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#i dont want to get accused of cheating in game 2 when we were never a thing in the first place lol
officialmanuela · 3 years
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Any other fem shep players low key worried the auto Kaidan romance glitch might transfer over to legendary??
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parkers-gal · 3 years
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Part 2 of Harry thought she was cheating on with tom" uhm you should do it if you want or not.
Harry wants know the expalantion. Why did y/n and tom are soo soo close??
its okay if you dont want do it :))
hiii sorry it took so long ! :( that piece is called “what’s his.” here’s pt two !! <3
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With two days gone, you feel it’s probably time for you to stop ignoring Tom. After your fight with Harry, you thought it best to not interact with any of the Hollands until things settled, but right now you’re in desperate need of some comfort, and Tom doesn’t deserve to lose a friend because you’re in a rough patch with his brother.
He’d called you an extraordinary amount of times, checking on you and asking questions and offering his help whenever it was needed. You hadn’t answered until today, and he’d replied within seconds.
You were going over to their flat. Tom promised Harry would be out with Sam and Harrison, so you wouldn’t have to deal with awkward encounters or situations. You’re grateful, at least, that your fight with Harry hasn’t splintered your friendship with Tom — at least, not as much as you thought it might.
The beep of your car brings you out of your head — you realize you’re at Tom’s house a lot faster than you thought. You’re on time, though, but you’re not as mentally prepared as you’d like to be. You’re a bit distressed, and noticeably so. Fighting with Harry wasn’t fun.
“Hey, Y/N/N.” Tom greets you as he opens the door, stepping aside to allow you inside. You smile nervously, awkwardly, and you manage to remove your shoes and settle on the couch. Tom has movies and ice cream pulled up, your favorite blanket splayed out on one end of the couch.
As you settle, he sits beside you, hands in his lap while he smiles gently.
“Do you… wanna watch a movie? Or… maybe talk about what happened?” He swallows thickly. “I’m here if you need to vent or- rant or whatever they say nowadays.”
You chuckle, almost dryly, but nod nonetheless at his offer. Ten minutes go by with you talking, and somehow you’ve shifted closer to him. Another ten minutes pass and you’re crying into his shoulder about the entire ordeal, hugging his side, leaning into him as another tear falls.
He takes his time with you, calming you down before talking quietly. He’s rationalizing the issue with you, telling you the things Harry said. He knows he shouldn’t, because this really isn’t his business, but he can’t help it. He wants things to work out between you and his brother.
The front door opens, though neither of you hear it through your talking. Harry comes through the hallway, and when he catches sight of you cuddled into his brother’s side, he scoffs, rolling his eyes.
Tom notices him first, and when you follow his eyeline, you quickly separate from Tom, standing as you attempt to go over to him.
“Harry- Harry it’s not what you think-!” You don’t get to say anything you want to, because as he runs up the stairs, his bedroom door slams loudly, leaving you a puzzled puddle at the bottom of the staircase.
When you turn slowly on your heel, you’re close to crying again, and when Tom makes a move to hug you, you step back.
You’re muttering words as you grab your bag and make for the door. “Tom, I’m sorry. This was a bad idea, I- I shouldn’t have come.”
You leave him in the doorway, quickly situating yourself in the driver’s seat of your old car. Tom is sighing to himself, hands rubbing his forehead while he slams the door with a “shit.”
When he turns around, Harry is on the staircase, making his way down. He’s furious, angrily making his way towards Tom. Only, he doesn’t stop. Instead, he walks right past his older brother and straight into the kitchen. Tom finds nothing holding him back as he runs after him.
“Harry- Harry please, wait.”
“No.” He harshly closes the fridge after getting a cup of yogurt out from the pack on the top shelf. “I don’t care for whatever you have to say.” “No, but I want you to know there’s nothing going on between us-”
“Does it look like I give a fuck?” He sets his spoon down on the counter, fingers gripping the edge of the marble in anger. “You’ve already stolen her from me, it doesn’t matter anymore.” As Harry leaves the kitchen, Tom’s anger bubbles into the air, and he can’t stop himself from yelling at his younger brother.
“I didn’t ‘steal’ anyone! It’s your fault that you were too insecure to talk to her instead of accusing her of cheating on you.” Harry turns around slowly, nostrils flaring, jaw clenching and eyes darkening. He drops the cup of strawberry yogurt, the spoon clinking on the hardwood. In a matter of seconds, Harry is lunging at his older brother, about to swing a fist, but luckily, Harrison is by his side in the nick of time. He’d arrived just on time, noticing Harry’s stance and recognizing the signs of when Harry is about to swing a throw.
“Stop, stop.” Harrison’s voice is a loud and stark contrast to the tense silence between the Holland boys.
“Fuck off.” Harry shoves Harrison hands off of his arms, storming out of the room, leaving a breathless Tom and a panting Harrison.
“What the fuck was that about?” Harrison gestures to the entire room, to the direction in which the boy had walked out. Tom doesn’t reply, too caught up in the events that were just portrayed in front of him. “Care to explain?” Harrison gets louder as more time passes, and Tom nods, gesturing for him to stop yelling.
“I just… Harry walked in on me and Y/N.”
“Oh god, Tom.” Harrison cuts his explanation short, and Tom is quick to clear up the image.
“Not like that. We were just- we were just talking. She started crying so I hugged her and then Harry found us like that.” “So Harry walked in on his brother hugging his girlfriend.” Harrison stated bluntly, clearly.
“Pretty much. But then he got angry so she left so I tried to clear things up but then he got angry and we yelled at each other and-” “And what did you say to him?” Harrison gives Tom a side eye, and Tom winces at himself.
“I… blamed him for everything.” “Jesus, Tom.”
“How was I supposed to know he was gonna throw a punch?!”
“You weren’t, but you should’ve known you were gonna piss him off even more!”
Tom scoffs, head tilting backwards while he looks at the ceiling in thought. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“You need to stay out of their relationship.” Harrison doesn’t sugarcoat what he thinks needs to happen. There’s no happy ending for you and Harry if Tom doesn’t stay out of the waters until it clears up.
“But-”
“No, Tom.” Harrison’s shoulders sag slightly. “Look, I know she’s your friend too, but that’s Harry’s girlfriend. You’ve… I don’t know… caused tension? You’ve gotten in between them. They need to bond again.”
“No, yeah, I know. You’re right.” He sighs. “I just… I don’t know if this is all my fault? It’s not my fault Harry said those things to her.”
“Yeah,” Harrison sips a glass of water. “But you should give them space until they make up.” Tom hums, nodding as he crosses his thick arms. “You know, you could start by explaining why the hell you and Y/N are so close.” Tom eyes him while biting his bottom lip.
“She’s…. Taking online courses so she can get into screenwriting. I’m trying to get her an intern for an upcoming film I’m working on.” He confesses as if it’s the most taboo thing in the world. “She wanted to surprise Harry by saying she’s coming with us for filming. We just- we don’t know if it’s final yet, so we didn’t want to tell him anything.” Harrison rolls his eyes, almost unsurprised at the predicament. “Well, stop making work seem so unprofessional. Harry can handle time away from his girlfriend if it comes to that.”
“Right. I suppose I should talk to her.”
“And then get her to talk to him, yeah.”
“Kay,” Tom grabs his car keys and a jacket before waving goodbye to Harrison, the door clicking on his way out.
**
You’re not sure how Tom convinced you to go to Paddy’s rugby game, but you’re here nonetheless. You have a jersey on under your cardigan, jeans fitted nicely while you stand with your arms crossed. It’s cold and dark out, so the field lights are on and they’re brighter than light mode on your cell phone.
Tom said he’d meet you here, at the bottom of the bleachers. The game has already started, and while you’re mediocrely cheering with the rest of the crowd, you’re still hyper aware of the fact that you’re alone. When you feel a presence next to you, you realize Tom has taken a stance on your left side, Harry on your right.
With a thick swallow of your dignity and courage, you step closer to Harry. “Do you… wanna talk?”
He chews on his lower lip but nods almost confidently. You shiver as the two of you walk towards a popcorn stand. It’s quiet for a good few moments, beats passing with just the rustling of grass under your shoes.
“I’m… sorry about everything I said. I know you’d never cheat on me.” He’s first to break the silence, rough deep voice cutting the tension and breaking the ice. “I just- I get so insecure whenever you’re with Tom. I don’t feel like a good boyfriend when you’re always with him.”
You can tell he’s sucked in his breath, a sure sign that if he doesn’t compose himself, he’s going to start crying. You take the opportunity to reply.
“I know,” You breathe out. “I was… maybe a little too close to Tom. I just- I didn’t realize, y’know? It seemed like you were fine with it but the dynamic got weird and- I’m just… I’m sorry too. I should’ve tried to… help you with your insecurities instead of doing… what I did.”
He nods, watching his feet take each step. “I missed you.” He confesses it just as the two of you come to a stop in front of the popcorn stand. You lick your lips, breathing out a helpless chuckle.
“I really missed you, too.”
When he takes a step closer, you realize what he’s initiating, and you embrace him strongly, holding him tightly, squeezing him. He inhales your scent, sighing to himself and exhaling in relief to have you back in his arms. You smile against his shoulder, bringing him closer, if possible.
“‘M sorry.” He’s grumbling into you, voice rasping. You can tell he’s a bit emotional, so you squeeze him again, pulling apart to look at him.
“‘S okay.” You smile, bringing his face closer to yours. “We’re okay.” Your fingers are under his chin while he nods, and suddenly, your lips are embracing, kissing sensually just as they have so many times before. He can taste your coconut chapstick, and he smiles into the kiss, hands on your waist gently.
“We’re okay.”
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shoezuki · 3 years
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This is a post on the cheating accusations around dream mostly surrounding his response video.
If you don’t want to see this or any of these posts then blacklist the tag #discourse
SO I’ve been doing a lot of digging into what dream has said in his response to Geosquare’s original video and report, which was compiled and conducted by the Minecraft Java mods on speedrun.com. 
I won’t talk about that original report in detail, but basically: the mods came to the conclusion that Dream had a 1 in 7.5 trillion chance of getting the pearl bartering rates and the blaze drop odds that he did within the 6 streams he did. As in, someone would need that luck to replicate what dream got. Therefore, he cheated. 
I’m going to put this into a sort of ‘point form’ in according to topic, attempting to put it in chronological order.
Dream’s Initial Tweets
Ok so first like. these are bad. these tweets are what he said (on twitter, excluding in the speedrunning discord) directly after the video was Uploaded to Geo’s channel. 
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worth noting he did apologize later, although i wanted to talk about these two instances so i felt the need to include it. 
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there’s a lot of interesting wording in the apology tweet itself too. I personally find that when he apologizes he tends to still be very subtextually angry in them with the tone, but more specifically. where he says ‘although i have reason to be upset’, that’s kinda weak and really unneeded. Alongside the ‘intense criticism’, it reads as him trying to say he’s still in the right. kind of like “im sorry i was rude even though I had reason to be rude’. Its an apology sure but he’s not saying sorry for how he really reacted; its justified to him.
Dream’s Response Video
Dream posted a response on his side channel DreamXD on the 22nd, along with the report he had a supposed astrophysicist conduct. I’m going to talk about the report separately from the video for reasons I’ll explain. 
Frankly, the video doesn’t really summarize or explain the report in a meaningful way. At most, it takes some points from it but tends to twist the numbers around, misunderstand the probability and math, and also what the report itself concludes. 
Essentially, dream’s video insists that the numbers found by the mods are wrong and therefore he didn’t cheat at all, yet the report concludes that the numbers found by the mods weren’t entirely accurate, however they’re still extremely unlikely. This is also all under the assumption that the report is entirely correct (ill say how its not next)
His first point is that only his 1.16 run (that was at 5th place two months ago, would have now been 16th) was deemed cheated. This is true; the mods have said that he isnt banned outright and theres no reason to question the legitimacy of his 1.15 runs. 
He also concludes that Geo’s statement that Dream didn’t cooperate with them, and that he deleted 1.16 mod folders, was false. This one is a little more complicated. It could more be chalked up to a miscommunication, although it’s relevant. Geosquare posted screenshots of the specific conversation they had:
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Essentially it wasn’t entirely clear, i can understand how geo and the mods interpreted it in such a way. Altho April added in a quote retweet thread that dream didn’t supply the folder she asked for, so he didn’t supply everything they asked for like he states in the video
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Essentially: yeah, misleading and weird on both ends. I dont think this is really anything quantifiable, although dream talked about this in the video heavily. 
Out of this though, Geo DID correct himself in the description of the mods’ video. Dream shows this in his own response, but it crops out some of what geo says. here’s from dream’s video
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that Update 2 is where he corrects himself. literally why the fuck would you crop it like this and put it in the video i mean this looks so weird and genuinely doesnt provide anything. Here’s what geo actually said
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Dream specifically cut it before the line where geo mentions how he said he deleted his specific 1.16 speedrun profile. This one is just so dumb to me. I’d say ‘why not include that’ but either i feel its a) so there’s no potential for people to say what he had actually said could be interpreted otherwise easily or b) doesnt want people to know he got so upset he deleted files (ego wise yknow). Again, I dont think this is definitive of anything but god. it feels scummy lmao
The Video: Incorrect Representation of His Own Report
Dream straight up doesnt present the report’s numbers properly. In fact it makes the entirety of his visuals forfeit, i.e. the gold block analogy that goes on for like 20 minutes. 
The mods said his luck was 1/7.5 trillion. Dream’s report says its 1/10 million (with the addition of 5 other streams) or 1/100 million (only the 6 streams).
I’ll only consider the 1/10 mil odds, since its all dream really brings up. but Basically; there’s not much difference between 1/10 million and 1/7.5 trillion. 
Dream says that the difference is 7.5 trillion minus 10 million, aka 7.4999 trillion. This is what his entire visual with the gold blocks is based on. This is absolutely incorrect, i cant stress that enough. 
You can’t find the difference of fractions by subtracting only the denominators. Like. this is elementary school math. it just doesnt work. 
It’d actually be calculated as: (1/10 000 000) - (1/7 500 000 000 000) = (74999/7 500 000 000 000)
If the mods are wrong, they’re only wrong by 749999/7.5 trillion. that’s literally only  0.000000099999866666667. 
Dream no doubt saw the numbers, considered 10 million vs. 7.5 trillion, and used these big numbers to hold his own point. PROBABILITY DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT. I really think he was just taking advantage of the seemingly big numbers here and wrote it out in a way that favoured him. The gold block analogy in the video played throughout the entire video practically, jokes were made on it, and he made a point of it being ‘so big the game crashed’. 
It’s just plain wrong. even so a difference in the odds doesnt prove shit. He’s downplaying his own odds that he found too. 1/10 million isnt a small number. Even though the legitimacy of that calculation is in question, it is still significant enough to proclaim he cheated. 
Some quick points before I move onto the report; these aren’t as significant in my eyes but it adds to the picture
there’s been criticism of his joking manor throughout the entire video, very specifically the Bill Nye joke. Considering he doesnt actually have a name to provide for his astrophysicist, this joke doesnt feel right
the mod he had a voice clip from (willz) even believes that he cheated and has agreed with the mod team the whole time. 
