#i feel so sorry for the people around me

[kaltacore]

no but essek's abnormal behaviours in the last arc and especially in episode 140 are my roman empire. which is ironic because aeor is something of a roman empire itself. but in all seriousness, it was the episode that made me realise i love essek and his development so much and it kinda summarised it even before caleb's epilogue.

and i mean the "it's not fair" scene specifically. it's like, an epitome of his whole character progression from a person who put An Objectively Important Goal above all else without hesitation to someone who can't help but care for people around even more than his goal, no matter how big and relevant it is.

the mighty nein - and he alongside them - pretty much saved the world and freed an ancient city from thousand-year-long suffering. they defeated nine extremely powerful menacing entities who managed to stay out of everyone's sight for years and were so close to achieving their goal and dooming exandria in the process. they did the impossible and became heroes and somehow, they survived, even though they had bidden farewells a couple of hours ago because they had already understood what they had been facing. and nevertheless. they made it.

and none of them was celebrating.

mighty nein are basically essek's only friends. he knew them to be very unusual people, to put it lightly, loud and stubborn and completely inescapable once they consider you to be one of their own. and they showed him so much kindness and put so much faith in him, they were here playing the most atrocious music ever and digging clay in his backyard for a spell they invented just to help one of theirs and asking him if he could bring them pastries the day after they found out he was lying to them and had started a war. they were chaotic and weird and sometimes unbearable but most importantly they were carrying so much hope with them all this time - a hope they could end the war, a hope they could stop the angel of irons cult, a hope they could get better, a hope he could get better, and now, finally, that they could save their lost friend.

and that hope shattered, just like that, the moments after they'd already made the impossible. they saved so many souls - and then could not get back just that one.

for essek "my intentions were never good they were important" thelyss it just. shouldn't have mattered. they won. it could have been worse. people die and when they die they rarely come back. they should've been happy everyone else barely made it alive.

but for some reason, mighty nein being so defeated after they saved the world exposed him to that overwhelming feeling of injustice and unfairness. and i mean, there were many things essek considered to be unfair, but when i watched his first appearance and his interactions with mighty nein later on til their reunion in aeor arc, i wouldn't dare to guess that one of the things on that list would be something that personal. and personal not even to him.

the thing is, essek didn't even know who that guy was. why mighty nein cared about him so much. he had an idea, i guess, that he was their friend once, or someone in that body was. it was also a person who wanted to unleash a terrifying horrific aberration onto the material plane. it was a person very dedicated to killing essek and his friends - and they still didn't take any pleasure in fighting him. essek didn't feel strongly about lucien or molly, because he never knew them.

i don't think he mourned his death and failed resurrection. he mourned mighty nein's hope, the one they put in him when they had no reason to, the one they offered yasha in the cathedral and the one they kept after the spell for veth failed and the one they carried til the very end because they wanted it to reach molly. they had saved people with this hope. they had saved nations. they had saved the world. but they ended up feeling like it hadn't even been worth anything.

how desperate would it feel, witnessing people who for some reason always saw good in you when they absolutely shouldn't, who made literal miracles out of nothing, who ended wars and fought gods and tricked the hags and freed cities from horrors beyond anyone's comprehension purely because they thought it was the right thing to do and also loved their friends this much, silently crying over a dead body they couldn't bring back to life? how desperate would it feel to realise that with all your knowledge about time you dedicated your life to and threw away any principles for, you can't undo this? no one can. some things are left to fate alone and this time it wasn't kind to them. no matter how much good they did, they still got slapped in the face.

and it was, i think, such a genuine moment of empathy. like, essek is the character who prefers to put up a facade and act distant and self-composed but this time he just. walked away unable to watch this. the could only say to fjord that it wasn't fair. even when he was caught off guard in nicodranas he was able to explain himself and his motives to an extent even though he was a nervous wreck whose extra important plan went to hell the second the only people he cared about appeared. this time he had nothing to elaborate on. it just wasn't fair. it wasn't fair his friends didn't get what they wanted the most. it wasn't fair he couldn't do anything to make it right.

