#i guess i just feel guilty abt it

[girlwithfish]

this is wild i told him ive been depressed latelg and low motivation cuz he asked how i am and he said he feels like hes influencing me and i said how so and he said that hes making me upset or is a part of the cause like girl why do. uthink that

#im confused and just gonna ask why again #like idk hes not the reason im depressed but ig hes not helping either but i also dont want him to be the only reason im happy too #but i also feel a relationship should make u a little happy especially so early on😐 #Ima probably just say i feel were distant and i dont feel like he shows hes as into me anymore i guess.. idk #im like terrified of saying someone else is making me feel negatively its like conditioned in me to try to minimize how i feel #and protect them or else ill feel super guilty and its more to protect myself its like a conditioned response in me #probably bc of my ex! #but idk i dont have anything to lose really #ill talk to him abt it later 😐

[chrisbangs]

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

#👋😭 hi... #i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone #i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭 #i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh... #uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂 #i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but #i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause #i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say... #i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu #it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media / #without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao #i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy #pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on #i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a #depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think #i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just #sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ???? #i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become #even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it #i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it #like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi #i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda #makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd #not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what #they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling #anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀 #i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say #this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel #like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭 #who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

You can always like my posts and not reblog them btw I really don’t mind

#I really get distressed by how guilttrippy some of the ‘likes don’t do anything’ crowd gets #like yeah I guess attention is nice but you shouldn’t only be posting fanart for attention idk #and guilting the few people who ARE seeing and interacting w your content kind of seems #counterintuitive? idk #I know I’ve definitely not reblogged #stuff that’s #had an addition abt how it doesn’t want likes bc I don’t want my followers to feel guilty for curating their blogs #and I’ve also not interacted w posts like that bc I felt bad I didn’t want to reblog them so i also didn’t even like them! #idk it just stresses me out a lot. like sometimes you want to support it and not put it on your blog is that weird #my post

[scatterpatter]

Every time i cringe when old of mine gets notes again, I then get this kinda swell of pride

Like man I never would've thought that a silly doodle I did in the middle of a hyperfix in 2019 would over 4 years later bring a smile to someones face

Like how many times I've gone down internet rabbit holes and found fanart over a decade old but still managed to bring a smile to my face, how many abandoned fics and comics and art people dont really think abt anymore still bring me joy when I stumble upon them

And I might not be proud of my old work because I've improved and I get embarrassed because I know I could do so much better if I re-did it nowadays, but like thats not the point. When I made it way back when it made me happy, and while it's not up to my personal standards anymore, it still makes other ppl happy. Other ppl arent holding my old art to the standards i am.

My one lil moment of joy that sparked a doodle inspiration kinda went across time and brought a smile to someone else's face way down the line when im not even really in the fandom that doodle was for anymore

AUs I've since gone back and went "eugh" with because I know I couldve approached them with better designs and writing nowadays, even tho I don't think it's good enough, someone else does, and like. thats just. thats just nice.

Idk. I dont have a point to this. I just hope that stuff i make today makes ppl happy years down the road. That's a nice thought.

#esp since i just cant make art as much as i used to. still coming to that reality and still making peace with that. #i mean if we wanna get real deep abt it- like- how do i put this #thanks to ~the horrors~ i feel severed from the self i was back then for lots of reasons. and my memories are faulty at best #so when ppl interact with older stuff it lets me bridge that gap a bit yknow? it even helps me remember a lot from back then #not to traumadump or anything but yknow how it is. sometimes survival is severance and forgetting everything in order to forget the bad #so its nice to have people bring up remembering the good #but again i dont really have a point to this i just find it sweet that ppl still find joy in old stuff even if that old stuff makes me crin #its why i aint planning on nuking any of my inactive sideblogs anytime soon #ESP my fnafblr. i may not be super into fnaf anymore but i want that blog there still because it really made me happy back then #and yeah to my fellow artists i recommend not nuking old art unless its something you REALLY dont want associated with u anymore #(very understandable if u do. i nuked some old dnd art for those reasons so dont feel guilty if u ever do) #something something 'beauty of internet preservation' #uh idk #personal #i guess

