#i dont know how to have a healthy relationship with food and im terrified that if i try to get one ill never lose weight at all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

asking-jude · 1 year

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cant talk to anyone irl about this so here i am lol. my mom used to make comments about my body, and how id be so much pretty if i lost some weight (when her comments started getting to me i looked up my bmi (ik bmi isnt the best assessment of weight/ health) to see if i was really that bad and i was normal leaning underweight) that kinda helped me, and i felt better for a while, and her comments on my body stopped (but her comments on her own never did) but i guess in quarantine it got to me more than i thought lol i started browsing the ed side of tumblr and downloaded a calorie tracking app, for two weeks i ate less than it recommended (im an overachiever lol) but i didn't lose any weight (technically i did but it wasn't visible so it doesn't really count lol) but the whole time i was terrified of depriving my body of fuel, accidentally starving myself, and overall doing more harm than good(which is why i refused to purge or fast) so i deleted the app and stopped. this was one or two years ago, so i thought it was over it, but lately the little nagging voice thats been telling me how much better id look and feel if i lost weight is getting louder (and more convincing). i want to lose weight but I don't want to do it unhealthy/obsessively or spiral out of control. any advice? (i dont think i had an ed, just an unhealthy relationship (ig fear would be more accurate lol) w/ calories/food in general)

Hi love,

Thank you for opening up and sharing this information with me. I know it can be hard to feel like you’re going through this alone, so I want to ensure you that we are always here to listen.

I first want to start by saying that it is never acceptable for someone to make disparaging comments about your body, even if it is someone in your family. It looks like you mentioned your mother has also made comments about her own body and appearance, so you may or may not be aware of the idea of projection. If you’re not familiar with this idea then a basic explanation is when someone unconsciously transfers their own feelings or emotions onto someone else. From what you’ve described, it seems that your mother is placing her own insecurities and negative body image on you, which has left you feeling self-conscious about your own body. Remember that her comments are not a reflection of your worth or value as a person.

It’s more than understandable that the cumulative stress of quarantine and the comments from your mother have led you down this path of an unhealthy relationship with body image and food, but know that there are ways to move forward. It’s also not uncommon for these thoughts from the past to resurface. Just know that these are just thoughts, and thoughts don’t always have to be acted on.

One way to cope with these thoughts is to practice self-compassion. Reminding yourself that you’re valuable and deserving of love and respect can help you counteract the negative self-talk and build a more positive relationship with your body and self-image. Body neutrality is another idea sort of related to this. Body neutrality is the idea of accepting your body as it is, without judgment or attachment to your appearance. By focusing on how your body feels rather than how it looks, you can develop a more mindful and intuitive approach to eating and exercise.

This article provides practical tips and strategies for practicing self-compassion, which can help reduce self-criticism and promote self-acceptance: https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/.

Sometimes practicing body positivity can be really hard, especially when you feel like you don’t have the most positive mindset right now. Try reading this article to understand more about body neutrality. It provides a few practical ways for incorporating this idea into your life: https://tinyurl.com/52z8t7j4.

It’s great that you’re trying to refocus these negative thoughts into bettering yourself in a healthy way. I can give you a few tips on how to start. First, try to challenge these thoughts by not focusing on weight or a number on a scale. Remind yourself of all the positive things about your body. Focus on your overall health and nourish your body with balanced meals and physical activity.

Second, you can try surrounding yourself with positive influences and friends that can encourage you to make healthy choices. Have you ever sought therapy to help you work through these negative voices/thoughts? A therapist or counselor can help you to develop coping strategies and build self-confidence. If a therapist isn't financially viable for you, Asking Jude has pay-what-you-want, remote peer counseling services; for more information, contact [email protected].

Don’t feel pressured to get over these thoughts in a set amount of time. Be patient with yourself and remember it’s possible to build a healthy relationship with your body.

Here you’ll find guidance on how to navigate weight loss after experiencing disordered eating, including tips on developing a healthy mindset and setting realistic goals: https://tinyurl.com/2x9zh69b.

"Healthy Eating Plate," created by Harvard University, provides practical advice and a visual guide for individuals to adopt a healthier and balanced diet: https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/healthy-eating-plate/.

If you’d like to develop a healthy exercise routine, try reading this article that provides practical tips for recognizing and managing triggers, choosing the right exercise environment and equipment, and seeking social support: https://tinyurl.com/3vtmcnkw.

Finally, if you ever need to talk to anyone, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Here is the link to a national toll-free helpline, online chat support, and phone number: https://tinyurl.com/2z4ydwbc.

Please take care of yourself and always be patient. Feel free to reach out again if you need to.

We’ll be happy to help, Mikayla

#ask #advice #mental health #mental health advice #ed #ed advice #ana #mia

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my-tourettes-journey · 2 years

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alright so im actually being sappy for once

you guys remember a couple days ago when i said there was stuff doing on i wasn't ready to talk about (which is genuinely concerning honestly because i overshare way too much, so any time i dont talk about something thats when people should be concerned lmao)?

yeah well. here we go. this is gonna be a really deep post and honestly im nervous so im just gonna jump right into it

TW: Eating disorders, general self hate, delusions(?), paranoia, very long post

so, i ended up in the hospital middle of april. i had been having some mental health episodes where i pretty much mostly believed that i was in a simulation, and the only way to get out was to die. this made me end up in the emergency room, but i was let out that night (literally 1 in the morning), as i was too terrified to go back into a mental hospital (i have had very traumatic experiences with hospitals - the first one i ever went to actually just got shut down due to patient right violations).

a day went by and i was in sort of a hazey depressive state. i really don't know how to describe it, i just didnt feel like me. the day after that i decide to go out for a drive as i hadn't been out of the house for three days because i was staying home from school so my parents could make sure i was safe (this happens a lot so it wasn't shocking). so, i went out for a drive. i felt fairly okay when i left, but somehow i ended up back in an episode and i found myself driving in complete silence for hours trying to "find a way out" of the "simulation" i thought i was in. i never found it. shocker.

that episode slowly turned into paranoia, which i've only really started struggling with recently (i've had the delusional-type episodes for years now, but they've never been this bad). i'll leave out some details as it does get to the point where i honestly don't want to put that information online, but somehow i ended up parking at my favorite park and just staring at nothing. for three hours. my family was trying to contact me, but i thought they were going to hurt me, so i didn't text back. eventually they found me, and they convinced me to let them take me to the hospital. again.

this time i didn't really go back to normal as fast as i did before, and my parents were afraid that if i went home something else would happen. so i was put into another mental hospital. this was my 4th time in a mental hospital, and literally all of my other experiences with them were horrible, so needless to say i was fucking terrified. turns out, they were actually really good! the staff were nice and the place actually looked pretty good. i was let out about a week later.

now you would think i would start getting better after i got out. i wish.

i mean, technically i was doing better in the delusional-paranoid aspect of things, but something just didn't feel right. i just felt off. two days later, my mom mentions something about some levels in my blood being off and that it can be caused by not exercising and that just flipped a switch in me. literally the instant she said that i just went down a very dark hole (not blaming my mom at all, she didn't do this on purpose).

see, i already didn't have a very healthy relationship with my body or food, seeing as i literally had just recovered from ARFID a couple months ago, but on top of that there was this whole other layer of thoughts that i hadn't told anyone, literally ever. since 2018 i've suffered with feeling guilty from eating, i genuinely felt like i didn't deserve the food i got and i didn't like the way i looked. i was very skinny at the time due to ARFID struggles, and people really liked to comment on how tiny i was.

once i started gaining weight when i recovered from ARFID, the thoughts of hating my body and the guilt from eating just got so much worse. there was a time where i actually went to great measures which i will not name just because i wanted to be skinny again. and i didn't really know why i wanted to be so skinny, because i knew that being fat wasn't a bad thing, fat people are beautiful. i just had this thought in my head that i was literally hideous and ugly and the only way to make myself pretty was to be skinny, even though i thought everyone else regardless of weight or shape was perfect.

i was doing fine for a while, but then my mom told me about that blood level thing and it all came crashing down. i literally would run for two hours straight every single day for a week, to the point where i physically can't walk down stairs because my legs hurt so bad, and i have shin splints. i stopped eating, i only really ate when i had to.

after a little over a week of this, i caved and finally told my closest friends about what was going on. they were there to support me, but i knew that there was only so much they could do.

since then, i've just struggled immensely with body image and food. like, immensely. it's literally all i can think about all day every day.

but, last saturday i decided that no matter what, no matter how many times i fell down and struggled to eat, i would try again, try to take another bite, and try to heal my relationship with food and my body.

so, yeah. im sorry for the book, but i genuinely want to be open about mental health online (at least when no one knows who i really am lmao). i want people to know they're not alone, and i want people who aren't suffering with these problems to know about them.

anyway. that's what i've been going through recently. i may not be posting much, if at all, honestly, for the next while. but i know that eventually i will overcome this, i just have to keep getting back up every time i fall.

#sky's old blog

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mental-health-advice · 11 months

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Hey there,

Firstly, good on you for deleting that app, I know it wouldn’t have been easy at all! Being in quarantine was hard for a lot of people, and especially as it gave us more time to ruminate on the not so healthy things like our looks and weight like issues.

