#i feel gross. and wrong. and just. eugh.

[mobtism]

was making a post abt my character w/ ocd headcanon but. eugeuhgh

#got stressed out for unrelated reasons yesterday while writing it and now every time i look st the post draft i just :(( #also just :( idk makes me feel. eugh. for talking abt my ocd bc. what if im wrong #tbh. been feeling urgrhgh. like im faking. ever since i started actually posting and talking about my ocd on here #even though i KNOW im not faking bc. no way in hell i dont have ocd. non-ocds dont get stuck doing things over and over bc their brain #forces them to. #as well as every other symptom i have that is so clearly ocd. #i dont know. maybe because i dont fully understand this part of myself yet. and maybe because i dont have community w/ this aspect of myself #feel like everything i do is wrong. and untrue. idk #idk. ugh i feel gross i dont like being vulnerable about these things. #🗑

[angelpuns]

Spinoff kid Leo Au (fan story)

Part 2

Lunch was ready and everyone was reunited at the table (or coffee table for the living room. It was small, and there were no chairs. It's fine.) and not to complain about the food either, but whatever this was, didn't seem like something you could digest or at least that's Leo's opinion, 'cause everyone else was fine eating it. It looked like some sort of smash potatoes... but dad didn't bring potatoes, which made Leo distrust the dish. 

"Is everything fine, blue? You haven't touched your meal." Eugh boy, Leo really didn't want to try it. Spoon fully right at his mouth. "Oh yes,  everything is fine, just trying to figure out what this delicious thing is. Heh." He gave a thumbs up. Leo was really nervous, he didn't want his dad to feel bad. The dish wasn't bad, in fact it didn't have any flavor. Makes him question more. 

"I know it is not great cooking, but it's what we have." Splinter seemed disappointed, not about his cooking nor their way of living, but of himself. He could give his children a better life. If he wasn't so selfish, would they be here? Would he have his lovely children? It's something Splinter wouldn't like to think of, because all the decisions, for the good or for the bad, brought him to where he is now, to his family. He would never change that, but he wishes to give them more, a better life than the sewers. Be a better father to them. 

"Now someone is centered in his thoughts, eh. Everything fine pops?" Leo just wanted to light the mood. If he was going to stay here, at minimum try to avoid making his dad go into depression mode earlier than anticipated. 

"Yeah. I was just thinking... maybe more salt?" Was he really trying to lie to Leo? He's a teen, not a toddler any more. Things won't be easy any more, are they?

"Yeah. Maybe more salt." He repeated. He won't make Splinter talk about his feelings. Took Mikey years to make his father talk openly to them. He won't try that to him now. 

And it's contradictory because if it wasn't that their father was locked in his room, they wouldn't escape to the surface, they wouldn't meet April, wouldn't become friends, and many other things wouldn't have happened. And of course they love April, but they also needed their father more time with them. Man, if they ever gave Leo to choose, he couldn't. How would he? 

It was a silent meal... until Mikey decided to make it uncomfortable. "Do we have a mom in the future?" There goes a lovely evening. Splinter almost choked with the spoon. Leo didn't know if to laugh or cry... or both at the same time. He could totally be like: Why yes brother dearest, in fact we have two. One is a giant spider who tried to kill us many times. And maybe more me than you. And the other one is a goat sheep-man who also tried to kill us, also more me than you... maybe including dad. I don't know. Or simply pretend he didn't hear him and change the subject. He turned to his dad to see if he could save him, but the old man just turned his gaze, Leo gave him a smile that could be read: help me or I can ruin your entire career. I know all your secrets old man. 

The older toddlers just looked at Mikey as if he had something wrong. Clearly he was curious, an innocent question you may add. But by the uncomfortableness between both adults, you can tell they felt distressed. Donnie helped save the day. "Why would you ask that? That's kinda gross, maybe Leo doesn't know about that because of his inferior knowledge. Why won't you ask something more simply? like something about us?" Ohmigosh. You had to make yourself sound so smart, didn't you? with all those fancy words. Please Donnie, you only have six. But thank you anyways. 

"Oh I see. Then... how babies are made?" Leo immediately ran out the kitchen, with pain by his injuries, but fast as he could. Repenting "Nope." On his way out. He will not be the one who has to explain that to a toddler. Splinter.exe has stopped working. 

"Mikey. No.~" the only thing that could Donnie do is just give a gentle squeeze at Mikey's little shoulder. Raph and Mikey were confused. Adults and Donnie were confusing, but it's best not to ask. 

After a couple of hours. Leo had returned to the kitchen to help his father clean while the kids were playing. "So, no mom. eh?" Splinter started jokingly, he wasn't interested in the topic, but it was funny to see Leo's face turning red. Even though you can't notice at simple sight because of his stripes. "Really dad. You too?" He didn't want to make eye contact, he felt embarrassed. 

"No, not really. But you should have seen your face. Hehe." Leo finally turned to face him, Splinter's sincere smile was contagious. "Heh, yeah. But I'm still not answering that." They both laughed.

"And how about you? Do you have a girlfriend?" Splinter asked while they both were washing the dishes. 

"What?" 

"Or boyfriend. I won't judge. So tell me, will I be grandpa? And how many grandchildren will I have?" Now he did sound interested.

Leo didn't believe what he was hearing. For the first time his father showed interest in them... in him... well, not the first time. He already is… he was like this when he was little, but after the age of eight, when he left them on their own... Nothing was the same. Not even at their teen age, and when he finally left the couch to help them fight a great threat. When their lives were at line. He was there, but not like he wanted. He wanted a father, not a sensei. Not even Raph deserved what he's been through only for being the oldest. But they were still grateful that at the end... no... in continuity, they had their family all together. Metaphorically speaking. Leo had to figure out how to go back to his family of his time. But it is still counted as a win. Kinda.

"Pfff sadly no. Not that I know. None of us have a couple or children, except for Donnie, but robots can't be considered grandchildren, can they? Just don't tell little Donnie I told you this, ok?" 

"Heh maybe. It depends. And don't worry I won't tell." This was nice. Leo felt like he could tell anything to this Splinter and he would actually listen to him. It didn't have to be the: he didn't listen to me again, fine whatever. The feeling of being ignored wasn't good, but they were used to it, and that wasn't good either. 

"Papá! I'm bored!" Yelled Mikey from the... probably the living room. Splinter gave a reassuring smile to Leo before he went to help his child in "distress" and leaving the teenager alone. 

It was calm, It was silent. No caos, no trouble, no villains to fight against, no life threatening situations. A normal life. Leo didn't realize they had a calmed life before going to surface. He wished this could've lasted a bit longer, but also having gone to school could've been cool. "You can't always have everything Leo." he said to himself.

Side note: I did this in honor of Angel and his amazing blog/Au. If you liked it, I could continue with the small side, side, non-official, fan story. If not, is also fine, (it's my first time writing a story) I would love to hear some feedback and your opinion. 

Thank you for reading 💙

- 🌸

WGAHHDHFHFHF YES YES YES LOVELY AS ALWAYS!!!

