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#i don't want to talk to my mom about this because she never reacts in a way i find helpful
widowmaxff · 3 months
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if you wanted to, could you please write an angsty oneshot of moms!wandanat and reader where they get into a a bad argument which results in reader running away to yelena’s? ending could be happy or sad- up to you overall!
proud
pairings: parents!wandanat × daughter!reader | yelena × fem!reader (all platonic)
warnings: angst, argument, crying, insecure reader (?), happy ending!, steve × reader (platonic) at some time of the one shot, bad writing
a/n: i finished this crying because a cockroach attacked me, so thats why the ending was kind of bad writing sorry :P anddd tysm for your request <333 i loved writing this
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You were never sure when it started, but it was probably a long time ago. When you learned that having parents who fought the super villains in the world wasn't normal, you realized that your life wouldn't be normal either. But even though you liked seeing your mother training with her red powers or running and being able to do whatever you wanted through the great corridors of the Compound, you still missed having a 'normal' life.
Being able to go out on the street without worrying about some evil man who hates one of your mothers kidnapping you or even being able to make friends at school without them being people who just wanted to meet your uncles, were things you wanted so much to experience. But that wasn't the only thing that made you feel bad in your daily life, having mothers who were superheroes also made you barely see them in weeks.
Even though most people your age didn't want anything to do with their parents anymore, you still missed the comforting and long hugs, the nights you had a marathon of your favorite movies and even when you still had dinner together as a family. But now, either they were too busy with work, like missions and paperwork, or they just didn't want to deal with a teenager.
And even then you tried to get their attention in some way. "Mom?" You knock softly on Natasha's office door, hearing a quiet response for you to enter. "Can you help me study for my test of the next week? I really don't understand this." You chuckle seeing your mother's eyes continue on the papers on her desk.
"Can't you look up the answer on the Internet or something? I'm really busy here, Y/n/n." You knew that Natasha would dismiss you somehow, but deep down you still hoped that she would look at you.
"Yes, but- I wanted to understand how to solve it and not just research it." You whisper, watching your mother write something down in the corner of the paper.
"Wanda can help you." She says, her eyes unable to take the words from her face for even a minute.
"Okay- um, thanks anyway, Mom." You only hear a mumble under her breath, making you wonder if there was something wrong with you. You close the office door with a little less hope this time. Your other mother was always a step ahead than Natasha in terms of emotional comfort, so maybe she would help you in your task by remembering your daily difficulties with that kind of thing. "Mama?"
"Yes?" Your mother murmurs, you barely listening. Wanda was sitting on the sofa at the Compound while devouring herself with a book in her hands.
"Can you help me study for my test of the next week, please?" You sit next to her while Wanda flips through another white page of the big book.
"Now?"
"Yeah. If it's possible."
"Can I help you...tomorrow?" Wanda finally looks at you from above her book. "Today is my only day off from the week's missions and paperwork and I'm really tired right now, my love." Your eyes fall to your hands in your lap, it was obvious that deep down you knew she was going to promise you something and maybe she would deliver. But by the time the next day passed, and then the next, and then the next... and Wanda didn't talk to you about it, you knew she wasn't going to help you.
And when you felt your head hurt just looking at that big red note in the corner of your test, you knew your mothers' wouldn't react so well to it. Maybe before they started spending time apart from you, they wouldn't get mad or anything like that because of your grade, but now you were sure that wasn't what would happen.
Stirring your fork on the plate still full of food, you go over the things you would say to your mothers' about your school grade. You travel between words and don't even notice when someone enters your field of vision. "Is everything okay, Kid?" It was your Uncle Steve. He sits in front of you watching you think about what to say to him.
"Yeah, it's just...school stuff."
"Is someone picking on you?" You knew that Steve almost saw you as a daughter, and you also knew that he was aware of how your mothers would rather be busy than deal with a teenage girl going through puberty, and that maybe now is the time when you needs them the most.
"Not like before, but that's not it." You leave your fork on your plate before sighing deeply. "I just got my test and I didn't get a very good grade," Murmuring you hold back the tears that sting your eyes. "now I don't know how I'm going to tell my mothers this."
Steve sighs. "I'm sure they won't fight with you, Y/n/n. Your mothers' will understand what happened and a grade doesn't define who you are, okay?" Your uncle didn't have much certainty in his voice but you tried to believe him anyway. You nod and put a small smile on your face, as a gesture of thanks.
Steve ruffles your hair, getting up from the chair when he hears the loud and unmistakable footsteps of your mothers' approaching you. He sends you a smile to try to reassure you that everything will work out, and with each step closer to you, your heart starts to accelerate. Your mothers' had a neutral expression, even if Natasha seemed angrier. "Aren't you going to eat?" Wanda asks, walking past you and heading towards one of the closets.
Completely ignoring the question, you take a deep breath and swallow hard. "I received the grade for that test in which I asked you to help me study." You mutter as you saw your mothers still facing away from you. "I got a D." Your voice was low, but even so, the two stopped what they were doing and looked into the depths of your soul.
"You got what?" Natasha seemed to finally understand that you were there. Her arms crossed as she walked towards you.
"I-I asked for help and-"
"Now you're trying to get out of this by blaming us for not helping you?" Wanda cuts you off making your eyes focus on her.
"I'm just saying- I tried, okay?!" It could be said that you got anger issues from your mom genes, or that you were just overwhelmed and your patience was running out. And when your tone of voice increased, you knew Natasha's anger would increase as well.
"Hey, don't talk to your mother like that!" Natasha slams her fist on the table in front of you, making you almost jump out of your seat.
"Well, you shouldn't be talking to me like that either." You didn't know where so much courage came from to fight back against your mother, but when you realized it, the damage had already begun.
"I'm your fucking mother, I talk to you however I want!" Natasha had never made you feel as scared as you did now, but it seemed like now that the words started to come out, they wouldn't stop.
"Ah, you haven't even been acting like a mother these past few months. Hypocrisy, huh?" When you finished speaking, you saw Wanda's eyes want to turn red like her hair. She approached the two of you quickly with the angriest expression you had ever seen.
"What's your problem, Y/n?!"
"My problem?" You get up from the chair and cross your arms, anyone who saw you in that position would notice the similarities in anger between you and Natasha. "You tell me! I'm not the person who would rather spend time anywhere else than with her own daughter. I'm not the one who forgets that she still has a daughter to raise!"
You screamed so loud that you were sure the entire Compound could hear that argument and that they could probably feel the tension in that environment from afar. If you were in a cartoon, you could see smoke coming out of Natasha's head and definitely Wanda's eyes catching fire. "You're being so selfish right now, Y/n." 
"Am I?"
"Yes, you are! Just because your mother and I work all day to give you a better life, you think that we don't pay attention to you?" You had never seen Wanda like that, screaming and looking like she could kill anyone who came in front of her.
"Ah, yeah. Because last week when you weren't working you preferred to spend the whole day with Peter than with me just because he got a good grade!"
"Yes, because he always made us so proud by passing all the tests he had, unlike you!" Natasha spits the words out of her mouth without even thinking about what she was saying. And when they passed your ears you could feel your heart breaking.
Hearing that your mothers were more proud of a teenager who worked with them than they were of you made you feel like a gunshot was slowly passing through your chest. Natasha and Wanda knew how insecure you felt in your daily life, mainly due to academic validation, and now it seemed like all those days they had to spend helping you feel better about yourself were going down the drain.
Natasha sighs deeply when she sees your eyes widen, holding back tears that would fall at any moment. Wanda didn't seem any different when she heard the same words coming out of her wife's mouth. She never imagined that an argument of that size would ever happen between you, and Wanda could have sworn that she felt her heart stop beating out of disgust at the thought of how bad you must be feeling right now. "Y/n, I didn't mean-"
"It's okay." You murmur, uncrossing your arms. Two tears fall from your eyes and you make sure to wipe them away quickly. Your eyes were anywhere but on your mothers, because you felt so disgusting knowing that they were more proud of Peter than they were of you, that you couldn't even look at them.
Neither Wanda nor Natasha say anything when you turn and start walking out of the kitchen. You seemed to be walking automatically, your eyes blurry and your mind foggy, just going through your mother's words, over and over. But when you realize it, you're already outside the Compound, a few blocks away. You remember only one person who could help you outside of that place, and who wouldn't mind if you showed up suddenly.
And that's how you found yourself in front of Yelena's apartment, your aunt. She had found a place to live close to Natasha's house when she reconnected with her years ago, and especially when she discovered that she had a daughter, you. "Y/n?" Yelena seemed confused to see you there, with your face soaked and red, looking like an abandoned puppy. "Hey, what's wrong?" She didn't take long to have you in her arms.
"M-Mom and Mama h-hate me." You finally managed to murmur after some time sitting on the sofa in the apartment with Yelena stroking your hair and saying affectionate words. 
Anyone who saw her doing this wouldn't believe it. Yelena wasn't the type of person for physical touches and especially sweet words, but when the subject was you, she became another person. "Why do you say that? They love you more than anything, Y/n/n."
"No, they don't."
Yelena had never seen you like this, not when you cried for days when you saw your favorite character dying, not when your mothers had to leave for a long mission. It was strange to see you crying almost as if there was no air in your lungs, your aunt wondered what happened to make it look like you had a bullet in your body and you were begging her to take it out. So, when you fell asleep crying on the couch, Yelena didn't wait a minute to call Natasha and insult her in every way possible. "What the fuck did you do?"
"What?"
"Y/n showed up at my door, I've never seen her crying as much as she does now." Yelena looks at you from the apartment's kitchen, you were curled up on the sofa with a blanket covering your body.
"Are you with her? Wanda and I were looking for her throughout the entire Compound." Natasha seemed to be relieved on the other end of the call, but even so her voice still sounded apprehensive about what had happened. "We're going to your apartment, I'll answer your question when we get there."
"You better!"
[...]
"She's sleeping on the couch." Yelena says when she sees Wanda and Natasha's eyes follow behind her, trying to find you. Yelena noticed Wanda's red eyes, not as if she wanted to cast circles of magic through her hands, but as if she had cried before arriving at the apartment. Your aunt knew that Wanda was sensitive, especially when it came to the topic of you and that you probably inherited that from her too, but for you two to cry so much like that, something really happened. 
"Tell me what happened before you look at my niece again." Yelena has always been very protective of you, for example the time two girls made you the target of jokes in your school, and your aunt didn't wait a second to go to each of their houses and have a word with them. 
"I better show you." Wanda says getting closer to Yelena, moving her fingers that came out red magic towards her mind - Steve messing up your hair, Wanda opening cabinets, red grade, Natasha screaming, you screaming, not being a mother, Wanda screaming, Peter being mentioned, not proud, disgusting feeling, you crying, you leaving the kitchen.
"Jesus." Yelena sighs deeply, running her hands over her face. "I really don't know how you're going to fix this, but I'll warn you: the hole is deeper than it looks."
"What- what do you mean by that?"
"Look, I'm sure you didn't want this to turn into a big snowball, but Y/n been feeling neglected for so long that after today it might take a while for things to get back to normal." Yelena says leaning on the front door frame.
"We didn't-"
"Yes, you did this to her. Today wasn't the first time she's shown up at my door in the last few months, but she's worse than the other times." Yelena crosses her arms and closes her eyes trying to calm down. "I had to listen to her talk about how you hardly talk to her on a daily basis, how you forgot to go to her presentation at school and didn't even apologize, how there were days when you forgot to pick her up and she had to walk in the rain to my apartment because it was closer, how she cried because you never had movie nights again because apparently now you have movie nights with Peter." Yelena's voice got louder with each thing she remembered you saying to her, and there were countless things. "I don't want to hear what you have to say, I want you to talk to her, apologize."
