#i fucked it all up

[temporaryhappiness]

#grunge #soft grunge #fairy grunge #i wish things were different #i want to be with you #stoner rock #i like how this turned out #weedsociety #aquarius #horoscope #pretty #pretty privilege #pretty girls #pretty girls make graves #i fucked it all up #pinkcore #2014core #cyber y2k

[theunspokenvoid]

I tried. So where did it go wrong? Where did I go wrong? When did it all become so wrong?

#poetry #sad poem #writerscorner #so tired of it #depressing quotes #sad qutoes #stuck in a loop #depressing shit #i want to end it all #where did i go wrong #i fucked it all up #i fucked this up

[preciousrootlm]

To the person I love.

Those last days showed me the hard reality of things. Being without you, not being able to talk to you and having to push through and take care of myself anyway. Sleep doesn't happen anymore as I imagine is the same for you. I made so many mistakes and hurt you in so many different ways and I didn't want to see it and there's no excuse for that. I ended up selfish and uncaring, and a bit too much too sometimes, wanting attention too much, distracting too much which needs to be worked on and there's nothing more shocking than having to live with strangers for a few days and seeing the reality of my behaviour. I miss you all the time and wish I could talk to you but know it would only hurt you more right now as I can't promise anything you would believe and I understand it. I don't think we're incompatible because of all the things we shared and all the ways we understand each other, I think I let my pain and my past take over me and made it all about me when you were there too, having your own emotions, your own hurts, your own happy moments that you probably felt couldn't be shared because of my lack of attention/caring which makes me self centered in the end. I am not the person I wish to be, I don't like this version of myself right now. What am I going to do about it ? Seek help to strangers, doctors, therapists. Talking to people I don't know to have other point of view until I finally am the way I want to be. It won't take a few days as I struggle to get back up and it has only been a few days and it will take a lot of efforts. I think of all the ways you must be struggling, seeing everything that reminds you of us, all the plans that can't be done and all the hopes that I destroyed. I will always love you but right now I'm not good for you. I only wish to be able to be in your life once I am the person I am currently working on to be. I lacked communication, honesty about feelings, honesty about what I would wish to experience or try in life. I hid behind my fears instead of seeking adventures, I left my abusive environment but haven't managed to shake off my protective shell completely to not be afraid and act when it is needed. I wish I would never have had to say goodbye to you, not knowing when I'll hear from you again. I think of texting you when I wake up cold in the middle of the night but also in any moment we used to be together for, the hardest part is knowing I can't because I don't want to hurt you anymore. I regret all the bad decisions I have made, I will never regret all the good moments we had together and you will always be in my heart no matter the journey I'm on. You are my first love and no one will be able to take this place into my heart, even if you can't see me again it won't change that fact. I did so many shit that we both are aware of and I am going to do my best to fix those mistakes. I will always love you and I don't know if you'll ever see this post at this point. I love you so much and I also fucked up so much that right now I don't deserve you, you are one of the kindest, loving and most caring person I've ever had the pleasure to meet and have in my life.

I love you, no takes back, Kit

#i fucked it all up #me talking #heartbreak

[anxious-winter-walker]

Ya know when you make a choice and you're like-

"yeah this seems right, sure last time I came to a similar juncture in the past it didn't pan out...but it did that one time! So yeah let's do this again!"

And then bam, it doesn't pan out like you'd imagined it.

Now you sit there like a fool marinating in your mistakes, the stench of misery clinging to you, and man does it stink.

Ya know what I mean?

