#i dont want tomorrow to happen i dont want tomorrow to happen i dont want tomorrow to happen can i skip the entire fucking day

[specialagentlokitty]

Aizawa x daughter!reader - nobody hurts you

Aizawa is a single father and hia daghter gets into a relationship with her first boyfriend, and she thinks she love him but then he started to act abusive towards her so she ask for help to his dad. (You dont have to make the abuse explicit or anything) - Anon💜

TW: mentions of abusive boyfriend

You weren’t sure how or where things went wrong along the time you were dating your boyfriend, he was so nice and caring and sweet.

He was.

At the start.

Slowly he began to cut you off from your friend, he began to make you spend more time with him, going as far as making you blow off plans with your dad.

At first, Aizawa was suspicious when you started spending less time at home and more time out, but you always made sure to check in regularly, so he knew you were safe.

He had never raised a teenager before, sure, he taught them, but he wasn’t really sure what he was doing and he was hoping that he was just doing everything right.

You seemed happy, and it made him happy.

You were sitting on your bed, staring at the phone in your hands as it kept ringing.

Your boyfriend was furious, of course he was, you knew full well he was, and your ribs still hurt from where he had decided to show you just how furious with you he was.

You were scared.

You didn’t know what to do.

You couldn’t go to your friends, or your teachers, you didn’t want to tell your uncle because you knew he would tell your dad, and you didn’t want to tell your dad.

You didn’t know what to do.

Did you go see your boyfriend tomorrow and hope he was calmer? Did you break up with him?

Was it your fault?

All these thoughts rushed around your head like wild.

You began to wonder to the events that had led to your fight, maybe it was your fault, but how could you stop other guys from looking at you?

You didn’t know what to do, so you turned your phone off, going to the kitchen to get a snack before going back to your room.

Your dad usually came home late, so you didn’t eat dinner with him, but when you heard the front door open and close you knew you were awake way later than normal.

You slowly sat up, and you walked into the hallway, looking to see the living room light was on, so you padded that was and stood in the doorway.

“You’re still up? How come?”

Aizawa set his book down, looking at you.

“You’re usually asleep by now.”

You nod a little bit, and he frowned at you.

“(Y/N)? What’s going on? Are you having trouble sleeping again?”

“Can I just sit with you for a bit…?”

He sighed softly, patting the spot next to him and you walked over, sitting next to your dad, turning the TV on.

Aizawa studied your carefully, you did look more tried, you looked exhausted even, and he could see a nearly healed bruise on the side of your head.

Reaching out, your dad gently touched the spot, and you jumped away a little.

“Does it hurt?”

“A little yeah…”

“What happened?”

“Training.”

He narrowed his eyes a little bit.

“I know you, I know when you’re lying to me. What’s really happening?”

You went quiet.

Aizawa reached out, watching as you flinched away slightly and he stopped, moving his hand back.

He had never once raised his hand to you, so he knew it wasn’t him that would’ve cause this kind of reaction.

“Who’s been hurting you?” He asked.

Your eyes snapped to his.

“I can recognise the signs, who is it?”

Tears began to well up in your eyes as you looked at him.

“My boyfriend…”

Aizawa balled his hands into fists, trying to keep his anger contained, not wanting to scare you.

“What did he do to you?” He asked softly.

You sniffled a little bit and you finally broke, telling him everything your boyfriend had done to you, spilling out all your pain and fears to him.

Aizawa sat there listening, he didn’t want to move closer because he didn’t want to scare you, so he waited there.

“I.. I don’t know what to do…” you cried.

Aizawa took a small breath.

“Where’s your phone?”

“My room?”

“Can I go and get it?”

You nodded, and he carefully walked around, going to get your phone.

He turned to back on, looking at all the missed calls and texts from your boyfriend, threatening you.

Aizawa took photos of them with his phone, and handed you your phone, unlocking it before taking some more photos of the conversation.

Finally he sent a message then blocked the number, handing you back your phone.

“You’re going to come to work with me for a few days, okay? I’ll tell your school you’re not feeling well right now.”

“Okay…”

Aizawa’s heart broke at how scared you looked.

“Hey (Y/N)?”

You glanced at him.

