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#i dont look like that and u would rather i did or whatever
polaraffect · 8 days
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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A TRAGEDY THAT'S BUILT ON DESTINY!
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I WOULD CHANGE MOST EVERY SINGLE THING. I WOULD LET YOU KISS ME, KILL ME!
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synopsis// multiple different universes, but one thing remains the same: geto loves you in each and every one of them.
pairing// suguru geto x gn!reader
word count// 5.8k
contents// different universes, angst, satisfying angst?, hurt/no comfort but also hurt/comfort at the same time, ooc geto?, character death tehe
notes// inspired by everything everywhere all at once and the song kiss me kill me by mest :3 i wrote this SOOOO long ago but u have no idea how much i adore this oneshot. like i think it might be my fav oneshot ive ever written. it is everything to me!! and i did not do the idea justice but u get the point!!
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December 24th 
You assume the fight is over because neither you nor Shoko have gotten any more wounded victims. The two of you glance at each other briefly but don’t bother saying anything. What could be said about a full-blown borderline war schemed by your high school best friend and lover? Nothing could possibly be said, so nothing is. The two of you stand there waiting for anything to happen, whether that’s getting called back to Jujutsu High or being brought another victim, and eventually something does happen, and Shoko gets a call. You can’t read her expression for the whole 20 seconds she’s on the phone before she passes it to you. You furrow your eyebrows in question.
“It’s Gojo,” she says blankly before attempting to hand you the phone again.
You hesitate to answer. “Hello?”
“You should get down here,” he says blankly over the phone.
“What? Why? Is everything okay?”
“Um, yeah, just—you know those back alleys by the school?”
“Uh huh?”
“Meet me there.”
“Gojo, you’re kinda scaring me-“
“Y/N, just come; you’ll thank me—I hope.”
You frown and begrudgingly agree, “Okay, fine, yeah, whatever, I'm on my way.”
“Make it quick, alright? I'm serious,” he adds quickly before hanging up.
As you give Shoko her phone back, you roll your eyes at the fact that he didn't even give you a chance to say okay before hanging up.
“What was that about?” she wonders, slipping her phone back into her pocket.
You sigh. “No idea, but he wants me to go meet up with him for some reason.”
Shoko hums curiously. “You should get going then; must be urgent.”
You nod, “Yeah.”
☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。*。☆。☆。
It doesn't take you long to get to the school given how fast you were walking since Gojo told you to hurry it up, the tense anticipation aiding in your speed. It does, however, take you a few moments to find Gojo, but once you do, you find that he's not looking at you, but he’s speaking, and it's not to you either; it's to something—or rather someone—he's blocking with his body.
“Gojo?” you ask once you finally reach him.
Gojo turns to face you, a sorrowful smile on his face, before stepping out of the way to reveal who he was speaking to and the whole reason why he called you here in the first place.
When you see Getou on the ground, your heart sinks into your stomach, and your blood runs cold. You look back at Gojo, who merely shrugs.
“You should say your goodbyes; I already did,” Gojo whispers before leaving you and Getou alone.
Getou lets out a hushed laugh. “That’s a little melodramatic of him, don’t you think?”
The hammering of your heart roaring in your ears makes it difficult to hear what he says. You stand there frozen in what you can only describe as horror as you stare down at Getou, who's missing an arm and is only growing more pale by the second from blood loss.
“Do you plan on ignoring me?” he asks softly, as though he’d understand if that really was your plan.
You blink a few times and shake your head, your tears blurring your vision. “I dont-“ 
Getou hums appreciatively and smiles up at you, which makes you completely break down, a sob racking through your body so violently that the only thing you can do is collapse to your knees. Getou winces as he tries to sit up straighter, as if he’s going to catch you or crawl over to you. You sniffle, your sobbing uncontrollable, as you crawl to him, and once there, you let your head fall upon his blood-stained chest. Getou immediately places his only remaining hand on the back of your head, as if holding it to his chest, and gently pats your head.
“Are you an idiot?” you snap.
“Might be.” 
You sob even harder into his chest. “Why would you do this?”
Your question makes his heart race. “I wanted something better for Jujutsu society.”
You shake your head at him disapprovingly. “Why’d you have to go about it this way?”
“I don’t know Y/N," he sighs. "Does it make a difference?”
You scoff, raising your head to glare at him. “Of course it does, you idiot! You left! and had a hit placed on you! Why couldn’t you have just stayed?” You sob, letting your head fall back onto his chest. “Why couldn’t you have wanted me as much as you wanted this? Why couldn’t... Why couldn’t you have wanted me as much as I wanted you?”
“Y/N,” he coos regretfully, as if he doesn’t know what to say, which he doesn’t. He did want you, and he’d even go as far as saying he wanted a better jujutsu society for you so you wouldn’t have to live your days slaving away for the non-sorcerers. “Y/N, look at me.”
You shake your head and screw your eyes shut, not wanting to look at him. You don’t want to see your first and only love withering away right in front of you.
“Y/N, please look at me.”
“I-I can't."
“Y/N, open your eyes.”
The demandingness dripping from his voice has your head shooting up to look at him and your eyes opening wide, but as you open them, you’re not met with an actively dying Getou; you're met with a sunny and flower-filled meadow? You move to wipe your tears, but your face is dry. You blink a few times, trying to take in your new surroundings, given that a moment ago you were just in a dark alley and now you're sitting on a blanket in a field under a glowing sun.
“Y/N?” Someone speaks from beside you.
Your attention is drawn to the person. “Getou?” 
He smiles at you.
“Getou, where are we?” you ask, now starting to slightly panic.
He looks at you in confusion. “We’re on our date?”
Your chest heaves up and down, and you're more confused than ever. “Huh? But- We-“ 
“We what?” he asks, tilting his head to the side.
“We were just behind Jujutsu High; you were missing your arm, and-"
Getou scoots in closer to you and cradles your face in his hands. The feeling of a warm, full-of-life Getou touching you brings tears to your eyes all over again.
“Woah, woah, love, calm down. What are you talking about? Jujutsu High? Me missing an arm?”
“You don’t remember?” You croak out, distraught, and slightly convinced that you’re going crazy.
“Remember what, love?” he asks softly.
You stare at him in disbelief. “The fight—you wanted a better jujutsu society, and you tried? You lost your arm! You were dying; I saw you! I was there with you! You were covered in blood and-“ 
Getou gently wipes your tears away. “Love, that didn’t happen. I’m here, yeah? and I have both my arms, and there was no fight for Jujutsu society? Whatever that means..."
You blink at him, dumbfounded. “What?” 
“It was probably just a bad dream, Y/N.” He smiles at you reassuringly.
“You don’t know about jujutsu society?”
“Am I supposed to?”
You stare at him in awe. What’s happening? How could he not know about jujutsu society when it was the very thing he was fighting for? But then again, how could he not be missing an arm? And how could the two of you not be in a dark alleyway right now? How could any of this be happening? Maybe he’s right; maybe it really was a bad dream. A very vivid, detailed, lucid, and lifelike bad dream.
“I guess not,” you respond with a frown.
Getou wipes away your last few tears and smiles at you. “You’re okay; I’m okay. We’re okay. It was just a bad dream, love.”
“Yeah,” you say haltingly, "yeah, I guess it was..."
“Are you okay now?”
You nod as you take one of his hands off your face and into your own. “Yeah, I think so... Um, where are we, Getou?”
“On our weekly date?” He answers curiously as he removes his other hand from your face.
You look around at your surroundings curiously. “In the middle of a forest?”
“This is your favorite place, Y/N,” he says, quizically.
As you take another glance around, you hum, not necessarily agreeing or disagreeing. “I can see why; it’s beautiful here.”
He raises his free hand and grips your jaw, forcing you to look at him. “Y/N, are you okay? How come you don't remember?”
You look into his eyes, and something doesn't feel right—as if you're not meant to be here—but you digress and shrug anyway. “I don't know...”
He frowns briefly before leaning in and giving you a quick peck on the lips, and you practically melt, having not felt his lips on yours for far too long.
“That's alright. We can still make the most of the rest of our day, right?”
You nod, and he smiles at your response, letting go of your face and hand to open his arms to you, inviting you into his embrace. You return the smile before laying yourself in his arms, trying to ignore the rising feeling that something is wrong, but you can't because the minute your head touches his chest, you're thrown into a moment, a memory, a dream? where you're back in the alley with your head on a bleeding-out Getou, and it's just for a split second, a flash in time, but it's enough to make you go stiff and your breath hitch.
Getou rubs his hand down your back soothingly. “Hey, what's wrong?”
You swallow harshly and try to concentrate on the green scenery in front of you rather than whatever you keep seeing. “Nothing, I'm fine. It's fine.”
Getou places his head on top of yours. “Are you sure?”
You nod. “I am.”
He hums disapprovingly but doesn't press the issue any further; instead, he just runs his hand up and down your spine in an attempt to calm you down, which works as you begin to relax into his embrace and regain control of your breathing.
“What do we usually do here?” you ask, breaking the silence.
He shrugs. “Usually just talk about our days, our future plans, and stuff like that.”
You hum. “Is it nice?”
“Very nice; I like spending our days together.”
“I do too,” you correct yourself, “or I'm sure I did too.”
Getou doesn't say anything; instead, he lays himself down and, since he's holding you, takes you with him. You sigh contentedly and let your eyes flutter close, the sun and his hold keeping you warm. Suddenly, even with your eyes closed, you can tell it's getting brighter outside, and you groan. You’re about to ask what's up with the sun when a shooting pain in your head causes you to wince. Your heartbeat rings in your ears, and you can feel your hands grow clammy.
You feel unstable, as if you're no longer on the ground being held, as if you're floating through time and space, and the uncertainty forces your eyes open, but you're not met with anything—no, that's not right, you're met with everything, glimpses of time that you can barely make out. One moment you see Getou at an alter, and then you see you and Getou nodding to each other in determination, and the next glimpse is of you, Getou, Gojo, and Shoko laughing about something before you’re hit with another shooting pain in your head. Screwing your eyes shut, you hiss in pain, and all too suddenly, you're back on stable ground, no longer floating, and the brightness you could see through closed eyes a moment ago is gone.
You still hesitate to open your eyes, unsure of what you'll see, but when you can just barely make out that you're not where you were before, your eyes shoot open. You're now standing in the doorway of what appears to be the room of two teen girls, and Getou is sitting at a vanity staring at you; his hair and make-up are done, and he's frowning. Despite your confusion about where you are, you can't help but burst out into a fit of laughter.
He sighs and rolls his eyes. “Oh haha, yeah, keep laughing.”
You slap your hand over your mouth in an attempt to stifle your laughter. “What happened?”
He crosses his arms over his chest and looks away, mumbling, “Our daughters thought I would make a very good model, apparently.”
You go to laugh again, but it hits you, and you look at him like he's crazy. “Sorry, daughters?”
He returns the look. “Yes? Our kids?”
You look away, muttering to yourself, “We have kids...”
You didn't mean for him to hear it, but he does anyway and instantly stands up and makes his way toward you. He grabs your shoulders, drawing your attention to him, and when you look at him, he's staring back at you in concern.
“Y/N, are you okay?”
You want to take him seriously, but truthfully, you can't when he’s wearing bright pink lipstick and bright pink eyeshadow. He does look cute, though. You try to bite back a smile.
“I'm sorry, but I can't take you seriously when you look like that.”
Getou sighs. “I know I look amazing. Can you try to ignore my beauty for like five seconds and tell me why you’re acting like you don't remember our kids?”
