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#i genuinely and wholeheartedly believe in soulmates
just-j-really · 6 months
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Concept that grabbed me and wouldn't let me go:
Dreamling soulmate AU, only they're not soulmates.
I have ideas for the canon timeline, but for the sake of argument, let's go with a modern AU. Dream and Hob aren't friends, exactly, but they're in the same friend circle, so they see each other fairly often. And one night, Dream's been dragged out drinking with some friends, and he overhears a very drunk Hob saying that soulmates are stupid, HE'S not going to go along with it, he'll fall in love with whoever he wants! So Dream (a hopeless romantic) makes some sort of bet with him, that when he finds his soulmate he'll be blissfully happy with her.
After that, whenever they run into each other at other's friends' events Dream will ask Hob if he's met his soulmate (Eleanor, according to the messy handwriting on Hob's arm), and Hob will be like "Nope! But I've got a job at this weird startup!" and then talk at him for three hours. The bet goes from a bet they're taking seriously to an excuse to talk to each other to a Weird Bit that's an essential part of their friendship.
And they are, genuinely, friends at this point, which is why it's such a betrayal for Dream when Hob answers his joking "found your soulmate yet?" with a quiet, "I think I might have. He's been asking me that question for like a year now."
Dream does not take this well. He believes in soulmates, wholeheartedly. He can't figure out a single interpretation of Hob's declaration that doesn't leave him feeling used: best-case scenario Hob legit believes what he's saying (but is still using Dream in this obviously doomed experiment of his), worst-case scenario Hob's noticed that Dream is attracted to him (even if that will never ever go any further than meaningless attraction because they are not soulmates) and is deliberately trying to take advantage of him to prove his point.
They argue. Dream storms off.
Somewhere in here, Dream has a relationship with his Actual Literal Soulmate, Alianora. It is extremely Messy, and she breaks it off because they may be soulmates but clearly this is not working. She's not the first person ever to end things with their soulmate, but it's extremely rare, and the fallout is shit-awful for both of them because everyone in their lives is trying to figure out whose fault it was, never mind that the answer was "nobody's- they met under really awful circumstances and the specific cocktail of that and the pressure, both internal and external, they were under to Be Perfectly Happy Together Forever just. Poisoned their relationship and they didn't deal with it until it exploded and by then it was too late."
Eventually, Dream and Hob resolve their argument, complete with an inn-building-equivalent Big Gesture from Hob. Their relationship goes back to the way it was, mostly, except that Dream is undeniably aware that Hob is sad and pining after Dream and trying to hide it from him. And Hob being sad is Basically the Worst Thing That Could Possibly Happen.
Dream is... more aware of the implications of that thought than he'd like to be.
And once he's noticed that it's really, really hard not to notice how gorgeous Hob is when he smiles, the way his heart flutters whenever Hob calls him a nickname or makes sure to grab Dream a coffee when he gets one for himself, the fact that he'd be perfectly happy sitting and listening to Hob talk for hours...
And things are different now. Dream's soulmate doesn't want him, he's not betraying her if he starts a doomed relationship with someone else. Hob will be happy. The only person getting hurt here will be Dream, when Hob inevitably meets his soulmate. He's setting himself up to get hurt, yes, but at least he'll get to be happy with Hob before that.
So one night he very tentatively asks if Hob still meant what he said, about Dream being his soulmate. Hob's like "Crap I thought I was hiding it I'm so sorry I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
Dream's like "You are not actually that subtle. But I'm. Glad. You still feel that way."
It takes Hob a few seconds and a fairly terrible emotional rollercoaster to figure out what Dream meant by that, and Dream is not good about clarifying. But when he does he asks Dream on a date, and Dream agrees, and before he knows what's hit him Hob's moved in with him and is very cautiously hinting around about engagement rings and he can't possibly be in love with Hob, right? Whatever's between them is too easy, too natural, too much like they added romance to their existing friendship and somehow it worked perfectly and-
Oh. Shit.
And just when Dream realizes he's invested- not just invested, committed, this was Absolutely Not how the story's supposed to go and it's terrifying but he desperately wants it anyway- just when he's got something to lose-
Hob meets Eleanor.
And almost immediately asks if Dream would mind him explaining things to her one-on-one, since he thinks it would go more smoothly that way. Dream says he doesn't, and braces himself. It's not that he thinks Hob is lying to him. He 100% trusts that Hob has made this meeting to turn Eleanor down.
He's just also 100% certain that the moment Hob has a conversation with his soulmate he'll realize just how important a soulmate is, that Dream was right and that next to the person he's destined for, Dream means nothing to him.
When Hob gets back from the meeting he's happier than Dream's seen him in months, maybe ever, and Dream braces himself.
But the first thing Hob does after closing the door is kiss Dream, for several minutes.
And the second thing he does is excitedly tell Dream, "It went really well! She said I'm not worth it!"
And Dream's like "...what."
And Hob explains that he'd told Eleanor that he was very sorry, but he already had a soulmate, and she'd been upset but essentially told him "Yeah fine, if you're this adamant about not wanting a soulmate it is not at all worth it for me to pursue anything," with a grudging sort of understanding.
And Dream's like "...what."
And they go back and forth for a bit until finally Dream's like "But she's your SOULMATE. You're not even going to TRY to have something with your soulmate in order to stay with a man who is so bad at romance his soulmate left him."
And Hob's like "I've been saying for years now that you're my perfect other half, soulmates and destiny be damned, and I meant it. You're perfect, and I'm not letting you go for anything."
And Dream... still can't entirely believe in an undying non-soulmate romance the way Hob does. But he wants to, and he trusts Hob enough to try. And several years later they're married, maybe talking about kids, and in some mundane little domestic moment Dream realizes he does entirely believe in this now, in a way that snuck up on him gradually.
And he tells Hob he's won the bet.
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thestobingirlie · 11 months
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You know what? In terms of Steve's narrative steddie works so well. Like it's unbelievable that they didn't make Eddie friends (they are too cowardly to make them a couple, even if it would have worked even better) with Robin and Steve and left him for the fifth season. That is something that fits Steve's narrative way better than Steve dying.
Here is this character who thinks that he is only good at serving people and basically being someone who is ready to give everything including sacrificing himself for his loved ones, and believing that he is a better babysitter than a boyfriend (he can never expect anything from kids on the account of them actually being 12). That is what Steve said to Nancy in season 2. And he doesn't even comprehend that he can be loved genuinely by someone who doesn't have to rely on him like the kids. And then he meets Robin! They are literally written to be soulmates, Robin's coming out scene enriched ST so much and enriched their characters. That is what Steve's character about, building connections and finding love that is not centered around small town heteronormative ideals. Since season 1. Not him dying.