I am sorry that your Mum’s comments hurt you so much, is it a possibility that she wasn’t happy with her own weight and so was portraying that down on to you? I may not be right, just a suggestion!

Losing weight can be really hard and it can sometimes bring up unhealthy thoughts/ voices in our head whether you have or are suffering from an ED or not. I am wondering if you could see a dietitian? They will be able to come up with a meal plan for you which may help you to lose weight in a safe and controlled way. If you are not able to see a dietitian (completely OK if you aren’t able to – I know it’s not cheap) could you make an appointment to see your local doctor or GP about being concerned about your weight? They can also be great supports for people wanting to lose weight safely and help you to come up with a plan to help you to get where you want to be but making sure it’s a safe weight for you at the same time (like a dietitian would but the difference is that dietitians are specialised in food related concerns and especially for those who are struggling with their weight for any reason!)

In the meantime though I would encourage you to still eat regularly as this will help to keep you metabolism working, whereas if you don’t eat then your body will go into starvation mode and then consequently you may lose weight but as you know it wouldn’t be sustainable at all.

Try to eat healthy if possible and try and get some exercise at least a few times each week even if it’s just going for a walk. This will not only help with your weight but will also help to boost your mental health and how you see yourself!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #weight #wanting to lose weight #getting help #dietitian #doctor or GP

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rant-2-me · 3 years

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i feel like im getting notthing done these days, like my life just going to complete waste. i should be doing something with my life by now i think, like im studying enough and im not rlly been feeling happy lately either cause i feel so much stress. i have exams in like 3 weeks and i dont know what to do for that either.

oh my sweet nonnie, listen,

There’s no set time frame for doing anything.

you can do things in your own time without having to worry about being “behind.” Sometimes it’s the things we do that feel like “stalling” or “getting off track” that end up being the most helpful for our growth.

theres a lot of sugarcoating advice on the internet that might say you're not wasting your life, and don’t get me wrong, that’s true — but it doesn’t help your situation at all.

You don't need to be "doing anything" with your life right now, maybe right now you just need to

Success is not measured by the rate in which we accomplish something, but in the fact that we have accomplished something

What you need is action.

you need to do something that makes you happy and is easy(ish) to do.

The best way to find direction is to trust your instincts instead of forcing yourself to do things because you think you “should.”

Your intuition is a powerful compass, and even if you think you aren’t making progress, if you’re following your instincts, you are.

There are always going to be opportunities that look good on paper, and that little, scared voice within may tell you that your life will only matter if you take them.

Other people may also tell you this, if not directly, indirectly; or you may assume they’re thinking this when really they’re too immersed in their own confusing journey to pass judgment on yours for long.

But sometimes the best opportunities are the ones you don’t take, leaving yourself open for choices that better align with your own values and priorities.

I know this may sound as impossible as growing wings and flying, but try not to worry so much about what other people might think. They may have expectations, but you aren't responsible for the vision of you they've made up in their minds.

The only one who can make wise decisions for you is you. And even if it makes you feel anxious at times, you will eventually thank yourself for being brave enough to follow your heart, not someone else’s head.

When it comes to creating purpose, there truly is no “wrong” decision.

You may think you only have one purpose and that you need to push yourself to find it, you can continue thinking this, if you’re okay with feeling pressured and scared.

Or instead of aiming to discover the one thing you’re supposed to do with your life, you could focus on discovering the one thing you want to try right now,

you can change direction any time. And that changing direction won’t be something to be ashamed of; it won’t mean you failed at discovering your purpose before. It will mean you had one purpose then, and now your purpose has changd—evolved.

It will mean you’re brave enough to let yourself evolve, repeatedly undertaking the sometimes terrifying process of discovering what else you can do.

Maybe that in itself can be a purpose—to live life in that vulnerable, uncertain place where you’re not boxed into one way of being, free to roam when it would feel much safer to tether yourself to one role.

How to get things done

1. before you actually do anything, take a whole day to shamelessly do nothing. its just one (1) day to relax,calm down, do something that makes you happy, let your entire body take a breath before it springs into action, an arrow draws back before it hits it target

2. when you wake up the next morning, dont reach for your phone. dont scroll social media or check the news. in fact, before you start your day, (if its possible) switch off your phone or put it on do not disturb put it somewhere your mind wont wander towards. give it to a friend and tell them not to give it back until u sit down and finish your work.

3. start by finishing tasks you figure will take less than 2 minutes.

need to water the plants? it'll take less than 2 minutes; do it. need to feed the fish? takes less than two minutes; do it! get all the easy work out of the way first.

4. check what your most time sensitive tasks are. finish them first.

5. try and figure out whats stopping you from doing something. most of the time it isn't just "laziness" that stopping you from doing something, sometimes its because the perfectionist in you is worried that if you try hard on that you'll fail. but the thing is, you can try again. and again. and again, and again until you get it right. try chipping at it slowly

for example, say you have to take notes for a class, and you have 10 pages to copy down, before you start watching a tv show, just write 2 pages of notes. you can also try the pomodoro method: do work for 25 minutes, then take a 5 minute break. repeat.

but something like studying and having hobby is something that needs to be repeated, over and over again, like a routine

How to add something into your routine:

start easy. the first time you do the hobby, it should be a cake walk

e.g:

exercise every day first day: 5 push ups.

1000 words every day first day: 10 words and so on.

try to do the activity after or before or even during a hobby you already do e.g.:

read 20 books in a year and you already: drink tea every day so you should: read 5 pages as you drink tea

you want to learn a language and you already: plait your hair before you sleep so you should: watch a video teaching you about that language before you plait your hair

mountains are easier to climb with a friend, so you can get someone to do it with you!

How to study

Get a good night’s sleep: A recent study found a positive relationship between students’ grades and how much sleep they’re getting. However, this doesn’t only mean getting a full 8 hours of sleep before a big test. What matters, even more, is getting enough sleep for several nights before you do the bulk of your studying.

Switch up your study environment: Studies show that switching up your study environment can increase recall performance. Instead of studying at home every day, try checking out a new coffee spot each week or heading to your local library. A change in scenery can improve both your memory and concentration levels.

Stick with an environment that works: If you have a good space at home or a café that is reliably a productive place for you, it makes sense to stick with this when you are under pressure.

Listen to calming music: You can listen to any music you like, but many agree that classical, instrumental, and lo-fi beats make good background music for studying and can actually help you pay attention to the task at hand. Songs with lyrics can be distracting.

Eliminate distractions: Eliminate distractions by silencing your phone and any annoying background noises such as the TV or radio. Make a pact with yourself to avoid checking social media until your study session is over.

Snack on smart food: Coffee and candy will give you a temporary boost, but then you’ll have a damn sugar crash. For energy that is more focused and sustainable, try healthy snacks such as edamame, apples, or nuts.

and most importantly!

grades and test scores =/= your value as a human being

aight nonnie, that is all, *mwah* i believe in you, i believe that your strong and wonderful and you can handle this, *hugs you (if youre ok w it)* please take care of yourself

dont forget to drink water, get some sleep, eat some food, and please take care of yourself!! have a nice day,

mod peppermint out B)

#ask #anon #mod peppermint #rant #school #exams #student life #student motivation #motivation

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stray-tori · 3 years

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An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :(((

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message

why

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

#an innocent sin #dohye x noah #noah x dohye #long post #tori talks #tori has opinions #reactions #yes I do this often in our dms #poor mei #toriqueue

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jinmukangwrites · 5 years

Text

Cub

((I promise I had this named Cub before Ort posted their fic!!!!! I swear I’m not purposely naming this fic after theirs, just the title “Cub” works really well with this fic and what im going for and i really dont want to change it. if ort wants me to change it i will))

Prompt: it's not exactly how the prompt wants it, but I had a lot of fun writing it so I hope you'll be happy with this.

Summary: He's the Hero of the Wild, it's only fair that the creatures get to know him.

Notes: this is the most fluff you guys are going to get out of me. There is angst, but not a terrible amount. I had to put a certain hc in this fic... I had loads of fun with the perspectives, it's interesting trying to write in the mindset of creatures instead of humans.

Warnings: brief mentions of physical/emotional abuse towards a child from a parent, extreme fluff, both emotional fluff and animal fluff, Jin struggling to write happy things, Jin struggling to not kill Wild, Jin being Jin.

-o-o-o-o-

On a clear, bright, and beautiful night, something magical happens. There's a house sitting in the middle of a field of golden wheat, miles from any cities or civilization. The castle is a far off dream, though the people who live in this house don't mind one bit.

Animals don't usually come here, the scarecrows warn against the birds and the men have bows and arrows. The wolves know by now that the sheep in the barn are off limits, the foxes know that the cuccos are well protected, the rabbits don't dare to nibble on the crops for fear of an arrow piercing their hearts. They make their homes in the forest and they don't go near that house, but tonight… they get a feeling. Something important is happening.

