.
- "How old are you?"- she asked, and her smile left me speechless. I tried to answer, but I couldn't make any sound but an awkward stutter.
- "He's twenty-four"- Elle had to answer for me, 'cos I had literally lost all my verbal abilities- "His birthday was a few weeks ago."
- "Congratulations! I'm twenty-four too! I'm so happy I'm not the youngest! My brother teased me about it for the last couple of days and got me all freaked out."
She looked so happy to be there. When you spend day after day surrounded by the worst of humankind, you seem to enjoy and appreciate the little gentle things in life. Her excitement was one of those. It was refreshing.
- "That's..."- it was so hard to pronounce any word at that moment. I was flustered and mortified 'cos I was making a fool out of myself.
- "That's great."
That was all I managed to say. Then, I looked down at the papers on my desk, doing my best to avoid any conversation. JJ and Elle talked to her for a few more minutes before returning to their duties, and Derek tapped my back as he walked to his desk.
- "Way to go, Romeo."
- "Shut up."
We never made it for lunch that day, 'cos we were called for a case in Illinois, and I was embarrassed in front of (Y/N) for the very first time. The first of many.
.
(Y/N)'s point of view
I could never forget the day I met Spencer. We were just kids. We were both twenty-four, and that was the first thing that caught everybody's attention on my first day at the BAU. We were the youngest, though he was a genius. I was an average kid who graduated high school at sixteen, got good grades at college, and got into the academy at twenty. Somehow I managed to kick ass until I got the position of my dreams in the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I felt too young and inexperienced to be there, but seeing Reid's face made me feel a little better.
Hotch introduced me to everybody: Morgan, JJ, Elle, Penelope, Gideon -the legend- and Doctor Spencer Reid. He didn't shake my hand, explaining he has a "germs thing." I waved and said I understood him because I've always had a "hug thing," so we are both on the same page.
- "I don't like people touching me if we are not close friends or family."- I explained, and he smiled right away. That smile. It lit up my days for years to come.
- "Me neither, so don't worry, I'm not gonna try to touch you"- I bit my lips as I nodded, and his cheeks turned blood red with embarrassment immediately
- "Sorry, I mean, I'm not going to do anything that might bother you, like hugging you or..."
- "Don't worry, Dr. Reid, I understood what you were trying to say"- he kept nodding and excusing himself, and I tried not to laugh. He seemed to be so nervous it was endearing.
- "You... you can call me Spencer, or Reid"- he added- "You don't need to call me doctor."
- "You can call me (Y/N)"- and he nodded again, looking like a ten years old kid.
I remember clearly that second, right away, I thought he could be my new best friend. There was something about him that made me want to get closer to him.
- "Great! Now we've got two weird kids."- Morgan quickly said, chuckling, and I frowned at his words. I wanted to give him the snarkiest answer, but I remembered it was my first day, and I was still trying to give a good impression to my new coworkers, so I just stared.
- "You know, treating them like kids won't make you look wiser."- Elle whispered, though I heard her perfectly, as Hotch called to the briefing room.
- "I'm just joking with them! Don't you get a joke?"
I thought it was rude to joke around with someone you had just met, but soon after that, I realized Derek Morgan meant no harm. He was like that. And soon, he became the older brother I never thought I was going to need at work. After all, it was my first official job, and it was a very stressful one.
.
My first case was nerve-wracking. Gideon snapped in front of me, and I felt I wasn't helping at all catching the sniper. We are not supposed to use that word, but fuck it. Besides, Spencer and Hotch were kept hostage by the unsub. And Aaron had to beat the shit out of Reid to save all the hostages. Reid was so embarrassed, and I was so scared.
Scared of looking weak in front of my team. Afraid of not deserve being at the BAU.
I remember Elle brought me a coffee on the jet on our way back and said the words that resonated in my head when she left.
- "No one expects you to be perfect at what you do. We just need someone who gives the best every day."
I looked into her eyes and nodded. That was one of the few intimate conversations we had. Elle wasn't the one to open her heart and share her feelings. But she was always someone who could tell you the truth and support you when you needed it.
.
- "Hey! Reid!"- I waved at him from my car as I stopped next to him outside the BAU. It was already two in the morning, and he was outside the main building waiting for a cab.
- "Hey (Y/N)."- he whispered as I rolled up the window and looked at him.
- "Do you need a ride?"
- "No... no, thank you"- he hesitated and waved- "I already called a cab."
- "Are you sure? it's gonna start raining any minute now."
And just as I predicted, a few seconds later, Spencer's glasses were covered with tiny drops of water. He smiled and took a step closer to the car, opened the door, and got in.
- "Th... thank you"- he whispered as I smiled
- "It's ok, I couldn't let you there, on your own, waiting for a cab, not after coming back from a case."
- "I'm ok..."- maybe he thought I was implying the beating he got from Aaron earlier that day, so I did my best to tell him otherwise.
- "I bet you are, but it's fucking freezing, and we are all tired. There's no way you are waiting for a cab if I can drive you over... what about your car, by the way?"
- "I'm not a fan of driving; I take the subway to work every day."
- "Really? Why not?"- I was surprised by his answer, but I was way more surprised we were talking, finally.
- "I don't know, I don't feel comfortable driving... the guys say I'm weird."
I turned to him, raising an eyebrow. He looked so nervous it made me feel bad. Maybe I had done something that had bothered him and never noticed it.
- "That's not weird"- my voice was soft, trying to calm him down. Spencer looked like a scared kitten sitting on my car's passenger seat.
- "If you don't like driving, that's ok... I don't like talking on the phone with people. It makes me anxious for no reason."- I confessed, keeping my eyes on the road. But I know he turned to me and nodded.
- "That's completely normal. It's called "telephone phobia" or "phone phobia," which refers to the irrational fear or discomfort with speaking over the phone. Psychologists believe that this condition is related to social anxiety, which causes a person to avoid situations where they will need to act. Making a call is essentially a performance, and some people dread making a mistake, freezing up, being ridiculed, or not being able to perform in front of an audience."
- "Really?"- he just nodded and kept his eyes on the road- "I didn't know it had a name! My insurance should cover it."
And he finally laughed, which made me feel he was maybe a little more relaxed around me.
- "This is me."- he announced, and I parked outside his building. It was a nice place, and conveniently, it was very close to my house.
- "Great! I live just a few blocks away. I can give you a ride to work whenever you want"- I might have sounded a little more excited than I should have, but I wanted to be friends with him. He was the closest in age with me at work, and he looked so shy and friendly. He was a magnet. Spencer Reid was calling for my friendship. I could feel it.
- "Th.. thanks"- he stuttered and nodded as he opened the door and step out of the car- "Thank you, again."
- "You are very welcome!"- I answered with a big smile. He stared at me for another second and waved before turning around, basically running into the building.
I wish I could go back in time to those days. Everything was more uncomplicated, we were getting to know each other, and everything was brand new: Reid's rambling, my bad jokes. I miss that. I miss us.
It wasn't easy to get close to Spencer. It wasn't easy to get close to the team, probably 'cos I was overthinking every single thing I did. In my first couple of weeks, I was as friendly as I have ever been and made my best to be the (Y/N) I had to be as an FBI Agent. I was making a tremendous effort to fit it. I was nervous and walking on eggshells the whole time. Every time Hotch talked to me, I was sure he would tell me I was fired. When Gideon looked at me, I was sure he thought I was the dumbest agent he had ever met. And every time I spoke at the morning briefings, I just could feel Spencer thinking I was stupid.
.
- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)! I was looking for you!"- Penelope ran into me outside the lady's room and jumped on my face, making me scream- "Sorry!"
- "It's ok, you just almost killed me of a heart attack, but that's ok... I'll survive."- I joked as I kept feeling my heart jumping in my chest.
- "Sorry, I'm just excited 'cos everybody is in for a little gathering tonight at my house. I need to give you a proper welcome! You've already been here for nearly a month, and we still don't get to know much of you."
Hanging out with my coworkers outside the office was strange. Not that I didn't want to get to meet them, it's just that... they were FBI agents. Sure, so was I, but it was my first official Supervisory Special Agent job, and I was only twenty-four. There were so many of my teenage days I still wasn't ready to let go. And so much of it, I didn't want them to know.
- "Sure!"- I replied and smiled at her face lighting up. You could tell Penelope was excited to host a party at her house.
- "Great! Tonight! my place! I'll text you the address! you have to be there!"
- "I will, I swear!"
Spencer's point of view
Oh, man! The first time I actually talked to (Y/N) was on a get-together Penelope organized at her apartment a few weeks after (Y/N) joined the team. Garcia made an effort to make her feel welcome, she even invited Elle, and we all knew those two weren't incredibly close.
Derek drove Elle and me to Penelope's, and I was mortified every minute I spent in that car. He wouldn't stop teasing me, and Elle asked over and over if I had a crush on (Y/N).
- "No! I don't have a crush on her! can you knock it off?!"- I finally snapped as I got off the car outside Garcia's building.
- "Just because she is my age doesn't mean I have or should have a crush on her! she is our new colleague! so please! Stop!"
I slammed the door and walked inside. Did I make an unnecessary scene? Yes, but I couldn't handle anything better at that moment. They were driving me crazy.
- "Welcome! Welcome!"- Penelope opened the door and invited us in. (Y/N), and JJ were already there, holding a beer and laughing. I stared at the two of them and knew I wasn't going to say a word the whole evening.
Back then, I still had a small crush on JJ. We had a terrible date after Gideon gave me tickets for a football game with her favorite team. That was his way to encourage me to ask her out, which I did... but apparently, I sucked at it, 'cos she never got it was a date and invited Penelope to come along. Worst date of my life. But still, I got flustered around her, and my mind kept coming back to her from time to time.
- "So, pretty girl, why did you want to be part of the FBI?"- Morgan asked her after a while of small talk. She was sitting on Garcia's coach, next to our host and JJ. I turned to look at her from my chair, and I swear I felt Elle's eyes on me for a few seconds.
- "Do you usually call girls names?"- (Y/N) answered the questions with another question and frowned at Morgan. He just wide opened his eyes and smiled, surprised.
- "He calls everybody names."- JJ replied, chuckling
- "Hey! he calls me sweet names! Just me!"- Penelope got all jealous and possessive right away.
- "Did you know according to some studies, the reason people in relationships use pet names for their partners is that they're harking back to their own childhood experience and their first love, which usually relates to their mother"- facts came out of my mouth faster than I noticed. I didn't have a chance to stop myself.
Derek frowned right away and (Y/N) bit her lips, trying not to laugh. Elle lost that fight and let out a burst of loud laughter along with JJ.
- "Are you trying to tell me I've got mommy issues, Reid?"
- "No, no, of course not!"- my voice was agitated as I shook my head and hands frenetically. If there's one thing I never want to do is get Morgan mad. He is scary when he is crossed, and back then, we weren't as close as we are now. Let's say I was a little afraid I might say the wrong thing. I always said the wrong thing... I don't know when to stop.
- "I call people pet-names too, once I get to know them, so don't worry"- (Y/N) smiled at turned to Derek with a smile- "And to answer your question, why did I join the FBI? I guess I tried to follow dad's steps. He is chief of police here at Quantico... and my older brother is a detective at NYPD, so... I guess I never really thought about it. I knew where I wanted to be."
- "I bet they are proud"- JJ smiled at her, and I held my breath for a second. I don't know why I did it; I just remember feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. Not because of JJ, but because I wanted to learn more about (Y/N). I wanted to know everything, but I had no idea how to ask her anything.
- "Well, my brother is very jealous since I joined the BAU"- she chuckled with a playful smile- "Now I'm dad's favorite."
She told us about her academy experience, and we all told her a little bit about ourselves. Morgan was nice enough to tell her everything about my degrees and IQ because, well, my IQ dropped to twenty when it was my turn to talk to her.
I found out she has a MA in Linguistics and was considering doing the DA, which she did. That's when I managed to speak, and we talked about our college experiences for a while.
- "Oh, no! I wasn't popular at all. When your dad is a cop, kids usually don't wanna talk to you or invite you to parties."- she explained as we stood at one side of the room. Talking to her on our own was a little bit easier than doing it with everybody else watching. I don't know why. So I took my opportunity when Derek was out getting more beer with Elle, and JJ and Garcia were in the kitchen.