Like Steve coming to terms with his bisexuality and falling for Eddie after the heartbreak of his and Nancy's relationship? Brilliant, showstopping, wonderful, they even basically have set it up with Eddie and Steve having tention in the beginning of the season. But even Steve finding a new friend with whom he could never imagine being friends with is also good.
Also can be tied in with Will being gay and realising he is not alone at all, which actually relolves Will's arc.
i actually really agree! i think that eddie could’ve played an incredibly important role in steve’s character arc. even ignoring steddie for a second, eddie is a character that is wholeheartedly himself. regardless of the fact that he may get mocked, and he’s on his third go of senior year. until robin, steve didn’t feel like he could be himself around anyone, it’s still something he’s working on, and i think eddie would’ve aided steve in that journey in a very fitting way.
like you said, steve has been distancing himself from the ideals that he yearned to fulfil for so long, and i do think that steve discovering his own bisexuality and loving eddie would’ve been incredibly meaningful.
especially because we have eddie telling steve that dustin looks up to him in s4, finally giving steve some of the acceptance he’s been craving. (we also almost have the reverse, with steve attempting to make eddie feel better about running, which also would’ve made eddie’s arc so much better, to have steve, this hero figure telling eddie that there’s no shame in running… beautiful)
and though i don’t love when gay characters just get absorbed into will coming out, i do agree that it could’ve been really cool for will to be able to look up to eddie and steve. to see older teens that are happy with who they are.
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blacknidstang · 4 months
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4 and 8 for the discourse asks ❤️
Hello my beloved 💕
4) meg!sam or lucifer!sam
HOW DO I ANSWER THIS EVEN HOW. I think Jared's acting with Meg was just... Phenomenal truly. Mindblowing performance from such amazing amazing episode. But i think personally i choose Luciter Sam. There's certain beauty, elegance and grace to his Lucifer that sometimes take my breath away. And we don't see a lot truly but sometimes, even a tiniest moment can leave a mark on you. Like this one short scene from Proverbs that had me screaming MY WIFE, MY BRIDE, MY BEAUTY, MY LOVE.. just... Just look at him i am i feel WEAK
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8) How should the afterlife have been “resolved”? Did the fixing of Heaven work?
Bdjdudwij i cannot believe you're asking me this when you're fully aware i think Dean is just a prisoner in his isolated heaven and all of that is a illusion. :/ Obviously the writers were held at gun point to make it LOOK LIKE Dean is in heaven waiting for SAM instead of being happy with Cas but they dropped hints all along that this is just an unreal Chuck-made heaven. If you reverse the second Carry On song, invert the waves and subtract the frequency from the first version you will be able to find the morse code to the actual truth of the finale. Hope that clears thing up.
Ok petty jokes aside i actually just realized, it doesn't matter bc it is a win-win thing for us.
IF it had not worked & Chuck has won then ya know, Sam & Dean share one heaven and as long as they are together, according to that certain post, THEY WON'T EVEN REALIZE CHUCK HAS WON. Like it's genuinely funny that the claim turned out to be even more of a samdean soulmatism proof
But if it has worked and heaven is fixed (which i genuinely think is the answer bc it matters so much to me that they fucked god over and raised new one just so they could be free and happy together) then the rest is history. So even if there's nothing i exactly can say for sure, i wholeheartedly think sam & dean are each others heaven and thats all that matters.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to particularly rant about that one thing <3
Spn discourse asks
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venusleontios55555 · 6 months
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Best Fictional Characters to date (not ranked) Part - 2!
1. Ian Miller (My Big Fat Greek Wedding): John Corbett has portrayed Ian Millers' character fantastically. Perhaps one of the greenest flags in movie history, Ian is a kind and gentle teacher who falls in love with a Greek woman named Toula. Who comes from a conservative but highly loving Greek family. In order to be with the woman he loves, he was ready to be baptised and accepted by her family without hesitation. He also never once berated her or gave up on her family and was the most loving and kindest husband anyone could get. (He is really underrated though)
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2. Hua Cheng (Heaven Officials Blessing): My Heaven Officials Blessing's fans know that Hua Cheng is the definition of the word Green Flag only for Xie Lian. This man defeated 33 military gods for Xie Lian, DIES multiple times for this man only to be reincarnated, and is one of the most loving and loyal people in the fictional world. Ps: my favorite quote by Hua Cheng right before he dies again (don't worry he reincarnates is " I am forever your most devoted believer". God, I am crying again.
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3. Leo Valdez (Heroes of Olympus): HE DIED TO GO BACK TO OGYGIA! I REPEAT HE DIED TO GO BACK TO OGYGIA! JUST TO SAVE CALYPSO!!!! (From what I remember), THIS MAN IS SO ADORABLE!!!!! I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HIM. OH MY GOD. (I am hyperventilating send help).
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4. Harry Cameron (The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo): Even though he was not exactly an official love interest. Harry Cameron is the kind of friend everyone needs. He was kind, patient, and understanding and stood by Evelyn through every moment of her life. he even agreed to be Evelyn's beard so she could be with Celia, and he could be with the quarterback he fell in love with John. And (not my words) " their friendship and love was so genuine that at some point it causes Monique to think that the actual platonic soulmates are Evelyn and Harry"
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5. Niles Crane (Frasier): Before anyone tells me Niles was creepy... zip it. I know he was a tiny bit creepy. But also remember this was a sitcom in the 90s! It was usually shown as a form of comedy. And considering other fictional characters (as far as my knowledge goes). Niles Crane was the sweetest and the nicest character who wholeheartedly fell in love with Daphne. Even though at the start the audience was led to believe that he only fell for Daphne for her looks... it was not exactly true, as throughout the series we see him pursue her, care for her, and try to make every dream of hers come true. (Like going to England to get her dad). And even when she gained 60 pounds he never even mocked her or taunted her, instead he never even noticed her weight gain or appearance till she fell on the floor and could not get up. This is quite interesting because 90s and early 2000s sitcoms always made it a point to make fun of fat female characters. (Ok now I know Frasier and Martin had made unsavory remarks but this is about Niles's treatment of Daphne). But I did not like the way he treated Mel.
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" KEEP YOUR STANDARDS AS HIGH AS THE SKY"
PS: This was just my opinion, I am sure everyone feels differently
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shackld · 1 month
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zoyachief for the ask game.. heeehe :^)
Send me a ship and I’ll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.
Ship It
What made you ship it?