it is such a sad and beautiful and even cathartic scene because it is about person who started a war that destroyed so many lives - and then met this ragtag group of weirdos who saw a lonely stand-offish guy and said "hey, let's be friends!" and didn't even wait for him to answer. he saw them being serious and calculated and he saw them being ridiculous and extremely stupid, he saw their mistrust to outsiders and their loyalty to each other, he made spells with them and paid a visit to their hot tub, he ate their stale pastries and drank their hot chocolate mixed with whiskey, he was welcomed amongst them and in their wonderful home, both in xhorhas before they even found out what he had done and in the tower when they already knew - and then, he saw them mourning their loss, defeated and helpless, and he, a person who believed there were things more important than whole nations, let alone just one life, couldn't help but share the pain they felt. a pure display of compassion from someone who detached himself from it, who didn't believe he could grow into a better person capable of it again, but became one nonetheless without even realising it

#sorry. i cannot shut up about this. this scene stuck with me the moment i saw it and i just couldn't get it out of my head #i mean. i liked essek well enough. i just got attached to other characters more. but then 'it's not fair' happened and it sealed the deal #it was just. so beautiful. so sincere. so important for a character who just started to learn how to care about people #his reaction wasn't intentional. it didn't change anything. but it showed how humane he had become. how deeply he cared #mighty nein are no joke pal #they're gonna make you feel all these unknown emotions like sympathy and love and affection even when they're incredibly painful #essek experiencing closeness and attachment in all their forms. as something beautiful and something aching. is so important to me #they saved him because they had good hearts! and these good hearts sparked so much joy around them! #but if a good heart grants you an ability to experience joy so profoundly. it makes everything else feel like that #you get it. i hope you get it. anyway e140 did so much psychic damage on me i probably will never recover #in a good way mostly <3 but yeah. yeah. it makes me feel a little insane #the mighty nein #essek thelyss #critical role

[pixlokita]

Well I want to be honest, my mental health hasn’t been the best the past few months. I’ve been really struggling to the point of crying about several different things and it’s not anyone’s fault. Maybe my situation irl is affecting how I feel online, and it sucks because everyone is so nice and kind but I feel like I don’t belong? Idk how to explain it. It’s a very awful feeling and I’m recovering from several traumatic things I thought I’d gotten over but they keep resurfacing, I think I need to organize my feelings and stop overthinking, but I wanted to explain myself too. I’ll be unfollowing several people and you’re free to unfollow me too 💖🙏 y’all have been nothing but wonderful and a source of inspiration but I need to work on myself ;v;)b

I wish everyone a very lovely evening tbh UwU you’re all the best, bless you 💖

#pix habla #it’s hard to be honest but I have to be ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ #i could just unfollow but I wanted to explain myself too it felt wrong not to #i tried so hard to reason with my dumb little brain #but there’s too much and I need a break #this has happened before like? three times ? it’s weird #mystery skulls and undertale #hmmm i guess fnaf too then #getting diagnosed with autism made it so much worse actually now I’m convinced people only keep me around because they feel sorry for me #so I’m going to work on that #it’s not personal at all #im sad I can’t feel better no matter how nice and supportive everyone is

[skrunksthatwunk]

something he can't put into words.