Omg Mikey asking the real questions out here- ' how are babies made ' HE WOULD ASK THAT LMAOOO

I do hope they get to eat some nice food soon ;-; maybe Leo can make them some pizza :D

#these are so great #waaaaa #i love #kid leo asks #kid leo au

[pettydollie]

ᴄᴏʟᴏɢɴᴇ - ᴅᴀʏʟɪɢʜᴛ ᴘ2

summary: yn deals with the trauma from her toxic ex boyf in a negative way, falling into unhealthy habits. she meets chris at a cafe she works at but has trouble admitting her liking to him, but its even harder when her best friend hates him. warnings/notes: fem!reader, lowercase intended, cursing, reader is in a bad mental state, toxic!bf, dirty thoughts, mentions of sex (no smut tho), bodyshaming, this entire chapter is a flashback wc: 1.1k

you were practically begging for praise, eugh.

"am i good enough?" you asked your boyfriend one night after you jacked him off and then refused to sleep with him. you sat on your bed in a tank top and tiny shorts while he was almost fully naked, only just putting his boxers back on. he turned his gaze to you, raising a brow. he scoffed. "yeah, you did fine."

you wanted to roll your eyes. "that's not what i meant." you swallowed hard, hoping he doesn't think you're an attention seeker. he didn't respond, he just walked over and kissed your neck. "i'm going home."

you pull back from his pecks, nodding your head. you wished he wouldn't go so quick. he was always rushing to leave. you miss being able smell his cologne whenever you two were together; now it's a faint memory. he threw the rest of his clothes on, grabbing his phone when he was finished.

he gave you a peck on the lips before walking to the door. "call me in an hour!" you exclaim. you heard an "uh huh" as the door shut. he wasn't going to call. he probably wasn't even going home. you don't think he's cheating, but you know he's probably going out to a party of some sort.

you wanted to be seductive and give him more than what you did, but you couldn't bring yourself to. you don't think you're that attractive, so you should be thankful someone like him is with you. you rub your wrists that are numb and tired from all the work you did.

and he gave you nothing.

you hate this feeling. the on and off feeling, not knowing if your emotions are even valid. he never put on cologne any more to impress you. he smells gross, but you don't ever mention it.

almost two hours later, you're sitting on your sink in the bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror. last week your boyfriend told you that you're gaining weight. at the time, you foolishly agreed even though you thought you were okay.

but now, when you're staring into your reflection, really admiring yourself, you decide he's wrong. you're.. pretty. gorgeous even. then you get a disgusting feeling in your stomach. you hate the way he's been treating you. honestly, what were you thinking?

you grab your phone and call him. he doesn't answer. you call again. and again. you scoff, "drop your shit and pick up the phone." you snarl, wishing that for once he'd give you the attention you craved. you hop off the sink, your heart beating. you slip on your mary janes and anxiously swing the door open, not really knowing where you're gonna go.

but your trip out quickly comes to an end when you see olivia standing there, her eyes wide in surprise. "oh.. hi!" she greets, giggling at the coincidence. "were you going out?" she asks. you shake your head, stepping aside to let her inside.

you two lay down on your bed, light music playing in the background. you bring a bowl of strawberries, plopping down next to her as she pulls one out from the bowl. the wind from your open window blows into the room, causing chills on yours and her skin. you giggle at the goosebumps, rubbing her arm up and down to make them go away.

she clears her throat, looking a little shy, asking you've been. you sigh and begin to explain your thought process about your boyfriend.

olivia's pov:

"ugh, what is wrong with him? girl, don't listen to him, you're beautiful." i grimace after she explains what he told her. i wish she'd just dump him already, he's no good for her.

she smiles at my compliment, making me happy. "aw, thank you livvy." she pauses her story, grabbing a strawberry. i watch as her mouth wraps around the fruit, the juice coating her sweet lips. some of the liquid dripped off her mouth, falling into the valley of her somewhat exposed breasts. i suck in a breath.

"oops." she grins sheepishly, wiping it away with her hand. she goes back to the details, "and when i jerked him off today, he didn't even ask me if i wanted anything. like, helloo?? i just felt really bad. i didn't want anything anyways, but he still could've asked, y'know?"

an idea popped into my head. my face goes red at the nasty thought. it was terrible, really. thinking of doing something with my best friend. i guess she noticed though, she asked me if i was okay right after. "uhh yeah." i respond, scratching the back of my head. "just- question. and you totally don't have to answer" i clarify with a straight face

she nods, smiling. i feel butterflies from her sweet demeanor. no one deserves her. "so, uh.. are you a virgin?" i ask hesitantly, not wanting her to be offended. but she isn't. of course she isn't insulted, she's perfect.

"mhm." she sighs, playing with the leaves of her leftover berry. "well.. i could teach you a thing or two if you want?" i blurt out without thinking. oh shit she's gonna hate me. FUCKK! "but you're a girl" she grins obviously, raising a brow. i embarrassingly stutter in reply, "y-yeah, but i've had sex with boys before, so i know what they like." good save.

she thinks for a second. "hm, okay!" she starts pulling off her pants. OH. i wasn't expecting that.

it was great, as expected. but i dont know if i can handle keeping my feelings inside now after that. if anything, it just made me want her more. fuck.

you waved olivia goodbye, shutting the door behind her. wow. you just had sex with your best friend. she suggested it though, so it's no biggie. was it good? ehhh. you didn't cum, but she was just showing you what boys like anyways. you exhale, relaxing on your bed. your phone rings all of a sudden.

damn, maybe this isn't so healthy. did you just cheat on your boyfriend? no. nonono, he'd be happy. you're learning for his benefit. yeah, this is fine. it's not gonna happen again anyhow, so it doesn't even really matter anymore.

you shrug off the thoughts. you try imagining what your older brother breyden would say if you told him about this. he'd always been a little different from the other boys at school growing up, so he'd probably say something stupid about being gay. but you haven't talked to him in forever. you sigh. maybe you should go outside and get some fresh air.

but you don't.

you decide to call your boyfriend one last time before bed. this time, he answers. "we have to talk." he says before you could speak.

tags: @leah-loves-lilies @latinasforchrizz @stargirlsturniololover @junnniiieee07

#ᴅᴀʏʟɪɢʜᴛ #𝓬𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓸𝓵𝓸 #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #chris sturniolo x fem reader #chris sturniolo fic #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo fanfiction #chris sturniolo story #chris sturniolo series #chris sturniolo x reader series #chris sturniolo x reader fic #sturniolo triplets x reader #chris sturniolo x y/n #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x female reader #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo angst

[skyward-floored]

If you're still taking them Wolfie and Bunny and Hyrule shennanigins pls?

A little quick and unpolished, but these were supposed to be short XD Hope you enjoy!

———

“Just a little further Legend, keep going!”

“What do you think I’m doing?” a voice echoed from the small dirt tunnel, too small for anyone but a bunny to crawl through. “I still can’t believe that ball actually fit in here. Of all the dumb places for a ball to get stuck, a hole in the ground is— EUGH!”

“What? What’s wrong?” Hyrule gasped, and another disgusted noise came from inside the pipe.

“There’s something slimy in here! I can feel it in my fur, oh gross—”

Legend’s ranting abruptly cut off, and Twilight and Hyrule leaned in, exchanging worried looks.

“Legend? Legend is everything okay?”

“...I’m stuck.”

“What?”

Angry squeaking came from inside the hole, and Twilight peered inside, but he couldn’t see anything but dirt.

“I’m stuck! I got past the slimy stuff and now I can’t move!” Legend yelped, sounding frantic. “This must be a hole for mice or something because it’s too small for rabbits! Get me out!”

“Okay okay, calm down,” Twilight soothed, and reached his hand in the hole. Legend was too far inside for him to grab though, no matter how far he stretched, and Twilight pulled his arm out with a frown, tapping his chin.

