#i dont remember how much of it i read but one of my friends was obsessed with it and i Do remember what that fandom was like😭

[cathartic-crypt]

im continuing my benny posting by sharing my benny hcs. in no particular order. and very quickly typed up. enjoy ^_^

- tattooed. he has lots and lots and lots of tattoos from when he was a boot rider. all kinds of tattoos. some desert themed, some things based around him, some others depicting things he just likes. he doesnt mind them much nowadays, hes so used to them that he sees them as part of his skin. although hes a little bit iffy about showing others his old tattoos. hes got an image to upkeep after all - speaking of boot riders. he got a canine knocked out by bingo during their fight. so he got a gold one fitted shortly after he became the leader of the chairmen. and it glints like hell - he wears lots of gold jewellery. especially pre-war rings. he prefers engraved ones, ones with little images etched into the metal or ones with short messages rather than ones with gems. he also wears a cross necklace under his shirt - despite his gun and necklace...hes not christian. like at all. he doesnt care for religion and hasnt read anything about the engraving on his pistol or the meaning of necklace. he just likes how flashy and elaborate the imagery looks - by the time the courier rolls around hes 31. he's also 5'5". - he has a dad bod. i will personally fistfight anyone who draws him muscular and dehydrated. living the cushy and comfortable life of a casino boss means hes not some lean bodybuilder - however...thats not to say he ISNT strong or that hes unhealthy. he has a really high endurance, and can last for a long while out in the desert. also he doesnt like admitting it but hes probably a fraction better at straight up punching someone than shooting them at point blank range - since he was always outside and always doing something, he used to have super calloused hands. but again, casino life means theyre much more pampered and soft now - however hes still got one hell of a grip. he can very easily grab you by your shirt and throw you out of the front door without even breaking a sweat - hes Bi. theres literally no way he isnt, fuck you. BUT he really isnt one for meaningful romantic connections, he much prefers something quick with zero extra baggage (i.e. one night stands, friends with benefits) - hes super nosy. and almost terrifyingly good at recognising and remembering faces. he sees a new face in the tops that he doesnt instantly match to a regular? he needs to know their name. and then he promptly loses all interest because the mystery is lost and the people turn out to be, by all things considered, really fucking boring - even further...anyone who doesnt fall for his charismatic charm (or, even worse, doesnt care about his reputation) becomes a nuisance and he NEEDS to at least form some sort of impression on them, be it good or bad. like full on “if you dont form an opinion about me i will pull my own hair out” - he used to have an absolute love for geckos. he didnt tame them, he was more so inclined to hunt than to nurture, but he would feed scraps to the younger ones - which meant they began to follow him around from time to time... not anymore though. he thinks theyre dirty and brutish and a reflection of what it was like to be a boot rider - hes called Benny Boots (mockingly) by people around the strip. at least by those who knows about the three families past. other than that his last name is Gecko. he also personally calls himself Benny 'New Vegas' sometimes as a sort of boastful title because he thinks hes the shining face (not the heart, mind you - thats House) of the strip - hes a huge morning person. its something he picked up, and cant get rid of, from the boot rider days. he wakes up super early in the morning, rising with the sun - and hates sleeping in because he feels like hes wasting time. he goes to sleep pretty late, since new vegas is awake at night, but he doesnt feel tired. a couple hours of sleep is good enough for him.

#ooouoououh this was rlly fun to think abt ngl :3 #it talks #fallout #fallout new vegas #fnv #benny gecko #fnv benny #benny fnv #benny new vegas #fallout headcanons #headcanon #head canon #bootriders #fnv the tops #the tops

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII THABK U FOR THE TRIVIA AND ASHE SONG before i take forever 2 answer those or forget here is a blank ticket to please please talk about prime defenders and their AWFUL emotional literacy and processing skills i would literally love to read that essay so much ive also been thinking about it incessantly. big eyes staring up at u.png. ok ok peace out GOODNIGHT !!!! <33

i lied actually im not going to bed im judt thinking about this ans listening to St. John on a loop now. hello catkiss.gif i forgot how youve filled me with so much joy. that cat is so fuckign cute

anyway. hi :) prime defenders huh. this is gonna be less of an essay and more of a sleepy ramble but ohhh i have so many thoughts. they all process things so differently and none of them are good at it they all need therapy so bad. ms.g where is the hero therapy why didnt you build that into w.a.t.c.h ma'am

vyncent is probably the best at actually processing things out of all of them, he just internalizes everything to the point where he wont talk about it unless hes pushed past the breaking point. vyncent is actually very.. emotionally intelligent? i want to say mature but that feels like im singling him out because hes the oldest. i just feel like because he grew up on Fauna and had to be in basically survival mode in a world full of monsters trying to kill you.. that makes a person grow up quicker than they should. i think vyncent had a good childhood and for the most part his parents took good care of him but just.. living in that world doesnt seem like it leaves room for a whole lot of expressing emotions. vyncent is good at quick analysis of a situation, but unless a problem directly interferes with the current goal he doesnt externalize it to everyone else. but bottling up his feelings and emotions just builds up pressure over time until something like the lich makes him blow up and let it all out at once, usually in a dramatic monologue format bc condi is really good at those god damn it. also they played off the fact that vyncent said all of that to the lich and then missed his attack as a funny thing but i like to think of it as. he got too overwhelmed w his emotions and lashed out too soon it made his fighting messy. vyncent is so angry and honestly after what hes been through he deserves to be !!!!

