#i feel like the past two months were really wonky in that respect | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mandoalorian · 3 years

Note

so you have any angsty writings about max raising his voice at u?

my tears ricochet

Maxwell Lord x GN!Reader

Summary: Everyone had warned you that dating your boss would be a bad idea. So when you make a crucial mistake at work, a mistake that leads into your biggest fight yet, you wonder if your relationship with Maxwell Lord will ever be able to recover.

Rating: T

Warnings: ANGST :( a few curses, hurt/comfort with a happy ending, but most of this is very very angst-y. Bruce Wayne makes an appearance (because for some reason, he always does?) and he’s a dickkkkk lmao.

Word count: 2.2k

I haven’t wrote anything in a few weeks, and I haven’t wrote for Maxie in well over a month. Reblogs would be so appreciated because I kinda need the motivation atm ;-;

You never normally messed up, or at least, not like this.

You were a good secretary for the most part, as you’d been working at Black Gold Cooperative for almost three years now. You knew your way around the office, and most importantly, you knew your way around your boss, the dashing and charismatic business mogul, Maxwell Lord.

Everyone had warned you not to mix business with pleasure, and that dating Maxwell Lord was a bad idea because he was your boss. You could get behind that idea; as you’d never really been one to date colleagues or co-workers. But you swore that he was different. They were probably right, you knew that deep down, but you’d made the mistake of falling hopelessly in love with him.

You and Maxwell had been together for half a year now, and things were going good. Things were going better than good. You really believed he could be the one. He seemed happier when he was with you. He smiled more. You gave his life meaning, and a purpose that strived past his failing business.

He treated you different to his other employees. He was softer with you, and more gentle. He never raised his voice or talked down to you. He was a gentleman, and treated you to luxuries on every occasion that he could manage. Work was sometimes difficult, but he was good with you. You had zero complaints, really.

He’d buzzed you into his office, his dark blonde hair a mess and his patterned tie pulled apart. The first three buttons of his white dress shirt were undone and his collar was wonky. You had to refrain from walking over to his side of the oak wood desk and fixing it for him. His sleeves were rolled up, revealing his tan forearms and the golden Rolex that adorned his wrist, and he was staring at you, his dark brows furrowed together.

“I just spoke to Bruce Wayne,” Maxwell started hesitantly, his index finger impatiently tapping away on the telephone.

“Oh?” you hummed. You knew it was coming, but you tried to remain calm.

“He said he didn’t receive the oil distribution report you sent on Friday,” Maxwell said, followed by a wary chuckle. “But I told him you sent it. Because you did send it. Didn’t you?”

You winced, and it didn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend.

“You sent the reports, didn’t you?” Maxwell repeated, this time his voice having dropped an octave and his eyes staring dead at you. There was no love in his expression, no happiness. Just pure anger and disbelief.

“Uhm…” you trailed off, your voice breaking nervously. “Wayne Enterprises didn’t get the report on last month’s oil distribution because uhm— I sent the wrong thing instead.” you fumbled with your fingers, shyly looking away from your Maxwell.

Max blinked, and stifled a laugh. “What?”

You folded your arms across your chest, feeling vulnerable as guilt coarsed through your veins.

“Uhm yeah,” you replied, ducking your head down. “I thought I sent it but I just— I found the reports on the main desk at lunch time. And I was going to tell you. I just— I just—“

You were flustered, and could feel your cheeks burn up as you stumbled over your words.

“You just what?” Maxwell prompted, raising an eyebrow.

“I just—“

“You just thought you’d keep it to yourself? Thought you wouldn’t tell me just because…? Because of what, exactly? You know this means we could potentially lose millions of dollars,” he raised his voice, sliding out of his chair and leaning over his desk, balling his fingers into fists.

You squeezed your eyes shut. “It was a mistake. A one-time mistake—“

“—a mistake that could potentially cost us thousands—“ Maxwell repeated bitterly. Money was a sensitive subject right now, you knew this. He had every right to be mad, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“—It won’t cost thousands.” you finished, your words trying to ease him. But it came out patronising and you immediately regretted it. Maxwell slammed his hand on the desk before pointing his finger at you.

“Don’t interrupt me!” he shouted.

He’d never spoken to you like this. Hell, you didn’t think he’d ever spoken to anyone like this before. Or at least, not that you’d heard of. His cheeks were red with rage and little beads of sweat glazed his hairline.

You flinched are his tone, not used to him raising his voice at you like that. Max noticed the change in your demeanour and his face softened, his brown eyes widening slightly when he realised what he’d done. He slowly sank back into his chair, ripping his gaze from you. You stood there awkwardly, trying to hold back tears.

Maxwell regulated his breathing and pushed his hair out of his face before pointing to the door.

“Leave.” He ordered, his voice shaky and not even bringing himself to look at you.

Your lips were trembling. “What?” you croaked out, your voice merely above a whisper.

“Just— go home.” he waved his hand in a dismissing manner.

You stood there a little longer, lingering on the other side of his desk and praying that he’d have a change of heart. You didn’t know what that was supposed to mean. Was it a break-up? Was he firing you? Was he simply just telling you to go home?

“Max…”

Your boyfriend rubbed his temples before picking up the phone and re-dialling what you assumed to be Wayne Enterprises. He had nothing else to say to you, so, you sadly sauntered out of his office, quietly shutting the door behind you.

The entire sales team was staring at you as you walked over to the elevator. No doubt they’d overheard the whole fight. Raquel tapped your shoulder and offered you an apologetic smile. “Are you okay?” she asked.

You nodded and forced a grin, desperate to just get outside and feel the cool evening air. The office felt stuffy and hot and you just had to get out. You opted to take the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. You could feel their eyes burn into you as you left Black Gold Cooperative.

It was raining when you got outside, and you managed to catch a cab just down the street.

After a few rings, Max finally pushed through Bruce Wayne’s receptionist and was waiting to get on the line with the big man himself. He breathed a sigh of relief when Bruce picked up.

“Hi, Bruce, it’s me Max. There’s been a mistake with the reports,” Maxwell said quickly, feigning confidence as he tried to forget about the fight that had just happened. But he couldn’t get it out of his head. He was terrified that you’d leave him. He’d leave him.

“Let me guess— it’s that secretary of yours?” Bruce smirked, twirling the phone wire around his finger as he waited for Max to try and salvage the business deal.

“Wh—what?” Max laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

“You know, your arm candy? The one that always accompanies to those charity events and galas? The one you’re fucking on the side?”

Maxwell’s face hardened and his heart dropped in his chest. “Excuse me?”

He hated the way Bruce was talking about you. Bruce was always like that, Maxwell knew that much. He treated everyone like they were lesser than him. Maxwell was able to shrug it off when it happened to him, but he wasn’t going to let it happen to you, too.

“Please, we all know it,” Bruce rolled his eyes. “I learned the hard way about mixing business with pleasure. Never works out, my friend.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Wayne, but you know nothing about Y/N and I. So if we could please get back to the topic at hand…”

“You still want to secure the deal?” Bruce quizzed. “I supposed as much.”

Jesus, he was insufferable. Maxwell knew what it took to climb to the top of the business world. You had to be cold and brutal; everything that Bruce Wayne was. That’s why he was so successful, and truthfully, that was the difference between the two men.

It was probably the reason Black Gold was failing too. Ever since you came into Maxwell’s life, the business had been losing more and more money. Maybe it was because Maxwell worked less, always choosing to favour his time and spend it with you. He wasn’t hardened by the business world anymore. He was softened by you.

Max wouldn’t allow the entrepreneur to hurt the ones he loved. At the end of the day, you were infinitely more important than some reports on oil distribution.

“Wait,” Maxwell paused, unable to escape the invasive thoughts that consumed his mind. Thinking about your glossy eyes and your timid voice, and the way you flinched when he yelled at you. You looked terrified. “No.”

“No?” Bruce repeated incredulously.

“No,” Maxwell confirmed. “I have to go.”

“You’re making a big mistake Lord,” Bruce warned. “If you’re thinking about throwing this entire deal away over some nobody secretary—“

And with that, Maxwell tore the phone from his ear and slammed it down on the hook. He rose to his feet and grabbed his pinstripe suit jacket, hastily throwing it over his shoulder before leaving his office in a rush.

When he got home, you were curled up on the sofa, enveloped in a blanket with balled up tissues scattered around you. When he saw you, his heart broke. He dropped his keys on the coffee table, the noise alerting you. The rattling sound made you jump and you looked over at him, your eyes red and puffy.

“Hi,” you said quietly, watching as he sauntered over to you. He offered you a weak smile before sliding down on the sofa next to you.

“Hi,” he said, gazing into your eyes.

You shuffled around and sighed. “I’m sorry.” you both said at the same time.

You giggled gently, always cherishing the way you and him were so in-sync. Maxwell smiled too, a dimple appearing in his left cheek.

“I thought you hated me,” you admitted with a sniffle, and Max frowned, leaning over and cupping your face with his hands.

“No my love, I could never hate you,” he swore, shaking his head. “I— I’m sorry I yelled at you like that. I got so worked up over this deal and—“

“I know,” you cut him short, pressing the palms of your hands flat against his chest. “You don’t have to apologise. I know. It’s been a stressful few weeks.” you said knowingly.

“Still,” you Maxwell sighed. “It can’t be excused.”

“It won’t happen again?” You asked hopefully.

Maxwell smiled. “Never again, honey,” he promised. “Can I hold you?”

You nodded desperately and nuzzled into his warm embrace. He wrapped his strong arms around you and smoothed out your hair, pressing a chaste kiss into your forehead.

“I love you so much, and I won’t ever let anything come between us again,” Maxwell whispered. “No job or business deal is jeopardising what we have together.”

You smiled, squeezing him tight and never wanting to let him go. “I agree.” you replied, pulling yourself up onto his lap and nudging your nose against his.

Maxwell’s smile spoke a thousand words. It wasn’t the forced smile he showed the world when he hyped up his business on the television. It was his real, genuine smile. The smile only you got to see.

Everyone had warned you not to mix business with pleasure, and that dating Maxwell Lord was a bad idea because he was your boss. But in that exact moment, you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

—————————

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peaches-writes · 4 years

Text

tumbles and turns

description: a month in the life of you and your college roommate, minho—except you’re from rival universities preparing for an intercollegiate cheerdance competition member: minho / lee know genre: fluff, sports au (off-season universe), college au, roommates au, slice of life, friends to lovers au word count: 7.9k warning: explicit language, mentions of food, injuries, & harassment; a very jealous and protective minho notes: ah yes another sports au about a sport i’m not well-versed in that ended up not making sense + anw whatever danceracha pep squad agenda 💅

week 1 of 4

Minho finally releases the laugh he’s been holding for the past ten minutes, shaking his head in disbelief before hopping off of the edge of the sink where he’s been quietly judging you. “Seriously,” He smirks teasingly, expertly dodging your disapproving frown and your attempt at smacking his arm as he stands between you and the mirror then takes the comb from your hands. “You look fine—kind of wonky, actually, but you’ll live.”

“Ya!” You huff with a light stomp of your foot on the bathroom tiles, reaching up for the blue comb to no avail for he immediately lifts it high above his head. “Give me the comb!”

“Why don’t you dry your hair first before worrying about how you look?” He suggests with another laugh, leaning back on the sink when you start jumping over him for the comb. “It looks weirder when you try combing it down while it’s still wet.”

You groan when he starts taunting you by waving the comb in his hands, eventually giving up to stand back and cross your arms in annoyance. “I’m so—I just feel so iffy about this haircut, that’s all!”

“Well, that’s pep squad for you—but you already know that.” He shrugs, finally putting the comb down behind him in exchange for the orange towel you abandoned a while back to obsessively comb down your bangs. “Anyway, the bangs are the least of your worries. Aren’t you guys dyeing your hair on Friday?”

“Yeah,” You sigh in frustration, lifting a hand up to rub your temple. “Our costumes department is insane, I’m telling you.”

“Try our costumes department.” Minho retorts, throwing the towel over your damp hair after. “Though we’re doing a Michael Jackson-inspired routine, the costumes still need to have our school colors. Imagine all the black and gold and the make-up we’ll have to do for one part—“

You manage to crack a smile at this as you now busy yourself with drying your hair, making Minho chuckle in front of you as well. “Ah, right. Isn’t Felix volunteering for your costumes this year, though? Why don’t you approach him if you’re so bothered?”

“Then you’ll have to see Jeongin for your hair.” He points out.

“Jeongin? Right, nevermind, then. The kid’s scary when he’s in his element.” You huff, your hand on your temple then going up to your bangs. “I’ll just have to live with this for the next 1.5 years at most, I guess.”

“Then that’s settled.” Minho shrugs for the second time, tsking after once he notices your slow pace. Taking a step forward, you then catch a glimpse of Minho picking up your hair dryer from the other side of the sink counter from the corner of your eye before plugging it on the nearest wall socket. “You’re so slow! We’re watching a movie, remember? I don’t want water dripping on the couch.”

Swiftly, you elbow his stomach when he moves to your side. “Well, I’ll have to let you know that hair doesn’t dry that quickly when you’ve bleached it twice.”

“You could’ve been a little quicker about it if you weren’t so focused on your bangs.” He scolds, carding his fingers through your hair before pointing the noisy hairdryer on you and starting with your newly-cut bangs. “What even is the reason behind the red hair, anyway?”

“It’s our school colors, dumbass.” You remind him with a scoff, removing the towel on top of your head and moving it to the opposite side of where Minho is currently working. “Naeun actually managed to find a supplier with the exact same shade of red our school uses, it’s kind of cool.”

“Not like anyone would recognize it on compet.” Minho pouts. “Green would’ve been funnier. Isn’t that your other school color?”

“Excuse you, we have one of the biggest crowds every year? Plus, green would look too wacky. It could be distracting with our theme.”

“As if people from your school go around recognizing that specific shade of red.”

“I’m going to fucking hit you with this towel.” You glower, only making him laugh as he nonchalantly guides you by your shoulders to move closer to the hairdryer’s socket. “Let’s just see who’s going to be laughing when I see you in costume on compet.”

“Please, I’ll rock the outfit so much you’ll forget you even said that.” Your roommate rolls his eyes, turning you around so he can work on the back of your head. “What will you be wearing, by the way?”

Minho steals a glance at you from the mirror, raising his eyebrows slightly, and you answer, “Still the same but in black and a new design.”

“So...top and tights?” He asks and you nod eagerly, your hair almost slipping right through his fingertips.

“You’ll love the designs.” You muse, picking up the blue comb once again to use on the dried parts of your head. ”Naeun designed them really well!”

“A bit of a basic choice for your second to last college competition, don’t you think?” He teases, making you reach up behind you to smack his arm. “Didn’t you guys do the same thing but in navy last year?”

“Call it basic again when I take it home, I dare you.” You retort before chuckling along with him. “Are you done?”

“Almost there.” He answers automatically, slowly inching along to your other side while gently moving you closer to the wall socket and turning you around to face the opposite wall by your shoulders. “Your hair’s so hard to dry.”

“I didn’t even ask for your help.” You point out. “You just barged in here to clown my bangs.”

“Yeah, then I realized that that’s what’s taking you so long that we can’t watch our Sunday movie.” Minho huffs, finally reaching your other side to dry the last strands of your hair. “I’m being a good Samaritan for once, you should at least say thank you.”

You giggle, nodding teasingly. “Right, right. Thank you, Minhooo!” You tease, knowing very well in your almost 5 years of living with him how rare these moments indeed are. “So...done?”

After a long pause, Minho turns the hairdryer off and takes out the plug from the wall socket behind you before taking a step back away from you. “Yup, done.” He affirms, running his index finger through your bangs horizontally once with a giggle. “Your bangs are so funny.”

You frown at him, smacking his arm for the third time tonight before turning around to tidy up everything you’ve used. “I hate you.”

But your roommate only pats your head in response before taking another step back and heading to the bathroom door. “I’ll set up the movie now!” He says as he walks away, glancing back at you with a smile before crossing the other side of the open door. “Hurry up, okay?!”

“Take the hoodie down! Take the hoodie down!” Jisung and Minho mischievously chant by your shoe racks at the entrance once you arrive home from training at the end of the week. The two hold Soonie and Doongie respectively in front of them for emphasis, lifting the cats up and down as if they were holding banners to a sports game. “Take the hoodie down! Take the hoodie down!”

You only roll your eyes at the two as you discard your shoes properly next to them, patting Soonie and Doongie’s heads affectionately then smacking the side of Minho’s head. “Move out of the way, losers.” You command instead with a wave of your hand and a tired giggle, the two laughing along and obligingly stepping aside for you to hang your gym bag up on the metal hooks right behind them. “And Jisung, why are you still here? It’s 9 PM.”

“We’re finishing our game tonight and I wanted to see your new hair!” He answers in his defense, putting Soonie down when Minho does with Doongie. “Now, take the hoodie down! Take the hoodie down!”

Taking out your plastic bag of used clothes and empty tumbler out of your gym bag after, you sigh in defeat and remove your hoodie. “Fine, fine, fine, there.”

Your roommate and his best friend both erupt in whistles and cheers at your bright red hair in response.

“Oh damn!” Jisung exclaims more dramatically and pats your shoulders in approval, ruffling your hair after. By your socked feet, Soonie meows enthusiastically as he tries climbing up your leg. “Look, even Soonie likes it!”

A small step behind the younger boy, you see your roommate with a much cooler reaction, smirking at you and mouthing, “Pretty,” with a wink before vocally adding, “It’s not so bad,” when Jisung then turns to him and asks him what he thinks. “Y/N’s had far worse hairstyles before.”

“I’m going to shove my clothes down your throat.” You threaten him with a chuckle, holding your bundle of used clothes higher as if you were going to throw it towards him. “Anyway, you’ve seen my hair now so let me through, I still have to sort these out and wash up.”

"You have dinner on the table, too, so eat before you go to bed.” Minho adds, pointing to the open doorway down the hall leading to your kitchen.

“Did you cook?”

“Take-out.” Minho answers plainly before gesturing for the three of you to move to the living room. You and Jisung follow him down the hallway. “Pizza and wings.”

Meanwhile, Jisung pouts at you as he links his arms with yours. “Ya, Y/N, you’re not going to watch our stream?”

“Maybe some other time.” You frown, your tiredness slowly coming back now that your friends have naturally stopped joking around. “I’m really sleepy.”

“Practice was that harsh?” Jisung asks next, stopping you right in the middle of the living room before you could proceed further to the left of the hallway to your room. Minho, on the other hand, walks ahead of you and proceeds to plop down on the sofa to set up their game once again. “Jeongin told me you’re changing the choreography a bit.”

“Seungkwan injured his foot really bad so we’re adjusting for alternatives in case he doesn’t recover in time.” You nod sadly, scratching your head in frustration. “And he’s my one of my bases for most stunts, including the exhibition, so I’m making the most adjustments.”

“Oh,” Jisung muses in realization, pausing a bit before another smile graces his features as he then lifts your hoodie back up to your head. “we should play quietly, then, right Minho?”

Minho only nods at this without even sparing a glance back at you.

“Yup, we’ll try to be quiet!” Jisung promises again, his grin growing bigger. “Sleep well, then, Y/N!”

“Hm, thanks, goodnight to you, I guess.” You greet him back, looking over his shoulder to see Minho glancing back up at you. “Goodnight Minho.”

Your roommate sweetly waves goodnight to you before turning mischievous by snickering and pointing at your red hair again. You roll your eyes and quietly threaten him with your clothes again in response before bidding him and Jisung another goodnight, proceeding to your room after.

Surprisingly, the two rowdy boys kept to their word after you’ve finished dinner and mostly whispered yelled through the walls of the living room for the rest of the night, mostly Minho scolding Jisung for cursing at their game and reminding him to quiet down for you.

week 2 of 4

You come home from Thursday practice two hours later than usual and completely drained, trudging down the entrance hallway of your shared apartment to the rustling of your used clothes and the obnoxious empty noises of your tumbler that quickly alerts Minho and his three cats of your presence. Excitedly greeting you from the kitchen area, Minho looks up at you from feeding Soonie, Doongie, and Dori under your dining table and waves at you, his smile immediately faltering into a confused one when he sees your frown. “Hey. Are you okay? Why are you late?” He points out with a nervous chuckle. “You could’ve just called me to pick you up.”

You don’t answer, opting instead to tiredly settle on the seat nearest to his side and resting your arms and head down on the table, missing the dinner set Minho prepared for you by a hair as you do so. “I missed the first bus home because I was distracted from being so pissed off at this newbie being a creep during practice.” You scoff as nonchalantly as you can. “It’s okay now, tho—”

“What?!” Before you could even finish your sentence, however, Minho surprisingly leaves his cats’ side, moving over to sit next to you to the side where your head is limply tilted. “Who’s this guy? What did they do?”

You shift uncomfortably in your seat at the sudden rise in Minho’s tone and then see him instinctively scooting away in response, an attempt to give you space in case you’re uncomfortable. “Do you remember Park Joon? The guy I’ve told you before who’s been hitting on me and some of my teammates since he got in the team?” You start off after and you see your roommate following you along again, this time propping an elbow up on the table and nodding along. You also see him open his mouth to speak before closing it again, gesturing for you to continue. “Coach picked him to be Seungkwan’s replacement for the stunts and we practiced our choreography for exhibition today after team practice.

“It was fine, at first, he adjusted quickly to filling in for Seungkwan and all—until in one of our final stunts, he started groping me inappropriately that my other teammates had to stop immediately once they noticed and told our coach about it.”

"What?! What the fuck?!” Minho reacts with furrowed eyebrows and a scowl on his face. Sitting up properly now, he then worriedly asks, “W-What did—what did Coach Im do?”

You sigh, lifting up your head up after as you tiredly prop your own elbow up to mirror him. “Coach was furious that she immediately had him kicked out of practice without even hearing his side.“ You answer shakily, carding your fingers through your hair. “She also said that she’ll report him to admin after so we won’t be hearing about the guy until graduation...”

In front of you, Minho releases a breath you didn’t even notice he’s been holding as you speak, cautiously moving his chair towards you again and patting your back comfortingly. “That’s...fuck, I’m sorry you had to go through that...I’m glad Coach Im kicked him out after. Fuck...” He mirrors your frown, albeit sadder than your frustrated one. “Are you—I mean, do you want me to get you something? Do you need anything? I—”

“I’m fine, Minho, just annoyed now that we have to adjust everything again.” You huff, your voice shaking just slightly that Minho almost misses it.

“The choreography’s the least of your worries now, that fucking creep just harassed you.” Minho points out softly and cautiously, meeting your eyes before hesitantly stroking your hair. “I swear, if I was there, I would’ve—”

You shake your head immediately, cutting him off with what you could muster up as an assuring smile. “Seriously...it’s fine. I’m fine—still a bit shaken but I’m kind of comforted that he got kicked out for it and that Jeongin and the others stood up for me.” You add with more conviction now because of Minho’s words. “Please don’t do anything stupid about this for me. I’m so over it right now, trust me.”

“Really? You promise?” He asks you to which you nod back in response. “Well, if you say so but—do you need anything else right now or later? I can commute with you again if you want me to or something...”

You shake your head at his last offer. “No, no, that’s really too much of a hassle for you. It’s fine. To be honest, I just want to sleep and not think about it anymore right now.” You pout after, scooting your chair closer to the meal you’ve accidentally forgotten throughout this whole conversation. “Thank you for listening and worrying, though, Minho. I really appreciate it.”

Your roommate opens his mouth again to retort but is suddenly interrupted by Dori brushing up against your legs and purring at you. “What’s that Dori?” Your roommate asks the cat in his usual pouting tone instead, lifting the cat up and placing it on his lap. Dori, however, only fixes his gaze on you and purrs again. “Hm? You want to go to Y/N and make them feel better? Okay, okay.”

He then carefully sets the cat on your lap, standing up after to affectionately stroke your hair again. “If that’s all then eat first before you wash up and go to bed.” He then returns to his original thought before going back to the other two cats. “And do tell me if you need anything, okay?”

“I will.” You muster up another smile to which Minho returns with a smile of his own. “Thanks again, Minho.”

He only hums, briefly leaning forward as if to encase you in a hug before hesitating last minute and turning his attention back to his cats. “Eat your food.”

The next day, Minho surprises you by waking up earlier and following you all the way to the bus stop with his own gym bag and backpack.

“It’s Friday.” You point out as your bus approaches.

He nods nonchalantly, turning to you with a smile. “Yeah, I can tell. The cafe across the street’s selling mint frappe until 10 AM.”

“No, I mean,” You shake your head. “isn’t your first class at 2 PM today?”

“Yeah?” He answers in a tone that pretends to be oblivious of where you’re taking this conversation.

“Then why are you all dressed up with your things?” At this the bus approaches, opening right in front of you and Minho. Before you could even step in the public vehicle, Minho beats you to it and takes your hand in his, pulling you along.

“I’m meeting up with Jisung to study.” He answers belatedly to you as he swipes his bus card, stepping aside after for you to follow.

“Bullshit.” You mumble under your breath, mirroring his actions anyway and following him to the seats right behind the driver as the bus roars back to life. “You’re in different programs, Minho.”

“You could just say ‘thank you’ and get it over with“ He teases, nudging your shoulder with his before smoothly slinging an arm over you. “And I really am meeting up with Jisung today, just after his 10 AM. He’s taking a science elective this semester and he needs help with it.”

You tilt your head towards him, seeing his anticipating expression. With an amused chuckle, you give him a side hug instead, burying your face in the material of his black hoodie and catching him off-guard. “Thank you.”

He hugs you back with a laugh.

“I know what will make you feel better!” Your roommate announces as he barges in your room unannounced the following Saturday afternoon, plopping down at the foot of your bed as you work on your term papers on the other side. “Well, at least, Chan does since he was technically the one who suggested it.”

“I feel fine, though? What are you talking about?” You raise an eyebrow at him, stealing glances over to him as you continue working.

Minho comically rolls closer to you, propping an elbow up on the mattress to stop and showing you his phone displaying his chat history with Chan. “Are you sure? Like well enough that you won’t even be bothered that Chan got us tickets to see the Hyunjin’s final game next Sunday?” He wiggles his eyebrows teasingly, snickering when your eyes widen.