You frown. What are you supposed to tell him? That you're apparently having nightmares upon nightmares about different lives with him? And now you're not sure what's real and what's not? You can't say that, so instead you shrug and merely mutter, “You do look amazing like that, though.”
His head drops to the side at the same moment that his smile fades. “Y/N.”
“I don't know.”
“You don't know?”
“Some really weird shit is going on, Getou,” you breathe out heavily.
He doesn’t say anything, instead grabbing your hand and leading you to one of your apparent kids' beds, where he sits you down.
“What’s going on?”
“I don't know, and you wouldn't know either so,” you explain vaguely in frustration.
He gives your hand a squeeze. “Maybe I would?”
You shake your head. “I don’t wanna waste time on that; I don't know how long I have here.”
“What?” he asks blankly. “What do you mean you ‘don't know how long you have here’?”
“Getou,” you whine, not wanting to think or talk about it because you wouldn't even know where to start; all you want is to learn about this new nightmare and what it holds.
He relents. “Okay, I won't ask.”
You smile at him and let a moment of silence pass before asking, “What are they like?”
“Huh?”
“Our kids—daughters.”
Getou hums. “They’re great; we raised them well.”
“They are especially great at making you a model, huh?” you snicker. 
He laughs and rolls his eyes. “Oh whatever, you're just jealous they never make you model.”
You shrug. “What are their names?”
“Well, we were gonna keep the names they had when we adopted them, but they ended up not having any names at all, so we settled on Nanako and Mimiko.”
You stare at him in awe. “Did you pick the names out?”
“We both did,” he recalls fondly and vividly, as if it were just yesterday that the two of you were picking out names.
“And we are...?”
He kisses your cheek before answering, “Married—we’re married.”
You hum and raise your left hand, your gaze fixed on your ring finger. “I don't see a ring?”
He hums curiously. “You were wearing it this morning? Maybe you dropped it somewhere?”
You nod. “Yeah.. Maybe..”
Getou doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t know what to say. What could he? His partner of multiple years suddenly has some form of amnesia and can't remember that they have kids, let alone that they’re married to him. You turn to face Getou. He looks like Getou—like the Getou you know, who apparently was merely a nightmare. Besides all the makeup and stuff, he looks like Getou. He says he’s Getou, but something just feels off.
“Are you real?”
He nods. “Very real.”
You look around the room, taking in the messy vanities, the messy beds, and the drawers stuffed with clothes. “Are our kids real?”
“Extremely real.”
You study his face for any hint of uncertainty, and when you find none, you ask, “Am I real?”
He narrows his eyes at you and hums curiously. letting go of your hand only to bring both hands up to your face and start smooshing your face together, pushing and pulling at the flesh on your cheeks.
“Getou,” you mumble.
He hums approvingly and nods, letting his hands fall back to his sides. “Yep, you’re real.”
You smile at his idiotic antics but appreciate them nonetheless. And although you can touch him and feel him, and he is real, as are you and your kids, it still doesn't seem real. And then, all too suddenly, your head starts throbbing again.
“Fuck no, not again,“ you panic.
“Y/N? whats wrong-“
You can't hear what he’s saying anymore; it's like you've gone underwater and he's speaking to you from the surface. Another shooting pain in your head has your eyes screwing shut, and you know you're fucked when all you can hear is your heartbeat ringing in your ears and feel your hands grow clammy all over again. You’re back to feeling unstable, drifting between time and space once more, and just like last time, the uncertainty of the feeling forces your eyes open, and you're faced with everything again—more glimpses in time that you can barely make out.
One moment you think you see yourself back at the beginning on Getou’s cold chest, and then you see yourself and Getou covered in blood, and you're not sure if it's yours or someone else's, and the next glimpse you see is of Getou on your cold chest, like your roles had been reversed, before you’re hit with another shooting pain in your head. Screwing your eyes shut, you wince in pain, and finally you're back on solid ground again, no longer floating, and the brightness you could see through closed eyes a moment ago is gone. This time you don't hesitate to open your eyes, and you find yourself in a cemetery.
You look around curiously, trying to assess your surroundings while simultaneously trying to recover from whatever just happened. But you're starting to realize something now. All of this is real. You laying on Getou’s chest was real; having a picnic with a perfectly fine Getou in a world where curses apparently don't exist was real; having kids and marrying Getou was real; and all of those little bits of time in between each new life were real. All of it was real—is real; all of it happened—is happening; it just didn't happen to you specifically. Not this version of you, at least. You’ve realized that you’re experiencing different universes and living alternate lives of your own. You didn’t think alternate universes existed, but it's not too hard to accept when the world you live in—the world you belong to—is riddled with curses and sorcerers. You are not above believing in alternate dimensions.
Finally over your sudden epiphany, you're able to realize that you weren't immediately met with Getou like you had been the past two times you got transported into another dimension. As you put the pieces together, a grave feeling washes over you—no Getou, and you’re in a cemetery. You swallow harshly.
No, no, no.
You start running around the cemetery, inspecting each and every headstone, and praying to the universe(s) that you aren't about to find one that reads his name.
No, no, no.
You keep running, the cemetery seemingly interminable, until you run up behind someone who looks suspiciously a lot like Getou, and when you hear him murmur under his breath, you sigh heavily in relief that it is him, but why is he here? You tilt your head and try to look around him to read the gravestone.
“What the fuck?” you exclaim, stunned.
Getou spins around faster than you can even blink, and he almost chokes on his spit. “Y/N?” His chest heaves up and down as he shifts his gaze between you and the gravestone. “But-but-how-you’re-“
“Dead apparently,” you say, finishing his sentence as you stare at the gravestone that reads, "HERE LIES L/N Y/N."
He stares at you, completely bewildered, and you can see him trembling. “How—how are you here?”
Will something bad happen if you tell him this isn't your universe and there are actually multiple universes out there? Who knows, but you’re about to find out.
“I'm not, well, I'm not supposed to be.”
He shakes his head and closes his eyes. “I'm just hallucinating; you’re not real.”
His reply breaks your heart. “I am real.”
“You’re not.”
You step forward, taking his hand in yours. “I am.”
He finally opens his eyes back up, and he stares at you through tears, completely amazed that you're here, that you're actually touching him, and that you're actually alive and real.
“I don't—I dont understand—you're dead!” He stammers, yanking his hand from yours, and as he breaks out into full-on sobs at this point, he’s reminding you an awful lot of yourself in your own world.
You nod slowly. “In this universe, it seems so... how?”
“What?” he stutters. “This universe?”
You ignore his question. “How did I die, Getou?”
He shakes his head sternly. “No, I'm not saying anything until you explain what you meant. What if you’re a curse? What if I cursed you, holy fuck? Fuck!”
“Okay, curses still exist in this universe; good to know,” you acknowledge with a nod.
Getou snaps, “What are you talking about!?”
You flinch, which only makes him sob harder.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap—I'm just so fucking confused; you're supposed to be dead,” he bawls as he falls to his knees.
You take another step closer and kneel down, drawing him into your embrace and letting him sob into your chest for as long as he needs, ignoring the horrible feeling of deja vu crawling all over you like worms.
“Shh, you're okay,” you whisper, soothingly brushing your fingers through his hair.
He finally starts to calm down after a few more minutes of whispering sweet nothings to him, and once he’s no longer sobbing, he pulls away.
“Answer my question, and I'll answer yours,” he says through sniffles.
You nod. 
“What were you talking about, universes? How are you here, Y/N? You’re dead—or you’re supposed to be...”
“Do you believe in alternate or multiple universes?”
He shrugs and wipes away any remaining tears. “I don't know; I never really thought about it.”
You hum and nod. “Right, so, uh, they exist! There are a lot of universes out there, actually." You let out an uneasy laugh.
He stares at you curiously.
“Obviously, I'm not from this universe.”
He continues staring at you.
“Oh, cmon, curses exist, but you draw the line at alternate dimensions?”
Getou frowns and says, “I guess you’re right... So you’re from a ‘different dimension’?”
You point a finger at him, narrowing your eyes. “Don't air-quote me like you don't believe me; how else would I be here right now if I were supposedly dead?”
“I don't know; that's what I'm trying to figure out!” he exclaims, gesticulating wildly.
“Can you just humor me and hear me out?”
He takes a deep breath before ultimately agreeing, “Okay, fine.”
You clasp your hands together. “Okay, um, in my universe, you’re dead.”
“What?!”
You shake your hands and your head. “Ok, no wait! You’re not dead yet, but, uh, you were like on the verge of death when I got put into another universe.”
He looks at you in disbelief. “And you just left me?!”
“It wasn't on purpose! Why would I want to leave you when you’re dying? I don't know how I ended up here! or in the last two other universes!”
He stops you and asks, "Okay, okay, wait—how am I dying?”
You look away awkwardly. “You wanted to change jujutsu society in… a not-so-friendly way... And, um, you were willing to die for your cause.”
“I'm dying the same way you did?”
You return your attention to him. “What?”
Getou nods. “Yeah.”
You shake your head. “What do you mean you're dying the same way I did?”
“In this universe, you’re the one who wanted to change jujutsu society in a... not-so-friendly way,” he explains sheepishly.
“Holy shit,” you mutter to yourself.
He nods again. “So, in yours, our roles are reversed.”
“And I'm dead already? I didn't even last as long as you?”
“Well, yeah, I guess," he shrugs, "but it worked; there hasn't been a curse, at least not a special-grade one, since you died." His eyes gleam as he looks up at you. “Did I succeed?”
You bite the inside of your cheek anxiously and shake your head.
“I'm dying for nothing, then?”
You look away and mumble, “My Getou is okay with it; he knew he might fail—he knew Gojo was the only one who could probably change anything—but he still wanted to try.”
“Okay, well, this—” he gestures to himself, “Getou isn't okay with it.”
You roll your eyes. “Yes, well, you’re also still alive, so it doesn't really affect you that much, now does it?”
“Still! You just told me one version of myself is dead—or dying—and I'm supposed to be chill with that?”
You stare at him blankly. “Your version of me is dead.”
Getou grows quiet, and you can almost physically see how his demeanor wilts away.
“Sorry.”
“It's fine,” he says, shaking his head. “You said you were in two other universes before this one, right?”
You nod. 
“What were they like?”
You smile as you think back on the previous universes: “We were both alive and happy, and we were together in them.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah... and curses didn't exist either.”
“Huh,” he says ambivalently, like he's not sure whether to be happy for his other selves or be bitter that that isn't him. “Tell me more?”
“In the first one, we were actually on a date in some forest that I apparently loved.”
He stares at you wide-eyed, completely engrossed in your retellings.
“In the second one, we were married.”
A smile tugs at his lips. “Really?”
You nod. “We even adopted two daughters.”
“What were they like?” he wonders, enamored by some alternate universe of you two.
“I'm not sure; I didn't get to meet them,” you confess meekly. “But I know their names were Nanako and Mimiko, and they loved doing your hair and makeup. You adored them, and I'm sure I adored them too.”
He nods wistfully. “In your universe, were... were we together?”
“For a bit.” You look away sadly. “We broke up when you, uh, went off and wanted to-“
“Change jujutsu society,” he chimes in.
“Yeah... How'd you-“
“Same thing here, just roles reversed, remember?” He laughs sadly.
You nod. “Did you still love me? even after I'd gone off and did what I did?”
“I did. I do,” he quickly corrects himself. “Did you?”
“I still do.”
