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#i dont think ill ever be good enough for you
mollyolikeme · 2 days
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Thoughts as I read TSC: A Stream of Conciousness Part Two!
Filthy Spoils!
classic kevin.
LOL keep saying i see how much you bench as if thats an indicator of someones ability to kickass
HA! i always forget about the sixteen hour days shit, i cannot, i find it too fucking funny it's fucking impossible. mfs would be DECEASED. like DEAD.
they are so hardcore this fantastical has me CACKLING every time
like a ken doll!
BLONDE.
ill advised thoughts....
uh oh jean, your crazy is showing.
goddamn. to hate but need. complicated and absolutely screwed up relationship dynamics are fascinating.
okay, i like to rag on our beloved kevin (because its fun and easy) but like props where props are due. i know we didn't get to see his transition from raven to fox but i honestly think the boy would have handled it a lot better than jean jean morose over here. boy isssssss messed up.
foreshadowwwwww SWIM SHORTS!
dangerously low? dangerous for who jean?
do not be slut shaming, lucas. thats fucking gross of you and i'm not even gonna mention the nonconsensual factor...........
oh. my. word. its not funny but i feel the morbid sense to laugh at the ravens dropping like flies.
bad therapist. you cant force it. where is Dobson?
OMG LOL i summoned her!
dont you worry about kevin babe, the foxes got him
thats two hands on chin! thats two!
he's got a big dick! lololololololol boys not tryna be gayyyy
oh the heat! the HEAT! yes jeremyyyyyyyy
fear of water.
what happens when he losses his grip......i want to see you lose control......... hi familiar phrasing and trauma, i ADORE you.
in my head, jean has a very french tsk of his tongue reaction to almost everything people do around him.
yesssss the foxes ARE synchronized.
you tell him jeremy! none of his raven intentionally injuring people bullshit
omg were gonna get a little kevin trip to cali! reunion of the abused buds! (again gotta take the morbid hilarity into account for my health)
LOL wheel throwing! Patrick Swayze where are you?!
not the self flagellating notebooks he kept.....
oooooo intense. it all comes to the surface. the truth will always come out.
this is clever, gives just enough info about the ravens without explaining the crime side of things. go nora.
okay damn lucas.... issues buddy. dont be comin after jean jean. you'll regret it.
chin grab number 3! this time by jeremy 🤩
omg cuuuuuuuute little motorcycle ride and seashell gifty
again. uh oh jean. your crazy is showing to the coaches now. this truth is really spilling out the cracks
pause.......... guys my sanity........ my INsanity upon reading this........... im losin it! ......... okay resume.
morbid laughing morbid laughing morbid laughing fuck fuck fuck
yo. to somehow make me feel like neilio's story is a positive tale................
wow lucas. doubling down are we. his character does have a very difficult truth to come to terms with. its fuckin rough and a hella interesting arc.
you should call dobsonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
OH SHIT! neil's here! Thats not good news for you jean!
fy faen neil. you're kind of a gangster babe!
oh. dead sister. so sad. (typing it out like that looks sarcastic. It's not.)
yaaaaasssss thats the smart mouth we know and love! telling an agent he parked illegally!!! ahhhhh lolololololoolol
OMG Neil!!!! sweetheart! you care so much! awwwwwwwww wow nora seriously, what. a. treat! he cares about his buddy jean.
jeremy...... you got it so bad hun. always with the 'what do you need?' like just promise yourself to him forever and ever.
CHIN!!!!!!!!!! FOUR TIMES NOW.
woah Jer.
i like that jean actually doesn't like exy. such a good contrast to neils pov obsession.
im curious where this whole 'its not freedom its a pretty cage' thing is gonna go. like, yea i dont think you'll ever be 'free' free jean. but honestly this is pretty damn close. professional athletes lives are very straight forward. and if youre that good, fuckin easy.
