#i dont know any healthy people though lmao

[welcometoteyvat]

jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic

#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship' #like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse #if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY #now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default #also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet #subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate #also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)??? #at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him #too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed #listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci #jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person #plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing #also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game 👍 #JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving #the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female #mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3 #the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting #tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO #ramblings! #zhongxiao #if you want to filter it out ??

[cordeliawhohung]

i literally always interact with ur posts and i always try to initiate some sort of friendship but you dont !!!! idk

so, it's rather unfortunate that i feel like i have to explain myself even though i know i don't have to, but i'm going to anyway because this will eat me alive if i don't and i'm gonna set healthy boundaries here.

first, thank you for your continued support of my posts. interaction makes the site go round, and all that. but this comment feels really... transactional.

i feel like i do a really good job at interacting with people who comment and whatnot on my posts. i answer asks, i enjoy the silly ones and the serious ones, i try to be fun, be funny, be kind, be engaging, be myself, be whatever. and frankly, i don't think i understand what more you're wanting from me. i respond to a majority of comments on my posts! i sort of pride myself with how often i interact with people on here despite my busy life! if you're in my notifs often, there's probably already a decent chance i enjoy seeing you pop up, and enjoy responding to you, and enjoy engaging with you, and probably even consider you a friend if we speak often in comments, etc.

it's really hard to tell exactly what you're wanting me to do based off of this very vague ask, but if you're like, wanting to dm with me or something i'm sorry. i'm like the worst person ever when it comes to dms. i work 10 hour shifts. i have family to take care of, a mortgage to pay for etc etc. ask any of my moots, i literally never dm. i leave people on read quite often because i'm just so bad at it. i'm busy all the time and it gets overwhelming. so if you've got some sort of fomo going on that i'm part of something more than just my silly posts or anything, i promise you there's nothing you're missing out on.

which is why i stick to comments. replying to stuff. mainly engaging on posts. answering asks. etc. i'm literally giving everyone all the energy i have to give already. on top of writing!!!!

and this is going to sound really cunty, but also realize that just because you interact with someone, that doesn't mean they owe you anything. and this doesn't just go for me, but literally everyone on this site. they don't owe you a reply, or a thank you, or a comment, or anything. and that sucks but that's literally how life works. not everything is a series of transactions. everyone has their reasons that dictate why they may or may not respond or initiate what you want from them. but that's what this asks feels like. wanting something from me. wanting more than what i've been giving. wanting something i mentally, and emotionally can't provide given my circumstances.

i literally love everyone who positively interacts with me, so this feels like a punch to the gut, knowing someone thinks that i'm not doing enough by not catering to some very vague and impossible to know need. i'm not a mind reader!

sorry if this sounded short, but i'm wanting to make my boundaries very clear here. i am so so grateful for everyone who interacts with my stuff, and i show my love by responding as best as i can. most of my friendships on this site are formed by interactions that way. asking anything more from me is something i simply cannot give you.

also, anon asks will be turned off AGAIN after i post this because just on the off chance this is not received well, i'm not opening myself up to anon hate lmao.

#core responds #writeblr #please i am tired #i just wanna write my stupid stories and interact about our silly blorbos in comments/rbs #idk what more i can do to make y'all happy

[sas-afras]

ramblin about shit

as bittersweet as it is to say i don’t think id ever want to return to making sas/smn, or at least not the way i was doing it back in 2017.

i was, as you all know, an extremely extremely lonely kid with a shit home life. posting my art on tumblr was my Only outlet, and i threw myself into it as hard as you’d expect. i stuck with sas way longer than id ever done with other art projects because of that, especially without any breaks and that was utterly miserable. it contributed to multiple severe burnouts!!

when i’m Not dangerously starved of positive attention i prefer to draw whatever stuff takes my interest and flip between different projects as the urge hits. along with that i love to experiment with my art, learning new techniques and styles and workflows… drawing the same thing in the same way over and over again with no break gives me hives now, and i actually have adhd medication!! like dont get me wrong, working on sas was amazing and there is very little about that experience i would change, but my god i did not know how badly it burnt me out at the time. shit was miserable— and my dumb little alexithymic ass didn’t even understand why 😭

but i felt like i Had to keep at it, because the attention i was getting out of posting it online was, as i said, my only outlet. people liked sas, and posting other stuff didn’t get me the attention i needed, so… that was it. my relationship with Gaining Fandom Popularity was nottttt healthy lmao but what can you do

i’m happy to say now that i’m in a way better place, both mentally and Literally, and have the freedom to just kinda fuck around and do whatever for my personal art. not having a (self imposed!!!) timer for when i have to Get The Content Out has improved my relationship with making art AND my understanding of what i need as a creative

but that exact lack of structure that i Need to not go completely insane (fucking around style wise, taking six month breaks from projects to goof off on other shit, etc) is kind of antithetical to The Webcomic Environment. its almost antithetical to the Me Finishing A Single Gotdam Thing environment but i prommy i make it work lmao

but yeah. all that 2 say. even though i am currently having a Penn Moment and regaining my love for fo4, i shrimply do not think sas is gonna come back the way it once was. if anything id draw all of it in private and post everything at once after it’s done, but i dont really feel the urge at the moment. im just havin fun, bein goofy, etc.

anyways if you’re an OG from the me-actually-posting-comic-pages days, i love you. thanks for sticking around even after that dried up lol. kiss

#not art #if anyone responds to this saying i just don’t have discipline… maybe you’re right! #but i think enjoying yourself as a creative is (sometimes) a little more important than having discipline #i’m only just learning how to enjoy myself. everything else can wait until later

[the-s1lly-corner]

Heyy, Remor anon here again!!

So, since you said you write for Remor, I'd like to request romance headcanons of Remor x an imp reader who is very fond of him, (mostly) ignores what he did in the past, is very flirty (lol). They know about Fran and met her when she arrived in the fifth reality. Reader is kinda annoying sometimes because of his flirty personality, and they like to annoy Remor most of the time, since it's their way to show affection. (Btw reader can be gender neutral, male or female, up to you.)

(I'm sorry if this is cringe weird and confusional but I really have no experience in asking things on Tumblr🧍...)