- "Being fourteen and riding my bike to college didn't make me very popular either."- I confessed, and she chuckled
- "Sorry."
- "Don't be"- I smiled and looked down at my shoes- "I guess at a certain point in our lives, we have to start laughing about some of the bad things that happened to us"- her cellphone rang that second, and she looked at the screen with a small smile.
- "Sorry, I have to answer this, it's my boyfriend."
Boyfriend. I should have seen it coming.
I walked to the kitchen, defeated, and sighed. I left my empty can of Coke and looked at my friends.
- "I think I'm gonna go home."
- "What? No! It's too early, Spence!!"- JJ argued right away- "You never want to hang out with us outside work!"
- "Yeah!! Don't you want to have fun with us?"- Garcia begged and pouted. I wasn't sure I wanted to be there. I was very uncomfortable 'cos social gatherings weren't my thing (they are still not my thing anyway) until I heard her voice.
- "So, what are you guys doing?"- (Y/N) walked over and stood next to me
- "Who were you talking to?"- Penelope asked right away with a wink.
- "My boyfriend"- she was joyful, I could feel the happiness in her voice- "He just wanted to know if I was ok."
- "Boyfriend?"- JJ smiled, and I could feel her eyes glance over me.
- "I need to know everything!"- and Penelope hyperventilated right away- "How long have you been dating? Are you getting married soon? Is he the love of your life?"
- "Who's getting married?"- Morgan walked in and wide opened his eyes as he questioned the room.
- "(Y/N) is getting married!!"- Penelope nearly shrieked as (Y/N) shook her head laughing.
- "I'm not getting married! Paul and I started dating just a month ago; it's nothing serious."
I took a sip of the beer Elle gave me and sighed, staring at the bottle. I made my best not to look at Derek for the rest of the night. I didn't want him to give me any sorry glance or anything that might make anyone believe something that wasn't real.
It was a fun night, after all. After my beer, we talked; I felt a little looser and managed to ask (Y/N) about herself and told her I had overheard her telling Garcia she was a sucker for all nerd things.
- "Yeah, I'm a huge nerd"- her cheeks blushed with her confession.
- "I bet you can't beat baby genius here"- Morgan chuckled and tapped in my back, making everybody laugh... at me.
- "I've got the feeling I can top him... you have no idea the kind of geek I am"- she looked straight at me- "How many Star Wars conventions have you been to this year?"
- "Just one, you?"- I raised an eyebrow and watched her chuckle.
- "Five... last two I was in make-up and custom"- I wide opened my eyes as she bit her lips nervously.
- "And Doctor Who conventions?"- I asked her, way more intrigued than I had been about her before.
- "Only two this year, the academy and school got in the way of most of my fun..."
- "Do you have a favorite doctor?"- I had to ask
- "From the new series, ten, the classic Doctor who I have to say four."
- "Tom Baker is by far my favorite doctor of the whole series."
- "But you can't overlook the fantastic job David Tennant has done! He is the one who managed to charm a whole new generation with the show!"
- "Yeah, he is excellent! but he ain't no Baker"- I loved that conversation
- "Baker's popularity is 80% because he had Sara Jane, who is by far one of the best companions the doctor has ever had. She made him human and relatable"- she had a point, but I needed to argue with her. I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't because Morgan's voice was louder than my thoughts.
- "Ok, geeks, you can ramble about your tv shows and nerd things some other time, now let's make a toast. To our newest member, we hope you feel welcome working with us, 'cos you are gonna see us way more than you see your boyfriend"- she chuckled at those words and nodded.
- "Thank you, guys. You have been so nice to me these couple of weeks. I've got the feeling we are gonna get along."
.
- "Do you need a ride?"- (Y/N) turned to me as I grabbed my satchel, and she put on her coat.
- "Thanks, but Morgan is gonna take me home."- I whispered, scared to be alone with her again.
- "Actually, kid, I was planning to hit the club right now, it's still early, and we don't get many free nights, so..."- he looked at us and shrugged.
- "You don't mind?"- I asked her, and she gave me the warmest smile.
- "I just offered to do it, of course, I don't mind at all."
- "Thank you."
I didn't know if I wanted to kill Morgan or thank him. Either way, (Y/N) waved goodbye to everybody and walked out of Garcia's with me, after thanking everybody for the hundredth time for everything.
- "Are you tired?"- she asked me as we both sat in her car. She started it, and the music that came from the radio was so loud, I nearly covered my ears- "Sorry! Sorry! I was rocking my favorite album on my way over."
She quickly turned off the radio and gave me a guilty smile
- "It happens when you drive alone a lot."
- "Did you know listening to loud music helps you liberate stress?"- I started rambling- "There is a direct connection between your inner ear and the pleasure centers in the brain. Shortly explained, when you listen to loud music, endorphins are released, that act on the opiate receptors in our brains, they reduce pain and boost pleasure, resulting in a feeling of well-being."
If I was going to work with her, I had to find a way to talk to her. Even if that way was to ramble facts over and over again. Anything was better than silences, I guess.
- "Yeah! and it also works like a stimulant, which I needed after the week we just had..."- I chuckled, and she looked at me for a second- "By the way, I noticed you have a problem with coffee and sugar"
- "I don't have a problem with coffee!"- I felt nearly judged by her statement.
- "And sugar!"- she added and snickered
- "You know you shouldn't profile other profilers"- I made my best to make a joke, and I guess I nailed it, 'cos she chuckled.
- "That's hardly profiling, Reid! that's just watching you prepare your coffee every morning"
- "Have you been spying on me?"- I could help but to chuckle at that conversation. I was having fun.
- "No way on earth! I just happen to like to drink coffee too, which leads us to the question I wanted to ask, it's still early; Morgan was right, do you want to have a coffee or something... I'm in the mood for something sweet."
- "And you were judging me for my coffee with extra sugar!"
- "I'm not judging you! I'm just pointing out that I noticed what you are doing and wondering how many cavities you already have."
I laughed. An honest, real, pure laughter. She has always made me laugh as I've never had. Like there are no problems, no worries, no traumas. Nothing bad.
- "I have no cavities, thank you very much!"
- "Fine! and are you in the mood for a late coffee and cupcake with me?"- I stayed quiet and looked at her- Don't feel pushed to do it just because I'm giving you a drive
- "No, no, it's not that. I just don't wanna bother you"
- "If I am inviting you, Reid, it's because I want to do it, not because I'm feeling forced to do it"- she kept her eyes on the road, but her voice was so reassuring I couldn't doubt a word.
- "Wouldn't your boyfriend get mad or something?"- I whispered the question 'cos I was scared of the answer.
- "Why should he?"- she looked shocked by the questions- "If he gets jealous, then he is not the guy for me."
I cut her a short smile and nodded. Her personality was so different from mine. It was exciting to have her around.
- "I could eat a donut"- and she clapped at my answer, thrilled with the plan.
- "That's the spirit! I know just the place!"
We talked until four in the morning that night. I don't know how I managed to do it, not because I was tired, but because I was very nervous. Well, I was at the beginning, but talking with (Y/N) has always come easy to me, somehow. To the guy who was never able to speak in public or with any girl, spending three hours in a cafeteria talking, eating donuts, and drinking coffee in the middle of the night was the most significant achievement.
.
(Y/N)'s point of view
- "How do you know a place open at this hour?"- Spencer asked me the very first time we were out together for coffee. It was already close to four in the morning, and I had started yawning, 'cos even with all the sugar and caffeine I had consumed that night, I was weary.
- "Sorry to break the news, doctor, but are not the only one with a sugar problem"- I licked a little frosting from my finger and grinned- "Sometimes after classes, or when I was too stressed studying, I would come here, get a coffee, a cupcake and just... do nothing for a while, just to let my brain rest I guess"
- "That makes total sense. The brain needs free time to process new information and turn it into something more permanent. Though the amount of time a mind needs to construct a durable memory probably varies from one person to the next, it also depends on the complexity of what that person is trying to learn"
- "Well, believe me, it felt like I needed two weeks to process all the information, but I only had half an hour if I was lucky"
- "Then you are already trained for this work. We don't have much time to do anything when we are on a case"
- "That's what I've seen so far... but at least you all get along. It would suck to be stuck in a team that fight egos and divisions."
- "Yeah, you are right, we are lucky to have very nice people working with us... everybody brings something different to the team"- I nodded at his words and looked down at my fingers as I tried to wipe the leftover sticky glazed with a napkin.
I had been working there for four weeks already, and I still felt like I didn't belong. Honestly, it was such hard work being there, not because they weren't a great team, but because it was more challenging than I ever imagined. Profiling and traveling all over the nation catching serial killers was... stressing, to say the least.
- "You bring a completely different point of view in every case"- he continued speaking and looked down at his cup- "And your knowledge in Linguistics adds more information to the profiles, which helps working faster and better."
I held my breath at his words. I knew he was just polite, just trying to make me feel better about my job performance these weeks.
- "I can assure you, you have been an incredible addition to the team"- he stayed quiet for a second, still just staring at his cup.
- "Thank you."
- "It's true; I'm not telling you this 'cos I think you need to hear it. I wanted you to know 'cos that's how we all feel."
I know I was blushing. I don't know how to take a compliment. Not that I get many, but it's always weird to hear someone telling you so nice things about your work.
- "Thank you, Spencer"- he finally looked at me and nodded. We stayed in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what else to say, and he seemed to be embarrassed.
- "Thank you, actually"- he finally whispered.
- "Why? I didn't do anything"- I was confused, but he was earnest about his words.
- "Thank you, 'cos you have been very nice to me, even though I am a barely tolerable person."
- "What? Barely tolerable? What the hell are you saying?"
- "I mean, I know I drive people crazy 'cos I am always rambling and giving unnecessary facts all the time"- I narrowed my eyebrows, not getting why he was saying those things.
- "You do not do that."
- "Maybe you haven't been here long enough to realize I am always giving facts, and..."- he was honest. He actually believed people were annoyed by him. It hurt me to know that's what he thought of himself.
- "I realized that within the first three hours into the job, but I think that's amazing."
- "People would always say it's annoying."
- "Why would they say that?"
- "Because... I know they do."
- "Well, whoever says or thinks that are assholes, I like your rambling."
Reid snorted, and I hit his arm with my knuckles softly. I really felt bad he was so insecure, and most of all, he thought everybody hated him.
- "I mean it, Spencer, I wish I knew half the things you know, and if being with you means having to listen to your rambling, I think it's incredible, 'cos it gives me the chance to soak some of that knowledge."
The way he smiled, it was like his whole face lit up. He blushed, obviously embarrassed, and it also blushed me, 'cos he was gorgeous when he smiled.
- "So please, don't stop the facts, not with me"- he nodded and sipped what was left of his coffee.
After another few minutes, we left, and I drove him home. We were in a small sugar rush; we were too tired to have a full effect. I knew all I wanted was my bed and sleep the whole weekend.
- "I had a great time tonight"- I parked my car outside his building and smiled- "At Penelope's and with you"
I was so excited we had finally talked and gotten closer. I wanted to be friends with him so badly. Why? I don't know. I just knew I needed him in my life, from that minute on.
- "I had a great time too"- he smiled and held his satchel- "See you Monday"
- "Yeah! See ya!"
- "Drive safe!"
- "I will!"
I got home that night and laid on my bed, fully dressed. I barely took off my shoes and fell asleep right away. I was too tired to think, too tired even to put on my pajamas. But I wasn't too tired to remember Spencer's smile while he ate donuts. His dorky glasses, the way he gesticulated everything he said when he was excited about a subject. I was glad I had finally gotten to talk to him for once. And I couldn't wait to do it again.
Back then, Paul and I had just started dating. I wasn't in love with him, but he was a nice, funny guy I loved spending time with. I met Paul a couple of months ago at a friend's party. He was fun to be with, and we had a lot of things in common. We were both into music. He had a band, I didn't back then, but eventually got mine over time. He was like me, nothing like my friends at the BAU.
