#i feel so helplesss

[theramblingvoid]

Just saw Across The Spiderverse, I will be keeping spoiler posting to a minimum but I will say. "Pathetic wet blanket of an ineffective supervillain turns Actually Horrifying through sheer lack of respect for consequences" is a formula that WORKS.

#voidrambles #across the spiderverse #YES THIS IS ABOUT MEGAMIND. #i was struggling to place where i recognised the feel but now i know #Spot is a different Pathetic Guy Profile but it's the same template #guy got dealt a bad hand and didn't know how to deal with it other than funnel ALL his rage into the idea of fate and blame and punishment #force the object of his anger into a narrative to make his suffering Plot and himself worthy of remembering instead of just helplesss #which is all well and fine. except the terrifying thing is he's tearing universes apart and he doesn't even know it #because he is So Zoomed In on the story he's trying to create #elephant in a china shop #more dangerous than any mastermind: a clueless fool with a goal and a million breakable things he doesn't see between him and it #god the Fuckign Visuals too #for the whole movie. obviously. but the Style of later Spot #oh i love me some genuine horror in the middle of my superhero movie :))

[gladiolidiaries]

Would it be dumb if i tried making a thread on a new burner for dream to read? Just about everything that’s been happening. It feels helplesss at this point to be in this fandom.

what specifically do you mean though? like content wise sure we're not getting videos but we got streams in europe so i think we cant complain that much

[npdlangley]

its so hard to find npd posts that arent like 'narc doesnt equal abuser' like yes i know but where are all the other narcs. i am feeling a bit helplesss ! :3

#✴ idol error! #u dont need ot remind me how i am NOT an abuser . #my ex could do the opposite for free

[shyjinki]

i'm honestly so sick of my life... i was living with my mom because of the pandemics and that didnt work out so now i'm living with my dad, its been two months i think and i'm already so sick of it, he's lazy, dirty, doesnt acknowledge the work i do to keep this house decent, he thinks i'm lying when i go out to literally work to have some money so that i dont have to ask him for it. he promised so many things about us living together and now i'm at the edge i swear to god how can you live like this??? i didnt ask to be born and now i have to endure this shit

its not like i dont do anything, i have like 3 jobs plus i study vet medicine... isnt that enough? i feel so tired, i feel so helpless and tiny

i just wish i had money so i could be at peace... its so sad to be bearing this just because i had nobody else to help me and nothing else to do

why do parents do that shit when they dont want to see you shine brighter than them

#ramblings #sorry i just had to write something so i can keep studying so i cant get my fucking degree so i can get away from the toxicity of my parent #viajera.txt #i'm honestly so sick of it all :( #the only thing keeping me happy rn its shinee and the kdramas i watch where everything is nice and pretty and you can overcome everything #and then theres me #stuck here in a fucking town nobody knows about #in a country where social inequality is so big #i feel so helplesss #i was literaly so happy this week because i got my first real job as a vet and he didnt say anything to me #how can you be like that to your own child #i even been cooking for him #i just cant with my life tbh its so not worth it

[gentlytoxic]

Hm. Over the past two weeks I seem to have had a full blown relapse. Interesting.

#the thought of eating ? paralysing !!! #someone else has to eat for me to even try #i have a hardtime getting up because getting out of bed means breakfast which means eating so i just dont get up #i hnghhh #i have a good handle on most of my other mental illnesses because #like. theyre irrational. i can talk myself through them #this ednos shit though? fuck if i know how to deal with it!!!! #i feel so !!! lost and helplesss !!!

[zachsgamejournal]

PLAYING: Among Us

Been seeing a lot of Among Us memes. I didn't get them. I also didn't want to submit to peer pressure. Still, I decided to watch some YouTube videos. It looked fun. It was a free download on mobile. And...

I'm addicted.

The game is based on a party-game: Mafia. If I remember correctly, there's two assassins that choose people to kill. There's a police office that can be told to arrest other players. In between, you have to discuss who the possible killers are.