The two of you sit looking away from each other in glum silence. It's hard to stay upbeat about your happy alternate selves when your actual selves are currently dying or dead.
“Kinda feels like we got the short end of the stick, don't you think?” Getou mumbles softly.
“Huh?”
“Well, I mean, there are no curses in those universes, and we’re both alive and happy, but in ours we’re dead?” he elaborates.  
You nod reluctantly. “Well yeah, but I don't know; I guess it's kinda nice to know that it worked out in at least one universe.”
“Don't you wish it worked out in ours?”
“Of course I do, Getou; what kind of question is that?" you scoff. "You think I want to go back to my universe just to watch you die?”
“Well,” Getou pauses, turning to face you, “what if you don't go back?”
Your gaze zeroes in on his. “What?”
“What if you stay?…”
You abruptly stand up and chuckle uncomfortably. “Getou-“ your sentence is cut short by an echo of your name that only you seem to hear because you're the only one gazing in the general direction it seemed like it came from.
Getou joins you on your feet and follows your stare, but when he realizes you aren't staring at anything, he returns his sight to you.
“Think about it.”
His voice snaps you out of your trance, and you look back at him with a small frown.
“I'm practically dead in your universe, and you're dead in mine, but we’re together right now!" he says, taking your hand in his. "Maybe the universe put you into mine for a reason— so we don't have to go back to one where we’re not together…”
You struggle to swallow; your mouth suddenly goes dry as Getou stares at you in full, unadulterated hope, and you can't bring yourself to say anything to crush that.
“Y/N, wouldn't that be nice?”
You nod and murmur, “It would.”
“Then?” he asks expectantly.
Someone calling out your name echoes in your head again, and you quickly look down the street to now see a small, bright light in the distance, and you know your time here is soon coming to an end.
“I... I can't stay, Getou.”
His voice cracks as he panickedly asks, “Why?”
"Because,” you explain with a shake of your head, “I'm not your Y/N, and you're not my Getou.”
“I could be,” he says confidently, or he would have if it weren't for the way his voice trembled.
Your vision goes blurry from the tears welling up in your eyes as you shake your head.
“We could try!”
You sniffle and reiterate, “I can't stay.”
“Please,” he begs through his sobs. “Please, we can make it work.”
You look away from him, trying to fight back your tears, but it's futile; you’re a complete mess, just like he is now. “No.”
His hands shake as he grips your face and forces you to look at him. “Y/N, please, I'm begging you.”
“I cant.”
“Don't leave me again.”
The same voice calling out your name echoes in your head again, this time louder, and the bright light is getting bigger and closer.
“I don't want to go back to a universe where you’re just gonna leave me either, but,” you sob, weakly clinging onto the wrists of his hands that are still on your face.
“So stay.”
You shake your head and take his hands off your face. “I won't.”
Getou’s head goes limp and drops as sobs shake his entire body, and you can't help but think that's exactly how you'll look when you return to your universe and have to deal with the death of your Getou.
“Please,” he pleads.
You're both in tears as you lift his head up by his chin to look at you. The voice calling your name echoes even louder, and the bright light is getting closer by the second.
“You’re not my Getou, and I'm not your Y/N.”
He nods reluctantly. “I know, but...“
The bright light is only a few feet away at this point, and the voice echoing in your head is so loud that it's giving you a migraine—you know this is your last few minutes, if that, in this universe, so you lean in and take Getou’s lips into yours—a goodbye kiss for a Getou who you'll never see again, a goodbye kiss for a Getou who desperately needs one when he never got one from his y/n. You pull away and cradle his cheek gently.
“I have to go say goodbye to my Getou now; I think he’s waiting for me.”
He nods. “If he’s anything like me, he’ll want a goodbye kiss too.”
A faint smile tugs at your lips. “I know.”
Getou doesn't get the chance to respond when you're suddenly gone—completely vanished right before his eyes.
You, on the other hand, are back again, feeling unstable as you float through time and space, and again, the uncertainity of the feeling forces your eyes open, but this time you're met with only one thing—the image of you on your Getou’s chest. With every passing second, it grows closer, as does his voice calling out for you, and before you know it, you're back in your body, looking up at him with a gasp.
“Y/N?” he asks weakly.
You're still in tears from the previous universe as you now pull him into your embrace.
He winces, and you quickly let go of him. “Sorry.”
He smiles at you with blood in his mouth and teeth. “It's okay.”
You have to force yourself to look away to try and choke back a sob, but Getou notices immediately and slowly lifts up his remaining hand to cradle your cheek.
“It’s okay, Y/N.”
You nod. “I know.”
“You’ll be okay.”
“I know,” you croak out.
“Kiss me?” He asks out of breath, knowing he doesn't have much longer.
You don't hesitate to lean in and kiss him, ignoring how it tastes like blood and tears as well as how cold his lips feel. You ignore it because he's kissing you back. He’s kissing you with all the power his frail body can muster, and it makes up for all the years, months, weeks, days, minutes, and seconds that your lips haven’t touched. But just as quickly as he kisses you, he stops, but it's gradual; he gradually stops kissing, moving, and breathing. It doesn't take long for it to get to that point, and even when he's not kissing back, you still kiss him with some fairy-tale hope that it will bring him back, that your kiss will somehow save him, like he's Snow White and you're Prince Charming. But it doesn't.
It doesnt.
You pull away to look at Getou, whose eyes are glazed over but not closed. You sob as you reach up to close his eyes, only to let your head fall against his chest. He’s so cold. Too cold. That's why you have to stay there on top of him to keep him warm. You'll stay there all night if you have to. But you don't even get the chance to stay there for longer than a few minutes when someone suddenly pulls you off of him, and you look over your shoulder to see Gojo, who's crying as well.
“He’s gone, Y/N.”
"I know," you sniffle, “I know.”
Gojo helps you up to your feet, his hand on your waist to keep you steady as he leads you away from Getou’s body. The further you get from it, the harder you cry.
But it's okay. It’ll be okay because, even though you lost Getou in this universe, you’ll eventually be able to come to peace with it knowing that in a hundred, a thousand, and even a million other universes, you and Getou are living happily ever after.
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©TODAYISAWTHEWHXLEWXRLD
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kissohee · 6 months
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bestfriend!sub!sohee x reader ☆ nsfw ; wc : 1.1k ☆ one-shot mdni! synopsis; your best friend spills that he has never gotten a blowjob before. what kind of friend would u be to not give him his first. warnings; use of good boy, cum eating @wontonstaro!
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You knew Sohee like you knew the back of your hand. Unless it was about his sexual life. Sohee never opened up to you about how he spent his time in the bedroom, and you honestly didn't care. It didn't bother you if he never wanted to open up like that.
You on the other hand, had almost zero shame with him. If it was about a guy, you would give the most detail possible, maybe even sometimes acting it out so he'd understand the full picture, and he didn't mind.
Sohee actually like that you were comfortable enough with him to even share things like that. Thing was, Sohee hadn't really experienced much. Everything he had experienced was through you.
Guy couldn't find your clit? In his head he'd note to look for it first. Guy used to much tongue? He'd note to not do that. Guy didn't make you cum? He's sure with the amount of information he has from you, he could.
The most he got was a hickey, his hand, and a lame dry humping session with his ex-gf. He didn't seek out sex either, but yeah sometimes he was a little jealous of the guys you spoke about.
You actually had so much experience that it made him a little embarrassed inside. You had done almost everything he'd watch on porn sites, and could probably write a sex book if you really wanted too.
But you'd much rather spend your time ranting or storytelling to him.
"He brought me back to his house," you start telling Sohee about the date you with some random guy your other friend had tried setting you up with, "His house.. on a first date!" You lay down on his bed, Sohee sitting up across from you.
"Okay?" He raises an eyebrow at your complaining, "That's a problem, why?"
"Well. We just met and I wasn't look for a one night stand." You state as if it was obvious, "But he kept begging me for a blowjob!"
"He was begging you for one?" Sohee hated to admit that sometimes he would get lost at your stories. Why would someone ever beg someone for a blowjob? Was it ever that serious?
"Yeah he kept going on about how it was all he could think about whenever I opened my mouth or talked. Perfect size or whatever. What a creep." You pout thinking about the bad experience.
Sohee watched as you talked, now that you pointed it out, he couldn't stop staring at your mouth. Hes never gotten a blowjob before but now that it's in his mind, he does think you have a nice mouth shape.
Sohee was too busy looking at your mouth to take notice in the way he was starting to strain in his pants. "Sohee? Are you listening?"
"Huh?" He looks at your eyes and nods, "Yeah sorry continue."
"Were you trying to see if my mouth would be a perfect size for your dick?" You caught him in the act, but you weren't mad. You actually let out a small laugh to make sure he doesn't think you are upset about it.
"No!" He immediately defends himself, "Well... kind of? I've never had a blowjob so I wouldn't know what a perfect size is or anything like that. Like it's your mouth I dont understand how-"
"You what?!" He gets interrupted, your eyes widen when you process Sohee's sudden confession.
"I've never gotten a blowjob before.." He almost whispers, head shrinking into his shoulders.
"Like ever?" Your mouth finally noticing the bulge in his pants.
"Not really.."
"Do you want one?" Sitting up, you look at him with a smile on your face.
Sohees mind goes blank. Did you just offer to give him a blowjob? His best friend? Should he accept?
"Uh..." he trails, unsure if he should say yes. You like jokes, what if you're joking? If he says yes and you're joking, he might as well just die there.
"Sohee it's a simple question. I'm very willing to give you a blowjob, I think we trust each other enough."
"Sure." He says with a slight nod, watching you as you make your way to him. Sitting on your knees in front of him, the way you look up at him already has him in shambles.
You help unzip his pants and pull his boxers down. Sohee truly believes hes dreaming right now, lifes not real, you're actually not on your knees in front of him but at your house. The second your hand comes in contact with his cock, he's reminded that this really is his reality.
"Cute.." You whisper to his cock before softly licking his tip. Sohee shuts his eyes and when you do it again, his whole body shivers. Nothing has ever felt so good to him in his entire life.
"S-shit." He curses when your mouth fully takes his cock, the feeling of him hitting the back of your mouth making him twitch.
You remove your mouth to look up at him, "Look at that.. Perfect fit." Your eyes look so pretty from his point of view.
You place your mouth on his cock again, this time gliding your tongue all around it. Sohees eyes are shut, your spit feeling warm against him.
You bob your head, earning small moans from him, his hands holding him up. He feels so good he swears he'll faint when he cums, and he almost does when you moan against his cock.
The feeling sending vibrations, causing him to accidentally thrust his hips foward, making you gag. "Sorry.." He moans when you lick his tip again.
His hands start to curl up, holding onto his bedsheets as his breathing gets heavier.
The feeling is unreal, he does everything he can to not fuck your mouth, you're already feeling so good on him.
He used to be upset that he never got to experience much, especially at his age, but now he's starting to feel better about it. He's sure no one could've given him a better blowjob than you currently are.
You feel him twitch in your mouth, taking it a sign to go faster. Drool dripping out the sides of your mouth.
His moans get louder and more frequent as you're sure he's close. His face scrunches up as his head falls back.
"Fuck..." he grunts, the feeling of his climax only inches away. He opens his eyes and makes eye contact with you. The image of you looking up at him while your sucking him off forever engraved in his memory.
You take your mouth off of him, but continue stroking him. Your mouth wide open, ready for him to cum.
And when he does, he's a moaning mess. His cum shoots straight into your mouth and he watches as you swallow his cum and lick the cum around your lips.