I thought that was cool, 'cos he represented a part of me I didn't want to lose working at the FBI. I was terrified I was going to lose myself in my new job. I saw how it affected dad's and my brother's life, how they were consumed by it in almost every single way. It was why my parents got divorced. It was why my brother couldn't keep a girlfriend for longer than a few months. 'Cos work was first, and their job was everything. The crazy hours, having to answer every call, no matter how busy you were. I thought it was sick how work could be your whole life. I was decided not to let it happen.
Yeah. I had no idea what I was getting into.
Soon after I joined the BAU, the nightmares began. I guess nothing prepares you to see so many people die. And nothing prepares you to kill someone, no matter if that someone is a child abuser.
I took the shoot, didn't even hesitate. It went right between his eyes. It was him or me, I know that. He was going to kill me. But still, it was hard.
Derek turned to me as I stayed still, in shock. It took me a few seconds to even breathe. I had just killed a person. It wasn't just some random thing.
- "(Y/N), are you ok?"- he landed a hand on my shoulder, and I quickly nodded.
- "Yeah, I'm ok... that was fast"- it was all I could say and turned to him. He gave me a short warm smile and wrapped an arm around me. I flinched at his touch right away and held my breath again. I don't know if he felt it, but still, he didn't let me go.
Derek has that thing when he doesn't care if you want it or no; he will give you his love and friendship when he feels you deserve it. I guess I'm lucky to call him my friend. And he really pushed that hug thing I still have.
- "Are you ok?- Spencer's voice was a sweet whisper. He sat carefully next to me in the jet and gave me a warm cup of tea- "I made you the one you like"
Of course, he had noticed my favorite brand, 'cos that's what Spencer does, he takes mental notes of everything and never, ever forgets. I wonder if that's a good thing or not. I guess it depends on what you remember.
- "Yeah, just tired"- working at the BAU, you can hide any kind of feeling behind the "I'm so tired" excuse. Mostly because we are indeed tired the whole time.
- "It was an extreme case"- I sipped my cup of tea and nodded at his words- "Do you..."
- "No, I'm ok, I don't wanna talk about it"- he bit his lips as he smiled. We both stayed quiet for a while. He read (somehow, at a relative normal peace), and I drank my tea. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so I just looked outside and tried not to think about the unsub's face and how he looked when I killed him.
- "How was your first time?"- I finally asked him, and I think my question caught him by surprise, 'cos he nearly jumped on his seat- "Not your first time in the sack, the first time you had to..."
- "No, I got it, I got it"- he was already blushing, it was adorable- "My first time was actually the first time you drove me home"
- "Really?"
- "Yeah"- he made a pause and gathered his thoughts, I guess- "I didn't really go out to the field a lot before 'cos I didn't have my firearm qualification"
And suddenly I remembered how embarrassed he was about it on my first day at the BAU. Derek made sure everybody knew about it 'cos he thought it was hilarious. And I thought he was a jerk for making fun of him.
- "And did it affect you?"- it was a stupid question. I knew Spencer was a sensitive person; of course, killing someone was going to affect him in many ways- "I mean, how did it affect you?"
- "I couldn't feel anything at first"
- "Shock?"- he nodded and sighed- "Gideon said that maybe I didn't know what I felt and that's why I thought I didn't feel a thing, but that wasn't it, it was like I was numbed inside... but then when it hits you"- he murmured- "And you can't stop thinking about it"
- "I think it hit me sooner than I thought"- I closed my eyes and sighed, but even then, I could feel those empty dead eyes staring at me.
- "Wanna know what helped me?"- Spencer's voice was velvety and soothing. It felt relaxing talking to him.
- "What?"- I whispered and turned to look at him
- "Remember two things: you did what you had to do"- I sighed at that with a small smile. It didn't sound like something I could believe at that moment.
- "And the second?"
- "A lot of kids are alive and safe because of you"
Now, that made me feel a lot better. Reid was right. I did what I had to do to help people. That guy wasn't going to stop.
- "Thanks"- I managed to give him a slight smile, and he did the same.
- "I'm here to talk if you want to"
It felt like he was really making an effort to say those words. I didn't know why it was still so hard for him to talk to me. Maybe it was still a sensitive subject for him, so I did what I do best: I joked about it.
- "Thank you... I'll try to avoid the issue as much as I can, but when I collapse under the pressure, I promise I'll come to you"- he chuckled at my answer and nodded right away.
- "Great plan."
And a few days later, I couldn't sleep anymore. I kept waking up to those eyes. I kept feeling guilty for killing a child abuser who was trying to kill me. I relived in my mind that moment over and over again.
- "Babe, come back to bed"- Paul found me sitting by the kitchen island staring at a herbal teacup at two am. It was my third insomnia night.
- "Yeah, I'll be right there"- he turned to walk back to the room but hesitated and looked at me again.
- "Do you want to talk about it?"- I shook my head, still not taking my eyes from the cup. He slowly walked to me and held my hand - "Come on, babe, everything looks worse at two am."
And he was right. Everything seemed to be worse when it came to my mind in the middle of the night. But it didn't get any better during the day either. He cuddled with me in my bed and fell asleep soon after. I just stayed there, feeling his chest moving softly with his soft breathing, thinking I had killed someone, and it wasn't going to be the last time I was going to face something like this.
.
Spencer's point of you
Do you want to know something sad? I was excited we had an unsub in New York 'cos I had never been there. Back then, I didn't know my colleagues were going to tease me about it. I didn't give it too much thought. I honestly wasn't good at leaving my house when we weren't in a case. Most of my traveling had been due to work, and other than La Vegas and Pasadena, I hadn't been to many cities just to sightsee.
Why am I thinking about that right now? 'cos we were in New York the day (Y/N) gave me her first gift.
Everybody had made fun of me during dinner because I didn't know how to eat with chopsticks. JJ tried to teach me, which also caused hours of Morgan's teasing for the rest of the trip. Thankfully, they dropped the jokes when we went back to the police station to take one last look at the profile after we got a call out unsub had killed a cop this time.
But after two hours of thinking, neither of us was honestly able to give any new idea to the case. Hotch insisted we head back to the hotel to have some rest. (Y/N) was one of the last ones to leave, along with Gideon and me.
- "Stop looking at the board"- she said, standing by my side, bag in hand- "Let's go. Your big brain needs to rest."
- "I won't be able to sleep knowing I'm missing something"- I answered, not taking my eyes from the board
- "Come on"- (Y/N) playfully hit my arm- "You need your eight hours of sleep to be a fully functional genius"
- "You should try to get a full night's sleep as well"- I turned to her and watched her eyes widen- "What? Do you think I didn't notice you haven't been sleeping?"
- "No, but I thought you were going to wait until I had a mental breakdown to force me to talk about it; that was the plan, right?"
I tried not to laugh, but it was hard; she is so funny, though I knew that was a sensitive subject, it had been weeks since the incident, and it was clear (Y/N) wasn't processing everything right. If anything, her jokes were a coping mechanism to avoid talking or even thinking about what had happened.
- "We can also talk about it, just... talk"
- "I know what happens with me, Reid"- she whispered and looked around. Gideon was outside, no way near us, but still, she kept her voice low. It made me see she was scared he would hear her, 'cos she didn't want him to think she was weak.
- "I guess I just have to make peace with it. It was gonna happen, and it will happen again, it's my job, it's part of what I do, end of it."
I looked at her and nodded in silence. There was so much I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't shake the thought she was going to laugh at me.
- "Do you want to?"- I made a pause and took a deep breath. Yes, I was very nervous- "Do you want to walk back to the hotel? it's just a few blocks and maybe... fresh air can help you relax?"
I didn't mean to hesitate so much, but it was scary for me to ask her to spend time on our own. I don't know why. It wasn't just with her; it happened with everybody at that point in my life. I was sure no one wanted to spend time with me. Why would they?
- "Can we have a midnight cupcake?"- she asked and smiled. I bit my lips and pretended to give the idea a lot of thinking, though I was craving donuts ever since we didn't have time for dessert at dinner.
- "Just one, and no coffee"
- "What are you? The sleeping police?"- she teased me and led the way. We waved at Gideon and walked outside the police station.
For a rainy night, it was freezing. But I didn't care much. I was too busy looking around, it was technically my first night out in New York, and though I was just leaving work and walking back to the hotel, it was the biggest adventure I have had there so far.
For the first couple of minutes, we walked in silence. (Y/N) looked at her feet, hands stuffed in her pocket as I walked next to her, holding my umbrella for the two of us. I tried to take in everything that was going on around us. It was exciting, being there, alone. I was a twenty-four-year-old Supervisory Special Agent of the FBI, and I was excited to walk with a friend in the New York city streets. No wonder why Morgan called me "kid."
- "Did you know more than 800 languages are spoken in New York City? that makes it the most linguistically diverse city in the world"- I had to start rambling facts after a while because I guess I couldn't help it.
- "Vraiment?"- she answered, and I chuckled. Of course, Master in Linguistics.
- "Oui"- I thought we could have a whole conversation in french; it would have been fun and fascinating, but my French was very rusty, and I didn't know if she was fluent or just learned a few things.
- "When I was a kid, I dreamt about living in New York. I was obsessed with it"- she kept looking down at her feet as she spoke, and I turned to look at her for a second. She looked sad somehow, or that's what I read from her. I've always done my best not to profile profilers. It's harder than you imagine.
- "Why?"- she chuckled at her thoughts and kept her eyes on her shoes.
- "You know how they always make you feel no matter how weird you might be, you are still going to fit in New York?"
- "You are not weird"- I couldn't help but frown and look at her- "You are..."
- "I am weird, we are all weird, that's what makes us great"
I loved that thought. That's why I've never forgotten it. Lie, I can't forget. I remember everything we've said to each other because I want to, not because I have an eidetic memory.
- "But when you are in school, everybody is trying to fit it and be normal, and that wasn't me at all..."
I didn't see that coming, and I have to admit it, I loved it. I often felt I was an outsider at the BAU. Hotch, Gideon, Morgan, Elle, JJ, they all fit in everywhere we'd go. Meanwhile, everybody looked at me, wondering what the hell am I doing there. I could read it on their faces. The fact the team had to introduce me as "Doctor Spencer Reid" is a sign they are making an effort to make me look older and more experienced. Reliable, even.
- "Why would you say you are weird?"- I had to ask- "You look very normal to me, I mean it"- she raised an eyebrow and didn't say a word. She just pulled my jacket and dragged me to a coffee shop.
- "Cupcakes, Reid, you can't expect me to tell you embarrassing facts about my life without a cup of coffee and a mountain of sugar."
JJ always said I ate like a kid, too many pastries and candy, no salad. Meanwhile, (Y/N) kept pushing sugar into my body. I liked that. They were both so different. JJ treated me like I didn't know how to deal with life. (Y/N) treated me like I could help her deal with life. JJ wanted to help me grow up. I could feel (Y/N) wanted to be my friend, and I loved that. I had never felt someone longing for my company. It was always the opposite. I usually felt people were stuck with me.
For months I kept comparing the two of them in my head. JJ had such condescending manners, it sometimes made me think she might actually have feelings for me. Other times, Morgan would call her my mom, which took all the hopes from my mind.
- "What do you do in your free time, Reid?"- (Y/N) sat in front of me in a booth. Right in between us, a table with two coffees, a red velvet cupcake, and a chocolate frosted donut with sprinkles.
- "I read, study..."- I didn't give much thought to my answers- "I also write a letter to my mom every day"
- "That's so cute"- I felt how my cheeks turned blood red, and she smiled at me sweetly.
- "Thanks..."- I sipped my hot cappuccino and winced as the coffee burned my tongue, and she chuckled.
- "Slowly, doc, or are you in a hurry?"
- "Definitely not, I have no other plan, I mean, I could sleep, but I know I won't, and, and I know you won't sleep either, so"- the words left my mouth at such a fast pace, not even I got them all. (Y/N) nodded and started taking apart her cupcake, little by little.
- "That's awesome, 'cos I like hanging out with you, and I don't feel like hanging out with Elle tonight. We are sharing rooms."
- "You don't like her?"- now that was breaking news- "I thought you two got along"
- "Don't get me wrong, I like her. I just don't feel like being the version of myself I am when I'm with her"
I looked at her, not sure of where she was going. She took a piece of cake and ate it slowly.
- "You lost me"- (Y/N) sighed and ran a finger around the edge of her cup.
- "Are you really you the whole time when you are at work, Reid?"
