#i get back from the middle of fuck all

[mattodore]

somehow managed to make matthias look even more bitchy

#''river what happened to working on your werewolf oc? the one from yesterday?'' ……let's not discuss it i simply can't bear to talk about it #river dipping #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #did not need to edit this but we'll never see him with this hair again so i figured. sure why not spend a little bit of time on this #this looks very similar to his hair from when he was a child..... he had swoopy bangs and a middle part back then #...............staring at him like this i kind of want to eat him #kjfgksjfg #the messier his hair is the more i'm like Oh? #like italicized /Oh?/ #….i have nothing else to say here like there was rlly no need for me to post this i just thought hm. he looks pretty <3 #i changed his jaw a bit and made his chin smaller… idk if it’s noticeable #theo is untouched (by the veronicas… classic) like i didn’t change his sim at all #…….can i be honest the reason why i abandoned ria’s sim is bc i realized fuck. i do NAWT have decent fem frame clothing #especially not for a butch lesbian sim like. why is everything a crop top…. #tbf tho. i’m not mad about getting to look at alessandria’s happy trail #.................deep sigh. but i'm gonna go back to it rn. #i think i'll just leave her outfits like they used to be for now even tho i don't really like what she's wearing

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

sorry im coping with aus again oopsie daisy. anyway here's my take on a fantasy au

it all started with me rewatching the D&D movie and thinking "hm. what (broad) classes would the neighbors have?"

and after much thinking i came to the conclusion: Barnaby = Bard / Eddie = Paladin / Sally = Sorcerer / Julie = fighter / Frank = monk / Howdy = Artificer / Poppy = Healer / Wally = 'Wizard'

those seem fitting! BUT i don't like restrictions or rules so in this very light worldbuilding for a casual (strongly glaring at myself here) CASUAL au, it's only dnd-esque. not actually dnd yk yk

in my head, they're not technically puppets for this au. they're flesh and blood, they've got bones, etc. they're actual Creatures, though they still look like Them! Julie's still pink w/ candy-corn-horns! Frank is still a gray tube! Barnaby is a big blue dog! they're just... not puppets. it's the same for the other beings in this fantasy world - they all keep the style, but they're all flesh n' blood if that makes sense. a cartoony fantasy world

so they have their little found family adventuring group titled, of course, The Neighborhood. because when they were first forming, Wally went "oh! are we a neighborhood? i've always wanted neighbors!" and it Stuck. so they all lovingly refer to each other as neighbors, even though the closest they get to being actual neighbors is pitching their tents next to each other & staying at an Inn in neighboring rooms

like your classic group of adventurers, they're almost constantly on the move. the longest they stay in one place is a couple of months - the rest of the time they're wandering! they take quests, get roped into general Shenanigans, etc. they adventure! and get into a lot of battles of varying severity

so Barnaby is still kiiiiind of a bard? best i can describe him is jack-of-all-trades moral support! he provides battle music, keeps the mood light, and stands off to the side to offer quips and tips. he prefers not to fight, and only Gets Involved when the others need Backup. even then, he usually takes the role of defending his neighbors. he has a good eye for whether or not physical support is needed - he never needs to be asked when there's a legitimate need for him! unless he's thoroughly distracted from the goings-on. he does have magic, but it's more for show / defense-based

Eddie's still pretty classically a paladin. healing powers, armor, there to be on the front lines and Protect! the group's sword and shield! he technically serves a god but he forgot who <3 he just makes the occasional general offering and mumbles some vague prayer. he's super friendly! super helpful! super willing to dive into the line of fire! Will disregard his own safety without a second thought! his magic is pretty much restricted to healing, and it's weak healing at that (maybe because he can't properly serve his god...), so it's mostly good for quick mid-battle heals and little wounds. temporary fixes!

