#i dont knowwww but im TIRED and i should shut up now i am being stupidly everything and i am tired

[poppoppopprophet-blog]

19th december 2016

Okay Okay Okay Uhm First things first, (I'm the realest) I'm fucking nervous for this new therapy thingie I'm go Freedom, I don't feel that. Imagination, I do have that. And I can imagine what Freedom feels like. Like.. Uhm Like stepping out the door and it's really cold out and you're still comfortable from the warmth inside and you're wearing warm clothes and you don't know where you're going and the light outside is bright and you bite for that first heap of air. That first breath. That's what I imagine Freedom feels like. That's what I know Freedom feels like. Problem is tho. It's not a constant. Far from it. For almost constantly I feel pressed. Stressed. Afraid even. I mean, fucking laugh all you want, but I'm genuinely scared for a third World War to break out. And I ain't fighting for a country that I don't feel a part of. I'm not fighting for borders I don't believe in. I'm not fighting for a system that's not built for me. I'm not fighting to protect the generations above me that are fucking me over. I'm not gonna protect a people or a country or a system that has never picked up responsibility. Fuck that. And fuck you. I would fight tho. Not for you. For me. For my generation. I'm afraid I'm able to pick up arms to fight the ones that never claimed responsibility. I'm able to terrorize. My generation is capable of terrorism. HOW IN THE NAME OF FUCK DO YOU SPREAD IDEOLOGY WITHOUT IT LEADING TO VIOLENCE?! There's Extremist Buddhists right now! Are you reading this?! Extremist, violent, killing, terrorizing, FUCKING BUDDHISTS?! what the fuck (I luv buddhism 😭) (I luv marxism 😭) (If I was born two hundres years ago I would have luved kapitalism) Okay Okay Okay Gaaaaaaawd Let's talk, shut up Ghiel. Let me write about this upcoming third year exhibit. I figured I was done for that. Or well, that I had my concept ready, and that's like half the work. But! Talking with Juf yesterday and talking with my new psychologist fucked this up. See, my idea was to present my readymades; Britney (2007), Kim K (2016), Nicolas Bourriad on fb and Marina and Ulay on Tumblr. Now, I had the intention of showing this in an art context to see what would happen, how people would respond, what they would think and learn. Basically it being an extension of the research that I'm already doing while finding these readymades. And so, I wanted to talk to all of the viewers and visitors and hear them out. But I cant be everywhere! So insert: Doubles! Dopplegangers, lookalikes. I've been wanting to work with doubles for quite some time now. Ever since I was starting to work with fashion. Seemed like a lot of fun! Hahah and it clearly makes a statement on fame and the artist myth and the artist's created persone. Lyfe as a form of art! Persona as a work of art! And then I envisioned my Doubles to have my readymades on their laptop/iPhone/iPad. And then what? Will they approach every visitor? Will they walk around the exhibit? Will they have to stay in the exhibit? Do they have to stay in one place? Should they wait for visitors to address them? I DONT KNOWWWW OKAY so juf warned me that all these layers could get in the way of eachother. And then my psychologist today was talking about communication and how multiple layers of communication get in the way of eachother and are confusinf. I don't want this to happen. I think. The thing also is that I'm not working with one statement here. I'm uhm.. it's research. And that's what's fucking me up right now. I cannot implement clear communication into this exhibit if I don't have anything to communicate. What the fuck should I do? The commision wants the application in two days and I don't have a clear ideea to start working with. Fuuuuuuuuyyyyyycj Maybe doing research isn't a bad thing. It could be super interesting. I was also thinking that I don't have to be in this exhibition. If I think about 'the greater whole' I would much rather be in your phone, in your pocket forever than in your face for about a minute. Fuuuuuyyyck im soooo lossssst This fucking pressure. Goddamn I could also Have the readymades hung up on the walls. Neat. Nice. Empowering. Monumental. And now, it's a one night exhibit. So everybody wants to talk to the artist, right? Insert doubles. Fuck! No! The doubles lose all their function. Do they? It's still a statement on the artist's created persona. God, I'm so lost. I hate everything coming out of my brain right now. I just wanna make music, fam. First