-🍄

Remor x Flirty!Imp!Reader

WOOOOO first time writing for remor! hope this isnt too bad, dont wanna disappoint the remor fans since i know x reader for the fran bow fandom is scarce

i think he would have a kamala follow you around to make sure youre not getting into too much trouble, when you two are apart.. though i doubt thats often... he likes keeping you close, no matter how much you annoy him

while i love to try to make relationships and dynamics mostly healthy in my writing, remor gives off the vibe of bratty rich kid. cant explain why, he just does... can definitely see him giving you the silent treatment if you bug him too much

can be bossy sometimes, too, and him being a "royal" (son of Mabuka) doesnt make him any less annoying

i do think he would flirt back, regardless of if you guys are just friends or are dating; he seems the type to tease his friends

if he has any, i mean one of the dudes in the 5th reality admits the people there dont really like him that much LMAO

assuming remor was a child once or had some form of adolescence and you guys were childhood friends he would definitely try to tattle on you to his mom

"My Father will hear about this" but hes talking about Mabuka and hes going to tell on you for not giving him a turn to mess with some deadleeworms/j

claps hands

now onto romance stuff

as said he keeps an eye on you and tries to keep you close, i do think he would be a jealous person and

while he would never admit it

hes comfortable in your company, he doesnt really need to JUST be the prince of darkness around you... though hes still a dick

"My Dearest" "My Pet" "My Prince/Princess" are his go to nicknames for you

no one would dare try to make moves on you because they all already know your partner is remor... he made sure everyone knew

perk of being with him if that no one wants to mess with you, too, so life is fairly easy for you in the fifth reality

#fran bow headcannons #fran bow x reader #fran bow #remor x reader #remor headcanons #fran bow headcanons #remor imagine

[chthonicgodling]

🍕 🎹 for Eel! :)

Side note, do gods even need to eat? Or is it just for fun? Are there any gods who hate to eat?

[ask game here!] tyyy! FIRST Lemme answer that side question -

Gods DO need to eat but - not really mortal food haha. They all do cause it’s fun and tasty but. The only required dietary needs of the Greek gods are nectar (special glowing liquid) and ambrosia (special glowing solid), it tastes better than anything you could ever imagine (sayeth Tory and Jesse, former mortals) and keeps gods healthy! if they dont eat this regularly they WILL become sick and weak! Sooo Mortal food is just fun optional bonus food but,,, it’s tastes fine, plus lots of people in the palace like to cook, plus its easier to feed lots of people with like, real food, plus having wide variety is fun…. They just mix ambrosia into everything they eat :) daemons like Epi and Ker also prefer eating 💞human flesh💞 (and anyone who hates to eat - well KER does not eat mortal food unless you mean food that is made out of mortals,,)

The Norse gods - are similar, though instead of nectar/ambrosia, the only crucial part of their god diet are the Apples of Idunn, which prevent illness too but also prevent aging! (The Greek gods don’t age past a certain point - norse gods CAN grow indefinitely old… IF.)

lmfao I think ambrosia is completely flavorless to Loki & any of the Norse gods. Loki imports an infinite supply of these from…. ?:) don’t worry about it:) and also has always taken care to make sure all his kids, Norse/Greek pantheon blended babies as they are, just in case are fed plenty of appy slices and applesauce as babies so—

Anywayyy back to my favorite oc lmfao

🍕 - What is Loki’s favorite food?

with all of the above being said. Loki had never really bothered to investigate ✨Midgardian cuisine✨ prior to moving into the palace although yknow, Norse Viking Prince background, staple diet of like. infinite meat and mead.

…long story short the palace introduced him to ice cream 🥺

He’s very fond of anything frozen, particularly ice pops and frozen fruit. no need to ask why 💙 shhh

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

primarily Loki loves to read, he’s got an extensive library in his bedroom, all sorts of literature from all sorts of realms and all sorts of ancient creepy spellbooks from every dark corner of the universe! Always withdrawn and cagey from everyone else lmao,while the rest of the palace is piled on top of each other on the couch platonically snuggling Loki’s often shut up in his bedroom with books until someone peels him out or the kids come to play with him — note Loki is withdrawn and cagey BUT NEVER EVER EVER WITH HIS CHILDREN and will ALWAYS bend over backwards to goof off and play with them :)

He likes doing little academia things like researching and note taking like upon first coming to Elysium first task at hand was an EXTENSIVE deep dive into the details of Greek mythology and mapping out the entire new pantheon of which he now found himself residing. Heeeee also likes writing and journaling and has kept infinite journals through basically his whole life - except for the few brief periods when he was out of his mind trying to take over a planet - those journals are all heavily encrypted, written in invisible runes, and will also explode if they’re opened for too long by anyone who’s not him. I don’t even think anyone KNOWS he keeps journals they are incredibly well hidden obviously

….finally I would also like to state that Deliberately Pushing Other People’s Buttons is a genuine hobby of Loki’s, as well as mild tricks and pranks and encouraging chaos and shenanigans amongst his gaggle of children 😇😇

thank you for the asks!!!!

#asks #oc talk #eloki #duck-n-clover #long post //

[raccoonfallsharder]

tiny lil violet anon here!! hh second guessing is really common w creatives (i would know.. i'm a digital artist) but i want you to know that you're probably one of my favourite fic writers and you actually inspired me to start working on a rocket x reader fic of my own a while back!!! (would you mind if i sent you my fic if i ever finished it?)

honestly, i dont think you have to worry about how well you capture rocket's voice bc honestly you're one of, if not the best i've read— your triptych day 17 fic was genuinely mindblowing for example?? your understanding of how different people write rocket is so in depth and the way you made all three renditions of rocket different but so clearly still rocket got me awestruck (do you have any tips on writing the 3 different rockets btw? i'd love to understand more about how you differentiate them! ><)

i remember reading the boring adventures of space pilot and sweatshirt girl for the first time after reading the rocket comics and thinking that helping rocket out on that ferry was exactly what i was hoping someone would write?? it was the fic i needed and didn't deserve LMAO literally every thing you've written has always filled a gap that i didn't know was there & didn't know i needed ♡♡

sorry for the ridiculously long ask ^^; your work genuinely means so much to me and im totally in love with how you write rocket— while ik every artist doubts themselves, i want you to know that the work you create is so much better than you give yourself credit for!