The stars are bright as the stag and his herd step carefully through the golden fields, the moon glitters in the alpha wolf's eyes as his pack approaches through the shadows. The birds land on the roof of the house and bats flutter around. Not a single animal attacks each other, not even the mother bear who arrives with her cubs give the boar a second glance. A squirrel scrambles up the wall of the home and pokes its nose against the glass window from the ledge it sits on. The inside of the house is bright and warm, and across the room is a cracked open door, a man sits besides it with his head in his hands. There's yelling and swearing on the other side of the door, though it's not terrified, it's full of pain but also love.

A beautiful creature jumps up besides the squirrel, it's fur glows and it's eyes are bright and wise. It tilts its head the moment the screaming turns into an infant's healthy cry. The man jumps from his chair and runs into the room, and there is a glimpse of a woman laying exhausted in her bed as a dirty and red baby screams as a towel is wiped across it's squirming body.

Oh, the animals think, this is very important.

-o-o-o-o-

A child, just a toddler. His hair is growing long, the owl thinks. Too long for normal Hylian boys his age, though the owl supposes that's nothing out of the ordinary, the child is very special.

The owl sits upon an apple tree branch and watches with wide and very wise eyes as the child swings a wooden sword against a scarecrow in the field. He has gotten the sword as a present from his father just a few days prior and already the child is exceptional at swordplay. The owl thinks that one day the child will grow up one day to become a very, very strong man.

"Link!" The mother calls from her house, her stomach is round, heavy with another miracle, "you're father is leaving! Come wish him goodbye!"

The child looks up from his swordplay and grins before it sprints away towards his home. He dances around the fathers legs, lifting their tiny arms and tugging on the tunic of the father. The father smiles and riffles the boys hair before he fixes the sword strap around his shoulder. "You be good to your mother," he says, "and maybe someday you'll come with me."

"Honey," the mother says, there's a tightness to her smile but the father laughs and kisses it away.

"Bye daddy! Bye bye byeee!" The child sings and the father runs a knuckle over his head kindly. The child grins and waves the little wooden sword in the air.

"When I get back, I'll teach you how to use that, okay?" The father says. "You'll become a knight like your old man."

The mother's lips thin but she doesn't say anything because the child is cheering now and hugging his father's legs tightly.

Then the father leaves not long after, and life continues as normal. The owl hoots and flies away.

-o-o-o-o-

The boy is hurt, the fox relizes. She was going through bushes, looking for a rabbit hole or an easy mouse to grab, when her ears perk up to the sound of a cry. Now, she's no fool, she would never approach a child of any species. Mothers can get furious easily, and fathers are quick release their fangs and claws. Hylian children are on a whole other level.

Yet, this boy is alone. She can see him curled up in front of a tree sobbing into his hands. The smell of blood hits her nose and sends the hairs on her back standing. She gently pads forward, careful to not step on any twigs and let herself be found quite yet. As she gets closer she can see where the smell of blood is coming from; there's a long slice going down his arm, allowing precious fluid to escape and stain his sleeves. It looks painful, she wonders what could have hurt a child so small.

The boy continues to cry and no mother or father are coming to comfort him, so she decides it's safe to do so herself. She lets her paws drop more firmly onto the ground and the boy looks up at her with the bluest eyes, rimmed red from his tears. She continues towards him and lays down next to his head, he continues to watch her with silent tears streaming down his face.

She yips at him, trying to tell him that he will be okay, but Hylians cannot understand animals. He seems to calm down though and he smiles at her. He hesetatly reaches out and she allows him to stroke her head. She lifts her snout and gently licks at the wound on his arm, he doesn't move away from her.

After she's content with cleaning his wound she scoots forward. The boy takes the invitation and gathers her into his arms and cuddles her close to his chest.

"Thank you," he says, and his voice is so mature for a Hylian his age.

They stay like that for quite awhile, comfortable and content, his eyes slowly drying, until a voice breaks through the air.

"Link!" A woman calls out, sounding worried.

"Link! Get over here!" A man shouts.

The fox jumps out from his arms and he makes a distressed noise, but the fox knows she cannot be around when the parents find their cub. They will think she hurt the child, and they'll lash out without any hesitation. She jumps into the bushes just as two adult Hylians come into view, sprinting. The mother grabs at the child and cups his face, talking quickly and worriedly as the father stands off to the side, breathing hard and looking angry.

The father's hand lashes out and grabs the child's arm, looking at the exposed wound roughly, too roughly. The fox almost jumps out and snarls at him when she sees the child wince.

"I taught you how to block that move," the father growls and the fox feels her hackles rise. She doesn't like how the child looks down, as if ashamed.

"Don't get mad at him," the mother snaps and tears the child away from the father. She looks at the cut, more gently. "He's three-years-old, he can't use the sword like you."

The father glares down at the woman. "If he's going to be a knight, he has to start now and work hard."

The mother returns his glare and gathers the child into her arms, picking him up and placing him on her hip. "Who says he has to be a knight?"

"If he's my son he will be," the father says. "You want to be a knight, right Link?"

The small child nods slowly and the mother frowns as the father grins triumphantly.

The mother and father begin to walk away back towards where there house must be, arguing back and forth, and the fox is left sitting there, watching as the child pokes his head over his mother's shoulder, waving sadly.

-o-o-o-o-

Goats are not very intelligent creatures, but they do really love their owners. They love the grass they get fed, they love their haircuts, they love their exercise. As long as they have space to roam and a source of food, they will love most everything. The farm they live on belongs to a nice family of four. They see the oldest woman and her youngest daughter the most, but sometimes the male and his son come into the fields to fix the fences or pull weeds.

Right now, the big male is holding up a bit of the fence as the son wraps a strand of wire around it to keep it standing. The goats all shift with each other and look at the fence with little interest as they continue to munch on the yummy grass.

"We will leave to the Zora's Domain next week," the adult male speaks, his voice is low and gravely, some of the goats flick their ears to it.

"Harvest starts next week," the son says softly. It's a bit deeper than the last time the goats have heard it, though not like any of the goats care. The grass is too delicious.

"And?" Male asks.

"Well… I was thinking I could stay this year… and help Mom and Angie out."

There's… some sort of tense atmosphere that blankets the land. Some of the goats lift their heads nervously as the grass somehow doesn't taste the greatest anymore. One goat looks at the two owners in anxious curiosity. The adult male is staring at the son with a tight jaw. His posture almost reminds the goat of a wolf or something like it.

"Your relationship with Princess Mipha is very important," the adult says slowly, "it is why the Captain invites you every year."

"Yeah but-"

"Don't interrupt me," the adult snarls and the son backs up with his hands raised in surprise. The wire snaps and the chunk of fence falls to the ground with a crash. Both the adult and the son fall silent. The goats look to and from each other, some making nervous baying, others kicking the ground. The adult rubs his face and takes a deep breath. "You are coming."

"I want to help mom-"

"Link, you're coming."

"But the harvest-"

"LINK!" The adult snarls and a goat jumps and runs a few feet in a random direction. The son falls silent, his mouth shuts with a snap. The adult glares at him before he sighs. "You have to go on these things if you want to be a knight, son."

The son looks down to the ground. Mumbles. A goat flicks its ear, though it's not like the goats are interested in what has been said anyway.

"What was that?" The adult asks.

"I… don't want to be a knight… anymore..."

Smack.

The goats bay loudly in surprise and a few jolt as if they're about the run away in terror as the son falls to his backside, his hand on his reddening cheek and eyes wide.

"You will be joining me to the Zora's Domain," the adult says, his voice eerily steady and calm, "do you understand?"

The son nods and slowly stands up. A goat goes down to munch on the grass again, thinking that maybe the weird tension has finally calmed down.

"Tell me the rules."

"D-don't get in anyone's way."

More goats go back down to the grass.

"And?"

"Don't talk unless told to."

The grass is very good.

"And?"

Very, very good. All the goats are eating again, as they should.

"Make you proud..."

-o-o-o-o-

The stable dog's name is Cherry, and he's a very good boy. That's at least what his master has told him. He likes to spend his time laying in the sun and getting pets from guests. The horses are all very nice to him though the cuccos are a bit rude. He once tried to play with one and he got his nose pecked. Cuccos are mean.

He hears movement behind him and he opens his mouth, panting excitingly. He loves guests. They like to pet him and give him food. He gets up and spins around to see a blond haired boy swinging a sword back and forth in silence. The boy is very interesting, he looks almost like a kid but he acts like a grown up. He's always standing quietly and doing what he's told, though Cherry has caught the boy staring at him multiple times.

Right now, the boy is alone. The sun is going down and most guests are getting dinner or going to bed. Cherry wants to play with this one.

Cherry shakes out his fur and pads over to the boy. The boy blinks down at him and swings his sword again, though he stumbles just a little. His jaw tightens and he looks above Cherry to an imaginary target and ignores the dog.

That won't do. Cherry wants to play.

Cherry jumps in the air and barks, but the boy just scowls and continues his practices. Won't do. Won't do at all. He lets out a whine and falls onto his back, kicking his legs in the air and letting his tongue loll out cutely—the way most guests find adorable—and he wags his tail when the boy looks down at him again.