“It’s gonna be okay, alright? I promise.”

You nodded, shuffling over so you could hug him and he hugged you back gently, holding you closely but carefully.

Aizawa wasn’t about to let some guy get away with hurting his kid, so when he took you to UA, sitting you in the staff room with Midnight, he left the school again, heading to yours.

It wasn’t hard to find your boyfriend, he was stood at your locker waiting for you.

“Who the hell are you?” The boy snapped.

Aizawa caught the boy in his capture scarf.

“If you so much as think about talking to (Y/N) again, look at her, lay a single finger on her, you better sleep with one eye open.” Aizawa growled.

The boy scoffed a little.

“Don’t even think about trying to come near her again, because I am about to rain a hell storm down on you, right now police are talking to your parents showing them everything you sent to my daughter, every threat, every picture of the bruises you took and set to her to scare her.”

Aizawa let the boy go, dropping him to the ground.

“There’s heroes going around this school right now, compiling even more evidence against you.”

Aizawa stared at the boy with no sympathy in his eyes before walking away, heading back to UA to get back to you as quickly as possible.

He walked into the teachers lounge, seeing you sitting with Hizashi and Midnight as you talked them through a game on your phone.

Aizawa smiled slightly, making his way over, standing just to the side of you so you could still see him.

The other two heroes looked at him and nodded, and he gave one back in thanks.

He wasn’t going to let anybody get away with hurting you

#my hero academia #my hero academia x you #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia imagine #mha #mha x reader #mha x you #mha x y/n #mha imagine #Aizawa #aizawa x reader #aizawa x y/n #aizawa x you #Aizawa imagine

[cozylittleartblog]

also in the face of people deleting their blogs, that's another reason why you guys are supposed to reblog stuff. if somebody deletes a post, your liked version will disappear, but the reblogs remain. i'm insane about preservation and archival, every single piece of art i have ever enjoyed is reblogged on my 450k+ posts main account so if the artists leave I still have their work. i even tag things (though just with the main fandom tag) so I have years and years worth of fanworks saved that the terrible general site search will never show you.

please reblog art. not just to support the artists who make it and share their efforts, but also so you have your own copy of their works saved for yourself, and the future users of this site.

#reblog art #artist support #so basically if you dont reblog art i do not want to hear you complaining about your fav artists deleting and leaving lol #if you used this site like you were supposed to it would be at least Slightly less of an issue because you'd still have it all #save the shit you like!!! i never delete my art personally but i Want my art to be out there. just in case something happens to my blog #save my art. save everything. just dont upload it to entirely different websites like instagram cuz that makes u a prick #if your favorite artist deletes tomorrow. what evidence do you have that they were here at all? #reblog. for the love of god reblog #i lost so much great art from deviantart thanks to eclipse and the Al bullshit that i didn't save. but on tumblr i dont have to worry abt i

[haunted-xander]

Shadowbringers is about learning how to live.

Your enemy is stasis- everything and everyone is stagnant, they wait and wait for something to happen, but don't do anything to make it so (because the ones who tried before failed, because they don't know what to do/how to do it). People don't change, they don't try, not really. The crystarium is doing well, it's independent and sustainable, but it doesn't have the reach or power to do much outside of Lakeland. The Exarch is more-or-less confined to the city (because of the tower, because he's waiting for you), so even if he had power elsewhere, he'd be limited with how much he, personally, can do.

Eulemore is filled with mindless indulgence, there's no hardships or labour or anything but luxury for the free citizens, and the bonded only have to worry about fulfilling the task(s) they were brought for. The outside world doesn't matter, hard work doesn't matter, personal fulfillment beyond indulgence doesn't matter, everything exist solely in the moment. The people out in Kholusia have pretty much given up, they stay close to the city in the hopes that this time they will be picked, this time they will be saved. They wait and wait and do nothing but wait. The ones who try to live on are dying out or eventually give up and join the rest in waiting.

Ahm Areang, Rak'tika, even Il Mheg are all just waiting for something, anything to happen. They go day to day, surviving simply because it's all they can. Nothing changes.