Not 100% on the rules, been over 6 years since I played. But at my school, someone did try to make this into a game: Hit. It was a shooter...felt more like a deathmatch game. Like Among Us, they included objectives (smart), but they also had different classes--which I thought was really cool. Interestingly, it almost pulled an Overwatch before Overwatch had yet been announced.

My percieved problem with Hit's take is where Among Us succeeds. In Hit, any player could shoot anyone, and often rounds just turned into a bloodbath--sometimes the assassins won, sometimes they didn't. In Among Us, only the Imposters can kill--this creates a helplesssness in the crew. It's almost like being in Alien mixed with The Thing.

Also, in Hit everyone could chat all the time. A downed player could identifiy their attacker. But in Among Us, the discussion is saved for special meetings. I love this: it gives everyone a chance to relax and focus on discussion--providing evidence, witnesses and counter witnesses. But what I've learned is...

People are very suspicious mother ******s!

The amount of times I've been accused for just walking to my next objective...man. I feel, and I'm definitely not an expert after one day, you have to behave a certain way. To appear as though you're playing. I was often accused when I was first learning the game. Likely cause I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing.

I have tried some strategies to "clear" people of suspicioun, as well as myself. But what I've learned is that I'm not a great judge of character. In my last game, I thought I saw Orange complete a task. I started vouching for them in meetings. Spoiler Alert, they were an Imposter. What really got me was they and the other Imposter started following me around and watching me do tasks. Plenty of chances to kill me, but instead they used me as an a libi.

Then they murdered me for a win.

But when I'm crew, I feel like I win as long as the Imposters are caught. I enjoy having tasks to do, and I love the simple mini games they came up with. It reminds me a lot of Resident Evil: Outbreak--and I love Resident Evil Outbreak. In a sense, even without the killers--there's still kind of a game here in Among us.

Being an Imposter, I feel, is harder. I've noticed many people struggle with it. When their victim is found and a meeting called, there have been two common strategies: 1. Immediately say "where" and act like you don't know what happened. 2. Stay quiet and hope no one looks your way. And while Imposter is challenging, it's really fun. I'm almost disappointed when I'm not randomly chosen.

If I have a complaint--it's the the game has so little to offer outside of the core experience. But a. There's very few people working on the actual game and b. the core experience is super, super fun. I could play it all day...and I did.

Wihle there's a lot of great, high-production games out there: they're overburdened by features, depth, and customizations that all distract from just enjoying the game. I don't think these features are bad, necessarily--but maybe not something that should be overshadowing a core experience. And that's why a simple game like Among Us is so amazing. It's exactly what it needs to be: no more, no less.

#Zach's Game Journal #ZGJ #PLAYING #Among Us #Android

[cleophantom]

I need to get this off my chest.

On the 23rd of February, 2021, I attempted to commit suicide.

The feeling that pushed me towards that edge was largely one of helplessness. I felt like all of the problems in my life could only be solved by ending it.

After coming out on the other side, I feel like I need to say this clearly:

If you feel like the only way to make all of the pain stop is that one, please PLEASE seek help. I know it's hard, it's so hard, to open up about these problems. You can't just go up to someone and say "hey, I feel extremely depressed, and I want to die." I get that, but you need to get help before it gets worse because it will get worse and this cycle can be stopped.

If you can't talk about it to someone you know, find something else.

Therapy is difficult to find, but it can really help. Sometimes, the fact that the person you're talking to is a stranger that you'll never encounter in your daily life can help you open up and talk honestly about your problems.

The suicide prevention hotline can help you as a last resort. Their priority is to keep you safe and they do a good job. I'm only able to talk about thiw so openly because I called them.

Please, I need to say it again, please don't hesitate to seek help, because helplesssness is such a major component of suicidal thoughts.

Get help, get to where you need to be, recognize toxic coping mechanisms, and stay safe. Take care.

