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thedevilsoftruth · 7 months

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Iniquitous ~ Loki x fem! reader

Summary: You are a maid for the royal family of Asgard, but little did you know of how much your prince really likes you.

Warning: Smut with plot? Heavy, heavy, smut. Filthy, rough sex. Arrogant, narcissistic Loki, Slight non con, Dom! Loki, Sadist Loki, knife play, blood mentions, heavy degrading ( Loki calls the reader a whore/slut ) over simulation, bondage, oral ( fem receiving) Loki being obsessed with the reader, drugging. Minors dni

This is the darkest thing I have ever written, the ending is actually really freaking sad and I had the sitting in my drafts for so long because I just didn’t like it. Anyways here she is, enjoy!

Word count: 6k || Read time: 20+ minutes

Gif from lokihiddleston

Night came down on Asgard with the full, bright moon above illuminating the dark sky. Loki wondered the halls of his " precious " home, the castle which resided the royal family including himself. Although he was King Odins son, he never felt as though his father or mother gave him the attention he truly desired. It was always his brother who seemed to be the favorite. It was always his brother who seemed to be blessed with the most luck. His brother was always in the league as for whoever would get the throne next. But when it came to Loki, it seemed all he brought to the table was chaos and mischief, always fighting with his brother over anything.He truly thought he wasn’t able to meet anyone who seemed to have the slightest care for him. Until you came to him. You were kind and gentle with him, you were the only person who really seemed to care

The moon shone above the kingdom and casted a ghostly, yet beautiful glare of light through the windows of the building, filling in the dark spaces. Lokis green eyes moved to see through his brows as his head hung low. He had partaken in evil, but not this kind of evil. Something about the moonlight, or maybe the fact he was carrying your unconscious body in his arms was filling him with some sort of twisted lust. These halls he had wondered for decades he had met many different people and tried to feel love through that, nothing seemed to work out well and he found himself falling into a certain depression. But tonight he knew he would never be the same, as he was going to feel some sort of comfort through his lechery.

His eyes darted back onto your sweet face in his arms as he recollected the things that had happened before this very moment. The shouting, the anger.’

" I wasn't trying to seduce her, brother. what is this nonsense you speak of? " Thor asked him in distress and confusion, throwing his hands up as his brows knitted together.

Loki looked down at his hands, not wanting to make eye contact with his disappointment of a brother.

" I saw what you did to her, she's not yours. " Loki utterd, clenching his jaw tightly as his fingers curled into fists.

" I never claimed her as mine, brother. if you would just listen to me- " Thor argued back desperately, only to be cut off.

" why should I listen to you!? You tried to kiss my beloved, I saw it with my own two eyes. " Loki raised his voice, his fingernails digging so deep into his skin he could feel it leaving marks.

" It was just a greeting, brother. All I did was kiss her on her cheek, I meant nothing else. " Thors voice became quiet as his nose burned as if he were going to cry. He felt hurt as well, he never wanted to fight like this with his brother but unfortunately not eveything went the way he wished. Loki shot his brother a deadly glare.

" if you touch or talk to her again, my brother, I will make you wish you never crossed paths with her. " Loki growled before turning his heel and walking away to look for you. And then that was it. it only took him an ambush, but oh he had you now.

He finally reached his chambers with your inert form in his arms, using his magic to thrash the door open and close.

Once inside his chambers he set you carefully on his bed,sitting between your legs as he awaited your consciousness to return. Your face twitched and your arms jerked slightly through your sleep and Loki admired the sight. He leaned in and pulled your hair in your face over your ear so he could place a tender kiss on your cheek.

His fingers went up to your chest to touch the collar of your shirt and then..

Your eyes opened as you awakened, your lashes fluttering against your soft skin as your head hurt too much to sit up. You groaned as your vison somewhat cleared from being so blurry, and Loki vaguely came into your vison.

" mmm... Loki? " You rasped and blinked rapidly trying to clear your vision, but still couldn't quite focus on his face properly. what was he doing there?

" shh, my love. " he hushed you in a gravely tone as he leaned in more to connect your lips with his, kissing you softly and patiently. You groaned into his mouth, pulling away confused.

" what are you doing? "you questioned him, your voice weak and small. the room spun and your head felt like it was bashed into the ground repeatedly. He simply hushed you again.

" worry not, darling. you and I have a lot to talk about, my love. " he spoke softly as he combed your hair back with his slim fingers. you tried to remember what happened before this moment, but everything was so foggy and your body was just so exhausted. Your brow raised, curious about what he had to say. He gave you a gentle smile and raised your hand to kiss your soft knuckles.

" I've been watching you for a really long time now. I'd say you've got some kind of hold on me. " he said with a chuckle, his thumb rubbing your cheekbone lovingly as he stared down at you with soft green eyes. your brows furrowed harder.

" what do you mean, ' watching me? ' "you questioned the sly god as he towered above you. He grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers with his.

" You're so wonderful. " he sighed as he buried his face in the crook of your neck and let go your fingers, slowly slipping off his jacket from his shoulders and tossing it like it was nothing. you were confused and in pain, and to be honest you were quite scared. You closed your eyes tightly and tried to remember what happened last. All you could remember was finishing talking with Thor and then going off into the halls to finish cleaning the common room before someone grabbed you from behind and covered your mouth, but who was that?

" Loki, please be more precise with me. I'm beginning to get scared. " you spoke with a wobbly voice as your eyes opened, your body starting to feel less numb. He lifted his head from the crook of your neck and his expression softened into a fake pout. His thumb traced over your cheek before trailing to your plump lips and running sideways over your wet bottom lip.

" aww, so pathetic. " he mocked through a chuckle as he lowered back down again to kiss your wet lips. You whimpered against his skin as he bit down harshly on your lower lip, making you yelp and jerk your head back.

Lokis hand lowered down to his belt, pulling out a pocketknife and rising his hand to your face with the unopened knife in his hand.

" look at you, so pretty and vulnerable. are you going to cry? " he taunted in a high voice, pressing a button on the pocketknife and making the blade pop out. Your nose burned and your vision became blurry with tears. This was it. There wasn't even anything you could do about it, you were weak and powerless.

" please, Loki. I'm sorry if I did anything- " your voice was shaky as you stuttered your words, hoping he wouldn't do anything bad fo you.

" oh darling, " he began in that same husky tone. " just keep begging like that. I love you so much. " his warm hand went on the side of your neck to support you as the blade of his knife grazed the skin on your face harsh enough to draw blood, making the tears you held back to come pouring out of your eyes. You cried out in agony as he pressed harder against your cheek before quickly pulling the knife out of your bloddy skin. He bit his lip at the sight of you crying and it only made him more lecherous. He set the now bloody blade on the nightstand next to the bed, his legs repositioning between you to straddle your lap, making sure you didn't go anywhere.

Lokis eyes darted back at you, his energy prurient and randy. His tongue darted out of his two lips and he hunched over to lick the blood off of your soft cheek. You stared in horror as he lifted his gaze to yours, your very own blood all over his lips like an animal.

Your breath became short and uneven as he licked the blood that coated his lips. your head was throbbing and your thoughts were racing, how did you get yourself into this situation!?

You were just a simple maid working around the palace, you had talked to Loki a lot but you would have never though he would think of you like this. you were a mere peasant and he was a god and a Prince. And yet here you were. As much as he disgusted you, you felt some sort of weird liking for the way he was touching you. you knew it was wrong, but it truly was tempting to just give in.

Your eyes painfully cluttered open, and when they did you wished they didn't. Loki was naked from the waist down and your shirt was off of you and hanging off of his shoulder. How did that happen? You gave him wide eyes and sat upright, backing away with your arms covering your almost bare chest.

" magic comes in handy sometimes. now come here, darling. I need you. " He voice was low as he beckoned you closer with his right hand, his left grabbing your arm and sliding you underneath himself like how he had you earlier. He pinned you beneath him as you felt his hardness press against your center, making you gasp softly and turn to face the other way. You felt guilty with how easily you were letting him just take you.

" I don't want this. " you whispered through a quiet sob as his fingers fiddled with your bra strap. He panted against your exposed skin, his breath hot and making your body shiver.

he gave you another fake pout.

" You know, I've longed for this moment for a really long time. I like you a lot. I don't know what I would do if you said no. " He said, his tone of voice low and somber as he held your hand in his own and against his cheek. He gave your hand a small peck, his gaze not leaving yours as he gave you a pleading look. you shook your head, tears streaming down your wet face and soaking the green silky sheets beneath your shaking form.

there was a moment of silence. you were afraid to close your eyes, but you couldn't keep them open much longer and you so badly needed more tears to come down. You could feel him moving in between your legs, though you couldn't see him.He dropped your hand and now you could feel his hands underneath your long skirt, lifting it up to drop all the way down to your hips.

Your eyes fluttered open to painfully meet his sultry gaze. He looked at you through his raised brows with a smirk, his hands sneaking under your thighs to prop your legs around his now nude body. He was beautiful.

He was vile, but good lord he was a very charming man. As you stared at him, his smirk grew. It was like he knew what you were thinking.

" Don't fight it, " he whispered as his cold fingers slid your undergarments off of your pretty little legs with a singular swift move. He bent down, his form towering over you and casting a shadow over you. The room was dark, but the moon shining through the window illuminating him. he looked like he was under a spotlight or like he was twinkling like a star in the night sky. he looked so handsome over you, it was just so sad how he got you in the position. He gave your lips a quick peck, his slim fingers going up and under your back to unbuckle your laced bra. He propped you up on his lap, sitting you upright as he slid your bra off your shoulders and tossed that aside as well. Your breasts were now exposed for him to see and he chuckled as you hugged your chest with embarrassment. He chuckled.

" aww, don't hid yourself. what's the point if you don't have anywhere to turn anymore? " he breathed against the back of your neck, his huge cold hand running up and down your bare back. " so sad. " he laughed, kissing your shoulder tenderly. He looked back at you with that smug face.

" you belong to me now. All I need is you right now, so don't try to leave me or things will end up very bad for you. " he uttered, his tone licentious as it echoed in the large space. He laid you back down on your back on his king sized bed and pinned you down by your wrists on the silky sheets.

" I want you to say you need me. Say it. " he demanded, his hot breath fanning over your cold body. You gulped as your last tear rolled down your cheek, not wanting to say anything or oblige to his orders. But he was so beautiful, how could you not resist? His eyes were mesmerizing. Your throat burned.

" I need you, Loki. " you said, your voice sounding guttural. he chuckled gravely, his grip on your wrists tightening. You even said his name. There was nothing that turned him on more than your pathetic body underneath him like this, especially when you spoke to him like that and obliged to his orders so easily. But he was getting bored now, he needed more excitement.

Loki pressed his erect tip against your enterance, making you yelp in surprise. His face lowered down to the crook of your neck, inhaling your sweet scent. His nose grazed against your skin, trailing up to the back of your ear and making you quiver.

" Such a good little whore. Now say it louder." He said, slowly sliding an inch of his lubricated tip into your wet entrance. You whimpered quietly and your hips bucked up as you bit your lip hard.

" Please. I need you, Loki! " you supplicated desperately yet loudly. You writhed underneath him as he pulled himself out completely, leaving you empty and cold. You whined at his teasing, he was testing you. You closed your eyes tightly.

" Please! " you were only saying it the first time, just to be safe but now you actually meant it and it was driving the both of you crazy. He chuckled against your skin at your precious reactions, his voice sending vibrations through the room and your neck. He hummed as he lifted his gaze and grinned.

" So obedient and eager. " He growled that last part, his index and middle fingers sliding up from your wrists to pin your palms down, his other fingers clenching around your wrist. With that, he wasted no time to shove his length into your tight hole with one harsh thrust. You bit your lip harder, trying your utmost hardest to not let your moans slip out.

" Such a whore.I guess it wouldn't matter if you wanted me or not anyways. " he muttered under his breath as he continued his pace against your quivering form. His thick erection slid in and out of your slick walls that clenched around him. He was perfect. Every thrust he gave sent you inches to heaven. You truly felt like you were being penetrated by a god. His big muscles flexed every time he slammed into you and you couldn't help moaning louder each time.

His lips hovered above your ear, his lips grazing the sensitive skin on the side of it as he moaned and groaned with his rough movements.

Loki grabbed your hips to hold you in place as he rammed into you harder, his shaft twitching deep into your sopping cunt.

" So good. Just so good for me. Do you understand what you are doing to me? " he murmured against your ear, his words sending shivers down your entire body. Your lips trembled, sliva dripping down your chin as you slightly shook your head. Your parted lips let out breathy little moans of pleasure in sync with his pelvic thrusting.

Loki took his hand off of your hip and rised his thumb to touch your tremoring wet lips. He leaned his face in with yours, your noses merely touching and his pace slowing. His thumb fell on your bottom lip and slowly grazed the soft skin before grabbing your chin roughly with his other fingers, forcing your mouth agape.

" Don't close your eyes or look away from me. " he whispered, his voice gruff but smooth. he let go of your face and pulled himself out of you entirely, making your eyes shut and making you whimper desperately. Loki hummed at your reaction, his other hand that was pinning you down going onto your chest as his second now wondering your thigh.

" Loki... please.. " you mewled, your hand gripping his shoulder weakly as he stared down at you with an intense gaze. He smirked, his hand that was on your chest beginning to graze your hard nipple. You but your lip to try and hold back your sounds of pleasure but it was difficult when he was teasing you like that.

" Look, " he started, his hand fondling your stimulated breast. " at me. " he ordered frimly, making you shake your head in response as your tear filled eyes darted towards his emerald ones. he chortled at the sight of you.

" mmm, good girl. " he cooed in a praise as he gave you a peck your wet lips, reaching for the drawer of his night stand for something as he kissed you passionately. You whined quietly and squirmed underneath him. It was so hot and uncomfortable, all you wanted was him inside you again.

" Hush, my love. " he whispered into your mouth as he pulled out something from the drawer that made a loud metal clanking. You we're too scared to look at what it was as because you had a feeling it was something bad. Loki pulled away to fix his attention on something else, but you wouldn't allow yourself to look at what he was doing. He looked back at you with a dangerous gaze.

" Sit up, pet. " he spat, making you nod your head frantically and sit upright with your quaking body. Loki smiled innocently at you as he held up something in your vison. It was a pair of handcuffs. He unlocked them from each side, his eyes still fixed on yours seductively. You had a feeling you knew what he was going to do. That disgusting smirk on his face never left.

Loki grabbed your wrist and cuffed it to the bedpost, straining you from making too much movements. The god clicked his tongue and slid his body down yours, making his way to your naked legs and never taking his gaze from you. He trailed kisses from your stomach to your lower abdomen, earning tiny moans from you in the process.

Loki lifted the back of your thighs and placed them on his shoulders so he could bury his face in between your legs like the hungry animal he was. His face lowered down to your drenched womanhood, his lips coming in contact with your throbbing cunt. Your head threw back as his hot breath fanned over your desperate sex, his lips abrading your wetness.

His tongue glided up and down your folds repeatedly before stopping at your pulsating clit. He looked at your piteous form through his brows, humming against your clit as he did so and making your legs jerk with pleasure.

You felt so pathetic and vulnerable like this, underneath him as he ate you out like the greedy slut you were.

His tongue lapped around your throbbing clit , sucking gently while circling the ring that was throbbing painfully in anticipation of him. He took a hand off of your thigh, rubbing in over your lower abdomen as he gave your bud a kiss. He licked the tips of his middle and index fingers and dipped their bases into your entrance, inserting them in and out slowly and making your body shake from shock.

You screamed and thrashed beneath him, your legs jerking and your bound hand clawing in the air. You heard a deep rumble from Loki, the vibrations traveling to your inner core and causing a new wave of blissfulness to course through your entire body. Your thighs clenched around his face tightly, making him growl and take his fingers out of you, seizing your thighs roughly.

" stop fucking squirming! " Loki snarled lowly as he glared at you through his brows. You were panting heavily but you kept your eyes averted in shame, looking anywhere but at him.

His large hands gripped onto either side of your hips, holding you tightly in place as he lifted his head up out of your heat. He licked his lips and leaned in to give you a sloppy kiss as he positioned his hips in between your legs comfortably once more. He wasted no time to slide his thick length back inside you again, his large hands gripping your waist as he pumped in and out of you roughly like he did before.

Your hands curled into fists in the air, your hips shaking wildly at the feeling of him stretching you out completely. You couldn't hold in any of your moans. you wanted more of him, wanted every inch of his whole being even if it was wrong.

Loki had never felt such intense emotions until now. It had been what he longed and what he utmost desired. When he first met you it was like your hearts were binded together, like you guys were meant to be with each other. And now he had you. All underneath him and moaning like the sad being you were. He had to admit, it was the one of the best sexual experiences he's had. But it wasn't enough, he needed more.

Loki pulled you in for another kiss, his pace becoming faster as his memeber pushed deeper into your core, making you cry into his mouth. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, his tongue gliding against your bottom lip as his hips rocked against yours. There was a loud wet sound coming from your sex's rubbing together, echoing through his room along with both of your moans and groans of pleasure. He didn't care if it was loud, he needed satisfaction. All he cared for at the moment was sweet release.

Lokis hand went up to curl a fist around the locks of your hair tightly as he slammed almost every inch of his length into you, his pace erratic and his breathing ragged. You were a fever, and you were taking over him. But every touch was too much for you, hitting every nerve in your system. Loki pulled away from your lips, leaving you to feel cold without the cordiality of his lips.

" You're so damn gorgeous like this. " he whispered huskily as he moved his dominant hand to grab the headboard of his bed, his hips rolling back and forward with such force that made the bed slam against the wall repeatedly. Your moans were gasps and screams now, your back arching like a cat in heat as he gave you his all. Your free hand gripped the green sheets beneath your sweating body as your bound hand tugged as far as it could in the handcuffs desperately.

" Ha— Loki! " you screamed his name as your mind cluttered with pure lust and desire. You felt a burning in your abdomen, letting you know you were close.

With on swift move, Loki was able to push every inch of his shaft into the deepest and sweetest part of your core. He repeatedly hit your sweet spot and growled lowly as you screamed and moaned in sync with his thrusts. Your nails dug into the sheets, your whole body tensing up as he pounded into you relentlessly. With bucked hips, you grinded against his pulsating length to help reach your peak as he drived into that same spot over and over again. And it worked.

With high pitched scream, you came undone all around his full length, your body convulsing violently with waves of ecstasy that washed through your whole being.

Your chest heaved up and down as the warm liquid discharged out of your body. Once you caught your breath, you finally turned your head to meet Loki's gaze. He stared lovingly at your disheveled appearance as you panted underneath him. He took his hand off the headboard and used it to swoop your hair back and kiss your sweaty forehead.

" Good girl. " he praised in a whisper against your skin, his voice croaky and guttural. " look at you, you've made such a mess underneath me. " he cooed, his fingers running through your hair softly. He hummed softly as he gave you another kiss on your forehead, his hand slipping off of your head and down to the side of your jaw.

" I just need you to keep being a good girl as I go another round on you. "he said with a wicked grin plastered on his handsome face. He hadn't even pulled out of you yet, either. You let out a soft cry and you covered your face into the sheets, knowing he was just going to being more torture.

Loki began kissing your cheek and moving to your jaw, leaving his lips lingering there for quite some time before he moved back to kiss your neck.

" I want you to beg. " he purred against your skin, his long lashes fluttering against your skin. He finally pulled himself out of you, sending an ache straight through your core like a fire. You winced in pain and his hand brushed your hair. His gaze drew back to the nightstand next to the bed. he was able to reach the top drawer from the bed and he pulled out a tiny sliver key from the cluttered drawer. He used the key to unlock the handcuffs, your arms falling down limply next to you with a red swollen wrist.

" Stand up. " Loki demanded, spanking your ass hard enough that it burned and was sure to leave a mark. You whimpered and stood up shakily, feeling lightheaded due to all the moving around. You felt exhausted, your legs wobbling underneath you as you used the nightstand for support. Loki shifted behind you and wrapped his arms around you.

" you know, I didn't quite like that interaction you had with my lovely brother Thor earlier. " He whispered against the crook of your neck as he gave you sloppy wet kisses around your skin. He nibbled at your skin and his hands rubbing your warm stomach. You let out a small moan at his touch, f a mixture of pleasure and discomfort coursing through you as his hot breath sent shivers down your spine.

" I'm sorry if I did something that upset you, Loki. Thor was simply greeting me- " Your voice was small, but cut off before you could finish.

" I didn't ask for your inexact excuses. " he growled, moving your body against the cold wall. He moved your arms behind your back and held both your wrists together with one hand. You felt your ragged breath returning. Your mind was cluttered and you were exceedingly overwhelmed. You gave him a glance over your shoulder.

" You think me a liar, Loki? " You asked curiously, trying to figure out where this conversation was going. But you hadn't been lying to him, he was your prince and you were supposed to be loyal to him.

" Never forget that you're mine, y/n. not Thors, not anyone else's, mine. " He tone incensed and almost like a growl as his grip on your tightened. You nodded your head, feeling your knees about to give out underneath you.

Loki's bare chest rest against your back, his wet tip twitching against your soaking entrance that had just been covered in your hot cum. He bent down and placed his lips right next to the sensitive nub of your ear.

" Now take me again like the piteous slut you are." He growled, entering you again and watching you scream in agony and pleasure. Every touch was enough to make you spill out, it was like he was working magic against you. As much as you hated it, you knew you loved it. As much as you just wanted to stop comprehend what was going on, you just wanted to be oblivious and simply drown in the rapture of the moment. Everything around you was hot and dizzy as he worked you into a frenzy, making your body jolt wildly against his. Loki loved seeing you writhe like this in his reach in ecstasy and pain. It was so intoxicating; it was just his own little fantasy, which was intensely satisfying to him because it was all he could think about for days. He felt himself just about to reach his full satisfaction, his breathing becoming labored and his fingernails digging into your skin as he thrashed into you. You couldn't help but moan his name while feeling that burning sensation return in your core. His movements became jerky and a bit out of rhythm, he could barely take it anymore and it was getting hard for you to continue to hold on as well. He whimpered and pulled out, turning you around to come face to face with you as he pushed you back down on his bed.

He wasted no time to get back inside you again, rocking his hips against yours like an absolute mad man and immediately hitting your sweet spot like it was nothing. You gasped loudly in response, your hands tgrabbing around his shoulders as your eyes rolled backwards into your head. The feeling was overwhelming and absolutely blissful. He groaned your name with urgency as his long desired orgasm came over him so intensely he couldnt stop moaning. The white liquid coated the deepest parts of you and you felt yourself reaching peak as well, only adding to the mess. Your entire body was trembling and twitching, still incapable of comprehending what the hell had just happened. Loki ran his fingers through your hair again and the gave your forehead a kiss.