[gaypornluvr420]

and are these child slave quinoa vegans in the room with us right now

#i know some probably exist but most vegans are very conscious abt where they get their food from #i’ve seen vegan recipe website comments sections tear the cook to SHREDS for using hershey or nestle or anything in that vein #and can we stop pretending that non vegans don’t also buy food produced by slavery. #where do you think most of your food and clothes come from?? do you think only vegan products use slavery?? #EVERYONE needs to be more aware of where they’re buying things from because there’s so much more #slavery going on than ppl in developed countries would think #i didn’t know until i started looking into it bc obviously no one wants to talk abt it #and guess what!! vegans are usually the ones raising awareness abt corporations using slavery or treating their workers badly!! #bc the whole point of the lifestyle is compassion!!! so holy shit stop treating us like we’re the bad guys #bc vegans annoyed you once or bc you feel guilty abt eating animal products and are trying to make yourself #feel better by shitting on us #sry i just saw a post i otherwise agreed with but it kept mentioning “child slave quinoa vegans and im so sick of ppl talking abt this #phenomena that doesn’t really exist. #also no i don’t hate non vegans i know it can be more difficult and expensive etc. whatever.

[whimsycore]

Despite the true isolation, being around certain people make you feel lonely too. I know what I have to do (move out) but I’ll feel incredibly guilty doing it esp since my mother talked and told everyone who extremely lonely she was. She doesn’t mind making anyone else feel lonely and is definitely feels entitled to the money I make. I was planning on moving out after I did the things I believ I needed to within my career and stuff just for me. But I feel like I have to plan an escape ASAP.

#like for my new job I set up my paycheck to be split in two. one for my personal bank and the other for the bank account my mother has tied #to hers still despite the fact I’m 25 #so she can keep tabs on the money I have #she makes me feel guilty abt wanting to be alone and still feels like she can give me permission to do things #I stayed to try to get her into a house #she went out of her to not plan it #and to keep working a physically intensive job #but I’ve told her how much I hate this place #but I guess I just hate living with her

[dandyshucks]

starting to think maybe i should turn rbs off on that post actually bc im having heart palpitations now fdsjgjkl why is this happening to meeee

#vent // #me when the paranoia is Getting Bad fjkfdsjkl #its stemming from m.oral o.cd i think bc i am mainly worried abt more eyes on my blog and ppl seeing me frolic here #and the brain gophers have been insisting that i am doing smth horribly wrong and not realizing it #and the worry is that someone is going to see that and bypass talking to me abt it and go straight to making a callout post #and i will be sitting here with Zero Idea abt it #and continue hurting ppl by doing the Unknown Wrong Thing #but i also am not sure how that would happen bc i overthink literally Everything i post #if u see me put tags on smth that isn't just a simple ''ough'' or ''hehe yay!!'' i probably sat there for two mins making sure it was okay #running thru the words at every angle i can conceive of to ensure its not going to hurt somebody somehow fdsjkl #and this paranoia has been so bad the past few days. and when it gets bad then i get worried bc maybe i somehow have a guilty conscience #without even knowing !!! just subconsciously having a guilty conscience somehow !! #which ... only makes the paranoia worse fdsgjkl its a very bad vicious circle #anyways. i have been lowkey avoiding being here lately bc of this but i feel like avoidance just makes it worse #so . hrm. i just do not want to have more crying breakdowns bc i tried to figure out what on earth i could possibly be doing so wrong fsdjk #not exactly a fun way to spend time FDSJKL but ... what can ya do i guess #like i can't ask ppl ''hey am i doing smth wrong?'' bc thats. very vague. and subjective. and also i shouldnt rely on other ppl like that #but my brain is so goofed up that i genuinely cannot tell when i get like this sdjfkl bc i feel so sure i must be doing smth wrong somehow #so every tiny thing seems like maybe its wrong in a way i dont understand yet... ough #ANYWAYS SORRY THIS IS . NOT A GOOD POST TO MAKE. LOL. but i feel like this is the only way im going to bust myself out of this cycle #hopefully if i just Say that i've been really worried then if smth IS actually wrong someone will let me know #and if nothing is wrong then !! i can move on from this continual paranoia spiral !! maybe !! #i feel like me posting this is going to be a Wrong Immoral Move but fdsjkl rly trying to just. break out of it rn fsdjkl #dandyshucks

