#i dont expect anyone to read it or care

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious??? #idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~ #using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself! #gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!! #just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~ #thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

[nina-nina12]

half my hyperfixation on giyuu and tanjiro as a duo comes from this scene specifically

me everyday thinking about this scene

#IT WASN'T IN THE MANGA #someone at ufotable sat down and wrote this cause they thought this was necessarily #and whoever it is i will worship your shrine everyday #everything about this... #giyuu standing there awkwardly cause of course its giyuu what do we expect #but him immediately asking tanjiro about his progress #like yeah okay he wants to know the progress of the future water pillar bla bla I DONT CARE HE CARES ABOUT TANJIRO ON A PERSONAL LEVEL #and then tanjiro's visible admiration through the sparkling eyes #that “tomioka?” in dub is the softest thing in this entire world i love you zach aguilar #but natsuki hanae gave the “tomioka-san” a different kind of softness and i love both of them so much #and giyuu listening to it all intently and replying with a humble “do your best” #it all feels so.. intimate #like there's a lot being said there without saying it directly #that brevity aside... giyuu cares about tanjiro and tanjiro admires him more than he admires anyone else at this point in the story #that guy is tanjiro's role model and saviour.. multiple times #also the fact that giyuu was aware of tanjiro's progress so either he read tanjiro's letters closely or he asked shinobu #either way he's so sweet god #in the manga it's only implied that giyuu cares about tanjiro's progress and that tanjiro is THAT grateful to giyuu #but to see it play out directly AND right before THAT mission #this small scene gives a lot of meaning to giyuu indirectly calling tanjiro his “friend and family” later on #giyuu tomioka #tanjiro kamado #demon slayer #kny #i may have a problem yes #and also also the implication that tanjiro will make the best use of the life that giyuu gave him #yes exactly giyuu making the best use of the life that tsutako and sabito gave him exactly exactly i wanna SOB

[comfy-sofa]

Episode 10 Rants and Thoughts

I'm not Ok and neither are y'all so let's get into it

July looks gorgeous! And look! There are people now like my goodness. Also this city gives me ff7 city vibes (I can't remember the name but iykyk)

K U R O N E K O MY SWEET BBY GIRLLLLL

Ok, vash sneezing at the wrong time and ended up getting caught is so Vash of him lmao

But him just taking the bullet???? Yeah this man is so fucking depressed and is not hiding it at all. And then he just walks away??? Sir please seek THERAPY

THE SCARS???? Like is that exposed muscle???? Him just taking the bullet out like its nothing...honestly speechless (good now give him more)

Side note: The animation for when Vash turned was different! It felt more 2d, I'm digging it.

Elendira's nails! I'm still upset at her design like the badass nail lady with great fashion sense was RIGHT THEREEEE

R.I.P Roberto De Niro...we saw his death coming fucking MILES away TIME FOR MERYL STRYFE TO BECOME THE BADASS CHARACTER SHE DESERVES TO BE (now who's her first victim I'm betting Conrad lol)

Fucking Elendira and Wolfwood bickering, fucking chaotic sibling energy

CONRAD C O N R A D THE FUCKING PICTURE IM NOT OK IM NOT OK NO T O K

Does knives plan on using the red plants to make vash a full plant like him??? Is he trying to restore Vash's energy??? I NEED TO KNOW NOWWWWW

We're getting close to end yall and next episode is definitely trauma central like I hope orange fucking pulls all the stops on this one like I need to have my shit rocked mentally like BRING IT.

Like hit me like a TRUCK with this ending, make me FEEL for Vash and Knives, like make me feel for the people in July who are about to die. Give me flashbacks, hallucinations, nightmares ALL OF IT. I want stampede to get the season-ending it deserves, with Vash in the debris of the city blaming himself and wishing he ended himself right then and there. Meryl traumatized from seeing the death of THOUSANDS in the most inhumane way possible. Wolfwood questioning what monster he guided to the largest city and watch it be reduced to nothing. GIVE👏ME👏ANGST👏

Ok thanks for coming to my Ted talk

#trigun #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #millions knives #rhythm rants #im probably hyping it up so much were i might get disappointed in the actual ending #but i dont care #im having fun with watching the show and i want it to do well #trigun deserves a good remake #its crazy how trigun actually made me want to draw again ahd learn to write like wow #sorry for rant in these tags i honestly dont expect anyone to read this #ok im done ✌️