- "Well, yes?"- I wasn't sure that was the answer she wanted, but it was the only one I had- "I don't know how to be anybody else"
That was the whole truth. That's still the truth. Maybe that's why I have never been popular. People say I have no empathy, that I can't read any social cues. If I knew how to be someone else, I would probably try to change that and be a Spencer that's entirely sympathetic and social, like everybody else. But I can't force myself to act differently.
She stared at me, and I could feel the frustration piling behind her small smile.
- "Do you want to know something weird?"- her eyes shone as she stared into mines asking the question
- "Always"
- "You are the only person at the BAU I feel I can be myself with"- she whispered and sipped her coffee again.
- "Thanks?"- I was confused- "But... you are not that different with me than you are with the rest of the team"
- "Well, I am... I don't share who I really am at work because I am afraid"
- "Why? What scares you?"- she sighed and laid back on the seat. I kept my eyes fixated on her until she furrowed her brows, staring back at me
- "Are you trying to profile me, Spencer? 'cos we are not supposed to profile each other. I'm pretty sure it was in the contract I signed"- I smiled, busted, and nodded.
- "If it makes you feel any better, you are hard to read"
- "I'm a good liar, don't tell anyone"
She was proud of her answer, and I guess she should have been. You have to be an excellent liar to catch unsubs, get in their head, play with them when you have to make them talk. I guess she was ahead of me in that area.
- "Well, If it makes you feel better, I feel more comfortable around you than most of the team"
I closed my eyes as I spoke, and I knew my voice had been so low and soft, it hadn't been surprising if she hadn't been able to hear me, but she did.
- "Is it because I don't like touching people either?"- she joked, and a small smile stretched across my lips
- "It is because you"- I stopped and rearranged my thoughts. You could tell she was eager to hear the rest of my answer, and I was making sure not to make a fool out of myself.
- "It's because it feels you don't judge me for being me"
- "That's exactly how I feel, Spencer"- her smile was so big it made mine grow bigger as well.
- "But, why can't you be you with everybody?"- (Y/N) took a big bite of her cupcake, feeling more confident about our conversation and nodding.
- "Mmm, this is so damn good, you should try it, Reid"
- "Answer the question, (Y/N)"- I ignored her random comment and asked again- "Why can't you just be you?"
- "There are two answers to that question, and both of them are real"- she finally confessed and bit her lips, playing again with a little piece of cake on the dish.
- "I'm waiting"
- "You know, for someone who said has all the night off, you are indeed in a hurry now!"- she snickered and stuck out her tongue at me.
- "Fine, here's the truth: I don't want to share my whole real me at work because I am scared people will judge me and think I'm weird and too immature for the job, but at the same time, and this is the second reason, I don't wanna show my whole me at work 'cos I am afraid I'll lose it along the way, I am worried the FBI will take that weird part of me and will turn me into an SSA."
- "You are an S.S.A., (Y/N)"
- "I know, but I'm afraid I might end up being an ASS, Reid"
Her joke made me laugh so hard, tears fell down my cheeks. And she looked pleased to see me laughing.
- "See? That's me, the girl telling weird jokes the whole time 'cos can't stand a serious "grown-up" conversation. Can you imagine this (Y/N) talking with Hotch? Seriously, Reid, can you imagine?"
- "No, I can't"- I shook my head, still chuckling, and took a bit of my donut- "But I would definitely love to."
- "Do you want to know what I do in my free time?"- my mouth was still full, so I just nodded, feeling a little guilty I hadn't asked about her when she had asked about my hobbies.
- "I ride my longboard and play bass, do you think an SAA should be doing that? Do you think Elle does it? JJ? they are the perfect fit for the role. I am that kid at the back of the class who got a stroke of luck and managed to hang out with the cool kids"
- "Am I one of the cool kids?"- I had to ask
- "Yes, Reid, why?"
- "I've never been one of the cool kids before"- she gave me a severe look and sipped her coffee.
- "Here I am, pouring my heart and soul out for you, and all you care about is being one of the popular kids. That's being a lousy friend, Reid."
She was joking, and we both chuckled, but my chest tightened at her words, and the smile on my lips grew wider. She called me her friend for the first time that night.
- "I think you are overthinking this whole thing, (Y/N)"- she sighed at my words and finished her coffee- "We are all weird, you said it yourself"
- "Some on us more than other"
- "Yes, but that's what makes us great and unique. I told you, your vision brings a whole new point of view to the profiles, and I know what it's like to feel insecure people will judge you for being too young"
- "I know, that's why I'm glad you are here"
I am sure I was blushing, and I am absolutely certain she noticed because I heard her giggle as I looked down at my empty dish and fidgeted with my cup.
- "And... are"- I stuttered and narrowed my eyes. I knew I had to stop being so nervous around her; she was my friend, she had said it herself- "Are you ready to talk about your nightmares?"
- "Are you profiling I have nightmares?"- she raised an eyebrow and questioned my question
- "I am staring at the back rings under your eyes. It's clear you haven't been sleeping and considering we both know you went through a traumatic incident, to call it that way, you are clearly going through night terrors or nightmares"
- "Did you go through the same?"
- "Yes, I did"
- "And how did you overcome it?"
- "I haven't. I just made my peace with it"- you could read the deception on her face. That wasn't the answer she was waiting for.
- "They will be more sporadically, I promise, (Y/N)"
- "That's what's scares me too"
- "What?"
- "That one day I won't have the nightmares 'cos I'll be used to seeing the darkness and horror around me."
When we left the cafeteria, it was two in the morning, and the night was freezing. It was no longer raining, and the cold wind could freeze your skin in a second. (Y/N) looked at me as I shivered and opened her bag.
- "Here, put this on"- it was a purple scarf.
- "Thank you"- I was so cold I didn't hesitate. The wool was warm, soft, and it smelled like her- "It's pretty"- I felt I had to compliment it, 'cos she was too nice with me.
- "I made it myself"- you could tell she was proud. I tightened it around my neck and continued our way back to the hotel.
I hadn't felt I could count on someone at the FBI as I did with her. She wouldn't think I'm a kid; she wouldn't be forced to hang out with me. It felt pretty good to have a friend again. Ethan had been the last one I had lost. I always lose the people I love.
- "Thank you"- we were standing outside (Y/N)'s room back at the hotel. I took off the scarf and tried to give it back to her, but she didn't let me.
- "Keep, it's a present for being my first and best BAU friend"- I felt profoundly flattered, and I'm pretty sure I giggled, blushing- "Besides, purple looks good on you"
- "It's my favorite color"- I confessed- "And I'm not saying it just to make you feel good"
- "Then you have to keep it. It was made for you even when I didn't know it"- she smiled one more time and opened the door- "Good night, Reid."
- "Good night, (Y/N)."
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Series Masterlist
Chapter two
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thejustmaiden · 3 years
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So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉
Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha
I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.
For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!
Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.
[Snippet 1]
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I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.
[Snippet 2]
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Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.
[Snippet 3]
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LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?
That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢
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After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]
Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!
It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️
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I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.
You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.
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This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.
So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!
Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!
We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!
Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.
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I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.
At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.
Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞
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samissosexyyy · 3 years
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Tumblr thought it would be hilarious to delete all my work and not let me answer requests :').
YES I SHALL WRITE THE PLATONIC ANGRY PARENTS-
And thank you-I woke up and was talking to my friend in the morning and my brain just: jojo villain yandere dads. Mudad mudad mudad mudad anger.
Anyways, here they are- Do these even count as headcanons???? I dunno-
Dio, Part 1
Vampire form of course.
First thing first, We all know he'd be a great dad. Protective already, But make him a yandere platonic father? Oh boy, Trust me, You'd be spoiled and treated like royalty.
Now, I'm gonna say in this scenario you were on of his victims child. I'll say you'll be around 5 to eight.
Somehow you managed to catch his eye, Is it because your parent was just as bad as his? You reminded him of his mother? Or maybe you resemble him, and have three moles on your ear. Or, perhaps, A younger joestar? Either way, You somehow had him feeling like a father, and, according to one of my friends, Araki had said DIO would treat his children like they were royalty, And they would be so spoiled.
So, Mudad would end up taking you in, kidnapping, whichever honestly. He'd be holding you like a loving pet owner would, if you got scared, he'd probably be confused. Honestly he'd have you turned into a vampire quickly, as he knew he wouldn't be able to have children as a Vampire.
Truthfully, I think you'd end up never noticing how he'd occasionally pull you closer, or how he'd glare at anyone your age or older going near you. Or how he'd give you some strict rules, Like no dating anyone. E v e r. And why would you ever want to hurt your papa like that?! You wouldn't want to do that, right?! Of course you wouldn't! Dio knew you'd never betray him like that!!
Truth be told, he'd guilt you if you tried to go against his words. But punishments? No no, He'd never actually purposefully hurt you, Unlike his love interest, he'd NEVER want to cause you pain ever. He'd hate himself and wouldn't forgive himself for years. Centuries. Infact, he'd beg for your forgiveness.
The Pillarmen
And satannnaaaaa
First of all, You aren't a pillarchild. You'd most likely be some kind of god, vampire, or a young hamon learner. Or even related to the Joestars or Ceasar.
So, Let's say you're immortal who can walk in the sun. We all know you'd be the joestar side, Right? So, That means you'd end up hating or feeling pity for the pillarmen. First, You'd probably end up trying to make Santana hally when he awakens. Unlike with Joseph, He'd probably know not to attempt to attack you. Let's say you have symbols like Dio Over heaven, We all know how that would work.
You'd end up as a being worshipped by them, probably kidnapped after they destroy the Joestars.
Let's say they defeated Joseph and the others, and you were still a deity, You'd most likely be weaker then them in this scenario. They'd probably treat you like a kitten at first, like a baby before they all felt a connection. As if you were a child of their own, so they'd give you rules. And we all know how rules go with yanderes.
Let's say uh- you fell for a mortal.
"No. No."
[Crush name has fallen from a high place.]
"DADS WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU-"
"NO CUSSING IN THIS CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!"
or something like that :')
Honestly, You'd have bird dad, and a bunch of other dads. Santana would honestly be like the cool big brother honestly. You'd probably want horns too so-
They would totally buy you halloween horns to put on your head so you'd be happy baby
Now, Hamon user? They'd probably find you like a cute animal at first, probably going easy on you like it was a game of tag. Soon, they'd realize how weak and fragile you are, After all, You are just starting hamon. They'd probably kidnap you to spite Joseph and his side at first, before... Well, You didn't expect to become a vampire and treated like royalty when all you've been treated like is uh... Considering Lisalisa is your coach, I'd say you'd be happy if it was someone else doing this for you.
Josephs sibling? WOAH Joseph, When did you get a cute sibling? Pfft, Not your sibling anymore, They just adopted your ex sibling nerd.
But, All jokes aside, They'd probably be surprised that you were more mature then your brother, and...you sorta resemble a certain Coach... Oh, Humans all look the same, haha.
They'd probably kidnap you infront of Joseph just to make him feel guilt and rage, After all, Why not get their prized treasure and make Joseph angry? They'd give you more rules, until Joseph was gone, of course.
And, sadly, Not even you crying would stop them from making you into a vampire infront of your big brother, breaking both of your hearts.
Don't worry you got ice cream later smh.
Ceasars sibling? Mini pancake? Haha, They'd kidnap you as soon as they felt parent like tendencies. No denying them, infact, they'd make sure you saw ceasar get defeated by the ro ck. But don't worry! You have new parents and a brother-! Haha, Poor you.
Part 3 DIO AKA mudad!
Honest to god you'd probably have to be a stand user with a weak or strong stand, or, you were one of his kids he had with a lucky woman who survived and got a naked polaroid of him as a 'wow you lived! Congrats, now go have my kid lmao' gift. Or, Maybe you were a normal kid who was kind to him, even if he,,,,  did some questionable murder infront of you. And maybe you were a young
Now, Let's say you were a strong stand user. He'd end up wanting to use a flesh bud until he realized... He never had a kid, that he knows of, and decided to raise you! At first he'd be upset you had a strong stand like your mudad, but realized you could protect yourself from those dreadful joestars! Congrats, You became a Brando! :) How unlucky, Considering this DIO would probably force vampire masks onto you, or even using fleshbuds as a threat. Either way, You'll always be papas baby!