Of course I fucking ship ZoyaChief, I'm an LGBT. Okay but honestly, just... their everything?? I'll save that for the next question but I staretd to ship them the second Zoya pinned her ass but it really solidified it's place in my heart near the end of the crypt where they finally fight together and it's honestly one of the most epic parts in early PTN.
What are your favorite things about the ship?
Their respect for each other is the biggest thing for me. They genuinely see each other on equal standing and despite the difference in power and authority, they really grow to look out for each other and the fact that Chief (and EARL OFC) is the one to help bring her back from black ring madness is soulmate shit and Chief wholeheartedly believing she's still out there and doesn't give up on her??? AND ALSO THE DRIFTER CAMP STUFF??? ITS INSANE. They also have this fucking cute witty banter between them and they also don't take shit from each other, especially in supervision events where Chief enjoys provoking her and they mess with each other, it's so lovely-
Also I love to think that Zoya has something Chief really needs in a dynamic and thats calling her out on her bullshit, I need that.
Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?
See, I don't really think I have any unpopular opinions??? But the week or two between the crypt and keylan square, they fucked. I know they fucked. Chief stayed with the Legion that entire time and she became that one family friend that is so fucking different from everyone around her but that's the Legion's little guy now.
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616phyla · 9 months
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Adam and/or Thanos 🫡🧡
you get both 😽
Adam
one aspect about them i love
everything... I genuinely love how his storylines focus on the various aspects of Adam and his identity, what makes him who he is, how this changes over time, and how it is about how he does need to accept and embrace all the components of him (including aspects that scare him). I love how focused he is on freedom and life for the universe... he can be manipulative LOL but he is doing everything to work towards his duty :) he is so accepting of misfit types (he is too) sees into others souls for real.
one aspect i wish more people understood about them
I think some people have a misconception that he isn't smart or isn't capable of being Rude which I think is very perplexing to me LOL. I think people also need to understand the gender he has going on, literally canonically... ALSO he is not boring despite what some people like to say so jot that down he's sooo fascinating. OH also that he is literally scared of women.
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character
Uses any pronouns... doesn't really have a preference at all is good with whatever people want to refer to them as.
one character i love seeing them interact with
THANOS. Their relationship in all the levels and manifestations is soooo good and interesting. How Adam trusts Thanos more than anyone else, how he sees Thanos like no one else does, knows him better than himself, power of gay love to save the universe. How Thanos also does the same for Adam, universal soulmates to stop each other from exploding everything for ever and ever. They're so sweet. Also when they fight or argue it is hilarious as well. Then their growing friendship, allies :) endearing :) holds hands.
one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more
Repeating my Phyla answer from her ask but also! In general they should bring the Watch back. ALSO!! I want more Goddess and Adam interactions so bad. PLEASE.
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character
Thanos and Adam are currently right now on farm planet together living their best life and learning to be vulnerable and I believe this wholeheartedly.
Thanos (under the cut so this isn't 10 metres long)
one aspect about them i love
I LOVE his redemption arc... his character development is amazing truly. How he was deeply lonely and isolated himself from everything except for Literal Death... how he subconsciously knows he doesn't want or deserve Power or Death... him learning that, learning to value life and hope and aim for that instead :) I love how people are always like he's honest lol he has a strong respect for his rivals.
one aspect i wish more people understood about them
Literally name anything. I think people have like so many misconceptions about his character. I guess most importantly I don't think people understand what his relationship with Mistress Death IS. He isn't an incel or whatever. It's like they don't get how it's his loneliness and isolation and upbringing + probably destiny to be an opposing force to the Magus that led to him being as he is.
also he isn't really a dominating conqueror type LMAO he's -
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character
He does truly have an artistic streak... he designed all his robots and ships and stuff, he likes to draw, I think he handmade those dolls he gave to Gamora, etc. Microdosing on life through acts of creation.
one character i love seeing them interact with
Repeat of Adam answer ^^ Also when him and Gamora's dynamic is done right it's sooo fascinating, when it's like highlighting their parallels and their contrasts... How he did try and they do care about each other but Thanos was too messed up to meet Gamora's needs and wants in a father figure.
one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more
Sui-san!! I love everything we know about Thanos's relationship with his mother from Starlin's work and I wish more people explored that instead of. the retcons that are bad and boring LOL. The whole "she was the only person who would have forgiven me" it's sooo LOOKS.
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character
Sui-San I think taught him a lot about robotics as a kid :)
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maybemoonout · 1 year
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Miles and Alex definitely are like soulmates, i don't know if they believe that, but according to all the times they talked about the unique connection they've had since the first day they met, both of them know that this is the kinda of connection you find once in a lifetime or even never. If they ever really had anything other than friendship at some point, i feel that many things were unresolved along the way and sometimes seems Alex was the one who was afraid to face some feelings. Miles always seemed ready to risk anything for him and that maybe hurt him because he knew that Alex felt the same way. Idk but they definitely love each other and that's what matters
fr anon frfr
I know it seems ironic especially with this blog I have to say this but genuinely I love them both and I don't want to intrude into their personal lives, and I wholeheartedly mean it when I say that everything I create or say should be treated as fictional and I don't expect anything to come together in actual reality.
However, I think theres sort of a beauty in their relationship that I can never just look away from. They are obviously very much willing, especially Miles as you have mentioned, to face the things they've allowed for us to know in interviews, etc. Especially again to Miles as his reaction to fans sending him fanart of him and Alex have always been so positive. Miles, I believe genuinely sees what the people sees aswell, and I like to believe Alex sees all of it too.
I like to think all the snippets from interviews and even in their music we can see through a lifted veil ever so slightly. I think thats beautiful. We will never see the full picture, what's truly behind the curtains, and I think thats good. Whether their relationship is truly romantic or not we will never know but we know for a fact that their relationship is, based from what I read before "too close for any severance to be ever-lasting".
The fact that Miles allows/enjoys all the fan made stuff about them though do definitely show us just how much he enjoys it as we do. So I don't think we'll be running out of content anytime soon.
I kinda went on a rampage there, sorry anon! Heh, but to go back to you, yes their connection is truly very loving no matter how you see it. I think thats how we get all this wonderful music in the first place. TLSP is built with a foundation of love and connection so it really annoys me to my core when people say that they "don't love eachother" or people think its rude to say they love eachother and that were intruding into their lives. Love can be between friends and bonds very close, and that is something they blatantly have for each other and have even expressed themselves.
It gives me comfort knowing that they believe their bond is truly ever lasting since that means we can always expect mlre content from them/be content with what they have already given us.