Sally has innate fire/light magic, and she's very showy with it! she puts Flair and Pizazz into all of her casts and is very dramatic on the battlefield - she manages to turn her fights into a performance. She tag-teams keeping the Neighborhood entertained with Barnaby. he handles the humor/lightheartedness, she handles the escapism/encouragement. she writes scripts & stories in her off-time, and often reads them (or spins a new one) after dinner. when they have weeks / month breaks in one spot, sometimes she'll recruit local thespians to create a play

Frank is all about that hand-to-hand combat babey! he wants to feel bones break under his fists! he wants those split knuckles! he very often starts fights, and even more often finishes them - what he lacks in raw power he makes up for in vicious tenacity. he just Keeps On Going! he seconds as the group's Knowledge Guy. while his hobby is studying insects, he also catalogues/studies monsters and enemies and terrain so that the Neighborhood can always be prepared. the only time he stays out of fights is when he's researching or note-taking. he tries to micromanage the battle from afar anyway

Julie is like... put a druid, a fighter, and a barbarian in a blender. she's got a big sword! she's got seemingly endless energy in battle! she can talk to plants, especially flowers! her flora magic is very minor, so it's not like she's making giant roots burst out of the ground and strangle people. but plants can give her information, and if she asks nicely and they feel like it, sometimes they'll help her out. in battle she's a force to be reckoned with! nothing will stop her and her sword! she's usually the second (closely following Frank, with Eddie hot on her heels) Neighbor charging into battle - but she's the one with the stellar war cry! & where Sally and Barnaby tend to the Neighborhood's emotional wellbeing & entertainment, Julie keeps things fresh with Physical Activities during their downtime!

Poppy is a powerful healer! she draws on an individual's energy (often taps into her own as well) to convert it into healing power. it's draining but it's damn good healing! she also takes the role of the Neighborhood's cook (the others still like to help, especially Frank who is essentially her sous-chef) and makes sure they're all healthy. she hangs back during battles, waiting to (and hoping that she doesn't have to) heal a wounded Neighbor. if one of them is badly hit, she forces herself to run into battle and drag them to safety before working on their injury. she has a tiny bit of illusion magic, which she'll cast from afar to assist her Neighbors. she tries not to use it outside of emergencies - it takes a lot of energy, which she tries to conserve just in case.

Howdy has Zero Magic! none! four hands and none of them are magical! however, he's a damn good inventor & a whiz at potion making. he can Use magical items like there's no tomorrow - he just can't wield it himself. he supplies the group with potions, helpful items, all sorts of goodies - given that they can trade for it with anything he'd accept in-canon. the only exception is when they're mid-battle - he hands stuff out when needed without haggle. he supplies the group with their cash when they're not getting it from looting/quests - he has a magic backpack that can unfold into a fully-stocked merchant stall! he sells at towns, on the road, anywhere he can! In battle he hangs back with Poppy and, yes, supplies items, but he also uses ranged attacks - magical weapons that cast for him, magic 'bombs', that sort of thing! but there's a little secret - he's the Neighborhood's secret weapon. he invented fantasy guns! four magic revolvers that, when the 'second safety' is turned off, multiply into a giant clusterfuck of guns (with ammo ranging from magic 'bullets' to essentially rocket launchers). unfortunately he can only use this setting once & for a limited time before the guns overload & have to be manually repaired. so he either uses them off of the first safety (i.e, they're 'normal'), or not at all. you know shit is Really hitting the fan when he joins a fight

and Wally! Wally Wally Wally... you may have noticed that i put his class 'wizard' in quotes. that's because he says he's a wizard, but he's not! he just says he's one due to the automatic stigma and fear of what he really is - a Warlock! his patron is Home, an eldritch horror that many would classify as a demon. they have a very special, codependent pact that neither of them can live without - Wally wears their 'seal' as a house-shaped pendant on a choker (necklace) hidden under his clothes. Home is extraordinarily powerful, but Wally barely taps into that power. he has a grimoire that Home inscribed with a bunch of sigils that convert into spells when drawn & then cast in the air. the only other powers he uses are seeing-in-the-dark, seeing-magic, and opening teleportation doors! Wally can't sleep, but he can doze - though he's never fully unaware of his surroundings (its kind of like how dolphins only sleep with one half of their brain). he still eats with his eyes, which both feeds him & acts as a form of providing daily energy to Home, since Home can't exactly consume souls every day. If Wally uses too much magic, he has to rest inside of Home's house-form, which is the only time he actually fully sleeps. no one knows about Home, or that Wally is lying about his wizard status.