william wisp. my boy. god hes just like me fr so much so that it physically hurts sometimes. anyway. i always think back to the scene where theyre all in the cabin talking about themselves/sharing backstories and william keeps desperately trying not to talk about himself. the fact that hes so ashamed of his powers he hides wisp form every time. two of his powers are LITERALLY a) turning invisible and b) turning intangible, usually as an excuse to leave whatever situation hes in ("accidentally" falling through the floor at opportune moments in season 1) . theres. a thing that happens at the end of episode 13/beginning of epidode 14 that youre really close to and i wont spoil yet but god it has to do with this so extremely much please come back to my inbox when you get there. youll know what it is trust me. um. yeah. so anyway. i think a lot of this comes from a place of. he doesnt want anyone to be scared of him. williams not stupid hes incredibly smart and insightful he knows his powers are objectively SCARY. hes scared of himself constantly, he doesnt want anyone else to feel that way about him, so he shifts focus whenever those aspects of himself are brought up because if someone were to think about it for any amount of time theyd realize the truth that hes scary and dangerous to be around (<< william logic. hey remember how one of the reasons he originally left deadwood was because the monsters there were attracted to the wisps and therefore Him so he left to keep his friends/family out of danger)

i think a lot about williams death and the immediate aftermath, i dont know how much you actually know and how much of this comes later but . how does he go home after waking up from that. his parents know about his powers, so they MUST know what happened. what do you think he told them when he god home muddy and dirty and broken and probably bloody after being missing for. god knows how long. how does he look his mother in the eyes and tell her her little boy is dead. but hes also not because hes standing right in front of her. how the fuck do you think he felt the first time he went into wisp form and saw his body laying there !!! of course he wouldnt want to talk about that!!!! youre gonna have to pry william wisps emotions from his cold dead hands !!!!!!!

dakota's response to the ashe situation was to run away in the woods and do nothing but train for 10 months. he didnt think about it for 10 months. i dont even have a whole lot to say about dakota other than like. stunned silence whenever his inability to process trauma is brought up because grizzly does such an incredible job at being like "you ask dakota how hes doing and his face is just blank" << paraphrased actual quote from an episode i cannot remember which one. either 11 or 12 ?

also because im thinking about him im including ashe in this. we didnt get to see a whole lot of his canon reactions to extreme emotional situations so a lot of this is just coming from My Mind but ashe seems like hed be the type to repress a lot of his emotions too. being alone in your house/in your room for extended periods of time will do that to a guy. i think he feels a lot of things and will probably very openly cry/scream/get angry when hes alone but as soon as he knows another person is there he can immediately flip the switch to turn it all off like nothing happened. very much a deadpan "im fine." if someone asks how hes doing, even if hes got like. the remainder of tear tracks down his face. cannot physically express his emotions in the presence of someone else

#very tempted to add a thing about the greats to vyncents section but i am not going to #anyway do u think it was weird for him to have the people he idolized in his brain. they knew things he thought #they felt things he felt they probably talked about it its no wormnder he keeps his emotions close to his chest etc etc etc #anyway. #im projecting a little bit on all of these can you tell. dont take any of this as canon i am fully like. #oh boy how can i put aspects of my godawful mental health practices on my favorite little superhero teens. #especially ashe be he has not a whole lot of canon basis . sorry ashe you get my emotion switch #asks #intertexts #friends!!! #jrwi pd #um!!! sorry i went off on the second william paragraph i think about the early stages of him gaining his powes a lot. #its the danny phantom in me #also that last sentence was especially mean of me sorry. i did yhat on purpose :) i love to be evil #OKAY. im going to bed for real now. i had 2 get this out of my system before i slept on it and forgot all the thoughts fresh in my mind

[kaladinkholins]

i think fandoms can be soooo ridiculous a lot of the time (see: all the nonsensical fan wars, discourse, etc) but i cannot understate how much i actually love fandoms.

like yeah it may be super nerdy and even cringe and outsiders look at it like "why tf do you care about these fictional characters so much?"

but 1) my field is literally..... literary studies..... in which all i do is study fiction and analyse it like an insane person, and 2) even if that WASN'T my field, thinking about the stories we consume is important even for any person to do, because thinking about stories exercises our brain to think critically!! why do you think our ancestors used stories as a medium to share knowledge, to propagate moral values and lessons? stories—telling them, thinking about what they're saying, and caring about the characters within them—are all inherent to the human experience!!!

so that brings me to fandom. because we are literally just making these little communities with each other based on our shared love for a particular story, and for a particular character or theme within them that resonated with us, or whatever. we're all here because we loved a thing so much that we built connections from it!!!

like yeah my irl friends laugh at me when i tell them i write fanfic, cuz ha ha what a nerd what a loser etc, but dude. i made genuine real friendships from fandom alone. from just obsessing over two characters we thought were cute together, we've gone to sending each other gifts and postcards and having voice calls and confiding in each other and sharing parts of us and our personal lives and our cultures (cuz we're all from different countries) with each other! like now i don't even share a fandom with most of my old fandom friends anymore but we still stick by each other and that's amazing???

