#i felt that on a deep level

[ruporas]

comfort

[ID START: Illustration of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun: Maximum. Wolfwood is holding Vash’s head to his chest, his right hand resting gently over his ears and his left hand againtst Vash’s nape. Wolfwood looks at him melancholically as he soothes him. Vash’s eyes are shut, small tears at the corner of his eyes, asleep, and his right hand is holding onto Wolfwood’s arm. Feathered and plant wings are growing out of him, enveloping the both of them like a cocoon, leaving enough space for their heads and arms. The feathered plant wings takes up most of the canvas, colored in dark and muted blues. END]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #it is crazy that like. we've seen wolfwood be so God damn afraid and fearful in the most humane way possible towards vash and his #otherworldliness... but he more or less is like ok this guys a freak but whatever. needle noggin is needle nogging after the #remembrance of july arc. also the fact he can hold a gun to the back of vash's head and not tremor in fear #vs how he held a gun to knives and already felt like he was dead. #i can't word it properly but just the manner in how wolfwood gets used to the parts of vash that used to make him view him as someone #completely different and shaping that into someone he now understands on a deep level. #he loves him so much #ruporas art

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

ted/rebecca season three things that i will simply never recover from -- dare i say, never forgive:

sassy saying ted's puns are terrible and that he's a mess and then later in the same episode rebecca saying she and ted get along because they're both messes and smiling at his terrible pun

ted wanting to hang out with rebecca in amsterdam and then her phone falling into the water and her meeting another man in what was clearly a classic romcom narrative move designed to make us go "nooooo, now rebecca will never know that ted wants to hang out with her in amsterdam!" (wherein boat guy is poised as the temporary obstacle love interest and ted is the endgame love)

rebecca looking at the green soldier from ted and the matchbook together (sidenote: did i hallucinate this or did this actually happen? maybe i hallucinated this. was this fake?)

the biscuit box open behind the matchbook!!!

ted having the green matchbook

"remember to let her into your heart" playing in "hey jude" when rebecca called ted

both of them wearing red in the red string of fate episode

the hallway conversation wherein they both said what the other was thinking and then were both like ?????

rebecca saying "oklahoma." TWICE!

#and obviously the kitchen fakeout but i can't even get into that one because that was another level #i guess i'm just wondering ... why #why even bother to put any of this in there #W H Y #another day another tedbecca lament #tedbecca #ted x rebecca #dollsome's deep thoughts #i might be forgetting some stuff because i am not strong enough to rewatch this season of television #i'm so insane over how much this all felt like setup #especially typing it all out like that. #WHAT THE HELL!

[weak-nude]

Annihilation, Jeff VanderMeer

#I felt so seen reading this part #I am not mysterious #I am who I am who I am #sometimes I feel so surface level #other times so deep #I don’t know which interpretation is right #w #jeff vandermeer #annihilation

[rainymoodlet]

Kiss Me in Komorebi+ 🌸

[Ep. Ten] A Night on the Town!

Congratulations to our third date winner, Fabian! 🍾 Daniel decided to take him to the beautiful and masterfully built (😉) Wakabamori Walk for some bowling and a bar crawl!

The two had a hell of a time drinking, nailing trick shots, and talking the night away! It was classic bowling hall date: pitchers of beer, snuggling between pin resets, and laughter abound!

They also get two extra pics because for whatever reason these two decided to get drunk off their asses and go for a swim! 🥹 @rebouks come get your boy!!! djdjhs

[ Part 1/2 ] 🌹

#ts4 #ts4 screenshots #ts4 gameplay #ts4 bachelor challenge #ts4 challenge #;kmik #sim: daniel #fabian hawkins by rebouks #|| #i legit went to look for fabs and he was in the water and dan was followin him fhdhhdd #this lot was built by becca @rebouks!!! and it is FUCKING GORGEOUS omg #the bowling hall i built 2 basements down from the level fhdhd #but omg these two had such a good time!! #sorry this was a little late! stressful day #but seriously they spent the time talking abt granite falls and dan’s travels #and he asked fabian all about his scar and his lumber job and the places he’s been #fabian opened up to him in some deep conversations abt his relationship w alcohol and the fact that he feels #like he hasn’t done ‘enough’ #and it was all in all so fucking wholesome omg #it felt like an absolutely perfect and delightful lil bowling date #that they could have had in the world outside of the show on their own #and it was just so fun to play omg 🥹 #and yes: fabian won!!! dan was surprisingly awful at bowling fhshdhd he fumbled almost every shot!

