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#i feel caged and stuck here like i can't do anything because i dont have any space for anything
bonny-kookoo · 1 year
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Jungkook:
Dont Play With Your Food
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In which darkness drowns out the light again, and history repeats itself.
Tags/Warnings: HEAVY angst, Black Panther Hybrid!Jungkook, Bunny!Reader, hybrid trafficking, trauma, Dead Dove Do Not Eat
A/N: You all always want angst. Here you have angst.
♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥
Bad dreams haunt you to this day.
You're stuck between other shivering hybrids, some young and some older, most crying or quietly whimpering to themselves- you included. It's dark, the steel of the trailer you've been tossed into together with the others rattling loudly with the movement of the truck driving somewhere you're not sure of. Everything smells like fear, so much so that it's making you almost nauseous.
You're desperately closing your eyes, pulling your ears down, but you don't wake up like you usually do. No- pulling your ears actually hurts. When you open your eyes, the scene is still going.
You're not dreaming.
So how did you get here?
It all happened so quickly. You've been slowly coming out of your shell more and more these days, an entire year after living with both Namjoon and Jungkook giving you the needed confidence and comfort to try and become more brave. So when Seokjin couldn't take on your regular checkup appointment, you didn't really have any problem going to a different doctor. Namjoon and Jungkook dropped you off at the Seoul Central Hybrid's medical center, promised to pick you up- but then, something went wrong, you name maybe got mixed up with someone else's? You're not entirely sure. All you know is that someone came to pick you up, yes- but it wasn't your owner, nor your mate, and in your still slightly tired out state from the local anesthetics, you couldn't really voice out the mistake to anybody.
And now, you're here. With no idea where you're going.
You don't know how long you've been in here- you know you've dozed off here and there because of absolute exhaustion, so at this point, there's no clear telling what exactly is happening around you. You're cold now, shivering horribly, even with all the other hybrids around you trying to include you in sharing warmth. There's a skinny penguin hybrid near you who pitifully tries to scoot closer- but he can't really seem to move his own body any longer either, survival instinct keeping him from getting any closer to you. The crying had also become more or less quiet and soft, most younger hybrids by now too exhausted to really complain vocally anymore.
You're hungry. Incredibly thirsty. You feel like dying.
Until the container doors open, and you're blinded, and too weak to really attempt at fighting back. You just let them pull you out by your leg, before you pass out into a dreamless sleep yet again- to awake back in a cage, back underground, history repeating itself again it feels like.
And back home, it's absolute chaos.
Namjoon has taken an emergency vacation from work and is currently talking to police for the second day in a row now- agitated that the search efforts lead nowhere it seems. You've vanished- no one wants to take accountability, neither the medical center nor the staff management there, and he also can't forget about the currently raging panther hybrid he still needs to take care of. Jungkook is pretty much ready to tear the house apart- he's more than just nervous, constantly jumpy at every noise, can't sit still, can't think clearly.
He keeps carrying your stuff around; clothes you've worn, stuffed animals you've scented, just to have at least a trace of you around at all times. He knows bothering Namjoon every second of the day isn't helping, so he tries to keep himself quiet. But he still can't help but listen in on small conversations his owner has here and there.
"What do you mean you can't do anything now?!" Namjoon barks into the telephone. "No, I realize that it's difficult, but- No, there has to be a way, try and contact them then!" He aggressively responds to someone on the line. "I.. alright. It's not like I can do anything else- yes, I will. Thank you." He sighs out, before he slaps his phone onto the kitchen counter, head falling into his hands.
He knows Jungkook is standing behind him. He can see him in the blurry reflection of the fridge, holding a green lizard plushy in his hand- one of your favorites, because it's soft, and it used to be Jungkooks in the first place before he gave it to you. "Did they find her?" He asks quietly, and Namjoon has to clear his throat to attempt speaking clearly.
"They found her collar in an empty container in Nagoya. The container had no valid identification, so it's assumed she's… been.. illegally shipped to japan for underground trading." Namjoon explains, waiting for his hybrid to say something- but he doesn't. So he says out loud what he doesn't want to hear himself. "They said right now, they can't proceed with any investigations. They have to.. send out requests, get permits for something- I don't know." He sighs.
"So she's gone." Jungkook silently states.
"She's not gone- we'll get her back." Namjoon promises, as he turns around; seeing his hybrid standing defeated clearly now, eyes dull and already swimming with emotions.
And instead of saying anything, Jungkook just.. leaves the room, and crawls underneath your blankets in your safety cage;
Surrounding himself with what's left of you for as long as it's still there.
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Shaun Evans imagine
You can find more of my imagines in my book Imagines on wattpad.
