#i dont know im a fucking idiot and my opinions dont matter but ill keep digging my grave i guess

[bakuraryxu]

talking about meds and stuff unsolicited opinions (especially from [redacted] people!!!!) are NOT welcome unless its to tell me how cool i am for doing stuff about my health

like.... its not a magic weight loss drug. its just like.... accelerating everything i already do. watching my diet is still boring but its easier now. i dont feel like im missing out quite so much. its like the obsessive part of my brain doesnt latch onto chocolate and junk food and sweets like it did before where it felt like my throat was cut if i didnt have something yummy right then and there. ive had a block of choccies in the cupboard for a week bc im only eating a few squares every other day because it tastes good. not because i feel like i need it.

exercising is easier too. it used to drain me and leave me more fatigued than usual. i see an exercise physiologist who promised me regular exercise would raise my base level of energy and he was a FUCKING liar. not on purpose or anything, my stupid idiot brain and body just refused to feel anything other than fatigue and trepidation at the thought of working out.

its like the perfect balance between appetite reduction and giving energy. im waking up around 6am and going for walks. its so easy to avoid snacks, a tiny amount of chocolate satisfies me, i havent had any intense cravings ....yet.... and god willing, i wont. its been 6 days and the first couple days i didnt feel anything, just dizzy and lightheaded and cranky. i get to watch the sunrise bc i get up so early. i walk my dog around a busy neighbourhood lake and i socialise with strangers who are also out walking their dogs and its great.

Before my biggest issue was my never-ending appetite. it didnt matter how much i ate, or how well (i see a nutritionist he assured me my nutrition is pretty good), i was constantly hungry. now im not. its not total appetite suppression for me i describe it more like a dampening effect. i get kinda hungry, i go eat a salad or whatever the fuck, and im satisfied for a couple hours. like on god. this is so ALIEN for me. and its great! i still drink coffee but because i like the taste, not because i feel like ill die without the caffeine boost.

this legal speed stuff is insane i totally get why people do meth now like ive thoguht abt it in the past bc the idea of not sleeping for days is so crazy but anyway.

its phentermine not amphetamines but anyway im loving it lmaoooooo like i feel normal. i feel so normal its insane. i can wake up and feel normal and i have energy, not even like. excessive. i just HAVE energy, which i never really had before? the fatigue fucking sucked the life out of me but atm im in a good place like mentally and getting there physically. im sore all over from working out, whcih ive done almost every day this week. im being social. im thriving. im losing weight. hopefully im building lean muscle mass too.

wish i took a before photo. im still extremely overweight but i know im slimming down and i feel great and cute and good looking. to reach a healthy weight i have like. so any kgs to go .... but u know. i dont know how much i believe these ideal weight bmi things, like i just cnanot conceptualise what i would look like if i was that slim??? and i havent weighed that much since i was a child. we’ll see what happens. this week was pretty easy all things considered, i hope i can keep it up.

so far my biggest side effect complaints are cotton mouth and irritability (see gif for example). its not a constant thing but i do think im more aggressive than usual? im ready to start biting people. oh also the insomnia i guess but these three things... could be for any reason. not just the drugs. its impossible to say. im not unfamiliar with dry mouth and trouble sleeping from antidepressants ive taken in the past lol.

#i guess this is the ramblings of a crazy person but really its me enthusing about how great i feel #discussion of weight loss and medication. idk if that triggers any of you people but theres the warning just in case #i have never felt so. neurotypical. lmao #BIGGEST complaint tho is the pharmacist told me id probably get a little high. #bc most peopl who take it get that. i have no hgih. where is my little high. :( #please dont tell me that headrush was it lmao that was awful

[nachotrash]

MORE INCORRECT QUOTES WITH MY MOOTS

ft: @catchmewiddershins @lilikags and @paradise-creator // no haikyuu boys this time

Pauline: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this? Wid, sighing: Fine. We're cowabunga.

------------------

Pauline: We're having a baby. Shiyu: Oh, congradu- Wid, slamming adoption papers onto teh table: It's you, sign here.

---------------

Pauline: Why are there little handprints all over the walls? Shiyu, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls? Wid, whispering: Because I have little hands. Shiyu: Because they have little hands.

------------------

Wid: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

--------------

Lili: Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safeword.

---------------

Wid: Pros and cons of dating me. Wid: Pros. You'll be the cute one. Wid: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

(cons. you're the smart one😔)

----------------

Shiyu: Sure, you're verified on twitter, but are you verified in the eyes of god?

-------------

Pauline: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

-------------

Shiyu: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

(*lipbites in 166 cm*)

--------------

Wid: I don't dab. I stab.

(nOw WhEarE HAvE i SeEn ThIs BeFoRe)

----------------

Shiyu: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

(t-pose to assert dominance)

---------------

Shiyu, as a child, reading their school assignment out loud: I love my library because... Shiyu, mouthing words while writing: I love reading, fuck you.

(lmao baby nacho really be bold)

--------------------

Shiyu: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

------------------

Lili: It's not ugly, just aesthetically challenged.

----------------

Pauline: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

--------------

Pauline: All of your existences are confusing. The Squad: How so? Pauline: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

(we are the squad now)

---------------

Lili: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.

---------------

Wid: Real life should have a fucking search function, or something. Wid: I need my socks.

------------------

Pauline: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

(yes yes you are how dare you)

------------

Shiyu: Yeah I'm LGBT. Shiyu: cuLt leader. Shiyu: God hates me personally. Shiyu: cowBoy hat. Shiyu: *sniffles* Trying my best.

(my asexual ass be like;)

-------------

Wid: *plays shreksophone* Wid: Woo. Wid: Time to listen to this on loop for all eternity. Shiyu: ...Genius coping mechanism my friend

---------------

Shiyu: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated. Pauline: Killed without hesitation.

----------

Pauline: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

---------------

Pauline: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

-----------------

Pauline: I hate Lili. Shiyu: "Hate' is a strong word. Pauline: I have strong opinions.

(oh no)

----------

Wid: How does that even work? Shiyu, mocking them: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?! Wid: Your face doesnt make sense.

(...fair enough)

------------

Pauline: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

-----------

Pauline: My stomach growled super loud in French. Pauline: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class. Shiyu: Bonjour. Lili: Le growl. Wid: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

(reminds me of the 'ill speak french between your legs' tumblr legend and im wheezing)

------------------

Shiyu: *tapping fingers on table* Lili: *taps fingers back furiously* Wid: …What’s going on? Pauline: Morse code. They’re talking. Shiyu: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - Lili: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

-----------------

Shiyu: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely. Wid, Lili, & Pauline: Okay. Shiyu: If you don't want to die, give me all your money. Wid: Bold of you to assume I have money. Lili: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die. Pauline: Bold of you to assume I can die.

(pauline is a goddess. goddesses cant die)

------------------

Lili: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Wid: Strong. Shiyu: Weak. Pauline: An idiot, is what your are.

(as long as you dont flinch or scream youre strong. unless you get punched in the gut by someone like ushijima ofc)

--------------------

Shiyu: Those darn tall old people. Wid: Darm em' indeed. Pauline: Don't worry, they'll be gone soon enough. Lili: *sharpening knife* Yes. Dead. The Squad: Lili: Hahaha. Lili: ...Is this self-destructive behaviour?

-----------------

Wid: Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Pauline. They're mad at you. Pauline: No, it's Shiyu. They're just being gramatically correct! *meanwhile* Shiyu: And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them. Lili: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'. Shiyu: I stand by my choice.

------------------

Wid: What do we think of Shiyu? *pause* Lili: *sighs* Nice pal. Pauline: I think they're gay.

=------------

Wid: Where is Shiyu? Pauline: I'll do you one better, who is Shiyu?? Lili: Here's a better question, why is Shiyu?

(i dont know man. ive been trying to figure it out for the last few years)

--------------

Wid: On the count of three, what’s your favorite cake? Wid & Lili: One, two, three- Wid & Lili: Chocolate cake, peanutbutter frosting, and chocolate chunks! Shiyu: Our turn, Pauline! One, two, three- Shiyu: Vanilla! Pauline: I’ve never had cake before. What is cake?

----------------

Pauline: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am- Wid: A doll. Shiyu: A cinnamon roll. Lili: A sweetheart. Pauline: Pauline: ...stop it.

(cant deny the truth bby)

---------------

Wid, Pauline & Shiyu: *screaming* Lili: *runs into the room* What's wrong, Shiyu?! Wid: Wait, why are you asking Shiyu that when Pauline and I are also here? Lili: Because Shiyu wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

(i mean... its true )

-----------------

Pauline: What’s wrong? You look 10 seconds away from ripping someone’s throat out. Wid: Fucking Shiyu and Lili were trying to invoke one of the minor gods again last night. I didn't get an ounce of sleep, thanks to their bloody chanting.

(manifests dvalin cause i wanna ride on their back and fall off)

-------------------

Lili: Wake me up- Wid: Before you go go Shiyu: When September ends Pauline: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

(cant wake up- WAKE ME UP INSIDE)

--------------------

Shiyu, watching Pauline & Lili panic : What's going on? Wid: Pauline is having a midlife crisis and Lili is just having a crisis.

--------------

Lili: *Gasp* Pauline: wHAT?? Lili: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish? Pauline: *inhales* Wid, in another room with Shiyu: Why can I hear screeching?

(shiyu: same shit different day)

----------------------------

Shiyu: Christmas is cancelled. Wid: You can't cancel a holiday. Shiyu: Keep it up, Wid, and you'll lose New Year's too. Wid: What does that mean? Shiyu: Lili, take New Year's away from Wid.

--------------------

Pauline: So, are they your friend or... Lili: They’re like Wid, but if Wid was ordered to be around you. Pauline: Oh, so Shiyu. Lili: Precisely!

(if its about how annoyed i always look then you ahve a point)

----------------

Wid: You’re just being paranoid. Again. Pauline: When have I been paranoid? Wid: Um, when you first met Lili you thought they were an undercover cop…? Pauline: No one has a wart that big, I thought it was a surveillance camera! Wid: And last year you were sure Shiyu was a mermaid! Pauline: They hate wearing shirts! COINCIDENCE?! *Later, when Pauline’s theory is proven wrong* Wid: Do you have anything to say for yourself? Pauline: I still think Shiyu is a mermaid.