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on #either way #im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔 #if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me #again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg #i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever #but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do #and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying #like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative #but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me #oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you #but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't #like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it) #i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable! #fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it #and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier #of my friendships #wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up #the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom) #i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a #'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order #not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i #may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me ! #sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭 #vee rambles

[qilyns]

long ass psychology hot take / personality notes headcanon / me rambling about my least favorite recurring joke within ganyu's background . tw for mentions of eating disorders + armchair psychology

psa: i'm aware it may be contentious for me to use the lens of eating disorders to make conclusions about interpersonal relationships, but i think many people who have gone through this for themselves can tell you that the two are intimately tied together.

ganyu's commitment to emotionally isolating herself is not only an expression of her qilin heritage but also a display of restraint as a warped idea of self–discipline (in reality this falls further on the scale of self–punishment) which is also mirrored in her disordered eating habits. wether it was intentional by hyv or not, i still see it as a theme that informs her personality not only in regards to how she presents herself but also in how she interacts and forms relationships (or doesn't) with the people around her.

the fandom likes to make fun of the monster choking incident from when she was younger, which the text also enforces by describing it in a very humorous tone. i can accept that it wasn't meant to be that deep but based on her behavior for the past 3000+ YEARS i think we can infer that it was a deeply upsetting moment for ganyu regardless of how humorous it may have been for the other adepti. many instances relating to her weight are described as being intensely embarrassing for her, like cloud retainer sharing her childhood stories with the traveler during her story chapter (fucked up fr... dumbass bird) and her literally running away in frustration from feeling humiliated by someone so close to her.

" another secret that ganyu is anxious to keep hidden is the fact that she is watching her physique. " ₍ ... ₎ " during the archon war, she once choked a giant monster to death after getting lodged in its throat when it tried to eat her.. " ₍ ... ₎ " for  ganyu,  avoiding  any  similarly  embarrassing  episodes  in  the  future  is  an  absolute  must. "

" whenever she finds herself being drawn towards some delicious dish, she will attempt to reassert her self-control. " ₍ ... ₎ " the difficulty of such a challenge is second only to finding a flaming flower atop dragonspine. " ₍ ... ₎ " but she is not one to give up half-way through the ascent. "

canonically having an eating disorder for more than three millennia is not only fucked up on hyv's part for.. coming up with the idea.. but i think it does show us her recurring tendency to deny herself of potentially enjoyable experiences (such as eating with others, which is a big aspect of socializing within liyuen culture.) to maintain a strict status quo. she worries about people distancing themselves from her if they find out the truth of her being half-qilin, she worries about people distancing themselves based on her physical appearance, and she worries about how people perceive her in a professional context, she worries about being replaced professionally and how that would eliminate her role within human society entirely.

the point of all this rambling is this: it's my personal headcanon that two big aspects of her personality are restraint and self punishment as means to control her circumstances and avoid embarrassment and how in turn this makes her averse to forming deep bonds with others. i don't read this as a matter of vanity since, in spite of all her efforts, there's no sense of accomplishment in keeping these secrets. only endless worrying and stress.

however, as someone who has experienced disordered eating for many years in real life, there is also an unspoken sense of accomplishment within this idea of discipline. the text describes her as " not one to give up half-way through the ascent. " which is notably aspirational in tone and tells us that this is something she sees as a good thing, not merely as a struggle to avoid embarrassment but as a pursuit of self–improvement. obviously this is fucked up and not the case but i think it's a very obvious coping mechanism to try and find a noble purpose within something you're suffering – otherwise the suffering itself may be seen as a source of shame and failure.

and on the aspirational note, the qilin in real life mythology is described as being lonely by nature but there's really nothing in the mythology of genshin to suggest this might be the case in universe. i see it more as a motif for her struggle than a definitive characteristic of hers, and perhaps isolation it's a way for her to aspire to embrace this side of her heritage which she obviously does not identify with on a deeper level? she does insist on describing herself as inhuman so perhaps it's also an attempt to delineate herself from others.....

so anyway, i believe that this idea of restraint plays into her loneliness as an inhuman. we don't see any examples of her being rejected from human society other than her own insistence that there is no place for her beyond her function. someone like yanfei is clearly able to live and thrive within liyue harbor, so why not ganyu?

i propose that this isolation is more or less self imposed. microdosing on (imagined?) societal rejection to avoid confronting loneliness and strife within actual interpersonal relationships. cloud retainer says that life as an adeptus in juyeun karst would be too lonely for her to cope with but ganyu insists that the loneliness she feels among other people is more personal and therefore harder to endure.