also like, i cannot emphasise enough how amazing and encouraging it is to share your craft (art/writing/etc) with others in fandom. because for example if i make my own personal art or write my own original work, i'd have no one to share it to, no one interested to see it, and thus no one will be there to provide feedback or encouragement.

but if i post a piece of fan art or fanfic, people actually do see the work i post and care about the craft and the content it's depicting and even share their thoughts on it and that ??? is so motivating and lovely ??? because even though i make art for myself, art is still meant to be shared and seen at the end of the day—even if only with one person. so to be given the means of sharing our art in such a way, to have such a community that fosters so much creativity, it's amazing. i don't really get that anywhere else.

and especially to have this in like, a casual setting, you know, where you can just be yourself and do things according to your own time and energy without the pretenses of professionalism and a perfectly curated resume or portfolio, and all the confines of a rigid work schedule, which would all make the process of creation less fun and less genuine, and instead just more taxing and chore-like.

because fandom is essentially meant to be about doing what's fun for you! it's about sharing your creations and enjoying what others share with you. you make friends and you go ham with it.

and also it's why it's more frustrating when people take things too seriously and legitimately get upset over assumptions of other people's beliefs and hold the most minor grievances that could only be felt if you're like, chronically online.

but on that note, there are definitely still honest-to-god bad people in fandom spaces too (see: racists, TERFS, homophobes, groomers, harassers, etc). but that's the case with all communities, because bad people are always going to exist, and thus statistically speaking, the bigger a group or community is, higher chances are there's gonna be some awful people in there. but honestly that is its own can of worms and also that's not what this post is about, but i felt it necessary to address because i don't want to paint fandom as like, the best thing ever in the world, because fandom spaces are incredibly flawed, as everything is.

but i've always been one to appreciate things despite its flaws. and though this may be very personal to me, when i love things so much, i am still willing to stick around and try to change the culture around it in the ways that i can (like promoting internet safety measures, creating safe spaces for thoughtful and polite discussion, raising awareness on harmful stereotypes and fandom depictions or opinions, etc).

so regardless of the bullshit that online fandom spaces tend to perpetuate, i do very much still love the way that fandom allows me to connect with folks over something as silly as our little blorbos, and from there end up making life-long friends, or at the very least new acquaintances. insert reinforcement of my thesis statement about stories fostering human connection here. the end. send post.

#fandom #inspired by me feeling lots of love for my long-time fandom friends and enjoying making new ones since joining the BES fandom #like i still remember comments i got on my fanfic from years ago. telling me how much my work resonated with them? #talking about how much they cried reading my work? how much it touched them? #like to me that's insane. like i'm thrilled to even have one (1) person care about my work ykwim #bcs irl it's hard to find that kind of recognition? ppl hear like. “oh you write/draw? cool” and it's p much whatever #so yeah. fandom has always been v important to me like i met so many cool and awesome and nice ppl bcs of it #and though I've lost touch with a lot of the friends i've made i still think abt them a lot. they all mean smth to me still #lol joining a new fandom community is makin me feel nostalgic dont mind me! #shut up haydar #scribblings.txt

[crescentfool]

i think something that is important to me to remember is that there are small ways i can do things to spark joy for myself and others without waiting for someone else to do it... (conjures up little sparklies from my hands) life is so whimsical!!!

#lizzy speaks #for full transparency i cannot make sparklies emit from my hands unfortunately #but i can imagine that i can and i think thats cool i'm like a swaggy little magician #anyways sometimes i see announcements for games and im like #ok! cool! some people are very excited and happy. so awesome!! happy for them!!! #but personally i think i've found much more joy in doing my own thing #and it's ok if you're not particularly enthused about a new thingy because sometimes you still have other things you can do #or you have other things that feel much more gratifying to you. and thats ok!!! #this is a vague toward reload and splat3 (specifically splatfests) #it's become clear 2 me that reload is curating a different experience for pee 3 with the new mechanics they introduce #and i didn't realize how attached i was to how fes's mechanics (tiredness + fusion spells) can inform's one characterization of kitaro #until i kept seeing the new things for reload. still interested in reload's alternate interpretations but wont be following the news closel #and for splatfest. turf is not my favorite mode in splat by a long shot' but at least i can salmon with friends! or play another game #i think it's always important for me to remember that not everything will be for me and that's a good thing #when i see things that dont excite me as much. it reminds me about what i care about the most and to remember to hold those things close #i can make my own fun with my own little creations i don't need to wait for games to host events for me i can just draw silly little guys #or i can choose to make silly little clownery happen on my own terms and i think thats neat #even if i'm not hyped about something that others are hyped about that's okay because i'm nourishing myself and that's really fucking cool #and hey maybe i will find the joy in those things eventually. or not! and thats ok. who knows!! anything can happen!! #anyway if you read all of this thank you :3 and i hope that you will always be able to find your way to find something that excites you

[navramanan]

So tired of continuesly feeling this way I keep trying and failing time and time and time again