(id gladly be one)

--------------------

*Wid drunkenly wanders around the manor and Lili is drunkenly giggling* Shiyu, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the wold, Pauline. Pauline, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

----------------

Wid: We need to distract these guys. Lili: Leave it to me. Lili: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Pauline & Shiyu: *immediately begin arguing*

(*pulls out dictionary*)

------------------

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. Shiyu, with Wid and Lili behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. Shiyu: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- Shiyu: Pauline FUCKING FELL OFF!

----------------------

Wid: What is love? Pauline: An emotional minefield. Shiyu: A neurochemical reaction. Lili: Baby don't hurt me.

(BECAUSE FUCK EMOTIONS)

--------------------

Pauline: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no idea what to put in them. Any suggestions? Wid: Put spaghetti in it. Pauline: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you. Lili: Put spaghetti in it. Pauline: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone but you two. Shiyu: Put spaghetti in it. Pauline: I am no longer taking suggestions.

------------------

Shiyu, pointing to the wall: What color is this? Pauline: Gray. Lili: Grey. Shiyu, turning to Wid: Now tell them what color you think it is. Wid: Dark white.

#incorrect nacho

[just-zenitsu]

Zenitsu should've had an arc where he slowly learns how to love himself with the help of his friends and realizes he's not weak and has worth and doesn't deserve pain and doesn't deserve to be treated like shit- I just want him to have some shred of confidence please please please please please ple-

ok so every time i had an ask like this ive always just said ‘but look at the bright side! what are hc and aus for! gotoge had problems,, etc etc’ and i feel like ive always just glossed u guys over and maybe even made it seem like these opinions dont matter so im gonna take the time to try and answer this a smidge seriously (under read more bc its long, also im not tagging bc tumblr might fuck up the formatting again rip) (also warning for manga spoilers)

(also disclaimer sdjfhksd i havent read the manga! so im gonna go off of other people’s claims about zenitsu having wasted potential. and to be fair ive read the few last chapters, or at least PARTS of them) 

im not new to having a favorite character whose more or less claimed to have had a lot of potential but losing it in canon bc of, for a lack of a more general term, ‘’bad writing’’. and im not saying kny has bad writing, i dont think im one to judge that JUST yet but for comparison yall should know that i have a fav character in another series that is written so badly that he has the personality of cardboard and was only given life thanks to fanon content. and i dont blame people when they say they dont like said character! its the same as zenitsu, only that this guy, this yellow idiot, actually has a much more solid grasp on how he acts/feels/does things! but more often than not, this linear perspective does damage to how deep his character actually goes, thus just making him the stereotypical ‘pervert’ in an anime. ive seen people say that he’s just the same as mineta!!! which is just. very sad for me

i understand why they’d think like that though, maybe there wouldve been a difference if kny became more popular b4 bnha, but who knows! anyways, back to zenitsu. now, i understand if people ever found his actions uncomfortable or annoying! but when people say that he’s just a crybaby and that he’s literally just dead weight that’s when i get,,, well, iffy. and this is kinda where the frustration comes, we see zenitsu overcoming these obstacles off screen, apparently it was even only just mentioned in a passing comment that zenitsu had stopped having to fall asleep to do missions and cried less when he was going on solo missions. these are the tidbits that i wish was shown more explicitly in canon, showcasing his growth and such. MAYBE it was touched upon once kaigaku came up, but thats another problem, literally kaigaku only showed up once in a flashback and then suddenly he’s a demon? sure a brief flashback that showed him being in gyomei’s orphanage wouldve been enough to put some light, but i think there was still some things that wasnt touched upon when we discuss how kaigaku was portrayed in canon. i think he’s even MORE misunderstood compared to zenitsu. they have (arguably) been in the same situation in their childhood, have drastically different personalities and dealt with it in their own way, but in the end i think he was just used so that zenitsu had a big bad he had to defeat. i think there wouldve been more impact if we were shown thunder fam interacting more, imagine how cool that wouldve been, ESPECIALLY if kaigaku just wasnt thrown into the manga and was given a chance to interact with kamaboko before hand. just, a lot to think about.

and now we have what happened in the last few chapters, w tanjirou becoming a demon and after all that zenitsu just says something along the lines of ‘ill make u pay for hurting me and my future wife (nezuko)’ which sucks to a degree. but count the fact that gotoge was inching towards zennezu, as i mentioned in a previous post, he was worried about nezuko getting hurt by tanjirou. im also a bit disappointed that he didnt really do much in terms of, well, caring for tanjirou, but one GOOD thing that i really liked happening was in the previous chapters bEFORE tan got turned to a demon, the part w him assuring inosuke that he can still hear tanjirou’s heartbeat, and then consecutively screaming at tanjirou that he had to stay alive, he went as far to say that he hears nezuko’s human heartbeat and that he has a family to return to, which was, surprise surprise, apparently somewhat a LIE! i cant confirm this unfortunately since ive long since lost the explanation but someone said that zenitsu wasnt actually able to hear nezuko’s heartbeat then, meaning he lied for tanjirou’s sake bc he knew that if he’d pull through something, he’d pull through it for nezuko. (there’s also that part where zenitsu fought hard to keep this family alive since well, he doesnt have one to return to, which is just. ouch) another thing i liked about this part is that he wasnt!!! crying!!!, but both inosuke and tanjirou were and dont u just love the irony. dont u just love it when zenitsu, resident crybaby of the demon slayer corps, is the one who shouts at the both of his friends, who are usually the ones pushing him, yelling at him to stop sniveling and fight, to raise their chins up and to not give up? i think these few moments are JUST ABSOLUTELY TASTY. 

but. unfortunately, they are glossed over once we have what happened in chapter 203.

tl/dr; zenitsu’s character is something much more than a crybaby who’s a pervert and annoying. these points overshadow the fact that he’s a kind person, who was willing to protect nezuko despite knowing she was a demon just BECAUSE he trusted tanjirou that much and that he had a kind sound! he’s willingly THROWN HANDS when someone talked bad about kaigaku, a person he ADMITTED HE HATES, because he respects them as a person! zenitsu is much more than a crybaby who’s a pervert and annoying. if only canon were able to explain much more clearly than these few tidbits that we were given.

//im crying at the club im so sorry this is so long oh god oh fuck. anyways ive been disappointed time and time again and ive long since really stopped looking forward to the best to my fav characters and ive been p negative in previous fandoms so its why i avoided complaining like this in this blog but yeah kjfhkjsdf thank u for reading,,, 

[littlebabycrybtch]

ngl i am. so fucking tired of ugly ass ableists openly and Blatantly hating common disability and mental illness traits, only when they happen to be presented by nt/abled people, and actually thinking theyre being Allies for that. lmfao like. ‘the person im mocking isnt autistic tho theyre just being an awkward introvert that acts weird in public!’ ok so your viewpoint is that you admit looking and acting disabled by itself is hilarious and mock worthy up until finding out theyre actually disabled??? you dont think maybe those traits just need sensitivity and shouldnt be funny or deserving of retaliation to you either way??? that you should unlearn hating these things bc it is still 100% rooted in internalized ableism??? 

im sorry but ppl nowadays (yes even other nd people) are just excusing being uneducated and disrespectful af, you think you have some magic privilege radar (aka deciding through willful ignorance and dehumanization that everybody you want to be an unfiltered asshole towards Has to be an open target), you conveniently forget how common being undiagnosed is under our medical system, you refuse to grow up and respect things like social anxiety and adhd as valid impairing neurodivergencies in even the most Basic ways, you care more abt your jokes being ruined than the prospect of contributing to oppression, and you literally SEEK OUT opportunities to be cruel abt these vulnerable traits with seemingly abled people bc ohoho frankly, it Does totally make you uncomfortable and annoyed when you see this from nd people, but you get in trouble for not being understanding abt that right. so instead of unworking anything you hold your tongue and then cringe ur pants later over ppl who are supposed to be normal tm for portraying these ~unsavory~ traits at every POSSIBLE chance you can get, and somehow dont put it together that beyond the obvious harmful affect it has on minorities, you’re supposed to be respectful abt these things, Not just when they imply a minority status, but because for the love of god you miscreants theyre just struggles you dont personally understand and it regularly inflicts harm on others when theyre judged. ‘be nice to harmlessly different people’ is quite genuinely the easiest, most kindergarten concept i think any human person could ever comprehend and it is a necessary core moral to activism, or even just basic decency. but everybody fucking ignores it on purpose to stay ugly and comfortable lmaoo

so when you make fun of abled ppl for disabled traits all you’re showcasing is that you actually, absolutely, do hold prejudice towards them, and are Normalizing the hate they receive, which believe it or not, hurts disabled ppl. the distinction doesnt fucking matter. you’re not ‘’’’getting away with’’’ anything, its not ‘’’’okay when theyre nt’’’’ or w/e like just bc you arent oppressing them or smth doesnt mean shit, the problem is that you’re still fucking oppressing us by using 0 critical thought with these dumbass 'how to be a bad person but still get the social benefits of being an activist’ loopholes you all keep tryna popularize and cash in on. im tired of this. its disgusting and backwards. if you dont actually hate my autism then why the fuck do you hate it and laugh so goddamn much when abled ppl Look like me??? how is that supposed to translate to support??? how is it Not supposed to impact my oppression??? tbh lol just get over it you cringe idiots i dont wanna see another stupid ass ‘weird annoying introvert’ joke on my dash yall are just being gross now to validate your bad opinions and you know it

#disability #introvert #ableism #autism #actuallyautistic #asd #activism #mental illness #like its 2020 how can u ppl still find excuses to be garbage and genuinely believe them

[whrrlwind]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse.

fill out & repost !

tagged by:  no one! i stole it from ren <3 tagging:  anyone who wants to do it!!

my muse is:  canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK and im too afraid to find out Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL How strictly do you follow canon?  —  pretty strictly! it’s really only towards the end of SA2 and after it where i start taking creative liberties! as whirl nearly dies himself trying (and failing) to save his shadow, and then starts going into rider’s time instead of jumping into heroes.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  you like the adventure era sonic? you hate how he sometimes handles really serious scenarios or brushes them off like nothing, as if they aren’t traumatic as shit in any way? wanna see a pretty mentally and emotionally fucked up lad struggle with handling his troubles and keep up the dark/serious theme SA2 set that sega is too cowardly to go back to in modern day? well bOY DO I HAVE THE HEDGEHOG FOR YOU. this bad boy ACTUALLY has emotions and struggles with handling them and many other things due to the position he has put himself in over the course of his life, but also doesn’t completely wear him down and stop him from being who he is! as well as dealing with the fact he and his timeline are MUCH further behind than other alternates of himself and friends. sonic “ whirl ” hedgehog is a young hero still running his way through life the way he wants like the rebellious, free-spirited teenager he is, while learning that not only is he a hero, but he’s also a person.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  — quite frankly, he’s sonic. there’s a lot of them out there. he can probably be too energetic, positive, etc, or perhaps this blog focuses a little too much on his trauma and internal struggles or even the general dark theme to the point it’s a turnoff or just hard to really read. he’s also an annoying idiot to the point it’s frustrating.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — yo sonic was my fucking LIFEBLOOD as a kid. lived and breathed this franchise. sa2 was my first game ever, sonic was my fav character (and still is), so my absolute love for this specific version of him became too much to internalize sooooo here we are ; w ;