Finally, the boy smiles and puts the sword away after he looks around him and sees that there is no one else around. Cherry squirms in victory when the boys hands go onto his stomach and start rubbing gently. Cherry can already tell that the boy is very kind. He loves this boy already.

"Link," a deep voice growls.

The boy jumps up like he's been burned and spins around. Cherry twists his body to see a man standing a few feet away looking very angry. Cherry rolls to his feet and whines but the boy ignores him and folds his arms across his body. Cherry instantly quiets down, knowing something bad is happening.

"Did I tell you you can stop practicing?" The man asks. Cherry doesn't like this man. Cherry does not like him at all.

"I'm sorry," the boy says quietly.

It's silent for just a second before the man suddenly lunges and punches the boy in the gut, or he would have if the boy hadn't whipped his arms out and expertly blocked the blow. Cherry scrambles backwards in surprise and barks, but he goes ignored as the man continues to attack the boy.

"Da- sir," the boy grunts as he blocks another ruthless blow. "I'm tired- can we-"

"Did I give you permission to speak!?"

The boy shuts his mouth with a click and the brutal fight continues. Cherry's tail sinks down beneath his legs and fear makes him whine. The man is still attacking and the boy is slowing down and starting to get hit. Cherry likes the boy, and it makes his whole body flinch when the boy takes a blow to the stomach, bringing a whimper out of him.

Cherry is a good boy. Cherry doesn't bite guests. But something takes over him and suddenly he's launching himself at the man. His jaw snaps closed around an evil arm and the man howls in well deserved pain.

-o-o-o-o-

"You pulled the sword?"

Izzy, a cat who lives in the castle, stops when she hears the hushed voice somewhere down the corridor. Curious, she pads forward and sits when she sees a man talking down to a young man. In the young man's arms is the most beautiful sword Izzy has ever seen… not that it matters. It's just shiny. She kind of wants to go over and swat at it.

"You know what this means, do you?"

The young man nods, his fingers are trembling. Strange, though that's not important to Izzy.

"You will bring the family name fame for years to come. This is what I have been training you for. What has the King said?"

"I'm to become Princess Zelda's personal appointed knight."

The man laughs and rubs his chin. Getting bored, Izzy brings her paw to her face and licks at her toes.

"Amazing. The rules are even more important now, son, don't forget them. You must keep up the image I have made for you now more than ever."

"Yes, sir."

The man reaches over and ruffles the young man's hair, but the young man simply stands still and stoney faced during what should have been an intimate gesture. Okay, now Izzy has completely lost interest in what's going on. She yawns and turns to leave.

-o-o-o-o-

The vulture is a sign of death, and he thinks there is plenty signs of that right now, but he's not dumb. The thing bringing death is evil and it won't let him eat, it will just kill him too. The sky is red and fire blazes and he just wants to fly away, but he's blinded by a golden light as he flies, a strong, powerful, hopeful golden light. It scares him more than anything, he doesn't stick around to find out what the light was.

-o-o-o-o-

The wolf is the most powerful creature in the wild, or that's what this wolf thinks. He wonders alone and hunts alone and is perfectly content doing so. The world is so wide and he's the king of it. He owns the forest, he owns the ruins, he lives and goes where he wants because no one, not even the monsters, will dare challenge him.

He has his territory, anything that goes in it dies.

He's wondering his forest, looking for a bite of food, when he sees something he rarely sees anywhere. A Hylian.

It's male and skinny and wearing horribly tattered clothes, not providing a smidge of protection for it's ugly bare skin. It is walking like a newborn, stumbling and panting. The wolf narrows its eyes. He's seen starvation before, and this Hylian clearly is suffering from it. Many have, he's seen so many Hylians collapse and whither away in the past few years.

Yet, this one seems special, important, even as the Hylian trips over its feet and lands on the ground hard. Even as it stills and clenches it's fists and screams into the dirt in anguish.

The wolf should kill it. Put it out of its misery… but that feeling that this one is special sticks around stubbornly. He growls to himself and turns away.

The sun sinks lower to the ground by the time he returns. The Hylian is still there, completely still, just blinking. The wolf sighs through the dead rabbit in its jaws and walks closer to the Hylian. It looks at him, startled, but too exhausted to do anything. The wolf sets the rabbit carcass down and the Hylian does nothing but stare.

The wolf huffs. Of course. The Hylian needs a fire to eat meat. How pathetic.

He turns and picks up a stick in his mouth, feeling humiliated but also that he needs to do this, and sets it down next to the Hylian. He goes and picks up another, and another, and another, until there's a small pile by the Hylian. Now it's up to it to eat. The wolf can't start a fire, he can't bring the Hylian all the way there.

He sits down and stares as it slowly blinks, then it's hand lifts and it's pushing itself up so it's sitting hunched back against a tree. With hands shaking, the Hylian reaches into its bag and pulls out a small black rock and a dagger. It takes a few tries, but soon there's a fire and the smell of cooking meat.

The Hylian eats, and when it looks up again, the wolf is gone, having finished what he felt he needed to do.

-o-o-o-o-

The horse is annoyed. Here she is, just wanting to nibble on the grass when all of a sudden a skinny person jumps on her back and grabs her hair. She's strong, she's wild, and he's weak. She kicks him off and he goes flying. She huffs and glares at him, but he's grinning and standing up from where he's landed, mud splashed against his face, making him look untamed.

She snorts and trots a distance away and continues to eat, but that's interrupted by the same skinny body and impish grin. She bucks him off and is extremely satisfied when she sees his own face screw up in annoyance. Good. He better be annoyed. It's only fair since he's ruining her lunch.

She trots away again, third time's a charm. Or it should be. Because once again the small body jumps on her back and clutches onto her hair. She doesn't even react. She just turns and glares at him.

He gives her a look, letting her know that she's not going to get rid of him.

Sighing in defeat, she shakes her head and let's him soothe her hair behind her ears. It kind of feels good... Though, the moment the small body gets off hers she's going to sprint away. She'll let him think he's won for now.

He rides her all the way to a small stable in the middle of the field. She can feel him get ready to jump off and she's about to bolt when he suddenly loses balance and tumbles hard onto the ground, an apple rolls from his hand.

Intrigued, she goes towards the apple and ignores the little person as he scrambles to his feet and brushes off his pants. He grabs the apple before she can get to it and holds it up in a teasing manner.

"If you want apples, you have to stay with me."

She glares at him. Who does this boy think he is? Does he really think she can be bribed with apples?

She eats it. Gets a new saddle. He calls her Zoie. As long as she gets apples she doesn't care. No, she doesn't care for the small person at all…

-o-o-o-o-

The cub is freezing, the bear thinks. The clouds rush above them and rain pelts down, soaking the world. Even she is cold, and she has thick fur to protect her. But this cub doesn't have fur, he's naked except for the strange cloth on his body. She can see him shivering beneath a tree canopy, rubbing his hands and glaring at the grass. The poor cub, she thinks.

She's about to leave it at that, she has her own cubs to think about back at the cave. She has to get food for her own, not this strange cub who looks like he won't survive the night with this rain.

Oh whose she kidding?

She goes through the undergrowth and approaches him. The moment the cub sees her his eyes widen and he jumps to his feet, a sword is drawn.

Not that it would do anything to her, he's weak and she's strong. The fear in his eyes confirms that he knows this. The wolves think they own the land, but the bear owns the wild. Nothing is stronger than she is.

She continues to approach and he sinks down to the ground, as if accepting his fate, but she doesn't bite his head off like what he must think. No, she grabs him by that strange cloth behind his neck and starts to drag him like she would with any other cub. He makes a surprised noise and a strange protest, but she ignores him and continues to gently carry him over to her home in the face of a cliff.

Her cubs make excited noises when they see the one in her mouth and they accept him willingly when she lays down and pushes them all against her, trying to keep them all warm. The strange cub stays very still for a very long time before she feels him relax and slowly fall asleep. She huffs and memorizes his scent, he's hers now. A child of the wild. He has a long road ahead of him, she's sure. But… she just knows he'll do just fine. Call it a mother's instinct.

-o-o-o-o-

The birds love to fly, but there is one place they never go. It's that really tall pointy thing in the middle of the fields. There's evil that lives there and strange monsters that like to shoot fire from their eyes. No way, they would like to keep their feathers on their bodies thank you very much.

But one day, that evil goes away with a grand explosion of golden light. It's so pure, and so beautiful. They watch as the great beast is taken down and destroyed, as light returns to the land. They fly, fly towards that structure and they wonder why they thought it was evil. It isn't, it's just a building. As they fly, they see a small Hylian. Two of them. One with a beautiful sword on it's back and the other with the face of a goddess.

Something special has happened, they think. Something very, very special.

-o-o-o-o-

"Wild, don't-"

The sound of a Hylian's voice is all the warning the stag gets before he's pounced on. Legs straddle his body and hands grab at his horns and he runs.

There's laughter coming from the person on his back, but the stag isn't happy at all.

-o-o-o-o-

For all of Wild's life, he has known the animals. They have always been there for him when people weren't, they have always brought him comfort, food, shelter, something to kill the boredom. He feels connected to them, even the ones he kills for food. He whispers thanks to them as he ends their lives, and he promises not to waste a single bit of their bodies. It's the least he can do, he thinks.