#ANOTHER DAIGO POST!!!! <333 #also sorry for being like teehee yaoi dojima anyway daigo can't/probably shouldn't be close to his bio dad and latched onto this random #20 year old but Doesnt Quite recognize what is so wrong about sohei and so right about kiryu and how he should feel about either #meaning he cant fulfill his true desire (baby duck around kamurocho with his babysitter who's probably got better things to do bc people #always have better things to do than take care of him but at least kiryu pretends he enjoys it #for hours and hours and hours. some of the others ask him how he is or what he's up to at school but they don't really reach him like kiryu #does. he wants to impress him soooo bad. aughhh baby daigo you're annoying but you're also so emotionally neglected #haha latching onto mentors bc they're more involved/easier to connect to than parents haha who would do that not me ahem uh anyway #(skrunks be normal about and not project onto a kiryu + child dynamic challenge: impossible) #anyway he can't just say sohei's his father bc he's a big crime daddy but he hasn't really.. accepted? whats going on with kiryu yet either #i dont think he knows kiryu's his dad is my point #rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #dojima daigo #like a dragon #daigo dojima #ykz #i accidentally saved over soo many versions of this so i had to be like fuck it we ball. thats the final version of that panel now #gonna schedule this for later today bc i dont wanna stifle the kazumi posts but i also uh. am impatient #anyway more little daigo content he's such an ass but it makes so much sense why he's like that and he deserves a whole lotta love #also i just realized i used different name orders for kiryu and yayoi... sorry idk im just incapable of writing kazuma kiryu #uhOOPS POSTED IT EARLY NVM #yer gettin a loootta skrunk content today ig #skrunkart

[ciderjacks]

ik everyone and their mother has said this already but I appreciate how many episodes of puppet history focus on non-white stories and are both respectful and dont just focus on mass suffering at the hands of white people, and when they do have episodes involving that they still make sure to focus on the people fighting back and not just "oh this horrible thing was done, sad!"

Also I appreciate how Shane makes an effort to pronounce shit correctly, and to be respectful of people's cultures and spirituality, and to find lesser known stories from these cultures. It's always cool to go into the comments and see people who usually don't see their history or people acknowledged talking about how happy the episode made them.

#I hope he does an episode on ndn history I feel like it would heal the part of me who had to sit through 30000 white history teachers #all telling the same story #as good as it is to be in a time where colonization and native people get acknowledged beyond the basic “they were there and then we were!” #bs it's also like. ive had several times where ive had to step out in class bc my white teacher was talking about how white people #slaughtered ppl like me. in horrific horrific detail. some stories which still haunt me. #I know much of our history is soaked in tragedy but I would be happy to see a puppet history episode talking about what we did divorced fro #the white man or at least. what we did when we werent being betrayed and raped and murdered. yk. cause i feel like thats literally all #people know about us. its probably a reason why so many white americans think we're not around anymore haha #if I could commission a puppet history episode i'd commission one on ndn history tbh #sorry tags got ranty #puppet history #shane madej

[pickled-flowers]

Some of you have never been the friend that No-one listens to and it shows

#hey. makes sure your friends get to finsih their thoughts #make sure theyre heard #it is so obvious when im in a group and someone wants to speak but doesnt get the chance #to see my own friends be the ones speaking over others is heartbreaking #there is a special awareness that comes with being unwanted in a group #its painful to know that if i wasnt so outspoken i too would not be heard #if i didnt look the way i did if i was a little less nice and concilient noone would want me around either #anyways #make sure noone is walking behind on the narrow sidewalk #makes sure everyone gets to express their thoughts and opinion #like idk. people see me as cool most times but thats just not the truth #how many times have i been the cool person until that coolness turns out to be something else entirely? #im not cool i am apathetic #sorry for this word vomit im feeling things rn

[uncanny-tranny]

I was always enraged at the way capitalism has devalued some of the most important labour in human history, but now I'm even more angry since I have started getting more into crafts.

So many people are alienated from the world to such an extent they don't realize how fucking important textiles and construction and art and culinary labour is, because its all ubiquitous under capitalism: it is all profit, and if it isn't profit, then it is worthless. People don't realize just how revolutionary all of the labour was, how important it is, and was, to our survival. And that enrages me.

#politics #anti capitalism #the reason you have people going 'would it be $20 if you knit me a sweater' is because of that alienation... #...because of the fact that they're not used to non-exploitation and the fact that textiles are fundamental to humanity... #...because capitalism has so alienated them from the world around them they don't understand what goes INTO textiles... #...they only know that sweaters cost $20 at walmart and that price is rational for them #and that isn't to say that they are at fault but that they are the result of capitalistic alienation and exploitation #like i'm sorry for posting so much about crafts and shit but it really makes me think more about all of this you know? #and it's just made me think that all of this is so much deeper #DOES THIS ALL MAKE SENSE.... #i feel like no-bark noonan right now the way i am raving and ranting #the hobbyist crafter to even stauncher anticapitalist pipeline has fucking yeeted me through #yes i'm aware of karl marx's theory of alienation and i'm saying he was onto something

[darkmoonravewolf]

Imagine a soft kiss between Marcille and Falin.

