#i dont want to but idk what else i can really do :

[mins-fins]

where do we go

&&. conversations between lung destroyi— i mean, smoking cigarettes.

pairing: lee donghyuck x gn!reader

genre: some weird thing idk..

warnings: smoking, readers got some bad friends

word count: 0.9k

notes: can you believe this.. TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY!??? okay my first hyuck post today was a timestamp i posted while on the bus home but hey!! two posts in one day is crazy.. also both of them being for haechan, i don't like him guys i just had two good ideas containing smoking and he was the first idol that came to mind 😖 he's the loml fr 💗 but no no no im not a sunflower dont get it wrong 🙏 also i dont smoke, based this off shit i've read and observing all the adults in my life who smoke around me 🙁 dont crucify me for not being accurate #smokers

"you have a lighter?"

the question strikes you as odd. you snap out of your street lamp gazing and turn to the stranger beside you. you blink a few times, as if you couldn't fathom why such a question would be asked. the stranger waits patiently for your answer, mouth seemingly zipped shut after asking the question. "what?" you inquire like an idiot.

"a lighter" he reiterates, raising an inflammable joint tucked between his index and middle finger in the air. you allow for your mouth to form a small 'o', and you clear your throat, suddenly feeling flustered. he snickers lightly, and your almost afraid that he's laughing at you. "you don't smoke?"

you smile weakly, just sighing as you begin rummaging through your pockets. "no it's just.. today's not my day, i'm upset about some shit that's all" when you finally find the lighter you remember you placed into your pocket, you passed it over to him with a throw. "here".

the stranger doesn't seem to be that interested in your lighter anymore, his face coloring in concern at the sound of you being upset. you aren't sure why he even cares, there's no reason for him to. you ignore his look of concern, just rubbing your eyes. "oh? what's upsetting you so much?"

you allow for yourself to snort at the words. "it's nothing, really, i don't want to burden you with my issues" you dismiss him with a wave, watching as he lights the cigarette and takes his first drag of the joint.

"no please" he responds, blowing the smoke out through his lips. he tosses you back your lighter. "you gave me your lighter, so i'll sit here and listen to you vent your issues" he places a prideful hand on his chest, as if you were supposed to celebrate him for that or something.

"wow, should i clap for you to honor such generosity?"

"well you don't have to, but i would love if you did" oh! so this guy is a comedian, your tongue pokes through your inner cheek as you let out another silent sigh, straightening your posture in your seat. your train isn't coming for another ten minutes.

"oh lord where are my manners? lee donghyuck!" he pairs a charming smile with his introduction, and you almost laugh (key word: almost) at the allure of this stranger. he holds out his hand for you to take, presumably for a handshake, and it's not like it'll kill you or anything, so you take his hand, shaking it.

"l/n y/n" you respond, he doesn't hold your hand for long, his grip quickly slipping away from yours as he leans back in his seat sighing.

"alright then, y/n" he begins, playing with the joint in his fingers. "what's making you so upset tonight?"

"do i have to tell you?"

"would you rather sit here in silence and watch me destroy my lungs?"

the answer to that question is easy, no, when given the ultimatum, talking about your issues seems much easier than whatever else he was saying. "it's just— my friends suck! they call me overdramatic for wanting birthday gifts and then they proceed to blow up my phone with texts!"

donghyuck raises an eyebrow, blowing out more smoke. "they didn't even try to get you gifts?"

"they didn't even remember my birthday!" you shout, getting more and more irritated as you recall the incident. "i've literally gotten ignored all day, they only just remembered like two hours ago! can you believe that?"

"what a bunch of assholes.." he mumbles, a smell of burnt cigarettes in the air. "what kind of friends are those?"

"right? and now they're just expecting me to answer their calls!? they can go to hell for all i care!"

"petty" donghyuck comments absentmindedly, his smile doesn't go unnoticed by you, he has such a nice smile, you note. "i like it" he says again, playing with the joint in his fingers.

"i have every right to be petty, they don't deserve my attention.." you brush dust off your sweater, looking forward at the train tracks, your eyes cast up at the board which usually displays how long until your train comes. "you've gotta be fucking kidding me".

"what's wrong now?"

"train is delayed".

"ah" donghyuck resists the urge to laugh at your look of defeat, he doesn't want to upset you. "guess were gonna have to walk home".

you groan at the idea, but you stand up, though begrudgingly. "i don't live anywhere near this place" you shove your hands into your pockets, now annoyed by the fact that you'll have to walk home, just another horrible thing to add onto your horrible day.