He's the Hero of the Wild, after all. The wild is his home, and the creatures that roam it are his brothers and sisters. It's strange, he knows, but he wouldn't ask for it to be any different.

#jin writes #fan fiction #linked universe #hero of the wild #fan fic #botw #legend of zelda #animals

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clownbeep · 5 years

Text

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

#trigger warning #triggering #may be triggering #vent #emotional neglect #emotional abuse #suicide #suicide trigger #gore warning #memory problems #ramble #rambles

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kramlabs · 5 years

Text

six norms that may be making your family less healthy

via Shane Trotter

What is normal is not normal. The human biology expects sunlight, constant movement, physical novelty, whole, natural foods, close relationships built upon shared purposeful efforts for survival, and a generally slow life pace.

Today it is normal to eat exclusively processed, convenience foods, to remain indoors all day except for trips in our temperature controlled cars, to feel pulled and prodded by constant message alerts, and to sit all day, predominantly with our face in a screen while being passively entertained. Normal is a relative term.

Very few forces are as powerful as the human need to belong. Consequently, we naturally tend towards herd mentality, behaving as the masses do, regardless of personal benefit. In fact, we’ll adopt odd “normal” behaviors without even realizing they directly contradict our desires, or that we could choose not to.

The standard model of life that we’ve been handed has created a devastating global health picture and all signs point to this trend worsening in our youngest generation. Now, more than ever, we must be willing to question what is normal and carve a different path.

Freedom is not just having the ability to behave as we wish, but knowing why we choose those behaviors. Through reflection and education, we truly become free and are then able to craft an environment that pulls our family to health and vitality.

If wondering where to start, I recommend exploring these six norms that may be making your family less healthy.

1. Having “Kid Food” Around

There is a widespread belief that there should be a distinction between kid’s foods and adult foods. I’ll never forget a client telling me how she ate well for most meals, but often found herself snacking on her kid's chips or popping a soda. When I suggested she stop keeping these foods in the house, she responded angrily, “I’m not going to not have chips and sodas for my kids.”

I’ve even seen this in healthy parents who make separate meals for their children so the young ones aren’t subjected to nutritious eating, as if this was a torturous experience. They’ll have roasted chicken, brown rice, and mixed vegetables while making chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, or frozen pizza for the young ones.

We’ve been sold the belief that kids can only eat chicken in nugget form, fish in fried stick form, and that the rest of their diet should come from packaged junk. While it is true that palates have to develop, children have always eaten natural, whole foods.

Fruits, vegetables, meat, seeds, and nuts have been the only available foods for almost all of human history. Roasted vegetables, sweet potatoes, and fish are actually childhood favorites when children aren’t engulfed in a world of Pop Tarts and pudding that only further serves to warp their palate. Without a diet predominantly consisting of whole foods, children are virtually ensured of future struggles with health and eating.

Make it simple. Make meals from foods that could have existed 10,000 years ago and have your children eat what you do. Ice cream and other desserts are wonderful occasional treats, but they should require a special trip, not be an always available temptation.

2. Driving As Your Only Mode of Transportation

For most of human history, human muscle moved us wherever we went. Today locomotion outside of our sanitized home or office environment is typically outsourced to the automobile. We even drive across the work campus or endlessly circle in search of a closer parking spot.

Most people struggle to find time for fitness while neglecting to incorporate normal activity into their everyday life. Why is there a need to drive your kids to school if it is less than a mile away? Why must you drive to work if it is just across town? My daily trip to work only went from 10 to 20 beautiful minutes when I switched to a bike commuting lifestyle.

According to the CDC, 71.6% of Americans over age 20 are overweight. Healthcare costs are unsustainable, and yet we drive when it would be almost as easy to use human muscle.

Help your kids break free of this pattern. What a model it would be to make it standard practice to bike when round trips are 10-miles or less, or to walk to pick your kids up from school until they are old enough to walk home themselves.

Despite modern helicopter norms, this is the goal of parenting: to create self-sufficient people capable of creating a purpose and contributing to something bigger than themselves. As much as it scares us we should want them to have this desire for independence and exploration. It sure beats smartphone addiction.

3. Letting Kids Have a TV in the Bedroom

Our environment is powerful. If cookies are always on a plate in the kitchen, we’ll probably make it a norm to grab one while walking by. Replace that norm with a bowl of fruit or ants on a log (peanut butter and raisins on celery), and our snacking norms change.

Screens are an especially pervasive temptation in the modern world. They bring an infinite number of messages. Nowadays, televisions are the focal point of our homes, constantly beckoning us to sit down and stop conversations. But at least we share the programs. They can provide talking points, mutual laughter, and a communal experience not too much different from the primal experience of fireside stories.

Yet, in a kid’s bedroom, the TV brings no positives and many negatives. It is a constant source of distraction from study, reading, getting out to play, or trying any creative endeavor. It is a pull towards more time in isolation and more ability to avoid dealing with potential family conflicts. Most destructively, it is a recipe for poor sleep.

Adolescents and teens need 8 1/2 to 10 hours of sleep per night but tend to average 7 or less. Absent of this they will be foggy, moody, lacking concentration, and at increased risk for the poor decisions that characterize this age.

Their natural body rhythms pull them towards later hours, but school start times rarely honor that reality. Add extra-curriculars and socializing and it can be very difficult for teens to adopt a healthy sleep schedule. These struggles magnify tenfold when they have a TV in their bedroom, which they’ll inevitably watch from bed.

Dr. Craig Canapari, director of the Yale Pediatric Sleep Center, says that the number one thing you can do to help your kids avoid sleep problems now and into adulthood is, never put a television in their bedroom.

The only rationale I can see for putting a TV in bed is to appease your children, despite their own well-being. You are the parent. Be the parent.

4. Giving Kids Smartphones Without Boundaries

Nothing poses a greater risk to your children than that screen they can walk around with every hour of the day. The phone allows millions of messages to shape unhealthy beliefs and values, it prompts poor posture and sitting, it precludes face-to-face communication and overcoming social fears, and it wraps the mind in a vortex of anxiety and a compulsive need for distraction.

At least with the TV you sit and share a single program with other people. The smartphone isolates and constantly prompts you to search for the next best thing after only a brief superficial scan. Take everything wrong with having a television in the bedroom and multiply that by a trillion with the smartphone.

There is no culprit more responsible for the terrifying state of American physical, mental, and emotional health, particularly in childhood than smartphone ubiquity.

But, what are you gonna do, right? It is the world we live in, right?

Please, parents, piss your children off. Tell them no, not until 8th grade and not without tons of boundaries. Why open Pandora's box too early? I’m sure I sound extreme, but this technology is extreme. While working in schools I’ve watched the lobotomization it renders on a generation and, it isn’t just them.

Parents line the park benches scanning furiously. Grandparents and babysitters take their children to bounce houses at odd hours so they can sit and scan their phones uninterrupted. We’ve all seen tech addiction and we’re all subject to the allure. Unchecked smartphone use is the path to a Wall-E type dystopia.

You can’t pretend smartphones don’t exist and you can’t hide them forever, but you can for a while. I highly recommend checking out the screen use recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatricians and using their Create Your Family Media Plan tool. It is very easy and will prompt you through ideas and nuances you may not have considered.

5. Not Managing Smartphone Alerts

As usual, we should start with our own model. Strong parents make strong kids. More often than not we are constantly pulled away from the moment by email dings, texts, and quick scans that turn into a 10-minute mental mindless scroll. This is only made worse by the Apple watch that now supersedes any phone away boundary to shove messages back in your face. Take that dinner time!

Simple recommendations that can help you take back control of your time and be more present for your family:

Anything urgent should require a call. Go to your settings and silence all texts and email messaging. People will learn this about you and it will recalibrate their sense of what is urgent.

Plan the times you will batch all messaging response.

Plan the times you will use social media, apps, etc. For example, maybe you can batch this to two 30-minute blocks within your day. This takes the negative out and makes the tool work for you.

While doing complex work, turn the phone on airplane mode and focus. You’ll get more done.

After work or as you come to dinner, put the phone on a charger, away from you and your bedroom.

Get an alarm clock. A single function device.

Silence all calls and notifications a couple hours before bed. You can make exceptions for people you mark as favorites. This is quite easy to do actually.

6. Buying Into a Modern Youth Sports Culture

After the smartphone, this is truly the toughest insane norm to tread in the modern world. For most of you reading, youth sports were an amazing, integral part of your upbringing. Here we learned essential social skills, how to work on behalf of a team, and how to practice to improve. We played every sport, building a broad array of physical skills that nurtured a love of moving and play. It’s probably where you first fell in love with training.

Today, these foundational experiences have been completely perverted by conmen looking for easy money and a culture of over the top bulldozer parents, willing to pay any price to convince their child they are the center of the universe. Second graders have “signing days” when their parents pay for them to join the “elite” soccer team.

Third-grade football teams put the kids' name on the back of the jersey and have a “pep-rally” every Friday night before Saturday games. Most disturbingly, at earlier and earlier ages, coaches try to convince players they are falling way behind without ridiculous travel, specialization, and expensive skills coaches.