#i dont want to feel a profound sadness anytime anyone (especially someone i know) expresses being grateful about their group of friends #i dont want to feel this way every time i find out about them being at a social gathering or whatever together #i feel so awful so so awfully patheticly lonely i feel so stupid and i feel so horrible when admitting it #and i fall into deep worry about my situation never changing bc everyone i know has a network of friends from childhood or school #and pretty much no one from my childhood or school stayed in my life i feel so scared of my future how will i live a life this way #anytime i come across a post talking about long time friends i cannot stomach reading it #it's all so debilitating and i dont know how much longer i can keep on ranting like this #i moved countries i hoped things would change i approached people i talked i asked to hang out three years later i'm left with two #(used to be three but she seems to not care about me at all) seperate friends i'm so grateful for both #but it doesnt work out. it doesnt work this way. i cannot socialize with them since theyre not muslim n we have very different life styles #so i tried finding muslim friends i got associated with the muslim students association went to gatherings joined the book club #i met very lovely girls but nothing more came out of it #i remember the first time i took part in something it was two years ago i talked with a group #it was a group who already were friends and one girl who also had just met them #a year later i find out theyve all become friends and hang out. vallahi i dont know what it is i'm doing wrong i'm so tired and so desperate #it kills me. it's so scary to not have a social network not have friends to lean on to call when youre in need it's so isolating #i've lived my teen years this way i'm continuing to live my 20s this way and cant stop but think it has to do with me #anyways enough of that now bye #nesi rants

[wetbananapeel]

First gourd (and radish) I carved in my life 31 October 2019

#the drawing I class i was in in undergrad had a pumpkin carving day that year #i decided to be rebellious and buy a pumpkin to carve for the first time but when i went to the store there were no more pumpkins :') #so i got a gourd and a little skeleton for inside caude i wanted a scene #it was the first time i had carved anything for Halloween ever and i remember feeling so sinful at the time #there was this one person Maddie who was also giving tarot card readings and they were one of my major events(?) to realize i was gay #i didnt get a reading from them cause i was scared that was going too far and I would be too far gone messing with the 'occult' #and they made me nervous but i wanted more and couldnt figure out why (i chalked it up to them being 'cool' and wanting to be their friend) #anyways maddie gave me the radish cause they also didnt bring a pumpkin and had two radishes (cause they were buy 1 get 1) from Winn Dixie #i still think about maddie now and we talk sporadically i told them if they're ever in Chicago to come and visit me but they live in Canada #their art inspires me and i believe they could design a fantasy game or novel because of their work (i own a weird little dog of theirs) #i never mentioned anything to them at the time about being infatuated with them in class and i doubt i would now bc our life goals dont mesh #but i consider them to play a important role in my life and i appreciated the radish and wish i got the readings done #its wild how much growth can happen in just a few years -- i bought a mini pumpkin in September because i wanted to celebrate early #back then when i got home the gourd and radish was forcibly thrown away (and i didn't dare tell of my encounters in class with the lesbian!) #(i hold that memory in my heart & think of it fondly cause i hadnt realized yet i have much compassion for younger me who was never sinful) #now in grad school there is a new Maddie 🍈 who told me she didnt know why she keeps looking at my face in class and i think i know why #but she has yet to get there <3

[horrorwebs]

i left her house and party without telling her how i feel or attempting to make a move i feel like the stupidest motherfucker alive

#like. that was my chance. it was THE chance. why am i such a fucking coward #its not like i didnt want to but i couldnt find the way thwre was too many peoñle and i wanted it to be private #so we LEFT for WALK on her NEIGHBOURHOOD that was MY CHANCE. we went to the little park with the swings i REALLY WAS ABOUT TO SAY STH #WHEN ONE OF THE GUYS AT THE PARTY AND HER COUSIN ARRIVED B #TO PICK US UP BY CAR BC SHE HAD TO BLOW THE CANDLES #(<- the party was her birthday cellebration) #like really idk how i am a. so unlucky and b. such a pussy #i think i shouldve been a bit more drunk to have told her right away.but i Was working my way through it to tell her it was just hard yknow #im scared ill ruin things if she rejects me. and i feel like she wants to be with me sometimes and that she likes me. #but other times i feel like im just being insane and she will simply reject me #i think her cousin noticed i like her though. (i dont think this is too hard to notice anyway) maybe thatll help? idk. #half the world thinks we are together and i have to wonder why arent we?i like her n i think she likes me (or at least she has in the past) #so whats stopping us? the fact we r in a band together and want a future on that might be something. she has also told my friend she values #the friendship too much or sth like that (my friend doesnt remember very well) but that then means she does like me! but also shell reject #me possibly! or will she? who knows?!! #anyway i think it wouldnt be that bug of a problem anyway for the band if we are mature about it. even it it doesnt work and we decide its #better as friends in a future. i dont think anything she does or i do will be as bad as 'point of no return bad'. #i believe in us. and i feel like the sappiest mf alive too #but see if youve read this far i think you might understand why im such a coward and so scared of telling her i like her #but i was so close of just bljrting it out or kissing her. i did kiss a bit her neck.... sorry lol. but nothing too um .sexual? it was like #peck. but you ask and how did that happen? well see. we were sleeping together. like on top of each other hugging. my face was on her #collarbone. so i was like there. but i dont think she tought much of it sometimes we kiss each others cheeks or whatever and its just like #or maybe she did. there were pther people on the room anyway so ot was like . weird as well bc of that #idk ots just a very ambiguous zone in which i will die forever if i dont work up some courage #this posts always turn onto rants but i dont speak much about her with my friends unless they ask +im a bit drunk.it embarrasses me greatly #spikeposting #loveposting