Immediately, your fingers stop typing away on your keyboard and you look up at him in purse shock. “What?!” You exclaim in disbelief, leaning closer to his phone screen and squinting your eyes at the chain of messages exchanged between your two friends. “Seriously? Didn’t this game get sold out weeks ago?”

“Yeah but, you know, Chan has his socializing ways.” Your roommate shrugs, taking his phone back to his side to clasp his hands together. “So? What do we think?”

“Um, yeah, of course, let’s go!” You answer matter-of-factly, taking his phone and typing in your reply for emphasis. “I mean, you are taking me, right? This isn’t a joke?”

“Only if I can take the other ticket.” He winks, lifting his upper body higher from the mattress to rest his chin on top of your laptop screen. “So, yes?”

You nod enthusiastically with a giggle, making Minho jump up into a sit in joy.

“Clear your schedule for next Sunday, Y/N! We’re watching the finals!”

week 3 of 4

Coach Im distributes your finished costumes on your first practice of the week after her final reminders and announcements and you make sure to contain your excitement as best as you can on your commute home until after you’ve finished dinner in order to open it with an equally excited Minho.

Eagerly, your roommate now peers over your shoulder on the sofa after having hurriedly washed the dishes, holding Dori up to his chest as he does so.

“See? It’s so pretty!” You exclaim once you’ve taken everything out of the plastic wrapping, holding up your black fitted cropped top, lined with a complex geometric pattern in colors inspired by the pride flag, for your roommate and all of his three cats to see. “It came out really well!”

Minho nods in approval at the black spandex while Dori unconsciously mirrors him when you turn to the two. “The printing didn’t fuck up Naeun’s design on the first print for once.” He muses, making you chuckle. “It looks cool.”

“They took it to a different printing shop this time.” You clarify, laying down the top right next to a sleeping Doongie on the nearby coffee table before taking out the bottoms. “This material’s really nice, too. I tried it on with everyone a while back and the stretch is really nice.”

“I take that as I’ll see this costume being used in the gym after, then?” Minho jokes, earning him a jab on the elbow when he puts Dori down after. “What? So, pajamas?”

“You didn’t have to call me out like that!” You protest, leaning back on the couch and placing a passing Soonie on your lap. “I really like this costume.”

“Because you say that with all of your costumes!” Minho retorts, hovering Dori over your costume when the cat starts purring and tilting its head towards it.

“I happen to love everything my friends design.” You correct, chuckling at Dori who’s now escaped Minho’s grasp to sniff and snuggle into your clothes. “Now, when is that black and red vest coming in again?”

“It came today too but I won’t show it to you.” Your roommate sticks his tongue out at you, earning him a string of protests from you. “You’ll just have to see on compet day!”

“What? No! Unfair!” You pout.

“You’ll just have to see next week!” He insists anyway, laughing at your furrowed eyebrows and scowl. “I don’t want you getting too distracted with me when you should be focusing on memorizing your choreography, you scatterbrain.”

“Ya! Ugh, you’re so full of yourself!”

You find his vest in the laundry the following day, anyways, when you needed to retrieve one of your shirts from your laundry area. You make sure to tease him about it with a photo of you holding up his vest after and sending it to him through private chat.

“Ah, so mean!” He replies.

“Let’s go Hwang Hyunjin, kick some ass!” You yell as loud as you can in your seat amidst all the cheers for your friend echoing around the arena. Next to you, Minho laughs through his drink at your enthusiasm, your initial awkwardness at sitting on his university’s side of the audience for this volleyball game clearly gone now as you wildly wave your green balloon. “Wooh, go Hyunjin!”

“God, what would our friends from your uni say when they see you cheering for our team?” He chuckles once you’ve calmed down, adjusting your white hat as you settle back comfortably in your seat once again.

You roll your eyes at him, picking your Cola up from your respective cup holder and taking a sip. “Shut up, it’s not like I’m alone here.” You retort after, pointing at Changbin who’s with Jisung at the other end of the row. “Even Yeji’s somewhere in the crowd, too, supporting her cousin.”

“Still, it’s not everyday you’re on this side.” He argues back, scrunching up his face again when you get momentarily distracted by Hyunjin scoring another point for his team. “Ah, you’re so hyped today! How come you never cheer like this for me?”

“Because we’re in the same sport, Minho.” You laugh this time, catching his fake pout from the corner of your eye. “Besides, I cheer for you, too, just in a different way—woah, did you see that?! Woah, as expected of Choi Bomin!”

Minho couldn’t say anything else to you after as you easily become occupied by the heated game again, cheering mostly for Hyunjin and occasionally Sanha who’s on the opposing team. He patiently waits for you to turn your attention back to him anyway, which only takes 3 points on his university and 4 points on Sanha’s. “Why? So, I can’t ask you to wear my school’s shirt and things like that if ever?” He asks cheekily once he’s gotten your attention again.

You scoff against the heat rising up your neck. “W-What? Why? Are you giving them to me as pajamas?”

He shakes his head, chuckling. “No, I mean, while on compet.” He clarifies before gesturing over to his shirt you borrowed from him today with another pout. “It’s just that you borrowed my shirt to cheer on Hyunjin today. Can’t you do that next week for me too?”

You glance back at him incredulously, making him chuckle nervously. “If I want Jeongin to chop my head off and Seungmin to call me a traitor until awarding, then I might.” You scoff playfully, deepening his pout and puppy eyes. “Don’t pull that look on me! Where is this even coming from all of a sudden?”

“I just thought about it.” He shrugs, warming your face even more. “Can’t you really do it? I’ll even wear your shirt if I have to.”

“Ah, just say you think I look cute in your shirt and go.” You roll your eyes jokingly, your seemingly nonchalant disposition slowly crumbling down in front of him anyway. “Minho, your secret crush on me is kind of showing, you might have to watch out for yourself on that, ha.”

“So? What about it?” He mumbles under his breath, catching you off-guard without him meaning to.

“What?” Your eyes widen curiously.

“What?” He repeats, mirroring your expression in feigned innocence before his eyes slowly flit back to the game. “Oh hey, we scored again!”

“Lee Minho!”

“What?!” He chuckles, avoiding your gaze now as you suddenly switch roles with him cheering loudly for his university. “Go Hwang Hyunjin!”

One of your university shirts doesn’t come back to you from the laundry after that.

week 4 of 4

On the Saturday night before the competition, you skip your traditional sleepaway camp and senior send-off with your team to have a sleepover in your apartment living room with your roommate, setting up sleeping bags on the floor next to Soonie, Doongie, and Dori’s beds and queueing up old competition videos on your television. Minho, on the other hand, re-heats all of the remaining leftovers in your refrigerator and buys extra side dishes and drinks from the convenience store on the first floor of your building for dinner.

“What should we watch first?” You ask once you’ve finished eating and washing the dishes, the TV’s remote on your right hand while the other massages Dori’s head as the grey cat circles your feet. “Hm, Dori? What video do you want to dance to first?”

Minho then re-emerges from the kitchen, stretching his limbs as he approaches you before snatching the remote and answering for Dori, “I have just the video in mind!”

“Ya!” You glare at him, reaching up to retrieve the remote again but, as he always does, Minho immediately raises the device above his head as he scrolls down the folder of videos on the TV. “If you’re thinking about that vid, I’m going to—“

But Minho only laughs at you, quickly scrolling down the videos anyway against your attempts of stopping him until he finds your very first cheer dance routine at the bottom of the folder. “Here, found it!” He chuckles in victory after a struggle, throwing the remote on the side and pulling you close to the first part of the paired dance that serves as the choreography’s intro. “Let’s dance!”

“Nooo!” You protest, turning your eyes away from the screen as you see yourself in your Freshman year, dancing to a Jungle-themed routine, while Minho only cackles in your misery, following the steps precisely as he spins and twirls you on time before letting go.

“No, you have to do it with me!” He insists as the choreography now forces him to part with you, his gaze alternating between you and the screen. “Come on, Y/N!”

You groan under his anticipating gaze, following him and the video along after a pause in utter defeat.

“Why are you so embarrassed about this routine? You looked cute here!” He points out as you now do the group jumps, easily finding you in the video since you’re often at the center. “Besides the teased hair and the amount of black eyeshadow on your make-up, of cour—“

“I tripped the most on this routine!” You remind him just as you do trip on the way to being lifted in the video. “See?”

“You were a 1st year then, that’s totally understandable.” He dismisses anyway with a wave of his hand, the two of you stopping to watch the first sequence of lifts. “You remember when I almost fucked up my solo on the same compet because I couldn’t remember the steps towards the end?”

“Yeah but you improvised—“

“And Coach Kim made sure to have me sit out the Nationals after.” Minho rolls his eyes. The two of you then go back to dancing, laughing along to the steps you find silly and scaring your three cats by pretending to lift your hands up as if preparing to do tumbles. “Point is, we’re much better cheer dancers now than before! Look, this routine’s even easier to follow now than when you were practicing this with me 4 years ago.”

“If you put it that way, then, I guess...” You muse out loud until another thought crosses your mind. “We should play that video of yours next, then! That was the exhibition, right?”

“Fine, fine.” He sighs teasingly. “but first let’s finish this! Ah, 6 minutes is so long when it’s so focused so much on dancing!”

You then spend the rest of the night dancing to your shared old competition videos until you eventually felt sleepy (and the old couple living right under your unit started banging on the floor, their ceiling, with an umbrella).

“Kids, whatever canoodling it is you’re doing, you need to stop, it’s 2 AM!” Mr. Lee yells from his window right below yours as you and Minho fall on your sleeping bags tiredly, making the two of you laugh.

“Who even uses the word ‘canoodling’ these days?” You scoff in between uncontrollable fits of giggles, rolling over to your stomach and lazily crawling over to your pillow. “And they think we’re doing something weird again! Mr. and Mrs. Lee are sweet and all but sometimes, their minds...”

Next to you, Minho clutches his stomach as he laughs. “Why?” He smirks playfully, sitting up and scooting over to his own sleeping bag. “They’re just being old people. Does it bother you that much? Do you actually want to do something weird with me?”

You scrunch your nose in disgust up at him hovering over you, pushing him away when he tries tickling your sides. “Ew, Minho! No, get away from me!”

A few hours later, you ended up having to deal with Minho sprawled all over your sleeping area and refusing to wake up at exactly 9 AM to prepare and head out of the apartment.

“Minho.” You call his name firmly, poking his arm draped over your waist. “Come on, you big baby, or the cats are gonna eat you for breakfast.”

“Nooo, 5 more minutes.” He whines tiredly, unconsciously snuggling up to your neck when Doongie and Soonie pass by his face, slapping their tails across his cheeks. “I’m so tired from last night.”

“I told you not to put on that video of yours from last season.” You scold, finally managing to lift his hand and kick his leg away from you. “Whatever, I’m feeding the cats. You get up and cook breakfast, okay?”

“In a bit.” He waves you off, rolling over to his stomach and grabbing the nearest cat, in his case Doongie.

Minho was right in that he really works his team’s outfit even when he’s not fully fond of it, you realize six hours later when you meet again at the competition’s venue and see him for the first time in his full gold top, black slacks, and shoes. He winks at you from across the room as you untie the knots of your purple, red, and yellow pom poms, gesturing to his outfit after and mouthing, “Like it?”

You wordlessly flash him a thumbs up in approval before showing him his shirt you’re wearing over your costume as he made you promise over breakfast, making him giggle over the hand fan he holds up to his face before focusing back on his conversation with Chan who’s filming an interview with him and the other captains of the participating teams as a courtside reporter.

Seungmin, preparing for his own pre-competition interview on the side, then takes the latter as his cue to sit next to you on the benches. “Minho scares me.”

“Minho always scares you.” You chuckle, elbowing his side and sparing him a quick glance before going back to your work. “What did you do this time, Minnie? Hit him with your cue cards?”

But your team’s persistent courtside reporter only shakes his head from the corner of your eye, glancing up ahead of you once again before repeating, “No, seriously, he was glaring at Eunwoo a while ago when you were talking to him and now he’s all smiley and winking at you now that you’re alone. It kind of scares me and I’m not the one being looked at.”

You whip your head over to the same direction, easily spotting Minho again whose eyes immediately soften up at your gaze gaze before smirking and winking again at you. Turning back to Seungmin after, you shrug and say, “He looks fine to me. He‘s always greasy in public by default.”

The younger boy only sighs in defeat, rubbing his temples as he replies, “I don’t know what’s going on in your home life but I’m saying this as a concerned friend and bystander: get a room.”

“What?!”

“Do everyone a favor, it’s getting annoying.” He points out, quickly glancing behind you once again before shuddering at Minho’s glare that’s now directed to the other boy he just mentioned. “And we all seriously feel bad for Eunwoo; guy was just asking you for eyeliner.”

“We’re not dating, Minnie, oh my God!” You smack his arm in disbelief, taking a quick scan around the room after to make sure that no one heard your blabbermouth of a friend. Lowering your voice, you then add, “But did he really? Glare at Eunwoo, I mean?”

“Plotted five different murder scenarios and everything.” Seungmin affirms. “Felix and Chan were texting me from across the room while it was all happening and they both said they could see smoke come out of Minho’s ears. Even Yeji was scared and she was just passing by to see Chaeryeong.”

“You guys are delusional.”

“We are tired of this dumb sexual tension.” He defends, gesturing to himself then to Chan and Hyunjin from afar then to Minho and, finally, to your shirt with Minho’s university logo on the print. “Anyway, I also heard from some of the other reporters that he made Jisung and Hyunjin hold something for him today when their team came in. What if it’s for you?”

You raise an eyebrow, shaking your head. “No? He didn’t bring anything weird to the bus stop this morning and I’m pretty sure he went straight to his uni after dropping me off at my stop.” You point out before exhaling another sigh and patting the younger boy’s shoulder. “You know what I think? I think looking after your significant other is taking a toll on you. Are you sure you don’t need anything? A break from courtside reporting maybe?”

Seungmin groans. “Ah, whatever. You two figure this out before someone actually gets an idea to shove you two into an actual room—especially Jisung and Hyunjin!” He concludes before noticing the sudden commotion to your left, eyes widening at realizing that the reporters are being called for their opening spiels now. “Oops, I gotta go, crowd check!”

“You better, you’re starting to talk weird!” You smack his elbow playfully, standing up when he does and bidding him goodbye. “Hype up our crowd and break a leg out there!”

“And you do well on the floor later!” He smiles back, waving goodbye at you before joining Chan and the other reporters to the exit leading to the main floor. “Don’t forget to drink water!”

“Will do, capt.!” And with that, Seungmin runs off to open the program, the empty space next to you quickly getting occupied by Minho after who points at your shirt cheekily.

“You look cute in my shirt.” He comments, adjusting the hat he wears similar to Michael Jackson’s. Fortunately, the lighting backstage is not as bright as the floor’s that his top only glimmers slightly in front of you as he moves.

“You just saw me wear this last Sunday.” You deadpan against another wave of heat rising up to your cheeks, your hands fiddling unconsciously with the hem of your shirt. “It was getting cold just wearing my costume.”

“What did Jeongin and Seungmin say?” He asks, gesturing his head over to the exit where Seungmin just passed through a while back.

“Jeongin just laughed and Seungmin said—ah, nevermind.” You shake your head towards the end, piquing Minho’s interest even further anyway.

“What? What?”

“Nothing! It was nothing.” You bluff with another shake of your head, pushing Minho away with your pom poms when he teases you by leaning his face closer to yours. “Anyway, when will you perform?”

“We’re coming out third for the team and I think our exhibition members are performing fourth. You?”

“First, actually—for the team, I mean.” You frown. “Then we’re last for exhibition.”

“We can watch each other then! I’ll cheer for you from the front seats, the boys have front row seats out there near your uni’s bleachers.”

“Don’t you need to stay back here and, I don’t know, do captain stuff?” You ask next.

“And miss out on your performance? No way! The kids can take care of themselves for 6 minutes.” He shrugs with a dismissive hand. “Why? Don’t you want me to cheer you on? I brought your shirt with me.”

“So you took my shirt!”

“You couldn’t possibly think the neighbors would.” He rolls his eyes playfully, slinging an arm over your shoulder and directing the two of you to the exit along with the others for the opening rites. “So will you come out and watch me too?”

“It’s not like I have another choice. I’m already wearing your shirt to a compet.” You reiterate, making him smile. “As long as you don’t take unflattering photos of me again.”

“Nope, I’ve learned my lesson already.” He grins mischievously, making you smack his arm. “I already have Hyunjin on that job—maybe Changbin too, he brought a tripod and everything to film today.”

“I’m kicking you out of the house when we get home.”

“Ooh, I’m so scared!”

“Shut up.”

Minho cheers you on during your performance, anyway, holding red and green balloons and your shirt, as if a banner, next to Changbin, Jisung, and Hyunjin who all hold different colors of balloons and even more diverse slogans flashing on their phones as well. “Go Y/N!” He yells whenever you have to perform a stunt or dance at the center, jumping up and down his seat and receiving confused looks from the people in their bleachers who aren’t familiar with the two of you.

“Minho’s cheering for you again.” Jeongin snickers quickly as he catches you from a lift, making you discreetly pinch his arm under you.

“Don’t even—“ You sigh, hopping off of your teammates and proceeding to the next formation.

Still, Jeongin bothers you anyway as you perform a series of jumps before kneeling down on the mats. “I just wanted to say it’s cute but pretend that didn’t come from me.” He mumbles against the loud music next to you. “Will you come out and cheer him on too?”

“You already know I will.” You sigh, clasping your hands together once it’s time to stand up again. “Will you come too?”

“I’m sitting with Chan and Seungmin!” He says before parting ways with you. “Sit with us!”

And you do, wearing Minho’s shirt again over your costume once it’s his team’s turn to perform while you hold a black and gold balloon that Chan teaches you quickly how to wave around in the way their university does in every performance. “Go Minho!” You all cheer at the same time from the courtside reporters’ area, making the said pep squad captain turn to your direction as he waits for his cue from behind a prop coffin akin to Michael Jackson’s Thriller.

Minho waves at you shyly in response, prompting the other boys to tease you for the duration of the his solo.

“Get a room!”

“Seungmin!”

The cheer dance program lasts for almost 2 hours with the team routine, the exhibition from select members where you participated (and received too much yells from your friends on different sides of the arena), and the awarding where you end up placing 1st runner-up on the team and 1st place on the exhibition while Minho snatches the Champion title for his team among all of the awards they were giving out.

By 8 PM when the program officially ends, your body is already sore from performing twice but you come out to the mats once again, anyway, to take photos with your friends.

“Okay, everyone, say cheese!” Naeun exclaims, pressing the timer on her camera before joining your group, easily climbing up your friend group’s improvised pyramid.

“Cheese!” The camera snaps photos of you and all of your friends from different universities involved in the cheer dance in quick succession, Minho teasing you from below halfway and pretending to drop your foot in his hands.

“There! I think we got it.” Seungmin points out once the camera’s snapping noise stops, standing up from kneeling in front with Chan, Yeeun, and Chaeryeong to check. “Alright, it’s good! Season 103 is done! Finally!”

Your group erupts in cheers as you and the other fliers are carefully caught back and helped back down on the mats while the courtside reporters do a group hug and snap more photos, this time on Yeeun’s phone where they started doing poses resembling their university mascots. You fall smoothly on Minho and Jeongin’s arms, hopping off easily and thanking Jeongin.

“What about me? Hm?” Minho pouts once Jeongin’s dragged away by Felix and Chenle to take more photos, carding his fingers through your bright red hair. “You could at least say thank you.”

You look up at him and snicker, elbowing his side. “Thank you, Minhooo. Happy?”

“Better.” He smirks before twisting his upper body halfway to turn behind you. When you follow his action with your gaze, your then see Changbin and Hyunjin jogging over to you with your trophies and a large bouquet of sunflowers and roses. “I got you something by the way—well, Changbin and Hyunjin bought then I paid them or else they’ll get tissues in their mouths again.”

“Wha—?” You eye the flowers as they approach in pure shock, your eyes widening even more when Changbin and Hyunjin only send you knowing smiles and winks before running away, cheering Minho on as they escape to your other friends. “W-What? W-Why this all of a sudden?”

Minho chuckles at your reaction, passing you your trophy from the exhibition category while he holds his from the team category with the bouquet in one hand. “I just thought that...it’s the end of the season—our last season so what if I—what if I finally asked you out properly?” He explains, growing more sheepish as he explains further while he then transfers the bouquet in his free hand and thrusts the fragile gift towards you. “Felix and Jeongin suggested that I make it more grander with an after-compet performance or something but I know that’s not your type so I got you flowers instead since I know you’ll win something either way.”

“O-Oh.” You muse in your speechlessness, catching a glance of your mutual friends now crowding together from a distance and holding up their phones to record Minho’s confession. Around you, even a few passersby have also momentarily stopped to look, equally as surprised knowing your infamous relationship with your somewhat rival in these competitions. “Y-You’re—you’re asking me out.”

“That’s the plan.” He shrugs with another laugh, grinning even wider when you slowly take the flowers in your own hands to smell the flowers. “If not, then we can totally just pretend I bought you the flowers as congratulations for winning the exhibition catego—hey, woah!”

You shake your head with a smile, having already gathered your thoughts, and pull him into a hug with your free hand, effectively cutting him off and making everyone around you cheer. “Of course, I’d go out with you, dumbass.” You answer his unspoken question, making him smile over your shoulder and hug you back tightly. “Anyway, I’m too lazy to kick you out of the apartment.”

“Ya!”

“I’m just kidding!” You then pull away slightly after, tiptoeing up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for the flowers—and also maybe for assuming that I’m going to win something.”

“You always win something, anyway—even if it’s not always the team category because you can never beat me to that in this competition.” He teases, earning him another smack on the arm. “You did win my heart.”

“Ugh, Minho, gross!” You scrunch up your nose, feigning disgust and making him laugh as he dips down to kiss you. “Please never say that in front of my face ever again, we still have Nationals at the end of the semester!”

426 notes · View notes

paperpocalypse · 3 years

Text

duty.

50 Wordless Ways to Say “I Love You”: 13. Playing your fingers through their hair while sitting next to them on the couch.

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Aristocrat!Reader

Word Count: 2,407 words

Warning: Wonky and inaccurate aristocrat/rich people politics and marrying young because of it, please bear with me

[A/N: No powers!Historical!AU]

The elegance of the Hargreeves estate is of the dark, academic sort – polished, reserved, all sharp lines and dim lighting and old books – and you’d feel quite intimidated by it if you were any less acquainted with its occupants. You and your sister always look out of place when you visit, bright splotches of summer color roaming the narrow, perpetually autumnal hallways; and when congregating with the siblings in the library or outside, any visitor could glance at your merry group and immediately tell apart the hosts and the guests.

It’s all a reflection of your respective parents, really – if you had any say in how you presented yourself, it certainly wouldn’t be in the vivid, youthful hues of your mother’s choosing, and you’re sure that some of the others have similar sentiments.

Because while your family and Five’s family are certainly different in some ways, their respective heads are both pretty damn suffocating.

“Looks like it’s a draw.”

You grunt, displeased, and collapse back in your chair, bundling up in your blanket. “Can’t take a loss, can you, Five?”

“Not if I can help it,” he answers. His frown and crossed arms speak to his dissatisfaction with the result; losing is never an option, but clear-cut victories are always better than a draw. “Want to play again?”

The suggestion is tempting. Very tempting. You reach out and pick up your king, feeling the cold, smooth marble against the pads of your fingertips, and purse your lips in thought. Your eyes flick up briefly to meet Five’s.

Oh.

“Maybe tomorrow,” you finally say, putting the piece down. “I’m getting a bit tired.”

Five studies you for a moment, head tilting in that particular, scrutinizing way of his. Then his expression smooths out and he nods.

After putting the pieces back into place, the two of you exit the warmth of the library and head towards the guest wing. The walk is silent; you keep your borrowed blanket wrapped snugly around your shoulders, the bottom dragging across the perfect, wooden floor as you look at the paintings hung along the wall. They’re landscapes, mostly – of dark green forests; cold, still oceans; blue-grey mountains shrouded in mist. Impersonal and very fitting for the tastes of Five’s father, that’s for sure.

When you reach your room, you smile at your companion, and it feels unnaturally polite. “Well, goodnight, Five.”

“Goodnight.”

The boy turns and strolls back down the hallway, and you wait until he disappears around the corner, chewing on your bottom lip, before pushing the door open to enter your room.

“You two are duller than an ashtray. 'Goodnight’?”

“Sh –” you bite back an expletive, whipping around to glare at the intruder on your bed. “Lila, go back to your own room!”

Your sister just stares at you from her upside-down position, arms and legs splayed out as she smiles. “You still haven’t talked about it, have you?”

“We don’t need to,” you snap back quietly, closing the door as quickly as you can without slamming it. “He understands it as well as you and I do.”

“You realize Mum never said you’ll have to marry the guy.”

“Of course not; she just strongly suggested it.”

“Still not an order.”

Her flippancy causes you to glare. “Lord Harold is rich and he’s willing –"

“He’s a massive creep,” she interrupts, giving you an incredulous look. “And you just came of age, [Y/n]. You’ll be miserable.”

“I can get it annulled after five years, remember?”

“You’re really going to last for five years?”

She’s trying to pull something out of you, you know it. You try to maintain your composure.

“A massive debt isn’t going to just disappear,” you repeat. “It was either him or Lady Helen, and Helen got betrothed last month. Harold’s the quickest way to fix it, in case you forgot.”

“And in case you forgot, it’s literally not your problem. Stop making a martyr of yourself when you don’t have to.” Lila sits up and swivels around to face you, crossing her legs. Her expression is expectant. “I’ll figure something out, so don’t throw a fit, alright? The debt’s going to be mine along with the estate. You can afford to disappoint Mum for once in your life.”

Your brow furrows. “Lila –”

“If you keep arguing, I’m going to smother you with a pillow,” she says. “Either you agree with me, or you tell your future love affair that you’re marrying a human toad in the spring.”

“Future lo – it’s not like that! We’re friends!”

Lila holds your indignant gaze. Then, with practiced, unladylike ease, she hops off your bed, puts her hands on her hips and raises her eyebrows at you.