#i fucked it all up #i could have just stayed home #and watched bo Burnham #but noooo #i said yes to going somewhere #and now I'd really like to go home

[gaygirlfriendstrashposts]

I used to look at him with stars in my eyes

Like he was my whole world

And if i ever took my eyes away from him he'd run away

Idky i ever thought otherwise

And when and why i ever let those feelings for away

I'm sorry, i miss you

I'm sorry, i love you

S.M/ PC <3

#aesthetic #i wrote a thing #idk im in a mood #writers on tumblr #hozier #kinda depressing #writing #dark academia #im tired #sadcore #i miss my ex #i fucked it all up #god i want him

[bee26s]

HB

#me #something i wrote #i don’t know what to do #i fucked it all up #it’s my fault #depressed #sad #bipolar disorder #poetry #mental illness #anxiety #poem #depressing tumblr #anxious #bipolar #bipolar two disorder #social anxiety #manic #actually bipolar #mentally ill #i wrote this #explaining my depression #where did i go wrong #what happened #feelings #my fault #maybe it’s me #maybe it was me #blame it on me #blame me

[riacte]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

#'your moon is here' things that make me explode like a supernova #UGHHHHHHH what if i was perpetually in your orbit. influencing the tides. protecting you from asteroids. and slowly drifting further away. #then you stopped moving and i was only pulse to your dead heart. orbiting you. right where ive been left. and so you started turning again. #ria.txt #personal #space opera au #(<- not about what you think is about) #hiiii this is gaining traction so glad we're all going insane :D your moon is here is SO fucked up. so good. #xkcd #randall munroe #space #moon #anyways xkcd comics are so good. entertaining witty and informative. check em out!

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

#spilled ink #warm up #“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol #btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can #run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her #but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like. #ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone! #like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate'' #we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!

[haroldhighballjordan]

sometimes I randomly think about the time a girl posted in this girls only Facebook group I’m in telling everyone how she broke up with her boyfriend and he lied saying that he lost the spare key she gave him, only to then break into her apartment when she wasn’t home and steal the cat they’d adopted while they were together, but then he denied having done this and she didn’t really have proof that he took the cat since he wouldn’t let her come into his place and look for it. And then another girl saw this post and knew her ex-boyfriend, and she was like “girl. I used to hook up with your mans back in xxxx and I still have his number. If you want, I’ll hit him up and get him to invite me back to his place and see if your cat’s there.” And the OP was like “bet.”

So this woman hit up homie dog, asked him out for drinks, went home with him, slept with him, and then woke up in the middle of the night and TOOK THE CAT. Like she had only said that she would confirm if the cat was there but then she took it upon herself to steal this woman’s cat back. Like she full on Trojan horsed this man and then hit up homegirl like “I got the goods. Where you wanna meet.” And then the two of them posted a photo of them together with the cat to the group.

And I just think women supporting women is so beautiful.

#the best part of all is that I also knew the ex boyfriend because he worked at this place my friend was the manager of #and I texted my friend like ‘yo have you heard about this cat situation’ #and she was like ‘I swear to god if one more person asks me about this fucking cat’ #it was the drama of the century #the whole city was up in arms over this cat

[adriles]

they are Cancelling me for dealing with my grief as best i can . also for the vicious war Crimes

#book 24 #the conversation between the gods at the beginning there is just this #greatest hits #all i say is vicious war crimes in a vague way #and you all start frothing at the mouth like rabid dogs #a lot of yall get the memo with the blorbo tags but also. seeing quite a few strange pulls #not exactly war crimes but Ok #sometimes normal vicious crimes can just be normal vicious crimes ok guys #can yall stop tagging this as israel u guys r fucking weird…. #if u see this and think it is a joke about actual fucking horrific war crimes and ethnic cleansing. u may be fucked up in the head #please be normal #will people stop commenting on this please. none of yall r funny

[the-dragon-girl-27]

It is the middle of a Sunday afternoon. You have nothing on, and aren't expecting visitors, deliveries or post.

