#i dunno I'm not trying to talk about any one person in particular cause i really dislike vague posting

[simp4wom3n]

The Quiet One Pt.I

Pairing: Tara Carpenter x fem!Reader

Requested: Yes/No ~ request @perfectartisanwerewolf

Summary: Ghost face's dramatic return causes many to point the finger at 'the loner' of Woodsboro High, Y/n, a horror loving, lonesome girl who appears to have an obsession with ghost face's first victim, Tara. ~ Word Count: 5.272k ~ Warnings: descriptions of being stabbed and blood, a lot of swearing

A/N: Hi!! first Tara fic and omg I fkn LOVED writing this although it got looooooong which is why i'm making this is 2 (maybe 3) part series. Hopefully you guys enjoy the first part and want more because, maybe its just me, but writing about horror is incredibly enjoyable. I love you all and enjoy <3

Pt1 ~ Pt2 ~ Pt3 ~ Pt4 ~ Pt5

"I dunno that y/n kid is weird. She seriously creeps me out." Amber spoke with a grimace, briefly glancing in your direction. Like every other day, you were sitting alone on your chosen bench, only a few metres away from the others, with nothing but the sound of your music playing softly through your headphones and the words of the book you had chosen to read accompanying you.

You used to try and be sociable, consistently putting yourself out there despite your introverted nature. You tried you really did. After many failed attempts and being met with nothing but resentment, you eventually just gave up, deciding that you were destined for solitude.

The only person who even acknowledged your existence these days was Tara Carpenter, the very girl you happened to have a massive crush on. Before you had shut yourself off from society, she was the one person who showed you any bit of kindness. You would often exchange small talk when walking between shared classes, or even on occasion try to sit with her at lunch, although that didn't last long - you learnt pretty quickly that her friends didn't enjoy your company.

Tara absolutely captivated you. It blew your mind that someone even looked at you without judgement, let alone have their eyes brighten at the sight of you. She was the one person who you felt safe around at school, the one person you knew wasn't just talking to you for a dare or some stupid prank. Perhaps that's why you fell for her as quickly as you did.

Whenever her eyes met yours, butterflies would erupt in your stomach and your heartbeat would increase tenfold. Whilst your time with her was very limited, every conversation you had, every laugh you shared, your feelings for the girl only grew.

Along with your cowardice, there was always something stopping you from telling Tara how you felt. Her 'best friend' Amber. You would have to be legally blind to not see that Amber hated you with her whole heart - you were clueless as to why though. Whenever you and Tara had been talking for 'too long', she would always swoop in and pull her away, leaving you once again alone.

It was one particular occasion that had changed you.

Pulling your headphones out of your bag on your way towards you bike, you were about to put them on before you heard a voice that instantly made your lips quirk into a smile. "Y/n hey wait up" Tara called after you, causing you to turn around and watch her run towards you. "Hi" you laughed as she finally reached you, slightly out of breath but with a warm smile nonetheless. "You seriously thought you could just go home for the holidays without saying goodbye?" she laughed in feign offence, causing you to chuckle awkwardly.

You hadn't necessarily been 'avoiding' her, you were just taking the easy route, knowing that if you kept talking to her, you were inevitably going to confess your feelings for her - something that you definitely wanted to avoid. She was the only friend you had. Sure, your heart longed for you two being more than friends, but to you, nothing was worth losing what you already had.

"Sorry..." you gave her a tight lipped smile as you fidgeted with your hands, all of a sudden feeling very awkward as your thoughts started getting the better of you. "No need to apologise" she smiled, "I just wanted to see you before you went home so... yeah... I'll see you next year I guess". She went to turn around and head back to her friends, but without realising it, before she could walk away, you had swiftly grabbed ahold of her arm.

Her questioning eyes met yours as she turned back towards you, your words caught in your throat as you try to comprehend what the fuck you were doing. "Sorry I... I just need to tell you something." 'Y/n stop it what the fuck are you doing', Your heart and your brain were at war with each other as you stared at Tara, who was patiently waiting for you to find your words.

"Ok... ok I'm just going to say it... Tara, I really, really li-" "Hey Tara! what the hell are you doing talking to this weirdo" Your face dropped as you caught a glimpse of who had interrupted you. Unsurprisingly, you watched as Amber walked past you and wrapped her arm around Tara shoulders.

You stood frozen. Your heartbeat ringing in your ears as you felt tears begin to well in your eyes. 'This cannot be fucking happening' is what was replaying in your mind as you turned away from the two girls, trying your best to hold back your cries. Tara remained silent, half annoyed at Amber for interrupting your conversation, but also confused as to what you were going to tell her.

She watched as you swiftly grabbed your things and unlocked your bike, obviously trying to get away from the situation as fast as you physically could. "Y/n wait-" she finally spoke before you cut her off, "See you next year Tara" she could hear a slight break in your voice as you hopped on your bike and quickly rode off.

You hadn't been the same since.

Ever since you returned for the new year, you had been avoiding Tara like the plague, knowing full well that if you talked to her she would ask you what you were going to say.

Your interactions diminished into short-lived glances. You were often so caught up in your own world that you wouldn't even notice Tara's presence anymore, despite her many attempts to interact with you. She was now left with only being able to watch you as you walk through the halls, and risk a quick glance to the back of the classroom where you now sat alone.

"Don't be mean, Tara seems to like her so she can't be that bad." Wes defends you, evidently having some sympathy. Amber looks back at him with eyebrows raised. "Yeah, and look where that got her." "Amber!" "Dude what the hell!". A myriad of complaints came from the group's mouthes at the comment. It had been less than a day since Tara had been attacked by the new ghost face, sending waves of fear throughout the small town and sparking the so-called blame game to erupt.

When the news of her attack broke, you felt numb. You blended further into the background as you did your best to ignore the news. You wanted to visit her, make sure she was ok, talk to her, but you knew that even if her friends weren't protecting her like hawks, you would never build up the courage to go.

"What?! Have you not seen the creepy stares she gives her? And from what I've heard, she's obsessed with horror movies... most likely including Stab" She wasn't wrong, you did love horror movies, it was even one of the things that bonded you and Tara together, but you were more into the classics, choosing to stay away from new franchises such as stab - not that they knew that because, well, why would they.

"She has a point" Chad answers after a moment of contemplation, earning him a slap on the arm from his girlfriend. "What?! I'm just saying it would make sense" he pauses as he looks around the group, everyone giving him either a neutral expression or nodding along. "She doesn't talk to anyone, instead she just watches them, she is nowhere to be found when anything happens, and I can guarantee you she doesn't have an alibi for when Tara was attacked... It make's total sense"

"Look, I just don't think we should point fingers just yet. Everyone is a suspect so we can't trust anyone" Wes argues, earning another glare from Amber who rolls her eyes and grunts, "Sure, but don't expect me to help you when she's slitting your throat", before walking off.

You lived alone, residing in a sad little trailer in a small trailer park on the outskirts of Woodsboro. Months ago, your parents had packed up all of their things and left to an undisclosed location, for an undisclosed amount of time, leaving you alone and without any income, struggling to stay afloat in an ocean of bills and debt. Despite this, you rather enjoyed your life alone and away from the busy-ish streets of the small town - not to mention that the eerie location added to your horror movie viewing experience.

The only thing that connected your little 'community' of four people to the centre of town, was your neighbour, Dewey. The oh-so famous ex-sheriff Dewey. As much as you admittedly hated the fact that people knew this place existed because of him, you truly did love the guy. He was like a father to you. To the best of his ability, he tried to fill in the massive void left in your life after your parent's disappearance.

He was basically the only person you actually talked to anymore.

Everyday after school, when you would ride your rusted bike down the secluded and winding streets that surrounded your home, your first stop was always his trailer. Most days he would be waiting expectedly on his doorstep, greeting you with a smile as you ranted to him about your day.

He even knew about Tara.

He was the only person holding you afloat, and for that, you would do absolutely anything for the man.

That being said, your bike screeched to a halt as you pulled into the trailer park, instantly noticing an unfamiliar car parked outside of his home. 'Odd' you thought to yourself as you hopped off your bike, letting it fall to the ground before taking small and almost hesitant steps towards his door.

As you reached Dewey's truck, you heard the door open as two strangers practically fell out of it. You immediately ducked behind the truck as the door slammed shut behind them, attempting to peer around the side of the vehicle to catch a glimpse of who they were.

"Jesus" the man starts, "Yeah, he's way more fun in the movies". Your brows furrowed at the statement. 'What the fuck is happening' was your immediate thought as you saw them head to their car. "Ok... So what's next?" "The friends". You stayed hidden as they hopped in their car and drove away, still incredibly confused about the whole situation.

No one ever came out here.

Waiting until the car disappeared down the road, you reappeared from behind the truck and began walking towards his door. Just as you were about to knock, the door swung open and you were met with an obviously somewhat distressed Dewey. He looks at you, surprised before he sighs and moves past you, heading for his truck.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on or are you just gonna leave?" you call out to him, noticing the gun holstered on his hip as his steps didn't even falter as he walked hurriedly to the driver-side door. "Hello?!". Again no response. Deciding to run after him, you quickly jump off of his small porch and bolt towards his truck, managing to grab ahold of his door handle before he could reach it.

"Really? so we are ignoring each other now" He looks far from amused as he looks at you, a hint of fear in his eyes, causing your gaze to soften. "What going on?". He stays silent for a moment, contemplating whether or not to tell you. "It's about Tara." He starts, looking at you cautiously. "Her sister and her boyfriend came and asked for my help... with ghost face" "Ok... and your helping them? I thought you said you never wanted to go through that again" "Yeah well I don't, but I don't really have much of a choice" he finishes, pulling your hand off of the handle and opening the door.

You could see the mix of concern and fear in his eyes, whether it was for himself or for someone else you didn't know, but what you did know, was that if he was in danger, so were you - after all you basically depended on him.

"Well in that case... I'm coming with you" You stated firmly as you rounded the truck and quickly hopped into the passenger seat. "What! No you are not, get out and go back inside." "Not happening" you mumble as you fasten your seatbelt, choosing to ignore his words as you wait for him to start the car. "Y/n I swear to g-" "I said no!" You yelled, causing Dewey's eyes to widen slightly.

There was a moment of silence in the car when neither of you dared to speak. You sighed in relief when you finally heard him start the engine, fastening his own seatbelt. Just before he started backing out, he glanced at you, signalling that this was your last chance to get out.

You didn't budge.

As Dewey's truck groaned to a stop, you watched as Tara's sister and her boyfriend got out of their car and headed towards the door of a suburban home. You both stepped out of the truck before slamming the doors behind you, the noise of which caused their two heads to turn.

The sister looked at Dewey in a mix of confusion and relief as he spoke, "I have decided to temporarily assist you in your investigation". "Thank you" she replied, the ghost of a smile appearing on her face. Her eyes briefly shifted to you, stood behind Dewey as if he were a barricade, your face blank as you chewed on your lip in slight panic. She didn't question you though, she was just thankful that Dewey had offered to help, and if you were with him, she was all the more thankful.

As the four of you walked towards the door, you heard the boyfriend ask who you were, her reply being "I don't know". You understood their hesitation, I mean you were some random kid they had never met before who decided to tag along for a murder investigation so it wasn't necessarily 'normal'.

After the sister rang the door bell, you froze slightly as you watched Mindy answer the door. You suppose it was obvious that when Tara's sister said 'the friends' you should have caught on, but here you are looking like you had seen a ghost.

Sure, Mindy was always one of the nicer ones, or at least she had never openly threatened you or looked at you like you had committed some heinous crime, but that didn't make you any less terrified as to what was awaiting you inside the house you now knew belonged to the twins.

Hesitantly following the others, your head began to pound with the sound of your own heartbeat. As you entered the living room, you begged whatever was out there to let you disappear, turn into useless particles and drift away, because sat in front of you, was Tara's whole friend group.

The tension in the room sky-rocketed as all eyes landed on you. You felt like you were about to implode. Thankfully their resentful glares only lasted seconds before Tara's sister pulled their attention away from you, talking bout why she had brought everyone together.

Following Dewey, you reluctantly walked further into the room, slowly taking a seat next to him on the couch. With your hearing almost completely overcome by the sound of your own pounding heart, the words of Tara's sister, who you now know is called Sam, went in one ear and out the other.

You only blink back into reality when you hear Wes mention Dewey, "What about Deputy Dewey here? maybe he's the killer... no offence" "None taken, but what's my motive?" "You got stabbed a billion times, got dumped by your famous wife and crawled into a bottle. I think it's safe to say you're on the suspect list."

You don't think you had ever looked at someone so intensely, your eyes burning holes into his skull as he accused the only person you could ever trust. "That's bullshit" you couldn't help but call him out - sure his explanation made sense but it still pissed you off.

"Well what about you then". Your head whipped towards Amber's smug words, shock painting your features at her accusation. Your mouth hung open as she continued with a smirk. "I mean come on!" she laughs, "Your a horror fan right? So you love horror AND your a lonely freak who creepily stares at people for a hobby... Classic ghost face I'm telling you."

Speechless. You are absolutely speechless. Everyone's expected looks burn you as you attempt to find some kind of rebuttal, to say something. Anything. "I-I don't" "Where were you when Tara was attacked?" Amber interrupted.

You sucked in a harsh breath knowing you were home alone at the time, no one to back you up - not that anyone would've. "At home" you mumbled, Amber scoffing at you. "Alone I presume". You bit your tongue to stop yourself from cursing her out, eventually nodding hesitantly as your eyes began to burn with unshed tears.

"That's what I thought"

After the whole 'interrogation' process had left you on the verge of a breakdown, you had grown evermore attached to Dewey, following him around like a lost puppy. So, naturally, when the news of Wes' murder broke, you were right beside him as he approached the fresh crime scene.

It was safe to say that he was concerned about your insistence of sticking with him, that added pressure of keeping you safe weighing on him as he inevitably brought you into something that you should never have had to worry about.

You felt cowardly as you became Dewey's extra limb, following him around as if he was the only thing that could protect you - and the sad truth was that he was. You were his own personal fly on the wall, rather unfortunately overhearing his conversation that he had with Gale.

Your face was blank as you had remained zoned out ever since you had heard the details of Wes and his mother's murders, even the thought made you sick to your stomach. You didn't know much about ghost face and their history, but one thing was for sure.

This one was a fucking psycho.

You were broken from your gruesome thoughts when you heard rushed footsteps approach from behind you. Your eyes were quick to notice Sam's figure approaching, coming to a halt in front of Dewey and the deputy he was talking to, a panicked look covering her face.

"Who's at the hospital?"

Your heart sinks. Everyone’s eyes stare at the deputy, awaiting an answer that never came.

"Who's watching my sister?!"

Images of Tara being attacked whilst helpless and unprotected in her hospital bed flash through your mind, sending a paralysing shiver down your spine.

"I-I just heard about the sheriff" You hear Sam scoff in a mixture of disbelief and fear, turning around and running to her car. You muttered ‘Fuck’ before you quickly followed suit. For once Dewey was on your tail as you make a desperate dash towards Sam’s car, needing nothing more than to get there already.

You swing the car door open as you scramble into the back seat. Sam, still unsure as to who you are, gives you a puzzled glance before Dewey enters the passenger seat next to her. She just stares at him for a second, almost as if she’s in a daze, until Dewey snaps her out of it.

"What are you waiting for? Drive! Come on let's go!"

The drive to the hospital dragged on for what felt like hours. You had pushed Sam's call with ghost face back to a more-or-less distant thought, only tuning in when they mentioned Tara - the only thing you cared about.

The whole drive, you had been anxiously waiting on the edge of your seat, so as you finally parked outside the hospital, you rushed out the car door and ran towards the elevator.

Watching the floor levels tick by, the sound of Tara's whimpers echoing through the call filling your ears, you swallowed down your tears as you inhaled shakily, attempting to compose yourself for what you knew you were about to face.

As you approached Tara's floor, Dewey pulled his gun out of his holster and glanced back at you. "You ok kid?" he asked softly, his brows slightly creased as he noticed your seemingly panicked appearance. "I'm fine... let's just save Tara and get the hell out of here". Despite still being on the phone, Sam offered you a small, warm smile, clearly realising how much you must care for her sister.

"Or maybe I'm stalling for time, fuckhead"

The elevator dings and you watch as the doors begin to open. Through the growing crack you notice ghost face looming over Tara's helpless figure, your jaw immediately clenching at the sight. You flinch slightly as Dewey is quick to fire a shot at the masked figure. His aim clearly having deteriorated since he retired, he missed multiple shots as the figure dashed into a room for cover.

As ghost face disappeared into the room, you were quick to follow Dewey out of the elevator, immediately heading towards Tara. Just the sight of her tormented figure made you want to cry. Falling to the ground next to her, you were quick to cradle her head as you scanned her body for any new injuries.

Despite her bandaged hand having turned a bright shade of red, relief washed through you when you couldn't see any new wounds. If you thought the sound of her whimpers through a phone call was bad, this was utter torture. You attempted to compose yourself - although you would be lying if you said you weren't freaking the fuck out. Sam was quick to help Tara off the floor and towards the elevator as you comforted her the best you could.

"Tara... your ok... your ok come on" you whisper hurriedly, glancing over your shoulder to see Dewey helping Richie off the floor. You return your focus on getting Tara to the elevator, not noticing her glossy eyes looking at you dazed. "Y-Y/n... w-what are y-you d-doing here?" she brokenly asks, your eyes finally meeting hers.

You are unable to respond before you hear a large crash from behind you. The three of you quickly turn around, your face dropping in horror as you witness ghost face jumping towards Dewey. "Dewey no!" you scream as you let go of Tara and run towards him, the protests of the sisters falling on deaf ears.

Dewey's gun fires off a stray bullet as your hands grip onto ghost face's costume, successfully pulling them to the ground. You collapse next to the masked individual, only now realising you were completely unarmed and didn't really have a plan past this point.

'Oh fuck'

Your eyes widened in fear as ghost face jumps on top of you attempting to stab you in the chest as you push against them with all your strength. Dewey attempts to pull them off of you as you struggle to hold the approaching knife from impaling your chest. Not appreciating his attempts at heroics, Ghost face quickly elbowed Dewey in the face, causing him to collapse onto his back and his gun to fly out of his grip.

"No no no no" you whimper as the mask looks back at you, its rich black eyes staring through your soul. You wrestle in their grip as they wind their knife back before thrusting it into your torso. You scream as you feel your abdomen burn, the knife piercing your skin and lodging itself deep within your gut. Your shirt quickly turned a bright shade of red as the blood began to flow from your new wound.

You cry out in pain as the knife is viciously ripped out, your vision beginning to blur with tears as your body erupts in pain. You hear Tara screaming your name as the knife pierces your skin for a second time, your body simultaneously burning and freezing as you feel yourself slowly sinking into the floor.

And they keep stabbing you. Again, and again, and again.

Stab wounds litter your body as you continue to scream, each one becoming quieter as you quickly lose energy, the sound of blood gargling in the back of your throat now accompanying your helpless screams.

You could almost sense their smile from behind the mask. The anger behind each of their strokes increasing as they went to town on you, blood now beginning to slowly seep from the corner of your mouth.

Your energy was seeping from your body as fast as the blood that continued to pour from your eight stab wounds. You curl in on yourself as ghost face is finally tackled off of you, coughing violently as blood splatters into the pool of your own blood that had seeped across the floor.

You were barely conscious when you heard numerous shots ring out through the hallway, instantly waking you from your looming coma. Turning your head as far as you could in your dazed state, you saw Dewey rushing over to you with what appears to be an unconscious ghost face behind him.

"Y/n" he breathes, scanning your weak and bloodied figure. Sucking in a hesitant breath, he carefully picks you up, his hands already covered in your warm blood. You grunt in pain as you feel your wounds stretch and pull. Your head falls onto his shoulder, your entire body aching as he limps towards the elevator, passing a concerned Sam and Tara. Tara watches as your blood leaves a trail behind Dewey, already seeping through both of your clothes.

Even when on deaths door, the sound of Tara's sobs cause you to look in her direction, worry filling your glassy eyes. To your surprise she is already looking at you with a similar expression. You try your best to put a smile on your bloodied face, but at this point any kind of movement sends shocks of pain down your crippled frame.

You clench your eyes shut in pain as you feel Dewey put you down on the cold elevator floor- why was he putting you down?

"The head" he says as he stands back up. Fading in and out of consciousness, you struggle to comprehend what he is saying, looking at him through your drooping eyes. "What?", "You have to shoot'em in the head, or they always come back.". You watch as he slowly steps backwards out of the elevator. Your mouth falls open as it finally starts sinking in.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be fucking happening.

"Dewey! Who gives a fuck?!"

"I do"

"Dewey! No!" you let out a blood curdling scream, using all of your remaining energy to try and keep the door open, only for it to close in front of you. "No!" you screamed again, you voice shattering as you slam your fist continuously into the door. "No no Dewey come back! Come back please! I need you please!" you begged, knowing all eyes were on you but not caring how broken you looked.

"Please Dewey... please..." you cried, eventually collapsing of pure exhaustion, a metallic taste overtook your senses as your adrenaline finally ran out, the world around you turning black.

As the world falls in around you, you catch a glimpse of Tara's distraught expression watching you from behind Sam who attempts to keep you awake, inevitably failing.

Bright lights sting your tired eyes as you slowly blink away your exhaustion. 'What the fuck' is your first thought, your mind blank as to how you ended up in... a hospital? You try to sit up in an attempt to look around, stopped when you feel a sharp pain shoot through your torso, causing you to grimace.

You exhale shakily as you collapse back onto the bed. Hesitantly, you reach your shaking hand down to pull up your hospital gown, revealing what can only be described as 'a shit ton' of bandages. "What the..."

"No...", it hits you like a truck. "No... no no no, this can't be happening". The steady sound of your heart monitor starts to beep rapidly. You begin to panic as you breath erratically, trying to disconnect all the useless wires that were connected to you in an attempt to escape this all to realistic nightmare.

Apparently hearing your struggle, Sam walks into the room with a worried look on her face. "Hey! y/n calm down... calm down it's ok... it's ok." She rushes over to the bed and takes your hands in hers. You were a stuttering mess, your eyes unable to focus on anything in particular as you tried to wrestle out of the bed, her firm grip stopping you from going anywhere.

Eventually her gentle touch grounded you, her hands stroking yours gently as she looked at you sympathetically - a look you appreciated but knew couldn't be good. "Wheres Dewey?" Was the first thing that came out of your mouth once you had calmed down. You noticed how her posture slump slightly as her eyes fall to the ground - that can't be good.

"He's fine right? tell me he's ok... please" you brokenly begged her, tears rolling down your cheeks as you knuckles turned white from the strength in which you were gripping her hands. When she finally lifted her head back up, her eyes brimming with her own tears, a whole new wave of pain erupted through you.

"No no no no no!" you sobbed, Sam instantly pulling you into a tight embrace whilst remaining careful of your stitches. "He was all I had" you cried into her chest, her own heart breaking at your words.

She allowed you to cry into her chest as she gently stroked your hair. It had been a very long time since you had experienced such affection, not sharing a proper hug since before your parents had decided you were a lost cause. It was a feeling you missed.

Despite never wanting to leave her warm embrace, you eventually pulled back, wiping your nose as you sniffled away the remnants of your tears. You slumped back into your bed, feeling nothing but numbness overcome your body. Sam just sat there with you for a while, offering you whatever comfort she could whilst you let everything sink in.

You had nothing left. Absolutely nothing.

Just as that thought crossed your mind, you heard something approaching from the doorway, causing you to raise your head slowly, expecting a nurse or something to be coming to check on you. Instead, you watched as Richie rolled Tara in on a wheelchair, the injured girl flashing you a small smile.

If you hadn't been paralysed by your overbearing emotions you would've returned the gesture, instead your eyes looked back towards Sam whose lips similarly showed a small smile. "We're getting the fuck out of Woodsboro... wanna come?"

You looked back over towards Tara, her sweet features still offering you a warm smile. Your heart swelled as something inside you told you that it was her idea for you to accompany them. Your eyes welled with tears at the thought, finally offering her a wet smile, chuckling despite your tears as you nod enthusiastically.

"I would fucking love to"

Tag-list:@nitchxhdc @emeraldevan @looseheartedlady @the-night-owl-blr @badassjaguar @txmxav @oh-thats-cute @blckrwidow @cacciatricediartemide @flaiire1805 @rainbow-love4ever @fall-08 @simp4nat @natashadeservedmore @livingforwaddams @alexkolax @ssinfulprayers @wifeyjennaortega

#jenna ortega angst #jenna ortega x fem reader #jenna ortega imagine #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x fem reader #scream #scream 2022 #scream 6

[altschmerzes]

hi !! what’d you think of the new episode of Ted Lasso?

OKAY getting to this a few days late i'm sorry. as usual, i have about One Million Thoughts. in short, i thought it was fine!! it wasn't like, AMAZING, but not every episode of something is gonna be, and it was overall pretty solid. i liked it more than last episode by a good measure but not as much as

here is, as is traditional for me, some more specific thoughts in no particular order on ted lasso 3x05:

i feel like this episode was sort of a return to form in some ways, from some of the stuff that's been causing what i'd call..... some issues? in the front half of this season so far. it feels like they've been trying to do way too much at once? which has led to a bit of a disoriented, frenetic feeling. i think this was sort of a way to.... cut down on some of that? with what would seem to be the wrapping of the zava and shandy plots (which i'll.... get to). this is overall i think a good shift. let's redirect a bit. focus a bit.

oh my gd the stuff with ted and henry was so good. i also was like. really in my feelings immediately when beard was so protective the instant they thought henry'd been bullied. and then ROY was too. man. that got me where i live :')

and man. man. the bit after where ted talked himself down from that panic attack with 'he's okay, he's okay, he's okay.' i about cried at that.

this is gonna be extremely predictable from me and i know i've mentioned it already but i really did expect like. literally any acknowledgement of playing man city being a Big Thing after what happened last time. for jamie particularly. wouldn't need to take much space, just like. a nod to them being mindful of keeping an eye on him that week, or a quick 'you good?' or yknow. anything.

that said. man am i ever so proud of jamie. his speech to them was really, really good - especially if you actually do consider what contemplating playing against city for the first time since the wembley thing must have been like for him. still, he rallied and gave this really effective motivating speech that got the team going.

until zava took over and repeated what he said lmao but still. (also the bit of him like. grabbing at and holding jamie's head? WHOOF that was hard to watch. jamie does Not want that man touching him, and watching him just sorta hunch a bit and Deal With It until deciding he'd had enough and ducking away was. whoof. what a little scene.)

dunno where this psychic thing with rebecca is going but i do kind of love the shift her story has taken, if this is gonna continue to be a focus (pursuing the possibility of motherhood). idk if this is like..... a controversial take in some way or whatever but i actually always kind of thought that it would make more sense for her narrative arc to go more in the direction of searching for that as a possibility than of searching for a romantic partner? it's something she clearly wanted very much but couldn't have because of rupert and that whole. thing. i think it's a much more interesting avenue to go down with her, and idk if it's gonna go anywhere else but. yeah. enjoyed her storyline in this episode a lot more than i have in some others.

i dunno how to feel about the whole bit with nate and jade the woman at the greek restaurant. i feel like i kind of get what they're going for with it but i'm not really sure where i land? like my romance allergy aside, i was ruminating on it and i wish we'd had like. idk. she has been pretty...... weird and rude to him in every single scene we've seen her in and i really think in order to actually know how i feel about how that was played i would need some more context. i wish we'd seen her interact with other customers? if that makes sense? like i want to see if this demeanour she has with nate which is pretty shitty and bizarre is just sort of. how she is and she's a weird and rude person generally, or if she's somehow treating nate differently than other people she interacts with at her job.

man i really did otherwise like nate's bits in that ep though. his scenes so far have been fucking stellar this season - though i didn't like last episode much, his part? oh my gd it was incredible. and then in this one it's like- rehearsing what to say on the phone was fantastic, and the part where he's trying to explain to anastasia what that place means to his family (which...... buddy. man. that made me sad, it doesn't seem like he's been very well treated there, but it's such an important figure in his family. feels like a metaphor.)

was a little disappointed we didn't get a bit more west ham follow-up? like they got, what was it, three red cards in that ep? that's three suspensions. how long were they suspended for? obvs we didn't see the immediate subsequent matches but yknow. that's a Big Deal. the way that match went is a big deal. otherwise, i did like the switch from the big win streak to this winless streak after the west ham loss. that was a satisfying The Epic Highs And Lows Of Sports detail.

keeley sleeping with jack? GET IT. not sure how this is gonna shake out in the long run and has the potential to get messy and i generally don't.... know how i feel about jack yet but for now? get it.

i answered a whole ask about this, but in brief: i thought the zava wrap, if that was actually his whole wrap and he's not gonna return in some dramatic fashion, was anticlimactic to the way he and his arc were introduced. i think it was..... misplayed overall. they should've either not played so hard into seeming like he was being set up to be a major factor when he was first introduced and then had that focal episode, or they should've followed that energy through. instead he had his intro and then that huge focus episode and immediately following that he just kinda..... faded and was a nonissue and then abruptly decided to ride off into the sunset. makes me wonder what they were going for at all when they didn't really resolve any of the big stuff that whole thing brought up.

i feel similarly about shandy. it seemed like they were setting something up with her to be a Thing and then she ended up not like.... her arc wasn't anticlimactic in resolve, it was actually extremely dramatic, but it happened very fast and in a way that felt kind of. cartoonish? keeley Learned A Lesson i guess about being a boss which is a tough thing to do, and that was neat, but it felt like. idk. i think they could've done that without introducing a whole new character who felt like she had a lot of potential to have an interesting arc with keeley and then kinda built tension in the background for a bit only to resolve it pretty quickly and in a pretty. what's the way i want to put this.

interested to see where it goes from here!

#gav gab #gav answers #ted lasso spoilers

[just-a-cybercroissant]

Writer Tag Game

Okay... I didn't get used to talk how I write I just write - I dunno? But anyway thanks @bnbc for asking me. A little warning: I'm very strict with myself and my writing, so don't feel confused if my tone may seem too straightforward or harsh. Second, I'm talking about how I write in my language. For English writing I have too little experience.

Do you write in order?