#suicide tw

[morleybell]

When Bellamy is upset in the truck and talking about Oct/avia I thought it was super interesting that he normally stops at her being physically safe but this was the first time he was like "what is she..." which could be finished a lot of ways but the ones I think of are all like what is she going to do from here like maybe he's seeing how screwed up she is right now and that it's not like oh I deserve this treatment. Idk maybe wishful thinking

I’m not sure what to think about this too he says..

“I couldn’t protect my sister. My responsibility and i failed. My mom passed out. She was there, she was in my hands. so helplesss.. and now what is she… is she even alive… what is she..  “

I want to interpret this how you do. That he just doesn’t recognize her anymore and he says “what is she” like.. what is she doing, why it’s like this between them, like.. he is tired of this for sure and I just hope he realizes in that moment that it’s not his life purpose to keep her safe, his whole life shouldn’t be only about her. I kinda think we’re supposed to interpret it like this? because of the next quote.

You didn’t fail bellamy. you did everything you could for her. you came to the ground for her. you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.

I think this is the moment when he learns to let her go and realizes that it’s OKAY to let her go because he shouldn’t be the only one who would do anything for her while she doesn’t give a damn abt him. (GOD I HOPE HE REALIZES THIS). Somebody (Kane) tells him that it’s actually okay to let her go. He says “you did everything you could”. Bellamy can’t keep “going back for more” when she is treating him like this all the time. I think Bellamy needed to hear it from somebody - that he did everything he could and that it’s okay to let her go now. what is though even better for me is this… In the last scene, in ending scene, where Bellamy comes back to the Arkadia we have this:

- Still no word from Oct/avia. I’m sorry. - You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.

GOD. I have so many feelings about this scene. Of course it comes to my mind that actually Bellamy doesn’t want to be saved & that Kane’s “I’m sorry” had also another meaning (he is sorry for what he did to Bell’s mother). BUT. nah cause.. this scene is about Oct/avia. And I think it’s huge because Kane’s first words are obviously about her because he thinks that’s the first question Bellamy is gonna ask. (just like at the beginning of the episode “Kane where is my sister”) But Bellamy isn’t asking about her. He only answers “you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved” echoes Kane’s words because he finally realized it’s okay to let go.

(or at least I hope)

#the 100 spoilers #ask #anon #answered #the 100 #bellamy blake #my text #my post

[jeosacs-blog]

4-19-19

For as long as i remember I haven’t wanted to live until the age of 27.

I remember reading about all the great musicians that died at that age, I thought to myself, why not be like those guys.

When I came out of rehab, they said reservations are a terrible thing to have. How do I overcome this reservation of killing myself im a few months? I often forget how old I am or when my birthday is.

I’m going to be 27 this year and I’ve requested vacation on my birthday. I’ll be going to California. To take myself the furthest away from everything I know. I have a family friend who lives near Joshua tree.

I have no plans on killing myself but I assume that this birthday will be the hardest yet. I haven’t amounted to much in life, I have no great successes. I’m just trying to make it through one hour at a time lately.

I’m going to talk about it with my therapist and see what she has to say. Probably my sponsor too, but they can’t help me with my fucked up head.

Jimmy Hendrix, Jannis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Ian Curtis, all dead at the age of 27. My drinking won’t do it, the drugs won’t do it, I no longer cut myself. So it mostly like won’t happen.

It’s just weird that I never shared this thought with anyone. How could I?

My therapist and I talked about what I’m afraid of, and I’m not afraid of death. I’m not afraid of pain. The only thing I’m afraid of is loosing the people that I love.

As long as I know they still walk this earth, I’ll walk it with them. My dependence on people is so over whelming. My need for attention is drastic. Negative or positive. I don’t know how to cope.

I’ve downloaded a mood tracking app on my phone and most of the time I just feel helplesss and alone although I’m continually speaking to people. Left alone my thoughts eat away at me and break me down to my core.

I’m a sorry man, not worthy of much. I just want to love those I care about and provide for them in anyway I can.