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marblerose-rue · 1 year
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the perched king / tigerstar I
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oatbugs · 4 months
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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craycraybluejay · 20 days
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yes i am an adult male who loves high school dramas this is because i literally never experienced normal coming of age drama like ever and am disconnected from the collective experience of having a relatable peer group forever hope that helps
#i JUST want to experience high school#without like. my whole shitty life thing having gone on#i want to go to high school and have stupid drama and sexuality crises and worries about grades#not... That#i never had that im never going to have that#can i get (one) permission to go a little crazy if i survive into a university#fuck everyone befriend and be-enemy everyone get all up in peoples stupid mind numbingly low stakes drama#i want that sweet golden experience where the worst thing ill ever fear is annoying my classmates#or accidentally spilling something on someone at a dance#i deserve it i deserve to have had a childhood and a young adulthood and a life#i deserve to have dealt with unserious issues to prepare me for bigger ones#rather than serious danger that leaves me permanently severed from normal people and life#and makes me incapable of reacting proportionally or finding it in me to care about less serious problems#like yes it sucks your mom is going to miss college graduation#but i thank my lucky stars that you are not dying or being abused or starved or beaten or exploited#i literally dont know how to take things seriously a lot of the time like im not able to even if i try#because to me the mildest real problem is someone purposefully isolating you and ruining your health#the MILDEST#i try to care ab simple stuff i really do i just CANT#and it sucks so much trying to be a good friend and kind feeling like i cant do enough#the loud thought 'i wish that hapoened to me/i wish i worried about that/i wish the people i love only had that as a problem'#i get so envious. like thank fucking god your parents divorced like normal adults when it should be over#thank fucking god that 'friend' cut you off when they were actively insulting you and betraying your trust#thank the fucking universe that shitty partner dumped you before you fkn hurt yourself over them#yk?#and its a 'mean/cold' way to think about it but i just dont have the capacity to think or feel the little picture#i can imagine my friends subjected to such horror even tho i dont want to
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skunkes · 5 months
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was abt to make a silly post about how at this point i barter with the universe for a bf like "please id take care of him and walk him and dress him up", like a child begging for a pet, and then i think abt how as much as i want an actual pet I don't think im fit to ever have one of those either
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good-beanswrites · 6 months
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There haven't been any Milgram headcanon requests so far, right? How about 🧸 and 💔 for Mikoto?
Mikoto time!! Thank you for the request -- I know it's risky posting headcanons so close to Double, but I'll come back and ammend anything that might be proven wrong on Wednesday 😂
🧸 A headcanon about their childhood: Through his early schooling years, Mikoto was present for a lot of extracurricular activities. He didn't always care/give his all, he just enjoyed hanging out with others and fooling around. The reason he can be such good friends with everyone is because he's picked up on tons of little things over the years by dabbling in all those arts, fields of study, sports, etc. Once he finds out your hobby, he can immediately retrieve some bit of knowledge/memory to get a conversation going, or even join in the activity. Mahiru is pleasantly surprised by his classic literature references, gardening club gets him on Shidou's good side, Muu likes talking to him about fashion tips, he can play sports with Fuuta, he tries to bond over band memories with Amane, and so on. When he was a kid he was just trying things out for fun, but as an adult he's grateful he picked up on so much.
💔 An angsty headcanon: He's accustomed to, and expects, bad separations. So many friendships and relationships ended on a very sour note, so now he's used to pulling away first. (There was no aggression or violence, but) the appearance of different alters followed by the host's insistent denials would make others think poorly of him. The more he claims ignorance, the more it seems like he's just gaslighting/manipulating, so there have been a few explosive separations in which he had no idea what went wrong. Because of that, it's been harder to get close to anyone, and he will start pulling away the minute things show signs of trouble. It's why he left the smoking group so quickly, and doesn't hang out with the other prisoners as often in T2. Instead of waiting for an inevitable fight, he ends things immediately and peacefully.
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jinstronaut · 3 months
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doing this cc wrapped has made me realize just how many of my sets are between 100 - 200 notes. like that's my average notes per set (re: jin a day specifically)
and that's wild all things considered lmao
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hella1975 · 4 months
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what do you plan to do with your degree after uni?
FUCK NASTY!!!