Dream never has a name for the mod who is apparently on his side (more understandable), the minecraft developer he quoted, or the astrophysicist (most damning)
Dream states that fabric is used by most speedrunners which is true, but fabric and fabric API are different; dream also had the latter installed. my knowledge of how theyre different is limited, all i really know is the API is what can enable editing of the code while fabric is more a modloader. im not entirely sure on this
Dream has said at the end of the video that all funds will go to the mod team so they can make a client that will regulate cheaters. this has been noted as feeling manipulative or like a ‘bribe’, but it definitely puts the mods in a bad position. 
either they accept it and look like they ‘gave in’ to dream and therefore acknowledge him in the right
they deny it and look selfish/taking dream’s kindness for granted
geo said they would insist it goes to a charity instead
Dream constantly disregards the mods as young, inexperienced, ‘just volunteers’ etcetcetc, despite the fact that theyre analysis has been discussed by people with confirmed PhDs without much criticism
Dream’s Report
The report itself is extremely interesting, in that it’s very questionable, but even so it doesn’t come to the conclusion that dream didn’t cheat. The tone between the video and the report is drastically different. 
This is from the “3. What are the goals of this document?” section:
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It essentially says this isnt intended, from the very beginning, to completely exonerate dream of cheating. Also note that the author says the mods’ report was mostly correct. 
This is at the end of “9 Conclussions”:
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It does notably say cheating isnt the only explanation, but it doesnt actually go as far to say that it’s not possible that he cheated. 
But this can be argued to not matter if we consider the validity of the report as a whole
Dream’s Report: Criticisms
Possibly the first and most known debunking of the report is by u/mfb on reddit, although there’s been much more such as this programmer criticizing the code provided at the end of the report (partially due to how the author of it stated that piglins barter 4-7 pearls, which is incorrect: it’s 4-8), Andrew Gelman, an actual statistician professor from harvard, commented on the original mods’ report as ‘impressive’ while Dream’s report is being regarded as something funny in the comments, and even analysis of dream’s behaviours and his argument by a law student
But what u/mfb posted is what i’ll focus on. Some background into the user; he’s a particle physicist, is moderator in subreddits like r/cosmology and r/astrophysics, he’s regarded as a reliable source on r/askscience and r/askreddit. Basically, multiple other people have vouched for him and before all this he had many posts in these fields. 
that’s already better than the unnamed astrophysicist. 
The post is better speaking for itself but here is a few exerpts from it;
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Essentially, the report’s methods are debunked by u/mfb-, alongside that a moderator of r/statistics regarded the report as ‘nonsensical in its application of statistics’ and linked to u/mfb-’s comment. 
i’m going to end this here. Partially because severe backpain or whatever,.
but I want to say at this point its practically definitive that dream cheated, that he lied to us, and that he continues to do so. Much more could be said on his video such as his tone, intentions, the overt emphasis on the ‘biases’ of the mods. 
I havent even mentioned that the ‘astrophysicist’ themself may be a scam; they are sourced from a website that is extremely sketchy, has no names attached to it, and was created less than a year ago (with practically no traffic on it until maybe a month ago). 
But i hope this is coherent. I have interest in this so if theres questions im always open. 
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sunsinrinn · 4 years
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Do you love her? Part 3
Angst, (some) fluff, language
Bakugo x reader (past), setsuna x bakugo, Kaminari x reader
Word count- 1,756
You look at Denki shock at his sudden boldness unable to speak. Taking your silence as rejection Denki, losing his boldness, begins to stammer,
“I- I shit, I’m sorry I said that I just needed to get that off of my chest. I totally get it if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. Oh crap i messed up. I mean I cant loose you as a friend. I know you’re still getting over Bakugo but I- I should have kept quiet. I just didn’t want to keep this from you but damn i should’ve just lied about what I needed-“
You cut him off, “Denki shut your mouth and let me speak,” He immediately stops rambling and listens, “I like you too. You make me feel complete again. You manage to make me smile even when I don’t feel like smiling. I cant imagine my life without you. I want to have a relationship with you. But if we do this we need to go slow. I know you wont hurt me but I still need time.” As you finish speaking you see his eyes slowly begin to widen along with his smile.
“Oh god- I thought you’re silence meant you didn’t feel the same way oh my god I cant believe it you like me back!” He says excitedly as he wraps his arms around you. You begin to blush and hug him back. When you hug him back he whispers in your ear “I promise I will never break your heart. I will protect it with all my power and make sure you never get hurt.” You smile softly at that and say “I know, and I trust you.”
As you guys hug, outside Bakugo looks like his entire world was shattered. He had not expected you to return Denki’s feelings. In fact he expected you to have closed off your emotions. He knew now he has to try harder to steal you from Denki. He could not allow Kaminari to swoop you in. Bakugo storms away forgetting about apologizing for the moment.
Later in the day, you and Denki are found in the common area really close,laughing at each other’s jokes
“Wow Denki did you finally ask her out?” Uraraka asks jokingly, not knowing it was true.
You look over at him to see him blushing like crazy, “Yeah, my phone charger finally confessed his feelings” You say laughing softly. He looks at you blushing even more.
You Look at him like he hung the stars and Uraraka could see how much you cared for him. “So when are you taking her on a date then, lover boy?”
“I- i we are taking it slow” he manages to say, feeling slightly embarrassed.
“Ah, I see well. I hope you treat her better! Or else me and you will have some problems mister.” His eyes widen at Uraraka while you just smile. “Don’t worry about that Uraraka, I trust him” you say to her but look at him. He looks speechless at you, still not completely believing you are trusting him with your heart and love. “I promise I will protect her and never cause her harm” he finally manages to say. Uraraka just smiles believing him.
In the background, Izuku tells Shoto, “I’m glad they are together, he will really help her heal and I know he won’t hurt her.” Shoto nods before responding, “I am glad he confessed his feelings for her. I was about to do it for him.” Izuku just laughs at his response.
*A little time skip- A couple of months*
Bakugo has spent these last few months avoided the new couple disgusted at your low standard. He likes to think Denki is a rebound, someone who will keep you company until you get bored and want bakugo back. Although he is currently with Setsuna he has been close to breaking things off with her but he never does. He keeps thinking of ways to talk to you, reach out, but you have him blocked and avoid him when you’re alone.
“I will get you back y/n” he says to himself.
For you these past months have been wonderful with Denki you knew he loved you and he showed it to you. He would buy you flowers and your favorite snacks and even go shopping with you. You unconsciously compared your relationship with the one you had with Bakugo. Comparing them made you realize that bakugo never cared. He only cared in the beginning but after he stopped. He never even attempted to get to know you personally. He was only with you because you were head over heals in love with him. He was with you, not because he loved you, but he loved the idea of you being in love with him. Essentially, he only loved you because your love fed his ego.
You were foolish to think he actually cared, but Denki shows you how caring he is. Hell, he isn’t afraid to show you off or to give you affection in public. He wants you to know you are loved and that you deserve the world. He knows you are still healing but he will do everything he can to help you so you’re finally free from Bakugo.
Everyone can see how much he cares and how much he adores you. He worships the ground you walk. They also see that you are visibly happier than with Bakugo. Everyone knows that bakugo hates the relationship and they know that he hates that you can’t even look at him without being disgusted. He has somehow become colder.
Bakugo finally decides that instead of coming up with a plan he is just going to confront you. He decides to do it sooner rather than later so he no longer has to see you in Kaminari’s arms.
Days go by as you continue spending your time with Denki and others. Even now, Kirishima, mina, and Sero are cautious to talk to you. It hurts knowing you lost three friends, now they are just acquaintances. It hurts them too but they know its for the best, just in case bakugo wants to show up while you hang out with them. They are thinking they are sparing you from more pain.
Bakugo believes that full on confronting you is the way to go so he begins to avoid Setsuna. And oh boy, she pitches a fit so he reluctantly continues talking to her.
As you finish getting ready for your date with Kaminari you walk outside to wait for him. As you wait, Bakugo sees you alone and takes his chance to finally talk to you. He begins to walk out and stands behind you.
You sense someone’s presence behind you so you turn around smiling thinking its Denki. Your smile falls as you realize who it is, turning around quickly to avoid looking at him any longer.
“Y/n...” you hear him say softly but choose to ignore him so he continues, “Please y/n, I want to speak with you.” He reaches out to touch your shoulder causing you to flinch from his touch, “Don’t touch me Bakugo” you say coldly. He retracts his hand but continues, “Please, please forgive. You dont realize how much I miss you. How much I regret saying those cruel things to you.” His voice breaking as he speaks. His vulnerability almost, almost, changes your mind about him.
“Bakugo stop. We haven’t been together for months. Can’t you see I’m happier now? Can’t you understand that what you did and said really hurt me? I can’t be with you anymore.”
“Please y/n, please I still love you so much!”
You laugh at that, “You don’t love me. Do you love her?” You ask him that question for the last time.
“I don’t love her! I’m sorry I ever doubted my love for you! Please give me another chance!”
“Bakugo you don’t love me. I know you don’t. If you did, you would have never fallen for Lizard bitch Setsuna. You would have never stuck your tongue down her throat. If you love me like you claim you do, you would have fought harder for me to stay with you, not insult and degrade me and the love I HAD for you.”
He stays silent for a while, but soon speaks up, “I am so sorry for saying those things to you I was just so angry with myself for falling how Setsuna, and because I hated that you accused me of cheating. I want to make it up to you please just let me. I want a future with you by my side! I cant stand to see you happy with someone like Denki”
“You did cheat, bastard! What kind of game are you playing at Bakugo? You don’t want me unless I’m someone else’s. You don’t even know you’re being selfish right now! I am happy now but all you fucking care about is your fucking happiness! Leave me alone for fucks sake, Understand I don’t love you anymore, I love Denki and I am glad to have him in my life. He sees me as an equal and cares for my feelings.” You look back towards the door, where the hell is Denki when you need him? As you think that you seem him come outside hurriedly.
“I’m sorry I’m late- what’s going on?” Denki looks at you and bakugo. He notices your mad and bakugo looks broken.
“What happened?” He asks. You look at him and speak, “Oh nothing bakugo just came her to try and win me back.” He internally panics because deep down he’s afraid you’ll give Bakugo another chance.
“Don’t worry though. I already told him I have someone who not only sees me as an equal but also cares for me. Something he’s never done.” You smile softly at him and with that Denki’s worries are gone. He feels proud of what you said.
“Okay, well lets go y/n, we don’t want to be late for our date” and with that you hold his hand and walk off leaving bakugo behind.
Bakugo watches as the love of his life walks off happily. He knows he won’t love anyone as much as he loves you. He knows he’s going to have to live with the regret of losing someone who cared about him even when he was insufferable. That one question you always asked him will always stay on his mind, haunting him,
“Do you love her?”
The end.
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Here is Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3
A/N- with that “Do you love her?” comes to an end. I hope the ending is okay? I felt like I may have rushed it but oh well i guess...
What other characters should I write for? Any requests?
Taglist: @tspice283 , @random-fandom-girl-24
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gladiolus-afloat · 4 years
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*DISCUSSION OF THE SPOILER*
Here's whats giving me an aneurysm: in regards to the cursed spoiler, in the context of the k*ss not being for feelings, but for Eliott's film project (Polaris?), the cheating accusations DONT go away. From what ive seen of people’s responses (please keep in mind that im addressing what ive seen, not all these points are necessarily ones I agree with), its:
1) Did Lucas agree to it? 
a) If he said NO and Eliott is going ahead and doing it anyways, then Eliott is breaking his trust. We’ve already seen Lucas having insecurity issues about Eliott leaving him because of the cheating storyline last season, was that a foreshadowing to what will happen this season? If it is, then Lucas doesn’t deserve it, especially since its suggested that Lucas might have abandonment issues, bc of his dad, when Yann left him, all the times he reacted to Eliott leaving, especially when he cried at the bus stop, etc. 
b) If Lucas said YES, then it hurts because why does Eliott have to recreate Polaris with someone other than Lucas? We thought kissing in the rain and the Polaris hand holding moment was something special between him and Lucas. We do have to remind ourselves that Polaris has been Eliott’s passion project since before he even met Lucas, so if given the resources, he obviously would have started working on it at some point. But if thats the case, if Eliott plays the main character himself, why wouldn’t he cast Lucas as the love interest? Why can’t he just direct and cast actors for his film so he doesn’t have to kiss someone else? Maybe he doesn’t think other people will play the role as well as he could since he knows the feelings and emotions that the character should portray. Maybe Lucas is camera shy or is lacking experience as an actor so he has to cast someone else, but for those very same reasons, why cast Lola? Its understandable if Eliott wants to separate his love life from his business?/passions. Eliott and Lucas don’t have to do everything together, but its also understandable for people to be upset that something special to elu might also be the thing that hurts them.
c) It doesn't matter if Lucas approved or not, why can’t he, and everyone else realize that its a kiss for a film, not for feelings and cheating (hopefully or I swear ill-)
2) The issue of having to ask Lucas for permission becomes:
a) Why does he have to ask Lucas in the first place? It’s his film, he’s acting, hes not actually going behind his back. Asking Lucas for permission goes against everything Eliott has said about how he hates being babied and having other people think he can’t think for and take care of himself. There are some people out there who see Eliott as nothing but an extension of Lucas. Yes, I know we all love Eliott and Lucas being boyfriends, and calling each boyfriends and saying that they are boyfriends. I get it. I personally also love Eliott and Lucas being boyfriends. But Eliott is his own person, who has his own ideas, interests, passions, his own life, and yes Lucas is a big part of it, but Lucas shouldn’t be ALL there is to Eliott. If that really is the case, then theres some dependability problems and its an unhealthy relationship.
b) It makes Lucas seem controlling if Eliott has to ask Lucas for permission for his own passion project, and also if Lucas gets mad at Eliott for not listening to him it makes it worse. Lucas has his own insecurities, yes, but he also has to trust his boyfriend. Lucas said the same thing to Emma Season 1 when she thought Yann was cheating on her with Ingrid, “Why are you with him if you don’t trust him.” 
This whole spoiler thing is trash. I know im not alone when I wished it was never leaked in the first place. If we were gonna see it eventually, it would have been arguably better with context. 
I honestly would like to forget about it until the scene eventually comes, but its like Jim is standing in my brain with a sign that says “__ days since the spoiler has been brought up.” Can we all just chill?
It’s become a blame game on who is in the wrong between Lucas and Eliott, who's the victim and why they should leave the other. But ultimately, theres implications that the theyre in an unhealthy relationship, in terms of trust issues, insecurities and dependency, being too controlling, etc. 
Again, im reiterating what ive seen and read from other people, and I dont necessarily agree with everything thats being said above, but I do understand it. 
David has said that there will be no cheating involved. I... will believe it. From the bottom of my heart I hope nothing breaks Lucas and Eliott apart. I know this is skam, I know that relationship conflicts are a must, I know that im being too hopeful in thinking that Elu won't get hurt at all this season, but I really do wish that no matter what happens, theyre gonna get through it and come out of it together in the end. 
Personally, I understand the people are hurt by the spoiler as much as I understand the people who think its no big deal. However, I will honestly say, that it just rubs me the wrong way that there have been parallels between Elu and Lola/Eliott, but lets not forget that there have been more parallels between elu and Lola/Maya. I love Lola. Lola Protection Squad Unite! I love Elu. And im loving how Lola and Maya’s relationship is progressing. But again, the kissing in the rain parallel, and that god awful promo pic just rubs me the wrong way, but im not gonna lose my mind over it. And I know that people are saying its just the actors, not the characters themselves, but I have a weak heart okay. And if I can be objective and rational about this, so can you guys. : )
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thelittlehansy · 4 years
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How many things Hans share with domestic abusers ?