“You can breathe, right?” Hyrule asked, and Legend was quiet for a moment.

“Well I can for now.”

“Here, calm down, I’ve got an idea,” Twilight said, then slipped into wolf form and began pawing at the opening of the hole, making it bigger.

The ground was soft from a recent rain, so it was easy for Twilight to widen the opening and dig his way in further. Soon enough Legend’s fluffy pink tail was visible, and Twilight pulled back, tilting his head at Hyrule.

Hyrule took the hint, and crawled into the widened hole, legs wiggling. Soon nothing but the tips of his shoes were visible, but a triumphant ah-ha! came from the tunnel moments later. Hyrule began to squirm back out, And Twilight tugged on his shirt to help him.

Hyrule abruptly popped out of the tunnel with an oof, then held up a rather muddy looking bunny rabbit in one hand, and the missing ball in the other.

“Got them!” he said with a grin, and Twilight let out a little yip of excitement, unable to stop his tail from wagging.

Hyrule set Legend down then, and he turned back into a human, looking rather annoyed. His voice held a healthy amount of relief in it when he spoke though, and Twilight could hear his heart beating a little faster than normal.

“Thanks ‘rule, and Twilight. That hole was awful,” he sighed. “Think I’m done with the outdoors for today. Let’s go see if Wild made anything for lunch.”

Hyrule nodded eagerly, and they started for the house. Twilight followed, but it wasn’t until they were inside the house and taking off their shoes that he paused, then looked around at all three of them.

“What now?” Legend asked, and Twilight gulped as he turned back into a human, looking back at the slew of muddy foot and paw prints that covered the floor.

“Mom is going to kill us when she sees all this mud.”

#Incredibles au #lu Hyrule #lu twilight #lu legend #bunny legend #lu wolfie #linked universe fanfic #writing from the floor #answers from the floor #lovely nancyheart11 #incredibles au fic

[wiltf]

rowan shouldn’t have been the one to find you, but he does.

careful with his movements now, while the glass makes that funky crackling noise under his shoes that would normally itched your brain just right. but the bottle in your hand, held against your head, has long since gone warm.

and you’re mad. sad. hurt, sore, scratchy throat and bottled rage and you want to scream all over again, yet you don’t know if you have it in you anymore. it all left you, all that real, raw feeling, when seven slammed the door behind him.

you’re an asshole and a shithead and the worst person in the world. voting no didn’t count for shit and you’ve lost your fucking other half.

so rowan walks in where he shouldn’t have. crouched down where seven would normally be. invading that space like on a whole other level. don’t open your eyes, don’t look at him, there’s mascara fucking up your tears and if you look, you’ll say.

nothing, really.

“jen, i’m sorry. i’m so fucking sorry.”

bite down that bile. that angry, broiling bile, that wants to tell him to shove his apology up his ass. grind your back teeth as you finally spare a look out the corner of your eye.

fuck, you think. my contacts. all messed up from all the eye rubbing you’ve been doing. somewhere in the back of your head now probably, just floating there. gotta fix that. gonna hurt in the morning.

maybe there’s something on your face, with how rowan settles now, rocking back on his feet until he’s landed, pulling his knees against his chest. still looking at you. can’t make out his face because you can’t see for shit, and seven had your spare contacts and glasses in his jacket, and he’s fucking gone, and you’re out here, crying your goddamn eyes out and—

breathe, girl, breathe. gotta treat yourself like a fucked up horse. in through the nose, out through the mouth.

“i—i just… it’ll work out, i know it will.” with the way he says it, it’s like he’s trying to convince himself. but he voted yes, and you voted no, so guess who threw his hat in the wrong ring. “we’ll get our shit together and smash out some new songs, revamp ourselves. relentless caller to—two point oh.”

“he chose that name. we need to rebrand.” god, you sound like shit. croaky and hoarse but it gets the message across. “can’t use his fucking name.”

“i mean… you came up with it too, right?”

something in the way rowan says that, like it is a harmless question. sure, hell, they both came up with the name. jennifer and seven, off to take over the goddamn world. scared shitless at sixteen by some telemarketer with perfect timing during a horror movie marathon. but it’s that niggling, itching thought. bubbling over. “kick him out the band, steal his name? was that the plan?”

“jen! you know that’s not true!” arguably, that shock was real. but you can’t see it, so who’s to say.

“could’a convinced me.” god, warm beer is gross. matches everything else about you. so much mascara on your hands. eugh.

“i am so sorry, seriously, i didn’t—we didn’t think he would take it that hard, i mean, he had to have known it was gonna happe—”

you don’t quite recall throwing the bottle, just seeing it shatter into a million pieces as it hits the brick fence. sway to your feet, and you are. a shithead. an asshole. a bitch and a liar. you are the worst person in the world but you stare down at rowan, in that moment, and sure. your heart was broken into more pieces than that bottle, and you’ve spent the last few hours going over it all in your head.

but,

“don’t. you fucking. dare.”

“hey, jen, come on—“

“no, rowan. don’t you dare say that shit to me. what we did to him? what we did to seven? i will never forgive myself for it. so you better take that back, and you better make this shit,” a point now, to the finger he’s sporting, with that goddamn logo staring up at you, “worthwhile. or i am done.”

because, as you turn, you remember. it’s the way it all came down, drowning out your ears. how they tried to convince you, really tried. how your voice appealed more, and how you were more palatable. seven was too hit and miss and people wanted you, not him. a mix of pleasantries and backhanded compliments.

the party stopped somewhere between the screaming and the crying. people had long since filtered out, and those who remained were sitting in awkward drunk silence. watching you, as you stumbled through, throwing back a red cup of something that burns all the way down. two — no, three — more beers.

you’re gonna drink and maybe litter on the way home. and cry and wail and sing at the goddamn top of your lungs. tempted to stand under his window with a boombox that you don’t have.

the beer tastes gross. you manage to rub one of your contacts back around. but your feet carry you home, because someone has to be sad and responsible. and your key clicks in place, no one else is home, but there’s that stupid keychain he bought you, and it’s his posters on your walls, and his shirt that you sleep in.

and you think you deserve this, this fucked up reality where you won’t be able to really ever leave it behind.

after all, you may have voted no. but you never considered walking at the first suggestion.

#infamous if #oc: jennifer lamb #c: rowan hart #post: fanfic #semi-charmed life played while i wrote this lmao

[imaginewarehouse]

Mr Snake x FemmeFatale!Reader || Drabble

I just got the DVD, so… yeah. I’m back XD Just a little something that came to mind while re-watching.

NOT MY GIF. Found it on Google.

Plot: Another one with Femme Fatale!Reader, and this can be considered a direct follow up from the last one. The gang are getting suited for prison (The first time), and tensions are high, and a gross Police Officer decides to get handsy with you.

Snake loses his shit.

Warnings: Sexual harassment and violence. A little bit of swearing, and some nudity- but it’s, like, fine. Just like getting changed in the locker room.

🔆🔆🔆

“Eugh… “You groan, making a face as you pick up the ugly orange outfit you’ll likely be sporting for the rest of your life. So… is there a… private area, that I can get changed? Or is this it?? Looking around, you see Wolf already pulling the new pants on and Piranha slipping the button-up shirt on over his mohawked head (He never really did like buttons) and you give an exhausted, annoyed huff- Fine.