[surskip]

my favourite kingdom hearts characters are the ones who appear in like. one unknown side game and have the most tragic stories. im talking about like.. replica riku (had his own memories replaced against his will and died fighting his 'true' self after learning that he was just a copy meant to carry out a plan. died with his last few few sentences being about how he's scared to die because he doesn't know what awaits replicas after death) and data sora and riku (also created solely to carry out a plan with little thought to the fact they are also sentient people, who essentially die at the end of the game). can i count xion and namine in this? well, i'm going to

#mine #kh #long post #genuinely. genuinely. i know shes popular but namine is sooooo underrated #theres this one exchange thats stayed with me since i played chain of memorires and its like #you can very clearly see juts how little namine values herself. like she was created and used for her abilities #like yeah she messed with sora's memories and stuff but also She was held hostage and never had a choice in the matter whatsoever #even after org 13 left her alone she then had to deal with diz (im oging to explode ansem the wise) who basically told her #'you dont have emotions and youre just a tool for me btw to revive sora so i can take my revenge' #like.. when she's talking to sora about kairi and making him remember you can clearly see that's she is SO lonely #like. i dunno if it's just me but it reads so much to me like heavy guilt and a tiny hope of #'what if he really does choose me instead. he shouldnt but i am so so so lonely' #she was forced to essentially kill repliku her only friend. she brought him back only to die a second time #(kh3 spoilers from here on out) #when she is in the afterlife you can tell she doesn't think she deserves to come back. that people would be better off without her #it makes me go bonkers i really hope they acknowledge her and her complete lack of support throughout her entire life in the next game #the animation with her and riku going in the gummi ship makes me think so butim just.. maaan. shes such a tragic character #Scroll Scroll. Sorry this is really really really long huh............. OTL sorry....

[toastsnaffler]

istg one of these days.......

#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game #one of my fave posts ever in the world #anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me #its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭 #ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭 #like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay #bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS #anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!! #its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought #so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy #but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr #itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST #i wouldnt do that to him god forbid #buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am #this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night #need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:| #its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves #i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good #ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone #muah all round #.diaries

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sigh... the urge to write a fic vs the urge to just draw out the scenes i want vs the urge to not do any of those things bc i do not have #that kind of time. against my better judgment i have begun writing out a story. which is a terrible idea but. i just need this to exist? #but also writing takes so much time and i have to remember how normal ppl act. like how do friends work? blah idk #also i need to look for a phd and read abt cyanos bc ive managed to get a tiny sliver of enthusiasm back #bc cyanos r so cool #and i got to talk to some ppl abt potential projects. tho im prob just gonna be banished back to photosynthesis machines... #god i am so fucking awkward around groups tho. like how does one teach in an interactive way? i fucking hate those activities so much #which is terrible bc they r good for learning. but unfortunately i would just rather not #it irritates my brain bc im just like. this is so inefficient. let me just tell u everything and we can leave so i dont have to b around u #i was not born to teach. i was born to be a lab creature toiling away over flasks of goo #never having to see anyone ever #sigh... this weekend i will start looking for a phd. i will do it. i will. and i will cultivate my fic #bc i need it to exist and i need it to be short. please let it be short so i can be free of thus curse #why is it every time i write its like im exercising a demon from my body. away foul beast. be gone! let me rest! #unrelated

[slimeylee]

why have these last years fucking sucked ass

#slimey-vents #trigger warning below hi did you drink water today and eat something i hope u did ur so cool and amazing pls get some rest gives u a cookie #please scroll past if uninterested i also dont want u to feel obligated like u have to read n listen to me vent and ramble on abt dumb shit #like 2020 - 2024 . have just been ass . #we're not even halfway into 2024 and it already is just #garbage . like its fucking horrible #i dont see how this year could get . any worse ?? but i wouldnt want to get my hopes up on that itll get better ? #like god what has been happening . #covid came up technoblade got cancer and passed away israel's continuing their mass genocide #and a lot of things have happened in my personal life . such as my mother passing away . #and . its just been so fucking hard ?? #i wish i had lasting hope in humanity . but tbh i dont think its ever gonna get any better and that really fucks w me #ive been having suicidal thoughts and ive just been in a very shitty mental state recently #like social media #is honestly the only thing i have to live on #i have honestly boring friends n all my friends dont go to my school . my gf doesnt even go to my school #ive had to switch schools after having a fun time and doing a lot better . the only thing that im holding on by a thread to is social media #all my friends . my fandoms . etc . i talk to through my phone and through here #im so glad to have met everybody that i have on here #im sorry this is getting really long ive started going on a ramble but i just want everyone to know that i love yall /p #i appreciate everybody so much . all my moots and my close friends that ive made not only here but irl as well #and everybody that ive talked to throughout the time we've known each other . i really just want to think that everything will get better #everybody that ive met through my years of social media and school have really changed my life . and idk what i wouldve done #having never met any of them . especially my moots on here that ive grown close to #its just been stressful . but ive strived to get through it all . despite how hard it is #and how desperately i just want to let go from everything #but ending one thing doesnt end any pain it just gives it on to someone else #and i know that im way too pussy to end anything anyways . #but on another note . #please remember that you are amazing . talented . strong . and i appreciate and ily so much . /p