“You have the worst case of denial I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” she says.

“I’m being completely honest,” you retort hotly. And you are. You and Five are friends, and although the nature of your relationship is admittedly more comfortable than any other friendship you’ve had over the years, nothing between you and Five had ever been non-platonic.

(Not that you would mind something non-platonic – but as you’ve reiterated to Lila many, many times, you’re just as content being friends. Having a genuine, close companion in your world is rare, and you’re tired of everyone deciding what you and Five should be when the two of you are more than capable of figuring it out for yourselves.)

“Why do you care, anyway? Everything will be easier for you if I marry Harold.”

“And more miserable for you.” She lets her arms fall to her sides. “Look, I’m the oldest, so I’m supposed to be the miserable one, not you. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t marry Harold. Give yourself more time to grow up.”

You don’t know what to say.

Seemingly finished with her piece, Lila smiles before brushing past you, nudging your blanket to the side on her way to the door. You glance away when she looks over her shoulder at you.

“Sleep on it.”

… You do, though it’s a lot less sleep than you’d hoped.

—

The next morning is slow and lazy. It’s a good thing in your opinion, because as mentioned before, you had spent a great deal of the night thinking about what your sister had said, and your head feels quite foggy as a result. A cup of tea and a horse ride with everyone outside in the snow both help somewhat over the course of the day. However, by the time the sky begins to darken, you’re back in your room to take a nap before supper, and quickly return thereafter.

When you hear three quick raps on your door, you groan and drag yourself out of bed.

“Lila,” you grumble as you turn the knob and pull, “can’t you go bother Diego instead –”

You swallow your words when you see your actual visitor. Five gives you a brief, tight-lipped smile.

“Mind if I come in?”

“Uh,” you respond intelligently, then shake your head and step to the side, remembering your manners. “Of course.”

Five walks in and heads towards the window. You go to the couch nearby and sit down, slightly perplexed as he finds an interest in the candle burning on the sill – he’s welcome to hang around in here, certainly, but the two of you usually convene in his room or the library. The guest room doesn’t have much to offer in terms of entertainment.

In due time, the boy turns away from the frost-covered window and joins you on the couch.

“Your sister said you weren’t feeling well,” is all he says.

So that’s why he’s here. Shrugging, you put your hands in your lap, fiddling with the family ring on your middle finger. “I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”

Your lackluster explanation isn’t enough, if his short, replying hum is anything to go by. Five leans forward, folding his hands and resting his chin on them. And what else? he seems to say.

“It’s … It’s just been a busy year, with Lila and me coming of age and all. More responsibilities and expectations, and all that,” you eventually continue, staring down at the thick, luxurious carpet at your feet. “Though I don’t have much of a right to complain. Lila’s bearing most of the pressure, since she’s the heir apparent …”

“She doesn’t seem too bothered,” Five points out, tone bland.

You allow yourself to grin. “Because we’re on vacation. Five, if you saw Lila this summer, you would’ve seen how hard she’s been working.” Not to mention all of the proposals that she had so graciously shot down, on account of her veto power and general distaste for marriage. “Honestly, the two of you have a lot in common and I don’t know why you butt heads so often.”

“I have my reasons.”

At that cryptic snark, you reach out and gain purchase on his hair, ruffling it in righteous revenge. Five grunts half-heartedly, elbowing you away. A small smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth and you almost feel like this conversation is going to be normal – that is, as normal as it gets with a Hargreeves.

(His hair is very soft. You feel bad for messing it up, so you attempt to smooth it back into its original state; about a minute into that attempt you realize what you’re actually doing and withdraw. You shouldn’t be so improper.)

Do you have to do this?

You decide to pay the piper before you can talk yourself out of it. “You know,” you say when the joviality fades, “she’s the one who suggested that I talk to you. About my possible betrothal.”

Five’s expression flattens. He looks straight ahead again, resting his elbows on his knees. “What is there to talk about?”

“Well, you��re my closest friend and one of the smartest people I know, so I ought to ask for your opinion on the possibility of …” You reconsider for one final moment, then inhale deeply and let it out. “Of me refusing Lord Harold’s offer.”

To your slight surprise, Five nods.

“Did you talk to your mother about it?” he questions.

“Not yet,” you murmur. “To be honest, I’ve been thinking about it for months, but I only started seriously considering it last night. And now I really don’t want to marry Lord Harold. He unsettles me and I’m not ready.”

He frowns. “Neither of them is going to accept that as a reason.”

“I know.” You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “They’ll kick up a fuss over finances and it’ll be a bit of a scandal. That’s why I’m asking for your advice.”

Being the pragmatist that he is, you had thought that Five would be more averse to your plan. He himself had done things that he did not want to do in order to help his siblings, so you had assumed that despite his immediate dislike of Lord Harold since the night of your coming-of-age celebration, Five would tell you to endure a few years with the noble before disposing of him and collecting your dues. It’s the easiest way to get what you and your family needed, after all.

The fact that he’s so accepting of your decision makes you curious …

“First of all, even if he recognizes your refusal – and you’ll probably have a hard time with that, which will be an issue all on its own – your mother will try to find someone else to ship you off to,” he states, eyebrows pinched. “Preferably within the next year or so, right?”

“Yes.”

“How likely is she to push back your marriage by a few years?”

“… Not very likely,” you admit.

The boy pauses, thinking, then sits back.

“I could propose to you,” he offers, “if you’d like.”

You accidentally laugh out loud, you’re so taken aback. Five? Proposing? “Come again?”

“You heard me the first time.”

“We’re practically penniless. Would your father even give his blessing?”

He rolls his eyes. “Penniless or not, you’re an aristocrat with a title. If nothing else, Dad will accept that.”

“Neither of us want to get married.”

“And yet it’s your most realistic option thus far.” Five pins you with a serious gaze, and it finally hits you that he’s genuinely, actually asking. “Are you okay with it or not?”

“I …” You fumble over your words, staring at Five with wide eyes. “I mean, yes, I’d be okay with that, but … are you sure? You’d marry me just to get me out of another marriage?”

(Your question is not born of a doubt that he’ll go through with it. Five is a person of his word. But this is a big deal, and you’re both young, and most importantly of all, you don’t want this to be a mistake.)

“Let’s just say that I’d rather it be you than anyone else,” he mutters, shrugging softly. “This is your back-up plan, anyway. And if the marriage goes sideways, we can have it annulled after a few years and you’ll get a settlement too.”

He says it as if he’s discussing the weather. You chuckle, inexplicably reassured and amused by his bluntness. “Not even ten minutes into your proposal and you’re already thinking about an annulment? I fear for our future, Five.”

“There are worse things to be afraid of,” he replies sardonically. “Bring it up with your mom when you go back. If you can’t get out of a marriage, write me and I’ll talk to my dad.”

“Alright. You should bring Allison with you, though.”

“I suggest the same with Lila. Make it convincing.”

That won’t be too difficult. You nod, and with that, the deal seems to be sealed. Although you’re still processing what just happened, and Five is likely realizing just what he and you are potentially getting yourselves into, the two of you share a small smile nonetheless. It is hard not to.

“Thank you,” you murmur after a while.

Five glances over at your hands, then down at his. “Don't thank me yet."

"Alright, then. If you insist."

As your friend twists the steel ring on his index finger, you think to yourself, yes, you do want more time to grow up. But if the world won’t give that to you, you figure that a life with Five would be the next best thing.

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dumbass-mha-simp · 4 years

Text

Hawks x Reader

This is very self indulgent tbh. Mostly gender neutral but does mention make up. Also the reader has mega family trauma cuz same.

Warnings: mentions of food, alcohol, reader is drunk but keigo is vv respectful & doesn't try anything, reader doesn't talk to their family, past family abuse, reader is kinda mean to him at first

I wrote this at like 4am and my phone is wonky and keeps autocorrecting "you" to "he" for no reason but i did like one quick pass through before posting so hopefully it's good enough, this is probably one of the first times I've actually published my fanfiction so hopefully it ain't shit,

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For the last couple months you've been teasing him. Practically any other girl in your position would swoon in your position. But where's the fun in letting him get what he wants so quick?

Pro Hero Hawks, had seemingly everyone wrapped around his finger. With eyes pierced in deep gold and, blazing, ruby red wings, it's hard for anyone to not be attracted to him.

You stood in the back corner of a "special hero party," trying to discern if you should sneak out and do anything more interesting than standing with a bunch of other heros.

"Hello there, beautiful." A thick and sweet voice called as you turned your head to them. "Looking lonely all alone back here, let me join?" Hawks, the number two hero was offering to stand with you. Staying it is I suppose.

"I admire your work, you're really dedicated kid. I like watching your stuff." He says taking a slow sip of his drink.

"You? You watch me?" The disbelief of it rung through in sarcasm. How were you to expect someone like him watched your work. You continued sipping from your drink, even if it was a boring party there was free fancy alcohol and that's all a hero could ever need.

"I wanna see more of you, and not just on the screen or anything. I want to get to know you, you know, maybe take you out a bit, hottie." He uses his middle finger to gently lift your chin up.

"And why do you think I'd immediately just accept some date from a guy I've never even talked to?" You dryly laugh out taking another sip.

"C'mon pretty thing, you know me. Your friendly neighborhood Hawks. The hottest, and most loved person you'll ever meet."

"Ah that's what you are, the hot, amazing, charming, hero to any and all." You scoffed

"The one and only."

You spent the rest of the night either playing hard to get, or annoyed at him. You couldn't exactly tell.

This carried on for months, every event you attended, he was right there on your heels like an abandoned, clingy puppy. He's even started patrolling with you.

"Say when are you gonna quit and just accept a date dollie?" He charmed up behind you.

"I'm at work, Hawks." Your boots cracked on the wet pavement as the last bits of rain desperately clung to the air.

"Why do you play so hard to get?" He questioned in a more serious tone. He was genuinely curious about you. "Most people would kill to have me begging for them, let alone after giving me to cold shoulder so many times." You could hear the upturn in his lips as he spoke.

"Why do you happen to find me the one person worth going for?" You retorted back.

"You interest me. There's very few people I'm genuinely curious about, but one of them's you, kid." He looked up into your eyes from the street. Something you'd never thought you'd see in Hawks' eyes was sincerity over such a topic. He genuinely wanted to know you.

".........Let's just say letting people in isn't my forte." You say quickly but with a slight hint of pain. You begin to walk off again and he doesn't question. He doesn't push you to tell him why. But you could see the way he processes your words on his face.

A bar, on a Thursday night, alone. How pathetic of you. Luckily you had no work tomorrow, a big mission the week before let them cut a couple weekends longer. As you downed your refill you questioned how many you've had.

"How long have I been here?" You whispered slightly to yourself before bringing it to your lips.

The warm rush reflow through your body as you let yourself fall to it. The bartender looked at you from the corner of his eye.

"I'm cutting you off for the night." He looks earnestly at you.

"Now that's not very nice there." You laugh back at him.

You pull out your phone and attempt to call some friends but lucky enough for you, you chose a night they were all at work to recklessly get drunk in the middle of the city. The only other contact you could think of was Hawks.

There's no way he'll pick up. He's gotta be busy. I could find literally anyone else to do it. You mutter in your brain as you go into his contact and start a call.

It rings twice before his voice calls out to you. "Hey this is hawks. ... (Y/h/n), are you there?"

Okay act cool and sober. "Heeeeyyy bird." Shit.

You could practically feel his shit eating grin across the phone. "You in need of a hero babe?"

"Can you please pick me up?" A whine took over your voice. You hated being drunk in front of people like him. That soft affectionate side seems to burst its way out when the alcohol takes control.

"Tell me where you are birdie." He said as you heard some ruffling. "(Bar name idk)." You rough out tiredly.

"Be right there angel." He called before hanging up.

You put the phone down on the counter and groaned. Why him? You try so hard to make sure you don't fall for people. They always end up like the last. You feel like they stop caring once they really meet you. Like they don't want the cake after the first bite.

Used, alone, and forgotten. It's a stabbing feeling that your used to. A feeling of burning heaviness in your stomach.

You sit slumped down onto the bar contemplating your feelings for the winged hero for awhile. Why can't emotions just be controlled?

"Hey-o!" You heard a voice from behind you break through the thoughts corrupting your mind. Hawks smiled and thanked the bartender before reaching his arms around you and helping you off the stool.

I didn't know he could be so gentle..

He walked you out the door and held your arms softly, but supportedly as he looked you in the face. "I'm gonna fly us okay? Don't wriggle to much." With that he picks you up and starts beating his wings.

"Hawks?" You call slurred and quiet.

"Yeah, kid?" He glances down at you with a light smile.

"What's your real name?"

"Well why would I tell you that when you refuse to tell me yours so often?" He chuckled.

"(Y/n) (y/l/n)"

"W..what?"

"My name. It's (Y/n) (y/l/n)." You replied back.

You could see the confusion of your open demeanor. But there was something else in his eyes. Something you couldn't put your finger on.

"Soooooooo....." you trailed off with a smile.

"Keigo Takami." He chortled at your ridiculous smile.

"That's a lot prettier than I thought it would be." You stared into his face. How could anyone not find him attractive. The perfect mix of facial hair, jawline, that dumb grin that was insanely attractive, those eyes that were the perfect gold.

"You're gorgeous, Keigo." You whisper more to yourself than him.

"And you apparently drank a lot more than I suspected." He tried to brush off but you could feel a bit more heat from his face.

"Here it is." He lands gingerly and places you down on the ground, wrapping his arm under your shoulder and holding onto the small of your back. "Let's get you in bed."

"Have you eaten today?" He calls after setting you on the couch and going to the kitchen to get you some water. You shake your head and he looks a little concerned but doesn't push it. He hasn't either so late take out it is.

"What do you want?" He looks to you above the old paper menu he has saved from a place not to far from here. "Cuddles." You pout looking through your phone.

"I meant for dinner (y/n)." He laughs at you. "Oooh that makes sense." You laugh too, "anything with noodles and shrimp, I reaaaaally like shrimp." You smile at him wholesomely as he looks at you with the same missing thing as earlier in his eyes.

He orders for the both of you then takes you to the bathroom and sits you on the counter with your bag. "Makeup remover?" He asked placing your bag on your lap. You pull out some individual wipes as he gentle pulls them from your fingers and moves the bag to the side.

He softly wipes at your face as you close your eyes and focus on the feeling of his hands. After wiping the makeup off he wipes down your face with water to make sure there's no remover left either.

"Beautiful. Now do you want to go watch something while we wait for the food?"

His eyes gleamed at you and it filled you with that feeling of admiration. He was being so considerate and kind. Nothing like you imagined. You were safe. Safe here with him by your side.

You placed a kiss to his cheek.

"(Y/nn)," he closed his eyes softly taking in the tingle of where your lips pressed. "You're drunk off your ass, baby. Lets get you fed and in bed, dear." You nod tiredly as he pulls you down from the counter.

You sit back down on his couch as he answers the door and takes the food. "Someone order shrimp?"

"Oooo!" You clap your hands rapidly and look to him excitedly. He giggles at you and hands you the food.

You sit and eat together. Talking about whatever comes to mind first and building on from wherever it wandered.

"So, what's your family like?" He asked innocently enough. "Eh." You brushed off. A subject you never liked was family.

"I get that." He tried to laugh but it seemed forced. "I was born with two parents and couldn't get a single one to even care about me." You laughed to him.

"Do you talk to them?" He looks like he wants your answer. Like he cares about what you say.

"I try not to. I cut them off when I was a teen, everyone blamed it on me being a dumb rebellious kid. No one ever tried to see what happened in those walls." You trailed off.

"Were you hurt?" He tilts his head as concern covers his features. "That's an understatement." You force a smile back at him and take a bite.

"I...I think I kinda understand what you feel in a way." You meet his eyes as they lazily traveled to the floor. His thoughts stiring from behind his pupils.

"No parent buddies?" You put out your hand for a fist bump. He laughs and fist bumps you, "Yeah, no parent buddies."

You lean a bit closer to him. "I'm sorry you were hurt. They didn't deserve the control they had over you." You went a bit more serious as you draw your eyes up to him.

"Im sorry for you too." He breathed out to you. "Now let's get you in bed." A smile took over as he moved your empty food package onto the table and picked you up.

"PUT ME DOWN KEIGO!" You laugh and softly hit your hands against him. He laughs with you then throws you onto the bed.

"Why am I on the bed?" You frown. "Why wouldn't you be?" He looks as he places your water on the night stand next to you.

"It's your bed."

"And I get to choose who sleeps in it."

He places a feather-light kiss on your temples then goes to the door.

"Keigo-" he turns, "cuddle me?"

"I'll clean up and be back here soon okay?" He smiles at you. "Okay"

After twenty minutes of struggling to keep yourself up you feel a weight press into the mattress, keeping some distance.

You roll up next to him and wrap yourself around him.

"Sweet dreams Keigo."

"Goodnight, (y/n)."

And there he was when you woke up. Right beside you. After awhile you got used to seeing his face when you woke up. Always being able to see the look in his eyes you tried so hard to put your finger on. The lovestruck stupid he was for you.

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melioramercy · 4 years

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i didn’t mean to, but i know it still hurts

spencer reid x nonbinary partner (afab) (they/them/theirs)

in which spencer accidentally misgenders his partner

this is my first fic ! how groovy is that ?

note: misgendering is defined as the following: [to] refer to (someone, especially a transgender person) using a word, especially a pronoun or form of address, that does not correctly reflect the gender with which they identify.

if you’d like to chat about gender (respectfully) my asks are open xx ruby

dating spencer reid was wonderful. truly, you had no idea how you’d gotten so lucky. he was kind without trying, attentive to your needs, and would never do anything to hurt your feelings. not on purpose, anyway. but when he did, he was quick to apologise, curling up on the couch with you and kissing your head. he knew you typically brooded in silence, choosing to let what was bothering you wash over you in full before attempting to sort anything out. this way, you didn’t say anything you didn’t mean. you two always sorted out conflicts peacefully, and only ended up crying because you loved each other so much and you never wanted to be mad at the other. because of this, he was more than happy to sit with you in silence, weathering your storm together.

spencer didn’t know you were nonbinary when you first met. that was ten months ago, back when you only knew him as the cute, clumsy guy who frequented the same park as you. he liked to play chess, you learned, while he noticed you practicing complex yoga poses just a stone’s throw past him. the two of you maintained a respectful distance from one another, though you snuck glances at him, admiring the way his tongue poked out between his lips, and how quickly his hands darted around the board. he never noticed you staring, the same way you didn’t notice his eyes bashfully skating over your figure, sucking in a breath as your shirt rode up, revealing your colourful sports bra and soft tummy.

you’d existed in the same space, bearing witness to one another’s leisure activities for nearly four months before you interacted beyond a slight smile or shy wave. some days, he sat propped against a tree, reading a thick book or sketching. you were physically closer than ever when he sat under the tree, but you couldn’t have felt further apart. on the days he had a notebook in front of him, pencil sliding across the paper, his gaze never wavered, and you couldn't help but secretly hope he was drawing a portrait of you. spurred on by your daydream, you decided to try out more skillful poses, subconsciously trying to break his concentration, but no dice.

it wasn’t until you fell out of a handstand and face-planted that the force field between you two broke. he jumped up from his spot under the tree and ran over to you, wiping dirt off your forehead and holding your face as he checked for any scrapes or bruises. you hoped his warm hands couldn’t feel the way your cheeks burned as he scrutinized you. you let out a breathy laugh mixed with a gasp as you realized how close he was. from here, you could see the green around his pupils, blooming into a gorgeous hazel. the wind teased the curls you’d longed to run your hands through. as if jolted by an unseen presence, he realized how close he was to you, quickly dropping his hands from your face and pulling away.

“uh, sorry,” he said, brushing off his pants as he stood.

“no, no, really, it’s okay. thank you. i usually practice my handstands at home, with lots of cushions around.” damn, he was so cute. you tugged your shirt down, suddenly feeling self-conscious in your tight, printed leggings, toes wriggling into the grass.

you stared at each other, unsure of what to say. was it wrong to want his hands back on your face, kissing you like his life depended on it?

“i’m y/n,” you offered.

“spencer.”

“well, it’s lovely to meet you, spencer. thank you again.” shit, was this really going to end here?

“yeah, uhm, you too. y/n.” the words brought a smile to your face, and you loved the way your name fit in his mouth.

he rocked on his feet, as if he were working up the courage to say something.

“okay... bye.” and just like that, he turned to leave. no, no no no no. fuck, think, y/n, think!

“hey!” you shouted, loud enough to startle him. as soon as he turned around, you were blurting out, “do you wanna go out sometime?”

***

you told spencer about your pronouns, along with your gender identity, on the date you’d scheduled for the following weekend, pending his schedule didn’t change. he didn’t offer up any information about his job, or what made his schedule so wonky, and you didn’t ask. you wanted to know anything you could about the man you’d seen at the park so many times, but you didn't want to push him.

you’d agreed to take a walk in the park before heading to a nearby restaurant for dinner. you wanted to give him an easy out, in case he changed his mind about you. you wore a simple top with linen pants and sandals, while he wore a more casual version of what you’d seen him wearing before. slacks, a button-down sans sweater vest, and converse. you met up at the tree you’d seen him reading under before, savouring the way he complimented you. beginning to walk the path, you worked up the nerve to confess your truth.

“so,” you began. “i’ve gotta get something out of the way.” you saw a flash of panic in his eyes, opting to continue before he could ask any questions.

“i’m nonbinary.”

he stopped walking, letting out a breath before turning to you. fuck, you thought. this is it. he’s gonna be scared off just like everyone else before him. considering how long you'd hoped for this moment, this would be the hardest loss of them all. but you couldn't compromise yourself, in the same way you wouldn't be able to change his mind if he thought your gender identity was too much baggage.

you were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t see the smile on his face. you also realized neither of you had said anything since your initial admission.

“spencer?” his name sounded like a plea, with a tinge of hope lining your voice.

“okay.”

“okay?” that’s it?

“what pronouns would you like me to refer to you with?”

the question was one you’d heard before, but it sounded so much... better coming from him. you felt a flutter in your heart, a smile budding on your face as he slipped his hand into yours.

“y/n," you reintroduced yourself. "they/them/theirs.”

he nodded at that, beginning to walk again. you didn’t expect him to speak again, and you definitely weren't expecting what he said next.

“spencer,” he said. “he/him/his.”

you squeezed his hand, the flutter in your heart replaced with something different, something... warm. you really hoped this would last.

***

ten months later, you were sat at the kitchen table, having breakfast for dinner, with your boyfriend recalling some conversation he’d had with the team.

“and i told morgan, y/n always stays up waiting for me on the couch, but sometimes she falls asleep and-”

he immediately froze, not missing the way you flinched behind your coffee mug. for a second, he thought he should’ve just kept talking, quickly correcting himself and continuing with the story. he knew you disliked when people made a big deal out of messing up your pronouns, but he couldn’t help himself.

“y/n, i-”

you were quick to cut him off.

“spence, it’s okay. it was an accident.” your voice didn’t reveal your hurt, but spencer didn't miss the look in your eyes, the way your brow furrowed as you tried to keep his slip up from getting to you. it wasn't personal. it was an accident. but it still hurt.

“y/n, i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” he started rambling, leaving you no room to interrupt. “i’m sorry, i know your pronouns. i would never misgender you on purpose or do anything to hurt you.” he reached across the table, grabbing your hands and squeezing them tightly. “you’re my y/n/n, my beanie. i love you so much. i’m sorry.”

he'd started weeping at the initial mess up, but now he was fully crying, harder than you'd ever seen. it scared you more than it confused you. why was he so upset?

“spence, baby, it’s okay,” you begged him to believe you, but he only dropped his head against your hands, his tears wetting your skin. “spencer,” you said, more insistently.

you sighed, realizing he wasn’t letting up. you pulled your hands out from under his head, hoping he’d look up at you, but he dropped his head onto the table instead. what was up with him? seriously, people called you “she” all the time, and it was rarely malicious. you were used to it, but he was always bothered, correcting people so you didn’t have to. he really was the perfect boyfriend.

abruptly, you stood up, grabbing his arm and pulling with all your weight. he gave in, letting you drag him to the couch. you sat down, the worn leather squeaking as you tucked your feet under yourself. you tugged him down to sit next to you, cradling his head against your chest like he'd done with you so many times before when you were upset. you kissed his forehead and stroked his hair until his breathing slowed down.

“you okay, baby?” your words were met with a murmur, but it was better than nothing. “spence?”

you tilted his head so you could look each other in the eye.

“what’s going on, lovey?”

it was his turn to sigh, his nostrils flaring as his big ole brain searched for the right words.

“i’m sorry.”

you didn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue.

“i’m sorry. i didn’t mean it, but i know it still hurts. your pronouns are part of you, and i’ve seen first-hand how much it bugs you when someone refers to you as ‘she’ or ‘her.’ i know you take it personally, and i don't blame you. i know i'll never understand how much it affects you, or why, and i never, ever, want to be the person who makes you feel that way.”

“i know, spence, it’s okay.”

“but it’s not, y/n!” his words were frantic, but he took a deep breath to try and calm himself. “i’m sorry. i just, i’ve never messed up before.”

so that’s what is was. god, on the one hand, you were grateful he took it so... personally? no. you couldn’t put your finger on it, but the fact that he cared so much made you feel loved, and seen. he knew how much it hurt you, and it hurt him just as much.

“baby, thank you.”

he looked you right in the eye, confused as to why you were thanking him.

“thank you, for loving me. for being you. spence, i... i’ve never had anyone who’s cared so much. you’re right, it does hurt, but i love you. i know you didn’t mean any harm, and i know you would never do it on purpose. you don’t have to beat yourself up, okay?”

he still seemed upset, so you reached around, hooking your pinky with his. his lip quirked up at that, and he adjusted so he could press his palm to yours, entwining your fingers.

“i love you, beanie.”