as a character, she often takes steps to avoid embarrassment and rejection but she doesn't necessarily shy away from suffering itself. if the writers truly want us to believe she goes without close friendships or romantic companionship for decades if not centuries at a time (she rarely if ever brings up anyone from the past other than the adepti and rex lapis) then i think the only reasonable conclusion is that she imposed those restraints on herself and that she probably does find some level of comfort within that loneliness, even if it's starting to wear on her by the time that genshin impact takes place.

many psychologists adhere to the idea of the cyclical disorder, which is essentially a process of using restrictive behaviors to exert control over negative feelings or dissatisfactions with life, which are recurring emotions for any person regardless of how long they live. i don't think she is a hermit though. i think that, similar to the cyclical nature of disordered eating, her disordered idea of relationships is to abstain for as long as she possibly can and then punish herself afterwards by seeking relief in familiar habits of isolation.

i imagine her restrictive eating began as a way to exert control over the way people view her, and i think the fact that she has maintained these ideas for so. fucking. long. implies that this mindset probably extends further than we ever get to see in our role as traveler within the story

thanks for coming to my tedtalk

#⟣ ┄ ─ 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗅. #safe to say i care more about ganyu's psychology than hyv ever did lmao #the definition of “ITS NOT THAT DEEP” #i dont expect anyone to read this . but if u did idk what to tell you

[delightfuldevin]

It sucks how much people genuinely think that supporting something in a fictional context is the same as supporting that thing in real life :((

Like, do you people really truly believe that fictional characters are in any way equivalent to real life people? Do you understand how absolutely ridiculous that sounds?

“But they’re minors/siblings/victims/etc!” NO THEY’RE NOT. They are a figment of someone’s imagination that can have literally any traits you want them to cause fiction is something made to be manipulated for our viewing pleasure. That’s why AUs are a thing. That’s why headcanons are a thing. Cause fiction is meant to be manipulated for you to enjoy! You can’t have headcanons for a real life person. Because real people are not the same as fictional people. At least, I hope you don’t treat real people like they are fictional characters.

“But why would you want to ship [insert thing here]? It’s gross!” Okay, and? It isn’t hurting any actual real person, and it could even be helping someone who is using this to cope with their own trauma! And no, your personal discomfort is not a reason to completely delete content cause you can easily just block the tag/the creator and never see it. It is your responsibility to curate your own experience and if you are incapable of doing that, it is your responsibility to stay out of fandom spaces until you are mature enough to do so. It is not the responsibility of everyone else in the world to cater to your specific needs. You shouldn’t expect every single person to have the exact same needs as you and the exact same ways of coping with said needs.

“But groomers will use this thing to manipulate vulnerable people!” Indeed, that does happen. But it is not the fault of the person who made the content. It is always, and I mean always, the fault of the groomer themself. By saying “I was groomed by this content” you take away the responsibility of the actual groomer who did it. Don’t absolve them of their crime because of what they used for the crime. No matter what, it was always their fault and the responsibility of that is on their shoulders. Even if that content didn’t exist, they would’ve found some other way to groom you because that is simply who they chose to be and that is the unfortunate and sad truth.

It is completely okay to be uncomfortable with something! Grossed out even! Or something can be literally triggering for you. That is okay! And if someone doesn’t tag their content properly and it gets to you, you have every right to be mad about that! But that does not mean the person who made the content needs to delete what they made. You just have to block them so that you’ll never see their content again. You don’t even have to engage with them. That’s the beauty of the internet! We’re all strangers and once someone is blocked, it’s as if they never even existed! You’ll never meet them irl or be forced to interact with them. They are dead to you.

Also side note, but helpful information! When you block someone on Tumblr, their posts can still end up on your dash if someone else reblogs from them. Idk if Tumblr has changed this in the few years I’ve been gone, but a way around that is to add their blog name to your filtered content! That way, even if someone else reblogs from them, it’ll still be hidden from you :D