" so obedient, you are. you know I could hit that spot without even trying. " he spoke through a chuckled as he magicked his way back into his clothes. He gave your forehead another kiss before standing up and walking around the bed. He threw you a white lacy robe. where did he get that from, you wondered as you felt the silky fabric.

" Get dressed. " you heard his voice speak as you turned away from him. You did as such, wrapping the comfy piece of clothing around your stilly shaky form. You were surprised that you could still move... barely. The second you tied the robe closed you fell off the bed due to immense exhaustion. Loki shifted in front of you and squatted down on his knee, bringing your hand into his own so he could help you up.

" ah.. Loki, my head hurts. " you groaned, rubbing your temples to see if that could help you at all. Loki hummed emphatically amd brought you back into his warm embrace. His hand ran up and down your arm soothingly.

" I know, darling. here, you should drink some water. " his voice was soft and sweet as if he genuinely cared. He even conjured you a cold glass of water and handed it to you while giving you that warm smile that said he cared.

You sipped the water slowly, but you quickly realized that you shouldn't have given him yourself like that.

" oh god, " you felt even more lightheaded now. it was like your heart skipped a beat and your world completely stopped moving in that very moment. Loki innocently titled his head in confusion.

" what is it, dear? are you feeling worse? " he asked, his hands rubbing your shoulders comfortingly. You shook your head and shuddered you shoulders to get his dirty hands off you.

" it all makes sense now. " you spoke with a wobbly voice through sobs, placing the glass he gave you down on the floor. Tears streamed down your cheeks and Loki simply stared at you worriedly.

" what is it you speak of, my love? " He asked again, you looked down at your hands that lay limply in your lap.

" you drugged me. " you choked, your voice coming out as a whisper.

" I...what? " his words seemed stuck in his throat as his eyes widened in disbelief. you stood from his lap and backed a few feet away from him.

" Dont act as if you're innocent, you know what you did! " you yelled through broken ugly sobs. He continued to look at you with wide eyes as if he had just been told something utterly absurd.

" Darling, I would never do such a thing! " He said, his heart dropping because he knew something terrible was coming up. You looked behind yourself and picked up Lokis opened pocketknife on the nightstand that was still covered in your blood.

" Then how did I get into your room? why do I remember someone coming up behind me while I was folding laundry and pressing a cloth against my mouth before I blacked out? " Loki stared at the knife and then back at you. His expression became serious and he stood up as well.

" you dare threaten me with that!? " he spat, taking a step towards you with a menacing aura. You shook your head again and continued to sob.

" Just admit to it, Loki! " you cried desperately, backing up towards the door.

" so I finally get my happiest moment with the woman I love and now she's threatening me with a knife? I guess I just can't be happy! " he said with watery eyes, now making you feel bad. you never wanted him to be sad, only wanted to see him happy but he did do terrible things to you.

" I thought you loved me too. " his voice was barely above a whisper as a tear ran down his cheek. You shook your head, your tears only purring down even more.

" Loki please just- " he grabbed your arm and pulled you flush against his body.

" if you loved me you wouldn't be pointing that thing at me. But I guess you don't. " his voice was brittle, his grip around you tight before it released.

" and if you loved me, you wouldn't have drugged me! " you barked back, the whites of your eyes now having a tint of red from all the crying. Loki inhaled sharply and his face scrunched up angrily.

" Do not talk to me that way! " Loki shouted, raising his hand threateningly and making you flinch. There was a long silence, a loud silence. It was like time had slowed down, almost to a standstill. You lowered the knife and your crying slowed down. You wondered how you had gotten yourself into this situation. All you did was be nice to this man before. you cared for him for years and you were there for him during rough times. And yet here you were. You had supposed this was an example of how easy it is to be manipulated, and that hurt a lot. Loki stiffed his shoulders and breathed in sharply.

" You know, you should be grateful for what I did for you. " he said in a low tone, looking directly into your face and staring deeply into your eyes. Your mouth slightly fell agap in astonishment and you couldn't believe how twisted truly he had become. The only Loki you ever knew was kind, loving, and caring, always so gentle. Now there was none of that.

Your nose felt like it was on fire.

" So if you're not going to be grateful, " he pushed you out of the way from the door and you stared at him anxiously.

" I'll just leave you here. " and with that he was gone, all the doors in the room shut and locked completely. Your tears returned, and this time worse than before.

" no, no, no, no, Loki! " you spoke with heavy, desperate tears streaming down your cheeks as you banged your fists on the door.

" no, don't leave me! " he probably couldn't even hear you anymore, and that terrified you. Your body slid down the door and crumbled up into a ball when it hit the floor. Your face was so wet with tears, it looked like your were dunked into water. Everything was a blur now. You were all alone.

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #marvel cinematic universe #loki smut #mcu loki #loki x reader #marvel #marvel mcu #marvel smut #loki x you #loki x y/n #mcu #marvel fanfiction #tom hiddleston

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modevernon · 6 months

Text

rainy days # chwe vernon

pairing: vernon x gn!reader genre: f2l, comfort warnings: cursing, mentions of food word count: 1.25k

ever since autumn fell into your hands like a stale, unwanted gift, vernon had been acting strange. well. ‘strange’ was difficult to define. vernon was, by nature, pretty strange.

rather, he ceased to act in his normal, strange way, and that was what bothered you — where were the out-of-the-blue “fried chicken, my place, shrek” text invites? where had those gone? where were the absurd, vine-reminiscent tiktoks and goofy screenshots of infinite challenge? where were the multitude of beanies strewn across your house? where, and when had he taken them back? where was he?

yes, seasonal depression existed. but he had explicitly told you, as you were munching on a cinnamon roll for breakfast three months ago, that fall was his favorite season. and yes, you two had only started hanging out this year, so it wasn’t as if your friendship had ever been set in stone. but even so, you didn’t deserve to be ghosted, or slowly distanced from until he had erased you from his life.

and yet, you could pinpoint the day, the moment, the very conversation during which his demeanor shifted so precisely that you figured something must have gone wrong then, and maybe it was your fault.

so you ran back the dialogue to the best of your recollection: it had been a rainy saturday, the kind of humidity that simply begged you to stay inside, and vernon had been making cold hot chocolate (“so… chocolate milk?” “no, you don’t see the vision!”) as you drafted emails at your desk.

when he completed his little concoction and entered your room with a mug of it, you were enjoying a self-proclaimed break, perched on the edge of the table, scrolling through instagram.

“bro, you have to see this,” you called to him casually, hearing his footsteps approach.

he did approach — slowly. stopping before you, he placed the mug on the table. “am i your bro now?”

eyes still glued to your phone, you knocked jokingly at his arm. “sorry.”

after a beat, you looked up, as if finally absorbing all of what had been said so far. “wait.” vernon gazed back at you patiently. “you’ve never complained about that.”

he opened his mouth slightly, some unforeseeable sentence at the tip of his tongue, then closed it and glanced away. “yeah, well,” and he took a step back, “never said i was complaining.”

then you had taken a sip from the mug, and said to him that it tasted just like chocolate milk, but lukewarm, and he had laughed softly without a rebuttal, and you had showed him the instagram story you had found funny, and he had laughed again without comment, and half an hour later he had left from your apartment and the rain had kept falling and everything had seemed eerily quiet. the end.

except it wasn’t the end — it couldn’t be the end, when vernon’s pretty little face was all you could think about even as weeks, months passed without his presence.

today, you were feeling especially fed up, inhaling a cinnamon roll from the same café you’d visited with vernon in the heat of summer. it was suspiciously warm for late october, as if the weather was actively forcing you to reminisce, and it stayed warm until the sun slipped down and suddenly it was cruelly, unbearably cold — and rainy. wrapped up in blankets, you stirred your (real) hot chocolate, watched the downpour vandalize your windows, and wondered what to do with your fraught, ambivalent heart.

vernon was surprised to get a call past midnight, and more surprised that he was on his phone at the exact minute to pick up. he swiped right, forgetting to read the contact.

“hello?” he spoke first.

“hey.” vernon could tell by one syllable that it was you. he checked the screen to confirm anyway. you continued, voice inexplicable: “what’ve you been up to?”

first question, and he was already feeling guilty. “work,” he replied, with faux detachment, “kinda tiring.”

“tiring?”

“mm-hmm.”

“busier than usual?” your tone was veering from innocent to interrogative.

“yeah, you could say that.” what excuse could he give that wasn’t the reason?

“you still could’ve kept in touch, you know,” you hit back. quiet on the other end of the line. “i had to watch bottoms without you.”

“oh, that’s a great movie,” vernon blurted, then immediately regretted.

he could almost see your eyes narrow. “so you watched it on your own?”

“… yeah. on my own.”

you let his response hang embarrassingly in silence. after a beat — “do you have anything to tell me, hansol?”

oh. hansol. shit was getting real; but vernon tried to dodge the fact. “do you have anything to tell me?”

“stop acting cheeky. it’s not cute.”

“no, i’m serious. you must’ve called to say something.”

“i can’t just call to say hi?”

“that’s what you wanted to say? hi?” the words came out far more acerbic than he had intended.

and for the first time, your voice faltered. “didn’t… didn’t you miss me?”

to answer that would be to burst a dam. he felt no choice but to fall back on old tricks. “did you miss me?”

you huffed. vernon knew he was pushing your limit, but it was all he could do. now it was quiet on your end, and he was contemplating a better way to weasel out of this when the bell of his apartment abruptly rang.

perfect. “um— hey, so sorry to cut this short, but i just— there’s a friend coming over, they’re at the door—” and he walked hastily toward it. “we can talk later.” and he hung up before you had the time to reply, simultaneously opening the door to find you, drenched, no umbrella in sight, staring daggers into him.

he was so stunned that he couldn’t exclaim. you kept staring until you grew tired of it, and blinked away. with your hair dripping so much, it was impossible to tell whether your face was wet with tears or rain.

just as vernon began to take up his hand to wipe your cheek, you spoke again. “really hard fucking way to get me to ask you out.”

his hand froze. to what? “of course i missed you, hansol. i missed you so much, i couldn't do anything else. i missed you so much, i ran here while it was pouring, and you know i hate going outside when it's like this. i missed you so much, it’s been driving me insane! what the hell did i do that was so wrong?” your voice was breaking, fracturing. “can’t you tell me?”

the way vernon stood made him look like a film on pause. only his eyes trembled, ever so slightly, drinking you in with excruciating care because heaven knows how much he missed you too.

before he could think of what to say back, his body moved reflexively into yours, arms wrapped around you, head buried in your neck. you were so cold against him, so tense with emotion that his embrace left you melting.

“i thought you didn’t want me,” he breathed, still enveloped in you, “the way i wanted you.”

you sighed, somewhere between relief and exasperation. “why would you assume that, idiot?” it wasn’t really a question. “someone who’s usually so slow to act.”

at that comment, vernon peeled — slowly — away from you to face you again. “i’ll be fast this time,” he vowed, and you tilted your head in puzzlement. “you’re asking me out? my answer is yes.”

a/n: excuse my like two month hiatus. kung chi pak chi summoned me back.

#seventeen vernon #svt vernon #chwe vernon #chwe hansol #vernon #vernon x reader #vernon comfort #vernon fic #vernon imagine #seventeen imagines #seventeen drabbles #seventeen scenarios #svt x reader

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jeankluv · 6 months

Text

Finding you || Jean Kirstein x f!oc

Words: 5,8k

Warnings: fluff, canon & post canon, some angst, spoilers for aot, the female character has a name but her appearance is never described, Jean’s pov mainly.