Home is a lovecraftian being with three forms. the first is the lowest power level - a cute one-room house with Eyes! i.e: Home Classic! Wally's pendant unfolds into it, and it's the main way Wally and Home physically interact & communicate. the second is possession - if Wally explicitly allows it, Home can completely take over his body and kind of 'tuck him away' to have a nice deep nap while Home takes the reins (Home can technically force this, but it's very difficult and would not go over well w/ Wally - it would also be an unstable possession). the third is Home's true form - a massive shadowy eldritch monster made of writhing darkness and nightmares that no one in their right mind would look at, let alone fight. Home has very complicated feelings about Wally & the Neighborhood. they are also, quite literally, Wally's heart - which is part of their pact.

i have some scene ideas & little Plot Concepts (most notably the times the Neighborhood learns two Very Big Secrets about Wally, one of which being the warlock/Home reveal).

but yeah that's moooostly it. basic stuff yk, not very in depth! just fun things to feed my maladaptive daydreaming & escapism

#warlock-masquerading-as-a-wizard wally is fun #cause youve got this funny little guy! in his little wizard outfit and his staff and classic wizard eccentricities! #but he has a lovecraftian horror curled up in his chest excited for its next opportunity to consume souls #home when making wally's body: ah fuck how do people eat again??? with their eyes right??? that sounds right... thats how i eat... #home a week later: shitshitshit their MOUTHS they eat with this Mouths goddamn it.... too late to fix it now #cut to wally internally panicking while watching other people drink/eat normally #hm i Realized that like... half the Neighborhood more often than not doesn't outright fight #poppy hangs back. howdy hangs back. barnaby rarely joins. frank is often busy researching #and then you've got eddie & julie going full-tilt nonstop absolutely mowing down enemies like there's no tomorrow. sword besties <3 #wally and Sally casting from the middle ground... #wh fantasy au #maybe the howdy enthusiast in me is jumping out lately but hes soooo good in this au i swear #he's out here bargaining over a potion with his own neighbor mid-battle #bc he Will be funny about it when the stakes aren't high #forcing them to go through transactions even though he'd give the goods to em anyway #him vibing with poppy & barnaby while explosions go off in the background #and then when shit hits the fan he gets to be a Certified Badass and whips out the big guns with the cockiest grin you've ever seen #hes fun. i love him. #they're all fun. i love them. #home & wally make me especially Ough in this au. their relationship is so messy and you literally cannot have one without the other

[rakkuntoast]

the thing that frustrates me the most is people saying "its just the 3rd day" my brother in christ, the members dont know for how long they will have to pause their lore that they have been building up to for god knows how long for this

like yeah, its one thing to say about the items and the grinding which ngl i dont give a fuck that they lost those, but lore specific items being lost for who knows how long is annoying. i'm sorry that some of the most attractive things of the qsmp is the individual character driven lore and how frustrating it is that time and time again it had to be paused for the overall island plot to suddenly be brought up in the most unconvenient way as if they didnt forget about it for like 4 months

one of my biggest issues with the qsmp story is how it doesnt wrap up things, and if it does it somehow feels underwhelming, most of it being from the players not even being able to participate on it and had to be informed of what went on by a "third party". like hell how many times do we have to pause resolving loose ends for another event that who the hell knows what will happen that will deviate the main plot for the next month or so again

#txt post #neg #crit #fandom critical #<- kinda yeah #like idk im sorry i cannot be excited for this new era when all i feel is underwhelmed that this plot is gonna get suddenly wrapped up agai #and we wont get a good conclusion to it #im not desperate for the old lore to come back but like cmon. its the thing im invested on of course i want it to continue again #the best example i can give for how i feel is like being in the climax of a story and then having a beach episode in the middle of it #like yeah that is underwelming and a harsh turn left. but then they tell you that the beach episode is canon and the story continues from #there. which what the fuck. why even do that

[themyscirah]

Vanessa didn't even die and yet her story is still sadder and more fucked up than jtodd's. He wishes he was on her level