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ironmanstan · 8 months
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I am coming to the realization i have been slowly killing myself with work i think oops
#m thinking now and im like#i havent read ... anything consistently .. or watched anything .. or had time to like do anything#in genuinely so long#and i was like kinda becoming ok w it#my brain issues .. nothing matters i dont need anything all i need is me i dont need to have anyone or anything with me <- bad. stop it#part of this was the i need my dad to be proud of me braincell but well i win award i have 4.0 gpa and he still yell at me#deciding now to stop caring so much (i still do but ill ignore it) i need 2 be alive again i dont care#im so mad i dont even know .. im so viscerally angry like actually i dont even know what to do with that lmfao#my brother does shit all and u give him sm slack have NEVER treated him as bad as youve treated me#and nothing i do NOTHING is good enough or changes how u look at me#like idk he called me and i cried so much i got so fucking upset i fhkdhdkf ok. ok.#he will b like omg im so proud of u i love u so much ive always believed in u and i just think back to when#he yelled at me once like fiiive years ago and i was like u just make me feel so worthless all the time#and he was like yeah bc you are worthless#and im like hmmm idk bestie i dont think youve ever changed from looking at me like that and it is insanely obvious lmao#i dont even know bro im crazy. m insane got given an inch and tried to take a mile like omg i can actually be recognized as worth something#nevermind ill stop killing myself for that pipe dream now lol#m not even upset im just mad lmao i dont wanna hate my dad and i dont but every day i feel more and more like i should#vent
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aroaceofthesea · 2 months
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With one of my groups of friends we do this thing where we say good morning and goodnight every day (theres a whole story behind why we're acting like boomers ok) and it eventually turned into saying youre not ok when you need help like those days we just say morning or night and then we can try to make that person cheer up and idk its just nice to have a daily check in to know how everyone's doing and also imo it's easier to ask for help by not saying smth than by saying it so it's easier to trick the brain into actually telling the others
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surreal-duck · 1 year
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messing around a bit
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#delete later#man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird#trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg#shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me#should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔#still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess#just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made.#im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough.#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony#well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole#even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw#actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself#but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate#hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week#man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay#hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini#masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh#ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini#aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr#me when i have to do my job at work#i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower#sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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I feel like I have an unacceptably low level of control over my body. Like obviously there are some things that no one can control but I have like actual big problems because of it. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's not just me being really clumsy (although that is an effect of it) or even the tics I have.
It's like I can feel my body moving wrong constantly but I can't correct it and it hurts and it sucks and I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting myself, making mistakes, breaking things, acting like it's fine when in reality I'm constantly afraid of how much any movement I make next could hurt me. I need to move to stay sane, I want to workout and get stronger and go on walks with my friends. I wanna get better. I can't even roll over in bed without pain and I'm just so tired.
#opossums chronic illness rants#seriously though this sucks so much and idk if theres anything i can do about it but i wanna try#its probably a combination of a lot of different things#like muscle weakness and instability from ehlers danlos syndrome both making each other worse#along with the poor proprioception from autism the dizzyness and weakness from the dysautonomia#the fact that i cant really see and even possibly inner ear damage (thats a new one that ive been suspecting more and more recently)#im not sure if the ear damage would be just from built up ear wax or maybe or something else#but im really not having a good time because it brings back bad memories#when i was a kid (8 i think) my mom was convinced i had compacted ear wax but given that she refused to ever#take me to doctors she decided she had to fix it herself#which led to a lot of excruciating trials where she stuck wires and que tips stripped of their cotton into my ears#and tried to scrape out whatever she could. even though i wanted her to stop because it hurt so bad i would start crying everytime#im also mildly suspicious that might be what damaged my ears in the first place... but i really have no way to know that at the moment#all i know is i dont want anyone looking in or putting things in my ears ever again#it doesnt even matter how much i trust them because now anything put in my ears hurt#like even when im just regularly cleaning them with que tips it hurts and im reminded that might not be normal#idk if you read these tags let me know if cleaning your ears is supposed to hurt i guess?#im honestly not sure. like i just always assumed i wasnt being gentle enough or something but it doesnt matter what i do#its not super painful either just a little bit so i ignored it because i assumed it was normal#since a lot of 'normal' things hurt for me. which i now know to my surprise isnt normal at all but i didnt figure that out#until i actually got people to believe that these things were hurting me#apparently its very hard to find anyom#who believes that opening bag clips or trying to lift a jug of milk are actually quite painful for me#they usually just say im way overreacting and when i was a kid i just believed them i guess