[camgoloud]

you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups #and the later regrets of the parties involved #anyway. tell me not to text her #it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength #she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life #and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever #going to get back #and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔 #the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that #really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you #felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way #instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’ #and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out #so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃 #i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least #we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she #like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have #said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc. #it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me #and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person… #caseyposting

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

I headcanon Kaisa as being just slightly hypotensive. I’m thinking normal blood pressure around 11/7. Most importantly, I headcanon that occasionally it may drop and she knows, but doesn’t do anything about it.

So sometimes she’ll be in the library, and will be on her feet for too long, or maybe it’ll be too hot and she hasn’t let go of her cape, or maybe she even has been so caught up in her job that she hasn’t eaten or drink water in three hours. And she’ll begin sweating, and ignore it. Then she’ll feel lightheaded, and think it’s fine. And then her eyesight will get hazy, and she’ll think ‘nah, I can take it’. Then her hearing will sizzle and her mind will spin and she’ll still do nothing. And if someone’s nearby they’ll begin noticing she’s pale and unresponsive, and that’s because she’s trying to not fall down and wondering why she’s seeing dark spots. But mostly, that probably happens when she’s alone, so when she refuses to sit down and drink water/eat/lie down, she’ll just faint for a bit (on the hardwood floor. Ouch.) and get back within a couple of seconds (and just go about her day like nothing happened)

Anyway the place I’m trying to get to is: imagine Kaisa is hanging out with the Hilda gang for some reason, and at some point they notice the blood draining from her face and her eyes going unfocused and then she just drops unconscious on the floor with no prior warning. Imagine the chaos. Imagine Hilda about to slap her and being held back by David while Frida tries to remember the cpr training they had in the Sparrow Scouts. Imagine Kaisa waking back up suddenly and scaring the living shit out of them

Kaisa already has such undead vampire vibes, I just think that’d be hilarious 😭😭

#damn that’s how I know the academia is getting to me. I’m headcanoning BLOOD PRESSURE LEVELS #(btw I feel like I need to mention: having a lowered baseline blood pressure is GOOD. it’s PROTECTIVE. it HELPS. #walk around with a satchel of salt and you’ll be fine) #this post was brought to you by: me almost doing the same thing yesterday during my semiology practice lol #I walked away when I felt weak #went to get some water. came back to the patient’s history taking bc I felt fine #and then I felt worse! and I figured it’d be pretty weird to drop on the foot in front of the patient #poor dude was just there for his hemodialysis he was already being nice to the bunch of students #he did Not Need to see the chaos that one of them fainting right then and there would wreck #thank God some of the older students saw me trying to breathe deep on the chairs outside the dialysis room #they came to take my pressure and give me water and salt. angels <3 #that’s the good thing about studying in a hospital. if I feel bad I’m already there lmao #anyway. I’m right about Kaisa. #kaisa hilda #the hilda librarian

[dnangelic]

i dont usually bother taking abt ship stuff bc for the most part i never have strong opinions abt any of it but poor risa has gotten sm hate over the entirety of the series even tho i like her chara (by itself) n the way it developed. her in argentine arc was like her shining defining moment for me n i understand her purpose as someone, if not the love interest, who changes and sincerely loves dark for dark, the first and only to choose 'him' over his host even after learning that he wasn't human. i just cant ship it cause im a do-not-separate-them, they're-always-each-other person when it comes to dark n dai and risa had rejected daisuke from the start. so. yknow. yknow? no matter how much she loves dark the way she's always telling / asking him to be just hers and 'only' hers doesn't work out, esp when in baku arc that sort of sentiment was literally actively hurting daisuke by its inversed 'you don't need daisuke. why can't you only be dark, and just dark?' message. the thing about dark is that even if he never admits it, he also belongs utterly to daisuke, just as daisuke belongs nigh utterly to him. he can't properly fall into a healthy love with someone who only loves back half of himself either.