Natasha was so embarrassed to hear all those things from Yelena that she preferred to remain silent. Wanda had started to cry again, but it was silently, digesting all those things they did and didn't do to you. She had always dreamed of being a mother and now that she wasn't acting like one made her want to vomit over her own actions.
"Can we see her?" It was a stupid question coming from them, since they were your mothers and have the right to see you whenever they want. But they knew that everything was messy and bad for you because of them, so the least they had to do was respect your space.
Yelena just nods and gives Wanda and Natasha space to enter the apartment, taking light steps towards you. They bend down in front of you and see your swollen eyes and your red face with dried tears. Your mothers could cry just to see you in this state. Wanda starts to caress your face trying to make you wake up calmly, it was something she used to do when she went to your room in the morning every day to wake you up. And when you felt that you quickly knew who it was. "Mama?"
"Shh, yes it's me, my love." Wanda says with a small smile on her face when she hears your voice. You seemed lost for a few seconds but when you looked around the apartment you quickly remembered, throwing off the blanket and quickly sitting down on the couch. "Hey, it's okay."
"What are you two doing here?" You murmur, looking at your mothers' faces, who seemed sorry for everything that happened.
"We... came to talk and apologize, is that okay for you?" Natasha says, you could see in her face that she felt just as guilty as Wanda, because most of those horrible words were said by her. "Yeah, I guess." Wanda sighed in relief at your answer and felt some of the weight leave her body.
"I know that just apologies won't be enough to make you want to be around us for now, but your mother and I are completely sorry, my love. We were so stupid about leaving you aside these last few months, we didn't even realize what we were doing to you and it's really fucked up." The swear word made you laugh briefly, putting a smile on your mothers face. "And maybe you don't want to forgive us and that's definitely okay, but know that we're going to do everything we can to get things back on track, okay?"
Natasha agrees with Wanda's words and takes a deep breath before starting to speak. "We love you very, very much, sweetheart. And you are our greatest pride in our entire lives. I know you may not believe this, but you can be sure that me, your mother, your aunt and all your other uncles feel most proud of you, okay? You're our little star and our little agent." 
A genuine smile appears on your face when you hear the sweet words that came out of your mothers' mouths. "First, you guys are literally the only people I want by my side and that's the only thing I've wanted these last few months. And I'm really grateful that you guys are sorry about that, even though it's probably going to be hard for things to go back to normal." They nod their heads when they hear your words in your low voice. "And I... forgive you. Not completely but until I can feel good again, but I think hearing you say sorry is a start."
"Okay, yes, that's okay." Wanda leaves a kiss on your forehead and strokes your hair affectionately. "We love you so much, dear."
"Love you too." You say, hugging the two women in front of you, finally feeling maternal affection after feeling neglected for so long and wondering what you had done wrong. Even though it took a while to get used to it all again, you were definitely happier than ever just hearing the words that they were proud of you. "Now I finally don't need to come to talk to Auntie Yelena anymore."
"Hey! I heard that!" Yelena shouts from another room in the apartment making the three of you laugh. You loved making fun of her, but even so, you will always be thankful for all the things she did for you. "Wow you're so ungrateful, Mini Romanoff."
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milaisreading · 2 months
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5th times the charm?
Pairings: Itoshi Sae x Isagi's sister!Yn
Warnings: Reader uses she/her. Requests are open. This is just a small Valentine's Day idea I had, since the day is approaching us quickly.
⚽️Blue Lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura ⚽️
Ever since he could remember, Yoichi thought of of his sister as someone who could be described as a hopeless romantic at heart. And while that was something he really admired in (Y/n), her faith in love and finding the right person, it also worried him. He loved his sister a lot, she was a kind and very caring person, so he always wanted the best for her. He mainly wanted her to have a good partner, since finding one was always one of her goals, but Yoichi noted one thing about her crush and dating history. And that was, (Y/n) always seemed to find assholes as love interests. While he doesn't remember much about (Y/n)'s pre-school and elementary school, he would sometimes hear his mom and her talk about those things in the kitchen, a random memory popping out here and there. Middle school and high school was something he does remember pretty vividly the two times she would come home crying. Sure, back then he didn't know much about these things and would try to cheer (Y/n) up, but now that he is older he is more aware of these things. That's why he took it upon himself to keep his teammates away from (Y/n). They were good football players and friends, don't get Yoichi wrong, but he couldn't imagine them with his sister.
Then, to his horror, when his career took of in Re Al, he was confronted with the harsh truth that Sae Itoshi of all people asked (Y/n) out, to which she ended up agreeing! Yoichi tried to keep his opinion at the time to himself, not wanting to offend Sae. But, once the siblings were left alone, he warned his sister about dating him.
'Don't worry. I am sure this time it will be different.' Yoichi recalled her words, and he just hopes she was right. And if she wasn't, an accidental kick of the ball into Sae's face will help him calm down.
Looking at the digital clock, (Y/n) yawned as she read the time.
"Already 23:30... and I am not even done decorating this. I shouldn't have waited till last minute." She muttered to herself, looking down at the homemade chocolate and at some of the decorative items she bought the day before. It was the night before Valentine's Day and (Y/n) was doing her absolute best for the chocolate to turn out as good as possible. She really wanted to impress Sae with it, but also see his reaction. It's something she would do ever since she was little. Her mom would tell her to always look at how a guy will react to the little gifts, and make her judgement based on that. And well, so far (Y/n) faced disappointment after disappointment.
'Eww. The card looks stupid, and pink isn't even my favorite color! I am a boy, are you stupid?!'
(Y/n) flinched as she remembered one of the first boys she liked rip her Valentine's Day card into two and throw it at her. That was disappointment #1.
'I don't like this chocolate brand. Next time get me something else.' Safe to say she never looked at disappointment #2 again. Why were elementary school boys so into brand named chocolate? (Y/n) hummed as she mixed some blue and green into the white chocolate.
'The chocolate tastes nice, I didn't know you could cook or whatever. But, you aren't my type, thanks for the chocolate, tho.' Disappointment #3 came up in middle school. (Y/n) wasn't sure why she cried that day, possibly because he was the first guy she had a serious crush on? It was a mystery to her.
'I don't like girls like you. You are way too much of a high maintenance. And besides, I found someone else. She looks more like a football players girlfriend.' Disappointment #4 came along in her final year of high school. Oliver was someone she met by chance, he wasn't her classmate or anything. Just a boy she met at a local café she met and secretly dated for a while. (Y/n) knew je was someone who liked women, a lot, but she held out hope that he might change for her. Well, she came to realize that the hope was foolish.
(Y/n) bit back her tears as she put the chocolate into the fridge, her heart pounding in fear.
'Please, please be different.' She thought, praying that the 5th time will do the trick.
Now, Sae wasn't a romantic person and never really saw the appeal in relationships or acting all lovesick for another person. In his mind football and practice were the only things that should occupy him... until he became one of those lovesick individuals. Although he tried to hide it, and failed according to Rin and Yoichi, Sae was completely in love with the older Isagi sibling. Always being more gentle and mindful of his words around (Y/n), and doing his best to show off his skills in front of her when she would watch a Re Al match. So, to nobody's surprise, Sae spent 2 weeks preparing a gift for Valentine's Day for (Y/n), something Rin wouldn't let him live down if he found out.
'Hope she likes this.' Sae thought as he finished wrapping up the plush toy he found. It was a limited edition item he saw (Y/n) eyeing for a while, so he had to be fast and get it before it was sold out.
The next day, the two met up in a nearby park to exchange the gifts and go for a stroll through Madrid later.
"Happy Valentine's Day!" The two said at the same time, presenting their gifts in front of each other.
"Huh? You got me a gift as well?" (Y/n) raised an eyebrow as her heartbeat quickened, earning a nod from Sae.
"Of course."
"But, White day is-"
"I don't care. I will get you a gift for Valentine's Day and White Day." Sae shrugged as (Y/n)'s face turned red.
"You... you shouldn't do that." She argued, but the redhead shook his head to her words.
"No. I want to."
"O-oh..." (Y/n) felt like her heart was about to explode as she handed Sae the chocolate. Neatly wrapped in a pink and white package with a few heart stickers here and there. Sae kept quiet as he inspected the box after handing (Y/n) the gift he got her. The girl felt her heart sink for a moment when he didn't say anything, already fearing the worst.
'The colors are probably wrong-' Her thoughts got interrupted as she saw Sae smile softly and unwrapped the gift.
'He... He doesn't mind the colors?!' She gulped, hugging the gift closer to her form, watching as he took a bite from the chocolate.
"It's not much and not a brand-named item, but I hope you like it." (Y/n) said timidly as Sae raised an eyebrow.
"I don't care. This chocolate is better than any store bought I ever had. Can you make more when you have time?" Sae wondered, eating more as (Y/n) eyes widened in surprise.
"Y-you like it?! You want me to make more?" She asked, face getting redder as her heart was close to burst out of her chest.
"Of course. You made it. Why wouldn't I like it? I love it, actually." Sae smiled at the girl. There was a silence for a moment and (Y/n) felt a few tears escape her eyes, which caused Sae to panic and move closer to see what the issue was.
"Are you alright? I am sorry. Did I say something wrong?-"
"I love you." (Y/n) sobbed out, hugging Sae tightly. The player was taken aback for a moment, but quickly recovered and hugged her back as a small smile was formed on his face.
"Love you, too."
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teaboot · 4 days
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Hi! (just a personal ask. Sorry if it's not okay to ask for advice out of nowhere but I wanted to see an outer perspective and didn't wanna ask my friends. No pressure to answer of course but I would love to hear your thoughts!)
Is it normal for me to feel overwhelmed about something I want? I am just starting med school and it's a lot but I am fighting. And in my culture, parents buy their daughters their like things?? (like towels and bed sheets and a fridge. Anything they can buy except the apartment basically) for marriage from a young age. But my mom just started recently. And when she first bought me something. The idea of getting married & being a doctor (both things I want) felt like too much I teared up. My mom said I was being spoilers I guess?? Like I was ruining a good moment? Of course it is not that serious since I wasn't outright crying, and I just laughed afterwards as I felt silly lol ,but It got me thinking if I was being that dramatic.
This honestly felt like the moment in the movie where the mom hugs her daughter and says something like "oh how much you've grown" . Her retort felt like it was out of the script.
If you find time to answer, please be extremely blunt. Because I know for a fact I have a tendency to exaggerate things.
You are not overreacting. You are not exagerrating things. And I'm going to tell you this, because I experience this, the tendency to downplay your own feelings and recollections of events very often comes from having other people do it to you first. People tell you your feelings are wrong, or stupid, or irrational, and you learn to listen to them instead of yourself.
It makes complete sense that coming up on a major cultural milestone would make you feel excited, or scared, or overwhelmed. It sounds like you came upon the first step of a very big change and the reality of it all hit you at once, which sounds completely normal and expected!
Fuck, *I* used to get that about moving houses, and YOU'RE expecting shit like marriage? Holy fuck! I'd be a complete mess! The fact that you're level-headed enough to ask questions and process your feelings and talk things through is impressive, because I think I'd be losing my mind.
Personal story, but when I turned 17, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to a restaurant to celebrate. When I told her that it sounded nice, but I'd rather have dinner at home with the family, she told me I was a selfish narcissist, and that I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn't consider that other people might have been excited to go out.
At the time, I thought she'd been harsh but ultimately correct.
Now, I see that she had decided what kind of perfect evening she had wanted, and had expected me to play the part in the movie she had written herself. It had never been about what I wanted at all- it had been about her personal desires and expectations.
And it's normal to feel frustrated about things that don't go the way we want or expect, but lashing out at others is not an appropriate way to handle those emotions.
The way we feel cannot be controlled like a machine. The way we feel is usually not a problem. The problem is what we do, and the choices we make based on those feelings.