#may be a controversial one but i dont care this is my house #dont think there are enough of you to get hate over this anything #anyways no she didnt die. she wasnt killed by voter poll. but like the stuff that fucked her up was so much more real than a psycho clown #like im sorry but what is “you get beat up and die” to essentially getting taken and having the bad guys confirm to you that everything you #thought about yourself in middle school was true and everyone thinks youre ugly and worthless and not special and no one loves you. and then #ofc the medical torture. like im sorry but one of these things IS worse than the other imo #especially as the teen girl in the wonder woman comic like jesus christ #and while of COURSE the stuff about diana not loving her and all that is NOT true its something we see her struggle with as insecurity for #years beforehand. and then dc goes and brings her back into continuity in the past few years only to basically say “yeah wonder woman DIDNT #care about her! what a loser to think so and get all worked up about it! abt a vers of her who only has the name in common #like she wasnt dianas baby freaking sister with 100+ appearances #blah #vanessa kapatelis #anti jason todd #she also literally did the red hood arc before he did #with the whole attacking the successor and everything #yet another woman for him to steal from lmao #(this is mostly a joke. i dont think anyone making anything about jtodd canon or otherwise even knows what a wonder woman comic is but the #comparisons are still there.)

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[lloydfrontera]

'live up to your name' au where og knight of blood and iron javier gets "killed" in the middle of the plot but instead of dying he's transported to modern south korea, waking up in a random alleyway with no injuries whatsoever. and because he's a protagonist no matter what universe he is in, despite being deeply disoriented and confused when he sees a group of thugs harassing a guy he steps in and chases them off with no problem and barely any mention of cutting off limbs. and then after making sure the guy is okay he very sheepishly asks him if he could please help him because he was lost and had no idea of where he was or how he got there

and kim suho who just saw a gorgeous but obviously foreign stranger in awesome cosplay chase off his would be muggers with what looked like a real ass sword and is currently high and smitten in "oh thank god i didn't get my week's work salary stolen" endorphins and is about to have the weirdest week of his life innocently says "yes of course"

#i talk a lot <3 #tged #the greatest estate developer #og javier asrahan #kim suho #listen i just need javier to be the fish out of water in modern south korea so badly my heart aches for it #of course as time goes on suho goes from believing javier is just a very in-character cosplayer to thinking he just found someone #having a very bad mental breakdown lol #but the guy Did save him and he thinks it would be a shitty move on his part to leave him to his own devices when he's clearly not well #so despite this being more than what he signed up for he decides to keep trying help him even if his help does switch from trying to locate #his hotel and maybe a group of friends if they're lucky to trying to corral him into going to a hospital or a police station where they can #find who this guy really is and why the fuck does he believe he's javier asrahan protagonist of his latest favorite novel #of course that all goes out of the window when by pure chance and a healthy dose of bad luck suho almost gets run over by dear truck-kun #and when javier shields him with his own body they find themselves back in lorasia. in the middle of the plot. the very tragic #very action filled very dangerous plot #still figuring out the later details but it would definitely involve a couple more switches between universes #and the subsequent adapting to a different world than your own shenanigans

[archerdork]

browsing the ofmd tag tonight reading y’all’s theories for e6&7 like

#will the middle age gay pirates fuck or not? more at five #ofmd #our flag means death #theories ranging from heartbreakingly sweet tooth rotting fluff to hardcore sex #sometimes in the same fucking breath #the clown cars are revving up on the starting line #i love you all never change #shut up jonna #my money is on them about to do the dirty #something goes wrong in the akward-funny way this show has #they have a sweet moment about it laughing together #getting back into it then tasteful fade to black

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF ATTICAN TRAVERSE: KROGAN TEAM