I just cant count the number time i read that hans remind them of their toxic abusive ex. Hans has already be link to "domestic abuser " in fanfic.  in some modern AU fanfic  i read Hans beats anna because you know...he is the villain. I also saw that there was some fanfic where Hans rapes anna and elsa 🤢 because you know....he didnt even kiss anna but he would totally do it because yeah....he is the villain.
And just people imagine the worst about what if hans succeed into marrying anna.  So lets back to one of my favorite things.
List 🤓🤓
This times how many signs hans share with abuser in the movie ? i took an article on the web about the subject.
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1-CHARMING.
“Initially, he showers his woman with praise, adoration, and attention. His courtship is sweet and intense filled with phrases such as, “I can’t live without you.” He quickly pushes for an exclusive relationship or engagement.”
Yes he is charming ! There was love at first sight this is  very much possible hans said things describe above maybe he even means some of them because again...that scene when he is alone smile smitten  by anna under the boat. The only difference is that there was specific reasons about the fact that he ask quickly Anna to marry him he didn't have times the gates were going to be closed and he could said goodbye to his key to the throne this is why he propose so fast to anna. So the comparison with abusive relationship and what is describe above dont seems really honest as they was an explication to his behavior if he could have times to seduce her during a long time ,  he would have done it  i think (?) one the thing we know about him is that he is a very very patient person.
2. JEALOUS.
“He views other men as a threat to the relationship and accuses you of flirting with everyone from his brother to the mailman. “I know you are looking at him.” The irony is that he often is the one who is cheating.”
Behavior never show in the movie we dont know how he would have reacted to kristoff presence. when his show his "true colors" hans show us that he dont cares about anna and that   she is last of his worries.
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3. MANIPULATIVE.
“This man is very intelligent. He knows how to detect your weak spots, and he uses your vulnerability and past pain to his advantage. “You were abused as a kid because you are so ugly.”
He never said such an horrible thing like what is described above but...he is smart he us manipulative he did use others people vulnerability ! So very much positive !
but again there is still these problem  about hans being manipulative ? ..who put totally in question hans manipulation in the movie toward anna and seriously put doubt about how much he actually manipulate anna.
 His smitten smile when she left also present in kids book who tell “ hans is smitten by the princess”  the fact that anna called him lunatic and not a liar in the book a  frozen of shadow. and hims admitted he did not manipulate her at all in a frozen heart
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4. CONTROLLING.
He wants to know where you are going and who you are with at all times. He may check the mileage on your car or follow you to the grocery store. He often refuses to allow you to work because you might “meet someone.”
Behavior never show in the movie again once hans reveal his true colors he show us that he dont give a damn about anna.
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5. A VICTIM.
“His poor choices are everyone else’s fault. When he loses his job, gets into a fight, or a business deal falls through, it’s always because of the other person. He is never at fault. “You make me hit you.””
Behavior never show in the movie when he reveal his true colors we dont know.
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6. NARCISSISTIC.
“The whole world revolves around him. As the “little woman who is beneath him,” it is your job to meet his every need. He is the master; you are the unworthy slave. It’s invigorating for him to know that everyone around him “walks on eggshells.””
Behavior never show in the movie with anna or with the others people  also we dont know.
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7. INCONSISTENT.
“Mood swings are a common trait for an abuser. One minute he seems happy and sweet, the next he is pounding his fist.”
Honestly i will not say behavior not show in the movie but more contradictory behavior hans really knows how to stay calm , tolerate frustration and Someone like that would have never succeeded  to did what hans did. I think He will act more like the duke of weselton if he had mood swings.
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8. CRITICAL.
“No matter how hard you try you will never be able to satisfy this kind of man. He thinks nothing of degrading and verbally assaulting you. “You are a stupid, fat, disgusting tramp. You can never leave me. No other man would have you.””
Behavior not show in the movie at all.we dont know if we cant satisfy hans or if he degrade others people and verbally assault them. Then  again he left anna at the end he didnt tell her "no man expect me would want you" but the contrary he break her heart and leave her.
he said to anna that she was desperate for love and was willing to marry him just like that which was true and also an opinion shared by both Kristoff and Elsa and the audience.
the part when he said “you are not a match for elsa” he was responding to anna.
So thats left us with only one thing the “ oh anna if only there was someone out there who loved you”. and trying to deduce that from  this line Hans will said to anna the kind of stuff describe above is....extremely exaggerated. Behavior not show in the movie
not enough evidence.
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9. DISCONNECTED.
His main goal is to isolate his victim from family and friends so that you are totally dependant on him. “Your family causes too much trouble for us. I don’t want you seeing them anymore.”
Again behavior not show in the movie he never tried to isolated anna when he show his true colors hans dont give a damn about anna anymore. Even the argument between the sisters was not intentional on his part anna arguing with elsa was far from being his goal since him what he wanted was elsa benediction and anna behavior was the last thing that he needed and just the fact that he wants to kill elsa as we all know is in order to be king not to isolated anna from her family. 
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10. HYPERSENSITIVE.
The slightest offense sends him ranting. Everyone is out to “get him.”
Behavior never show in the movie  there was the moment with the duke of weselton  but the duke was not even criticized Hans but anna and Hans reaction was to assure his plan.
so we only have hans responding to anna that not this is her that is a not a match for elsa during his betrayal scene. So again based yourself on that and deduce “omg he is hypersensitive” is...exaggerated. We need more evidence. So in the end we just dont know again !
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11. VICIOUS AND CRUEL.
A significant number of abusers harm children and animals as well as a partner. Inflicting pain and intimidating others is what gives him power. “I’ll kill you before I’ll let you go. If I can’t have you, no one will.”
Behavior not show in the movie he is able to show kindness to animals as he show it with Anna horse. We dont know about hans relationship with children and his whole relationship with animals. 
X
12. INSINCERELY REPENTANT.
He will swear to never “hit you again.” But unless he receives professional help and strong accountability it’s very unlikely that he will change.
Behavior never show in the movie the betrayal scene.
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IN CONCLUSION : , we dont know. we just dont know if Hans had a behavior similar to domestic abuser with their girlfriend/spouse and if Anna would end up in a abusive relationship with him. 
honestly (that’s  only my opinion ) but judging by his behavior in the movie , his plans , his desire i think Hans would not have been an abusive Husband but an Absent Husband only interest by his job and not his queen since the start even if he liked Anna at some point his big dream to be king is what is the most important to him.
So  again  the only thing he has in common with domestic abuser is that he is manipulative but even that...hans manipulation on anna...is put in question everywhere in the beginning of the movie...books...vidéo games where it say he has a crush on her.All of the rest we just dont know or he saw contradictory behavior.
Hans never show us to be jealous , controlling, possessive, physically abusive , oversensitive , blame others and play the victim , oR inconsistent.  and even based on the movie we just cant affirm that hans is someone that verbally insult person since he never show that behavior again in the movie.
So hans acting like a domestic abuser is as true as a headcanon for someone who will like the idea of him being one. 
We just dont know how would have been his marriage with anna. All of this assumptions about hans characters to me really as based on the fact that we compare abusing someone and someone trust and put them in the same case.  This is not any better but this is believe  are two very different things. 
 i also have read lot of time woman said " hans was nice to anna and then show his true colors" then they compare that to abusive domestic relationship. But the thing is that an abuser once he show you his true colors he began to be controlling, jealous, physical abusive , emotionally abusive. Hans once he show his true colors. he leave anna he abandon her the comparaison is not very great here since in the end Anna yes would have trust issues but did not  suffer of abusive relationship victims suffer. 
We also learn think about Hans in his backstory in the frozen Franchise so yeah we dont have confirmation this is canon to the movie but this is very much canon to the frozen franchise and officially publish and approve by disney : He was not an abusive child.  he never abuse people on the contrary he was abuse by his father and brothers both physically and emotionally.  (the majority of people dont reproduce this behavior once adult but reject it) he Hates violence and is someone peaceful. He is not controlling over person but situation. He has all his life being bully because he is not cruel  and hates his father view on social darwinism and how he treat their citizens. He is used to criticized and be called a disappointment. He also dont play the victim. again the only thing confirm by his backstory is that he can be manipulative.
so i m gonna finish that post with that gif who show us that Anna is not scared of Hans. something again that rarely or just  dont have in domestic abusive relationship in real life.
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multiphandomunnies · 5 years
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remnants of happiness | im nayeon
requested: nopers admin: mirae authors note: im not so sure im fully happy with this. also I wish i could make fics like these a surprise and have you discover its angst and not fluff but i needa add the warnings for people, i dont anyone gettin hurt cause of me  authors note #2: if you find any mistakes please let me know! genre: angst warnings: abuse, mental and physical  word count: 1.4k
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Monday, 6:23pm, Week 1 
Your hands typed away furiously at the keyboard, eye barely even glancing down to double-check your typing or spelling. Your eyes have been hyper-focused on the girl in front of you, Im Nayeon, you don't believe in gods or goddess but something within your mind told you that they were real and Nayeon was one of them. 
She gently brushed her hair behind her ear, head slightly turning in your direction. For the split second that your eyes locked with hers, you felt your heart 20 floors and your stomach practice gymnastics. That smile, that sweet bunny-like smile, had to have been one of the cutest things you'd ever seen. 
Turning back to her friend, you couldn't remember her name but you had seen them together many times, Nayeon went back to talking to her as if she didn't just take another piece of your heart. Maybe someday, you'd get the guts to actually talk to her and not stare at her like a creep in the coffee shop. Despite giving yourself the little bumps of encouragement you knew you'd probably never be able to do it. 
You weren't like your friends, you couldn't just strike up a conversation with any given stranger. Even though Nayeon wasn't a stranger, you had her in your econ class and had talked to her a few times, so at this point, she was an acquaintance. An acquaintance that you happened to be madly infatuated with. 
Looking back down at your work your cheeks burned up in embarrassment, you hadn't been typing about the difference in healthcare between America, Germany, and China, you had been typing your nonsense thoughts Quickly backtracking you deleted everything your autopilot brain at typed and attempted to work on your assignment once more. You couldn't keep letting Nayeon distract you like this. 
It felt like hours had passed, hours spent wasting your life away studying for a degree you wouldn't even get a job, A light tap causes your eye to snap up at the source of the sound. 
There she stood, light shining down around her beautifully. 
“Hi,,, may I help you?”, you asked quietly, mentally cursing yourself for sounding so rude. Nayeon didn't seem to take offense to your tone as she simply giggled. 
“This probably sounds extremely stupid and I know what you're gonna say so I've already prepared myself. I was wondering if I could have your number?” Nayeon always had been good at one thing, confidence, or at least faking confidence, you'd never seen her look nervous, worried, and tired. She always had her shoulders back and a smile on her face. There she stood in front of you, voice wavering and fingers fiddling with her hair. 
“O,, Of course-” you shake your head at your own stutter, hands reaching for a spare piece of paper to write it down on “-here you go,” handing her the paper your hands brushed a little sending a shock to your heart.
 “Thank you Y/n,, I'll text you later,” Nayeon spun around on her heels giggling with her friend as they left the shop. 
You stared blankly at your computer, confused by what had just happened. Thee Im Nayeon was nervous because she was asking for your number.
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Friday, 9:56pm, Week 5
Dating Nayeon had been one of the most amazing experiences of your life. She was the perfect girlfriend, you couldn't have asked for a better person in your life. It felt like you two had been made for each other, despite only dating for a little over a month, it felt like you had been dating for years. Dropping the box on the floor you huffed and smiled as you gently rubbed your back. 
“That's it, the last box,” you said proudly to Nayeon.
 She was moving in with you, despite her friends thinking it was a bad idea. Some would say that you were moving to fast but you didn't care, ou just knew that you and Nayeon were meant to be together. 
She giggled and tapped your nose “I think it's time we have a snack, we deserve it after all this heavy lifting,” her voice was the most calming and relaxing thing you'd ever heard before. 
“Ah, you're a smart one aren't ya? I think you're correct, we deserve a snack,” you slung your arm over her shoulder and lead her in the direction of your small and cramped kitchen. 
“Now we have to figure out if we want to cook something or order something,” you say as you stared at your practically empty fridge.
 Nayeon looked at you then back at the fridge “How about we order some Chinese,” she suggested with a laugh at how empty your cabinets were also. Nodding your head in the agreement you reached for the phone and began putting in your guys' orders. 
Within 35 minutes the Chinese had arrived and you and Nayeon laid on the couch and watched TV as you stuffed your face with the extremely greasy and unhealthy food.
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Tuesday, 3:12pm, Week 8
You knew you knew you should have listened to what everyone was saying. You were blind, blind by a love that was never there and never existed in the first place. Nayeon wasn't some goddess sent from the heavens just for you, no she was a demon sent to make your life a living hell and she was succeeding. 
Throwing the pillow on the couch Nayeon screamed “I wasn't cheating on you, babe. I swear I was out having a few drinks with my friend Jeongyeon then we went back to her place, you could even ask her,” Nayeon had tears in her eyes, she tried to hold them back but they threatened to spill overboard. 
“You know what you are? Pathetic, you're a pathetic excuse of a human being. Why the fuck would I call Nayeon when I know she’d lie to cover up for the fact that her best friend is a dirty little lying whore,” you spat your words at her like venom, causing the tears she so strongly attempting to hold back to spill over. 
Nayeon sobbed, loudly. Hearing it made your heartbreak, maybe you were wrong to judge and accuse her, maybe she really had been telling the truth. “,,,, Is what I would've said If I didn't believe you, I believe you bae I'm sorry for getting mad,” you tried to cover up your outburst.
 Walking over to her you got angry when she flinched away from your touch “Babe,” you said in your most stern voice “I love you so much and id never do anything to hurt you, never, but you know who would hurt you? The other people, other people will try to hurt you but I won't because I love you,” you roughly pulled her into you. Enjoying the feeling of her trembling body pressed against yours. Smelling her hair the scent of cherry and jasmine soothed your heart. 
You loved Nayeon, she was perfect in every single way. She was yours, and you wouldn't let anyone else have you. They weren't right for her but you were. You were perfect for the perfect girl.
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Sunday, 11:38pm, Week 12
Liar, liar, liar, liar, that's all she was. She lied, constantly. Constantly lied and broke you apart, she wasn't perfect nor had she ever been. She had always been a dirty little slut, who loved to play games with people's hearts, hearts like yours that were so caring would get ripped apart by her vicious claws. 
Despite all that, all her lies, you loved her more than words could even begin to describe, She was incredible, beautiful, amazing. She lifted you up when you were down. Every second with her was euphoric like you were high on love, and it felt beyond amazing. Staring at her figure, curled up on the ground you smiled sinisterly. 
“I love you Nayeon,-” brushing some of her sweaty hair off her forehead you continued “-and no one will ever be able to love a slut like you, except for me,” you finished, hand slapping across her face to get her attention. “Do you love me, Nayeon?’ you asked voice cracking. 
Nayeon whimpered and nodded her head “I do, I love you. I ever cheated on you baby and I promise I never will,’ she cried out, hands attempting to free themselves from the shackles you bound them too. 
“I can't trust you, baby, I just can't. Until you can gain my trust back I need you to stay here where it's safe,” you said. Standing up you cracked your neck and headed to the door of the storage room far out from the nearest city. 
“Goodbye Nayeon, I left you some food and water, I'll be back tomorrow to check up on you.”