[rockandrolldisgrace]

yeah but i really got fucked over by the people i told this abt loll

#some of yall might remember my vent posts and stuff and yeah this situation didnt end well for me #i could talk abt this for hours honestly this is so messed up #yknow ive been thinking how i never really tell my friends what i go through at home anymore bc i began to doubt myself #even tho i KNOW it all happened. They did abuse me. Still do. But some part of me thinks #that i just made this up or that it wasnt actually that bad. even though it was. it was so much fucking worse. and having to go through it #again and again and again. i have no words. sometimes my mind just goes blank bc i dont want to think abt this stuff. i just want it to be #over. #some part of me thinks that if i tell somebody im ruining my abusers lives. even though theyre the one ruining mine. nothing can harm them. #especially my words. they will never face consequences bc the system doesnt work. and i dont want to ruin their life. #i just want it to be over. #i just want to go on and live my life and leave this all behind and start anew. #im an awful person. i have younger siblings and this was the only reason i decided to go through with telling someone at school abt this. bc #i didnt want them to suffer like me. i knew what their mindless actions did to me. and to see my siblings go through that. #but my sister absolutely hates me for telling the school #she says shes ashamed to go there bc people know #she thinks i made it up for attention even though she literallywas there when they beat me. she was fucking there lmfao #im sorry if this is too much but i need to get this somewhere out. writing it down is not enough and i cant tell this at anyone #kill me💗 the only thing keeping me alive is dreaming. very corny i know. but fantasizing abt my far away future is the only thing making me #go on. thinking abt my life after this ends. but sometimes its not enough and i just spend all my time watching stuff or reading or whatever #just watching stuff abt lives totally different from my own. that helps me focus on something else for a while. sighhhhhh

[liinos]

It makes me fucking insane how grad programs are like oh did you not go immediately into a masters? Well you better have a good reason why or we might not think you deserve to get one bc you're not committed 🤭 omg you didn't cure cancer or solve world inequality before applying? Don't even look in our direction 🤮 it's so great you want to further your education it would really be a shame if we made it as hard as possible 👉👈

#you read the shit they want and its like okay guess i should kms would that be enough for you😭 #also omg i fr need the whole 3 references needed thing explained bc a lot of people do higher education later in life #for one reason or another and i KNOW professors dont remember people past like. a year so 🤨 what then #also sorry sorry but stuff like that grinds my gears bc some of us keep our heads down and mind or business #we dont network and the whole 'you should do it for your future' idea leaves such a bad taste in my mouth bc it feels exploitative #but like sorry i suffer from crippling shyness and speaking to my professors made me feel like i should have been shot 👍 #higher education is so fucked bc they make you jump through so many hoops and like. mf i am still paying you for this #do you want money or not???? like a phd program i get but you pay tuition for a masters......... #anyway. i dont think ill end up bothering bc reading requirements today made me almost cry out of frustration so👍👍👍👍 #anyone else feel like everyone else is miles ahead of them and that theyre just floundering😁 woefully underprepared and #underqualified for life and suffering the consequences of being terrified to speak to people in college 👍 #and also simultaneously numb to and unable to handle rejection 👍 #like i could find non college courses just for personal betterment but even thinking about it fills me with hashtag shame #and it doesnt help that no matter what i do if it isnt smth exactly in line with my parents thinking theyre so judgy about it 😔 #and i cant even talk to them about how i feel bc one thing about them they will make me feel sooooo much worse when🤣 #they never react the way id want or expect them to its kind of hilarious like i dont even WANT to talk to them #it would be equivalent to torture for me quite frankly 👍 idk maybe ill talk through it with my friend #shes at least sort of where im at but shes also like. Doing Shit and Has Plans so. #but i think she gets me a little bit. granted i may cry and i dont really need to do that in front of her #for many reasons 😭😭 i would fr never be able to face her again #anyway. how are your nights going

[midnightwriter21]

demon slayer hcs: motherly hashira!reader x the hashira pt 2

characters: fem!reader x muichiro, sanemi, mitsuri, obanai

AN: this is a pt 2 for the request from @danielle-marie

READ THE FIRST PART HERE

MUICHIRO

I LOVE THIS BABY SM U DONT UNDERSTAND

he's the hashira that ur most comfortable around

he was a hashira before u

but u get promoted and its an instinct

child.

must protect.

at first he probably gets annoyed by you

he's not used to someone caring for him the way that u do

but then one day ur sent on a long mission

maybe a few weeks long

and he finds himself missing something

of course he has no idea what it is that he's missing something

he completely forgot about u

but when you get back to the butterfly estate and he sees u

it clicks

he remembers

he missed you

he missed your overprotective nature

he missed your soft caring voice

he missed the way that you brush and style his hair

he REALLY missed that ^

walks up to u, grabs ur hand and tugs u away

doesn't care if you were talking to someone

and doesn't say a word

brings you to his favorite cloud watching spot with a tight grip on your hand

makes you sit down

and lays his head in ur lap

stop im squealing and kicking my feet from the cuteness

SANEMI

my guyyyyyy

have i ever told yall that i love him?

only in every single thing i post

anyways

he HATES you at first

lmfao rip u

your shy and quiet nature reminds him of giyuu

and if theres one person sanemi can't stand

its giyuu

therefore he don't fw u

and doesn't pay u much attention

UNTILLLLL

he witnesses u pulling genya by the ear to the infirmary after a mission

and telling genya tf off for pulling som stupid shit during the mission

+100 respect right there

not only are u actually talking

but ur screaming??

at his brother??

and taking care of him at the same time?????