Most of it goes well, and you’re just slipping the orange material over your feet and up your legs - trying to ignore the fight going on between the others all together, as the whole thing is a bit too hard on your heart for right now and think maybe if you were to look at it… take it in… you would break, -, you suddenly feel a firm, and loud,

Slap!

to your behind, making your eyes immediately blow open wide to the approximate size of dinner plates and a gasp tear from your lungs. “What- “Your head whips around- and so does Snake’s, though you don’t notice that yet. That, nor the plain terrifying way his eyes narrowed, and his mouth turned down into a furious scowl. Eyes landing on an Officer there behind you, your own eyes narrow; Teeth gritting. Look, usually you would handle this with some level of grace, rather then the pure animosity currently spread across your features, but today has been long, alright? You’ve been ‘noticed’ by all the wrong people, and ignored by the ones you meant to attract- and you are so over it, now. “Watch it.” You hiss darkly, almost growling at the guard as you fasten the pants up around your waist.

… He chuckles.

“What, baby? You suddenly shy? Come on- We all know your place in this thing… Whore… “He’s just continuing to smooth his hand over your butt and you’re about to turn right around and ram your elbow directly into his face, when the dam breaks.

Snake sees red- and before you even have a chance to do anything, he’s leaped past you and abruptly started choking the bastard- tight. “YOU TAKE THAT BACK. TELL HER YOU’RE SORRY, YOU STINKING PILE OF CRA- “

Your eyes immediately go round again as you step back from the violent scene, speechless as the others, lead by Shark - who bumps into you on the way and causes your clumsy little bump to the ground, - , and some other prison guards rush forward to drag him off. “Snake!”

“Let him go!!”

“Come on, man!- “

“Control yourself!”

But he struggles against them, jostling the man’s neck in his vice-like grasp dangerously hard, and growling- “Let go of me!” You’ve never seen your husband so mad. He’s not a peaceful person to begin with, sure, but nothing has ever happened to make him explode like this, not even when men would look at you- flirt with you- or touch you, before. He trusted you, you knew that. But the fact that you were uncomfortable this time… combined with how mad he already was by the days events… must have made this the last straw. “BACK OFF- I’m gonna kill him.”

You and the others know he would never do such a thing, but the guards don’t. And one of them takes out something from a holster on his belt, and when you realise what it is your jaw drops- scrambling to your feet and rushing forward without a second thought; Reaching out. “No!”

Before the taser can make contact with skin, you shove the man’s arm upwards, causing sparks of dangerous electricity to dance in the air. Snake pauses for a split second, eyes wide at what just nearly happened, slit pupils flickering from you to the man with taser, but quickly regains his anger when he realises you saved him. He’s fine, because of you.

Even more reason to break this guy.

“OKAY. BOTH OF YOU,” A female officer this time, suddenly shoots out a couple of bullets into a nearby grey, concrete wall, causing a loud burst of noise that shocks you all into stillness. Piranha and Webb’s cover their ears, wincing hard at the horrible, eardrum shattering noise. “ENOUGH! STAND DOWN.”

Meanwhile the surprise manages to finally stop Snake just long enough, this time, for them to separate him from the gross Officer that assaulted you while making you calm down just enough for you to allow an officer to grab you by the arms. You’re both ‘guided’ and shoved off to the side, where the others watch you worriedly as the badly beaten guy limps pathetically out of the room- and not without serious help, either. You carefully recover your usual composure further there, straightening your shoulders against the strong grip the guard holding you has; Though without a deep breath, the angry flames hidden in your pretty eyes stay fully intact.

Snake, having lost quite a bit of his bite after being dragged away from the guy that touched you, stands seething still- but looks to you with a substantially less angry look in his eyes. Glancing his way to make sure he’s alright, you double take to see him already looking with concern, and finally take that deep breath you need.

… Okay.

-He’s okay.

-She’s okay.

#Mr Snake x Reader Drabble #Me Snake x Reader #Mr Snake #Drabble #The Bad Guys 2022 #The Bad Guys #Dreamworks #Dreamworks x Reader #The Bad Guys x Reader #The Bad Guys 2022 x Reader

[twyz]

I'm in a Beetlejuice mood and I can't contain it anymore so have some headcanons!!! These revolve mainly around things I do and I think they'd fit toonjuice a lot so keep him in mind!!

Sometimes Beej has these lil mannerisms where he repeats actions or words he hears

He does this at complete random

He'll tap his fingers to a beat in his head or he'll just say a random word quietly to himself

Don't ask him about it though!! He'll get embarrassed

He also knows WAYYYY more than he lets on

Like he can talk about myths and legends and all that shit for HOURS

He can talk about their origin/person who came up with it and give you exact dates and everything!!

He's just that good

Also despite being the king of gross-out humour, there's some things that he finds absolutely ATROCIOUS

Like if someone gets a tongue piercing, his stomach will literally flip

He can't handle it

God forbid he sees someone with a bridge piercing

He'll manifest a migraine within seconds

He definitely thinks they're cool!! Don't get me wrong!! But when he thinks about piercings, he doesn't think about how things look

He thinks about how things feel

So, going back to the tongue piercing example, he will cringe at just imagining the pain and like,, eugh

So gross

He also!! Cannot stand the sound of raincoats

He just

He cannot

I cannot either (lil piece of Roz lore for you guys!!)

The sound makes him so uncomfortable he will physically move himself 15 feet away from someone with one on

He doesn't like the feel of them either

It's so much worse than the sound

He can feel raincoats on every inch of skin imaginable and he just freaks out

Also!! The water thing? That's backstory related

Doesn't like talking about it that much

So don't push him

But he reallllyyyyy doesn't like water

The purple tint of his skin is actually related to his backstory!!! Or at least the one I gave him!!!

Anyways this was super fun!!! I wanna do more headcanons so if y'all ever wanna know anything lemme know!!!

#twyz #beetlejuice #toonjuice #beetlejuice cartoon #keatonjuice #michael keaton #beetlejuice headcanon #partial roz lore 👁️👁️ #uhh #txt

[goatpaste]

genuine question! i've seen you post quite a bit about your dislike for caesar, and for good reason clearly! with that said, i wonder, how would you write him to be a better character, from your perspective?

that's aside from getting rid of the whole 'friends with nazis' shtick, that's a no-brainer, you can have that one for free

ah! ye so, like you said. the no brainer. i already have written the n*zi's from being a main story element in my rewrite as is. anything they did the speedwagon foundation could do better and without so much gross shit to make it eugh

so for Caesar id like to reframe him as a proud italian but proud in the way of loving his country before facism began to make a staple in it and standing up against it. i would actively have Caesar acknowledge the changes his country is going through with the approach of war and his distaste for the way italy is heading. ect ect.

but more important to the plot! While i find caesars personality not my favorite and a lil displeasurable i dont think it DOESNT work for him and Josephs relationship.

i would want to mold Caesar into Josephs character foil. Two very similar character that still conflict and especially as their important morals conflict. Their both prideful and a bit full of themselves, they tend to think their in the right and expect others to rely on them. But for Caesar is comes from his own self isolation, he made himself believe he was the only one he could trust and is the only one who knows better, and without even realizing it looks away and wont acknowledge when what he does hurts others so long as he gets the outcome he set out for. Caesar wants to play hero because he believes its what the world shaped him to be. In his eyes, by the cruel twist of fate the world left him his families legacy and he must do something with it. He doesn't stop to think of this second chance to go back to the siblings he himself left behind or to live a happy life. For him there's some part of him that seems so focused on doing something grade to live up to roots and be a hero. He's selfish and as much as he talks about doing all this for his family, or his friends he truly is doing it for himself.