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT. #riku is the one who canonically has the capacity to both witness and accept daisuke's feelings #even while knowing he's dark #but risa Dumped daisuke and said he was too losery then went gaga over dark. girl u technically rejected him from the stART #i think fandom mostly goes for daisuke n satoshi too which has potential w how deep shit goes for them. sb who knows dai=dark from th start #tho dai's just dense as fuck and is more than happy to keep things at a super strong platonic level forever #and sato imo is sooo repressed even if he ever did get into a relationship with quite literally ANYONE #there'd be a LOT to unlearn and work through after living the life he did #anyways. 2 cents. rambling #just felt like saying it

[feeshies]

i learned about so many cool copyright law facts in my assigned reading today :)

#seriously this was the first time since law school started where i felt genuinely excited to learn something #not just 'this is pretty cool!' #but like...2 am wikipedia deep dive level of interest

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

i love that in lone bot and carb the music playing when bonz-eye explains her situation it goes from minor key signifying how she feels alone and isolated due to not knowing where she belongs , to major key at the end where she is , in a sense , at peace knowing she isn't lonely in her situation-- the other lost bots , and to a larger degree , lady macaron , have shown her that it isn't all about being in a clique full of other people like you. you can be yourself and choose who you want to be and what you want to do even if you're going solo.

and bonz-eye knows that now. even if she's still sad she'll probably never meet other plant bots, or those as down-to-earth as she is , she feels as if she has a goal now . a purpose . the very thing she was looking for in the first place. to be herself & to keep going , not for , but with her new-found friends. the ones who've been there from day 1. the music really ties it together with a neat bow, the last few notes in the major key having a sweet conclusion , reflecting how she's semi at peace with her thoughts and where she is. tl;dr god i love this show

#the captain's rambles #botbots tag 🏪 #botbots #transformers botbots #tf botbots #media analysis #bonz eye #lone bot and carb #I LOVE YOU LONE BOT AND CARB WAAAAAAAUGH #i know botbots is never supposed to be that deep but IT IS TO ME #IT IS TO ME ALWAYS ALL THE TIME FOREVER #its such an important episode to the series not just for the dynamics it establishes (and also having an iconic burgerbonz clip) #but because it goes indepth to the existential part of Being a botbot and what a squad might mean #the lost bots up until episode 10 had No grounding as a squad. they werent “official” to the other bots they were just a group of weirdos #which has a whole new level of “holy shit” when you take into account bonz-eye's outburst in rage against the karaoke machine #in their own unique ways all 5 of the lost bots struggled with that existentialism because they ALL felt isolated #it wasnt just bonz-eye it wasn't just burgertron. all five of them felt outcasted . and they all dealt with it uniquely #some in a more destructive manner than others #what does it really *mean* to be a botbot? to be in a squad? to be an inanimate object brought to life by energon? or something more comple #ring-a-ling doesnt have a squad. is she a botbot? or is she something else? #does being a botbot mean you have to be in a squad to have any respect? because obviously bots without squads are either outcasted #or already ARE outcasts of their own volition (desserto ringy etc) #but even those without squads dont respect the lost bots unless theyre super out of the mall culture loop #do you guys get what im saying or am i just spitting nonsense #also apologies for going all plato and socrates there i took a philosophy class once via crashcourse and ive never been the same since

[theultracharmingladynoire]

I am just so tired of everything but I can't do anything about it

#I can change this situation if I work hard and sincerely....but I just.... can't? #I just feel more physically tired day by day and it feels like I am being lazy and not trying hard enough #But I just. Can't. #Like one surface level I do understand it's just that I am not in a really good place mentally but sometimes it just feels so...bad #I don't know. I have been feeling a lot of unpleasant feelings towards people I though I loved and cared about and it is really troubling m #And then there's this situation of me just not being good enough. And it's so frustrating #I just. There's this person who I have been really envying for a while. I felt very guilty to admit it but I don't know man. Especially whe #I can't bring myself to completely envy and dislike them out of pettiness....it just feels so Wrong And Bad #But I don't know....why do I feel like I can't do anything about this when I can if I try #Why can't I just try to change this. Change myself #I am surrounded by people who support me always....yet I can't do better and I can't do ENOUGH #It just.I don't know. On one hand I wish I was better because I do have a bit of an ego and I want to relish that feeling of winning #On the other hand....I want people who I love to be proud of me. #But I can't because I am too lazy for this can I #It's like I've hit this slump and I can't get out of it #I've tried so much to get out of it....everyone around me tells me not to let myself get too deep into whining and negative emotions and #give up...but man is it so fucking hard not to. It makes me loathe myself that #I feel like running away from my responsibilities when I don't even carry them out. I haven't done shit to feel like I need a break #I don't know I just really am dissatisfied and disappointed with my current self now. #N rambles

[maeamian]

It's a shame Armageddon came out the same year, was about a similar thing and sucked ass, cause Deep Impact was a really really good movie about being human and especially the relationships between parents and children that made me genuinely cry at least thrice.