What keeps your inspiration going? —  straight up, sonic is probably my biggest comfort character to exist ever. always makes me happy, always makes me feel better when im down, etc. there’s nothing he can’t do that doesn’t make me smile, regardless of how sega treats him. being able to pour my ideas into a character i love so much to the point he becomes really personalized (and personal for me), and it’s actually something people enjoy seeing and interacting with? it gives me so much goddamn sertonin.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? Do you frequently write headcanons?  YESSSSS I CANNOT SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT WHIRL ask anyone i Do Not Shut The Fuck Up even if i don’t post abt it on tumblr Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO just bc im bad at writing them abndhjbfd Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO / SORTA. Do you accept criticism about your portrayal?  —  always!! i’m always willing to learn and improve on things, especially with the canon of some events from games and such, as i’m not 100% with everything besides SA2. all i really ask is that when receiving criticism, people are as nice as they can be with it! thanks adhd and personal trauma

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  ABSOFUCKINLUTELY I DO

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  mmmmm? mm. kind of? but also not really? like. everyone’s entitled to their own opinion ofc, i’m not gonna rip anyone apart for disagreeing with something, but like. i have adhd. i’m v hypersensitive to some things, so it can really be processed in my head the wrong way and it makes me feel bad. so i guess just....... be careful about it if you ever wanna tell me why?

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — i’d probably just kinda be like “ damn that sucks bro, but thats literally not my problem, there’s a whole ton of other sonics out there bye ” bc like. i dont care? don’t even really tell me bc honestly ur just wasting ur time lmao

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — ill be the first to admit im. v attached to sonic as a whole. he means a lot to me! so going off abt how you may (generally) hate him really....... is just upsetting to me. but thats just bc im v attached to him, and there’s nothing wrong with having that opinion on him!! we all get upset when someone talks bad about something we love. all i ever ask is that try to keep it away from me, especially if it’s abt whirl in particular, bc it can really upset me and thats just not fun for anyone <:3c

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — absolutely!! i make them all the time and i even have a friend proofread some of my stuff bc of how common it is aBJDBHBJC, again i just ask if people are nice about it when pointing that stuff out to me!!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  oh fuckin yes absolutely, im tooting my own horn and i dont even care, im one of the chillest people on this fuckin planet

#《 🌌. eat my ass spirits! 》 (ooc) #《 🌌. i eat coffee beans raw to survive 》 (mun) #long post // #ask to be tagged // #heyooooo #ill probably do this for fleetway too #but later good GOD did this take a bit #anyway i would die for whirl thank u for ur time

[gayregis]

im at that stage of fatigue from the day where i’m so tired the fanfiction is writing itself in my mind theough dialogue but i’m too insanely tired to sit down and write it all out and i work a shift in the morning too so i dont even have time ... so ill forget everything come morning

[[MORE]]

psych, ima try to outline it rn

this is after a little sacrifice and also after season of storms and takes place in cidaris (im not clear on if kerack is the capital so season of storms dealt with the proper king of cidaris or if it was just a local kingship but im hcing that cidaris is also a capital city as well as the region/nation).

this is geralt and dandelion going to the grape festival mentioned in a little sacrifice btw

main goal for this is to basically give dandelion more depth and address his identity issues and backstory and just how his character is in general

valdo marx (as far as i am headcanoning in terms of appearance right now) is of course , also a twink and they have similar builds but valdo isnt as skinny as dandelion because he has access to three full meals every day. he has dark brown hair and green eyes, and i might give him the same hair and beard as dandelion from tw3 just to spite cdpr. he used to sport green/purple doublets as an independent artist, but now as the reaident troubadour of cidaris, he’s adopted their emblatic colors (blue and white) and wears a doublet with a sash of these colors. he doesn’t have poofy sleeves, instead he has these ruffs and like... bellbottom sleeves. also this method of embellishing clothes that i learned from a glamour video (it’s @ 4:30ish) called slashing is applicable to his outfits. i think he veers away from tights unlike dandelion, so he wears more breeches than anything. he doesn’t have detailed embroidery like dandelion, but rather patterned/quilted areas with silver and some small pearls added for decoration in these sections as well.

so geralt and valdo have to be placed together somehow in a conversation. basically he wants to #expose dandelion for being a fraud... but he’s not doing it out of Pure Evil, he’s (vaguely) kind of like the lodge of sorceresses in which it’s like, he is only wanting things to be done his way because really he thinks it’s the best way to do things. he’s really a victim of academia, he would be someone that supports the fact that instruments are like $1,000 each.

basically he and dandelion were classmates at oxenfurt and at first hit it off very well and shared notes and thoughts and sexual partners and all was splendid. but they got competitive and valdo HATES that dandelion does NOT come from a family known for music or any kind of art. basically dandelion is a novus homo, but in the world of music, and valdo comes from an established family which has been musically inclined for generations. he feels that ppl like dandelion just wanna go to oxenfurt for shits and giggles and dont take this opportunity seriously because theyre too blinded by their own arrogance to actually learn anything. and he may be right in regards to a lot of other children of wealthy noble families that attend oxenfurt. but dandelion’s case was different and this he does not like to admit. also he hates how dandelion is... inclined to... a life of debauchery... because he feels he perpetuates stereotypes of artists being good for nothing penniless drunkards and lechers, and makes it harder for Real Professionals from Actual Lineage to get a job. also he has a disdain for how dandelion really wanted to travel and admired the “musicians of the world” that never attended some fancy college, and again valdo sees this as him not appreciating the opportunity he was given, because all you ever need to interact with is this little 1 mile by 1 mile square of oxenfurt, and not even the whole city, just the college. also when valdo tells all this to geralt he goes give him a judgemental up and down look like... “julian loves meeting, writing about, and... ahem... fraternizing with... all kinds of ... people.” (he was gonna say “trash,” but geralt has swords and cats eyes, so valdo swallowed that last word). ALSO ALSO valdo thinks dandelion is further destroying the sanctity of academic places like oxenfurt by training good for nothings from other nobody families, like essi daven, who was actually from a noble family but one not too rich because it was kind of distant from the ruling family. and since she threw a fit they let her do her own thing instead of marrying her off.

also valdo is like “julian— ahem, ... ‘dandelion,’ as you know him... i don’t know why he uses that absurd little nickname,” because he just finds the idea of a pseudonym stupid (since hes from a famous musical family of course he wants to highlight his lineage). and again he dislikes how dandelion is Corrupting Others by not only mentoring essi at oxenfurt, but training her in an “unorthodox fashion,” ie they just duet and talk shit about random stuff and he advises her weird things like “get a cool fake name so all the girls have something to scream as you go on stage”

as they interact with each other, valdo and dandelion actually are kind of opposite of dandelion and essi. they dont throw ANY snide remarks and keep it all under wraps with just pleased smiles and then as soon as theyre out of earshot (a long way for bards) theyre like “i am going to take the replacement strings of my lute and choke the lights out of that tone-deaf idiot” ... geralt is like 😳 to see aggression in dandelion and hes a bit intimidated at first but then is like Bro Are you Fucking Okay ????? Because its so unnatural for dandelion to be Actually Upset about something and not be ok within half a day

scene where dandelion is staring at the mirror and geralt is like you have been staring at the mirror for a long time, even by your standards... dandelion is like “i have to change something... geralt, look at me. look at me. (says it again bc geralt didnt look up the first time). if you could change one thing about my face, what would it be?” and geralts obviously like “nothing.” and dandelions like dont be fucking difficult just tell me i need to know i need your opinion and geralt is like that IS my opinion i sincerely like your face the way it is. something something blah blah blah tenderness geralt says smth like dandelion you have a lot of loyal fans okay...... and hes trying to refer to himself but he doesnt wanna say it aloud

i think something about dandelion talking about who he was (basically referring to “julian” in the 3rd person) and just very uncharacteristically self-loathing but them he pops back into his little arrogant self ... basically he covers that everyone Fucking Laughed at him for wanting to sing but he did it and now he’s the best and also, sexy. in this whole scene (same scene as last bullet point) he is also saying that he needs to “prove himself” and geralt is just like What More Can You Do, You Are Literally Famous... but dandelion is just pensive about it

also he says something like “theres two versions of me... julian with a dream who nobody knows, and dandelion who’s famous and loved.” and geralts like “theres three.” “three?” “there’s also dandelion, the one i know, who, it doesn’t matter if he’s famous or what, because i just like him and enjoy his company.” BECAUSE i dont know how not to be blunt and not hit my readers over the head with what i wanted to get across. geralt is a blunt man however so i think its acceptable to do this

basically this fic is “dandelion can have little a OOCness for character development”

tbh its not too ooc (hopefully) bc hes not like downright depressed, hes just pensive, like he is when hes trying to think of a good title or rhymes and nothing is working. nothing is working! hes frustrated!!!

i have nooooo idea how to resolve this conflict ive introduced. i think valdo and dandelion have to sing a duet together and it is like skating on thin ice with sharks underneath . MAYBE valdo gets possessed by,, something? not a demon bc IVE HAD ENOUGH GOETIA AFTER SEASON OF STORMS but you know An Entity, and dandelion is like wow this is an improvement!! and geralts like no it isnt, now i have to exorcise this fucker

also throughout this i think that the king and queen of cidaris (maintaining that kerack isnt the capital and is just another kingship within the nation) looooveveeveveeee dandelion and his presence and are like oh dandelion you are always welcome in our court :) which also totally pisses valdo off because its like dandelion came into his work/home and fucked both of his bosses and is trying to steal their loyalty through Sexual Appeal. which. may ring true. but dandelion does stuff for fun and not for manipulation soooo valdo is a little wrong in thinking dandelion is manipulating them. and this also adds to valdos resentment of dandelion for being so promiscuous and also writing about his love affairs bc he feels it detracts from The Art...

basically this fic is also me telling academia and ppl who feel art should be limited to a certain crowd to go stuff it cause no one cares and creativity and learning is only human of anyone. also an excuse to give dandelion character depth and also an excuse to break how geralt is always the gloomy one and dandelion has to cheer him up, i think though they do have their strong personalities, relationships should ideally go both ways in terms of emotional support so it shows geralt has the capacity to support a dandelion with festering anger and personal identity problems. also a way for geralt to learn a little abt dandelions backstory without learning/spoiling the fact that hes a v*scount and actually noble and wealthy (they just refer to his family as being wealthy enough to pay for oxenfurt which is significant but not astounding)

#thoughts #dandelion #gerlion

[s-nnyd]

for the pride month asks: all of them babey

 🌈 - what’s your orientation and gender?

bi and currently figuring for non-binary

🌹- what would be your ideal date?

