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#i felt like fucking wortless piece of shit and guilty af when i got home
klaushardgreeves
·
3 years
Text
i learned today how to have access to work's U-drive from home so it's fucking over for me lads
#i felt like fucking wortless piece of shit and guilty af when i got home
#and i managed to calm myself down some by working on smth for 45mins :)
#i fucking hate trauma i fucking hate it hate it hate it
#i can't trust anyone or anything
#i had to rush home today because i could feel an anxiety attack pushing on for like three hours straight
#and my head just felt like cotton and i couldn't focus on anything
#but i had to stop to talk with a superior who. i fucking hate myself for not being strong enough rn
#i'll fucking forever remember this as the busiest time of the year that i was absolutely fucking useless and disappointed everyone
#idk we talked briefly he asked smth about the one fucking thing im doing at work today and i tried my best to answer
#and then he said good night but switched to 'or well good day i suppose' cause he's somehow heard about me not sleeping until afternoon
#and that almost made me cry like such a fucking stupid thing but i don't even know why he knows that
#and my stupid brain went 'no im heading to sleep rn'
#cause im so fucking exhausted! from just depression and self hatred and now guilt and just all things bad!
#im wrapped in a cardigan. a soft blanket. under my ''sleeping blanket''
#listening to MUNA and trying to fucking breathe
#it's 9am and i have to wake up at 5pm cause i decided to go to the barber's tonight
#a pathetic attempt of self care and making myself feel a little bit better!
#i should call the health care center rn before falling asleep for a doctor's appointment for tomorrow morning if possible
#im like. i shouldn't be surprised i collapsed this fast and hard but im Useless suddenly
#everything is weird and off at work and im being treated so weird i want to crawl out of myself
#na.txt
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