You are right, the fact that they love eachother is truly all that matters because without it we wouldn't have any of their beautiful art and music. They are definitely soulmates in whatever perspective you look at it.
I again went on a rampage! So sorry, this is probably my longest text post to date. Sorry if I didn't really give you the reply you were expecting heh. Thank you though for this since I finally got the chance to express everything I've been thinking ♥
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vicmeep · 1 year
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I hate that so many people just seem to trivialize others pain. I hate that even close friends seem to do the same exact thing. Trivialize but sugarcoat it to try to not offend you, silently judge you and doing the exact same thing. Sugarcoating.
When Andrew saw the one screenshot from Ferzu where I was beyond furious, because I was left talking to myself for weeks on Skype after she promised she was coming back AGAIN. To only be greeted with all of those disgusting sexual posts, the one where she said that back then she wanted to get married while I was right fucking here the entire time.
Only to vomit after the fact, including after i became so angry and wanted to make her see what she did and not erase me like I never existed. Like you never said you wholeheartedly believed I was your soulmate the same day you lied about coming back. Like you didn't make all those promises or say all those sweet things to me too. About that one fucking song I can't even listen to anymore, Modern Leper.
When I showed him he said, "at least you can close the book on her now."
"I resent people too. But you also have to let them go."
When I told him when I lied about the gun so I could get her to stop threatening me whenever she was going to the kitchen to get a knife.
"That's bad."
When I told him other things. When I was so desperate. I refuse to say this part here. Just...ways I could get the evidence since she blocked me on Discord and I couldn't reopen the dm by that point.
He responded with "You just want closure."
So much fucking judgement. Sugarcoating while he's judging me for everything I did then, and what I did years before then.
Judgement hidden under niceties. Which makes me feel like a hypocrite because of that crippling fear of mine that would haunt me day and night with Alice. That I was judging her but sugarcoating it.
Whenever I was by myself I would be frustrated and angry at her because of when she would yell at me and accuse me of calling her things I never called her. I never called her any sort of name until *after* the relationship. After what she did. After when she lied and blamed me.
Back in 2020 in my head when I was frustrated I just went "You know what yes!" Confirming to myself that I believed that...she was a slut.
I never called her anything of the sort. Not until after the relationship. But even then it doesn't feel different if it were in my head. Including something I told her once, that makes me feel shame. In 2020, I told her about this...eh...romance story I made when I was 12 (ffs). And compared her and me to the characters in it.
I'm genuinely going to hit myself after typing this part.
The story had to do with a prostitute character and this OC I made who seriously resembles a lot of other recent characters I made. The story from what I remember was inspired by Tyler Perry films.
Ow.
I'm sorry Alice. I hate that whenever I say in sorry I feel reluctant. I'm sorry...
Something once again happened on Twitch when we were playing saints row 2 together.
When I asked him "What do you think I did in January."
"You were drawing."
I said something along the lines of "Other than that..."
"You are a good person."
"Please don't say that again."
Judging me for what I was doing. That I did when I was 16. Part of me felt reluctant saying that and I want to hurt myself for it.
I know he always meant well. Honest. But even back then when I was a teenager, when I felt so helpless and hopeless especially when some of those experiences happened, that he did the same as above.
He just seemed so nonchalant, and acted as if I was okay after the fact even though I wasn't. I just shoved everything down and repressed so many things until last year.
So many times this year I have imagined the things he would say to me, while I'm the aggressor like usual. Where I'm mean for no reason like I was when I was a teen.
"I wish you never met her."
"I just didn't want you to get into trouble. She's not worth it."
"Who the hell is going to take my seriously? A trans guy who had an online girlfriend who was supposedly abusive? I'm a fucking laughing stock. No one would believe me.
"I believe you. We all do."
"Okay, you wanna know how much I know she wasn't good for you? She would constantly force her political opinions on you."
"No she didn't..."
"Yes she fucking did. She also would yell at other people for whatever petty reason, she would constantly talk about sex-"
The other part I can't put into a proper sentence of a screenshot he showed me last year when I was at peace for a bit. I can't remember in detail for some reason.
About her saying something about some people not working a day in their life and sounding really hostile...
I know he means well. He always did. That's why I beat myself up so much.
Am I wrong for wanting to show everyone for what she did? Am I wrong for feeling helpless that someone who put me through that is seemingly happy despite what they put me through? Despite the pain they left me in? Just like those past fucking bullies when I was a teenager?
I know if any of her friends saw this they would say yes. That it is wrong. And that I should've just gotten over it while the person who did it takes no accountability whatsoever.
While I'm still hurting to this day, and all of these painful memories are in my head daily.
I have hurt myself so many times since 2018 about things I did when I was 16 and even younger than that, including towards him. That makes me feel abusive for even feeling any sort of resentment towards him despite everything he has done since I met him.
That I was the one being judged. Despite what she did. Despite the months of suicide threats, her berating me and blaming me no matter what, and whenever I would try to open up about my pain, about what bothered me, I would get the same treatment. Leaving out all the details whenever she talked about me months after, to make me solely seem like the one to blame.
To only be lied to. Only to be used once she got on the path of "healing" from her trauma after the months of misery and pain you put me through. Once I wasn't good enough for her anymore, she threw me away. Despite her message on Skype, I don't think she felt guilty. Not at all. She didn't mean a damn thing she said back then. Despite me vomiting, barely being able to eat, feeling confused, betrayed, and in pain despite everything you told me.
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I wouldn't blame anyone else if someone else did it. Not at all. Especially if their partner did all of the above to them.
I wanted to add onto those other reblogs but I didn't want to keep reblogging it and just say it here. The harassment wasn't... intentional at first. That's why so many times I said I was talking to myself for weeks on Skype, waiting for a response. Because I thought she was coming back.
That's how she responded the first time. Because I found her email.
Then it kept happening after that because I thought she would've responded faster. I also thought...the break she lied about, wasn't a 100% lie and that's why she wasn't responding. Because I didn't see her active. On anything. At least not on Discord since she...blocked me on that dm I can't reopen for the evidence. I was holding out hope and thinking everything she told me wasn't a lie.
Until I got fed up one day. After I told her the story about what happened to me when I was 14. That's when I got fed up, felt a pit fall into my stomach and checked Ferzu. Then that's when I saw everything. That's when everything else happened. That's when the harassment was 100% intentional.
On Skype after that I said something like "Also harassing? Seriously? You said you were coming back."
That makes me want to hurt myself.
I know the way I described it could've been described as miscommunication but i just take it as me being a monster as fucking usual.
So many people, that one person on Reddit last year who immediately told me to move on, and then Andrew when I posted the SUI letter.