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neutralchaos1 · 5 years
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ramblings about my life.
I've been debating about saying anything because of how personal this is all is and because I'm not sure if i should but... in light of recent events happening in my life, I'm going to anyways. Cw:manipulation and emotional abuse.
So! For those that do not know, about 3 years ago I went through some massive changes in my life. I started to talk to people again. What that's no big deal" You might say but for me it was. You see, before that I talked with only a few people: my coworkers (nothing personal) my Mom, my then husband and my kids. That's it. I had very little contact with the outside world beyond that. How did this start? Well, for about a year now I had been lurking on ao3 , reading stories and leaving kudos as a guest, when I decided after seeing all those authors in the end notes saying to follow them on tumblr, to sign up for it. I made a blog and hit follow for a few of my favorite authors. I was 27.
It took a bit but finally gathered up the courage to start talking with one of those authors, which led me to me other great authors, which led me to a fantastic little community that's been insanely supportive.
But the massive shift/change in my life happened, when I vented to a new friend about my then husband. I thought I was being silly and overreacting when he was getting drunk for the 4th time that week. That I was being upset for nothing when he tried to grope and initiate sex with me and I said I didnt feel like it, only to feel like an asshole when he drew away and locked himself in "His" room to play video games without a saying a word.
They asked me why I felt bad about that. I told them, because I said no and hes upset with me now. They outright told me that him being upset was his issue. I had every right to say no. No Nonono they didnt understand, when I said no, I would get ignored until I said yes. Full silent treatment.
I could go on, but after a few conversations like this, it finally started to dawn on me, that they were right. Why did I feel bad for saying no? I shouldnt. It wasnt like I always said no, I said yes quite frequently even when i didn't feel like it, just to avoid feeling unwanted in my home.
This started a whole of thinking, like, how I never got to go out on my own. Even if I was with family, I would get phone calls every 1/2 hour, "when are you coming home". I couldn't leave the house without the kids even to run to the store quickly without it becoming A thing. If I was invited to something and he wasnt, I would inevitably wind up not going because he felt slighted. But i supposed to be cool with it if he disappeared for hours on end. That he got to indulge in his hobbies and mine were labeled "Boring". That he got to talk with his friends but mine were scrutinized and had ulterior motives.
When I tried to bring all this up, I was met with 'Okay, let's do more stuff together." Except it was all the stuff he wanted to do. I couldnt play video games for hours on end Because... well, responsibilities. Someone had to take care of the kids. Someone had to tidy up the house. Someone had to make sure we had groceries. And that was an issue, because apparently doing this for an hour or so with him wasnt enough. I tried to get him to do things that we both loved to do. We were both artists, why not make something together? Why not play that card game we liked? Maybe we could invite some people over and have a games night? All were shot down.
It was during this that while talking with people still, i was figuring out that... well... I wasnt as straight as I had been led to believe. I thought I was just Bi because well, I found people in general attractive. But not in an "I would have sex with them" way. Just nice to look at. Well, dont you get in your pants feelings when you see an attractive person?
No?????? I dont know them?? Why would I think that??
What do you like about a relationship?
Well… I like the closeness. I like being cuddled and watching movies together. I like having someone to talk to, coming home to someone…
These conversations led to me doing research into asexuality. And… there was a word for me!!!! This was me! I found an identity! I was so excited!!!! So I went to tell my best friend. The one person that I could trust with this information, my husband.
I was immediately met with, "So, you never loved me?" What! No. Why would you say that!??? I married you! We have 2 children! We've spent the last decade together!! Why would I do that if I didn't love you? "But you just said that." It was then that it clicked to him sex=love. No sexual attraction meant I didn't love him. I tried to talk with him about this, when it was met with him shutting down and pushing me away, I dropped it. We went back to what was happening before.
A turning point came when he said one day "I'm going to move to [The province he was from]for a year" why? "I have unfinished business there and I feel like I can deal with it better there without having to worry about and girls"
This sparked an enormous argument, because essentially to me this translated to "I'm going to go and take a year off from being a father and husband" he threw my sexuality into my face. He accused me of cheating on him. I told him that that's not the way things worked. You don't get to just leave your family for a year!
After a lot of arguing, we decided that a separation was in order. All of sudden I felt… lighter. Yes this was going to be hard, but doable. I had a few months before he left(I pleaded with him not leave until after Christmas], I could get a job and make sure I had childcare while he was still here to help with the kids! Except no. He checked out. He wouldn't look at the kids. He said I had to get used to doing stuff on my own, so to pretend he was just my roommate. While I was trying to secure things for me and the kids, he was getting drunk and… well… for lack of better wording, shit-talking about me to everyone with ears. He was telling everyone that I was crazy, i was brainwashed by Tumblr and the feminists on there. They made me into a lesbian. That I was broken. That I never loved him. That I was cheating on him with a supportive friend…. Etc…  he did this the entire 3 months before he left. He isolated me from people one last time.
In the year that followed him leaving, I would get manipulative text messages from him in the middle of the night. He threatened to use the kids as a weapon against me. He would say stuff that made me feel like shit. It got to the point where if my phone popped up with a notification, I would panic. I finally got the courage to mute him, but I never blocked him because he was the father to my kids. I had to be more mature about it. I never spoke publicly about how he treated me because I didn't want to isolate him. I never demanded he pay child support, I was always happy enough if he did send money my way for the kids. I didn't kick up a fuss when I found out that he was dating an old friend less than a month after he left. Hell, I didn't even get mad when I found out she was pregnant with his kid and in his words he was "starting over with a new family" the one thing I always got mad at him for? In the almost 3 years since he left, he has never once spoken to the kids. Not once. Not a card, not an email, not a phone call, not even a goddamn text message.
Why am I bringing this up now? Because he's coming back. Things arent working for him there, so hes moving here. And I'm so scared that hes going to start shit all over again.
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artisticallys · 5 years
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              omg hey... what’s going awn  ?  i havent dont an intro in soooo long i dont even have anything fun or interesting to say about myself errrrrr my name is sam  !  i use they/them pronouns we big chillin.... im real bad at answering messages but i get to them eventually i schwear. yep that’s all if anyone wants to plot or whateva just lmk okie  ?  there’ll be a tl;dr at the bottom before plots if u dont wanna read all this it’s a lot-_____-  without further adieu may i present miss scout kang.... 
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﹤𝙺𝙸𝙼 𝙲𝙷𝚄𝙽𝙶𝙷𝙰, 𝚂𝙷𝙴/𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello SCOUT KANG. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY TWO, how you're a GAME DEVELOPMENT major,  and in fact.. how you KILLED YOUR TWIN BROTHER AT HIS REQUEST AND LIED TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT HIS PASSING AWAY TO STAY IN THEIR GOOD GRACES. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?
ok so yeaaaaah her secret is kindve a lot ! we gone get there... but first i gotta discuss her childhood u kno ? set things up <3 scout was born to 2 vewy loving parents with a twin brother. there were complications in the pregnancy some medical shit i cba to research but basically her brother wasn’t getting all the nutrients he needed to develop with a good immune system. scout was born two minutes before him, he never let her forget it with his hag jokes and she never let him forget when it came to calling shotgun. 
as i said her brother was born with an auto immune deficiency it left him in a place to get sick very, very often. almost anytime he caught the flu he was hospitalized and generally his life was lived through a glass case from the outside world. and oddly enough it made scout feel trapped too as he was her twin flame, they were the best of friends and wherever he was she wanted to be. there came a time where his health plummeted drastically, doctors weren’t sure he’d make it and the pressure of it all finally cracked down on their father
not being able to watch his own flesh and blood rot away in a hospital bed he took his chance to get out while he still could and vanished into the night never to be seen again. scout remembers hearing an argument between her parents before pretending to be asleep when he came into her room and gave her a final kiss on the forehead and secured her blankets about her body.
it was a shock, really, when her brother pulled through and was somehow stronger than ever. an elaborate hoax was curated by their mother but scout knew, and deep down she thought her brother knew too. but it’s hard to give life to such a grievous monster and so it stayed in a grave.
life went on, doctor and hospital visits became routine and her brother never let things get in the way of living his life. in high school they were quite the pair. mostly it consisted of conversations about where they wanted to run off to after graduation, who their dream spouse was ( he always wanted to marry the student body president while scout had dreams of marrying some degenerate *her brothers words* ), things theywanted to do before dying. they wrote that stuff down on an old study guide scout was using to cheat off of for ap chemistry....
which was something she did often as early middle school days, her mother planted the seed of her going to medical school. to find a way to help people like her brother and at first it was a welcomed idea, do good for people like the one she loved more than life. time went on though and the pressure to have a 4.0 to get into a good premed school with tuition help was mounting. it made dreams that had been forced upon her to morph into something ugly but there was no hopes of standing up to her mother, not when she was already looking forward to such a future. but scout didn’t have the best work ethic when she wasn’t really invested in something, she was smart yeah but that just... wouldn’t cut it and she found that out real fast
her scenes changed quickly during the summer of junior year. her brother had fallen incomprehensibly ill, worse than she had ever seen him and the fear she had as a child slowly crept back, licked up her neck and nested on her shoulders making a home there. reports came back soon enough and he was diagnosed with leukemia. at first it was manageable, some chemo and radiation should do the trick, they said. then it became bone marrow transplants and blood transfusions and fluid drips. she was the first to volunteer, obviously as his twin, for marrow transplants, blood, any organs he might need. 
desperation came in the form of a crying mother after news that he wasn’t going to live past christmas came. it came to scout as her mother accused the doctors of knowing nothing and doing nothing for her son. and it lastly came to her brother when he had been going through these treatments for 2 years and he still could feel how his soul was rotting away. how he was just a carcass in a paper thin nightgown. 
it was then he proposed the idea they travel and cross things off their bucket list and scout both ready to escape greyed walls and sterile affections as well as their small town agreed, readily. took every penny she earned from working, even opened up a gofundme for this trip and was lucky. things went well, so well in fact, that the pair forgot that half of them had one foot in the grave already.
until one day his pain became unbearable, too much for him to handle anymore, and he asked scout as she was helping him into bed after an attempt at leaving the house that day. it was hushed, whispered in shame and fear. had what he just said really happened? was the summer sun getting to be too much? it wasn’t until he had cleared his throat and said it with his chest, “i want you to kill me.” 
call her wrong but she actually laughed. retracted from him with brows creased and a confused laugh slipping out. there’s no way he could be serious. but when he didn’t laugh too she knew he meant it and that’s when she knew she had a choice to make.
it took a week of pondering the thought before she came to the conclusion that she’d end her brothers suffering. they spent the next few days doing something that haunts scout to this day really: planning the best way for her to kill him. for her to end her twin flame. 
their last night together was something memorable, spirits were shared and tears were shed. he left her with only 2 promises to keep.   1. never reveal to anyone that she ended his suffering and 2. to stop letting their mother decide scout’s life and future
she didn’t go to his funeral. didn’t want to replace what she had left of him with what was in that coffin, spent the night drinking homemade sangria and watched star trek. his 2 favorite things. 
this obviously didnt go over well with her mother, went even worse when scout announced she had dropped from pre - med and planned on becoming a video game developer. she was called an embarrassment, a failure, and that she would end up nowhere. and for a while she believed it, still does. 
she got really lucky though when the streaming community got more recognition and now she plays video games for a living and attends classes to make good games. 
TL;DR 
scout grew up w a really sick brother, their dad left, and scout basically became her brother’s keeper. was forced into studying shit she had no interest in and when her brother had enough suffering asked her to take his life, which she did. now she streams video games with hopes of making her own and somehow finding her mother’s love again. 
𝑃𝐿𝑂𝑇𝑆𝐼𝐸𝑆  ? 
got the songs it’s you & bang bang stuck in my head rn maybe some romance shit off theeeees? dunno...
dudes... some people who knew her AND her brother growing up like maybe they went to hs together idk maybe they’re like girl what ever even happened...
ex’s yupppp gimme
her bestest friend(s) maybe even shares her world w them u kno? im in it...
maybe something unrequited or like some sort of clueless sheet who knows!
frenemies...? like enemies that actually just have some weird tension they gotta get through :kissing:
literally anything u think scout would be good to fill like if u got any wcs?
OMGGG wait last one. i really want someone who her brother was in love with or like had feelings for and shit got crazayyyy after he died we can discuss
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mairzymarzipan · 5 years
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Night of the Full Moon Character Reviews: The Big Bosses(Minus Werewolf)
Hello again
I know I said I’d be talking about the Hunter, Old Mage, Fallen Priest and so on today, but I realized that those characters were actually more interesting in the context of other characters, so I put them off for later.  I decided instead to talk about the main bosses of the game, as it so happens, are the closest people to Red Riding Hood.  Because this game wants to be an ironicy soap opera/anime that way.
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When I say Big Bosses, I mean that you always fight one of these characters at the end of the game.  Unless you’re like me and you start all over at the end because you’re bored and tired of all four of them playwise.
Werewolf
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Wait, no, never mind.  This is another one of those characters who’s more interesting in the context of different, non-Red Riding Hood Characters.  We’re saving this boi for later.  But, you shouldn’t too surprised, if you read the title.  Instead, I’ll just use this space to talk about a mechanic.
Throughout the game, you can get ‘courage’ and ‘reputation’ points by talking to characters.  Very very generally speaking, you get courage points by doing brave things, and you get reputation points for doing nice things.  You also can get courage points when a character talks shit about the werewolf, and reputation points when a character talks shit about the witch.  So naturally, if you have more courage in the end, you get to fight the wolf, and if you have more reputation, you get to fight the witch.  I guess what they’re going for is only a meanie would fight this doggo?  And the witch is who any empathetic person would hate???
I feel like the latter is not the case, but more on that later.
Witch
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“Only your Hope family can lift the dark magic curse.  This is what the priest is most afraid of.  That’s why monsters run wild on full moon nights. First they made your grandmother disappear and then they drew you into the forest...but they never anticipated that you would make it this far.”
By the way, you’re part of a prophecy.  Only someone in your family can lift the curse on the forest.  jsyk
Yeah so, as you see, the Witch’s description does not really tell us much about the witch herself.  This description also pretty unique in that none of the other character descriptions go into the second person like this.  The description also kind of hints that Red dies in the timeline where she fights the witch, so that’s depressing.
Nah, to figure out what the witch is about, you have to delve into the fragments around her. 
So, you actually do encounter the witch earlier in the game.  In the third or sometimes second chapter, she will recruit to find some magic apples she lost.  She makes a mention about suspecting a queen of stealing them.  The apples, I guess, are just lying around on the forest floor, and you bite into each of them bc you’re a dumb lkid.  Each apple changes your stats by a few points and the witch does not at all seem upset that you hand her a bunch of bitten fruit at the end.  In fact, she offers you the choice of two random buffs, so that’s fun.
You’re likely to hear about her way before that, though, depending on who you talk to.  Generally anyone who’s been cursed feels like it’s the witch’s fault.  
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But if you choose to fight her(or you might not get a choice in the matter) she accuses you of stealing said apples.  She’ll also talk to you throughout the battle until you defeat her- a trait that only the big bosses and a few of the newer ones have.  Her lines...make her sound pretty unhinged.  She’s speaks of disbelief that you would do such a horrible thing, and threatens you with with her magic, and talks about how misunderstood she is.
When you defeat her, she’s got a really interesting line, tho.
“No!  I don’t want to fight you!  I can’t!”
Huh.