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He was down there throwing lavish party in my garden for people who hated my name, pearl skin and necklines in sunlight, raybans, loud music and world i dont belong in he brough them here and didnt even ask me if i am okay with it
He should have known from absence of my smile but he never took time to learn tides of my heart
While i was watchng it all from upstairs window
Curtains flowing between us
Each on one side coming in style banners of silk baby come get your crown when you  call me yours don't you know i would do anything to see you satisfied
You are in blue it suits you so well
You dont anymore wait for ride
You made yourself known that you are one of knights here to stay
We are hiding so they dont catch a glimpse
It irks you to see me anything but happy
Smiling in sunlight
It's casual intimacy that we find in every place just one glance and presence is enough
Ed comes stands between us facing the scene
We stand on sides in curtains
Ed knows by now where my heart lies so he isnt surprised to see you here
You are part of family by now
One of meadow royals
He has very important audition for couple of days and he cant put up with licentious youth. Our meadow is not used to souless debauchery
We are coming up with ideas how to put a stop to all of it
He comes in with someone on his arm but still calls me babe after i tell him there is no more chmpaign
You just stand there all ready to be smart and throw snarky remark but you don't because you are lost trying to come up with world in which i deserve to be treated like this
And i see it takes everything in you not to show how much you care but you wont give away our fairytale in hiding
And i imagine myself dying down on pebbles on driveway in midst of party and him crying, his tears on my lips because underneath all the recklessness he cared otherwise he wouldnt start this charade
But them i reprimand myself for thinking that way and wonder if i romanticize something violent only because i have another pair of hands to fall into if i think of death because i can still sell my youth
Should i leave you in memories before you grow bitter and time makes you disappoint me
and
go with sunlight boys into sunrise of masquerade balls and modernity that will make us hate each other even if we cant speak from love we hold for one another
or
shall i come home to peace you built and step out from behind curtains, free as bird on breeze, unafraid because you are there
and
leave the golden boy to someone else even if it will break his heart that loved me in its own recklessly restless way?
You are apparition transparent mirage of my heavy heart, ethereal promise of days passing but love stays the same as curtains fly on breeze You are mirage on sunny day there but not really there mine but never fully mine because words are too heavy they will sink us before we find courage to reach for the other side You are not him You are more sophisticated you don't throw blame like a bait for end you don't have balls to spell out
In between curtains you are ghost that will disappear if I reach out like particles of dreams I dream translucent stardust I can't keep nor make mine
I am stuck in cage i confined myself to for i hold the key to my freedom fears mean it's worth it i know every lock combination but my mind is lost in daydreams comfortable is killing potential the trill the need to leave please save me from myself give me some of your valour i want to be knight too i know i can be i just need someone to recognize my skill i dont want to live behind curtains with shadows forever i am human i am alive i wasnt born to hide and live out someone's else idea of who i should become 
I feel hand finding mine
And I can breath
Everything will be alright if you never stop believing impossible is possible just beyond the curtain of self imposed fears and doubts.
Tear down that curtain and step into the garden that's growing from your brilliance.
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cantarella-if · 2 years
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Dude you are considering putting to sleep your cat for bitting you instead of finding a solution to his bad behavior and start a slow process to get him better? What the fuck is wrong with you?
If you are not willing to go through all the having a pet complications then just dont get a pet. Find him someone that’s actually willing to give him a try instead of just “welp 90% we will have to put him to sleep for bitting me” you fucking coward.
Excuse the fuck out of me, but I have had this cat for 14 years and I love him dearly. He is like my son. No way in hell am I saying "oh he bit me, let me kill him." I am considering not only my own safety but his quality of life. The poor thing is obviously in pain and that is why he bit me. He has spent nearly a month stuck in a cage so he doesn't reinjure himself, unable to move his back legs and tail let alone walk or stand, urinating all over himself because he cannot control his bladder, barely eating to the point where he has visibly lost weight and I can feel every bump of his spine. He's suffering. What I want is for him to not be in pain. At the same time, if he's in enough pain to hurt me and send me to the fucking ER, it needs to be considered. I was originally told he might have to be put to sleep if he did not improve and he seems to be getting worse. I don't want to and it is my absolute last resort. I am in animal rescue. I've had pets all my life. I know how to take care of them. But at the same time, how can I care for him if I'm afraid to touch him?
Do you think I want to keep him in a cage so he doesn't hurt himself? You think I want to kill him? I would give anything to see him well again, literally anything. This is in no fucking way a choice I would make were any other options available.