Unexpectedly, there is a knock at the door.

you are greeted by...... her

#fairy vs walrus #walrus vs fairy #walrus #why is this so well textured its fucking shitpost art #like why cant i pull this off in my normal art it had to be the walrus fairy #meme art #things that would give people outside of tumblr a heart attack #maybe #has the fairy vs walrus debate breached containment yet #also that generic girl i drew ended up looking a lot like how i look irl (yes i look like an npc) #also that door is unreasonably large but i needed you to be able to see the walrus in all her glory #i wanted it to be bigger so you could see her wings #fairy walrus #dragon draws creatures

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

#transgender #trans history #transsexual #transphobia #Magnus Hirschfeld #holocaust #holocaust denial #book burning #j.k. rowling #jk rowling #just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :) #trans people have always existed #and we will always exist #if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit #queer history #queer #lgbt+ #lgbta+ #lgbt #lgbt history #edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month #also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it #it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs #and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had #also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2 #Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices #considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived

[cemeterything]

are we still doing this because i have a late submission

#🐉 #this is less about fan content and more about that awful lazy one size fits all #'10 years later theyre happily married with a cute little nuclear family' trope #because ive read some genuinely incredible fics about characters who would Not fucking have kids #ending up with accidental pregnancy scares or child acquisitions that get treated with all the nuance #and thoughtful handling they deserve #but also. i reread one of my favourite fics yesterday and when one character jokingly brought up the idea of children #and the other reacted with genuine visceral disgust and said what hideously awful parents theyd be #i lit up like a fucking christmas tree

[embraceyourdestiny]

to any americans who feel "paralyzed" and "dont know what to do" to help with gaza:

reading a fucking book. i beg of you.

in a time of knowledge suppression is it your duty to arm yourself with knowledge.

read about americas occupations in the middle east.

read about 9/11 from outside of america and see how they inflicted senseless harm and violence to countless amounts of people and have been suppressing your rights for the past 2 fucking decades.

read about any of the countless wars from the past 30 years. especially from a civilian's. and the victims and survivors' perspective. listen to the horror stories and do not plug your fucking ears as to what your country is doing.

and read about fucking gaza and palestine and keep up with what is happening no matter how "sad" or "uncountable" you might get.

dont look away from this.

you dont have the right to be comfortable during countless active genocides.

if you're knowledgeable, you're powerful, and our current state doesnt fucking want that.

you have the power to change things if you open your eyes and scream to the world.

wake the fuck up.

Edit: please check the reblogs there are readings and ways to help

#og #truly if youre not about it your against it and i dont fuck with you because you're complacent #wake the fuck up #we're all responsible and dont you dare say you're not #americans need to stop living in the world with their eyes closed and their ears covered #look at what your fucking 'glorious country' is doing to people #everyone should be against america no fucking exceptions because america is violent and evil and needs to be stopped #then read about what america has done to the natives of their land #radicalize yourself #decolonize your mind #free palestine #land back #palestine will be free #theres too many fucking movements of just the past couple years all happening at once to act like the world is fucking fine #we are in a human rights CRISIS #WAKE THE FUCK UP PLEASE

[trickstarbrave]

this tteokbokki is simply. not good. i am honestly tempted to toss it

#i fucked it all up #i dont see myself eating the leftovers or my roommates #maybe next time.

[solitarelee]

East Asian fanartists are starting to migrate back to Tumblr because Twitter is insane, toxic, and dying, and what we're NOT going to do is let the fucking exclusionists get them, do you hear me? We are not going to let a bunch of feral idiots try to apply the most myopic version of puritanism to foreign artists we're not we're not we're not. Form an armed brigade if you have to, do you hear me. We're not going to bully the artists who may or may not even speak English because we have our precious standards of moral purity. If we see art that makes us uncomfy we're going to block the artist and tumblr savior their name so we don't have to see them again AND WE'RE GONNA MOVE THE FUCK ON.

#solitaretalk #i mean it #I will block on sight if I see any tomfoolery #and then I will screenshot your bullshit and send it into a group chat so all my more significant tumblr friends will block you too #fuck this up bad enough and you will never be able to reblog from kitty unpretty again IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT