#i finally posted it cos i can't look at it anymore

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Cos' sometimes sleep isn't enough anymore | Inner Demons

⟫ Alphabet Challenge, C - Cos' sometimes sleep isn't enough anymore

Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader

I guess I'm on a roll tonight? 3 parts posted so far, I'm not even sure how many parts this will end up with but, um, yeah, i hope you like this one and it's not to heavy to read.

Absolutely none of it's proof-read so yet again it could seem jumbled up or not even make sense but umm I can't sleep and my brain is overthinking at 4 am so this is the result of it :)

Thanks for all the continuous love and support on this so far!

Waking up in hospital, you think over your thoughts about what happened and wonder if you really did mean to do it?

tw: heavy angst, talks of SH, MH, suicide and death.

Bright lights and slow repetive beeps followed by the sterile smell of a hospital enrivoment.

That's how you knew it was bad when you woke up.

You really hadn't mean for it to get to that point though, you made the mistake of cutting deeper than you should have and now you have landed yourself in the hospital.

This was definitely not your smartest move you had pulled.

Something tells you it wouldn't be so easy to hide your pain behind a fake smile now.

You felt the wet tears covering your own hand along with the heavy weight of another body practically leaning on you.

"Geez, did somebody die in here or something?" Was the first words you spoke since you had fallen unconcious and of course, it was with your usual cocky teenage atttiude.

Dark humour has always been your go to, you hate to show any type of vulnerability.

"Y/N/N" Leah voice croaks in surprise as she sits bolt up right to look straight at you. "You're awake, finally!" she immediately breaks down into sobs again as she reaches towards you and wraps her arms around you.

"Yeah, I'm awake but there's no need to cry about it" You struck back with the same cocky atittude, that drove your team mates crazy but loved you never the less. "Seriously though, did someone die? Cos' you're crying that much right now that I'm begining to think so" you note, hiding your own pain behind the smile.

Just keep smiling, nobody will ask questions.

Everyone will think you're fine.

"Seriously, Y/N?" Leah is quick to smack you around the back of the head as she's now giving you one of her famous glares, one that you knew all too well. "You scared me to death, you little shit!" she admits, showing her vunerability.

"Ow. Ow-- Hey, you can't hit me, I'm fragile right now" You can't help but pout and hope for sympathy from the older blonde girl.

"Fragile, huh? You seem fine enough to be making jokes" Leah remarks as she continues to glare at you.

"Come on, you know that dark humour is the way to go sometimes Le" You grin at the blonde, who doesn't seem to have the same idea.

See? Totally easy to hide your pain.

Leah just stares at you in disbelief you're really cracking jokes right now, "You're unbelieve sometimes, Y/F/N" she mutters aloud.

"Uh oh, your using my full name, am I in trouble now?" You can't help to continue with your cocky, I don't give a shit attitude never the less you had worried all of your team mates like you did.

"Right now I'm just glad that you're alive," Leah admits as she rewraps her arms around you and squeezes you gently. "But if you ever scare me like that again then we'll be having a very different conversation!" she tells you, sternly.

"Okay" You wince slightly as the tightness of the hug that the blonde was very reluctant to let go off you. "Seriously, Le. I'm fine now, why are you still crying so much?" You ask, confused.

"I'm crying because I... I thought I had really lost you this time" Leah speaks her thoughts aloud as she still holds onto you like you would disappear all over again. "When I found you, like the... like the way I did, I thought you was going to die" she adds in, quietly.

Your own amused smile starts to falter as you glance down at the bandages wrapped around your arm. "I'm sorry... I am really sorry for scaring you like that" You apologise quietly, starting to realise the seriousness of it all.

You must've had all of your team mates so worried and right now you were only acting like a total jackass about it.

"I was so scared" Leah replies as she pulls away from hugging you before she readjusts to move onto the bed beside you. "There was so much blood, Y/N/N. I... I thought when we arrived at the hospital, it would be too late and I'd be saying goodbye to you instead" she explains, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat.

Shit, why did I go and do that? I've made Leah almost have a nervous break down.

How could you be so selfish? You didn't deserve the love you recieved from your team mate.

"I bet the bathrooms' a right bloody mess now then" You can't help the comment that slips out of your mouth.

Once again, dark humour is a key to hiding the reality of pain.

Leah clicks her tongue at your comment, although she can tell exactly what you're doing now.

You had been doing it all this long so easily, it was just that nobody realised it.

"Why didn't you tell me that it was getting bad again?" The blondes' question is something that catches you off guard.

Guilt-striken to hear her words, you found sudden interest with the crisp white sheets currently covering you.

There was a lot of things that you could have said, but would she want to hear any of it?

Nobody can help me with the way I feel,

I'm so tired,

I wanted to relieve the pain, I wanted a way out.

All of the questions racing through your mind, you actually began to wonder if you had cut yourself that deep on purpose? Did your own selfishness overshadow any other feelings inside of you.

The battle with your inner demons was just too much sometimes, you was just so exhausted now.

So, why couldn't you have just been left to die instead?

"What's going on inside your head, Y/N/N?" Leah's next question brought you out of your dark thoughts. "Talk to me, you know that I'm here to listen" she states with a gentle tone of voice.

Although the next words that you speak are nothing that she can be prepared to hear.

"I think... I think I wanted to die, I wanted an out on life" Your voice quivers as you admit the truth to the blonde, finally.

"W... What?" Leah looks at you with a mixture of shock and hurt.

"I'm so tired, Le-- I'm just so fuckin' tired. I... I can't do this anymore" You express your feelings as you feel yourself tearing up.

It was as if Leah hadn't quite regestered the words you had said, or she had but she refused to believe that you actually did want to try and kill yourself.

"The girls all went to get coffee, um I think that all of the girls will be back soon though" The blonde tells you quietly as she wraps her free arm around you and gives you a small smile.

Denial, it was so easy to pretend there wasn't anything to read into with your most recent confession.

"Leah--"

"I bet they'll be happy to know that you're awake now" Leah cut you off as she continues to give you that weary smile, you weren't sure if she was now clutching onto you a bit tighter in fear of you pulling another stunt like you did.

"Leah, didn't you hear me? I said I wanted to die!" You shout loud enough for her to suck in a sharp breath.

"I heard you, Y/N/N-- I heard you, I saw you, I... I was there for it all. I was the one who found you in the bathroom; You was lay in a pool of your own blood while you were slipping in and out of unconciousness" Leah broke her game of where she didn't pretend you as she turned to face you, you had her whole attention now. "I sat there, pressing a god-damn towel against your cuts, praying that you would make it and you... you tell me that you want to die? You don't get to die. You can't, we need you-- Damn it Y/N, I need you! Y... You're my family! So you don't get to tell me you want to die!" she tells you, the shake in her voice so evident that she's close to tears again.

"What? You... You want to die?" Beth broke the tense silence as she has a distraught look on her face.

"Do you really mean that?" Lia questions as her eyes widen in shock.

Neither you or Leah realise that some of the older girls had made their way back to your room, when they arrived they were delighted with the realisation that you were now finally awake after the long 24 hours but that quickly turned into shock and hurt when they heard Leah's words so boldly, that even the patients down the hall probably would've heard.

"I do, I did... I don't know. I'm tired, I can't... I can't keep doing this anymore" You admit out loud for every single one of them to hear.

You hear the blonde beside you suck in another sharp breath as she keeps her arm firmly attached round your shoulder.

The confession is left hanging in the air, leaving a tense feeling and it was suddenly so quiet that in the room that you were certain that you would even be able to hear a pin drop.

Nobody utters a word, a state of shock written across each one of their faces.

"Sometimes sleep isn't enough when it's my soul that's tired" You tell them, leaving them all stood there grief-stricken with the realisation that you really had been struggling for longer than you wanted to admit.

#arsenal x reader #woso x reader #arsenal women x reader #leah williamson #woso #woso imagine #woso fanfics #leah williamson x reader #heavy angst #woso one shot #arsenal wfc x reader

[nocofamilyau]

Out of curiosity, Do you think Cody would still keep in contact with Gwen? And is Ezekiel doing better now atleast?

(me shamelessly asking a random question before asking abt my favorite character to not look suspicious /j)

like in canon (or, at least taking Christine Thompson's word for it..), Cody's attraction to Gwen fizzled out after World tour ended. sure, they kept in contact for a little while after but eventually that came to an end as they naturally moved on with their lives

this was from another ask that's now invisible in my inbox (probably due to the account that asked being deactivated - its pretty much on me for not answering what's in my inbox sooner/being put off trying to put each ask into a coherent order, deepest apologies for that), but it's mainly Cody that constantly wonders how the other TDI contestants (except the ones that he already still sees personally) are going, I guess more as like a passing thought.

(also, yet another retcon, hopefully the last one for a while - I mentioned in an earlier post that Cody was close friends with Sierra, who co-writes for his celeb gossip blog.. well the blog is still a thing, but has long since been abandoned. it was more of a side project Cody did during his 20's, with Sierra occasionally writing some stuff for it here and there. one day however, something clicked in Cody's mind - something that should have clicked long ago, and he stopped spending as much time with Sierra. hell, he probably hasn't seen her in years at this point, probably for the better..)

as for the Ezekiel question... oh man, I was sort of dreading when I would bring this up, since this idea has been stewing in my mind for a good while now, and admittedly, from one Zeke enjoyer to another, this will not a pleasant thing to reveal, but there needed to be a reason for Total Drama to be cancelled in this au, other than to needlessly justify why all newer generations of TD cast members are much younger than they are in canon

Ezekiel's dead. when he fell into that volcano in the World Tour finale, he didn't end up making it out (I mean, dude was submerged in BOILING LAVA - I get its a cartoon but its far from believable that someone could survive that). some say he was put out of his misery, others think it was a perfect example of how greed could ruin a person, but all in all, it was fucked. it was not a pretty death, and the fact that Chris and the TD production crew still had the AUDACITY to keep footage of and broadcast someone's death on international TV was enough to get the show cancelled immediately and get the shit sued out of Chris. at least now he can't terrorise anymore teens, sucks to be him...

#noco family au #noco lore #yea this is kinda dark but I mean.. it makes the most sense to me #sorry for the drastic tonal shift #we'll be back to our regular scheduled programming shortly

[probablyhuntersmom]

Hunter's Experiences After Belos's Death

Oops, this got long. Aw well, it was really fun to write.

Special thanks to @ashanimus!

This is speculative at the end of the day, but since:

1. This is my fave animated show of all time

2. I grew up with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) like Hunter

3. I work as a therapist,

I thought to list down some things I can visualize happening in the duration of the finale's timeskip, before that beautiful epilogue we saw. And I want to dive in using whatever clues, leads and parallels I can find in canon: to analyze and see how he went from the Bad But Sad Boy to that peaceful-looking palisman carver in the epilogue.

A small reference I had for this meta is Cinema Therapy's episode on the Hunger Games movies (link), since the protagonist, Katniss Everdeen, from the book and also movie trilogy would have the same diagnosis as Hunter. Those books and movies explored how Katniss coped with the frightening and dramatically different landscape that was the calmness of her world post-victory.

Part 1: His Possible Experiences Leading Up to Seeking a Therapist

His disposition could possibly become like Luz's from early Season 3: a state of emotionally shutting down and numbing out. He appeared to nearly head in this direction right after he was revived by Flapjack, as he began to cry. There was that small window where he could have expressed more tears than he did, and have his body shut down under the weight of bereavement.

But the immediate physical threat, Belos, was still on the run. He got up, sprang into action and didn't catch a break from the time he followed Belos through the portal until he stood in The Collector's palace after Belos died (had he even received the news of his 'Uncle' dying yet??!).

Now that Belos isn't around anymore, the Isles will have a completely different feel and rebuilding the land would've taken grueling work after the dismantling of a damaging Coven System.

I was looking at Luz's behavior and gestures in Thanks to Them, which were indicative of her sinking into depression after 1. the horrible revelation in Hollow Mind that she unintentionally helped Philip. 2. witnessing Flapjack's death. I'm putting screenshots of her below in parallel with Hunter's own emotions in For the Future:

They have different mental health conditions if you talk symptoms, e.g. Luz doesn't show signs of CPTSD hypervigilance, while Hunter doesn't have that slowing down in his physical and mental activity which points to depression. But both have suffered from moral injury thanks to Belos's violence and manipulation.

However, a major comparison is that Hunter has had much more repressed emotion over a long period compared to Luz. The column with Hunter screencaps above, is what he may feel with a much higher intensity in the weeks and months after he first hears that his abuser has passed on.

Shown below, the few seconds of Hunter's big smile drooping when it was all over, was a big hint for me:

A hint that there is a deep undercurrent of emotions he'd much rather not feel, that he'd probably rather hide from himself. Even while smiling, we know how his heart-wrenching story has played out and the light in his eyes here doesn't match the brightness we see in his expressions in the epilogue, post-timeskip.

That is the face of a kid who has not cried out massive amounts of tears yet. He doesn't look like he's carrying a light load yet, compared to what we see in his future self. And it's certainly a heavier smile than the jollier one he makes here right after King's Tide when Flapjack was still around:

I can't imagine the amount of grief that his body has yet to dredge up and release, once he finally doesn't have to worry about his 'uncle' threatening his life anymore. Too many times to count, I've been in the situation where I cry intensely after being retraumatized and think "Huh? More tears? Where did it come from?? I thought I had cried it all out from my whole being the last time!". It kind of convinced me that anyone with CPTSD has so much grief stored up in their body that the number of times needed to have a good cry feels like a really endless expanse.

However: because I had 7 years of being in and out of therapy, what matters is that the durations between these episodes of mine, the durations of the episodes themselves, plus their intensity have reduced a lot. It was around a 4-year timeskip in the finale, so for Hunter to get as far as he did to heal, his own therapy sessions would've probably been rigorous and very consistent.

Anyway, he might now cycle through his own version of what Luz cycled through when she gradually shuts down from failing to build a new portal door in Thanks to Them, continually believes she's as bad as Belos, and when she alludes to her suicidal ideation in the classroom:

whereby there is a likely parallel between Luz wrestling with guilt from her own moral injury, and Hunter's own guilt from what he wished he could've done to prevent being possessed, to prevent Flapjack from dying. Both their situations are that of moral injuries.

The adrenaline rush would be over for everyone on the Isles.

I'm quite sure the therapists on the Isles will operate pretty soon after the news about Belos's death was out. They would conduct whatever version of mental health triage they have, that involves risk assessments and crisis counselling. Both of these based on what I've learnt are shorter in duration (30 minutes) and are one-off sessions, compared to regular talk therapy which is an hour minimum.

The therapists would be redirecting people to necessary resources e.g. where to find food or loved ones, and managing distress only related to people's immediate needs instead of forming a longer term plan for several weekly sessions.

I believe things are simpler when you are running away from an external threat, like the two Hunter scenarios below. In Hollow Mind there is no emotion on his face because in peak C-PTSD mode he has shut down his emotions to pour that energy into escaping Belos. In Thanks to Them, he appears quite obviously scared with widened eyes because he got comfortable with safety for months and Belos's return was a surprise attack (thanks ashanimus for pointing out to me how his expressions are animated!):

But what is there to run from now? Not an external threat for sure. The war zone is now the one in his mind, heart and soul and it would become front and center. I believe both these screenshots are two notches on a dial, and the missing third image - which would show him finding it difficult to stuff down the grief any longer, might look like a more exasperated version of when he told Willow "Please don't call yourself [a Half-a-Witch] ever again" in For the Future, and eventually a more depressed version of his vanishing smile in The Collector's Palace.

When can he really run from himself? Only while asleep, if he's spared nightmares on any given night, or while distracting himself with the main mission of rebuilding the Isles or continuing to bond with his friends and other people.

His anger in For the Future was a telling sign for me that he made sure his focus was still on an external threat: he still had the opportunity to do so back then, because Belos was still alive. But when we see him in The Collector's palace sending Willow off to her dads, there has realistically been a shift in what will threaten the more fragile shreds of inner peace he's still clinging on to. There are those scary trauma-related emotions to worry about, which wouldn't have just evaporated into thin air. They would be looking for a new outlet, and they'll find their way into flashbacks, nightmares, tension still stored in the body, an exaggerated startle response, etc.

We have seen a range of reactions he has to danger, triggers and emotional pain: some involve moving his body more, and fewer involve a short of shutting down:

Flinching during Belos's tantrums, being able to fight Kikimora calmly, freezing up in the throne room (Hunting Palismen)

Suicidal ideation and even a sort of suicide plan (Eclipse Lake)

Freezing up and expecting punishment from Darius (Any Sport in a Storm)

Being able to stay almost entirely calm as he learnt more and more of the truth about Belos, though his hand was shaking briefly, then a panic attack later on (Hollow Mind)

Lots of avoidance symptoms like numbing, combined with hypervigilance e.g. shivering and another panic attack (Labyrinth Runners)

Feeling fear with underlying shame and subconsciously expecting punishment, when he failed to save Luz (Clouds on the Horizon)

Freezing and recoiling, though he fought against this by asserting a boundary with Belos (King's Tide)

Panic attack when looking into the mirror and having an emotional flashback, hypervigilance e.g. stamping his foot and shivering (Thanks to Them)

Anger and rage to cope with bereavement, later being tearful (For the Future)

Most likely a sense of bereavement, deep exhaustion and possibly loneliness, during that briefly shown moment in The Collector's Palace (Watching and Dreaming)

The serious work he has to put in to heal from his trauma would begin once his whole body gives in to the exhaustion, catching up with the bereavement-related emotions that have also begun to settle in. It could be a massive emotional and physical collapse that he can't fight off, where his physical energy levels become tanked seemingly out of nowhere. And I think it would look like a worse version of him lying in his makeshift grave, where he is barely able to move around the house or anywhere for some time.

This happened to Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, and while the portrayal was done differently in the books and movies, both were good explorations of what it's like to shift from the default high alert (and long-term) mode of CPTSD to coping with the scary unknown world of newfound safety. Katniss spent her childhood in poverty and being constantly on edge that she might be chosen for the Hunger Games, being parentified, to provide for her family.

While participating in the games, she had to utilize battle skills and kill others to survive and sustained many injuries, still constantly on high alert whereby any respite would last for incredibly short durations. Towards the end of the story, after she loses the one she loved most (her sister Prim, who I think can be a parallel of Flapjack in this meta), Katniss shifts from peak physical activity into mostly sleeping and being actively suicidal for months, hardly moving and not leaving the house, until the shock of traumatic grief began to wear off. She absolutely crashed and went from one extreme to the other. In the movie Mockingjay Part 2, they added a non-book scene where her grief comes out in an outburst when she sees their pet cat hanging around on the kitchen counter. She flings an object in the cat's direction, then screams "[Prim] is gone!!" repeatedly before collapsing into heavy sobs, picking up the cat and holding it to her chest to soothe herself.

This kind of major collapse might happen very soon to Hunter after he leaves The Collector's Palace or only after some weeks. The timing of this, I can't predict. The reason why he didn't appear to have this issue in the early months being in the human realm is because there was still something external to concentrate on: help his friends get back to the Human Realm, help Luz reunite with Eda and King, while him and Flapjack hoped to go home too.

You could argue that even now, he still has something external to focus on i.e. helping the others rebuild the Isles. However I keep imagining that the people who love him are going to be quite adamant in getting him, Luz and the other kids to please rest. Since we saw Steve recommend his therapist to Lilith in O Titan Where Art Thou, I can picture the adults in particular monitoring how Hunter is doing without Flapjack.

But if this collapse I'm speculating about doesn't happen so soon, he would be pouring himself into helping others, referencing his character-centric line all the way back in Hunting Palismen about wanting to offer help, which he utters twice in that episode. There is an overlap between this expectation he has of himself and the old habit he's at risk of falling back into periodically: overworking.

Once his desire to help others is clearly comes across as an avoidance tactic on the outside - a maladaptive coping mechanism to run from the very difficult emotions that he should be processing - people around him are definitely going to set boundaries and say "No" to any attempts he makes to assist them. Someone is probably going to tell him that whatever desperation he is showing in wanting to help other people, needs to be redirected at himself. Making time and space for himself, taking time off to rest.

Him suffering from a major emotional and physical collapse is pretty likely because things are more complicated (though, physically much much safer) for him now than at the beginning of Thanks to Them when he had just fled from Belos to the human realm, and had Flapjack as his closest company. Fast forward to the victory won in Watching and Dreaming: both Flapjack and Belos are gone now.

It's telling that different thoughts are occupying Hunter's mind now, from how his expressions are drawn during his first days in the human realm vs. when peace is restored in the Isles.

1. See the sense of calmer urgency in his expression, putting the mission of building the portal door first, while experiencing a strong sense of togetherness with his friends, and learning to trust Camila who is treating him well:

compared to

2. the sheer exhaustion and feeling of "What now...?" (see his upper eyelids below?) that set in, once he helped Willow find her parents and there was no more task at hand that didn't involve himself. His bright smile from a split-second ago has drooped and disappeared:

I know that right after the above frame, Darius and Eberwolf reunited with him, but his emotions are going to cycle up and down in the hours, weeks and months ahead. The elation from seeing Darius and Eber - people who were there to greet him when he expected nobody to turn up - is not going to last, though it will certainly come and go, because high-running positive emotions like that don't last as long, especially in the context of the life he's had as a child soldier. It's totally possible that on the same night, hours after this reunion with their loved ones, their emotions will shift drastically.

The tired look in his eyes above and the sad face he then makes, is in between two moments of him having something external to focus on (Willow and then Darius). I'm inclined to think that the above depressed look reflects a lot of the complexity that is going on underneath the surface. What is his state of mind when alone with his thoughts, when he has zero tasks to perform? How is he handling those thoughts?

There will be a deep, sometimes mind-numbing sense of bereavement over two significant figures in his life. First Flapjack, now this:

He used to love Belos. But I'm really not sure he can just uproot that love from deep within and discard it. Hunter carries memories like the following ones around which will be confusing to navigate on tougher days, despite being able to tell Luz "That's what Belos does, he tricks people". Because these were his formative years:

and something tells me that Philip was cunning enough to strike a delicate balance between being 'nice' to Hunter like above, versus unleashing his violent temper to terrify and harm him. Making sure that balance was so close to 50/50 that it would leave a child very confused. So confused he would rather believe he's never good enough rather than the more frightening prospect that his so-called family does not actually love him at all.

Hunter will have a moment now and then of still missing the 'niceness' that his 'uncle' showed towards him (felt in his heart and subconscious), while still knowing (in his head, rationally) that Philip was not genuine when treating him that way.

To note though, he did not witness Belos's death which reduces the severity of intrusive images that the poor kid would see in his mind.

What I'm worried about is how he'll handle the news about the grimwalker graveyard, since I'm sure that location is going to be scoured and Darius would want to give his mentor a proper sending off. They'd want to give all the Golden Guards and Caleb a sending off and pay their respects. This might add to what I suspect will be the messed up depression he'll fall into.

It will be very confusing and emotionally disorienting, literally not needing to worry about anyone killing him anymore. He has had no point of reference for this in his life at all. It might possibly the furthest he ever goes from that primal survival instinct he had while living in the Castle for so long, which took up the majority of his life so far:

There will also be the added layer of how he feels about those first emotions. This is literally a concept called Feelings About Feelings and it's a key part of my work since I use the Satir Model in my style of counselling. We don't just feel emotions, we also tack on our own judgments and evaluations about them. E.g. shame about feeling anger, guilt about feeling sad because of burdening others, or even a combination like fear about feeling joy which can show up in healing from bereavement.

Depending on how we feel about whichever emotions got there first, it makes a difference because we could be adding or subtracting unnecessary suffering from the first emotion, especially if the first emotion is an already unpleasant one.

I have a feeling that we'd see Hunter look very very tired, till he makes breakthroughs in therapy. A tiredness that sleep, a healthy diet and exercise alone simply cannot fix. Because there's an entire upbringing in the Emperor's Coven to sort through in his head, this time not combined with the avoidance of having fled to the human realm and living under one roof with his friends.

The Hexsquad are not living under the same roof anymore, they are reunited with their own families with much to emotionally talk out, and the group no longer has a very urgent single collective mission. Sure, Hunter has an active role to play in rebuilding the Isles, but what about rebuilding his very self? He has the steepest climb, because we have seen the symptoms he exhibits.

Most of all, referencing a section of my Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1) meta (link), a memory as horrible as this:

will likely be the most intrusive image is going to be replaying again and again over the months to come, and it may flood his thoughts during moments of being triggered or even out of nowhere during quiet moments for no apparent reason. It will be just like a broken record, where the same small excerpt of a song loops endlessly until the needle of the gramophone is repositioned.

It was remarkably poignant that his final words to Belos were "And most of all, I'm going to make sure you never hurt anyone again", and I'm happy with the story keeping it this way and understand why the writers likely made this decision - not just because the season was shortened. Hunter did not need to directly see or hear more from Belos in close quarters, not after his abuser minimized his needs for years, gaslit him, possessed him and got him to murder his best friend with his own hands.

It's more straightforward to make sure someone else isn't hurting anyone. It's easier to think of what plans to implement, when it comes to him protecting others: which he has had plenty of practice with. Because those are practical methods that we can see in action on the outside.

But here's the kicker: what about applying that last grand statement from his TTT speech to himself, emotionally: making sure he isn't psychologically hurting himself with harmful unhelpful thoughts and beliefs, after Belos's death? "I'll make sure I don't hurt myself (and by extension, my loved ones) again".

This will be very new to him, and it is a theme that I handle in pretty much every client case in my therapy work. The client's self-dialogue, the self-compassion or lack thereof. Which, in real life, is often not a concept that our own families and schools introduce to us to be familiar with.

For Hunter, this may translate into him making the decision to get help and truly accepting the gift of life that Flapjack gave him.

Basically this on a much bigger scale:

whereby in Flapjack's absence, he can truly believe in this new and positive fundamental belief about himself. The evidence that he managed to make it to that heartbreaking but incredibly beautiful place is pretty strong:

But before his happy ending, the pressure on himself to be useful to others via helping and working is likely going to come back and be used as his way of coping, and there's a chance it will cross the line into becoming a form of self-harm that he's relying on to avoid the frightening, deeper emotional pain. People around him know him well enough that they'll be able to spot his behavioral changes and then sense he is not going in a helpful direction. They'll see that it's hurting him even though it's the most familiar territory for his mind to be in, and someone is going to tell him to change that.

He's going to be seeing his friends with their palismen. How will it be like being among them, even if they are pretty good at supporting him? How would he attempt to make sense of the void that is the absence of the incredible love he experienced from that first friend, the absence of that mental link between witch and palisman?

What emotions could be lurking beneath the surface? Believe it or not, there are some signs from Luz's nightmare even though yes, Hunter was being controlled by The Collector. I wouldn't quickly dismiss this dark Flapjack-related scene as 100% being about The Collector's goal to scare Luz in the nightmare.

I think there was a smaller subplot going on as well.

The Collector needed material to work with in the first place, to perform the puppet acts: the material was whatever fears and whatever pain was already there in their targets.

The Collector didn't create Hunter's emotions from scratch for the puppet act; instead he manipulated and redirected what existed at the base level. All this wouldn't work as analogies of mental illness vs. mental health if The Collector could just engineer emotions on their own and simply replace whatever his puppet targets were already feeling. Emotions never vanish and always take up space somewhere, they are redirected, transformed or channeled into outlets even if it means they become repressed or locked away. But they never stop existing.

I have a feeling that despite the nightmare being Luz's, despite Hunter being used as an instrument for The Collector to achieve their goals...the pre-existing emotions that Hunter himself felt in his body, not puppet!Hunter's verbal responses towards Luz, were true. He is a haunted boi.

This face he makes above might be a hint at the worst of his pain. It might be the furthest he has felt from when he said "I like who I am right now" to Flapjack. In the place of that confidence from before, there might now be his own version of Luz's "I'm as bad as Belos". I cannot be entirely certain, but the negative belief that may have taken root in him could be "I am not deserving of the life Flapjack gave me".

Interestingly, if this is the case, it could easily parallel his line from all the way back in Any Sport in A Storm: "I'm unfit to wear the sigil of the Golden Guard." It's definitely a possibility, since Hunter is now faced with having a lot of time and space now, and less urgency than he's ever had in his life, to think back on all those times he helped to further Belos's cause. Especially when it came to sending many palismen to their deaths.

With his own palisman now dead, the engraving we would eventually see on Flapjack's grave: "Thank you for finding me", would be the destination. But the journey needed to reach that destination of amazing gratitude in the first place...must have been a harrowing one. In the early months of the acute grief, it would've been more like "Why did you have to find me?! You shouldn't have. Then none of this would've happened". Not forgetting the number of times Hunter has replayed in his head what he could've done differently, trying so desperately to rewind the clock and make that better alternate timeline a reality.

If you remove The Collector and even Luz from the equation in the Luz nightmare scene, Hunter may well be having such responses - the ones that puppet!Hunter directed at Luz to blame Luz - as a dialogue with himself. He might direct those negative emotions towards himself since he's so careful about hurting others and has taken on unfair punishment for so much of his life.

Even when he was temporarily himself, smiling, expressing a positive emotion to encourage Luz with "What's the first thing you do when you wake up from a bad dream?", that was him conversing with another person, someone external. Not his own self. I am willing to bet he wasn't at a point in his arc where he would smile at himself like that and easily encourage himself in the same way.

While we can be certain he had already reached his breakthroughs by the time we saw him post-timeskip, he has not experienced them yet in the frame above. He has not felt (yet) what Luz felt onscreen when she had breakthroughs in relation to her moral injury:

Taking a leap of faith to accept the Titan's gift, to trust that he chose her because she has a good heart and will never be Belos.

Then later, being able to stand firm, believing she truly is good ("I am the Good Witch Luz!"), and not uttering a word to Belos as he died - which was post-traumatic growth beyond how she broke down under his threats and manipulation towards the end of Hollow Mind and later in King's Tide.

Recap time. In the (quite likely) long period that passes by before we meet his new palismen, he's likely going to want to jump into action and attend meetings with Darius, Eberwolf and co, help to physically rebuild things and organize people with his own Coven Head experience. Leaning back on the ingrained and familiar lifestyle of pouring himself into work and gearing towards burnout is certainly a risk to watch out for.

The Hexsquad, CATTs and the Clawthorne sisters are going to notice his behavior and likely urge him to get appropriate rest and seek help.

However, there is the other extreme: Belos isn't around anymore to torment him, and Hunter would know this in the rational sense (head knowledge). Which leads to the possibility that he may swing towards shutting down as opposed to overworking tendencies. He would feel allowed to do whatever he wants, in this new Boiling Isles, and he had months of opportunities to do that in the early part of Thanks to Them before Belos's return.

What I'm getting at is, if he didn't sleep enough before, he might swing towards sleeping too much after finally collapsing from the familiarity of survival mode into unknown but genuinely safe territory. If he cared too much about helping others before, he might swing towards a depressive state of apathy (the closest canon reference point would be him digging his grave: he was very disarmed in that scene to even think much about helping anyone including Belos). This is why the screenshot I used of his smile drooping in The Collector's Palace, feels like a big clue to me. This would be where Darius, Camila and other adults have to seriously keep watch over him.

In the Cinema Therapy episode I had as a small reference for this post, the licensed therapist who hosts the series mentions that "It takes a lot longer to put oneself back together than it took to fall apart." In Hunter's case, the "falling apart" period here refers to that collapsing I mentioned. It would be the time between:

1. the grief hitting him in full force: when he subconsciously understands and acknowledges that Flapjack isn't coming back (which...will involve hell of a lot of wailing and sobbing. Him having a full version cry of those first few tears he shed at the end of TTT),

and

2. the time when the painful shock from feeling the full force of the grief has decreased enough that it plateaus.

This falling apart stage may need to pass before he seeks therapy. If he tries going for sessions while still going through that shock and pain, it might be too much for him.

As terrible and sad as it sounds, a deep dark spiral like this might be necessary. It would be his body and mind wanting to compensate for several years' worth of unnatural hypervigilance which wasn't serving him in a advantageous way (i.e. surviving) any longer. His body and mind begging for rest at last, to try and make sense of everything that happened. This big collapse into depression would empty out the old and free up much room in him for new stories, beliefs and perspectives to take root. Depression is, after all, the body's attempt to (maladaptively) try and protect us by numbing us, or else we would be overwhelmed.

As someone whom we know keeps himself very busy, this could be the period where he is the furthest he has ever been from that old simpler life. Because his CPTSD-ridden body would be demanding more than ever that he compensates for a childhood and teen years' lack of general rest, he may not even have the strength to cope the way he did before. The only way he might possibly cope in this period is to go with the flow of that raging current and do exactly what his body is asking of him: getting real rest.

Like what happened with Katniss in the Hunger Games trilogy, this early grieving stage would emotionally be difficult and terrifying, like walking along a tightrope, finding balance between left and right to angle yourself as straightly as possible and walk forward. (the tightrope metaphor is what I use with some of my clients to explain swinging between extremes of coping mechanisms).

The missing pieces of the puzzle in his arc, in the 4-year duration before the timeskip, might be his own version of these points in Luz's arc:

where she sank lower before she realized her deepest wish and emotionally experienced her worst fear in her Watching and Dreaming nightmare.

For Hunter, these could look like the following:

Like Luz saying it'd be better for everyone that she permanently stays in the human realm, Hunter might say he wants to remove himself from his loved ones in some way, for good. Whether a literal suicide attempt (like Katniss from The Hunger Games) or not, I can't say for sure.

A parental figure trying to reach out to him, saying he is deserving of Flapjack's gift. But he still struggles to believe that. What matters though is this parental figure is present and he's not pushing them away.

Him hearing some confirmation of his deepest negative belief about himself, in his own nightmares. Like Luz hearing the most terrifying things she could ever hear - Amity's "You've been the real villain this whole time" and "But for the sake of everyone you hurt, I challenge you to a witch's [duel]".

Him being able to reach an emotional space where he can begin to question that unhelpful belief: "Am I really deserving of Flapjack's gift?", or something similar.

The big moment when he finally tells someone how he really feels about the possession, Belos's death, Flapjack's absence in this new supposed peace and quiet....this would be the important invitation for the other person to connect and meet his emotional needs, and is a lot like how support groups for addiction work: a client needs to acknowledge that they are struggling with a problem, not avoiding it with distractions any longer, and then seek help and express their need for said help.

I suppose the question is how soon Hunter might decide to accept professional help and give it a go: or whether he'd have the genuine need for space first and say "I need some time". Because one's rational mind can be ready to go for therapy, but their subconscious and body would find it too unpleasant if it's too soon. Every part of him would have to be ready to begin putting himself back together after the falling apart stage occurs.

The messed up experience of CPTSD is that you stay shockingly calm during real danger, but on the flip side have big, disproportionate freakouts during actually safe times. Compare how calm Hunter was when he smiled at Luz in her nightmare while he was tied up with puppet strings vs. his fear and shame when he couldn't save Luz in Clouds on the Horizon. 

In a CPTSD memoir I read, the author describes that it was horribly frightening to hear her partner be in a bad mood and wash the dishes more loudly than usual, while during the pandemic, she felt completely calm seeing empty shelves in a supermarket when she struggled to get supplies.

From my own experience, I have experienced being pretty damn calm when bleeding out and needing hospitalization. But in a different year before that, I recall one afternoon alone in my house right before a vacation where a strong gust of wind very loudly slammed an open door shut next to where I happened to be standing, and I broke down sobbing from a retraumatization via an emotional flashback. Because it felt extremely real as if my abusive parent was lashing out to physically hurt me. 

After a 5-year period of mostly being in talk therapy, and then a 2-year period of regularly scheduled EMDR therapy, my response if I have a door loudly slam shut near me now would maybe be a smaller-scale flinch and a flash of anger that would last about maybe a minute. Which is miles better than sobbing for half an hour and being dissociated and frozen in a memory for hours before I thaw out of that flashback.

Since the show's writing is just that good, I could look at Luz's depressive symptoms manifesting in Thanks to Them and see a likely parallel in Hunter's story moving forward, since we know how much this show also digs neat and tidy parallels. These are characters written for TV after all, so they'd have to fit a formula to an extent, to have compelling arcs and reach high and low points along said arcs.

Part 2: Therapy Itself

Part 1 was the setup to give a good amount of context: now for the technicalities of the therapy sessions themselves:

Like Adrian Graye said in Labyrinth Runners, Illusion Magic can sort through memories. We have seen from Gus's own powerful Illusion abilities that he could do so with Belos. It makes sense that a therapist does this in sessions to have a magnified version of how in our world, therapists exercise empathy by imagining what it is like to be their clients:

I would monitor whether his mood (what he is feeling within) and affect (how the emotions appear on the outside e.g. tone of voice, face expressions) are congruent. Congruence usually means a client is in less distress. Incongruence might mean they are in so much pain that they can't connect directly with the main emotion: the perfect example of this being Hunter laughing when digging his grave.

We therapists take note of aspects such as affect, mood, the client's motor activity, any indicators of psychosis, even down to things like how untidy their hair looks in case we get clues about the severity of their issues (this is called a Mental Status Exam, and we write what we see in our case notes per session).

Because CPTSD is so relationship-centric, I'd discuss how he's getting along with new parental figures (the Belos replacements who will heal him so much and change his life forever!) and friends.

If the Boiling Isles therapists use their own equivalent of EMDR therapy, which is theorized to be like a waking version of how REM sleep and REM-related dreams help our brains to sort through memories, it sounds like a great fit for his case. This intervention involves subconscious work and could help him reshape how he experiences memories of Flapjack and Belos. EMDR clients are expected to see vivid images popping up without control in their mind during the sessions, and they are quite symbolic e.g. seeing a grey sky often indicates grief, seeing lighter colors indicates more calm. This technique helps a client's subconscious rewrite their story the way they'd like it to be, and install new positive beliefs and emotions over time.

My own example of EMDR experiences from the second half of 2019 as a client, is it majorly changed how I related to my own abuser, got me to finally feel allowed to emotionally break away from her, even though she is still alive and even lives in the same building.

In the early sessions, I saw an image of my 5-year-old self being forced to wear an ugly grey apron that my abuser used for baking. The apron is a real object, not fictional, and the emotions I felt showing up were matching with the image: feeling very uncomfortable seeing a visual representation of my abuser's hold over me.

But in a later session after a few months, guided by my therapist, I saw a vivid image of my abuser receiving a sea burial. She was lying peacefully on the water surface and sank down until she was gone. That was me subconsciously burying any expectation that she could ever provide what I needed. This was so powerful that I could go home after that session and permanently (so far) be significantly calmer around my abuser.

Therefore if Hunter goes through something like this, he'd potentially be able to put Belos to rest and have it feel very real and true: and have significantly reduced distress about Belos-related memories. There is the potential for powerful breakthroughs for him here, especially also related to Flapjack's death and how challenging it might be to carve palismen in the beginning. Especially since in the worst case scenario, even touching palistrom wood might be enough to badly trigger him. I cover this particular point a bit more in my other meta, Retraumatization and Self-Soothing (Part 1).

We would also be discussing what he's implementing into his routine and what may benefit him. I would be seeing if he is able to laugh about things, be motivated enough to be outdoors and among people, experience pleasure when creating new things, and form closer bonds with parental figures (what I just listed is to do with neurotransmitters in the brain that increase mental health: serotonin, endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin).

If I were his therapist I might suggest that whatever volunteering tasks he does, he carries those out with his friends, and time should be allocated to managing and taking care of a specific demographic: children. Because I think it'd be a safe, low stakes form of unfamiliarity for him to have enough emotional distance from his traumatic memories. Early months of acute grief usually require such emotional distance.

Having a good dose of an environment like that alongside the other tasks where he's working alongside Darius etc, could help him because kids' emotions are less complex, and their infectious laughter and fun-loving nature may play a role in helping him be more open with his own inner child. His therapist would be seeking to draw out that inner child in their sessions, and that little child would need to feel safe enough to emerge.

Importantly, his future palisman: it would've been interesting if he did what Luz did with Stringbean and allowed the palisman to be whoever they wanted to be...that would've been a nicely organic process. But even if he had a good idea to incorporate a Flapjack-like design but change details like the color, I'm sure he thought it through very well. I'm certain that this was a major topic of discussion at some stage of his therapy. Discussing the guilt he'd feel about replacing Flapjack vs. still taking Flapjack with him in a new way.

Coming from a strengths-based angle: paying attention to which of his individual strengths he is shows and recounts in the session. If he needs reminding, I could give him a simple worksheet listing various positive qualities and ask him to circle/colour in which ones he feels he has, which then prompts further discussion and questions. Lastly, a powerful tool called reframing e.g. if he says he's worried about being a nuisance to his friends, I'll point out how much he cares about their comfort and affirm that place of kindness.

Work on inviting self-compassion into how he sees himself. Is he able to view himself the way he views his friends? If he remembers the encouragement he gave to Luz about "turning on the light", I would ask him what that would look like in his own life, symbolically.

Hunter's own life has been a really really bad dream for a very long time. He himself has to reach for that light switch and choose to heal by embracing Flapjack's ultimate gift to him.

And we can rest assured that Hunter did that.

Because this post-traumatic growth right here?

This looks like multiple breakthroughs have taken place while he's been receiving consistent care from an excellent community. And there's no way it was an easily won victory. It has been very much hard-won, after how dark the story became in Hollow Mind and Thanks to Them, and it looks like whatever breakthroughs he had left him pleasantly surprised.

It doesn't seem like his heart and soul can contain this much joy and hope, without a very painful dismantling to have taken place first, to make room for the most unexpected treasures to fill his life back up.

The joy becomes even greater if you never would've expected it in your wildest dreams.

#toh hunter #toh analysis #toh spoilers #the owl house #loz writes a meta

[deadsnothere]

Hi!! Could I request an Anthony Lockwood x reader fic where it is dark in the evening and the reader and lockwood are cuddling on the couch and its pouring raining and just like enjoying each others presence. Like stealing kisses and just whispering sweet nothings to each other. I would love that!!!! Please take your time!! Thank you so much!!!!

"One love, One lifetime."

Synopsis - Lockwood & Co finally get a rainy day off! but what happens when a blanket gets stolen from its rightful owner?

Request - YES!!

Word Count - 1.8k

Speak Ali! - I'm not dead, I have a theater competition soon so i probably won't be posting may anymore this week other than me ranting. but you can still definitely request shit!!!

Masterlist

We’d finally had a real day off! Whenever Anthony says we’ll have a day off I'm not sure if I can believe him. I mean we’ll have a few hours off at most but then another case comes in urgently and we’ll deal with that. So we almost never have a real day off.

Until today.

It was 8 o'clock on the dot. I finished the dishes after dinner, since I was the one to cook tonight. Wiping down the water from the counter and my hands. I've spent all day doing nothing but reading. It's amazing. I have this adventurous sort of romance book i'm reading right now, I have only 50 pages left of the 430. I got to the part where the main character finds her long lost girlfriend in this big haunted library where she's been under a sleep spell for years. I'm so excited to see how their reunion plays out!

I folded the kitchen towel up and threw it in the small hamper George put out for the kitchen wash. Passing the library, I opened the front door looking out on the rain and “gloom” outside. Lucy was ‘stuck’ at Norries in all the rain, while George was upstairs in his room. Anthony was doing the same, I’d gone up and visited them both a few times, George to make sure he wasn't stressing over our case tomorrow, and Anthony just to say “Hi”. I closed the door and backtracked to the library to finish my book.

I sat down on the chair in front of the desk, reaching back to pull the blanket I had on me earlier back to its rightful spot on my shoulders. But it wasn't there- Who moved my blanket?- no one else had been downstairs!- I stood up looking around the room, almost jumping when I noticed Mr. Anthony Lockwood himself sleeping on the long side chair. He looked kinda uncomfortable, one leg was on top of his knee, while his head was tilted back. My blanket is laying on top of him. I sighed, rolling my eyes lovingly, he is cute. I can't deny it.

“Baby, you have my blanket-” I poked him softly, but he just whispered incoherently back at me. Scrunching his face up and moving away. Oh my god, he is so fucking cute. I kissed his cheek softly, when he didn't move then I went to drastic measures. Attacking his face with kisses, leaving them all over his forehead, nose, lips, cheeks, temples. He woke up very quickly, laughing when I continued to kiss him. “A-Alias what are you doing!” I pulled back from my attack to talk to him. “You have my blanket.” Smiling at him slyly. “Is that really why you woke me up?” He groaned, pulling me into a kiss. I raised an eyebrow back, giggling when he pushed me into his lap. “Are you really that mad about me waking you up how I did?” He thought about it for a second, just shrugging.

I stood up once again to go back to my book but he didn't let go of my hand. “We could always share your blanket.” Anthony made a fair point, with his real genuine smile. Smiling back at him, I softly pulled my hand away. I think his body physically deflated when we let go of contact. but he was quick to reflate when I picked up my book striding back to him. “If you want you can lay your head in my lap while I read- Or I can lay on you.” He was quick to lean against the side of the chair, letting his legs finally stretch out on top of the soft fabric, patting his lap for me to lay down as well. “Well eager, are we?” Giggling, I finally laid down on top of him, my waist in between his legs and arms holding up my book.

We’d stayed like this for a while, Anthony was reading along with me but half way through a paragraph he’d fallen asleep. He always looked so peaceful when sleeping. No matter how stressed he was when he fell asleep there was nothing to worry about, not a care to be shown on his face. He said he used to have bad nightmares, but with me they were always “better” whatever that meant. I guess it either means I make his dreams better or I've stopped the nightmares.

He’s definitely helped me to...After the night of the Fairfax incident he came to my room to sleep, I planned to go to him but he’d beat me to it. Nothing was better than feeling his arms wrap around me (tighter than normal) He confessed the next morning that he was scared, about what happened with Fairfax threatening me, and I ended up giving them more information about my past and what Fairfax had to do with it.

Once I'd finished the book I set it down on the floor turning around to put my face into Anthony's chest. Humming the tune of “All i ask of you” from Phantom of the opera, A Musical I performed in, for a case and for fun. “My words will warm and calm you.” I placed a hand on his cheek rubbing softly, while singing to him and to me. “Let me be your freedom.” I started to hum again when he stirred abit. mumbling my name softly, and going right back to his deep sleep. “Let daylight dry your tears.” When I placed a kiss on his jaw it wasn't meant to wake him this time, more just a soft reminder I was still with him. “I'm here, with you, beside you.” I kissed his jaw again in a different place. “To guard you, and to guide you.”

I still remember how jealous he was when I was first put in the role of Christine daae. He was there every practice and every show being careful to watch how genuinely my reactions were. He's always been protective of me. But he shows it differently, protective in a silent way.

“Say you love me every waking moment.” I closed my eyes humming the song. “Say you need me with you now and always.” I felt a hand slowly lift my head up, pulling me into a kiss. It was passionate and caring, all the love in the world was behind it. “I need you with me, you're my shelter, my light.”

“One love, one lifetime.”

“One love, one lifetime.”

“I could make out with you right now, that was so romantic..” Anthony laughed at my lack of filter rubbing my cheeks with his hands pulling me into a kiss but pulling away before I could keep my words to my mouth. “Your voice is absolutely breathtaking darling.” “You're an idiot.” He smiled at me trying to keep his romantic words going. “You know you’re only saying that because you can't take a compliment.” I gasped, almost offended. (if it weren't so true). “I can take a compliment! I took the compliment show night!” Anthony looked a little too proud of himself. We both knew why he was so touchy that night, him watching me “flow, flawlessly” with another man made his blood boil but instead of getting mad at me for something I couldn't control. He just simply showed the man who’s I was. whether that meant hickeys in more than obvious places, or getting caught kissing in my dressing room. The poor actor always knew who’s I was, and Anthony was always beaming at that fact.

“Show night was different.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “What because you were jealous I danced in another man's arms so you just had to show me off.” He scoffed next, looking away from me with an obvious hint of “I can't protect myself” or I like to think it was that anyway. “I did not show you off. You were on the news and they asked me, how I thought of your performance. When they asked how I was close to you I just don't think they were expecting me to say boyfriend and kiss you…on live tv.” I nodded sarcastically. “My parents called me later that night asking why my shade of burgundy lipstick was being snogged off onto yours on live tv.” He laughed knowing exactly where this was going. “You're lucky they like bold people! you would be dead if it weren't for the fact.”

He swelled with pride. My parents loved him, If it weren't for quill i'm sure they would've loved him even more. “That even got me a few points with your brother.” And in Anthony's position as his “enemy” that's hard. “You don't need points with my brother, idiot.” He knew that better than anyone, if I knew my brother didn't like him for a good reason I wouldn't have joined his company or started dating him. “Alias, Darling, I know. I just feel like maybe earning his respect is still in line here, you are his little sister so I can understand why he would be protective.” He was so sweet when he wasn't wishing my brother dead after saving our asses on a case. “Well baby, I know he definitely respects you after the locket case.”

“The locket case.” During the locket case we were miss informed again. A woman showed up at our door at three am, said she was struggling with a ghost problem. As it was 3 am, George had no time to research, so we all got dressed and went to work on the case. It ended up with me in the hospital, with Anthony in the bed on the other side of the room. He was always an idiot, jumping in front of us and never caring for himself first.

“Those nurses hated us.” The nurses always got mad at us because we were never in our own beds. But we were too nervous to let the other go. Apparently my brother showed up while I was passed out. He said

“Tony sat there bleeding out refusing to room with anyone but you. I thought he was actually going to die on his statement. He was saying all the romantic shit about ‘I can't leave them alone’ and ‘I have to know their ok’. It was disgustingly sweet.”

Quill didn't say it but he respected Anthony for that, I was glad to know they could sort of get along when needed.

Wow I get lost in my thoughts easily, when being pulled out of my head, Anthony had already fallen back to sleep. His heart beat going back to a slow pace, his hands were intertwined at the back of my neck, and his head seemed to be in a much more comfortable position. He's so peaceful. This reminds me of a scene in my book but instead of me finding him in a sleep curse in a giant haunted library, he dragged me down with him.

I kissed his cheek one more time before finally laying my head down to take a nap too. George is going to be pissed in the morning when he finds us, especially since my book is on the floor.

#lockwood and co #anthony lockwood x reader #lockwood and co x reader #lockwood x reader #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood #george karim #lockwood and co dr #speak ali!! #x original character #x oc #it's not actually x oc stfu #mentions #quill kipps #alias kipps #x reader #the chronicles of alias forman #reader has a name #anthony lockwood x alias foreman

[slvt4em1lyprenti2s]

The Jimmy Fallon Show

Originally posted on my Wattpad @MayaBishop_is_myWife Scarlett Johansson x reader

Fluff

Scarlett's POV:

Tonight I'm going on the Jimmy Fallon with my co-stars show to promote my new movie. I'm really scared for this interview in particular as I've planned to announce something very big and my fans will probably go mental. For a while now there's been speculation around who I'm dating, if anyone and for some reason they always think it's a man. Now, that's what I'm announcing tonight, why it's not a man and, who it she really is.

Y/N POV:

Tonight is the night. The big night. I'm so scared how people are going to react, I mean it doesn't really matter what they think because me and Scar are happy together but, I can't help worrying sometimes. I'm currently in my dressing room behind the scenes at the Jimmy Fallon Show waiting to be called on. My palms are sweaty and my throat is dry. I need to calm down before I go on stage so I make my way over to the only person that can help.

I get to Scarlett's room and knock on the door.

Scarlett - "Who is it?"

Y/n - "It's me."

She opens the door to reveal my panicked face. Knowing immediately why I was like this, she pulled me in the room and trapped me in her embrace. As we were hugging she stroked my head, careful not to ruin all the work the hair and makeup team just did and whispers to me softly.

Scarlett - "Hey, it's gunna be fine. You know half of our fans are lesbians anyway so, I'm sure they won't mind and if it's the press your worried about then stop because they're all idiots and I couldn't care less what they say."

Her grip around my waist tightened as she spoke. I felt safe in her arms and I just kept reminding myself that it would be fine because even if someone does make a comment that me and Scar will always have each other and plus, the rest of the cast is there as well and they'll never let anything happen. We're all super protective over each other because after years of filming the Marvel films together we're basically family.

Our moment is rudely interrupted by a knock on the door.

Producer - "You're on in five!"

That didn't help the situation that I was in but, I'm an actress no one would know I was scared. I'll literally but my brave face on.

Time skip to half way through the show:

Scarlett's POV:

Jimmy - "So, Scarlett there have been some rumors going around that you are dating someone, do you have anything to say about this?"

Scarlett - "Well, uhm, I don't normally address rumors much but this one is necessary. I am with someone."

Jimmy - "Oooh I feel like a school girl, talking about who we're dating, so, does this mystery man have a name?"

Okay, here it goes. I think to myself.

Scarlett - "Well they mystery woman, is sitting right next to me." 

  The crowd instantly starts cheering and Jimmy had a smile plastered on his face. I felt someone grasp my hand tightly. I already know who it is but, I look anyway and see my gorgeous girlfriend to my left beaming at me. I was really happy it was out there now. I didn't need to hide my emotions anymore it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. 

Y/N POV:

She did it. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, people actually seemed happy for us. As the interview went on Lizzie and Florence kept looking over to see if me and Scar were okay like the protective people they are and Scarlett and me kept stealing glances at each other constantly. I was really glad we got it out there so we don't have to treat our love like a dirty secret anymore. I can finally not have to carry around the burden of not being able to kiss my girlfriend in public in fear of someone seeing. 

Time skip to after the interview:

We just finished the talk show and now me and Scarlett are walking back to her dressing room hand in hand, chatting away about anything and everything that comes to mind. As we enter the room she closes the door and turns to look at me. She holds my gaze as she comes forward and grabs my hips. 

Scarlett - "I'm so happy we did that because now, I can do this.'

With that she pulled me in close and smashed our lips together in a passionate kiss. My arms were draped over her shoulders and her hand snaked around my waist protectively. Our bodies were flush against each other as our lips were still joined. Once oxygen became a problem we broke apart.

Y/n - "If coming out means we do that more often, we should totally com out more."

She giggled at my antics and pulled me in again. This woman is my one and only. 

#scarlett johansson x reader #scarlett johansson #scarlett johansson fanfic #wlw #wlw fanfic #lesbian #lesbian pride #sapphic #wlw pride

[kemosabeko]

RE Actor AU!

I thought I could hide it but I really can't anymore

*this is mostly about wesker but will I apologize? Nah. Imma do my own thing.

A/N: these are very, VERY self-indulgent

Warnings: None, just fluff and crack

Also this is my first post in Tumblr so idk how do texts/posts works in here :p

This was created because my current hyperfixation rn is wesker (YES)

You'd think with his role he'd be uptight and quite the serious actor. Yknow those types.

Oh boy oh boy would you look at that. He just brought another coffee for everyone on set.

MF LITERALLY IS ONE, IF NOT THE MOST, KINDEST PERSON YOU'LL MEET.

Always there to help crews moving their things, especially the heavy ones like camera.

Helps fellow actors with their script and scene.

But the most noteworthy trait of his is being a family man.

WOFJWISHJS GODDD HOLD ON

He literally SHOWS OFF his twins to his co-workers.

Everyone is a victim

"Chris look at this. They're walking"

"Yeah you showed that to me like five times alr-"

"they're WALKING"

Okay biggest victims are Chris and Leon

Jill and Chris are people who entered the industry the same time as Albert and has worked on multiple projects with each other. Hence, their closeness.

Now back to the general cast

Chris and Claire are literally siblings in real life

This franchise is actually Ada's first acting role in the industry! Which immediately became a huge boom to her career, which she didn't expect.

She was actually originally working as a stunt woman, but one time a manager suggested her to do acting after seeing her try to double a character since the original actor was sick, and she couldn't be more thankful that she took the risk.

She's very skilled in martial arts!

She and Albert are some of the few casts that don't do double-stunts.

Leon is a child actor starting from the age of 7.

Came from a very wealthy (aristocratic) family

ABSOLUTELY IDOLIZES ALBERT

Y'know that one story of Tom Holland when he talked about RDJ and was absolutely stunned when he entered the set?

Yep. That's literally Leon on his first day on set.

Look. He's worked with a lot of big shot names. Cate Blanchett, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman, Nicole Kidman, you name it!

But has he ever worked with this man with basically a face and body carved by the greek gods themselves, slicked back hair, and possibly the smoothest and healthiest skin ever, who's basically his entire fucking idol and goal to work with? NO!

So why, should he NOT FREEZE UP when he finally met him on set?

Albert saw a blonde, handsome boy sticking out like a sore thumb from the entrance of the set. He quickly realizes that this is the actor they cast for the protagonist. He walks up to them and smiled warmly.

"Hey! we got a new face around here. You must be Leon Kennedy right? Nice to meet you! I'm Albert Wesker"

He stretched out his hand to shake with him, but all Leon could think was

"oh my god... it's ALBERT FUCKING WESKER"

Poor blondie basically stopped working for a few seconds, before he realized how stupid he looked and was on his way to ruin his first impression.

He quickly snapped out of his shock and went to shake his hands and OH MY GOD THEY'RE SO SMOOTH AND WARM AND HIS SMILE--

Had to take a breather when he went to his tent after that encounter.

After that and throughout the shooting, they became closer and eventually became close friends

Which is how Albert met you but that's for another story.

Carlos has a HUGE and I mean, simp level of huge, crush on Jill.

This man really was the real smooth operator cause when he heard that Jill, together with a male character, will be the MC for the third franchise? Oh this man was on a MISSION.

Immediately auditioned and prepared for the role like his life was on the line (on his defense, it was)

The first to hear about this was Chris.

Which he then gossiped to Albert.

To which they both supported Carlos by giving him tips about what Jill likes, hates, her fave foods, her favorite movies, all of that and etc.

CHRIS AND ALBERT #1 VALEVEIRA SHIPPER 💯

Literally had them plotting the most insane shits for a date

Thankfully, their shenanigans bear fruit after a year when Jill finally accepted him as her boyfriend.

Man was so over the moon, he deadass called the other two in the middle of the night to talk about what happened.

Albert was NOT happy being interrupted in his sleep, but decided to let it slide hearing the joy in the younger man's voice.

After all, he wasn't so different when the same thing happened to him with you.

Oh also, did I ever mention that Albert ADORES children?

Which is why he found Sherry so cute! Even though she plots pranks with Leon and Claire occasionally.

Throughout the years, they have become absolutely close friends that they consider each other as family (I'm starting to hear Dom Toretto)

Leon and Ada also eventually became a couple after years of painful pining (the rest of the cast and crew had to suffer witnessing their years of pining for each other)

They often do a late night chats with each other, sometimes they do IG live together when everyone's free.

The fans ABSOLUTELY eats them up because it's their source of meme and crack content from the cast.

The Behind The Scenes were filmed by almost all of them, or whoever wants to.

Tons of them are Chris tripping over almost everything.

Claire trying her stunts and being extremely proud when she successfully does one without her double.

Carlos just playfully punching and having beef with the camera.

It also includes Albert teaching Ada some stunts on how to do them better and more safely, and vice-versa.

And then you got Luis, Ashley, and Leon straight up doing a mukbang ASMR for one of their BTS (they failed horribly cause they, especially Luis, can't stop laughing)

Luis tries teaching Ashley spanish but eventually gave up. But after a few months, Ashley came up to him and said in almost perfect spanish "soy un raton rubio"

Loverboy felt like a proud parent he started singing out of nowhere.

*I feel like I really have so much more to put but maybe I've finally exhausted my ideas so here they are!

#resident evil #RE #albert wesker #chris redfield #jill valentine #leon kennedy #ada wong #luis sera #mouse ashley #ashley graham #carlos oliveira #actor au #game #leon x ada #albert x reader #albert wesker x reader #headcannons #self indulgent #sherry birkin #x reader

[subskz]

Rin.... Rin, I crave violence

I saw these and your girl got the most heinous thoughts bouncing around in the head.

SO

Cabin, Snow, There's Only One Bed, Accidental Confession, & Sex. Are you following?

I hope so.

~~~

Picture it: You, Channie, and Co. have decided to stay at a cabin in the woods for a couple of days in winter (see Channie's outfit up above) and as everyone else goes off to have fun in the snow, (I've grown to dislike the snow after having multiple snow days back to back bc I don't get snow often; Ms. Pink was nawt having it) you two decide to hang back

So you two kinda just shrug it off and try to stay preoccupied while by yourselves

And maybe that involves a game or two here and there, music stuff, cooking and things don't get heated until you two make a bet that you, just so happen to, win.

That bet? The other has to do whatever the other says until the others get back.

And you can't help but notice how eager he is to follow your directions and orders; or how he starts to act cuter around you and pouty when feeling a skosh playful.

So maybe you ask for a kiss to gauge his reaction; ofc Channie is malfunctioning so you're all like "jk jk im totally not-" then BOOM! A big ole smooch is what you get.

And then, he's like "omg oh god im so sorry" then you kiss him and he can't help but moan at it (perv Channie?... oh that's something i will be back abt, mark that down)

N e ways, let's talk abt sex now

Chan and his babyboy-isms seem to just increase tenfold; pouty, whiney, all flushed, wanting physical contact, oral fixation all on 10.

And, him being a service top, he is so hellbent on pleasing you. But he's also been dealing with this huge crush on you, so when he finally enters you, he swears he's entering the 5th dimension.

But also instantly blurts out that he has feelings for you... whoops. Can't help it, unfortunately; another victim of being brain mush as soon as he gets off :(

Give him a kiss on his lips and nose and tell him how you feel and help guide him; poor pup is just too into his subspace to even form coherent sentences anymore and probably too preoccupied with sucking on your fingers or chest 🤷‍♀️

Now, afterglow and post-orgasm clarity is such a real thing (it's happened once to me but i had the munchies like fucking crazy so it didn't last lmao) so Channie is embarrassed when he realized that he involuntarily confessed like that.

~~~

Sorry for the word vomit; currently half past 11pm and I've been sipping on black tea all-day so... :) 3rd eye is just working over time.

Also, I called a specific Hyunjin look back in 2021, so Pink is just Clairvoyant when it comes to Hyunjin specifically (it's bc we're both Pisces)

the fact that these pics led to this stroke of genius from you…put channie in a sweater n suspenders more often bc i’m actually gonna lose my mind over how much i love this 😵‍💫 him pining after you…simultaneously so shy but so eager…the desperate need to please you…the way he goes dumb the moment he’s inside you…blurting out his confession…it has all the elements of a perfect channie concept

HAHA yes let’s settle for the romantic atmosphere inside the cabin away from the snow…maybe even w a warm fire crackling to really set the mood ♡ channie being his sweet good-natured lil self and listening to everything you say without question…the thought of him getting playful at some point and pretending to disobey you w a cheeky dimpled grin…pure devastation. he’d look so adorably proud of himself it’s almost enough to let it slide, but you don’t even get the chance before he takes it back w a giggle and follows your order anyway 🥰

his heart-shaped lips look extra red and kissable bc of the cold who could resist <3 and god the way he’d just lean completely into that sweet, unbashedly needy side of himself once he sees how much you like it…the epitome of baby boy w the way he clings to you and nuzzles into your chest and starts to whine if he can’t feel your touch for even a moment. and nothing on earth makes me crazier than the idea of channie’s mind going blank the moment he feels you around him…suddenly he’s lost and clueless and needs you to direct him to do every little thing so he can satisfy you properly ❤️‍🔥 he may not be able to think for himself but he still carries out all your orders like a good boy! and ofc when his emotions are running so high and his head is so scrambled from the pleasure, he can’t help but babble on abt how much he loves you in a way that’ll have him absolutely mortified when that giddy haze finally wears off~

no need to apologize as u can see this resonated w me very much hehe ^_^ you and hyune really have some kind of piscean psychic link that no one else can comprehend i’ll look forward to what you predict next 😼

#‘anyways let’s talk abt sex now’ took me OUT 😭 #this couldnt have come at a better time too bc the sleepy voice msgs channie has been sending on bbl… #speaking so cutely and giggling and making lil noises and getting shy and talking in third person…he’s such a baby #esp how he said ‘if u have nothing else to do please put channie to sleep’ ㅠㅠ #ask #pink #long post #💌 channie

[oh-austin]

i'm begging of you (austin butler)

summary: in which your boyfriend, timothee, is jealous of your newfound friendship with your co-star, austin.

ask / prompt: Hi! could u write a fic to the song 'Jolene' By Dolly Parton. One where y/n is a famous actress starring in Elvis, and we are dating Timothee Chalamet. Recently she's been getting really close to Austin, like really close, and like Timothee is Dolly and Austin is Jolene.

authors note / warnings: mentions of lack of trust in relationship, break-ups, infidelity! this was the most requested wip! taken inspiration from high infidelity by taylor swift for this one as well as jolene just because I can't write angst to save my life. I hope you all like it!

────── ∘◦❀◦∘

You could've sworn that he was keeping count, holding every little encounter you had with Austin against you. The first time you came home late after seeing him, you posting 'too much' with him at rehearsal and the accusation you were sleep-talking about him. You found it all a little childish. You had to remind yourself that Timothee came from a place of love and insecurity, that he just needed reassurance now that you were working so closely with Austin; but sometimes you couldn't find it in yourself.

Timothee knew he was turning into tortured soul in a loveless relationship. The three words now feeling empty when you spoke them to him. He wondered where you were on nights that you were home late and wouldn't mention anything. When he wasn't home, he barely received any text messages keeping him up to date with your comings and goings. He didn't want to be controlling and ask, but he also didn't want to have to seek it out from you. That wasn't the relationship he entered.

The shift between you both was recent, it was still fresh. Timothee knew when everything changed and you did too, because you didn't want to admit it, so you would say it softly in your head. It was when you first met Austin.

Table reads, rehearsing lines, time consuming and sleep-eating. You and Austin were spending majority of your time together pre-production, working together to create the chemistry that the audience would crave on the silver screen. You told yourself that you were dedicating yourself to Austin for the film and the film only. You were a dirty liar, you found solace in him.

Timothee knew that you were falling out of love. He could feel it. He was beginning to feel like you weren't loving him enough, that your focus was elsewhere- and he knew it was. It seemed to always be on Austin.

Part of him understood, his dirty blonde hair contrasted from his own dark locks so intensely. Austin was the sunshine, while he was a raincloud. He looked so intriguing, he had women flocking over him- that is the part he didn't understand. Austin could have any woman he wanted, why did he feel the need to siphon you from him.

He contemplated bringing it up with him, saying something that would make him stop. He couldn't find it in himself though. But Timothee knew that Austin would never understand what you meant to him. Austin would never understand the nights Timothee spent crying after he heard your lips utter another man's name in your sleep.

His heart slowly shattered as his chest was filled with insecurity, it was as if you had just recited a list of why he wasn't enough, and why Austin was.

You were home late again. Timothee knew your call-times, you were home two hours after you had wrapped for the day; and he knew exactly who you had been with. There was silence when you came through the front door. What once would've been calls of 'I'm home' and whispers of 'I love you', was simply nothing anymore.

"I need to ask you something," You knew it was coming, you knew for weeks now. It was only a matter of time before Timothee finally got sick of your shit and spoke up.

"Okay," You nodded, trying to remain as casual as you could, "What is it?" Maybe you could run now? Leave and never come back.

"You need to be honest with me," Timothee hadn't met your eyes yet, you knew why he hadn't, "I think I deserve that," He was right. He deserved that and so much more; more than you. You were a weak little girl who would decide which toy she wanted to play with in the morning.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, "Okay" You nodded.

"Are you cheating on me?"

There it was.

You let your thoughts scatter themselves around your brain. Ways to cover your own ass, ways to lie, ways to confess the truth to him. Tell him the truth. Sweet sweet Timmy. You didn't want to lie, but you couldn't break his heart the way you knew you would have to.

"What? No" You scoffed.

"Do you like Austin?" He shot back at you. He was being more upfront, maybe he would leave you before you could confess. You hoped he would.

"Timmy, we're just-"

He cut you off, "Friends? Colleagues?" He laughed, "Tell me please because I'm not sure anymore!"

"You're being silly" You tried to deescalate, you really tried. You knew it wasn't going to work.

"No, no I'm not," He finally looked over at you from his place across the room, "I'm losing my girlfriend to some guy I don't even know!" There were tears in his eyes. Threatening him with every word he spoke to fall. You couldn't see him cry, your mistakes would finally be real if he cried in front of you.

"Timothee please, you're not losing me," You whispered to him.

You were faced with his silence again. These days it was becoming more deafening. When he wasn't talking, you were left with the whispers of your actions. You hated what you had done, but you couldn't help yourself. Austin was intoxicating.

"You were talking about him again," His first tear fell. You were beginning to panic now.

"You have to stop making these things up just to find things to fight about," You tried to uselessly defend yourself, "I don't sleep-talk!" You do.

"Yes, yes you do!" Timothee stood up from the couch, not being able to contain himself anymore. He was fighting a losing battle and you both knew it. "You do it when you're stressed. You also fold the laundry messily and forget to drink water unless it's sitting in front of you. I know these things, he doesn't!"

"Oh my god, Timothee please," You sighed.

"No! This is serious, you're lying to me every day. I know you like him, I would just rather you come out and tell me instead of hiding it" He was yelling now, begging you for the truth. He came over to where you sat and got down on his knees in front of you. Grabbing your hands, he brought them to his lips as he whispered, "Y/N, Please".

As you took in his appearance, you saw just how much this had been tearing him apart. He looked tired, scared. You had done this to him. You never deserved him.

"He's just- He's just different," You whispered, taking his hands in yours. "I'm really sorry," You started to cry. Timothee took his hands away from your, letting them go.

"You don't really get to say you're sorry right now," He stood back up, sniffing away his tears.

"Timmy-"

"Please, don't!" He turned back around to face you, his entire being defeated. "Like, Y/N-" He sighed- "I know I can't compete with him, but I thought after everything that we've had you would at least tell me that you didn't want to be together anymore"

"I do!" You lied, standing up.

"No, no you don't" He walked over to you, "And the worst part is that I understand it," He nodded. "I understand why you would want to be with him. Austin, he's-" He shook his head, his brain flooding with images of his perfect smile and warm skin- "He's exciting and good looking. He's got a great voice and he's talented and he's the kinda guy that you want in life and I know that because I remember how you acted when you fell in love with me," He held your gaze, but there was no passion anymore. It was all gone. "I can see it, Y/N," He was finished.

"What do you want me to say?" You shrugged, "You wanna hear how I lied? How he makes me feel?" You were at a loss for words really, you couldn't stand listening to your own voice anymore.

"I want the truth, Y/N!" He cried.

"The truth is that Austin really makes me feel-" You sighed, searching for the right thing to say- "I don't know.. alive? That sounds so stupid and I'm sorry" You shook your head, you had failed this sweet boy.

"It's not stupid" He whispered, "I know that feeling, it's how you make me feel" He admitted. You closed your eyes, letting more tears stream down your face.

"Timmy, I'm sorry" You held his face in your hands, trying to tell him you knew you had messed up.

"I get it" He whispered, closing his eyes and letting you hold him one last time, "Really, I do. I can't compete with him, Y/N. I really can't," He shook his head. "He's great," Timothee opened his eyes and brought himself out of your hold, "Good luck with the rest of the movie, Y/N" He held your hand and put it back down at your side. "I don't know if I'll see it when you're done, but I'm sure you'll be great. You always are," He nodded, turning away and walking towards the front door.

"Don't go-" You cried.

"I have to, I have to go" He tried his best to turn back around to look at you.

"Can we please talk for a second?" You followed him, grabbing his hand softly. You let him pull away from you. You knew that there wasn't anything else you could say to him that would fix what you had done.

"There's not much more to say and I think you know that," He was right, you did. "I'll come get my stuff tomorrow while you're out and then I'm gonna go back to New York,"

"Okay," You nodded, "Are you sure you can't stay? Even for a little bit?" You already knew his answer.

"Completely sure" He opened the front door. Timothee didn't let himself turn back to look at you, for fear he would crumble and stay by your side. "Bye, Y/N" He whispered, closing the front door behind him.

There you stood, alone in your living room. You let yourself break apart from your own selfish actions. Nothing could excuse what you had done.

Timothee stood on the front step for a moment, letting the cruel reality set in. Austin had taken you, even after he had begged to keep you. He understood it though, he would never be Austin.

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler one shot #Austin Butler imagine #celeste writes fics #Austin Butler angst #timothee fanfic #Austin Butler fanfic #timothee chalamet imagine #timothee chalamet #elvis 2022

[coraclavia]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by the inestimable @mylittleredgirl. I could be doing Actual Things, but nah. This.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 112

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 338,559

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly: Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek Voyager, Stargate SG-1, and recently added X-Files. I have also written a handful of things for The Rookie, I once wrote a gazillion things for Castle and Bones, and I've written for Due South, Cupid, Agent Carter, etc. It's a crazy quilt of "they're pretty; they should kiss."

[I also admit, shamefully, that I wrote 26 fics for Brad/Claire back in the Bon Appetit Test Kitchen days. They were posted under my other pen name, badtemperedchocolate.]

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

dark switch (Stargate SG-1, Sam/Jack; a re-imagining of what might have happened once Jack returned from Edora)

Five Times Sam Gets Married (Stargate SG-1, Sam/Jack; exactly what it says on the tin)

Guest Lecture (Star Trek Voyager, J/C; Kathryn delivers a lecture at Starfleet Academy after their return home)

Acquired Taste (The Rookie, Chenford; 5+1 in the form of a bakery AU)

here's a dumb idea (Stargate SG-1, Sam/Jack; "what if they had to kiss")

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to. Sometimes I'm slow, sometimes I miss one, but I try to respond.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm. I don't do a lot of sad stuff, I guess? I guess I see the end of fall in place as angsty, just because it's in line with the real end of the season (John and Monica are on the run, with everything they had now long gone).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uhhhhh. Maybe The Woman in the Snow? "And then I fixed it and they got to be happy, finally, unlike canon. The end."

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. Many moons ago, I got some rude comments on Castle fic, but that was a long time back, and it wasn't bad. So not really.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have, but I rarely do anymore. For me it has to be part of a larger romance; I really can't do pwp. I much prefer a tasteful fade-to-black which means I don't have to keep calculating bare skin and body parts 😂

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not often, but I did write one: Stolen Sky, a Castle/Firefly crossover. iirc, it was the first, or maybe one of the first, Mal/Kate stories? It did pretty well, and it was funny reading comments that said "I only watched one of these shows, and this fic convinced me to watch the other one, too." It was originally posted on ffnet; I have since transferred it to AO3.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! Only once that I know of. It was a (not very good) (since deleted) Bones fic that got stolen in its entirety; all the thief did was change character names. I reported it, and it was taken down.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

I have! It was very flattering.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I co-wrote Castle fics with chezchuckles, Cartographicals, sandianecarter, and shimmeryshine back in the day. It was a DELIGHT. I would love to do it again!! (looking at you, @mylittleredgirl 😜)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I honestly don't know if I could pick just one. John/Elizabeth from Stargate Atlantis, Janeway/Chakotay from Voyager, John/Monica from X-Files, and Castle/Beckett are all up there. It rotates based on what I'm watching at any given time.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have this wonderful giant Voyager "missed connection" fic in my brain, where KJ and Chakotay belatedly realize they met at the Academy and fell a little bit in love in just one silly, lighthearted, adventurous evening of running around San Francisco together. I have a very long, detailed outline for it; we'll see if I ever tackle it for real.

16. What are your writing strengths?

@mylittleredgirl would say fluff, and I don't disagree. I love characters bantering, I love teasing, I love when they're kind and heartfelt to each other. I think I'm good at little moments like that.

UPDATE: LR has reported that my strength is, in fact, "FEELINGS."

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I do not enjoy writing smut; sometimes it's good for the story, but I do not like writing it and I don't think I'm particularly good at it. I have trouble fleshing a thing out from first idea to polished product. Physical accounts of action baffle me sometimes. Also, I often find it hard to come up with convincing conflict. I'm fluffy at heart, I guess.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It can be effective, I guess? But there's usually a way around it if necessary. I haven't really had to deal with it, so I don't have strong feelings about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh shit, I think this was Numb3rs. It was a really fun crime show on CBS featuring a mathematician who did Big Complicated Math to help the FBI solve crimes. I wrote a bunch of fics for it, they were all absolutely terrible, and yes, I have long since deleted them.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Letters From War, a Voyager fic where KJ and Chakotay keep in correspondence with each other through the Dominion War. It's the sequel to By Firelight, but took a long, long time to put together, and once a few conversations and ideas clicked into place, it felt like it all came together. I was happy with how it turned out.

--

Thanks for the tag, Little Red! I am tagging @cfr749, @captaincarriekathryncoffee, and @neverenough37 (apologies if y'all have already done this and I missed it).

#fanfiction #on writing

[squarebracketsmileyface]

hi! i don’t know if you still take asks about “sorry it’s locked”—utterly gut-wrenching story by the way, excellent work—but the song that’s perfect for the jaylex in that story is “new years eve” by mal blum. especially that ending!

Definitely still taking asks about that fic (it's the reason i'm taking ages to get to my asks rn, because i've been desperately writing it trying to hit the schedule i gave myself for it lol)

this is an absolute mess of a yell about this song so just, you have been warned. do not expect coherency or anything like

this fucking song tho. it's so the entirety of Jaylex's relationship. it's like jay talking about it each year, kinda recapping how its going and how it's failed until FINALLY he gets over Alex right at the end and doesn't like him anymore. like, the lines about the singer (i guess? the main character of the song???) not liking the outfit they're wearing, and then them not really caring about it is very jay about alex to me. he just cared too much what alex thought idk

"I got out alive" too? Jay got out of uni alive (whereas some of his friends possibly didn't -sarah-seth- etc) he got out of chapter 1 of sorry it's locked alive (cos alex had an operator moment and almost strangled him to death) and oooooooo look jay's gonna get out of marble hornets as a whole aliv- oh wait, never mind

just rarararararrararararara this is so jaylex you're so right i love it. also these lines. yes yes yes. jay is in fact in his car. except he's not writing he's filming himself talking to the camera

Writing in my car And this time I can't pretend that we are friends We're not friends Friends don't do the things we did

(i'm convinced that in the sorry its locked universe he has so much footage of himself talking about alex and ranting and getting upset about it and all that, and he can never every post it. he'd die if it got posted because its all SO personal)

AND THE "are you lying in her bed" is jay feeling shit after being 'dumped' for Amy. (god i cant wait to write more about this)

raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this song

#this is a mess im so sorry #it's like 1am tho #i can be forgiven even tho that's not that late #i can pretend it's late #look at meeee im soooooo tired i cant do coherant thoughts #song ask #marble hornets #mh sorry its locked #jay merrick #alex kralie #jaylex #marble hornets fanfic

[prodigaldaughteralice]

My raeda playlist is finally all put together! And because I'm a nutcase, I did an illustration for each track. For the rymin playlist, I tried to make them all go together smoothly, but for this one I decided to challenge myself to do each one in a different style! Here's some thumbnails:

Annotations and full illustrations under the jump :)

Luna-- Hayley Kiyoko; young Raine infatuated with Eda.

Luna, tell me, do you want me here right under you? Trying to follow every move Will you ever come down?

My Best Friend's Hot-- The Dollyrots; young Eda infatuated with Raine.

I'm gonna tell you that you're mean, 'cos you don't know You interrupt another dream, so out you go!

Clean-- Pale Waves; the young lovers.

You're the one girl that I just can't get enough of Maybe it's love, maybe it's a moment. You're the one drug that I don't want to get clean from, Is it too soon to say that I'm falling?

ICIMY-- Phoebe Ryan; Eda post-breakup. (Side note, I had never seen the official music video for this song before I put the playlist together for youtube so I only just found out the love interest in it is also a hot enby. Fate!)

Who do I call when I fall into something I can't escape? What am I supposed to do, what am I supposed to do In case I miss you?

Favourite Record-- Fall Out Boy; Raine post-breakup.

You were the song stuck in my head, every song that I'll ever love. Play it again, and again, and again, And you can get what you want, but it's never enough.

Favourite Year-- The Chicks; looking back on it with a little more distance and fondness.

You looked at me like no one else, But sometimes love just doesn't seem to conquer all.

To Noise Making (Sing!)-- Hozier; Eda hears Raine is teaching for the Bard Coven and misses when their music was free.

I couldn't name the feeling carried in that voice; Was it that, or just the act of making noise that brought you joy?

Best of All Possible Worlds-- Kris Kristofferson; Eda's life on her own (clashing with cops, making trouble)

That policeman said "Mister Cool, if you're not drunk then you're a fool." I said "if that's against the law, tell me why I never saw Nobody in that jail of yours who wasn't just as low-down poor as me?" ...well, that was when someone turned out the lights And I wound up in jail to spend the night...

Music Jail pt. 1-- They Might be Giants; Raine's life on their own (subtler forms of resistance.) Also note that Music Jail pts 1 and 2 are the same track but 2 doesn't suit Raine as well; just bear with me lol

Where you goin', buddy? Where you goin', buddy? Won't you come with me to music jail?

This Love-- Taylor Swift; reunion.

These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me.

I Wish I Was the Moon-- Neko Case; isolated from each other, both trying to make the world better.

Paralyzed and collared tight, No pills for what I fear. This is crazy, I wish I was the moon tonight.

The Long and Winding Road-- The Beatles; Raine realizes they can't keep her out of the loop anymore.

Anyway, you'll never know The many ways I've tried. But still, they lead me back...

Now You Know-- Anaïs Mitchell; together again, Eda thinks about her future, her kids, death, and Raine.

When I think about dying, I think about children, And when I think about children, I think about you.

Lowlife-- That Poppy; delighted to be together after it all.

And I get so lonely, I can't make it on my own, And I need to see you-- can you come to my chateau?

Always-- The Veronicas; they've been through a lot and there will always be difficulties, but it's okay.

My house, my house is yours, so you can take your coat off, And you can close the door, my love's not gonna run out.

Because the Night-- Patti Smith; lovers.

Love is an angel disguised as lust, Here in our bed until the morning comes.

Nothing Matters When We're Dancing-- The Magnetic Fields; Comfortable together.

Dance with me, my old friend, once before we go. Let's pretend this song won't end, and we never have to go home.

Our House-- Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young; the whole rest of their lives gets to be together.

Staring at the fire for hours and hours While I listen to you play your love songs all night long for me Only for me...

#owl house #the owl house #raeda #raine whispers #eda clawthorne #toh playlist #owl house playlist #toh art #owl house fanart #pd alice makes #pd alice draws

[bwoahtastic]

I loved that ask about Nico having a terrible pregnancy and Seb being really reluctant about Nico and Toto's relationship. That family in all its iterations is so sweet and I just love them. If I remember correctly, didn't we have Mick as the Toto/Nico baby? What about Mick, a few weeks old, having really bad colic and Nico and Toto being so stressed because he just. will. not. stop. crying.

They're so tired, and feel like such awful parents for being unable to help their baby who sounds like he's in so much pain. Seb is still pretty iffy about the whole Nico of it all, even if they did bond a bit during Nico's pregnancy, and feels really weird about having a little brother who is younger than his own kids, but Max and Charles are very excited about there being a new baby in the family, so Seb takes pity on his dad and Nico, and comes over to help.

And by some miracle, Mick quiets down when Seb holds him. Mick absolutely adores Seb, and Seb can always get him to calm down, even after he's been screaming the house down for hours and hours. It's a huge relief for Nico and Toto, who finally get some sleep, and are able to do a few things around the house, like cook and do laundry, but at the same time (because I love torturing Nico) Nico feels incredibly insecure about it. He's trying so hard to be a good mother, he already feels like he messed up the pregnancy phase, even though it wasn't his fault, and now his sort of stepson is able to soothe his baby when Nico can't. It would really upset him and he'd try to keep it from Toto, but of course, it would only make things worse

Oh plss Nico struggling so much during tbe pregnancy and Seb,is apprehensive and a little shit but steps in to help and makes sure Toto is home more because Nico needs him no matter how much he tries to downplay his struggles

Then little mick is born and even seb has to admit its one cute pup lol! But yeah he is still weirded out thst it's his half brother and younger than the pups he had with Kimi. Charles and Max are super curious about the pup tho and miss grandpa so Kimi makes Seb come when they visit even though Seb is #sulking.

They arrive and its chaos, Toto looks exhausted and Nico has clearly been crying and little Mick is sobbing his little heart out no matter how Nico gently rocks him. Seb is more experienced than nico and Toto who never dealt with a newborn and the tummy pains they get and he gently takes Mick, shushing him and massaging him just right to help the pain and Mick quiets down, conks out against Seb's chest because the baby is exhausted too.

Seb telling Nico and Toto to get done what needs to be done and Kimi quietly helps them eith cooking and the laundry to make aure they get some sleep, all whilr Seb rocks little Mick and shows Max and Charles their tiny uncle

Poor Nico feeling awful! He feels tired and ugly, all crusty and still fat which is not true ofc but he hates being imperfect for Toto, and then what is even worse is.thst he clearly sucks at being a momma...

Nico not talking to Toto about it cos he frankly doesn't know what to say but Toto notices Nico doesn't really fuss over Mick as much anymore, keeping his distance and seeming awkward but whenever he asks Nico claims to be fine.

Seb is getting a little sick of solving their problems but he can see Nico is dealing with some post partum issues and knows how hard it can be, still hurting and suddenly having to deal with a tiny little human. Seb teaching Nico all th3 little tricks thst worked foe Max and Charles and being sure to compliment him (a tiny bit reluctantly) and telling Toto he better give nico compliments too!

#asks #stepmom nico au

[bi-demon-ium]

SEASON TWO POSITIVITY POST!

listen there's so much negativity going around and like. i actually really liked this season!! so!!!

the "okay, but" section

okay, so curtain's redemption arc was extremely rushed. BUT

a) i love where it's left us. curtain working on their team--and indeed him actually saying the words "i'm joining the society"--is going to be wonderful to see, and we'll be getting more of one of my favorite dynamics in the show, namely, the twins. and hopefully curtain being funny with more of the other characters.

b) although i suppose this is all assuming we get a season three at all (which i still have fingers crossed for) i would hope that as rushed as it feels now, we would have more time to breathe with it in s3--reckon with a post-redemption curtain and what his relationship with the others looks like, particularly the ones he's hurt the most, and also, number two & rhonda, now that they've "stepped into a leadership role". like that all sounds really interesting and engaging!!! rich content i want to know more!!!!

c) it was also just like. the SCENES!!! god it was heart-wrenching. again, where we ended up: what curtain said out loud, multiple hugs (!!!!) + curtain's hilarious then mildly heartbreaking interactions with jeffers&co + jackson&jillson,,,,, plus just his entertaining reactions/expressions to everything like them all aggressively reciting poetry at constance and its just lik [LIVE CURTAIN REACTION] lkgjfghfgh and then mr benedict's super passionate cross-language performance and curtains just like [visibly despairing] like you have no room to talk mr. stole the solo at the orphanage then aggressively recited shakespeare.

and like i think his dynamic with mr. benedict was especially good. even his reaction i was totally fine with (the panicking and lowkey breakdown--it was a little cheesy and even a bit unnerving seeing him finally lose it but i was like oughhhh) it's more the "aight. im good now ig" right after and just giving up. (it does make me wonder if it's actually another evil plot of some sort--which would be heart-wrenching, particularly if s3 is full of them bonding and then curtain realizing he doesn't want to betray him anymore but then whatever his plans were are revealed at a key moment.... i don't think is going to happen but fun speculation!) but like BEFORE that. oughhhhh that whole scene..... and the fact he was FAKING it.... and curtains justl ike [NOT CRYING SHUT UP] well. that was. a very devious plan. i have to respect it.

okay, so this whole "eurus benedict"/secret sister thing is fucking weird and terrible. BUT

okay first of all you can't deny that this is extremely funny

it is extremely funny and i desperately want to see where they're going with this

is she just going to be book curtain with tits.

(this would perhaps be a chance to explore some of the themes/ideas from the books now that we have an evil/bad sibling neither of them knew as a child?)

DOES SHE HAVE SQ. DLFKGJ HI IM YOUR AUNT :)

so like. this one also, as ridiculous as it is, has a lot of plot potential. the twins bonding, how each of them might relate to this sister differently (maybe it will ironically be nicholas not trusting her and curtain relating to her, after so long of nicholas reaching out to a long lost sibling), what she thinks of them, and particularly curtain's ex(?) supervillainy considering she's apparently going down that route...

does she also have narcolepsy? plot twist, book curtain thing again, she has sunglasses and a wheelchair and anger issues. and just for flavor maybe curly hair.

is she the older sister? younger? triplet? so many questions

this could really go off the rails and even if it ends up being bad i think it will be an extremely entertaining trainwreck

okay, so there were some other problems (like sq just being fuckign missing dfkjhghfgh) BUT

sq being missing i'm mostly blaming on the change in filming location. while i'm not pleased with that, i will say

a) i'm so sorry to be heartless but it IS ONCE AGAIN KIND OF VERY FUNNY

HES JUST ON A WALK<3

LIKE OKAY

b) while i wish they'd worked around the actor's absence better than that one line, it didn't ruin my enjoyment of the season. the plot was still coherent. i missed him, but it was enjoyable nonetheless.

same with the shorter episode times. i don't think this is something that they could help, and that makes me feel a little better about it, weirdly.

adaptation blues

i am gently holding you by the shoulders. listen to me. listen, beloved. you need to understand that this is now sort of its own thing now. if s3 comes it will probably be nothing like book 3 and that's okay. the characters are different, the changes they've already made have butterfly effect/branched off and now we're looking at a whole new picture and that's good. it's okay. deep breaths with me

honestly with the changes this season, i loved it! i'm into it!

really it's less a direct adaptation of book 2 and more like. its own thing (AGAIN. ITS OWN THING. THATS OKAY) with some easter eggs and nods to the books, particularly in the first few episodes. probably because again, changes made in s1 (which i ADORED) meant a lot of book 2 would no longer work

but i really liked the plot that was here!!! curtain's cult + the "Happiness" is absolutely terrifying, engaging the whole way through, and very good material for fic. i like miss perumal's continued presence as a character who actually does things, i like number two's weird/mildly rushed background story, everything with mr. benedict's story both about being whammied and his struggle to gain perspective when faced with his brother. i can see why some people aren't fans of kate and milligan's new story but personally i like it and think it fits them well. and constance!!!! martina!!! dr garrisons full mcfuckingbreakdown!!!! captain noland--and CANNONBALL MY BELOVED. he was so funny and i love him so much

like for me, if i want to read the book, i'll read the book. i love the roots this show has in the books, but i also love the characters that have grown from them, and want to see them grow more rather than be forced into a shape that's more like the originals.

all positivity, baby!

okay first of all this season was funny as hell. there were countless moments that were just so fucking good and hysterical. flower delivery. jackson and jillson tackling a bitch. constance's malicious therapy. dr garrison's doll. everything about jeepers. the gambling. the taxi driver. very exclusive list of traitors. miss perumal's grand theft motorcycle. what does the blueberry represent?! etc. the humor was spot on it was all HILARIOUS

the dialogue was generally the same perfect flavor of offbeat charm

the characters and relationships continue to be vibrant, engaging, and just generally soooo good. the side characters continue to be hilarious but also important to the plot (dr garrison, martina, jackson and jillson, jeepers, etc) while the main characters all have things to do (reynie and his struggles with both feeling needy and morality, sticky and boatwright academy, constance and her past, kate and her dad, mr benedict and his brother, miss perumal and both reynie and milligan, rhonda and the mission and general + number two, number two and her family + relationship with mr benedict, etc) and their interactions are always fun to watch

plus, again, some great developments, particularly with the kids and with the twins

i just had fun????? i mean i was super anxious but i'm like that any time i watch a show with suspense

but it was like it was fun! it was fun!

but it was also emotional in the right places!!!

and the ending!!!! not the very ending but just before that, with reynie getting his letters, and everyone vibing!!! my heart is full!!!!!!

i feel like i have more to say but i just can't put it to words like idk bro! i just liked it! it was rushed but it was good overall! there are very few things i straight up don't like! it's fun! i want to write ten thousand million words of fanfiction!

please!!! add on things you liked about this season/the show in general!!! positivity time, babey!

#mbs spoilers #DO NOT ARGUE ON THIS POST DO NOT ADD NEGATIVITY TO THIS POST I'M BITING YOU I'M BITING YOU I'M BITING Y #BEHAVE #long post #the mysterious benedict society #mbs disney

[isayoldbean]

thank you, everyone!

sorry that this was so long in coming! i got absolutely flattened by some health issues for a few days, but i can't go any longer without wishing a very sincere thank you to everyone who has enjoyed learning about beef and who supported her on her journey throughout the tournament!

i'm gonna be honest, i don't really know what to say here--i didn't expect to win. i never suspected i'd even get to the finals, and then once i did, i expected chuchu to kick my butt. i even voted for them too! so the fact that i'm sitting here making a post about being crowned champion of the inaugural @woltourney is a bit difficult to wrap my head around.

everyone's wols were so great and so obviously a reflection of their creators' love, and i truly loved meeting each and every one of them! i also hope to continue to learn about them even after the tournament if y'all will allow me to. it was really so much fun, i'd love to do this again some time!

again i'm mostly just overwhelmed that this many of you loved my girl so much that you ignored me asking you not to vote for me in the finals lmao... i guess that means that in a way, she doesn't belong to me anymore. she belongs to all of you. she's in all of your hearts, giving you terrible advice, and i think that's beautiful.

i'd like to give a special shoutout to @spaceace144 for a well-fought final round and who is a co-winner with me in my heart, to all the other roegadyn wols out there--both those in the tournament and outside of it--for the loving warrior's bond we all share, to the friends we've all made over the course of the tourney, and for the tournament organizer(s?) who i know must have worked really hard behind the scenes so that we could all have such a silly fun time like this!

thank you all again for caring about my horrible woman who means so much to me and has helped me out on a personal level more than i'd probably care to admit. and i look forward to meeting the next round of wols whenever this tournament may happen again! until then, please keep beef in your hearts and may you all continue to have many wonderful adventures with your own wols!

#Final Fantasy #Final Fantasy XIV #ff14 #WoL #Huge Beef #woltourney

[ao3screenshotss]

if it's possible could you please rec your favourite bungou stray dogs fics??

OH MY GOD YES THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ABSOLUTELY I WILL

update now that i've finally finished compiling them: this was so fun to do but a nightmare to choose (there are too many good fics) - thank you so much anon for asking it was so nice to go through my bookmarks again!!! but these are only a few of some of my favourite bsd fics.

i've got 25 here (i'll need to put them underneath a read more it's so so long omg) but if you'd like anymore, my primary blog is the same as my ao3 username and i have a lot of bookmarks there!!! they're all wonderful and i'd recommend all of them. anyways, i hope you enjoy!!

(side note: i tried to post this before the latest and last bsd episode came out and i hope i made it just in time)

And if I'm blinded, will my eyes become the planets? by Yui_Kuromori (5k) - not rated

- I need to leave for a few weeks.

He tells the president in a particularly sunny afternoon. There, with the sunlight filtering through the window, the man’s hair seems to glow golden, and the lines on his face are even more pronounced. Atsushi swallows nervously and does his best not to back off. He looks up, and meets Fukuzawa’s somber eyes and feels a bit of sweat trickle down his neck.

The president sighs and closes his eyes for a second. Runs his hands through his hair, and Atsushi already feels bad about all the problems he’s causing the man. He’s about to apologize, really, when Fukuzawa pronounces tiredly.

- I understand.

They leave to get to know themselves.

( the soft whimsical road trip AU no one asked for)

I am genuinely so in love with this fic you don’t even understand - i find it really quiet and comforting. DEFINITELY underrated - it’s one of the fics i’ll always recommend

TIP: read in the middle of the night before you go to bed!! i’ve read it so many times and this personally was my favourite time to read it

yokohama bay hotel by spirallings (9k) - teen

Ryuunosuke started his channel, originally, as a means to make his sister smile and laugh when they lived in that oppressive house. It grew far beyond that and allowed them to escape, and now it's his means of income: but he has always kept a tight lid on his privacy, separating his personal life from the persona he puts on YouTube and social media accounts.

While struggling to come up with ideas, he clicks on a video on his recommended feed and it leads him to the work of a reclusive musician under the penname Byakko Chain. All Ryuunosuke knows about him at first is his singing voice, his hands, and his guitar.

And those walls come tumbling down.

this fic i think is one i didn't expect to love as much as i did - i actually just reread it, but the comment i wrote before was that i didn't remember what happened in the fic, i just clearly remember how much i loved it - the first half was amazing but it's definitely the second half that ties it altogether

also i think the way the author writes makes it so easy to imagine - like,, the imagery isn't overdone but you can kinda see what it's like and it's so sweet (it actually reminds me of one of my favourite study with me's set in yokohama - also a rec!!)

TIP: id just say somewhere quiet where you can listen to music - i could easily read it during the day but i just prefer comforting fics late at night cause they make me feel like when i wake up i can actually live out what happens in the fic (obviously i can't but it's nice to dream)

An Awkward Encounter by SapphireSunstone (4k) - teen

Imagine you're trying to leave your secret boyfriend's place only to be met with your co-worker who is also trying to leave his secret boyfriend's place and in the middle of arguing you see your secret boyfriend's co-worker and you see a glimpse of his secret-boyfriend.

OR

Chuuya and Akutagawa's walks of shame seem to follow a similar path.

fluff and crack, what else could you ask for? side note: it also reminded me of a post i saw a while back by @hoshiumiumi (please look at their latest poe art it’s so pretty!!)

TIP: no tip, read whenever!!! might smile though so don’t read in front of your parents/friends if they’re the type of people who ask ‘oh what are you smiling at? are you texting someone?’and you don’t wanna tell them that you read fanfic

Into Your World by leedonghyucks (110k) - teen

A case gone wrong had caused Atsushi and Akutagawa to be transported to an unknown universe set 200 years into the future, where Abilities (now known as Quirks) were as rampant as ever. The renowned new Double Black have faced many fearsome enemies but can they survive the trials and tribulations of hero high school?

Spoiler alert: Barely.

a bsd and bnha crossover!! i actually remember a few of my screenshots from this - it’s a bit long compared to my other recs so far but very good

TIP: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE HOMEWORK YOU WILL NOT STOP READING THIS

Plate :( by forest_raccoon (4k) - teen

It's an accident, for once. He was actually following the Official Household Chore Schedule and doing the dishes while Chuuya was out getting groceries. But one of the plates was slipperier than he expected, and as he attempted to dry it, it fumbled just enough out of his grip to crack against the countertop, chipping a bit off the edge.

It isn’t one of Chuuya’s fancy plates. Dazai is fairly certain that Chuuya has no particular attachment to this dish at all, actually. It’s plain white and utilitarian, part of a larger set.

So Dazai can’t explain why he’s frozen in place, rooted to the floor by some welling emotion he can’t quite pinpoint.

(Alternatively: local brilliant strategist has a slight meltdown over small uncontrollable part of everyday life)

by @sensitiveheartless!! a wonderful artist and author - definitely recommend reading other fics of theirs. this one hurt me but it was so good - they also made a comic/drawing for this!!

Interest Check by featherx (12k) - teen

“I read your work in the school paper!”

“O-Oh?” Poe fixes his posture a little, and resists the urge to straighten his ribbon. He knew he should’ve tied it a little tighter than he usually does this morning. “Er… W-What did you think?” If there’s anything he takes pride in, it’s his writing; most people are turned off easily by the horror themes he likes to use so much, but on the occasion someone does appreciate them, it gives him a feeling not unlike butterflies in his stomach. If Ranpo, of all people, is the latter…

“I figured out who the murderer was in two paragraphs,” Ranpo says, holding up two fingers, like he really needs to drive the nail in deeper.

—Or, Poe writes a whole musical in an effort to impress Ranpo.

this one i recently read and fell in love with it was so adorable!!! they're both ridiculous and i love them for it <333

life's like an hourglass, glued to the table by ephemerality (2k) - teen

Outside, there are sirens.

"I called the police," the helpful cashier announces from the storage room.

very hilarious - imagining what is going on in this fic may or may not make you wheeze - it definitely made me wheeze

playing the hero by FallenNiji (118k) - teen

“How’s U.A.? Does it live up to the general public’s expectations?” Ranpo, walking with his hands crossed behind his head, wondered.

“I literally witnessed an attempted murder, discrimination, bullying and experienced a Villain attack in the first month here, Ranpo-senpai,” Kyouka deadpanned.

“Is that a yes?”

(or: izumi kyouka, reformed assassin turned detective, infiltrates u.a. and more or less willingly surrounds herself with well-known pro-heroes and other such law-abiding citizens. what could possibly go wrong?)

i will admit that i can't remember much about this fic apart from i love the character interactions as well as the characterisations and i'm always looking forward to reading the new chapter - i've also posted a lot of screenshots from this fic if yall want like a taste or something

I Was Screaming Your Name Through The Radio by ElectricSplatter (256k) - mature

“Four months from now will be the seven year anniversary of when you and Osamu Dazai released your hugely successful first and only album Double Black and its diamond single Corruption. After performing with Dazai earlier this year, are you planning anything special to celebrate?”

“Corruption is insanely overrated, and I would prefer to never hear Dazai’s voice for the rest of my fucking life.”

i don't think i can bring myself to go through the pain this fic put me in again but it's really really popular for a very good reason - you definitely have to read it at least once

O expectations, stale and dismal airs, leave this body of mine! by aptlydapper (20k) - teen

Apparently, Chuuya has a signature(s).

Apparently, removing that signature(s) renders Chuuya basically unrecognizable.

Apparently, this works on everyone.

Chuuya would have liked to know this before getting accidentally recruited.

this one is WONDERFUL - i love the story in general it's such a cool concept and it's such a cool ada chuuya au - please read it at least once

love at first sight: coffee shop edition by setosdarkness (2k) - teen

Dazai and Chuuya get stuck in the rain, and end up sharing the only available table at a busy coffee shop.

[or, plot twists in my meet-cute coffee shop AU? it’s more likely than you think]

literally anything by setosdarkness is good - they're a complete icon - one of the backbones of the bsd fandom. i won't spoil it but it was very good - also recommend all 951 (!!!!!) fics of theirs

S(he) Came In Through the Bathroom Window by PocketsizedDinosaur (2k) - teen

Atsushi deals with Akutagawa's unusual (and inconvenient) habit of not using the door.

i don't really remember what happens in this fic but i remember loving it very much and that it also hurt me very much - double hit but perfect

360 degrees by setosdarkness (11k) - teen

Chuuya gets cursed by an Ability that forces him to eternally live out his biggest regret. Unlike the other victims who end up killing themselves or hurting others, Chuuya goes into a coma.

For his biggest regret is—

[groundhog day AU with a twist, where Chuuya relives the day Dazai leaves the Port Mafia over and over and over and over—]

OH MY GOD I LOVED THIS SO SO MUCH I READ IT LIKE A YEAR AGO BUT IT WAS SO GOOD

The Next Day by psychodaog (10k) - general

Atsushi wakes up in filthy rags and dried blood. He remembers the cage so vividly and it feels real.

It looks like the place he used to call "home".

(Atsushi travels back in time AU)

a WONDERFUL atsushi travels back in time au - i need to read more of these!! if anyone has some recs please send them in!!!

Striped by AliceinHyruleBastion (8k) - teen

Atsushi found his soulmate. No big deal. Until he comes into work one day with soulmarks on his face and the office demands an explanation.

SSKK soulmate AU shenanigans with a dash of battle, sass, and angst on the side!

sskk soulmate au!! so so wonderful - i also loved part 2

pull the trigger tighter and watch our distances explode by niwakaame (oolongteas) (8k) - teen

The world looks like a big spider's web, colorful, and bright and full of light.

In which Nakajima Atsushi sees the strings of fate, and beyond that.

i forgot to bookmark this and looked for it for AGES it was absolutely amazing i loved it

You're All I ever Wanted by iheartryuu (2k) - teen

“Chuuya,” Dazai mumbles, nudging the side of his face into his partner's neck. The redhead doesn’t move, doesn’t talk. He doesn’t make a single sound. He just needs this moment to last. He doesn’t want to face what will happen when he lets go and is forced to look into Dazai’s face.

“Chuuya.” Dazai speaks with a gentle voice. “Break my chains.” Chuuya shakes his head. He rests his forehead against Dazai’s shoulder. The brunette sighs, taking a gulp. His next words almost come out as a desperate whisper. “Break my chains so I can hug you back.”

Chuuya feels his throat tighten. He didn’t expect his partner to say that. So he shakes his head once again. His voice fans against Daza’s ear, sounding smooth. “If I let you hug me back, I don’t think I’d ever be able to let go.”

— aka, what should've happened when they met again for the first time in four years.

i think this nearly made me cry - or actually did - it was so so good

The Weretiger's New Houseguest by xxSoliusxx (31k) - teen

After a misunderstanding and surveillance tape proof, Akutagawa is faced with the daunting threat of the Port Mafia. He finds himself wounded in the pouring rain, standing on Atsushi's doorstep.

i only remember some parts of this very clearly but i remember it was all wonderful!!!

Dazai Undercover by Bibliophile109 (6k) - teen

“I thought the new employee was recommended by the Special Abilities Department,” Kunikida says weakly.

The man waves his hand carelessly. “Yes, yes, Father knows someone there, it’s all very convenient. Say, would you happen to know when the lunch break is?”

-

Dazai puts a bit more effort into hiding his Mafia background from the ADA, and ends up pretending to be a spoiled rich kid.

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS - I JUST REALISED I FORGOT TO SUBSCRIBE AND IT HAS NEW CHAPTERS IM GONNA READ IT THE SECOND I FINISH THIS LIST

to build a home by lonelydoctors (5k) - general

”You have got to stop looking so shocked every time I visit, Poe-kun,” Ranpo says with a grin.

“N–no, but…I thought–I guess I just–“ Poe takes a deep breath and starts again, “I thought the Agency is supposed to be on a work trip in Shinagawa today. How did you even get here by yourself?”

Ranpo straightens his posture and shrugs casually, “Why, I took the train of course, Poe-kun.”

“You what?”

this one was SO adorable - according to my bookmarks i wrote "my GOD they own MY ENTIRE HEART"

This Color Ain't It by justcallmedude (108k) - not rated

“President, I understand Tanizaki, but Kenji?” Kunikida looked about ready to snap his pen in half as he, along with most of the people in the room, stared at their head. “Kenji’s methods are anything but ideal for an undercover mission! Please reconsider!”

“It is true that Kenji’s way of handling cases is unusual,” Fukuzawa agreed. “However, it is because of his ability to talk to people that I feel comfortable assigning him as our undercover agent with Tanizaki.”

- - -

Kenji Miyazawa is the ADA's naive detective given his possibly most difficult task to date: infiltrate UA and find the student spy before the heroes become aware that there is a traitor amongst them.

earlier in this post i included a kyouka goes to ua au, this one's a kenji goes to ua au and i loved them both very much!! i love kenji's characterisation in this it's so cool

Kiss My Wounds by bloodyinspiring (62k) - teen

The mafioso inhaled deeply, chewing the inside of his lip as he formulated his thoughts together before speaking, and looked the detective in the eyes. Gin told him to go for it, and when push comes to shove, bribe the guy. But money might not fix this if he mortified himself for eternity to come when he uttered the words...

“Marry me.” ~

A lot can happen within the three months of summer... Some people get the dream job they wanted, some graduate from school, and maybe others take on a new hobby with all the excess downtime they received (or thrown in jail like Dazai).

In Atsushi's case, he didn't expect to be proposed into a fake marriage with the one and only: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

(Occasionally on hiatus due to university but ongoing!)

THIS WAS SO GOOD OH MY GOD I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY BUT IT'S DEFINITELY ONE OF MY FAVOURITES

pull out your pen and write down your memory by Seito (75k) - teen

Instantly three things occurred to Shirusu.

First, fuck, this was the world of Bungou Stray Dogs. Second, given the appearance of Dazai Osamu standing in front of her, she had landed some time relatively close to the Dark Era. And third, these words slipped out before she could stop them.

“You’re asking me out on a date?! But you don’t even like women?!” Shirusu blurted out.

And Dazai blinked back at her in surprise.

Ah fuck.

im a sucker for isekai sometimes and this is one of my favourite ones

ataraxis by lurochu (46k) - teen

For the first time in his life, Chuuya wished Dazai was there. With one touch, he could quiet Arahabaki and give Chuuya peace of mind, peace of mind that Chuuya desperately craved. But that bastard never was there when he needed him anyways.

Chuuya's slowly killing himself and Dazai's half to blame. (discontinued)

as you can see in the summary this one's unfortunately discontinued but i remember reading and loving this so much

All hail our lord and savior Chuuya Nakahara by BlowingYourMind

a series with just a lot of chuuya fics and they're all wonderful! my personal favourites are Let me help you - His dark eyes got a little lighter - Baby Executive - The worth of a subordinate in Chuuya Nakahara's eyes - Yokohama public High School- almost as crazy as their pep rallies - Learning experiences - Chuuya Nakahara's issue with Black Coffee - "You stole my wisdom?!", and Don't break the honeycomb. although these are just the ones that i've read recently or remember really well!! i think all of the fics in this series are worth reading

#live review: there’s a noise outside my window that sounds like a crossover between a horse and a chicken and it’s so loud im going to die #update: i just heard the most ‘i don’t laugh cause my laugh sounds stupid’ laugh from like a bird or something #it was the most HEHEHEHE in a scratchy voice thing #note - like one week after i started this: I'M SO SORRY I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING TO WORK OUT WHAT TO PUT ON THIS WITHOUT MAKING IT TOO LONG #im trying to get it out before (my) 12oclock so i can get it out before the new bsd episode (for me it comes out at 1am) #bsd fic recs #fic recs #replies #anonymous #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs fics

[outrunningthedark]

Would genuinely love your take on this: do you think the show has been queerbaiting (like in all seasons) or has it always just been the fandom assuming things?

While the use of the term queerbaiting doesn't bug me the way it does most people (though if I get multiple asks on a given day using that because of a theory that was clearly born from fandom I *do* get annoyed; fanon is not canon!) I prefer to just stick with "baiting". Queerbaiting implies the cast and crew are "in on the joke." They are not. Oliver supporting Buddie fan art or being (genuinely?) surprised he got Eddie as a 9-1-1 crush after MULTIPLE attempts at using the filter and then IMMEDIATELY deleting it is not the same thing as if he were re-posting said fan art with his own commentary that co-signed Buddie as a canon ship or leaving that "Who's Your Crush?" video up for the full 24 hours so people could think he was "trying to tell us something". As I said in an ask from yesterday, just this year, when discussing the lightning strike, he made a point to support the fandom interpreting Buddie however they want (but that was in no way him saying "Hey, it could happen"). And with Ryan, he doesn't speak anymore, but whenever he did, he made SURE to remind the fans that he and Oliver have no say in what happens. Even when addressing the possibility that Buddie might one day kiss, his response was "We'll see what Tim writes." Not to awaken ghosts of fandom past, but nobody they work with on the daily from the cast ever has anything to say, either. Jennifer made the video where she said she can see it and would be supportive (THREE YEARS AGO), but that was also in response to a fan who had requested a video from her. (She says his name right at the beginning. People skip over that part.) I think we are being "baited" in the sense that the show runners are so afraid of hurting people's feelings (can't blame 'em, given how attached some are to the ship) that they won't just come out and say it ain't gonna happen, so people cling to those threads of hope...and then get mad at themselves for hoping in the first place. Although, I'm not sure what good shutting down Buddie would do at this point? Kristen's very blatantly called them good friends and said she wrote the will scene using her mother's experience (something we saw in the finale) and is aware that the show will be accused of fucking with the fans in either scenario (Buddie scenes? Queerbaiting. No Buddie scenes? Homophobic.) so like...does the fandom even know what response would sound believable? Are they willing to hear it? Or are they still looking for reasons to say we were lied to the whole time?

#anonymous #tina speaks #tv: 911 #tv: 9-1-1 #buddie