For Joseph its because of his own lose that he feels people must rely on him, for him its a since of protecting others and become their shield. He's basically only ever had Granny Erina, Straizo and Speedwagon. He knows his lose is also theirs and he doesnt want to lose them or have them be sad or hurt. He will protect them from all the bad things in the world, and he just might take himself out doing it so long as he knows their safe. Some part of him is foolish and doesnt seem to fully grasp his own mortality, he just thinks himself lucky and defaults be thinking he's going to live no matter the situation. he's gonna out of so much worse before, surely he can get out of this? all while not realizing how the stakes have piled up. or that his death would also hurt the people he promised to protect in both body and heart.

their both self destructive with one focused so hard on the dead that he can't pay attention to those alive and right in front of him. while the other is so focused on whats alive and still with him that he doesnt pay attention to his history or own mortality.

anyways

while i dont love Caesar, i wont kill him off in the Wham fight. He has too much to do. Instead the Wham fight would be Caesar acussing Wham of not understanding bonds or Family, spiting words like this in his face. Words that cut close to Wham as he has dedicated himself to Kars' quest, the man who raised him and that he calls family. How could this man who ran away from what family he still has and tell Wham that he didn't understand family? and wham would let him know!! he would tell Caesar off that while he fights might and brave, his heart is cowardly to accepting his own faults and that he is wrong.

The ceiling would collapse onto Caesar and Wham would leave his Hamon bubble be.

instead of his death, Caesar would be found by Suzi who has come chasing after him. As iv picture the two of them have been there on the island under Lisa's care for nearly 10 years together since they were teens. (in my rewrite iv depicted them a bit older because honest to goD i lost it learning joseph is suppose to be 18 he looks and acts like he's in his mid 20s. i have Caesar at 27, Suzi is 26, and Joseph is 25 <3) Suzi and Caesar are like siblings, so when Caesar runs off to fight Wham, Suzi is the first to go after him.

She gets there quickly and fights that the majority of the larger rubble missed Caesar. He still was injured, which causes him to be unable to walk without aid and to have permanent breathing issues, which meant no more Hamon. Suzi and Caesar would depart from the story for now, Suzi collecting Caesar to get him to medical treatment, then after? home. Home home, Caesar would be taken back to his family, his siblings he hasnt seen in YEARS. hardly even contacted beside MAYBE a vague unmarked letter. Caesar would care and be cared for by his siblings as the oldest kid in the family. Some still teens and others adults trying to make ends meet. Caesar was finally there for them.

from here thats kinda it for him in p2, he settles into his life back with his family taking responsibility for the life he ran away from.

from that i picture in my fan part for holly a lil p2.5 part, Caesar has adopted in a daughter/apprentice to teach Hamon. His home is mostly empty at this point of his siblings who have moved out or work out at sea or other places for days or even weeks at time. So its mostly just him and his daughter, Adele Zepelli. Who would play the role of Holly's childhood friend and "jobro" for this part.

Holly and Adelle run away from home and this leds to Caesar and Joseph teaming up to track down their daughters before anyone finds out they lost the girls somewhere in Italy.

their part of the adventure heavily consisting of both of them still seeing each other as young immature dumbasses who would recklessly get themselves killed and both of them assuming they have to take charge to keep things running smooth. which ends up with them stepping on each others toe, but more importantly works up to them both realizing the other has changed so much. Both of them have grown so much since the last time they saw each other and worked together like this way back when in Italy. Their not the same immature dumbass thinking the world revolved around only the things they cared about.

anyways, i think Caesar could work really well with his building blocks as a character!! i truly think so. The issue just is (again, beside the n*zi shit because thats included by default) is what a lot of the characters in p2 suffer! their underused and wasted. so many characters have great potential ESPECIALLY to work with josephs character, only for them to do nothing with it. so many of them just show up like a shiny new character to oo and aaah at then they get shoved to the side for nothing. i KNOW jojo's is just 'big men punching each other' but MAN im SO bitter we didnt even get to see lisa lisa and joseph sparring for training even once...

that part is so short while having SO much potential to do a LOT with them imo!!

SORRY THIS ENDED UP BEING VERY LONG AND A LOT OF IT IS STUFF IV SAID PREVIOUSLY IN p2 REWRITES BUT I LOVE TO REPEAT MYSELF IG AND REFRESH INFORMATION IV SAID TOUCHING IT UP LITTLE BY LITTLE EVERY TIME BUT THERES AN AWNSER FOR YOU IG JKDSHGJK

#this also might have a bunch spelling errors but its 3am and i wanna eat my ramen or whatever so oh well ig #long post #pillar fam

[thankyouforthefunny]

I know it’s not that serious but it’s been like 15 years straight of mainstream fandom going EUGH EW GROSS BLEUGH over mpreg and it’s kind of rubbing me the wrong way now that I think about it.

This is like a side side note to the transphobia conversation but I feel like the pearl clutching and disgust towards mpreg (and even to an extent the omegaverse) is getting old and is related to the idea that men having similarities to women is morally wrong and gross. Like I get being shocked the first time you hear about it but it’s kind of excessive and I’m constantly hearing about it all the time even in fandom spaces and it’s just?? Let people read and write and draw whatever shit they want and mind your own business if you don’t like it. Genuinely how is it THAT different than a lot of common AU ideas like vampires or mermaids or fairies.

#queer stuff #fanfiction meta #fandom #transgender #mpreg #omegaverse

[chaostheatre]

your blog has given me a more refined perspective on feelings towards fandom i’ve held for a little while now but haven’t been able to put into words. while i personally still (somewhat) engage in fandom, i do hate the oversimplification and glossing over of characters’ traits, both negative and positive. i wish people had a more analysis-minded approach to medias; that’s not to say i’ve never gone head first into ‘fandomification’. even now i still find myself glossing over characters to just consume silly meme content. i’m forgetting what i originally wanted to say but i’ll end this by saying thank you for the perspective!

no yeah ofc, I honestly haven't been in a lot of fandoms myself, I joined the game late (my first proper fandom experience came along when I was 16 which was... not even three years ago) so I think that really put things into perspective cause up until then my interests were kind of niche and fandomless and having to integrate into fandom culture was... really weird.

fandom itself has been very different and much more negative. I'm not sure how to describe it. besides the fact that people are just very mean and self-centered, I just... don't get anything out of the experience besides getting triggered. there's no honest discussion it's just... discourse. morality contests where no one actually cares about anything but who is more "right". commodifying the suffering of real people to justify useless opinions over media. it grosses me out

and then you're referencing fandom's tendency to kind of dumb down characters into digestible, bite-size caricatures. I hate that too. it happens. CONSTANTLY. especially with characters who are minorities, or women, or fat, or disabled... being reduced to one or two traits just so they can be memed or shipped is sooo eugh. I hate it. I hate shipping culture. I'm aromantic and have never cared for ships that don't involve me (a la projection or selfship). it's so annoying.

people just pick and choose what they want to keep about a characters personality and it's frustrating. no one cares enough to actually think about these characters as people unless it's blatantly spelled out for them. this is another problem I have with the anime, or the fans really: idk why everyone is so shocked that ramona is, in fact, a person. a BAD person. I'm tired of having this conversation because people love the gloss over all the harm and abuse she's done. bryan could light up a giant Neon sign in times Square that says "RAMONA IS A BAD PERSON." and people would STILL not get it.