Summary: Jean never believed in love at first sight, it wasn’t until she appeared on his life

Notes: This is a story that has been on my drafts for over a year now, and I decided to finish it as a goodbye to one of my favorite characters, Jean Kirstein.

Materialist

Months passed by and no info about Eren was found. It was like he disappeared completely. While they searched for him they also investigated Marley and the world, that was the mission they had until some news from Eren came.

As usual Jean woke up early in the morning, he went to the kitchen of the apartment he was staying in, none of the group were staying in the same place but they were close to each other just in case. He prepared himself the usual breakfast and once he was done, he went to buy the newspaper. It was something he always did, that way he could recollect information for the group. He walked down the streets of the city, it was early in the morning so there weren't a lot of people around, just the ones on their way to their work.

He arrived at the store where he always bought the newspaper. He smiled at the owner and paid for it. He starts walking to a nearby coffee shop, so he can get coffee while reading the newspaper. That’s until he bumps into a girl, way smaller than her, and she falls to the floor. Jean looks at her and tries to help her stand but, she is faster, and pulls Jean to her and stamps her lips against his.

Jean doesn’t move and his eyes are wide open. He hears some people running behind them, searching for someone. That’s when the girl separates from him and looks around. Once she makes sure no one is around, she tries to run away once again.

“Hey!” Jean stops her. She tries to free her but Jean is way stronger. “Hey! Stop!”

And she stopped. “What?” She said with an angry look, looking at Jean.

“What? You just bumped into me and then kissed me. And now you want to leave without any explanations?” He said looking at her and crossing his arms.

“Yes, any problem big boy?” Jean smirked, she really is something.

“Those people… were searching for you?” He said pointing to the direction where they went.

She looked in that direction. “Why do you care?”

“Well… maybe I can help you.”

“You already did that.” She said and tried to leave but Jean grabbed her once again. “You don’t know me… so why do you care so much?”

“Because… maybe I don’t know your situation but you seem desperate and maybe I can help you.”

She laughed. “If you knew what I am you wouldn’t be here, you wouldn’t be touching me or you wouldn’t even want to breathe the same air as me.”

Jean didn’t respond this time, something clicks in his head. Could she be a eldian too? So those people probably knew about her being an eldian and were trying to catch her and who knows what to do to her. This makes his blood boil, why it’s the outside world like this with them? He comes back to his senses, just to find that she is gone.

“Damn it!” He started ñ walking trying to find her but she is gone. Just like she appeared, she is gone.

Frustrated, he started walking back home. He really hoped the girl would be okay.

“Jean!” He heard his name being shouted by no other than the two most scandalous people on earth.

“You two really can’t keep a low profile, don’t you?”

Both made a sad face. “C’mon Jean boy, don’t be mad.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Now who is making a scene?” Asks Sasha laughing.

Jean lets out a sigh and keeps walking, followed by Connie and Sasha who are talking about going to the cinema, since finding out about it the whole group has been fascinated with it. The three of them arrived at the place where they usually met to talk about the things that they learned. The rest were already there, so they all sit around the table to talk. The reunion ends up with not much info or new clues.

“You seemed distracted.” Armin said. “You didn’t say a word during the whole time. What’s on your head Jean?”

“It’s nothing Armin, I was just tired.”

“You went out last night again? You know that if captain…”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Hey man. You know that if something is going on, you can talk. Right?”Jean nods and drinks from his coffee cup.

“Jean, are you coming to the cinema tonight?” Asked Connie.

“Yeah… sure why not?”

“Brats remember to be careful.” Captain Levi spoke looking at the group.

The whole group nodded after hearing their captain's order. It was early to go to the cinema, so they decided to hang out and enjoy their time together, pretending to be normal and not soldiers from the devils of the island. The five of them were on a bar drinking and enjoying the day. It really seemed like nothing changed, like they were still in their cadets day. Like all their commanders were still alive. It was nice, it was warm to see them happy, that’s what Jean was thinking while looking at his friends.

“Oi Jean!!” Screamed Connie into his ear.

“Are you dumb or something?!”

“I have been calling for you for the last 5 minutes.” Jean rolled his eyes.

“What do you want?”

“Ask for another round!” He said, raising his glass.

“Connie, if you keep drinking you want to be alright to watch the film.” Spoke Armin this time.

“C’mon Armin! We are young! Let’s enjoy ourselves! Right girls?” He said looking at Mikasa and Sasha, who until a few moments ago they were talking with each other.

“Yes, let's go, Armin!” Sasha screamed this time and Mikasa laughed at her friend's reactions.

Armin sighted, knowing it was a lost battle. “Alright, let’s have another round. Jean could…”

“Sure, I will buy another round.” He said standing and going to ask for another round. “The same as…”

“Disgusting eldian!” A man shouted, the whole group froze in place. “I’m calling the police! They have been searching for you right?”

Jean turned around to look at the place where everything was happening. There she was, the girl from the morning.

“Is she one of the devils?” A woman asked.

“Yes, this morning police were chasing her, and now she was trying to buy something here at my shop, pretending to be one of us!”

People started surrounding her and calling her disgusting names. Jean clenched his fists and tried to go to her.

“Jean… what are you doing?” Said Armin while holding him by the arm.

“We can’t leave her, she needs help!

“We can’t. If we do something they will suspect us.” Sasha spoke this time.

“I can’t do that! Sorry…” He said ignoring his friends.

He was being selfish, he was putting all his friends in danger and for what? For a girl that he met that same morning. What was he thinking? I must be going crazy. He pushed some people aside, to get where she was.

“You think a garbage like you, can keep escaping?! Oh no! You will go back to where you belong! Stupid slut!” The man said, grabbing her by the hair.

“Please… stop…” She said with hot tears rolling down her face.

“No you beg for mer…” Jean didn’t really think before punching the man in the face.

People gasped in shock and the face of his friends went completely blank.

“You…” The man said. “Who do you think you are?”

“I hope you can run. Because we are leaving right now.” Jean whispered to the girl, who stood next to Jean.

“Hey! I’m talking to you! Why are you defending that evil?” The man shouted. ”Don’t tell me… you are also one of them?”

Jean grabbed her hand tightly, she looked at him. “Now!”

And both started running, as fast they could, ignoring anyone that shouted for them to stop. They kept running for a little while more, until it was safe no one was following them. Jean stopped and tried to catch his air again. He looked at her and saw her down on her knees facing the floor. She looked so small, fragile, different to that same morning.

“Hey.” Jean kneeled in front of her. “You okay?”

No response came from her, she didn’t even look at him. Jean sighted and stood back, looking around once again, making sure no one was near.

“We need to…”

“Why did you help me?” Her voice came out, almost as a whisper. “Now,…. Now you’ll be in danger because you helped me.”

“Because I wanted to.” Jean said, looking at her.

“Because you wanted to?” She stood facing him. “Are you completely insane?!”

“Maybe I am but what I did, it’s my problem.” He got closer to her. “Now, come with me. We need to treat those wounds you have.” He said touching her cheek where there was a wound.

“I can treat myself.” She said, moving away from his touch. “You don’t have to do anything more for me.” Jean rolled his eyes.

“You know what?” He said, focusing his eyes on her once again. “I don’t care, you are coming with me, I’m treating that wound of yours, then you will take a shower and eat something. You get it?”

“But… you’re so stubborn.” She said pressing her lips together, making a thin line. “What if you’re a pervert?”

“Would you believe me if I said I’m not?”

“No.”

“Then you will have to trust me. I won’t do anything to you, I just want you to be okay. That’s all.”

“You don’t even know my name. Why are you doing this?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do.” Then he looked at the left. “He would have done the same.” His words came out as whispered, difficult to hear but she did hear them.

She remained silent, looking now at his back. Why is he really helping me? She wondered.

She ended up accepting, because it really seems like he is worried and wants to help her. They both walk side by side, going through the less crowded streets to avoid suspicious people. None of them says anything, he just keeps walking, being followed by her. They both walked for a few more minutes until they arrived at the building where they entered. He must live here.

“You can make yourself comfortable.” He says letting her enter the place.

She nods and enters, the place feels comfortable and warm.

“I will go for the things to treat your cheek… you can take whatever you want from the kitchen.” He says pointing to the kitchen.

“Thank you…” She said and before he leaves she warns him. “And don’t forget, I won’t hesitate on killing you if you try something.”

He laughs and leaves the room. That girl…

“Captain Levi is going to kill me after he finds out what I did.” He spoke to himself while searching for the stuff. “Fuck, I really fucked up this time.” He sighed and grabs the kit from the shelves.

Jean made his way back to the living room and there she is, sleeping.

“I can’t believe her.” He whispered with a smile on his face. “You really fall asleep in a strangers place?” He sayid knowing no one will answer him.

He gets closer to her and looks at her face. She looks so peaceful like that. He shook those thoughts out of it.

“Hey stubborn girl.” He shook her.

She woke up startled and ready to punch him on the face. If it wasn’t because Jean had fast reflexes, he would’ve probably ended up with a purple eye.

“Hey! Easy.” Jean said, still holding her hand.

“Shit.” She said and took her away from Jean’s. “I fell asleep… fuck.” She whispered.

“It’s okay. You looked tired anyways.” Jean tried to calm her down.

“It’s not okay… I was reckless and I shouldn’t get so comfortable with someone I don’t know.”

“My name is Jean.”

“Why are you telling me your name?”

“You said you didn’t know me, well I’m introducing myself.” He gave her a faint smile.

“Still… you could…”

“I could what? Listen, I’m not going to give you in alright?”

“I… I can not believe that, you marleians, you lie so easily. You probably made a call when I fell asleep and the police are already coming for me.” She stood and started walking around the room.

Jean could see how her body was shaking from fear of the possible outcomes. He knew that telling her his real identity was risky, hell it was so fucking risky but he needed to tell her. Jean stood from the sofa and took her by the arm, making her stop walking. The stubborn, angry, defensive girl was nowhere to be seen at that moment, everything Jean could see right there was a scary, vulnerable girl.

“Please… I know I was rude and an asshole. But let me go… I… I need to go back home, please.” She started to silently cry. “I swear I will never come back, you will never see me again. I swear but please let me go.”

“Hey please calm down.” Jean tried to comfort her. “I’m not turning you in. I am… I am also an Eldian okay?”

She looked at him, shocked. What was he saying? No no no no if he was an eldian too, it meant he was also risking his life? Why? Why?

“Hey.” Jean spoke again. “Stop overthinking.”

“Why would you do what you did, you idiot?” She said and punched him on the chest.

“Here she is again.”

“Don’t laugh, why are you laughing idiot. You’re fucking risking your life for a stranger like me. I don’t understand, I truly don’t. Is it because I kissed you? You’re one of those perverts? But fuck… if they find out not only you are helping me but that you are also an Eldian, they will kill you and all because of me… Again, it’s happening again.”

Jean saw how something broke on her after the last sentence. She fell to the floor, crying and repeating, it’s happened again, again. He didn’t know what to do, he wanted to make her feel safe, to make her understand that nothing was going to happen to her or him, that whatever she was thinking was not going to happen. He kneeled in front of her and embraced her, she tensed at first but then she continued sobbing into his chest.

“I’m sorry…” Jean heard her whisper.

“Listen, angry girl. Nothing is going to happen to me or to you. I promise.”

“Don’t do that…” She said. “Don’t make promises you won’t be able to keep. Please.” She looked at him, still with tears rolling down her face.