"Good boy," you smile innocently at him, as if you hadn't just been doing far from innocent things to him, "How'd that feel?"
His eyelids heavy as a smile crept onto his face, "Really good. Thanks."
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😭 my poor baby sohee never has fics on here 💔 - 🐠
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bkaulitzz · 4 months
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𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐍𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞
check out more of my stuff on wattpad >0< b_kaulitzz
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info: ANGST, fem!reader x bill, usage of Y/n, 3.1k words
synopsis: you and bill cool off at a club!
more after cut :0
your dialogue
bill’s dialogue
I gripped the bed sheets as I sniffled, the room was dark, and I could barely see him yet I knew the look that he was giving me. My chest heaved up and down, eyes were blurry as I fluttered the tears away. His hair was disheveled, eyes wide with pursed lips. "You couldn't just fucking tell me that?"
"Tell you what? That I was at fucking work?! Do I have to text you every second now?!" Bill bellowed, clenching his fists that laid by his sides.
"That's not the point, Bill, " I hoarsed through sobs. "I was worried, okay? What if you got into a car crash or something?"
"You're doing it again, no I didn't get into some fucking car crash or whatever you're worried about, " He took steps closer to the bed, looking down at me. "It's almost as if you want it to happen."
"No, I don't! I would never wish that on you, Bill, " I brokenly sobbed and he let out a heavy sigh, pacing around the room.
"That's your problem, " He stopped by our dresser, slamming his fist onto it, causing the loose screws to shake and let out a noise as they hit against the wooden holes they sat in. I flinched, watching him turn his gaze towards me over his shoulder. "You're always fucking worried, I can take care of myself. Do you know how annoying it is-"
"I just care, Bill! I just want to know that you're okay and that you'll be okay. That's all I fucking ask for, " I sniffled, the skin under my eyes burned as I wiped the tears away from my puffy eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. The light from the hallway lit into our room, revealing Bill's face a bit with a beam. His mascara and eyeliner were runny from sweat or tears.
"Well, it's fucking annoying. Every second you text me to see where I am, or what I'm fucking doing-" He was cut off.
"Because I fucking care-"
"No, you're fucking insane! None of my exes have ever acted this way!-"
"Don't you dare compare me to them as if they've never done you wrong!" I snarled, pointing a finger at him as I clenched my jaw. He grit his teeth, furrowing his brows. His nostrils flared as he breathed heavily, we kept eye contact in silence for a few minutes before he parted his lips.
"I rather be with them than you, at least they knew when to leave me the fuck alone, " Bill spoke through clenched teeth. I felt my heart drop as I looked at him, my lips parted as my jaw hung low. My stomach turned as he looked at me with narrowed eyes and a frown, reaching into his back pocket. The sound of cigarettes shuffled as he pulled out the red-detailed 'Marlboro' box. "I'm gonna go smoke, I hope it lights on fire and burns the house down, " He scoffed before walking towards the bedroom door, not giving me another glance as the wood under him creaked. I bit my lip, feeling my face heat up as tears began to well up. I whimpered, falling back onto the bed, and reaching over for my phone on the bedside table. My face was lit up by the phone screen as I flipped it open.
— (these are text messages under)
AMBER (sorry if ur name is amber)
Me - 10:56 PM
"Amber answer pls."
Amber - 10:59 PM
"im here, what happened?"
Me - 10:59 PM
"he got home and the first thing we did was argue."
Amber - 11:01 PM
"again?? this is like the 7th time or somrthibg"
Me - 11:01 PM
"ik, i dont know what to do"
Amber - 11:01 PM
"well if he keeps doing this then u should dump his ass"
Me - 11:02 PM
"ik but i love him :("
Amber - 11:02 PM
"yea ik but hes toxic for u, theres sm better guys"
Me - 11:02 PM
"ig :( but hes so sweet"
Amber - 11:03 PM
"but is it worth it? for all the arguments?"
Me - 11:03 PM
"maybe its bc we r just out the honeymoon phase rn :("
Amber - 11:03 PM
"idk Y/n, ig."
Me - 11:04 PM
"we just have to see"
Amber - 11:04 PM
"okk wtv u say. also off topic but should i do pink or blue streaks?"
Me - 11:04 PM
"oh, pink, r u dying ur hair rn?"
Amber - 11:04 PM
"yea i just got it bleached. anyways, i just hope it works out"
Me - 11:05 PM
"i hope so too, im gonna go sleep now"
Amber - 11:05 PM
"sleep well, ily"
Me - 11:05 PM
"ily too"
I closed my phone, tossing it onto the table before pulling the blanket over me. I sniffled as I snuggled into the bed, fluttering my eyes close before drifting off.
***
My feet stood against the cold tile of the kitchen floors as I diced the potatoes. The ventilation hood let out a low hum as I boiled water on the stove, making stew for one. It's been days since we spoke, I couldn't even remember his voice by now. We barely met eye-to-eye anyway since he left early and came home late. I slid the bad piece of the potato to the side of the cutting board, continuing to cut the rest. I froze, seeing the familiar painted nails and each silver ring that fitted on each finger, snake around my waist. I bit my lip, continuing to cut the potatoes as I felt his chin rest on my shoulder.
"Love..." Bill spoke softly into my ear before placing gentle kisses on my ear lobe. "I missed you, " He continued, placing more kisses on my ear as he held me close. I stayed silent, focusing as I placed the pieces into a bowl. "I'm sorry for yelling at you...and saying all those things, " He kissed down to my neck, moving his hands onto my sides. He massaged my sides, placing long opened mouth kisses on the right side of my neck. "I didn't mean it, any of it. You're the sweetest and one of a kind...nothing can excuse what I said, " He hummed, continuing to kiss my neck. I felt my face heat up, my eyes welling up as my lip quivered. "You have to speak at some point, please?" He frowned against my skin, slowly moving his hands up my shirt. I shivered at the cold touch as he held my waist from under.
"How could you say those things to my face?" I wept, a tear falling down my cheek. He clicked his tongue, turning me around. The knife fell out of my hand and into the sink. Bill frowned as he looked down at me, his focus being on the teardrop on my cheek. He lifted my face by my chin with his finger, pecking the salty tear away. He wrapped his arms around my waist again, leaning back to look at me.
"My baby...I was having a bad day and I shouldn't have taken it out on you, " He pecked my lips, and I sniffled as I allowed him.
"You were so mean, " I whimpered, looking down at the neckline of his t-shirt.
"I know, I know, " He cupped my cheek, moving my gaze back up at him. "I'm sorry. I know you were just looking out for me, I was just so stressed, " He leaned in, placing his lips on mine again yet not pulling away this time. I reciprocated after a few seconds, closing my eyes before throwing my arms around his neck. His lips were soft and plump as I remembered each line that made up his lips. He moved his hands down and under my shirt to hold my waist again. He smiled against my lips, his hands wandering my body. I let out a pleased sigh, pushing myself against him. Bill let out a grunt, our lips moving against each other. He pulled away after a while, giving me a few pecks before his lips left. "Do you wanna go out tonight?"
"Go out? Where?" I tilted my head, moving my hands down and back against the counter I was leaning against.
"The club, since I know you love to dance...and drink, " He wiggled his eyebrows, smirking. I scoffed, rolling my eyes.
"You know I love the drinks, " I hummed, standing up. "I guess we can."
"We can go...only if you forgive me, " He bit his lip with a smile.
"Fine...I forgive you, " I rolled my eyes. He grinned, pulling me back for another kiss. I let out a huff as I widened my eyes before kissing back.
"Go get ready, " He pecked my nose, reaching back to turn off the gas stove. "I want everyone to see how beautiful you are, " He hummed and massaged my sides. I nodded with a grin, pulling away to rush to our bathroom.
***
I licked the sweet taste from the corners of my lips, sitting on a stool by the bar. Bill's hand rested on my bare thigh as he sipped his glass of whiskey. DJ announcements roared into my ears as he announced the next song, scratching playing after that. Red lights hit Bill as I turned my attention to him, his eyes already on mine as he caressed my thigh with his thumb. He stayed close as people passed by dancing or dragging their feet.
"You having fun?" He asked, tilting his head as he placed his empty glass down on the counter, that was fogged with condensation.
"I guess, we haven't danced yet, " I shrugged. He hopped off his seat, taking my hand in his to pull me out of my seat. I let go of the glass in my hand, following along as he pulled me through people.
Bill grinned as he turned to me, stepping into an empty spot. There was enough room for us but people continued to hug us in. He took my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles before spinning me around. The music pounded into my chest as I pushed myself against him. He held my arm above my head, his jeans tickling the back of my thighs. I bit my lip as my feet stayed stagnant, and my ankles flowed with me as I moved my body against Bill. My body heated up as I did. He followed my rhythm, mirroring each body roll I did. He grinned, wrapping an arm around my waist as we continued. I laid my head back on his chest, continuing to roll my body with him. His hand snaked down to my thigh, caressing it as I grinded against him. People continue to dance around us. I reached back with my free hand, my fingers tangling with his hair as my hand held his nape. He grinned down at me and I looked up at him with a lazy smile. My hand slid from his nape to his cheek, pulling him in for a kiss. His lips pressed against mine and I closed my eyes, my gloss, and his chapstick mixing. I gasped softly, feeling his soft grasp move to my waist. Bill pulled away, turning me to face him.
"I'll be back, I need to go to the restroom, " He pecked my lips again.
"Stay safe, " I let out. He nodded in response, kissing my nose before pulling away. He pushed the people, making his way to the restroom. I lost sight of him, making my way back to the bar. I sighed, taking my seat again, and turning my whole body onto the counter. I laid my handbag in my lap, motioning the bartender over. "Get me something sweet, please, " I grinned, watching them get to work. I rested my hand as my elbow rested on the table. I frowned, looking around as the dark-haired male wasn't back or anywhere nearby. I looked down at my lap, popping my handbag open to pull out my flip phone.
BILL <3
Me - 12:37 AM
"bill u ok??"
I furrowed my brows, staring at my phone for five minutes. My palms grew slick from sweat, and I closed my phone with no response. I nibbled on my lip, watching as the drink was placed in front of me. "Thank you, " I mumbled, taking a sip as my thumb fidgeted with the fingers on my free hand. I flinched, seeing a tall figure enter my vision, but it wasn't my Bill. I kept my focus on my drink, shaking my left leg up and down against the shiny floor.
"Hey, " The low voice spoke behind me, leaning onto the counter to face me. He snapped his fingers in my face, furrowing his eyebrows. "I said hey, lady. Gosh, do girls just ignore good-looking men these days?" He scoffed. I turned my head slowly to him with an eye roll. His hair was curly, ginger. Skin pale with sharp, green eyes as they stared right into my eyes.
"What do you want?" I covered my drink with my palm. He grinned as he stared over my features, his gaze slowly going down to my cleavage. I placed my free hand over my chest, scoffing. His face was stubbled with the same hair color that sat on his head.
"What do I want? Is that how you flirt? I'm just trying to be nice here. I see a nice woman alone at the bar and I approach her, " He spoke, even though he was inches away and the air was stale, I could smell his beer breath from where I was sitting.
"No, I'm not alone. I'm here with my boyfriend, " I scoffed, sitting up straight and tightening my core.