"You will absolutely not fucking do that. Someday you'll make someone very happy-" I forgot the rest of what he said but I know it was something nice.
This is what I mean...
I know he and others mean well, but it doesn't seem like they acknowledge the immense pain I feel.
Why does everyone assume that I'll just...move on? So easily?
Why does everyone assume that it's this trivial matter when it doesn't feel like it? Why would anyone say these things in relationships if they don't mean them? If you don't mean the things you say in relationships then don't fucking say it then and lead the other person on.
When I told her I believed her to be my soulmate, I meant it. Compared to her. And not even "believe", that she *was* my real, actual soulmate. Not something I was... tricking myself into believing.
Despite my positive emotions being numb for the most part, I still felt it. That's why I hurt as much as I did as the months went on. with those constant nightmares and her doing all those things to me weren't helping. That's why I told her about the ring that...I think she was already talking to her when I told her about it. In November of 2020.
I wanted her to know how much I loved her despite me feeling like such a monster. Which she saw that side of me anyway after the fact.
Despite how much pain I was in, I thought I was being selfless...I even said this to her. The same day she lied.
I just wanted her to tell me that she wasn't capable. That's it. That's what scared me about myself, about her, about everyone. Capable of horrible, horrendous acts and somehow being happy despite the pain you caused others.
So I could stop having those explicit nightmares of the story she told me, that made me so physically sick night and day. So I could stop feeling that horrible pain that genuinely felt as if someone was stabbing me.
Yet that fear, those months of pain, ended up happening anyway.
I made so many of these posts. I know I said for almost a year now that I was trying to be healthier, physically. So I could get on camera to make that re-made video about her. Before I...attempt.
It's so close. It doesn't feel like I have lost any weight despite my efforts. Despite how much healthier I've been for the most part. Eating so many vegetables I actually enjoy, getting enough protein, trying to excercise. Yet it doesn't feel like it has been enough...I don't want to go on camera looking the way I do.
Even with everything I've said. It's still isn't everything. There's still more.
All my efforts. With all of these memories in my head, outside of Alice. The shame episodes I have had for very dumb trivial things to things I felt immense guilt for, that I have literally beat myself for. The black eyes and bruises. All of it.
Almost. Every. Single. Thing. In those recordings. Imagine those recordings, but almost every day this year. With everything I've said above.
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wayhavenots · 2 years
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how about all the hearts for luz???
Thank you, aml!! Sorry it took so long haha. I’ll put some under the cut because it is a little long!
💓 - What gets their heart racing?
What doesn't lololol. She gets especially enamored by people whom she perceives as especially smart or talented.
💘 - What traits do they look for in a relationship? Do they believe in love at first sight?
Luz is looking for her soulmate and nothing less (and nothing more defined lol). She believes wholeheartedly in love at first sight...but, at least before she's in a serious relationship, she can't really differentiate between love and a crush.
💗 - If they have a crush, is it noticeable? What changes when they're in love?
So noticeable. When she has a crush, she puts herself way out there, adopts a genuine interest in the hobbies of the object of her affections (and tries to get good at those hobbies too), goes out of her way to spend as much time with them as possible and learn everything about them. She also gets so flustered and rambly around her crush. When she is in love, actually in love, she still obviously tries to spend time with the other person, but she feels more secure about things, is less intense and more comfortable (if that makes sense).
❤️ - Their love languages?
Physical touch! She’s always grabbing friends or partners' hands or patting them on the shoulder or leaning on them.
💙 - Do they miss their S/O easily? How do they act when their S/O isn't around?
Luz definitely misses her S/O easily when they’re not there, particularly if she’s not working at that exact moment (usually her job is a good distraction). If her partner’s away for some period of time, she’ll have pre-scheduled daily video calls to have with them. (She’ll also be sooo dramatic about it to her friends, in the hopes of getting some special treatment lol.)
💚 - What makes your OC feel comforted? Hugs, kisses, food?
All of the above, but especially hugs.
💖 - Are they a subtle or showy lover?
Always showy lol.
💌 - Do they like love letters? What kind of messages do they leave for their partner?
Yes!! She would melt on the floor to get a love letter. If she tried to leave a handwritten love letter to her partner, it would be long and rambly and also illegible lol (her handwriting is soooo bad, brain moves faster than her hands). So she mostly sends little texts (that start out as long and rambly but that she can edit down lololol).
[In the Luz/Emma fic I *almost* had Luz leave a note for Emma before she left, but it was mainly going to be for comedic reasons so I cut it lol.]
💔 - What could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?
Poor Luz I don't want to think about this 😭 Apart from the types of things that would break anyone else's heart, I feel like she'd be particularly heartbroken if her partner ever implied that they thought she was dumb, even in a joking way. She gets so excited and eager about things that she can come across as ditzy to people who don't know her well, but she's really skilled in her field (as a surgeon or in biomedical research, depending on the universe) and hates to be underestimated, especially by someone who's supposed to know her better than anyone. Plus, she's especially attracted to people she views as intelligent, so to realize that that feeling isn't mutual would really hurt her. 😭
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diorexia444 · 1 month
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he held my face in his hands and told me I was everything he's ever wanted. that I was beautiful and smart and funny and sweet and caring. i know he believed those things too, or at least I chose to think he did. as much as I nearly convinced myself he played me, and it was all a lie, I don't think that kind of passion and adoration could be faked. he told me he adored me under the stars. maybe he kid himself and I was merely a victim to his foolishness. he got drunk one time and told me I was the sweetest, purest girl he had ever known. at the time, even in my faded state of mind, I remember being confused by what exactly he meant by that. even though I didn't entirely understand it, I liked it. i liked that he though of me as pure, like an angel. it made me feel clean and innocent and whole, everything the young girl inside me craves. i know he knows I'm beautiful. he knows I'm smart. he knows I'm kind. i don't have to post pictures of myself all dolled up, or reading and studying, or showing off all the fun I'm having. i know I couldn't have been more beautiful or charming. the fault doesn't lie on me. i did everything right, I know I did. i know I am his dream girl. i feel so confident in my heart that I was placed on this earth by God to stand alongside this man. i never really believed in soulmates until after our first date. all of our desires and grandiose dreams in life line up to a t. i remember him saying it was 'scary' how much he liked me and how perfect i was. i didn't realize how genuinely he meant those words until it was too late. he was scared, or is, i guess. invisible string theory, right? he'd go on and on about all of our connections and how mindblowing it was to him. every conversation revealed a new tie, and he'd always be left astonished. it was all perfect. puzzle pieces coming together. God's plan in motion, undoubtedly. i know i did everything right. i know he's scared, but God does it hurt. one day he won't be scared anymore, he'll come back. i know in my heart he will. he pulled away because he said the timing wasn't right but i know that’s just a front. maybe its a cover he genuinely believes, or maybe he, too, remembers that night on the beach when he laid on top of me, hands on my face, telling me how scared he was. i think something in me made him feel vulnerable, hence him being scared. when we were alone, he always acted like a little kid, but in a way that made it clear he doesn't let down his guard often. he'd get nervous, jump around, be so jittery, looking for any way he could find to release his energy. Lord, he couldn't hold eye contact for the life of him for the entire first week. i know, logically, that he's being childish now. all my friends say he needs to act like the grown man he is, but i can't help but sympathize with the inner little kid i saw in him. he told me that i was everything he wanted in a partner and that he didn't want to date anyone unless its going to be his future wife, and while i believe the conscious, mature side of him can wholeheartedly want that, i cant help but remember him looking at me, with the eyes once of a child, telling me he's scared. i can't waste time racking my brain about what I could have done better, because I know that's not what this is about. i know one day when he is ready he will come back, and its up to me to decide what to do when he does.