"well, we could always walk together".

at donghyuck's suggestion, you give him a baffled look, and he finally does laugh at the look you share with him, taking another drag of the joint tucked between his fingers. "were still strangers, i'm not sure that's safe".

"you gave me your lighter, were basically soulmates".

the statement makes a baffled chortle escape your lips, and you click your tongue at his words. you try your best to ignore the constant buzzing of your phone. "wow, your a comedian aren't you?"

"a proud one too".

the words get another laugh out of you, and you look down at the floor, at your moving feet. "at least let me walk you out of the station, i don't want to leave you here".

"how endearing, lee donghyuck" you tease, finally looking up at him and meeting his eyes. he seems to like those words, because he allows for his lips to turn up into a grin. he drops his cigarette onto the ground and puts it out with his foot. "fine, i'll let you walk me out".

"thank you! i won't disappoint!"

#lee donghyuck #haechan #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct imagines #nct drabbles #nct scenarios #haechan imagines #haechan drabbles #haechan scenarios #lee donghyuck x reader #haechan x reader #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

[fossilizedhysterics]

hiiiiii sanders sides fandom. is this anything original by @punkitt-is-here !!

#do NOT like my patton design one bit i have never been able to pin down what i want him to look like #i dont WANT to give him a mullet bc i give like everyone a mullet but idk it never looks right without the extra hair #recently ive been looking at jane crocker homestuck whenever i draw his hair idk if you can tell #i ALSO cant tell what hair COLOR i wanna give him #and i also cant ever figure out outfits for him. like hes the only one i really consistently draw in his canon outfit #bc i just never know what else to put him in #i feel like the way i drew him here looks a lil like brett hand. which i think is VERY funny. same guy basically #forever weed brownie #sanders sides #remus sanders #patton sanders #sasi #thomas sanders #ts sanders sides #art #my art #fanart #intruality #not explicitly. but in my heart

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[intotheelliwoods]

I have one more thing I want to work on before I get back into updating 2AL regularly, but until then......

#I was going to do a poptart mindscape introduction comic next but like #idk how necessary that is??? #I am assuming by this point we all know how the mindscape works right? #> can share memories #> can manipulate what you look like #> and can manipulate surroundings/summon whatever you want at will #I am assuming we know these things????? yeah? #2 arms left #and like! ah #gosh that animation project is scary #the last 2 options are build up comics for it that I am *probably* going to have to make at some point anyways #another part of me entirely is debating scrapping the animation project and just doing that update in comic form instead of animated form #YKNOW LIKE A NORMAL PERSON #idk #rambling #I am at a really weird part of the storyline for 2al where I know what happens next #but its going to be hard to visualize it? if that makes sense? #what do you MEAN these story points cant just get #beamed out of my head and into everyone elses heads #anyways hello thanks for reading this far into the tags #augh ive been very busy! #to whatever wins this poll I may not get to it till the end of the month #or after since the rest of this month is going to be pretty stressful #this is also assuming the animation option doesnt win #I dont know how long thats going to take me...... #assuming I even have the guts to finish it

[marcmorrigan]

finally delivering on the princess tutu headshots i promised... love these dysfunctional teens 🩰💖💕

LOTS of notes about headcanons/design choices under the cut! like. a lot. dont say i didnt warn you

starting with my specialest guy fakir:

i had a suuuper clear vision for fakir, and i couldnt be happier with how he turned out, he looks exactly how i imagine him! trying to translate his Bird-Shaped Hair into my style gave me SERIOUS homestuck flashbacks. my affinity for knights with Problems knows no bounds...

adding the hyperpigmentation around his eyes and his acne scars is what really solidified this for me-- i put those in and was like oh!!! there you are!!! my boy!!! and you can tell because i gave him acne scars + thick eyebrows that he IS my boy... there are very clear trends among my headcanons for my faves lol. big noses, thick eyebrows, skin imperfections, heavy eyebags, long dark hair... and fakir truly has it all 😤 he is so Ideal Character Design to me

i think fakir is actually pretty self-conscious about his appearance tho! we see characters like pike and lilie say hes handsome to ahiru, but i dont know how often he actually hears that? and im sure its hard not to compare himself to mytho, who is straight out of a fairy tale; being a regular teenager dealing with regular teen body stuff is hard enough without your roommate being a magically beautiful eternally youthful storybook hero. i think he probably internalises more that people see him as scary and angry, and that the girls who do have crushes on him always frame it in contrast to mytho, who is Good and Kind and Handsome, implying (or sometimes outright stating!) that fakir is Bad and Mean and... Well...