Until, of course, you should up. You, who causes a ripple of change simply by existing, who can move the immovable by sheer will. You showed them that things can change, that things can, and will happen, if they just try. You show them that they can make things better, that there is an option besides waiting for a slow death, if they'd just grab fate by the neck and tell it "No. We are doing this my way".

And they do. They rally up together and do what they thought impossible. Not all their efforts succeed(not immediately), but they tried. They tried, they failed, and they got up and tried again and again until it did work. They take the chances, not knowing how it'll turn out (because it's not about whether it fails or succeeds, it's about having tried).

They learn how to try, little by little, and every step they learn what it means to really live.

Endwalker is about learning how to love life.

Your enemy is nihilism- the idea that nothing matters, that there is no real joy to be found that isn't snuffed out by misery. A concept that denounces greys in favor of a black-and-white view where black is all encompassing. Everywhere you go, people are doing what they can to survive, but refuses (or maybe are afraid to, or maybe never knew they could) try to actually save themselves. The Forum plans for escape, to leave their homeworld behind and take whatever they can afford. They will live on, but they won't be saved, no one is saved(and even with escape they aren't safe, Despair is everywhere and She will not stop until all has become Nothing).

The Loporrits love Etheirys, but in the way Winter loves Spring. They know about it, they are so close to it, but they are distant. They're strangers, they've never met. It's love, and it's pure and true, but it's also just love. It's surface-level(because the surface is all they had). Their love is pure but it's instinctual. Programmed. They love because they don't know how to not love. They want to save it's people, save us, but they don't know what it really means to save, so they create refuge instead(because that's what She told them to, because this is how love works for them).

The people of Garlemald are terrified, they are victims of extreme indoctrination, the (deserved) push-back their army got proved them "right"(that we are savage beasts to fear, that they are but prey in the maws of rabid dogs). They want to be build-up again, but what's left for them now? The world hates them(and it's all their fault, the ones who see past the propaganda know this, but who will listen to them?) and they are dying. It's so cold and the fuel is running out. They won't accept help, because they've been filled with the idea that there is no such thing as pure kindness from "savages"(and they are too prideful to question it, to break apart from the illusion that they are surperior, because they're terrified to face the truth).

The sky screams, the earth wheeps and the foundation of existence is overtaken by Despair, misery is around every corner and who knows what will happen now? Where do we go? What do we do? We live and live but for what?

What's the point of it all?

That's the question, and the answer is everything. We live because there is joy to be found. Because there is beauty in the world. Because there are stars in the sky. Because flowers bloom in spring. Because cats purr. Because waves crash against the shore. Because of every single little thing we can see, hear or feel. Because we love and are loved. Because there are things to do and discover. Because why not?

And you tell them this, by letting them see that there is more to life than the little they have seen. The Forum has closed it's eyes to anything but it's own kith and kin, everything outside of Old Sharlayan is irrelevant(non-intervention, always non-intervention) and it takes the entire world coming and telling them "We are here. We are alive, and we will make tomorrow happen." for them to realize they have slowly been killing themselves and what they stand for(you pride yourself on knowledge, but where is your wisdom? What do you truly know of things outside your own bubble? You do not know that which is lived because you refuse to aknowledge anything but the written word).

The Loporrits see Etheirys itself, they experience it's corners and valleys and learn what love can really be. They want to save it, truly save it, because they love and this time it's informed, it's personal(I love you, I love you, and I want you to know I love your loves too).

In Garlemald everything is slow, unsteady and complicated, but it's changing. They're changing. With every person who accepts help the illusion of supremacy and "purity" melts away just a bit, and the wall standing between them and us breaks a little(it will never vanish completely, years upon years of oppression and subjugation and conquest don't disappear like that, but it's a start).

Shadobringers is about learning how to live, but Endwalker is about learning how to love life.