Unless you have seen how this cat is suffering, been where I have been, crying myself to sleep every night for literal weeks because I can't afford medical treatment for him on a cashier's salary, begging friends and family for money to pay his vet bills and for supplies to keep him clean and comfortable because he can't even go to the bathroom without soiling himself, then fuck off. You are in no position to judge my situation. If it is what is best for him, then yes, I will end his suffering in the most humane way that I can out of love. I will NOT let him live the rest of his life the way he is now if God forbid he has no hope of improvement because THAT would be unforgivable. I'm praying with all my heart that this isn't the case.
If you think for one second that I wouldn't take the chance to save his life if I could, then I hope you never have to be faced with this situation for your own pets. How dare you send a message like this to someone who is obviously torn up over a decision like this! And on anon, too. If anyone is a coward here, it's you. Go fuck yourself, anon.
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imsosocold · 11 months
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TOH but based on some quotes some of my siblings sent me from 4 Chan ( both non TOH and TOH involved):  
Evelyn: White man bad, but these white boys are chill as fuck!!            
Philip: I had a happy childhood free of any trauma greater than ant attacks and pet deaths, and my parents are two three heteros of great moral character who are lovingly married and love me and always supported me. My life continues to be good and I am thankful.
Philip, watching Evelyn set stuff on fire:What is your wife doing? Caleb: She’s making vanilla pudding because she’s gained control of her life.   
Alador: I was busy all day working but I'm here now if anyone wants to chat.  
Darius: How's the wife?
Alador: i sadly do not have a partner anymore.   
Masha: Shippers how are you? 
Luz: Crashing this plane with no survivors.
Caleb in the afterlife: It's going to be much worse for  [Philip] This is what he gets for not interpreting my silly remarks correctly when I  was a teenager or whenever. If he had been strong enough to become my [ girlfriend’s] friend  maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
Philip, shrugging: considering it's just another run of the mill ship  art, the fact it has even over 1000 likes is already good enough.  Caleb: It's the best thing  I've seen recently!
Philip: a [ witch’s]  machinations are impossible for [hunans]  to understand but I must try to connect with her for [Caleb’s] sake-Evelyn: -his Lincoln Loud porn.
Philip, trembling and in tears: Yeah, I'm not even gonna ask.
Philip: I feel like I've been punched in the dick. Not in the balls, mind. I feel as if someone has metaphorically delivered a punch directly to the shaft of my penis. I cannot explain the instinctual revulsion I feel ( also me watching the TOH finale).                                                              ,
Belos, angrily at Luz: You're the type of person that sees a movie and says "eh, the book was better." but we all know you can't read. You're what's keeping books on tape alive.
Jacob, while Vee is in the cage: Earth is such a paradise compared to that literal hellhole. Yet the bi people will surely be at awe at human weapons because they lack knowledge and under estimate us. Look at the them probably as long of a history as humans yet they don't have world destroying weapons? Pathetic. That's why I don't care about Owl House couple of nukes at California and that's all it will take to stop the invasion.
Hunter:  Silly human, belos just means bellows. he is loud when he's angry.
Lilith: I hate king’s eyes. Those colors make his eyes look like they’re infected and my eyes strain looking at that horrid neon combination.  Genuinely disgusting and unpleasant in the worst way possible. Who the hell thought that was a good idea.      
Philip: Caleb you dont understand he  is real his  name is the collector just because their  stuck in this round mirror does not mean anything Yes i have to sacrifice people for him  but that's nothing.  Wow just because i want to keep our blood line pure from wild witches makes me the bad guy Huh?   
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yyenotss · 11 months
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08.06.23
i have been thinking a lot about my life; my future, my choices, everything. i have been struggling with choices on choices on choices for my whole life. there is never a moment of peace in the chaotic mind of mine. i hate it but i also don't. i can't hate it because that is how i know i am real, i am capable, i am strong. despite when i make bad choices, i own up to them and it is not easy for most to do. i have been struggling with myself for as long as i can remember. i finally decided i was tired of it and did something about it. i started to try and choose myself; choose what makes me happy, choose to respect myself enough to cut out the ones that don't. i was becoming okay with being alone, but then one day; you appeared. i remember the first moment i saw you. i remember everytime that night and the rest; i would look for you, i would wait to see you and look into your eyes. every look and every smile, i started to create a feeling inside of me i had never felt before. in a crowded room, i looked for you and you looked for me. i couldn't give up on the idea of you, i knew i wanted you. i am so happy the way things worked out because i have only ever dreamt of a love like this. i give out so much love and i dont expect it in return, but it would be nice. i shortly became more and more comfortable with the idea that maybe, i was one of those people that was not placed here for love, but to help and heal. with the thought, came a weird comfort. from the past experiences i had with what i thought was love, almost killed me; i barely survived. i am terrified to get my heart broken again. i am terrifed that one day i will become too much or someone sees me the way i see myself. however, with you; there is a certain peace. i know anything could happen and nothing is promised, but you make me feel things inside of myself that i have never felt or haven't felt in a long time. i know this is different because for the first time, i don't feel a need to rely on a man. i want to grow and be different and you hold me accountable to that. when i get stuck or sad, you listen and comfort; you dont try to fix. when i start doubting myself, you remind me of who i am and how proud you are of me for coming this far. i know this is different because you remind me of myself in someways. the way we love, the way we talk, the way we feel. you feel like a home, but you don't let me burrow inside of you and weaken myself. you have helped me in so many ways in such a short amount of time. there are things and times when i wasn't sure how i felt, but i thought instead of reacting. i knew you were something special and you deserved a truthful answer. i could have ran away, but i didnt. i see a beautiful life for us. i feel like we went through everything so that when we met each other, we had everything we possibly needed and we were ready. a new door has opened, a new life has opened. the life i always wanted, the life and love i always craved. you held the key i have been searching for; the key to release me from the cage i locked myself in. thank you for setting me free.