“I will try my best to keep the promise…” He said, whipping her tears away. “Now, let me treat your wound.”

She nodded and sat next to Jean on the sofa. Jean put the kit on the table and took out the necessary stuff he needed to treat her wound. He had treated thousands of wounds since he joined the survey corps years ago, he knew how to do it but this time was afraid of hurting her. The wound wasn’t really that big but still he didn’t want her to suffer anymore. Once he was done he put everything back on the bag and turned around to look at her once again. Her eyes were still red and so was her nose.

“You want to eat something?”

“No. I really need to leave and go back home.” She said not looking at Jean.

“It’s already dark outside, it will be dangerous if someone sees you alone at night.”

“It’s… it’s okay, it wouldn’t be the first time I sneak out in the middle of the night.”

Jean thought for a moment. “I will go with you.”

“Wait… no no, you already did enough.” She stood following Jean’s footsteps. “You saved my ass twice today and you’re an Eldian too, it would be dangerous if a police stopped us and they asked us for our documents. We would be…”

“Hey.” He turned around and looked at her eyes. “Trust me okay? It will be alright, I will take you home, safe and sound.”

She stayed silent, observing each one of his movements and trying to understand why that man, named Jean and an Eldian like her, was helping her. No Eldian is willing to help another one if it means risking the little freedom they have and yet, the man she had in front of her was risking everything for her, someone who was an asshole that treated him poorly since the first minutes their destinies crossed paths.

“For more that I try to understand, I just can’t comprehend why are you doing all this.”

“Maybe you enchanted me with that kiss.” Jean passed next to her with a smirk on his face.

“Now you’re flirting? Is that what you want from me? To fuck me?” She angrily asked.

“Wait no no no no.” Jean shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong okay? It’s true that I couldn’t get the kiss out of my head, because it took me by surprise but I’m not doing this because I want to fuck you. I’m doing this because I think you desperately need someone to give you a hand. I’m sorry if that made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Okay… sorry it’s just that… it’s not easy.”

“To trust someone?”

“Yeah…”

“I understand but try to trust me okay.” She nodded, still hesitant but with a feeling in her chest that made her believe his words. “Okay, put this on, it will be cold outside and like that we can cover you up, so those assholes don’t recognize you.” He grabbed the jacket and gave it to her, it smelled like him. “It looks gigant on you.”

“Maybe because you’re like two meters tall?” She said looking at the jacket and then at him.

“Almost two meters.” She rolled her eyes and tried to hide the smile on her face.

“Idiot…”

“You know, you can call me by my name, Jean. And by the way, you still haven't told me yours.”

“That’s right but I’m not telling you. Not yet.”

“And what should I call you then?” He tilted his head.

She was about to respond when a knock on the door made her freeze. She could feel her whole body trembling. Did he lie to you? It was the police, he called them?

“Look at me.” And she did, those honey eyes were looking at her and for some reason she knew right there, that he didn’t call them, that he didn’t lie and that she could believe him. “It’s probably my neighbor, so don’t worry, okay?” She nodded and watched him walk to the door.

She saw how he smiled to the person on the other side of the door and how politely talked to them.

“Jean, I heard a woman's voice earlier, are you finally settling down?” Jean laughed, he wished he could but in his position it was impossible.

“It’s not like that Miss Aldrich.”

“C’mon! Let me meet the girl.” Jean tried to stop her.

“Miss Aldrich I don’t think that’s a good idea, she…” C’mon Jean think about something.

“Oh I get it, yeah you two were having fun, alright Jean boy, I will leave you. Hopefully this old building will soon have new people.” And she left.

Jean sighed in relief, he loved Miss Aldrich and was a good woman but he couldn’t risk anything at that moment.

“Bee.” Jean heard from the other side of the room.

“What?”

“Call me Bee.”

Jean nodded at Bee and she gave him a faint smile. Bee didn’t know why she was willing to tell him her name but something inside her told her to do it, that it was okay.

“Okay, Bee. We should get going, so you can go back home.” Bee looked at him, he was offering his hand. “It will be easier if we pretend that we are a couple, if they stop us I will just show my ID.”

“But you…” She wanted to tell him if he was insane, if he lost his mind. But Jean winked an eye at her, making her heart race.

“I have a fake one, don’t worry, okay?”

“Okay…”

Bee held his hand and they both got out of the apartment. Jean held her tightly but gently, afraid of hurting her, afraid of someone taking her away. They needed to be careful, but the night was already coming so it was going to be easier for them to go unnoticed.

They walked the streets, like a normal couple would do, not making themselves notice. It wouldn’t be true to say Jean’s heart wasn’t racing like crazy, he was nervous about the possibility of getting caught and holding Bee’s hand wasn’t something that was helping. He couldn’t deny that she was beautiful, breathtaking to be more exact. But he couldn’t think about her that way, no, he needed to take her to her home and then hope she would be able to live a normal life, while he kept searching for Eren. That’s what was going to happen and they wouldn’t see each other anymore.

Bee moved beside Jean, guiding him in the direction of her house. From time to time she would look at him, he was serious, looking around, making sure no one would come for her and not letting her hand go. It made her feel secure, protected, something she hadn’t felt in a very long time. It almost made her cry in that instant.

Both of them kept walking for a little longer, leaving the most crowded streets behind, almost leaving the city behind. Bee stopped when they reached a small neighborhood, with old houses and almost no light.

“It’s here…” She said letting Jean’s hand go, feeling emptiness when she did it.

“Oh…” Jean looked around and nodded. “Alright…” he swallowed.

“I guess… it's a goodbye.”

“I guess so.” Jean played with his feet. “Are you sure you will be alright?” He looked at her with worried eyes.

Bee swallowed and blinked, trying not to throw herself to him and cry saying that nothing would be alright, that she was afraid and ask him again why everyone viewed them as monsters, why couldn’t see feel safe like she did with him. But she didn’t and she simply smiled at him.

“I will be. Thank you again.”

Jean nodded and they both stayed looking at each. Jean knew he should turn around and walk away, forget about her, forget about that whole day, go back to his life but something wasn’t letting him move, he couldn’t, he didn’t want to move away.

“I think… I will be heading home.” She whispered and started to walk away.

“Wait!” Jean held her hand and made her turn around. “If you… if you ever need anything, just look out for me okay?” She nodded. “Jean Kirstein.”

“I will Jean. Thank you…”

And with that, they both walked away, with a heavy heart and the feeling of a missing piece on it. They met for less than 24 hours but none of them wanted to leave each other. Bee for a moment considered going back to him, asking him to take her away from that place, for them to pretend they were monsters but she couldn’t do that to someone she hardly knew but desperately wanted to know. Jean on the other hand, would have everything for her, for a girl that cornered him, the girl that was so stubborn, the girl that despite looking so strong was so broken, if she only asked to.

But they didn’t say anything and they both saw each other for the last time that night. Bee kept surviving and trying not to get caught, while Jean kept searching for Eren and distracting himself so he wouldn’t think about her.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

It was April, Jean’s birthday, thinking about it he never thought he would make it to his 20s after joining the survey corps. But there he was in a small bar near the refugee camp with Connie, drinking beer and chatting. After the Rumbling and everything falling apart live has been going too fast, it seemed like they couldn’t stop for a single moment, the attack on Liberio, then the rumbling, then helping those who were still alive, try to find peace. Hell they didn’t even properly mourn Sasha, Hange or even Eren, like they deserved, back then. He didn’t even have time to try and reach his mom and let her know that he was alright. He even thought about Bee, did she make it through the rumbling? Was she saved?

Although he met her for less than 24 hours, her memory was still on his head and he wished he could see her once again, at least to know she was okay.

He turned around to look at Connie, who was heavily drunk and dancing, although there was no music on. Jean smirked, he was grateful he had Connie with him and to have these stupid moments with him.

“C’mon Connie, let’s go home.” Jean stood and held Connie’s arm.

“Why? C’mon Jeanboy! It’s your birthday! You are entering your 20s, let’s celebrate it!” Connie went to the dance floor once again, ignoring Jean and forgetting about everything.

Jean sat back on his seat and sighed looking at his best friend. It was good that at least Connie was enjoying himself, but it was going to be a pain in the ass bringing him back home.

He simply stayed there, looking at his best friend, while with each drink he wandered in his thoughts. Two hours later they were kicked out of the place. Jean didn't think he was completely drunk, but his head hurt and he knew that tomorrow would be a hard day. He grabbed Connie's arm and dragged him to the place they now called home.

“You seemed to need help.” A female voice spoke, while Jean was trying to open the door.

“It’s okay, I can do it.” Jean responded without looking at the woman standing next to him.

“Let me help you.” She said and took Jean’s keys from his hands. “I own you one.” She whispered.

Jean blinked, trying to focus his gaze on the woman but he couldn't, everything was double for him.

“I don’t think… I don’t know.”

“It’s okay Jean… hopefully tomorrow you will feel better.” Jean saw how she started to walk away. “I’m glad you’re alive Jean.”

And with that the woman went away, leaving Jean confused and with Connie already sleeping on the floor. He moved him and started walking to their dorms, kicking Connie into his dorm and letting him fall on the couch. He covered his face with his arms, trying to make the headache stop but it was useless. He once again tried to think about the woman, tried to remember her face, but it was impossible, his vision had been too blurry, but something in her voice had seemed familiar. Jean finally fell asleep on the couch and it wasn't until the next morning that he woke up due to Armin waking him up.

“You should try and sleep on your own bed.” Was the first thing Armin had told him.

“Mhmm… I know mom.” Jean grunted, scratching the back of his neck. “Fuck my head hurts.”

“No wonder why, you and Connie had some fun last night.” He said, giving him a cup of water.

“Not every day you turn 20 you know?” Jean drank from the cup.

“A woman asked me about you.” Armin walked to the kitchen.

Jean blinked and stood up, following him. “A woman?”

“Yeah… she asked me about you this morning.”

“She told you her name or something?”

“No, just asked me if I knew you.” Armin shrugged. “Did you hook up with a woman? Jean we are on diplomatic…”

“Wait what? No. No I haven’t hooked up with…”

“Jean hooked up with someone?” Connie appeared in the kitchen.

“Connie… you were literally sticking your tongue inside on everyone’s mouth last night.”

“Hey! Don’t expose me like that bro.” Connie cried.

Jean rolled his eyes. “Where did you see her?” Said looking back at Armin.

“On the market, she was shopping.”

Jean nodded and without a word he left, he started walking across the streets, looking for the girl he met in Liberio. It had to be her, it had to be Bee, she survived and she was there, looking for him. Jean kept walking, looking everywhere, but who assured him that Bee would still be in that market? He reached the end of the market without any success, sighed and ruffled his hair in frustration. He turned around and started walking in the direction of his house. Maybe today was not the day he was supposed to run into Bee, but they were both in that place so at some point they would meet.

“Hey big boy!” Jean stopped walking. “Are you sober already?”

Jean turned around and there she was. “Bee…” His feet started to move on their own and when he realized he was embracing Bee in his arms.

“Wow big boy, careful. You are much bigger than me.” She laughed.

“I’m sorry… I’m.” He broke the hug and looked at her. She was still beautiful. “You’re alive.”

“I am and so are you.” She smiled. “I heard you are some kind of hero.”

“I wouldn’t call it that. But… Bee I’m so glad to see you are okay. I…”

“Me too. I saw you a few weeks ago and felt so relieved, strange isn’t it? We met for less than 24 hours and only knew each other's names but somehow, I couldn’t keep you out of my mind and when the whole rumbling happened, I prayed to meet you again… Oh god, you must think I’m crazy or something.”