Imagine them going, "My Dragon" "My Lord".

Imagine them holding onto each other for fear that the other might disappear or change into something they can't recognize.

#the kit screams! #the kit's manga #dungeon meshi #marcille donato #falin touden #farcille #I feel like more people need to play around with the whole Marcille 'At one point I could make you do whatever I wished #but all I wanted was for you to come back to me' #like she was the dungeon lord at one point. she must still have these weird desire to control the monsters and dungeon #she must still want to have Falin at her beck and call and you just know that Falin would do anything for her #sorry my mind wandered. I can't draw them kissing how I wanted so I'm just venting

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I just had a whole actual married, mother of two adult woman be the first person older than about 21 to actually accept the fact that I don't want to get married and be willing to talk through what that means for me, instead of trying to convince me that I'll change my mind as I get older. I'm going to fucking cry

#I told her I'm lonely and why. and I told her that part of it is because I never want to get married #and so as the people I love move on to new seasons in their life I will always be left behind. because I don't ever want marriage #and she was just like ''okay. that just means you have to figure out what YOUR milestones are going to be #because that's going to look different than most of the people around you.'' #I've never had an adult woman. especially not a church one. just accept it before #it's always been ''ok but everyone feels that way at your age [a blatant lie. most of the people I knew in high school #got married RIGHT out of high school] you'll feel differently in a few years'' #or ''well don't shut yourself off from the possibilities!'' or ''oh but you'll meet The One'' #so it's like. earthshattering for someone like this to just accept that I know my own heart in it and help me figure out what that means #for the future #like. I'm going to cry. I'm literally in tears. #Lu rambles #sorry for swearing. it's for emphasis. I'm very emotional rn

[butchhansolo]

in-universe "logistics" aside, i think it's good that echo has the permanent scomp arm instead of a hand for like. real-world representation reasons.

in star wars sure they have fully articulated replacement prosthetics but we very much don't have that in real life, and i feel like echo with the scomp is good rep for that. he's one of the most competent characters and i think it's good to show that he can do All That as he is, especially with how irl people with only one hand usually are very capable, even more if they've been living with it for a long time, and very rarely do we see that in media.

like, mark hamill once said he talked to a kid for a make a wish thing who was about to have his arm amputated, and the kid said that he wasn't worried because luke did it too. i think that's important

#tbb #echo #.txt #the bad batch #arc trooper echo #SORRY MUTUALS this has been on my mind since i saw some people being really weird/Actually Ableist about it on twitter back in january and #that post going around just reminded me of it #NOT THAT OP WAS SAYING ANYTHING PARTICULARLY BAD bc like yeah utilitarially a multitool type arm could probably be useful #just imo its nice to have real world rep #also im still taking psychic damage from some of the twitter shit it was like how echo would ''have relief at having a proper hand'' or sth #like um. thats not very ummmm.... thats not really a good thing to say-- #with regards to like. a lot of people with limb differences dont feel any particular desire to have a standard limb and a replacement #isnt necessarily the best for everyone or what everyone wants #and acting like all people who dont have standard are all suffering and sad about it is demeaning and patronizing #twitter users when theyve never read about people with limb differences from those people's perspectives #twitter users when theyve never heard of the Lucky Fin Project #sorry for going off agh prosthetics are what i plan on studying & specializing in so i read a lot about this stuff

[difeisheng]

*taps mic* hello can we talk about these two

#sorry but they're my favourite duo in tlt2 ok im obsessed with every single one of their interactions #i am once again saying that the panghua friendship is among the best things the shows ever did #they're gaming buddies!! they banter!! the first interaction also makes me feel so many things about the casual physical contact #also i swear pangzi lowers xiao hua's braincell count whenever they're in the same vicinity they're genuinely hilarious #and i love this for xiao hua especially because he has very few people who are genuine Friends i think #who aren't linked by jiumen or having just been around since childhood #pangzi is among his actual genuine friends that he chose to make #and that carries on until sha hai which gives me another whole case of feelings #anyway. them <3 #dmbj #tlt2 #wang pangzi #xie yuchen #panghua #ashton originals

[pixlokita]

Me: -acts affectionately-

Me: ….. but they know I don’t mean it romantically, right???