Yoshikage kira.
Like I said in my first post of this, He'd want to have a nice average life. You having a stand wouldn't be a problem, Since he'd probably convince you Josuke and the others are awful and rude.
Josukes sibling? Well, He'd end up telling you he can help your brother with his murder issue if you come with him. You don't exactly have a choice since Killer queen would easily overpower you if you had disagreed. You'd end up being a normal and peaceful child before long, Infact, He'd have to pretend he had adopted you behind his 'wifes' back.
Hayotos friend he never talks about? Congrats, You are now stuck with a crazy and loving father! And a mother, I suppose. And you get your best friend as a brother! You'd never be able to leave, how sad. But, You'd have your new mom and your dad to talk to-! And killer queen cuddle time.
Now, Let's say you were his own kid. Wowzers! You think its normal for your father to bring women hands home, after all, You are pretty young and your father told you most adults do this. Ah. How enjoyable.
Doppio/Diavolo
Oh dear. You poor child.
Either you were related to trish, and he somehow felt like you wouldn't be a problem before they felt more of a father love towards you, Most likely somehow getting rif of the traitors and your big sister.
"Where's big sister?"
"Don't worry about her, She's spending time with your mother."
Smh quit LIEING you jERK!
But seriously, Doppio would be like the fun mom asking you if you'd like bake cupcakes in his spare time! Read you bed time stories and whatnot! Diavolo would be awkward and "wanna play baseball or whatever kids like to do these days?" Awkward dad alert.
"My kid is fine!"
The kid they kidnapped/raised:
Casually trying to beat another kid with a baseball.❤💚💛
Honestly they'd insult everyone elses kids while here their kid is, casually scared of baseball.
Pucci
Papa priest! We all know he'd adopt you! I head canon him as gay, considering DIO and him were totally a thing.
So, He'd probably have you study Lord DIO bibles, and casually have you hate Jolyne. Probably even give you a stand, And even show you that DIO is the best! Worship! Protect yourself and all that!
Jotaro would probably scare you,  so I can see you holding onto Pucci while Jotaro appears anytime, so pucci would infact love it when you snuggle onto him lime a cute kitten. Hell, you even Sneeze like a kitten!
Honestly You'd be kept under watch 24/7, but you'd think it was normal, after all, Your father would mever do something so awful like Those Joestars claim...right?
Diego
Oh wow- dino dad :)
Let's say you were a big fan of his, Then, Well,You wouldn't mind having him as a dad, Now would you? He is your idol, Right? Yeah. Yeah!
He'd probably carry you around upside down, Hot pants just questioning his sanity as he drops you a million times. Hot pants would probably end up carrying you most of the time.
Mama hot pants and father Diego. Y es.
And, Let's say you were traveling with Johnny. Congrats. You've put yourself in a even worse situation considering Diego would become worried and paranoid over those two idiots hurting you! And he hates the idea of his baby boy/girl/child being hurt by barbarians!!!
Even though he'd probably hurt you on accident if I'm gonna be honest.
Kidnapping isn't a very easy job, so of course he had to knock you out! What was he supposed to do?! Ask you to come stay with him forever?! No! Maybe! HuawhuKaia-
Honestly not too many rules, just don't leave his side ever! Except when going to the bathroom. You'll be tied to his horse. No whining >:(.
Funny Valentine
Honestly what did you think he was going to do? Pick some random child? No no, He'd choose the PERFECT child! You were so lucky! Wow! The daughter of the mos powerful man ever! Lucky you, Right?
No. You don't get alone time unless it's you sleeping or bathing. You wear what he wants, and no.
Dating not allowed. Bad. No no no no no.
"No. No dating. Your lips will fall off."
"but mommys lips didn't-"
"Your face will melt off."
Basically you'd be bossed around and treated like royalty, as long as you listen to you dad!
Honestly I don't know if this is headcanons, if if it isn't feel free to scream at me in the comments-
AND I AM SO SORRY ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY ANSWER, SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS AND ARE ABLE TO ENJOY IT??? I GUESS???
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fuwahiko · 3 years
Note
...imagine a Non-Despair or Pre-Despair Kuzuhina scenario where Hajime gets into a huge fight with his parents (most likely about Hope's Peak in some way) and after a few days to a week of shutting out his friends and boyfriend in class 77, he finally goes to them for comfort and just breaks down from stress and bottled up emotions.
(No I'm not projecting onto Hajime what are you talking about thats cRAZY-)
Hurt/Comfort is my specialty what can i say.
uh oh time for hajime to suffer again
so.
hajime's parents are those like, really shitty parents that see their kids as someone to live vicariously through rather than valuing them as people. they hold him to high standards that get more ridiculous as he gets older.
his and his parents' goals happened to align well when it came to hope's peak; hajime always admired the school and his parents insisted he go to a good school so that he could get the best education he possibly could - because they wouldn't be satisfied with any less than that.
they were content for a while and happy to pay hajime's tuition fees, but his parents' contentment was only ever temporary. one day they called hajime to the living room for a 'talk'. they'd decided they weren't happy enough with hajime just keeping up with the rest of the class, oh no, he had to be the top of the class. hajime kept up with school work just fine and did pretty well of the tests too, about average in his class, nothing to brag about but certainly nothing to be ashamed of or anything - but for his parents average wasn't going to cut it anymore.
so they told hajime he would have to be in the top five highest scorers on his upcoming test or they would stop paying his tuition fees.
of course, this was incredibly upsetting to hajime; he'd always dreamed of going to hope's peak, and now he finally was, and on top of that he had made some amazing friends there and had even met fuyuhiko. the thought of not being able to see them anymore, or at least seeing them way less than he saw them now, was honestly terrifying to him.
and not to mention, what his parents were threatening didn't even make any sense; what good would it do to stop him from going to hope's peak anyway? wouldn't that just go against what they wanted?
he argued with them further and they said if that did happen they would think of something else to have hajime do, suggesting the idea of sending him to some strict teacher that would teach him one on one - someone that would be ruthless and do whatever it takes to make hajime "get his act together", as they put it. that thought was also terrifying.
hajime was already trying hard as it was though. he'd managed to form a healthier relationship with studying at last and he was doing better in the subjects he struggled with most. he was really proud of how far he'd come and how much he'd grown since coming to hope's peak... but whatever he did or whatever he said his parents would never see it the same way.
very quickly his studying grew more intense now, he was studying for much longer and he had less time for the things he enjoyed - less time to relax. but what choice did he have? there was no changing his parents' minds, so all he could do was push and push to get a high score, even if it completely burned him out.
that's how hajime spent his days for a while. he didn't have time to hang out with anyone because he needed to focus on studying. usually he talked with fuyuhiko and the others a lot; they'd text each other often and usually met up at lunch and after school ended, but hajime didn't want to be distracted, and if he had spare time he could be studying. it seemed to be working for maybe a couple of days, but hajime knew deep down he was only going to get burned out... but he pretended like he wouldn't - he told himself he'd make it work somehow.
he couldn't make it work.
so, inevitably, hajime felt that familiar feeling of anxiety and stress building up and consuming him; he was exhausted and his mind was fuzzy - the words on pages in front of him blurring together and making no sense anymore, his eyes just drifting across them without picking up any meaningful information from them. he was tired and drained but his body was buzzing with panic and urgency.
he didn't know what to do, and when hajime didn't know what to do he went to his friends.
it was the late evening now and class had finished hours ago, but he left a message in his group chat with class 77 saying he needed someone to talk to and that he'd be waiting at a park just by the school - somewhere they often hung out.
hajime sat on a bench at the park. the cool fresh air outside usually helped to calm his nerves but was having no effect on him today.
it wasn't long before he heard footsteps approaching him at a fast pace. hajime lifted his head and saw fuyuhiko, ibuki, sonia, nagito, sagishi and mahiru all rushing to him, with chiaki a little ways behind but trying her best to keep up.
they all seemed really worried, even more so because hajime had been so quiet recently. it turned out they had all been wondering what was up with him and discussing how to deal with the situation; they'd decided to give hajime space for a start in case he needed it, but they'd agreed to drop whatever they were doing if he needed them there. they didn't want to overwhelm him though, so only some of them went to meet with him, just in case the whole class would be a bit too much.
this was so much more than hajime had expected though, he never would've guessed half the class would come to him on such short notice like this. they must've been really worried.
mahiru, prepared and sensible as always, pulled a large blanket out of her bag and set it down on the ground opposite the bench as hajime watched with a confused but curious expression. then, one by one, hajime's friends sat down on the blanket, fuyuhiko and sagishi sitting on either side of hajime on the bench, with fuyuhiko gently holding hajime's hand.
fuyuhiko asked hajime to take a deep breath and then asked if he could tell them what was wrong, and hajime began explaining from the beginning the best he could. the more he talked though, the more he got worked up, and as he talked about how scared he was to have to leave all of them he found himself stumbling over his words and breathing rapidly, tears building up and then quickly running down his face, his body shaking.
"hey, hey, hajime. it's okay." fuyuhiko comforted him, running his hand up and down hajime's back to calm him. "there's no way we'd ever let that happen. if they want to stop you going to hope's peak they're gonna have to get through us first."
hajime was calming down a little just from hearing that, but by this point his tears wouldn't stop; it was like all the stress and the pain and the worry was being flushed out all in one go, and all he could do was continue sobbing until it was all out. fuyuhiko slowly pulled him in closer and hajime wrapped his arms around him, crying onto his shoulder. fuyuhiko could feel hajime shaking as he held him back, but after a couple minutes he was becoming more and more still.
"if it comes down to it..." sonia spoke up as hajime relaxed and separated from fuyuhiko a little, returning to holding his hand as he shed his final tears - "...if they will not pay for your tuition then those of us who have the means certainly will. we shall do our upmost to ensure you will be able to continue studying here, as you have every right to do so. isn't that right, fuyuhiko?"
fuyuhiko gave hajime a reassuring smile. "of course. I reckon with a yakuza and a princess and with nagito's lottery money you'd have enough to pay for a hundred hajimes to go to hope's peak" he laughed.
"ibuki will hold a concert! a big concert, better than any concert the world has ever seen! all the money from the tickets sold can go to helping hajime!" ibuki grinned as she leaned forward and used both her hands to hold onto hajime's free hand, shaking it up and down a few times before settling down again. "really." she spoke much more softly now, almost sounding like a different person entirely, "we won't let them stop you from being where you're meant to be." ibuki let go of hajime's hand and sat down again.
nagito was the next to speak: "and if they take you away and force you to study with a private tutor or anything else you don't want, then we'll find where you are and steal you away again." "we'll do it over and over if we have to." mahiru added. "that's right! you know how stubborn we all are, there's no way we'd allow that to happen, not without a fight!" sonia chimed in, one fist in the air and a determined look spread across her face. "what can they do to stop us, anyway? they're just two people. they're older than us, sure, but together we're capable of so much more, as long as we work as a team." sagishi said as they placed a hand on hajime's shoulder for a moment.
hajime had some really amazing friends.
"are you feeling better now?" chiaki asked in a soft voice.
hajime relaxed his shoulders and sat up. "yeah. I'm feeling a lot better now. I... I really appreciate you guys being there for me like this. I didn't expect you all to rush over, and you've all been so... so sweet. I don't know what I did to deserve friends like you."
"dumbass. we're your friends because you're the same. we know you'd do the same for us if we were in trouble, don't sell yourself short." fuyuhiko furrowed his brows and poked hajime's cheek. hajime smiled at him and fuyuhiko smiled back before turning to face the others again.
after another few minutes everyone began heading back - fuyuhiko walking hajime home and insisting on holding his hand the whole way.
hajime didn't want to burden his friends, but knowing they'd be there for him if anything did go wrong made him feel incredibly relieved. he could tell that even if he told them not to help out, they still would. maybe that meant he wasn't such a burden after all.
knowing they cared so much for him, knowing that they valued him as a friend as much as he valued them, made hajime feel invincible.
he'd probably never be good enough for his parents, but to his friends he was someone who couldn't be replaced.