[dragonji]

damn that talking about your feelings shit really does Suck Tremendously huh.

#j.txt #vent #sorry all i post about in my life is stupid personal Issues and Problems.wish I weren't so fucking ill in the head but it's a life isn't it #finally Kind of Somewhat brought up one of the things thats been really bothering to my roommate. only after having a weird #passive-aggressive ish convo w other roommate. and maybe im just being so aggro and overdramatic for no reason thats entirely a possibility #but I did finally bring up that they Extremely rarely let me know when/if things are happening and when they do it's with barely any notice #or time left for me to prepare the way I need to to deal with whatever the situation is. And that she in particular keeps just. imagining I #guess. or at least Not Communicating well within them. conversations with me abt if I would like to be included in things #anyways. some of what needed saying was said and I only teared up a little bit so👍 now if only I didnt feel so wretched- #stupid-guilty-resentful about it lol. time to avoid thinking abt *** over it for the foreseeable future<3 Anyways

[attaboy-art]

day 01: double meanings

[Image ID: A digital painting done with an oil brush of Sandy Aldwich from Layton Brothers Mystery Room, sitting down with her elbows on a white table, staring at the viewer with her head tilted to the left, and tucking her hair behind her ear with one hand while the other is presented with a limp wrist, the hand itself shining a light green color. On her neck are bruise marks. Behind her is an abstract oily background of black, purple, and green. The entire piece is painted in darker tones except for the lower fifth of the image, which is a white expanse representing a table, with the numbers "001" in the bottom right corner, painted in red. /.End ID.]

#lb;mrweek #cw bruises #tw bruises #ask to tag #i procrastinated so hard on this you wont believe. #anyways. ANYWAYS! #as you can probably tell i took a lot of inspo from DE's painting style (ive been meaning to do pl/de portraits for a while) #but i was also inspired by not only the lbmr manga but also yuming li #the way the crime scenes are drawn in the manga. Dies #anyways. Anyways #i do feel a little guilty for not posting something like. idk. less serious and painterly n stuff. something more focused on the game #i guess ive been feeling insecure abt what makes my style Mine and if i even have a style at all #bc i experiment all the time n its like. Where am i #being consistent is. hard. #but.. i really like how this turned out #and my wrists hurt way too much to just scrap it and restart the entire process #so. ENJOY! HOPEFULLY #and happy lbmr week :))) #art #professor layton #lbmr #layton brothers mystery room

[weirdlizard26]

so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen

#wl26 #<- little weirdo #SORRY I LIKE MUSIC AND THE ACT OF SHARING IT!!!!!!!!!! #i feel rly guilty abt it sometimes bc it feels so selfish. like hi i made art and im showing it to you so you can look at or listen to it #and you might not like it but i made it for you specifically because its related to something you enjoy #but its not actually the thing you enjoy. its just something that i made about it because i also enjoy it #and im scared the ways we enjoy it are completely different which means youre gonna hate the thing i made #but i will show it to you anyways because i love you and its the only way i know to say it #n a couple of time ive wanted to write a song for someone and gotten so excited about it and then had the horrible realization that #this is so. so oddly specific to me and this is just something i do out of love for friends #and it really isnt any bigger of a deal than any other handmade gift #and i think it can easily qualify as a handmade gift even though it doesnt involve making anything with hands #except for sounds i suppose #but yeah its just something i do. but. outside of my tiny little world. writing a song for someone might seem like such a huge gesture #and i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable or have the wrong idea about me or think that im doing a big thing to get something in return #and idk why im so scared of that like ive never been in a situation where people misunderstood me like that #but i guess. the very concept of being misunderstood is so painful to me gdfkgjd #this wasnt supposed to turn into a big post sorry. just want a normal brain that doesnt make me feel guilty abt everything please #wouldnt that be so nice #this isnt rly abt anything btw i was just going through my music folder. listening to my stuff from 2018 #5 years... god