Children throw tantrums and sat mean things because they haven't learned better yet. They don't have the practice or experience. Adults like your mother and mine should have that on lock, but often don't, especially if culture or tradition or social expectations tell them their actions are justified.
If I had to take take guess, I'd say it sounds like your mom gave you this gift with an idea in mind of how she wanted you to react. She probably wanted you to be grateful and praising and sweet, so she could fulfill the role she envisioned for herself, and when you deviated from that picture, she was disappointed. From that perspective, it would seem that she felt slighted, and that she was owed your gratitude, and you were at fault for withholding it.
This perspective makes sense, in an emotionally immature sort of way, but would completely overlook your feelings, which are just as important.
Your exact situation is not one I've been in before, but if I'm correct in my assumptions (which I may not be) then I'd suggest keeping an eye out for other instances of your perspective and feelings being minimized.
Are you often told you are behaving irrationally? That you're over-emotional? That you're self-centered or greedy or entitled? Are you told that you don't remember things or do things as you're told? That you see problems where there aren't any? That you male trouble where there is none? That certain conversations aren't worth having, or that "you're always like this"?
It sounds like you know that something is off. I'd encourage you to keep asking questions and follow your instincts. At the end of the day, your life is your own, no matter where it came from.
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mrsbuckybarnes1917 · 6 months
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Bucky isn't a fan of children roaming the streets in costumes and asking for candy. But it only takes one little boy to change his mind.
This is my Halloween contribution to the fandom and a shoutout to @jessybarnes, congrats on reaching 500 followers!
Word count: just over 1k
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He had just gotten home. Bloodied and bruised. There hadn't been any time for him to change. In fact, he had barely stepped through his front door when his phone pinged with a notification from you.
Went to the store to grab more candy!
Bucky scowled. Halloween. He didn't have time to think about such mundane things as your favorite pagan holiday. Naturally, you felt otherwise and had taken the liberty of decorating his home for him.
It was lucky he lived in an apartment building. What was the likelihood that any kids would-
"Trick or Treat!" A chorus of voices accompanied a knock on the door.
His shoulders drooped in disappointment. Maybe he could ignore it?
"TRICK OR TREAT!" There was only one voice this time but louder than before.
Bucky was a patient man who knew multitudes of silence and stillness. He would be patient.
"Come on, Mister! I saw you go inside!" The voice of a little boy who was far less patient than he was.
A sigh escaped Bucky's lips. He was exhausted and didn't particularly want to deal with the emotional baggage that came with the way he expected a child would react to his appearance. He knew people still saw him as a monster, despite his pardon. He had no desire to see fear reflected in the eyes of innocence. But the pounding didn't stop.
He looked around wildly for something to give the expectant youth. His eyes finally landed on a bowl beside the door. There was one candy bar left inside.
Well, it was better than nothing. Bucky grabbed the bowl and wrenched open the door. An audible gasp stopped him in his tracks. He looked down to see an eight year old boy dressed as Captain America standing before him, mouth agape.
"Here kid, this is all I've got," he held out the candy bar to the frozen child.
Both Bucky and the boy stood facing each other for what felt like an eternity to Bucky. Neither of them moved and Bucky wondered if the boy's jaw could drop any further. His silence was making Bucky very uncomfortable.
"Look kid, just take this and go," he dropped the bar into the kid's pumpkin basket. As an afterthought he added, "you don't have to be scared."
"Are you an Avenger?" The boy whispered.
"Not exactly, kid."
"But you're friends with Captain America?"
Bucky was loath to answer this question, but he couldn't exactly deny that he and Sam were friends.
"I guess you can call us friends."
"Do you have superpowers?"
Bucky shrugged. He thought of superpowers belonging to heroes. He would never describe himself as one.
The kid smiled and continued talking despite Bucky’s nonverbal state. “My dad lives in Washington DC now.” 
“That’s nice?” Bucky felt the need to respond to the wide eyes which hadn’t left his face since he opened the door.
“I went to visit him over the summer. He doesn’t live with me and my mom anymore.”
Bucky didn’t miss the glaze of sadness which washed over his face, and he didn’t like how it made him feel.
“Did you like it there?” he asked the boy.
“Yeah! He took me to the Smithsonian.”
Bucky finally understood what the boy was telling him.
“I read about you.”
“Oh.” Bucky’s face fell. The kid had read about the Winter Soldier and his past. “Look, I’m not-”
“You’re my favorite!” The kid was positively beaming up at him.
“F-favorite?” Bucky stuttered, utterly baffled by the response he was receiving. “Favorite what?”
“Howling Commando!” He bobbed up and down with excitement. “You’re Steve Roger’s best friend!”
“Yeah,” Bucky’s face softened and he replied softly, saddened by the thought of his oldest friend. He missed Steve. He looked down at the child before him, his bright eyes and blonde hair. “What’s your name, kid?”
"Steve," he smiled. "My mom named me after Captain America because he saved her life when she was pregnant with me. Dad tells me what happened as a bedtime story on my birthday." The light behind his eyes dimmed with his last words. "He missed it this year."
"I'm sorry, pal."
"Next time I see him, I'm going to tell him I met an Avenger!"
"I bet he will be real impressed!" Bucky smiled, choosing not to correct little Steve.
"When I grow up, I wanna be just like you!"
"I don't think you want that," Bucky answered wistfully.
"You don't think I can be a hero?" Little Steve's face fell.
"Of course you can!" Bucky inwardly cursed his use of language. He knelt down in front of the boy and laid a hand on his shoulder. "But you know my friend, Sam Wilson? Captain America?"
Little Steve nodded solemnly.
"He's the guy you want to grow up to be. Got that?"
"Yes sir, Mr Bucky."
"But if you ever tell him I said that, you'll never get candy here again. Understood?" Bucky said sternly, dropping his last candy bar into the kid's pumpkin basket.
"I'd better get going or I'll miss out on the good candy. No offense, but you gotta get something better than this."
"Working on it, pal," Bucky smiled as you turned the corner, arms laden with several bags. He unburdened you and emptied the contents of one bag into Little Steve's small hands.
He delighted in the sight of the boy's bright eyes and toothy grin. "Thanks!" he cried, backing away with his sugary horde.
"Don't eat it all at once!" Bucky called after him. 
You stood to the side watching the way Bucky had spoken to the little boy, giving him a smug smile.
"What?" Bucky frowned.
"What was that about?" You pointed between Bucky and the spot where Little Steve had stood.
"Kids these days, no respect. We didn't have the luxury of being given this much sugar when I was a kid."
"Is that why you gave him half of what I just brought back?"
Bucky shrugged.
"Come on, let's go inside. The kids may think that blood is fake, but I know better!" You steered Bucky into the apartment. "And if you're good, you'll get a treat too!"
“Did I mention that dress looks incredible on you?" Bucky smirked, eyeing your rockabilly cap sleeve dress with its sweetheart neck and flared skirt. True to the Halloween spirit, it was covered in a pumpkin and ghost design.
You put your arms around his neck. “There will definitely be treats tonight,” you purred into his ear.
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nexusnyx · 1 year
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Hello🥰 It's not a request per say, but I'm really curious what's one of your favorite Joel headcanons if it's ok to share it now? Your writing is amazing, thank you for sharing it with us!
Jules, I am so glad you asked this question. I've been dying to just talk about the things Joel Miller enjoys.
(Also, thank you so much?! It means the world you enjoy my writing! <3)
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Starting from the top, shall we? Pre-outbreak Joel Miller, well..
He's reserved only to people he doesn't trust. If you don't know a thing about Joel Miller, you better bet Joel doesn't like your ass.
Worry not about miscommunication—that's a word his vocabulary lacks. Whatever he feels or not for you, he'll make it known. Unless you're his old neighbors, Joel has no qualms about keeping shit to himself. He'll just say it.
His mouth got him into trouble when he was younger. Often.
It's why he learned to react in his mind first, speak later. Too bad his face gives away his feelings anyway.
Speaking of feelings... Joel Miller is a romantic. Big, big time. It's why he's single after all these years and Sarah's mom — "if it ain't the right thing, I don't want it."
Joel's not scared of being alone because he likes his own company. It's why he values so much when he finds another one he enjoys, too. He appreciates real connections. Good conversation.
Hates small talk. Will not do it. Will get away with doing it 9/10 times.
Blood is made of caffeine, sandwiches, and take-out food, which is why...
He's a whore for home-cooked meals. He gets by on his own, but he doesn't have the heart for cooking. Tommy got those genes. Joel would sell his soul for home-cooked meals everyday, and he'll say it to whoever hears it.
Workaholic only because he wants to put Sarah through a good university, but when she complains about the lack of time she has with her father, he compromises. Hires more people, tries to balance work and Sarah.
Balance is not really his expertise. But Joel's good at compromising. Rationalizing. He's a man of structure, of building things from scratch—he knows the value of firm, solid base.
Not really a sports kind of guy, actually. He'll watch it, but... Shrugging it off. "I don't see what the big deal is over a ball. I mean — it's fun, but damn. Breaking windows and busting fists on walls ain't my thing. Not over a damn football, at least."
On the other hand... history buff. Over the strangest, weirdest, most specific topics. Joel has trouble naming three countries in Asia, but he can tell you in details everything about Mayan construction and their society. Go figure.
He's a man of taste. Good food, strong alcohol, fruit picked from the tree, and woman who let him sink to his knees and taste them 'till he's drunk on it. He's starving, quite often.
Joel's a tease.
He can play a game of chicken all night long. No fucks given about how hard he's straining in his jeans or the beads of sweat trailing from his nape down his spine — if you touch him when you two are out, he will make you live to regret it. To whine and cry his name.
Joel loves a playful thing. Seriousness is imbedded in his bones, he loves a person that can make him laugh.
His sense of humor is... peculiar.
("It's shite. You're sense of humor's the same as a fifty-six year old man, Joel." "You say that and yet, you're laughin'... how does that work, beautiful?")
You know his taste? His sharp tongue, his clever brain and quick fingers? Yeah... it makes him a cocky bastard.
Everything Joel has of insecurity, he equals in cockiness once he knows his person's attracted to him.
Reciprocity's big on him.
Joel pays attention to details. He'll remember the outfit you were wearing the day you two met 'till the day he dies, which is why he knows when he's in deep from miles away.
Loves being surprised, exactly because of this ^.
Joel loves through gestures, through words, through action.
Love language is touch, touch, words of affirmation, touch.
Never gonna half-ass anything that matters to him. Never.
Will play to you when he decides to confess his feelings. Will sing his heart out, even if he’s not that good at it (his words), will make himself vulnerable and open like a wound if he thinks he’s in safe hands.
One in a million. Joel’s one in a million and when the right person comes along to appreciate it, Joel only glows. Only glows up, and gets finer with each passing day, like a great wine.
(If you’d like me to do post-outbreak Joel, I could..)