my guy is lucky if he doesn't pop a boner right there lmfaooo

starts paying more attention to u after that

and is noticeably a lot nicer and calmer around you

will blush beet red and deny tf out of it if the other hashira comment abt his change of heart

but def develops a soft spot for u

MITSURI

SWEETEST HUMAN BEING TO EVER EXIST EVER

she loves u

ofc she does she's the love hashira

but in mitsuri's mind how could she not absolutely ADORE u

not only are you breathtakingly beautiful in her eyes

but she sees the way u interact with the younger slayers

how u genuinely care for everyone's wellbeing

if she wasn't looking for a husband she would wife u tf UP

she still might lol

mitsuri is gonna go out of her way to become friends with you

she's inviting u to her estate for girl's night with shinobu

she's dragging u along to her favorite restaurant for lunch

she's inviting u to join her at the hot springs to relax

she really enjoys ur presence

even if ur shy she thinks ur very soothing to be around

she loves when you do her hair!!

and when u cook for her??

mitsuri alrdy eats a lot

but if u made the food for her??

girl is not letting a CRUMB go to waste

loves the way u take care of everyone

especially when u take care of her

10/10 would recommend a mitsuri

OBANAI

someone pls love this man

he needs it so bad

so dude had SHIT parents

like bad bad

so when he sees ur interactions with the younger slayers he's prob a lil put off at first

like ma'am?

this is the demon slayer corps??

we don't have time for all ur mothering and coddling

but then he's injured on a mission

and waiting in the infirmary for shinobu to show up and patch him up

and then u bust through the doors???

confused asf

shinobu is on a mission and you've been helping out in the infirmary

so looks like ur the one taking care of him today

and turns out his injury is bad enough to land him an extended stay in his lil hospital bed

and after a few days of u taking care of him

with ur red face and soft stuttered words

he learns that you're not so bad

and he actually enjoys being around you

and being taken care of

won't voice this tho

but when Aoi comes in to give him his meds one day he gives himself away by accident

with a

"where's y/n?"

he's a blushing grumbling mess after that lol

after he discharged best believe the next time he gets injured he's not even going to the infirmary

he's hunting u tf down

nobody else gets to take care of him except YOU

and thats period.

#demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon slayer headcanons #muichiro tokito #muichiro #muichiro x reader #mitsuri #mitsuri kanroji #mitsuri x reader #sanemi x reader #shinazugawa sanemi #sanemi #sanemi shinazugawa #obanai iguro #obanai x reader #obanai #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #sanemi shinaguzawa #obanai iguro x reader #mitsuri kanroji x reader #muichiro tokito x reader #tokitō muichirō #sanemi headcanons #demon slayer muichiro

[tinylittlebab]

hmm.

#ack. i wanna but a scale so bad but idk how much money i have rn #well at least since im restricting again ill have more money since i dont spend it all on food #wish i could get a job but id have to walk to it and i cant in the weather so im gonna wait till spring or summer #might wait till i turn 18 bc ill have way more options so i might aswell. its only like 2 months off from when i could even get one at all #hmmm. ill have to ask my mom to tell me how much is on my card bc i cant check it myself. im kinda regretting letting my sister not pay me #back immediately for $30 bc then i could buy a scale rn but she doesnt have much rn so whatever #going another month without a scale wont kill me. for the majority of the time before i recoved it didnt have a scale so whatever #but i remember feeling so awful not even knowing if the pain i put myself through did anything so idk if its worth that #i fall ever enough as is with my pots so idk if i wanna add starvation to tye mix when i cant even see the numbers drop #well. ill find out how much i have today and if i have a fair bit then ill buy one soon but if not then ill just cry ig #idk. i feel stupid for relapsing. i KNOW.it feels terrible and i dont even care much about getting skinny. i just miss starving myself #its not about getting skinny its just about seeing the number go down and hurting myself and i know it doesnt actually feel good but like #idk. my life has felt chaotic and out of control recently and i need something to hold on to even if it kills me #i dont even wanna die anymore either. i used to but now i dont. i have life plans that i wanna pursue. im not stuck in a moldy house with #people who abuse me. i live with my only friend in a place where i can actually go places. not many places but theres at least something #idk. i think itd be easier to be ok if i had other friends but i just have my sister. i dont even know how or where you meet people #everything i read either says scool for minors or bars for adults which is useless to me. the only others things are things not around me #idk. i guess ill have to get a car eventually and when i do that then i can go places. i feel so bleh lately #i just. i wanna be sickly and skinny. not bc i think im ugly but bc i wanna be sick. i dont dislike my appearance. im relatively thin #not that it matters bc theres nothing wrong with being fat but like. idk. i used to hate my appearance so much but i dont now #so it feels so weird that im relapsing anyway #idk

[azulpitlane]

vicious pt two I ln4

pairing: ex!lando norris x reader, charles leclerc x reader summary: you are trying to move on from lando but he refuses to notes: more dramaaa and asshole lando sorry, this is short cause i kind of got busy🧍‍♀️ part one, masterlist

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxfewtrell and 3,268,379 others

yourusername emails i cant send is officially yours💌

it has been a long and emotional process writing this album but i loved and enjoyed every bit of it<3 im so excited to share this piece of my life with you and officially close this chapter and move on

thank you for the support, ill see you all soon❤️

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user OMGG IM ALREADY CRYING ITS SO AMAZING

user stfu is that charles in the fifth pic?!?