#pix habla #frick #this is why friendships get awkward for me some times I don’t want people to misunderstand and feel uncomfortable #Im sorry yyyyyyyyyyyyyy #ok well that’s one of my biggest fears #-w- and then i mess up #i seriously don’t know how to act around friends anymore #i know how to act around my friends who’ve I’ve known for years but I seriously struggle with anyone else #i hope nobody takes it personally #why is everything so awkward nowadays #why cant i be normal and know how to act around people #asexuality #-wheeze- #is there a group therapy for asexual people I can just go to #i would love that

[skunkes]

unsure how to word this but there is something about having ocs with unsavory events happening in their past where it's like. talking about it, even when asked, seems almost gratuitous and inappropriate. and i'd much rather describe it through the oc themself and/or draw Them saying it. which is like. fitting for the subject matter? like of course its weird to talk about somebody else's business...!

and falls back into humanizing em/exploratory writing and development where u consider the impact of words said/words unsaid/HOW those words are said etc etc

#because not all real persons would give u every detail of their trauma obviously #which makes sense but im an overexplainer but also it feels inappropriate to overexplain when it comes to dis #i hope that makes sense #talkys #i once described what went down with al as just directly as possible and it still felt weird. ykwim?? idk why. #well i do know why! i dont want it to seem gratuitous or like That Cheap Writing Element. fine line #same with talon so he'll just keep implying it thru text + dialogue which is how it should be ! #the only difference is i think with al i wrote it like he would've said it bc he has more access to that side of himself #and is aware of how it affected him #whereas characterwise talon absolutely would just speak in riddles about and around it #i don't even think he's conscious about the direct effects of it #(but i wouldnt know bc he hasn't made that known to me in my brain) #people respond differently to different things and all that #also im so sorry if half the shit ive said recently is so like. Well Duh. i havent made a new oc in a decade gimme a break LOL #also i realize the. irony? of me even vaguely talking about it in the way i did but 1. i think that's also realistic when you #dont want to do a whole deep dive on someone else's business and 2. people are becoming #curious about my oc(s) and im just thinking about well; significant events and how to handle not speaking about em #FOR them. <- weirdly #idk. they're real to me. #its just so much more interesting to leave it up to them! people can lie people can downplay

[viiinz]

everyday I think about him (Ippolit Terentyev)

#idk why of all characters he's the one that has left such an impression on me but oh boy #it's been over a year since I've read his 'explanation' and everything that followed and it hasn't left my mind since #ippolit terentyev #the idiot #god all he wanted was some sympathy and recognition #and they just make fun of him #literally all this boy wants is to be taken seriously and no one does #they either laugh at him or beg him to shut up #because his vulnerability and the fact that he's dying makes them so uncomfortable #and he's so ashamed as well over his own vulnerbility #that even when people aren't laughing at him he'll imagine they are #and people blame him for being self absorbed?? like of course he is!! #he's EIGHTEEN and DYING #this is a teenager who's just come to the realisation that he has no agency over his life whatsoever #and that all that awaits him are the cruel laws of nature #he has a right to be upset about that #he's literally the man condemned to death that myshkin talked about #and yes he's ridiculous and awkward and not always right and incoherent and all that #and he can really be insufferable and contemptuous and unfeeling towards others #and even the state he's in doesn't really serve as an excuse for that #yet i feel bad for him #and he's such a teenager too he's so insecure and just wants to impress the people around him #and yes he's doing it for attention #of course he wants attention #can you blame him?? #all he wants is to be heard #to feel like his life mattered #but instead everyone's just begging him to shut up #like they're just waiting for him to kick the bucket so the uncomfortable ordeal can be over with #sorry i just have a lot of thoughts about Ippolit and I'm being very incoherent because i didn't plan on typing all this lol