“i love you, too, baby. so so much.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x nonbinary!reader #spencer reid x yn #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #ruby writes #nonbinary writer

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 3 years

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Winner’s Curse: Epilogue

Note: Wooo boy, it’s over. Now I know not many people may have read this, it may not have the best editing and some parts are a bit vague and not the best. In fact I’ll probably revise some parts at a later date or if I ever decide to post on A03, but I am still super proud of it. I think I did some great character parts and there are some sections that I’m just super proud of. I’m also happy that I actually finished it. It’s my longest fic to date and I actually completed it! 30 chapters. Well 32 if you include the prologue and epilogue. So cool! Plus I wrote what I really wanted, which I’ll admit was not the plot. The plot was a bit wonky and maybe I had too many characters that I didn’t juggle well and didn’t give them all equal exploration. Also action scenes were hard for me to write so those were not the best. But still- getting to explore these characters and their relationships and include several of my favorite Disney characters. Very fun. Also thanks to @edream93 for encouraging me when this was just a little idea, looking over some sections and offering advice and for overall being an amazing person. Check out her WLTF and other descendants fics like London Fog Nightcaps. And for the final time, hope y’all enjoy reading.

Flash forward to summer break in Agrabah

Jordan stretched, cracking her back after sitting hunched at her desk for the past hour editing her latest video How to Date a Djinn Episode 3. She had finally convinced the tech-averse Calix to join her in making satire videos of all the most terrible dates she had been on. Initially, she had planned for it to be a serious thing where she reminded her viewers of genie autonomy and the idea they had feelings behind their wishing powers, but Calix was never good at playing emotional PSAs.

Besides it was more fun that way to spoof how terrible, and sometimes ridiculous her romantic suitors were. Plus the hilarity kept her from thinking too much about the bitterness of the memories.

She cracked her neck and poofed outside to Aziz’s room where her lamp laid on its usual perch. Outside she could hear the thump of running feet and the screech of confused peacocks.

“Malik! No riding the peacocks!” A servant shouted

“Yes, riding peacocks!”

“No, Noor, Fahran, that’s not allowed. Get off of them!”

Jordan shook her head in amusement at the kids' antics.

Noor and Fahran were having a blast hanging out with their new “little” brother as they called the 5 year old. Though they were family in a way. Jade was the half sister to Aladdin’s half brother, Mozonroth. And Malik was their nephew. Even though the family tree was a bit tangled and confusing to visualize in your head.

And where Jade and Malik were concerned, Jay was also included as Aladdin had originally planned in inviting the former thief to Agrabah so they could get to know each other, and Jay, to get in touch with the more savory side of his heritage. Jay and Aladdin had especially hit off as they compared lives on the streets and bragged about some of their more daring heists so any concern of whether the Jafar connection would sour things was gone. All together, Jay, Jade and Malik were new, though unofficial members of the family. Aladdin, and Jasmine decided to hold off any official adoption in respect to Jay and Jade’s feelings.

Though, having three new members meant triple the chaos, the running in the halls and inevitable breaking of antique objects. It was still triple the fun.

Razoul, predictably, despised the decision. But hey, he wasn’t the sultan.

Jordan peeked out to the hall, no sign of peacock racing or frazzled servants anywhere. Since she’d been inside so long she decided to go outside to the backyard.

Passing the living room, she saw Jay playing some sort of Wii-fit game against Carlos, Lonnie and Gil whose scores were also reflected on the screen even as they played millions of miles away in their own living rooms. Jordan checked the time, ah it was 2’o clock on the doubt. Jay always called his friends at this time since it was when the time zones converged suitably for all of them to chat.

Jade was lounging on the couch, facetiming her girlfriend, Yzla. Jordan waved, and Jade waved in return, focusing mainly on their conversation which involved some llama prank with Empress Malina. Yzla was staying with Emperor Kuzco and his family. A arrangement Kuzco had initially been against but his wife and son overruled him. Which was for the best because apparently Yzla and him were hitting it off like two peas in a pod, scaring Malina, by tricking her into thinking Kuzco had changed into a llama again.

Huh, that reminded her, she hadn’t checked social media in a few hours. So she scrolled through, looking at Ben’s new post that there was to be a new class in the fall. Magic 101 with Flora, Fauna and Merrywhether and many surprise guest lecturers.

The Magic 101 class had been one of Uma’s many ideas for the new and improved Auradon. She told Ben of Alexandria’s reasoning for the revolt, explaining that the pressure for magic creatures to deny their magic was a strong reason for resentment, and most importantly, unfair. And Ben, who had been present at several meetings where mermaids, fairies and others stated their petitions of complaints, agreed. King Ben had removed the magic ban and decided to institute the Magic 101 class. Contrary to the name, the class wasn’t for magical beings, they already knew how to deal with their powers and not use them to affect others or supposedly cheat at life. The class was a requirement for Auradonians to learn about their fellow beings, how it was a vital part of them and the greater natural world.

Ben had actually suggested that she’d be the magical liaison and teacher assistant for the new Magic 101 classes but she had politely declined. She did accept going as a demonstrator whenever it was time for her Dad’s guest lecture.

But a fulltime TA? It sounded like too much work, her powers were not applicable to the greater magical population, and most importantly, she really wanted to get back to doing her auratube show. Especially now that she was bound to have so many new subscribers thanks to her newfound fame for helping to defeat the Coven.

Jordan had considered doing a series about the Isle mission against the Coven in order to get the story straight and not create too wild legends regarding their month and a half there. And okay, there was also the fact that she wanted to renew her hits after losing subscribers after not posting for a month.

But she ultimately decided not to. It was their mission, only they’d get what happened in that wild untamed place of evil and poverty. Besides, it was very personal and she didn’t want to have to go into her fights with Aziz and Jay on Auratube. Or her encounter with Antiquam.

No she’d rather not think about the latter for a very long time.

Dismissing those thoughts she scrolled through several more posted announcements like the newly formed Minority Kingdom Council made up of representatives from Atlantis, Atlantica, Arrendelle, Kuzcoropia, and Pydrian, who were overrun by environmental and tourism concerns as Alexandria brought up. There was also a new class of Vks that were coming in. Basically the teen population of the Isle.

The orphans and kids from the Isle were sent to boarding elementary schools around Auradon as well as foster care with professional trained therapists for the abused youngsters.

Ben’s decision to bring the whole teen population in had been a controversial one. But he had stood by it, stating that he was taking the advice of his people, the ones from his generation who were to make up the future generation and a schoolwide vote had agreed that the Vks should be let in.

Granted it had taken a two month lobbying campaign led by Mal and Evie with Lonnie, Carlos, Jane and Jay’s help. But they did, they persuaded lots of royal kids that it was better to bring Vks over. It also helped that Mal, Jay, Evie, Carlos and Uma had been pronounced Auradon’s saviors thrice in a row so…

Though it wouldn’t be until August that all the Vks, with a few exceptions like the resolutely bad CJ Hook and Prince Lars, and Antiquam, would be able to get to Auradon. But they would, Uma was making sure of it. Even Zevon and Ginny were coming despite their actions in proudly helping the Coven, Ben believed they just needed to be removed from the negative influences of their mothers.

Some Vks had already come over like Carlos’ cousin. Diego had refused to enter the VK program through school, but through the work progrm. Now he and his band, Rotten Apples, could introduce Isle grunge rock to Auradon’s farmer populations and inspire them to use music to express themselves. Carlos informed them that Diego wasn’t too into that inspiration and empowerment stuff, but he was loving the popularity. And he often crashed to the Radcliff house to catch up with Carlos and get a break from his adoring fans.

Harriet Hook, also in the work program, was working in Neverland, serving as guard for docks and a pretty mean one too, Jordan heard. Any tourist that tried to sneak

Not that everyone was residing in the homes of their parents’ enemies. Celia Facilier was living with her sister Freddie, and Freddie’s girlfriend, Ally at the Mad for Tea Shop. Also as a student by day and helping her sister as the evening entertainment at night. Singing only. FG was still wary of introducing such sketchy magic as card readings. Celia did choose to be a TA to her sister’s class, Goodness 101. Freddie was taking over for FG to make it a revamped, less patronizing seminar of how to act in Auradon with Ally popping in for politeness lessons and Carlos with therapy dogs. Though FG still stayed in the room to supervise and make sure the class stayed on track and not turn into “Everything that’s wrong about sappy sweet Auradon.”

Dizzy was reunited with her mother, her aunt Anastasia, her uncle, the Baker and Anthony Tremine and they lived in the faculty building of Auradon Prep. Easy for Anthony and Dizzy to get to school and for the Baker to go to his new job as school cook.

His baguettes were to die for, so flaky and crispy. Even Chad reluctantly agreed to their goodness when she interviewed him for student reactions to the new cook. Anastasia and Drizella were the new cosmeticians in training at the school’s day spa even though the two still argued over what was a better color and such.

Also working in Auradon’s kitchen were Gil, and Cosette’s mothers who had taken in their other’s sister’s sons, Gaston Jr, Gaston the Third and Gaston (IV) the Great. Their mother had been deemed just as abusive as Gaston and was to stay on the Isle with him. Gil had been nervous about living with his brothers again but he had Cosette by his side and Harry and Uma just a street away. Harry was just as fiercely loyal as ever to his crew and to Uma, who he’d wait for outside of Ben’s office, waiting for their meetings to end.

Gil also had Jay on his side. And though Jordan had absolutely no proof, she just felt something between them, and she was planning to use this summer to sniff out just what it was.

It had been more controversial to bring back some adult villains like Anastasia and Circe, but Ben had explained that he was not in the business of tearing families apart and adults were able to change too. Smee, for instance, wanted to retire from swabbing desks and wanted his second act in life to follow his lifelong dream. Be a clockmaker, ironically enough considering his boss’ fear of the ticking. Same with other low level henchmen like Jace and Harry, and Hun soldiers that had been following the battle orders and propaganda Shan Yu had fed them.

Ben had promised not all adults would come over, especially not ones that had abused their children, and that he, Mal and Uma were designing a careful vetting process for this program.

As for the Auradonian bred villains. Morgana and Morgaine hadn’t stayed in the dungeon for long. One day the guards had come down to give their food and they were just gone. No one knew where they went and no magic had been able to locate them. Merlin said it was no use trying. The Le Feys were tricky and wouldn’t reappear again unless they wanted to.

Kyro, Victoria and Alexandria were in therapy now in a new building away from the dorms and those who would shun them for their actions like the media that had reviled them when the news leaked out. It was a bit of a depressing building Jordan thought since one could see it if they leaned far out their windows. The outside of it looked like an insane asylum but Evie enthused about how open- aired and peaceful it was inside. The point of it was to clear the outside world, and focus on healing. What’s more, since Uma learned of FG’s somewhat oblivious and condescending advice from Alexandria, they hired a new counselor. A Dr. Mickey Mouse.

So yeah, things seemed to wrapping out into a happily ever after for all.

Jordan walked into a door, rubbing her head of the bruise and cursing herself for not looking up. Tucking the phone in her pocket, she was about to open the door when Aziz opened it for her, heading inside from hanging out on the hammock.

He didn’t even look at her as he entered, he was busy chatting on the phone with who else, his new girlfriend.

Aziz had stayed true to his word that he and Lala were just friends, and remained just friends for three months. It had irritated Jordan to no end to watch them sneak discreet looks, study together since Lala only knew the Atlantean alphabet and not the English, and dance around their feelings as if the obvious wasn’t there. And it took all her self control to honor her vow to not meddle and send a flying carpet in to speed things up.

At least Aziz did not shut her out completely and still went to her advice for what to do when he asked her to be his girlfriend.

“What if she says no? Or doesn’t know what that is. Jay did say it was only gang activity. Or maybe she’ll just say no because she thinks she’ll go crazy like her mom. But I really want her to say yes. Oh Allah, what if I mess it up instead by acting like an idiot. Or she already thinks that. I walked into a wall yesterday.”

“Aziz, she likes you,” Jordan reassured him, “I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Like a leopard with dinner, she totally wants to eat you. In a sexy, hungry with desire way. Not cannibal way. And really, walking into a wall? That’s not a dealbreaker or even embarrassing. If you want to talk about embarrassing, nothing can top the time you popped in front of that yoga instructor you were trying to impress.” “I had food poisoning from the oysters!” Aziz yelled indiginantly.

“Doesn’t change the fact that you shitted during downward dog,” Jordan smirked at Aziz’s flustered angry face, “Nor was it like that time when you tried to impress Anxlin with a butterfly knife and ended up-”

“Will you stop bringing up the past?” Jordan decided to change tactics and be the serious, comforting big sister that he wanted, “Just speak from the heart. You’re on the same page with so many things, and you talk so much. Sooo much, it’s kinda annoying. Especially when you’re yapping in my room when I’m trying to watch a movie. But anyway, I think when the time comes your heart will guide you to say the right thing. And if not… your lips can speak for you.”

So with that fabulous advice if Jordan said so herself, on the last day of school, before they went their separate ways for vacation. Aziz went to her room and asked her.

And while she said she wouldn’t meddle, Jordan totally turned into a bee to go through the keyhole and eavesdrop on their conversation. For moral support. Just Aziz didn’t know about it.

It was endearingly awkward as Aziz stammered through some rambling monologue of how he liked her a lot, and only if she was okay with it, but he really thought they had something so woud she maybe consider being his girlfriend.

Aziz should probably have gotten some lessons from Jay on the art of smooth, but Lala seemed to get it. “So if we’re in a relationship we do what we do now… but with kissing?” she clarified.

“Yes!” Aziz agreed eagerly, then tried to dial down his excitement, “I mean sure, if you want.”

“I would really like that,” Lala bit her lip nervously but her expression was hopefully as Aziz leaned in.

Their kiss was short, two seconds at the most. Jordan would have given it a three out of five. It was unsure and the two seemed to be surprised they even did it. But it was clear from the look in their eyes, that they only saw each other and the rest of the world was already fading away for them, that that small kiss was perfect to them.

So they kissed again. Much more purposefully this time. Oh Allah, Jordan was so proud when Aziz added some passion and slipped tongue first. He was really growing up.

And they kissed again, and again and soon they were making out on Lala’s bed, which was starting to get kinda gross and Jordan was feeling weird about watching them. So she took that as her cue to leave.

But now she had plenty of new things to annoy Aziz about so she took it as a plus.

Grabbing him by the arm to stop, Jordan grabbed his camera.

“Hi, Lala, how are you?” Jordan waved, mugging for the camera as Aziz grabbed it back, and tried to push her out of the frame. The white-haired girl was dressed up in Evie’s new line of summer clothes with her hair up in a bun, and most startingly, her brown eyes were human.

It was silly that Jordan was surprised by Lala’s human eyes, she had been the one to change them when in a burst of good will offered all their allies on the adventure a wish. Lala hadn’t used the offered three wishes, just one, which was to remove the leopard spell Queen La had put on her. She lost her cat eyes and the habit of walking on all fours, but she still had her cat-like grace which Jordan chalked up to natural ability. It had been three months since that wish, but she had been so used to Lala’s cat-like slits with the dilated pupils. It had been a unique marker like the scar that everyone could see on Lala’s leg when she wore shorts.

“I’m well. Aziz sent me your new vlog about Odiferous, it was very interesting.” Lala nodded curtly. Jordan knew Lala was usually guarded against everyone so the coldness didn’t bother her as much as it used to. Thanks to hanging out with Aziz and Jade, she was starting to slowly warm up to people she wasn’t close to even though her tone didn’t reflect it.

“How are the Porters?” Jordan asked, cutting off whatever Aziz was about to say next. He glared at her, but she ignored. Hey, she said she’d stop mothering him. So now it was back to annoying big sister privileges.

“They’re well. Kerchak and I are going tree surfing tomorrow.” Lala answered. When Ben put up the invitation of Vks in need of foster homes or adoptive families, the Porters offered to take in Clay Clayton, and Lala. Clay refused and went with his Aunt, Lady Waltham who was thrilled to meet her surly nephew for the first time. Lala joined the Porters where she was helping their gorilla reserve, connecting with animals instead of hunting them for food and survival.

It was bound to be awkward considering their daughter’s actions, but Auradon seemed to consider it part of their penance even though they hadn’t known what Victoria had planned to wrought. But according to Lala, they did their best to skirt around that sensitive issue and treat her like a guest, and she was starting to befriend Kerchak. He even gave her a leopard of her own which she named Euware II though the pet made Tarzan a bit wary. Still, Lala had to stay in her room on weekends when Victoria visited from therapy.

“That’s great. When are you coming to visit? I know Jade is just dying for you to visit. It’d be fun. We can go sand surfing, oh and explore some of the caves under the citadel. Oh, oh and I just know Aziz wants to show you some of the secret alcoves in the palace. They’re great for making out and-” “Go away!” Aziz waved her off

“You want me to leave? But who will chaperon you two? Who will tell Lala all the embarrassing stories from your childhood? I’ve been holding onto blackmail for a reason, Aziz. I must tell her,” Jordan turned to the screen, “But seriously, come visit. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thank you!” Aziz sighed in exasperation, “Give me 5 minutes, I’ll join you to go to the bazaar later, Jord.”

“See ya!” Jordan called over the shoulder as she headed to the palace kitchen, still hearing some snippets of Aziz’s conversation about his summer psychology classes. His new passion since Jordan had suggested that since he liked overanalyzing and counselling other people's problems, he could research into being a psychologist.

Upon reaching the outside, Jordan took a big breath of the sweet summer air with a hint of jasmine and the coconut and sighed.

Life was good.

Of course, life was always good when it was summer vacation but it was more than that. She had really committed to what she had learned on the Isle. She lived in the present now, and tried not to wallow in the anger and resentment that extended to almost every human she met.

Did that kind of positive mindset always work? Hell no, sometimes, someone would grab her arm, requesting for a wish, rubbing her jacket as if that was the lamp and not her. Yeah, that stupid event would irritate her all morning but she didn’t go into her spiral of how all humans were greedy monsters, her life sucked that she had to walk among them and so on and so forth. She learned to vent to Aziz and let it go.

She would always meet bad people in her life, when that happened, if the situation was appropriate, she would blow a mini sandstorm in their face and move on.

She’d also gotten more sensitive about complaining about humanity in front of Aziz. She tried to complain of an individual person and not make broad generalizations about the mortal race, and repeat that Aziz and his family were the exception.

Well Aladdin’s family, and Uma, and Jay, and Lonnie, and Calix and Ben, and she was starting to realize her circle of those she trusted was expanding.

It felt good to have that knowledge.

Even if Aziz might not always be there, though she’d kill him if he wasn’t, she still had others who cared about her.

Then again, she, Calix, Aziz, Jay and Uma had been through a harrowing adventure that nearly destroyed the world they knew, and had to face their greatest fears and insecurities to do so. If that didn’t make you trust a person, what would?

There were also her parents. Her parents always had her back.

That was another thing she’d been committed to doing since she got back from the Isle and saved Auradon.

Her parents had been the first ones to get there, magical teleportation after all and were laying out the blue carpet and making plans for the greatest party in all of Agrabah for their daughter, the hero. Instead of getting annoyed by their zany antics as usual, and annoyed at how they ignored the fact she faced possibly life-ending danger against their enemies, she just hugged them.

The act had clearly surprised them because both of their jaws broke off and fell to the floor before snapping back up like a ball. But they loved the change in her nonetheless.

Ever since then, she’d been going out with them every other weekend, be it ice skating on Saturn’s rings or clubbing or going out to drink in celebration of the banning of the Magic Ban.

She had thought for so long that if she let herself act even a little bit like them, she’d be signing herself to a fate of servitude, never being taken seriously, and becoming a negligent oblivious person who only wanted to focus on fun.

She had worried that if these things didn’t come naturally to her, she’d have to fake it in order to fit in and be palatable to her own parents. So they wouldn’t become bored with her. She hadn’t liked thinking about it, but she always felt that was the underlying reason they left her.

But she lived in the present now and shoved all those thoughts away. She did what she wanted without thinking of the implications. And she found that actively listening to what they were saying, how they constantly suggested ideas for their next adventure, how it was too bad she had school and couldn’t come with them to their trip. They didn’t think she was a damper on their party style, they wanted her to be with them. And she usually said to each invitation.

YOLO, right. Well more like YOLFSMAWEI.

(You Only Live Forever So Might As Well Enjoy It. Not as catchy but infinitely more accurate)

Family time was a lot more enjoyable that way instead of brooding that once it was over, they were going to forget about her and go about their lives as if they didn’t have a daughter.

Although, Jordan still did crave for a meaningful talk where she got to tell them about some of her issues with their lack of parenting oversight, and maybe delve into how abandoned she felt when they wouldn’t discuss such issues like her rape, they still weren’t ready for that.

Though Aladdin was talking to her dad on her behalf, and it seemed he was starting to soften to it.

Until then, she had two sets of parents. Aladdin and Jasmine, probably the first humans who she trusted, and respected. The first ones who saw her as a child and not a being for wishes. They gave her the love and attention she had craved when she needed it. They stood by treating her like everyone else, as she wished, even when it meant disregarding her excuses that her genie-ness exempted her from getting in trouble. They were always present her lives and were the ones that reminded her that her supposed fate was not a fate, that no one could shackle her, not unless they went through them. They encouraged that there other sides to her besides being a genie. That she should work hard, be kind, be honest and be independent.

Her mom and dad, who loved her with all their hearts and thought of her as their best friend. It wasn’t the most parental relationship but she had started to accept that it would never be. They were genie parents, not human ones, and it was finally sinking in that the rules would always be different from them. No matter that Jordan looked human and was raised by them. But that’s what made them special. No one else in the world would get her quite like her mom and dad.

Aziz opened the door, knocking her in the back and she moved over so he could wait beside her.

She checked her phone. Her parents were supposed to come here five minutes ago so they culd go to the bazaar together.

They probably weren’t going to come for another twenty minutes.

Ah genies, Jordan sighed, they were never going to be punctual. She wondered how many years it would be before she started viewing time as an unimportant mortal construct.

She was about to pose that question to Aziz, whether it would occur in his lifetime or in her 5,000s when a green and blue poof popped up in front of them.

“We’re here!” The two blew the smoke away to reveal the pair in matching red and white striped tuxedos with a blinking “Genie and Eden” sign hanging behind them.

“It’s Genie and Eden!” Eden announced

“Eden and Genie!” Genie intoned.

Then with a snap of a finger, the props and costumes disappeared, and Genie sat thoughtfully in the air, “We can’t quite choose which sounds better.”

Eden went back to a form-fitting black leotard with a black bowler hat, smoking a cigar in her best Liza Minelli voice, “Whaddya think, daughter dear, whaddya think?”

“I think we should go to the bazaar and have the people decide which is better.” Jordan suggested, knowing that if they did it here, they wouldn’t leave.

“By george, she’s right!” Genie exclaimed transforming into a nerdy account, “Statistically, it is always better to test things with a test audience, and according to my calculations that the Agrabah bazaar has the best cross-pool of audience with 10% bearded, 40% kids..” He transformed into his usually big blue self, “Aaand let’s get outta here!”

“Wait up!” Jay yelled, nearly running into the four of them with Jade at his side, “I wanna go to the bazaar too, there was that awesome scimir I wanted to buy.” “Yeah me too, I want to steal things too… I-I mean buy. Buy with money. That I did not steal from the mean guard.” “His name is Razoul, and you really shouldn’t. He already doesn’t like you.” Aziz shook his head.

“I don’t like him, and that’s what makes it so tempting.” Jade defended.

“Yeah, he kinda has it coming,” Jay agreed.

“Now, now, we won’t say anything about it. But you must stop,” Eden warned in a prim British accent, poofing into a blue serge suit like a certain famous nanny, “Now spit spot, hurry up, we don’t want to be late to the bazaar.”

Genie transformed into a Bert to his wife’s Mary Poppins, adding, “Come ‘ere ye kiddos and ‘urry it ‘up.”

Jay and Jade stared at each in the classic “What the hell?” expression that bystanders always had whereas her parents were concerned. Aziz and Jordan just shrugged and smiled.

And so they went off to the bazaar and as the sun beated down on them, and Jordan whipped up a hijab from air to keep off the heat, she hummed a familiar tune which Aziz and her dad easily picked up.

“As you wind through the streets at the fabled bazaars with the cardamom-cluttered stalls. You can smell every spice while you haggle the price of the silks and the satin shawls. Oh, the music that plays as you move through a maze in the haze of your pure delight. You are caught in a dance. You are lost in the trance of another Arabian night…”

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danganronpa-21 · 4 years

Note

I always wanted to ask this. What are your headcanons about the couples' first kiss?

Oh boy, this is another one of those ones that caught me off-guard. Sometimes I have every intricate detail of their lives planned out, and other times... simple things like this get me.

SONDAM:

Building up to their first kiss was hard. Even if Gundham got over his whole touch thing, or at least learned to live with it, actually kissing one another was pretty hard. In fact, when they had their first kiss, I doubt that it was anything more than a quick peck. Even so, though, I think it was probably ridiculously cute.

As you might expect, the two of them were most definitely on a date when the kiss happened. I like to think it was one of those “in the evening walking her home” kind of things, with Gundham escorting Sonia back to her living space after their date. As you can probably guess, their date wasn’t exactly the most normal thing in the world. While they did do cute things, like reading books together at the library or playing around on the beach, they probably spent most of their date on the Fourth Island. Which, if you can remember circa Danganronpa 21, is still an amusement park -- but is now notoriously creepy, and nobody’s exactly sure what it’s meant for by Future Foundation’s standards. The whole point of them going to the library was actually to look at spellbooks and other books of that sort, and then go and practice rituals in the amusement park grounds. You know, typical couple stuff.

They probably stay at the amusement park way late into the night, with Sonia reciting the tales and cases of serial killers like ghost stories to spook both herself and Gundham. Since Gundham is Gundham, he’s not terribly frightened by them, but he likes listening to Sonia talk about it and see her eyes light up with interest as she tells the stories. In all honesty, he wonders about kissing her right then and there, but it frightens him more than her serial killer stories. He’s gotten a lot better at the whole touching thing by this point, occasionally holding her hand or even kissing it in greeting, but he’s not sure he can work up the courage to actually press his lips against her own. So he kind of dismisses the thought until it gets much later into the night, and he starts walking her home.