Bro mcfuckin aight i highkey love all of the most cheesy cliche date ideas like going to the pier in santa monica or even going to an aquarium like i love that shit

💘 - what personality traits are attractive to you?

mann personality traits? im ngl like what i’ve seen pretty consistently among all my crushes is that they’ve all got really good heads on their shoulders theyre usually the type of person who is really open minded and conscious of change but is way more self-aware and keeps peace with most others they themselves keep judgement to a minimum but speak their words and opinions especially cause they care so much about others some might say they act mature for their age but i mean like its the seriousness of them the kindness and the care they put for others and the mindfulness they have just makes things so much more

💋 - what do you find physically attractive?

oh fuck man like god damn back muscles like fuck oh shit man also i realized that i like my girls with short hair my guys with long hair and my nbs with variety but all of them have hella nice eyebrows oh shit man my dude fuck

🐻 - what is your favourite animal?

LIONS I FUCKING LOVE THEM I LVOE THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF LIONS LIKE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE LIONS LIKE MY HEART DOES A LIL SQUEEZE EVERY TIME I SEE ONE AND THEN WHEN I SEE ONE IN PERSON I GET REALLY GIDDY I REALLY LOVE LIONS LIKE ITS JUST A NATURAL LOVE FOR THEM

💭 - when did you realise you were lgbt?

lmao when i had a crush on three people all at once during middle school like i never had a crush before and what not so i was like lmao maybe i just dont like people in general and then it got to a point where i had these specific thoughts: “man i just wow youre so pretty and really cute and super hot wow oh fuck dont do that- oh okay youre gonna- wow okay shit dont smile- oh god im gonna die fuck youre just such a great person and the things you do wow” and i thought that basically translated to me really and i mean really really wanting to be friends with them like my god my idiot ass and so i had a crush on these two girls “A” and “J” and this one guy “A” and they were all pretty spread out on campus and there was at least one in all of my classes so i was straight up dead most of the time

eventually my dumb ass was like ooooOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH fuck

💌 - what makes your heart melt?

yo what makes my heart melt is when it comes to the person i really like like when i hear their laugh not the one that they do cause thats what the social cue calls for or because they thought it was pretty funny like yeah i love those laughs i love them to bits but the ones that i love the most are the ones that catch them off guard make them burst out with laughter then with a quick hand to the mouth and a turn away to try to hide that they were laughing to act like they werent paying attention to what you said what makes my heart melt is when theres a genuine smile on their face one that isnt just for family or friends not just one thats to display to the public on purpose its the smile that sort of makes its way onto their face when they least realize it the one that makes their face look so gentle and soft in that moment the smile that shows a state of being that is in peace one that conveys heartfelt happiness at the realization of the moment at hand what makes my heart melt is when they talk about the things that are important to them the little things and the big things things that just sort of spill out cause its just that important and it makes them so genuinely happy or so genuinely excited what makes my heart melt is when i look into their eyes when theyre talking to me not necessarily on a very specifically good or bad day just on a day when were talking together and i just end up sort of looking into their eyes and i realize what a pretty color i find myself staring at its when they smile that their eyes crinkle a little bit at the corners that when they try to not to laugh something most others would consider stupid but they cant hold back that you realize that one bottom eyelid closes a bit faster than the other and the color of their eyes changes a bit its when you see the little lines of black and the light lines of green in their eyes its when you see the variation of color in their eyes that makes their eyes their own that makes my heart melt

these are the things that make my heart melt

🎤 - do you have a favourite lgbt song?

oof uhh favorite? i mean first thing that comes to mind is a bunch of hayley kiyoko songs like specifically gravel to tempo cause damn headphones girl but also feelings cause relatable

🍀 - what’s your fav thing abt being lgbt?

ugh fuck girls like just damn i love em guys too fuck other nbs too shit man like i just i dunno i think what i love is that its fucking confirmed that i am allowed to give my love to so many more people like shit my dude theres so much i wanna give to so many people and just having that be a part of my life makes me really happy

🌠 - advice for young lgbt people?

mmf my dude like relax there’s a lot of labels out there, not just with how you identify yourself for who you love and who you are with other things too, but i think the things you should focus on is “do you like a certain person?” okay then cool you like that person “how do they identify themselves?” okay then you like people who identify similarly “how do you yourself identify?” okay cool then thats what you are 

if it takes you time to figure it out to feel at peace with yourself like then thats all good let it happen think about it but like no one can really decide who you are and what you are besides you

and so in regards to other people they cant tell you whats right or wrong they really have no say over that they dont but also neither do you so in regards to others just keep your peace with them if someone identifies a certain way no matter what you better keep peace even if you dont believe them just respect how they choose to identify and if you cant do that then walk the fuck away same thing goes for you as an individual if another does that to you just walk away

there will be people who are ignorant there will be people who come across as being more aggressive there will be people who seem to not completely understand everything but again keep your peace and be willing to teach people

☁️ - where do you see yourself in 5 years?

oof man like im not really all that sure like id like to say id be in an apartment and maybe with a nice decked out place with all my art that ive made plastered on my walls and id be living with my s/o but i mean i wonder if that last part’d happen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but its whatever if it happens then it happens if it dont it dont but im pretty damn sure of myself that ill be in a better place i know it

#long post #plxgueknight

[dysl3xia]

you keep saying things written down is better then saying them out loud. Maybe thats what I am doing wrong to try to get through to you. Writing things down has always been a way for me to get my anger, worries and sadness down and out my mind but I have never had to address it to someone else for them to actually read it. Excuse my english , punctuation etc because dyslexia is a bitch.

I have so many things that bothers me about us right now and I am sick of having to keep telling you the same things over and over again. Why don’t you just stop. Listen. Think. I have a heart. A warm beating heart that is sensitive, beaten up and bruised. It’s got it’s scars, big ones at that but it still beats and loves you. It reminds me of the little cartoon one from that animation i liked with the two little boys who love each other and the ginger boys heart tries his best to get them together. Genuinely feel like that us sometimes. My heart only wants you and you’re away doing something else. It’s pointless pain that i have told you to fix and all you say is sorry and “ill be a better boyfriend, i promise”. Its exhausting and just sad.

Your arguments are almost always wrong / got nothing to add and its just repetition. This part frustrates me so much because you dont get it nor really seem to want to understand it. what. you. say. doesn’t. matter. you. still. done. it. You make up these lies, these “false statements to try and dig yourself out these holes but it never works. You talk over me and get frustrated that i dont listen but why should i? why do you have the right to be heard after you dont with me. I genuinly want to punch my laptop right now cause you’re so exhausting. I guess you will make a good lawyer one day because you can sure in heck argue a shit point across and try to make it work. Im not an idiot though and i know when im being lied to. You need to listen to me. Not let it go through one ear and out the other. Like reallyyyyyyyyyy listen to me. Take the time to process my words and realise “ was what i was going to say actually the thing she wants to hear” or “ help my cause? “ or “important” or mainly “the truth” should i not just admit to it instead of making a stupid long ass excuse and watching my girlfriend get fired up to the point i can see her face turn red, smoke come from her ears, fire coming from her mouth and feel her heart beat rise up as i touch her to say another stupid point. I cannot explain this enough but Michal you need to stop. think. and not just say everything out of “nervousness”. You're being stupid.

If i am shouting at you because i am frustrated with you because you have genuinely fucked up this time. That gives you no right to shout me down, put your stupid opinion in and stick your finger in my face and tell me “if you’re not going to listen to me i will not listen to you” I do not need to hear you Michal! you need to hear me. I am the one upset so you should be listening to me instead of giving me a mouthful from you about how you are in the right. We both know in the end it always ends up with me crying crocodile tears while you sit in silence thinking “wow i fucked it” and saying the most hated words of “ i am sorry, i will be better i promise”. I wish you could see this everytime because you don’t. How many times have i told you this when we fight? it makes my blood boil!

You take that plate. You smash the plate. The plate is broken. Say sorry to the plate. You say sorry. Is it fixed? No. Your sorrys dont do anything, it’s overrated. The meaning of sorry is you are genuinely upset and you want to apologise and NOT do it again. Do not say it if you keep doing it. Sorry aint a get out a jail free card.

My heart is braking every thoughtless action, every “sorry” that comes out your mouth, everyday. I am already a very damaged person and you seem to “not think” “not understand” or not want to hear what i have to say as your point of view is still more important? I feel my heart braking in two looking into the eyes of a “man” i love who used to have the purest white heart I knew turn into something dull and nasty. 

I want your kindness, respect, care, thoughtfulness, compassion, love, your heart. I dont need your flowers, your aplogoy card or your chocolate, the exact basic stuff that a man will get his lady when he fucks up. I want thought, i want meaning. I want your kindness. You can tallk about how you weren’t “trying to buy my love” but how can i feel like you arent? I dont accept your apology as you hand me said items and you question why i didn’t bin them if I didn’t appreciate your kind gesture. I never asked for this nor didn’t i want this shit to happen where your “kind gesture” was the only thing you could offer me. Your ‘false statments” aka lies are not okay but you continue to make them. I don’t want your sorrys, i dont want your explaining. I want your kindess and your thoughts. It isn’t hard. 

“Maybe I am not good enough for you” Lets stop there. Lets stop with the “maybe” and the “probably”. Lets be sure on our answers as these words show you have not understood and show you are confused yourself as to if these are your thoughts and answers. Second that is not it at all and it’s insulting you would give up so easily. If you truly understood / wanted to change this statement wouldn’t of came out your mouth. You were a boy who kept coming back to me , cared about me and tried to heal me. Who wouldn’t fall for that. Thats all that I wanted from you, you were always good enough. Your heart was always good enough because it made my rotten cold heart warm. You showed me what true love was. It’s sad that now only you are the one with a cold heart. 