#FINALLY I FOUND A WAY TO PUT IT TO WORDS #its like. shb is about trying and trying again and again regardless of how it turns out- #because life is a game of dice were any and all sides are possible #but you have to throw it. because if you dont you wont get anything- be it good or bad #and thats not living #and ew is like. doing things not because you have to but because you *want* to #you throw the dice because you want *that* side(s). because you want something (to happen/to exist/to love) #living is trying and loving is wanting. you cant love without life and you cant live without love. not really #i think moreso than any other expacs that shb & ew enhance each other when viewed together (in a broad sense- in a collective) #this turned halfway into poetry at the end but its the only way i could put it that made like. sense to me. its about Feeling and loving and #living and everything all at once #tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #shadowbringers #endwalker #xander rambles #going insane. my brain is melting and being build up again and again and again

[b4kuch1n]

about ready

#pokemon #swsh #gym leader raihan #ft. flygon #had a vivid vision of this pose the other day and had to draw it. thats all thank you #I think after flygon's first appearance in anipoke whenever it comes up again the artists just go ''fuck it whatever'' #and draw the legs however they want. it's basically a dinosaur in pmd #this is good for me bc I dont know shit abt fuck #flygon poses really well for how kinda awkward it looks on its own... but I also think abt like #duraludon being in the carwash. practically all the time its all I think about tbh #rest assured. #mim's infected me with the goggles vision I see raihan now I immediately wanna put a goggles on that man #they arent wrong tho. is the thing #is flygon an insect or a reptile.... the tail suggest something like a dragonfly but the neck doesnt seem to have #the shell structure that'd let it bend. thats at least skin #well. flygon is shapes. thats what it is. I enjoy it #I should sleep now... so many things happened today #I really gotta prep the fish tomorrow. dang. so many things on the list for tomorrow too... #have a good night lads. achieve flight

[quaranmine]

collapses on the floor and Dies

#lmao like a 13 hour day for me with added effect of some. borderline hostile community interactions #their concern was highly valid it just still didnt feel nice to be on the opposite end of that (from a personal standpoint not professional #knowing that i literally can't provide the resources they want/need. both as a systematic legal barrier and a 'i dont have millions of $$' #and that i wasnt even born yet when the thing in question happened.... #my much more experienced coworker diffused the situation and we had a more constructive conversation going forward #where i think everybody left the event feeling like we could do something #but it was uhhh wild there for a little bit #im tired. i gotta go do it all again tomorrow and thursday.

[redhalmao]

Headcanon: Tim checks Bernard's pulse, a lot.

Bernard knows that he was not supposed to notice, but he can't help himself.

Tim checks his pulse. Like a worrying number of times.

Although the action in itself, Bernard shouldn't find it too alarming. It's Gotham for pete's sake, Bernard will proudly bark out laugh at you if you call yourself a Gotham native and NOT know how to CPR/check someone's pulse. It's just that Bernard feel like it's another small detail that cements the fact Tim is Red Robin. Tim's life was supposed to be a sunshine n' rainbows, dazzling, glamorous and fairly safe world of the rich or famous, but no one from that world should check a person's pulse with that much confidence and effectiveness. Tim checks Bernard's pulse like every fiber of his being was trained to.

Oh another thing that bothers Bernard is that Tim m typically checks Bernard's pulse when it's a quiet moment.

And those moments become the loudest that Bernard felt.

***

At the time, Bernard is too tired to move his study session back to his room. Add in the the combination of Tim's harsh lamp light glaring at him for the past 4 hours and lack of Monster drinks, his eyes deserves a much needed break. So, Bernard is just happy to accept his fate of laying down on Tim's very inviting soft couch.

Bernard soon loses himself to the fuzzy feeling of the boathouse that slightly rocks his body. His legs readjusts to the boats motion and Bernard hugs himself together to roll with the movement better. Bernard hummed at the moment he realizes that a storm must be coming and must be the one causing rocking.

Huh, Tim should really put some more rocker stoppers. Bernard curled farther into the couch at that thought.

Within a half of hour later, Bernard sleepily heard some commotion outside. Throughout the next hour, the boat slowly stopped rocking. Bernard curled towards the couch and it's pillows, silently mourning the lack of soothing rocking.

A window opens.

Rain comes in.

A couple of steps towards Bernard's self claimed study mess area.

A click of the lamp's switch being turned off.

A lot more steps.

A series of clicks and zips echos throughout the small boat.

A shower turns on.

After a good while, the shower turns off.

A wet towel has been dropped, rustle of clothing.

Steps going towards to the couch, to himself, Bernard.