The walk back to Sonia’s cell is mostly quiet, apart from the two of them occasionally chatting about what a nice time they had. Sonia even briefly brings up what they should do for their next date, but they don’t manage to get very far until they end up in front of Sonia’s door. The rest of the Jabberwock prisoners are not awake at this time, but there is a guard standing at the end of the hall waiting for the two to turn in. They are ten minutes past curfew, and normally this would get them into trouble, but the guard who’s waiting sympathizes with them. She’s even agreed to keep their relationship a secret from her superiors, as the prisoners are generally discouraged from pursuing personal relationships. She simply turns her head and lets them finish up their night, not wanting to disturb them.

Gundham thanks Sonia again for the night they had, and he agrees with her idea of doing something like it again another time. He’s just about to raise her hand to kiss is softly when Sonia takes a step towards him, gently tilts his face towards hers, and presses a quick peck to his lips. He feels his face go bright red within an instant, and his eyes are wide open in shock. When Sonia pulls back, he notices the pink hue of her cheeks, too. He longs to say something, but she doesn’t give him a chance. She just says thank you again for a great night, and rushes into her room.

Gundham finds himself turning to look stupidly at the guard, who’s covering her mouth with her hand so he can’t see that she’s laughing at him.

KUZUPEKO:

Finding a way to kiss is hard. These two are so concerned about Peko’s whole “I’m a tool” thing that they choose to be careful about how they had their first kiss. Fuyuhiko was adamant about not forcing himself on Peko, and felt worried about maybe doing that by accident before Peko was ready. After all, her sense of self was wonky prior to them dating, and it took some recovery time. Of course, on Peko’s end of things, she’s pretty shy. She’s never been sure about being kissed, although she thinks she’d like it if Fuyuhiko were to do it to her. And with Fuyuhiko being so nervous about it, Peko will have to be the one to make the first move.

She’s not entirely certain how to do it. Not without completely making a fool of herself and/or startling him. It would be a lot easier to just pounce on it so she could overcome her own nerves, but then she would potentially startle Fuyuhiko or do something he maybe wasn’t ready for. And she would never want to do that to him. She wants their first kiss to be as soft and as sweet as possible. So what does one do about that? Well, she supposes she’ll just have to look for the right moment.

That’s exactly what she does. She goes out of her way to try and just take a normal moment, and make it special. The two of them are just having a casual date when it happens. To keep things slow and comfortable, they head down to the theatre to have a movie date. It’s one of the things they’re allowed to do while they’re still on the island, after all. In terms of what movie they’re going to watch, I honestly couldn’t tell you... but it’s probably something that was recovered or protected during the Tragedy era. We might even be able to say that maybe it’s something soft and sweet, like some of the Studio Ghibli films. Regardless, it’s something nice. Calming, but enjoyable.

Their time at the movies together is good. As none of the other prisoners or Future Foundation agents are in the same theatre as them at the time, they have the whole place to themselves. They get to snack and chat about the movie freely, easily enjoying their company together. They watch the film together the whole way through, and sit through all of the credits to pay proper respect to everyone who worked on the film. As the credits end and they gear up to go back to their rooms, Peko stops Fuyuhiko in the main lobby of their ‘prisoner dormitories’. There’s a very gentle look in her eyes as she takes his hands in her own, and in a very bashful, very soft voice... She asks him if she could please kiss him.

His response is a resounding “yes, of course, please”. Peko can’t help but giggle at how eager he is as she tilts her head to the side, and prepares to gently press her lips against his. All the while, Fuyuhiko’s face has gone beet red, and he’s squeezing his eyes shut because he can just barely believe it. He’s not entirely sure when exactly the idea of being kissed by Peko started to scare him this much, but it does and he waits in eager anticipation for his lips to be met by hers. When they do, though, it’s almost like a sort of a relief. Almost like letting out a breath that neither of them knew they were holding. All they can do is enjoy it and drink the experience in, wondering why they waited so damn long.

KASUHIRO/YASUJIMA:

I think for them, they absolutely had a dorky-sweet kiss. Since their relationship originally progressed within the span of six months before they got married and had Leon, I imagine they probably kissed pretty early on in their relationship. But they also weren’t exactly settled into being in that relationship, so it was pretty goofy-sweet.

I like to think that they were probably trying to be romantic with each other at the time. The big plan on what they were doing I think was performed by Kanon. I think she thought that a picnic date might be a cute choice for them, and Yasuhiro agreed. The two of them probably got together at the start of the date to make all of the food. They make egg salad sandwiches, cheesecake, broccoli salad, and a little bit of sushi. To drink, I imagine they bring along some sweet tea or maybe lemonade — because how is lemonade not a great picnic beverage?

They plant themselves down in a park and have a beautiful date, watching the world go by. They even stop to do some cloud gazing. It’s a really nice date, the kind that Kanon always dreamed of having when she was a young girl. Yasuhiro has a really great time too, but he honestly can’t focus fully on the date because he’s been working up the courage to kiss Kanon all day. By the time they get around to eating the cheesecake, Yasuhiro can barely contain how nervous he is. The palms of his hands are getting really sweaty and his face is turning red, and he’s just not sure what to do. Kanon is so busy enjoying the cheesecake and passing a piece along to him to even notice what’s going on with him.

It’s not until Yasuhiro notices some filling on her lips as she’s talking to him that he sees his chance. It could totally be a smooth way for him to kiss her. Trying to be suave, he gently turns her head towards him and leans into kiss her, holding onto her chin ever so gently... But he’s not thinking about the way he’s doing it, and instead of his lips meeting hers, the first part of their faces to meet are their noses. Hard. Yasuhiro smashes his nose into Kanon’s and immediately she starts cursing, demanding to know why on earth he would do something like that. Her boyfriend rapidly scrambles to insist that he only intended to try and kiss her; he assures her that he never meant to bash her nose in like that. They have to stop for a second to ensure that Kanon’s nose isn’t bleeding, but after they confirm that she’s okay... Well, Kanon asks Yasuhiro if maybe they could try that kiss again.

It goes a lot more smoothly, albeit more shyly, the second time. Nevertheless, it leaves them both wanting more.

NAEGIRI:

Theirs, I confess, I wrote in full a couple years ago. I’ll explain it for people who want a condensed version, but for those of you who want to read it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13135056

The short and sweet explanation, apart from the fanfic, is that the kiss was pretty impromptu. After a long day at work, Kyoko and Makoto were hanging out in the group’s Future Foundation apartment, when they got into a bit of conversation about wounds after the events of Future Arc. After having his nose broken and his ribs cracked by Kyousuke, Makoto hasn’t been taking good care of himself. He’s been neglecting himself in favour of taking care of everyone else, and Kyoko’s gotten fed up with it.

So she drags him to the bathroom to fix up his nose again, as he removed some of the healing measures when he shouldn’t have. The two slowly melt into conversation as she takes care of his nose, with Kyoko asking him why he’s so willing to throw himself into danger. Makoto sighs and explains that he doesn’t feel he can help it, for there’s so much in his life that he’s desperate to protect. He then goes on to tell her that if she had told him about her forbidden action, he’d have sacrificed himself for her in a heartbeat, as she’s one of those things he wants to protect.

She tells him that she knows, and that’s why she chose to die. This only makes Makoto more upset and he asks why, to which Kyoko answers that the world needed him to be alive... and she needed him to be alive even more. When he presses her for further answers as to why she could ever feel like she needs him, when she’s already so strong... and Kyoko admits basically what she said to Ryota: if it weren’t for him, she’d have given up hope a long time ago.

The two of them seem to pause, murmuring each other’s names as Makoto presses his forehead to hers. There’s a brief moment where they’re just looking at each other, and all of the sudden, Makoto gets the urge to kiss her. As much as his brain thinks he shouldn’t and that she doesn’t mean that she loves him the way he loves her... His instincts take over, and before he knows it, he’s kissing her.

And she’s not pulling back. She’s happy.

#danganronpa #sondam #kuzupeko #yasukanon #naegiri

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thewonkywitchescauldron · 3 years

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The Wonky Witches View on Witchcraft

Grab a cup of your favourite tea and join me for Around The Witches Cauldron with WillowMoon. it’s a long one!

So these last couple of months have been a roller coaster of emotions from frustration, sadness, worry, happiness, relaxation to growth. Each emotion coming to each person in waves as we’ve had to isolate ourselves from the outside world and each other, which can be extremely hard for some people as they 're unable to see family and friends which are a great support to many of us when we are going through a hard time. Many people unfortunately living on their own or in difficult circumstances really had to battle through to make it out the other side.

This situation got most of us thinking about what really matters in our lives, who matters, how we want to grow and learn from this situation, and many of us have learnt what truly is important and who really are our true friends. Unfortunately so many lives were lost and people are still losing their fight against this virus which follows with so much heartbreak for those who loved them. Their life and memories will live on within their family and friends for many years to come, they will not be forgotten! We are thankfully now on our way out of getting back to the “new normal”, I suppose you could call it, as that’s as close as we can get for the time being anyway so we are very happy to be back open and ready for you lovely lot to come back and carry on your spiritual journey with us.

This situation got me thinking more about the craft, the differences you come across from practice to path. How each path either follows certain rules/guidelines or is so eclectic that how they practice, depends on what they are drawn at that time. To me there aren’t really any rules of witchcraft, However I do believe in Karma, what you put out there certainly comes back to you, whether you believe in the threefold rule or not, Karma is something to be very wary of.

I am currently very drawn to the Hoodoo Practice, however I do not read out psalms during spells which is very heavily done within the Hoodoo practice. That side of it, the religious side makes me feel uneasy. Some witches will say that is wrong and you should only follow a particular path the way it is written to do so and that’s how it is always been done. But each practice started somewhere, people had to start and lay out these guidelines to begin with so why are you not allowed in some eyes, to start your own magickal practice and guidelines?

The term Gatekeeping comes to mind, which there has been a lot of talk about Witch Gatekeeping the last several years which basically means not everyone can be a witch and what gives anyone the right to simply do witchcraft.

Personally I am yes and no within this argument. Yes I believe anyone can do witchcraft, after all we all blow out birthday candles every year and make a wish. This is such a simple spell to do as you are effectively performing candle magick and blowing your wish into the smoke to flow up into the universe for manifestation. That is withcraft! Witchcraft is manipulating energy to the goal you desire. Then there is the No side of the argument which does have its merits. Not everyone should be involved in witchcraft and those people, use it for the wrong reasons.

For example, I have been approached in the past by people who have never done any witchcraft, have no knowledge etc to put hexes on people to cause them harm as they have upset someone and they want them to pay for what they have done. I will always say “NO!, that is not my way of working and I would never put harm onto anyone who has upset someone else as I personally do not know both sides of the story for one, and two I will not take the brunt of the Karma aspect for anyone wanting to cause harm to someone else”. So they then go on to ask me, “Ok, so how can I do it then?, as I really want to hurt them back, tell me what I need to buy...can you write it all down for me then I will perform the spell instead of you”. My answer is still “NO! I will not tell you how to perform such a spell as that is still me putting that energy out there and I will not be a part of anyone causing harm to another person simply because you do not like them”.

I have also had people approach me who again have never done a spell or learnt about witchcraft who want to 'Win the Lottery'. Oh my Goddess! My Reply is always "Now if it was THAT easy all of us would be doing it and be financially better off. How wonderful the world would be if we could all win the lottery and live happily ever after" I then have the reply 'But I will share it out and not be greedy with it'. My finishing statement to that which I read in a Protection Magick Book which was like a YES moment... is 'Nothing is Gifted, Nothing is Entitled! You only get what you deserve, so deserve what your desire'. In other words just because you say your going to be doing it for the highest good of all doesn't give you the right to have it.

Now these people have no education on witchcraft or experience for that matter and they want to just jump in and perform spells without knowing what they are doing and just leap into something they don't understand or respect.

Witchcraft is NOT something to play with! It is NOT the only answer to every little thing! If done incorrectly it can go very wrong, so I ask you please don’t jump into doing witchcraft when you don’t know what you are doing as it can literally come back on you and also work completely differently to how you intended as you weren't clear and precise in what you were asking for. If your not clear and precise, the energy has no direct orders so to speak, so basically does the job how it sees fit, which could be detrimental to the person who cast the spell. You wouldn't (I hope) just get into a car and drive without any lessons or a seatbelt on. You need to know the basics before you get onto the road. Working with energies is the same, you need to learn the very foundations which they operate on before you delve into performing spells and rituals.

Witchcraft is a practice and lovely path to follow if you mean well and do it with the best intentions. Protect yourself by all means. To be honest that should always be your first protocol within any practice. Protection is such an important step to take, so those who do mean harm against you cannot penetrate your ward so it won't affect you.

It’s about ethics basically. Would you like bad energy sent your way if someone took a dislike to you? I’m pretty sure the answer would be a firm no!, so why send it out to them.

That’s all from this witch for now Blessed Be WillowMoon - The Wonky Witch

#witchcraft #witchethics #witches #witch #witchlife #baby witch #witchbeginners #witchmagick #magick #witchblog

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

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Michael in the Mainstream: Epic Rap Battles of History

In September of 2010, a series began that would spend the decade growing, expanding, improving, and even attracting controversy: Epic Rap Battles of History. The concept is simple - take two characters from history or pop culture and have them get into a rap battle where every single line is loaded with clever allusions to the participants. From there, it can go in really any direction - rappers can jump into the middle of a battle, rappers can team up, battles can be heavily skewed in one direction… there’s a lot of variance.

Watching the series grow into something as impressive and well-done as it is nowadays has been quite an experience. The first battle, “John Lennon vs Bill O’Reilly,” is honestly pretty bad by today’s standards, with a weak beat, poor costumes, bad impressions, and just a general lack of polish. But it did have something to it, something that would come to light as more and more episodes were released - Peter Shukoff and Lloyd Ahlquist really had a knack for rapping. I think the best part of the series over the past ten years is watching them go from the green rappers in that original video to incredibly talented and clever writers, singers, and actors, delivering stellar performances left and right in the more recent seasons.

With their first decade behind them, I’ve decided to go season by season and look at what worked and what didn’t as the show grew and evolved. I give an overview of each season, talk about some of the strengths and weaknesses they exhibited, and then go over the best and worst characters and battles of each season.

So, as the announcer says at the end of every intro... BEGIN!!!

Season 1

It’s hard to totally hate this season, but boy is it hard to love it. This was their first season, and their first batch of battles, so I think a little leeway needs to be given here; it’s clear they’re trying to find their footing and see what works and what doesn’t in terms of matchup and characterization. This leads to a lot of the battles of season one feeling really weird in hindsight, with the infamous “Genghis Khan vs The Easter Bunny” being the most standout example.

However, that’s just the most notable bit of wonkiness; there are plenty more decisions and matchups that really seem baffling in hindsight. One of the biggest ones is when Peter portrayed Lady Gaga in a rap battle against Sarah Palin of all people. This leads to a lot of the jokes Palin lobs being a bit more uncomfortable than they would have been if a woman played Gaga; this is notably the only time a female character has been portrayed by a man to this date.

Beyond that some of the matchups are just really nonsensical or rely too much on outdated memes. The worst offender in both regards is probably “Abraham Lincoln vs Chuck Norris,” which features Peter delivering one of his greatest performances in the series as Lincoln against a Lloyd-portrayed Norris who does nothing but spout “Chuck Norris Facts” thst we’re tired and unfunny even back in 2010. Likewise, Vince Offer popping up as backup for Billy Mays is pretty of-the-time, but that battle is actually good so it gets a pass.

Still, there are a lot more battles that do work or at least show a lot of promise. Look no further than the second battle in the series and the one that put them on the map, “Adolf Hitler vs Darth Vader.” While it’s a bit basic lyrically and not quite up to the later standards of the series, it’s easy to see why this became as big as it did. Zack Sherwin and George Watsky get their first guest spots here as Einstein and Shakespeare respectively, and both of them kill it in their roles, with the former even being part of one of the season’s best battles. It’s definitely easy to see why these two are the most reoccurring guest stars in the series.

Ultimately, season one is uneven and experimental, but shows a lot of promise. I think the datedness of some of the battles, particularly in regards to the ones featuring characters like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga; using these two in particular so early in their careers really robbed us, particularly in the case of Bieber, whose decade-long downward spiral would have made for some really interesting disses. Then there are characters like Mr. Rogers and Genghis Khan, who are just wasted on completely mismatched opponents. There is good stuff here, but it lacks the polish later battles would have, making it hard to recommend revisiting this one. I’d say that with a few notable exceptions, you can safely skip this season.

Best Battle: “Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking” is probably the best battle of the sesaon; while the original Hitler/Vader battle is iconic, this one was one of the more clever early battles and if nothing else gave us the first Zach Sherwin performance and an awesome and faithful rendition of Hawking.

Worst Battle: “Genghis Khan vs the Easter Bunny.” As if it could be anything else.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Abe Lincoln, despite being in one of the weaker battles of the season, immediately cemented himself as one of Peter’s best characters, and it definitely helps he has some pretty hard and creative disses, particularly his line involving Chuck Norris crying his cancer-curing tears on his filmography. It’s no wonder Lincoln is the only president who keeps coming back.

Peter: Darth Vader became one of the most iconic characters in the first few seasons for a reason, and despite his weaker lines here than in his sequels, he still manages to be as cool and intimidating as Darth Vader in a rap battle should be.

Guest: Albert Einstein was Zach Sherwin’s first appearance in the series, and what a first appearance it is! It really isn’t a shock he has been invited back time and time again, as he is an absolute blast in this battle.

Worst Characters:

Lloyd: Chuck Norris is the clear loser in terms of Lloyd’s characters this season. He’s nothing but a string of tired memes, and offers no insight into Norris at all. Frankly it would have been nice if they ripped into Norris harder, seeing as he’s a right-winger, homophobe, and Trump supporter. Portraying him as some cool, unstoppable force really leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Peter: Lady Gaga, hands down, and it’s not that hard a decision. She was portrayed terribly and it really is a shame they didn’t wait until later in her career to use her, because there is so much more interesting things to say about her now than back when they made the rap battle and the most interesting things to riff on were the stupid rumors that she was a hermaphrodite and her weird outfits.

Guest: Alex Farnham’s Justin Bieber is whiny, obnoxious, gets few good lines, and is more than a little mean-spirited; keep in mind, this was made early in Bieber’s career, when his only crime was being a kid with a music career who made songs some people hated. It just seems cruel, and considering how he would turn out a few years later, a world of missed opportunity… but that’s par for the course for season one.

Season 2

Season two was the proverbial “growing the beard” moment for the series. Coming out a month after season one, the new episodes already seemed bigger and more polished, starting off strong with a rematch between Hitler and Vader more epic than the original. Things continued solidly until the season peaked with the masterpiece that is “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates.” That battle was a huge game changer, and took the series to new heights, heights the rest of the season after struggled to meet.

The big problem is that about half of the battles post-“Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates” are incredibly forgettable or even bad. “Doc Brown vs Doctor Who” is on the forgettable side, as is the first-ever election battle, which pitted Obama up against Mitt Romney. Romney alone should tell you why this battle is so forgettable; it’s a battle you really had to be there in the moment for, and is frankly a good argument as to why election battles should not be done. It’s not awful by any means, but it really isn’t memorable or relevant.

On the bad side, we have “Frank Sinatra vs Freddie Mercury,” “Batman Vs Sherlock Holmes,” and the infamous “Adam vs Eve.” The former two mostly suffer from awful characterization, with Sinatra being set up in the same way Justin Bieber was to be the clear loser. There’s nothing wrong with a curbstomp rap battle obviously, but considering how Sinatra is NOT a reviled figure like Bieber, this one goes over very poorly. Batman on the other hand mainly suffers from being horribly characterized and having extremely repetitive verses, with both his verses basically reiterating the same points. Neither battle is godawful, but they don’t really make good cases for themselves.

Then there is “Adam vs Eve.” This battle is widely regarded as the worst battle of not only the season, but THE ENTIRE SERIES. There is a very good reason for that: this battle is a massive departure from the style and tone of the series. Adam and Eve here represent stereotypical sitcom man and woman; there are very few Biblical references and the whole thing is very one-sided in Eve’s favor, with the battle basically ending with Adam apologizing for calling Eve a bitch… after she spent the past few minutes insulting his sexual prowess and penis size. There are a lot of double standards here, and it would only have been worse if God’s planned cameo was kept in, where he unambiguously sides with Eve.

But let’s not pretend like these are more than exceptions that prove the rule. Season two is remarkably solid, to the point where some battles have aged far better than you would expect. The prime example of this is “Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe;” at the time derided by audiences as just a battle consisting of nothing but slut-shaming, looking back it is a very strong yet lighthearted entry between two incredibly intense battles that has a great beat, clever lines, and strong performances from the two ladies. There are a couple of other underrated gems of the season but this one takes the cake.

The season is notable for a lot of big firsts. This is the first season to nab mainstream celebrities as guests, getting Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, and Snoop Dogg himself to portray Gandhi, MLK, and Moses, respectively. Unsurprisingly the battles featuring them are some of the very best of the season. It’s also the first season with a woman vs woman battle where both characters are portrayed by women, to much better results than the previous one. It’s the first season to have a two-on-two battle, with the second battle of the season featuring the Mario Bros battling the Wright brothers.

The biggest first however was the new style introduced in the finale: the Royale. This style of battle is basically a one on one to start, with each rapper getting one verse and then after the second rapper’s verse a third party barged in to school them, followed by a fourth and then a fifth. This first one featured famous figures from Russian history: Rasputin, Stalin, Lenin, Gorbachev, and Putin, and it is fun and hilarious, though Putin’s portrayal is definitely a product of its time and clearly made before people realized how evil he is.

This season also has some notable missed opportunities unique to it. The first is that there is a whole scrapped battle that was even teased in the trailer for season two, which would have had Hillary Clinton rapping against King Henry VIII. Peter and Lloyd were disappointed with how the audio came out and so permanently shelved it, though the audio is available online. It would have been interesting to see how it would have turned out, though the audio does not paint the best picture and the battle likely would have been forgettable. Still, it would have been interesting to have both parties in the 2016 election battle be returning rappers.

The second is that, to date, season two is the only season to use video game characters, with Mario, Luigi, and Master Chief being the sole representatives of the art form. This gets weirder with every passing year, as video games continue to become more mainstream and characters like Solid Snake, Samus, Phoenix Wright, Lara Croft, and Kratos continue to be popular suggestions for battles. It just feels like a lot of opportunities are being missed, though there’s always hope now that fans have more say than ever.

Overall, season two was a big, confident stride forward for the series. While there are a few stingers and forgettable battles here and there, the majority live up to the title of the series. I’d say that, moreso than season one, this is a great starting point for the series, This season marks the beginning of what I’d like to call the Golden Age, and I would say there are very few episodes here you should skip.

Best Battle: “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” which is not as easy a decision as it seems considering the quality of the season overall. Still, this one probably holds up the best out of all of the episodes, with the rhymes, flow, disses, and beat all being legendary and the surprise interjection from HAL 9000 being nothing short of awesome.

Worst Battle: “Adam vs Eve,” which again, is probably also the worst battle of the entire series.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Gorbachev is the winner here. He’s just a funny, goofy ditz of a Russian leader, and he definitely schools all of the other arguing Russians. His beat is unique and a lot of fun, which definitely helps him stand out even more.

Peter: Peter has a lot of great roles this season, but it’s hard to not give the win to Santa, because Peter was able to hold his own against SNOOP DOGG. Speaking of which...

Guest: Snoop Dogg’s Moses is the standout in a season with no shortage of cool guests. I mean, come on, it’s Snoop

Worst Character:

Lloyd: Adam, hands down, and keep in mind Lloyd also played the now-irrelevant Mitt Romney this season. Adam sucked so bad a bland politician outdid him.

Peter: I’m not sure who told Peter to play Batman like that, but… yeah. Batman sucks here. I hope they bring him back and do him justice someday.

Guest: Jenna Marbles is completely wasted as Eve.

Season 3

Out of the three Golden Age seasons (2 - 4), I think season three is the most uneven and messy. While there are obviously some great battles here - it is part of the Golden Age after all - there are a lot of bad and awkward battles, or at the very least there aren’t as many great battles to make the bad ones seem less egregious. The tone is set by the season opener, the third and final battle between Hitler and Vader which despite a cool Boba Fett cameo ends up feeling underwhelming and boring.

The real issue with this season is that, while there aren’t too many genuinely bad battles this season, even the good ones feel a bit off. For the bad, we have “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc,” which wastes one of history’s most badass woman against a flash-in-the-pan pop star; this battle has very few defenders, and gave woman back woman rap battles even more (undeserved) flack. To the season’s credit it doesn’t really get worse, and the only other weak battles are “George Washington vs William Wallace” (which not only conflates the fictionalized version of Wallace from Braveheart with the real one, but makes George Washington way more boring than he should be) and “Rick Grimes vs Walter White” (which feels like a ratings grab riding off of the coattails of two popular shows, though Lloyd really kills it as Walt).

For the good ones, a lot are held back from the lofty greatness of season two’s best by disappointing flaws. “Superman vs Goku” is fun and performs the miracle of making Ray William Johnson cool for two minutes, but it just feels way too short, especially considering the massive histories of the characters. The finale has a similar issue with shortness; “Artists vs Turtles” pits the TMNT against their namesakes, and the first verse and beat are fantastic, but the turtles get absolutely shafted on lyrics and the whole battle comes off as feeling uneven. This wouldn’t be so bad if this wasn’t a four-on-Four battle. “Stephen King vs Edgar Allen Poe” is so close to being great, as it has fantastic lyrics and a great Watsky performance, but Zach Sherwin chose a weird, raspy voice for King that brings the battle down a bit. It’s kind of sad that a battle between ERB’s two most popular guests is hampered by such an odd choice.

Still, when the season is great, it is GREAT. Key and Peele return, this time playing MICHAEL Jordan and Muhammed Ali respectively, and they kill it. Weird Al shows up playing Isaac Newton and, as expected, is amazing in his battle against Bill Nye. And the series introduces a new, very interesting type of rap battle - the story battle/gauntlet battle. Basically, there is one consistent rapper, and they rap against multiple opponents in succession, usually with some sort of storyline. And what better story to turn into a rap battle than A Christmas Carol? Scrooge goes up against Donald Trump, J.P. Morgan, Kanye West, and the Grim Reaper to learn the true meaning of Christmas, and it’s every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Season three is definitely a good season, and the weaker battles are still worth a listen even if they do have some issues; the only one I’d say is unlistenably bad is “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” due to how offensive the wasting of Joan is. I feel like people listening to this season will have wildly different opinions on which battles are good, bad, and great, so even if it feels a bit wonky there’s no denying it’s worth a listen.