“No, no, I mean, I kinda felt the same and… maybe now we could get to know each other better. Grab some coffee or tea or whatever you want, I don’t mind. And only if you want of course.”

“Jean, are you flirting?” She raised an eyebrow without hiding her smile.

“I mean… maybe? Would you be bothered if I did?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Coffee sounds good.”

“Good. Should we go now or are you busy?”

“Now it’s alright.” She started walking.

They both started walking side by side, slowly and enjoying the sun of the day and each other’s company and presence. Jean was beyond excited and happy, to know she was okay and that she seemed happy, despite the whole world went to shit. He didn’t regret hugging her right after seeing her for the first time, he really needed to do it and it just felt right.

He never believed in those stories of someone falling in love with another one at first sight, he used to think it was unreal and stupid. That was until that day in Liberio, after weeks passed by he tried convincing himself that his stupid self only felt like that because Bee stole his first kiss, but as much as he wanted to believe it was because of the kiss that she was still on his head, he couldn’t. He really fell for her just by seeing her and spending some hours with her.

“Is this place okay for you?” She pointed.

“Yeah… it’s okay.” He nodded.

And they both sat on one of the tables of the coffee shop, Each one ordered something to drink and waited in silence until it was brought to them. Bee watched through the window at the people passing by, from one side to the other, while Jean looked at her profile and admired her beauty. He was thankful that none of her friends were around her, otherwise she knew she would have them making fun of her for days.

“So… how, how did you get out?” Bee turned to look at Jean after hearing his voice. “I mean, away from the rumbling.”

“Oh… it wasn’t easy but after that weird message, something inside of me told me we had to get the hell out of there. So we took the last train that was leaving, most people weren’t eldians so they had no clue what was going on, so it was easy to sneak into one of them. After that, when the… the titans started to show up, I prayed to be safe and we were saved. A couple of weeks later we ended up here and that’s it.”

“You said we, you weren't alone?”

“No, my nephew was with me.” She drank her coffee. “It’s just me and her now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, if it wasn’t because you saved me that day from those people I wouldn’t have been able to go back home to her.” She smiled.

“It was nothing, really.” He shook his head. “I’m glad, both of you are okay. I need to know something, why did you risk yourself back then?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you kissed me to get away from those policemen.”

“Oh that.” She looked down and smiled. “Something told me it had to be you. I guess it was right after all.”

Bee and Jean continued talking for hours, about everyday things, Jean told her about Paradise and Bee told her about her niece, her sister. Even when Bee had to leave to look for her niece, Jean accompanied her and continued listening to each of her stories carefully, without missing any detail of what Bee told her. Upon arriving at the school where Bee's niece was, Jean stood in front of her and took a breath.

“Would you go out with me?” Jean slowly spoke, meeting her gaze. “As a date, I mean.”

Bee's heart skipped a beat and she felt butterflies fluttering in her stomach. His honey gaze made her nervous and those words were making her even more nervous. With Jean she had felt security, protection and tranquility, but she knew there had been something more and her heart beat for it, she had liked him a lot. Very much. But the thought of never even seeing him again or anything happening between them had long since disappeared. Until a week ago she saw him again and her heart raced again like that time in her apartment. Bee licked her lips and looked first at her worn shoes and then at Jean's gaze. Maybe this was the destiny telling her that finally she was going to be happy.

“I would love to.” She smiled and so did Jean.

#jean kirschtein fluff #jean kirschtein angst #jean x you #jean kirschtein imagine #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirstein fanfiction #jean x reader #jean kirschstein x reader #jean kirstein x oc #jean kirstein x you

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 8 months

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No Christ | BODY BACK Update #4

We're totally going to ignore the fact that it's been 4 months since I last posted a writing update for this book! :)

If you aren't aware, from February-June I drafted a litfic novella called BODY BACK and this is the penultimate update! Harrison has a Shrek moment, feels existentially directionless, imagines a future with Jeremiah--and more! Post under the cut.

Logline: When the effects of 24-Karat Harrison wear off, Harrison is left to mend his fractured relationship with Jeremiah.

Update 1 | Update 2 | Update 3

BODY BACK taglist (please ask to be added or removed :))

@thelivingdeceased @writinglittlebeasts @cuntylittlesalmon @obssesedwithscandaledits @jaydewritesfiction@onomatopiya @euphoniouspandemonium @silassghost @strangerays @rodentwrites @wildswrites @saltwaterbells @encrucijada @cilantrospirit @kiki-is-writing

Writing when life changes & the impacts of place on process

So WHYYY did it take so long for this update to come out? WELL, I wrote the chapter three (24-Karat Harrison) update THE DAY I moved from my university city, and while that went well, the act of changing setting seriously disturbed my writing process.

I'd gotten very used to creating BODY BACK in a very specific way in a very specific place/in certain locations and hadn't considered that a drastic shift in my literal setting could jilt the actual book--as if it too had undergone a major change.

Writing in May was like learning a new craft all over again, which was beyond disorienting. My anxiety was at an all-time high, and No Christ really took the brunt of that discomfort. But now that the book is long over, I'm ready to finish up the updates!

Repetition turns into theme...

Early in writing BODY BACK (chapter 2), I wrote the phrase "Harrison's no Christ," which I then unexpectedly repeated several times in 24kH which made me realize "No Christ" would make a great title.

But "no Christ" wasn’t JUST repetition—the act of repetition created a theme. I love when smaller line-level literary devices can lend to MUCH larger things!

What does it mean to reach a climax of personhood (so you feel like a god) the night before, only to feel godless the next day after the excitement is over? The idea of "no Christ" isn't just that Harrison has no god to follow. I DID want to capture that feeling of faithlessness--when the prayers stop working, when God seems nowhere to be found, but I also wanted to EMBODY "no Christ." How IS Harrison "no Christ" despite seeing himself that way in 24kH?

The plot

No Christ takes place just a few hours after the end of 24-Karat Harrison.

Scene A:

Harrison, who fell asleep in a church, is awoken by a priest.

Scene B:

After disrupting the church service, Harrison heads to the parking lot where he sees a man who looks like his ex, Lonan.

Scene C:

Exhausted from the night before and shaken from the parking lot, Harrison returns to Jeremiah's apartment where he rejects Jeremiah's concern.

Scene D:

Harrison showers the remainders of 24-karat Harrison off, but feels crushed and directionless without the persona. Jeremiah attempts to comfort him.

Scene E:

To help Harrison's hangover, Jeremiah takes him to the restaurant his friend Biyu works at, but her bad impression of Harrison puts him in an awkward position.

Scene F:

Harrison and Jeremiah head to the Greta Arquette, the hotel Jeremiah works at, in a rush of connection.

Excerpts

CW: Mature content ahead. Implications of sex and suicidal ideation. Descriptions of violence.

The opening lines (WHICH apparently tiktok liked):

Harrison wakes to God’s eyes. Dim in this light like a rusted goblet of wine or blood or whatever the fuck. Sad, he thinks. Lusting. Violent in brass.

That leads into a really *sudden* and *intense* recollection of the night previous when Harrison encounters a man named Perry (a friend of Jeremiah's). It's very SUDDEN and very INTENSE lol so here's just a little bit:

They kissed to the sound of someone crying, touched each other the way he imagined Lucifer and Judas might. God’s most hated sons united in exile.

More Harrison and Perry (CW: violence)

As saliva snailed Harrison’s cheeks, he stared at the bathroom ceiling for a hand to reach for him, for a grave to appear. With Perry, he was the runoff, the ashes, the scraps of diary entries dashed into a wastebin. And this was all good, the spit, his desire to be both saved and dead, because it was motivation to knock a fist into Perry’s jaw so he clattered to the floor. He wasn’t the leftovers. The bronze medal. No one could make him feel that way again.

Harrison observes churchgoers:

His jaw overhangs the pew in front of him, a line of drool bisecting the wood. People scoot past him to take their seats—not just people, but believers, all cleanly pressed and ready for god. They’re wearing wingtips buffed with mink oil and Mary Janes heavy enough to bludgeon someone to death.

Harrison becomes interested in the choir when he sees a cute guy (REALLL):

A choir sets up by the frontmost row, unwinding cables, tuning guitars. One woman adjusts her eggplant vest while another fixes her own curl with spit. A married couple flits through sheet music and discuss their kid’s birthday party—little Timothy, little Michael, little James, or whatever generic name. A man with sparkly eyes and a faint scar from a lip piercing smiles at him from the piano. “What are they doing over there?” Harrison asks. The priest bristles. “Who?” “Those people. They’re a choir? I can sing.”

Cont'd - shrek moment/sir this is a place of worship:

He’s aware he’s being loud. He doesn’t need the stares as confirmation. What the fuck does anyone have to stare at anyway? Sure he’s a man with smeared silver eye makeup and mascara tears and a fur coat and another man’s chandelier earring and a cow-print cowboy hat, and what’s this too now, a pair of studded DKNY sunglasses that most certainly aren’t his—but what right do they have? He doesn’t waste his time with gods. He doesn’t need someone to save him at all. And here all these beady people are, their synthetic chiffon dresses like wannabe Charlotte’s webs, their bowties near strangling. They’ve woken up at dawn to do what? Beg a man who won’t listen to them? He’s been there, fucking done that. “Do any of you want pitchforks?” Harrison’s voice booms across the nave, his cheeks flaring.

We find out Harrison stole Perry's moped:

The priest jumps back as he rises, shaking out his sleeves. The movement sends a slim pair of keys flying toward the floor, but not just any keys. The image is as fleeting as a View Master’s neon shuffle, Harrison sweaty and rumpled on the bathroom floor, his head spinning like a taut thread around a spindle. In the velvet night, he hustled toward the club’s parking lot, not thinking about the man he’d abandoned in the stall, not thinking about the man he’d come here with. Something crushed under his boot—baby pink rose petals against the rain-dark pavement, Hansel’s pebbles that drew him forward and when his eyes landed on a teal moped parked in the lot’s north end, his focus was only on how good wind would feel through his too-long hair.

Harrison considers choir man’s potential life:

Harrison leaves when the choir’s mid Holy, Holy, Holy. He only stayed that long, skulking around the backmost pews, to stare at the way choir man’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He imagined kissing that spot. If it tasted like bergamot. If it tasted like eucharist. Maybe that man had a lover waiting at home for him who knew—a coppery chem student who’d kiss him wildly between whispered verses of Revelations, their penance to each other in evenings just as dozy as it was holy.

Harrison wonders what happened to Jeremiah after he left him at the club:

Where is Jeremiah now? Perhaps he found a ride back to his apartment complex with a man he invited inside, someone with tawny hair, jetty eyes. Harrison knows his place in Jeremiah’s life, in Jeremiah’s bed, but what’s he like alone? Perhaps he and the man touched gracefully like swans, recited Whitman on the carpet, shared a bunch of green grapes, talked about prophets, prayed the rosary.