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hellfiremunsonn · 1 year
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you look so pretty i didn't even notice the size difference for a second. Like, mine aren't that noticeable, but I guess cause my nips don't line up on a horizontal line it has to be mentioned?
Yeah, I was pretty sure these men weren't shit but also...like it felt good to be flirted with? To be seen as desirable? I have never really been in a "relationship" always the let's not label it or the "oh im talking to a guy who showed interest in me and- oh he's married well im blocking you now" (which the married thing has happened more than once, making me feel bad. Like, if they were in an open marriage or poly or whatever, I wouldn't care. But its like im like "isnt that...your wife?" And they get upset i find out like obviously you don't want her to know).
I know my friend didn't mean anything by her comment, so I'm not really mad at her. I think its moreso the guy who said it was a handful (I am a b, maybe c cup depending on the bra (usually its the band) but I think that because I have broad shoulders and a big rib cage, I am big boned i guess cause I am tall, they expect more??)
It just really fucked me up cause I was sitting here and I thought okay he was a piece of shit, and so I started scrolling through Tumblr and reading fanfiction because why not escape reality for a second, and it ended up being smut and I was like ah....my body doesnt...do that normally. And then it made me spiral thinking about every fic I've read (for example, Steve or Eddie) and how its all similar, and then I was like shit maybe I am weird? Like I get i shouldn't let fictional stuff bother me, cause it is fictional, but then I am like hm the men irl suck so why wouldn't it translate (I am not making it make sense like the characters would be fine I think but its like the fics all have similar anatomy i dont have making it seem as though it is normal, and the guys irl suck so they probably also expect that idk im gonna stop this sentence now).
I think the thing that truly bothers me is the fact that, if I am getting close enough to you to feel comfortable topless, because typically I am not, then that means I'm vulnerable and you really just basically stab me. You basically get me in a vulnerable state and go straight for the jugular
Ohgod, yeah I used to never take my top off or my bra off cause I was like nOPE YOU CAN'T SEE MY BOOBS!!!!!
Now I don't care as much because I've thankfully had more positive reactions?
And with fan fic, I try to write sex for reader how I enjoy sex? Which too be fair isn't much because I haven't had a lot of GOOD sex. I've had good moments in sex but never the whole thing. So I don't include a lot of nipple play or stimulation, because I personally don't get much pleasure from it, but I know my partners have so I let them do their thing, thus briefly adding it into fics just cause a mouth on a tit is a common occurrence for the most part.
I also always make sure to get reader to cum from clit stimulation because most vagina havers cannot cum from penetration alone. And I also add it hurting at first, because for me OFTEN times it's really uncomfortable at first, and sometimes it has felt like I'm losing my virginity all over again.
ANOTHER THING. This helps me when reading fics, but (Y/N) isn't me but she is me... Like she's a version of myself I have created to fit these fics, but it's not me me, she's her own character but she is MINE. if that makes sense? Like I have no interest in anal or anal play, but like (Y/N) ??? she'll do anything, and I love her for that.
ALSO, My titties literally get stuck in my armpits when I lay down and I have to pull them out before I get comfy. They be doing what they want I swear.
MEN ARE SHIT
But also voicing your insecurities, and just laying them out on the table sometimes helps! It's something I started to do unconsciously, but I would basically point out these things before someone else could do it, and do it maliciously. Like if I did my eyelashes wonky, I'd point it out right away, or maybe if my ass looked extra flat, or my hair was greasy. Because all our lumps and bumps and ridges, and dips, hairy, smooth, discoloured bits are all part of us, and make us each our own person.
idk where I was really going with this again, I kinda just started typing. But I hope you at least find the tiniest bit of comfort from talking it out with me.
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theantiproduct · 3 years
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