Before I move on, let me talk about this other witch character.
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Yep.  That sure is the art style this game is going with.
So this is one of the shopkeepers.  There are four different shops you can find along the way, only two of which have characters you can see in them.  This character is known as the Witch Apothecary...but you can only see that on the outside of her store.  Otherwise she’s just called “Witch”.
The thing is, along the way, characters will talk about the Witch and, they don’t specify that it’s not the one with the white hair.  They just talk about The Witch like she’s the only witch that matters.  So is this woman not really a witch?  A witch wannabe?  Nah, we already have one of those characters.  Could it me that the shopkeepers don’t actually exist in the story of the game?  That would bum me out, bc there’s this lesbian owl I want to be real.
But...I think they’re the same person using shapeshifting.  Or if you want a really wild theory, maybe there are time travel hijinks and she’s the Magic Apprentice grown up.  But I’m going to go ahead with the former.
Anyhoo.  I like the witch.  I’m gonna give her 🍎🍎🍎🍎 four apples
Priest
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“They mistakenly thought that on the full moon night they could help the monsters quietly eliminate Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother.  Once the Hope family was wiped out, the legend of lifting the curse on the Dark Forest would disappear completely.  However, they didn’t expect they would have to go personally and pay such a high price to fight their enemy. When the priest fell, the cursed monsters reverted to their human forms and the Dark Forest was no longer covered by snow all year round, but the church’s blind greed still remains.”
Again, not much is said about the priest himself.  The most interesting thing here is that he apparently is the keystone holding the curse together.  Interesting, because he seems to be letting the witch do all the work for him.  Usually in these stories, you have to kill the person who casts the spell to break the spell, not just their friend.  Is it because he, himself, is a stone?  That is to say, he turns into a statue sometimes.
Why the heck is he having her turn all his enemies into cartoon monsters instead of killing them, anyway?  Don’t tell it’s to make the game family friendly, bc in one of these timelines a child kills another child.  
Honestly, the priest/church just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.  His big plan is selling everybody from his town as slaves.  Gross.  And the way he accomplishes this is by...making it snow all the time, and turning people into vampires and fire bears?  What?
He is.  A delight to fight.  I’m being sarcastic.  He’s a religious edgelord who likes to go on about how humans are sinners and everyone deserves to be punished.  Also she cheats by turning into stone.  Eh.  
It feels like someone just spun a wheel for of evil traits and just stuck them together haphazardly.  His evil plan is...human trafficking!  His personality is...self righteous!  His means is...tf!  His super power is...turning into a statue!  
He’s the biggest of bads but also not that thought out.  He’s super important to the over-arching plot and yet I have no idea why this guy does what he does.  I’m gonna give him 🗽🗽 two statues.
Mystery Men
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idek why this person is called “Mystery Men”.  I’m guessing it’s supposed to be mystery man?  Or mysterious person or something?  I know I haven’t talked about the art much but, I do appreciate how much their face looks like a dog snout and her hood looks like dog ears.  It’s a neat touch.
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This description was actually changed.  The new text is longer and more awkwardly worded.  I don’t like it!  And I don’t get why it happened.
But, yeah.  The very last enemy of the game- who you can only reach by playing through at least four times and defeating all three others- is your Grandmother!  Le gasp!
So what exactly went wrong with her?  Oh, nothing, she just has a big wolf growing out of her back(told you the concept was backed up by canon)
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Is this her daemon or patronus or something?  I have no idea.  I’ve been calling her a werewolf sometimes, tho, bc she’s better at being a werewolf than the titular werewolf.  Which is to say she can revive instead of just healing.  Her buffs and deck change throughout the fight.  She’s a long battle, fun, except for her ear piercing voice.  She sounds a bit possessed.
I’ll give her 👁️👁️👁️ three big eyes.  She’s a fun battle, but I always mute it.  Also not real big on how the text got changed for the worse.  But she does add some good details to the story.
In Conclusion... 
Grandma’s text tells us a few things.  
1. Not only is the Hope family connected to this prophecy, but family members actually have the power to control the curse.  That leads me to believe that the person who got the curse started was a Hope themself.  
2. The church came along long after the curse was in full swing.  So the priest is not responsible for it.  Whether he’s a Hope himself is not relevant.
We also know these things:
1. The witch is still the one casting all the tf spells, which is part of the curse.
2. There are two timelines were Red has a natural gift for magic
3. In the Little Witch timeline, the Witch is teaching Red magic.  On top of that she’s v patient, which is surprising, for some reason.
4. The Witch seems a little out of touch with reality.  She sends you to find apples, and then yells at you for stealing them.  Almost like she thinks you’re another person.
5. The witch verbally expresses her desire not to fight you when she realizes who you are.
I have to conclude that the Witch is a Hope.  A Hope who’s close enough to have a fondness for Little Red Riding Hood, and is invested in her well being/education.  And yanno, is turns her enemies into pig people because she can.  
She helps you on your quest by giving you one of her own.  But earlier on, she takes on the form of the other witch offer you potions and the like.  She even gives you the first one in each chapter for free.
“My potions can change your appearance!”
Of course she can’t get too close to you.  She can’t reveal that she’s helping you.  Hence putting on a new face when she’s a ‘good’ witch.  One wonders if she’s trying to hide her identity from you, or the people she’s allied with.
Hey can we look at her description again?
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Red doesn’t get addressed in the second person in any of the other descriptions.  There is a character who talks about his life in the first person, and we’ll get to him.  But this is odd to me.
What if Red isn’t being addressed here?  What if it’s someone else?  What if it’s the Witch?
What if the Witch was captured and ensnared in the priest’s plot?  What if he messed with her memory?  So then who is she?  Red’s sister?  It seems like she’s been working with the church a lot longer than Grandma’s been missing.  Also Grandma went into the woods on her own accord.  You could say that the grief the church caused her *made* her go out, but it seems weak.
So maybe a Hope in another generation, who lost her grandmother to- either the church or monsters?  Was it this other Grandmother who *started* the curse?
Dude, what if she’s your Mom?
What if instead of killing her the priest did...something...scared her enough to get her to work for him.  And messed with her memory so she couldn’t conceive a way out?  And sort of had her transfer the power of the curse to him so that people had to kill him to break it?
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What if he had the Church Doctor scoop her brain out and put it in another lady’s head?  Who knows.
I’m not certain about the witch being your mom.  I think I would like that to be the case because it’s fun, but I’m not quite convinced yet.  I AM certain, tho, that the Witch is a Hope, and she cares about you.  She’s not just this cackling meanie turning people into flowers.  She’s...complicated.  And she needs help just as much as all the trapped monsters.
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zayadriancas · 5 years
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What do you think are best and worst written episodes from each season of degrassi & why?
I don’t have a reason (or at least not a good reason) for all of these, but:
Season 1:
Best: Jagged Little Pill, Coming of Age
Worst: Basketball Diaries. Idk it was a boring episode and I hate that Spinners ADHD was used as a plot device then never mentioned again.
Season 2:
Best: When Doves Cry, Shout, Karma Chameleon, How Soon Is Now, Dressed in Black, Tears Are Not Enough
Worst: Hot for Teacher. It’s not very memorable and idk it just felt like an uneccesary filler plot
Season 3:
Best: Father Figure, Never Gonna Give You Up, Don’t Dream It’s Over, Our House, Whisper To A Scream
Worst: This Charming Man. Again it wasn’t very memorable and it just made Sean look like more of an ass, like they began that plot in Gangsta Gangsta but they just made him look worse in this episode instead of expanding on what was really going on with him. Thankfully they redeem him later but idk this episode just felt weird. And the subplot was boring and not memorable
Season 4:
Best: Mercy Street, Time Stands Still. Back in Black, Voices Carry, Secret
Worst: Bark at The Moon and Goin Down The Road. BATM was an unnecessary filler episode with two unnecessary relationships starting and GDTR just felt unrealistic and stupid and contrived idk it was weird especially the Kevin Smith stuff
Season 5:
Best: Turned Out, Redemption Song, & Our Lips Are Sealed
Worst: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For & Together Forever. TF because the Liberty having her baby plot was so rushed and barely shown & this was the only time the pregnancy was actually from her POV.
Season 6:
Best: Eyes Without A Face and Free Fallin
Worst: Honestly pretty much every other episode lmao but If You Leave, Sunglasses At Night, True Colours, Here Comes Your Man, Don’t You Want Me, & Crazy Little Thing Called Love. HCYM because they screwed over Sean’s character for no real reason, tried to make Peter look good when he wasn’t, and the plot itself was just plain stupid. And neither of the subplots were likable. If You Leave just made Emma look like a bitch and was unnecessary drama and it made Dylan look like a bad guy again for no real reason (I never liked Dylan but they just made it worse in this episode and tried to make it seem like Marco was being irrational). CLTCL further damaged Sean’s character and the subplot was just filler cuz it never was mentioned again even though it actually did have potential. DYWM was actually a good episode for Alex even though it was heartbreaking but it still could have been written better and honestly my main reason for putting this episode under worst is because of the subplot. Emma’s “pregnancy scare” and Sean suddenly leaving again was so rushed and horribly written. I don’t really have a good reason for the other two episodes.
Season 7:
Best: Standing In The Dark, Live To Tell, Death or Glory, Hungry Eyes
Worst: Got My Mind Set On You, Owner Of A Lonely Heart, Dont Stop Believin’, Love is A Battlefield, Broken Wings, We Built This City, & Talking In Your Sleep. GMMSOY was one of the most boring episodes of Degrassi that I’ve ever seen. I never liked Derek but they just made him and Danny fight over a girl that was never mentioned again and Danny actually faced racism which is serious but that’s never mentioned again either. I know filler episodes exist but this one was one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The subplot made it worse. Emma/Damian was such a rushed and unnecessary relationship. Owner of A Lonely Heart was barely memorable either. I feel like all of Marcos plots in the later seasons were badly written/unmemorable. And I love Janny but their relationship was really rushed too. Don’t Stop Believin was just weird. I understand what the writers were trying to do but there was no reason for Ellie and Marco to make out/almost hook up to realize they were too dependent on each other. It was just really awkward. I don’t hate the episode but it just wasn’t written very well. Love is A Battlefield just made Paige look like a diva and was a bad write off for Alex’s character who went through so much development. Alex did nothing wrong but they tried to make her look like she was inferior to Paige and that’s not the first time they did that either. That’s the main issue I had with their relationship. And the subplot was an unnecessary filler. There was no reason for her and Damian to start another relationship only to end it in the same episode and then have Manny accused of being racist. It was so stupid. I don’t really have a reason for Broken Wings, it was just boring and not memorable. We Built This City just made Liberty look bad for no reason and made me wonder again what anyone saw in Damian and why his character existed. This class deserved a better graduation episode. & Peters subplot was random and boring and unnecessary, I mean they probably had no idea Shenae would be leaving when they wrote this plot but they have Darcy begging him to stay only for her to leave like 3 Episodes later. Peter could have just left and then we wouldn’t have had to sit through Pia or any of Peters other boring plots. Talking in Your Sleep was bad writing partly because Paige/Griffin being interested in each other was rushed but mainly because the whole HIV thing was never brought up again. I know there wasn’t a high chance of Paige getting it but still it just felt like they didn’t care enough to explore this plot further and Griffin wasn’t even a relevant character so they probably wouldn’t have done this plot to its full potential anyway, which sucks.
Season 8: (ugh why does mobile app keep spacing things so far apart?)
Best: Causing A Commotion, Jane Says, Heat Of The Moment, Lost In Love, Heart Of Glass, Fight The Power, Didn’t We Almost Have It All, Up Where We Belong (most of these are for the main plots, the subplots in Heart Of Glass, Fight The Power and Jane Says sucked)
Worst: Uptown Girl & Degrassi Goes Hollywood. I know DGH wasn’t meant to be realistic but it still could have been written a lot better. They had Paige turn into a total diva even though acting isn’t even what she wanted to do in the first place and it just tainted her character for no reason. What makes it worse is they had Paige specifically tell that Hayley girl or whatever her name was that she’d never treat people as bad as she treated Paige, but then Paige ends up treating people just as bad anyway. As for Manny’s plot, it was great to see her dream come true at the end but the whole teacher/student relationship cane out of nowhere. I know Manny didn’t play a big role in Season 8 but we still did see her throughout the season so even though that relationship should have never happened in the first place, they should have built up to it at least. Ellie’s plot was the only one written decently but that wasn’t enough to me up for half of the movie being awful. Uptown Girl was equally unrealistic but this wasn’t some special movie so it really had no excuse for being that way. Mia becoming a model was a terrible uneccesary storyline and the fact that she slept with the Tom guy but still got to keep the job didn’t add up. I know it wasn’t publicly revealed until later and I know Danny and Leia didn’t say anything but still. It just was stupid.
Season 9:
Best: Shoot To Thrill, Why Can’t This Be Love, Waiting For A Girl Like You, Somebody, & You Be Illin
Worst: Just Can’t Get Enough, Close To Me, Holiday Road, & Degrassi Takes Manhattan. JCGE handled Peters meth use terribly. It was so rushed through and felt pointless. Close To Me tainted Janes character for no real reason by having her cheat on Spinner. Holiday Road just made Emma into controlling girlfriend when they could have instead just focused on the fact she was hiding that she flunked out of college and how hard it was on her. Degrassi Takes Manhattan was just…a mess. Between the rushed, random, unnecessary and pointless Spemma marriage to Janes boring plot, it was just awful. Nothing about Spemma made sense, the writing was awful, it was the most rushed relationship I’ve ever seen. This movie was a train wreck.
Season 10:
Best: Purple Pills, What A Girl Wants, Breakaway, Hide and Seek, Chasing Pavements, Halo, Drop The World
Worst: Love Lockdown. I liked the two subplots but the Holly J/Declan plot was awfully written. I can understand Holly J. not wanting to start anything by admitting that she thinks she was raped and instead just wanting to say she regrets what happened, but the fact that Declan pressured her and didn’t listen when she said no does qualify as rape but they let Declan get away with it which is disgusting. Sure, Declan may have not realized what he was doing but that doesn’t make it okay.
Season 11:
Best: Boom Boom Pow, Idioteque, Take a Bow, Paper Planes, Can’t Tell Me Nothing, Hollaback Girl, Smash Into You
Worst: Love Game. I just hate how they wrote Clare in this episode.