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brainstreamjournal · 2 months
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Writing Challenge
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February 7th
🫂✨Are soulmates real?🫂✨
I wholeheartedly believe they are.
I hold the conviction that certain individuals are destined to cross our paths, whether for a brief moment or a lifetime. These connections, I believe, are arranged by a higher power, guiding us toward encounters that shape our lives in profound ways.
In my view, soulmates come in various forms, be it a friend or a romantic partner. They are the ones who leave an indelible mark on our hearts and souls, offering support, understanding, and unwavering companionship.
As a person of faith, I attribute the bonds I share with others to divine intervention. If I you would ask me “well have you found or encountered a soulmate in this lifetime?” I would say yes most definitely. The friendship that I have with my roommate is indescribable. From the moment we met, I sensed a connection that transcended mere coincidence. It was as if our paths were destined to converge, leading us to each other precisely when we needed it most. I believe God had a hand in bringing us together. I really needed and still need her in my life.
My roommate has been my pillar of strength, offering solace and support during my darkest moments. She single handed guided me though my worst seasonal depression. Her unwavering presence and genuine care have lifted me out of despair and reminded me that I am never alone.
In her, I see the embodiment of a soulmate—one who understands me in ways I never thought possible and whose presence in my life is nothing short of a blessing.
And when I shared my excitement about my blog with her, her genuine enthusiasm only solidified my belief that she is indeed a soulmate. Her unwavering support and encouragement fill me with gratitude and warmth.
In conclusion, yes, I wholeheartedly believe in soulmates, and my roommate is undoubtedly one of them. She has touched my life in ways words cannot express, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
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moosegoose150 · 11 months
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Hiiii gushing about my best friend :}
I love my boyfriend, I love him so much. He and I were meant to be.
But fuck
My best friend and I are the definition of soulmates
I love her more than anyone in the world. I would take a bullet for her a hundred times over no question about it. I would scale mountains alone, cross oceans, and face all my greatest fears just to hang out together, I am not even kidding a little bit.
We became best friends the day we met. Our very very first conversation, absolutely perfect. Every conversation after that? Absolutely perfect.
I actually cannot remember life before knowing her. Maybe i do? Maybe I just don’t care about it.
Our friendship feels scripted for how well we bounce off each other for joke and bits, like people genuinely ask if we plan our jokes ahead which we never do. I will start a bit with no direction in mind and she will somehow take it exactly where I want it to go. Exactly where it should go. No one has ever made me laugh harder than her, and no one laughs harder at my jokes than she does
I will say absolute brain vomit gibberish incoherent thoughts, and she will perfectly translate exactly what I meant to say with ease, but always knows when to give me the time to say it myself. She always, fucking ALWAYS knows the right way to deal with me.
She will say a completely outlandish metaphor and I always know exactly what she’s talking about “did you see that guy? He’s so National Geographic beetle” yeah 100% I totally see it, how does everyone else not?
My boyfriend and I definitely have a strong connection, but a lot of that is about debating and having different views and sharing them and discussing them. We don’t always see eye to eye but we do where it really counts. I see his flaws, he sees mine, and we both love each other nonetheless. We have such a beautiful human to human connection. But my best and I are otherworldly. Our spirits are intertwined we were born from the same laugh, she makes me believe in the afterlife and a higher power because there’s no way she and I are just chance.
If my boyfriend and I stopped talking I would sob and cry and be devastated and wrecked for months if not years. but if my best friend and I stopped talking, natural disasters would hit my house until the true order of the world was restored.
My boyfriend needs my kidney? Oh man ok, I’ll do what I can, but let’s sit down let’s talk through our options. Lots to consider.
My best friend needs one and a half of my lungs? I’m already on the operating table. Crack me open baby I wasn’t even breathing that much anyways.
I’m so glad my boyfriend and I know each other in this universe, but my best friend and I know each other in all of them. The universe can’t exist without us living side by side
We are the moon and sun
We are the rocks and the waves
We are the horizon together
I love her more than life
Truly, wholeheartedly, unconditionally, soulmates
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furiousgoldfish · 2 years
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I looked further into magical thinking and found out there's a part of it that leeks into the adult life, without us being conscious about it. Sometimes we will project our fantasy on real people in our lives.
We feel a longing for a person or a relationship that we desperately need, to heal us, to help us be safe and calm. We feel connections to people who we can imagine doing this for us, or from who we desperately want this closeness and love. We'll fit them into an ideal we have in our head, project feelings they have for us, virtues they have, who they are as a person, how safe they are, and we'll get attached to the ide of this being 'destiny' or 'soulmates'. We feel like it's inevitable, it's right, it's the only thing that makes sense. And any flaws they might have, will either be invisible, excused, or explained away as unimportant, because of course you accept this person wholeheartedly.
We do this because we survived the first part of our life in pain and danger, and what pulled us thru was the magical thinking. So we dream that we'll have all of this pain made up for; that there's a miraculous friendship or relationship out there waiting for us, waiting to heal us. And if we get out, or even just a little freedom from our captive space, and we're still feeling abandoned, people around us are uncaring, uninterested, or even completely unsafe predators, it's too much to survive thru. It's not what we survived the abuse for. It means we still can't relax, can't process anything, can't get to feeling loved or safe at all. And we even can't do anything about it.