"Well I don't see him, don't lie to me, " He snickered, a hand reaching out for my shoulder. I widened my eyes, instinctively picking up my drink and throwing it in his face. He clenched his eyes shut, covering his eyes with a hiss. "You fucking bitch!" He growled. I slammed the glass down, sliding off my seat before running to the restroom. I pushed past people, the music growing distinct as I made it to the long hallway. My heels clacking and echoing through them.
"Bill! Bill!" I called out with a cry. I froze in my steps, hearing loud kissing noises and small groans. I took a turn, the kisses only becoming louder. I felt my heart sink, seeing familiar brunette hair with pink streaks tangled into his polished fingernails. Bill's eyes were shut closed as his lips moved against Amber's. His hands on her in a way that he would never touch me the same. I covered my mouth, feeling my face heat up, my eyes blurry as my stomach turned. Her hands were on him, places where I knew he was weak. I felt my knees shake, the pain in my feet from the heels where I once felt like I floated.
"Fuck...I love you, Amber, " He breathed against her lips. She smirked against his lips, moving her kisses down to his neck. He groaned, throwing his head back, his eyebrows knitting as her hand trailed down. I bit on my lip harshly, clenching my fists as they moved down to my sides. I dug my nails into the vegan leather that made my hand bag, turning around. I breathed heavily, my chest heaving as I stormed away. My face was damp by now, and I looked down as I moved past people, making my way out. Once the cold air hit me as I made it past the bouncer, I let out sobs, my chest heavy as I wiped away my tears. I looked at my hand, it was covered by the runny mascara and foundation I had on.
"God, how could they?" My throat was sore already from breathing uneasily, taking out my phone for a taxi.
***
I couldn't eat or sleep, staying in bed all day. The makeup from three days ago was still on my face with small residue as I laid in sweats. I held my pillow, hoping that the next sound from downstairs would be Bill opening the door with flowers in hand. Yet, I was disappointed after each small creak, having nothing come in return. I sat up, the sheets shuffling against me as I leaned against the headboard. I reached for my phone, gritting my teeth as I dialed her.
"What?" The feminine voice answered.
"I thought you fucking cared about me, " My breath was going at a familiar pattern from days ago, my nostrils flaring as my nails dug into my palm.
"I mean...why did you think I was trying to get you to break up with him?" Amber yawned.
"He's gonna do the same to you, " I snarled. She sighed, rustling could be heard from the other end.
"I don't think so...I mean. Why do you think he always comes home late?" She responded. I could feel the smirk on her face and scoffed, wiping the tear that rolled down my cheek.
"I don't even know you anymore, Amber, " I sniffled.
"When did you ever?" She breathed. Small kissing noises could be heard with more rustling.
"Who's on the phone, babe?" A masculine voice groggily spoke.
"No one, Bill, go back to sleep, " She giggled softly as kisses noises followed. "Stop, babe, " She whined softly as more kisses followed.
"How can I? You're so beautiful, " He murmured. I felt my throat form a lump, my stomach turning as if I could vomit right there and then. I clenched my jaw, putting my lips to the speaker.
"Fuck you both, " I snarled through bared teeth, closing the phone shut, tossing it aside. I sniffled, wiping my eyes one last time, before heading to the shower.
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WRITTEN BY MEEE
bill, bill kaulitz, angst, sad, kaulitz
135 notes · View notes
crushedsweets · 3 months
Note
I loved the ask about ticciwork what it would be like if they were able to date! Now I was wondering what that would be like with Jack and Toby!
Though I’m not sure if they have the same chemistry as ticciwork. 😭
Btw you have forever engraved ninakate to my soul LMAO I love them so much!! ❤️
I ABSOLUTELY CAN i think theyre super cute + i have a really sweet ticcijack ask i wanna draw soon. im gonna go off on a tangent about their upbringing and how that'd impact their sexuality tho, cuz i think that'd be relevant .
this was written more like notes for a one-shot of them getting together, rather than the format i did for ticciwork
ok. so for starters, toby has a huge wall to get over. i dont really have sexuality hcs for many of the creeps (jane and kate r lesbians, lius a gay man, ninas bi are my only concrete hcs) BUT i know toby's upbringing involved his dad constantly demeaning him for being 'feminine' (anytime he did something with lyra), a pussy, calling him slurs, telling him to man up, insulting any gay man he might see on tv, etc. and toby hates his dad, so he'd have an easy time being like 'ok whatever old man like i give a shit if a guy fucks a guy' BUT he would still feel a ton of guilt and shame if he were attracted to a guy.
jack might be a little similar, not because his dad was constantly berating him, but he still grew up in a pretty traditional house and his uncles/cousins would often tease him cuz he liked to cook and bake and had a lot of empathy. but he also went to university, and while it was still in alabama, a lot of colleges and stuff are a lot more progressive so it wasn't something he dwelled on much. live and let live, basically
AND AS A RESULT, it would be MUCH harder for either of them to make a move. toby would push any feelings down so fucking fast, and jack would just shrug it off and say he doesn't have like.. the "right" to have such emotions. after all he's done.
but they've also had a ton of intimate moments. the amount of times toby's been sat in his boxers while jack has to stitch up his stomach is kinda obnoxious. the amount of times jack checks toby's temperature and scolds him for dumb shit. toby scoffing and grabbing jacks wrist to pull his hand off, but his touch lingers
jack wears his mask a lot, but toby would make a comment. "i wanna see what you look like. it cant be THAT bad." and then jacks like ? asshole. so toby backtracks and is like "ok but if it is bad, thats kinda cool" and jacks like 'dude shut up'. but then toby would try and go on about 'im serious man you're over here stitching me up every other week and im practically the only person you talk to. let me see' and jack thinks about it. maybe not that day, but eventually he would.
if toby has already kinda come to terms with liking guys, OR he's so oblivious to his own feelings, he might say something stupid like "oh shit you're hot dude why do u wear that stupid ass mask" and jack would get embarrassed. and try to put it back on, but toby would snatch it and toss it on some counter and say "ok well now i know so stop wearing it" and jacks like. ok. fuck you. fine.
and toby stares a lot. like. a lot a lot. and jack kind of knows. the echolocation and thermavision helps him know toby's head is turned his way, but he can't exactly pinpoint where toby's eyes are. but he keeps turning away
toby would eventually just ask 'you gotta know im looking at you , right?' and jack is like ...well i thought so. thanks for confirmation. and toby laughs it off but jack is getting embarrassed
jacks feelings would develop slowly and he'd recognize every single moment he feels something. tobys would develop more rapidly, but he has no fucking idea what he's feeling is romantic. he thinks jacks attractive as fuck, he likes intelligent people, he likes how jack challenges tobys toxic ass mindset (only after the fact, hates it in the moment), and jack does a lot for him. patches him up, cooks him good meals.
the ask i mentioned said something about jack touching toby's lip and toby keeps looking at jacks lips and theres crazy tension etc etc etc. i genuinely dont know who would kiss who first.
if it were jack, toby would sit there kinda stunned, and jack would pull away and fumble out an apology. then toby tells him to do it again. and again, and again.
if it were toby, jack would immediately kiss back. he's had it on his mind for a long time, but genuinely didnt think anything would come.
toby would ask what now. he wants jack to set some sort of guidelines. he hates rules but holy shit does he not know how to navigate this, not with jack. jack would shrug it off and theyd try not to talk about it. toby might not come back to see jack for a while, but end up really hurt and dragged there to get his arm popped back into place. and jack would have to ask why he stopped visiting.
toby would admit it, finally. something about 'because i fucking like you and its really fucking weird and i dont wanna ruin the whole medic patient pal thing we got going on but this entire fucking time ive been avoiding you, im thinking about you a hundred times more'. and jack would ask why he thinks its weird. and theyd talk for a while
jack would ask toby if he could kiss him again, and toby would say yes.
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indouloureux · 2 years
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how are u love? I dont know if you saw the pictures and videos of joseph and jamie in brazil (I just saw them and I'm SCREAMING) but could you write something based on that? like joseph x costar!reader?
ps: you're amazing and I LOVE that you write for Joseph sm and you do it SO WELL
HI IM GOOD YES i saw their pics from brazil and i went absolutely feral!!! tysm for reading my works ily !! 🫶 hope you enjoy this
side note: a couple of you guys sent in requests and im sorry if im unable to post it sooner. i promise i will get to them and i absolutely love your ideas!!! i also sincerely apologize if the fonts are small im writing the blurbs on my phone and ive yet to figure out how to put "read more".
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brazil is really pretty, and so is the smile on his face.
his white dress shirt hangs perfectly around his frame, but his grey blazer is missing and is instead draped over your shoulders, an offer he'd done out of worry.
even so, joseph's got an arm around your waist, holding a drink in his hand that he so carelessly waves around as he talks to people though not spilling it on anyone else. his laugh is bright and a bit drunk, but it's still contagious nonetheless.
"hey," he murmurs in your ear. "i bet you twenty dollars i get at least more than fifteen questions about what my vecna song is, deal?"
you snort, gyrating your wrist to swirl your drink. "why? did the question reach brazil?"
"i can't tell you how many times i've said the words up and down by venga boys. it's a lot more than the amount of wrong theories i saw about volume two."
joseph beams at your smile, and as much as he wants to place a kiss on your temple, he's too shy to do so in a public place. "alright. and if it's not more than fifteen, i get the twenty dollars?"
"twenty dollars and a kiss," he offers. "only because i haven't kissed you since this morning and i've been taking it out on this glass."
"eugh," you turn away from him. "gross,"
"it's true," joseph removes his arm from around your waist, only to step in front of you so you'd look at him. "when you were at the toilet i've been mouthing my drink."
"jesus, joseph."
"and mary," he smiles at you, comes back to his original position where he slots himself at your side with a hand around your back in a kind possessive manner. "no one has actually asked you what your vecna song is, though,"
"i'd rather not answer than when yours sounds like a kids bop music at a child's birthday party," you playfully clink your glass with his. joseph wrinkles his nose and opens his mouth in a silent gasp, feigning offense at your joke.
"my, how rude! i've never judged you for listening to doja cat for a whole week when she tweeted about me," joseph squints his eyes at you.
"it's my way of coping. a hot girl flirts with my boyfriend and then what?" you shake your head at him. joseph smiles, and he's really fighting the urge not to kiss you. "plus her music's good. you should try listening to it instead of dancing to venga boys every morning."
"never disrespect up and down like that," he scoffs. his hand reaches out to play with the sleeves of the blazer around your shoulder, and you find yourself tracing the curve of his chain.
"yeah yeah, whatever."
"oh, here comes another one," finally, he steals a quick peck on your temple, hand sinking deeper into your waist. "prepare to lose twenty dollars, darling."
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would very much appreciate feedback and reblogs!! <3
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Text
Rewrite Ideas for Lila Rossi
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I know there’s been a lot of criticism about Lila’s lies and how Marinette’s friends and other people trust Lila’s word over hers, especially Alya her best friend and journalist. What if Lila wasn’t just more careful with her lies(telling more believable lies with fake proof or atleast have benefit of the doubt, more cautious about threats and frame ups), but instead of telling negative lies about someone people should know better about, she instead uses already known truths against them. Does still manipulate certain things but also make those are unto her or see as a threat, dig their own graves, expose their own issues.  Ex, Like how Lila made Aya think the issue was just Marinette having a crush on Adrien and being jealous.
I think it would’ve worked more if Lila actually played into this more. Not just using Marinette’s crush on Adrien but her and the other’s biggest flaws(overthinking things, insecurity, digging herself deeper into her problems, etc) Using their issues and past mistakes to manipulate things in her benefit or atleast make people consider past issues that would make people have to also consider.