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sanstropfremir · 3 months
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✨🎥! Forgot to say, I have a wedding in April but no dress/suit/clothes. I’m desperately looking but every single day I’m more disappointed in the quality of the fashion industry. Even the most basic thing is shit quality and cost 5 times what it should. So yeah, if anyone has recommendations on clothes (not necessarily for weddings or events, but in general) that are good quality, let me know
i know how you feel, affordable decent clothing is fucking impossible right now. honestly my best advice is thrifting/secondhand. idk what the situation for that is like in spain so maybe it's not possible, but it's always worth a shot, especially if you've already been looking for a while. it does obvs take more time than shopping new bc you have to sift through racks, but you're more likely to get a good find of better quality for a more reasonable price. my general thrifting advice (honestly this applies to any clothes shopping also) is first look for the colour and shape that you like, and then look at the material content. this is very important. do not look at brand that means nothing. always always always check the material content on the tags. ideally you want to be looking for garments that have 100% natural fibres; wool, cotton, silk, linen, rayon/viscose (yes it is natural despite the name). if you can't find 100% than something with an 80/20 ratio or more (to the natural side) can also be a safer bet, but my rule of thumb is the more polyester is in a garment, the worse it is in every way.
my general advice for wedding attire is unless you need black tie, don't worry about trying to find a full suit or a really fancy dress you're only gonna wear once. get a good pair of dark formal trousers (black/grey/navy), wear a dress shirt or a formal blouse, and throw on a nice tailored jacket that's in the same colour family. is it technically only semi-formal? yes, but who does true formal weddings and actually cares about sartorial rules. in this economy? psh. some visual aids:
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it's a great combo for any 'events you have to look nice at' because you only have to buy individual pieces, you don't have to buy them all at the same time, and they can be reused for other events. just find out what the colour theme of the event is and get yourself a shirt or tie/pocket square/scarf/other accessory in that colour and you're good to go. also do not forget a good pair of shoes. this is also very important; always have a good pair of shoes.
hopefully this helps! i'm sorry i don't have better recommendations on where to actually go to buy stuff/what to buy, but i haven't shopped new in......quite a long time. but at least having some tips to go by should help. and tbh sometimes you do gotta cough up the money.....BUT only ever cough up the money for something that is 100% natural fibre and is a piece that will get use outside of a single event. otherwise you just gotta be patient and keep looking; if you are patient things have a way of coming to you.
#diligence and perseverance are so key to any kind of shopping but especially thrifting#tbh these are fundamental tips for building a wardrobe in general so if that's a thing anyone's been thinking about:#always start with good trousers and good shoes#all these photos are from the sartorialist's blog btw if you want more fashion inspo check it out#fashion tips#answers#text#✨🎥 anon#also i know that most people's level of sewing skills are not good but dont be afraid to get something thats not quite perfect#minor things like sleeves too long you dont like the buttons etc. rolling up sleeves is an easy fix and will give you a bit of character#and sewing on new buttons is a very very easy to learn skill and is very useful to have when one inevitably comes loose.#plus its way cheaper to buy/find new buttons and you can play around with styles#trouser hems as well if theyre too long you can neatly roll them up and give them a good press and no one will know#if you happen to have access to a sewing machine or are just a determined hand stitcher#there's an easy way to take in the fit of a formal trouser waistband#but thats a bit long to put in tags so if someone wants to know ill do a separate post#also for thrifting if you know the demographics of the areas you're shopping in look for secondhand stores where a lot of older folks live#you're much more likely to find good quality bc older garments are better made#also if you have large enough feet to wear men's sizing or are on the verge (40/41/42) you can often find very nice dress shoes so so cheap#that can also be another post if ppl want i will talk about shoes for literally ever
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red-signal · 1 year
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people nearby are talking about things i have or once had hyperfixations on help 😭
they playing animal jam that thing was like my entire life for 6 years !! and theyre talking about brokeback mountain and THEY QUOTE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN IN NATM
i am trying not to bother them about it but when i heard them saying like "i hope it isnt blocked on the school wifi" i did yell to them "I tried to get them to unblock it from the school wifi last year but it didn't work" so uh. oops. eavesdropping 👍
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tatatatatara · 8 months
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i offer you: car guy tatara and also tatara washing (houji's) car sexy fundraiser style
You can fucking bet that if Tatara does a sexy charity car wash and Houji's car comes before me, I'll crash his car into a wall because Tatara's soapy and wet body is mine!!!! I'm not gonna share it with anyone even with Houji fuck that guy!!!