Elementary school kids will have multiple evening practices per week, late games, and long Saturday tournaments. Family time evaporates under the guise that this is what you have to do. By middle school baseball and volleyball parents have conceded their wallets and their summer to travel ball. The family no longer has the option to vacation other than 1,000-mile trips to play athletes just like the ones in their own city.

Clearly, this is an article unto itself. The biggest take-home message is:

This is not the best way to build athletes. Athletic participation is way down, meaning our talent pool is smaller and more kids miss out on these vital experiences. Furthermore, as detailed in the Long Term Athletic Development model, optimal athleticism follows age-appropriate, balanced exposure to sports.

Youth sports should not be expensive and should not be all-encompassing. All the kids want to do is play the game with their friends. Remember that? We’d just go play sports with our friends without coaches or parents and we grew up doing it. Or, we’d go outside and play catch with mom and dad.

Resist the urge to follow the masses into this crazy debt trap. Youth sports can be an amazing experience, but they shouldn’t be the only experiences. How you spend your time matters. Family dinner matters. Family vacation matters.

“It’s no sign of health to be well adjusted to a sick society.”

Krishnamurti

As usual, any broad rambling list will be full of prescriptions that don’t accommodate or appreciate your unique constraints and needs. There are major exceptions to nearly every point I’ve made, but I will stand by the underlying principles. Our standard model is a cultural conveyor belt towards poor health and dissatisfaction.

The best thing we can do is have the courage to buck the norms and live authentically, pursuing a path we earnestly believe in. This will take strength and require you to be counter-cultural. Your efforts matter. Strong parents make strong kids.

This Week’s Mission

Apply any of the suggestions from these six unhealthy norms. If you are unsure where to start, create a family media use plan. Having boundaries tends to offer a great deal of freedom. Without them, we are constantly pulled and prodded, controlled by a constant flood of habit-inducing notifications.

http://breakingmuscle.com/fitness/6-unhealthy-norms-plaguing-us-all

http://breakingmuscle.com/coaches/shane-trotter

#shane trotter #raising kids

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tumblunni · 5 years

Text

Randomly thinking some more about that old game idea of mine that i just call Dark Pokemon for now, lol

Basically a monster catching game where they're treated as monsters? Normal people are all terrified of them and trainers get treated with a 50/50 mix of reverence and hatred. Because trainers are the only way that humans can try and exterminate the monsters, yet theyre seen as cursed people who dont even count as human anymore. Sort of a way to explain little cliches of the genre like kids being thrown out completely alone to travel the world, and you never really having any reason to revisit past towns after you beat the gym. I was thinking itd be a cool way to do it if the game started off seeming like a normal mon catching game and then before you get the big reveal of the darkness you can get subtle hints if you try and turn around and reenter the starting area. Because it goes against expectations it might be missed by a lot of players.

Also the towns are so small and the routes are so straight and narrow because thats how humanity builds society in a world of monster fear. 90% of the world is uninhabited wilderness where only monsters live. Human towns are sorta like sci fi dome cities without the scifi? Surrounded by protective salt barriers and charms and stuff. And if a monster even touches anything its considered cursed, so if one of them makes it past a salt barrier that town is abandoned and any people caught up in the chaos of the barrier's collapse are left to die just in case they've been corrupted. And the roads between the towns are manned by armed guards who are constantly vigilant to repair the salt barriers. But this means they have to live their entire life alone in these limbo spaces between society and the wild, and often most narrier breaches are caused by the guards getting paranoid from the pressure. You need to keep watch for monsters so any movement in the shadows could be one of them, right?? You get situations of roads being blocked off by some crazed guard who starts seeing people as monsters, or one of them pulling the alarm and getting a town falsely burnt down for being corrupted when the monster was really just a leaf blowing in the wind. Or the worst case scenario where nobody ever knows WHAT happened! You just find the road destroyed and the guard gone. It might have happened days ago and nobody knew until a merchant tries to travel between towns and discovers the only road of escape is gone and everyone is doomed to slow starvation. And you can still see the other end of the road just a few meters away, but the superstition is so strong that nobody will risk taking that single step into monster territory. You'll be cursed and that's worse than death, right? You don't want to turn into a trainer...

And then also nobody really knows what determines who's chosen to be a trainer. Inevitably whenever someone shows signs of powers the town will turn on them and make up any excuse that they somehow invited the curse by being promoscuous or athiest or something. And you need to be removed for everyone's safety! Thus begins the ten year old's journey walking the earth in search of a place they can belong...

Tho usually its not just kids, the protagonist and rival is a rare case. All your neighbours are torn between 'its so tragic it happened to kids' and 'they must be REALLY evil to get chosen despite their age!' And i think maybe the rival would be like a sympathetic gary type? Theyre so determined to be better than you because they think if they can prove theyre good then their parents will let them go back home. And this desperation leads them to make bad choices and reject the only friend they have left :( Also them being bad to their monster pals would feel more justified when they were raised in a society that says monster pals are evil and you cant let your guard down cos theyre just trying to tempt you. Listen to the assholes who dont care about you, because anyone being nice is a lying sinner!

Also i was thinking maybe you catch monsters with a magic song or throwing herbs at them or absorbing them into a jewel pendant or something else more magicky yknow? Maybe magical bandages enscribed with spell runes that wrap arpund them like a collar? And so trainers are divided up into weavers who make these catching tools, and then the actual kind of trainer who uses them to catch mons. Weavers are able to stay in human society and act like the pokeball shops, theyre sorta like a 'town witch' or something. Like 'we will tolerate your magic if you never actually make a contract with a monster'. But then of course catching monsters is necessary to defend against monsters, so weavers have to be allowed to make the catching threads and sell them to travellers. But only travellers are allowed to do that sinful mon hugging! But also hey sinful traveller will you please save us from our doom? Basically this is why most trainers work as mercenaries, all this bullshit means that you gotta be employed by some asshole who hates your guts just cos u need food to eat. But blablabla town limit of X days before you have to leave, etc etc...

Also i was considering an element of different towns having different mythology around monsters and trainers? So you never really know whats real or if all of it is bullshit. Every time you go to a new place theyre equally fanatically convinced that some new thing is the real sin and everything the last guy said is eeeeeevil corruption. Sigh! And a subplot i was thinking of is a town with very sexist mythology, where the roles of weavers and tamers are seen as one gender only. And the town weaver is this nice grandma thats trapped in an abusive relationship with a super misogynist gramps. And one of those cloyingly fake-softspoken "rational" sexists who's all 'im just trying to protec u, wrong gender roles are bad for your immortal soul'. And has a million "logical" explanations for why his bigotry is true. Like technically he's "valuing her as important" by not letting her leave the house or socialize with friends, because yknow "im a nice guy who's nice to you trainers, i know your job is important so shouldnt the weavers be working 24/7 to support you?" The frustrating feeling of starting to trust a guy cos he's not bigoted against your particular minority, but then finding out he's bigoted against someone else... Ugh. So ultimately in the end you can succeed at this sidequest and help the grandma make a pact with a cute fairy monster and kick his ass and leave. And possibly get into a cute and mutually healthy relationship with another grandma in another town, so you get to see that and have a bonus happy note to the sidequest, yknow? Also they give you a hug and bake u cookies. (The monster is wearing a cute chef hat!) And then you'd have a place to stay in that town that doesnt have the 'it gets more expensive every night to try and make you leave' bullshit of all the normal inns. And you get to see a cute animation of your monsters all cuddled up in bed too cos they dont force you to leave them outside in the Designated Monster Containment Cage.

Oh! Also randomly i was thinking of another way of foreshadowing! Like when you go to the first inn you dont know any of this stuff about people hating monster tamers and not trusting your tamed mons even if theyre tame. So you'd probably just think that you not seeing your monsters when you sleep is just the game's limited graphics or you keep them in some pokeball equivelant thing. But when you walk arpund the outside of the inn you can see a door to a basement cellar that's got weirdly heavy duty chains and bars even if you assume they store their valuables down there. And maybe when you heal at the inn it never restores your mons to full health, always 10hp away from maximum or something? Or other small hints that theyre afraid of going to the inn and your protagonist is wary about doing it even if you'd think theres no downside to healing. Or maybe you can see another monster tamer visit the place at one point and you can hear banging and growling from the basement...? Or see some of the chains have bite marks in the morning. And the townsfolk wpuld be all 'can you believe how much noise they made?' and expressing fear about monsters being in the town, though itd have to be written carefully to remain vague. But yeah 'lets mistreat these small animals because we fear them' -> they panic and cry for their one human friend in the world while theyre forced to sleep in a damp dark tiny room -> 'that just proves theyre inherantly violent!' Also the trainer is an ungrateful bastard for acting so sullen when they couldnt sleep from worry over their friends :(

But it wont be all depressing yo!!! All the darkness of the setting is dark but the monster pals are still just as pals! I give u grimdark world so i can give u a protagonist of kindness who fights the system and saves people in every town who eventually rise up and are swayed by their kindness into fighting The Old Ways and making a better world as the story goes on! Its like an adventure of creating the pokemon world? You try and sell everyone on the idea of trusting cute monsters instead of being so damn paranoid you inflict all these atrocities upon other humans and even yourself because 'sacrifices are necessary to keep the monsters away'. Fight the symbol of all bigotry!!! The evil team is Team Bad Dads And Politicians!!!