Magical thinking gives us something to do; a goal, a hope to hold onto. It makes us believe happiness is within reach, our desired future will happen, we only have to invest incredible amount of patience, loyalty, persistence, self-managing so we endure all the bad our 'special' people put us thru, and we'll get our love, we'll feel safe at last. We'll even try to become their fantasy, and give them anything they could have dreamed of, in hope we'll get ours too.
People who do not have good intentions will often happily play into this, because we're ready to put up with anything, do anything for them, accept anything, project only the best most shiny features on them, and we'll never give up on them regardless of how badly we're treated and ignored. All they have to do is let us keep our fantasy, our hope that keeps us going. It's how we don't see red flags, keep hope for a future that will never be what we need, and stay in unsafe situations, believing this is safe, this is love, this is learning, it's what's good for us, it will make us who we need to be.
Magical thinking is designed to keep us alive thru the worst hell in life, and it's not a shameful, stupid thing we do. Nobody can live a life without hope, without trust that they will be loved. Predators who take advantage of that, who not only encourage it but even build up this fake future so we believe them, and bond to them, are exploiting and using a traumatized person who is trying desperately to find a reason to live. It's cruel, cowardly, and disgraceful. If we had a genuine safe, loving and kind person in our lives, the magical thinking would be unnecessary. We project safety and love because we can't endure the reality of being unsafe, abandoned, and alone all over again. We went far past our limits for enduring that.
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Imagine it’s your wedding day with Hope Mikaelson
warnings : swearing
btw all the Mikaelsons are alive in this. you’re welcome ;)
Hope Mikaelson was a normally relaxed person. Sure, there were situations in her life in which her nerves would go complete overdrive but most of the time she was content within herself and without anxiety.
But right now she was freaking the fuck out.
Not even one of her mom’s signature hugs could calm her down and that was truly saying something about the extent of her nerves.
There was a reason for this, obviously. It was her wedding day — the day she’d marry the love of her life (you) and hopefully live happily ever after. The day were you would finally take the Mikaelson last name and while that filled her with excitement and made her feel all giddy inside it also didn’t help the nerves she usually managed to squash down.
“Hope, Hope.” Her mother, Hayley Marshall, began in a stern tone which made her pause her panicking and turn slightly. “There’s no need to worry, sweetheart, y/n loves you so so so much. And it’s clear you love her just the same. The two of you are basically soulmates. There is absolutely no need to stress in the slightest.”
Hope blew out a harsh breath, “Did you feel these.. pre wedding nerves when you married uncle Elijah?” She inquired curiously taking her mind briefly off of the nerves.
To anyone else that question would be strange and entirely unpleasant but to Hope it was nothing new and not strange in the slightest.
Hayley let out a bout of laughter and her eyes glazed over with nostalgia. “Oh yeah one hundred percent. I was completely overwhelmed with nerves and in the end your aunt Rebekah had had enough and threatened to tape my mouth shut. That shut me up. But, Hope, what I’m saying is it’s normal and understandable but not necessary.”
Hope sighed, her tensed shoulder sagging some with relief at her mothers reassuring speech of sorts. And finally she nodded to herself in the mirror vanity.
“Let’s do this.”
• • •
The harsh beats of her heart against her ribcage was all that sounded in her ears as she slowly descended down the steps — making her way closer to the alter.
Hope looked absolutely stunning, she knew that and it was clear by the expressions of awe on everyone’s faces that they all agreed wholeheartedly.
She’d chosen to go with a dress that was tight in the bust area and puffed out around her waist into a princess gown of sorts. Her auburn hair was in loose curls and the makeup on her face was natural and only made her natural facial features stand out more.
You were already standing at the alter in your outfit of choice (dress or suit) and a permanent wide grin was etched onto your features — a glimmer in your eye that made Hope feel like she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Which you believed genuinely was the case.
Klaus was at his daughters side as soon as she approached the path of the carpeted walkway, immediately wrapping his arm around her own and blinking furiously to remove the tears which were traitorously welling up in his eyes at seeing his little girl all grown and getting married.
He trusted you, he genuinely did which was saying something. Although with Hope in his life his heart had lost the bitter resentment he held to the world and he was certainly on a path to redemption, his paranoia still remained all the same. So it did come as a surprise when he sincerely put his trust in you, with his beloved daughter of all things.
With tears in his eyes that he didn’t manage to blink back, he pressed a loving kiss to his daughters cheek and gave her tight almost suffocatingly tight hug.
“Dad I’m not going anywhere.” Hope whispered fondly as she let out a breathy chuckle.
“Right.” He replied quietly wiping one lone, traitor tear that had fallen and quickly making his way back to the audience where most of his family were looking at him teasingly.
Hope smiled so widely that both her cheeks hurt as she stood in front of you, catching your y/e/c eyes as you winked at cheekily and her cheeks immediately flushed.
“We are gathered here today...”
• • •
“Hello Mrs Mikaelson.” Hope teased as she looped both of her arms around your neck with a grin that wouldn’t seem to fall off of her lips. Her large diamond ring glistening in the moonlight.
“Hello other Mrs Mikaelson.” You teased back placing a kiss to her cheek and happily linking your arms around her waist. The both of you still in your formal, wedding outfits as you swayed gently from side to side.
It was an after party of sorts. Only family was allowed. And it was much like Freya and Keelin’s wedding. Elijah and Hayley’s wedding had been a significantly smaller and more peaceful event. Camille and Klaus’s wedding had been the same and well, Rebekah and Marcel’s had been a whole fucking town parade and all.
“I love you.” She whispered contently, snuggling her head into the crook of your neck.
“I love you too.”
And you really did.
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boasamishipper · 3 years
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Ok I thought I was the only person who shipped Dani/Sam (ted lasso)!!! I am so happy someone else does! Please (!) go off on a rant!
i know this has been sitting in my inbox for a while, but BLESS you for this ask, anon. i am literally always ready to go off about my New Favorite Ship :D
okay we've ALL heard of the ship trope "ray of sunshine x grumpy storm cloud" BUT "ray of sunshine x ray of sunshine" is equally appealing and wonderful
sam is so kind and dedicated to football and stands up for what he believes in and dani is exuberant and enthusiastic and loves football and spreading joy - they already support each other wholeheartedly and encourage each other so much on and off the pitch, can you imagine how good and supportive partners they would be
no seriously though. imagine you're sam obisanya and it's your first season in the premier league and it's been a great experience but the striker of your team has been consistently treating you like shit and it Hurts. and then all of a sudden this new guy shows up and he's sweet and kind and adores football and within Literally Five Minutes Of Meeting You he learns your name, compliments your skill, works well with you, and makes you smile more than anyone else has so far. imagine your devastation when he's injured, and the relief when he turns out to be okay and continues playing well with you after the original striker leaves the team. what's that one soulmate quote where it's like "it wasn't love at first sight, but it was familiarity. something like oh, hello, it's you. it's going to be you." that's robisanya to a t.