tiny little violet nonnie!! (⸝⸝o̴̶̷᷄‸o̴̶̷̥᷅⸝⸝) you precious sweet little flower. please don’t apologize for long asks - i love them (they just take a while for me to respond to). this was also so, so sweet, and the idea that any of my writing means a lot to you kinda makes me teary ♡

i would love to read your fanfic! even if you don’t finish it! you can always send it my way via dms or share via ask if you wanna stay on anon. or post it and tag me ♡ the fact that i was able to inspire you a little bit is honestly one of the most lovely compliments i could receive and it is truly an honor

(｡•́︿•̀｡)

i’m also so grateful that you enjoyed sweatshirt girl ♡ one of my favorite things about fanfiction is that it can give us the stories we need and deserve (or give us the opportunity to write them!). honestly reading grounded all i wanted to do was pick up that raccoon and take him home and feed him warm food and that’s how sweatshirt girl happened ♡o(╥﹏╥)o♡

so part of the reason i took a long time to respond is because i was trying to really think about how i write the different rockets. and i decided i only have one “tip” for you (or rather, one thing that worked for me and which i hope might also work for you.

but you know im gonna take ten paragraphs to get there!

tbh even though i refer to them by their respective authors, i don’t think “i need to write rocket like skottie young” or “i need to write rocket like james gunn.” i think “i need to know rocket, and understand him, and figure out how he would react & interact in skottie young’s galaxy” or “in the mcu.”

my short tip for writing any character is understand what makes them tick. what drives them? what do they long for? how do they hurt? what do they fear? in what ways do their insecurities and survival mechanisms weave together and impact the way they see the world, interact with friends, protect themselves from enemies?

your best tool as a writer of characters is your ability to empathize with them.

know and love your characters the same way you do your best friends. as authors we are playing god with their world and their lives and it’s a little bit of a sacred responsibility to at least make sure we understand them as well as we can ♡

so for rocket specifically…

fundamentally, my personal interpretation of rocket in any universe is someone with profound empathy, who feels pain very deeply. and since he hasn’t had the opportunity to like, see & practice healthy coping mechanisms lol, he has learned to survive by trying to hide that empathy and that pain under layers of calcification and sarcasm and spikes and blades. and it like, kinda works?? but sometimes it ends up hurting people who don’t deserve to be hurt and when he realizes that, the hidden empathy kicks in and he hates himself all over again.

and like many people, rocket also doesn’t really want to give up his pain. people tend to fight to keep their most hurtful memories or vulnerabilities locked inside. they build so much of their identities around them.

so the real question comes down to, what is each rocket’s source of pain? how does that impact how he interacts and thinks? what is his support system at the point in time that i’m like, crashing his party? how does that impact his interactions and thoughts?

skottie young’s rocket gets laid, so he’s not going to be worried about seducing anyone tbh. he’s probably got the most confidence out of all the rockets, at least on the surface. geez, the 2014 run? it’s like. all about his copious ex-girlfriends and about he’s the only one of his kind in the whole universe. if i were gonna write a full fic based on skottie young’s rocket, i’d base my foundation on the idea that the reason rocket has so many exes is because he’s constantly searching for something that he doesn’t believe exists (basically, someone who can make him feel not-alone) and he probably ends up sabotaging his chances every fuckin time he gets close.

ewing’s or rosenberg’s rocket? still canonically gets laid but has gotten treated like dirt enough times — including being betrayed by people he trusts at various points — that he’s always waiting for that to happen. and mcu rocket? that boy is so insecure about his worth on every level that if he has any pleasant interaction with anyone, he’s probably baffled about why the fuck it’s happening.

all this to say: how do you see (each) rocket? how does he move through the galaxy his authors creates for him? and how does that change when you step in and make something different for him?

it’s late here and my brain is foggy so i’m sorry if i didn’t fully and properly answer your question, sweet little violet .｡༅:*ﾟ*:✼✿ all this to say that if i am successful at all in effectively communicating rocket, it’s more about studying (my interpretation of) who he is in each setting than studying a writer’s style, if that makes sense.

ahhh good night, little love. i am an old baba yaga and i must sleep

#rfh asks #rfh writing advice #just fanfiction things #fanfiction writer #tiny lil violet nonnie

[manie-sans-delire-x]

Lol you’re actually not hot. Or loved.

Lol look anon, I dont know what your problem with me is, but lets address this on-going issue. I literally dont even know who you are, and your one-sided obsession with putting me down in any way you can is getting pretty old and by this point, its past pathetic. Youre getting desperate, grasping at every single thing you could say "nuh uh actually youre dumb/ugly/etc" to me about. Its not the first time someone has become obsessed with me. But yeah I dont think about you at all, and you clearly think about me quite a lot. You are so filled with hate and bitterness that Im genuinely starting to feel a bit sorry for you, because happy, healthy people dont feel the need to do this.

You are too cowardly to even come off anon. How do you feel after sending these messages? Proud of yourself? Ive worked with kids who curse you out everyday and physically attack you, so you think you accomplished something with doing that? Your attempts at making me sad is a gnats bite, sorry. Youll have to do a lot worse than some meany words.

(Ok wait something Ive genuinely been curious about- You know those typical 10 IQ bully tropes in movies? What do people like you think when you watch those scenes? Do you agree with the bully? Do you even realize youre the same? Do you realize everyone else who watches hates the bully and thinks they have low intelligence and are pathetic and weak? Like no seriously Im actually asking, I wanna know how self-aware people like you are. Because seriously, look at what you just send me. Its like a lazy, unoriginal writer writing a schoolyard bullys dialogue. "Youre actually not hot. Or loved." Heheheeee!) (Unless you are actually are a middle or high schooler, which, if thats the case, makes a lot of sense. If thats the case please let me know, as I would talk to a kid differently to how I would speak to an adult. Otherwise I will continue to assume you are an adult.)

You clearly are projecting some kind of personal issue onto me, I think you may be perceiving me to be someone that I am not, or think something that I do not, and with all sincerity, I suggest you look internally to resolve your clear unhappiness and lack of self-confidence. Being a bully never looks good on anyone, and it wont make you any happier or get you what you want. In fact it will only lower your self-esteem, because no matter what you portray outside, you see yourself doing this, so inside you will always know that you are a pathetic, jealous loser who bullies strangers behind the shield of anon on tumblr.com lmao. Using your one life well I see.

Is this some misguided attempt at asking for help? You must want something from me, to keep coming to bother me. Im always willing to counsel, even for you, even though youve been nothing but vile to me for no reason. If you want to talk about something thats going on, you can dm me. Im willing to start over. If youre polite, Ill be polite. Its that simple.

Otherwise maybe do something that you can feel proud of, that makes you feel good when you go to sleep tonight. Create art, show kindness to others, meditate, do something for your future. Read a book. Go help your mother.

If you choose to continue this bad behavior and send more hate messages, I will not be responding and they will simply be deleted.

Try to have a good day today, yeah? Im going to go make a blackberry and vanilla milkshake, would you like one?

#asks #gods I would make a great parent

[weizhiyuan]

Thai BL Favorites List Tag Game

thank youuu mel @justafriend-ql for tagging me!!! And to @thatgirl4815 for creating it!

I’m so bad at picking favorites so please excuse the fact that I have like two answers per question.. since this is a Thai bl list I’m not listing gls or non Thai series or else I’d probably list like 3+ per question fnskfjfj

Favorite bl: bad buddy or not me (PLEASE DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE). They’re both very different but very important in their own ways. The bad buddy experience is incomparable and the beauty of not me and its basis in reality is historical

Favorite pairing: following suit, patpran & seanwhite. Both series weren’t just plot driven, they were character driven as well (possibly more so). Each are fantastic, though wildly different, romances.

Most underrated actor: my boy chimon! I think generally people know he can act but I wouldn’t be surprised if he gained more recognition after dangerous romance aired. (Also bonus, stealing Mel’s answer cuz sing always needs more attention he can do any and everything!! I’ll eat up any role he plays. I always do)

Favorite character: really hard to choose. maybe Sean (from not me again). I’m ngl I blocked someone once bc they talked a bit of shit abt him. He’s never done anything wrong in his life <3

Favorite side character: yok from not me. I’m gonna keep putting not me here srry but NO ONE will ever be as slutty as yok was. Not even First in only friends. He encapsulated Slut energy in such an immaculate way. (OR heartliming. They stole the show in moonlight chicken for me!)

Favorite scene: the pride flag scene from not me. It’s one of the most impactful scenes I’ve seen in any ql and I love the reason why it exists in the first place!

Favorite line: the build up to patpran’s rooftop kiss. Got me holding my breath screaming crying heart racing you know it. We’ve all been through it. I have it copied into my notes in case I ever need it (or just to. Cry idk)

Most anticipated bl and why: hmmm probably cooking crush literally just cuz of offgun in a romcom bl lmao I luv them. The pics they’ve uploaded lately have had a different vibe from the mock trailer and I’m liking it! Maybe cherry magic too as I’m curious to see how it’ll be adapted to Thailand as a remake

Healthiest relationship in a bl: patpran. Do I even need to say more? They might’ve had a little drama before they got together but you HAVE to have a healthy mf relationship to maintain it while “lying” saying you’ve broken up to your parents & some of ur friends

Most toxic relationship in a bl: vegaspete. See they’re lowkey more toxic in my head than they are on screen. Like yes vegas electrocuted Pete’s balls but he could’ve done worse and I think he should’ve! The toxic aspect was what made it fun (also who would I be if they didn’t make it on a fav Thai bl list at least Once)

Guilty pleasure series: idk what I’d consider a guilty pleasure BUT I thought the first episode of tharntype (which I actually only watched recently lmao) was kinda camp. Like it literally OPENS with Type saying he loves college except for one problem… GAY PEOPLE EXIST 😡🤬 that’s comedy. I burst out laughing. Can’t say I love the show as a whole tho

Most underrated series (mel I love that u added this bc I kno exactly what to say): SECRET CRUSH ON YOU. I NEED TO PROMOTE IT. I think people who dropped it did so bc it was so over the top but that’s exactly why you should keep going??? It’s SO saturated and the emotions are ALWAYS at 100 it’s hilarious but in the moments it gets emotional (episode 13…) it GOES ALL IN!!! The constant secondhand embarrassment made me literally start sweating but in a good way?? Ppl who reduce it to just cringe have missed all the beauty it offers. I regret not watching it live and I feel like I don’t see enough people talking about it… also I am literally toh <3

Surprisingly some of my beloved Thai bls didn’t make it onto this list but it seems that’s cuz I still have bad buddy/not me brain worms forever 🙃 I stand by what I said either way hehe

I’ll tag @joyladagang @loserlesbianongsa @jyuubin @petrichoraline @iliketodecompose <33333

#I’m too lazy 2 put gifs/pics qhdkjds but half of these r just. the same two shows so fjjsdn #this was so fun to think abt tho I love an excuse to talk abt my favs!!! #tag game #b.txt #(there were also a lot of actors I could’ve said for who I think is underrated lol)

[beatcroc]

im seconding what that last anon said, i also adore the way you draw fake pep *and* peppino by extension. so much it makes me nervous/jumpy sometimes idk why my brain does that... ive done it for so long but i dont think its healthy to keep this in anymore.. might be a long one:

in, uh, a number of ways I relate to your specific interp of fake pep but. i'm also very private about Things. something about relating+crushing on characters makes me super vulnerable/shy/nervous even a YEAR later... in other words I'd also be quick to run from/avoid fake peppino but not for the reasons him or any sane person would think. but someone truly afraid of him wouldn't be stal-I mean admiring him from afar. idk how he'd react to someone liking him like That enough to do that but confrontations/confessions have never been my forte. hence this clumsy anon ask

yaaayy making resonant characters yaaaay

🫵 the anon has fallen in love with the funny beast 🫵

[PLEASE understand i am not making fun of you, you are cool & epic, it's just always amusing to hear stuff like this bc i never consider my style to be, like, "attractive" [not being derogatory i just don't have a sense for what Appeals to people in that sense & don't think the most common points for such come up in my art like at all. BUT several people have brought up his being 'charming' or 'charismatic' w how i draw him and i realize this is a kind of appeal unto itself]]

ANYWAY i actually went into his stance on physical intimacy on the, uh, vorepost, which im sure most people understandably did not look at, because it was a vorepost, so to save you from that. tldr is hell yes; he loves being weird and touchy and In Contact on people all the time regardless so if you're giving him express permission to do that, and Enjoying the contact, no less? bro hell yes. he is sooo fucking cuddly and affectionate to anyone who will tolerate it but also it Will be awkward bc he doesnt know what he's doing. i think there's a charm in that too though

idk if this is actually abt physical intimacy but being aroace i dont have much to comment on for other aspects of this kind of relationship lmao. i'm sure he'd appreciate the kind gestures involved in romance or w/e but he might not fully Get it <-projecting

#ironically were it a real situation i would also probably try to keep a distance from fp. though not for any of these reasons #i just think the slime or gunk or whatever would be a really awful texture. i love you bro but please don't touch me... #maybe if he put on some actual clothes or something #also if he saw you lurking around a lot he would definitely be like. wary. bc he doesn't know your intentions #and if it went on long enough he'd seek you out himself for a confrontation and be like hey man. whats your deal. #but once he knows you mean him no harm it's chill

[thefirstknife]

Have you seen the Destiny 2 forums yet?!?! EVERYONE’S COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERYTHING HAHAHAHHAHAHA

It’s like they… gasp! DONT LIKE THE GAME

Traveler damn them, buncha homophobic snobs with nothing better to do than sit around their tv all day and rot.