Harrison notices a man who he thinks is Lonan (HE IS NOT):

In a past life, that lack of noticing would’ve been impossible, a fatal wound. But there he is, barely aware of the oil-dark hair—just a flash in the corner of his eye—rounding the parking lot. It’s that fast. His head snaps up and then he’s seeing him, his narrow body, his darting walk, his subtle clefted waves. He doesn’t need to check for the eyes, unmarred like the sky, because he’s running now, hat clattering off his forehead, held narrowly against his neck by the stampede strings. The man walks past a silver Acura—he’s a member of the congregation. Of course. But not just any member. This is where he’s been. On lonely midnights, Harrison’s wondered against all his admittance where he’s been in this city—if they’ve touched the same pavement, if they’ve cried at the same intersections. He’s dreamt about him, he’ll admit now, yearned for his hands again, their bony blueness, their abundant warmth. They’re dancing again in a cramped bathroom, in need of no other music but the other’s heartbeat. They’re blinking into cameraflash, silent as a Polaroid prints, holding each other the way the ocean holds itself. As Harrison runs, his face splits into a grin—relief, of course, because he’s hungry for that touch again, terrifying, careful, and here he is, approaching a car—a car, he’s driving—wearing a blue corduroy jacket, reaching for his keys, he’s leaving, he’s going to leave— Harrison yanks the man’s shoulders, his mouth formed so confidently around the name Lonan that he chokes the moment he sees the face.

Aaaand, how to get punched really fast by a stranger who has no idea why you're running up to him (CW: graphic violence):

When Harrison says nothing, too focused on the necklace, too focused on who isn’t standing in front of him, a fist clips his mouth and splits his lip right open. Blood starbursts the air, spats against the car’s windshield, his jaw cranking toward the sky, but he doesn’t notice the crows above or the flossy clouds because it’s August in the cabin again and there are Lonan’s knuckles connecting with his nose, an accident on purpose, his blood mirrored in that bathroom, and there are Perry’s callused hands, sharp with hangnails, steeled with rings, and Harrison might’ve been choked last night, might’ve wanted that, doesn’t want to remember at all. God makes men in his image, and those men know violence like an oath, a birthright.

Jeremiah questions Harrison about stealing Perry's moped:

Harrison adjusts the cowboy hat over his eyes. Segments of light shift through a hole in the crease. “I didn’t steal anything.” “So what were you doing with it?” “Borrowing it.” “Like my ring?” Harrison sits up, removes the hat from his eyes. The room re-saturates like a kitchen sponge in sudsy water and there’s Jeremiah. Clear-skinned, bright-eyed Jeremiah. He doesn’t look like a man who shared a joint with Harrison last night, who drank just as many cocktails on that dance floor and perhaps even more. He’s changed into a pair of ironed jeans and a white cotton button-up he hasn’t done up all the way. A gold herringbone necklace glints off his throat. Harrison sets the hat onto the chair arm. The moment it knocks against the fabric, he feels the urge to put it back on. “You said you weren’t upset about the ring.” Jeremiah opens his mouth. What’s he going to say? Fuck you. He could say that. He should. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Or, Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Instead, he clasps his hands in front of him. “Perry’s not happy with you.” Harrison reaches into his pocket and yanks out the moped’s keys which are attached to a teal surfboard keychain. As he rises from the chair, he tosses the set with a clang and Jeremiah barely catches them. “He wasn’t happy about a lot of things.” “Where are you going?” Harrison rubs his eyes. In the momentary flashes of dark, he sees the face of the man from the parking lot. He can’t fight his own flinch. His lip throbs. He’d been so sure of himself. “To sleep.” “Perry says you tried to kill him.” Harrison laughs. “Good.” “Not good.” Jeremiah steps toward him. He smells of vanilla. Greek yogurt.

Harrison adventures in wanting to befriend animals pt. 2:

Maybe he’ll head out now. Walk west for forty minutes, find some water to touch, some better air to breathe. Jeremiah’s not all that far from Red Rock Canyon. He could lie in a field of larkspur, befriend a kit fox.

Harrison deflects emotional responsibility by asking about towels??:

Jeremiah sighs, crossing his arms. He must’ve washed his hair this morning too—it’s still damp at the roots and smells vaguely of roses. He deserves someone who’ll hold him on Thursday nights, who’ll watch reruns of Futurama with him on a blow-up mattress, pray for him in April and actually mean it. When he looks up, his eyes are rimmed clearish red—the same colour of a ruby. “Last night—you disappeared. I was worried.” Harrison looks away. Jeremiah’s tidied—no board game pieces scattered on the table, all the ashtrays cleaned out. The first time Harrison entered this apartment, he was overcome by its intricacy—the disco ball hung from the ceiling, the ivy clustered in beer bottles along the windowsill. Everything that makes Jeremiah’s space his. And he’s worried him in all this time. What must that be like? To make someone fear for you? “Where do you keep the extra towels?” Harrison asks and Jeremiah nearly deflates.

Jeremiah is concerned!!!

When Harrison opens his mouth, Jeremiah approaches him, takes his face so gently he winces. His hand is slippery with cocoa butter, breaths heavy, brows low. Harrison knows what this means. Concern. Maybe he’s afraid, too. But it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t at all. One man’s worry is not his problem. Why would he care? Why would he? “What happened to you?” Jeremiah whispers. Perhaps he arrived home alone last night, stayed up till 5:00AM with his eyes staked by toothpicks. Perhaps this weekend is the worst thing that’s happened to him in a long time. If Harrison were someone else, he’d tell Jeremiah to run. Don’t waste time with shoes. Just throw open the front door and sprint barefoot into the neon street. Keep going until everything is a blur, until everything is the clearest it’s been in weeks. The farther away he gets, the better for him. He could learn how to crochet mug cozies. Buy himself a tomato plant. Spend his mornings in a sunny kitchen with a man who actually loves him.

Harrison has an existential crisis after a shower (CW: description of a bruise):

He glances at himself in the mirror, his shoulders hunched forward, hair veering into his eyes. A purple bruise rings his throat like a necklace of lavender pearls. The last time he’d looked at his reflection in this mirror, he’d found something hidden behind his face, gripped it, then tugged it right out with a tube of mascara and a ring finger loaded with silver eyeshadow. That’s all gone. He’s just a man now. Not naked like Michelangelo’s David, but naked like a stranger.

Jeremiah checks up on Harrison:

He imagines Jeremiah now. Leaning half his body weight against the door, his unbuttoned shirt parting with the movement. Perry’s already picked up the moped from outside. Jeremiah probably lied and said Harrison wasn’t there. In the wind, he might’ve said. Gone North to Missoula. Or maybe, Joined a travelling circus. Or, Took a red-eye to Florence. Or, I don’t care as long as he never comes back. All would’ve been suitable excuses because Jeremiah’s a good guy. A good friend. “I wanted to…” says Harrison, his chest rattling with an inhale. I wanted to: apologize. I wanted to: kiss you. I wanted to: say a prayer into your mouth. I wanted to: find you at sunset and link pinkies in dying grass and read screenplays from the 90s with your head on my chest and thank you like a real man should in the evenings and listen to your breaths when you fell asleep. I wanted to be alive. I wanted you there with me. The sound of Jeremiah shifting. What had he planned to do this September—before Harrison turned up at his apartment? On their first night reunited, they’d sipped mimosas while swapping Jeremiah’s Blackberry back and forth to play Brick Breaker, watched Psycho and only kissed at the ending credits. Jeremiah hadn’t even questioned why Harrison had turned up because he’s a good guy. A good friend. He knows Harrison could eat cinnamon on anything, that he’d gargle with black coffee if he could, that cymbals make his teeth ache, that he can’t tolerate the smell of chocolate anymore. Good guy. Good friend. In another life, they could’ve grown up together, played road hockey in humid Junes, shared a half-and-half ice cream cone, fallen for each other delicately. In another life, Harrison would’ve told Jeremiah he loved him and meant it.

At the restaurant, Jeremiah talks about his future (but does it include Harrison?):

It’s going to rain tomorrow, at least according to the mounted bubble TV on the restaurant’s far north side. Its grainy picture is suddenly the most pressing thing in this establishment—a headline about a collision on the I-80, an update on Katrina, a mass power outage in LA. Behind the screen is a window that leads to the kitchen, and Biyu’s face flashes through it every few minutes. He hasn’t even thought of calling Reeve since the last time he’d been in this restaurant, but he could now—find her in the Yellow Pages, invite her to dinner with him and Suz. Would she like that? Perhaps she’s the same woman who’d sat with him that sunny morning in Oregon, her legs stretched out in front of his and Lonan’s tent. There was something both blunt and guarded about her then. She wasn’t a woman, not a sister, not a friend, but a threat. “I’m thinking of heading east in the winter. Maryland. My grandma turns eighty.” Harrison turns to Jeremiah abruptly, his throat dry. “What?” “For a couple months, maybe. Might meet Rory in Hanoi in the spring. He’s thinking of staying there through the new year.” “What about Greta?” Harrison asks when the real question he should be asking is what about me? It takes him a moment to even register he’s gaping. “I’ll find something else to do. Dog-walking. Printmaking. I’m thinking of getting certified in hypnotherapy.”

After Biyu asks Harrison to pay for the bill and Jeremiah ends up footing it, he describes the atmosphere:

The air feels denser now, unstable like Jell-O. The last time he and Jeremiah were here, their relationship was gauzy, a fumbling newborn. But now something’s clotted. They’re unready again, so used to the other’s face they’ve become estranged.

Embarrassed, Harrison can't focus until Jeremiah makes (A VERY SWEET) deal (CW: suicidal ideation):

Harrison’s ears ring. He looks to the window like it’s an out when in reality, all that’s out there are a couple fir trees and a main road. An eighteen-wheeler whizzes by every few minutes. As Jeremiah talks about a paper he needs to turn in on Tuesday, Harrison imagines what those drivers are doing, thinking. One making plans to shoot darts at a dive bar with his brother, another answering a call from his wife to bring home a stick of butter, someone else considering flooring the pedal, letting go of the wheel. “You could come with me, you know.” Harrison looks up and finds Jeremiah’s eyes honeyed in a strand of sun. The realization is obvious: he’s an ember of a man—an effervescent, sacred light. “Come with you?” “Maryland. Hanoi. Dogwalking. Wherever we want to go.”

Harrison's response to the offer falls flat (this is kind of messy lol):

Harrison looks to his hands. He took off Jeremiah’s signet ring before his shower and forgot it on the bathroom sink. It looks like he’s returned it, when in reality, he hasn’t meant to. And then a touch at his hand and Harrison’s back in the dense Oregon woods, another man trailing a pinkie down each of his vertebrae like they were the keys of a flute, joining their fate lines as the sun sets, holding his face kindlier than he did a cigarette, his eyes coined by the moon. The contact is so unviolent, yet the moment Harrison winces, Jeremiah immediately pulls away, drops his hand to the booth’s seat. Harrison shakes. He can’t look at Jeremiah again, is afraid any more understanding will rive him right here. He’d become more of a nuisance than he already is if that were the case—blood on the ground, on the wall’s tiger. “I think I have a headache.” Jeremiah exhales but grabs his wallet. From a zippered pocket, he pulls out a Tylenol. “You need to eat something,” he says, waving over Biyu before Harrison can tell him not to, can tell him to please use this as an out, to please grab his things and beeline to the door and hitch a ride to somewhere gentler than Las Vegas, to someone more reliable. Jeremiah, just go, he could say. Jeremiah, it’s not too late for you. Jeremiah, adopt a dog who’ll love you. Jeremiah, change your locks. Jeremiah, learn how to refinish a deck this summer. Jeremiah, pick honeysuckle by the fistfuls. Jeremiah, laugh because it’s over. Jeremiah, never cry again. Jeremiah, the earth is vast. Jeremiah, there is still so much time to run.