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thevampiresiren · 3 years
Text
Lullaby
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Min Yoongi x depressed!Reader
Summary: You've been hiding your struggles with your clinical depression and anxiety disorders from Yoongi, scared of being a clingy girlfriend. Yoongi comes home early to show you how he knows where you're coming from and will always be there for you.
Word Count: 1620
Genre: Angst/Fluff
WARNINGS: Cursing, Mentions of MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and anxiety disorders. (Lyrics to the song do sound like its talking about suicide, but the song wasn't originally supposed to be about mental health)
A/N: This is one of my favorite Nickelback songs and it helps me when I myself have depressive episodes. It just had Yoongi trying to help someone with depression written all over it to me. Also this is only my second fanfic so try to cut me some slack😅
Well, I know the feeling
And there ain't no healing
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
You're not quite sure what offically started it. All you knew was that your chest was aching, you felt nauseous, you were shaking, and had tears quietly running down your face. You knew you were becoming stressed with this new job of yours, but you ended up just pushing the stress back down like you always did. Well, your depression and anxiety had other plans for you. You ended up just putting your cell phone on vibrate, just wanting silence. Part of you wanted to call your boyfriend. He understood more than anyone what is was like having a depressive episode. It was one of the many things you and Yoongi had in common and one of the many reasons you fell in love with each other. Being able to understand each other's struggles and helping the other out when it became too much.
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
The bigger part of you knew how happy Yoongi was that he was able to start being with the guys again after his surgery. You didn't have the heart to pull him away from his brothers when they were so happy to be with each other again. You reached out for Holly on the bed, pulling him close. Burying your face into his soft, brown, curly, fur; you allowed your tears to fall onto him. Holly began gently kissing your face, like he was trying to wipe your tears. You smiled at him before gently closing your eyes trying to relax.
Laid out on the floor, and you're not sure you can take this anymore
Yoongi knew something was going on with you for the past two days. You were going to bed earlier, eatting less, and  a lot more quiet. You said it was because you were tired and just stressed  from your new job. He would have believed you. But now that you weren't answering any of his texts or calls (or anyone else's for that matter), he knew it wasn't just "stress". He tried not worrying but what was he supposed to do? He ended up leaving the studio early, telling Namjoon and the rest of the guys that something was up and he needed to head home.
So just give it one more try to a lullaby, And turn this up on the radio. If you can hear me now I'm reaching out, To let you know that you're not alone
He tried calling you once again only for it go to voice-mail for the umpteenth time.
"Babygirl, please call me. I'll be home in less than five mintues. I just need to know that you're alright. I love you, okay?". He took a deep breath. He knew you were going to be okay, but he didn't know how long your depression was acting up or where your head was at.
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell, 'Cause I can't get you on the telephone. So just close your eyes. Oh, honey, here comes a lullaby. Your very own lullaby
When Yoongi walked into the apartment, he didn't even think about taking his shoes off. He just went straight to the bedroom looking for you. He saw your phone abandoned on the couch and picked it up for you. Yoongi came up to the door and heard your muffled sniffles behind the door.
"Jagiya, can I come in?" He asked softly, not wanting to startle you. He heard a quiet "mhm" and gently opened the door. You had Holly underneath your head using him as a pillow, giving him gentle pets. Your face was stained in tears (along with Holly's fur), hair was a mess, and in nothing but your favorite red and black flannel of his with the skull on the back. Even though you were a wreck right now, you were still breath taking to him. Yoongi walked over to his side of the bed.
He sat down bedside you looking as your back faced him, rubbing your shoulder; making your shoulders slightly relax. It hurt him more than anything seeing you like this, it always did even though it didn't happen often and he always knew you would be okay.
"Can you look at me?" He said firm but gently. You stopped petting Holly and rolled over facing your boyfriend. You were scared that he would be upset for some reason but he looked worried and even sad. He held his arms out for you and gently pulled you to his chest protectively, rubbing your back soothingly. He let you cried into his chest as your body shook, tears staining his white tee as you held onto it like your life depended on it while he kissed your forehead and shoulder.
Please let me take you out of the darkness and into the light
He wasn't going to push you right now, but he needed to know what was going on. Once you calmed down and had your breathing under control he asked you what was going on.
"I wasn't lying when I said I was stressed over this job, but I guess it was effecting me more than I thought.". Yoongi nodded his while moving pieces of your hair out of your face.
"I don't know if I'm doing things right, I feel like whenever something goes wrong its my fault, and I just feel lost. I feel like I'm letting people down and I didn't want to say anything to stress people out because I know they have their own problems in their lives. I feel weak whenever this happens and feel like I let everyone down..." You said with your breath shaking.
Cause I have faith in you that you're gonna make it through another night
Yoongi pulled you into his lap, having you straddle his hips. He gently held your face between his large hands wiping your new tears away and leaving little kisses on your nose, cheeks, forehead, and lips.
"Jagi, you are NEVER weak when this happens. You're having a hard time right now and it's normal with depression and anxiety disorders. You're amazing at your job. You've never had any problems with jobs in the past and always are above average in performance reviews. And you know you can always call me. You don't stress me out. You know I know how this feels."
"I know that but you and the guys missed each other so much. I didn't want to take away your all's happiness and I didn't want you to think I was being a needy girlfriend..." you said crying again into his shoulders.
"Hey, have you ever thought of me as a needy boyfriend when I have my breakdowns?" Yoongi asked gently forcing you to look up at him with his finger under your chin. You gently shook your head.
"Have you ever been mad at me for pulling you away from your friends with my depression?". You shook your head again.
"Do you like seeing me suffer with my own personal demons?". Once again, you shook your head. Yoongi gently grabbed your arms and placed them around his neck while he placed his around you waist.
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
"It works both ways babygirl. The guys always understand too. I hate seeing you like this without me knowing. It hurts me so fucking much." He said with tears in his eyes. "You and I both know that we're always there to help each other get through this shit. We understand each other more than anyone else. No matter what I'm doing I can't be happy knowing my girl isn't answering the phone because she is suffering inside her own head." He said as a tear fell. He pulled you into his chest again held onto you tightly. Like if he were to let go, he would wake up and you would be gone. He took a deep breath getting himself together, still holding you tightly.
"I love you so fucking much Y/N L/N. I want to do anything I can to help you like we always do with each other. Because you're going to get through this like all the other times. It's only going to get better from here baby. Don't let yourself burn out on this one thing. You're one of the strongest people I know." He said as a few more tears slid out.
Because you're not done, You're far too young and the best is yet to come
You wrapped your arms tightly around Yoongi's neck. You pressed your lips against his, your fingers running against his soft raven locks. He kisses you back slow and gently but somehow full of the passion and love he has for you. A few moments later you both gently pull away from the kiss, noses touching and out of breath.
"I love you too, Yoongs. I know everything will be okay. Its just the anxiety talking." You say rubbing his neck.
"I know it is and its hard. But I mean it. You promise me you'll call me whenever you need me. No matter what I'm doing, Dork." He said smiling lovingly at you while lightly flicking your forehead. You giggled softly smiling at him.
"You better do the same, Jerk."
Yoongi lifted up his pinky finger, wrapping it around yours and kissing it.
"I promise, brat."
So just give it one more try to a lullaby
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make-sterek-canon · 3 years
Text
That night I saved you || PolArm oneshot (KinnPorsche The Series)
Getting hurt being somebody's bodyguard is part of the job. It's inevitable.
Getting killed is another thing entirely. In Pol's eyes, it's unacceptable. Even more if the one at risk is Arm.
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“That night I saved you”
[Pol’s POV] (Italics = emphasis/others; italics and bold = thoughts)
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Extremely warm night. Sticky climate. His suit is completely ruined from all the sweat and dirtiness. There's also some blood mixed in there. Snot too, probably. Pol can't tell.
He's holding Arm down with one hand and the gun with the other. Arm is unconscious and not even responding to any external stimulus. All Pol can feel is his heart beating in his chest. Too slow to be noticed but it's something, some hope in the dark situation they're in.
Pol needs to get Arm out of there and fast or he'll lose him, and he's definitely not ready to say goodbye just yet. Maybe not ever.
He pushes the button on his earpiece but dead silence welcomes him from the other side. He takes off the damn thing rather violently.  Time to put into action his last resort then.
"Pete! Pete!" His shouts fill the air. The bullets are still flying around and there's too much noise. He waits a few seconds, then tries again. Calling Pete desperately. Unrelenting sweat is falling down his face and neck, wetting even more his white (not anymore) shirt.
"Here!" He hears, and he sighs in relief.
"Listen! Can you handle it? I need to get Arm some help, he's in bad shape!"
"Go, I'll cover you!
That's all he needs to get going. Ducked behind a pile of sturdy-looking boxes, Pol tries to pinpoint Pete's position so he'll know where to move. Judging by his shouts he might be somewhere to the right and if Pol remembers correctly there's an exit that way. He needs to move to reach it though and it's easier said than done since he still has to protect both himself and Arm from getting hit by stray bullets. The only way is staying crouched while dragging Arm's motionless body.
Unresponsive as his fellow is, Pol is taking longer to do just that. He also needs to call someone to come and get them because they took Pete's car this time and of course he's the one that has the keys.
Pol curses under his breath. He'll definitely make a copy for next time. If there was a next time. There is still the possibility that none of them will survive the night after all.
After countless and torturous minutes he finds himself closer to the right side exit. This abandoned warehouse is big but not enough to get yourself lost.
Fortunately, no one has seen them and Pol hopes it stays that way for a bit longer.
"Hang in there, Arm. We're almost out."
He hasn't moved yet and Pol is starting to think that he's been dragging a corpse all along, but the sole thought is quickly getting to him and there's no time to lose.
The air is even more stickier and dense outside than inside the building, and Pol is heavily wheezing from the effort. Resting Arm's back against the facade, he places a hand on his chest to support him while taking the phone out with his free hand. Scratch that. He decides against it when not even two seconds have passed. They were not going to make it if they had to wait for someone from the major clan to come.
"Think, Pol. Think..."
Raising his eyes he suddenly notices an old gray Sedan some meters away, parked on the side of the smaller building, part of the main one but detached.
"This better work."
Hauling Arm as carefully as his own banged up body allows him, he walks to the vehicle. It should be easy to open since its windows are not armored as Pete's and the rest of their cars. Or if it's a getaway car as Pol suspects he could probably find the keys nearby, placed there for the owner to grant a fast escape. 
First things first, he rests Arm against the car and checks to make sure it isn't open before looking for the keys. Crouching close to the driver's side tire Pol sticks his hand in the space between the car's fender and the tire, finding the keys on top of it. Bingo. After grabbing them he gets up and when a shot rings out, his hand opens on instinct dropping them to the ground. The bullet impacts against the gravel right next to where Arm is and Pol's breath stops working for a second, scared that he might have been hit.
"Where do you think you're going, scum? Put your hands up and turn around. Slowly."
Pol does as he's told, facing the man. He's pretty much average looking, not as big in size as Pol and he's definitely tired if his labored breathing is any indication. He has to take him down. And fast.
The quietness doesn't last long when the man steps forward with his gun still raised. The distance is shorter and Pol takes that chance to surprise his enemy, crouching down and getting some gravel to throw it to his face. That gets him a shout in response and he promptly throws himself against the man next to take the gun away. It flies off somewhere. But that's not the end of it. The man only needs a moment to collect himself and he attacks Pol. Avoiding blow after blow, he counterattacks when he has the opportunity, but he's not fast enough to block a sudden kick to the ribs. Falling to his knees in agonizing pain, Pol raises his head to look at the man, who's got a karambit and is brandishing it right in front of his face.
"Very nice... Just stay there like the dog you are. Fucking useless." He snickers and Pol flinches in disgust. "Your fuck-buddy must be dead, huh? Don't worry, you'll be following him soon enough..."
Pol glances Arm's way and his eyes tear up but he bites down hard on his lower lip to prevent the tears from falling. It's highly efficient since the pain distracts him from feeling anything else. He's not going to give the bastard the satisfaction to seeing him cry. Not for his own life, but for his fallen friend. The defiant look Pol sends the man's way makes him smile sadistically.
"Ah, that look... I'm so gonna enjoy butchering you like I would do a pig..."
A sudden movement causes Pol to look behind the man, a bit to his left. The man notices but it's not enough for him to turn around or even move. There's no time since he already has a bullet embedded in his skull. The dead body falls forward right into Pol but he moves before it touches him. 