I’m glad that our community has people like you. Yknow, people who know the game isn’t supposed to be played at every possible fuckin second of every damn day.

I’m so glad I found Destiny and it’s (healthy part of the) community. Peeps like you and everyone else in our little corner of Tumblr make D2 the best experience a gamer could ask for.

Oh my god, I can only imagine the cesspool on the forums. It was really bad the last time I checked. It's really sad that people are acting in this way, for everyone's sake. Genuinely so many of those people just need to understand that they are burned out and possibly addicted. There's honestly no reason to act this way about a video game. Absolutely intolerable community situation right now.

And thanks!! There are other little pockets of nice communities out there, though not as easy to find anymore. At least until the new season starts and everyone is enchanted again, lmao. But yeah, I enjoy our Tumblr D2 community as well. It's not perfect, nothing is, but at least I know that bigotry like homophobia won't be tolerated. And even when it happens, people are quick to react against it.

I've seen some really awful stuff and elsewhere about the cutscene. I didn't want to read too much of it because this was our day to celebrate. But yeah. If you're going out there, be careful reading any comments because gamers are gross. Rest assured that the devs and the community managers have our backs and they won't be silenced back into the closet again.

#destiny 2 #community #ask #man.... it's really something else out there #most communities just thrive on constant negativity #about the game they clearly dont like anymore #and thanks again!! i try my best! i want people to feel welcome #and please take breaks. it's just a video game it's not worth your health

[deathbyathousandcuts]

hey friend, sorry if this is a little personal or you don’t want to answer, please feel free to ignore, but why did you decide to give up alcohol? i want to myself and i think i should, but i’m having trouble giving myself the push to get there. i’m worried about things seeming bleak, or boring, or that i’ll have to explain everywhere. any advice or inspiration is much obliged. congrats!!!!!

hey! no bestie it isnt too personal at all! im super open about stuff like this so please feel free to ask anytime you have questions! im happy to be a support for you because this has been hard but its also been so so so worth it and i will never look back!! <3 my response may be triggering for some due to the content so im gonna put it under a cut! so trigger warning: alcohol, blacking out.

for starters some people just cannot handle alcohol the same way - its literally a brain, chemical thing... some people just can't do it. for me it was endless nights of blacking out, having no idea what i said or did, sick of throwing up all the fucking time and ruining clothes and rugs. im one of the people that if i have one drink it will almost definitely turn into six which turns into ten which turns into black out. i was a nice drinker, i got real obsessed with how much i love everyone and was super friendly so that wasnt apart of my issue. i just felt like... i dont remember what i did or said. it triggered my ptsd and anxiety, every single day after i went hard drinking i would be an anxious mess and feeling suicidal because i was embarrassed or anxious that i had done or said something super humiliating even though that wasnt my track record. i just dont have a healthy ability to stop. i have no off button once the alcoho hits my system so i cannot control how much i drink. i tried that, may times and it never worked. its an all or nothing kind of thing for me.

i also chase the dopamine hit - every sip of alcohol once you start to feel drunk continues to feel like a dopamine hit! thats why you dont realize youre drinking way more than you want to sometimes, because once your kind of out of your normal mindset it takes over and tells you its a great idea..... at least for me it did!

my girlfriend and i went to a taylor swift themed night a bar just days after our decision to get sober and we thought it would be terrible and uncomfortable and i was like "i cant sing or dance without alcohol no way this is gonna be fun" and we did have a wonderful time! there are so many fun mocktails and almost every bartender ive ever come across will be more than happy to throw something fun together for you if youre worried about being able to go out out.

my father is an alcoholic and he and i are estranged because of it. he has been extremely, extremely sick lately with liver and kidney issues from his drinking. and for obvious reasons, i dont wish to repeat that cycle in my near future.

pro tip: if you're somewhere where you order your own drink privately if you get a soda water/sparkling water with lime and ask for it in a rocks glass no one will ever know you arent drinking! i do this a lot when at weddings or parties because i dont feel like talking to drunk assholes about how great they think being drunk is lmao

anon i am more than happy to clarify anything or answer any further questions you have!! its intense to go at this alone, so seriously i got you if you need anyone. <33

alcohol can absolutely be a fun tool if used responsibly and great for celebrations and all that fun stuff but like... you dnot need it to enjoy it. but its expensive, too - in so many ways! so you save money if you just get yourself a pretty lil soda with lime and prance around and just have fun being yourself without a substance taking control for you.

im actually learning a lot more about myself and what i really want and need out of social situations because im in control of myself and my autonomy instead of not remembering what even happened.

#tw: alcohol #tw: blacking out

[inkedmyths]

S1: E12 "Faith"

Brought to you by Crepe bribing me with Flight Rising money

[ Kayla asks if it was worth it to sell your soul to capitalism. Crepe said yes. I agree. I may have to endure on but now I have more money for my dragons. This will, unfortunately, always work on me. ]

Cuz you gotta have faith-uh faith-uh faith-uh

Oh we're starting out with the Winchesters? No mysterious deatb if some random person?

[ Kayla interjects with Carry On My Wayward Son. I get flashbacks to playing it on repeat when I initially began this journey. ]

Oooough closeeeet Dean I'm sure you're scared of that

[ Kayla asks Crepe if Dean does any homoeroticism in S1 aside from being too happy about getting pinned to a car. Crepe says no. This does not matter to me, I will make the joke anyways. ]

There are children! Hello children!