things first. Jezus Zo de weg kwijt Okay Okay Okay Let's see Chapters? Ja sure let's do this Chapterssss... Uhm.. Omggg Daily Wisdom? Philosophy? UTOPIA icons, iconoclasm? The way every human being comes to fruition? Is there a word for that? My god, I feel like these chapters are gonna change every single day. Whats the point of this? WHATS THE POINT TO LYFE? Ah, existentialism is another one I think. Do I have too many already? Looooooost (boys) I feel like these chapters are intertwining. Wait, that's allright, right? Like Fuck Idk Cos Me now starting with music is mostly Daily Philosophy, but also a part Iconoclasm and icons Yes those two go together! What the fuck! 2k16's so weird! I have to prevent WW3 I don't feel like I will ever be an essayist like they're supposed to be. Jesus I'm all over the place Fuck conservatists Fuck patriarchy Fuck sexism Fuck you I'm so energetic and soooo tired at the same time I got this hyperfocus going on but it's going eeeeeverywhere How to spread ideology (without violence) is a chapter i think Let's see What do I have so far? Everyday Philosophy Utopia Iconoclasm Human being to Fruition Existentialism (Idiot, that's equal to the first one) Spreading Ideology (on your bread!) Okay Let's put them in order of what's chronologically kinda possible slash logical hahahaa fuck me Everyday (i dont like that word) Philosophy Ordinary? Daily? Common? Idk? Iconoclasm Daily Philosophy Human being to Fruition Spreading Ideology UTOPIA I feel like there is so many joints and bridges that these topics turn into a fucking paste in my head. And I feel like anyone can see that and that makes me feel dumb. Are these all the chapters? Who knows? You don't even know, Ghiel. I want a blog. For all my diaries and thoughts and sources. And i wanna start on my youtube channel. I tried changing my age on facebook. I couldnt? Huuuah? Daily Philosophy is the means, no the medium to handle EXISTENTIALISM thats the chapter. Lets see Where the fuck am I in these chapters? EQUALITY: iconoclasm EXISTENTIALISM: daily philosophy EQUALITY AGAIN?: Human being to fruition UTOPIA: Spreading ideology Utopia Equality+existentialism=utopia? Again EQUALITY EXISTENTIALISM UTOPIA Betekenisvolle naïviteit That's what I have to grasp. Meaningful naivity. Giving meaning to your lyfe in order to survyve. Okay God I'm so tired now. EXISTENTIALISM is the chapter I'm in right now. My works; Destruction Is Followed By Growth, Kijker=Kunst and (You're) Welcome, Not Welcome all dealt with ICONOCLASM. ICONOCLASM to me is fucking up authority, power, expectations and elitism. In my personal lyfe I resist against authority. I don't feel like anyone deserves it. In the bigger picture it's resisting against, well, in the forenamed cases: the zeitgeist, the pedestal and, yes, the police hahaha. Kijker=Kunst dealt with EXISTENTIALISM as well (and even utopia) and well, see, uhm.. Once you (I) dealt with Iconoclasm, you're on your own. You are by yourself. You are selfreliant. (Jesus fuck, terrorist attack in Berlin? Fuuuuck) I am on my own. What will I do today? Tomorrow? For the rest of my life? My friend Joost said the legendary words: 'Giving meaning to your lyfe is a way of survyval.' For without it, you will kill yourself. (Omg did he just say that?) Ja, the case is I neeeed existentialism, I neeeeeed a reason, I neeeeed a meaning. Therefor you, yes YOU need this too. See, this, our time is post-theosomething.. There's no religion. There's noone giving you meaning and without it you are in danger. Jesus, this sounds dramatic. I can't focus anymore. Imma pee. Basically, I wanna save the world hahahah save every fucking human Or well, I care for people. I really do. And I consider the globally ignoring and not knowinf of wishes and initiatives is one of the greatest problems facing us. And I see an outcome or a solution in existentialist philosophy. Problem with this is that philosophy is packed in thick books that barely anyone ever gets to reading and truly understanding. So I feel I should take this knowledge I've taken and developed and pour it in a shape that's accesible. And above all: fun. Yes, it has to be fun. If it doesn't have entertainment value it will only be interesting to a certain few and like I said: I care for all people. So I will do my best to reach as many as possible. Without compromising. So right now I will build, create, shape an album. A music album. To reach people with abstract knowledge packed in words in a form that is entertaining and accesible and is from all media that I know most likely to be repeated the most.