...sorry lol my story ideas are Weird.

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uberfluss · 5 years

Note

1-97 xoxo

1. What’s your middle name? i forgot i needed one

2. What are you listening to right now? this baby dont cry by K. Flay!

3. What was the last thing you ate? oatmeal

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? my aunt

5. Do you drink? occassionally

6. Do you smoke? nope

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? usually their affect

8. What is your hair color? naturally dark brown currently fire engine red that wont fucking fade

9. What is your eye color? blue green grey

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? both

11. Dogs or cats? cats!

12. What’s your favorite animal?cats oscars or ferrets

13. What’s your favorite television show? myth busters or how its made

14. What’s your favorite movie? beetlejuice!!

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? Billie Eilish Grandson Kflay and Mallrat have been the most recent

16. How old are you? i literally dont know half the time

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? not to my knowledge

18. What’s your sexual orientation? bi

19. What’s your favorite color? honestly i think pink

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? i literally dont know

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? all the fucking time

22. What were you like when you were a kid? annoying as hell never shut up and never stopped moving

23. What would your dream house be like? a small little apartment that i could safely afford

24. What last made you laugh? shaving cream in a crock

25. What is your favorite word?idt i have one

26. What is your least favorite word? not sure

27. What turns you on? no

28. What turns you off? someone being a fucking asshat

29. What is your star sign? triple sagittarius

30. What are your favorite books? hunger games, illiad, mary shelly’s frankenstein, les miserables, and donte’s inferno.

31. Do you have any siblings? too many

32. Do you like to dance? only by myself

33. What is your definition of cheating? starting a relationship with no intent to tell your other partner(s)

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? no

35. Do you regret anything? loads

36. Do you have any phobias? driving through farmland gives me anxiety if that counts

37. Ever broken any bones? i’ve only fractured my rib the rest have been just dislocations and subfluxes which are daily occurances

38. Ever come close to death? we all do

39. What is your religion, if any? a mess

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? yep currently seeing one

41. Are looks important in a relationship? not really?

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? hopefully neither

43. What is your favorite season? summer!!!

44. Do you have any tattoos? like 2

45. Do you have any piercings? like 9 hopefully gonna make it 11 soon

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? three

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? lydia deetz when i was like 7

48. Who is your celebrity crush? winona ryder

49. Are you a virgin? not answering

50. Do you get jealous easily? i literally cant name a time i’ve been truly jealous

51. What is your favorite type of food? sweets

52. Do you ever want to get married? i see no point in signing a legally binding document that ties me to a person for the foreseeable future. if anything it sounds like really bad dangerous idea.

53. Who was your first kiss with? a girl named maggie in the 6th grade and not the maggie that i post about

54. Have you ever been cheated on? no

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? sitting on a rooftop of a parking garage downtown at night taking photos and enjoying the view of the buildings around eating fries from some fast food place

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? extroverted introvert

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? i wouldn’t be suprised

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with? a way with words that doesnt make me seem like an asshole half the time

59. What is your saddest memory? when i lost contact with my parter for two and a half years

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

61. Do you believe in soul mates? yes

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? all the time

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? no

64. Would you go against your moral code for money? no

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? 1 i have a kid 2 im partially deaf 3 im in mensa

66. Who are you jealous of? no one really

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? a plush heart from my partner

68. How long was your longest relationship? dont know

69. Is the glass half empty or half full? the glass is half full of air and half full of liquid and therefore completely full

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? no

71. Who is your most loyal friend? Maggie Lizard U.

72. Are you in a relationship? yes

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? everything

74. Are you a bad person? it feels like it some days

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? lover

76. What did you do on your last birthday? i dont do anything for my birthday ever

77. What is your favorite quote and why?

“ there are 7 billion 47 million people on the planetAnd I have the audacity to think I matterI know it's a lie but I prefer it to the alternative”Because you do have to convince yourself there’s value to your life. even if you know deep down there’s nothing because if you dont you’ll walk down a very dark and dangerous road with only one end. and its not a very pleasant one

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? given she’s the reason im alive i’d probably be completely unable to cope

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? i dont even know

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? i’d call the people i love and tell them i love them and try to hang out with them if i could

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? the only dream i can remember is sitting on a curb with maggie playing some jenga like game next to a crashed helicopter surrounded by terrified people with guns and we were just smiling watching a giant giant gaint ship come barreling towards us and i KNew that it was the start of the end of the world.

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? i think the same. depends on the relationship.

83. Who were you in a past life? some Victorian bastard

84. What is your happiest childhood memory? driving around around midnight through downtown milwaukee after a death cab concert at the rave

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? yes

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? no but my sister had an imaginary friend called mr fork taht she never questioned and she thought when she got older he’d turn into mr knife. she didnt like mr fork and she wanted him to leave

87. If you were the president, what would you do? step down

88. What is your ideal career? i plan on going into phsychology and becomning a therapist ideally i want to run a shelter for run-aways or kids that got kicked out that would provide a stable enviroment and gave kids a place to stay as long as needed and if possible get the parents into therapy with those kids and resolve the home conflicts while the kids are still in the care of the shelter to ensure that they’re not mistreated as a result of anything that was said

89. What is your political affiliation? socialist at minimum

90. Are you conservative or liberal? liberal

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? what the hell is perfection??

92. Do you like kissing in public? depends on the place

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? create healthy equality

94. Where would you like to live? in the middle of a giant bustling city like new york or hong kong or in a secluded pine forest running on solar pannels and well water and being completely sustainable

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?

everywhere

96. Describe yourself in one word.

headache

97. Describe yourself in one sentence.

a dumbass who is really trying their hardest and it just doesnt wanna work

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for-bucks-sake · 3 years

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hey i saw your post about your experience with high school therapists... i cant really tell anyone else this so a stranger on the internet will do. i found out recently that the way i thought about anorexia is flawed. there's the disorder called anorexia nervosa but "anorexia" itself is loss of appetite for food (with a medical reason). i think i might have that.

i don't exactly fit the Anorexia (TM) look because i'm not dangerously thin, so i don't feel like i can talk to people about it. but i've gone 24 or 48 hours without eating cause i just dont want to. the thought of making food and eating food and cleaning up from making food just stresses me out, so i dont. i've lost 10 lbs in a month because i wont eat, but its not because i think i need to lose it, i just dont want to eat. i know its an unhealthy weight loss, although doctors might tell me that it would be good for me to lose some pounds. i just know that this isn't the way to do it.

do you have any books or articles that you could recommend me? you don't have to reply if you don't want to, and im sorry if this brought up any negative memories or feelings. i just don't really know who to talk to about it.

Hi! I thank you so much for writing me, and while i’m in no way a professional i can share my own experience that hopefully be helpful to you or even just make you realize you’re not alone in this.

First of all, i’d start by saying everyone experiences eating disorders differently. I remember being obsessed yet also hating the categories of the eds as written in Wikipedia and other sites because I so desperately needed to fit into them in order for me to get validated i was going through what i was going through. Only later I realized how damaging it was. My point is that (and again, i’m no professional) it does sound like you’re struggling with food and the relationship is complicated between the two of you, even if not for the ‘formal motivations.’

I will also tell you that going through days without eating is absolutely not normal, and although i can’t say that my motivation has never been anything but losing weight™️, i remember struggling with simple tasks like making food and the eating itself. I once read an advice on how to trick my brain into doing things; for example, if brushing my teeth seems too exhausting i would break it apart in my mind to some smaller tasks - get up, go to the bathroom, open the door, pick up your toothbrush and etc - and believe it or not it worked!

I don’t think any doctor in their right mind would tell you this is a healthy weight loss, and I do believe your gut feeling is right. We know our bodies best, and drastic weight loss affects your body in small ways (at first), and if you’re feeling something is wrong - it is wrong. I will advise you to go see a doctor if you can, doctors have seen it all, and it’s their job to help and point you towards any resources they have that might help you overcome this. If you cannot see a doctor, please, share this with a friend. Just one you trust and can understand this without judgment. I know it’s hard and terrifying to ask for help sometimes, but you will not believe how accepting and understanding your friends will be once you tell them the problem, even if you feel invalidated. You are valid. I’m a firm believer a person should not get to their breaking point in order to be noticed, regardless of your current weight you deserve help, you deserve validation and recognition of your struggles. Your friend might be able to help prepare meals with you, maybe hang out while eating together, take you out to eat, or even just check in with you everyday. You’re not a burden to them, i promise, friendship is not all fun and games, it’s also about being there for each other.