Ew what is that

UH Dean buddy that canNOT be healthy

HOSPITAL

HEART ATTACK???

Hi Dean! You look like shit!

:(

Dean you are too chill with your mortality but also Sam is WAY too not chill about it

JOHN WINCHESTER PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE. BITCH

Sam. Sam no

I mean I know Dean is still sround for however many fucking seasons but

DEAN DID YOU BREAK OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. MORON

Why are you both stupid

[ Kayla says this is the parentified child vs child he parentified effect. Which. Yeah fair. ]

Dean: Sam what kinda crazy religion place are you bringing me to

DEAN STOP FLIRTING WITH EVERY LADY YOU MEET. DUMBASS BITCH

[ Kayla says that he's a whore and to leave him alone. That the sluttiest thing a man can do is be an older brother. Kayla is this some kind of kink for you. ]

GOD NO I DIDN'T EVEN GO TO ONE OF THESE KINDS OF CHURCHES BUT. HRGH. HORRIBLE. I want to leave

LMAO CALLED OUT DEAN

LAUGHING im sorry watching Dean get throwm on the spot. Poor dumbass

Go up Dean this is your personal hell now

[ Crepe says no, wrong season. Lovely. ]

Dean having that face that I feel so deeply in my soul whenever someone tries to preacg Christianity to me

FUCKING. HAND AGAINST HIS HEAD poor Dean's face shshshs

UHHH WHAT WAS THAT. WHAT WAS THAT FIGURE

Oh. Oh my god it traded his life for his

O h n o

This is interesting and good but its also so fucking spooky the vibes

Ohhhh something. Something wanted Dean to live.

[ Kayla and Crepe go back and forth about how Supernatural is technically a horror show, though this is dropped somewhat in later seasons. What the fuck did I get myself into. ]

What the fuck is up w/Layla (Leilah?)

Oh :( poor girl

And Dean was the one who got healed so he's :((

"Why do you deserve to live more than my daughter?" man

Dean's like 😟

Chick in the woods? Girl whats up?

Girl is abt to die for this old guy

A REAPER?

The music shdhdhdhsh

Thats pretty banger ngl. Whats this song anywas.... Death In The Valley?

NOT ME LOOKING IT UP ON SPOTIFY AND GETTING A PLAYLIST FOR SPN SOUNDTRACK?

DOG LEASH ON A GREAT WHITE

SCREAMS the guy handing out pamphlets "Roy is a fraud"

Dean: Amen brother

Sam: You keep up the good work!

Man: Thank you

God its so interesting storywise but also the vibes are Upsetting

Sam committing breaking and entering all by himself good for him

IS THE CHURCH GUY MURDERING PEOPLE HE DOESN'T LIKE BY SAVING OTHERS

HE IS. HOMOPHOBIC! LITERALLY

GOOOOOD SHIT FUCK nooo i dont wanna watch anymore I don't like confrontation and oough BAD VIBES

Im turning on captions hold on

LAYLA I KNEW IT

Noooooooooooo besties I Cannot

Guys this is UPSETTING

I keep pausing 😭

I'm like stop starting bc I would rather read than hear WHASGSFAFAF

[ Crepe is grinding in Coliseum on Flight Rising to pay me more so I watch more. I can't tell if I'm genius for this or not. ]

Oh the poor guy screaming and Sam being like WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT

Oh I stopped started so much Netflix crashed LMAO

Hrrrgh yeah yeah ok compelling but I want to crawl up a tree

Oh shes still praying

AH YES DEAN GETS TAKEN AWAY. ARRESTED. AGAIN

Ohhh its his wife.... his wife couldn't stand to lose him.... oh.......

"God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work." hey who gave this show the right

[ Kayla says "Remember when I told you this show was sometimes really good?" I tell her to fuck off. She says I'm only proving her point. I call her a bitch. This has no effect. ]

SAM BESTIE U DID IT TO SAVE DEAN CAN U NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONFLICT HERE

LMAO DEAN JUST YELLS AT THE COPS AND THEY CHASE HIM THATS SO FUNNY

A+ plan buddy

Godddd the vibes are so ick and tragic but man

MAN I LOVE WHEN THINGS TAKE CHRISTIANS AND MAKE THEM FUCKED UP

Dean buddy get ready to run again

"The Lord chose me" NO IT FUCKIN DIDN'T

Sams gonna like smack her huh

Oh that Reaper did NOT like being bound

Something something metaphor for controlling death

Winchester Patented Guilt Complex

Oh she still has faith even when she's got a bad diagnosis :(

GODDAMMIT NO DONT

; - ;

So like Dean Winchester Aetheist Extraordinaire saying "I'm not much of a praying type... but I'll pray for you" is something that can be so personal actually

Don't. Don't touch me go away

Fuck you guys for making me watch this show I'm tearing up I hate you all

-

In conclusion: OKAY DEAN WINCHESTER LIKERS MAYBE I GET IT. But also fuck off fuck all of you I hate it here goddamn you AUGH I WASNT EXPECTING TO TEAR UP OVER THIS FUCK YOOOOOOOU

#on the highway to superhell #ink actually has an emotion about spn count: 1 #god fuck all of you. im watching another ep

[bonesandthebees]

kinda missed the train bc time zones but i just want to say that people angry at tommy for finding and using wilburs name (and comparing it to deadnaming? what? this is obviously so different) just cant appreciate the beauty of your writing

you write messy human characters in situations with questionable moral rights and wrongs, even if this was their first bones fic did they just forget the part where wil tried to kill tommy?