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Urdnot Grunt With: Urdnot Wrex, Dr. Mordin Solus, Primarch Adrien Victus and The Rachni Queen I don't need luck- I have ammo. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #sophie shepard #james vega #EDI #urdnot grunt #urdnot wrex #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #i finally finished gif’ing traverse and this set is cursed is all i will say :) #i don’t know why this one was such a pain in the ass but compressing them was a massive chore for some reason #and my dumb ass realized as i was assembling i set the frame hold wrong for like 4 of them so i had to go back and redo a few of them 🙃 #the thing that pissed me off most is that there’s usually a nice planet shot with a normandy fly in to make a header from #and traverse just doesn’t fucking get one for some reason?? so ig we get rachni queen header #i’m so sorry but this is like my least favorite mission in the game 😭 #like i do like grunt but this mission is just meh on all fronts to me at least #like the decision from ME1 to spare or destroy the rachni queen is so fucking cool?? and it has 0 consequences in ME3 LMAO #not to mention that half of this mission is just standing around with a flame thrower burning down webs lol #the only cool thing i’ll say is i ADORE the Aliens™️/xenomorph vibes that the mission has!! that is so cool the first time around #the cutscenes are alright but there’s really only some towards the front end and the back end? so you miss so much of the middle #which makes it hard to connect what’s going on to make a best of: set lol #grunt has some nice scenes if you have him here and the rachni queen quotes are cool #the enemies are also kind of interesting in concept? i just wish the rachni decision from ME1 had more weight here #james and EDI have a few nice lines towards the front in the shuttle but there’s not a ton of great dialogue like grissom has tbh #idk this mission is just okay to me i guess? like the ardat-yakshi sanctuary with samara is much more interesting to me #i feel like this one needed longer to cook and the rachni deserved more weight in the mission based on your decision in ME1 #james and EDI looked cute like always!! and soph ate it up in cleric’s guardian armors for shepard (which continues to be gorgeous ❤️‍🔥✨) #idk seeing grunt and playing fashion dress up was the best part of this mission besides the wrex cameo at the end lmao

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[cookinguptales]

if you want to know where I am on my "dealing with wwdits s5" journey, I've got like six long meta posts in my notes on my laptop that I just haven't posted. lmao

I'm. workin through it.

#wwdits tag #I'm going back and forth on whether they'll ever be posted tbh #part of me is like 'if you stop posting your thoughts because you were getting harassment then you're giving them what they wanted' #'and telling them that it works to harass people' #but part of me is like 'so fucking what I'm tired of getting harassed' #frankly I've been in the middle of a bad flare for the past few days and I realized that tumblr was stressing me out #which was making it worse #and it felt so stupid to let tumblr drama actively make my health worse which was why I just kind of... left #are other people seriously not getting all these messages #how is it that all of my friends instantly DMed me to complain about the finale #but I also got a bunch of shit from people who hate that I complained about the end of the finale #are you guys??? not getting these messages too??? #you hated it too are you not getting the fucking weirdos??? #what makes me so special and how do I stop being special lmao #me: you should just ignore them and do what you want and not let them get to you #also me: but why is the onus on me to not feel hurt when people actively try to hurt my feelings #I'm not built for being noticed lmao #but I got too many words in me to stay quiet #The Worst tbh

[imperpetuallylost]

kinda crazy but…

im gay for you

:o no way i’m also gay for u <3

#also i’m fucking exhausted it was a long ass day of robot #i broke down crying for no reason in the middle of my last tech interview for drama #because i was so fucking stressed abt hosting the robotics comp this weekend and waiting on college decisions #and also two of my friends were like in the hospital at the time #one bc they hadn’t eaten in like a week because of an ed and we’re doing really badly #and the other because they had to get stitches bc of sh #but i couldn’t really explain alllll of that to my drama teacher #anyway #i did hear back from one of the schools tho!!!!! and i got in!!!!!! #but they didn’t give me as much money as i would have needed to commit there #so like i probably won’t end up going even tho i really loved the school and it’s kinda my top choice #and also the accepted students days all conflict and i ended up signing up for one that would mean id miss the end of district champs #for robotics if we qualify #which my hopes are vaguely high this year #but now i’m gonna have to miss part of it if we do :///// #and the other more competitive one i’m waiting on hearing from some time this weekend i’ve been checking the portal like every twenty minute #it’s really bad #anyway i’m gonna go take a shower and then go to sleep before i drive myself to another breakdown #idk why the tags of this ask was my place to say all of this but it sure was

[bonafidehero]