Okay, I know we're all creative here and stuff but I fail to understand how could anyone possibly write not from the beginning? Every story has its beginning, culmination and the end - nothing in-between. Of course, I do need to have at least a resemblance of plan to follow it. Otherwise it will be just a tangle of incoherent thoughts. Guess, that's also thanks to my background in academia.

Do you start with something in particular?

With the beginning? Okay, jokes aside, I'm pretty weak to start my stories or chapters with the dialogue or an action frozen in process. This will hep to insert the reader into the plot as quickly as possible.

How fully formed does your writing come out on the first try?

Pretty formed usually. Cause I'm that kind of person who wouldn't show even the first draft without making sure it's already coherent, its idea is visible and the tone can already be felt.

How many drafts do you go through?

Usually, 2 with 2 proof-readings, but, the last one is hella of a nightmare for anyone who's afraid to let go of their writing. Because during this process I cut minimum 1/3 of unnecessary stuff so it's pretty much enough to make the second draft the final one.

Tell me about your process?

First, I always begin with the question - why am I writing this? what do I want to tell? I don't mean I'm gonna write the second 'War and Peace' or 'Moby-Dick', I mean I ask myself what do I want for my characters. Although I said that I write strictly in order, my first planning comes in rewind - I need to know the final of my characters and than I struct their way from the final destination to the beginning.

Second move is the tone - is it gonna be a drama story? steamy smut? or even horror? That's when I begin to listen to the music and I do it A LOT. For me nothing works better for creating of the setting of the whole story, or the chapter, or even just a scene, than listening to songs or ambient melodies.

And than when I already know what to write I ask myself how I'm gonna do it. I'm taking my notebook from the drawer and begin to scratch the plan but quite a simplified plan. I make dozens of them and stop only when I see a coherent way of my characters. And then I begin to make a more detailed plan for my first chapter and that's it. I can begin.

I usually edit when I finish with the plot blocks, like a number of scenes, for instance. At this time I edit but only slightly, usually I change my sentences or something like that - and proceed. But when the chapter is finished, my beta and I start hella of proof-reading - we take no pity on any sentence, any word, if it doesn't work for the plot or the character development. And only after the chapter finally flows during the reading with no incoherencies and strange-looking sentences the draft can be finally left alone and be posted in some time.

Soooo... yeah. That's how I write it, I guess?

Tagging: @maimaiapologist and whoever wants to join.

#writer tag game #bnbc #yeah... I'm very demanding of myself so this perfectly reflects my writing process #croissant writing

[devilfic]

Oh right!!! I vaguely remember the zack thing being a meme or something like that. When i saw it i was like... okay?? Why is this suddenly becoming a thing?? But yeah it was pretty nice.

I have listened to stray kids, yeah. I think back door is a pretty cool song, and i've heard little bits of god's menu. I haven't listened to any of their other songs though, but i'll try and let you know.

I totally understand what you mean by being a bit too animated but if you don't like his gaming stuff, then i really have to recommend you his bigger projects! Like his latest "in space with markiplier" is pretty cool. It's basically a dating game with the choose-your-own-adventure kind of a deal, except it's not a dating game (unless we're talking about his other project called "a date with markiplier" in which the scenario really is a date). Personally, i think they are very fun. If you're not into it, that's fine tho!

Hmmm.... i think i've been drawing for like... 8 years now? It started with anime, as with many people. And i used to draw like, every day, but these days i don't draw that much. It's nice to see how much i've improved over the years though, i'm sure you know that feeling!!

Honestly, i don't feel okay. Have you ever just... made a decision out of kindness and over-confidence, then later regretting it? Even though you had good intentions?? Yeah, that's basically what happened. But i have to go through with this particular decision until october, and it's draining me. Hhhhhh sorry if i'm bothering you with my problems....

Anyway, WHAT. I cannot believe i accidentally gave you the idea to write those headcanons?? Oh my god. Okay. Uhhhhhh now i guess i'm gonna put my stranger things request ideas for another time. I'm still gonna send you a request of a different fandom in another ask. It's... well... i'm pretty sure it's something that'll make you go like "Yep.. i thought so..."

Ya know, i recently finished "our flag means death" which you probably have heard of, or even watched already. And it made me realize that maybe i have a type when it comes to fictional characters. A lot of characters i like (in a kinda romantic way) are long-haired men, sometimes with a dark colored aesthetic, as seen from stranger things's eddie, my hero academia's aizawa, and our flag means death's blackbeard. Now... i dont know what to do with this information haha.. but oh well, do you have a type for fictional people??

-cain

(also, i'm glad you don't mind long asks! i just find it nice, like writing a letter to someone, so yeah)

those were good times, I'm telling ya ^^

and please do, they've got some bangers I will say

actually you know what,,, I'd been intending to watch those big projects of his at some point because the amount of effort and quality it looks like he put into them is WILD. my friend was really pumped about in space with markiplier earlier this year because she's been a fan of his for years, and it looks really fun. should I start with the older ones and work my way up or does it not really matter (I'm thinking about easter eggs and such)?

oh wow that's impressive!! and drawing everyday, I bet you've got tons of your old stuff around to look at and reminisce over ^^ but I super get ya, I'm a big advocator for keeping ur old art no matter if you think it's cringe or not because one day you'll really want to look back on it. I've still got old fics from when I was younger that I look at to see how much I've improved

you're not bothering me at all! I asked cause I wanted to know, and yeah ;-; I've been in your place before. committing to something out of kindness is always a great idea until you realize,,, some days will be more difficult to show up for than others. I commend you for doing your best to try and see it through, and if it really gets too much, please don't force yourself to keep going. I dunno your exact situation but nothing is worth sacrificing your own physical/mental health over

no you don't have to!! honestly, request whatever you like. you just inspired me to do that one because I hadn't thought of doing group headcanons for them yet. but also I did see your request and think exactly that asjksjfsf I'm excited though. any reason to dig that story up is a good one

I GET WHAT YOU MEAN. the dark-haired brooders have taken several generations of simps by storm, I being one of them. my type isn't too different from you. I actually made a comprehensive list of characters I like (most I simp for, some I just admire) and most of them are either people with anger issues/murderous tendencies or sarcastic charmers. the odd sunshine is thrown in there every once in a while *cough cough* legoshi *cough cough* noe archiviste *cough cough* prompto. man, woman, whatever you are... ur not safe from me if u fall into one of these categories. according to my friends, I also just straight up have a thing for blonds. it's not intentional O.o

#cainsau #I've been meaning to watch our flag means death but I'm catching up on what we do in the shadows rn! #I have seen that scene where blackbeard goes 'oh no. I'm blackbeard' and then shushes the other guy and WHEW! #I AM PERCEIVING #mjanswers

[radellama]

I feel a bit uneasy about how normal treating social media as a diary is, especially because I have done that myself many many times. I understand the appeal of yelling into a faceless void and sometimes feeling validated when the void shows support in the form of mutuals or strangers liking or even agreeing with you - but I really do worry about what that does and will do to people's thinking patterns.

#again i acknowledge that I'm being fairly contradictory here with what I'm saying here #but i ask you to try and understand how complex this thing is? if I'm making any sense with it #like... some things people say online puts me on yellow alert sometimes and i worry for kids growing up seeing this as normal #and yes i completely understand feeling frustrated and isolated and wanting to turn to a platform where maybe you will be heard #but i think maybe lines are getting blurred #it's one thing to try and express a thought or opinion - esp if you're trying to reach out for support #but it's a whole other thing when i see people locked in cycles of poorly thought out emotional reactions just barking online #and it's like they're slowly laying the bricks of their own echo chambers #i dunno I'm not trying to talk about any one person in particular cause i really dislike vague posting #I'm just trying to speak generally to habits i see online and ones i catch myself doing and dislike #I'm trying to spend less time online and more time curating my experience to avoid seeing this kind of stuff but... #it's hard to navigate social spaces online #it's hard to navigate social spaces in general lol but i dunno #take this sad man's ramblings and his thanks for reading this far LMAO

[pandoraimperatrix]

hey Pandoraimperatix, my friend I would like to request sunflower Behave Yourself Make Me for Batcat and Violet Stop staring at me to distract me!" "Oh , I'm not staring to distract you ." for Dickkory.

Sorry for the huge delay, it has been busy lately.

We go back to the Titans AU that only exists in my heart in a time between season one and two in which Trigon is gone, but the core four + Jason are living together as a family and the rest of the adults Titans are... Dunno.

Beware, this is so sugary I’m now dependent of insulin.

--------

It started as a regular game night, and for the first two hours or so it really happened as it should.

Gar was in charge of food, so even though everything in the menu was vegetarian he managed to serve a delicious feast with plenty decadent deep fried snacks that Dick would never approve, there was no cauliflower pizza nonsense and frizzy drinks with real sugar in their composition among the diet options.

Rachel fixed the games, Gar offered, but she dismissed him saying that he had too much a niche taste and Jason would only pick the boring battle ones. Besides, she was better at guessing which kind of game would entertain their family without causing a horrible fight over whom was owing whom rent at monopoly or something.

Jason was in charge of music, because he was the only one of the whole team with a decent taste. Or that's what he claimed.

Dick and Kory were not allowed to have any say in the game night activities, the kids said they were merely invited to join. Dick, being true to his namesake wanted to forbid the whole thing, already thinking of all the many ways a night of fun and games could turn into chaos and disgrace. But when Rachel proposed it, she already expected that from him, and that’s why she asked him right after Kory’s morning flight, so when she entered the room, skin glowing fresh from a sunbath, he seemed to had lost the train of his thoughts, mumbling something incoherent, Rachel took that as a yes and ran with it.

But after all the food was gone the strangest thing started to happen. Stranger than Jason going to bed early instead of throwing a fit after losing three rounds or darts in a row. Dick was worried and even tried to talk to him, worried he was just self-isolating out of frustration, but when he went to the boy's room found him actually reading, that gave him a weird mix of surprise and bittersweet joy over his little brother's evolution. He was better now, and didn't need him as much.

But when he went back to the living room there was only Kory.

“Where are Gar and Rachel?”

Kory took a while to answer because she had just stuffed her mouth with a particular big deep fried veggie dumpling, Dick tried to not fixate too much on how plump and kissable her lips were, but he probably didn’t make a very good job. All those long acting classes with Alfred growing up and now, twenty years and an alien princess after, he suddenly couldn’t hide his feelings. Dishonour on him, dishonour on his bats.

“Could have asked you the same,” she said finally swallowing down, and now it was her elegant neck and the dark path to her cleavage that was catching his eyes. Damn, it should be worrisome how much pull she had over him. It was true that he had a past o falling in love with his female teammates and it usually ended badly, but there was something different about him and Kory. While with Dawn and Babs there was always the shadow of this other man he supposed to be, a better man, and the weight of the expectations he put on himself and that he felt at the time that his exes added to, crushed their relationship.

Kory… Well, even after meeting Bruce last time they went to Gotham to officialise Jason’s situation – and also a move orchestrated by Alfred to meet his new grandchildren – she didn’t change with him. Of course, she didn’t have years of indoctrinating to find Batman the most amazing man in existence,  but even after learning his status, and listening to stories about him, she didn’t look as impressed as people usually did. And for some crazy miracle, she was still very much interested in him, Dick, whom she already knew better than most people, maybe even better than Donna, and enough to know all his worst faults, enough to tell him he was being stupid when he let all his paranoia and inferiority complex make him act out. And she was still there, in love with him.

“Are they coming back? There’s still food.”

“Who’s to say?” she said in a nonchalant tone, as she picked the fallen darts from the floor.

He crossed his arms, eying her with amused suspicion.

“Miss Anders, what are you planning?”

“Me?” she asked over her shoulder. “Nothing at all,” and he didn’t believe a bit, but waited and she straighten up, turning back to face him. “But we don’t need the kids to have fun, do we?”

And he could have died right there, the last thing he’d see was the smile she was giving to him, his favourite, that was in equal measures playful, promising, innocent and very dirty. That picture alone with be worthier than any paradise.

Dick walked towards her, and positioned his body behind hers, framing her hips with his hands. “Depending of the type of fun you have in mind…” he said against her ear after pulling her hair aside.

Kory clicked her tongue in disapproval, but leaned back into him slightly, “Grayson, Grayson, what a naughty mind you have.” She prepared to throw a dart and recoiled when he kissed her neck. “I was merely trying to challenge you for a darts’ competition.”

“Yeah?”

She turned her face to look at him, her eyes glowing so green in the way he learned it meant she was getting aroused.

“Yes.”

Dick let her go and didn’t comment when she let out a disappointed sigh.

“I accept,” he took a sip of his own sugar free pop and regretted immediately because it became flat after being forgotten for so long, “what do I get when I win?”

“Cocky, aren’t we?”

“In time.”

She bended in half unable to hide her giggles.

“You are ridiculous.”

He just pouted.

Kory rolled her eyes in amusement, took a deep breath to calm herself and prepared to throw her first dart.

"Stop staring at me to distract me!" She complained.

"Oh, I'm not staring to distract you."

She threw it and it missed, badly. Dick pressed his lips but wasn’t able to hold his own laughter.

“That’s your fault!” her face was glowing golden, and Dick resented the fact they didn’t get to meet earlier, how had been Kory as a teenager? Was she easier to rile up back then? Nowadays, she was the coolest person he ever met, cooler than Bruce, than his uncle Clark. It was the rarest thing to see Kory act in a self-conscious way, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy this newfound power he had. The power to make Princess Koriand’r blush.

“I’ll be more careful now when you start throwing starbolts around from now on,” he teased.

“I’ll use you as my training target, then” was her comeback.

“I think I’ll be fine.”

She sighed and turned back to him, her hands on her hips.

“Why are you torturing me?”

He gave her his best kicked puppy look.

“We are here, all alone, and all you care about is some dumb game…”

Kory’s face broke in one of her full smiles and she threw the darts without even looking, all of them bull’s eye, and walked towards him, hugging him by the neck. 

“Awnnnn, is that it? Why didn’t you say earlier?”

He let go of his demure stance and in a display of his true intentions hoisted her up by her backside, Kory let out an elated exclamation and adjusted her arms grabbing his face and bringing their lips together.

“Hmm,” he made as she parted from his lips to let him breathe and spread kisses down his neck, “can we really? Won’t they come back?”

“Nah,” she said licking his ear, “I gave them money.”

“Not only she has a very good aim, but she’s also so smart,” he mumbled as he walked them to the sofa.

“Aren’t I a catch?” she said opening her legs to accommodate him after he lied her body on the cushions, and pushed his floppy hair back behind his ear, “aren’t you lucky?”

“The luckiest,” and he kissed her.

#dickkory #dickkori #starfire #nightwing #robstar #koriand'r #dick grayson #kory anders #kori anders #teen titans #titans #hbo titans #dcu titans #netflix titans #ntt #new teen titans

[flowerslightning]

The OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in FF7

This thing actually caught my eyes while reading a few theory about FF7R and the word OCD appear in their certain analysis, in IG, youtube comments and some posts in tumblr too. Dunno why but they always relate Biggs with OCD. I looked back to the scenes where Biggs appear and... Okay, i understand why they thinj Biggs has OCD or perfectionist

A lot of people, including the psych students themselves easily confused with OCD and perfectionist (I got confused by it quite often too). Now, is Biggs OCD or is he just a perfectionist? Let's take a deeper look at it

Biggs is not a famous character. So fans dont really care about him, but I do

Disclaimer : i'm not a psychologist. Im an intern and still studying. Psychiatric is not my major field but i got assigned there as an intern for quite a time and we got exposed a lot about psychology too. We didnt learn them professionally like the real psyche students, we learned (and still under training) through real life experience + a little bit from the books.

So there might be wrong interpretation here and there. Pls correct me if I'm misleading u. And pardon my english. Pls dont use any of these terms to diagnose urself. Remember, I'm a student, not a professional.

I kins of blame the social media for portraying OCD in such a nasty way, when someone with OCD is actually suffering inside.

OCD is not just about 'clean clean, must clean this place till squeaky clean' and OCD is not about being perfectionist. OCD and perfectionist are two different thing.

Perfectionist is more to a demand demeanour, eg "I want the cake to be like this. I want it to be pink. No, not that pink, it must be neon pink with slight purple. Do it again. No, i dont want that pink. Do it again. Ahhh yess, nice pink." Someone with perfectionist, after they got their result, they will immediately bcome calm and satisfied. Perfectionist is obviously different from OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD falls under Personality Disorder and it is different from OCD. Im not going to talk about that

Credit goes to crazyheadcomics.

Look at how OCD got spoken from the media perspective. It is very much resemble to Biggs, dont u think? In reality, someone with OCD always feel stress about everything around them, and they will find it hard to complete their task.

OCD has two components - Obsessive and Compulsive

| 1. Obsessive. It is a repeating thoughts about something and often occur until it makes someone feel stress about it. Eg, u think that ur hand will get bacteria infection if u touch a chair, door, fridge or when holding someone's hand. This thought always appear in ur mind everytime u touch the door, chair, fridge or somebody's hand, but when u touch ur shoes, u never think about the bacteria (in certain cases, some patients become scare of everything they touch)

| 2. Compulsive. It is a repeating of the same actions to fulfill the 'obsession' in order to reduce the stress acted upon them. Usually the 'action' has a specific ways in which the patient believe he has to do it like this or that way or else he will fail. Eg, after touching the chair, he will immediately wash his hand 10x from left to right. He believes the hand washing wont be effective if he starts from right to left

Another sign of OCD is when someone re-checking the door lock few times. Its normal for us to re-check once/twice the door lock for confirmation, but for people with OCD, they will re-check the door lock for about 6-10 times and still not feel satisfied and later they stress out. And also the OCD people, they tend to get annoyed when something is not in particular order and they will immediately fix it eventhough they know they're wrong.

I met a funny woman at the hosp arranging our students' books according to its thickness, when I asked her why did she arranged our books like that,

She replied : "Doctor said I have CDO"

Me : "Sorry, CDO? Never heard of it"

She : "It is actually OCD but I feel so stress hearing that term so I put it in alphabetical order. CDO, much better"

We both had a good laugh. Her case was not serious though, but she was feeling miserable with her thoughts and decided to meet a psychiatrist. I would say she was still in early stage for someone with OCD, but may lead to severe if left untreated

It is really hard to satisfy and convince someone with OCD and they always feel stress about something they shouldnt care too much about. U can say OCD is a fastidious type, and they're actually more than that

If we want to relate this condition with Bigg's case., urmm. The only time where I can spot him being different than the other characters is when he's busy sweeping his front house and when he pat Cloud's head during the Sector 7 plate fall.

The cleaning stuff isnt exactly weird thing for a human to do. But it is something odd, I mean, he just finished his mission with Jessie and survived a jump from the plate, and yet he still have the energy to sweep dry leaves, AT NIGHT! He can wait till tomorrow though and should get himself a proper rest.

Wedge says Biggs has a habit of overthinking stuff

And there we see Biggs sweeping the dry leaves. It might be because he is trying to distract himself from doing his bad habit - overthinking. But urm , i think there'll be higher chance for someone to overthink when doing house chore like Biggs is doing. This is where lots of people say Biggs cleaning the house at night is bcause he has OCD or he's a perfectionist.

But I dont think thats the case. For real, he is completely normal. No sign of him acting weird in that scene. If he really does have OCD or he's a perfectionist, we'll see more of him arguing with Barret about unnecessary stuff. He cant become one of Avalanche's strongest member (not exactly strong, but hey, he's trustworthy). Also, if u notice, Biggs have one earring on his right ear. Someone with OCD will feel irritated by it bcause his ear doesnt look 'balance'. OCD people, even in mild case, they want everything about them to be balance and in good order.

After trying to understand Biggs way of thinking and style through his short screentime, I strongly believe this guy has no such thing as OCD or being a perfectionist. Biggs just cares tooooo much about his friends, he thinks 10 times ahead from the bigger picture in which it frightens him about the bad consequences that will occur to people he cherish.

He is the type that always have a back up plan in his mind. He thinks of 5 possible bad things and comes out with 10 solutions. That's the power of an overthinker like Biggs I'll tell ya

Biggs probably cleaning his front house area at night bcause the next early morning, he will need to leave his house for the bombing mission. Better take care of things the night before the big day. He can ditch the cleaning work but he wont do it, not bcause he's a perfectionist/OCD, but try to imagine this, if ur front house is full with dry leaves and rubbish, it will be unpleasant for the neighbours next to ur house to see. Living in the slum means higher chance for u to get sick if u dont take care of ur surrounding hygiene. Biggs is a kind man, and I believe he doesnt want to upset his neighbours

He probably has overthink this matter like "If i dont do this now, I probably dont have time for doing it tomorrow. Maybe I'll broke my leg from the mission and this trash will be left untouched, then there'll be high chance for the children around here to get sick. What if they get infectious disease bcause of this dry leaves? And then the parents will be worried and the Sector 7 Slum will be in chaos etc etc. Time for plan A. Let's clean this place"

Besides, remember the post where I mentioned about Mental Health First Aid? Biggs, as the side character gives the best MFA to Cloud even without knowing what Cloud had gone through. Biggs is just toooo kind with his friends, he cares too much causing him to overthinks about his friends conditions. He can notice even the slightest change in his friend's behaviour and with his own instinct, he cheers for them

Aww man, how can u not love his personality? He's the sweetest side character ever (and kinda hot too).

Soo as the conclusion for my post here, Biggs does not have OCD. He's a side character with a big heart who cares tooooooo deeply about his friends that leads him to overthink too much.

However, if the devs say Biggs really has OCD then my statement about him will be invalid. I'm sure they have put everything in a very close detail look.

Btw, I personally think Biggs kind of portrays the other small side of Cloud, the overthinking part for their romantic partner. But Biggs express his worry through words while Cloud express it through his actions, eg - like how he always keep an eye on Tifa. He never speak it directly like "I'm worry about Tifa, I must help her", he just simply be with her either she needs a help or not. While Biggs clearly says "Jessie been acting weird, I should go if she needs any - help -"

Action speaks louder than words but sometimes our eyes failed to listen.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for being with me till the end.

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 7 remake #cloud strife #final fantasy vii #biggs #biggs final fantasy #ffvii biggs #mygif #character analysis

[cynical-amphisbaenia]

yes hello amygda i've been lurking here for quite some time and it's lovely but honestly i don't feel like saying the usual wOw YoUr BlOg Is 100% GuD and i AdOrE iT stuff. i mean your blog actually is and i do but it almost feels obligatory when every single ClasspectMe ask does that. and le oops, i spilled it - it'd be nice to hear your ideas about my Mythological Role! i've been searching for the right one for some time now. i trust your knowledge, though.

anyway personality is the first thing i want to describe. and the hardest one as well. you see, a common thing in my life is that i can't remember anything. like literally i remember less than 1% of everything that happened to me, ever. it's easier to describe what i was feeling than what actually happened. it's a genetic thing iirc because my mom has that too, but that's beside the point. i'm quite a talkative person and i tend to do the thing i did like a sentence before a lot. i used to be described as "impulsive and agressive" but that isn't true anymore, i can contain myself. that's probably the thing that led to my emotions being kind of, uh, separate from my mind. by that i mean i actually know i felt something a little bit after the fact, i just, i dunno, ignore it so hard i don't even acknowledge the feeling. that led to me joking about "selling my soul to a demon" as an explanation and the joke is still running

i kind of roleplay an arrogant piece of shit? not as a Knight-type persona but like for fun and not actually annoying anyone too much, and basically everyone knows i do. no self-worth problems though

surprisingly i don't have any problems typical for people my age and my family isn't a bunch of assholes, which has both led me to living a life in "easy mode" and to me being spoiled enough not to give a shit about basically anything. it's not a depressed thing: there are little to none things that motivate me besides "i have to" and "i'll literally die if i won't", and even the ones that exist don't seem to have any relation to one another. i'd say i'm an ambivert, but that would imply that i get energy from both being alone and from being with people, and i don't get it at all. i'd also say i'm a pessimist, but honestly i'm just an optimist that tries really hard to be pessimistic and it really shows sometimes, like when i tell my friends some edgy sarcastic shit and then help someone for no reason or give a stranger a chocolate bar or something. i do that a lot for my actual friends though and i actually have no problem making friendos and opening up to anyone

i use mutedHypocrisy as my chumhandle-ish nickname because 1. i don't really judge anyone out loud? i have are a lot of bUdDiEs with DEBATABLE opinions but i just don't discuss it almost ever, keeping to myself. not really a reason for this. and 2. because of my extremely unique memory i usually dont havr or don't remember any opinions of my own except for some really important ones, which had led me to saying two opposite takes on the same thing to a single person, them going "what the fuck", and that happened more than a single time.

on to symbols. well, the tarot cards mark me as The Star and my fate as a fate of The Fool. which is shown by me being, well, talented enough and having a lot of freedom but not enough ambition to really use it, making me basically useless. also the star thing? its number is 17 and the one before is 16, which is the Tower, which is a fucking cataclysm, and the thing is me being a few hours away from being born under "the tower" is also reflected in the situation in which i was born. i won't elaborate though cuz thats personal shit.

i guess fate kind of likes playing with me? in a friendly way. like i'm always in the best circumstances possible BUT i get trolled by luck along the way. like that friend who pranks you a lot but is actually a nice person and is fun to be around, the world around me feels, as i already said, "easy mode". a lot of people have it worse. i feel bad because i've got everything one could ever want but zero motivation and ambition to do things. and it's not even a "willpower" problem, because that thing helps me do A LOT and is the only reason i'm still functional.

i seem to have an affinity for the things i hate, even though this sounds stupid as fuck. i may despise something completely but i'll be like the meme about a guy who says "disgusting" and keeps looking anyway.

i perceive things as a play, making myself a fourth-wall-breaker type of character. i don't think i take it too seriously but that's kinda fun. i think it started when i noticed that my life and the projects i participate in have some patterns that don't change at all. it's not a thing about some situations always being the same, it's some specific things -- the beginnings and endings of ppl's relationships in the friend group, their roles there and my relationships with the people on em, for example. that's some conspiracy theorist shit right there though.

i don't think i can describe my arcs? i don't remember them. like i mean i was literally babied throughout my whole life, even if not in a way i hate or in an overbearing/limiting way. i had some anger issues and despised rules, but that's a teenager thing mostly -- i respect them now for the most part.

if there's anything important i forgot please tell me!!! can't describe my own ass right if i don't remember 95% of my life. love your work anyway.

Well, as much as it's appreciated, it's definitely not obligatory! And I hope no one feels that it is. Now, there's a few possible options. The main things to consider are Rogue or Mage of Heart and Heir or Maid of Mind, though you may also want to consider Void or Breath as the aspects.

You lack Heart in various ways, though not completely. You still try to take on various opinions or roles. This could be due to being a Rogue of Heart. Rogues tend to lack their aspects, and the taking on of opinions/roles could be stealing Heart. You do seem to focus on things like emotions and relationships, and especially your lack of motivation. Mages can also lack their aspect, but this tends to cause them to suffer - you don’t appear to focus on suffering too much, so it’s not as likely as Rogue. However, if you feel that you attempt to experience Heart to learn about it rather than simply just taking it on, then you might want to consider it. 

Alternatively, you could be an Heir of Mind - this is less likely as you only seem to have focus on the roles and adaptability of Mind while you focus on many more parts of Heart. However, if you were so caught up in those things like an Heir could be, it might explain why you ignore those things and lack parts of Heart as well. A Maid is also likely to get caught up serving only particular parts of their aspect - again, this is less likely than Heir as you seem to change Mind rather than create it, but you might feel differently on this. 

To decide between the Heart or Mind would depend on how you define things like your roleplay - does it feel like an exploration and taking (or experiencing) of Heart or does it feel like a changing/creating of roles which would suit Mind?

You could also consider Void if it feels like the circumstances of your life causes you to live in confusion and if it feels like your lack of memory is the main focus rather than it causing you to miss parts of Heart. Reading what you gave me it doesn’t seem to be the case, but you could decide otherwise. In a similar way, Breath could be an option if you feel disconnected from things, especially as you do focus a bit on freedom. For both of these aspects you could consider Heir, Maid or Mage as an option, especially as with Breath you’re clearly not connected to parts of it like motivation.

Hopefully this helps! Sorry it’s a lot of options, so feel free to ask me anything to help you narrow it down. ^^

#ask #anon #classpect #classpecting #long post

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: Might just turn the dodgy cooker on and gas us all Fraze: Dramatic Fraze: Let's leg it before then, like Bea: Not dramatic just real Bea: how many card games can we play before it stops raining Fraze: So come on Fraze: I know you ain't put off by water falling from the fucking sky Bea: You think of a reason we need to be out there then Bea: there's no French exiting rn Fraze: Don't need one, everyone's pissing me off & I'm sick of this fucking caravan, so are you Fraze: End of story Bea: And I'm gonna calm you down, yeah? Fraze: You don't need to go into your tactics but yeah Bea: Don't make me laugh Fraze: Why not? Bea: 'cos there's literally nothing funny about being stuck in here with this lot Bea: wish they'd have let us stay home Fraze: Leave with me then Fraze: Fuck overthinking it Bea: Of course I wanna Bea: where are we even going, actually Bea: never mind where we say we are Fraze: Home, another seaside shithole, round the corner Fraze: Does it matter Fraze: If it ain't inside here, I'll take it Bea: [Tess being like help me make lunch or something] Bea: Ha Bea: when you decide lemme know, have to meet you there Fraze: [is the definition of a moody teen rn soz everyone] Fraze: Or you could just come with me now Bea: Sure, when you're the one that's gotta tell your mum no, we'll do that Bea: what's five more minutes of hell Fraze: [Storms out because the mature response like soz if anyone tries to ask him where he's going or wtf cos just gonna be a rude hoe] Bea: save me a 🚬 Fraze: You can have 'em all, my lighter's fucking dead Bea: least you got a valid reason to go shop then Fraze: Cheers for the positive spin, babe Bea: ☀ when there ain't none Bea: I know Bea: been said so many times Fraze: Don't make me laugh Bea: Why not, you're free Bea: temporarily Fraze: 'Cause I'm not in the mood to shout 'free at last' or some shit even if I am Bea: Poor baby Bea: not gonna feel bad for you 'til I've made these kids stupidly specific sandwich orders Fraze: It don't mean you've gotta take the piss 'til then Bea: I ain't Fraze: Whatever Fraze: I don't wanna kick off at you, do I Bea: I know Bea: it's shit Bea: but we can't be throwing tantrums like we're their age, like Fraze: If they wanna treat me like a fucking kid instead of letting me stay home then why the fuck shouldn't I act like one Bea: 'cos I don't wanna fuck some whiny kid, do I? Bea: Think on Fraze: Alright I'll come back & help prepare lunch like I'm some old bloke Fraze: Fuck off Bea: Yeah, that's my type in a one Bea: twat Fraze: What do you fucking want, Bea? Bea: No, what do you want Bea: 'cos not kicking off at me is bullshit Fraze: & you reckon I'm the one who's skilled at turning any shit into a fight, yeah? Fraze: Have a word with yourself Bea: Seriously Bea: I was just trying to talk to you without going on about how shitty we all know this is already Fraze: Seriously, I really like you but you really wind me up Bea: Hardly gonna take that personal Bea: everything winds you up Fraze: Yeah well Fraze: Fucking genetic probably Bea: If you're happy with that excuse Bea: don't seem it Fraze: Well done working that out, like Bea: hardly the enigma code but tah Fraze: Still, credit where it's due Bea: So sweet Fraze: Course, get told that all the time Bea: doesn't SOUND like something your mum'd say Bea: but I'll take your word for it Fraze: So trusting Bea: Any particular reason I shouldn't be? Fraze: Loads but none of them are 'cause of me Bea: Yeah Bea: don't need to take the convo there Bea: do we Fraze: I'm just saying Fraze: I am pretty godlike but I didn't create the world, like Bea: 😂 Bea: You're lucky I don't have friends to send all the stupid shit you say to Fraze: You wouldn't even if you did Fraze: You ain't like that Bea: Lucky you Fraze: Yeah Fraze: You finished these sandwiches yet or what? Fraze: Really fucked your Saturday job prospects if you ain't Bea: Rude but can't say I'm too gutted Bea: if the punters were even half as annoying as my sister Bea: you still want me to come Fraze: Do you need me to say I miss you Fraze: You're meant to be smart Bea: I am Bea: why do you think I'm waiting for you to say it Fraze: Fair Bea: Go on then Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: I miss you Fraze: Tell my ma you're going to find me & then do it Bea: Alright Bea: Be right there Bea: where are you though Fraze: Went the shop Fraze: & didn't get banned Fraze: See? So grown up now Bea: Impressive Bea: don't change too much thoug Fraze: 'Course not Fraze: Basically perfect as I am Bea: 😏 Bea: Shut up Fraze: You know you don't want me to Bea: Maybe not Fraze: I've got loads to say to you Bea: Yeah? Fraze: Come find out Fraze: Hear me out Bea: I am Fraze: Good Bea: [Show up like I'm listening] Fraze: [Gives her sweets he just bought cos you don't have to say everything with words and he did miss her & he's sorry for being a dick 99% of the time] Bea: [just happy about this 'cos unexpected and pure] Fraze: [kisses her obvs] Bea: [kissing back with feeling 'cos missed you too] Fraze: [then lights a 🚬 for her cos she said save me one and he ain't forgotten, always listening this boy] Bea: [when it's so needed lmao, 'you're the best'] Fraze: [when you wanna stay in the good books so you telling her how much you've been thinking about her and what you've been thinking] Bea: [when you're pouty 'there's no fucking privacy here'] Fraze: [you can literally see the cogs turning because he's trying to think of where they can find some. 'When the rain stops they'll all fuck off out & we can head back in without being seen'] Bea: ['has to stop eventually, yeah' smiles, 'reckon we can pretend you got lost on the way to your room and ended up in mine or?'] Fraze: [Smiles too because actually likes the rain for the mems and the fact there's literally nobody about. 'Nah but there's no need to pretend you're the only fucker I want around me this holiday, not a secret, like'] Bea: ['exactly, they're not reckoning it's 'cos I'm so special, like' rolls her eyes] Fraze: ['you are though'] Fraze: [Gives her a LOOK and it's not a pisstaking one] Bea: [when you don't know what to say or do so you're just like 'see how you feel when you're not stuck in a tin can with that lot'] Fraze: ['you reckon I'm gonna change my mind, yeah?'] Bea: [shrugs in a 'let's see' kinda way but is pulling herself closer to him] Fraze: [kisses her because he won't & we all know it but ILY curse is trying to get me] Bea: [just about to be like wanna go loiter in the arcades or something when the cars pull up like get in we're going cinema/aquarium/bowling whatever rainy day activity and you're just there like what did they seeeeeeee] Fraze: [is literally 😒 and trying to be like we're alright here cheers but who is listening cos you ain't mcvickers you can't run totally wild without nobody giving a shit soz] Bea: [getting in the car like lord jesus help me, poor Joe, least you have each other] Fraze: [literally fuming because you can't get up to anything like you're JJ unlucky lads so 🚬 out the window to annoy your mum oh boy you're gonna get a slap] Bea: this is wholesome family fun Fraze: Don't Fraze: Fucking hell Bea: you know, have something to write in our 'what I did on my holiday' diaries Bea: 👍 Fraze: There's shit I'd rather be writing Fraze: Even if Miss would rather not read it Bea: 😂 Bea: Might be into it Bea: more likely ring the social but you know Fraze: Place your bets Bea: I feel like I'm Rocky's age rn Fraze: I ain't fucking having loads more days of them treating us like we are Bea: I know Bea: what you gonna do Fraze: I dunno yet Fraze: Loads of time to work it out while we're stuck doing this bullshit though Bea: True Bea: get my thinking cap on Fraze: What if like Bea: Go on Fraze: I was just thinking how much good came out of us watching the kid last time Fraze: If we take the baby my ma won't care what we do Fraze: When it ain't raining he needs to go for walks and shit Bea: That's a good idea Bea: get to pretend we're being helpful Bea: let us do that all we want Fraze: I dunno how I'm gonna get her to think I give a shit about this one but could work Bea: 'cos you're so mature now Bea: probably dash that cig out though Fraze: You want a go on it first? It's gonna be a long fucking day Bea: Yeah Bea: may as well Bea: least we don't have to try and keep this secret and all Fraze: My ma can reckon she's worked all mine out if that's as far as she gets Fraze: [Shameless excuse for her to lean out of the window with him and them to be close for as long as the 🚬 lasts] Bea: Bit better, like Fraze: Yeah Fraze: [At least a small mercy if Fearghal is driving them aside from no annoying kids there'd be some fucking jams playing lol] Bea: [If y'all ain't picking up on these vibes you're dumb af lmao like hello] Fraze: [the looks that'd be going back and forth because stuck in this car and nothing else they can do] Bea: You're so blatant 😏 Fraze: Shut up Fraze: I ain't Bea: and so easy to wind up Fraze: If you wanna see blatant, watch this Fraze: [Does something risky and saucy like boy no] Bea: Fraze Fraze: Bea Bea: What are you doing Fraze: Proving a point Fraze: I can always be more blatant Fraze: & you're just as easy to wind up Bea: Dickhead Bea: this is beyond blatant Fraze: And you ain't mad about it Bea: they'll be more than that if we get caught right now Fraze: Who's catching us? My da's driving & Joe ain't on the same planet Bea: I hate you, you know Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: I know you don't Bea: Okay so I don't but Fraze: But what? Are you gonna try and tell me you hate this Bea: Nah Fraze: There's no but then, is there? Bea: [just gives him a look] Fraze: [Gives her one back] Bea: Are we sure I don't hate you? Fraze: You tell me, babe Fraze: [Boy you better stop, getting so cocky about this sneaking around life] Bea: [When one of you needs to know better but you don't] Fraze: [Makes me lol because ruster are exactly the same in the future, Oh Bea you can't say shit my dear but good luck] Bea: When we get there Bea: come with me okay Fraze: 'Course Bea: I can't wait but that's your fault so Fraze: Much as I like winding you up, I ain't gonna make you Bea: Don't Fraze: I told you, I miss you Bea: You don't need to Bea: we can do this Bea: whatever we want Fraze: I know Fraze: Me & you Fraze: There's nothing we can't do Bea: Yeah Bea: [look of love beech] Fraze: [Gives it back obvs] Bea: [let's get 'em out of this car, how far away is it gonna be] Fraze: [Has anyone ever gotten out of a car faster in their life] Bea: [casual torture of having to wait to pay and go in, so drama] Fraze: [At least that can be masked as they don't wanna be here, thank god] Bea: [the joys of family holidays amirite everyone] Fraze: [There's probably so many people there cos all had the same idea so would take ages] Bea: [least if baby Rock started fussing they could be like WE'LL GO lmao] Fraze: [Good idea guys, get that plan rolling] Bea: I think all of Dublin is here today Fraze: Be harder for my Ma to keep an eye on us then Bea: don't think it's us she reckons will be tryna take the sealife home in our pockets Bea: we're good Fraze: 😂 Fraze: Yeah, we're good Bea: Very Fraze: 😏 Bea: actually can't see through these crowds Bea: how close to the front are we Fraze: [Lols because she's so smol] Fraze: Not close enough Bea: don't laugh at me it's claustrophobic down here Fraze: Want me to pick you up? Bea: Yes Bea: but no Bea: 'cos then I'll just wanna Bea: go Fraze: [A dangerous look] Bea: Stop it Fraze: Easier said than done Fraze: But alright Bea: You're so distracting Bea: I can't look at anyone else Fraze: Don't Fraze: There isn't anyone else Bea: I wish that was true right now Fraze: [Takes her hand for a sec stealthily because same] Bea: [ily curse always just hold that hand really tight and shh] Fraze: [But then let go before any of the kids notice you cos the kind of shit they would] Bea: [y'all shut your nosy mouths] Fraze: [Let's stop being mean and say it's their turn to go in finally] Bea: [when you dash off so fast you look like you're buzzing about the aquarium]7 Fraze: [bye bitches] Bea: [bathroom shennanigans as if people wouldn't be queuing and judging] Fraze: [Thank god they could give less of a shit, no shame ever] Bea: [soz not soz fam/world] Fraze: [Later talking about how he's gonna have a massive aquarium in his house one day cos rich people shit] Bea: ['have a shark, very bond'] Fraze: [is buzzing about that idea shamelessly] Fraze: [The convo obvs turns into what else he's gonna have when he's rich af] Bea: [a convo she can get behind obvs, probably knows what she wants to do already lbr so] Fraze: [control your 😍 boy] Bea: [when you're lowkey having a good time #fakes] Fraze: [Especially because he'd make her share the sweets he bought her earlier none for you though kids #soz] Bea: [so shaded, also don't want your gross fishy hands in the bag tho so] Fraze: [stealing Rocky to trial run this plan because only so much chatting and looking at fish you can do after a while] Bea: [looking like the youngest parents ever] Fraze: [Judgey looks from old people activate but maybe the rain stops for a sec so they can take him outside cos he's 'fussy' and be alone for a sec] Bea: ['When I'm rich, I won't ever go on holiday anywhere where the weather ain't perfect'] Fraze: [When you mean to say you but you say we because in love 'We can like hire an island or some shit'] Bea: [when you don't correct 'cos you don't wanna just meeting it with enthusiasm, 'until we can afford to buy one, obviously'] Fraze: [When you're just grinning because you hadn't even considered being that rich cos lowkey poor af forever & you so happy you're even being nice to baby Rocky, it's a moment] Bea: [he would be cute lbr] Fraze: [when you snuggling him and your bae so you do look like a fam lol] Bea: [haters back off it's cute] Fraze: [giving her so many 😍 like just say it boy, I'm dying] Bea: ['he looks a bit like you when you were a kid' 'cos baby mems] Fraze: [Looks at him like hmmm like he never thought about it cos probably hasn't. 'Ain't as cute as me though'] Bea: [Lols and covers Rocky's ears like don't listen] Fraze: [whispers something hot in her ear while his are covered] Bea: [does that fake face slap thing ('cos you're so scandalized ok) where you use your hands to plant a smooch] Fraze: [some good kissing for a minute because baby Rocky isn't a cockblock] Bea: [real MVP] Fraze: [but then the rain is back so gotta take that baby back in sorry lads] Bea: [mother nature cockblocking, there's probably a shitty cafe they could sit in, share a coke] Fraze: [the fucking mems] Bea: [also a giftshop pls buy something dorky] Fraze: [some stationary for her of some sort cos he's always ripping the piss about homework like] Bea: [get the boy a shark] Fraze: [bitch I nearly screamed] Bea: [when you pretend you ain't but you're so cute] Fraze: [so like mcvickers goodbye] Fraze: [okay but Tommy, Ali & Ro descending upon the gift shop so you gotta stop being coupley af for a sec] Bea: [always having to stop kids buying the most ridiculous tat in places like that] Fraze: [Tommy wanting to get something 'girly/fabulous' and Fraze making fun of him because job as big brother and dickhead] Bea: [just walking away from that situation, lord knows what Ali and Ro are after lmao] Fraze: [I'm just like Joe? Are you okay babe? Where is he] Bea: [does anyone care, 'scuse you] Fraze: [Tess because shameless fave #problematic] Bea: [we get it, he's your easiest child but honey it's because he's bottling that shit up for later] Fraze: [Mcvickers steering all the children away from the tat like come on, the rain's stopped again] Bea: [hit that beach lads] Fraze: [But a minor hiccup of discovering Ali's trying to steal creatures haha] Fraze: 😂 Bea: Probably a crime if she weren't underage Bea: have to hit up greenpeace sharpish Fraze: You know she was counting on those giant fucking eyes and knowing smile to get her out of it Fraze: Get your sister to start crying on her behalf if all else failed, like Bea: Probably a solid plan Fraze: Don't miss a trick that one Fraze: They're basically the Krays that pair Bea: 😂 Bea: with more menace Fraze: Exactly Bea: Some of the shit they get up that your mum tells me Bea: so God knows what else actually Fraze: I don't reckon I wanna know Fraze: Have to sleep with one eye open then Bea: Seriously Bea: not to mention plausible deniability Fraze: Yeah Fraze: You wanna go to the beach with that lot? Bea: Not if you have a better offer Fraze: Easy to bullshit that we're coming but then hang back at the caravan Fraze: It'll be ages before they give a shit we ain't