you write from one pov and work so amazingly with the unreliable narator prospects its so cool to read and so interesting to brainrot about

you write a lot of metaphors which is just something im obsessed with, especially the way youre so consistent with them, just like in stars with the sea and pillar, you continously describe wilburs most inner emotions as a bird in a cage and how the bird perks up at hearing the name wilbur while wilburs monologue is against it shows what was beaten into him and how he "wilbur" actually feels about it

also i know that a lot of people expected (and some wanted) a name reveal in the form of wilbur trusting tommy enough to tell him himself (i also expected this ngl) but looking at it, it feels so much out of character for glass!wil at least for a long while, hes nowhere near the amount of trust or even of knowing how much his training for the pythia was to be bale to tell anyone his name and in the situation hes in, kidnapped and in a group of people with completely different religion, i dont think theres space for him to get to that mental space in a completely healthy and right way

tommy finding out on his own and starting to use it on the other hand is just so much like glass!tommy, bc you can see how hes doing it bc he believes it wil help wilbur bc he knows how wrong it is that he was forced to foresay his own name, but also not telling the other deathlings bc he knows that the best way would be for wilbur to tell them himself

honestly im so glad it went like this bc it feels so justificating and deserving from characterisation and storytelling point, not throwing away all the built up trauma and messy relationships and all the mistakes that were made just for some quick and cheap comfort

instead of quick cheap hurt/comfort or angst you get a precisely and amazingly crafted deep and thought out story with deep and full chartacters that feel so human and its THE BEST THING EVER I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH BEE

and im sorry some people cant appreciate it and cant shut up about not being able to do so

lmao you get it i write messy human characters and also wilbur literally tried to kill tommy. this wasn't a breech of trust or anything they didn't have any trust beforehand.

kldsjfkld aaa you're so sweet though!! I'm so glad you like the one pov thing. It's genuinely my favorite way to write long stories now because it makes things so much more interesting to me. unreliable narrator is impossible to avoid when you only have a single pov going on and that's the fun part!!

so so happy you like the metaphors too. I definitely worry sometimes I'm overusing them, but I also like the consistency and the way it gives me a space to explain wilbur's emotions in a way that avoids just saying "he felt sad" or something. it makes it more interesting to describe and can be used in a lot of different ways so it's very fun for me

you see you get it!! there was no way he was gonna reach that place in a healthy way, at least not anytime soon. I know that everyone was expecting the soft reveal moment of wilbur telling tommy his name himself, but that's exactly why I didn't go with it. because subverting that expectation makes things a lot more interesting in terms of how it'll develop from there. it just makes the most sense with the characterization and everything to me so tysm <33

this made me smile a whole lot to read :D

#ask #jiksvokrat #through a glass divine

[catharsim]

UHHH 1-10: evens for Stavis odds for Luvina / 30-40 evens for pheck and odds for lawwe and century *maniacal laugh*

This is gonna be so long, here we go...

2. Who does most of the cooking?

Neither of them truly 'cook' because they can afford to always eat out, order room service, or in Mavis' case, have a personal chef.

4. Who says creepy paper and who says crepe paper?

I cant say I see either of them saying creepy paper unless maybe Mavis is drunk and slurring her words lmao

6. Who's the sun and who's the moon?

Mavis is a leo, so she is definitely the sun. And Stefan's penthouse is Cave Chic™ so he is definitely the moon 🖤

8. What are their cooking habits? Who cooks meals and who "cooks" insta-ramen?

See the first question. They've made a couple of things like popcorn and an attempt at waffles without catching anything on fire but that's about where their cooking adventures end lmao.

10. What are their love languages?

Stefan's is physical touch, acts of service (he's a virgo I dont make the rules), and a sprinkle of words of affirmation. Mavis' is words of affirmation and physical touch

1. Who sleeps on the left and right side of the bed?

I’ve always pictured Luca on the left side but it really just depends on where the bed is relative to the door, because he’ll sleep closest to that! 

3. Who's the little and big spoon?

Luca loves being big spoon but he also doesnt mind if Davi wants to be big spoon because it means he just gets to be near her #simp

5. Who screams and who kills the spider?

You know what, Davi kills the spider. With a palm strike. Luca wouldnt scream unless he tried to kill it and missed.

7. How do they share chores?

I think as of right now, Luca would do most of the household things like trash, dishes, etc and let Davi handle things like finances, making the grocery lists, and laundry/dry-cleaning as to not ruin her fancy clothes.

9. How do they handle arguments? What do they argue about?

Haha they used to love to argue before they gave in to their sexual tension sdnfsdfsd. Nowadays I feel like they try to communicate in a healthy way and apologize if their emotions get the better of them. I dont see them arguing about much besides maybe how much money Davi spends on designer stuff simply because Luca can’t comprehend being wealthy lmao. Or her dad being the antichrist.

30.  What are their nicknames for each other?

They call each other by their last names. Lucchesi (Beck) and Macmillan (Phoebe). Or sometimes, P and B. 

32. How are they intimate with each other in a nonsexual way?

Ah. They’re masters at grazing hands and the longing gaze. They vent to each other about their families and pass no judgement. Beck lets her take photos of him, even though he hates his picture taken, because he knows she enjoys it. Quiet embraces. Train rides.

34. What couple from another media reminds you of them?

Beck reminds me so hard of Tommy from Peaky Blinders, but I’m not sure Tommy and Grace’s relationship fit Pheck. There’s this couple on Tiktok that reminds me of them much more tho! Example here (just being goofy and weird with each other and looking good while doing it heheh )

36. Who wakes up and falls asleep first?

Well Phoebe sleepwalks so it’s hard to give an accurate answer lmao. I’d say that Beck is the one who wakes up first though, it’s engrained in him to always be up early, further proving his grandpa-ness. Phoebe would fall asleep first with the help of her Ambien I’d think. 

38. What do they love most about each other?

Phoebe loves that despite all Beck has dealt with/been through, that his big heart remains underneath the hardened and composed exterior. Beck loves Phoebe’s sense of artistic wonder and how she is unapologetically herself. 

40. Do they have any jealous tendencies over each other?

They were broken up when they were teenagers and ran in the same circle for several years, remaining friends. But they had to watch each other move on with different people and that definitely sparked jealousy for the both of them. Maybe more so for Beck I think, because his family was the reason they had to break up in the first place.

Lawwe and Century? Idk who those people are sowwy...