Photos I took of my pets as a child in the 90s

#it’s so hard to look at these photos #I’m hoping maybe putting them here will help me face the pain and trauma associated with them #I think it’s especially painful because they were all such sweethearts #actual angels who were so gentle and patient with baby me #if i could go back in time and save all of them I fucking would 😭 #max the malamute 🖤 #best boy in the world he was such a good dog #my cousins family gave me him as a puppy #the torties were named Romeo and Juliet (even tho they were both boys 🤣) #(yeah boy torties are from the same litter! idk what happened! 🤣) #Garfield was the orange cat (and mama to the torties) #best girl in the world so sweet. she was almost completely deaf and blind #German shepherd was buddy #sweet playful boy 🖤 #I didn’t get to know him very well because he (all my pets did) lived with my dad and at that point I stopped going to his house a lot #bear was the rottie #sweet boy he died really tragically my dad loved animals but was fucking stupid sometimes #and the black puppy… also died really tragically. never even lived long enough to get a name. #some of these might be pushing into 00-4 maybe #the ones of buddy are probably from then because I’m pretty sure we got him while I was in middle school #I drafted this post a few months ago and honestly doing this + writing about them really did help me process my feelings towards them #so now I’m ready to share :) #I just love the idea of seeing the world through a child’s eyes #this is what little me thought was important! lol

[ehlnofay]

I've been having fun dipping into martin's perspective lately... it's helping me flesh out my interpretation of him and he never fails to be suffering tremendously in a way that is excellent to write

#whenever I get to mention pax from his pov I go HEEHEEHOOHOO like a giggling little beast of a child #their dynamic is. so fucked up kind of. but in a subtle enough way that pax #(who routinely addresses traumatised middle aged men's sad little angst moments by giving them stolen food) #(and does not know any other way to cope with anything ever) #doesn't ever really register it #but martin spends the whole time going 'oh god oh fuck jesus fucking christ that is a small child. and that is a horse.' #'and I am going to cope by projecting onto the horse. and I am in a very cold mountain house. and this is hell. fuck.' #'and we sent the small child into actual hell. again. and she's way too excited about this. and nobody has any concerns.' #'and the child is threatening to die for me. uncomfortably common as of late. and all I can do to protect the child #is keep my sad middle aged angst in my head. and hope that he doesn't actually die. fuck. everything is awful' #and pax is not perceptive enough to realise just how much he's holding back in an effort to shield them from the only thing he can (himself #and then they die (more or less) and nothing is ever resolved! the end!!! #someone talk to me about them I love them so much. blease and thank you #oc tag #pax #martin septim

[doodlboy]

Yk realistically if the om bros were fucked up like demons should be, they wouldn't be that disturbed by bloodlust el's personality.

However, I think the terror and angst comes from the fact that they lived with him his whole life, and for the most part, he was very passive and calm and never immediately resorted to violence, so to see [what used to be] their human revel in bloodshed is.. unsettling.

#bc they loved him for being human #being kind!! he was their connection to the entirety of humanity bc he loved people. bc he was human #they knew he was going to die eventually bc he's mortal. to them his life feels like minutes passing by 2 their immortality #[the universe where he turns in2 bloodlust el is the 1 where solomon can't reproduce the accidental immortality spell he used on himself] #[so el dies of old age after a full life of the devildom and his partners and magic] #so- imagine you die. your life was full and complex and loving #and [for a reason i haven't decided on yet] heaven/the celestial realm wipes your memory of all of that shit and u turn in2 a blank slate #2 be molded and shaped into something befitting an “angel” #then u start getting your memory back and you damn near start another war bc you're so pissed off you fight god & actually land a hit #which gets u cast out of the heaven and when you go crashing into hell you land smack dab in the middle of the garden #that belongs 2 the ppl who once loved you #but when u crashed you fucked up your head and now you're “wrong” #different from the human these people want you to be. and you hide away. they make you feel like a monster when you can't stop it #and get imprisoned for it. then used as essentially a court jester/executioner bc the prince needed to do *something* with you #fucked up #they wouldn't care if he was just another demon. but he's what remains of the human they loved yk #so it's more disturbing #anyway long ramble over #elliot rambles #obey me #obey me mc #obey me demon mc #obey me demon oc #avatar of bloodlust #demon elliot oc

[woolandcoffee]

I think the time has finally come for me to re-enter my clog era.