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solaris333 · 1 year
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𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 ✿
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i successfully manifested on a time crunch! i had never been able to do it before but here's what happened over the last couple days.
my older sister and her husband were coming to visit, so my mom told me to clean my room so that they could take it for the night that they were here.
i had a few issues with this. 1) i had like two days notice 2) i had been feeling sick and just wanted to sleep in my own bed. 3) i didn't want to sleep in the living room because there isn't a tv that i can play brown noise on to sleep. 4) i had to clean my room hotel sleek. i decided i was going to go to the void to avoid the whole thing and try to shift away.
anyways, i'm going to bed wednesday night and i start affirming for the void while falling asleep. i did NOT get into the void, i ended up descending into the good old lullaby method.
i don't know exactly when affirming for the void turned into regular old affirming, but i started affirming that my sister got a hotel.
it went a little like:
i am in the void + vaunt >> my sister got a hotel. she isn't staying. they aren't staying the night. they got a room. they got a hotel. they got a hotel. they got a hotel. they aren't staying.
and then i fell asleep. my last memories of wednesday night are of mindlessly affirming.
thursday comes, my sister and her husband come to visit, we talk a little and my mom asks them a question about staying the night. my sister says that they got a hotel and AREN'T STAYING!
my mom told them that i cleaned and got my room ready for them and my sister says that it's nice, but their hotel is already paid for and i don't have to give up my room.
yall, i was trying so bad not to react because i knew i manifested it!!
since i never was able to manifest in a time crunch, i think it's worth noting that i used @fleurlx's void sub. i looped it about 5 times before bed and affirming.
to wrap up, thank you fleur for a great sub, it will most definitely be in my rotation from now on! also, i will never doubt the lullaby method ever again. this all definitely strengthened my belief in manifesting overnight.
thanks for reading 💕
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vanwritesfan-fiction · 4 months
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8Na9JoW/
A teenage Sav or Laylah asking Trav these questions. Add in Jason and it’s golden 🙃
If You Were Me
Sav and Laylah ask their dad and uncle questions to see how they would react to certain situations, they're like 15-16 in this concept
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Everyone was resting after an amazing Christmas dinner when Savannah, Laylah and their cousins all found Travis and Jason in the living room, watching basketball.
The girls saw a trend on TikTok where you ask your non-strict parent hypothetical questions to see how they would react. Neither you or Travis were very strict, but Travis was definitely more relaxed about certain things, and Jason was usually very lenient in his punishments, so they knew the Kelce brothers would be the perfect subjects for their video.
"Daddy?" Savannah had her iPad in her hands, Savannah carrying her phone behind her. "Yes, baby?" Travis could barely keep his eyes open, he just wanted to nap in front of the TV. "Can you and Uncle Jason do a video with us?"
"What kinda video?" Jason perked up when he saw his daughters were in on it too. "We'll just ask you some questions and you tell us how you would answer them, okay?", Wyatt answered. Both dads agreed, and Laylah set up the camera to record for TikTok.
Savannah: Okay, first question. What would you do if I got a C in one of my classes?
Travis: This is all hypothetical, right? Because if its not...
Savannah: All hypothetical. I have all A's, dad, don't worry.
Travis: Well, I'd obviously be concerned, but your mom and I would try to get you some tutoring help or something.
Jason: Your dad really has no room to talk, he wasn't exactly a star student.
Laylah: Really? You never told us that, Dad!
Travis: What are you doing, man? No, I was more focused on sports in high school. Ok, next question.
Jason: He really wasn't that good at sports either. Ow! I'm just answering the questions honestly.
Elliotte: What if I snuck out to a party, and you found out the next day?
Jason: Eh, I wouldn't be too mad at that. As long as you were safe and didn't drink. We'd have to keep it from your mom, though. She would be pissed.
Savannah: Dad, and you?
Travis: I'd say the same thing. As long as you weren't drinking. Its not like you girls have snuck out before or anything.
Laylah: What would you do if I swore at you in an argument?
Travis: Next question. You know better than that.
Wyatt: Dad, what would you do if I got in a fight?
Jason: Well, first I would ask you if you won the fight, and if you didn't I'd wonder where I went wrong as a parent. The Kelces are known fighters.
Travis: Yep, even in pre-school. I'd never want you to start a fight, but you have my permission to finish it.
Laylah: What happened in Kindergarten.
Jason: Oh, please don't make him tell this story.
Travis: Hush, man. I was playing checkers and the other kid cheated.
Jason: He hit him with a chair.
Savannah: You hit a kid with a chair?!
Travis: I don't like cheaters, never have. Don't ask me what I would do if I found out you were cheating.
Laylah: Trust me, I won't. What would you do if one of us got our car towed and it cost $900 to get it?
Jason: You would get a lot of use out of your two feet, because once I got that car, you would no longer be driving it.
Bennett: Even if it was an accident?
Jason: If it was an accident, I'd probably get you the car and then you'd do something to pay me back, but if its on purpose- you're losing car priviliges.
Travis: I would just pay the amount, and then make sure you were more careful going forward.
Jason: He's only saying that because he's lost a car before.
Travis: For the last time, I didn't lose it, it was stolen!
Jason: But why was it stolen, Travis?
Travis: (mumbles) Because I left the keys in the car.
Savannah: Okay just a couple more. What if I skipped class, and you found out afterward?
Travis: I would be mad, because what else do you have to do? School is your only job.
Jason: What class did you skip?
Travis: Why does that matter?
Jason: If its math, I can't say I'd blame them. Gym on the other hand, why would you skip the easiest class you have?
Travis: You are such a bad influence.
Elliotte: What would you do if I turned my location off while I was out?
Jason: That's not acceptable. I need to know that you're safe at all times.
Travis: Yeah, that one would get you grounded for a long time.
Savannah: so fighting is okay, but you not being able to track my location isn't?
Travis: Yep, next question.
Laylah: Last question, what would you do if I snuck a boy in the house?
Travis: This is the first question where I'd actually be really mad. Like you wouldn't see the light of day until you graduated from high school.
Jason: I have a bat underneath my bed just for moments like this.
Bennette: You wouldn't actually hurt the boy, would you?
Jason: Ha! He'd be leaving the house on a stretcher.
Travis: Are y'all sure these questions are hypothetical. Savannah looks awful guilty.
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pablitogavii · 6 months
Text
Our Special Wedding
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"Oh and don't forget aunt Darcy!" your mom said adding more unknown names to the list of guests at your upcoming wedding. Truth be told, you hated big crowds, and your whole life you chose to avoid them.
While at school everyone went to football game, you were happy in the library with a book. Even now, when you go support Pablo, you try to avoid crowding places due to your anxiety.
"And we will order three different flavor cakes! I have a lady who decorates them so well!" Belen added and you couldn't help but stay quiet twirling a white flower in your hand.
You didn't want this kind of wedding...you always dreamed of a simple one at the beach...with only those closest to you...your man...and eternal freedom. All of this was just...too much crowds!
Pablo was chatting with his dad who was telling him how proud he was that he finally settled down with a good girl. Pablo was glancing at you noticing your frowning face, and immediately excused himself to check up on you.
"How are things going here amor???" Pablo asked and you looked up giving him a weak smile not even having the chance to answer as the two women already did.
"So well! Don't you worry! Everything will be perfect!" they said but Pablo didn't listen looking at his girlfriend's not so satisfied face.
"Vale! Do you mind if I talk to Y/N alone???" he said and the women chuckled calling it "young love" before leaving to continue their plans. Pablo sat down besides you taking your hand and you looked up at him.
"What's wrong, mi amor? You don't look happy about this at all? If you changed your mind...?" Pablo asked terrified of your answer but he would never force you to do something out of your own will.
"No! Amor, I want to marry you so bad! I promise!" she quickly reacted not wanting Pablo to agonize over such questions when he should be happy.
"Then what's wrong, huh? Tell your Pablito, princesa...??" he said caressing your cheek and you sighed leaning closer into his touch before laying your head on his shoulder.
"Um...they are so excited about planning...but..um I.." you didn't know how to say it because you cared so much about both of your moms.
"You don't want that kind of wedding?? Is that it?" he said knowing he was right because he was thinking exactly the same thing once he saw the long list of people he barely even met. You just nodded sadly.
"I'm sorry...but...I and crowds don't go well...and...and" you were worried Pablo will hate you now but instead he was kissing your lips to shut you up.
"Amor, I feel the same way! I am so sick and tired of crowds! I just want there to be you and me...and our closest family...maybe somewhere open?" he said like he was reading your mind and you smiled knowing he was indeed your soulmate.
"Like the beach?" you smile and he nodded kissing the top of your head.
"Exactly! Don't you worry yourself, princesa...your husband will take care of this" he spoke and your whole body contracted when you heard him say that.
"M..my h.husband.." you repeated after him with a blushing cheeks and he smirked nodding his head and kissing your forehead.
"Mhm..your future husband preciosa...and you're my beautiful future wife" he spoke making your stomach fill with butterflies in that moment as you smiled bigger and he leaned down to kiss you.
Pablo explained to them how I felt, and they immediately understood wanting this to be our special day and agreeing to do all we want.
"I'm so sorry, I know how excited you both were about planning it" you say feeling a little guilty but both women hugged you at the same time.
"We love you so much, querida! Both of you! And we just want you to be happy together!" they said and you smiled looking at Pablo's proud smirk.
"Husband- the problem solver!" he said and you giggled still blushing hearing him calling himself that. It was the most exciting "strange" you ever felt!!!
"Best husband in the world!" you say now making him blush when everyone awed and he went back to his dad as I giggled.
Some post wedding photos coming up ;)))
y.n.gavira
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It felt like a dream 💕
commentarios:
aurorapaezg: most beutiful weddding I've seen 🥰
belengavira: special day for special love!
pablogavi: I love you❤️❤️
y.n.gavira: I love you more❤️❤️
gavifans: aweee🥺
mikkykiemeney: your smile worth everything🥺💗
pablogaviraagirl: her name says gavira now!!!😍😍
aurorapaezg
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Mi hermanito, what else can I say than you found yourself an angel to look over and protect you 🤍 I'm proud of a man you became and I know you will take good care of her! Love you both so much!!🔓🥺
comentarios:
y.n.gavira: I love you ❤️❤️
pablogavi: hearing you say this means everything! thank you hermana mia❤️❤️
belengavira: mi baby 🥺
javibegines: beautiful couple❤️
pablogavi
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It's not a dream, amor...you're really mine, Mrs. Gavira 🔒❤️💍
comentarios:
y.n.gavira: my husband 😍
pablogavi: my wife❤️❤️
gavigavi: they're so beuitufl😍😍😍
gaviragirls: happy pablo!!!🥺
pedri: felicidades hermano!❤️
ansufati: grande gavi!
fcbarcelona:🥺💍🥰
frenkiedejong: it was time youngster😂😎❤️
y.n.gavira
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He's the kind of husband that wants to make my dreams come true🥰
comentarios:
pablogavi: always amor❤️❤️
belengavira: perfectos!
aurorapaezg:🥺
gavifans: it's so cute they wanted a small weding! y/n looks happy💗
Hope you enjoyed🥰
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scoobydoodean · 4 months
Text
Okay so in 1.03 Dead In The Water, there's this exchange Sam and Dean have at one point in regards to Lucas—the little boy who watched his dad drown, who Dean connects with during the episode:
DEAN Andrea said the kid never drew like that till his dad died. SAM There are cases—going through a traumatic experience could make people more sensitive to premonitions, psychic tendencies. DEAN Whatever's out there, what if Lucas is tapping into it somehow? I mean, it's only a matter of time before somebody else drowns, so if you got a better lead, please.
And the last time I watched this episode, I went "Oh cool! A little Psychic!Sam Easter Egg." Right? Sam goes through the traumatic experience of losing Jess, and he's tapped into "whatever's out there" (the yellow eyed demon) and he's having premonitions about what he's going to do next. Which definitely makes a lot of sense.
But when I was gif-ing stuff from 1.03 today, I realized that... funnily enough, within the context of this episode we also have some fun stuff relating to the "slightly psychic Dean" posts that have gone around this year... Or if you prefer, Cassandra!Dean. Cassandra, in reference to the prophet in Greek myth, cursed by Apollo to utter true prophecies but never be believed.
Dean often knows when bad things are going to happen in Supernatural. He doesn't have visions—but he has "bad feelings" and makes predictions that turn out to be scarily accurate at times. Of course we can infer that Dean is just good at 1) reading people and 2) understanding how sequences of events tumble one by one in a row like so many dominoes. It's another sign of his incredible intelligence. But it IS fun to think about Dead In The Water as the first indication of Cassandra!Dean.
First, because Lucas has premonitions, and Lucas and Dean are paralleled and connect on an emotional level.
Dean and Lucas have similar traumatic childhood experiences. Both watched a parent die and both lost the ability to speak afterwards:
DEAN You're scared. It's okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave too.
