#i end up chugging 4 adult drinks and just make everyone uncomfy during game night with my self deprication

[keespah]

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#text #personal #tag vent #i have nowhere else to put this garbage #so please just keep scrolling and ignore this because it really doesnt matter i just need to buy a damn diary #i hate that literally less than a week after my therapist clears and discharges me #i end up chugging 4 adult drinks and just make everyone uncomfy during game night with my self deprication #and now i feel like shit because i was acting like shit #i dont know how to interact with friends anymore im so sick of myself #and i dont even want to bring it up to my partner cause theyre dealing with enough shit #im just sick of it all #and like i dont want to die but like #i feel like im trying to play a save file that got corrupted after i used cheats to get thru a part i was stuck at or some shit #like yeah i got past that point but now the game is nearly unplayable #im really frustrated with myself and its gettibg harder and harder to be both kind to myself and to allow myself to grow #because all my life i have only known growth because of pain #so how the fuck am i supposed to do this?!