people would STILL make their little "omg girlboss x malewjfe!! girl queen fem pussy slay who's never done anything wrong x pathetic loser male!! she should date women instead cause umm. Women cant do anything wrong!!!" jokes. I'm tired of it I really am. yes let's dumb down the female lead's character into a bunch of loose vague terms that mean nothing and reduce her to femme fatale jerkoff content!

the term for this specific behavior is "benevolent sexism" by the way. it's aggressively common in fandom. just let women fucking suck jfc

okay anyway. I have a lot to say on this but I'll leave this here for now cause I've written a lot

#sorry anon I'm not ranting about you fndnd I also consume dumb memes. it's fine to like silly stuff

[strawberrybabydog]

haiii babydog!! i was wondering how you felt about this rentry??? https://rentry.co/IRLnotdelusional i wanted to know if it was wrong or harmful,,, etc!!!

they also had a carrd linked but i wasn’t sure if any of it was misinfo or harmful. sorry if this is against your asking rules and thank you!!

before i start, i just want to clarify that i dont really have an opinion on the word "irl" (as an identity) other than that its just really confusing and unnecessary. i only have a very slightly negative bias going into this.

i should also preface this post by saying that "irl" doesn't have an official coining that i, or anyone in any of my alterhuman circles can find or knows of. which is why we see people claiming it "is or isnt X," because nobody truly knows. the origins of this specific use of "irl" are most likely untraceable because we've been using "irl" as slang for over 10 years on the internet, and this alternate use came up within the last couple years

TLDR: 3/10. poor wording + a lot of commonly made mistake misinfos.

as usual, everything is under the cut, and no screenshots will be described because tumblr still won't give me the alt text editor

oh no... i really dont like this wording. "claim their delusions are real." eugh, it just. i really dont like it. most delusional people i've met on the internet double book keep enough that we recognize our delusions arent "real." at least, not to everyone, only to us. the way this is worded makes it seem like we're deliberately lying or trying to convince other people that we're correct, when this doesnt really happen. i know this is nit-picky and most likely not how they intended to word this, but thats how its worded and its just.. its not good it makes me feel gross.

so it's an unecessary re-branding of spiritual Otherkinity? also, psychosis can absolutely be spiritual. religious and spiritual delusions are very very much A Thing, as are religious and spiritual hallucinations

they talk about how psychosis isn't a disorder, it's an umbrella term for a bunch of symptoms, which is true. but they get the specific symptoms wrong though. the correct symptoms are hallucinations, delusions, catatonia, disorganized thoughts and speech (positive symptoms,) and negative or cognitive symptoms. social isolation and paranoia are not psychosis symptoms, but they can be related to psychosis in individuals. very accidental and small misinfo here, not deliberate at all

nit-picky again, but a lot of their wording about delusional people makes it seem like they really don't like delusional people which is sort of icky. they later confirm they themselves are psychotic so i really dont understand this attitude of "im better than other delusionals." the harm delusions cause isn't always apparent to the people living in them. while it's technically true that delusions must cause harm, we don't always know that. it's not black and white enough to say "if your delusions dont cause you harm you're not delusional" & be completely correct, so it's best not to say anything about it at all if you're not going to delve into nuance

there it is. i knew the Extremely Bad No Good part was coming... but i dont think i was fully prepared lol

canon divergent Fictionkinity isn't a symptom of delusion, holy shit. source much? most grandiose delusional people identifying as fictional characters actually aren't canon divergent at all anyways. infact, i'd say their identities are more stricly canon than non-delusional Fictionkin.

this type of delusion is not called a delusional misidentification. what the hell is up with these people and bastardizing DMS? it's. the wikipedia... it's generally easy to use google. if google isn't easy to use for you, you shouldnt be making educational carrds to begin with /gen. this type of delusion would be categorized as a bizarre/non-specified delusion, aka, miscellaneous. for the millionth time, delusional misidentification syndrome is an umbrella term which encompasses delusions that all follow a similar theme. delusional misidentification syndrome is not identifying as an anime character.

the bottom bit about recommendations for coping with difficult delusions isn't medical advice btw, so i'm not clocking it. it's more like self-help. whether or not its effective i dont know and i dont care, its not really important

yes! very cool. i agree with this. the acceptance and encouragement of delusions can make them worse or more difficult to treat in the future. acceptance should be viewed as a last resort in coping

this is the part thats so confusing to me. i've been saying "irl" (originally "in rl" btw) to mean "offline, real-life" for over 10 years. it's not "first an acronym for an identity." it just means in real life! it's not that deep! i really hope this specific usage for this term doesn't catch onto mainstream media ONLY because it's so fucking confusing

they close the whole carrd by saying that if you disagree with them its fine and blah blah blah

this is another nitpicky thing but a lot of the language they used is overly personable, which feels a little manipulative. like, i don't need your permission to disagree with you. you dont need to reassure me it's fine to disgaree with you. i dont need your approval, internet stranger. the overly personable language (through the whole carrd) makes me feel like they're trying to coerce me into something or convince me of something?

i dont think its intentional.. i think its just they way they talk - like im not accusing them of Literally Being Manipulative. but when you're writing educational carrds, it's best to leave Yourself out of it as much as you can. cuz now i feel untrusting about this carrd, which isn't what the author wants

#asks #not dog #misinformation

[thegeminisage]

ok we are SO back 1 hour yet again let's get these redeads

EWWWW the weird tree from before is like...birthing them. so gross

ZELDA?????????????? omg evil zelda time!!!

lol how buliara in these voiced cutscenes just grunts. cmon just dont have her here

....................

i saw something flying that looked like a giant dragonfly? but it had limbs? glowing eyes????

and im like: no way. no way no way no way. but i shot it down. killed it with fire. gibdo bones. THEY HAVE INSECT WINGS AND THEY FLYYYYYY

cathy did say "wait for it" when i asked if they were scary. kill it WITH FIRE those bitches are NOT gonna get the jump on me i'm a seasoned veteran

oh wow. theyre called gibdo HIVES. whats worse than redeads? making them BUGS!!!

oooh am i gonna build town defenses...that's really cool

ok. ive prepped!!!! im nervous!!! but we are doing it!!!!!!!!!

absolutely WICKED thunder and lightning happening outside rn. totally rainless. the ambience.......

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THEY CAN CRAWL FAST WHAT THE FUCK

THEYRE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FAST! THE ONLY THING THEY ARENT IS FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god i did it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

that was really. really scary

lol and immediately a blood moon. rip.

awww barta let me fire the canon and got scolded lol

EWWWW gibdo WING!!! gross loot

oh man going thru the sand shroud and getting beset upon by redeads...bad. they were shambling slowly and i got em fast but i don't like not being able to see them from a distance

oh my god this light puzzle 🥺 it really IS like the spirit temple...i LOVE that throwback weh

um.......idk what to do at this second pillar lol. do i like turn it? hit it?

sidetracked by a shrine. monsters around it, quicksand, the works. walking in quicksand is CRAZY i just noticed how fast it drains your stamina......

found a travel korok lol. sorry buddy you're gonna have to wait. i cannot see shit

i'm just gonna look up this pillar thing. rip.