#Watched them back to back with a friend #And I have to agree with Roger Ebert's description of Armageddon as #'an assault on the eyes; the ears; the brain; common sense and the human desire to be entertained' #It sucked ass in so many different ways #Like Ebert couldn't've known to describe it this way in 1998 #But Armageddon felt like the post-9/11 version of Deep Impact in terms of having way less heart and way more jingoism #But also I cannot be more clear about this: It sucked ass #Really unwatchable shitshow #For fucks sake they had Ben Affleck trying to be sexy while discussing and using Animal Crackers #Just upsetting on many levels really #HE STUCK AN ANIMAL CRACKER DOWN LIV TYLER'S UNDERWEAR #While Aerosmith's 'I don't wanna miss a thing' played in the background #And that's before all the ways that it annoys me personally as someone who knows a lot about space and NASA and the like #Which are more technical complaints that I could forgive if anything else was good about the movie

[ohcrapmyfishwhy]

I feel old bc I didn't like the amazing digital circus.

#like not to be a hater but like. #....i feel so underwhelmed #its so odd how half of the show feels like a lab grown “sure to do numbers on tumblr” by the book experience and then the other half is lik #the weirdest most well animated love letter to late 90s early 2000s computer media. #and how none of those 2 halfs manage to congeal well to me at all and creates something that feels so fanficky in its creation i cant help #but feel disinterested in literally anything it has to say because i know they werent thinking that hard about it. #like i told my friend that you could replace the setting with a haunted house or a deep sea cult and fundamentally you would have the same #plot and charactertization. #nothing felt fundamental to its premise beyond its comedy and “nonspecific glitch monster” and created something that i feel relies purely #on style with zero substance. it feels like keto diet the animation. #and like it sucks bc im struggling to figure out whether or not it was a personal taste issue or if it genuinely didnt work from a writing #level. #and like ig thats a good thing im thinking so hard about it but ngl i probably wont go back to watch any new content they make for it. #ngl from the little ive seen of murder drones its the same thing? so maybe just stylistically glitch's projects arent a thing for me. #thats entirely a possibility.

[hatchetation]

love the part in gap: the series when Mon learns that none of the superficial things she thought she knew about Sam (like her liking red) were true…and she’s kind of panicking about it cuz obvi Sam has meant so much to her through her life and she has an ideal in her head of who Sam is. But to me that’s the moment when this story really became a ~love story~ because before then it was more of a pure idol/fan, boss/employee dynamic. And now after learning the truth, Mon has to throw out all these superficial things she thought she knew and accept that Sam is a real person with depth 🥰🌈

#And also like #Mon was already getting to know the real Sam by that point…like you might not know her favorite color but you know what makes her tick #Anyway love them #Love the over exaggerated melodramatic soapy fun of the series #But also that there’s a core there that’s interesting and dare I say deep #gap the series #sam x mon #Also I felt like that moment kind of leveled the playing field in terms of the power dynamic #Which I liked #okY I’m done

[roostertuftart]

I know you're the Kyle expert, but I knew a guy who thought Stan would be an incel. Thoughts?

Hmmm. Idk, I've seen that float around and I don't really get it?? Like, I can sorta get it more than when people seriously say it about Kyle. Stan definitely seems to fall into more... Viewing girls sort of in that perhaps lightly internally sexist way than Kyle seems to, of having some sort of unintentional separation between boys and girls that makes him kind of view girls as very different types of people friendwise, if that makes sense. Like, say he was dating a guy- I don't think much would change in terms of the guy being an extremely close friend who's been elevated up an extra level to romantic. But Wendy isn't really like that. She's not Stan's friend outside of their relationship.

And okay, that's not to say Kyle is a bastion of anti sexism himself, ESPECIALLY noting earlier seasons, but Kyle doesn't really seem to act the same way Stan does when interacting with girls?? His early season sexism felt more innocent and childish, something he's definitely grown out of now. It was less built on this deep internalized toxic masculinity and more like the "eww cooties" ideas that happen a lot with young kids. Obviously division based on traits like sex is not good under any circumstance, but it doesn't seem to have carried on much in his modern view of girls. Nowadays Kyle just seems to view girls far more equally even when divided from them, and cares more about listening or hearing out where they're coming from and understanding their frustration with sexism, for example. While he doesn't really have many close female friends (and really none of the boys actually do besides Stan), his behavior doesn't really shift at all to trying to be gentlemen-y or something around women, denoting a very equal level view of them.