Best Battle: “Donald Trump vs Ebenezer Scrooge” is a real game changer, and is not only fantastic, but as its only use of profanity is censored you can reasonably play this at a holiday party! If you ever need your quick fix of the Dickens classic, this is the way to get it, as this is remarkably faithful and very good at condensing the story into a rap battle.

Worst Battle: “Miley Cyrus vs Joan of Arc” is just absolutely unforgivable; Joan deserved a more fitting opponent than Cyrus. Katniss was often a suggested opponent, but I feel like even that would be bad, as Katniss has faded from the cultural consciousness over time unlike someone like Harry Potter. Still, Joan deserved way better than to be wasted for some throwaway curbstomp battle.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: Lloyd shows how good it feels to be a gangster with his portrayal of Al Capone, which manages to elevate the battle a bit higher despite the rather cheesy (but not bad) portrayal of Blackbeard opposite him.

Peter: Death, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, is utterly chilling, devoid of humor, and delivers one of the most legitimately terrifying verses in the series. This is why this ghost doesn’t usually get to speak in adaptations - because not only is he utterly terrifying, he steals the whole show. Peter really killed it with this one.

Guest: A lot of good guests popped in this season, but only one of them was Weird Al as Sir Isaac Newton. His flow is incredible, showing he has come a long way from “I Can’t Watch This.” He even gets a fast rap segment where he gets to show off his “Hardware Store” skills.

Worst Characters:

As uneven as the season felt, Peter and Lloyd actually managed to stay remarkably consistent; Lloyd didn’t play any character I can say was ‘bad’ by any stretch. For a given value of “worst,” Peter’s Donald Trump just pales in comparison to Lloyd’s a couple seasons later. But again, as uneven as the season was, Peter and Lloyd really didn’t do bad. This is the point where the duo really began to come into their own and develop as performers, with them rarely turning in a bad performance from here on out.

The guest, on the other hand... Michelle Glavan’s Miley suffers from the same problems Bieber did two seasons prior - except her battle feels less like a funny curbstomp battle and more like they actually tried to make Miley Cyrus on the same level as ST. JOAN OF ARC.

Season 4

This is, without a doubt, the absolute best season of ERB. This is when they truly found their groove, knew what they were doing, and did nothing but pump out hit after hit after hit. It’s to the point where there is really only one bad battle in the season, and it’s not nearly as offensive as previous season’s stinkers.

Right out the gate this season proved itself by ditching the old tradition of Hitler and Vader and instead delivering up a highly requested matchup - in this case the Ghostbusters and the Mythbusters. The real treat isn’t merely the pitch-perfect portrayals, but the appearance at the end by the B Team and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, which cemented this as a fantastic and unique opening. From here, it was almost nothing but fantastic battles until the midseason finale, which was a battle royale of film directors.

Many argued that the season lost steam upon coming back from break, as “Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted” was a bit underwhelming as a return, but from there the season picked up with the criminally underrated “David Copperfield vs Harry Houdini” and then continuing up with the quality, the season peaking with “Eastern Philisophers vs Western Philosophers,” a fantastic showdown between some of the greatest thinkers of history. Somehow “Shaka Zulu vs Julius Caesar” kept up the pace, but I will say the season faltered a bit at the ending.

While “Jim Henson vs Stan Lee” is not bad, and is especially sweet and heartwarming in light of Stan Lee’s death, the use of Walt Disney as a soulless supervillain representing the monopolistic tendencies of his company and not the man himself is a rather contentious choice. It doesn’t help that the battle feels a lot more mellow and peaceful, which mostly has to do with the two men battling. It frankly feels like this should have been the midseason opener and the philosopher battle should have been the finale, since the latter battle feels a lot more epic and climactic.

The only truly bad battle of the season is, unfortunately, “Oprah vs Ellen,” which did nothing to alleviate the stigma of women characters in rap battles. I feel like the major issue with this one is that Oprah just has terrible lines and delivery, with some of her lines having painfully forced rhymes. Not helping is that it came hot on the heels of “Jack the Ripper vs Hannibal Lecter,” one of the best battles of season four’s first half.

Still, that’s a small blip on this season’s radar. To wrap things up on a more positive note, this season features perhaps the most unique battle in the franchise: “Zeus vs Thor.” Not only is it the only battle between deities so far, it is also the only battle animated entirely with Legos. It not only helps it stand out due to its unique style, it makes the battle more timeless and not prone to aging poorly in terms of visuals. It’s just overall a showcase of the brilliance of Peter and Lloyd - which is really something that can be said of the whole season.

This is, once again, the very best season of the show. It’s almost nothing but incredible, fantastic works from start to finish. Even the couple of battles that I feel are a bit weak tend to have some good stuff going for them. This was really where the series was at the top of its game, and I genuinely feel that there was nowhere they could go from here but down… and down they did go.

Best Battle: In a season full of fantastic battles, the gold medal still undoubtedly must go to the philosopher battle. The awesome beat! Laozi beatboxing! Nietzsche! It’s really something special.

Worst Battle: “Oprah vs Ellen,” for the reasons stated above. It’s not even so much that it’s bad as it is really underwhelming and filled with awkward lines, but it does stick out as notably poor in an otherwise stellar season.

Best Characters:

Lloyd: This is another Stellar season for Peter and Lloyd; it’s hard to pick just one great performance, but Lloyd voicing Stay Puft is certainly a hilarious treat.

Peter: Peter’s portrayal of Julius Caesar is one of the best showcases of his acting talents this season. I’d say it’s tied with Robocop, who Peter also knocks out of the park.

Guest: This season was absolutely stellar in regards to guests, so honestly picking the best is really a tossup. A personal favorite of mine is Dan Bull’s Jack the Ripper, who is equal parts chilling and entertaining.

Worst Character: It could only be Oprah, what with her painful rhymes and poor verses. That being said, she’s probably the only rapper I could stretch to call bad this season, as Peter and Lloyd has no bad showings and the other guests were pretty great.

Season 5

Welcome to the Dark Age. Season five is without a doubt the most divisive season of the series, and I do feel that that is a bit unwarranted because there are some truly fantastic battles here, probably more than there were in Golden Age seasons like three. The major issue with this season is not really a problem with the battles themselves, but a two-pronged meta problem: burnout, and the toxic fanbase.

The burnout was a long time coming. Peter and Lloyd had been doing ERB nonstop for half the decade at the point this season came out, and as the finale of the season, a rematch between Peter and Lloyd, showed the two were tired, frustrated, and hitting walls in terms of creativity. They obviously loved the series - there was still plenty of passion, creativity, and wit in the battles - but they needed a break, especially since Peter had recently become a father.

The other issue was far less predictable. When the 2010s began, making fun of Nazis and conservative ideology was cool, fun, and pretty much what anyone with a functioning brain was doing. But over the 2010s, a lot of radicalization began occurring due to social media and its ability to give platforms to awful people who shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Nazis, alt-right, conservatives, anti-SJWs, they all started building up over the decade and trying to wage a culture-wide war on sensitivity and empathy, instead trying to convince others that the plight of those who are disadvantaged due to how the ruling class structured society is not worth addressing and that things are fine the way they are. Trump’s depressingly successful presidential campaign did nothing but embolden and strengthen the resolve of these creeps, and that kind of leads into the three most contentious battles of the season - “Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson,” “Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton,” and “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner.”

“Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson” got a lot of flack for seemingly being one-sided in Douglass’ favor, with him almost solely attacking Jefferson for his owning of slaves and not really establishing himself well. While the battle isn’t particularly engaging and I didn’t really come out feeling like I learned much about Douglass, a lot of the criticisms at the time seemed more focused on being angry that this battle addressed that slavery was actually a thing at all and that the battle watered things down to “Jefferson bad!” This is of course disregarding that even Douglass admits in his final verse that Jefferson did a lot for the country, but that we need to address the bad parts of him more than we do. Still, this was small potatoes compared to the latter two battles.

These two battles are what made Pete and Lloyd really pause due to the negative reactions both battles garnered. The election battle received a lot of criticism for seemingly having a “left-wing bias,” as despite it following a similar structure to the previous presidential election battle, Lincoln’s appearance was a lot more focused on berating and abusing Trump. One needs to keep in mind though that Trump had already definitively shown he was a racist, misogynistic scumbag at this point in the presidential race, all of his lines were based on things he actually said, and he was pretty much the strongest rapper in the battle, getting in a lot of good disses. The battle is only “one-sided” in the minds of people who want to be angry at everything; it’s no more one sided than any of the Hitler and Vader fights, it just so happens that one combatant is more evil than the other and so deserves more abuse.

“Banner vs Jenner” seemed to get flack almost entirely due to its acknowledgment that trans people exist. I will be the first to admit that Caitlin Jenner is not really the best person to be using to push a pro-LGBT+ message, especially considering her political leanings, but the fact remains that there was a massive influx of transphobic comments in regards to the battle, mostly with very tired “The connection is they are Bruces who turn into monsters Lol” jokes. This drowned out a lot of legitimate criticisms of the battle - namely, that Jenner got to ramble on for several bars in her second verse while Hulk barely got to get in any good jabs. It’s even more disappointing because the first verses for both rappers was fantastic, and the second half of the battle looked to be shaping into something great… and then Jenner rambled on and on and on. But it was hard to find much constructive criticism because there was just so much hate and tasteless comments. Stuff like that upset Peter and Lloyd, as they had assumed their fanbase was more progressive and forward-thinking, but with how the internet works, they severely misjudged the kinds of people who had infested their fanbase.

It really is a shame that those battles tend to overshadow the entire season five conversation, because boy are there some really great battles here. There’s underrated gems like the overhated “Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder,” strong female rappers like Julia Child in her battle against Gordon Ramsay, long-requested matchups like “James Bond vs Austin Powers,” and even a great story battle with “Ivan the Terrible vs Alexander the Great,” which has Ivan murdering his way through historical figures with “The Great” in their titles. It’s a lot of fun, and Peter’s performance as Ivan is a showcase of his talents.

However, the season’s greatest contribution to the series is most definitely the penultimate battle, which is “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill.” This might very well be the most epic battle in the series: the ever-popular announcer for ERB’s news jumping in to battle the only man in history who could possibly be ballsy enough to stand up to him. It’s to the point where even as the battle ends, the two are still roughly on even footing and it’s hard to say who won. If this had been the season finale, or even the series finale if they had decided not to continue, things would be perfect.

This season is overshadowed by controversy, and it really isn’t totally fair. Most of the controversy is around the guys trying to be more progressive and for punching hard at Trump but not Clinton, and while I can’t say I love the results (the controversial battles are definitely the weakest of the season) it really shouldn’t be held against them for trying to be socially conscious and they certainly should not be shamed, berated, or told to leave politics out of their battles (rap is an inherently personal genre, so politics are always going to find a way in, especially if the characters they’re portraying are, you know, politicians). I think a lot of great battles are overlooked, all because of the more controversial ones, and that’s a real shame, because this is a solid season only held back by the controversy it found itself mired in due to the state of the internet at the time.

Best Battle: “Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill,” naturally.

Worst Battle: “Bruce Banner vs Bruce Jenner,” though it entirely comes down to how the second half of the battle was handled; having this be the battle was not in itself a bad idea, and was actually pretty clever. The poor, lopsided battle biased in the favor of a character who is a terrible person in real life simply because they’re trans (or at least that’s kind of the vibe the episode gives) really doesn’t help. Frankly I wish they had given the first trans character in the series honor to someone more worthy, like the Wachowski sisters.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Teddy Roosevelt is the obvious choice, but I almost feel like it’s cheating since he is a mainstay on the channel. If we discount him, Frederick the Great is the clear winner for stealing a whole battle in twelve bars.

Peter: It’s honestly a tie between Austin Powers and Ivan the Terrible. Peter really rocked it with his performances in this season, and those two are some of his best roles ever.

Guest: In one of the most out-there yet awesome guest spots ever, we have T-Pain as Stevie Wonder, ditching the auto tune and delivering sick rhymes while tastefully portraying Stevie’s blindness.

Worst Character: Once again, Peter and Lloyd manage not to put in any bad performances, which really is a testament to how far they’ve come as entertainers.That only leaves one spot, the guest, and it really has to go to the elephant in the room: No Shame’s Caitlin Jenner.

I don’t really blame No Shame here; because she had the unenviable position of playing Jenner in the first place; Jenner is not exactly a beloved figure in the LGBT+ community or otherwise, and while it is cool they got a trans rapper to play a trans character, I feel like backlash here was inevitable just because of who it was.

What doesn’t help is that Jenner rambles on for a ludicrous amount of bars, getting in way more disses than Hulk did and not having any of her negative qualities addressed, which is especially baffling considering her real life political leanings and manslaughter charge being ripe for mockery. It ultimately comes off as tokenism, like they were trying to force a win for the first trans character by handicapping her opponent and ignoring her flaws, which ultimately backfired as most people give the win to Banner/Hulk as opposed to Jenner.

I really hope ERB does a trans character again, because there are plenty of interesting trans people throughout history, but I really hope they avoid the pitfalls Jenner fell into and make it a fair and balanced rap battle.

Season 6

After a hiatus that lasted through 2017 and until the end of 2018, the boys dropped a bonus battle to show they were coming back. And lo and behold, in the spring of 2019 season six dropped! While it is only half over by the decade’s end, one thing is for sure: Peter and Lloyd are back in top form.

The battles this time around seem to be a lot of highly requested matchups, which is not a huge shock - I believe certain tiers of donors who support them get a direct line to speak to the people behind ERB. It’s to the point where Robin Williams appearing in the comedian battle Royale was not the original plan, but he was so highly requested they added him in. Continuing the trend of popular requests opening seasons, this one kicks off with the long-awaited “Freddy Krueger vs Wolverine.” It’s clear how much their lyricism has improved, and the visuals in the battle are incredible, setting the bar high for the season.

Most of the battles in the first half sadly don’t try and go for creative backgrounds, sadly; only “Joker vs Pennywise” and “Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” really do interesting stuff with their backgrounds. Still, the other battles make up for it in other ways, typically with deft lyricism and great flow. In fact, even though not all the battles are top-tier, it’s telling that the weakest battle so far is “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud,” which only suffers because of how repetitive the disses get, especially on Freud’s end - Teresa’s flow and disses hit hard, Freud has a solid second verse, and the best is very fun. The worst thing I can say about it is that it feels like a holdover from season two, and considering this has been a matchup they’ve wanted to do for a long time, it wouldn’t shock me if it is.

The production values are astounding, and the overall visuals are the best in the series, but alas there are some hiccups. Freddy Krueger and Thanos in particular look a bit off; their battles are obviously not bad, but the costumes leave something to be desired, though considering these guys aren’t a multimillion dollar film studio it’s fair to cut a little bit of slack. What can’t be excused, however. Is the constant use of outdated memes, the worst offender being a reference to “What Does the Fox Say” in the rap battle between Che Guevara and Guy Fawkes (Side note: it is absolutely hilarious that Guy Fawkes and Joker both debuted in this season, considering… well… this). Almost every battle so far this season has contained a dated visual or lyrical reference, though they don’t really ruin the battles.

Overall, the season is extremely good so far, and showcases perfectly how far Peter and Lloyd have come since that first rap battle between John Lennon and Bill O’Reilly. The flows, the beats, the lyrics, the costumes… it’s all so good now. Long gone are the awkward days of the early seasons, and the burnout that was evident in season five is truly gone. These guys are having fun again, and I look forward to the rest of this season in 2020.

Best Battle: So far this season has almost been nothing but smashes, but perhaps their greatest accomplishment is “The Joker vs Pennywise,” which manages to play off the relevancy of both killer clowns while giving us some of Peter and Lloyd’s best performances to date, with Peter in particular doing a phenomenal Mark Hamill impression. The battle is also a bit longer than usual, with each rapper getting three verses, allowing them to cram in numerous references. Joker is definitely the wittier and funnier rapper, but Pennywise has a much better flow, which honestly plays to their actor’s strengths. This is my personal favorite battle of the series.

“Jacques Cousteau vs Steve Irwin” is honestly tied, as it also plays off the duo’s strengths and is very fun with an energetic, badass beat.

Worst Battle: A lot of people point to “Vlad the Impaler vs Count Dracula” for its slow pace and goofier take on Dracula, or “Ronald Mcdonald vs The Burger King” for being recycled from their “Flash in the Pan Hip Hop Conflicts of Nowadays” side series with very little in the way of improved lyrics. On both counts I disagree; I think both are good battles, with the latter being one of my favorites due to how goofy it is. So far, though, the battle that was the biggest disappointment was “Mother Teresa vs Sigmund Freud.” This was one a long time coming, but the payoff isn’t quite worth it. Most of the jokes on Freud’s side are incredibly repetitive, and in general his flow is weak compared to Teresa, who just absolutely kills it with creative and witty deliveries. It leads to this weird feeling of Freud being a season one character in terms of quality, which is a real shame.

Best Character:

Lloyd: Lloyd just oozes the charisma of Steve Irwin and Robin Williams when he plays them, easily making them the standout performances of this half of season six.

Peter: Peter brings his A-game as Joker, as mentioned above, but he also manages to be incredibly chilling and awesome as J. Robert Oppenheimer, easily outdoing Thanos in their rap battle. Oh snap!

Guest: This is a season of ties, it looks like, cuz Jackie Tohn as Joan Rivers and Gary Anthony Williams as Bill Cosby really change the tone of the comedian royale for the better. Cosby barely gets any lines, mind you, and spends most of the battle drugged and getting abused by Tohn’s Joan Rivers, but there’s just something hilarious about the ERB guys getting Uncle Ruckus to play a drugged-out Cosby. As for Rivers, she’s just perfect.

Worst Character: Visually, Thanos is not the best, and lyrically, Freud isn’t great, but I don’t think either of them deserves to be called ‘the worst.’ So far, this season has managed to avoid any overt stinkers.

And so we come to a close. Ten years of rap battles, ten years of growing and improvement, ten years of a rollercoaster ride of quality… it really is amazing that Peter and Lloyd have consistently managed to come back to this series and find new ways to breathe life into it. Considering their more recent videos, I can only hope they keep up this level of quality into the next decade. Here’s to another ten years of ERB!

…

Oh, alright, I’ll talk about the bonus battles. So far, there have been two: “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” came out between seasons four and five, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” came out a few months before season six kicked off to show us all that, yes, the boys were back, and they weren’t messing around. Both battles are pretty indicative of the time period they were made; “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” has that extremely high level of quality in terms of writing and characterization that season four did, and “Elon Musk vs Mark Zuckerberg” has the sort of rejuvenated, fresh feeling the season six battles have. I will say I much prefer the former than the latter, as the latter does at least somewhat come off as an attempt to recapture the glory of “Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates,” only with two far less charismatic inventors, but it’s still pretty fun and clever in its own right. “Deadpool vs Boba Fett” is, without a doubt, one of their best battles ever, and does justice to two of the most beloved ensemble darkhorses in all of media. I can only hope any bonus battles in the future are up to these two in terms of quality.

Now with all that said… here’s to another decade of ERB! May they only continue to grow and improve in the 2020s!

#Michael in the Mainstream #Review #web show review #epic rap battles of history #ERB #rap #nice peter #epiclloyd #history #rap battles #comedy #Youtube

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huds-hub · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

Stolen from @mrfunnybone. Since this meme has a bias for canon muses, I’m tagging two of my favorite canon writers that I know didn’t fill this out yet: @soulcoerced and @spearslinger (I wonder if a fellow Undyne RPer has a different take on some of these questions? ^^;;). For everyone else, feel free to steal it and tag me if you do! I’m curious to see how OC muns answer some of these questions...

MY MUSE IS: CANON / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [[ The adult version of my muse is canon, but her teenage equivalent is not present anywhere in Undertale / Deltarune. So, uh… canon but kind of complicated I guess??? I like describing my muse as canon-wise. My Deltarune fishies are undoubtedly AUs at most, canon-divergent at least. ]]

[[ Mun’s note: I’m going to cheat on this. For the next 8 questions, I’ll answer for both Undyne as my teen muse AND regular adult canon Undertale Undyne. My thoughts on her counts as something, right? My muse is based on canon! ]]

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK [[ Undyne’s character to the rest of the fandom is unpopular (compared to Sans, Chara, Gaster, etc…). It’s a shame, because her dialogue portraits alone would make great meme fodder. HOWEVER, among Undyne fans, I notice there’s an interest in depicting her early years because she’s one of the few cast members who’s had their childhood explicitly mentioned. ]]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK [[ She’d better not be, because my muse is a C H I L D. As far as I’ve seen, canon adult Undyne is depicted more often as a ‘badass’ than a ‘sexy fish.’ ]]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK [[ Younger Undyne is definitely interpreted to be a determined, tough kid. Of course it’s the same for adult canon Undyne. It’s basically her most distinct character trait. ]]

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK [[ Lordy, Undyne as a whole is entirely underrated by the fandom... ]]

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO [[ OMG... you’re gonna get me started. I’m marking ‘no’ on this question because this is supposed to be about my aged-down muse. But Undyne... sweet violent Undyne’s very important to Undertale’s story! *fangirling START* Besides being the mid-point antagonist in the game, Undyne adds a layer of the theme of DETERMINATION to the game and how it can manifest in monsters if their bodies are strong enough to handle it. In an allegorical sense, she represents extremism in reaction to oppression and how that passion can take on the form of extreme love or extreme hatred depending on circumstance. So HELL YEAH she’s important to the main story of the game! AAAHILoveThisFish!! *fangirling END* ]]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [[ Same as the previous answer for my teen Undyne: begrudgingly marking this with a ‘no’... It’s a YES for canon Undyne. In all routes, original game’s Undyne is the first character who is purposefully trying to kill the Player. Players can’t get the best ending without helping her hook up with Alphys and not incurring her wrath by killing any monster. In the worst ending, she’s one of the two antagonists that put up enough of a fight to make any player abort the Genocide Route. ]]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO [[ My muse WANTS to be significant to her world. In the original game, Undyne’s only mentioned by others in Snowdin and Waterfall (not counting Alphys in Hotland). She’s described as a “local hero” by Gerson. I get a sense she’s not exactly famous to the people in the entire Underground compared to, say, Mettaton. ]]

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL [[ Oof. Pretty sure my teen fish annoys the residence of Waterfall for being a loud-mouthed little scamp. The only reason she’s not considered ‘bad’ is because it’s pent-up energy and misguidedness, not flat-out cruelty. In canon, it seems like the people who talk about Undyne do it in either a positive or neutral light. You have Monster Kid, Papyrus, and Onionsan singing her praises. The Royal Guard members respect her. Asgore thought of her well enough to have her lead his military. Uhh, for a neutral instance, I remember an NPC in Snowdin saying she’s “loud, rude, and beats up anybody who gets in her way” (I don’t remember the exact quote). To weigh this more on the side of my muse, I’ll mark this answer as ‘neutral.’ ]]

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? [[ Since I have an aged-down character, canon is literally my END GOAL! I gave her a “starting point” on her journey to the determined, dedicated, and excitable warrior fish we all know and love from the game. I filled in the gaps from there, using parts of her past mentioned in the game to glue the headcanons together. Deciding what she was like when she was younger – What’s her family background? What aspects about her changed as she matures? What internal and external conflicts would she deal with as a teen? – THAT’S the non-canon part. My Deltarune AUs are… different. Canon is my end goal too, but the timelines are all wonky to fit the needs of wanting to interact with the Fun Gang. LOL ]]

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. [[ This kid is spunky, loyal, compassionate of the plight of her people, and will see through anything she sets her mind to, despite life’s barriers. She’s got a lot of pent-up energy and is searching for what she can do with it to help her achieve her goal of setting Monsterkind free! ]]

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?). [[ The teen fishy has a streak of selfishness and short-sightedness. Being honest, Undyne would be a racial supremacist if she existed in real life. Big yikes. Also, she’s willingly being trained as a child soldier. Another big yikes right there. ]]

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? [[ Ages ago, I RPed the adult version of Undyne, which resulted in a bunch of headcanons for her past. I had no desire to RP any of them after it ended. A year later, I commissioned an artist for a Gerson vs. teen Undyne piece. That single-handedly made me want to get back into RPing again. ]]

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? [[ My fellow RPers wanting to interact with this silly fishy! When I first started, I expected my interest to peter out over the months. I didn’t expect many RPers wanting to interact with an aged-down character. But here I am, wanting to expand my headcanons further and making AUs so I’m not limited to canon. ^^ It’s all thanks to you guys!! ]]

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO?

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ I should do it more often TBH. But I find showing them via story-telling more fulfilling than just explicitly explaining them in posts. Plus, it gives me more leeway if I’m still playing around with an idea. ;) ]]

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO [[ I’m not counting the three pending drabbles until I finish them. ^^;; ]]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [[ She finds a way to bother me! Usually in the form of sudden inspiration for how to respond to RPs. ]]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ Sometimes I wonder if I forgot some aspect about Undyne that’s in canon, or unintentionally exaggerating other less-important aspects of her other characteristics… ]]

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ Generally, yes. But I do have my days when I suffer from low self-confidence. ]]

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / SORT OF? [[ It depends on what’s meant by that. I’m sensitive to other people’s feelings, so I don’t intend to sound rude OOC, even if I’m expressing something negative about something I think the other did. If this is referring to being sensitive about events in RPs… my sensitivity is equivalent to that of being invested in any work of fiction. I know it’s not reality. I can pull away from the fictional world and it won’t bring down my real life. ]]

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? [[ If it’s given in good faith and is constructive, sure. ]]

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? [[ Hell yeah, give them to me! ]]

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? [[ It depends if they want to tell me. I don’t mind either way. Personally, I like hearing other people’s interpretations! ]]

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? [[ *shrug* It doesn’t matter as long as they don’t harass me. ]]

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? [[ I’d just ignore it. They don’t need to interact or follow me. If my muse really is a bother to them, they can block my account. ]]

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? [[ I hope my grammar’s good enough, or else my English degree studies went to waste! But yeah, sure. Fun fact: explaining grammar rules so people can avoid major errors in the future is more helpful than nit-picking insignificant errors without explanations. ]]

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? [[ As long as fellow RPers aren’t being rude OOC, don’t break any serious rules, or do something that I mention are personal triggers to me, I am easy-going! RPing is fun and it should stay that way for everybody involved! ]]

#mun monday #ooc #long post #yikes that took me a week to finish writing #but it was fun #this post was such a pain to format

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xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx · 5 years

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Prompts 3, 6, 10 & 15 with Ryan Seaman

Prompt 3: I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid

Prompt 6: I just like proving you wrong

Prompt 10: If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god!