#i dont expect the target audience of this post to actually read it so its more just a vent for me #i just cant believe this is something that is so hard to grasp for some people #im not using any main tags for this because i reeeeeally want to stay out of discourse #i just really needed to say this #i dont even like most problematic ships #they are not appealing to me and some of them are even downright uncomfortable to me #but do i care if anyone else ships them? no i dont #because i have the power to simply not engage with the content and curate my own internet experiences #honestly the worst ship for me isnt even a problematic one but it makes me feel faaar worse than any problematic ship ever could #and yes i have the tag for it blocked #if i see a post that says it has my filtered content in it i simply scroll passed it #im also not a fan of dark/angsty topics even in ships i do like #so once again i avoid it like the plague #i dont care if other people enjoy that stuff. good for them! i hope theyre having fun/gen #i will simply stay in my lane and make sure i never have to see that stuff #king sad sack #<- thats my vent tag lol

[farceargon]

(knocks on ur door and leans on the doorway) if you're doing the asks 26 or 33? :]

Wow, fancy seeing you here at my door! Ngl I reblogged it mostly for the interest of my followers, I never expect to be sent any asks. It's very, very nice to get them though so I'm not complaining! Thank :]

26. fave colour and why?

Ourple. Purple! Specifically the really really nice rich shades that feel almost neon but aren't. They're very cool!

I used to love green, for years and years. I think it was mostly because I wanted to be less 'girly' and wanted to like a colour not many people did. Later I learnt that I don't actually give a shit what anyone thinks my fav colour means about me and realized purple is a banger. Good colour, great stuff. I think purple means more to me than I realize because changing my fav colour sort of felt like me establishing to myself I can like whatever I want and it won't matter what people think of me. I know myself better than anyone who wants to criticize me.

Purple fucks and they can fight me about it <3

33. any hobbies?

I love that I had to go to my partner to ask if I have any because drawing/gaming is so common I honestly forgot those were hobbies fngdfhj Whoops! I draw a bit when the moon aligns perfectly each month. I also love to game, games are super fun. Sorta like my escape from everything. Open world, exploration, creature-y games appeal to me a lot. My most played are Ark Survival Evolved, Monster Hunter World/Rise, Terraria and Skyrim. I'm SOOOO excited for MH Wilds next year!! That one looks like it'll appeal to me immensely, I can't wait to fight things I'm like 5 tiers under for my own amusement.

I do, however, also dabble frequently in intense worldbuilding that no one but 2-3 people ever see. I can think up entire worlds and plots and characters in the span of 20m, it's pretty insane. Painful because I can't ever do anything with it either, but I suppose it's also kinda neat!

Recently it's been nothing but Nexomon. A lot of the time my fixations determine where that unnatural worldbuilding happens! I do have a couple original worlds/characters of my own as well, chilling in my head :]

-

I didn't realize I'd write this much- Guess I had a bit to say. Thank you for the asks :D

#eldritch squeaking #ask game #i like... questionses... #i usually read whatever the blogs i follow say and never do this stuff myself #i dont think i have enough people who care to ask or feel like it so it means a lot! #im just a little guy on the side reblogging shitposts. never expect anyone to wanna know stuff bout me

[mejomonster]

Fei Du you are SO lucky that by some miracle Luo Wenzhou's attached ass met you and thought of you as HIS person and grew into a man who's very emotionally aware and mature. Cause you facing your own emotions or being vulnerable is eons harder than pulling teeth and I think without Luo Wenzhou it'd never be happening ToT

#silent reading #lb #zhoudu #just like. i mean luo wenzhou has his own flaws (Many ToT) #and one key one being he probably Attached to fei du more than was healthy or socially expected and #definitely wouldve gotten him fired by the police or sued by Fei Dus dad if hed been any less careful about it #(my dude was checking fei dus high school grades ToT alright then mr surrogate Dad who didnt legally have the ground) #but like. luo wenzhou IS so unconditionally loving and Very emotionally mature when it comes to #how to have conversations and what he feels himself and how to talk to others about how they feel #and idk just like. fei du got immensely lucky #and the times luo wenzhou IS pushy are generally the times fei du wants someone to be ultimately #and i dont think anyone else could fucking handle. fei du just saying hed kill a bunch of ppl and get off on strangling #like. i saw how Everyone treated like 12 year old su luozhan. #that was Fei Du basically. but fei du even Worse kept that shit up as an adult. functionally sounding as Dangerous #and Probably Should Arrest as the Wei dad who called hitmen and helped a shadow org and #the zhou old men who fucked and killed ppl they shouldnt #like. fei du only had someone willing to emotionally gradually work on even Establishing equal communication #cause it was luo wenzhou. cause luo wrnzhou sees fei du as HIS person his responsibility. #and therefore is willing to go through hoops and suffering and years and fei du viciously lashing out #if thats what it takes.