YES ok theres a pushing wheel thingy i missed bc of the shroud. ok

tbh thank fuck for my sandboots i could never do this with having to walk slowly

AAAAAA i found more redeads. a trail of arrows stuck in the sand leading up to them...spooky

this puzzle being a triangle <3 triforce iconography

ZELDA?????

it's fake zelda........................................

i gotta admit, it's less shocking once you know she's really flying around up in the sky lol

oh my god oh my god oh my god THIS IS ITTTTT this is the thing from the trailer!!!!

oh. gibdo hives bad

lightning temple! i knew it would be lightning

weh the music.

my god it's HUGE...i guess i just have to get to the top?

remind me of the pyramid from alttp lol. like The one yk

every time i think i'm at the top i find more layers!! am i even doing this right? if there's a cool way to do it i don't want to miss that...

i made it, but nothing up here...there must be a way inside i'm missing

omg you can blow away sand with tulin's ability lol

ok i went back down and...nothing. i guess i gotta look it up :/

THE GUIDE SAYS ATTACK THE GIBDO HIVES I LITERALLY DID THAT...smh..........

ok, maybe i did it wrong

What The Fuck Is That.

QUEEN GIBDO? BOSS THIS EARLY????

SHE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE A GIBDO OR A REDEAD WHY IS SHE A BUGGGGGGG

i don't have this desert armor upgraded like at all <3 i'm getting my ass beat <3

lol and now i'm supposed to get to the roof from INSIDE...girl i already did that from OUTSIDE

i wanna see the temple tho so i'm going

oh wow this is AMAZING...this feels like a proper dungeon

there's bones in the hole below this bridge. like, gibdo bones. like loots. feels like a trap

only one way to find out i guess

and a keese wing. no trap. that's so weird has someone been fighting here or something

eugh a redead in this room. as creepy as it is when they shamble just watching them lie there is somehow worse

this bobby trap just scared the SHIT out of me. wtf

just checked my map. this shit has SEVEN FLOORS and a basement??? no wonder the climb took so long.......truly a proper dungeon...........................

A TRAP!!!!! there was a hive in a hole and TREASURE in the hole but i couldn't attack the hive until i got the treasure!!! when i was in the hole!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, im getting ym ass kicked. gotta change back into real armor. much as i love dressing to match the set

this construct did scare the shit out of me btw

OHHHH the mirrors :( just like the spirit temple...

ok, i made it to the temple proper. gotta quit here bc i have an early morning, rip :( i cant waaaait to sink my teeth into this one!!!

#personal #loz blogging #totk lb #totk spoilers

[maxcomplainsaboutthings]

rewatching Hxh is such an experience. when i first started i remember just consuming it like i would any other media (i dont remember how old i was then, but i know it was pretty young). now that im such a different person vs who i was then its so weird rewatching it and looking back at things i thought were funny, attractive, or normal in the show is so... eugh. 

i havent seen anyone talk about this so im sorry if im just repeating old information. 

what is up with Gon??

i know, i know, probably the last person you thought i could have a problem with. and i dont! not really, at least. what im wanting to talk about is all the jokes surrounding him.

okay, so, were all aware of Hisoka. the creepy sadistic clown who has a thing for little kids. im not entirely sure how i should be phrasing this so im just gonna try and get everything out of my brain. sorry if it feels like im repeating myself, im trying not to. 

(disclaimer!! im not trying to cancel hxh or anything i just never see anything relating to gons experiences when it comes to this)

so while rewatching i kept on noticing just how many jokes there are about Gon being a victim of child abuse/groominig (maybe not the best word for it, but i hope what im trying to say is clear). 

just a few off the top of my head:

jokes with hisoka. the amount of jokes around him having some weird perverted  thing for gon (a twelve yo) is astonoshing. I alwasy thought it was weird that characters wont even comment about it (at least not a real comment, more like one making a joke about what a perv he is)

and i could maybe excuse it as it being ‘hes a pretty important character’, but idk. still grosses me out and the fact nobody says anything. especially when that one scene when (in greed island) when hisoka is looking at G+K’s butts and they make him walk in front. I dont remember who it was but one of the adults (i dont think it was bisky but it could have been) just thought ‘oo hes so scary and powerful and a perv’ and nothiing about him literally looking at little kids butts...

palm. oh my god. i thought it was bad with hisoka but for another adult to ‘like’ gon?? i could have excused it as like- ‘oh you know, it just is part of his character, hes not meant to be likeable!’ BUT NO!!!!! because theres ANOTHER ONE!!!  they could have so tottally written around it too. (just throwing out random ideas here) could have made it that she an older sister and gon reminded her of her deceased brother? or it could have that she wanted him to jsut hang out iwth her becaue she has no other freinds (and that she just disliked killua, thats why she didnt ask him). 

but a date????? and then what also made me annoyed was that nobody had a problem with it?? i know i know, killua, right? but his annoyance wasnt that she was an ADULT, it was that she would hurt gon because shes creepy. 

cougars. i dont even know if anyone remembers this scene, its around the same time theyre living with palm. G+K are working out i think and K asks if hes ever been on a date before. 

(not totally accurate quotes, jsut what im trying to remember)

‘sure i am! with aunt mito’ K is suprised at first, but then hes like ahh of course. then G starts talking about his other ‘dates’, all female boats would show up at whale island and, some of the older women (with a type for ‘younger men’ as he put it) would teach G (again, his words) ‘teach him all sorts of things’ in exchange for a tour from Gon.

AND LIKE?! HUH?!?!?! ADULTS??? WITH A KID? NOT ONLY THAT BUT GON IS TWELVE THEN SO HOW OLD WAS HE WHEN THAT HAPPENED???? killua is shocked and goes ‘just how expeirenced is this guy??’ again, nothing being like ‘huh. thats weird and not healthy’. i can brush this off as killua being a kid, though. 

there really isnt a point of this i just kind of needed a place to say this publicly because i literally havent seen anybody talking about this (but could be wrong)z

#hxh #hxh hisoka #hxh gon #hxh killua #Gon Freecss #Killua Zoldyck #hxh palm #just kind of weird #funny but not funny haha #funny weird #does this make sense to anyone??

[transmasc-wizard]

hellloooooo if u are okay with it i woul dlike to hear ur thoughts on the mandela catalogue speficially the paranoia parts

well its quite simple. i'd rather die than read/watch/listen to/etc anything involving a creature that theoretically has the capability to steal my exact identity and also wants to kill me!

jokes aside though ! cw discussions of paranoia and kind of like. unreality. LOTS of scopophobia (being watched) too. also brief mentions of suicide and sh. just in general... cw mandela catalogue subject matter lol

i genuinely do just get a bit mentally illnessy (of the intrusive thoughts variety) abt that identity type of stuff. i once blocked someone bc they had their birthday in their bio and it was close to my birthday + their name was nick or nicole or something. there was literally no logical reason for that action and im sure they were a nice person but i could not handle that <3 (they didnt know me anyway its fine). there are more examples but thats the first to come to mind. so, TMC's whole thing with the alternates.... yeah. not something that would be super smart to engage with.

that aside: i also dont do well with like. distorted Wrong face type things (unless they r hot. stares at michael distortion) like the ones that get shown in the thumbnails of the videos. i would provide an example but! that would mean i'd have to see one again! and i really really really do not want to do that! they also tend to very easily be added to the roster of "things i am convinced are Watching Me", which is not a list that has to get longer. im not sure if thats the intention of the faces, but it's definitely what they did to me.

im also really eugh when it comes to things that are capable of manipulating you into things like sh/sui. i tend to get very,,, not paranoid in *that* regard, but just. existential and anxious. about whether i have free will, as a person. whenever i think about it. and things that can torment you into that sort of thing really deeply scare me and also get me thinking about free will again!!!! which i dont like!!!!!!!!!!

also as a caveat. im also honestly not sure how the mandela catalogue would affect me right /now/. when i tried reading the transcript, i was..... not in a great headspace? i dont remember exactly when it was but i know it was not a fun time for the brain of nicola disaster. i was getting a lot of those "feeling watched" feelings in particular (like. "every time i look away there is a thing getting closer and closer and it wants to hurt me" level feeling watched), + some really gross intrusive thoughts & a swing around of more of Le Depression, so TMC was kind of feeding into a mindset that was more rickety than usual.