I don’t have any articles or books and i’m deeply sorry. I handled my eds in a shitty lonely way and I wish i had read helpful stuff back then - so if anyone has any recs you’re more than welcome to add! I hope i was somewhat helpful and didn’t ramble too much 💖

#tw eating disorder #trigger warning #thanks for writing this. truly!#if you have anymore questions or just need to talk to anyone #or maybe there was something i missed in your ask and you want to write me again #don’t hesitate to message me if you’re comfortable #i’m here!#ask #anon #rose answers

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mental-health-advice · 6 years

Text

Submission about school issues

hi! i’m so sorry if i’m bothering anybody but i just need some advice right now.

my 1st grade teacher put me and the other students down constants and frequently made threats of physical abuse towards us. my mom does the same to me and when i confront her about it she says that it never happened and now i can’t trust my own memory.

my mom sent me to therapy for anxiety when i was 10 for 2 months before pulling me out because it “wasn’t helping” when in reality nothing was happening because she would frequently force me into situations that i was absolutely not comfortable being in (ex, she worked at an art gallery and she would force me to help out even though i was terrified of some of the men she worked with, i still disapprove of the way that they would look at and touch me) and she did nothing about it.

i have been feeling terrified, sad, disgusting, worthless, and like i deserve to die for as long as i can remember. my mom says that i just anxiety and that i need to stop being so dramatic. recently i have also begun seeing terrible, evil creatures and i have stopped eating due to my phys ed teacher frequently putting me and other students down whenever i do bad during the gym tests or games.

i have gotten no sleep. i just finished my submission for national history day as it’s required for my AP class or we automatically fail if we don’t do it. i am so fucking done. i have loads of other homework to do.

i have gone to the counselor to school as my parents are both neglectful and abusive to tell her that i am severely struggling and am having trouble with everything and that i need some accommodations or something to be made. the school has done nothing and refuses to do anything as i have no been “officially diagnosed” with anything and my parents refuse to take me to therapy.

this pisses me off because i know the only reason they are not doing anything to help me is because my parents are not involved and therefore i cannot bring authorities into this. one of my old ‘friends’ is not even required to attend school and gets straight As even though she does none of her homework because her parents claimed that she has “depression” and “cant do any of the work” even though she is perfectly mentally healthy and is just a brat (she was also a jerk, surprise surprise. i have a tendency to attract toxic people. i blocked her phone number though and since she skips school i never see her though.)

i am so done. i am not getting any sleep. everybody i meet hurts me. the school does not care about me. im not going to actively attempt to kill myself but i havent eaten in a while and i dont plan on eating. i have pe in 8 hours so i’ll probably faint (i’ve passed out before in pe class and i usually wake up a few minutes or seconds later and i always get docked down on my grade because we’re supposed to be able to jog for 10 minutes, do 20 military push-ups, 50 sit-ups, and run a mile under 10 minutes in order to get a passing grade because of the California official fitness testing. the teacher says that i cannot perform properly in class and that i faint because i am lazy and that i never practice at home even though i spend much of my time exercising to make sure that i dont get fat. the only thing my parents even compliment me on is how pretty i am and i dont want to become ugly because then they will not love me.)

i dont know what to do. im only 13. i wanted to go to Berkeley and get a degree in philosophy and become an author in San Francisco or join the Peace Corps. i do not want to die but it is the only way out of my pain. i see demons every night. i believe that god exists but i do not know why he has left me.

i feel so alone. i dont know what to do? thanks for listening though

it feels better to let this all out :)

Hello there,

My goodness, I am sorry for all that you’ve been going through. That really is a lot to have going on, and it’s really horrible that your school hasn’t been supportive. Thank you for reaching out to us, I’m glad that you could let things out, and I hope that I can help you with some ideas on getting further help. You absolutely deserve support through this.

Do you have a teacher that you like and trust at school? If possible, I’d recommend talking to them about the whole situation - especially about struggling with anxiety, the way your mother treats you, and that the school counsellor said nothing can be done but you’re reaching your limits of what you can handle. I found that in high school, sometimes having a caring teacher on your side could help get things done. They may be able to offer advice, support, help or make your school step in to take action. Your school should not be dismissing claims of abuse or mental illness - they need to do something about that. So a caring teacher will hopefully make sure things get done. So please do consider doing that.

Another way to get help is to look up your local area and “free mental health service” or “youth mental health” to see if there are organisations around you that can offer support without your parents needing to put you into therapy. I had an organisation that I went to before my parents knew about what I was going through, and it was all free - they helped youths in need. If there are some in your area, I’d strongly recommend contacting them by phone, email or going in and seeing what services they can offer.

I know that can be scary when you have anxiety, but try to remember that it may be getting you into a better place to cope with all that is going on. We also have a page on Recovery Tools here, which includes techniques on calming anxiety, and grounding yourself. These may be useful when asking for help, to ensure that you can remain calm. This page on Anxiety Disorders also offers some ways to reduce your baseline anxiety to make things a bit easier on you.

We also have a list of Helplines here, or Web Counsellors if you prefer to not use the phone. These people can help support you through tough situations, and can offer advice on where you can seek help in your area at your age. Some of the services also offer ongoing calls - you can ask them if you can call them back and keep talking at another time, and they will often let you know when they will be back. This is a great option for people who can’t seek counselling in their local area. It is not therapy, but it is at least someone who can listen and give you general advice. Depending on where you are from, our pages list ones for general mental health and also abuse or family relationships. Either of these types of helplines or web counsellors would be best suited to call for you.

Lastly, I also want to direct you to a few more of our pages. Here, we have a page on School Advice. Some of it won’t be relevant to your situation, but other parts might. It gives ideas on where you can seek help in your school (aside from the counsellor), and some general tips on dealing with the pressure of school. We also have our page on Eating Disorders here. I obviously cannot diagnose you, as I am not a professional, but what you are describing sounds like unhealthy patterns involving food and body image. This page has tools on coping with those feelings, and ways to distract from when you feel like you need to harm yourself this way. This page on Self Harm may also have some effective tools to help you get through.

I hope this gives you an idea on where you can turn. I am very sorry that you’re feeling so alone in this. Know that you are never truly alone. If you need to talk with us again, feel free to send me a message starting with “To Alexandria” and tell me who you are/what this message was about, and I will get back to you as soon as possible. We also have a live chat, if you ever want to talk to one of our admins there.

Positive thoughts your way, Alexandria.

#submission #mhaalexandria #anonymous #mental health #advice blog #school #anxiety #disordered eating #body image #counsellor #help #abuse #family relationships #therapy

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sweetcron · 4 years

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Multiples of 3??

THANK U!!!!! hope ur well

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

it doesn’t have a 17th line, but it’s The Skin of Our Teeth play?

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with......i would be terrified without clothes on.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

i dont think so? but like. good ass letters. that are like poems.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

god i hope not? max would probably know lmao

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind! but im getting better about being in front of the camera i think

18: Do you believe in karma?

in the terms of like do people get payback for what they’ve done, i dont know. i hope so, but im afraid they won’t.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

josh dun. next.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

vinyl!!! and cassettes. and posters, mostly music ones........and pictures? if that counts. oh and setlists.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

*cracks knuckles* WELL! i hate loud gulping of water, forks scratching plates, that weird snort gag thing people do when they’re sick, sirens aren’t great? and then i love laughter, most music, and the x files theme. also slow rowing noises and moonlight sonata

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

nothing at first but if i swing them around they hit the wall behind me in my apartment.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

i haven’t been to the east coast much, and west coast is nice. so west coast!!!!

36: Define Art.

it’s something you make. it can be just about anything even if it’s functional it’s still art.

39: What time is it?

3:56pm

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

not really, no.

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

i guess my back? it’s at least been the longest and hardest to deal with. the worst pain wise was probably breaking my foot?

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

i just don’t care about gender? im just like ur cool. so pan?

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yes! especially people who take things from me that i want back. if they apologize and change, then i try my best not to hold a grudge.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

food, but something more interesting is my dank ass unicorn slides

57: How many relationships have you had?

four

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

a highlighter, a bracelet, a headband and an eraser. and my children’s unicorn slides

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

honestly im so oblivious that people like me that i dont notice and for some reason that’s like....the best? also im just like.....such an awkward person

66: What is your heritage?

umm im whiter than paper? idk what this means if im being honest

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

off this hell website? no, i wish i had

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a. i don’t know, i really don’t. i wouldn’t want to be treated differently. so i think i would just be like lets have fun!!!!!!

b. i would try to spend as much time with the people i love and try to do things they’d want to do

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

6969! just kidding. i just dont really want to post that?

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yes, but being healthy mentally can bring on creativity as well

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

oh god this is a lot, idk. id rather have like a tree or something. a bench? something at a breakfast place?

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

(that’s) valid. ooooKAY! what do i diddly do or dont mind if i diddly do. we’re gucci, we’re gang, we’re gucci gang! life’s a sham and then you’re wow.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

it rotates between some that my gf took around colorado

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

ABSOLUTELY NOT! I WOULD FLIP OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i think most things shape you into the person you are and change you in a way that molds who you are. i could go into what’s horrible but honestly whatever.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that im aware of

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

to make jeff bezos actually help people and then like... if he doesn’t let’s get him

#ask game #THANK YOU FOR QUESTIONS!!!!!!!!#if i didnt answer them to the extent you wanted just be like ELABORATE #ask #anon #anonymous

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