Marinette if she decided to just come out and say why she doesn’t trust Lila when she comes back as a new classmate, similar to when she talked to Alya and Nino.
Lila-I really dont get where all this skepticism’s coming from. I was only here one day and I don’t think we even got to meet, let alone talk, so how could you know anything I did-
Marinette-BECAUSE I FOLLOWED YOU!
Class-What!?
Lila-I’m sorry, what?😈
Marinette-I said I…oh boy. Realizes how bad that sounds and can’t really tell them the stuff she’d have to known as Ladybug.
Adrien-Wait I don’t get it, why follow us?
Class knowing Marinette’s huge crush on Adrien and the crazy things she has done involving him-…nervous coughs.
Ayla who also knows this and who Marinette told she was gonna follow them-Oh boy.
Later
Ayla-Listen Lila I’m really sorry, I should’ve stopped her. Are you gonna bring this up with the teachers?
Lila- Hey, don’t worry about it. I mean you’re her friend, not her mom, it’s not your responsibility to watch what she’s up to. I’m just happy this was simply because she likes Adrien and not because she really thinks I’m some “evil manipulative mastermind”, this doesn’t feel like anything I need to involve a teacher with, not like anyone got really hurt. I’ll be honest I have a problem sometimes being fully honest, I may exaggerate or tell a few white lies just simply to fit in, I’m not trying to hurt anyone. But seriously, we've only hung out like only a few times, he really is just a friend to me at this point. I’m sorry for all the trouble.
Alya- Don’t worry about it, honestly this isn’t really ur fault.
Lila-Well thanks and seriously, this isn’t really your fault either. Alya- Thank you. Still, maybe I should’ve been more concerned.
Lila- I mean these things happen, We’re teens, sometimes we might let our hormones get the better of us but I doubt this stuff happen all the time, she seems like a good person. Besides if she did do something that really crossed the line, as her best friend, I’m sure you def would call her out or atleast make it clear u don’t support it, right?
Ayla-…
Lila-Do you think I should talk to Marinette?
Alya- No, no don’t worry about that. Maybe I should though.
Lila-Yeah, I’m sure you’re right. she’d probably listen better to a friend anyway 😈
and doesn’t just do this kinda stuff with Marinette but can pit the whole class against eachother If she plays the cards right, full on Mean Girls Watch The World Burn🔥🔥🔥. All while, looking completely inconspicuous and whatever she could’ve done would be seen as simply indirect or unintentional and certainly no way she could’ve known it would lead to such an outcome…right?
Lila-As such a great designer Marinette, I’d figure you’d understand that rather try to make something completely new, better to make the best out of the materials you already have! And there is just so much to work with, especially with you😈
And rather Marinette not trying to expose her because of Adrien's advice but rather her own self doubt. “What if I really am just jealous and overthinking this whole thing”, “I technically was in the wrong first for following them, granted I had to for the book but I didn’t know that at first”, “what if I make things worse and Alya…won’t be my friend anymore”…”she’s probably right, maybe Lila’s just harmless and it really is all in my head”…”maybe it is just me”.
I just like antagonists who make the protagonists consider their own moral character and actions, if they’re really as good as they think they are. Even if they’re manipulative liars who are trying to be dishonest, there’s always that certain part of what they say that can’t be fully brushed off as entirely wrong, sometimes even being the ones to call out the protagonists’s less moral actions and mistakes.  And I think Lila could’ve really had that sort of potential with Marinette. For better or for worse, her impact could make Marinette reflect on herself.
Lila-You’re the type of person who sees themselves as the hero in their own story and that everything you do is right, but truth is you can just as easily be the villain! You think my lies are bad? Half of what I say is just calling you out on your own mistakes. You just can’t handle the TRUTH!😈
what do u think? How’d u wanna rewrite Lila? I’d love to know💖
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fiveloml · 2 years
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the umbrella academy x reader. “ i love you. “ [ gender neutral reader. ]
─ ✧ the hargreeves' different love languages.
─ ✧ HELP thank you all for blowing up all my fics so far u guys r so cool
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@ ─ luther hargreeves ☂︎ number 1.
the night was dark, thunder boomed through the skies as you and LUTHER held each other in bed. admittedly ─ with all the time he spent on the moon, luther grew to fear the sound of thunder. it was so loud compared to the years of silence he had on the moon.
you gently put your hand on luthers chest, feeling his speeding heartbeat slow down under your caring touch. you give him a smile, in which he weakly returned as his arms wrapped around you. holding you tight almost like if he let go, you'd disappear.
luther loved to hold you, more than anything.
@ ─ diego hargreeves ☂︎ number 2.
DIEGO always offered to do whatever you were doing, whether big or small he was always there to lend a helping hand. many would say that his love language was acts of service but he really only viewed it as helping his partner.
“y/n! here, i'll carry it for you.“ diego grunts, taking the boxes from your hands as you give him a smile. “thanks diego.“ you say while giving him a kiss on the cheek.
@ ─ allison hargreeves ☂︎ number 3.
“you're doing great, hun.“ ALLISON grins, helping allison train as it was also training for you and your endurance. allison didn't hold back, so the fact you were managing this well was impressive.
when training was over, allison placed a kiss on your forhead and gave you a side hug. “you get stronger every day, i'm so proud of you.“ she praises you, a proud smile on her face when she realized you were flustered yet again.
@ ─ klaus hargreeves ☂︎ number 4.
KLAUS always appreciated any gifts, some would think theyre in a relationship just for gifts.. but they've always appreciated the smallest things yet meant everything to klaus. “you got me my favorite smoothie?“ they sniffle, and you look at them with a confused but amused smile.
they gave you a quick peck on the lips before happily sipping away at their favorite drink, smiling widely because it was with you that klaus was the happiest.
@ ─ five hargreeves ☂︎ number 5.
“i care for my siblings, but getting to spend time with you when they're around is impossible.“ FIVE grumbles, letting you play with his hair as he rested on your lap. “i know, but on the bright side.. altleast we can spend quality time alone.“ you smiled, ruffling his hair slightly as he blew away some that got in his face.
“yeah.. and thats all that matters.“ five smiled slightly, being alone for so many years of his life made five enjoy quality time with you.
@ ─ ben hargreeves ☂︎ number 6. [ if he were alive ]
BEN liked to hold your hand, his was always intertwined with yours and usually in the pocket of his jacket. he always loved feeling the warmth of your hand or even when it was cold, no matter what he would hold them.
and if you felt happy every time he did, it was always nice always having ben with you.
@ ─ viktor hargreeves ☂︎ number 7.
“i got you.. a gift. i wasn't sure what you would've wanted so i got every single one i knew you liked..“ VIKTOR says rather quietly, looking down at the ground as you admired all the flowers and chocolates he got you.
you looked back at him and the assortments of gifts, mouth agape as you felt that your small present felt inferior to what viktor had gotten you for valentines.
you handed him your small memory book with a bunch of your favorite pictures with you and him, he smiled as he flipped through it and gave you a tight hug. “i dont need a big and extravagant gift.. you and your cute little ideas are all that matters.“ he chuckles, littering your face with kisses.
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yonpote · 3 months
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another thing is like... under capitalism, business success and wealth begin to alienate you from others who don't have that. and that alienation can feed into greed, like why not keep investing and making business deals and buying expensive stuff? and no one around is really going to call you out because they are either capitalist hacks or maybe people who once struggled who now rely on you.
so like, I don't inherently expect much from creators like dnp who come into money. even though they probably have more financial freedom than many other creators because of all the tours, books, games, etc (because they are good at business!)
so like, as their fans who ultimately are their consumers, I think it's good to call them out, especially because they have shown before that they have good intentions.
am I expecting much from them? no. wealth can be corrupting and speaking out comes with risk to business/career interests. but they have a special relationship with their audience, as we're mostly all fellow queer and neurodivergent people with similar interests. so we can provide feedback and be the ones to try to ground them and be like "hey that wasn't cool please do better." stopping engagement with them and their content entirely doesn't really do anything to help, unless they did something they needed to absolutely be deplatformed for. stopping engagement is a valid personal choice, but when I see stuff that begins to resemble like 'they aren't being activists right now time for everyone to unstan' I'm like... if that makes you feel better, fine, but I would rather parasocially / affectionately be like "hey I expect more from you!" in a way that is constructive. which is something I would want to do with my friends, but the difference is, if my friends didn't change or try to then I probably would distance myself from them. Whereas Dan and Phil are entertainers we don't now irl, we have a different relationship with them. but compared to many other creators, they really do tend to be more sensitive to their audience (which has helped their success).
but so this time the (mostly leftist) phannies calling them out actually got them to do a fundraiser so that's cool! even if it's because of the backlash like, that's what the point of backlash is! we should want people to change behavior. not to just abstractly punish them, for something they could be unlikely to do without pressure. though hopefully it will lead to less instances of having to pressure them.
idk this brings up interesting stuff about parasocial relationships, the transactions between creators and their audience, and capitalism. so of course I had to rant about it for a sec lol.
thats completely true! thank u for the rant lol but yeah i dont want to come across as being like, NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOUR FAV CREATORS it was more like, with dnp specifically we know where their heart is i guess so it can be unnecessary to call for whatever. BUT you're absolutely right in that they probably wouldn't have done a charity stream were it not for pressure from fans. and maybe this is ME being parasocial but i'd like to think that this isn't for damage control or performativism (i mean it is a LITTLE cuz any publicity is a little bit abt looking good) but rather like, putting their money where their mouth is basically! and showing to their core audience like hey we care about this thing too and we fully hear you.
i was thinking about this General concept wrt dnp because i think there have been other moments where dnp were called out about something or criticized for like their more offensive humor and they stopped doing that and educated themselves which is better than most creators who put up fakeass apology videos. ive seen a lot of ppl say they want dan to talk about and apologize for his racist and sexist humor (and honestly only asking dan but not bringing up that phil also had his share of racist jokes) but it's like. at this point what further could he say? he's not a 21 year old shit head anymore (and yeah good for you for being a socially aware 21 y/o in 2024 but that offensive humor literally was just the culture of that time period) and they both have SHOWN that they have grown and even talked about it in like the pinof react video where they talked about "yeah we bullied kristen stewart a lot cuz it was just popular to make fun of her and justin bieber and that really sucks that we did that" like they have changed and shown change! they do not need to make a grand apology statement cuz like if you wanna talk performativism then lets talk about the fakeness of basically every apology video on the internet????
sorry thats unrelated to what u were talking abt but it just made me start thinking BUT YEAH THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOT TAKES!!!!
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mrs-monaghan · 10 months
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Another entry. Firstly, Still With Me? Did JK release a new song that I didn’t know about? Secondly, I would rather speculate that a song is about someone then a hand gesture that a lot of people do.
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I saw them coming at us for paying attention to numbers and 11/08 even though that's way more real than whatever tf this is. Like... aren't they embarrassed????
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Anyway guys, I have an announcement to make.
Attention please!
Thank u ☺☺
Okay so I've been getting alot of frustrated asks mad at tkkrs and antis on twitter, right? Unfortunately I tend not to post them because I don't wanna bring too much negativity on this blog. Especially when some of those things are vile AF. Anyway, the point of this post is, My friends and I are in a Jikook discord and a few of us do this thing on twitter where we fight antis and shit especially when they come to Jikook spaces.