there Fraze: If they do Fraze: And then even easier to say you're sick or something Bea: Yeah Bea: we've done our bit for the day Bea: not gonna be mad if we want some time to chill Fraze: Been the best babysitters going Bea: Exactly Bea: weather providing Bea: owed at least an hour or so of interrupted alone time Fraze: Thinking about that makes this car ride back less of a pisstake Bea: You'll make it, babe 😏 Fraze: I'll survive for you, yeah Fraze: Plenty of room on this floating door like Bea: such a romantic, you Fraze: One of many things about me that appeals to you, I know Fraze: Can't offer to draw you though Bea: Could give it a go for you Fraze: Yeah? Fraze: Alright Bea: Not promising it'll be worth much but you know Fraze: I can promise I ain't gonna sell it Fraze: Won't need the money for our island, will I? Bea: Should probably kick it for your eyes only if we're going full Titanic here, like 😂 Bea: 'course not, heart of the ocean was trashy anyway Fraze: When I buy you jewelry you better fucking not throw it into the sea Fraze: Rich but not stupid Bea: Have better taste than her dickhead fiancee, like Fraze: Not hard Bea: Thanks for the stationery Bea: even if you were taking the piss Fraze: No need to thank me just don't lob it out the car window Fraze: Or into the sea Bea: or at your head, yeah Bea: got it Fraze: You can chuck it at my head Fraze: That's foreplay basically Bea: Hmm Bea: know it was your first time and everything but Fraze: 😂 Fraze: I like buying shit for you anyway Fraze: I can't tell anyone we're together but I still want you to know, like Bea: I know Bea: not gonna forget Fraze: Good Fraze: Don't Bea: Nah, never Fraze: [a look because ILY curse is strong] Bea: Imagine how much easier it'd be Fraze: What? Bea: if it was a normal situation and we could just be honest about it Fraze: Change one thing & you change all of it though Fraze: How we met weren't normal but I don't wanna unmeet you Fraze: Who the fuck would we even be? Bea: Yeah Bea: you're right Bea: must be nice though Fraze: If you wanna tell 'em, we can Fraze: I chose you first & you're not my fucking sister Bea: It ain't even that I wanna Bea: I dunno Bea: fuck being normal anyway yeah Fraze: Figure out what you do want & I'll figure out how to give it to you Fraze: You know that Bea: Just like that? Fraze: Yeah Bea: That's why I like you Fraze: I mean it Fraze: There's nothing I can't do & even less we can't do together Bea: I know you do Bea: and I want you so badly right now Fraze: Then I'll have to make it happen, won't I? Fraze: Can't break a promise that fast Bea: I'm so ready to be alone with you Fraze: Me too Bea: [THE TENSION like soz Joe seriously] Fraze: [hence I'm like he's gotta at least have a clue what's occurring] Bea: [you know, also not an idiot, everyone knows they're basically in love anyways] Fraze: [exactly and they are not subtle especially him at sneaking about in the night/morning] Bea: [foosie moment 'cos what else are you getting away with rn] Fraze: [At least it's not a long car ride even though it feels like forever] Bea: Fuck Bea: what if Joe doesn't go either Bea: he's had a shittier day than us Fraze: I'll kick him out Fraze: He ain't won a fight against me for years Bea: Yes but will that actually work on convincing him Fraze: You got a better idea? Bea: Let me think Fraze: Not stopping you Fraze: Think on Bea: You are Bea: looking like that Fraze: Don't Fraze: Where else can we go if not there? Bea: Okay, so if he won't leave Bea: there's the shower blocks, yeah? and it's got the washing up bit too, so one of us needs a shower and one of us is being 😇 again Bea: barely anyone would be there in the day Fraze: Or I could break into another caravan Fraze: That'd be piss easy Bea: Probably Bea: Risky if the next family shows up, like Fraze: The weather's shit and so's this place Fraze: Other families have more sense Bea: 😂 Bea: alright then Bea: we'll work it out Fraze: 'Course Fraze: It's a plan Fraze: you go to the shower blocks, see how busy they are & I'll scope out the other caravans Bea: Okay Bea: Easy Fraze: Might still give Joe a slap anyway Fraze: Just 'cause Bea: Don't be mean Fraze: Don't be on his side Fraze: He ain't on yours, I am Bea: I'm not Bea: focus on me then, not him Fraze: I will Fraze: Soon as I can Bea: Good Fraze: I just can't fucking look at you right now Fraze: Jesus Bea: I know Fraze: I really wanna do something really stupid Bea: How stupid Fraze: Whatever you're thinking of, go harder than that Bea: Shit Bea: I already know that regardless they ain't gonna leave fast enough or be gone long enough Fraze: That's why I reckon another caravan's our best bet Fraze: We can just stay there Fraze: Even when they get back Bea: I just Bea: want you over and over again Fraze: I told you, whatever you want Bea: let's just stay away Bea: long as we can Fraze: Alright Bea: I hate it when you have to leave straight after Fraze: I don't wanna Bea: I know, it's just how it is Fraze: How it is is I don't ever wanna leave you Bea: Fraze Fraze: Yeah? Bea: I really like you, you know Fraze: I really like you too Fraze: Always have done Bea: Me too Bea: I'm not sorry for kissing you then, when we were little Fraze: I'm not sorry for anything back then or now Bea: Promise? Fraze: I swear Fraze: I told my Da I was gonna marry you, like I was having a man to man chat with him or some shit Fraze: Stupid but like I knew what I wanted, you know Fraze: I still do Bea: You've never told me that Fraze: Like I said, it was stupid Fraze: I was only a kid Bea: Not stupid Bea: but I won't call it cute either, know you don't like it Fraze: It's alright, he took the piss out of me, you can Bea: I don't wanna Bea: and I ain't Bea: we're all stupid when we're kids yeah Fraze: 'Course Fraze: Grew out of it, like Fraze: Basically Bea: Yeah Bea: not completely, I hope Bea: you promised me something really stupid Fraze: nah, not completely & not you Fraze: Couldn't grow out of liking you Bea: Sorry that I ain't sorry Fraze: I don't want you to be sorry Fraze: I ain't Fraze: Only that I didn't tell you before Bea: it's not like we didn't know Bea: it was just Bea: ignoring it for Bea: whatever reason Fraze: It's for them Fraze: But I don't give a fuck any more Bea: They can't actually stop us Bea: anyone Fraze: I didn't want my Ma to get any shit from the social or whoever & I don't but Fraze: I don't owe her shit Fraze: She dodged enough bullets when me and Joe were kids and she knows it Bea: Me either, obviously Bea: I owe her more but Bea: it's no one's business, it's so stupid Bea: we aren't related Fraze: Like I said, you were mine first Fraze: None of 'em would know you if I didn't Fraze: They don't get to tell me what I can do Bea: Why do I like when you say that Fraze: 'Cause it's right Bea: Yeah Bea: You're mine too Fraze: Yeah Bea: It's so surreal Fraze: I can pinch you if you want Fraze: It ain't a dream though Bea: You're an idiot Fraze: A fool for you, like Fraze: That's it Bea: [lols] Bea: well done 😏 Fraze: Smarter than you reckon Bea: You know that's not how I mean it Fraze: You're the only one who don't underestimate me Bea: 'cos I'M not stupid either Bea: and I know you Fraze: You're the smartest person I know Fraze: Not just smart for a girl Bea: You better not call me anything just for a girl Fraze: I just said I ain't that stupid Bea: Clever boy Fraze: 😏 Bea: [let them be there now] Fraze: [thank god how much more can they handle] Bea: [whaddya reckon Joe, stay or go?] Fraze: [if I was him I wouldn't wanna go, no shade boy] Fraze: If there's any shit from my Ma about where we're going or been, shut up & let me take it, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: but I'll spare some time for thinking up a decent excuse if I can Fraze: Not loads though Fraze: Just 'cause we ain't on borrowed don't mean I don't want it all still Bea: You know I need all your time too Fraze: I know what you need Fraze: Come on Bea: [run off into the sunset] Fraze: [god bless] Fraze: [When you're trusted to go to the arcade because you've been looking after Rocky loads this hol & doing your sneaky shit very much on the low + Joe the shameless fave and responsible golden boy is going] Bea: [get on it with all those fun games] Fraze: [when you competitive af] Bea: [but it's fun 'cos the prizes are crap and the couple who win together] Fraze: [Gotta also win her something like my boo did for me though even if its not as cute as Sunshine] Bea: [big flex] Fraze: [Joe can win something for his girlfriend too, god bless] Bea: [and be having not a totally shit time for once] Fraze: [Lowkey having a good time with your bro cos you can be competitive and take the piss and pretend like you don't like him so no pressure] Bea: [when you're happy 'bout that on the low 'cos not about the awkwardness but not your place to be trying to #fixit, let them be playing some game so you can wander off] Fraze: [killing some zombies with your brother like your my brother & dad] Bea: [enter local fuckboys] Fraze: [When you must be having a good time cos you ain't noticed your bae is gone & you normally would] Bea: [just doing that thing of humouring but not encouraging you know the drill Fraze: [When you finally realise the bae ain't about so you check in #boyfriend] Fraze: Where are you? Bea: outside, having a smoke Fraze: Cheers for the invite, like Bea: You were having fun 🔫 Bea: you could come now though Fraze: I've won now so be right there Bea: Um can you mean now as in right now, not to be dramatic Fraze: What's going on? Bea: [doesn't reply 'cos drama] Fraze: Bea Fraze: [Comes to find her because when does she not talk to him ever] Bea: [These lads being aggro 'cos she's smacked the letchy one] Fraze: [When he's just gonna fight them all on his own cos that bitch like no get Joe to help you boy] Bea: [let's assume he'll hear 'cos squad] Fraze: [just two bros beating up dickheads together like old times, love it] Bea: [ha gotem] Fraze: [this squad are taking your shit squads tickets & money cos deserved thank you] Bea: [get sweets and toys for the kids with those tix] Fraze: [Especially Rocky cos fave] Bea: [no sweets for you baby boy] Fraze: [toy that you'll probably try and swallow though] Fraze: Talk to me Bea: I'm good Fraze: You ain't allowed to lie to me, remember Fraze: So you better not be Bea: Or what? Bea: I'm not not good Fraze: You wanna test that now, yeah? One fight not enough for you Bea: You'll have to go a harder if you want a smack Fraze: You got another one in you? Bea: You taking the piss? Bea: there was loads of them Fraze: Nah, I ain't Fraze: I just reckon if you can swing for me then you're alright Bea: I'm not hurt Fraze: Good Fraze: Don't be pissed off at me for checking Bea: I ain't Bea: but you don't need to Fraze: I know but I wanna Bea: Alright Fraze: You don't need me to look after you but that don't mean I won't, like Fraze: I'm never gonna let anyone hurt you Bea: I said thanks to you both, like Bea: and meant it Fraze: Yeah, I heard it Bea: well then Fraze: Nah, fuck that then Bea: don't make a fuss Bea: I ain't Fraze: Don't tell me what to do Bea: for God's sake Bea: do what you want but why bother Fraze: 'Cause you think you can pat me on the head and then put me back in my fucking box Fraze: Like we ain't so far fucking past that Bea: That ain't what I'm doing Bea: Idk what you want me to say Bea: boys are dicks, end of Fraze: One thing that ain't bullshit maybe Fraze: Jesus Bea: Fuck's sake, not right now Bea: not with Joe Fraze: [Sends him off with the money to get them something to drink a la my dream and gives her a look like well that's that solved] Bea: Such a smartass Fraze: So stop treating me like I'm my thick cunt of a brother Bea: [just makes a noise like 'rude!'] Fraze: [gives her a look like come on cos he knows she ain't chill about any of this] Bea: [shrugs, 'they were just dickheads, you sorted it'] Fraze: [shrugs back 'I don't give a shit about them'] Bea: ['me either'] Fraze: ['I ain't asking about them either, don't act like you don't know that'] Bea: [blood from a stone, soz boy, 'Come on, this is boring'] Fraze: [I hope you've got a sleeve he can pull on because that's the mood here so he can kiss her because unspoken things might work why not] Bea: [when you're going too hard 'cos your mood] Fraze: [when you're letting it happen cos you just wanna make her feel better] Bea: [when you gotta stop yourself from being that person but then you can't even look at him just like 'sorry'] Fraze: [when you pulling the bae closer to you if possible & you do the chin lift thing so she has to look at you because eye contact forever 'Don't. Fuck sorry.'] Bea: [shakes head and pulls away, 'no, it's fucked up.'] Fraze: [Shakes his own head. 'Like I ain't never done a fucked up thing.' Looks at her intensely 'Fuck normal, remember?'] Bea: ['Not to me, anyway, it ain't a free pass'] Fraze: ['I ain't hurt'] Bea: [Gives him a look 'cos using her words against her] Fraze: [Says her name softly and with feeling because I refuse to let you say ILY rn boy I don't care if you wanna] Bea: [Actually looks at him for a hot sec] Fraze: ['What do you want?' Doesn't need to elaborate because he knows she knows whatever it is he'll make it happen so just a look] Bea: [sitting and thinking in silence for a bit 'cos good question] Fraze: [🚬 while he sits and waits but passing it back and forth between them cos #mood] Bea: ['I just wanna- I don't know, for it to not even be a big deal, seriously, that's all I want'] Fraze: ['Yeah but it's always gonna be a big deal to me. Like, if someone even looked at you wrong that's gonna piss me off. Not 'cause you can't handle it or any of that bullshit but 'cause you're mine. End of.'] Bea: [grabs his hand 'but you got to fix it, you got to deal with it, like'] Fraze: ['I told you, they don't fucking matter. You do. And I can't do shit to make this really go away, can I?'] Bea: [laughs like yeah that's what I've been avoiding saying here] Fraze: [Pulls her up. 'Fuck this. Come on.' Cos taking her somewhere else to do something else that isn't this] Bea: ['What?'] Fraze: [Some handholding for Winnie & because it's allowed at a time like this] Bea: ['Just forget about it, okay?' pushing her forehead to his] Fraze: [Smiles at her genuinely. 'That's the plan, babe' & off they go again cos he on a mission] Bea: ['We don't wanna wait for the drink then? And Joe, like...'] Fraze: [Gives her a look like he'll come to us cos cocky forever] Bea: [shrugs and goes with it 'cos why not] Fraze: [Takes her to the beach where it's late enough by now there aren't loads of peeps about considering it ain't peak summer. Chucks a bucket & spade at her that some kid has left behind and lies down. 'Go on, bury me then'] Bea: [laughs 'have you actually lost it or? kneels down beside him] Fraze: [It's that or tunneling out but that ain't gonna shut me up much, like & I've seen enough prison shit to know it ain't foolproof enough for us either' Shrugs and closes his eyes] Bea: ['Not got any insurance I can cash in on, have ya?' genuinely smiling and when he opens his eyes again she'd be leaning over him 'such a dork' and a real kiss] Fraze: ['No point, invincible basically. Do your worst. His eyes widen (in that second before you have to close them again so you don't look like a mental person kissing with your eyes open) because not expecting that and lowkey undone by the realness always a little bit] Bea: [we know what 'bouta ensue] Fraze: [Don't hurry back Joe but do come back eventually cos I care about you babe] Bea: [Oh Joe, this is the worst holiday lmao] Fraze: [I hope he has got a girlfriend and Bea weren't wrong cos needs some happiness in his life damn] Bea: [in my head she probably just fancies him but nothing is being done about it lol] Fraze: [I love my future junkie son] Bea: [he's less of a relationship boy, like he'd have loads of little ones 'cos he'd start and then be distant and not what normal girls want in a boyf 'cos soz not here for your drama he's got more on his mind lol] Fraze: [what a mood, meanwhile I hope you two are gonna wait for him and not fuck off again cos rude] Bea: [when it's gon be obvious like how you sorting yourself out here lads] Fraze: [god bless, gonna have to get yourself to that shower block speedy before he returns] Bea: [look of love forever 'cos ily curse] Fraze: [likewise] Bea: [when you're like 'we should move' but don't 'cos #mood] Fraze: [when you only move closer to her despite knowing damn well that ain't what she meant] Bea: [when you ain't complaining, 'I miss not being able to touch you when other people are around'] Fraze: ['You can do whatever you want. We can.'] Bea: ['In theory'] Fraze: ['In reality, as long as you don't give a fuck about anything except what you want.'] Bea: ['That's the problem, ain't it. We already said, I can't get your parents in shit so...just how it's gotta be'] Fraze: ['And I already said, fuck them. I can always repeat it if it weren't clear enough though, like.'] Bea: [Just looking at him like, we know it ain't that simple, 'how it is is good though- isn't it?'] Fraze: [Gives her a look back like they can't stop us cos true and he knows it. But then gives a softer look & reassuring touch because obvs. 