Season 12:
Best: Zombie, Waterfalls, Rusty Cage, Never Ever
Worst: Come As You Are & Walking on Broken Glass. The whole situation with Katie and Drew was written so terribly. They worked so hard to make Katie look like the victim. Yes it was wrong of Drew to cheat on Katie, & he should have been honest and upfront from the beginning about wanting to break up, but what Katie did was way worse. Yet they don’t show everything that happened so we’re made to believe that Drew just “had sex while drunk and forgot because he blacked out” and we’re supposed to think he’s so terrible for dumping Katie after they “had sex” though he made it clear he didn’t wanna be with Katie anymore, he wanted his first time to be sober and with Bianca, there was no way he consented to having sex with Katie, he was too drunk and honestly that whole video of Drew cheering about having sex was so contrived. At the end of the first part of the episode he just says “I did it” which could have meant that he thought he broke up with Katie. Then he falls down the stairs and hits his head, then regains conciousness and looks confused but keeps jumping around and dancing but it’s never implied that he thought that he had sex or that he did have sex. Yes we see him and Katie kiss but that doesn’t automatically mean sex and either way kissing does not equal consent. The next day Drew is completely confused as to why Katie thinks they’re back together, it doesn’t matter why he doesn’t remember, what matters is it’s clear he didn’t want it to happen. So they just created that part of the video to make Drew look like he “wanted it” even though 1) HE WAS TOO DRUNK TO CONSENT 2) It was clear he never wanted to have sex with Katie, he went upstairs to break up with her, even telling her he lied about Courtney to get him to break up with her cuz he wasn’t happy. Katie thought that just cuz Drew said “he might be dead if it weren’t for her” that somehow meant he didn’t want to break up, even though when she was saying all that BS about how he shouldn’t be able to make decisions about their relationship on his own, he just sat there with a dazed expression on his face. He never said he still wanted to be with her. 3) Drew would never talk like that if he were sober. It’s just like Zoe saying “do you think I’m sexy” when she was blackout drunk and assaulted. Drew didn’t even remember saying or doing any of that stuff just like Zoe didn’t and she obviously didn’t want it either. So yeah. Come as You Are & Walking on Broken Glass were both terribly written. The only good part of CAYA was Maya’s plot. The other reason WOBG was terrible aside from the Katie/Drew stuff was also terrible because Eli acted like such an entitled ass and even though Becky was ultimately wrong for being homophobic, Eli only changed the play to spite her even though he said otherwise, and before she was revealed to be homophobic he was totally condescending and rude to her. Eli didn’t deserve to be the director because he acted like he was the only one who was allowed to be in charge of plays. I’m not really saying this was badly written because it made sense for Eli’s character, it just annoyed me. Oh and, Tristan pretending to be Maya to talk to Cam and when Cam finds out, he says he will never be friends with either of them but that’s completely forgotten later. I think the whole plot of Tristan impersonating Maya was dumb but the plot itself wasn’t bad writing it just was a bad idea but the part about Cam saying they’ll never be friends was inconsistent writing.
Season 13:
Best: Unbelievable, How Bizzare, My Hero, Enjoy The Silence, The World I Know, Better Man, You Are Not Alone, Believe
Worst: About A Girl, Cannonball, Honey, Black and White, Who Do You Think You Are, Barely Breathing, Spiderwebs, Sparks Will Fly, & Thunderstruck. The main reason of course for Honey is Adam dying and the fact that it was so poorly written. But also because the Maya/Zoe/Miles drama was so cringeworthy. And they tried so hard to make Alli/Leo look like a good relationship for several episodes and I know abuse isn’t always immediate but in this episode and in episodes prior they try so hard to make it seem like Alli and Leo have an epic romance and by the time we see Leo become aggressive for the first time it feels underwhelming, like it’s obviously heartbreaking and they do better with the abuse storyline in later episodes but idk the writing was just really weak in this episode. With About A Girl, again I hated the petty Maya/Miles/Zoe/Tristan drama, & Adam impersonating Becky was stupid and felt honestly out of character. With this episode & with Cannonball, they had a great opportunity to explore Connor being asexual but it’s dropped after these episodes and just used as an excuse for relationship drama. Cannonball also sucked because of Adam crashing into a tree of course which was such a sloppy way to write him out of the show, he deserved better.  With Black and White, they all the sudden had Winston try to ruin Drew’s presidency and have something against him even though Drew never did anything to him. They tried to make us feel sympathy for Winston even though the way he treated Drew was out of line. Who Do You Think You Are & Barely Breathing were both awful because the plot of Dallas getting kicked off the hockey team and developing a drinking problem wasn’t even from his own point of view. The storyline had great potential but they fucked it up by not making it from his point of view. Then the Maya/Zoe drama was so ridiculous. Both of them were in the wrong for different reasons. What Maya did was awful and she definitely deserved punishment for it, but Zoe also deserved punishment and the way they tried to make her look innocent pissed me off so much. With Spiderwebs, the Drianca break up was so rushed and random and written so awfully. I can understand if Alicia couldn’t or didn’t wanna come back but it could have been written better and it was pretty clear that they only broke them up so Drew could be free to have ridiculous relationship drama plots, even though none of those relationships lasted long (or even happened in the first place like Clew) and all of those plots just dragged Drew’s character down. Drew and Drianca deserved better. Then there was the Eclare plot. Clare took Eli back so quickly even though he made little to no effort to earn her trust back. And then we have Alli supporting Clare taking Eli back even though Alli herself has been cheated on before and she used to strongly dislike Eli and had even more of a reason to now. I could also say that the cheating plot in BOW was written badly but honestly Eli doing shitty things doesn’t surprise me but in Spiderwebs the whole thing was badly written. Clare deserved better. With Sparks Will Fly, Clew finally is about to start an actual relationship after several episodes of build up only for Eli to show up, thus Clew doesn’t happen. What was the point of building up Clew if they were just going to keep bringing Eli back? Then there was the Zig/Maya/Miles triangle, that had both guys acting like assholes and they had the episode to make this episode about why Maya was so scared of rejecting Zig/hurting Miles but instead they made it about relationship drama, yeah they had Maya say “I can’t be with a guy who scares me, not again” and “last time someone I cared about disappeared they never came back” but we don’t see Miles even react or care about those statements which is one of the many reasons Matlingsworth sucks, he never truly cared about her feelings. Yes Zig was an ass in this episode too but he’s proven to care about Maya’s feelings on more than one occasion despite making a lot of mistakes. Miles only ever cared about himself. With Thunderstruck, I didn’t hate the episode but it was badly written. We’re supposed to believe Drew and Becky are romantically interested in each other even though in past episodes they were just shown to be friends. Yes, they spent a lot of time in the woods together in the last episode but nothing about it was romantic. Even though they were friends throughout most of the season, they were never super close yet somehow Drew suddenly knows all this stuff about her. I can buy him being attracted to her, but not actually having real feelings with her. Everything about Drecky was rushed and unnecessary. Then with the Maya/Zoe plot, Zoe and Zig suddenly are interested in each other, again yes they spent time together in the previous episode but nothing about it was romantic. Then, despite Maya supporting Zoe at her trial and them being on better terms, she hates her again all because Miles almost cheated on her with Zoe, even though Zoe was literally out of her mind drunk and was assaulted the same night. Yes Maya was mad at Miles too but Miles was really the only one who deserved blame in this situation. I can understand why Maya was upset, especially because Zig agreed to go to the dance with her after already saying he’d go with Maya, but the way she acted was immature whether she was drunk or not. Yes, Zoe was never a good friend to Maya but Maya still acted irrationally. And Zoe saying she was trying to be Maya’s friend all year was bad writing as well because that was total bullshit and not true. Then the Eclare plot, Clare conveniently hits her head, has to go to the hospital, misses her interview, all the hotels are booked so she has “no choice” but to stay with Eli. Hmm, how convenient. Then the random ass revelation of Clare being pregnant at the end. Which of course leads into more terribly written plots for season 14.
Season 14:
Best: (You Drive) Me Crazy, Wishlist. Get it Together, Give Me One Reason, & The Kids Aren’t Alright
Worst: Anything involving Degrassi Nudes and Clare’s pregnancy in the first half of season 14. Most of the episodes really only suck because of those plots, like they’d be fine otherwise without those plots. It was hard to pick a specific episode. I also didn’t like Finally, I hate how badly Drew was screwed over throughout this episode when he did nothing wrong, and I hate how Imogen and Jack briefly reuinite only for Imogen to once again feel like she has to do everything to please Jack whereas Jack puts in little to no effort, and then they break up again. There was no point in any of that, and once again Imogen loses her girlfriend on the prom/graduation episode :( I know it was Imogen’s choice both times but like with Fiona it was because she didn’t want to hold her back and also because the writers wanted to bring Imogen back for another year. Imogen deserved better honestly. I also felt like the Hunter plot was out of place even though I did like the plot, it didn’t really fit in this episode.
Season 15/NC season 1:
Best: YesMeansYes & ButThatsNoneOfMyBusiness
Worst: NotAllMen and ThisCouldBeUsButYouPlayin. With NotAllMen, I felt like the whole plot with Zoe thinking David was her dad was a bit random and also felt unrealistic, like it would have been great if Zoe had a real plot about finding her real dad but idk, it felt poorly written. and then they have Gracevas kiss and still Grace isn’t honest about her feelings. It would have been great if Grace actually returned her feelings, but seeing where the next episode goes, they didn’t need to tease us like that, it was fucked up. Then there was Frankie’s plot. It was clear Frankie was struggling and instead of going deeper into that, they have Jonah think he knows Frankie, being condescending and rude to her, and having Frankie’s friends guilt her into staying with them even when she wanted to try and go make a difference and volunteer. Jonah had no right to treat Frankie the way he did, it was uncalled for, but somehow this is the build up to their relationship which never needed to happen, at least not the way it did. Frankie could have been given a real depression storyline but instead it’s all about boy drama. I know they also do this in three other episodes of the season but this particular episode’s plot was the most poorly written. TCBUBYP was awful because of the contrived cheating plot that instead could have been Zig talking to Maya about his insecurities, or if he had to talk to Zoe she could have just been there for him as a friend, there was no need for them to hook up, and the fact that Zoe recorded it was even more disgusting. And then of course setting up Gracevas only for Grace to not return Zoe’s feelings and randomly say she likes Zig which made zero sense. Everything about this plot was contrived and awful. It just tainted Zaya, Zig, Grace, and Zoe for no real reason and they couldn’t even write it in a way that made sense.
Season 16/NC season 2:
Best: ThatAwkwardMomentWhen & BuyMePizza
Worst: TheseAreMyConfessions & ThrowbackThursday. & ToMyFutureSelf. TAMC because Grace liking Zig was obviously forced and it was extremely awkward, and the way Grace treated Maya was out of line but we’re supposed to feel sympathy for her and she never even apologizes (like maybe she did off screen but I doubt it because anytime someone screws Maya over they rarely face consequences or apologize, or if they do its not sincere). There’s no real explanation aside from Grace’s illness why she acting the way she’s acting, but her illness is no excuse to treat Maya like crap and it doesn’t explain why she lead Zoe on either (you’re my best friend I tried for you isn’t a good excuse), And her liking Zig was so random and made no sense and it was obviously forced. ThrowbackThursday was badly written in my opinion because the alumni’s lines mostly felt forced and awkward and they deserved more screen time. And while it was great that the writers wanted to bring attention to the BLM movement, Tiny getting suspended wasn’t because he was black, and then they don’t even have the storyline from his point of view. I know that they brought up that Frankie barely got in trouble for her racist banner, they should have done the plot about that with Shay leading the protest, or they could have had Tiny fight a white kid who went to their school and have Tiny receive more punishment than the white kid if they wanted the plot and protest to make sense. ToMyFuturseSelf just made Grace seem like a bad friend and her reasoning for being on Zig’s side for most of the episode even though she called him out the most after he cheated on Maya made no sense. And they just made Zig look even worse in this episode for no reason. The other plots were just boring and hardly memorable.
Season 17/NC season 3
Best: Honestly all of them
Season 18/NC season 4
Best: Obsessed, Fire, KThxBye
Worst: I thought the Zig/Esme/Frankie plot in FactsOnly was poorly written but the rest of the episode was great
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12/6/18 12:49
I want to write but i dont know what to say.
i feel so much but im not doing anything. i have feelings that i want to talk through but i cant grasp them yet. 
im so tired and my eyes hurt and my heart wants to love so much more than im being given opportunity for. i have so much love to give but nowhere to put it where it will be received in the way i really want. i’ll never admit it, but i just want someone who will mirror that love. i just want to feel like im appreciated and that those efforts are seen and appreciated. 
I just want to love and be loved in an enthusiastic way. And i feel like this a lot more when spencer and i are apart and i have to rely on his text voice to fill that little space in my head where i overthink about our relationship standing. That’s not to say that i never get my feelings hurt when we’re together in person, because yeah it happens, he’s a boy and he says dumb shit sometimes. But it’s so much less.
When we’re together in person, at least i can guage a little more where we stand. I can feel that he’s happy and i excite him. Sex is always good so i don’t really worry about that domain. I’m a very sexual person and i usually initiate things and will be more verbal about what i want or complimenting him and making it feel very explicit that I’m attracted to him and enjoying things, etc. so i feel like sex is coming easy to him. Like we don’t have any sexual inhibitions other than just like timing or if I’m on my period. But whenever I’m on my period, like today, i just go down on him anyway because it’s fun for both of us, and i think a little bit subconsciously it’s because i want to make sure he stays satisfied with me.. like i don’t want him to feel like he needs to go anywhere else for that kind of satisfaction because he can always get off with me and that i do things enthusiastically, which i do. I genuinely have a good time being sexual with him in any context because i do feel so attracted to him and so like.. into it.. like even on my period when i usually feel the least sexy, he comes over and makes me feel like such a queen.. like we’realways touching each other and so close and it’s always pretty high attraction energy between us which keeps me pretty enticed all the time..
it’s weird but it’s not. Cuz like i know that I’m a very sexual person. I like sex. I enjoy having sex for me, and i like the physical feeling and the connection to people. I like being intimate and i love being intimate with spencer for a lot of reasons.
I think a big part of it is his aloofness most of the time keeps me pushing for it. Like he’s so precious and beautiful and giggly and all that. Like he’s adorable and he looks at me sometimes like I’m so gorgeous.. like today he came over for like 2 hours and we just cuddled and teased each other.. the entire first hour was a standoff of who could hold out longer, which is funny because if i weren’t on my period, 100% i would lose first. But since he didn’t know i was on my period, i just ran with it and played this game with him. It’s so fun to tease each other and taunt the other person to make moves..
i just like messing with him cuz theres an innocence to him that i really like.. and part of that is that he is just objectively attractive, like conventionally but also just like to me, he is so perfect.. like his bone structure and his cute little features, and he’s tall and thin and i just think he’s crazy attractive. It’s honestly kind of annoying tho because i can’t ever keep my hands to myself. Like i just want to touch him constantly and have my arms around him..
Now i miss him..
Ugh wait i want to talk about jealousy. Because this is something i got back and forth on a lot in my head but overarching isnt an issue, because i don’t bring it up. Like i have insecurities, who doesn’t. And something i worry about is just him finding someone else that he likes better, and in reality, i feel like that would come from a friend confessing to him, and he’ll either be in love with that person or he’ll be a pushover and be with them cuz he cares about people and wants to make them happy. I worry that i won’t have as strong of a hold on him as id like to think that i do. And i mainly worry about this with his friend Ali, because they are super close and I’ve seen a couple times now where she like needs to talk to him and talks about anxiety and needing him.. so when i hear about it theres a twinge of jealousy because i imagine her like confessing that she loves him and that seeing him with another girl was too much and he should dump me amd be with her..
Yes i know i sound crazy, I’m aware. But that’s why i write this shit on tumblr so these thoughts never see the light of day. Because of course i would never bring this up to him, because expressing these insecurities does nothing but put tensions on his friendships, and i would hate if he did that with my friendships with guys, or girls (don’t bi erase me) and it would be annoying if i wanted to hang out with someone that he was jealous of because of course i would want to make sure he was super comfortable and that would probably cause me to see them less, and that’s not what i want for him because frankly i like his girl friends more than his guy friends, and theyre better influences on him anyway.
Still, theres something about this girl that makes me nervous sometimes. I think it’s just that she seems affectionate with him and expresses needing him, which seems like the way you treat a boyfriend or a guy you are affectionate with because he likes you but you’re friendzoning?