Still kneeling, he looks up at the shooter. Vegas.
"Empty promises... I hate people who are all bark and no bite the most." He says, with a gravely tone full of disdain. 
And suddenly it's like a staring contest. But this time there's neither winner nor loser.
"Where's Pete?"
Pol is not sure if he should answer though he somehow knows that Vegas means no harm to his friend.
"Still inside."
"Get the fuck out of here or I'll finish you off. Less Kinn's bodyguards means less threats to my clan."
"Why won't you then?"
"What?"
"Finish us off."
"Let's just say that a certain someone wouldn't like that. Be grateful."
Guess who.
With nothing more to say, apparently, Vegas turns around and walks to the main building, gun in hand and ready. You can still hear some commotion happening inside. Pol watches him go for a second before getting up to get the keys from the gravel to open the car. He checks on Arm then, looking for his pulse in the neck. It's there. Weak, but there. Pol heaves a sigh of relief. 
Getting him inside the car is not as easy at it looks but he manages to lay him down on the back seats. Pol is still not sure how is he that unconscious but he suspects he was brutally hit with something, and he worries that Arm might have a concussion since he's bleeding quite profusely from the head.
·
·
·
The road is completely empty on their way back and Pol speeds through it with too little care for anything else than getting Arm the help he needs.
Pol is so focused that he swerves and almost goes off the road when his phone rings unexpectedly, strident in the silent car. 
His heart still in his throat, he answers after a few more tones ring.
"Pol, it's Pete."
"Hey... How are things there?" He asks the best he can, trying to steady his racing heart so it could return to normal.
"Calmer. I- I think we did it. The cargo is ours" Pete's voice is wavering a little, and Pol is not going to ask how they got it since he already knows. They had outside help and if Boss Korn found out he'd be anything but happy. But he won't say a thing. He's never been a whistleblower and he won't start now.
"Casualties?"
"Not many. We came prepared after all."
"Yeah..." Pol distractedly says, looking at Arm through the rearview mirror.
"What about Arm? Where are you taking him?"
"Where do you think?"
"Dr. Top? Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Pol grips the steering wheel so hard that both his hands start hurting, and he asks with his teeth clenched. "I don't have many options at the moment, or do I?"
He doesn't trust the man either but it's also true that there's nobody else they can go to. Dr. Top is as mysterious as he is a good doctor, and he'll treat Arm fairly. 
"Ok, ok. Do what you have to do."
Running a trembling hand through his thick and slightly sweaty hair, Pol exhales slowly. "Pete, Arm... he... I'm not sure if he's alive. He hasn't moved or anything since before we left. He had a pulse when I got him into the car, but it was weak. He... he may be dead for all I know and fuck, I'm not okay with that..."
"Pol, you need to calm down," Pete says softly. "It's going to be okay, you hear me? He's gonna be alright. He's one of the toughtest men I know. So stop thinking. It's definitely not helping."
"It's just-"
"No, and whatever you might want to say? Just keep it for when he comes around. Okay? Call me when you get there."
"Yeah."
"Pol."
"Yeah, alright. I'll call you."
"And... ?"
"Stop thinking. I got it the first time, Pete."
"Just in case you forgot."
"Right... See you."
"See ya."
Then Pol hears a "Vegas, what the f-" and suddenly the line is cut off. 
He doesn't move or says anything for a while, but the silence becomes too much and he feels the need to fill it.
"Vegas came to help... Can you imagine? That sadistic bastard helping us... Well, more like helping Pete." Pol mumbles, looking in the rearview mirror from time to time. "He saved my life. I'm not sure if I should be grateful or scared. I owe him, big-time." He doesn't know what comes into him but in a flash, Pol hits the steering wheel quite violently. "Fuck, Arm. Talk. Open your damn eyes. Can you at least hear me?" Regret washes over him the second he explodes. "I can't believe I'm doing this... I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm sorry. I should have been there for you sooner. If you die...” Don't you dare die on me.
·
·
·
The Anakinn residence comes into sight, imposing and in complete darkness except for the lights on the front facade. 
Next to it, Dr. Top's house lies. It kinda looks like a cabin and it has all the comodities and necessities but if he lives there is basically because it is in his contract. Other than that, he comes and goes at will. No questions asked.
Getting out of the car Pol opens the back door to take Arm out. He doesn't even care about leaving the car open since it's not his and carries Arm bridal style towards the house. The entrance light turns on before he reaches the wooden door and it opens, showing the doctor in silky maroon pajamas. He's the definition of tall, dark and handsome. That's probably why Boss Tankhun and Vegas' brother Macao are head over heels for the man.
"Sleeping, Doc?"
The man smirks for a microsecond and urges Pol to get inside. "Leave him on the dining room table." He quickly follows the orders. It was like someone had told the doctor that they were coming because the table was clearly prepared for an emergency. Leaving him there, Pol steps back. That's when he takes a moment to evaluate Arm's state by himself. He's too damn pale. But other than that he looks like he's sleeping.
"Can you tell me what happened to him?" The doctor asks while checking Arm for vitals and shining a light into his eyes.
"I don't really know. I wasn't even close when it happened." Pol explains. "But I guess he was hit with some kind of weapon or thrown against something..." He stops talking, swallowing hard when he notices that his voice is breaking.
"It must be a concussion... Has he been unconscious the whole time?" 
So I was right. Pol nods, not trusting his voice just yet. 
"I'm gonna need you to be vocal, Pol. Get yourself together and talk."
"Y- yeah, he's been like that since I found him lying on the ground."
"That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Pol clenches his fists. Son of a...
"Okay, you can wait outside. Drink some water. Eat something. Do whatever you want, but get out of my sight."
"What? No-"
"Yes, Pol. You're making me uncomfortable, and you don't want Arm to suffer the consequences, right?"
Frowning and still with his fists clenched, he barks a resounding negative, storming out of the dining room after glancing at Arm for a brief second.
If he lets himself get carried away and closes the door with more force than necessary nobody can really blame him.
·
·
·
Pol doesn't know how much time he spends sitting on that awfully orange colored sofa, but he's been dozing off for a while, his eyes opening and closing non-stop. 
But he knows he obviously lost the battle when he's startled awake by a hand shaking him. His own grabs that hand determined to get it off him in the worst way possible but he's promptly stopped by a familiar voice calling his name. "Pol, it's me."
Pete's delicate face welcomes him when he opens his eyes. "Pete. You're here." Surprise follows and he sits upright. "Why are you here? I thought you were with V-"
"He dropped me off and went back to work. He's got some unfinished business to attend..."
"Yeah, I can only imagine." Pol snorts, running a hand through his hair and clearing his throat. He feels it scratchy, like something got stuck there.
"Have you drank or ate anything? I don't want to be that person but you look bad..." And it must be true when his friend is looking at him in such a worrisome way. He doesn't even get upset for not having called him.
"I just can't... I feel like throwing up every time I think about it. Arm..." The reality hits Pol in that exact moment he remembers why he's in the state he is in. "Fuck. Arm. Pete, how is he? Do you know? Has the doctor talked to you? Is Arm... ?"
"Stop. Man, you're freaking out and that's not going to help either of you," Pete tries to calm Pol, taking his hands between his. "He's alive. He's fine. But he's not waking up. Dr. Top said that it'll probably take some more time for him to come to his senses. He also said that he's suffering from a severe concussion and that he's lucky he has no brain damage. So it's just a matter of time until he..."
"I want to see him." Pol declares, getting up in such a rush that it desestabilizes him for a second.
"You're going to hurt yourself even more. So stubborn..." Pete mutters, frowning while holding him by the elbows. "Has Dr. Top checked you up? Ah, don't bother answering. I already know what you're gonna say. Sit, for fuck’s sake."
"I need to see him," Pol almost begs. He just wants to see with his own eyes that Arm is alive. Is that so hard to understand?
"No, it's not." It's almost as if his friend had read his thoughts but he just said it aloud. "You know, it should have come as a surprise... but it just makes perfect sense. You are always together, and don't let me get started with those meaningful stares and little touches... Say, when you do you think it all started?"
"What do you mean?" He's still not ready to admit it out loud. Not if he can help it. So he chooses to play dumb instead.
Too bad Pete doesn't think the same.
"When did you fall in love?"
"You're being more nosy than usual..."
"I'm just curious."
"Should I ask you the same then? About you and that... man?" Pol answers back, quite forcefully.
Pete stills for a moment, with his eyes being the only thing giving him away. "I guess I deserved that one."
Feeling bad, Pol quickly backpedals. "No, I'm sorry. I just don't want to talk about it. It's not the moment nor the place."
"You're right," Pete shrugs sending him a tiny smile. "But don't think this is over."
"Oh, trust me. If I know you, and I think I do quite well, I just know you're not dropping it out anytime soon."
"Just delaying it. Because you look awful and I pity you."
Pol can barely contain a laugh. Pete is that good. He's a ray of sunshine among the darkness that lives within them. Even when he's had it really bad himself. Being a ball of happiness is his greatest charm.
"Okay, jerk, now make yourself useful and take me to him." 
“Methinks you should ask nicely,” Pete pouts, obviously faking being upset.
“Well, me thinks you're being ridiculous.”
“Ah, you're no fun...” Sighing, Pete puts an arm around Pol's waist, and he instinctively puts his right arm around Pete's shoulder as support. "Alright then, I'll take you to your lover boy. He's rocking the Sleeping Beauty look, let me tell you."
"I'm telling him once he wakes up."
"Oh yeah? Then I'll tell Boss Tankhun to punish you later.
Pol snorts. "As if I hadn't had enough beatings for two lifetimes..." 
"At least you weren't almost killed like a million times. Those guys were ruthless. The bullets kept coming and I thought I was a goner."
"You don't know the half of it," he mutters shaking his head, remembering how Vegas had saved his ass. Probably the same way he had saved Pete's if you think about it.
·
·
·
It seems like while Pol was asleep Dr. Top had moved Arm from the dining room to the guest room that was next to the kitchen and the toilet. Not by himself, of course, but with Pete's help. 
The bedroom is neither big nor small, and it looks cozy with that warm wall decor paper beige colored with golden motifs. There are some paintings and portraits here and there, and a wardrobe in the bottom right corner, not too far from the full sized bed. 
Arm lies there, still a bit too pale but he doesn't look like he's dying anymore. Pete was right in his Disney comparison and Pol cracks a smile.
"Whistle if you need me. I'll be in the living room." Pete interrupts his train of thought and he just nods, following his friend with his gaze as he leaves the room and closes the door behind him. 
Turning around, Pol walks to the bed and sits on the right edge, facing Arm. His hand moves before he can think about it and he places it over Arm's heart. His heartbeat is steady and Pol closes his eyes to calm himself. They're both safe and together. Together... As if the touch was burning him he removes his hand from Arm's chest.
"I'm going crazy... There's no other explanation." Pol sighs, running a hand through his hair as a nervous gesture. "You really need to wake up, Arm. That doctor freaks me out and I don't like the thought of you spending the night here. I want us to go home."
It's right then when Pol notices that Arm's hand is palm up on the sheets in a clear invitation. After clenching and unclenching his fist a few times, he closes the distance and grabs Arm's hand with his own, lacing their fingers. He's almost tempted to kiss the back of his hand, but what he does is leaning towards Arm to whisper in his ear in a soft tone: "Are you going to leave me hanging? I didn't peg you as a cruel man..."
At first Pol thinks it's his brain playing tricks on him or maybe a muscle reflex but when it happens again it makes him lose his breath. Something is squeezing his hand. Leaning back a little, he looks into Arm's chocolate eyes, unblinking. Awake at last.
"We're even then, because neither I pegged you as a romantic man..." His voice sounds extremely hoarse but it's like music to Pol's ears.
Wetting his lips, he smiles from ear to ear. "Ass."
This time, neither of them smile in solitude.
~~o~~
~~o~~
~~o~~
Hi!
Writing this second oneshot was a challenge. It almost killed me, haha. But it was fun and I loved writing it. So worth it!
I hope you guys like it ^^
Here’s the first ArmPol oneshot I wrote. This one is a continuation. Kind of~
I’ll probably write a third one (last?) and maybe a Vegas/Pete spin-off!