'Course. I told you, I wouldn't change any of it up to now. But that don't mean we can't have more.'] Bea: [big sigh but a weary smile 'cos still happy it's just a lot 'yeah'] Fraze: ['I love you, I wanna be able to do that properly, you know. So I will. I'll figure it out.'] Bea: [just quiet for ages 'cos he said it but you don't know if you should make it a Thing TM so but then you hit him with a 'We will' and the most MOST kiss] Fraze: [let's just let them have a make out moment on this empty beach thank you] Bea: [when you in love aw] Fraze: [don't worry babies you're gonna have it all] Bea: [after a while, have Joe show] Fraze: [thirdwheeling harder than ever but at least he has booze] Bea: [partayyy] Fraze: [watch the sunset kids live your best life] Bea: [but you should probably be back home soon lmao you children Fraze: [you know they gonna be late back and Tess will be like 😒] Bea: [ignoring all those mum texts 'til she threaten on rolling up] Fraze: [I'm cackling, don't test her kids she 100% would] Bea: [when you're gonna sneak away still though when they asleep heheh] Fraze: [god bless all the empty caravans because you're lowkey the only tourists] Bea: [gonna text as much hold up lol] Bea: tonight Bea: you wanna go back out when they're asleep Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Joe might not stay up half the fucking night if we let him neck most of this Bea: He won't dob us in anyway Bea: not saying tell him where we're going but you know Bea: long as they're asleep, that's the main thing Bea: and we don't fall asleep in some random caravan, like 😂 Fraze: You over your crush on him now then, yeah? Fraze: We'll set an alarm before we fall asleep, not that fucking stupid, like Bea: You're full of shit Bea: I never had a crush on him, please Fraze: You better not have Bea: I don't do crushes Fraze: Alright Bea: You don't believe me? Fraze: If I didn't, I'd say you were full of shit too Bea: I don't, this isn't an American teen drama Bea: can see when someone's good looking or not but not gonna write their name on my notebook or something Fraze: 😂 Bea: What Bea: why you laughing at me Fraze: Just thinking I'd be fucked if that's what I bought you all them pens and shit for Bea: Unlucky Bea: don't know what to tell you Bea: still draw you if you like, that's something Fraze: Yeah, it'll be something with with me as your model Bea: Could be Bea: got the height for it Fraze: Keep it in mind as far as future careers go then Bea: Can't be bad Fraze: You're fucked unless you're gonna grow like a foot in the next couple of years Bea: Yeah, thanks for that Bea: twat 😂 Fraze: I don't want all them cunts looking at you on a fucking giant advert by the side of the road anyway Bea: but I've just got to deal, have I? Bea: 🙄 Bea: they're less fussy about girl models height anyway, depending Bea: loads of them are barely over 5'5 Fraze: Fair, if you're hot you're hot Fraze: Not gonna get a fucking tape measure out if you've got any sense Fraze: Not for girls anyway Bea: Less about hot more about clothes horse Bea: no offense Fraze: Depends what kind of model you are Bea: You gonna get your kit off, are you Fraze: Could do Bea: 😑 Fraze: Cheers for the vote of confidence, babe Fraze: Good job I don't need it Bea: You said I couldn't Bea: not gonna stroke your ego over it Fraze: I said I didn't want you to Fraze: I ain't telling you what you can & can't do other than giving my brother the fucking eye Bea: Whatever Bea: I don't want to be a stupid model Fraze: Me either Fraze: Just keeping my options open Bea: Good for you Bea: smart Fraze: Island ain't gonna buy itself, like Bea: You know Fraze: Yeah Bea: [silent drankin] Fraze: [what a mood] Bea: swear whoever Joe got to buy this pocketed some of that money Fraze: Should've gone ourselves Bea: Yeah Bea: no getting pissed tonight Fraze: Do you wanna? Bea: Don't matter Bea: I'm good Fraze: If it didn't matter I wouldn't have asked Bea: Well Bea: either way we ain't Bea: not like I need to Fraze: We could Fraze: Ain't like I've never stole shit before Bea: I know Bea: I've been there plenty of times too Bea: I don't wanna though Bea: was just saying Fraze: & I'm just saying I ain't lost my touch Fraze: In case you forgot Bea: Alright Bea: plenty other ways to prove that Fraze: If I had anything to prove, yeah there are Bea: You're welcome Fraze: Am I? Bea: Yeah Fraze: Alright Fraze: Cheers Bea: 👌 Fraze: [drinking while you give a 'good talk' kinda look lol] Bea: [being like Imma go get ready for bed and leaving the bros] Fraze: [when you can't follow her even if you wanna] Bea: wake me up when you're in or they're sleeping, whichevers first Fraze: You'll hear me Fraze: Don't have to sneak in, only out Bea: Maybe don't wake the baby though 😏 Fraze: I'll put him back to sleep in a sec if I do Fraze: Had loads of practice now Bea: You're a pro now yeah Fraze: It ain't hard, you said it yourself first time we babysat him Bea: Still Bea: don't get too cocky or you'll be on babysitter duties for life Fraze: We've done such a decent job I reckon that's a danger already Bea: It's alright, only need to drop him on his head once and we're in the clear again Fraze: 😂 Bea: Probably be more annoying when he's older if we actually though so you know Bea: just pretend Fraze: It don't matter we'll be long moved out by then & too drunk at every family gathering to give a shit Bea: True Bea: Poor boy is gonna be smothered Fraze: Sounds like a murder plot in the making Fraze: Did you want me to be on board? Bea: 😂 Bea: Not what I meant Bea: we'll be gone, remember Bea: just him and your 'rents Fraze: Assuming none of the others aren't still about freeloading Bea: Give them the benefit of the doubt Fraze: Whatever Bea: Saying I will Bea: not gonna be that much of a bitch and predict their futures for 'em quite yet Fraze: Give it a few more years before you commit to it Fraze: I know how much you hate being wrong Bea: How'd you know that Bea: Never am, like Fraze: Other than every time you've called me an idiot, like Fraze: 'Course Bea: I only ever said it as an observation Bea: not fact Fraze: An observation that's wrong Fraze: 'Cause I never am Bea: Personal opinion, McKenna Fraze: You're last naming me now, yeah? Fraze: My personal opinion is you're full of shit, babe Bea: No one likes a smartarse, babe Fraze: Wrong again Fraze: I'm well popular Bea: Egotistical bastards too Fraze: You including yourself in that? Bea: Was saying no one likes those either Bea: but if the shoes fits, I guess Fraze: When did you get so concerned about what everyone else likes? Fraze: Christ knows I couldn't give less of a fuck Bea: You're the one that's so popular Fraze: What's your point? Bea: You clearly care a bit Fraze: Nah Fraze: Just that impressive Fraze: I've told you that before Bea: God Bea: you're so irritating Fraze: Go to bed then Fraze: That's what you fucked off to do Bea: I am Fraze: Really slowly Bea: I have a routine Fraze: You'd probably get it done sooner if you shut up Bea: fuck off Bea: no one's making you reply Fraze: Just an observation, babe Fraze: & why wouldn't I reply? I'm not the one who left Fraze: Gutted if you expected me to use this time for brotherly bonding or some shit Bea: what are you even doing then Bea: sat in silence? Fraze: Like that's unheard of in this family all of a sudden Bea: You've both had a drink you should at least be able to do smalltalk no Fraze: What am I gonna waste my time chatting shit to him for? You've got that covered Bea: I'm going to bed, remember Bea: that's the whole point Fraze: You're still here though Fraze: That's my point Fraze: Why did you even go? Bea: 'Cos you were playing a game together before all that stuff happened Bea: so you're still capable Bea: that's why Fraze: Fuck off Bea: What Fraze: I don't need you playing games with me to bring about some fucking reunion Bea: Don't make it sound malicious when I'm just trying to fix what I started Bea: we could've still been there if it weren't for that nonsense Fraze: & I really don't need you to fucking fix me Fraze: Jesus Bea: Where Bea: where did I say that Bea: you aren't listening Fraze: Say something worth listening to instead of trying to act like a few hours of him tagging along & me being in a decent enough mood not to kick the shit out of him means any more than that Bea: Fine Bea: Whatever makes you happy Fraze: Don't Bea: Sure Bea: I'll go Bea: Enjoy your silence Fraze: Yeah 'cause I clearly will now Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: This ain't about me & you as good as admitted it just then Bea: I know it isn't Fraze: Don't fucking use me to try and make yourself feel better for shit that wasn't even your fault in the first place Bea: All I'm saying is don't let it ruin a perfectly good evening by making everything so serious Fraze: Fuck that Bea: Whatever Fraze: Any more bullshit you wanna throw at me to see if it sticks or can I go? Bea: Go Bea: I'm over this conversation Fraze: At least we feel the same way about something Bea: Thank god yeah Fraze: Never been more relieved, like Fraze: Goodnight Bea: Night, Fraze Fraze: Joe's heading back, if he don't make it, send out a search party or whatever Bea: None of us are that wasted sadly Bea: but will do Bea: what are you doing Fraze: Like he needs an excuse to not be paying attention to where the fuck he is or when Fraze: Christ knows but I know what I ain't & that's following him Bea: True but I figure warm bed tops being vague right now Bea: was freezing Fraze: Maybe Fraze: We'll see if he shows up in a sec or nah Fraze: You will anyway Bea: I'm not going to stand on the porch like your mother, sorry Fraze: I bet he's proper devvo on that Fraze: I meant you'd hear him Fraze: Or my ma kicking off about how late she reckons it is at least Bea: Obviously Bea: but our love is strictly forbidden now so he'll have to deal Fraze: Didn't stop me or you Fraze: He could grow a pair after winning that fight earlier Bea: Fingers crossed, even more obviously Bea: he's here anyway Fraze: Good for him Fraze: You can sleep soundly now knowing it too Bea: You're the one making me check in with you Bea: but sure Fraze: 'Cause I don't want the blame if he didn't show when he was meant to Bea: Alright Bea: bullshit but fine Fraze: Not my bullshit Fraze: Just the way my parents minds work Bea: Maybe Bea: but if you were really worried wouldn't you be here yourself Fraze: It's 'cause I ain't it'd be my fault 'cause I'm gone & so he's then they'd reckon we're together even though we ain't gone off together anywhere in years Fraze: But he's back so I don't have to give a fuck Bea: Exactly, so you're still gonna get in trouble for being late Fraze: When have I ever been home on time Fraze: They never do fuck all about it Bea: Okay then Bea: your night's your own Bea: good luck finding something entertaining Fraze: Cheers Bea: 👍 Fraze: You can go you don't have to sit there emoji-iing at me Bea: I'm saying night it's not a big deal is it Fraze: It's been said Fraze: So it's a waste of time Fraze: Why would you want that? Bea: You think I fall asleep soon as I hit the pillow? Fraze: Clearly not part of your routine Fraze: I ain't that stupid however much you wanna treat me like it Bea: You're being it right now Fraze: Stupid would be pretending I can be alone in a caravan full of fucking people Fraze: So nah, I ain't Bea: Stop talking then, if you really want to be alone so bad Fraze: Stop talking if you're not gonna say what you really wanna say Bea: and what do I really wanna say then Fraze: If I knew that I wouldn't give a fuck if you said it or not, would I? Bea: Suppose not Fraze: But there's something or you'd have put your phone down & left it there by now Fraze: I know when you're done with a conversation, like earlier & when you ain't, like now Bea: I've already asked multiple times Bea: but you don't have an answer so what else am I meant to do but wait Fraze: That's bullshit Fraze: We both know I'm the kind of cunt who has an answer for everything Bea: Not a good one, then Fraze: Since when do they have to be good Bea: since you want me to leave Fraze: I don't Bea: You keep telling me to so Fraze: That's what you want Fraze: Your fucking bright idea to salvage my night or whatever Bea: Well that got fucked however long ago now didn't it Fraze: Yeah Bea: Just come back for fuck's sake Fraze: Alright Bea: I'll meet you Bea: let's just go now Fraze: You know how much shit we could get in for that, yeah? Bea: Yeah Fraze: We can just stick to the original plan, like Fraze: They'll have to go to sleep once my ma's had a go at me Bea: Sure Fraze: Or you could wait for me on the porch, that did sound decent Bea: 😂 Bea: Better than your actual mum, yeah Bea: not much of a compliment is it Fraze: You can take it as one Fraze: Come on Fraze: You know I really wanna see you Bea: You do? Fraze: 'Course Bea: Are you still mad Fraze: You reckon I can stay mad at you? Bea: You can try Fraze: Not gonna for that bullshit Bea: Don't Bea: we'll have a better time together Fraze: Yeah Bea: if we can't go now Bea: at least come to my room just for a second Fraze: Nothing we can't do, babe Fraze: I know you ain't forgot Bea: then do Bea: I wanna see you Fraze: Are you still mad at me? Bea: Only for not being here already Fraze: Timed getting here well then Fraze: Come 🚬 before I have to go in Bea: I don't wanna Bea: [when you mean smoke rn so you obvs come out anyway] Fraze: [When you obviously weren't arsed either because you aren't smoking when she comes out it was just a shameless excuse cos you've had like no time alone today and you know you ain't gonna get long now but you gotta take what you can get before you can sneak off] Bea: [Have at it kiddos] Fraze: [When you just know he's gonna say ILY again because it's out there now RIP] Bea: [dies] Fraze: [When you're having the most intense make out ever like your fam isn't literally right there basically] Bea: [seriously you better hope they ain't curtain twitching bois] Fraze: [not a convo you wanna have rn or ever if you could help it] Bea: [gather your courage to go get shouted at by your mum lol] Fraze: [when you keep having really good 'last' kisses that then aren't] Bea: [no chill ever how have you not been caught frankly] Fraze: [literally only cos Rocky is a baby & keeping everyone busy] Bea: [real MVP wutwut] Fraze: [When you know he ain't gonna listen to a damn word Tess said cos too distracted soz babe] Bea: [when does he ever, or like any of these kids #mumlife] Fraze: [At least he wouldn't be talking back and kicking off like he mostly does you can have that one for free] Bea: [that's your first clue gurl] Fraze: [she'd 100000% think he had a girlfriend just not Bea obvs] Bea: [hawkward] Fraze: [An appropriate amount of time passes for a Tess Vickers Lecture TM] Bea: How was it Fraze: Standard Bea: You don't need comforting then? Shame 😏 Fraze: For the fact this holiday ain't close to over yet, I do though Bea: Are you telling me you'd rather be at School? Bea: Have to get that in writing or the teachers will never believe it Fraze: I'd rather be bunking off with you but if you wanna spread that rumour the teachers'll be thrilled, like Bea: 😂 Bea: I'd rather that too Fraze: Good Fraze: I miss you Bea: I miss you more Fraze: Count to a 100 and let's fucking go then Bea: 75 Bea: final offer Fraze: 95 & we don't come back til morning Bea: Ugh Bea: okay Bea: but don't get comfortable with me giving in to you Fraze: It's more fun when you try really hard not to Bea: Shut up Bea: if I have to count to 95, I need to focus here Fraze: Not like I said do it backwards Bea: can up it if you keep taking the piss boy Fraze: No you can't Fraze: You don't wanna wait any longer than I do Bea: I don't Bea: but you know I will Fraze: Yeah but don't Bea: Then be nice to me Fraze: Keep counting Fraze: You know I will Bea: How nice Fraze: How nice do you want? Bea: well, don't be boring, like Fraze: Wrong brother there, babe Bea: Don't start on that Bea: be telling me I'm fantasizing next 🙄 Fraze: I'm just saying, I couldn't be boring if both our lives depended on it Fraze: Well, maybe if yours did Fraze: For a sec, to save you, like Bea: Very noble Bea: must be love Fraze: Yeah Bea: Okay Bea: that's 95 Fraze: Come on then