#oc stuff: mavis #oc stuff: luca #oc stuff: beck #i'll do the other chars on a sep post cause this is so long my god #ship: stavis #ship: pheck #ship: luvina

[seakicker]

me when literally everyone else: mmf yes so hot so sexy,,,, stretch marks? scars? moles? love it love it love it FUCK so sexy! I love love love tummy and boobs and big boobs and small boobs and boobs that are perky but also boobs that abide by gravity and boobs that spread out and I love love love chub and thick thighs and cellulite fuck it’s all so sexy I love I love I love I love feminine men I love big masculine men I love it all

me when myself: god I’m so ugly why

It could be because I’m trans especially because there’s good days and bad days but damn I hate parts of myself I KNOW I would drool over on other people. I draw people with my exact body type and lust and lust and lust and then I try to indulge myself and draw self-ship art but. I feel like I’m ugly or that the character I’m with wouldn’t like me EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THEY WOULD? Maybe it’s a confidence issue maybe it’s my dysphoria but that other anon talking about their experience with their commission and asshole artist reminded me of this damn dilemma. I love y/n fanfic so much cause it’s easier to forget myself and what I look like in the first person but damn. I hate myself in art and photos so much and I don’t even know why. Sorry if u didn’t really want to hear this in ur inbox lmao but ig this is the best place to vent into ahah

—⌚️

hello my sweet, thank you for coming to me and pls dont feel like you should apologize for venting here, it's part of what i'm here for and i like being able to listen. ik lots and lots of people, formerly myself (and still me on some days) included get that "i love my features on everyone else but hate them on myself" because i think that's just the nature of insecurity-- you feel like other people are "doing it right" or that things just look better on other people than they do on you. it's much easier to hold yourself to an impossible standard like beauty standards than it is to hold other people to the same standards, if that makes sense... any good person will know to not judge others but that doesn't stop you from judging yourself, you're your own worst critic. one thing that always kinda comforted me is knowing that i've never actually seen myself-- you only see yourself through mirrors and pictures but that's not really you, your camera doesn't capture real life dimensions and everything is flipped in the mirror, that sort of thing. you never see yourself, at least not in the way you look at other people, but i'm sure if you could see yourself through someone else's eyes (as the ol saying goes) you'd be surprised how fine/attractive/wonderful you look to everyone else. i can't comment on the dysphoria aspect so i can't offer any advice as far as that goes, but i think knowing that i'm not alone in my insecurity has always helped me so i try to remind other people that they're not alone in their insecurity too. the things that i don't like about myself are only because i'm my own worst critic and bc i hyperfocus on my flaws rather than the things i like about myself, and i think that's how it goes for a lot of people. but the things you like about yourself are more important than anything else!

another thing that's helped me is following models/influencers/etc that have my body type and similar features as me, ie thick eyebrows and a lil toothgap, and unfollowing models/influencers that i struggle with comparing myself to. your internet experience is yours to curate and there's nothing wrong with unfollowing models that you can't help but compare yourself to; it doesnt mean theyre a bad person or bodyshaming or anything, just that they may not be healthy for your experience and that's alright! so maybe that could help you too. i wish u the best of luck and i thank you for sharing your feelings with me; i think you're wonderful no matter what and i'm happy to be a place where you feel comfortable sharing your feelings and fantasies!

#i luve u #chats #⌚️ anon #tw insecurity

[skiniibuniii]

probably never got fasting insomnia cuz i kept "recovering" before i reached the point im at rn. heres some shit abt me, my history of eds, and why i think and have been told i have EDNOS. added a read more thing so you dont have to read it if you dont want to.

wow someone likes me lmao jk but,,

when i was 9-10 i had to take one of those tests in school for BMI and i was the heaviest person there. all the kids compared bmis and i just stayed quiet when i was asked. so the very next day i did a week long fast without knowing what the fuck i was doing. i barely drank anything, fainted once and couldnt stand up without my legs giving out. yeahh my mom almost took me to the hospital, and i wanted that til my mom said id be poked with needles so i "recovered". off and on over those next few years, i tried to watch what i ate but didnt count cals (tbh cuz i didnt know how).

I started smoking weed around 11-12 and i started binging B A D. my stomach hurt constantly but i never stopped eating. to the point that my mom finally told me that i was eating too much cuz we didnt have the money for me to keep that up any longer than a few months. and my mom saying "youre eating too much", even though she was worried about me and i knew she was just worried, it totally triggered me again. still didnt know jack shit about eds. i tried to restrict and got into a fast-binge cycle for a couple months. "recovered" again.

tried to die right after i turned 13, got sent to a hospital for 2 months and thats when i learned about eds. started going to this LGBTQ club, met my bf and discovered my gender identity (didnt know abt trans people before that either, thought i was just really crazy), and started to learn about how to be safer. aand this is when it stopped being 100% about how i look, but now it was a 50/50 on looks and weight. got back in that fast-binge bull. got my first Tumblr page somewhere around this time too and was in LOVE loved my blog so much. got into ed tumblr for inspo but obvy that didnt last long. stayed on my main for a long while til (i think) i was abt to turn 16. "recovered".

about to be 14 years old, got back into my shit cuz i got pregnant and didnt know it and freaked out about how ugly i was, dropped to 130 cuz the morning sickness made it so easy to purge (i was and have not since been able to purge via vomit) and i barely ate anyway with cal counting, nausea, fasting, and chainsmoking. i did some drugs aside from smoking around this time and drank a fair amount too. found out i was pregnant, "recovered" AGAIN, stopped doing all that bad stuff and was tormented by my body for another 4-5 months. got up to 225lbs, apparently i gained 85lbs from month 5 to birth. popped out a baby, kid was healthy thank god, tried to breastfeed, yo-yoed between 200-225 for about 2 months, breastfeeding wasnt working and made me want to die with the gender dysphoria, switched to bottles, 2 months after that now we're back. didnt do crazy restriction but exercised like a madman. hated myself really bad. fast-binge you know the deal. bf force-fed me regularly. i fucking gave up. reached 175 before i bounced right back to 200.

now we're 16 its the first of june, gonna be 17 in 14 days. i havent been able to look in a mirror for any reason besides to do my makeup in several years. still 200lbs. havent worn anything that could remotely show how fat i am in years. out of nowhere i decided, "imma get back on my fucking shit. I REFUSE TO HATE MY BODY ANYMORE. I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME AN ADULT AND FUCKING HATE MYSELF LIKE THIS"

"hey, youre 17 now! happy birthday. i know your phone just broke, i bought you a computer! it was a great deal and they said it worked for games too! you said youve been wanting to play that java server, right?"

i remembered, tumblr is a thing! i loved my blog, maybe if i get back into that id be happier.

"ghost blog", gone. i cried quite a bit lmao, but lets start a new one!

and here we are. and i am not doing any fake recovery shit this time.

from what i know, EDNOS includes the off-and-on stuff and i was told by a couple people on my og blog that i dont have ana i have EDNOS.

boom thats my ed life story. and if thats kinda bad yall should hear my whole fucking life story. ive been thinking abt writing a book about it cuz it is actually fucking crazy.