Bernard is not delusional, he knew that there was a good chance that Tim would still be on that week long "business trip" a little bit longer than he did he would. That Bernard would have a lot better chance of seeing Tim in their favorite breakfast restaurant tomorrow than Tim surprising Bernard by crashing into study session in own boathouse at this afternoon.

But the buzzing feeling of Tim of brushing the back of his hair was so addictive that he couldn't help but thank his lucky stars that he was a bit impatient today.

As Tim sinks into the couch and curls into Bernard, the his brushing of Bernard's hair turns into his hand skimming to Bernard's neck.

Bernard had to stop himself to chuckling from the ticklish feeling, but he did let himself reply with a hum. Bernard reached and stuck the Tim's wandering hand on his neck and turned around.

"Hey"

"Hey, yourself."

And that's when Bernard felt it. Bernard knows that Tim's other hand was supposed to be comforting and distracting Bernard by brushing his hair, but the brush of his neck turned to a soft press. The distraction would have worked it if it weren't for the vulnerability of Tim's eyes, he would have missed it. The look in Tim's eyes, makes Bernard wrap his arms and legs around him.

"Are you okay?"

Bernard wants to laugh, of course Tim asks him as of he doesn't have the eyes of a veteran soldier that just relived through their personal hell.

"Yeah, are you okay?"

"Hmm, just stressing about the company."

Tim pulls away, as he does, his hand travels away from Bernard's neck and on to his face. He rubs little circles on Bernard's face. Tim smiles.

Bernard wants to cry.

#timbern #tim x bernard #bernard dowd #i am so tired #I just wanted to write like two or three sentences and then this happens #did not mean for it to end sad #dont worry they will have that happy breakfast date tomorrow

[tribow]

Why do I tell people to play indie games?

K' so you may have seen that post I made a little while ago asking people reblog and put into the tags an indie game that they did NOT like.

I made that post because I wanted to hear about what indie games people had bad experiences with. There was another post I made saying "Tell me you don't play indie games without telling me you don't play indie games" in response to a ton of youtube videos saying modern video games are no longer fun. A lot of tags would say, "Well indie games can suck too!" This response was extremely silly to me and I wanted to know what games they could be talking about.

I didn't ask for it, but so many people starting explaining why they didn't like a certain game. So I decided to make a little pie chart with the reason people would give in the tags

There are some outliers not here. There were 5 tags saying a game offended them and some responses that were too specific to really count. Half of the posts also gave no explanations so I'm not going to act like this is representative of every response on that post.

Okay so what's the point? Why did I do this?

There's this one 30 minute video by Josh Strife Hayes that does a super good job showcasing all of the bad practices that happen with modern gaming. He talks about each issue thoroughly, but I'll list them here:

Microtransactions, Limited Progression, Invite Boosts, Premium Currency, Loyalty Programs, Selling Power, Battlepasses, and Selling Progression

He doesn't even mention other issues like games releasing in clearly unfinished states, games that are clearly chasing trends, and game developers being restricted by their publishers.

Why is this significant? Well answer me this: Was there a single tag response in my post that complains about an indie game doing these things?

Say what you want about indie games, but I bet you didn't pay $60 and got psychologically manipulated to spend more on that game. I bet you weren't getting manipulated by some free to play model to spend more money than you would on a normal game. I bet the game actually released in a finished state and even if it did, the game clearly communicated it wasn't done.

Sure, you could give me examples of indie games that do have those bad practices, but I guarantee you that you cannot prove that most indie games do this.

So yeah, play indie games. Don't support corporate bullshit unless you know the game was made with the player's best interest in mind.