Now go  give the teaser for the series some love.
Thank you! <3
~Aeriel
48 notes · View notes
ambivalent-anarchy · 3 years
Text
Peter Parker - SFW Alphabet
Masterlist
This is for MCU Peter (cuz some of the answers would be different if they were for others lol)
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A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Peter loves affection, but he's got to work through all his nerves first. Just the idea of touching you sometimes is enough to make him start blushing and hiding into himself. But once he finally works through it, affection is always. He likes to receive it, but he LOVES to give it. He basically has all the love languages, but his major two are words of affirmation and physical touch.
B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
Peter Parker is a good best friend...when he's there. He pays attention to all the little things and he always does right when it really counts. He'll geek out with you, help you no matter what, and try his best to make you happy no matter what. However if you don't know about him being Spiderman, it can be a real stress on the friendship, because he'll always seem distant. Once you know, it will be like everything falls into place. You finally understand why he does the things he does. Overall though, he's a stellar friend.
You'd probably become his friend because you sat next to each other in class, or you were already at the Avengers compound, and for whatever reason, the two of you immediately clicked.
C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
PETER LOVES CUDDLES. And when Peter wants to cuddle, he wants to CUDDLE. He wants to squeeze you and never ever let go. Ngl he'll probably fall asleep while cuddling you because when he's cuddling he's in PEAK zen mode. It's probably the most relaxed that he can be.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Yeah he definitely wants to settle down, but he's scared to. It's not that he has commitment issues, it's just that he's so afraid and aware of the dangers of being with him. But if given the chance, he'd probably settle.
He's not completely terrible at cooking, May has definitely taught him a few things. But he's no chef. Let's be real he's probably had a bunch of moments of forgetting that something was in the oven. There will be lots of disasters. When it comes to cleaning, if pressed, he will clean. But don't be surprised when every room in the house is messed up again because of things that he'll "come back for later" that he never comes back for.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
Oh he'd hate every bit of it, he'd dread over it for days and days. If Peter were to break it off, he'd do it face to face. He'd feel so bad about it, and if you start to cry he actually might comfort you in the midst of breaking up with you.
Best outcome, it was mutual and you guys end like friends. Worst outcome, he gets cold feet and actually just leaves you a note.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
He's surprisingly cool about commitment, given the dangers of his life. Of course, he's hesitant, but when this dude falls, he falls HARD. So hard to where he'll commit and not think twice about it.
He'd wanna get married whenever it hits him I guess. Not right away, but it's not like he'd have you waiting forever.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
Physically- As gentle as the average teenage boy I suppose lol. Well a little bonus because of how anxious he is of hurting you. 5/10
Emotionally- Peter's more anxious boi than soft crybaby. He wouldn't need comfort on everything 24/7, because he can actually handle way more than people give him credit for, but it's when he's going through something really personal or really traumatic when he needs that reassurance that everything will be alright. 6/10
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
Peter doesn't mind hugs, but he's gotta be in the mood for one to really enjoy it, otherwise he's just going through the motions with it. Like if he's in the mood his brain is "oh my gosh you're hugging me this is beautiful you've graced me with your touch you wonderful specimen" but if he's not it's just like "oh... this is unexpected." I don't think he's super into hugs because I kind of like the headcanon that he's a bit of a germaphobe but I don't think he's super against them either. He's more in the middle where if it hits him, it hits him and if it doesn't, he doesn't want them.
He gets in the mood to hug like 20 times a day. You'll be beside him doing work and like out of nowhere. BOOM. Hugged. And then he just goes back to doing whatever he's doing except now he's blushing really hard while doing it.
Peter's hugs are really soft and quick (unless he's cuddling you, then it's really long). He just wants to feel your presence until he's satisfied. He's always really warm so that's a major plus.
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
Not right away. It'll be whenever it feels right. And I picture the first l-word drop going one of three ways:
1) Quirky - you guys will be chilling/making out/watching a movie and he'll find himself feeling really sentimental and emotional for no reason and he'll just turn and be like, "hey, I love you". And it sort of catches you off-guard and he sees your expression (whatever it may be) and he immediately starts blushing and stammering and he's like "I-i mean- no I don't!..I-i mean I do!... but like- not unless you want me too! I-in fact I'll hate you if you want me-" and you have to cut him off with a kiss before he gets too wound up and you softly smile back like "I love you too, weirdo."
2) Sweet - he's thought about this for a long time (and even maybe told May and Ned about it) and he really wants to tell you but he doesn't know how and you notice that's he's been weird around you and always looks like he has something else on his mind (like more than usual) and you're getting pretty worried and after awhile you can't take it anymore and you confront him about it probably at the lunch table or in the hallways after school or at his apartment (is there some mission you don't know about? Is he breaking up with you? Is he okay?) and he's stuttering alot and he finally has to pause and compose himself before pulling you aside and softly telling you how we feels.
3) Angsty - after a particularly intense night at patrol (definitely with a casualty) he's perched on the top of a building, staring out at New York, feeling like the biggest failure alive. He's run down with guilt and the tears just won't stop. Hands shaking, he dials your number and you pick up and immediately start asking if he's okay once you hear his trembling voice. "I messed up," he mumbles before he breaks down and sobs out the entire story to you. You try your best to comfort him as best you can through the phone, trying to tell him (with no avail) that it's not his fault and that he can't save everyone. It takes a while, but he finally calms down enough to clearly take a swing, but not before he says, "look..I want you to know that I love you... and I'll do everything I can to always protect you...I promise you that...I can't lose you," he sobs. Given the situation, neither one of you really registers that this is his first time saying it, but it makes it a dozen times easier to start saying it more often from now on.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
Peter's jealousy is probably the average amount for a guy. He doesn't do much with it though. He'll just get really quiet and maybe freak out to Ned about it later. Very subtle looks and jaw clenches but other than that, he's fine. Unless you're really attentive, you probably wouldn't notice.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
When he first started getting into the hang of first dates and stuff, his kisses were pretty fast and more like little pecks on the lips and stuff because he was always so nervous about messing up. But now that's he's gotten the hang of it, Peter's kisses (when he's not in a rush) are usually slow and sensual. He wants to do nothing but focus on you in that moment.
Well mostly on the lips of course. He'll lay his head on your shoulder alot when he's bored so every now and then when he's doing that he'll turn his head and give you a little kiss on your shoulder. If he's whispering in your ear in lunch he'll give a kiss on the cheek. Really though, once he gets the all his jitters out about it, he'll kiss you anywhere.
Peter probably likes to be kissed on the cheek and on the lips more than anywhere else
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
Peter is amazing with kids. He'll always find a way to get along with them, and they usually warm up to his easy-going nature. He's a bit of a pushover when it comes to really nice kids so they usually love him because he'll give them anything. I'm not really one of talking about having kids, but he'd be a great father in the future. (But we're not in any rush for him to do that okay😂🤭)
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
Mornings are spent, well first of all waking up (obviously), cuddling, finishing whatever movie you were watching the night before, Peter probably rambling a bunch about whatever he finds himself wondering about, playing video games, and basically just relaxing before May tells you it's time for school.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Nights are spent goofing around with Peter and Ned at Peter's home or chilling with Peter which can literally be doing just about anything (making out, relaxing, deep talks, watching movies, doing homework, etc.). You can do practically anything with this guy.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
Peter isn't the best about opening up, not because he wants to hide things, but because he isn't on the same wavelength as everyone else when it comes to "important" things to share. Like out of nowhere he'll find himself telling you something and you'll be like "woah I wish I you would've told me that earlier" and he'll just shrug and be like "oh I didn't know that was really important enough to tell". He doesn't tell anything slower or faster it's more like whenever it's on his mind or convenient for him to tell.
But for the most part, if you're important enough for you to know he's spiderman secret, he'll tell you pretty much anything.
P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Not easily angered at all. If anything he's more easily confused then angered. Like if you were trying to make him angry, he'd be more "why are you doing this🥺🤨?!" than "why are you doing this😡?!"
He'd only get angry easily if he'd been going through alot and a bunch of things have been building up, other than that, normally he's a pretty chill guy when it comes to losing his temper.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
Oh he remembers practically everything you tell him. Even crap that you've probably forgotten about yourself, he knows. He notices every tiny thing, though he forgets the big stuff sometimes.
Ex: one day May asks him what he wants her to buy at the supermarket for breakfast and he says poptarts because he remembers that you like poptarts from that one time you briefly mentioned how much you liked them and he gets the kind that you like even though he doesn't really like it so that on the days you come over to his house you'll have something to eat...but like legit that same day he forgets that it's your anniversary😬
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
He has many favorite moments, one of them being your first date. He was so nervous, and he showed up late, and he'd regretted letting May choose his outfit, and he hated himself for not choosing the restaurant because it'd show that he wasn't assertive enough, and he was pretty sure he stepped in dog crap while he was running to the restaurant and he just knew that he was the worst date ever until finally he got there and you were totally just fine about it. You told him to relax and that everything was fine and you were just glad to have him there, which in turn made him relax. He looked into your eyes and knew there was absolutely nothing to worry about and he had an amazing time.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
He's protective, but not suffocating. Like if he sees something happening to you from afar, he's not gonna step in unless you make it clear that you want him to. For the most part, he'll let you handle things yourself.
Peter's more like a "protect you from the unknown" kind of guy. He's gonna protect you from threats that you don't know are there, and that are probably much bigger than the two of you. Things like death or heartbreak. He'll probably break up with you to "protect" you, which, let's be honest, is complete stupid, albeit noble. Overall, he'll do anything in his power to keep you happy.
Peter doesn't really need protection more so... comfort. He knows the world he lives in. He can defend himself and all that, but at the end of the day, he just wants someone to tell him that everything's gonna be okay🥺
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
With Peter it's either extremely last minute but a little thoughtful (because he probably forgot) or extremely thought through with unbelievable effort. No in between. Truly a go big or go home type deal. Like for your birthday he's either getting you something he's researched on for months that he knew you'd love or you're getting a card that he bought from a Walmart on the way to school with a sloppily written love letter inside that he came up with off the top of his head. At the end of the day it's the thought that counts when it comes to Peter.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
He thinks literally everything is his fault🙄. If something bad happens, and he feels that he could've done even the slightest thing to change it, he's gonna beat himself up about it no matter what what you try to say.
Also he's a really busy guy. So if you're one of those girls that needs to be kept or need your boyfriend there all hours of the day, Peter's probably not for you.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Not too concerned. Like of course he wants to look good or cool or whatever, but he's also learned to be pretty comfortable with himself (at least as far as looks go). He gets pretty insecure sometimes but for the most part he's okay with his looks. He'll totally do himself up if he's trying to impress someone though.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Depends on how close you've become. If he only liked you, he'll be okay. If he loved you, yeah, he'll feel incomplete without you. But only if you break up or if you're hurt or lost or something. If the two of you just haven't seen each other for a while he'll be fine. He's not that sentimental.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
Peter has a skirt kink. Skirts. They make him weak. He found this out about himself when he started dating Gwen Stacy. He will practically break his neck to see you in a skirt.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
Someone who has extremely poor hygiene. Peter's not the best at hygiene. He's definitely skipped brushing his teeth from time to time, but someone who's a complete slob? It'll just make him feel bad for you. It's a turn off for him. You won't get his affection but you will get his pity.
Someone obnoxious or aggressive. Peter, although anxious, is overall a pretty chill guy. If someone was just on 100 every time he saw them, ngl they'd probably weird him out. Like of course he wants someone with their own personality, but he wants someone with a level of coolness and obnoxious and aggressive people just aren't cool.
Z = Zzz (What are some sleep habits of theirs?)
Peter wants to hold something when he sleeps. When he was little, he used to sleep with a stuffed animal, and once he got older he broke out of it. But when he slept with you for the first time (sexually/nonsexually, doesn't matter) all that came rushing back. He'll hold you tightly in his sleep and won't let go unless you make him.
Hope you liked it!!😁😁😁
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Tagging mutuals: @allegra-writes, @angelsparkers, @hey-its-grey, @spideyyeet, @sunkissedspidey, @underoosjae, @chaoticpete, @spidey-reids-2003, @thesherlockianavenger, @bubblebucky
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