But, in Stan's defense, we see him interacting with the girls way more than Kyle, and I think him having dated Wendy, interacting with her friends, etc etc over the series gives us way more to work with in that area than we get to with the more or less far in between hints we're given with Kyle. One thing that I think may impact this for me is also kind of that the few times we HAVE seen Kyle's attraction to girls play out, putting aside Leslie bc oh boy was Kyle blindly simping there, he doesn't seem to be as quick to focus on like... I guess vaguely sexual aspects like the other boys, which leads to him just seeming to objectify women less (Not to say that being sexually attracted to someone is inherently objectifying, but there is more of an overlap with people who are drawn by looks and engagement in objectifying behavior).

And then there's how Kyle has reacted to being rejected, and I know the big one is Super Hard PCness that everyone likes to point out as Kyle being a "nice guy", but in actuality, he was extremely graceful in how their relationship ended, moreso than he needed to be with the horrible things Heidi said to him, and only flipped out after being bullied and teased and harassed by virtually the whole school, Cartman and Heidi especially. It was definitely not anger purely because he didn't get a girl he liked, it was anger that someone he'd trusted and tried to help so swiftly turned on him and humiliated him for no reason at all, that once again he was being put down by Cartman, and that everyone else treated him poorly as well, Stan included. There's also Rebecca who Kyle just... Kinda let go. Like, we don't really see much of his reaction but there's nothing to tell us Kyle was angry their relationship was broken off, so I'm counting it at least a little. There's Nichole too, who once again we don't really straight up see Kyle's reaction to her breaking up with him. But we do see how he treats her, how much he tries to find stuff they have in common to talk about, how his only anger of their relationship not working is Cartman's blatant racism and lies about him purposely made to sabotage any chances he does get with this girl that he likes. It's not anger towards whatever choice Nichole makes here, it's anger about Cartman's needless and morally egregious interference. I know this is a low bar to pass in whether a character is decent to women, but Kyle just repeatedly not behaving badly over his breakups is a big tell to me. So often we see male characters act like assholes just because a girl doesn't like them or a girl broke up with them or something. Even with Stan, in fact, we've seen this play out. I mean. He's pretty okay too but we did see him tell Wendy she was a bitch for dating someone else. This is from early seasons, that I wouldn't solely use as evidence Stan is a crazy sexist even now, but it plays a part in this conversation on whether or not you can more accurately call Stan Marsh the incel-ish one of the two.

Okay, but like. Why am I even talking so much about Kyle here when you're asking about Stan? Well, I honestly think that the duality of them as characters reinforces the ideas of what the other is like to the audience, and this leads into a LOT of the extremes the fandom will push them into (the fem/masc debate, the nerd/jock debate, etc etc) and likewise it does so here. When we see Kyle being kinda more normal around girls, even though it's rare we see him like that at all, it makes Stan seem all the more awkward when in reality, he kind of isn't that bad at all?? He's pretty normal with girls for a boy his age, though he could be a bit less of a dick sometimes. I do think he sometimes has this huge focus on looks, and that can be... Not great, but it's not to a horrible evil incel-ish degree by any means, and I'd argue for his age he's a pretty good guy to, say, Wendy- Not that he can't improve a LOT but Idk, his shittiness comes off more as "dumb little boy is sometimes a jerk to his friends" to me than "secretly hates and disrespects women".

But y'know, at the end of the day, Kyle and Stan are more alike than people think about many of these things, this being one of them. Whether or not Kyle or Stan are better with how they act to women is hard to say. I can see why people would be able to twist Kyle into being incel-ish even if I don't really personally think it's based accurately on the information we've been given. I can see even moreso how someone might be able to with Stan, and while I do think there's at least a bit more of a leg to stand on him having some issues with internalized sexism, I don't think it's accurate with the information we've been given either. Neither of them are really incel-ish to me.