I am not a prefect human being and I have treated so many guys bad in my life time because i didn’t know what it took to love them. I got damaged and damaged people damage others. You my friend have no excuse. I managed to turn my life around and show someone that i love them. You never felt true pain and it shows. You would appreciate the little things and the big things that i have done and you would love me. Saying you love me and you would die for me blah blah blah will never be enough. I am not dumb. I have loved others before and fell for their dumb toxic words that made me stay. I am not making that mistake of falling for the words unless they show me.

It makes me sad when i am screaming at you in the car, crying and questioning my life decisions and you try to tell me you love me the same as i love you. Look around you. We are sat in a car which i contribute to, as we inhale the car air freshener i bought, using the tissues i bought and kept here for your trip to Amsterdam on valentines day while i sat alone ill. Your glove department is full of my thoughts of your everyday life. You listen to your music in the car because of me and charge your phone while you can now go anywhere because of me. After a long day of uni you can come home and play that expensive game, with your expensive headphones because a kind soul bought you it, when your done? hang it up cause you can now. When you go to sleep know you are warm because you sleep in someone elses bed sheets. Wash your body knowing you will never run out, but you basically lost that luxury because i refused to fund you after out last fight. So you can dry your ass with my favourite tye dye towel that i know you love because its big. So many things that you wouldn’t have and it can all be stripped away from you just. like. that. DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON YOUR FUCKING MONEY. you should know better.

I wear socks with holes in while you are walking around in the new socks I have bought you. The socks you put holes in and don’t replace. My socks.

“I love you” is such a cruel sentence to me. One boy said it and would run back and fourth to his ex. Ive had junkie with a swinging jaw say it to me. I’ve had you say it. I have had a boy say that his pupils got bigger because he loved me and he was staring at something beautiful. One was on coke and one was a liar. I have had a boy hold me tight and say it’s because they loved me. One boy missed being held by someone else, one boy was panicking on drugs and the last boy was scared of the dark. I cannot do this all again, say it and mean it. If not set me free because my heart cannot take it anymore.

[angletic]

{11} questions

Tagged by @voldy-in-my-turban

Rules: (1) Answer the questions given to you by the tagger (2) Write 11 questions of your own. (3) Tag 11 people.

1. What’s the most cruel thing you’ve ever said/done to someone else?hmm, I cant pinpoint an actual event?? multiple times people say i go “too far” when i dish back the kind of things they say to me, but i dont consider that bad? if i did, it would go against one of my basic principals. I guess the time i really feel guilty for was in 4th grade i’d kick this one kid, jacob in the balls whenever he pissed me off. its okay we’re still friends, but that was pretty dickish of me

2. Do you believe in karma?  not in a religious sense, but yeah. if you do something bad somethings else bad is bound to come back and get you.

3. Do you consider yourself to be an independent person? oh yeah big time. i loathe depending on other people for anything, and im entirely self-motivated. my parents aren’t very supportive in their own way so i dont have them to fall back on for help. i kinda have to be independent or else i wont be able to do anything ever haha

4. How do you think the world will end and when? ironically? the world will end by the end of this year damn trump gonna ruin everything, even the quaint little country in canada. unironically? global warming is a big issue and if we continue at this rate, statistics give us a max of 100 years to live due to deadly heat, so id place my bets on that if not a nuclear war between superpowers.

5. What do you do when listening to music and on your own? dude when i listen to music i cant just. sit there. either im not actually listening to the music and daydreaming, or im doing literally anything with my hands (usually drawing bc im an art weeb). its the same the other way. i cant just draw with no background noise.

6. Is there a dark part of your past/present self that you keep hidden from absolutely everyone you know (no need to state what that is)? LMAO YES if i told yall or anyone else about my Hidden Angst™ no one would talk to me. some things are best kept personal, ya dig?

7. How far are you willing to go to see your greatest wish come true? What would you sacrifice? i dont really have a greatest wish, and if i did it would depend on what it is. but for basic outlines, the majority of my wish would have to take a toll on me, and it would just have to minorly inconvenience other people, no matter who they are. if i wanted something that bad id find a way to take the butt end of the stick always.

8. What do you hope your legacy will be and who will it be left to? jesus i just want to be remembered by the world. its one of my biggest goals to do something important enough that my name makes it into a textbook, even for a paragraph. i think this is why im such a tryhard? “lmao i needa legacy let me just fuckinnuuuuuuuhhhh be great at everything. thats a good plan.”

9. Weirdest pet peeve? i have so many obscure weird ones, so ill say 2. when i walk anywhere by feet have to touch the shaded part of the ground an even number of times and the light parts even and the half-shadowed parts even and the weird discoloured parts even. i even slow my walking pace or stop as a whole just so my feet are balanced, and im actively counting my steps. also, when i wash my hands i get super annoyed if i have like a bandaid on one finger/something that cant get wet and when i go to dry them, all my fingers are actively losing water on them except that one dry finger. i have to drip a couple drops of water on it and then dry it or else im uncomfortable the whole day.

10. If you had the chance to talk to somebody (be it a deceased acquaintance, an idol, a long lost friend�� anyone really) for an hour, who would it be?   iiii uuhhhhh id want to talk to future me!! i wanna know if that bitch is still angsty and hopeless and i have to fix it or if i actually do cool things and i can narcissistically praise myself

11. Nap under the shade of a tree, or dancing in summer rain? hmm... i dont like sleeping on the ground outdoors due to paranoia (i have to be in a branch or a tent or something lmao what a pansy), so id have to go with summer rain. especially a thunder storm? at night? that sounds fucking awesome sign me up

questions and tags under the cut (Idiot Angletic decided itd be a good idea to NOT cut the questions she answered but leave? the tags cut? moron. boo)

QUestions:

1. What’s the funniest/dumbest thing you’ve ever done?

2. What’s your opinions on “cringey” fandoms? (ie. FNaF, undertale, cuphead, MLP, hetalia, etc.)

3. Do you consider yourself to be on optimist or a pessimist?

4. what youtubers/instagram comedians/other social media people are you subscribed to and actively watch?

5. What are some red flags you watch out for when making friends?

6. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever lost/broken/stolen?

7. If anything, what would you change super mario’s catchphrase to?

8. Got any secret/hidden talents you want to share? if so, can you tell what they are?

9. what jokes/phrases have you seen online that you now incorporate into your daily speech?

10. If you could change one (1) thing in the world with the click of a button and have no consequences, what would it be? (you can do anything. want your fav fictional character to exist? there they are. being your fav. solve world hunger? bang. there it is. goth gf? there she is, crying in a bathroom stall)

11. What’s a movie/picture/quote etc. that never fails to make you laugh? Post the link!

I tag: (fuck i dont think i have 11 friends/know if those people would mind being tagged) @princess-of-anons @opalcat2004 @ghosty-flavoured @ask-queen-bowsette @mimillion @softest-orbs @almostsane-things @spacedimentio @damion1060 @nooonstop @mwg-7 oh, and @voldy-in-my-turban, my guy, if you wanna answer my questions feel free to lmao

#ask memes #guoerbgkear

[alien-sunflower-blog1]

Tired of wasting my time

Did you ever question yourself. Why am I here? Does the internet playing with my mind? Do I feel like a do because of all this internet shit and social media...I mean how many of us feel ill or the need to speak up about what happening to you. Seriously it is super toxic for us all.

Like okay, I get it, all lives matter, our emotion matter to and its important to know ourselves, im the first that will encourage this...but it gets stupider the more we look at it. We becoming product with this internet bullshit, with the etiquette/price tag or whatever of black, lgbt, queer, witch, suicidal, survivor and ALL OF THIS ETIQUET, what does our parents say about it? It all in our head. Yeah its! And, Its my head.

With all this internet bullshit and cellphone shit everything know about everything. Stop sending your life and wasting your time fuck! Yeah you will feel like a depressive peace of trash because ypu do nothing all day except crying on the internet expecting more notes EVERYBODY DONT CARE ABOUT YOU STOP PRETENDING THAT YPUR EGO IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE YPU ARE NOT LIKE EVERYBODY GOVERNMENT ARE SHIT, INSTITUTION ARE SHIT, THE WAY WE ARE THINKING WITH CAPITALISM AND POWER TRIP AND IDIOTIC IDOLATION TRIP YOU ARE ALL STUPID TO THINK THAT ITS WORTH stop looking at ypur fucking screen in hope that it will change something, you're stupid if you act like that.

Go gardening some plants to save the bees and have your own

Start doing your diy you're keeping for later, in hope you have time, instead of wasting

Become independent, learn about herbs, nature, yourself.

If you want to know yourself stop crying about it on the internet in hope it will change something, learn about psychoanalyst and do the opposite of your bad habits fuck its not drink water-eat well (not junk food)-try to sleep or read instead of looking out your freaking notification (no they dont care, they just using useless concept to feel something with there emotionless face)-laugh (not fake laugh that last for not even 1 min, but the one you cant stop and you almost wanna cry because you didn't laugh like that in a while)-go outside, yeah it rain, yeah the sun is not necessary their, but fuck, our earth suffer and need love, not pesticide or garbage, be hollistique and analyse what you see, and dont look up for the machine, they are just there, by our fault, to destroy ourselves

If one day you want to see aliens (they will more destroy all of us, in my opinion, because we are all idiot with big big big ego that cant understand or see a thing before its obvious -.-) or whatever, learn to love what you have, not to plead for more object that juste waste real happiness and destroy what we already have.

You have so much more to learn and live before being, look at trump, is always on social media, does that make him more intelligent, same for the Kardashian or any of the superstar.

I dont want to destroy our world as it is, im an artist, i want to do the best movie ever made, but yeah fuck our society to idolize America, or any media, real thing, REAL GOOD THING are tiny, from local little artist all around, maybe poor, out of resources, out of money or internet, and he does better then us all because he have only himself and his sorry for my bad English

Sorry if i insult but fuck you are all looking in the wrong hole, with stupid people that just want to destroy everything...