[rivilu]

shadow cursed lands.. <3

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #im thinking about lore and char relationship development dont mind me #like. the whole vibe of this being the act that both Astarion and Alfhart (tav) grow to care for eachother against their will #in the barren hell environment #there's great meta out there as to why Astarion doesnt truly want a blood bag but more to the freedom to drink from any bandit #because he doesnt believe in the kindness of people and expects drinking from you to have a price later etc etc #so what happens when you have him and someone who did give him that freedom- but in an environment where there's. #extreme scarcity of said bandits? #answer: Alfhart finds himself overplanning every team composition and every mission #ambush? people to drain. bring him with. exploring? only undead around he can stay at camp to save energy- etc etc #at which point does it hit him - does it hit them both that they care/ Are being cared for? #*bonks self with giant cartoon hammer* TOO MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL #i could also talk about other companions shadowheart especially but i dont think anyone would read a novel's length of tags so dfjhgs

[ghosttoasties]

potholes are so bad here and i'm convinced even if i move again things won't improve because the state loves cops too much this is the third accident we've been in the last couple months where we've got somewhere to be and then we can't because the car has to get fixed 😭 i wish public transit was better and didn't take a literal half day just to get anywhere out of county.

#pasta jargon #i need to turn something in and i'm nervous asf so now i am in mi thoughts #when stuff like this happens it really sucks because i literally cant explain why im late. there's no forgiveness or sympathy with it. #nights like this I have to open up the ol' Notion and read thru my fics like i've never seen them before #cus no lie i can't even remember when i wrote them i can't believe i wrote half the shit i have on there. it's an archive at this point #it's been like two years and even 10 for some of them i wish my nerves didn't eat me up so much i'd love to post them someday #but tbh i feel like only me & 3 other people even care about that ship. but to those three.......one day i swear. i got u. #i feel like i'd post more and about my life more if i knew no one i knew (expect the tumblr moots) would see any of it #why does it matter. idk. i had to update my [REDACTED] today and i got sick to my stomach at the thought of anyone going through it #i've had rumors spread about me before i dont need this again #if i could start fresh i would in a heartbeat. i'm too used to it

[martyrbat]

👍👍

#im bout to be whiny before getting nauseated at being kimda vulnerable and end up deleting this but just #shoutout to my friend (who was the only person i ever shared my writing with for over a year) #just telling me they've always just skimmed my fics AND infodumps because they dont care. like has read at most a handful of me talking & #usually skips any rare audio message that i sent when SUPER excited and made up drama to have an excuse to change topics #again. for over a year. #then getting guilt trippy when i was hurt by it until i apologize instead which !! lmao fuck ok ! #its just... very hmpth :/ bc it eas already a shitty night and week of nonstop migraine. and then this #and taking into account im someone who NEVER blocks any of my friends tags or doesnt read and invest myself in their interests #even if i dont like it; i love seeing people (even strangers) excited and talking about what they like so of course im going to #at least watch them talk on it and/or actually research into it because i want to be able to understand their happiness! #and because its whats important to them !! i dont expect the same and im not shaming anyone for not doing the same its fine I guess #but to tell me? and to say they dont read my writing or give a single shit about me talking about something #when i always put 100% into their interests? am i that shitty of a writer and that obnoxious to listen to lmao #like i feel shitty for even being hurt over it and even venting because you guys arent here for that and its mean to force it on ur dash #and i dont want to be too whiny but also. jfc man #ill stay silly starting tomorrow and post about batmans balls or whatever. sorry for the vent just. bleh. #that ‘december please bro please im begging just a break please man’ post but its me throughout this February too apparently

[freshfromthedryer]

I truly cannot put into words what it is that makes me so viscerally upset by the way AI is being used for creative things.

Something about faceless corporations selling it to us with a smiley face mask on. Cute packaging on how we can have a "friend" that listens and lies and ultimately can't decide for itself whether to share your information.

Something about trying to take away the value of people's crafts, of "why bother to learn it when an AI could do it for you". The removal and commodification of art, of trying to make people forget they can create things on their own so that they never think twice buying what they could make, and could probably make better than what they'll sell you at Walmart or Amazon or whatever.

Something about how nobody wants to take this seriously because "it's not that far along yet". About how everything else that has been used for convenience or fun under capitalism has been warped and twisted into 7.99 a month. Just 29.99 a year. Spring sale, only 24.99, buy now.