#indie games #video games #aaa games #gaming #and yeah pay attention to middleware games too #long-ish post #think of it another way #which game is worse? The game you hate that you spent $60 on or the game you hate that you spent $25 on #Battlefield 2042 would NEVER happen with an indie game #remember how awesome gaming was “back in the day?” #yeah you can experience that right now by playing indie games and middleware titles #who knows maybe if everyone stopped supporting these god awful AAA games with their money they'll wise up and actually make some good games #also shoutouts to another post that could very easily flop due to my small blog lol #I like get my thoughts and reasonings out of my head though #dont want my thoughts festering in my brain I need more space my obsessions #would like to see this post reach those who responded to the other posts though #will probably reblog it later tomorrow

[alonetogether]

i’m exhibiting insane person behaviour

#FINALLY made it back to my flat and had to unbox so many packages guys i BFKSBDK #dont look at gray in the back i need her for completion sake i found her for 25 bucks ok uhm BFMSBCMDN #also i have not forgotten that anon who wanted folie a bleu pics… complications on me getting back to my own place happened but. #i’ll take pics tomorrow :-3c

[todayisafridaynight]

#rgg #yakuza series #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #ryo aoki #masato arakawa #snap sketches #i like drawin exaggerated goofy stuff like this when im dicked enough to do so.. very fun.. #i dont want to sleep yet but i also dont have the energy to start another comm but i still want to do SOMETHING awake #i was actually scribbling sawashiro in. whatever goofy style i was drawing in LOL #but i just felt inclined to doodle aoki and it just so happened the one doodle i did was somethin i liked 🧍‍♂️ #so here we are. with colors that scream I Wish I Didnt Have Eyes To Look At These Colors #ok im gonna lay in bed i have. ANOTHER quiz tomorrow #bye bye im optimistic this week. thats a dangerous sign but lets just roll with it until something bad happens :] #if i make sufficient progress in my commission tomorrow then maybe y0 stream

[superbellsubways]

im gonna be honest gang ive been feeling more and more hopeless as of late and seeing everything thats going on both online and in the real world im just like. wow the misery never fucking ends!!!! we live in an actual hell world and its exhausting!! fuck

#I dont feel safe anywhere as a queer poc even around my family cuz ik if they knew about who i really was id probably be on the streets #im never going to feel safe i dont know what to do #and everyone constantly like to remind me of how useless i am i know i cant do anything ithink im just really sick of everything #can someone invent a way to not exist for a temporary amount of time please #i wanna kms without actually kms u get me #like damn. NOBODY wants me here #whatever ill be normal again tomorrow probably idk #we have no food here barely any money to survive i havent even eaten today ill just wait till something happens idk #who cares #nobody cares

[rongzhi]

Ty for answering my q! (Am the guy who asked about lgbt being common in ancient china etc) since lgbt is more of a western concept what would be a chinese equivalent for it? Like how is the chinese homosexuality different from the west? (Sorry if my wording is off im not exactly sure how else to phrase it 😭😭)

I'm just talking about the cultural differences that shape what it means to be queer across the globe. Modern LGBT+ discourse was led and shaped by western academics so theories of gender and sexuality are based largely on the that of white thinkers. Although it's true that English LGBT terminology and the relevant standardised definitions have spread and been translated globally, and that Western ideals of masculinity and femininity remain dominant overall, similar concepts can't be understood 1:1 across all cultures. And there certainly existed something else before Western influence.

Also, picture this: you are watching a TV show from the Song Dynasty. You notice some of the male characters are always wearing flowers on their head/in their headwear 👀. You, proficient in imagery and symbolism, think to yourself, "💅🏼?"

But little did you know that this was a men's fashion trend at the time, practiced by young and old, rich and poor, hardly the indicator of queerness!

What I mean is, when it comes to looking at history, especially history of different cultures, basically you have to remember that there is a different context/historical framework to what is queer, what is gendered masculine and feminine, what is homoerotic/sapphic (and "queerplatonic" as we'd understand some of these instances and relationships), what is sexual, etc. So going back to my comment in the previous ask, based on all this, I personally feel that bringing terms like LGBT to such conversations is not appropriate because it also brings with it a modern framework which is not productive to understanding history as having its own frame of references.

If that makes any goddamn sense lmao.