[frogsandfries]

I'm so distracted today

I've been kinda angsty since watching the latter half of Steven Universe Future, irritated with my partner for what I perceive as him wanting to be Greg, to be unhappy with the status quo and want to raise a kid in unorthodox ways.

I think we kinda came to a conclusion that I'm upset and scared about how hurt I was by someone who didn't care how much they were hurting me, and I'm so deep in my trauma, I don't have the mental energy left over to be unorthodox in raising my kid/s. I need to give them a much more stable foundation than I had so that I can survive my trauma without forcing my kid/s to work through my trauma.

Ugh. My partner even suggested that somehow my dad's parasite was at some point damaged by the idea that people are replaceable, which to him explains why she thought her children weren't hers when the government gave them back to her. My partner suggests that the reason my dad stays with her could be her thoughts about "replaceability". I dunno. It's not...... the parent's place to force their trauma onto their children.

I got more into the episode where Steven sees Dr. Maheswaren, and she points out that he hasn't been given any time to recover from each trauma. I reframed it in my own experiences "there was the time she accused someone of putting their ass (her word) through her windshield, even though there was nothing wrong with her car at the point she was talking about it. There was the time she told me about people having orgies in her apartment and leaving parasitic worms in her bed. There was the time her younger sister told me that a semi trailer on a tiny, small-town street, was full of men who wanted to rape her and my cousin".

Nobody really ever asked me if I was okay. No one ever told me that her level of screaming at us was not okay. No one ever convinced her to stop screaming at us, least of all the one person who should have put their kids above even the person with whom those children were created. My childhood was one trauma after the next, and now my partner is asking or suggesting that we should raise our child/ren in such an experimental, unorthodox way and all I can say is, I'm barely ready to set my trauma aside to give my child the best chance at doing better in life than my parents gave me the foundation to do.

If I raise my child/ren to be out of diapers by the time they're walking, and to transition smoothly and confidently from bottles to sippies to eating solids and drinking out of a cup. If I get my kid/s their license by the time they're sixteen and give them the foundation to start their own small business or get a part time job before they graduate high school. If my child/ren can choose for themselves whether they want to go to college, or travel Europe or South America, or study a trade, or just work or focus on their small business. If they have a foundation to rent their first apartment before they're twenty-five or confidently, decisively choose to continue living with their parents.

If my children recognize and avoid unhealthy romantic partnerships. If my children have the foundation to talk to me about anything and everything.

Then I think I'll consider them successful.

I want to do some hand writing today.

I want to work on a cookbook that I've been wanting to work on for ages now, but I don't have any of the paper that I want to use, let alone any of my gel pens. I could use this little shopping notebook that we have. It wouldn't necessarily be a waste of time or energy. It would be cheap enough to replace if I filled it.

I can't get the perspective right in this one particular linework I'm trying to work on.

I had a lot of trouble getting air yesterday. I'm having a lot of difficulty adjusting to life at altitude with my asthma. I would question if that's what's causing me to be hair-brained, but I know myself. I have days like this.

I think I'm gonna bust out the Parker and write down some of my collected recipes.

[adlag]

Wkwkwkwkwk gila gila gilaaaa I thought this was over. Screenshot isn't really related to anything, just the pandangan pertama thing that really irks me because that perfectly described how it was in high school hahahahah but anyways.

I didn't think it would affect me this long? High school was over in more than four years. You've had your life, I've had my life, we've parted ways, and logically you should be the one more affected by this cause I was always the one who left.

I'm not even sure if that's the way it's still affecting me? I'm not sure if I still want you in any way. I do miss how it used to be; or rather, how I wanted it to be; sometimes. I think about how comfortable and familiar it felt to be around you... but then I thought, was I ever comfortable? I felt dizzy... y'know, all those cliché description about being lovestruck, I experienced all those. I usually describe it more as... feeling sick. Heart racing like it's dropping all the way to your stomach kind of feeling. Hell, I still experienced that when I saw you at the graduation ceremony.

Alright, maybe I can partially explain that by not knowing that you're gonna be there, maybe I was also surprised? But... zain's funeral... I knew you were gonna be there. I knew we were probably gonna talk. I still had that teenlit heart race shit going.

Perhaps you were always just a thought. I seem to fall harder for those than for the actual person. I'm not even sure if all these years, I actually knew you. You are not who I painted you as in my thoughts, in those... daydreams I still think about even when we were actually dating. I never got the chance to know who you actually were, how you actually were, because we didn't hang out that much. We barely met outside of online chats, despite being together for almost a year (and me going back and forth in the whole friends with benefits thing for, I dunno, definitely more than a year).

Maybe it's the trauma. It's kind of uncomfortable for me to say "trauma". It almost makes it like I was the only victim; I'm the only one hurt, you're the only one doing the hurting. Now I'm not sure that's the case.

Biasanya aku bisa bilang, dua duanya salah. Situasinya, waktu dan tempatnya, yang salah. Mungkin akunya juga terlalu begini, terlalu begitu. Mungkin kamunya juga udah capek, udah nggak betah sama partner yang terlalu begini begitu.

But for now, I can't negate the fact that something was definitely wrong. Something was definitely wrong, and it's still haunting me even until now.

So, I watched Midsommar a few weeks ago. You have probably heard of it as a horror movie that has just come out recently, maybe you've heard your friends talk about it.

Well, most likely you haven't. I know a thing or two about you, at least, and it is that you don't like horror movies. I don't think your friends do either.

Most people can't continue watching the movie because of all the gore happening in the movie; people jumping off cliffs and dying, blood splatters, corpses. I've watched the movie twice so far, in the cinema and illegally, because the one playing at the cinema was heavily censored. I tried to watch it the third time, after downloading the director's cut that people said gives more insight into the dynamics of the main character's relationship with her boyfriend.

I couldn't continue watching in the first twenty minutes of the movie after a scene depicting their fight.

She was trying to start a conversation with him in hope that she knows more about the whole Sweden trip, and minutes later she's crying telling him that she's sorry for being a burden and bringing that up because she's gone through hard times and he's... silent. Just silent.

Few days before that I saw a review saying that Midsommar perfectly depicted gaslighting in a relationship.

Throughout the movie I saw her second guessing herself all the time, worrying if maybe she's asking for too much, maybe she's a handful to deal with, maybe she's bringing him down. I saw her suffering alone, crying until she could barely breathe; but he's never there with her. She didn't want him there even when he offered because she probably figured that he didn't want to be there. Hell, he doesn't even look present while comforting her after her parents and her sister died in the murder suicide.

Midsommar... brought up a lot of painful issues in myself that I still don't want to admit.

I remember that in the beginning of the movie, she was talking on the phone crying to her friend that she might be asking for too much from him. Her friend replied that it's the bare minimum. That's what partners should do, at least. Be there for you.

Sigh.

Vio, it's been four years; six, if you want to count from the year we broke up. We've crossed ways several times, but now we're both going on our own way after our own thing...

You've apologized to me once or twice, mainly for being too harsh when you started dating my best friend. I'm sorry, I still can't forgive you even until now.

I still can't forgive you for being so absent through our time together. The beginning of high school and 11th grade were still one of the hardest times I've experienced, and I felt so, so horribly lonely. I still can't forgive you for not being there. For making me feel very small and worthless, for making me second guess myself all the time, for making me feel guilty that I ask for too much but for God's sake, you never even treated me as someone important even though I would gladly give the world and more for you.

So much time has passed since then. We both probably have grown a lot since our time together, and now I've found myself in my current relationship. Bit by bit I understand how it's supposed to be, how it's like to have someone who appreciates you, supports you, and listens to you.

Even now I still feel bits of our time together showing up. I still have so much doubt about myself, about my boyfriend, and about the relationship in particular. I still think that he'll leave me the first chance he sees, I still feel like I walk on eggshells even when there's nothing to worry. I still feel like a handful and I still dread having to disclose my problems to him, I'm scared that he'll be sick of me, he'll be bored of me. I'm still alarmed whenever he doesn't show interest when I talk about sex because that's what I would desperately bring up to you to catch your attention, and otherwise you wouldn't care about me at all.

Maybe one day I can be at peace with this. Either way, I would still wish you well. I'm glad you're chasing what you wanted to do for a living, and I hope you'll find your happiness.

Maybe one day this will stop haunting me. I used to be frustrated that I'll never figure out how you truly felt about me, but now I feel that it doesn't matter anymore. We don't cross paths anymore, and I think it's for the better.

Maybe one day I'll laugh and say it's all in the past and it's alright, but I'm sorry, for now I still can't forgive you.

#5

[kaaras-adaar-a]

all evens for the 69 embarrassing questions >u> cause I'm an ass

CONT: (for…. both???? on that last question?????)

69 Embarrassing Questions

// Because this is going to get long… >.> 

2. Who’s you fictional crush/squish?

Rofl mine? I love a lot of fictional characters, including some of your guys muses and my own XDDD So, lots and lots! But Sigourney Weaver is like my celeb crush hahaha. As for Kaaras, he’s got a thing for the Hero of Ferelden and most Hawke’s XD Basically anyone who saved the world in some way :3 

4. Worst insult you’ve ever given?

Both Kaaras and I have been bullied since young ages, so we’ve both been called many, many things. For me, I just don’t give a damn anymore. For Kaaras, racism doesn’t really get to him much anymore, or calling him an ox and a savage. Now it’s things like calling him selfish. Because, rofl…. he’s not. XD 

6. How did you find out about sex?

Primary school, sex books or something me and my friends found. Lol, yeah! XD Nothing interesting. I never had THE TALK thank fuck. For Kaaras, it was all very… later on in life. His mother didn’t tell him much because she wasn’t very comfortable with telling him, and his father was dead by then so… Kaaras learned by talking to others about it, which… was overall awkward and embarrassing. He’s still very ignorant on a lot of things. XD 

8. Worst Phobia?

For me, COCKROACHES DXXXX doifjgodifjgodifjg nope. For Kaaras, moths, but also failing people, losing loved ones, etc. 

10. Ever been arrested?

I have not, Kaaras has been–twice. 

12. Who would you let die if given the chance to save them?

Things like these are never that easy to predict, tbh. Because they are very in the moment, and I doubt anything like this will happen in my boring life, lol. As for Kaaras, he’d always try and save someone unless they were a lost cause. :’D 

14. Something silly you believed as a kid?

EVERYTHING, lol. God, I dunno… Kaaras thought boys had periods, too. XDDD 

Controversial role models?

N/A for me. The Maker, for Kaaras, lol. 

Cringiest thing you’ve shipped?

I’m pretty particular on my ships, and generally only ship them if I feel that they have good chemistry and would WORK as a couple without being obnoxiously abusive. I like to give them backgrounds and fill in blanks and well… yeah, make them work for their relationship, not just put two random people together, lol. I go hard or go home basically. 

What helps you fall asleep?

Kaaras is a lucky bastard who falls asleep like as soon as he hits the pillow -_- Mod is one of those people who can lay in bed for HOURS before he falls asleep. So… Robot Unicorn Attack 2 helps some nights XD Maybe a cuppa tea an hour or so before bed time? 

What’s your age?

I am 26, Kaaras is 29

Honest opinion on religion?

Kaaras is a little more devout than I am, but we both are more agnostic if anything, brought up on heavier religions (I’m Catholic and he’s Andrastian). We’ve both struggled with religion, miserable pasts, etc, so… We both kind of believe that your own beliefs are your own. Look, so long as no one is shoving it down our throats and hurting people over it, then you can believe in whatever you want. Just don’t be an arsehole over it. Overall, though, Kaaras has much more faith than I do. 

How would you describe your smile?

Dorky and stupid… Kaaras’ is also dorky and stupid, but it’s also a sweet, kind loving smile and I adore when he smiles. He has smile lines and I am JEALOUS! My cheeks are all pudge and his are all wicked looking :O 

Ever dropped plans/projects and not said a word?

Kaaras? FUCK NO! Me? I have no idea… *walks away from meme like it was never asked* lol XD No, I’m generally pretty good, but there have been times I’ve worked on art or a fic and just dropped it. 

Personality Type?

I am INTJ, Kaaras is ENFJ 

Would you wear pajama’s in public?

Have done so in the past, and continue to do so, especially on a fast food run XDDD Kaaras has, yes, but he also just wears sleep pants and no shirt, so it’s nothing embarrassing. XD 

Pineapples on pizza????

I dig it. :) Kaaras won’t say no to food XD 

Do you have a dark sense of humour?

HAHAHA fuck yes. If anyone knows me… they know ;) Kaaras is pretty easy to make laugh, so… I guess? In a sense? Probably not so much as me, though. I’m definitely worse and more evil. 

Top or bottom?

Kaaras is a switch during sex. 

Pettiest thing you’ve cried over?

Hmm… probably a lot of dumb shit when I was super depressed. Depression warps everything and makes the smallest things feel like the biggest. As for Kaaras, I’m not sure. Probably a really nice gesture someone did for him

Longest time you’ve cried?

Either when my partner went back to America or during basically my 3+ year long depression >.> Kaaras, definitely when his father died. 

Do you have a fandom OC?

Yeeeesss. *points to Kaaras and family* XDD I have some Transformers ones as well, and a Lion King Hyena. Mass Effect, Aliens... yeah, I have a few haha. 

Have you ever used a base for drawing?

Absolutely! There’s no shame in using ref and bases, so long as you always give credit. I haven’t used a base in YEARS, though. They come in handy for beginners, especially. :) 

Controversial opinion?

Skipping because I have work soon and am not quick enough at typing to get this one XD 

Chest or genitals?

We’re both way more arse men lol. 

Any scars?

Yeah, but nothing significant. Kaaras’ are more significant. Across his nose and bottom lip from the night his dad died. Appendix removal scar, bear teeth on his shoulder and dragon claws on his side. 

url for an old cringy social media account?

Oof... I honestly DON’T know? Once I joined deviantART, I kept night-stalker13 as my main URL’s until I got others, but NS13 and fun-sized-owl are generally my go tos. 

How long does it take you to get up in the morning?

I spend a good 30 mins on my phone before I get up, it helps me wake up, especially on work mornings. Kaaras is up and out of bed pretty damn quick. XD 

Fave eye+hair colour combination?

Natural - blue eyes and blonde hair for me. Dyed, I’ll go for anything, I love brighter colours when dyed. Kaaras likes green eyes and red hair. 

Do you do drugs?

No. And Kaaras is no also. 

Did you go through a “RANDOM XD” phase?

Pls read this meme XDDDDDDD lol. I always use XD because tbh, when peopel don’t use emojis it makes me uncomfortable and they appear less friendly >.> 

#hawkelana #ooc #asks #reply #meme response