user it is!! he was credited in a few songs for instruments🥹🥹

user because i liked a boy hits so different when u know what she went through :(

maxfewtrell running on stream to listen to it

yourusername pls dont hate im still sensitive user omg noo i cant watch whats he saying about it?? user he loves every song, hes being so supportive and said hes team y/n😭

user her friendship with charles is so cute omg

user “friendship” rightttt😏

user lost lando but got charles, a win is a win

francisca.cgomes love love love💌

user omg i know charles introduced them

user ‘ill see you soon’ ARE YOU TOURING???

pietra.pilao so incredibly proud of you❤️ such an amazing album

yourusername p ily and miss u sm🥹❤️ pietra.pilao i miss you more we need to get together soon! yourusername otw to text u so make plans rn🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

user the fact that landos friends are still supportive despite the breakup tells me everything i need to know

user “officially close this chapter” new era fr🫶

charles_leclerc so honored you even asked me to be apart of this❤️so proud of you ma cherie

yourusername so grateful for you❤️ user JUST DATEEEE user now kiss!!!

Lando so you and y/n huh?

Charles she's my friend is that a problem?

Lando i dont remember ever introducing you two?

Charles not that its any of your concern but i introduced myself last year on the paddock while you were too busy ignoring her

Lando so when i had back turned, you took the chance to steal my girlfriend?

Charles dont try turning this into something its not she's trying to move on so i think its time you do the same lando dont ask about her again. read

f1gossip

463,582 likes

f1gossip Following Y/n Y/l/n's album release, Lando and Charles have unfollowed each other on instagram! It is not confirmed if Y/n is the reason why, but it is heavily speculated. It seems Lando was the first to unfollow and Charles quickly followed suit.

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user all too much for little lando norris

user y/n breaking up a friendship now🙄

user she didnt do anything except release an album on how she felt, if lando gets offended by that then hes clearly the problem here

user 16 4 fans lost today but then again lando started it🤷‍♀️

user karma works in funny ways @landonorris

user lando has every right to be mad imo

user not at all, he treated her like shit then cheated and now hes mad she has friends in f1? make it make sense

user why watch soap operas when you can watch f1

user 2024 season is gonna HIT

user charles is going to have the motivation for wdc now, ferrari fans won🙏

user even though im a lando fan, i have to be team charles and y/n on this one sorry

user yup, after listening to her album i definitely support y/n

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes and 3,295,204 others

yourusername first time performing my new album at my one night show was the best time ever!! thank you for all that showed up you were an amazing crowd❤️

and just in case you missed my little announcement, bet u wanna is my next single of this album...this one's a little funny when you know the context🙊

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user wish i was able to go :(

user WHATS THE CONTEXT??

user listen to the lyrics, lando definetly wanted her back after his side girl cheated AHAH

user i need to know if charles was there

francisca.cgomes such a wonderful night💌 liked by yourusername

user your stage presence is so amazing

luisinhaoliveira99 so great seeing you🤍 liked by yourusername

user SHE WAS THERE?!? user pls tell me you guys took pictures together

user bet u wanna is so good omg

user are you opening for eras tour in europe

user it is rumored, i hope its true😭

f1gossip

376,845 likes

f1gossip Charles, Pierre, Kika and Luisa leaving Y/n Y/l/n's concert in LA tonight! Thoughts on the singer's new friendship with the drivers and girls?

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user i love them😭❤️

user i was there and saw charles with pierre and kika singing along to every song🥹

user SHUT UPPPP user stop theyre so cute

user luisa and y/n mean everything to me

user them supporting y/n despite the drama with lando shows a lot about him

user ive never wanted to part of a gc so bad

user charles is so supportive, yk who wouldnt be....

user i need them to date, he would treat y/n so good

scuderiaferrari

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 1,402,440 others

scuderiaferrari Special guest for the first qualification of the season! Thanks for coming to the our garage❤️

tagged yourusername

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user OMFGGG

user i need pics of her and charles NOW

user charles got p1 cause bae was watching🙈

user is she staying all weekend!?!

user her and charles supporting each other omg

user are they finally dating??

user he was asked about it in an interview and he said they were just friends! user ugh can charles make a move already? i dont want another lando situation..

user i wonder if she bumped into lando😳

Lando was y/n really in ferrari garage?

Carlos yeah... are you okay mate?

Lando how can i be? he stole my girlfriend and is now parading her around the paddock its fucked up

Carlos he did say they were just friends and i didnt see them acting like a couple or anything

Lando there's gotta be something more i just need y/n to see who he really is

Carlos i dont know, maybe its time you move on mate

Lando no, i cant give up now do you have an extra paddock pass?

Carlos why...

Lando remember charles' crazy ex girlfriend who was obsessed with him? i heard shes in town to see him what if we send her the paddock pass so she can show y/n how charles treated her

Carlos this seems a little crazy lando why dont you just talk to y/n?

Lando she wont even let me get near her just please carlos? and then i wont ever bring it up again if it doesnt work

Carlos fine but dont tell anybody about this

Lando thank you mate, i owe you

tags: @iamahallucinationnn, @sofiacblair

#lando norris #f1 x reader #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris smau #lando norris x reader #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x you #ln4 #f1 fanfic #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x you