As we know recently a big Jikook account with 15k followers was attacked the other day for liking a post from an anti. But she had no idea that person was one. She just liked the post coz it was Jikook related. It's an easy mistake to make, really. She tried apologising and explaining she'd blocked the anti but these assholes didn't listen. They went though her profile and started commenting under all her regular, normal tweets that she was an anti and should be ashamed of herself or whatever. They were determined to give her no peace whatsoever.
When called out themselves, one account shamelessly said that they were antis and proud. That they didn't pretend that they don't hate Jimin. This really made me mad. It's not the first time they've been quite proud of the Jimin hate they partake in. Tkk accounts will gets thousand of likes on a post hating on Jimin and this ain't right. An anon sent in an ask venting about us being cowards and I agree. They attack Jikookers and these jkkrs end up deleting their Jikook posts. THIS SHIT AIN'T RIGHT!!! Its not.
They do this thing where they move in balk. My friends and I tried to back this account up. Encouraged her not to let them get to her. But it dont matter that 5 people are on your side if 30 people are telling you to kill yourself its just... /sigh/
This account is still running. But they had to unfollow everyone they follow and start from scratch. This ain't right guys. Its just not fair no matter how u look at it. I think we need to start giving tkkrs the same energy they give us.
Simply ignoring them is NOT working. We don't go to them, they come to us. I think its time Jikookers fought fire with fire. Which is why I'm making this post. A few of us had the idea to create a Jikook fighting discord.
If you are reading this and are tired of taking shit lying down. If you have wanted to fight these people but you were worried that you are just one person and won't make a difference. If you see the Jimin hate and wish there was something you could do about it, I come with an offer. Fuck tkkrs. Fuck antis. Fuck solos and fuck ot7 accounts that call out the vermin but then delete their tweets when they start to loose followers. Fuck all these people. Lets do something about this, ourselves.
Tkkrs are the ones causing chain reactions. If they didn't attack Jimin, Jimin solos wouldn't attack V and JK. (Yesterday I saw an art of JK with a dirty diaper and I just...🤮) If they shipped in peace and didn't attack Jimin literally all this shit wouldn't be happening.
I say we give them a taste of their own medicine. So if you see this post and you agree that enough is enough, then come join us here.
If you can't join then spread the word. Time to defend Kookmin and Koominers. Fuck this shit. The vermin have ran rampant for long enough. Photoshopping Jimin getting blown by band pd wasn't enough. Now they're editing him into porn. Guys, they've go10 too comfortable. Let's do something!
1) Create a separate twitter account before you join us. Safer not to use your main
2) ONLY Jikookers allowed in this discord. If you are not one of us we will know.
See you soon. I hope some of you consider. This shit has to stop. Kookminers assemble!!
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Bless 💜
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shojislady · 10 months
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2. SO SCANDALOUS
"-ess.. princess. wake up, we need to get ready. kacchans making pancakes right now."
grumbling, she turns over to look at her clock. it's 10:15am, izuku let her sleep in a bit. today, the class was going out to the mall then the arcade to have class bonding time. with everything that's gone on, from the USJ incident and the tension from the sports festival, to the fight with stain (where endeavor unfairly took credit, causing the girl to have a "slight" hatred for him), and even the final exams, having to go against All Might with Bakugo and Midoriya, it was just a lot to handle. they're just kids, and kids need breaks.
walking into the bathroom, the girl began her daily morning routine.
"damn.. i look ROUGH..!" she said as she looked in the mirror. her bonnet looked as if it was trying to run away, her tank top was all twisted up, right boob was up in russia while the left one stayed home in america. she had eye boogers all around and her angel bite piercings were no where to be found.
she slept good.
"you know what... let me just wash my face right now and i'll do everything else after i eat."
her face care routine consists of ; black african soap, witch hazel, hydration drops, and a bit of coco butter.
finishing up and putting away her stray boobs, she found one of bakugos stolen hoodies and made her way downstairs.
(i would just like to add that she sleeps in boxers so yk that ass lookin fat 😋)
"good morning guys!" she greeted everyone, with a slight smile and wave. almost everyone was up, with the exception of a few people.
"hii y/n!"
"mornin bestie!!"
"Good Morning, Y/n! Glad to see you awake!"
and so on and so forth
"mornin angel.. im making your pancakes right now, but there's bacon on the tiny burner and i made u a tiny omelette. those burner thingies really come in handy, you know?"
"its a heating tray, katsu. and yes, that's why i bought them." she bought them for holidays like christmas and american thanksgiving, but since there's 21 kids living in one dorm, it's used more than expected.
"is that my fucking hood?? i've been looking for that for weeks!" bakugo exclaimed, turning around to give the girl a plate so that she could fix her food. "when the hell did you even- whatever.. as long as i get it back."
(Spoiler Alert, he doesn't)
"erm.. anyways..! so guys, what time are we supposed to be leaving??" asked y/n, going to take a seat next to shoji.
"Well, we're trying to leave for the mall around 12:45 since it isn't far, then leave the mall no later than 4:30-5." yaomomo began to explain. "I was able to rent the arcade from 6:15 to 10:30, food and drinks included, along with lazer tag , and we get the option of going in the bounce area, so when we get there just let me know."
"damn yaomomo... i knew you was stacked but DAMN!!"
"ong, bro's LOADED.."
"i'm calling you if i need to bailed out of jail."
"honestly guys it's not much, i just want us to have fun and relax as a class while being safe!" yaomomo said with a small smile on her face. she was literally loaded, like pockets so deep they could fit 3 gallons of milk each, pockets so swole they need an ice pack, pockets so fat they need they own TLC show type rich. but even so, she didn't like to flaunt her wealth. she'd rather use her money to pay for gifts and events for her friends, rather than to flex some diamond earrings or a gold necklace. She's still a teen girl though, so she still loves to go shopping. The girl is really just happy that she's found friends that actually love her for her, and not for her money.
"you're so cute yaomomo! i love you!"
"well thank you y-"
"if anyone, i mean ANYONE fucks with you, call me. these hands are rated E for Everyone. my fists are activists. i dont care if they're old, young, tall, short, fine, ugly, gay, straight. I believe in equality, and with equality comes equally distributed ass whoopings jus-"
"OK, n/n! i think momo gets how much you love her! since you're done eating can u help me?" midoriya interrupted the girls small rant.
"you gotta face the consequences of last night huh? you should've listened to me, but yeah i'll help!"
"you dont have to rub salt on the wound!" he whined. "i'll get stuff and meet in your room again?"
"sounds like a plan, izuku!" she replied, getting up to grab her plate and bring to the kitchen.
"OoOh y/n~" jirou began to tease. "last night? your room AGAIN? what scandalous activities have you been up to?"
"chill kyo, its not like that! he messed up his hair on his own and we always hang in my room bc its more.. welcoming.. then his."
"i know, y/n! im jus messin' with ya."
with her plate in hand, y/n walked into the kitchen where bakugo resided. he was cleaning the and putting away the dirty plates before he started to soak the pans.
"so, the nerd fell asleep in your room again huh?" he asked, washing a plate.
"yeah, he started to doze off a little while after you left, so he slept with me."
"i dont know why you guys dont just ask eachother out yet. you two are basically in love with eachother."
"katsuki, you know how i feel, and you know how zuku is. im pretty sure if he would act the same way with the rest of the class as he acts with us if he just trusted them more." she informed, getting ready to wash her plate before bakugo snatched it.
"don't even try it." ever since they could crawl, they've never let the girl lift a finger. hungry? chef katsuki at your service! scraped your knee? Dr.deku to the rescue! and yes, they know that she's the perfectly capable and well off to do these things on her own, but why should she when she has two men to do it for her?
"anyways. we've all known eachother since literally birth. i see things, i observe things. you two are literally inseparable. im pretty sure y'all first words were eachothers names. you know how you act around him, you see with your own two (or four) eyes the way he acts with you, and im pretty sure he peeps it too. just ask eachother out already and stop being pussies for fucks sake!"
"oh my gosh?? shut the fuck up?? you're so damn loud??" she said, slapping him in the back of his neck.
"aye. try me again and we gotta tussle. i'm not deku. i'll will beat the black off you. i strike so much fear into your melanin pigmentation that it will come to me."
"whatever katsuki, u can run me my ones later, i gotta go help zuku now."
"ight then angel, u better be ready. see ya later."
with that, she finally left the kitchen and headed towards her dorm to meet izuku.
.*•
"finally.." the boy sighed. it's now 11:45 am, and they (she) just finished detangling, moisturizing, and somewhat styling his hair. at this point, her fingers and wrists were tired, her back was aching, her feet were sore, and she had the very violent urge to go back to her black roots and pop this nigga with the comb.
"I know damn well YOU not heavy breathing like you did some work. all yo lazy ass did was sit there and watch Netflix. YOU COULDN"T EVEN HOLD THE DAMN SPRAY..."
"I'm sorry, ma. thank you so much, I should've listened to you last night. now do you already have clothes ready? or do you need to pick something out?" he asked, pulling her into a hug and rubbing her back.
".. you better be so lucky i love you. but yes, i need to pick. have u chosen?"
" yup, right before I came to wake you up. so i'll help you if you want?"
"yes please"
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taglist: @ast4rg1rl
I FINALLY DID IT YALL..
and i already started the next chapter🙏🏾
well i split this chapter up into 2 to make things easier on me and y'all!!
so if its not out by next week then i'll post something embarrassing 🙏🏾
BUT ILL BE IN DUBAI FOR A WHILE SO JULY 13th IS MY DEADLINE
anywho
when i show outfits and stuff they're just there for ppl like me who can't visualize that well <3
WELL
UNTILL NEXT TIMEE
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rxreid · 1 year
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u can make this a blurb if u want 💞
being spencer’s sister + meeting derek (or hotch if u want!!) at a work party (christmas works)
such an adorable concept omg!! reid!reader x spencers co-workers is so cute. i used derek, i hope you dont mind!
spencer would have been so nervous looking over the flyers jj and garcia had made for the office christmas party, specifically due to one rule: must bring a +1! (relative, partner, whatever!). how on earth was he supposed to find a date in a week? spoiler alert: he didn't, so he forced you to tag along instead, his beloved sister.
"spencer, why would i want to go to a party on a wednesday evening? who does that?"
"well, statistically, we're more likely to get a case on a friday, so it makes no sense to have a party when we could be called out right in the middle. plus - please, y/n, i need a plus one, its literally written under the rules!" he'd exclaim, shaking the flyer in your face.
obviously, because you're such a nice sister, you'd go, but not without making yourself look amazing.
"why are you that dressed up?"
"in case you have any sexy co-workers, why else?" you'd smirk. he'd roll his eyes.
when you'd arrive, spencer would be reluctant to introduce you to anyone, but nobody can stay far away from derek morgan for too long. he'd stride up to the both of you, curiousness laced in his steps.
"who's this? you got a girlfriend we don't know about, reid?"
"ew, she's my sister, asshole."
you'd be right. as always. spencer does have hot co-workers.