Dean is able to connect with Lucas through their shared traumatic experience. He's the only one who's able to get through to him—and after a short conversation and just drawing together for a while—much to his mom's shock. Dean is able to understand what Lucas is feeling without Lucas saying it.
Second, because Lucas has bad feelings that tell him the locations where the spirit will strike next, but no one listens to/believes him.
...Kind of like people usually don't listen to/believe Dean's bad feelings.
DEAN Anyway. Well, maybe you don't think anyone will listen to you, or, uh...or believe you. I want you to know that I will. You don't even have to say anything. You could draw me a picture about what you saw that day, with your dad, on the lake.
Of course, this line is just Dean paralleling Lucas with himself and his own reasons for not speaking, but it must hit home, because Lucas begins communicating with Dean through drawings.
Further, despite Sam also knowing Lucas is having premonitions, when Lucas reacts with extreme distress to the idea of going home and clings to Dean desperately, Sam still... doesn't think it means anything. He thinks the case is over.
Third, Dean has a bad feeling that the case isn't over, and Sam doesn't believe him.
The sheriff had just threatened to arrest them if they stayed in town, so of course going back to town is a big deal. When Dean turns around based on a bad feeling, Sam thinks he's just being paranoid.
SAM But Dean, this job, I think it's over. DEAN I'm not so sure. SAM If Bill murdered Peter Sweeney and Peter's spirit got its revenge, case closed. The spirit should be at rest. DEAN All right, so what if we take off and this thing isn't done? You know, what if we've missed something? What if more people get hurt? SAM But why would you think that? DEAN Because Lucas was really scared. SAM That's what this is about?
Dean sticks to his guns, and they arrive just in time to save Lucas's mother from drowning in a bathtub.
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nrdmssgs · 9 months
Text
Soap comforting reader
Masterlist Comforting series: König comforting reader Price comforting reader
AN: I've got requested for something a bit similar for König and decided to make a series. There will be different traumas, CoD boys help us all overcome. (Königs version coming soon)
Here Johnny helps the reader deal with her neglectful family. I kept everything mild, so no TWs here really.
You are nervous about that family gathering. Of course, it's Johnny, you'll follow him anywhere, but a mere thought of a full family gathering in one house… 
Someone will not like your clothes, someone will criticize your career, someone will quarrel with you because of politics... And at some point there will be ‘THE talk’ about children and grandchildren, and you will choke in guilt and shame.
No, you never met Johnnys relatives before. But you knew well, how is it usually going: “Hi guys, look, whom I found, please like her as I do”. And then the show starts.
It didn't help as well, that your own family gatherings often ended with you gagging on your tears in the bathroom, pretending, you were just washing hands.
“Hen? You nervous? We can always pull off the road, so you can take a breather.” Johnny puts his hand on your knee and gives you a beaming smile.
"No, no, I don't want to be late. Your sister wrote that she was already there."
He stops on the next parking lot nevertheless. “If she is already there - it means, my parents are already entertained enough by her kids. Come on, lets walk.” And before you could react, Johnny drags you out of the car, takes your hand and leads you in a field beside a parking lot.
It helps, but by the time you two step inside his parents house, you feel your pulse drop once again. 
“I'm so happy to finally meet you!”, “Johnny, what took you so long to bring her here? Oh, you've been dating for not that long? What took you so long to find her then?!”, “He is so lucky to have you!”
Yes, they don't just quietly accept you - they absolutely shower you in love. You usually don't hear that many nice words, even on your birthday.
And they are all fantastic people: they are kind, open-hearted, love a good joke. You feel like you could talk to them forever. 
You see, what it takes to raise such a treasure like Johnny: he has mothers eyes and fathers voice, he shares his bubbly personality with his sister. 
His family still has their little heartwarming rituals, when they call their son to lick the spoon after mixing cookie dough. Only now Johnny picks up his nephew and gives him the spoon. Or when they all gather together on the terrace after dinner, lay out blankets and pillows on the plank floor and make themselves comfortable with mugs of tea.
Johnny sits with a notebook in his hands and sketches something, his sister stealthily peeps over his shoulder, then glances at you and smiles. You are stolen by his nephew to build a pillow fort.
Before you go to bed, you help his parents clean up. His mom walks over to you while you're wiping down the big dish and hugs you. "Thank you for letting him into your life. Johnny has always been a sweet, cheerful child, but It`s the first I see my boy literally glowing with happiness."
Although normally, you wouldn't like being touched by someone you've just met - this time you don't mind. In fact you even find yourself enjoying this little warm moment.
Later that night, sitting on the edge of bed in Johnnys childhood room, you ask yourself if this is what a family feels like. Or maybe MacTavishes were just an ideal family and in fact it was ok to cry at every family gathering, to avoid texting and calling your parents more than once a week. Maybe everyone didn`t share their feelings with parents and siblings, just like you? And there were rare exceptions to the rule here and there, and you just met one?
You didn't even hear Johnny entering the room and coming closer.
“Heeeey, what's with the wet eyes? Anyone let you down?” He slowly lowers himself to the floor and puts his head in your lap. "Wait, or did I say something stupid? That joke about my next deployment is just a joke, I swear!”
You smile and wipe away tears hastily. “No-no! Nobody let me down. Its just your family… You are all so good to me and to each other.”
Johnny lets you go on with the thought, asking questions and encouraging. He has long noticed that your relationship with your family is not like his, but he has never commented on this before.
"I know it's stupid, but... I didn't want to go to bed, just to spend more time with them. I wanted to remember how a family can feel. And now I'm afraid that in a week I'll forget this feeling... Sorry, I must sound like an edgy teenager right now."
He pulls your torso in a firm hug, not raising from the floor. “They… We all are your family, if you want us to. They love you, bonnie. You know, how many times they asked me to finally bring the woman who makes me smile constantly to our family house? How long have they all wanted to meet you? You know, how many times they pulled me in some corner today just to ask when am I going to wife you up?”
You frown. “Oh no…” “Oh yes, sweets. They are rooting for us.” “Wait, that's bad, that's really bad…” “How is that bad?” “I like them so much, I want them to be happy, and if you have second thoughts, if you decide, I'm not worth it, they'll all hate me for not being that girl, for wasting your time, for not being good enough…”
The speed with which you find yourself knocked over on the bed and his hands holding you tight against his chest is beyond any belief. You are cut out mid-sentence.
“Breathe in…” His hand moves to your spine and traces a long line up to you neck. “... and out.” His fingers now travel down your back.
Johnny repeats it a few times and when he feels your pulse steadying, he finally speaks. “There are and will be no second thoughts. Happy or not - you're stuck with me, sweets. I may joke around other matters, but I am dead serious with this. You are the one. For me, which also means - for them. I know it, they know it. You are welcome here, you are loved, you are so much awaited. They are part of me, so they always come with me, if you choose to have me.”
As he speaks, you feel his breath tingling back of your head and his fingers drowning in your hair. This all feels surreal, but you want to believe him. They are slowly becoming your family. Your home. 
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kiarastromboli · 2 months
Text
Teach me 5 (Chris Sturniolo x y/n)
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Part.1 Part.2 Part.3 Part.4
Masterlist.
Warning: angst, mention of selfharm, arguing.
Summary: After a challenging party and a disagreement with her mother, Y/N finds herself alone, confronted by her darkest thoughts. She hits rock bottom, but something prevents her from taking irreversible actions.
Note: This part will address sensitive subjects such as depression and self-harm. If you're not comfortable with these topics, please do not read. I want to emphasize that my intention is not to romanticize distress or depression. If you're struggling and need help, there are people around you. My DMs are open for anyone who feels the need to talk. You are not alone. 🫶🏻
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How could I be so stupid, even though my parents warned me about boys like Chris?
Liars, manipulators who can't control their desires and needs.
And I, like the naive and innocent little virgin I was, fell for it.
I fell for it, and I believed it for two years, believed it to the point of tearing my fucking heart out of my chest.
I can't believe I could be so damn foolish.
Is this what being blinded by love is like? Is this what it's supposed to mean?
Is that why they keep lecturing us teenagers that we don't know what real love is?
If he lied to me that night, then it means he lied to me every other night.
If he truly loved me as he claimed, he would never have dared to do such a thing to me.
How could he look me in the eyes and tell me all those bullshit while he was already dating another girl?
I thought he was honest and sincere; he had the same look as the first time he said 'I love you,' and now it all seemed like a fucking lie.
I knew that sleeping with him that night wasn't supposed to mean anything, and since we were supposed to remain friends, it's not the fact that he's with another girl that hurts me.
It's the fact that he lied to me, making me believe I was the only one in his heart.
I was warned about him; Julia told me to be careful, and even my father told me it was better if I went to the other end of the country to cut contact with him.
But I didn't want to believe all that because I was charmed by a few kisses and conversations that I thought were meaningful until now.
I wish it were just a lie, but that night, just before leaving Julia's party, I saw Tess and Chris kissing in the middle of the crowd, and I felt like I was going to die of heartbreak.
He was kissing her right here in front of everyone, which means he didn't even bother hiding it from me anymore.
Was it a way of getting back at me for what i did ?
Why did he make me believe he didn't hold a grudge against me? Why did he play with my fucking heart like that?
I was so ashamed that I didn't even bother explaining the situation to Julia; I went home and locked myself in my room.
Waking up this morning, I saw a ton of missed messages and calls from Julia. Shit, I didn't think to tell her I was leaving; she must have been worried...
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In addition to feeling like shit because of Chris, I naturally had to wake up with a hangover.
I'm pathetic, this whole story is ridiculous.
"You came home very late last night; I thought you'd be back today," my mother said, arms crossed, upon seeing me enter the kitchen.
Great, now I'll have to face her, and judging by the expression on her face, I suspect our conversation won't be pleasant. That's just what was missing!
"I didn't feel very well last night; I preferred to come home," I told her, opening the kitchen cupboard to take a mug.
"Did you drink?" she asked, exhaling.
"Mom, I told you it was a party for my return, and-" I barely had time to finish justifying myself; she had already resumed speaking.
"I thought you had changed, that you had improved, but I see it's worse. How do you think your father will react to this, y/n?" she said, distressed.
I sighed before she could speak again. "Seriously, y/n, do you think it's an appropriate way for a young woman like you to behave? Have you thought about what people will think of us seeing you like this?"
"Damn, don't you ever get tired of bringing everything back to you?" I snapped, and she jumped at the sound of my raised voice.
"My whole fucking life, I played the role you wanted me to play, and I never complained!" I said, furious.
"You sent me to the other end of the country without even giving me a choice, forcing me to rebuild my life and leave the people I love!"
"Do you have any idea how challenging it is to be your daughter, Mom? Do you know what it's like to have this kind of education when you grow up around normal parents and teenagers?"
"Yes, I made some mistakes, and you never-" I paused, letting out a fake laugh. "Never failed to remind me!"
"But all the good things I've done, all the good grades, all the people I've helped, everything I've done to please you and help you, you've never commented on that," I said, disgusted.
"You never congratulated me; you never said you were proud of me. And no matter how much effort I put into it, I was never enough for you or Dad!"
"I hid behind this role of the perfect little girl. I hid all my pain and kept my head high, hoping that one day you would be proud. But the truth is, you'll never be because you don't love me. You love the girl I pretend to be, but you hate the girl I am!" I said before leaving the kitchen in tears to lock myself in my room again.
This day couldn't get any more horrible than it already was.
My mother tried knocking on my door, but I stayed there in my bed.
I didn't want to face her anymore; I didn't want to talk to her. It was already hard enough.
Why was my life so chaotic? Why don't I deserve happiness?
Why do things always have to get worse?
What did I do wrong to deserve this?
I didn't even know who I was and what I was supposed to be.