I repeat myself but go outside, eat well, stop looking at internet and go outside sleep well and learn to live without the syssteme, because now you are wasting your potential, your time and your life and its not worth fuck internet - fuck tumblr - fuck facebook - fuck instagram - fuck messenger - fuck capitalist - fuck price tag - fuck our society - fuck racism - fuck ignorant - fuck extremist (even the feminist/lives matter/militarist/proud lgbt, ypu make it worst then it is, yeah all lives matter ok! But jeez live your life and let the other live and educate everyone instead of obligatory search for the acceptance, people are stupid, and they will stay stupid, play there game and you will easily win, if you can make them think they doing what they want to do, but you will loose by being violent, even in your language, because stupid people are better in that game, think and be the more intelligent and mature, not the one that say the problem come from only one side -.-)

Im a proud white pagan bi girl queer with a tendency of being gender fluid, and what it change to your life, im not racist, im a feminist and it change nothing. I know who i am, i know what i need, my person doesn't change what you are so stop bothering each other and let people be and stop being on all this stupid site. My post is just to let thing out, my frustration, im not an exemple, but im tired and i find all of us stupid...do better and stop maybe i am enough stupid to come back...but now i will do better with my life...and stop wasting like you all

#fuckinstagram #fuckfacebook #fucktumblr #fucktheinternet #fucktrump #fuckcapitalism #fuckoursysteme #fuckhollywood #fuckextremist #fuckoureayofthinking #fuckeverything #yousuckall #allofyou #stopwastingyourtime #fuckinternet #fuckcellphones

[xxspideyphilexx-blog]

Shyness,introverted,social life advice

The world is a scary,mean place but having someone to confide to is one of the greatest experiences. When you get to connect with someone its amazing. When i was younger, I was shy to express or be myself. I thought people were always judging me,waiting for that single imperfection to pop up. I got worried about how i walked, how my mouth open up, how the gap between my two frontal teeth would look to other people. In 7th grade, I had decided to formulate a new persona. This persona was all around social, random funny and an asshole. I had gotten a friend, I never had a fridnd before. I was always an outcast to people and alewys got bullied. Now, I had a friend but this person didnt really know me. This person didnt know what i thought about the world, my beliefs and none of that. I was merely a clown at best, an idiot and superficial asshole at second. I felt miserable. I felt alone. Sure, i wasn't an outcast to anybody, anybody but me. I had rejected myself. Never do that. When the world turns their back on you, or if it confronts you. You will always have yourself. Continuing the story, i got desperate for attention as people were going away. I got so distracted trying to socialize that I got kicked from my art school. It hurt, like a bitch. Okay, now i wanna continue on to my tips based on my experience. I have a longer story but i will just leave it to that. Most people wish for a lasting friend,someone who has depth and cares enough. Someone to confide to. Someone who is genuine. I suggest you dont put up a superficial version of yourself. What i mean is, dont just be an all around clown just to please other people. If you feel the needs to cry out of compassion to some video in class or you find something cute. No matter what it is, express those things. Basicly, be genuine. Be yourself. Human is a depth and mix of fucked up emotions by itself. Some may not appear so but theyre just supressing it. If you supress self expression, youll hurt yourself plus not have meaningful relationship. Loneliness comes from not expressing yourself, not having the liberty to dance like a craze maniac when you want to or sing when you feel like it. Thats my opinion. Tip 1. Be yourself. Express your thoughts. The more you hold them,the more baggage you carry and become unstable. Look, people are as scared as you are. They are as self-centered as you are. People are more worried about what you think of them. We are human. Youre both sort of scared because its your first interaction. Neither want to seem stupid or way too serious. Just be yourself. Tip 2. If you want to start of a conversation. Start. Literally, just start. Take action, no matter what you do, take action. If you over-analyze, you will just freeze and turn around. Just approach the person smiling, its hard but there's little chances of something happening if you don't do anything. Perhaps, when you wish he/she approached you that person may be thinking the same. Which brings tip #1 back, we are human and experience the same thing. We are both scared to approach and we cant just do stare down. Just start. If you want a topic,ask their opinion on a widely known topic, something like "what do you think about the big bang?" Of course be careful to not sound like a predator in the last two words Haha. Sorry that wasnt a very good example or ask their opinion on a shared experience. Youre both in class and you find something funny about it. Comment it and ask them what do they think. You show your humour plus asked them about it. It doesnt have to be comical perhaps just something fascinating to you. Point is ask their opinion. Why? Its open ended and you need to ellaborate more. And you can ask how they came to their conclusion. Using the big bang example : what do you think about the big bang? ;) person: its stupid, God created us all duh. You: what if the big bang is God's construction plans? Maybe God is sort of a cientist. He said "let there be light" and the big bang is an explosion of light. Person: well...(the new opinion or back up to her previous opinion.) It works like that. Tip 3 Be yourself again. I need to stress this because well. Its important. Being yourself will attract the genuine people that like you. Whats the point of keeping aomeone who will deny you of being yourself? You are looking for the unconditional love and acceptance from someone you want to express to. You will be beautiful to the people that matter and are fit to be by yourside. So just be yourself. Tip 4 Be self-assure. If i said confident most of you would kill me. But what i mean is, life is a paradox of sorts. If you want to be brave/courageous, you have to dare face your fears but you need bravery/courage to face them. It's because everything has a first time, most qualities or everything, are something you work and build. Little acts lead to bigger things. If you feel you lack courage then build up to it until you feel self assure. You could just dare to enter the contest you've wanted to participate in or ask your parents for money Haha This little things will make you grow somewhat. Tip 5 Break comfort zone. By now, you may realize some things are repeated or are connected. The comfort zone can expand itself but if you stick to a cycle you'll cease to grow. You can follow tip 4 to build unto your courageous or jump head first in this tip. Just takr action. Again. It's all about taking action. I don't care if you approach me and you being random or somewhat a looney but if you talk to me, I will remember you next time we encounter not positively not negatively but i will remember you. Then you can come back, talk some more and ill start building myown sense of what sort of person you are. Tip 6. Think of the interaction as the last one you will have. In ninth grade, i decided to follow the tips im telling you. They worked. But what gave me the little extra push was thinking, this is my last school year. Most people wont remember this and wont encounter me again. I acted in a school play, i dare strip this pole that was in school in front of teachers and students just for fun and little joke to friends. I made tons of friends and kept 5 of them as close ones with whom i still talk to this day. Just think, this is the last chance i have to interact with this person. It may be or not true but point is to pressure yourself. Even if you encounter them afterwards, you were never close to begin with and if you desire,interact again,afterall we are trying to make friends. So just take action. This tip is to give you the pressure to get into action. Those are my tips. Don't take them to heart. They just worked for me so I am passing them unto you. This is my firwt post. If you liked it then please comr back tomorrow for another topic. Thanks!

#Advice #social #introverted #comfort zone #interaction #be #yourself #life #shy #shyness #tip #tips

[deuce-duce]

Well go ahead and say it and don't stop saying it until I never forget...! For I am the epitome of an idiot. Litteral idiot! As many of you are probably aware of what I am talking about, i think I may have just reached my helping people traumatization point... from here on out I will never help someone who asks for my help its usually a scam and like i have mentioned in previous posts the people who really need the help are either too afraid to ask or they just dont like bothering people with their problems.

You see when it comes to how I live my life its not that I don't want friends or that I don't want to put in the effort or do the work to build relationships... its that getting too close to me can be dangerous... i don't know if its apparent yet or not but it doesn't matter what I do. You see what they do is create criteria that they know is just outside of my grasp. All with the intent of me never being able to reach it. This in turn continually gives them the ammo for their war. See the funny thing is, is im not the only one being manipulated here You are too! This is why I ask for you to stop helping. I was able to see how most listened to my request but the people who enjoy this sick shit kept it going trying to make it appear as tbough they were or are helping me...

i don't know how many of you have seen GOT but the amount of involvement when it comes to people playing both sides mainly the bad people pretending to be good so that they get fed the information of what the good people's plans are only to thwart and exploit them further.

Although this might be your first chapter it certainly isn't mine. Which is why I have criteria of my own when it comes to the woman im going to be with. Now by givinv me the opportunity to prove wrong the popular opinion (a lie) by societal standards is only going to push the good people, further and further away simply because you get fed up with trying to help me. Even though I have asked you repeatedly not to! Its like I have said before somethings have been beaten out of me, for you to expect me to fulfill these expectations is preposterous. My other main point to this is look around you although the criteria is set by bad people you think they are ever going to stop no matter what i do or am with...? No! They pride themselves on being law and rule breakers... primary reason i choose to involve no one in this craziness! But they involve you because of their thirst for power. most of you question whether or not im faking it... or making it all up! Listen to yourselves... if i had lets 75% population viewing do you think i would be homeless?? J.S. there have been a couple things I have written where people stop me and tell me not to post what I have written... so that would mean that the orchestrators of this masquerade have essentially taken away any and all of my privacy... that being said tomorrow ill post the post they told me not to post just to see what happens!! So that being said they have time to take counter measures to minimize the damage my post will have on their agenda. So for instance ever since I started writing this post things have been oral. How do I know if I "on" Dont Know!... its because of the physical changes in my mouth and other parts of my body that alert me to something taking place.

I mean lets think about it... all of this infrastructure created to keep the star of a worldwide entertainment program homeless and constantly struggling... something just seems off to me.

In my previous post I explained that if i were gay that I would relax and I wouldn't be in excruciating pain any longer. Well the reason this will never end is because im the perfect crime... and it gets to be video taped for the whole world to see! What I mean by that is they have programmed and conditioned my split to make it appear like im enjoying what's occurring while in reality my body knows what's going on is wrong and is constantly fighting the abuse. Which is what the assailant is probably getting off on. Not the fact that im gay or trying to prove me gay but because they know what they are doing is wrong and they enjoy it!. Pretty fucked?! Id say... but this is the world we live in and this here is the main reason it will never end.

So when i distance myself and choose not to make relationships whether romantic or not just know that its not you its me. Although I don't like being all alone, I'd rather that then constantly having to question people in my circle or constantly worry that you being coerced or manipulated/threatened to participate in their bidding. When i look at it, lets just say that there is nothing I can do about what occurs when I'm asleep, right?! Well if thats the case I guess I could still try to get laid while not in a dissociative state. There is just too much going on at this point in my life to be constantly chasing a piece of ass. Im homeless barely have a job no vehicle and i have immense mental health issues... see the idea of this whole little charade is to get as many people to turn their back on me as quickly as possible. I mean whenever I arrive into a town they get as many people as possible to participate in whatever it is they do to me. This is simply to begin the process of the rumor spreading and to start planting falsities to stress me out and turn another society against me after a set time that im never made aware of. They do that by pulling on your heart strings to prove them wrong. They obviously don't tell you what they have done to warp the previous pages of the story that would hinder you from helping me... if they even tell you anything at all. You have to realize if they were trying to help me they would just stop doing what they are doing.... don't you think?!