they're literally onscreen together Constantly. i am usually the last person to ship a couple just because they're standing next to each other, but they get comfortable with each other so fast!!! dani literally jumps into sam's arms within five minutes of meeting him!! sam is the first person dani hugs after he arrives at the curse-breaking fire!!! (quite literally sam is Always the first person to reach dani when the team hugs!) they're sitting next to each other in the karaoke scene in 'make rebecca great again'!!! they're Always sitting or standing near each other in the locker room!!! their teamwork earned the team a goal in the man city match in the s1 finale!!! i could go on but just, they are clearly very comfortable with one another and very affectionate and it's wonderful to see.
the tiny details in s2 alone have destroyed me. in s2e2 you can see dani about to go after sam after sam storms off the pitch before ted follows. in s2e3 dani is The Only One who does not goodnaturedly rib sam about the dubai air pictures!!! he compliments sam genuinely!!! and you CANNOT convince me otherwise that while dani has genuine beef with jamie for his attitude, part of it HAS to be for how jamie treated sam. add all that to the parallels of sam and dani interacting kindly with the youngest higgins boy, and sam's support of dani during the penalty kick in s2e1, and how sam is the very first one to hug dani after dani gets over the yips, and you can see why i am Constantly Feral over these two. (not to mention all the bts pics cristo fernandez posts of himself and toheeb jimoh on instagram and that one interview the actors did where their characters were referred to "the beating hearts of the team".)
also like. look at them. they're beautiful AND they're fashion icons. name me a duo more iconic.
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jennycalendar · 3 years
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jenny and giles are genuinely SLEPT ON. there is so much insanely cool stuff going on wrt the way they mirror each other. the whole flexible identity thing is literally Right There; it’s what causes the initial rift between them -- but it’s also really interesting that jenny’s situation with her family is the inverse of giles’s deal with eyghon.
for giles, eyghon is a part of his past that he keeps secret because it represents his attempt to ESCAPE his responsibilities. he actively tried to remove himself from the destiny he was forced into, acting out and making incredibly self destructive choices, and this path led directly to the death of one of his friends. eyghon is kept under wraps in giles’s life because he doesn’t want anybody to know that he isn’t as dedicated to the job as people seem to think. he wants people to think that he is steadfast.
meanwhile, jenny is upset about the situation with her family because she CAN’T escape her responsibility to them; she keeps this a secret because it undercuts the free and easy image she presents to the rest of the world. she is tethered incredibly firmly to her destiny and has found a way to quietly and carefully integrate it into the life that she wants to lead, but this isn’t what she wants. she wants to be free.
so giles is a rebel trying his best to pretend that his destiny holds him prisoner, and jenny actually IS caught in a web of familial obligations that she refuses to acknowledge -- because she wants to pretend she’s a rebel. they see each other and there is this immediate recognition that they can’t own up to, especially since who they Really Are is supposed to be super secret: giles sees somebody who is unbothered by the way the world is Supposed To Be and determined to upend it (which is exactly the same as the guy he’s trying to hide) and jenny sees somebody who is tied down by a duty that is slowly destroying him (which is exactly her situation). they fall ridiculously hard for this person who they see as completely capable of understanding them, as they are, while also simultaneously having no intention of ever revealing themselves. it is so fucked up.
and then there’s the kind of people that they are, just in general! jenny uses her gritty too cool for school exterior to hide the fact that she is an idealist and a scholar: she believes wholeheartedly in a kinder world. in the potential of angel to be someone good. raised and steeped in blood and hatred, she is looking at the world and saying, “fuck you. no. buffy is going to get her boyfriend back.” she KNOWS it is impossible. she TRIES ANYWAY. she spends a MONTH researching and coding and working and learning until she finds a way to achieve the improbable. she is described within canon as a dedicated teacher, a thorough teacher, someone who leaves lesson plans hefty enough that a high school junior can teach her class without stressing. (yes that is a weird god damn plot point but so is everything relating to jenny. moving on.)
meanwhile, giles PLAYS at being a librarian, but like i always say: man chose that job so that he wouldn’t have to talk to people. jenny’s got drive; she loves her cover story and she throws herself into teaching her classes. she adores what she does. giles abhors the reality of library sciences and regularly closes the library so that he can pursue the weird demonic shit. where jenny’s i-don’t-care veneer hides a warm and passionate heart, giles’s warm-and-stuffy-librarian thing hides this exhaustedly cynical and often very unpleasant dude. he’s of course soft with the kids because he does love them, but there’s twenty years of resentment and repression going on there. he is not happy to be where he’s at. though he’s enchanted by jenny’s determined optimism, he doesn’t harbor it quite as passionately as she does.
so literally giles is what jenny pretends to be (and also kind of is), and jenny is what giles pretends to be (and also kind of is). because of course on so many levels jenny is fiercely rebellious: she breaks free of her destiny when it really counts. she’s strong enough to commit to that. and then giles really is trapped by his role as a watcher, no longer pretending: he is forced to choose between jenny and buffy, and chooses buffy without hesitation. they are what they say they are, and they’re also lying all the fucking time. it’s insane.
and more insane than that is the fact that the people they actually fall in love with are the people underneath all of that. jenny isn’t in love with a bumbling librarian or a sexy dangerous badass, she’s in love with this really sweet guy who works too hard and hates himself too much and is kind of a dick sometimes, but in a hot way. giles isn’t in love with the hot computer science teacher or the quietly dutiful but somewhat clumsy double agent (if she can even be called that) -- he is in love with this weird mean nerd who doesn’t totally know how to whisper sweet nothings and tries to communicate how much she loves him by endlessly making fun of him. they are drawn to each other and they see right fucking through each other to the point where everything else is genuinely just semantics. nothing matters but the fact that rupert and jenny are in love.
of course, they are both pedantic nerds who spend WAY too much time on semantics and not NEARLY as much time on their own feelings. they are also guarded as fuck. so it takes them an impossibly long time to figure shit out, and they really only get a half-second of knowing before it is cut brutally short.
like. they are That Couple. they are so devastatingly romantic and so genuinely messy and fucked up and this is packed into this weird less-than-a-season-long arc that’s really only intended to add some flavor to a story that isn’t theirs. nothing is gonna hit for me as hard as giles and jenny, who found space to fall desperately in soulmate-level love in the margins.
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