[sarahjacobs]

punk spot and goth sarah stuff 🫰

i also made playlists of the kind of music i think they'd listen to :') you can listen to spot's here. most tracks fall under the hardcore subgenre, but there's also a good amount of ska and pop. generally has a chaotic, garage, and/or dated kind of sound, really wanted the kind of stuff that scratches my brain in a specific, rough way

there's also sarah's playlist, which i'm less confident about because i'm wayyy more immersed in punk subculture and music. but. i tried! some gothic rock, mostly punkabilly and gothabilly. i feel like she'd be into music that has that campy slasher feel, so that's the overall mood i was gunning for

#newsies #92sies #uksies #sarah jacobs #spot conlon #drawings #confession idk anything about uksies this is purely based on vibes bcuz the concept of a pinoy nonbinary spot has charmed me #anyways more nerdy stuff ahead i am so sorry >>> #i heart thinking about what characters would be like if they were punk it is so fun #i view sarah as punk usually so it's interesting to compare & contrast her and spot #like sarah i personally cant see modifying her hair or her body much. she'd mostly stick to diying clothes and jewelry #so while she IS punk she's not the kind of punk that most people auto think of #but spot feels like someone who'd /really/ want to lean into all the trappings of punk. being intimidating AND cool #so they're spiky all over. hair piercings jacket are sharp #sarah's battle jacket is a comfortable corduroy material. it's colorful and has random scraps of fabric bcuz the goal is #to make the original jacket last as long as possible #whereas spot's has more inflammatory patches and is strictly black and white and has the sleeves cut off #and has non fabric stuff attached like the spikes and studs and also soda can tabs #because they also strike me as someone who collects random odds and ends. hence the bottle caps repurposed as pins #i also wanted to play around with adding chains and safety pins onto their jacket but alas #ultimately had to prioritize readability #same thing w sarah i wanted to give her layered necklaces and more maximalist elements to her outfit but it ended up muddying everything up #anyways. im insane but specificity is very important to me for punk stuff just because i think #'punk versions of xyz' tend to water down what punk actually is by prioritizing the aesthetics of rebellion without being specific #in What they are rebelling against. which is why these headcanons lack inflammatory political ideas and punk bands #or like they'll just have the circle A sign and it's like ok but do you know what anarchism is and what anarchist praxis looks like #also spot would not be an anarchist tbh they read as more of a commie #they are not doing nonhierarchical based organizing iykyk

[thepetesimp]

I saw ur post about wanting writing prompts so I thought why not lol. (This is my first time doing this 😅) but I have a few of AUs on my art blog that I would love to see expanded on like my Tall Pete/Short Vegas au, A band au with Vegas being a lead singer and Pete falling in love at first sight, or Pete being Vegas’ personal bodyguard instead of Tankhun’s. So yea if u find any of these interesting I’d love to see ur spin on it