[ouroboobos]

What is it about middle/upper class older women and the urge to go "erm 😳😧 you guys better get over here" and act like Jason Vorhees is en route every time a homeless person so much as enters their peripheral vision. Like ik everyone is horrible to homeless people but its such a specific pattern of behavior I've almost exclusively seen in 50+ y/o white women. They start acting like they're in a fucking movie and its literally just a guy with scraggly hair walking into a store

#♥︎ #one of my least favorite things abt my workplace. theyre almost all like this #ok i guess its not quite the same thing because my job is very low paying and everyone is poor lol #so its not like working class women arent also guilty of this. but ive noticed it especially with the upper class #but anyway like? these women i work with will go on the radio and literallt be like ''ermmmm guys a suspicious character just walked in... #...we probably want to keep an eye out...... yeah somethings definitely up with this guy..'' and hes just walking around. like come on #and management encourages it!!!! #theyll start clandestinely following them around like they think theyre in a fucking action movie #or sometimes tell them to leave for no reason #and when the persons like 'why' they start being like Sir 🤚🤚........ do not get hostile with me.... or I will contact the authorities.. #like is this real life. it feels like im in a cartoon

[unlimitedhorsepower]

It feels so seriously bleak to be blogging about my inane thoughts from my bed and then reblog a post abt current affairs of the world in the middle honestly. I think the worst part is that no matter what happens time goes on. Experiencing various lethal symptoms of being alive etcetera

#not in an annoying waahhh im sooo guilty way i have no interest in that lol its just sad. #makes me think of some ppl ive gotten to know at this random Leftist place and some of them are so preoccupied by guilt #idk how they get anything done just feel sorry for themselves.like lmao ur a rich finnish person so i rly do hope u feel bad i guess. #so strange to me. who cares. play the hand youre dealt. if its of privilege then use it well. put ur money somewhere it matters and stfu #bitching and moaning abt it is so counterproductive #gabriels ramblings

[giverofempathy]

i always plan so many things for my fridays off but i end up just spending the entire day in bed doing fuck all bc i forget i actually have to fully recharge after being social the entire week 😭 being disabled is sooo slay and fun

#salisha speaks #ah well. glad to have 3 day weekends #so i have another 2 days to get my stuff done i guess #now im just gonna crochet and watch tv AND NOT FEEL GUILTY ABT IT BC I AM ALLOWED TO REST 👍🏼

[toastsnaffler]

I dont wanna do anything today its too hotttt

#i just wanna hang out but everyone is busyyyyy 😭 #and nobody gives a fuck abt what ive been up to as soon as theyve finished talking abt themselves they leave the conversation 😔 #ik i get annoying talking abt my interests but its not a 1 way street here 🥹🥹 #well maybe it is i guess. oh well #hanging out w the parkour lot again tmr so :D !! i made brownies to take with me.. thefastest way to make friends is to bring food :3 #and ill hang out a bit w my flatmate later bc i offered to make dinner. muahaha my sick and twisted plans to spend time w ppl #ik im probably just having a bad rsd day but i know my flatmate misses our old flatmates and sometimes its hard not to feel like its a- #personal thing like ik im not as fun or cool as they were but i cant rly do anything abt that bc im just me #it is what it is!! i hope she finds a way of making some new friends locally bc then ill feel less guilty for her being stuck w me #not that i feel like im stuck w her at all i love her shes great + i like talking to her + being around her !! #i just feel like theres an invisible standard im always being compared to. IDK!!!!! probably just insecurity on my part its ok #i feel like im always harping on abt that here SORRY anyway im gonna make dough and do another hour of job apps ily bye #.diaries