#btw TMA's NotThem is exempt from the ''no media with evil dopplegangers'' rule. #this is because the NotThem is--based on canon evidence--only a dick to british people! #so i am fine <3 (there are actually other reasons lol but that would spoil tma) #(also the other ones is also exempt because i made that up & therefore am never paranoid abt them being real or whatever) #asks #bat wherearetheplants #all the tags are in the top so im not going to re-tag them except for #scopophobia #just bc i think i talk a bit more about that one in particular #(also yes haha irony i hate the idea of dopplegangers and i hate being watched and my favourite thing ever rn is TMA. #i dont get it either)

[hikari-ni-naritai]

Em Im so upset!!! just accept myself for who I am? I do wanna be intimate with someone, but for some reason my brain won't accept that! It just keeps telling me like, "hey, maybe this time you won't be grossed out by it, why don't you try this other thing, I bet this time you'll actually like it like everyone else" and it's been like this for years! I feel like I'm going insane, why can't I just accept what I do and don't like and leave it at that? Why do I have such a drive to try and prove myself wrong, while failing every time? I don't understand it and It's driving me completely insane.

I'm having some trouble figuring out if you mean you're having actual intimate encounters or not, but I think the message makes the most sense if you are, so I am going to assume that's the intended meaning. If I'm wrong, please let me know so I can give you a better response!

Anyway if this is the case, I think most likely you really need to spend time actively trying to accept yourself. It's not something that like, just kinda happens on its own, yknow? You've got an unhelpful pattern of thinking and you can really only break those by purposefully fighting them when they show up.

Of course, I don't have any idea what the underlying motivation is here. If your brain is telling you these things because you're in a relationship with someone and they expect you to do it with them, then it's probably fear that they'll leave if you won't, and in that case you're going to need to sit them down and have a conversation about this. And if they can't accept that you're sex repulsed, it's honestly healthier for you to not be in that relationship. Without that external pressure, you might not feel like it's so important that you like it. You'd probably still have to work through that thought process, but it'd be easier to say 'no, I know I don't like sex and there's nothing wrong with that' if you don't have someone who wants you to do it.

Now if that's not the case and you don't have a partner, and you're just desperate to be So Normal And Regular that you're going out to find people to sleep with to prove it, this is insane person behavior. I don't think this is what you're doing. I want to believe this is not what you're doing. If it is, you need to stop doing that and start very seriously learning to accept yourself. The very second those thoughts start you need to cut them off and say 'fuck off, I don't like it and that's okay.' I cannot imagine this amount of pressure to conform to some arbitrary standard that you don't even like. If you can't break it on your own and you have been trying, consider therapy.

There's a few possible fringe cases here. If you're trans, and you are sure this isn't just a desire to Be Normal, you may be experiencing severe dysphoria. This would typically manifest with particular disgust towards your own body, perhaps projected outward onto others. If you think this might be the case, I can talk about my own dysphoria in that regard and maybe you can confirm your own or rule it out.

Additionally, if you've either never had an intimate encounter or you've only had them with people you weren't actually into, you might be extremely demisexual. I know personally the thought of sex with anyone I'm not into is like. Eugh. Nasty. You can pretty easily rule this one out if you've ever dated someone you really liked and still found the whole experience gross and awful (though if you were *both* demi and very bottom dysphoric, you still might not have liked it, but that's less likely)

The fact of the matter is, anon, it's okay to be a little bit different from other people. If you're trying to fit the standard of Normal, you've already failed utterly by talking about your problems to a random trans lesbian on tumblr. If you're the anon I think you are, your drive to be Normal is something you REALLY need to work on yourself, and not something I can fix by answering asks. It's hard fuckin work and it sucks and you're gonna hate every minute of it but there is no other option. You either have to beat it back with a stick until it stops showing its ugly face or deal with the pressure to do things you hate for the rest of your life. Good luck

[krushkreates]

(I'd like to preface this with I'm bad at stating my opinions in text without coming off rudely, tone online isnt my strong suit haha. You're totally valid in having your views, just wanted to throw in my two cents!!! This is in reference to the Alexis talk goin on and comparing her to kody)

Kody was taking advantage of the freelancer. Flat out, that's what he was doing. He did a bad thing with bad intentions, after withholding information from them about how serious said thing was. I can 100% see that being an allegory for s/a. In fact, that's exactly how I understood it the first time listening

Alexis, on the other hand, was trying to save Sam-- it was a life or death situation. She was wrong in going through with it, but ultimately, she cared about him, she was more than likely in shock from the accident too, and it can be inferred that she thought what she was doing was right. Not everything that's against someone's will is an allegory for s/a

I do get where you're coming from, especially if you listen to Sam describing the incident without context. But there is context, and the only version of the story we get is Sam talking about it (whereas we see Kody doing it firsthand).

Eugh this all sounds icky writing out if I think of it as s/a, especially as someone whose been through it. Like very classic excuses for the assaulter. But I genuinely have never thought of Sam's turning as that, and even after reading your posts, I still dont.

I mean... Vincent got turned against his will, too, and he wasnt really conscious enough to process it iirc. I just dont think being turned into a vampire especially in a life or death situation to save someone is comparable

tw: sexual assault, assault, rape

totally get u! i think tone is really hard to read over text, even with tone tags tbh, but i understand where ur coming from :) i didn’t find the way u shared ur opinion to be disrespectful at all!

with kody, yeah it’s 100% an allegory for sa/rape. there is no doubt from anyone that’s listened. it’s a collective understanding.

even with sam’s context, the way he speaks about the incident is parallel to sa/rape dialogue. in my own experiences, it’s almost exactly what i’ve said. i think the word choice is supposed to have different meanings to everyone. the gross feeling that you’re feeling in ur ask is the same feeling i got when i first listened to his story. but that’s my perspective on it!

i also look at the vampire’s historical contexts as well. in the victorian era, vampires were an erotic topic. the fangs piercing someone’s neck were a metaphor for penetrative sex. when vamps drank blood from someone, it was seen as a sensual act. especially since that society was so sexually repressed.

i like ur point of view, so let’s frame it in a different way then.

paramedics/emts/emergency medical personnel have to ask for consent to touch you and treat you. if you refuse, they cannot do anything. this is the law. if they ignore it, anything they do is considered assault. by law.

this link from the nih (national institute of health) goes over refusal of care. it’s a complex situation, but in sam’s case, he explicitly said he didn’t want to be turned and his boundaries were violated. whether you view it as sa like me, or just assault like anon.

also, i didn’t like the way vincent was turned either lol. it never sat right with me before he told lovely how he coped with that and it still didn’t sit right after. but that’s just me! i’m a huge advocate of boundaries and consent, so things like that always sit weird.

#rambles n asks #redacted asks #redacted asmr #redacted sam #redacted alexis #redacted vincent #tw sa #tw rape #tw assault #shitstorm