OMG hi! Thank you so much for sending me this, I'm so flattered you thought of asking me to write sth surrounding your AUs ❤️ It kind of feels like the secret Santa event all over again, I love it haha. The timing is actually a little too perfect, because a few weeks ago, I randomly stumbled upon a YouTube short about the side couple in Laws of Attraction and I proceeded to 1. lose my shit, so much so that I decided to start watching the show and 2. write a whole page full of notes about an AU in which Pete is Vegas' bodyguard, based on the pool scene of said short. So, to give a little context: In this alternative universe, Vegas and Gun visit the main family compound for a meeting. At some point, Korn wants to talk to Gun alone, so Vegas goes to the pool area to find Porsche, along with Pete who follows him. Vegas proceeds to flirt with Porsche, as Vegas does, up until Gun suddenly appears and starts yelling at him for unclear reasons. He escalates it when Vegas asks, baffled, why he's being yelled at, by slapping him and putting his head into the pool. Pete normally doesn't intervene when Gun gets violent with Vegas, but his protective instincts here kick in and he stops Gun from literally attempting to kill his own son. As a result, Gun's anger gets redirected at Pete, who gets beaten up in Vegas' stead. The snippet I wrote for you is the aftermath of everything I described above. I hope you like it ❤️ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Silence, occasionally broken by a faint sound that resembled sniffing. Pete couldn’t tell what it was, but in his state he couldn’t really tell where he was either, so he stopped worrying about it. He tried, instead, to remember what had happened that brought him here, wherever “here” was. The last thing he recalled was the feeling of Khun Gun’s shoes digging into his forearms, which he used in his attempt to protect his head from his boss’ repeated, brutal kicks. Khun Gun wasn’t the strongest man Pete had ever met, but there were reasons he always tried to stay on his good side, and his cruelty was one of them. The cruelty that had so many times been directed at his own son. The kind he was eerily familiar with.

Khun Vegas’ face materialized in Pete’s mind. Droplets of water running down his nose, his sharp cheekbones, reaching his neck. His hair wet and disheveled, his chest heaving from the difficulty to breathe after having had his head shoved into the pool. His expression crumbling with worry, something Pete had no logical way of explaining. Fuck, where was he? Pete could only hope Porsche had protected him from his father’s fury afterwards. Khun Gun was unpredictable; he couldn't be trusted to only be satisfied by lashing out at Pete. Pete needed to go find him as soon as possible. Opening his eyes proved to be a challenge. A heavy fog was clouding his vision, and the pain that was engulfing his whole body was preventing him from doing the simplest of movements. He groaned as he shifted his torso in a futile attempt to get up, resulting in a gasp that startled him into opening his eyes to check where it came from. His mouth was hanging open as he took in the image of Khun Vegas staring at him, fidgeting nervously in the chair he was sitting on. His eyes were red around the corners and he looked ghostly pale. Pete’s breath hitched. “Pete… ?” he said, dropping his gaze to the floor. He always did that when he was feeling guilty about something. “Are you... ?” “I’m fine, Khun Vegas,” Pete replied, despite the numbness in his limbs and the headache that was starting to form. “What about you? Are you hurt? Should I take you to the doct-” “We’re at the infirmary, you idiot,” Vegas shouted, interrupting him, but his voice lacked the usual heat. “Stop acting like my bodyguard right now, it pisses me off.” That’s all I know how to be, Pete wanted to tell him, but remained silent. That’s all I’m allowed. He didn’t really mind Khun Vegas’ words. He’d heard worse things over the years, things that should have probably hurt him. Somehow, Pete had the ability to forgive him anything. The atmosphere grew tense between them. Pete had grown used to that, too, but he had never seen Khun Vegas be so self conscious before. He wondered why the sudden change. “I’m not thanking you,” Pete heard him murmur after a few seconds; he uttered the words under his breath, while staring at his feet. If Pete had a better view of his face, he’d argue Khun Vegas was pouting. Pete could only reassure him. “You don’t have to, Khun Vegas. I was simply doing my job.” It had the opposite effect. The creases between his eyebrows deepened as he lifted his head and stared at Pete. Astonished as his mouth was open agape, likely for a retort that never came. Alternatively, he turned his attention to the small table next to Pete’s bed. He stood up and approached it hastily, grabbing something that was resting on top of it, before Pete could take a closer look. “The nurse said you have to take this,” he said and extended his arm at Pete, revealing a small pill. It was probably a standard type of painkiller. Bodyguards never got any special medical treatment, especially those working for the minor family. It wasn’t worth the trouble. Pete tried to lift his hand to take it, but he bitterly realized it was impossible. He winced as he took a look at both of his arms and found them bandaged, smears of purple popping at places his skin was uncovered. He cursed under his breath. “Ah, I’m sorry, Khun Vegas, I’ll just call the-” Cold fingertips pressed on Pete’s chin. They felt even colder on his lips, the pressure just enough to make him open his mouth. The pill slipped between his teeth easily, with the help of a wet tongue he'd never thought he'd get to taste. Hot air hit Pete’s cheeks. His heart was beating rapidly. For a moment, he forgot how to breathe. Water traveled down his throat, taking the pill with it. Pete blinked. His head felt light, his body even lighter. He didn’t know how to describe the feeling, but he didn’t think it was bad. He focused, instead, on Vegas, who was standing above him with an unusual sense of confidence.  “Get well soon. That’s an order.” It was enough to ground Pete back into reality. He was thankful for it.