Honestly, if they were dealing with the issue of not being able to find a partner, they'd probably mostly internalize it into self blame and feel bad about themselves but not really broadly blame other people. Stan might slump into a depression or put his focus elsewhere, Kyle, if wanting a partner badly enough (I don't think it's ever been his first priority and I doubt it ever will be) would make efforts to fix the problem by figuring out what's putting people off about himself and try to figure out how he can fix it rather than lashing out. (Also I already lightly touched on why I don't think Kyle would redo his actions in The List right here over not being able to get a girlfriend lol)

#devastatingly kyle has fallen into behavior that on the surface can be incel-ish looking if you don't read that deep into the show TWICE #which i think is also part of why he gets the incel/nice guy treatment from the fandom sometimes #though not too much so I think other ppl can agree Kyle just FEELS very normal around girls and i think that's bc he simply IS #even if ppl can't figure out exactly why he feels to them that way as a character #and then we have stan who rly hasn't fed into any surface level incel ideas but idk I've been seeing it a lot with him #it could be in part though just bc he shows so much attraction and interest in ppl he likes #he is so desperate about his love life sometimes that ig that can feel vaguely incel-y if ppl want it to be bad enough? #idk #sorry irambled about kyle so much it felt relevant #hope this all makes sense #also ty for calling me the kyle expertSDKFSDF aw #south park meta #me talking #ask #anon #kyle broflovski #stan marsh #have i made enough kyle defense meta posts about how he's not an incel to redeem myself from my incel kyle arc guys

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ugh. im feeling chatty today. probably bc i feel kinda weirdly anxious. like when u can Imagine bad things happening in detail #and like it feels like ur wait for it even tho its in ur imagination? whatever. anyway. ive been watching a lotta #stuff on like professional artists and idk maybe im just in too deep on science academia but i dont. i dunno the culture #seems so weird to me? like what does one do in art school? i guess i took a lot of art in high school but my teacher was kinda trash #all we did was paint realisticly using a grid and i hated that. but i image ur supposed to exercise different styles and medias? how tf #does that get graded? i dunno. i haven't taken any uni level art classes. i should tho. id probably like it #its weird tho. anything that tries to give structure to art stuff seems so weird to me. like u go to school for science stuff to build up #ur background knowledge and i guess u can do that with art but it feels different. i guess bc ur training muscle memory. i dunno #i like to imagine an au where i go to art school but i legitimately cannot fathom doing that. cannot fathom a life outside of my toxic #relationship with academia. i dont even kno what i would want to specialize if i went down that path. maybe illustration #bc it makes me happy when ppl say my style looks like something out of a kids book. i dunno #i guess classes would help with things like forcibly learning shadows and anatomy and composition #maybe i just need to make art friends. like what is ur life like? im too much in a science bubble #i guess going to art school also just devotes all ur time to art. not just tiny pockets of time between all the things u have to get done #god. i can only imagine the panic of procrastinating an art project and physically not having enough time to finish it #thats how i felt with my masters thesis. there was just physically not enough time for me to fix my code in all the ways i needed and rew #rewrite things. but i finished it somehow #ugh. god. i have things i need to finish coloring. i will finish them today. i will #i hate coloring. but colors r so pretty ;_; #unrelated

[ijzermansdriesen]

Two years later and on the other side of major depressive disorder, I don't remember ever crying for maandag 11:03 like I did today.

#like don't get ne wrong I've cried a lot like A LOT watching Sobbe.. an insane unhealthy amount even #over the littlest of things but #not over maandag 11:03 as far as I can remember #Sander breaking down.. his broken cries in Robbe's arms and I couldn't hold my tears anymore #somehow I relate to Sander much more much much more than I went on the hiatus and it's funny because I already related to Sander more #than Robbe before as well #I just felt what he must feel on a very deep and personal level... to think he can never be loved or be treated normally again to always #feel like a victim of his illness a shadow that's lurking always and can anytime overshadow what little happiness or normalcy he tries to #reach and then have someone to tell you it's okay I'm here you're safe you're good we can and we will get through this together ... #to feel anchored and not like you'd fly off any time to have the stability of a loving caring person even through the worst of times when #you hate yourself #oooffff #a crying mess it made me #the way Sander trying to be strong otherwise but breaks down as soon as he realises Robbe really loves him he's really staying ... #not the cruelty it's the tenderness that makes you break down #just how horrible Britt must have been to him nobody deserves that shit #wtfock #don't know if I want to tag this but I'm keeping travk of my posts this way so anyway tag is bereft of people of sorts