At that moment, I would have given anything to go back to the other end of the country, far from my parents.
But I knew that there, I would have given anything to come back to Boston, close to those I love.
I was lost and alone.
I had no one to share my pain with and no one to hug.
It turns out the only person I might have wanted to embrace was just a liar and an opportunist.
I wrapped myself in my blanket, closed the curtains, and turned off the lights.
I spent the day like that without moving a muscle.
Night came, bringing darkness with it.
Activity on the street outside my house diminished, giving way to silence.
My mother had given up and stopped knocking on my door.
My tears flowed and rested on my face until they turned cold.
I didn't know how long I had stayed like that, but I knew it was a long time.
I kept thinking about all the things I might have done wrong in my life.
I searched for the reason why everything was going so wrong.
Was it because I wasn't grateful enough to have a roof over my head?
Was it because I had been a spoiled child?
Was it because I didn't make enough effort?
Was it because I wasn't a good enough friend? Or a good enough daughter?
Was it because I am a bad person?
Am I a bad person?
Is it legitimate for me to feel this bad?
Am I not exaggerating?
After all, there are worse things in life, right?
People are dying out there, losing their loved ones, and I'm crying because a boy lied to me?
I'm crying because I'm just an unloved child?
A child who only wants to be recognized and appreciated.
What did I do wrong, damn it?
The more my thoughts chained together, the harder it became to breathe.
I had a weight in my chest, and I could feel it deep inside me.
I had cried so much that my sinuses hurt, and my eyes were swollen.
It was hard, so hard. What was I supposed to do?
How was I going to be able to continue living with this weight on my chest?
Dark and obscure thoughts took over my mind.
Thoughts that I was ashamed of, thoughts so awful that I couldn't bring myself to recount them to you.
I wanted to do something bad; I got up and grabbed the blade from my pencil sharpener on my desk.
And before I could reach my bed again, I was interrupted by my window opening.
I turned around in shock, falling face to face with Chris. Damn it, why did he always have to do that?
The blade slipped from my fingers and fell to the floor at that moment.
"Shit," I whispered, quickly bending down to retrieve it.
"What's this?" Chris asked, eyebrows furrowed, pointing at my closed hand.
"Chris, get out of my room right now," I told him sharply.
He scrutinized my face for a moment before speaking again. "Were you crying? Y/n, what's wrong? What are you hiding in your hand?" he asked, concerned.
"It's none of your fucking business. Just leave; I don't want you here!" I said, feeling anger rise again.
"Wow, I haven't done anything. Why are you talking to me like this? Seriously, I'm getting worried. What's going on?" he asked, confused, approaching me.
On reflex, I put the hand holding the blade behind my back when he reached my level, only making him more worried.
"Chris, I'm warning you; I'll call my parents if you don't leave my room now!" I panicked before he grabbed my arm.
"What are you hiding, Y/n? Open your hand!" he said, getting angrier and trying to open my hand.
"Chris, stop – let go of me, stop!" I said, succumbing and crying when he started overpowering me.
I tried to struggle, but he had much more strength than me. It didn't take him long to open my hand and find the blade.
His expression changed; he furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at me.
"What were you doing when I came into your room?" he asked, well aware of what my answer would be.
Tears started flowing again, and this time, I was filled with shame. I couldn't even bring myself to speak, so I just stood there, looking at him with teary eyes.
"Y/n," he said in a fragile voice.
"Why?" he asked, his gaze sad.
"Chris, I want you to leave," I told him amid my sobs.
"No, not until you explain why," he said, shaking his head.
I lifted my head before taking a deep breath to try and stop my tears.
"And why don't you explain your little story with Tess then!" I told him, changing the subject.
"Wait, are you serious, y/n? Don't change the subject," he said, completely confused.
"Chris, what I was about to do is none of your business anymore, not since the moment you lied to my face, making me believe I was special to you," I said, pushing him away.
"But what are you talking about, y/n? I never lied to you," he said, shaking his head.
"Then why didn't you tell me you were with her!" I raised my voice.
"What?" he said, even more confused.
"Chris, I want you to leave; I don't want to deal with this shit right now," I said, turning my back to him.
"Y/n, I'm not fucking dating her. Where did you get that idea?" he said, placing his hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me around.
"Why do you keep lying, Chris? She came to ask me to keep my distance from you, emphasizing that you two are together!" I told him, turning around and brushing his hand off my shoulder.
"Do you really believe that nonsense?" he said, furrowing his eyebrows.
"I saw you kissing her," I said, clenching my jaw and trying to hold back my tears.
He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, taking a step back.
I sighed. "Damn it, Chris, you're such a jerk," I said, shaking my head.
"Y/n, it's not like that. It's really not what you think," he began to try and justify himself before I cut him off again.
"It's not what I think?" I said, raising my voice and eyebrows.
"Oh, so your tongue wasn't in her mouth?" I said, crossing my arms.
"Y/n, I know it can be misleading, but..." he began to try and explain before I cut him off again with a laugh.
"Misleading?! Chris, seriously?" I said, biting my lip.
"Please, let me explain, y/n," he said, grabbing my hands, but I didn't let him. I pulled back.
"I don't need you to explain, Chris; it's very fucking clear," I said, nodding my head.
"Y/n, please," he said desperately.
"Get out, Chris," I told him sharply.
He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, not moving.
"For God's sake, just get the fuck out; I want you to leave!" I screamed, pushing him.
"I'm not going to leave you alone when you were about to hurt yourself, y/n. You can be as mad at me as you want, but I won't leave this room until I know you're safe," he said, standing his ground.
"Oh, now you're worried about me?!" I said, laughing.
"You're getting yourself worked up over nothing. I haven't done anything wrong, y/n," he said, looking me in the eyes.
"You'd rather believe some girl you don't even know over me. You won't even give me a chance to explain!" he said, waving his hands.
"Because I don't want to listen to another one of your lies, Chris. I'm too tired for that!" I told him, breaking into tears.
"But I'm not lying to you, y/n. Trust me!" he said, advancing towards me.
"I can't. I can't. I'm not strong enough for that. I don't want to take the risk of sinking even lower!" I confessed.
"Is it because of me that you were going to do that?" he said, pointing to the blade that now rested on my bedside table.
I looked at him, eyes soaked and throat tightened.
"Oh god," he whispered, running his hand over his face.
"I'm so sorry, y/n, if I made you believe I wasn't sincere, but all this is just a mistake. I'm not dating Tess," he said, taking my hands.
"I slept with her for a long time, okay, I won't lie to you. I was sleeping with her before we got together, and when you left, I turned to her right away," he began to explain, and I just listened.
"I was a jerk to her. I made her believe it could work between us to keep her under my control, even though I knew we would never be together," he said, and I could hear the disgust in his voice.
"When I got myself together, I stopped everything with her and tried to apologize, but she kept resenting me. She knew what you meant to me; that's why she didn't waste a second to come and tell you those lies," he said, and I sank down, sitting on my bed.
"Y/n, I'm not proud of what I did. She didn't deserve that, and it's not an excuse, but when you left, I was in such a bad place that I hurt anyone who came near me," he said, sitting next to me.
"I haven't lied to you once," he said, placing his hand on mine.
"I'm sorry, y/n, believe me, I really am. I didn't want you to end up like this. I should have told you that night, but I was too ashamed," he said, looking into my eyes.
"And why did you kiss her then?" I asked, wiping my tears.
"Because she threw herself at me; I was completely wasted. By the time I understood what was happening and detached her from my lips, there might have been enough time for you to see us. She probably waited until you were around to do it," he told me.
I looked at him without answering; I was hesitant. I didn't know if I should trust him or not.
"Y/n, I know it sounds far-fetched, but I swear it's true. You can ask anyone; I never dated her," he said, trying to be as convincing and reassuring as possible.
"Chris," I said, lowering my head, "I don't know if I'm supposed to believe you. I don't know if I should trust you or not."
"It's the truth, y/n, I swear. You can ask anyone. I would never do anything to hurt you," he said, squeezing my hand.
"I need time; I don't know what to think. I don't know if I should believe you or not,"
"I'll give you all the time you need," he said, nodding.
"You should rest; it's late, and you really look tired," he said, getting up.
"I'll take this with me," he said, picking up the blade from my bedside table before heading to my window.
"Chris!" I said before he left my room, and he turned around.
"Yes?" he replied.
"I don't want to be alone," I said, letting a tear fall, "Can you stay with me until I fall asleep, please?"
He took a deep breath, "Y-yeah, of course," he said, moving closer to me.
He grabbed the chair from my desk and placed it next to my bed before sitting down.
I slipped under the sheets of my bed, whispering to him, "Thank you, Chris."
"Don't thank me; it's the least I can do for you," he said with a weak smile.
Silence filled the room for a few seconds before I spoke again.
"It wasn't just because of you, you know?" I said in a weak voice.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, leaning towards me.
"I had a fight with my mom," I told him, and he nodded, signaling me to continue.
"And for the first time, I told her what I really had on my mind," I continued, sitting up against my headboard.
"I said things to her that I had never had the courage to say before, and when I went back to my room, everything hit me," I said, unable to control my voice, which occasionally broke.
"I found myself alone with my thoughts, and I started to wonder why all this was happening to me," I continued, waving my hands.
"I got lost in my own head; grief took over, and I felt this horrible weight on my chest," I said, letting a tear fall and placing my hand on my chest.
"It hurt, and I didn't know what I was supposed to do. My thoughts were screaming awful things at me, and I struggled to breathe; I felt suffocated," I said, shaking my head, and more tears began to stream down my cheeks.
"And for a brief moment, I thought that by inflicting physical pain on myself, it would get rid of all these bad thoughts," I said before biting my lip.
"I just wanted it to stop; I wanted to distract my mind. I didn't want to hurt myself, but it felt like the only solution," I said, trying to wipe away my tears.
"And now, looking back, I realize how stupid and awful it was. I don't know what came over me; it was like it was stronger than me," I added, hitting my mattress with my arm.
"I just wanted it to stop; I wanted to feel better," I said, shaking my head, and he took me into his arms.
I was so carried away by my emotions that I didn't even notice he was also crying.
"It's over now, y/n; I'm here, okay?" he said, holding me tightly.
"I'll chase away all those bad thoughts of your head for you if you want," he continued to say.
"It's going to be okay, I promise you," he said, gently stroking my head.
"I can't figure out what the hell is wrong with me," I told him, crying against his chest.
"I played a role for so long that I don't even know who I'm supposed to be," I said, clinging to his shirt.
"You're allowed to be lost; we all go through that. You'll eventually figure out who you really are; you just need to give yourself time," he reassured me.
"I know who you are, and I assure you that the person you are doesn't deserve to inflict so much pain on themselves," he continued to say.
"I just wanted to please them," I said, crying.
"Your parents?" he asked, and I nodded.
"If your parents don't love you for who you are, then they're really assholes. You deserve better than that," he said. I left his arms, wiping my tears.
"You're an amazing person, y/n, and it breaks my heart to hear you say that because you shouldn't have to beg for your parents' love, and it's just not fair," he said, caressing my cheek.
"In their place, I'd give you all the love in the world; in their place, I'd constantly tell you how proud I am of you because that's what you deserve," he said, looking into my eyes, and I couldn't help but cry.
"Thank you, Chris," I said, lowering my head.
"I'm sorry that life throws so much crap at you. If I could take away all the pain from your heart, believe me, I would," he said.
"But right now, what you need is to rest," he added.
"And I won't leave your room until you fall asleep, I promise. I'm here; you're not alone. I'm watching over you," he said, yawning.
"You're tired too," I said, smiling slightly.
"Yes, but I can wait," he said, returning a smile.
"You can sleep with me if you want," I told him.
"I don't know; won't your parents freak out?" he said, furrowing his brow.
"Not if you leave before they wake up tomorrow," I said, shrugging.