Something about people's earnest desires for technological advancement being exploited to create something that benefits only a few and exploits the rest. Surely it will end up okay this time. It won't be another Tesla. It won't be another Amazon. It won't be another oil tycoon, another Google, another planned obsolescence iPad. It won't be like last time. We'll do it right this time. It won't be another SpaceX. Another acne cream ad on a channel aimed at 10 year olds.

Something about my views and rage towards "tech" as we've come to know it being considered old fashioned. Technophobic. Luddite.

Something about violation of people's consent to be a part of it. Crushing people's voices and using a machine to talk over them. About making everything faster, cheaper, more plastic, less genuine.

Something about removing humans from the first things humanity ever had.

#sam speaks #this got. out of hand #i have a lot of feelings about it #give me back cd drives. physical media. things i can touch and can't be taken away on a whim #tbh i dont really expect anyone to read this or even care #but i just really had to say something about it

[kulemii]

i never really realized until recently that i could write smut for myself in the 1st pov and not go to jail. i am a free woman

#for now #i havent quite realized the potential of my true power yet #but really writing explicitly FOR MYSELF has been great exercise #the more i do it the more it feels like im warming myself up to care to write for others again #i know that sounded harsh but that's not how i meant it #its just been a long time since ive written for the sake of no one but myself seeing it #like yeah its going online still but it's like... a quiet place where i dont expect anyone to find it #and if they do find it oh well and they might be too put off by it being 1st pov that they dont even read it #so i still win #i feel really free with this somehow idk how to explain it #i've also been talking to other people about their writing a lot lately and that's been good exercise too i think #with me being out of work ive also had time to schedule each day to work on my bigger projects as well and i know that helps too #writers block is coming and going but 1st pov exercises have certainly done alot for my motivation #hell I've talked alot here i should shut up now

[the-kipsabian]

@ lrb no but for real, you'll be so much happier when you just do what you wanna do and write what you wanna write like. cringe culture is mcfreaking dead and you deserve happiness and to have fun and to enjoy yourself and if writing something makes you that you write that shit no matter what you funky little writer ~

#ive been leaning this recently too and honestly writing hasnt been a chore at all for once #i mean i still struggle with inspiration time and motivation but its not about numbers or wondering if anyone cares like. 95% of the time #i just really do what i want rn. if someone is interested enough to read thats cool! #like i really dont expect anything cause i know most i do arent like. popular by any means so its just like eh. this is for me anyways #anyways soap box off im gonna try to focus on this show lol #night is an absolute mess on main

[lily-blue-blue-lily]

everyone on here freaking out about whatever is gonna happen in the new 9-1-1 episode tonight and im just over here watching s1 for the first time and having mild breakdown about it

#i just watched the s1 finale #i love buck so much like so so much #he is so good?? and kind?? #im so in love #im also so invested in just everything about the show i wasn't expecting to actually love it as much as i do #also so hyped to start s2 because eddie🥰 #i do know pretty much every major plot point in the show because i became invested in it through stuff i saw on here #and then went down a big youtube rabbit hole and a slightly smaller ao3 rabbit hole before actually starting the show #so im already in love with eddie and hes not even been introduced yet for me #it also means im almost as excited to see what happens in tonights episode #through like gifs and stuff on here as everyone else is to actually watch the episode #normally i very much try to avoid spoilers for stuff i watch but because of the backwards way ive become obsessed with this show #i so dont care at all #its such a fun way of consuming media honestly #wow ive really rambled in these tags shoutout to anyone actually reading them lol

[stedebonnit]

Now I'm someone who has only changed my URL a handful of times over the last 10+ years being on tumblr - the most noteable URLs being johnhamish (which I kept for YEARS because it was so good) which I eventually switched to my current URL (aziraiphale).

I always assumed I'd go back to johnhamish, but its been a while and I have never felt the urge to change it again. I love my URL.

That said, the way i feel about ofmd is the way I felt about only 2 shows before - sherlock & good omens, both of which took over my whole tumblr and became part of my tumblr identity.

Now my question is..is it time? Is it time I become something different, or do I keep what I have because its familiar?

Currently I've saved the URLs stedebonnit and stedestureen - and I can't decide...do I do it? Make the switch? Or do I keep my staple GO URL?

#i dont really expect anyone to reply lol #but if you cared enough to read all that id love your thoughts #im currently undecided #a url change is big bc my url is like my whole identity here ya know #but idk #d speaks