fakir is very sensitive but quiet about it, so i think its a very private point of self-consciousness. i think he puts a lot of semi-secret effort into his appearance; canonically he has a lot of very funny and clearly customised clothing, and he chooses to keep his hair long and in a very particular style (i have a whole breakdown in my mind of how he achieves that style and it involves a surprising amount of pins and an unsurprising fuckton of teasing. i think his hair is a little fried from heat damage!), and i think that probably extends to other things, too, like manicuring his eyebrows and doing a lot of very Teenage Skincare that doesnt actually help his acne much lol. i think he probably has a lot of self-injurious habits and BFRBs like skin picking and chewing, mostly at his acne and around his nails (both of which he hates, because he knows he shouldnt but does it anyway). i think if he does it enough that theres noticeable evidence it feels, like, world-ending for him, ESPECIALLY if anyone asks what happened lol. do not perceive him except in the very specific ways and contexts he approves of THANKS

on to the narratives favorite princess, mytho:

again, i had a pretty clear idea of the vibe i wanted mytho to have going into this-- i want him to have, like, extreme prince charming vibes, very Classically Handsome without necessarily being 'conventional.' i thought a lot about 'the happy prince' story while i was working on this, and really wanted him to look like a cross between how the prince statue looks in my head and a porcelain doll. and also a cross between jonny brown and brigitte bardot? lots of very direct influences for him lol. so! lots of gold tones, gemmy eye color, cute little tooth gap, quivering wide-eyed thousand-yard-stare doe eyes and big ol dolly anime lashes, which were the very last thing i added because i was NERVOUS about pulling those off lol. they turned out cute tho! ive only done a handful of pieces for this series and i can already tell princess tutu is gonna make me up my lash drawing game considerably, these kids all look like they blink and cause a hurricane from the gale force wind of their falsies

also wait i lied the very last thing i did was add his freckles/beauty marks because he needed that little extra oomph and those were It. i think he probably has some on his hands/wrists too 💕

i was a little unsure if my idea for his hair would translate with this flat-color approach but im pretty happy with it! its supposed to be afrotextured hair (somewhere between 3b and 4c i think? wide range of potential i knowww but im still kind of hammering out my headcanons okay, this is exploratory lol) thats been rolled and finger-styled into his little feather shapes. i think loose, chunky twists would be another fun way to interpret his hair and twists are one of my fave styles to draw do i might draw him like that at some point too...

i guess fakir is the one who styles his hair for him before mytho gets his heart back? i imagine fakir is pretty meticulous about maintaining mythos health and appearance, even at the worst stages of their relationship. i think itd be hard for fakir to frame the way he treats mytho as For Mythos Sake if he wasnt doing some level of actually beneficial care for him, so being really fastidious about things like mythos diet and sleep hygiene and hair care and such gives fakir an outlet for his 'you just have to do what i tell you' thing that helps him convince himself it really is helping, no really, hes doing this for mythos benefit and he just has to be strict with him because mytho doesnt UNDERSTAND he needs PROTECTING and fakir is the ONLY ONE who can do it so mytho HAS to let him because if he doesnt then why does fakir even EXIST, if he cant manage this then what is he good for, and--

yknow. the usual complexes. and their relationship is so complex!!! but also so simple, but like. in a good way. fakirs behavior is complicated but his motivation regarding mytho is SO straightforward which makes that downward spiral into harm really easy to map out... i wont go much into that in this post since this is about visual/appearance-related headcanons but just. augh. i love this show and i love these characters!!! and i hope its apparent in my work that i do love them so <3

im hoping to do a set of these for the girls next!!! i have some other stuff to finish first but hopefully... Soon... Some Birds...

#princess tutu #fakir #mytho #prince siegfried #my art #i had sooo much fun playing around with style in these... the super strong white highlights + underpainting combo looks SO lovely #i should take this approach more often i almost never do!!! it rules and is fun to do #i was listening to my fakir playlist nonstop for DAYS while working on this and still intermittently since... #it feels like ive been sitting on these for a month but its only been 5 days omg. crazy... good to know tho #anyway i love themmm theyre everything. SO fun to draw i really hope i can do more art of them. i Want To... i have Ideas >:o) #btw is putting notes on my thoughts under a cut like this interesting for yall? its fun for me but idk if yall wanna read all that #i will probably continue regardless bc i love to hear myself talk esp abt my design choices but #im curious if my notes on my thought process are interesting to anyone else #if not oh well! thats what the cut is for 😤 nobodys gotta read it if they dont wanna im doing this for Me