#tldr i was being a pretentious and philosophical about the wording of your question #text #answered ask #but it's just like true in general that western views lead discussion on a lot of lgbt stuff #most people dont really realise it #but it really shows its ass when it comes to the intersection of gender expression and lgbt/queer theory readings of east asian figures #e.g characters not even pushing any literally not one gender binary norm within their contexts (e.g wuxia or period drama) #but getting queer theoried via perceived gender expression #or whatever you know. that thing that happens to idols #keeping this in the tags because i suspect it's irrelevant and i just wanted to be salty #every time i start thinking for more than 5 minutes i forget what the question was #also there will probably not be any videos tomorrow bc despite my yammering i have actually been busy this week #gay ask #look at me already forgetting new tags

[abirddogmoment]

some thoughts about the pressures of trialing in dog sports and the emotional environment of trials, partially inspired by this post by the beautiful @mongrelization

this post happened to come at a time when I was at a decision point in my trial career with mav. he had just started refusing jumps (i thought it was a training issue at the time, i now know he was in pain) and he wasn't having fun. we were disconnected in the ring, with him choosing to go visit friends or just blow past obstacles without attempting them. it was frustrating and it was such a stark contrast from our training runs (not flawless but immeasurably better than our performances in the ring) and i was making jokes (as everyone does!) about mav being the worst, etc, etc.

except they weren't jokes.

they sounded like jokes and they even felt like jokes in the moment, but looking back i can confidently see that i was frustrated and resentful and the "lighthearted jokes" from other competitors and from myself were just fueling the fire. i saw darcies post shortly after a particularly frustrating trial where we just couldn't connect, i was trying to decide whether to push through and fix our issues or give up completely on agility.

her post wasn't an epiphany, i probably would've gotten there eventually, but her post that said, essentially hey its fucked up to make those jokes about your dog and its fucked up for people to make those jokes about your dog and thats not how a trial should be - something clicked. its NOT how it should be.

i took a break from trialing in everything and cut training way back and just took all the pressure off of mav while i got my internal emotional environment back on track. im a really competitive person and its hard to consciously dial that back, but more than that, it's legitimately embarrassing when things go wrong with people watching you. if your default is humor about it (like mine), its a hard shift to not make jokes about your dog when things go wrong. but its an important and necessary shift.

i started trialing him again after about 3 months off, very lightly. i stopped entering full weekends and opted to do half-days or only saturdays and he fucking THRIVED. i made time to meet all his needs before trials, i prioritized his happiness over technically correct courses, and i got over the embarrassment of excusing myself from a run if it was going downhill. i fixed my internal emotional environment and that fixed our disconnect and made every win more meaningful.

the thing is, i am 100% sure i would not have fixed my emotional environment if i was actively competing and practicing the same patterns. i absolutely had to take that step back to fix myself. you can't make meaningful change if youre still in the middle of it acting it out.

i lost out on trials with mav and that sucked so much in the moment. i had awful FOMO watching my friends compete and finish titles while we did little low-pressure walks at home. but ultimately i gained something so much more important, and looking back i can't bring myself to regret that at all.

#anyway here are some thoughts #its vulnerable dont look at me #i guess the tldr is: if youre stuck in the same pattern and things arent working #take a meaningful and legitimate break #(not a 'oh ill stop trialing and drill these skills' NO) #(an actual break where you take the pressure off you and your dog) #mav hurt himself from a freak accident that could happen to literally any dog that runs #if i had kept the pressure on i wouldve ruined the relationship we had built through training #take the break and take it for the right reasons (your and your dogs' emotional wellbeing) #you cant make meaningful change if you're actively practing your same patterns #i am so so so so so done with dogs lookjng miserable in the ring #if you are not having fun #of your dog is not having fun #if the vibe is 'frantic stressful manic' then i dont want to see it #(if you come at me about DrIvE i will block is2g this is not the post) #i want to see CONFIDENCE i want to see CONNECTION i want to see DELIGHT i want to see actual goodnatured HUMOR #i want to compliment you on the fsct that your dog looked happy #if (dog forbid) you lose your dog tomorrow #will looking back on your trial history bring you comfort? or will it make you sad because #you were always hoping that 'the next one will be better'? #and its okay if the answer is no #but if the answer is no - fix your shit #disclaimer this is not at anyone #this is a reflection of my personal Trauma #if you feel you must roast me about this consider: do not

[vigilskeep]

don't get seduced by the da2 siren song and skip awakening, think of Sigrun

i’m sorry the captain of the siren’s call is luring me away...