Prompt 15: Well, you’re coming home with me, whether you like it or not

Warnings: alcohol

Word count: 2 800

A/N: I’m the author, I can request as many prompts in one story as I like, and none of you can do anything about it! (I’ve discovered power, quickly, someone take it away from me before I abuse it and write even more for HSWKYS) Also again, happy birthday to Ryan!

It was not even that you had much to drink, but you felt giggly and light headed anyway, which, in your opinion was mostly due to Ryan’s presence. Your mind always seemed to give up proper function as soon as the attractive drummer was around, but in the many years of your friendship he never seemed to have minded. Even now, that you were standing outside the bar, where you had met for a couple of drinks, or in your case, one, bidding your good byes to Dallon and Breezy, he seemed happy to have you around.

For the fifth time in the past ten minutes you pointed out the huge full moon that hung close over the roof tops, the pale light making the dark less scary, and giving everything a fairytale like atmosphere.

When finally Breezy tore herself away from the conversation she had been having with you, and followed Dallon towards the closest bus stop, you turned to Ryan.

“We should go somewhere and look at the stars,” you suggested, instinctively reaching for his hands, but quickly enough you remembered that friends did not do this, holding hands and looking at the stars at the same time. You were tipsy, not drunk.

“We should go home,” Ryan disagreed, but by the smile on his face you could tell he was not mad, rather amused.

“But I don’t want to go home yet,” you protested, even as Ryan slung his arm over your shoulder and led you down the street.

“Well, you’re coming home with me, whether you like it or not,” he decided.

“With you? I got my own home,” you reminded him, but secretly hoping he would insist on taking you home with him.

You loved his home. It was cosy and warm, and it smelled of Ryan, and you always felt safe there.

“Yeah, but mine is closer, and don’t you dare thinking I’m gonna let you walk home on your own in the state you’re in.”

“The state I’m in? Ryan, I’m not drunk,” you pulled away from him and looked up at his brown eyes.

Admittedly, the world was a little dizzy around you, but you were standing straight up, and your steps were not wonky in the slightest.

“Yeah, but still,” he laughed, pulling you back to his side, “We can look at the stars from my balcony.”

At that you did not reply anything, instead you turned your head back towards the sky. Even with the street lights making it harder to see details, you could tell that tonight was wonderfully clear, just perfect to look at the stars.

The walk to Ryan’s place was not long, and gave you enough time to sober up enough to get nervous about Ryan’s arm, which he had wrapped around your waist. He was warm, as always, the kind of warmth that could never be replaced by the heat of a hot bottle, a good shower, or even summer sunshine. It was the kind of warmth that made you want to cuddle into his side until you fell asleep, the kind that made you feel safe and protected, and you had to actively resist the instinct to lean into his touch more than you already were.

When you had finally reached the flat, after having made sure to be extra quiet in the stairwell because of the neighbors’ kids, you took of your shoes in front of the door, as you always did, and earned the same punitive stare of Ryan you always earned.

“You know you can walk in with shoes on, right,” he told you in the same patient voice he used every time.

“It’s a matter of respect,” you answered, in the same dutiful tone as you were used to answer his question with, which made him chuckle.

“As if you would respect me,” he giggled, holding the door open for you.

“Not you, the flat,” you told him with a wink, and slipped in.

These four sentences had been exchanged about a thousand times by now, and every time they made you laugh and feel happy. It was a ritual, the sarcastic bickering between the two of you, it was proof of how well you knew each other, how you would always know each other in this little way.

“Do you want to dress in your pyjama before we watch the stars?”

Ryan was already on his way into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate, while you were still trying to wiggle out of your hoodie.

“My pyjama?”

You tried to remember if you had left a pyjama at Ryan’s place. Usually these kind of projects, like right now, were spontaneous, and most of the time you just slept in your day clothes. Had you brought a pyjama over to Ryan’s at some point?

“Well, one of mine, I mean, can’t have you sleep in these jeans, can we?”

Stepping out of the kitchen, holding two mugs, he gestured to your trousers. Indeed they were not exactly very tight, but tight enough to make sleeping in them most likely uncomfortable.

“Oh, yeah, if I could borrow one,” you smiled, trying to control your heartbeat at the thought of Ryan allowing you to borrow one of his shirts.

“Yeah sure, they’re in the left drawer of the chest in the bedroom.”

He disappeared back into the kitchen, trusting you to find your way around the flat yourself.

You nodded to yourself, and walked past the living room and the door to the bathroom, when suddenly a thought came to your mind.

“Mind if I take a shower real quick,” you asked, having skipped back to the kitchen.

Ryan was already standing at the stove, nodding.

“Towels are in the bathroom under the sink,” he told you, turning his head to look at you.

A smile was plastered on his face, and for a moment he stopped his movement, as if he had suddenly gotten aware of something.

But you did not notice, instead you grinned back at him, and headed to the bedroom where you grabbed a shirt out of the drawer he had told you about, and made your way to the bathroom.

When you had walked past the door just minutes ago, you had realized how sticky you felt from all the sweating during the heat of the day. Even after you had taken a shower before going out, you had still felt the sweat coat your skin as soon as you had stepped outside the house, and even the air conditioned bar had been too warm. But if you really were to stay over at Ryan’s for tonight, you did not want to be all too sticky.

Quickly you jumped under the water, making sure to have it not to warm, after all you wanted to cool down a little. The smooth water felt nice, washing away the dust and sweat, and you even stole some of Ryan’s shower gel that was lying around. He surely would not mind, he had never minded before at least.

“Hey, did you drown in there? Cacao is ready!”

The knocks against the bathroom door tore you out of your little trance.

“Yeah, almost ready,” you quickly answered, turning off the water.

“If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god! You’re on the couch for a month!”

“I never used up the hot water,” you protested, but judging by Ryan’s distant laughter, he had only made a joke, and was already on the way back to the living room where a glass door led to the balcony.

Drying yourself off, you could not help but rethink his words, which had made it sound as if you lived together. And you always slept on the couch anyway. But something seemed different tonight, something was not as usual. He was more touchy tonight, joked around more, and it felt like coming home together to the same flat, was something you did every day. But more importantly: it felt like Ryan wanted it this way.

Once you were dressed in a pair of his shorts and a way oversized iDKHOW shirt, which reached until mid-thigh for you, you shook of these thoughts, and walked into the living room, and from there to the balcony.

Ryan seemed to have made an effort to make everything extra cosy out here. The small table and the chairs were pushed to the side, and a blanket was spread on the floor, against the wall were resting pillows, which usually belonged on the sofa, and more blankets were pushed to the side, if you should feel chilly in the quickly cooling night. The two mugs with hot chocolate were sitting on an empty, upside down plant pot by the railing.

“Sit down,” Ryan offered, and quickly went to turn off the lights in the flat so you could see more of the stars.

Still marvelling at his quick improvisation, you sat down on the blanket, and leant against the pillows by the wall, only slowly tearing your gaze away and towards the stars.

Seconds later Ryan was back by your side and flopped down unceremoniously closely next to you, very closely.

You tried ignoring it, like you always ignored it, and instead focused on looking up into the infinite black of the universe, and the millions of little, white dots in the vastness of space, that made up the milky-way, and everything else you could spot against the dark sky tonight.

“Here,” Ryan smiled, and handed you a warm mug, which you quickly engulfed with both hands.

Indeed while it had been still comfortably warm when you had left the bar, by now the air had cooled down considerably, and from the cold shower from earlier, your hands were still cool, so the warm porcelain was comforting, and so was the delicious smell of the hot chocolate.

For a while you sat in silence, sipping the warm beverage, relishing the smooth taste of the sweet liquid as it ran down your throats and warmed up your bellies. It felt as if the world had stopped for now, and everything that was not the sky, Ryan, or the balcony you were sitting on had faded into the background of unimportance.

Judging by Ryan’s quiet gasp, you assumed he had seen the short, but bright flash of light from the shooting star too, and when he spoke up, his voice was quiet and raspy.

“Make a wish!”

You smiled at this children’s game, but closed your eyes, and focused your thoughts for a moment.

“You too,” you encouraged.

“I wish-“

“You’re not allowed to tell,” you interrupted him, turning to look at the brown haired man with wide eyes, “or it won’t come true!”

“You don’t really believe that, do you,” he mused?

“But you believe in wishing on shooting stars?”

“Fair enough,” he agreed, and looked at you.

His gaze was soft, his lips curled into the faintest smile, and his brown eyes sparkled even in the dark.

For a while you looked at each other like that, and you did not even care that it might be weird to look at one of your closest friends like that. It did not matter, not right now, because he was looking at you the same way, and honestly, even though that had not been your wish, you really would not mind if it would never change.

“What did you wish for,” Ryan asked, his voice even quieter than before, but his gaze never left yours.

“Can’t tell,” you insisted just as quietly, ‘and especially not you’, you added in your mind.

Thoughtfully he hummed for a moment, and nodded, before he closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them again determination sparkled in them. You were not sure what exactly would follow, but whatever it was, it made Ryan nervous. He had placed his cup aside ages ago, and now his fingers curled into a tight fist, his whole body tensed, and he bit his lip before he spoke again.

“Do you like me?”

The question was like a punch in the guts, and your head started spinning. What had given it away? How did he know? Would he ask you to leave if you told him the truth? Quickly you turned away from him, already feeling tears sting in your eyes. You wanted to get away from here, from him, as quickly as possible. This was by far the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to you. Forget the time you fell down a flight of stairs at school while your whole class watched, forget the time you bumped into your co-worker, emptied your cup of hot coffee over your shirt, and had to work in the coffee stained shirt for the rest of the day. This right here topped everything else.

“Hey, look at me.”

From the corner of your eye you saw Ryan reach out his hand, and moments later his fingers gently brusher over your chin before he carefully turned your head back to face him. Unable to be met with the expression in his eyes, you closed yours.

“How long?”

Instead of answering, you asked “Are you mad?”

Like you, he just replied with another question of his own.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

You shook your head.

“Can’t loose you over something stupid like this,” you mumbled, still not looking at him. “Couldn’t risk your friendship, you see. And I know you don’t like me anyway, so why try?”

The chuckle that sounded from Ryan’s lips eventually persuaded you to look up at him. His face was closer to yours than you had thought, his eyes squeezed together from how brightly he was smiling, and a strand of his hair dangled in front of his nose.

“You have no idea just how much I like proving you wrong,” he whispered.

And before your mind had even registered that he had lent in, his lips were on yours and he was kissing you softly, his hand still cupping your face where it had rested the whole time. At first you could not breath, yet at the same time if felt like you were breathing for the same time. Your lungs seemed to have forgotten how to work, while your mind was breaking free of all the restrictions you had put on yourself over the last years when it came to Ryan. Shaking, you lifted your one hand up to his neck, grazing gently his skin, and wrapped your fingers in his locks where they were long enough.

It was precious and warm, and when Ryan felt you respond, shyly, but with growing confidence, he smiled, and pulled you closer, as close as your bodies allowed him too.

It did not take long and both of you were out of breath, yours hitching in your throat every time he as much as looked at you, and you were painfully aware of the blush that was burning on your cheeks. But Ryan on the other hand could not stop smiling, not for even a split second, so you guessed you were even. Not that you had to care anyway, after all he liked you back, he liked you back. He did not mind that you liked him, he wanted you to like him, he wanted you close.

As if to prove your thoughts, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, and pulled you into his chest, placing his chin on top of your head, kissing your hair again and again.

“How did you know,” you eventually managed to ask. Your thoughts were still spinning, but this one question had moved to the very front of your mind.

“I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid,” he chuckled, kissing your hair again.

“Debatable,” you disagreed, and turned your head to look up at him.

Seeing his chance, he leant down and kissed you on the lips again, almost giving you a heart attack.

“Probably,” he mumbled, “I mean… in the end it were Dallon and Breezy who convinced me to give it a try.”

“That already sounds a lot more realistic,” you laughed, earning a judging glare from him.

For a while you sat cuddled against each other on the balcony. Ryan pulled one of the blankets over you to keep you warm, and together you looked at the stars.

“So what did you wish for,” he asked again suddenly.

Smiling to yourself, you nodded. It probably was okay to say after the wish had come true.

“This,” you answered, looking up at Ryan, seeing he was already looking at you too, “And you?”

He smiled softly, like he always seemed to do when he smiled at you.

“This.”

#ryan seaman x reader #ryan seaman x reader fluff #ryan seaman fluff #ryan seaman imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #drabbles #drabble #drabbles challange

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ilovereadingandilovebreathing · 5 years

Text

In the Midst of Catastrophe

A/N: I had a couple of requests for Prinxiety with the Lost Cat AU, so it’s finally here! Sorry if it’s a lot like my other two lol And sorry for errors; I didn’t edit it super closely because the guilt of not posting this one when I posted two other ones was eating at me all week lol Edit: Just learned how to do Read More on Mobile; sorry about that lol

College AU that is different from my existing one lol

Warning for cussing, upset stomach mention, alcohol reference, sadness/crying, stranger paranoia, anxiety symptoms, implied violent pet death mention, family death mention, and actual pet death mention (SPOILER BUT NOT VIRGIL’S CAT NO WORRIES)

The sleepy, grey rays of an overcast Sunday morning filtered through Virgil Anderson’s curtains, only brightening enough to pull the young man from a fitful sleep around 11 in the morning. With a groan, Virgil threw his blankets off and trudged into the kitchen he shared with his two other roommates, perching hunched on one of the trio’s bar stools with a yawn.

“Morning, Moonshine!” Virgil’s bubbly roommate, Patton, breeezed past him and into the kitchen, clicked on the coffee maker, and turned on a stove eye.

“Pat, I told you, moonshine is alcohol.”

“I know, but Logan is my Starshine, and I’m his Sunshine, so you’re my Moonshine. You have to be!” Patton pouted a bit and gestured toward the breakfast food part of their pantry. “Pancakes? French toast? Just toasted toast?”

“Nothing right now.” Virgil grumbled, sliding an arm over his rolling stomach.

Patton frowned, a sad gleam in his eyes, and he slowly crossed to his roommate to wrap him in a warm, loving hug.

“No luck with Shadow then, huh?”

Virgil shook his head mutely, and Patton gave him a squeeze and rested his head on Virgil’s.

“I’m so sorry, Vee. I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. Cats are smart like that; they have a built in homing device or something.”

“Something like that.” A deep, sleepy voice cut in from across the room, and the quiet pair looked up to find their third roommate trying to rub his eyes into wakefulness. “Or just animal instinct.”

“Morning, Lolo.” Patton murmured sweetly through Virgil’s hair.

“I assume this means that Shadow is sticking to his leave of absence?”

Virgil nodded again and allowed his chin to fall to his chest with a loud sigh. Patton made a distressed noise in the back of his throat and moved to hold Virgil from the side, rubbing Virgil’s back with one hand and moving to take Virgil’s hand with the other.

“He’ll come home, Virgil. I know he will. He loves you,” Patton whispered softly in Virgil’s ear. “Promise me you’ll come to us if you start to feel...wonky. Promise me.”

Virgil quirked a brow at Patton’s word choice, but he ultimately nodded and squeezed Patton’s hand, touching the other to his chin and signing “Thank you” as Patton stood up straight. Their sign that Virgil was ultimately okay but a little overwhelmed. Patton smiled, patted his shoulder, and crossed to Logan, quickly wrapping his arms around the other’s neck. He breathed out a soft “good morning” and placed an equally soft kiss on his lover’s lips. Logan blinked and reciprocated before Patton pulled away and folded into the taller man’s side.

“Hungry, sweetpea?”

“Soon.” Logan grunted and allowed Patton to lead him to the table and sit him down with a light pat to the crown of his head.

“Sleepy Logan is my favorite.” Patton whispered to Virgil conspiratorially as he passed. “He’s so cute when he’s tired.”

“Or grumpy.” Virgil chuckled quietly when Patton came back with a steaming cup of coffee.

“That’s before he sleeps. Or if I wake him up early.”

“Have you tried posters, Virgil?” Logan suddenly spoke up from the table as Patton set down his mug, startling his boyfriend a bit.

“What?”

“Lost Cat posters. For Shadow.”

“Oh, right, yeah. I could do that, I guess. Slap something together in Word and hang them up.”

“I’ll help!”

“Patton, we have study group today.”

Patton groaned dramatically. “But LOLOOOOOO we HAVE to help Virgiiiillll!! Don’t you care about Shadow at aaaalllll?”

“We can take a few posters to hang up as we go.”

“But...”

“It’s fine, Pat. I got it.” Virgil pulled out a smile.

“It has only been a three days.” Logan offered. “Cats can disappear for a couple of weeks and return unscathed.”

“I know. I’ve always had cats, and one vanished for a month once, but....Shadow is different.”

“We know.” Patton smiled sadly at his roommate. “And he’s a smart cookie kitty, so he’ll probably be home by tonight! Maybe he just went exploring. He’s still pretty new to this place!”

“True.” Virgil sighed, trying to push down the negative scenarios flying through his mind. “But we just finally got clearance for him to live here with me, and now he’s gone. It’s just frustrating. And scary.”

“I know. Why don’t you get started on the posters if you can’t eat?”

“Good idea.” Virgil pushed himself from the breakfast bar and shuffled to his laptop, abandoned on their coffee table from the night before. “What do you even put on a missing pet poster?”

“Usually the animal’s name, your name, contact information, a reward if possible, and a picture with or without a brief physical description.” Logan replied between notes of toast.

Virgil nodded and typed quietly for the next ten minutes or so. “Okay. Come see.”

Patton and Logan peered over their roommate’s shoulders, each with his respective breakfast in his hand while inspecting the poster.

“Virgil! You can’t put cuss words! What if a kid sees it?”

“Then they can learn.”

“It can certainly get people’s attention...”

“Lo! Don’t encourage this!”

“I believe it is an appropriate poster.”

“Thanks, Lo.”

Patton whined and dragged his feet back to the kitchen table, falling toward it dramatically. “You’re corrupting the CHILDREN!”

“Patton,” Virgil quipped. “We all know you have a potty mouth at the right times.”

“That was ONE TIME during Monopoly!”

“And two during Yahtzee.” Logan deadpanned.

“I think one during Pictionary, too.” Virgil snickered not unkindly as Patton blushed.

“....Fine. It works.”

“Nice.” Virgil hit the enter key and sent 25 copies of the small poster to his printer. 25 copies of Shadow’s solid black fur and big green eyes stared up at him, framed by these words:

LOST ASSHOLE CAT

Shadow Anderson

Fluffy asscat with black fur and green eyes

Basically Toothless as a cat

I need this jerk, so please help a dude out

Call or text 1-555-8474

$100 REWARD

(Sorry I’m a broke college kid)

The sun was setting by the time Virgil headed back home, an afternoon of hanging up posters and asking people having yielded nothing. Virgil stumbled through his bedroom door just as his phone went off for the 13th time since he hung up his first poster. (6 false leads, 2 pranks, 1 occultist, and 3 other pet owners offering their advice.) Virgil collapsed in his bed and took a deep breath before facing what would likely be another disappointment.

[Pat😄]

Hey, V! Did you find him?!

[💜Virge🖤]

Not yet

[Pat😄]

Aww I’m sorry! My friend, Valerie, volunteers at a shelter to get experience for her Vet. program, and she says it’s the most popular for found pets. I’ll send you the number!

[💜Virge🖤]

Thanks pat

Virgil sighed and dropped his phone next to him, closing his eyes and just breathing to calm his racing heart. His breath hitched when his phone vibrated multiple times, second long gaps in between each message, and he lay staring at the device until it had stopped moving for a full few minutes. Slowly, he reached over and brought the device to his face, and his heart stuttered when a screenful of notifications met his eyes. It was a stream of texts from the same unfamiliar number.

[+1 555-7662]

Did you find your cat????

Oh shit you don’t know me. Hi, I’m Roman! I’m a Leo, and I love long walks on the beach.

Lol anyway sorry I just wanted to make sure you got your cat back!

[+1 555-8474]

No not yet but thanks for asking

[+1 555-7662]

Oh okay, sorry to hear that. Hope he comes home soon!

[+1 555-8474]

Thanks again

[+1 555-7662]

Is there any way I can help??? More Posters? Talking to people?

Virgil quirked a brow. What the hell was this guy’s game?

[+1 555-8474]

No not really only if you find him somehow

Again thanks for the offer

[+1 555-7662]

Oh okay just let me know if anything changes. You have my number lol

[+1 555-8474]

Yup

“Might have to block that number...” Virgil muttered just as the front door flew open.

“Viiiiiiiirgiiiiilllll!” His roommate sang as he flounced into the room. “We brought your favorite Pad Thaaaaaiiiii!”

“Thanks, Pat. Thai.” Virgil’s lips quirked into a grin at Patton’s approving laughter; he turned he slipped his phone into his pocket, the device staying silent all night and into the next morning. Until 7AM.

[+1 555-7662]

Good morning! Any overnight luck on the kitty caper?

Hello? Virgil?!

[+1 555-8474]

What the hell, man?! You understand that 7AM is an ungodly hour to be awake for some people???? and no my cat is still gone but thanks for remind me

[+1 555-7662]

Oh god I’m so sorry I have to get up early to get in a decent work out and I just didn’t even think about it Wow okay I’ll stop texting you good night or morning or whatever

Virgil turned his phone on silent and threw it into his clothes hamper before turning over.

The early morning texts set the mood for that week. Roman texted Virgil daily, sometimes multiple times daily, for updates on the Shadow situation, and Virgil was becoming increasingly incensed with this stranger’s obsession with his cat and his life.

[+1 555-7662]

Hello! Hope today is a better day! Let me know what I can do to help!

Hello hello! Any luck on Shadow?

Viiiiiuuurrrrrgiiiiiiilllllll???

[+1 555-8474]

No not yet

[+1 555-7662]

Oh no 😔

As the days progressed, Roman’s texts progresssed beyond Shadow, and he periodically asked Virgil about his own life, having weeded out of Virgil that they attended the same college and were both first semester sophomores. Any other person would have brushed off Roman’s enthusiasm, but every time his phone buzzed, Virgil’s heart lurched painfully in his chest. Notification sounds of any type caused an immediate physical reaction in Virgil, so he normally kept his phone completely silent and answered when he felt ready to. However, lately Virgil had to keep his phone on vibrate so that he didn’t miss an actual update on Shadow, but all he was getting was updates on Roman’s life and curiosity.

[+1 555-7662]

Ugh astronomy is soooo boring!!!!

[+1 555-7662]

Omg late for rehearsal again lol he’s so going to kick me out of the troupe

[+1 555-7662]

Saved today! Director’s tired blew out oops

[+1 555-7662]

Any luck with Shadow?!

It wasn’t that Virgil had anything against a kind stranger or Roman in particular, but that was the issue. Roman was a stranger, and Virgil couldn’t conceive of any universe in which a total stranger would care so much about him or his cat unless he was a psycho or stalker or something. The thought left Virgil paralyzed. What was this guy’s angle? There had to be one, and Virgil wanted no part of it.

He left Roman on Read for a few days.

That particularly rough Thursday was when it all came to a head. Shadow was still missing; Virgil overslept, had to skip breakfast, wasn’t ready for a pop quiz in his 50 minute 11am class, and nearly missed his noon class in a mad dash to get a snack in between (the professor was an asshole who locked the doors right at noon.) On top of all that, prank message number three came through.

[Unknown]

Your cat and my front bumper became good friends today

Virgil’s stomach lurched and his heart pounded; he threw his phone onto his rug and wept bitterly into his hands. Thank god he was already home.

“Virgil?! Honey, are you okay?!” Virgil shook his head furiously as Patton shuffled into his room and gasped. “Aw, baby...”

“Some asshole just sent me....he said that Shadow-“

“Oh no, another prank?” Patton murmured softly as he sat next to Virgil on the bed; he gently coaxed his friend into his arms when he nodded affirmation and stroked Virgil’s hair as he sobbed. Patton bent over a bit when Virgil’s phone set off in a stream of messages. “Oh dear...” Patton released Virgil to pluck up the phone, but before he could silence it, he noticed the repetition on the screen.. “Someone you don’t know really wants to talk to you...about....acting? And Shadow?”

“Oh...god....” Virgil whimpered between sobs. “Roman...” He took a few minutes to breathe and calm himself. “Some guy who saw my posters...He’s been texting me NON-STOP, and I’ve barely even replied!”

“Hey, let’s just put this away, okay?.....” Sensing another breakdown, Patton put the phone into silent mode and slid it into Virgil’s bedside drawer. “You need a break. Come watch a movie with me.”

Virgil eventually relented and followed Patton who decided that Logan could watch Virgil’s phone while they relaxed. A few hours of movies and roommate time found Virgil only marginally better, but he could at least fake it well enough that Patton let him be in his room alone again. He’d gotten his phone back from Logan and found, to his annoyance, multiple screens of messages from Roman, the most recent about Shadow.

[+1 555-7662]

No luck yet but still looking!

I’m so sorry your going through this. I hope he comes home soon.

Any luck on your end? No more bad leads I hope.

Virgil? Are you okay?

[+1 555-8474]

Roman oh my god chill out!

[+1 555-7662]

Whoa what’s with the anger all of a sudden, Orlando Gloom?

[+1 555-8474]

What the hell does that even mean?

Whatever

Roman just leave me alone oh my god you’ve blown up my phone this week just chill

[+1 555-7662]

I’m sorry for wanting to help you find Shadow and for trying to distract you from your sadness.

[+1 555-8474]

Oh is that what this was? Well I’m SO sorry for ruining your act of charity

[+1 555-7662]

Look, I wasn’t trying to guilt trip you; I really just wanted to help.