"oh? delighted to meet you then, miss reid." he'd wink.
the rest is history, to be honest. how could you not be in love with derek. if you did end up getting together, the two of you would have so much fun in teasing spencer, from derek telling him random things about you, to you telling him things derek says about him. if he, you and spencer were in a room together, he'd jokingly address you as "morgan", rather than reid, to avoid confusion - but also to piss off spencer. bonus points if you actually married derek, officially making you a morgan. ;)
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lostbutincognito · 1 month
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i dont follow u here but i followed u back before downsizin , but i like to come to ur blog to get other perspectives when my dash is being dramatic, and its always VERY good points abt VERY true things, like recently with wilbur - not defending him but pointing out both the fixation on him as 'evil' rather than uplifting shubble, and the subsequent dehumanization- i dont get tons of it on my dash but get enough to be glad to have somewhere with . a different perspective so I dont get stuck in the gunk of fandom . and then i saw ppl talking abt qsmp melting, so i rolled by here to see an Actual perspective instead of . the wider fandom , and its still banger points - the double standards and the very very valid question.of . who the hell are these 'higher ups' . this is quackitys smp . who is 'actually' in charge.? and i didnt hear ANYTHING abt 'we need money or qsmp will be shut down' bc that is an absolutely RANCID thing to say and im gonna go . look into where that statement is from lol to see how sugarcoated or whatever it is (if u have like a source or whatever ? like did someone stream or post ? ill hunt it down either way lol) and i cant . HELLO.... 'give us money or we shut down' WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ALL THE MONEY YOUVE BEEN MAKING? what kinda corporate hellscape bs .... uagh . why would u make a project u cant support on your own ? relying on viewers for money to keep this thing going with so many people involved? theres no way theres not enough money if this is an honest thing . ok im gonna go look at stuff but its annoying as hell ty for perspective on things my dash can be . bad abt <3
so I want to be clear this is what I was referencing:
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it's not a direct 'give us money or we shut down' but I've already seen people begging Q to sell more qsmp merch so they can support the server which is exactly what I knew was going to happen lol. 'if I don't have money to cover the project the project will end' is a very sensible approach (how else do you want to run a project after all? by not paying the people lol?) but it's also a clear signal to the fanbase, fully conscious or not.
and I am not saying there's anything wrong with wanting to support the project you're passionate about as a fan! but there is something to be said about the business decisions being made in the quackland, considering there's already issues with current merch he's selling never being delivered and the fact that, well, again. if he never noticed people working for him were not compensated AND apparently he said that he's already losing money on the qsmp (I don't have direct source for this one I heard this from my friends)...well. where's the money going man. are people scamming you behind your back, are you this negligent to not know what's going on in your own companies, or are you lying to everyone to cover your own ass?
*sigh*
here's the thing. q is evidently under stupid amounts of stress and we have seen this ever since he started ghosting everyone and pivoted the qsmp from the original vision as presented to us in the beautifully animated intro video to the low quality 'hi we're a worldwide server now' announcement. we don't know why that is, despite the obvious things we can assume. and on a human level I am concerned for him. on any other level than that, well, I just have to ask WHAT IN THE FRESHEST OF HELLS WERE YOU DOING THIS WHOLE YEAR TO LET THINGS COME TO THIS YOU POOR EXCUSE OF A BUSINESSMAN.
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nahalism · 8 months
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Did you ever experience some kind of…almost debilitating anxiety? I’m talking of months or + gnawed and exhausted by fear and both mental and physical sensations that come with it. How did/do you move through it
luv
a long one in advance but lol yh bare times. ill answer ur question, but there's two sides to the route i took and i have 2 preface with everything i did and do is based off of what i feel is right for me at the time. it doesnt mean its right though, and im very aware of that, so ill share some parts, but ultimately each person has is their own experience. the first step to moving through something, is looking for answers so like.. deeper than whatever i have to say, the answer is not in my answer, its in the fact u want answers
anyway. throwback to 6 ish years ago, i was having a breakdown breakthru and i started viewing what i called anxiety, as hyper vigilance. i started to see i was using a way of perceiving reality, along with my ability for analysis, to create correlations between my present, based on my perception of the past, to determine/predict the future (both futile and fallible), not cause i wanted to know what was going to happen, but because i thought keeping account of all possible outcomes gave me control and control would keep me safe and stop me experiencing a version of life i didnt want to go back to (more specifically it stopped me feeling helpless & inconsequential). as i understood that, along with the traumas at the root of my hyper vigilance, and the anxiety (social and general cause they r v separate), i recognised that i wanted control because i wasn't confident i could take charge or respond to reality without immense preparation. on top of that, i was resisting the fact that i was anxious because i was calling the symptoms i was experiencing my anxiety, but the real anxiety was the way i thought, and i was actually addicted to thinking in that way, because even though i hated it, and what it did to my body/nervous system, it was protecting my ego by giving me a false sense of control.
so that was my first step. i began to take action from where i was, as i was. that meant listening to what made me anxious. for example, if a place or person made me anxious, i didnt interact or go. i validated myself and what i was feeling. & i dont mean that in an avoidant sense, ill say why in a second. but yeah i validated what i was feeling, and began to see that the more i gave myself permission to be who i was, and do what i wanted unapologetically, the less direct anxiety id experience. and that sounds like an easy decision to have made in hindsight but usually, the change a persons anxious to make is something that in the moment requires a huge leap of faith but seems inevitable in hindsight. anyway, that's when i really realised that i was anxious because i was living an inauthentic life based on premeditation rather than presence. i had/have concurrent ptsd, so there were a lot of emotions i hadn't felt in a long time without realising, like passion or genuine laughter, happiness, joy, peace. id literally forgotten anything but this autopilot need to protect myself, be there for the people that had been there for me and stay alive. in giving myself permission to be different from who i had been, i started to see the world free from what my past dictated it should be and everything started to open up as as a consequence. side note, id been studying metaphysics and philosophy since 6 form, and i can't underestimate how much the principles i learned there helped me transmute my situation. ive recommended all those books in here before, so u can find them, but yeah . it sounds pretty and idyllic and as essy as 'changing my mind' but it was fucking brutal. i transformed in every sense of the word i lost almost everything in the process. there were wins along the way but 90% of them were silver linings of my own deciding. however, nothing i lost needed to stay! and everything i chose to go through or was subjected to led me to understand me and opened options as to how i could cultivate a beautiful and real inner life that eventually began to bleed out into the 'real' world.
the dark side of that, which is how i reached most of those revelations and insights, is the experiential bit that i can't communicate. i literally put myself through hell, and i can type till my fingers fall of and still never convey the full picture of how what why when, but yh. when i said i listened to my anxiety, i meant that literally. as i said before, i didnt allow myself to be avoidant. so if there was a reason i didnt want to do something, i honoured it, but lets say the only obstacle to me doing something was my anxiety, id force myself to do it, to the point of masochism. literally, i was obsessed. day in day out i was reading on self improvement, i studied every religion, researched philosophers, listened to hour long lectures on youtube, i did everything i could do to understand myself, my mind, life, and how to reprogram what i was experiencing. at the same time as this i used to myself in situations that would trigger panic attacks, or dissociative episodes and find ways to 'function' through it. one that worked very well was smoking weed, sometimes alone, sometimes in bad company. weed gave me severe panic attacks at the time, so when i was on my own, id smoke to induce panic attacks so i could meditate, breathe, draw, write, literally do whatever helped to bring myself through the panic attack. then when i felt capable with that, id smoke in bad company and practice with the pressure of being in front of people and there would be times id b having full blown panic attacks in front of people, sometimes with, but usually without them knowing and the whole time was just training myself to understand or pay attention to my mental patterns, training myself to calm myself down, to reach a zone where i could see through what was triggering me, or at the very least just firm it. and the more i did that, the more i understood why i was dissociating, or collapsing, or having chest pains, hyperventilating all that shit. the more i understood, the more i reeeaaally understood, and then i got to a point where even though the trigger is there lol, it still exists, but when it gets pulled i can hold the explosion. because i feel it happening, i see it happening, but it happens to something within me and not to me now? and so i kind of watch it and love and appreciate it for what learning to temper it taught me. its like a familiar old friend has its quirks that i wouldn't change for the world and yh idk im just rambling i need to go to bed. but basically i stopped being debilitated by anxiety by living in complete debilitation of it until it couldn't debilitate me any more. id be lying if i didnt say it drove me to very dark, lonely, appearance of being semi crazy states of being, but it was worth it and still is.
without the period of isolation the second half of what i described put me through, i couldnt have found realignment cause i wouldnt have seen how incorrect my projection of my past onto the future was, or how to correct it. & deep it, if all u know is death misery lack poverty shortage economic & social insecurity, then all u can see for the future is that. once u open ur eyes and see urself and the world for what is u can start playing. it wasnt easy, and im still not over being anxious. but its not debilitating, just an uneasy emotion. & the way i see it at this point, its just my inner system seeing something what my eyes dont & making me aware. when i listen im redirected, and can find alignment. when i dont it gets worse, and the only way out is to be numb. but i wanna live and i cant live numb. hope i answered, love <3
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literalite · 8 months
Text
literally just me talking about edit stuff because im in a mood
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these r what i would call like my base level of ingame edits (i dont reallyyyyyy count my cas screenshots as edits unless i spend an actual amount of time actually working on them rather than my usual blur+chromatic aberration+sharpen combo) theres usually very little? or like no actual basis in the characters "canon" or lore like its just done to make them look nice. right. or like its fun lighting practise for me really. theyre usually pretty simple in execution like in the two examples there its just plain yellow background for sunny and the neon cross for vin so i have to put a little extra oomf into it because the backgrounds are like not super detailed so theres less of an "interest" factor from that so the sims themselves have to look REALLY good to make up for it. the ones i end up happy with though usually look really dynamic so it balances out
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so these are more sort of abstract edits to me bc they have a basis in the oc lore or themes or whatever and most of my ocs have at least one or two visual markers (in the examples lucari or even just ari specifically gets a fair amount of celestial/sky imagery, i handled the colours here a bit sloppily but its meant to be blue and purple which are ari and luca's text colours, heiya's emphasis being on her muscles and scars and the clouded solar eclipse, redacted gets a lot of water/reflective surfaces/birds/rainbow flares?? and also lightning but that isnt being used in this specific one and sunny gets a fair amount of fire/smoke stuff as well as emphasis on primary colours like his more blue toned edits r usually in his darker stages of his life while warmer yellows means more positive stuff, red usually is just for uhhh violence oriented stuff) and like none of these are Actually happening. right. redacted isnt actually ever in that position with that era of hair in the water with the birds and sunny was set on fire at 13 not as an adult and they certainly never had a portrait of his family like that. but its symbolic, it means Something even if you as the viewer doesnt know it yet 😅 or ever aha
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OKAY LOL I PRESSED POST BY ACCIDENT LOL but these are my full lore edits or something likr theyre totally rooted in the background of the ocs. like these are scenes from their lives for real. obviously i fiddle with lighting angle composition a tinyyyy bit to make for a more pleasing or dynamic image at the end but if my ocs all got dedicated like. movies or shows these would be ripped straight from the scene. i take creative liberties with some stuff but in essence these could be story posts (like the 3rd example with idris/redacted is literally in the story itself in one of the posts) the difference is usually amount of images in the post and orientation of said image/s. to me an edit stops being an edit when it has more than likeeeeee 4 images and then i will usually keep that bulk all in landscape or maybe one as portrait for emphasis. edits will be 4 or less and mostly in portrait because i want the less images to take up more room on the dash. the backgrounds for these will usually be way more complex like ill build a mini set or use existing sets for each one. i just think that ingame edits have a lot more capability than you might think (u dont have to go into blender for every little thing promise 🙌🏼) its just like. u can do a lot with this game i swearrrrrr just treat it like an art medium. im serious
ALSO the song almost always is sooo relevant to the edit i swear its not enough to sound good. i have to be unwell about it as well and it has to make sense with what im showing u
ok thats my random unrequested ted talk for the day im going to go home now bye thank u for reading if u did that 😁
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