I'M YOURS:

In a few months, Jeremiah won’t be the same person he is today. Whether he ends up out east or in an art class painting alla prima, he’ll change. He’ll make new friends in Baltimore, dance with them in Fell’s Point, photograph tree swallows together at Herring Run, kiss one of them in the state fair’s scorching sun. And that will be good for him. Harrison’s no Christ, no God. He’ll never be omnipotent. Yet, he is certain of this. “Jeremiah?” he interrupts. One day, Jeremiah will drive a silver birch Cadillac alone, inhale for three seconds as the wind rustles his hair. He’ll keep on that road for hours, count the red SUVs on the way, stop for lunch at a taco stand, buy tarry hot coffees from every gas station he passes. He’ll be an even better man. And Harrison? In a year, he could apprentice for a sculptor, make minimum wage flipping burgers on the weekends, memorize the Dewey Decimal System for fun. Maybe he’ll be like Rory, backpack somewhere no one knows him, somewhere with mountain ranges he doesn’t recognize, somewhere with suburbs and lawns, somewhere no one can find him ever again. But he’s here now, Jeremiah looking at him like he’s simultaneously a glass mid-fall and a glass worth piecing back together with school glue and some patience. Jeremiah, look at me a little longer, he could say. Jeremiah, I can’t remember the sound of my own name. Jeremiah, you’re birdsong in the winter, the first glimpse of sunrise. Jeremiah, I’m so sorry. Jeremiah, you’re young enough to forget all of this soon. Jeremiah, be tender while you can. Jeremiah, please go gently. Jeremiah— “I’m yours.”

HAREMIAH ROMANCE FUN (and what would a future with Jeremiah look like?):

Jeremiah’s got a key to Greta—room 118 to be exact. In the dim fizz of a tungsten sconce, he leads Harrison through the doorway and kisses him as soon as the door clicks behind him, urgent and careful at the same time. Harrison catches himself on the wall, right next to an oil painting of a wide prairie. He wraps his arms around Jeremiah’s neck, winds one of his curls around his pinkie, pulls him so close their pelvises touch. Don’t let go of me, he could say as Jeremiah thumbs his eyebrows, bows for another kiss. Don’t let go of me. They don’t go slow nor fast, but a pace tempered like drizzling honey. It isn’t even really about touching. As Harrison mentally connects the umber flecks of Jeremiah’s eyes like they’re constellations, he imagines a future where he follows him to Maryland. He could take the first leg of the trip, tune the radio to throwbacks, belt Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer in a Burger King drive-thru just to make Jeremiah laugh. They could rest at a motel similar to Greta—the same stuffy wallpaper, the same berber carpet. Surprise each other the next morning with bagels from the bakery a block away. Go crabbing at Point Lookout on their first weekend in the state. Pose next to each other with their catch for a photo snapped by a stranger. Jeremiah might even invite him to his grandmother’s birthday party, introduce him to an aunt as his boyfriend. They’d link arms the entire night, feed each other spoons of sherry trifle. Harrison could bond with a cousin over their shared interests in bushcraft forts and Neo-Dada art. Jeremiah’s mother would invite them berry picking the next weekend, serve blueberry buckle after Sunday mass, everyone still suited and skirted around the kitchen table. Harrison could cameo in their Christmas card photo. Spend Labour Day weekend at a lakeside cottage. Grill chicken thighs with Jeremiah’s father. Play Marco Polo with his younger brother. It’d all feel like an airy vacation.

And a tiny more romance lol:

Jeremiah leans into Harrison’s chest, brushes his mouth against his ear, down his neck. He touches the way pearls shine—with subtle panache. His lips are tangy with soy sauce, tart with cherry Chapstick, and he’s easy to move into like a current eclipsing itself.

Aaand the end of the chapter! THE DRAMA:

Jeremiah, he could say, the earth keeps turning without me. Jeremiah, which city do you think of as home? Jeremiah, I’m dying of a wound I can’t find. Jeremiah, I love you. Harrison’s head no longer hurts. He glances at the bed ahead of them, the duvet untainted, the throw pillows chopped, then back to Jeremiah. He grips his shoulder so tightly his hand aches. He’ll be needed right now—loved right now. He’ll touch because he needs to. He’ll pray for forgiveness someday. “Don’t let go,” he whispers.

And that's a wrap on No Christ! It was so fun to revisit this chapter now that I'm not... unwell, LOL. I hope you enjoyed this update and stay tuned for the FINAL one (which I meant to include here BUT THIS POST WAS SOOOO LONG)

ily if you made it this far okay bye!

Rachel

#writeblr #writing #amwriting #writerblr #writingupdates #OOOH BODY BACK is BACK lol #just for a little I want to get these up before I write the next one for hallowed bodies!!!#chapter 5 coming soon!!!!#also there's more of this chapter I didn't share floating around on the blog but this post was SOOO LONG LOL

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nightscissor · 2 years

Text

Period Fetish!Hunter Drabble

okay i was So High when i wrote this and i have no clue if there’s even a single person out there who is also into this but it’s been banging around in my drafts for a minute so i just decided fuck it, i’ll post it! anyways lemme know if you like this even a little bit so i feel less alone:)

it got kinda long for a drabble though sorry lol

WARNINGS: So very much 18+ if you’re a minor please just leave us all alone, Looots of period talk, Period fetish, Like I’m not exaggerating full-on period kink!Hunter here, Mention of knife, Tons of descriptions of blood, Kinda graphic, Mention of pregnancy but no one gets pregnant and there is no real pregnancy scare (my fellow tokophobes are always safe here<3), Stuff about birth control (me making up my dream space bc that i wish existed), Pining, Jacking off, Male masturbation, Potential dub-con for a character beating his meat to someone without permission?, Mention of PIV sex, Mention of bloody period PIV sex, Maybe kinda voyeurism as well in a way? Like Hunter smells you while getting off??, I promise my writing is at least marginally better than the warnings

-•-

There are some things off the field that Hunter’s enhanced senses come in handy for. One of those is knowing when his teammates are hurt. Especially being in an enclosed space like The Marauder, Hunter can tell the moment someone’s knife slips by that metallic tinge in the air. His brothers’ blood has pretty close to the same scent, Tech says it’s because they all have the same blood type. Something about the Kaminoans planning ahead so the synth blood can be used for anyone in case of emergency.

But yours? Your blood is different, and even though he knows it’s strange and wrong, he sort of likes it? Not that he likes seeing you hurt, not at all. It’s just… he likes that he knows something so intimate about you. He likes that no one else can smell how your blood is different than others’. He likes being able to rush to your side the moment something happens to you and tend to your wound.

Yeah. Hunter has it bad for you. Over the past several months you’ve been with the batch, that’s exactly what he’s done each time you get hurt, even if it’s just a scratch. And this is exactly what he does now as he catches that sharpness in the air while he’s pulling his blacks on.

—•—

Finally. The perfect birth control system. You’ve gone through your options over the past several years. Some making you gain or lose too much weight, some ruining your mental health, some not trustworthy enough to work, and some just being overall annoying to remember. The most recent form of birth control you’d been on had completely made your period disappear, which seemed like a great idea at the time, until the pregnancy anxiety kicked in. But this one. This one is perfect. You’d gotten on it a few weeks ago after a month of research (thanks for the help, Tech!) and your period is supposed to return any day now. It should keep your bleeding light and painless while still giving you confirmation that your uterus is nice and empty, it has an incredibly low rate of failure, and it’s super low in hormones, so less of those weight changing or mood swinging side effects! Finally you’ve found the solution.

Now you can relax alone in the cockpit with your lovely new lack of anxiety. Until Hunter busts in. Wearing only his blacks. His face flushed. His hair tousled and falling in his face as he hasn’t put his signature bandanna back on yet. Stars does he look fucking good.

“What’s wrong?! What happened?” you’re snapped out of your trance.

You look around as if to figure out who he’s talking to since you’re doing great. “Nothing…??” You respond with a puzzled look.

“You’re bleeding.” Hunter seems frazzled, breathing a bit heavily.

With no recollection of any magical flying blades, you realize that you had probably just started your period. Shifting in your seat confirms the suspicion that the first drops of blood had found their way out. “Oh, it must be my period,” you say lightly “thanks for the heads up!”. With a giggle, you move to stand and head to the ‘fresher but Hunter’s expressions stops you.

Period. Of course Hunter knows what menstruation is, he knows lots of people bleed monthly but he’d never smelled one from you before. He sort of just assumed you were one of those who didn’t have one and never really thought much more about it.

Upon seeing the confusion written on Hunter’s face, you brief him on the birth control situation and go to clean yourself up.

—•—

Blood. Your blood. That scent he so shamefully likes drifts from you. But you aren’t hurt. Hunter has nothing to worry about, but he still finds himself drawn to you for the rest of the day. He knows something about you that no one else knows. He can smell something on you that no one else can smell. But you’re safe. That intimate scent is harmless this time, and Hunter feels… What does he feel? He can’t even tell. As he sits in the cockpit beside you, he can’t stop thinking about how something so special to you and secretly special to him is coming from the most private part of your body.

He’s longed for that part of you since he first met you, and this new correlation between his carnal pining for you and his dark, secret indulgence in the scent of your blood is driving him wild.

Hunter isn’t a clueless or sheltered man by any means; he’s aware that many people have increased sex drives during their cycles. He knows that’s what’s going on. He knows your arousal this time is just a side effect of your period. He knows all of that! So why can’t he stop breathing deeply through his nose, drinking in both the scents of your blood and your arousal as if they belong to him?

He knows it’s wrong. He knows he’s dirty for it. But when he’s lying in his bunk right above yours that night, surrounded by that strangely intimate, beautiful, metallic, musky, sweet scent of yours, he can’t help himself. He imagines your perfect pussy coating his cock in the blood only he knows about and the slick of your arousal for him. His hand seems to have a mind of its own as it makes its way under his waistband to wrap around his painfully hard erection. He’s so wrong for this, he thinks to himself. You can’t help it. It’s natural, that’s all it is! Nature! He tells himself, but he can’t stop. He pauses his ministrations only to coat his hand in a layer of spit before quickly returning it to his aching member. His eyes are clenched shut imagining that red shine he longs to see between your body and his as he picks up the pace.

What are you dreaming about? Hunter hopes it’s him as he always does when he can smell you getting wet at night. He can usually keep himself under control around you, at least enough to go get himself off in the ‘fresher. This is different, though, he likes it too much. It’s depraved and selfish and downright slutty of him and he knows it! But somehow that makes it better. The risk of you catching him, the thought of how fucking wrong this is of him. Jacking off to you— not just your image like normal— but your scent. There is barely a meter between the two of you but Hunter just can’t get himself to stop, fervently rubbing himself off as if he’s in some sort of heat.

And when he hears you? That finally does him in, he has to bite the back of his other hand hard just to shut himself up when you turn over in bed and let out the sweetest little sigh. Just close enough to a moan for Hunter’s rampant imagination to twist your subconscious noise into something darker. Hunter pumps himself through his release, slowly regaining consciousness when he notices just how much he came. He’s hot and sticky, ropes of his cum covering his fingers and lower abdomen and fuck he is a filthy man but fuck he’s never gotten off so hard.

All of that just over the smell of your blood and your pussy.

-•-

okay if this gets even an ounce of attention from even one singular person i might write up a part two

and if it gets no attention from anyone other than me rereading it i still might write up a part two because this is hot to me SORRY LOLZ

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb #tbb hunter #hunter x reader #tbb hunter x reader #tbb hunter/reader #tbb hunter/you #hunter/you #bad batch hunter reader #tbb smut #tbb hunter smut #nsft #tbb hunter lemon #tbb hubter grapefruit

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