"Please, let me do this at least for you; you need to rest as much as I do," I added.
"Okay, um, do you want us to sleep in the same bed?" he asked timidly.
"You can sleep on the floor if you want, but it wouldn't be the first time you and I share a bed," I said, scratching my neck.
"Yeah, but the other times we shared a bed, y/n, it wasn't for sleeping," he said, rolling his eyes and chuckling.
"Do you think we wouldn't be able to share a bed without getting intimate?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"No, that's not what I meant. I—," he said, embarrassed, before I cut him off.
"It's okay; I'm joking. Stop being silly; come here," I said, lifting the blanket to signal him to lie down next to me, which he eventually did.
Silence filled the room, and it was a bit awkward. Chris kept tossing and turning, so I eventually spoke up, "Are you going to stop fidgeting around anytime soon?" I chuckled.
"Sorry, it's just really warm," he said, chuckling as well.
"Well, you can take off your sweater," I replied.
"Yeah, but I'm not wearing anything underneath," he said, embarrassed.
"Oh," I responded, "um, it doesn't bother me; you can take it off if you're more comfortable that way," I said, trying to play it cool.
"Are you sure?" he asked, looking into my eyes.
"Yeah, and besides, it's nothing new. I've seen you like this before," I said, feeling awkward, and he couldn't help but laugh as he took off his sweater.
"Why are you laughing ?" I asked, confused.
"Nothing; I just find this situation funny," he said, stopping his laughter.
"Oh, shut up!" I said, giving him a punch on the shoulder, and we both burst into laughter.
"I never told you, but I really love your laugh, you know?" he said without thinking, making me blush.
"Ah yeah?" I responded, embarrassed, but this time not for the same reason.
"Yeah, I find it soothing," he said, smiling.
Another silence fell. We were face to face, looking at each other without touching, as if there was a vast space between us, almost like we were afraid to make contact.
"I love your eyes," I said without really knowing where I was going with it.
"Why?" he whispered.
"When I look into them, I feel like I'm the only person on Earth," I replied, letting my heart speak.
"It's because you are the only person who truly exists in my eyes," he replied shyly.
Another silence.
"I love your lips," he said.
"I love your nose," I replied.
"I love your hips," he continued, and I could feel the tension building.
"I love your arms," I responded, quickening my breath.
"I love your hands," he replied, placing his hand on mine.
"I love your back," I said, gradually moving closer to him.
"Y/n..." he whispered, his lips just a few millimeters from mine.
"Chris," I responded, my eyes fixed on his lips.
"I love you entirely," he said in an almost inaudible voice before closing the distance between our lips.
I grabbed his collar, pulling him closer without parting our lips. Our kiss deepened, our breaths mingling, and the room's temperature became unbearable.
"Y/n, we can't," he said, separating our lips, my right hand still on his cheek.
"I know," I whispered.
He laid back next to me.
"I love you entirely too," I said, turning my head toward him, tears in my eyes.
Silence, again.
"Maybe in another universe, we got to have our story," he said, staring at the ceiling.
"I wish we were in another universe," I responded, gazing at the ceiling as well.
"Do you think in the one we are, we'll never get to have our story?" I asked him, and he turned his head to look at me.
"I don't know," he said, sighing. "All I know is that in this universe, the girl I love leaves at the end of the vacation," he added.
"I wish things were different," I said.
"I know, me too," he replied.
"Can I fall asleep in your arms?" I asked, letting a tear fall.
He didn't respond, just opened his arms for me to snuggle against his chest, which I did.
"Good night, my angel," he whispered.
"Good night, my love," I replied.
I couldn't help but shed a few tears before closing my eyes and finally managing to find sleep.
Taglist: @chrisloyalgf @christopherscamopants @blahbel668 @thematthewlover @mattsturnioloarchive @carolinalikesthings @bernardsgf @whicked-hazlatwhore @hearts4chris @mattybsbitch @sara2233445
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cowboyjen68 · 4 months
Note
Hi Jen, sorry for dumping a big rant in your askbox but your blog has helped me figure out my identity and I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in real life lol. Feel free to delete if this is too weird.
So I’m a 17 y/o butch, and I have been masculine since I was a little kid. I always felt lucky to have a family that was generally okay with my gender nonconformity. They treated it like a cute quirk of mine, and I never felt like I was being judged or that I should change the way I am around them. My dad got a kick out of it. One summer he let me help him build the deck in our backyard. He always took me to baseball games, he dressed me up in his old clothes, basically treated me like I was his son and I loved it.
I feel like as I get older, my masculinity becomes less acceptable. I went to visit my paternal grandmother for the holidays, hadn’t seen her in a few years, and the first thing she said to me was “I thought you would’ve grown out of all that by now” (in reference to my haircut and outfit, I think.) I just don’t know how to react to the way my extended family treats me now. They used to be totally fine with it, but I spent my entire Christmas feeling like I was being judged for every little thing.
Like, what’s changed? Why is it cute and funny when a little girl wears boy’s clothes and wrestles with her cousins, but disgusting when I grow up and settle into my masculinity?
It’s like I’ve crossed the invisible line between being a tomboy and being a dyke, and now no one wants to entertain it anymore.
Again, sorry for the rant haha, I just feel like I’m going crazy because I tried to talk to my sister about it and she said she didn’t notice them acting any different, but I swear my aunt spent half of our Christmas dinner telling me how pretty I would be if I just wore a bit of makeup lmaoo. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, because I’m feeling pretty lost right now. Thanks, and happy holidays!
It is not weird at all. I hear that young lesbians, particularly butches, do not have older role models to bounce ideas off of or vent or get any perspective on certain experiences. Moms and Dads and straight sisters and cousins, no matter how well meaning, will just not always "get" what is happening. They say things like "we love you no matter what" and "we don't care if you are a lesbian" and they mean it, mostly. But they often don't see the subtle clues (or blatant ones)they toss around that indicates how uncomfortable they are with you being so visible, but just existing as you naturally are.
AND OH MY GOSH yes I have experienced exactly what you are talking about with the deepening judgement as you move from a cute little Tomboy to an adult butch women. It is almost like they hope to "catch it early" when we are in our teens and redirect us away from the "danger" of being a visible lesbian. And a woman who does not, in very overt ways, conform to their idea of how a woman should be and act.
My dad was relatively consistent in treating me pretty much like he would a son and, to his credit, he did so with my straight sister. We were allowed to do just about anything my older brothers did. In part because my sister was pretty strong willed but also a lot like him. I was less strong willed but she had mowed the path.
Mom was the one who was forever concerned about my looks and behavior, both out of worry I would not fit in, and because she had a certain expectation of how her daughter should grow up. Both normal Mom reactions. She understood bullies and knew that sticking out could be difficult. Her solution was not to strengthen my resilience but to attempt to "tone me down". Her efforts increased as I made the jump from kid to teen and into my late teens. She would discourage me from cutting my hair, becoming almost angry when I brought it up. She would tell me how lovely I was in dresses and skirts and say thing like " a little make up would be nice". It got really old. It lead to us not always getting along even though I loved and respected my mom. She was a great mom. But this one thing made us both crazy. She could not cool it and I could not change who I was.
Friends at school saw hints of my liking girls. I stopped wearing cowboy boots and my favorite horse buckle and it their place went with K Mart Tennis shoes and a generic belt that came with my pants, again, from Kmart. I put away the cowboy fringed shirts and flannel and went with simple jeans and sweatshirts, the acceptable attire for boys and girls in my rural high school. I kept my hair long to disguise my "looking like a boy" traits.
I (barf) agreed to date a boy and spent the better part of that time making excuses to not kiss him or spent time with him. I was starting to listen to mom and do my best to hide ME from the world. Anything (with in reason) to throw the world off the scent, the scent of me being a lesbian. Being butch made that one more step difficult.
It is hard to hide the space we take up naturally.
It might seem hard to see it now by your family is slightly well intentioned, knowing that being "seen" easily as a lesbian can be dangerous. But also, they are uncomfortable with your energy and physical presence because it does not coincide with their ideas of what a woman acts, feels and moves like. This is a THEM problem and I can give you words of comfort based on experience.
The more you begin to be you, and dress in what gives you comfort the more your confidence will grow and be evident. People who are emboldened to try and change you for their own comfort tend to back way off when there is no opening for their opinions. They just sort of realize they are wasting time. AND for those that don't, there are always a few, you don't have to give them any air or acknowledgement. You get to let them waste time and energy while you look great in whatever you wish to wear and however you wish to cut your hair. And in a wonderful turn around, you don't have to spend any effort just being you or trying to defend or correct them.
You are fast approaching adulthood and with that will come even more freedom and independence. Don't rush it but also, work towards that.
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sugar-omi · 2 months
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How do you think everyone would react if cove and mc got pregnant at 18? Like the reason for them being engaged so young is because they are expecting
tags : Angst, headcanons, fem/afab reader, pregnancy
[part 2: cove finding out you're pregnant]
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CLIFF
cliff would be.. he'd have the same feelings he had when kyra got pregnant with cove
he'd be scared, but happy because it is an exciting thing that a lot of people wish to hear one day!
but as cove's dad, he'd first be disappointed just because he never would've wished such a struggle on anyone at such a young age, especially his own son.
doesn't bother getting angry, because what would that do? it won't make you un-pregnant and it'd just make cove (and you) mad at him or upset, since of course you already know it's not an ideal situation.
when he realizes that you got engaged because of the pregnancy though, he tries to have a talk with cove.
he knows how much you two love each other, but he also knows from experience that this just doesn't work.
i think that'd end up in an argument, because even though cove and cliff have a better relationship than before, 5-10 years doesn't erase all the hurt from back then
cliff might end up saying something like "you don't want to end up like me and your mom" or even worse, "you shouldn't mess up your future."
all that would upset cove so much... because does he think that cove was a mistake? is that what he's saying? is he saying that you and cove would fail miserably? either way. they aren't thinking clearly, and cove already has a lotta feelings about how he was born, let alone conceived.
cove would probably end up saying something (a bit) hurtful like "i would never end up like you and mom." , "i would never marry MC if i didn't know it'd work. unlike some people, i'm not gonna make my kid listen to us argue and then try to play happy family." , or "trust me, my kid won't end up with a childhood like mine." / "trust me, my marriage won't end up like yours."
is it very ooc? probably. but everyone has the ability to say something hurtful, and when you experience something traumatic like your parents fighting, or knowing the circumstances of your birth, you have a lot of thoughts and feelings...
he does end up apologizing, but cliff probably ends up apologizing too since, again, they both probably said things they didn't mean
after that, things get a bit better. there's probably a lot of emotional conversations after that, just to get everything off their chests. hell we might even need family therapy, just to smooth things over before your baby gets here...
KYRA
now kyra... mmm i think this is where her awkwardness comes in. remember how she says she felt more like a cool aunt than his mom?
i think this is where kyra gets close to you, tries to offer you support and helps you through all the changes of pregnancy
she's mostly afraid for both of you. doesn't want you to try and slap a bandaid on this with marriage, kinda like how her and cliff did...
although i do think she was first angry when the news dropped. she really thought that you and cove, cove especially, would be more careful considering everything...
but the distance between her and you guys makes her sit on it for awhile, she does calm down and realize that you're just in the same position she was in, and are likely scared but doing your best...
calls both of you separately, just some a little one-on-one time and a heart-to-heart.
asks if you're really sure if you wanna get married, of course she expects you two to be sure about it, you two haven't gotten tired of each other yet and you're about to be intertwined in every way possible
reminds you that marriage is all about communication. and when you're raising a kid especially, and patience! also knows how much you love each other, and tells you to make time for yourselves and your relationship.