#woolly rambles #y'all remember a couple weeks ago on insta when everyone was posting pictures of themselves at 21? #i didn't participate but i did go back and look through photos of myself from that time #i sort of always forget that because i was working at a yarn store in my early twenties that i dressed like a middle aged norcal lady #like okay not exactly because i was also a broke college kid #but i tried alright #and oh my god the CLOGS #i had a pair of danskos that i purchased #they were the first shoes i ever bought as an adult that weren't from a thrift store and were actually well-made #genuinely wish i still had them but w/e #along with my danskos a couple of the ladies at work gifted me old pairs of their clogs that they no longer wore #at one point i had four different pairs of clogs that i wore literally all the time #and you know what? it fucking whipped #my feet were comfy as hell and i genuinely liked how they looked #plus #while everyone else's 2013-ass ballet flats were falling apart the second a foot got near them #my clogs were solid like a damn brick house #loved those things #anyways i'm returning to the wisdom of my youth #i'm getting a pair of clogs

[pacificgasandelectric]

having some Thoughts N Feelings abt elrond & elros + the historical practice of rulers taking children from the families of their tributaries or even their (nominal) allies as hostages

primarily that (1) the Politics of the Fëanorions having the heirs of Fingolfin AND Thingol AND All Three of the Three Houses as their hostages is like… soooo overlooked and underutilized in the fanworks I’ve seen

and (2) i think it would be rlly funny and also fucked-up if most elves are Totally Scandalized And Horrified by this Weird Human Behavior of “hostage-taking” if/when they see it happening in the second & third ages as human settlements & societies in M-E grow & develop, while Elrond is just like, “this is Normal, what are you Talking about”

#mine #silm #like the story can’t Not be informed by that practice/history to some degree but it’s also a weird fucked-up edge case bc like #at the point when m&m have e&e it’s like. the Entirety of their close family is either dead or absent or absent and Presumably dead #so e&e are functioning less as incentive for their immediate family to act a certain way & more as an all-purpose deterrent #to aggression or retaliation against the fëanorians by any remaining sindarin or noldorin forces who take issue with all the Crimes. #anyways it’s Vital to me that elrond (and elros too) be a Little Bit Feral and have just the Slightest weirdness about him #in terms of his expectations for How Stuff Works—bc there’s no way he’s getting out of his Canonical Early Life w/out being a BIT fucked up #(elros is equally Weird ftr but the atani don’t care as much bc they’re more adaptable than elves and also elros is The Literal King #so there’s nobody of high enough rank to judge him overtly and also i think the numenoreans are like His Weirdness Is Our Weirdness #ALSO also i think early numenor should have a patronage/fosterage system within the nobility that isn’t Officially inspired by All That #but isn’t NOT inspired by it either. which is yet another thing that could come full circle and develop (back) into being #more traditional hostage-taking For Assurance Of Loyalty And Good Behavior as the years wear on and numenor gets corrupted. anyways) #for the record i fall in the middle on the hostage-taking reaction spectrum. i think it’s fucked up to a degree but i also Understand it #as a political tool and i think i’m more forgiving/accepting of it than ur average second- or third-age elf would be #so i think elrond’s blasé reaction (which i have made up) is like. indicative that he does still have some Issues in terms of like #conceptualizing personal relationships and family ones & recognizing that uh being removed from ur family and raised #by their political ‘enemies’ may in fact have Certain (Negative) Emotional Impacts on ppl. (possibly bc he doesn’t Want to think abt it) #(bc that would force him to do some certain Unplesant Introspection and life is hard enough for a half-elf without giving urself #further Emotional Damage by trying to unpack the Absolute Mess that was ur childhood and adolescence in the midst of an apocalypse) #but that’s neither here nor there and these tags are long enough already #oh wait i’m not done going back to (1) i know we all imagine maedhros being Fucked Up in the aftermath of the Nirnaeth + kinslayings BUT #do you genuinely want me to believe that maedhros—THEE political luminary of beleriand—was Not thinking abt The Politics #when maglor pulled these two fucking kids out of the wreckage of sirion and was like ‘i’ll be sad if we kill them :(‘ #imo it would have been IMPOSSIBLE to forget that they are the heirs of Absolutely Everyone and depending on his thoughts on the future #maedhros Must have had at least a couple of Plans for these kids ranging from ‘assure my people’s safety Whoever i have to kill for it’ to #‘protect two of the Extremely Few uncontroversial political leaders the elves have left & make sure theyre Competent for when they do lead’ #however Wrecked he was by It All i dont think that the politics part of his brain Ever turns off & it might have been kicking into overdriv #at that point in order to Not think about the Everything Else that was happening. ok NOW i’m done #sorry for tag rant it’s just that i have Thoughts and they are Correct but not organized enough to make it into the Actual Post