[oceanwithouthermoon]

at the end of a lot of my posts involving toritsuka i always stop myself from elaborating too much cuz i end up thinking like 'ah everyones knows how i feel about toritsuka' but DO THEY ?? do they.. because ive gotten (and ignored) multiple asks from people who think i fucking hate toritsuka and its so insane to me because WHERE DID I FUCKING SAY THAT?? guys.

he is literally so silly! i lowkey feel like i need to make a masterpost of everything ive ever said about him just so that i can force it down everyones throats and make you all understand my complex feelings on this stupid dumb idiotic little freak!

its a love-hate kind of obsession <3

#its not really 'love-hate' i dont hate him at all i just think he is very complex and interesting #and i do like to focus on his wrongs more than his rights but its not because im trying to invalidate his progression #its because i think he does those bad things for a REASON and i want to build on that #my beautiful princess with a traumatic past and a redemption arc #its not really a redemption arc idk what else to call it though #this is also how i feel about kusuke btw like how can people think i hate him. #both of these characters i literalky just acknowledge the bad things they canonically do and people take it as hate #that tells me so much about how u guys ignore the bad parts of your fav characters #stop pretending they did nothing wrong. they did so much wrong. #'hes my babygirl he can do no wrong' NUH UH hes MY babygirl and he's committed atrocities #its just sooooo crazy to me that people refuse to acknowledge him doing shitty things just cuz they like him.. #this is kind of why i created the meownalysis tag cuz i wanted people to b able to see my specific takes if they were looking #but sometimes i just talk and it doesnt quite fall under an analysis or i just like mention something quietly in a post #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #toritsuka reita #meows post #meownalysis #?? not realky but in gonna put it here

[skunkes]

the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.

I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....

every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....

#talkys #this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did #there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way #but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset... #i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish #i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above #in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good? #isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than... #i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish #and because im no better than anyone else #my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck #pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day #i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!! #and it is true....! #we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish #i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler. #*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim #i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....

[sideshow-duckling]

wtf is happening in hsr why are people hyping up hanabi/sparkles being racist towards adventurine who's canonically based off romani people. why is adventurine, a heavy romani inspired character, blonde and fully white. why is adventurine quite literally discriminated against and even portrayed as harmful romani stereotypes (a smooth talker, a thief, promiscuos). why is the fucking fandom boiling it down to "omg she called him gay and a bottom" when she's actually describing the sort of physical punishment/demoralizing actions the romanis would face. what the fuck hoyoverse.

#if your point is “well people can write bigoted characters” I still need to tap the sign #hyv is only ok writing racism when it happens to a fully white passing and presenting character #and the fandom these games have cultivated don't seem to be capable of treating a character being discriminated against as anything more #than a joke #if you dont see an issue with the fandom “woobifying” and mhy appropriating the experience of marginalized groups for a character who you- #wouldn't be able to tell is romani w/o the weird stereotypes everyone else imposes on him #that's your issue #turning off reblogs because I actually don't want ppl sharing this around this is my stupid rant to the void #idk how to do comments I rarely post og stuff #I am really fucking hoping the shit I am seeing is not all true #because what the actual fucking fuck #apparently other characters are racist too #like dr ratio #why are. you all. shipping those two #I am so fucking serious #why is mhy only portraying racism when the one they are being racist towards is clearly white passing #none of that fucking “ooo his eyes are magical!!” bullshit #hyv you are a fucking coward and so is anyone who stands for this shit #hsr

[clits-and-clips]

Spiralling AGAIN would you believe it

#txt #trying to figure it out #i tried to be there for jim and listen to him and be a good partner #but he barely opened up #i didnt know he wanted to leave me #he chose to open up when i was mad #so i didnt respond #so that i didnt yell #not that that is his fault #i should have done better #but i couldny #in that house #i was so overstimulated all the fucking tome #time #like always #and i didnt even realise it #until he kicked me put #out* #and now im just guilty over everything. #why wasnt i better #why cpuldnt i be better #its not fair that he didnt tell me #3 months and you really couldnt tell me what was on your mind #thats unfair man #i was trying so hard to be better #to do better #giving him space is almost impossible #hes my best friend and my soul mate #i dont want to talk to anyone else tbh #so being ignored is like a knife to my chest and idk what to do about it and this is my last tag i can put it and i just dont even know

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH. #id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion. #yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ... #a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened' #im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways.... #sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