Quick thought... so in order for me to get people to stop preying on a mentally handicapped person I have to do what caused the handicap in the first place?? Just 1 time... what the fuck is the point!! If someone can explain it to me ill do it!!

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

So Jazmine was trying to get her DNA changed to be Brian's child.

She asked me to remove the "daddy's race girl" clothing from the baby registry. So i looked and turns out there wasn't an actual item that said that. So we are good and kept those items.

The nursery section is still under construction and I agree with Alex wait till you see me to buy. Although what he was saying was he has no intention of me going.

Well he's an ass hole and i am not.

And my no the refused to change the twins DNA Only because Jazzy didn't include Annabelle.

Who is Alex Laughlin's biological child he chose to neglect and abandon and doesn't pay child support.

Jazzy says "i meant.. Us.. All. To change our DNA"

"Yep that i can do since you're verbally including Annabelle as well to make sure." Replied my mom

My mom is SO SO SO SO SO SO mad at Alex Laughlin right now. She could choke him out to death in 5 point 6 seconds.

Regardless whether their DNA is changed.

The point i want to express is that i will allow my children to pick who is in thier lives, I always have with Annabelle. When she wanted her gramma Denise I allowed it even if i declared war and was not on speaking terms with her and made it clear i didnt want her in my life.

Alex is from Planet Timbuktu which had imploded in the 1960s and was from a galaxy next door. They were out to visit an their equipment broke down and they just stayed. So anyone trying to find them and succeeding was allowed to stay. They were turkey shaped. Which caused Thanksgiving to be a world wide holiday before it was an USA One.

Of course Zulululu doesn't want to talk about that as they are unwanted invaders and dont want anyone to know about invasions or even aliens.

So Alex was about two years old and he hasn't matured greatly since then. An LLPD said they all adore Alex, always all "come here give me hugs!" But Brian they stand up straight with respect and love and gratitude. And are all "do you want a hug?"

Brian says no. Usually I will say yes until I have a person to person issue to cause me to say no. Or my back hurts.

Brian will say yes when its been earned. Like trust or some form of respecting quality.

Anyway my point besides all the side stories is my kids will face the same as many of you.

My daughter is 16. Does she keep the past company or does she look to the future with Alex? If she has a choice. And i will make sure she does. And if Alex has a problem then my fist and his face will have a close and frequent relationship.

My twins can make their choice up front. They have that right. Hurt him now or risk being hurt themselves.

Windy says she would like two dads. But Jazzy screams "Noooo!" When Windy says that. So I tell her she can stay home with mommy.

Now if this fucking idiot just thinks hes gonna be all willy nilly about just picking up my kids as he sees fit. Well he's fucking wrong.

I'm talking like 16 grown ass men that know fear and hate standing around with AK47 and M16 and shit. I'm not fucking playing. Hes dumb. Plain and simple.

Like dopey he's all cute and shit and the odd one out. But he's not respectable. And definetly not trust worthy in any adult fashion.

He's just a party boy. Which makes him a good friend to have. But. A parent? No. A husband? No.

Windy is all "fine an uncle then"

Alex is all "wow you make it sound like you want nothing to do with me"

Really? He fucking lies. I really don't to be honest. For why would I want to be friends with a liar that treats me like I'm worthless?

I've had at least two husbands I treated tbat way because to me they were. Like they were worthless but I didn't lie to their face. I embraced their inequality and tried to support and encourage them. And I never took their kids from them. Someone's trash is someone else's treasure.

So Alex wants to continue treating me and our kids like trash. Then bye bye.

He doesn't even see that he does. He thinks hes right. Like I said his maturity is very low. Very Dopey. From Snow White and the Seven Drawves if you haven't caught my drift yet.

But he's creative. Just irresponsible. Careless and clueless.

His feelings are more important. Because he fainted when Annabelle was born he decided to flee. Like she would be crawling out my vagina every day. Can't handle diapers. Fucking weakling.

So she's 16 and in just a few short months she will be 17. And we definitely will not be at that race. But somewhere celebrating her life. Because her birthday falls on a race day.

Whether he wants to do something the week before or not that's up to him, but she's not gonna be at the Races when she can be someplace exotic and un ordinary.

Because im the mom. Im the single mom. And her and i have been a team. He's never WANTED or made an EFFORT to be in her life.

Whether or not i would want him in my life doesnt matter. Because I am UNINPORTANT to him.

It makes me angry. I can't even be sad although my anger is stormed by sadness. For him. And mostly my almost 17 year old daughter.

He's fucking weak. And my daughters all need to know that.

Brian does dumb shit because hes too over protective. 8 tours in Iraq. So yeah he's a bit afraid to cause me daily stress if he's gonna die. So he's stayed out of my life. It didn't work though, I figured it out. But also I didn't worry. And believe me. He got his shit beat from him. I wasn't nice about it. For years. If i got in a bad mood. He heard ALL about it. Straight from me and if he didn't he got scared.

So he got his karma. The difference is he's not afraid or whiny about which formula is best for each twin or if they do or don't want a dirty diaper. Or want to use the potty.

And he's not selfish. Which is why people are all "oh give me hugs little Alex" vs standing up straight and asking with respect if ole boy can do with a hug. Steal a hug from the little selfish boy. Ask from the generous man.

I wasn't intending to rant

But to encourage other people to allow their children to choose their parents.

There's a lot of death happening and sadness and people feel hopeless, so to "rant" and compare people is imperative right now. It IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.

Imperative. I relate the word to inoperable and operable. Which means able to operate. Which means work. Imperative means the most important to cause something to work.

So be imperative to your child's companions. Parents are dying.

They need to decide who their replacement is. Gramma. Uncle. Cousin. Stranger.

My 3 girls are no different.

I also had to do the same. I was an orphan and due to amnesia, I'm with who I was "stuck" with. My uncle and a Zulululu I'm aimed to kill.

So Annabelle was stuck with an abusive surrogate Alex picked. Until I got a divorce. The summer after kindergarten, he moved out. Legal divorce didn't come for years because he became abusive about it and so as long as he moved out and left us alone.

For awhile Annabelle wanted to be with her surrogate. So for 2nd grade I gave in and let him for October to March split the week. But she decided she didn't like it

So I had to deal with his whining and crying and bull shit about wanting to see her more

She didn't like him. He was dumb and a Zulululu and selfish. So I stood up to him. It didn't matter to him she didn't want to see him.

Just like I know it won't matter Annabelle will want to see Alex to Alex or his little pathetic friends he finds so important.

But I also know she doesn't give a shit any more. You all think I'm harsh?

Ill be all "this is your biological father he chose Michael to be your dad" she will spit in his face. If I add "because he fainted when I was in labor with you" she would laugh in his face, tell him he's pathetic and ask when we can leave.

It's the truth. I could list all his great qualities and all it will do is hurt her. Because if he's so great, why doesn't he care about her? She would cry.

So fuck that. "Here's him. This is what he did. And why"

Intuition and past experiences takes care of the rest.

I think its extremely important who i am with because of her. But she says "why the fuck would i care?" Uhh duh cause you're still my kid. Her answer is if he's a piece of shit you'll drop him and if not ill fucking move and take care of myself.

And me "well lets get down to it if he's in there raping and molesting you or beating you then you better dam well tell me. Tell me it doesn't fucking matter because it sure as hell does matter your opinion"

"Those are about facts" im told.

Well fucking a relief, we are in this together!

"Well it does matter if you like him because if we go it to eat or to the movie or something"

"Well i will just use him for money"

"Well that's not a high quality of life. Id rather you use someone for money that you actually like and enjoy being with"

"That's not using them for money! That's something different! Idk what its called. What's it called?"

"Allowing someone to be generous and enjoying companionship or company with them. And that's not a bad thing as long as you appreciate it"

"Appreciation! Its called using someone for money but liking it! I mean appreciating it! Am i right?!"

Well yeah, in all technical terms.

"Or allowing someone to be your daddy?"

"How come not mom?!"

"Because im not gay or bi sexual"

"I am already through with dads. Can you be gay or even just a little bi sexual, a little for me please?"

"No"

Same shit since she was 8. Half her life.

And Alex is the one that made sure she would be through with dads. Brian was standing right there. And he picked someone known to be abusive and on drugs and an alcoholic.

So really. If you ask me. Spit is kind. He deserves to be shot in the face.

She won't hold me back. But i can't make her uncomfortable or unhappy because she gives me freedom.

That would break my own heart.

So i encourage others especially those suffering wirh COVID to make your plans.

I have in my WILL actually an 18 year old when I made it to take her. I have a house with the social security she would get from my death it would be enough to split the mortgage and bills. The 18 year old works.

It allows him, its not her soul mate but what I believed to be a blood relative, to get out on his own and be with a young adult that needs to be looked after during her time of need in case of my death.

Make sure food is available, the home is clean, bills are paid, doctor appointments are done and so on. And that life has a bit of fun, on top. And little stress due to him not wanting to be a parent but a friend.

An 18 year old more responsible than her own father or the other he had picked.

For him an affordable safe place to live and for her an adult to be legal guardian so she can be left alone by Denise and Michael. Both aggressive enough to lock the door and not open it when someone on the other side isnt wanted. And kind enough to take time to understand why the other chose to not open the door and support that or at least let it live.

Because that is what my daughter needs. Someone to support that and someone of legal age and capabilities to provide decent living conditions.

And enough in common to enjoy life. And enough respect to allow differences the other may not prefer to do or have.

And so that is what i have set up.

He's not full of infinite wisdom or even all the time patient or unaggrevating. But he's kind enough. And he's not altogether selfish. Self orientated but so is she and so am I.

That's independent with a demand to be cared for and about.

And luckily they mesh well enough.

Alex could have but he chose fear. Not responsibility.

Although he promised he wouldn't. Swore up and down..

His friend Ben that goes by Matt, "she's never going to get pregnant just come on with me"

They left. So i sent a pregnancy test over to where they were. "Oh that's fake" said Ben.

Well i have an almost 17 year old that DNA4U says is Alex's.

But Ben mattered. Not me. Not her.

And certainly not Alex.

While that makes me sad that Alex doesn't even care about himself i know there's nothing i can do about that and i def will not make excuses to him to any of our daughters.

And I would just as soon want to write him off myself.

No point in caring for someone like him. Not any proof of that in my life. Its just a waste of time and energy

So please write a WILL and email it to those that are leaders in your family and who it includes.

Example:

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

I want Sam to have my 3 cars.