#I’LL COME BACK FOR YOU MY LOVE... #idk we’ll see how i feel tomorrow but i am leaning towards starting 2 i just miss her so bad #i will come back and play awakening whatever happens it would just be like not rn #i dont want to like. just be pushing through it wanting to play 2 you know

[cellbitupdates]

🟩 Dos mods do Cellbit/🟥 From Cellbit's mods/🟨 De los mods de Cellbit:

🟩 Voltaremos quando o Cellbit voltar de Los Angeles/🟥 We'll return when Cellbit gets back from Los Angeles/ 🟨 Volveremos cuando Cellbit regrese de Los Ángeles ❤️

🟩 O que provavelmente será amanhã ou no final desta semana. Na segunda-feira ele mencionou que poderia tentar entrar no QSMP para conhecer o novo criador coreano Jungryeok, mas ele não disse nada definitivo.

🟥 Which will likely be tomorrow or later this week. He mentioned yesterday that he might try to log onto QSMP for the new Korean creator Jungryeok but didn't say anything definitive.

🟨 Que probablemente será mañana o más tarde esta semana. El lunes mencionó que podría intentar entrar el QSMP para conocer al nuevo creador coreano Jungryeok, pero no dijo nada definitivo.

#cellbit #when will he be live #<- gonna be the tag for whenever the schedule changes. maybe. #first real update since people are probably wondering when he'll go live this week #i think his flight back was yesterday (hence the time sensitive stream) so he is probably back home #it's just a matter of whether he feels up to streaming yet or not tomorrow #also how do people feel about this in terms of translations and formatting #is it obnoxious to do it like this or does it work #bc i dont want to like put everything in english at the top and then every other language below if i can help it #like for transcripts it'll probably be different but it just depends #and im not sure if i'll always be able to do translations depending on the post it's a lot and again i'm not fluent #but anyway. here's this #also i'm gonna put his usual stream schedule in the pinned eventually i just wasn't really expecting to make an updates account and then #well it happened #i can also emoji code translations maybe? like do it based off the lang colors on twitter (so its not country based) #so red = eng yellow = esp green = ptbr #i dont speak french well enough to translate for that so unless someone wants to help with that it'll just be those three usually #anyway im overthinking this to the max here you go he might be live tomorrow he might not #mod bell

[darkclouud9]

i hate it

[Cleo: I was going to pat you

Cleo: but then I realised I would punch you with a sword

Etho: clean slice through the head

Etho: Cleoooooooo

Etho: ohhhh I'm sorry!! I'll do the dishes, I'll do whatever you want!!

...

Cleo: Etho... im so sorry...

Etho was slain by ZombieCleo]

#secret life #secret life spoilers #ITS AN ALTERNATE ENDING #i started this when the scene happened i just had to get it done and out before tomorrow's finale 🥰 #ethoslab #zombiecleo #i sorta dont want this to flop #but i kinda hate it so #i at least made the last panel look cooler than the first 2 sketches lol #still looks stiff though but i couldnt get Cleos hand right. #anyway manifesting Cleo win pls they deserve it

[oatbugs]

.

#meeting the sociologist/philosopher who flew in from barcelona and got basically no sleep just 2 be on time to our date soon #im wearing the earrings the ex situationship person chose for me. they have 3 sharp metal bits hanging down from them. it feels #cold like a knife and also they make noise whenever i take a step which acts a little like a friend and also a beating. dont forget who cho #for you. do you miss her? do you miss her? when you see his face will you miss her? #im going to look someone else in their eyes today #im going to study with my friend today and tomorrow #i had a call w a friend yesterday . he taught me logic metatheory intensively and he also said this whole experience has been painful for #him and the rest of my friends bc its like watching someone nearly drink cyanide over and over #it made things a bit clearer #he said its like watching a lion get declawed and that i was essentially unrecognisable. something happened to his friend #and he wanted his friend back #so im going to go back. #he said he doesnt mind dying alone. he asked why hes doing philosophy and i said pure love and he said thats true #im supposed to be in love w abstractions more than ppl #and im supposed to be in love w my friends before any romantic partner #ok going up tottenham ct escelators is a religious experience recently bc every time i will either make eye contact w the most beautiful #person ever or be reminded of the way they held me on the way down here or how i held them on the way up #anyway lets go