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dexaroth · 9 months
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i cant believe the day but i finally got a full tower pc. bought it already built and at a considerable discount of some 320 dollars off. its fucking huge and theres so many things going on inside... i was initially planning on choosing the parts myself but finding the graphics card was so hard and everyone else convinced me to just buy it built and honestly? good. id probably have fucked this up so badly by myself
i cant use it yet bc i took too long to buy the monitor that was also on sale and now its regular price -_- tho i managed to find a discount used one for now. well see how that goes since ill get it tomorrow. i tested it on out living room tv and it had some kaspersky thingy open and like thats so cute. i hope they left some treats in the browsing history for me to search through before i wipe it clean
#its a hexer case and wouldnt you guess the front has a hexagonal pattern. so pretty..#it came with 3 fans installed there too that have a cmyk color style to them and it looks quite neat. im thinking of buying some leds to pu#inside the case to go with my keyboard tho idk if id go that far tbh (< gamer rot is setting in. im not immune to pretty lighting..)#its also got a lot of unused space inside. im thinking of making more sculptures to put in. though idk if thatd be safe for it#bc cold porcelain is glue and water. what if it evaporates inside and suddenly everythings covered in a glue film#i wonder if varnish would help? the transparent nail polish sure didnt do shit it came off like 2 days after sculpting the rw slug sleeping#which like yeah of course. its nail polish. but i didnt expect it to flake since all it does is sleep on top of my laptop keyboard#i need miniature glass cake cover tops to encapsule every sculpture inside for safety#looking at it still no wonder these are called towers gotdamn its legit so huge..#it looks awkward tho bc i cant fully make it glue to the wall bc of the cables so its like. awkwardly a bit in front of the wall#im scaared as to how to tell if it ever gets too hot. on a laptop u just press ur head against the left half and feel how hot it is#i think im gonna need software for this.. sigh. tho maybe ill never get to that point since its supposed to be decent#AND its not 8 years old + the 3 fans and gpu fan and cpu fan. surely thats enough. the case even has space for more than that!!#the acrylic side reflects my keyboard too. so niceys. stimulation for my creature eyes#my desk is gonna be so fucked up when i have to organize everything too bc the one i have now is perfecly laptop-oriented#it sits on a custom wooden desk and the keyboard+drawing tablet sit below. but theres a shelf on top of my desk thats too low for the>#>normal monitor to sit to so i wont be able to use the custom desk. and i dont even know what ill do with my laptop either#finally a good change in my sad life routine fr. i cant wait to play watchdogs on this and overgrowth and other ones#AND LAGLESS KRITA SMUDGE ENGINE BRUSHES!!! AND DOUBLE BRUSHES. THEYRE SO LAGGY#A N D ACTUAL FULL HD NORMAL MONITOR. maybe that will get me to not draw in small canvases anymore#now im anxious i just want the day to be over to get the monitor tomorrow aouugh.. just bc i started coding my resources neocities page#dextxt#<the 'major life events' ((sorta)) tag returns. one for the books.. if something bad happens.. itll be here to remind me of the good times
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