[i-am-a-fucking-nerd]

have a horrible headache and usually headaches are a combo of things (esp not eating/sleeping enough) which could be the reason i have one today but. also i smoked thu which was 2 days ago and usually i get a headache 2 days after smoking. and im just. i already wrote a diary entry talking abt it and how i feel guilty and bad for like a million different reasons but now i'm also just incredibly frustrated w myself bc why do i do this!!!!!!!!!!!! i can go weeks and months w/o smoking i don't NEED to do this!!!!!

#smoking #tw smoking #havilah's thoughts #addiction #tw addiction #nicotine #like i feel like i Know that i can just not smoke idk why i sometimes do it anyway bc it's literally only negatives #i've never had a.... i guess a 'strong' smoking habit? like usually it is weeks and v often it is months btwn cigs #i just sometimes get mad and wanna do Smth that will make me feel more bad but also kinda better????????? it doesn't make sense i know #this time i felt Particularly guilty bc just a little bit ago i was hanging out w my friend and he hugged me and told me he's glad i haven' #been smoking a lot lately and a buncha nice things i'll keep to myself but. i just. and then i got home and had a letter from my grandma #that was so so sweet and my grandma used to smoke and she quit before i was born and she used to tell me when i was a kid how horrible it i #and now i have a headache and i /hate/ headaches and it felt dirty and i felt slimy for hiding it from my roommate n for feeling like i was #lying to ppl that care abt me #i know i felt calm too. i know it somewhat feels nice. the sensation is diff from anything else and i like it. i know i sometimes need to d #smth that feels. like. drastic and like it's gonna kill me w/o killing me #but it just. i KNOW that it's not worth it later!!!!!!! i know that i feel horrible and the negatives outweigh the positives by a lot!!!!!! #but i never throw away the pack. it's like. idk. idk what to do to just Not do it. #anyway uh. lemme put additional warnings for what i ended up saying in the tags #suicide #suicidal ideation #depression #i guess idk. just covering my bases i guess so ppl don't see smth they don't wanna see

[rosykims]

god give me the wisdom the courage the strength not to say fuck it and make elspeth queen consort and subsequently start a riot in the middle of the landsmeet

#oc: elspeth #tay plays dao #I LITERALLY REMADE HER SOLELY TO AVOID MAKING THIS CHOICE FOR THE 67TH TIME #i LOVE the queen ending but i always feel so guilty for pickig it like its so.... unrealistic. but its also fucking iconic so #BUT I DOESNT MAKE SENSE FOR HER !!!! EEEEEEE #the whole POINT of her is that she eventually overcomes her pride and prioritizes duty over her noble origins #so making her queen just doesnt work #but consider this. i love her and want her to be happy :( #ALSO JUST. HHH. mistress wardens have it sooooo bad pimping out alistair to morrigan AND anora #i could make alistair rule alone i guesssssss #but idk. ella cares about anora and wedding her to alistair is also partly about keeping HER safe too #even if they can never be friends after the whole executing loghain thing :/ #idk i was feeling fine abt this yesterday but god its so sad i cant believe i went from ella 1.0s happily-ever-after disney princess ending #to ella 2.0 depressed ptsd martyr complex failwarden who has to share her bf with his hotter blonder richer wife #hhhh. #if i can think of some way the consort ending actually makes sense & gives elspeth narrative closure as a chara...well a bitch just might😔 #until then lana del rey voice i know ur wife and she wouldnt mind i guess </3