That too, i don’t know how these girls friendzone him. Like he is so gorgeous it makes me angry. He is so gorgeous, how do people look at rhis gorgeous man and go ya he’s just a friend. Like what?
Anyway, idk what to do about my feelings about ali. Part of it too is that i find her attractive, and someone i was low key crushing on last year, so now i see her super close with my partner and I’m like silently growling because i know shems attractive, and she would know what a prize spencer is, so that’s the insecurity.
The reason i don’t say anything is because i feel like at our age, theres a level of maturity and understanding. Enough to where if you are in a relationship, but develope feelings for someone else, and those feelings suddenly have an outlet and that person wants you back, you should be honest and breakup with your partner and pursue that other thing. Like ya being cheated on would suck, and getting dumped would suck, but at the end of the day, we’re all just people and romance is messy and i feel like if this girl confessed to him and he wanted to be with her, he should be. Cuz like theyre friends for a while and must know each other pretty well, and if he had strong feelings like that for someone else, who am i to hold him back?
But the point i was making is that even if this girl or any other girl expressed interest in him, that doesn’t mean he instantly sleeps with them and dumps me. Because id like to think that he and i are doing pretty well at the moment and id like to think he’s happy with me and wants to be with me.
When i get insecure about this stuff, i like to think about this thing he said a while ago. He said that he was single for 2 years, and just wasnt dating, and that when he saw me, he was like “her”.
I like to think about it in a serious way that like he’s known these females for those 2 years, and that if he wanted things to happen with them, they probably would have already happened. And i like to think that he was immediately attracted to me, and that first night when we met and kissed and he asked me about italian food because he wanted to take me on dates when we got back to school.
Those two things he said mean a lot to me and keep me relatively grounded when dumb insecurities want to carry me out and get lost in the sky.. i want to believe that he chose to be single for a while, or just didn’t hard pursue anyone for a while, but then with me he just wanted to date me or knew i was girlfriend material. And honestly that’s so fucking cute..
And i feel good about us now in that sense too when we talk about being friends. We’re both pretty adamantly like i think of you as much more than a friend and when i was jokingly like oh so you want to be just friends? And he was so sad like i mean.. if that’s what you want.. but I’m very happy with this” and just hugged me so tight..
Like i know I’ve got him, ya know? Maybe that sounds confident, but i feel like i got him.. i feel like i suit him pretty well and that I have the qualities he wants in a girlfriend. Or at least id like to think so.
So when i get insecure, i remind myself of these things and remind myself of when we were both complaining about exes who got jealous of our opposite sex friends and how annoying it is to be accused of sleeping with your platonic friends. So i know how dumb it would be to ask if he likes Ali, or if he ever has liked her in the past, because what if he has? I used to like Patrick, and he used to like me, but that doesn’t make us incapable of being just friends right now, so it would only hurt me to know that. And if he did currently like her, maybe he’ll say something. Or it’s not a big enough deal to him to mention it.
I just gotta trust him. I gotta let myself trust him and trust that we’re both adults and that he is capable of having platonic female friends, the same way i am capable of having platonic friends with anyone.
I think that’s as much as i can write for tonight. Gotta get sleep and get work done tomorrow.
Xoxo gossipgirl
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sanchezashton1992 · 4 years
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I Want To Save My Marriage But Dont Know How Surprising Unique Ideas
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Chapter 5: My breaking point.
As if I hadn't experienced already that revolving my life around my boyfriend led nowhere, douchebag and I were really fond of each other. But of course you don't really know someone until you live with them. The first time I came to his house in Carlton Ga before I moved in there was a girl in his bed. This rubbed me the wrong way but I did finally see they were just really close friends from highschool and that she wasn't a threat to me after some time. Red flag number one. His hobbies were smoking weed and playing video games and reading comic books, endless hours of netflix watching. Oh. And messaging a shit ton of girls. Red flag number two. We lived with his mother and sister in a beat up trailer and he would constantly ask her for money for food and weed etc. He would have his close friends over for smoking sessions for hours on end and I grew tired of it because I wanted time with him too. He didnt work ever in his life for anything up to that point. He never cleaned up after himself or his dog or showed respect for himself as well as those around him. I ended up getting a job up the road at a gas station/cafe and ended up smoking loads myself, supporting his endless habits and showering him in attention and gifts. But at this point in my life I was easily jealous. When I was with Bob he cheated on me before he even took my virginity as well as my first couple short time boyfriennds also cheating on me before him so I was on my toes about douchebag talking to so many girls. We ended up hanging at his friends house often where I experienced xanax and psychedelics for the first time without a care in the world. We would get into arguments all the time over me demanding that he treated me with more respect and stop flirting with other girls. It never got anywhere. I dont really remember all that happened but one night I took xanax and drank after a fight and he left to his friends house and my mind immediately went to him going off with some girl so evidently I had ended up sending pictures of myself to Bob in my underwear ( funny because when we were together somehow the ones I sent him back then ended up on a porn site and my best friend in South Florida saw it had had to report it as child porn) and douchebag woke me up holding my phone to my face saying" what the fuck is this?" My immediate reaction was to crush my phone with my bare hands and beg him to believe me that they were old pictures. I was embarassed and couldn't believe I did that with hardly any memory of it.. So I chose to lie as if that was justifiable. Not long after that he ended up cheating on me with a girl down the street and I didnt find out about it until right before I had my son. I believe this is what initiated the inevitable with this poor excuse of a man. Many months went by with this toxic relationship and I became more obsessed with digging into his phone to find evidence of him cheating on me that I never spot on found. Anything I did find he always had a lie or excuse or gaslighted me on it. Then boom. A year and a half in I find out im pregnant. I had a hard pregnancy and gained a shit ton of weight so I was miserable. I went from 132 pounds to 204 pounds in 8 and a half months. I had mostly quit smoking but occaisionally I didn't stop myself due to relationship stress and physical exhaustion. Finally douchebag proposed to me at 7 months pregnant surely enforced by his mother and grandfather and we planned to get married. 8 and a half months pregnant I went into labor. I was so scared and excited all just to be ruined by him saying to me " look before we get married I want us to have a clean slate. So im telling you that I did cheat on you with someone." I said I forgave him but really I didn't. That's all it took to verify I wasn't crazy and he was a liar and a cheat and that I would most definitely would never trust him again. It was rough after we had my son. I was only 19 about to turn 20 and knew nothing of taking care of myself let alone a whole fucking baby. But we went through the motions of arguing and moving to Athens together into our own apartment with a lot of help from our income taxes and his mother. After I spied on him through his phone I found out he started seeing girls online behind my back while I was at work at our house, and even had them meet up with him at his work. I heard so many stories of his infidelities since at the time we both worked at Waffle house. I lost count of how many girls there were. I was desperate to fix the relationship so I started dancing around the idea of threesomes and open relationships to try to please him since he didnt seem to believe in monogamy. He brought girls over having them stay for days on end. I would cry and get angry and jealous and didnt know how to handle myself or the situation especially with my at the time 1 and a half year old baby. There was one girl in particular who came to our house to meet us to see if we were compatible for a threesome and she ended up seeing him behind my back. She was beautiful and honestly it wasn't her fault as much as I wanted it to be at the time.. He was head over heels for this girl and I thought to myself how I wasnt good enough. How all my hard work into this relationship was never going to be enough and I must have been ugly or unlikable, I gained weight so maybe he just didnt find me attractive anymore. We tried having a threesome after I confronted them about it and I guess they did it out of pity but mind you I genuinely have no interest in having sex with girls. Of course one night when he was supposed to be hanging out with her I talked him into staying home and trying to work things out and the girl FUCKING DIES IN HER SLEEP BRO. I was a chump and supported this man I had spent up to 4 years with and had a fucking child with crying over a woman I had caught him cheating on me with multiple times. I went to the funeral with him which Im sure everyone felt was fucking weird. Even had a video of them fucking since I needed proof to show him I knew he was lying dead ass to my face. I was depressed, contemplated suicide, etc. We fought in front of my son and I yelled at him when I lost patience. Made him spend time to himself in his room a lot which wasn't fair or responsible of me at all and I think about it every day. Im sure some part of me was going through post partum depression and didn't accept it. My poor baby boy had to see so much. I was addicted to pills and would spend all day finding money for my fix and dealers just to keep myself high enough to deal with him. I ended up going to jail in 2015 for shoplifting because I was ballsy about stealing stuff for my house since I spent all my money on drugs. I almost caught a felony. (Don't worry im not a theif anymore I learned my lesson) He respected and cared for me less every day of that relationship. This went on for at least several more months before I finally snapped and had enough of the lying and cheating and had a physical altercation with him..I moved in with one of my friends. He had already moved another girl in right after I left. I didn't even have a chance to get my things. I tried to befriend his new girlfriend and warn her of what he put me through and she didn't listen to me at all. Two weeks go by, I stopped taking drugs so I was going through withdrawals and fucked in the head even more intensely at that point and he calls me up throwing accusations at me taking his girlfriends belongings so I nutted the fuck up. I drove over there to get my shit and told him off for having me wait that long because "HE needed space." I go to unlock the door and this piece of shit holds the lock closed. So what do I do? Rationally handle it and call an officer to supervise? Nope. I took a fire extinguisher and busted the fuckin door down. Broke his tv. He started fighting me after I pushed him back for not letting me get my shit. Tried to strangle me, slammed my body in the door smashing my extremities repeatedly trying to keep me out, I went straight for his hair since he was sensitive about balding when he was young, he scratched my arm, he started destroying my lesther jacket with a steaknife,and my photo canvases that were not cheap after I broke his Tv, I don't even remember what all was said, then he threatened to cut his wrists with it and I just laughed and said "Give me that you little shit if you were going to die that way you would have done it already". My dumb ass went to take the knife from him and he pulled it back and cut my finger open. The police were called and they took me to jail since I was too fucking honest and told them I had just moved out even though my name was still on the rental agreement. After I got out I tried to get back on my feet. My son ended up staying with his Grandfather and his wife in the midst of all this so he didnt see any of these altercations go down thank god. I stayed in bed for about a whole month and did nothing. I didn't eat, couldn't sleep, and smoked weed just to keep my nerves and withdrawals from opiates at bay. I did get revenge on the girl he was with by cutting 2 of her tires and cutting one of her brakes. It was risky but I got away with it. I lost a bunch of weight in a month and looked sick but I was thin for the first time in 2 years so I didnt care.. I slept around a good bit trying to fill the massive hole in my heart but nothing really fufilled what I was longing for. 5 years of some prime years in my life so disgraced and wasted on this fucking guy. Another fucking guy once again I've spent too much time and effort on. I've never been the same since then. To be continued...
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missjackil · 7 years
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The One Who Remembers
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The first time Sam saw him, it was just after the Hell hallucinations started. It was only a glimpse, just out of site from his peripheral view, so he quickly forgot about it when he first encountered the memories of the meat hooks. Soon after, Sam would see him more clearly, sometimes standing, sometimes kneeling, and more often, just curled in the fetal position on the floor. Sam knew who he was, once he saw his bloody, broken face. It was himself, the one he met and killed when the wall in his head crumbled. It was the part of him who remembered Hell.  