I want Janice to have my house.

I want Jacklyn to have guardianship of my kids. She can find my life insurance and bank information in my safe. I have provided that information about my safe in a place I will tell my friend Sally.

For my last testaments those will also be located by Sally and given to whom needs to know.

Then i sign my legal name and i email it to Jacklyn, Janice and Sam as well as Sally.

Then Sally comes over and i tell her "look on top the fridge, i taped the envelopes you need down" or "look under my drawer, pull it out and look above youll find the info in case I die"

Jacklyn doesnt need to know all my insurance or bank info now and it might change between now and then. I told my kid, just look in my wallet. She's beneficiary and so she gets all everything. And some banks offer life insurance.

I chose someone my daughter can get along with and won't change her or force her to feel her choices are wrong. Someone whom will accept her and she can accept without changing her lifestyle very much.

So please do do so for your kids and please do ask.

Sure there are more legal ways but this is pretty desperate times and so a judge fully understanding it is your true will and testament and can prove it by your IP address and email address it is valid even in court

Further you can text from your phone number "I've emailed you my last will and testament to [email protected] from my regular email, [email protected] if you're worried about securing that legality

I text my entire WILL then emailed it. So They have two proofs. Then emailed it to myself.

So. The point is to validate the identity of the writer.

Once that is done what is written is the legal will.

Sally also knows where the title of the cars are -- in my safe and Sally is named my executer of my will although I didn't use the formal words that's who she is.

Jacklyn is younger and knows Sally so she will let Sally take the kids and so on. Which I wrote in request in the safe because I don't want to negoatate or questions. Its what I want.

And Sally will give that to Jacklyn in a sealed envelope even Sally didn't look in. "Family plan for Jacklyn" saying EXACTLY how I want my children raised. No spanking. No drugs or drinking under 18. No sleep overs with boys. No disrespect but facts. And to see Sally twice weekly. Plus normal clothing and feeding and shelter. Which Jacklyn has proven capable.

Even more I could just emailed the above and said "Sally has my last will and testament" if i wanted to keep the peace and not hear about how im driving Sam's inheritance wrong according to Sam.

I gave everything to Annabelle which is what her guardian would need to know so I told them both.

Of course the future will change that but...

Even so that's all her life. The twins aren't born yet and didn't have nearly their whole life in that house.

And of course saddling an 18 year old with nearly 17 year old is different than new borns. And by the time it gets to it she will be 18. So. She won't need a guardian...

So. I encourage you all to grasp your future and atrmpt a control of it after your death.

[avpdmadoka]

i work as a waitress trainee in a restaurant with rampant nepotism and i keep getting in arguments with one of the pets. im gonna get fuCKING FIRED. shes the OWNER'S fucking SISTER. and her fucking son hangs around loitering during the end of shift for free food and one of the two old ladies gets pissed at me for an innocent stupid reason (which i totally let slide) and he laughs at me. so i snap at him and call him the mama's boy he is n mention how he always seems to be around when im being yelled at. i close out w the manager w my tips n BOOM holy shit there's mama bitch bear standing between me n the door, and im like ".... <_< ..." and shes yellin at me like "you be careful what you say to him. he's the owner's NEPHEW!" n shit. and im just sighin' n bein like "... youre not intimidating.. yknow what, just... just get me fired if you want or whatever, i dont care anymore, just... know that i work and i TRY." and i walk out. so i knew my boss/manager was angry when i left cuz he heard us and now itll be all my fkin fault. so ill probly be fired even tho he aint even the owner. but i mean lol, whats new, right?? effort means nothing and thought means nothing! therefore, like, BITCH, THE OWNER CARE BOUT YOU (for some reason) ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU A FREE JOB AND GIVE A SHIT BOUT YOUR OPINION NO MATTER HOW INVALID, BUT, YOU AINT THE MANAGER. CUZ, n theres a REASON for that, YO BRO AINT SO FUCKIN DUMB TO PUT YOU IN CHARGE. cuz you a dumb fkin IDIOT. go FUCK yourself. you too SPOILED n IDIOTIC and UNPLEASANT to be waitresses. so go fucking DIE.

#vent #work #thoughts

[lostonehero]

hey isnt it great when people dont realize that we're trying

oh my god here we are with the guilt tripping hello you 

you dont fucking think i know that 

its been drilled in my head everytime i speak up 

thank you for telling me again i must of forgot 

just keep saying it maybe i will fucking learn something one day 

but no im just a idiot like always

thank you for everything 

i really want to fucking die whenever i fucking post something about this because of this so yeah ill just stop and just watch like a good little girl isnt that what you want 

because i dont know what to fucking do anymore ok i dont im fucking tired of breaking down whenever i post some sort of critique and then i feel bad for having a opinion so thanks you have cemented my decsion and confirmed the fact that i literally dont matter 

thanks for everything whoever you are i just calmed down from a panic attack and a total mental breakdown but now its back

[theangstbrigade]

-- impenetrableVitality [IV] began pestering estrapadingTrueblue [ET] at 20:13 --

IV: i need to talk to you

ET: Im sure you do.

ET: The fuck is this about?

IV: you said a lot of stuff last night

IV: your and colt's thing is your thing but

IV: what did i do to make you hate me so much

IV: it's fine that you do i'd just like to know why

ET: Not to sound sardonic but are you referring to recently? Or in general.

IV: let's do both

ET: Yeah cool. Because either one is relevant.

ET: Youre an idiot and I fucking hate seeing you make the same mistakes over and over again. Cuz for whatever reason you never learn from em.

ET: And somehow. It never fails but you always manage to make shit worse for you. Worse for everyone.

ET: Now theres a kid involved and we come back to the initial point.

ET: Youre an idiot.

IV: okay and you're always as vague as possible

IV: what same mistakes am i making exactly

ET: Why are we talking about this like it aint the most obvious shit in the world dude.

IV: because i don't know what the fuck i keep repeating

ET: You dont know how to take care of yourself so you take care of everyone else.

ET: You try but what the hell is the point??

ET: Youve never even liked you???????

ET: Real great example youre gettin ready to set onto someone whos got no way of formulating her own opinion about you.

ET: Its just the fucking worst reason to take in a little girl. To gratify all your own stupid fucking shortcomings.

ET: I hate it. And I hate you. End of story.

IV: that's a real nice story for someone you don't know anymore

IV: i mean i'd hate me too if any of that were true to who i am now

IV: what perspective are you looking from like 3-4 years ago

ET: I dont have to know you any more than you have to know me.

ET: Christ.

ET: Youre THAT predictable.

IV: i can admit i don't know who you are

IV: maybe i did when we were kids but people change and you changed and i changed

IV: i'm not fucking incompetent joel

ET: Still doesnt justify anything.

ET: Why you stayin with Colt huh? Do you not have a plan for her? You?

IV: i have a plan for her not being shoved around foster care like she would be if i hadn't taken her

ET: Thats your self righteous bullshit.

IV: so you're saying i should have left her but you would still hate me just as much wouldn't you

ET: Thats the general thing I was referencing to yes.

IV: because you see people as you want to see them regardless of anything else

IV: i'm finally at a place where i can admit that i've found a much better balance

IV: i can take care of other people and myself at the same time

IV: but you don't want to see that at all

IV: you want to hate me so you keep your reasons

IV: we were friends joel what the hell happened

ET: Whats a friendship if I aint ever been able to depend on you dude.

ET: You know what we talk about when we talk? You.

ET: Maybe Im fucking sick of it.

ET: Thats what the hell happened.

IV: then why didn't you tell me

ET: You didnt deserve to know.

IV: great

IV: perfect

IV: fuck

IV: look

IV: i know i was fucked up

IV: i know i was hurting other people when i was trying to be helpful

IV: like really hurting other people

IV: i have most of it under control now

ET: Well hey. Theres a point in your favor.

ET: Congratulations.

IV: do you know why i did what i did

IV: why i freaked out all the time at everyone and tried to do everything possible to make sure nothing bad happened to them

ET: No.

IV: are you going to let me tell you or will it be a waste of time

ET: Doesnt matter what I think.

IV: well it's not going to change the truth so let's give it a shot

ET: For fucks sake.

IV: ever since i can remember i couldn't stop thinking about everyone around me dying in horrible terrible but possibly preventable ways

IV: especially people i cared about

IV: i didn't want to think about it okay like

IV: but i could imagine it in my head all the time

IV: i found that there were certain items that i knew could help me in certain situations

IV: my backpack

IV: everything in my backpack i counted 3 times every day to make sure i had everything possible to do what i could to make sure no one else died

IV: it took over my life

IV: if i didn't have my backpack then i was too careless then all of those images would be right at the forefront of my mind again

IV: i remember being over at your place and the first time you got a cut all i could see was it getting infected and you dying

IV: it was awful i hated being so paranoid and neurotic all the fucking time

IV: i hated chasing you away

IV: and you're right yeah i hated who i was

IV: and it got to the point where i had somehow convinced myself i was the main problem

IV: i would lead everyone around me to their deaths because of how much my helping didn't actually help

IV: that's when the whole woods thing happened

IV: that's when i got diagnosed

IV: i got medication i got help i learned other methods to keep that stuff out of my head

IV: it didn't always work but

IV: surprise i'm sick

IV: officially fucked up

IV: and i'd like to think i've gone forward from then

IV: now you know

ET: Still dont see the point of you trying to level with me.

IV: if you want proof i'm not the same person

IV: ...

IV: fight me

ET: Bitch what.

IV: you've always wanted to

IV: i never let you

IV: so now i am

ET: Yeah okay.

ET: Time to fuck off Finn.

ET: Go home.

IV: i'm serious

ET: Yeah. So am I.

ET: This conversation never happened.

-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] ceased pestering impenetrableVitality [IV] at 21:50 --

IV: no

IV: it doesn't work like that

ET: Maybe not to you. But listen.

ET: This isnt working out.

ET: You need to quit while youre ahead and figure whether any of this is actually fucking worth it. Because Ill tell you. Its not.

ET: Live your life and forget I ever expressed some disagreeable opinion about your choices.

IV: i can't forget and i'm not going to forget you or what you say

IV: because you were always family to me too

ET: Then thats your problem.

ET: Im done with you.

ET: Bye Finn.

IV: even if now it's like an estranged cousin that hates me

-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] ceased pestering impenetrableVitality [IV] at 21:55 --

-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] changed their mood to OFFLINE --

#estrapadingTrueblue #impenetrableVitality #finn #joel #in which finn tried but some things are irreparable