“Yes, Khun Vegas.” It was only then that Pete noticed how the color returned on Vegas’ face and how his slight trembling seized. “Has Pete woken up yet?” Both of them jumped at the sound of Porsche’s voice. He poked his head into the room, completely oblivious to what had transpired before he showed up. “Oh, he has. How are you feeling?” “Good,” he replied sincerely. The pain didn’t bother him anymore.  A smile spread on his lips as he added, “Khun Vegas just gave me my medicine.” Porsche returned it, though his was more mischievous than playful. “Pete, you should have seen Vegas while he waited for you to wake up. I’ve never seen him crying so hard-” Vegas punched Porsche hard on the shoulder to stop him from talking, which made loud laughter escape Pete’s mouth. It earned him a glare, one of Vegas' serious ones. It'd bring him hell later, but Pete realized he was fine with that.

#it feels so weird posting sth I wrote without having it beta read #shout out to my beautiful beta thank you for keeping me sane #sth I wanted to add but Tumblr doesn't let me is that here Vegas and Pete have a significant age gap #Vegas is 20 at most while Pete is around 28 #it's how Laws of Attraction inspired me I'm sorry people #this may turn into an actual fic if I get inspiration to write the rest of it #God it feels good to write again #I have a few more prompts to write and I will I promise #I've kind of figured them all out but it'll take a little while longer #but thank you to everyone who sent me a prompt they're all incredible #it means the world to me #kinnporche the series #vegaspete #fanfic writing #writers asks #writing prompt

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

That post about everything being "Nah" I felt in my core. I'll always respect people who identify differently but when they ask me "what's your pronouns?" Or "where do you lie romanticaly?" I'm just "eh call me whatever you want I guess" or *I don't feel romantically for much anything" maybe cause online people always thought I'm one gender and irl people always thought I was the other so I just responded with "sure I guess"

and it's honestly such an easier way to live ngl... like when it comes to people who Know that i use they/them, it hurts to hear my given pronouns. but when it comes to strangers and just people who i haven't told, it's like... "yeah. ok. ill put on this hat" it feels a bit like a performance. it feels Mischievous, even! ohoho, they've been Tricked!

#which is Equally funny when i get 'misgendered' the other way. actually its More So #its so delightful. the sheer joy of having genderfucked myself to the point where people get it wrong in the Opposite way #ive had moments where i was confidently referred to with the 'wrong' set until i opened my mouth #and then theres The Face Of Terror and them scrambling to use the 'correct' set while visibly dying inside #ITS SO FUNNYYYYYY #this is my gender. fucking with people Is My Gender i have just realized #my goal every time i leave the house is to make people go '?????' #GODDDDD I LOVE NOT CARING ABOUT GENDER ALL THAT MUCH ITS SO FUCKING FUN #like yeah. sure youre wrong but lmfao whatever im vibing #rambles from the bog #im a bit less excited about being aroace purely bc i know the stigma around it #and ive heard So Many disheartening stories about aro/ace folks getting rejected/shunned in queer spaces #like there's a queer bar i wanna go to but now im. less enthused because someone Will hit on me im confident about that #and flirting is fun but like... man i dont wanna lead anyone on but- #sorry sorry i didnt mean to start Worrying Out Loud lmao #but no yeah i respect strong gender feels and labels but like. Eh! Im Just Me! #i use nonbinary bc technically Yea and also the flag fucks <3