After Cas shifted the pain to himself, Sam only saw him occasionally in dreams. Always looking the same, always speaking softly, telling Sam he wasn’t going to fight him, while the words weren’t spoken, Sam knew even as it happened, that he was pleading to die. To just let it be over. Sam remembered how badly he wanted to keep the memories locked away, but he more so wanted this part of him to stop suffering. This actually made killing him easier than killing his soulless self. Putting him down and out of his misery was the easiest kill Sam ever had. The dreams of him weren’t frequent, so Sam just wrote them off as any vivid nightmare he had acquired throughout his life, and never spoke of it or dwelled on  it much. However, for some reason, after the insane conditions over the last couple days, Lucifer himself was staying in Sam and Dean’s bunker. along with his Father, Chuck, and the dreams suddenly returned with a vengeance. They weren’t repeats of the normal dream, now his burnt, bloody, tortured self would scream in pain and terror, begging God for help, and Sam awoke in a cold sweat, shivering and nauseous, his throat raw as though he, himself, had been screaming. The bunker was dark and quiet. Dean had not burst through the door, gun in hand, as if reacting to Sam screaming in the night, so Sam was sure the screams weren’t audible. He went to the sink to splash water on his face, pausing to let a round of dry heaves work its way through his system, and he let the warm air of his room fill his now over exerted lungs until the shaking stopped. He needed a drink. Whether it would be a beer, a shot of Johnny Walker, or hot tea with honey and ginger, wouldn’t be decided till he got to the kitchen. Lucifer was locked safely in the dungeon, even though Chuck assured Sam and Dean that he was completely powerless and couldn’t harm them if he wanted to, they didn’t want to take any chances, Powerless or not, Sam knew he was there. He could feel him in the air, and could swear he could hear him taunting “Saaaam? Sammy? C’mon bunk buddy, hang out with me like we used to. Want to talk about old times? Hey! I know, how about a nice game of spin the  bottle? Maybe Twister? I promise I wont cheat this time HAHAHA!!”  Sam knew it was impossible, so he shoved the thought away and concentrated on the sound’s coming from Dean’s laptop in the war room. A basketball game. It must be a repeat since it was nearly 3am. This is good, he’ll watch videos with Dean and have a drink or 2 to calm his nerves. When he got to the war room, expecting to see his brother in the “dead guy” robe and about 6 beers into a good buzz, he saw Chuck instead. Maybe he would actually be better company right now. Sam knew he could talk to Chuck about anything, he always did, the only difference now was that he could see him face to face, and get an immediate response if he needed one. “Hey Sam!” Chuck said, just as Sam crossed the threshold into the war room. “You had a terrible dream didn’t you?” Chuck didnt even make eye contact, but slid a piping hot cup of tea in front of a chair next to him, encouraging Sam to sit for  a while. Sam smiled, and sat without hesitation “Yeah Chuck, I did” he took a sip and let it warm the ache in his throat “but I um, I dont think it was a dream.” Chuck shut the laptop and turned to Sam with full attention. “Want to tell me about it?”  Sam sipped again and cleared his throat. Maybe talking face to face with God was harder than he thought. A nervous smile came across Sam’s lips as he stared shyly into the cup of tea, as if it held more answers than the Creator of the Universe that sat beside him. “I know you know I spent time… downstairs. In Hell. In Lucifer’s cage.” Chuck nodded, “And you’re anxious because Lucifer is here? I can’t make you trust me Sam, that’s a choice all your own, but I promise you he can’t….” “No no no, Chuck, its not that” Sam cut off “I trust you, I do… i always have, but Ive been well, seeing things.” Chuck sat straight, drawing just a little closer into Sam’s space, nearly forcing him to make eye contact. Sam’s shoulder’s dropped, in reverent surrender. “When the wall crumbled, I went unconscious, and I couldn’t wake up until I killed my symbolic pieces, and absorbed their memories. Of things I’d done when I had no soul, and ummm everything that happened in Hell.” Sam swallowed hard and broke eye contact with Chuck, but Chuck stayed focused. “Tell me what that was like” Sam shifted in his chair and rubbed his face. “It was hard, sort of. I literally had to kill myself, twice. Just so I could put myself back together. But, my last piece, the piece that remembered Hell.. it wasn’t hard to put him down. He wanted it. I hurt for him so bad, that it felt merciful to me, to put him out of his misery. But now, I saw him in my dream, screaming, and begging for help. Begging YOU for help.”  Sam’s throat grew tight. He wasn’t sure if it was anger, or grief, or just plain sadness. His eyes welled, and he tried for a moment to hold the tears back, but he couldn’t help it. “I guess I don’t understand why you didn’t help, is what I’m saying.”  Chuck sat back and crossed his arms. “I did help Sam. I put Cas back together and gave him the power to pull you out. I can’t honestly tell you why your soul was left behind, that’s something you need to ask Cas about, but I steered your brother in the direction to get your soul out and told Death to help him. I still give all of you free will, so I put my hands in much more with you guys than I have for anyone for thousands of years, the time it took you all to figure out the right paths were on the three of you.” Sam was speechless. Half happy to have some blanks filled in, but half mortified that he may have offended God to his face. He looked up at Chuck “Im sorry, I spoke out of turn, I didn’t mean to accuse you of….” Chuck held a hand up for Sam to stop apologizing. “It’s okay Sam, really. Ive heard worse from the Archangels. I want to know what has you worried right now.” Worried. Is that what this was? Yes…. Yes! Sam realized for the first time, he wasn’t scared, or grieving, he was worried. “Im worried Chuck…. that I made the wrong call with him, or me as it was.”  Another tear rolled down Sam’s cheek. He sniffed and wiped his face again. “Im worried I shouldn’t have killed him. Maybe I could have helped him.” Guilt flooded over Sam like a dam broke in his soul. He didn’t put this part of himself out of his misery, he just ended it. The pain may not be increasing, but it wasn’t gone. It was like taking someone out of a fire but not helping them with the burns. He knew now that his soul didn’t simply need to be brought out of Hell, it needed to heal. Something he was never able to do. Was it even possible? Where would someone even begin to heal themselves after centuries of brutal torture? Sam buried his face in his hands. How did he miss it? He was always the first one to see if a victim needed help after a possession or a monster attack. He would make sure they got to a Doctor if they needed one, or he would recommend they find someone to talk to, and would offer his own phone number if they felt he could help. But somehow, with himself, he didn’t even bother. He would think “I’m alive, I look and feel healthy, I love, and I am loved. I can still help other people, so I’m just fine. A lot of people have it worse.” Chuck let Sam cry for a while. He knew it was luxury Sam rarely gave to himself, and not even once had he cried about the pain he had suffered in Hell, once he was out and intact. It wasn’t until Sam spoke through his sobs “Im so sorry, it was my fault. I could have helped but I didn’t. I was selfish wanting to come back so fast.” Chuck grabbed Sam’s hands roughly. “Now Sam, STOP! It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know then. You didn’t know you would get through it alive, let alone be capable of healing yourself.” Sam met Chuck’s eyes again “What can I do now?” Chuck smiled “Whatever you want. What would you like to do?” Sam thought for a moment. “I want to go back. Can I go back and talk to him, or umm me again?”  Chuck winked and touched Sam’s forehead. Instantly, Sam was out. Once again, Sam entered the room. It was Bobby’s house. Dark and only lit by candles. White sheets draped over the furniture. Sam could even smell the Old Spice and whiskey like he did that day he first met him. The only difference now was that Sam was 5 years older, and completely unarmed. He knew he was there, his bloody, broken self. He could smell him. Burnt flesh, singed hair, dried blood, sweat, and fear. Not strong enough to overwhelm him, but just enough that the memories came back to the front of his mind in detail. A smell that was around himself for 180 years.  Sam walked cautiously through the room, remembering this part of himself had a blade. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t use it, but still mildly regretted coming unarmed. Then he saw him, once again sitting at the table with his head down and hair hanging in matted strands over his face. “Hey, um Sam? It’s me, or, us, the living part.” Sam could see in the candle light, this figure stand up. “Why are you here?” Sam held up his hands to show him he had no weapon, and said “I need to talk to you. I want to help.” He could see himself walking around the table towards him. His face was more visible, but barely recognizable. When finally stood within inches, he lowered his head as if a last effort to hide the pain from this older, (yet younger) healthy man in front of him. “You can’t help me Sam. Just kill me, put me out of my misery” “No, that’s where we were wrong the first time.” Sam reached out and touched him on the shoulder, but the weakened, damaged man flinched against his touch. It must have hurt him, or maybe he didn’t know touching doesn’t have to hurt. “Im sorry” Sam said while pulling his hand away. “Here, come sit.” They both sat after Sam adjusted the sheet over the couch to be more comfortable. “I can help you okay? I don’t need to kill you to stop the suffering, I need to heal you. Then I can be whole again, and you, and I, will heal. Will you trust me?” “What choice do I have?” Things began to be more clear now. This poor, mangled creature thought he had no choice but accept whatever pain or grief was bestowed on him. As something he couldn’t control or maybe even felt he deserved. Now Sam knew where to start. “First off I want you to know we made it. We made it out alive, and though there were some really rough patches, things got better. WE got better.” Broken Sam let his eyes look over himself 5 years after their first meeting “Yeah, Id say you look a lot better than I do.” And Sam could see a hint of a smile on his lips. Sam couldn’t help but smile himself. he’d have to admit that he was actually pretty pleased with his body at 32 years old. He attributed that to eating healthy when he could but never denying himself pizza or a juicy cheeseburger when he wanted them. He hadn’t had so much as a cold in 5 years, not counting the side effects from The Trials. “We, or I, have made so many choices in my life, that have brought me to where I am now. There’s been some very poor ones, sometimes people got hurt, people I love and care about, but some were very good choices, and saved a lot of people, though, the most important one, where we somehow saved the world, is the one that actually got us here, where we both are right now. “ Sam could see the guilt come across the face of his tortured self. “So, this, is our fault right?” Sam thought for a moment, thats not what he was trying to say at all “No, this wasnt our fault. We broke Lucifer out of his cage, yes, that was a very bad choice, but saving the world afterward was not. That was the best choice. What Lucifer did to us, was HIS doing. Not ours. His choices and his alone.” At that Sam saw it. A light shine behind tortured Sam’s eyes, and he could see his skin begin to regain color. This is where the healing starts! “Touch me!” Sam said placing the hand of his broken soul on his heart. He looked confused. “See?!” Sam said, with a new found excitement “I’m alive, and healthy, WE are out, WE survived. Can you feel it?” Sam could see that he could. He could feel his heart, pounding away in his chest as it made more light come from behind battered Sam’s eyes. Sam watched him take in a few long deep breaths, as though he hadn’t breathed in ages and it brought more color to his skin, as streaks like faded claw marks began to disappear from his arms. “I can feel it” he said finally. “I can breathe and it doesn’t burn! It doesn’t hurt, or stink, it feels…. good” He said with an actual smile. A smile of sheer relief, and Sam could see himself 5 years ago begin to emerge from under the scars. “This is good!” Sam felt his skin become tingly and static charged. He was surprised he couldn’t hear it. “Now, keep breathing, keep filling your lungs with air and know that it’s life okay? We lived, we are alive. We aren’t perfect by a long shot, but we do good. He tried to destroy us but he didnt. We can still fight for whats right, and still love and be loved back!” Sam’s tortured soul was clearly recognizable as himself at 27 when he overpowered the Devil himself and jumped into the pit, but something in his face was wrong. Something still unrecognizable. “ What’s the matter? Did I hurt you?” “No” he said “I just dont remember what love is. What it feels like.”  Sam felt his heart break. Even through the worst parts of his life, even when he thought he hated Dean or his father,  or even his mother once or twice, for bringing the hunter’s life into the family, he knew he never stopped loving them. Even more recently when he and Dean had nearly killed each other on a couple occasions, he loved his brother, and even when Dean was a demon, he knew deep inside he loved him and that would be the real reason he came back, but this poor boy, just spent 180 yrs of furious hate and violence, that it managed to erase love from his memory. “I can show you. Will you let me?”  “Yes.” Sam had to admit to himself that this was probably the strangest experience of his life, and that was a pretty high bar, but it felt right. It felt like the only way this part of his soul would finally feel peace. “Can I touch you?” He asked “Yes, just please don’t hurt me.” A twinge of pain hit Sam in the heart, but he could honestly answer “I promise I wont. And you can stop me at any time.” A trusting nod was returned. “Love feels like this.” Sam said, as he touched his hair. No longer matted and blood stained. Soft and smooth, his right hand cupping his jaw which until a few minutes ago was smeared with blood. Sam felt this piece of him becoming warm under his touch. Placing a hand around Sam’s wrist as if to close a connection and maybe even to feel as though he could pull away if he wanted to. But he didnt. Sam moved in closer to him, and just wrapped his long strong arms around him. Pulling him into his chest and resting his chin atop his head. “This is what safety feels like.”  Both Sams were silent. Sam didn’t rush anything. They literally had all the time in the world, and he would give himself whatever he needed. From the way he felt him, as he finally wrapped his arms around Sam’s back, he knew this was something he needed, and he kissed the top of his head, closed his eyes and smiled. “Are we okay?” Sam asked after several minutes of silence. “I think so.” He answered “But, how can I be sure you’re real and not one of Lucifer’s tricks?” Sam was stumped for a minute. He remembered this feeling all too well when he had a hard time determining what was real and what was a hallucination. He remembered what Dean had told him about Hell, and how the pain was different. Feeling the pain from the real world helped him focus more on what was real, but he couldnt possibly cause this man any more pain. Then Sam remembered that sometimes Lucifer would trick him with pleasure. Making him think for a moment he felt good and then he would instantaneously be hanging from hooks in his face. That pleasure he felt though, was different than pleasure topside. It was more like a drug induced pleasure, than a real human feeling. He could show his soul real pleasure. “I remember the tricks he played to make me think I was happy for a moment and then steal it away from me. It felt real in the moment, but it felt superficial, only on the surface. It didn’t feel like this.” Sam  pulled back away, just far enough to look into his eyes. To connect with him on level that they would both feel on the inside. He held his face in his hands, stared into his eyes until he saw life begin to sparkle in them. It may have been enhanced by the surrounding candle light, but they burned with hope. Sam closed his own eyes and pressed his lips to his temple, along his ear and to his lips. Soft with closed mouth, he stayed for just a second or two before he felt those other lips part and invite his tongue inside. It was beautiful. Sam couldnt deny it. It might have been the best kiss hes ever given or received  and he knew his counterpart felt it too. They were connected now, and everything one felt, so did the other. It was more than intense, it was epic. Sam could tell by each touch what he needed, what he craved and feelings of true, honest, pure pleasure grew like vines from the soles of his feet to the hair on his head. They both needed to feel each others bare skin surround them. Sam wasnt exactly sure how or when their clothes wound up in a pile on the floor, but it was a dream right? No, he was sure he wasn’t in the real world, but this was definitely something real. Sam laid along side himself at 27. Admired his own body even then. strong, muscular, maybe a little less hair in some places, and maybe a little more in others, but for the first time in his life, he realized he is beautiful. Not just attractive, or a 7 and a half, but actually beautiful. He let his hands and lips explore himself, as he also returned the admiration of his future body. It was confusing, but amazing at the same time. He wanted nothing more than to make love to him, himself. And he did. Everything one felt, so did the other, so every movement was perfectly in line. When slowing down was best, when speeding up was better, and when they came simultaneously, it was nothing less than perfect. He felt everything in his body and soul release pressure like a volcano, and then it was calm. Both Sams were silent. Sam awoke in his room. Sore and exhausted, but peaceful. He felt like he had slept for 3 days but the clock on his phone said just 7 hours. He was thirsty and starving, but was happy to smell bacon and pancakes cooking. Maybe it was a dream after all? He didn’t think so, he really felt like the healing actually began and a great weight was lifted off his shoulders. He made a promise to himself that whenever he felt that pain well up in his soul again, he would go back and visit his new friend. The most important person he’s saved yet to date… Himself.
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dangit-lin-blog · 7 years
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ASK MAYMAY FROM MYFAVORITEUMBRELLA
dis is for you pal @myfavoriteumbrella
1) How you doing?  pretty okay. the moonsickness has begun tho. :ccc
2) Have you ever killed a man? not in real life physically
3) Celebrity Crush? what is a crush
4) What is your stance on mint ice cream? good shit rite there
5) Are you okay with who you are? depends on my emotions for the most part. right now i wish i wasnt a girl
6) Do you have any pets? (hug em if you can, tell them Tiny loves them) i have 5; three dogs two cats (not including the feral cats we feed outside. copper’s hoe friends)
7) Any weird quirks? i laugh at the mention of memes. just say the word memes and i will probably start laughing uncontrollably. i like dead memes too. well structured jokes do not make me laugh; memes do. not like i can laugh anymore in the first place. you see in school i learned that laughing is not allowed so now all of my laughter is suppressed. i can no longer laugh openly. it sounds friccin satanic.
9) Do you have any siblings? (hug em if you can, tell them Tiny said “sup”) i have an older sister and an older half sister. the sister is lame. i also cant hug anything anymore. my sister was accused of being flirty or something so i no longer really hug anything to prevent false accusations. i more just throw myself into peoples open arms. 
10) Do you dance when you’re alone? Are you any good? i dont really dance either. again my family walked in on me singing one time so i havent sung since. what the hell is wrong with me. kinda wanna do ballet tho. seems cool. very strech.
11) Fight me? FITE FITE FITE FITE FITE FITE FITE ME ON SMASHHHHH I WANNA FITE FITE ME FITE FITE FITE FITE FIIITEEEEEEE Questions For You Peeples (from umbrellaboi):
1) Favorite food? i like steak and also the margarita grilled chicken from chili’s. oh and whataburger never forget whataburger.
2) Birthday? October 15, 2002
3) Favorite vocaloid? probably len. im starting to like fuckass too, but len has been my main favorite. damn you len
4) If I were to draw you something what should it be? OWO draw me, len and fricchorse, or lenguin. memes are good too
5) Favorite cheesy shojou? ouran highschool host club, i guess. never really watch anime or read manga, but it was friccin good.
6) Do you like to sing? singing is nice when i can do it silently around only my friends into a kazoo. 
7) Weirdest food you like? barbecue chichken pizza
8) Gotta ask cause that was a good question, Sasuke or Naruto? sasucc
9) If you had a cactus what would you name it? my favorite
10) Would you eat a dead lizard off of the road for a million dollars? Try’na prove a point to @shakethatbacon if i didnt know it was a lizard than probably. if not i would cheat and get my cats to do it. they like lizards.
11) What job do you think you want later? im actually not sure.. i like science and stuff, but i cant see myself being a science. art is fun, but i make trash memes out of everything, and not everyone wants to pay for trash memes. writing is fun, i like pointing our mistakes in writing, so maybe an editor.
MAYMAY QUESTIONS:
1.) Does Jumin Han is gay? I must know.
2.) On a scale of 1-10 how much do you damn len?
3.) Do you like Zelda games? If you do, how many have you completed?
4.) What is your dankest meme?
5.) Favorite Girl Scout cookies?
6.) What’s your theory on how Lenguin came to be?
7.) Hyah heuh hyatt hyah?
8.) someBODY ONCE TOLD ME __________
9.) What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
10.) Cronchy slime or Buttery slime? ((i really like aesthetic slime for some reason))
11.) How often do you win at cards against humanity?
ALright bois its tagging time i choose @lethargicthylacine @kerto-p @willatree @pimp-hospital-tv @hurricane-muffins @poorly-drawn-vocaloid-universe @mariomario03 and anyone else who wants do do this :))))))))))))))))
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