[+1 555-8747]

Why do you care about helping me so much?! You don’t even know me!

Radio silence for literal hours, and just when Virgil felt like he should apologize, Roman replied.

[+1 555-7662]

....I lost my cat a few months ago. She’s the only one I have left.

[+1 555-8474]

What?

[+1 555-7662]

My parents and younger brother died in a head-on collision two years ago. She’s literally the only family I have left. Thankfully, I found her after a month or so; an older woman found her and kept her inside all that time so she was fine, but that period of her being gone was so agonizing and anxious and lonely and just awful, and the thought of someone else going through that just....I don’t know hit me I guess.

Oh my god. Wow. I’m so sorry that was way too much too tell you. Oh my god I didn’t even ask if it was okay to get that heavy. I’m so sorry holy shit!!!

[+1 555-8474]

Roman. It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.

Thank you for caring about me and Shadow

Suddenly, his phone began to ring, and he sat up quickly, eying another unfamiliar number, but the first new call in a while, wearily before answering.

“....Hello?”

“Heeeeyyyy is this Virgil?”

“....uh, yeah?”

“Hey, gurl, I’m Remy, not that it matters, but I think I found your little Salem.”

“Shadow.”

“I’m just messin’, gurl, I know. I see it on his collar.”

Virgil’s heart stalled. None of the others had mentioned Shadow’s collar.

“What does it say on the back?” Virgil asked slowly.

“E.S.A. Emotional Support Animal.”

“Oh my god, you have him!” Virgil felt his eyes well with tears.

“Sweet beans!! Actually, that’s where I am. Sweet Beans Coffee by East Campus.”

“I know the place. I’ll be there. Thank you so much!”

“See ya soon!”

“Never do that again, you asshole.” Virgil rubbed between Shadow’s ears, oblivious purs of satisfaction emanating through the beast’s body as he lay curled in his owner’s lap. “Thank God Remy found you in your dumpster apartment before something else did. God.” Virgil sighed and leaned back right as an idea clicked into place. He leaned over and snatched his phone, noting the concerned messages from Roman when he hadn’t answered their thread from hours ago, and took a selfie with Shadow in the foreground.

[+1 555-8474]

Got my asshole back

[+1 555-7662]

Yay oh my god congrats!

OMG I DO know you! I wasn’t sure before, and I didn’t want to weird you out if it wasn’t you, but we had that freshman seminar class together!

I never said anything in that class because I’m not the best at articulating myself, but you sat with the really sweet guy and the smart kid! You guys always had amazing points, and I wanted to be friends with you guys so bad, but I didn’t know how to say anything without being a total lame asshole creeper.

[+1 555-8474]

I don’t remember a Roman in that class. it was pretty small so I would remember

[+1 555-7662]

Oh Roman is my middle name. My first name is John after my dad, but that’s super boring compared to Roman so I started going by that, but the prof never remembered when I asked him personally to call me that so I gave up.

[+1 555-8474]

Oh my god you’re John Prince

Virgil blushed fiercely at the realization. He’d had all of two conversations with Jo-Roman for the class, but he’d definitely been the one star struck by the other young man’s incredible looks and charm. He was right, his ideas had often come out jumbled, if not passionately so, and Virgil had secretly admired his gusto, but he never imagined someone like Roman would look at him twice, especially not in the way Virgil wanted. Roman always seemed like a lady’s man to him, but perhaps, like before, he’d had Roman pegged the wrong way.

[+1 555-7662]

He I am. John Roman Prince at your service.

Roman sent a selfie of him wearing a crown and red sash with a fluffy white cat with big blue eyes perched primly in his lap.

[+1 555-7662]

And this is Sugar. She would love to meet Shadow sometime if that is agreeable with you

[+1 555-8474]

A kitty play date? Sounds kinda weird but cute. Like a dumb Hallmark movie. What would we do while our cats talked?

[+1 555-7662]

Talk in person. Get to know each other for real like a dumb Hallmark movie. If you’re open to that kind of thing.

[+1 555-8474]

I am actually. Believe it or not, Shadow isn’t an outdoor cat, so is my place okay? Logan and Patton will be here, too, probably, so I hope you like Disney movies and science.

[+1 555-7662]

One I love and the other I can learn to love. When should we arrive?

[+1 555-8474]

[+1 555-7662]

Purrfect.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #thomas sanders #thomas sanders fanfic #sorry they always end on cliffhangers lol #i usually hit block limit or whatever bs lol #tsfanfics #mine

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sol1056 · 5 years

Text

the bar was already so damn low it was practically underground

Well, I guess I’ll start with this quick correction, with thanks to @jeannettegray, who pointed out I mixed up days (for S1-S6) and weeks (S7) which would explain why it felt wonky when I was looking at it. Here’s the corrected chart of time in-the-tail versus not-in-tail:

I included S8 in this version, but without a season coming after it, the only thing to track is the tail itself... and unless something truly wild happens between now and tomorrow, we’re already out of the tail. S4 and S5 had tails lasting 14 days each. I guess S8 isn’t the worst, since its tail looks likely to be 17 days. Yay, three more days of elevated viewership than the two worst seasons.

Unfamiliar with the expression ‘long tail’? Here’s a reference image showing the rise and fall of a season’s viewership stats. More info in this S7 post, or you can just check my data-cronch tag.

Or for a more pointed visual, here’s the past six months: S6, SDCC, S7, and S8... the last of which shoots up and comes right back down. Like a rock.

For S7, I included IMDB rankings per season, and the range was wide enough I had to take good/average/bad and split it into four: great, good, okay, poor -- and S7 had more episodes in ‘poor’ than any other. That’s what I mean when I say the bar was so low the damn thing was underground... and yet amazingly, S8 utterly failed to hop over it.

In fact, S8 did worse. Much worse.

viewer feedback via IMDB

Here’s all eight seasons, with their respective episodes averaged into each season’s value. It’s... well. Look for yourself.

For comparison, I also did a breakout, where the full seasons got split into 6 and 7, so we're comparing apples to apples with S3-S6 split seasons. The pattern is pretty consistent, between first-half and second-half, in that the season-half (or half-season) with the ‘finale’ is usually the one with the higher score. People like big finale set pieces, and those tend to get highest ratings.

Unless, of course, you’re season 8. Then people hate you.

S1, S2, S5/S6 (as a two-part season), even S7, all have higher ratings for the finale-containing half. And then there’s S8. I usually try to avoid a word as strong as hate, but... there’s really no other word that fits when the difference is that stark. People really, truly hated S8, in case the Rotten Tomatoes score wasn’t enough to tell you that.

Given the scores for S8, I had to create a new, even lower level to see how the seasons broke out in terms of ratings per episode. Now we have great (green), good (blue), okay (yellow), poor (red), and... terrible (maroon).

Yeah. So. There you go. Remember when I said last season that The Voltron Show had lost its title as worst episode ever, unseated by the Feud?

Well, the Feud has been unseated... by ten episodes in S8. Take your pick, there’s plenty to choose from. As of the time of this posting, the current three worst episodes are The Zenith (5.2), Uncharted Regions (5.3) and Clear Day (5.5). I’d list the ten worst but then I’d just be listing all but three episodes from S8, anyway.

However, it’s interesting to see the pattern form when you put the split-seasons back together. You can see how in some ways, there’s a certain level of audience approval gradually building, I guess as people got used to the story’s vagaries, err, style.

The number of ‘great’ episodes (8.6 or higher) slowly climbs; the number of ‘okay’ episodes gradually declines. S7 breaks that pattern, with only one ‘good’ episode, a few ‘okay’ and the rest at poor. S8, well. Yeah.

Okay, moving along, to the IMDB traffic. This is another viewership-style stat, since a site’s page tends to get hit the most when people want to know about the show they’re watching.

The color-dot indicates the ranking for the week of release. S6′s biggest interest was the week it released, which tells me people were going direct to IMDB on the day of release or the next day. When that happens, it seems to correlate with viewers coming to rate every episode, often with a strongly positive slant. They want to get right in there and make their happiness known.

S7, the leap upwards came a week later, and the utter wildness of the rating (plus the delay) seems to be related more to rubbernecking and controversy, rather than viewers reporting in. S8 not only debuted lower than the previous two seasons, it also had a delayed reaction (indicating more controversy)... and it dropped right back down, in one of the biggest post-peak drops I’ve seen yet.

viewer feedback via twitter

About six hours after S8 appeared on Netflix, I caught this sentiment analysis of the twitter stream for ‘voltron’ as a keyword. This is from midnight California time (point of release) to about 6am California time.

This is the tracker where I can’t review sentiment, and judging from the other tracker I use, the negative is higher... but more negative than positive is never good, no matter the totals.

Twelve hours after release, I checked the other tracker. Traffic overall was pretty low compared to previous seasons (and nowhere near what S7 had prompted, not even in the same county). Sentiment was running about 3:1 negative --- that is, for every for-VLD tweet, there were three against.

(If it makes anyone feel better, #Allura was the center of the maelstrom, with Shiro a not-quite-close second. No, despite the impression on tumblr, people weren’t sitting back and accepting Allura’s fate.)

But seriously, the response was otherwise pretty subdued. This is a general traffic pattern + predictive, for #voltron as of two days after release:

Which is pretty much... nothing at all. If I didn’t know better, I’d think no season had been released at all. It shouldn’t look that flat when a season drops, and it sure as hell shouldn’t be predicted to fall within the week.

And back to the sentiment analysis, showing the trends over the first week and a half after release. It’s continued to fall in a semi-regular pattern, so this is a fair-enough idea of what it looks like. (It hasn’t changed much; it just keeps gradually dropping.)

24 hours after release, negative-to-positive was nearly 1:1; since then, it’s stayed pretty consistent with two positive tweets for every one negative. Which, okay, you might say, two-thirds of people expressing an opinion seem to be somewhat okay with things, right?

Except I think there might only be like a few hundred of them. I mean, the peak up there, of total mentions? Maybe 1200, total. Sure, it’s great that 510 people had something nice to say while 498 were unhappy, but... that’s practically three people in an empty auditorium, if you go by twitter’s usual traffic levels.

And no one’s sticking around, either. Once again there was a post-release bump thanks to the simmering controversy... and then everyone hung up the phone, left the building, went on vacation, but they sure checked out.

That leap upwards? That’s not the week of release. That’s the week after. The week of release (second bar from the right) is flat for just a bit, before spiking upwards. And just like the wiki-extrapolated viewership stats, it falls promptly afterwards. Like a rock.

(I so want to crack a joke about rocks fall, everyone dies, but... #TooSoon?)

There’s one last chart to explore, but this one’s a bit of a doozy to explain. Once you see what it’s saying, though, hopefully you’ll find it as interesting (and illuminating) as I do. I’ll leave it here for everyone to ponder, and get into it in the final S8 installment.

Coming in the next few days.

#vld #voltron #doing the data cronch #sol explains things

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ilovechristopheralexandershaw · 5 years

Note

What would your ideal drarry fic be? Like, how would they get together, what tropes would be involved, what would be your ideal story line? Any squicks or triggers or things you aren't interested in? Any HC's with the two of them? :D

THIS IS THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY SEVEN WORDS OR SOMETHING HELP ME

Whoo boi, honey, lemme tell you, this answer gave me some s t r e s s. Tumblr, can you just...idk, have a save drafts option for asks? No?

Anyways, back to the point. Snuggle down into your blankets y’all, ‘cause this is gonna be one long post.

What would my ideal drarry fic be? Okay, siriusly, legit anything with angst. Copious amounts of angst. Drown me in the angst. I’m always willing to read an angsty fic, almost always as willing to read a fluffy fic and occasionally have an urge for smut but that’s like…every three months or so lmao. I prefer a story that isn’t based on the size of one’s cock. (Sorry if that’s a little crude). I’m fine with any length of fic, as long as it has a good story behind it and if it hopefully has some heart-wrenching moments that make me feel like I might have a soul after all. I love fics that keep their character – not too much, though – and have them arguing with each other all the time – its more real to me, and makes me laugh. I love drarry because of that, because it’s that ship that will keep their relationship, unlike idk shrek and Fiona who fall for each other and lose their old self completely. Drarry is that ship that stays intact and old and new at the same time, and that’s why I love it.

How would they get together? I have this vision of the two getting together slowly. First it’s banter, insults, hexing, all the while having miscommunication and some serious pining because I’m an absolute sucker for that shit. As I said, angst. Hate turns to like and death threats to exasperated, witty little replies, private jokes between the two of them – a Malfoy Stinks embroidered on his robes in place of Healer Malfoy.

I love fics where there’s just that one, final leap of – I have to do it, otherwise I’ll never get another chance, I don’t care about the consequences. If it’s a kiss that gets them together, in that ‘final chance’ way, I love it when the other is too shocked, and the first person just loses all hope (I mean until like two seconds later when they’re snogging the life out of each other lmao). Basically just a slow build and all the sass 😊

Tropes? Okay, I’m gonna admit that even though I’ve been in the fandom for a few months, I still can’t define so much, but I hope most of what I write here is legible.

I love coffeeshop Aus, I find them really cute and sweet, and a blushing Malfoy is always a bonus. Eighth year is my absolute jam, unless it’s a drinking fic in which case no thanks. I love friends to lovers or enemies to lovers – the slow build, especially if the author has timed it perfectly, is just argh, I love it. Pining has been mentioned like a hundred times already but I’m going to say it again just because. Roommates are okay, I guess, but not exactly my go-to. I do like muggle Aus, and even though I think Potter should be a teacher, I enjoy the action in an Auror Partners fic, too. Also uh..oops? This was supposed to be tropes that were involved not the tropes you like you dumb butt. That’s not what Nonny asked.

My ideal storyline for a drarry fic? Not sure if this is what you’re asking but I’m gonna go with it and if I’m wrong then I’m wrong y’know?

As I said, I like fics with pining. I love a number of storylines, but I’m just gonna choose one for this thing since it’s already almost if not over two thousand words (is anyone even reading this? Who cares, I’m having fun) okay I checked its like over 2600 help me. Also this turned out into a fic not an ideal storyline hhhhhhhh

I guess I like fics with slow-building pining, going from meeting together at work or having to work together for some reason in eighth year, or just seeing each other in eighth year. PTSD gets them together, but so does the (admittedly weaker) banter, since nobody understands either of them – the Saviour and the Ex Death Eater. The press is still going off about the war, and everyone has their own ways of coping. Soon enough, they’re friends – (ok let’s pretend this is eight year) and helping each other through the bad days. And soon enough, the insults that hit closer to home for others but not them, the inside jokes, the love of Quidditch, the homework assistance – all this time around each other turns to pining. Malf-Draco, with his white-blond hair and black turtlenecks that he kept even though that was what he wore as a Death Eater. With his now self-deprecating jokes instead of hurtful insults. With his smile, that shows his sneer lines of the past. With his blue-gray eyes. With his knowing smirk when they’ve done one of their own eighth year pranks. Even with his wonky Charms and obsession with stroking the Dark Mark and the way he stops in front of the Room of Requirement every time they pass. And Harry, with his mop of untidy hair and glasses that have had Reparo used on them who knows how many times by now? With his bright green eyes, with his surprisingly pale skin, with the way he disappears into the forest every now and then, staring at the clearing where Voldemort once thought him dead. They pine, they’re oblivious, and finally, Pansy spills it to draco, an exasperated ‘will you kiss him or not’ just as Harry rounds the corner in his invisibility cloak. ‘are you stupid. Pans? We’re just friends.’ (wow ideal storyline this is a mini fic by now what am I doing with life my math sheet is like right in front of me I should be doing that). The questions, that night, in their respective beds. And the finale, with Harry rethinking ‘we’re just friends’ in his head in the final Seeker-to-seeker game, Draco leaning in.

Finally.

Okay, squicks. Here we go. First of all, I don’t really like fics where they speak really…I don’t know, childishly? To each other eg. too many cheesy pet names (‘Hi hun,’ he giggled, taking the offered plate), since my idea of drarry is a couple that banters all the time, not one that sits around squealing at each other. That’s the main reason I ship them, after all.

Another squick, although this just annoys me more than makes me uncomfortable, is when there’s a fic involving children where the author makes their speech like that of a baby. Five year olds and younger can make legible sentences, so it’s sometimes irritating when eight-year-old Scorpius is saying ‘dada give h-h-hoog’ if you get my drift.

Daddy kink is another thing. If you like it, good for you but personally, I- *shudders* no thanks. It’s just – okay, my dad’s like over fifty, and that’s what I imagine if I think of that. Sex with my dad? I’ll pass. Calling your boyfriend your ‘daddy’? I- no no no just no I’m sorry but no.

Okay, I’ll rephrase. Most, if not all kinks make me uncomfortable – I’ve said daddy already, Parseltongue (just any other language) is just weird to me (it’s not disgusting, I just find it kind of dubious I guess.), any sort of pet play is similar if not worse than daddy kink, choking or breath play sounds more like rape (I’m crude, handle it), lingerie is just hella weird and I don’t even want to know what tentacles are, thank you very much. I’ll stick to my vanilla sex.

Any sort of sex toy/tool use is also a squick (including painful BDSM stuff), but I’m not sure if that’s kink so I’ll just add it here.

I don’t mind OOC fics, but, again, if they’re too soft (unless it’s some sort of caring angsty oneshot e.g. most of @rose-grangerweasleyisbae ‘s ones) then they most likely don’t work with me either.

Triggers? No, I haven’t read any fics that have triggered me in any way and I’m not sure if I have any. Most are squicks.

Fics, or tropes, I guess, that I’m not interested in would include either one being some sort of Magical Creature (although there are some exceptions – some writers make really good fics with these tropes), and by that I mean any humanoid creature such as a werewolf, vampire etc. Veela especially. Also, anything with mates. (Fun fact, in my first answer that got deleted, I wrote a headcanon fic thing with draco as a bowtruckle since I said I don’t know if that’s a squick bc I’ve never read it and decided to do it for fun)

Dunno what this is, but I’m gonna include it as well – I also don’t like fics where their entire supposedly ‘loving’ relationship is completely based on sex. I’m okay with it if they’re supposed to be fuckbuddies at that point in the relationship, but if this is what the author is calling their ‘established relationship’, I don’t really like it.

Any fic that loses the banter after their getting together, where their world and source of happiness is completely revolving around the other – that is also one of my disinterests. As I said, I ship drarry for the sass and banter (and angst). Not the sappy love.

I don’t really like unhealthy relationships – I read a fic where the whole reason Draco allowed Potter to date him was because he complimented his flying skills, not because he liked him. That’s a really minor example, but basically any fic without actually liking each other or as I said, an unhealthy relationship, doesn’t take my fancy. Unless, of course, they’re fixing it.

A fic that starts somewhere in the books, eg. third year or something, don’t normally take my fancy, but, again, there is the occasional exception that I turn out to love.

Not exactly Drarry but any poly relationships with the two of them are also a disinterest – I feel like they’re the ones for each other. Dunno if this sounds polyphobic or whatever it’s called, and it probably does, but that’s not it. I just personally don’t think Drarry need another person. Other ships, maybe. Drarry? Not for me.

Eighth year fics that are based on drinking and drinking games also aren’t my thing (omg there’s like eight million alsos here what am i doing don’t shoot me please (ok i fixed it)). I just don’t like them.

And fics with any sort of bonding lose my interest pretty quickly, especially sexual magic bonds. Mpreg, as well, again, I’ll read the occasional fic but most of the time I don’t really like it.

Age difference, again, are something I find strange, and I can go on for hours but this is now around three thousand words and I should stop so y’all can go read your fics lmao.

And um I’ll give you two headcanons as my way of apologising for the unbelievably late reply

Harry, lying on the ground, blood dripping from a massive slash in his stomach, chest barely moving, lips slightly parted, tinged red with drying blood

Malfoy, now just a colleague, they’ve lost the schoolboy animosity, hovering over him, wand casting diagnostic spells even though he knows they’re no use – he knows the curse but he doesn’t know the exact variation – and the wrong healing spell will kill the Saviour – he can’t take that chance.

‘Scared, Malfoy?’

His head jerks up, pale eyes widening at the old question thrown back at him. Shoulders slump, his lungs heaving from all he spells he’s cast

‘Yes’

Idk just the idea of that final admittance – yes. Idk, just, my heart, man.

Okay headcanon 2 which is more of a fic by this point (someone help me im so bad at headcanons. Like this is all fleshed out in my head but ugh)

Eighth year holidays, Draco is sitting alone at the blazing fire in the common-room, strangely enough knitting, as he talks, friendly but quiet to a surprisingly happy Moaning Myrtle (the common room is where the old bathroom was)

Hermione Jean Granger sits down next to him and he flinches, almost expecting a slap like third year – he’s had hexes from Muggleborns who had nothing to do with the war, and here’s the Saviour’s friend – of course she’s gonna –

She pulls out a massive textbook, quill, inkpot, blotting paper and three rolls of parchmment from her bag, tucks her bushy hair behind one ear, and starts scratching away

He’s surprised, but still too nervous to ask why

It becomes a habit, her sitting there there, him as well, talking to Myrtle, doing Potions work, knitting as well

They start talking to each other, he finds out she Obliviated her parents and doesn’t want to come back just yet, even though she knows the Dark Lord’s gone

She finds out he’s too scared to go home, with all the memories

They become friends of sorts, helping each other when they can

When the holidays end, there are a few double takes, but nobody really questions it. After all, it’s Hermione, she never was too against Malfoy (nobody really saw that slap) and she’s always been a rule-follower. They assume its part of Mcgonagall’s asking for peace between Slytherins and Gryffindors

I mean, Ron does complain about her hanging about the ferret nowadays and not around her boyfriend, but he gets it. Besides, their ‘sessions’, if you will, are always when there’s Quidditch practice for Harry and Ron (they help train the younger years)

So yeah, it’s not too bad (and this isn’t Dramione I promise although I do ship it occasionally)

One day, though, she brings out a bundle of knitting herself. To his surprise, she knits a single sock and puts it in a box

He asks her why

‘For Dobby’

And he remembers. He remembers the strange little house elf, the one he loved as a kid but had no way of showing it. He remembers his father’s hatred of that elf in particular He remembers scowling at the poor thing, ranting to it – it was a way of venting, but in true Malfoy-raised fashion, he’d been so cruel to it as well, laughing as it jammed its fingers in doors, encouraging its pain.

He leaves the common room early that night

Next day, the Golden Trio isn’t there. Hermione (no longer Granger) isn’t there

He knitted a single sock that morning himself. He’d heard the story from their talks. He wanted to contribute. A way of apology, if you will. If it even counted. Today’s the day the elf passed away, and Hermione had said she put a sock in there for everyone

It’s pretty obvious where they’ve gone. He Apparates there after class, and finds the grave easily. It’s got a bundle of Conjured flowers, stems wrapped around the rock that serves as a headstone, and the box of socks is right there too. (what am I doing this is meant to be a short drarry hc and I haven’t even brought potter in yet help)

He starts crying

He spent last night remembering. Remembering how even through all the pain he caused that elf, a single smile, a single ‘thanks for listening, Dobby’ would make the elf bow and weep at his feet. He remembers how cruel he was, how the elf just…took it in his stride. He remembers losing the house elf, realising Potter had stolen something else of his. He remembers

And he lets it go. He spills all of it to a gravestone, apologies and ‘I know it won’t mean anything’ and ‘I didn’t know but that’s no excuse’ and ‘you always listened, how did you always listen?’ and ‘thank you’ and most of all ‘I’m so so sorry’ stumbling over each other as he tries to explain, to finally let it out

He’s crying and sniffling and that’s making it even harder to speak but he needs to say this, even though Dobby is dead, even though he’s apologised to so many people – this is one of the few that listened to him, and he’s treated the elf like garbage.

Tears drip onto the single sock in his hands

It’s hours later when he finishes. Well, not exactly finished, but he’s said enough that he thinks he’s explained himself and said sorry – even though it’ll never be enough. He’s cast a Light Charm (not a lumos ok it’s bigger don’t correct me) and he leans over to put the now-damp sock into the box too. A final ‘I’m so sorry’ and he stands up, turns around

And comes face to face with the Golden Trio

Hermione stares at him, then grabs him in a massive hug

Ron looks at him, slightly awkwardly but at her glare, he offers a tight smile

And Harry? (wow how long has it taken for me to get here god) is just staring. Openmouthed. Who knew Malfoy had felt this much about a house elf?

And yeah that’s the point where he realises Malfoy isn’t that bad and then they go back to Bill and Fleur’s (Hermione explains along the way that they went back to the grave bc they saw the Charm and were in shock – was Dobby back?)

‘did you hear all of it?’

‘we heard enough, Draco’

And when they get back to Hogwarts, well, it’s slow building at first. Potions help when Hermione’s out on a date with Ron, a butterbeer in the school kitchens on a Hogsmeade weekend when they want to hide from the public but enjoy the drink

But over time, the pining and the miscommunication and Draco getting back to his (albeit weak) banter with Potter leads to one thing. You know what it is.

Drarry

You know what I’m having fun writing trashy hcs so here’s a third (although it ain’t drarry. It ain’t any ship)

Alright so there is no hairdresser at Hogwarts or Hogsmeade or anywhere near the castle (I mean it was never mentioned in the books was it so this is possibly canon)

Therefore, most kids have to use spells

But we all know that each of us probably has a haircut that is somehow slightly different to one another, and there aren’t that many hair care spells in the world let alone known by a few teachers in Hogwarts

While some kids know exact spells, others, for example, Muggleborns, just use Diffindio

I mean, it gets their hair cut, yeah? That’s pretty much all they need

Of course, Hermione knows each and every spell but let’s not get to that

And Malfoy uses his own spell and a litre of Sleekeazy every morning

But since everyone else cuts their own hair, it looks as bad as each other

And that’s why Harry wasn’t teased too much about his hair (yes, also bc he’s the Saviour bUT STILL)

That’s why Sirius had long hair and etc.

Basically none of the kids at Hogwarts really had good hair and they all looked like Halt from Ranger’s apprentice (also this one is long as heck I could’ve just said everyone uses diffindio and there’s no hairdresser why am I like this)

#oof yay i got an ask #what am i doing look at the length of this thing #nonny i am so sorry for doing this

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