[elegyofthemoon]

well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost

#avil plays hi3 #tbf majority of me playing through hi3 just looks like This. #yes the acheron trailer made me get up and finish ch 17 #i. :( #the fight between kiana and mei was so painful :( #ok also i suck ass in the combat and i was so scared of having to restart #BUT I THINK I HURT MORE THE FACT THAT KIANA JUST REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON MEI #BUT MEIS ALSO DOING THIS BECAUSE SHES TRYING TO SAVE KIANA #AND THEY WERE BOTH FIGHTING TO STOP AND TRY TO SAVE EACH OTHER #MEI YOU SAVED KIANA BUT LIKE..... DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE ALONGSIDE HER.... MEI PLEASE #tbh. the way i was going through ch 17 for hi3. #kiana and mei remind me a lot of oz and gil's relationship back in pandora hearts but #now it makes me want to hit my head on a brick wall because #'wow. i really just gravitate tO THE SAME FUCKING MEDIA EVERY DAMN TIME AVIL STOP IT FFS' #also idk i was thinking about it too #mei tried earlier to use the herrschers powers to try and protect kiana but it wasnt enough. she failed that time #and with no other option to save her she just HAD to and it makes me HURT that this was her only option #IN HER HEAD. I BELIEVE IN YOU MEI I THINK THERE COULDVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION HERE (IDK WHAT BUT I AM SOBBING) #sprawls on the ground #at least i can have an emotional break for a little bit.... hsr update so i can chill w that #and then when i finish catching up w that. then i go back to being hi3's punching bag #can i get off this train now? why'd i sign myself up for this (welt yang doomed me and then i got fucked over by everything else) #idk also the way that both mei AND kiana resorted to using their herrscher powers to stop the other. two stubborn people.... #but its done because they just... they just care so much and want to save the other #okay yeah we did beat each other up about it bUT STILL #MEI I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND 😭😭😭😭😭 #anyways. glad i did. i have the worst stomach ache rn so i was Going through it #but my brain hit a reset so i feel normal now. save for the crying

[ankhisms]

can i be emotionally vulnerable with you all in the torture dungeon

#anyway. keep feeling weird in a specific way but not really wanting to talk about it with anyone but also not talking about it makes it #feel like its crawling under my skin. and its not necessarily a bad feeling i just have a fucked up traumatized brain that makes #feeling things weird in general. i feel things so strongly or else im numb and outside my body and often struggle #with being super aware of myself because of this. where its also like im in survival mode constantly know and it can be easy #for me to go numb and not feel things or else be just going into panic panic panic hell freakout but beyond that it can be very hard #for me to identify feelings and such and having sat with this feeling its like. ok i think ive identified this but it feels #weird for me and i dont know what to do with this. should i do anything with this. probably not. and that carries its own #various baggage and relation to other issues im realizing i said i was going to be vulnerable but now i am just being very #vague about everything im saying. as you can tell i have problems and am noy good at being vulnerable #tldr feelings are weird. ive been feeling weird lately in specific ways that i dont know how to deal with but its not really bad but does #relate to certain issues i have with myself but idk really what to do besides just feeling it and letting it pass #but sometimrs iy has made me want to bang my head against a wall

[mumintroll]

okay so i asked this boy on a date but i didnt use thw word date and was vague about my intentions so i suppose he didnt get that it was a date bc now hes asking if my housemate who he is also friends with is free and that hed like to see us both 2gether and i dont know what to say bc im scared if i just forthright say i intended it to be a date with just us two he will say sorry i dont want that and then i wont ever get to see him. and im prepared to be rejected by him but if im going to be rejected i want it to be in person not over text that is so much worse. so i dont know what to doooo someone solve all my problems for me

#idk my housemate does know about my crush and he is the one who told me i should ask him out so maybe i could work out a situation where i #get him to agree to only come for half an hour and then say he has to go meet someone else or something. which makes me feel so silly but #i really dont know what to do. i just want to see this boy alone so i can tell him how i feel and then get over it 4ever but seeing him #alone is seeming impossibleeee it will never happen

[puppyeared]

i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it #its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me #but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy #hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked #its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags #and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple #its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!! #and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!! #but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is #fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates #but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right' #fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on #yapping

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[sonknuxadow]

omg its pride month *hands you gay animals*

#should go without saying but just in case dont tag either of these as ship #sonic the hedgehog #sth #miles tails prower #knuckles the echidna #amy rose #can i tag this as #team sonic #if they arent all in the same picture. idk #my art #god you can tell that i do not know how to draw knuckles just by comparing him to everyone else in this post #tails looks weird too i didnt really know what to do with his tails. but idk i Tried #sonic wearing a hearing aid might just be a semi regular thing in my art now i think. i like drawing him with one #going to try to make a sequel to this that has a few other characters but i wanted to post them a few at a time