PAM & NOELANI
i instantly knew they'd be mad.
remember how pam worries in step 2 that cove is bad news? i think in her anger, ends up saying something like, "i knew something like this would happen." "i told you he was a bad influence."
yknow i've always wondered how cove would feel if he knew pam thought that about him, and i think in this situation, it'd hurt him a lot, and it'd open up a new can of insecurities and doubts.
starts worrying that he's holding you back, bringing you down... but we can get to that later
noelani tries to keep pam calm, does chastise her for saying that in front of you, especially if cove is there.
noelani is so disappointed, and you can see it so heavily... she'd sigh, mumble something- probably about how she "cant believe it...", covers her face with her hands..
she definitely asks, "how could you let this happen?" she really trusted you to make smart decisions, and even if this was a really big accident (like the rubber broke), she still didn't expect it n can't stop being disappointed
it takes them a few days for them to relax. this news had them totally spun and their emotions jumble up whenever its brought up or they think about it
they know being upset is gonna make it better, and if you're still living at home, they can see how sad you are, which helps them cave in. even if you don't whenever you call, they can hear how sad you are, or maybe you're texting less, whenever you visit your energy is lower than usual...
to start with, just to get out the way, they reassure you that you don't have to get married, that you shouldn't do something you guys don't want to, that you can be parents just fine without marriage
feels better when you insist you're not doing it just for the baby, i mean, not much. but you're insistent, and if you found out you're pregnant after getting engaged, they just have to trust you.
they also have to trust cove when he says he's gonna take care of you and the baby.
they knew cove is always very sincere and determined, even if he hesitates at times, but when he's set on something, he does it, so even though they're not happy about the situation, you're flying the nest now, and hitting milestones at a young age so all they can do is support you
and if noel does have a bit too much fun helping you set up the nursery, don't say a THING!!!
all the parents do make you sit down and explain your plan, who's going to work, who's watching the babe, if you're still going to school... all that. it's not that they aren't going to help you, but are you ready to take on the responsibility for your baby?
LIZ
liz is super worried for you, and cove too actually. you're her little sister/sibling, she still sees you and cove as kids in some way, and she still preens when you come to her for help...
the news just makes her head spin, but her first question is if you're okay, n if she's at home, she gives you a hug, lets you cry if you need it.
and this is also where her (protective) big sister energy comes in.. she hates seeing you sad when your moms are still heavily upset about the news
she tries to be there for you as much as possible, and especially if the first trimester is really rough on you, if cove isn't by your side then she is.
doesn't bother lecturing either of you. whats the point? all of your parents have already chewed your ears off, and it's not like you need any more stress or worry, or need to know that there's someone else disappointed in you/cove
i was going to say she'd give cove a stern talking too about being their for you, but she realizes she doesn't really need to do that.
tells him "i'm sure you'll be a good dad" maybe even, "well, i guess this was gonna happen one day anyway.." and that you're lucky to have him.
although after all those comforting n reassuring words, she does slap him on the back and remind him not to hurt or fail both of you, least he wants to feel her wrath. :) (she's a protective auntie already &lt;33)
tries to keep the energy up by being excited for the baby, or by distracting you with some bonding time w your amazing older sister<3 makes jokes about being the cool aunt, when the times right ofc. she's really just trying to distract you, which works sometimes more than others
LEE
the phone is SILENT. which is really scary coming from lee...
she does speak eventually, asks if you're gonna keep it, what're you going to do, and depending on how you word the news, if cove is there to tell her, or if she's already heard some of the news from the rest of the family, she'll ask if cove knows
she tries not to ask too many questions, because she doesn't wanna upset you or seem insensitive
i think she's really lost on what to do. your and cove's parents have already done all the lecturing, and worrying over each detail...
so she just offers you comfort. or a distraction.
really, her reaction is based off yours, because if you're excited, then so is she! but if you're really sad and/or stressed, then she's subdued, tries to figure out how to help you even though she's not close by...
in fact, her and liz would plan a "girls trip" for you. just to distract you, help you feel better. it's nothing big, just 2 days in the city and you spend most your time going from shop to shop and different restaurants and cafes.
their energy keeps your spirits up, but if you're not up for all that, or even if you're tired of all the running around after the first day, they set up a nice "sleepover" in the hotel room and you only get one noise complaint!
both of them definitely reassure you that if you ever need a break, you can trust them, amazing and cool aunties lee and liz, with the babe (spoiler: you can, but just know you're interrupting many 'a tea parties when you come to pick up the babe)
DEREK, MIRANDA , TERRY, & BAXTER
their eyes fell out their head.
in fact, terry spat out his drink, like projectile spray... and derek is having an outta body experience probably, definitely dropped whatever he was holding.
baxter too, he's taking a sip of his coffee and when you tell him, he chokes a bit, squeezes the cup n now he has coffee on his pants... he's shocked as hell
i hope you didn't tell them in a public place btw, because terry definitely yelled out "you're pregnant?!" and now everyone in sunset bird/wherever you are who didn't know.. knows.
terry isn't sure whether to tell you congrats or not, is very very confused, says congrats but then starts rambling out loud about what if you're not excited, what if it's a bad thing... all that
and miranda too, offers a careful congrats and then says "um.. that is a good thing, right? i mean, it's okay if not!" and yeah you've broken them..
if you reassure them it is a good thing. well, as good as it can be really. then they relax
derek rambles off all his concerns, asks if you're really gonna do it (raise the baby)
and then starts rambling about how hard it was taking care of his brothers... is quick to remind you that it was fun! and he loves his brothers! and that you'll be great parents! and maybe your baby won't be as rambunctious as niko was as a toddler!
just offers you good wishes, and if you ever need help, call him! he's a expert at handling his brothers, so he might know a thing or two. unless it's genuine parenting advice then.. call his mom or dad, or yours, haha
now baxter... well assuming you told him you were engaged before he left, or even if you imagine all this happening while he's here, he doesn't have much to say
he's just a stranger after all, even if you befriend him quickly, he doesn't have much to say to you
he tries to contain his surprise, and he first asks if you're excited, then he offers his congratulations and says you two will be great parents and that the kid will be very loved by everyone.
after seeing you two around the neighborhood, and your getting to know your family and friends a bit, he doesn't worry about you guys too much.
even though he knows teen pregnancy isn't ideal, he does know your kid has a happy life ahead of them, and that you have a lot of support n love around you, and that you and cove will work hard to be good parents, so he doesn't worry for you too much
i'm tempted to say you or cove would find a unnamed flower or gift basket on your parents doorsteps, or maybe he even brings a very early wedding/baby gift since he knows he won't be around, but i'm not sure... although i think that's kinda a baxter thing to do
but now if he found out later in step 4, he'd be surprised by the news (and seeing that you have a kid already) but he'd just tell you he's happy it's all working out for you, and that your kid is very adorable and you have a lovely family
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buckyseddie · 8 months
Text
always hold you
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pairings — tasm!peter parker x bff/gf!fem!reader
summary — in which, she needs her boyfriend's support more than anything else, after another particularly bad fight with her father.
word count — 2.6k.
warnings — a little bit of angst, use of pet-names [dove, sweetheart, darling, love, bug], reader calls peter pete, lots of fluff and this is basically just a hurt/comfort fic, protective/soft!peter, this is also sort of similar to my other peter fic (take as a part two that one), peter comforting reader, mentions of the reader's low self-esteem issues and it being explained a bit more, both physical and emotional abuse (manipulation and gaslighting, but not from peter), hugs and cuddles, forehead kisses, peter just taking care of the reader and showing her the love that her family refuses to do, gwen is in here for a second and being the comforting platonic best friend that she is to reader, peter comes off as a little harsh and scares reader a little bit but he makes up for it in the end.
notes — hi! so, this is really more of a vent fic. i know i've written in the past about dealing w/ a toxic family member and how i really enjoyed writing fics similar to my experiences with my favorite comfort characters to comfort the reader because that would usually help me deal with everything. but recently, the abuse that me, my mom, and my brother have been experiencing has become a lot more complicated and traumatizing for me to deal with. and things have only gotten worse. so, i figured i'd do another comforting fic like the other peter fic i wrote about going through that said abuse. i really just feel that it's important to not hide my true feelings and act like everything's fine behind a screen and i just want to be able to talk about this topic a lot more (especially in my writing), because it's so serious and not nearly talked about enough. but, nonetheless, if there's anyone out there that sees this and is a victim of abuse (whether it's emotional/mental or physical abuse, or both) please don't feel obligated to read this. i really don't want to trigger or upset anyone who's dealing with this situation in a very heavy and overwhelming way. just remember though, no matter what anyone says or does to you, you ARE strong and deserve the entire world. i love you all <3. anyways, i hope this makes up for the lack of posting anything (i've been really struggling with a lot, but i'm trying!). gif and divider creds to owner!
p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.
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IT'S OBVIOUS NOW THAT SHE was stupid to think that he could change. it was even more stupid of her to go back to that apartment.
but, she's always been one to see the best in people — in her case, it's come to bite her in the ass.
even now, as she awaits her boyfriend to return home from his nightly patrol around the city, [y/n] knows that she should've known better.
she trembles as she sits on their shared bed, one of her legs bouncing anxiously — the thought of how peter will react to her foolish decision and the outcome from it is stressing her out, beyond words.
after how he responded the first time he found out about the truth about her father's cruelty and what she'd had to go through, she's worried of how he will react this time — it took almost everything in him to not confront her father, when he first found out.
she abruptly jumps when she hears the front door of the apartment shut softly.
a shaky breath leaves her lips, wondering if it's too late to try to hide the marks on her face and body.
but, when she hears him call out her name from the living room, she knows that it's too late — there's nothing she can do now to hide this.
and even if she wanted to for a split second, she promised peter she'd never lie to him again — after the last time, they promised each other that they'd never hide anything from the other again.
so, with another shaky breath, [y/n] sighs and hesitantly pulls the bedroom door open.
she keeps her head down, her hair falling around her face and covering the marks as she walks out and into the living room.
"sweetheart..." peter's voice trails off, eyes wide with shock and worry.
her breath catches in her throat as soon as she finally looks up at her boyfriend and sees the intense, protective look in his eyes.
"i—i'm sorry, peter." she whispers, voice too raspy to get any louder.
a flash of anger fills his eyes. "please... tell me that you didn't go back to him!" he exclaims in a quieter tone of voice as he pinches the corner of his eyes.
[y/n] flinches at the amount of frustration in his voice.
"peter, i—i'm sorry... " her voice trembles, guilt and regret quickly filling her — she just feels so stupid.
peter sighs, regretting taking his anger out on her.
his eyes immediately soften. "sweetheart, i'm sorry." he murmurs, before starting to walk over to her.
but, before he can reach her, she flinches and winces.
he stops short, freezing in place. more guilt fills him as he realizes that in this moment, she's scared of him.
"look... i—i know that i shouldn't have gone back," she whispers, tears clouding her eyes as she remembers the anger and hatred in her father's eyes.
peter's silent for a moment, waiting and giving her time to explain more — if she's able to.
"i'm... i'm so stupid, peter." she whispers, too ashamed to talk any louder.
peter's eyes widen in shock, not expecting that statement to come out of her mouth. "w—what? darling, that's not true."
this time, a tear falls down her cheek. "yes, i am. peter, who's stupid enough to choose to believe that their abusive, monster-of-a-father can change? me — it's me!"
the rambling and the self-loathing words coming out of his girlfriend's mouth becomes incredibly clear to peter as he walks over to her.
this time now, he doesn't hesitate to pull her into his chest as her voice becomes more trembling and wavering, "this is on me — it's my fault."
"it's okay now, love. don't blame yourself." he murmurs as she stops holding herself back and breaks into breathless sobs into his chest.
after a while, her crying slows and quiets down with her tears now dried on her cheeks.
she faces him and takes in a deep, calming breath as he wipes away the remaining tears away and looks over her bruises more intensely.
"i wanna kill him for doing this to you — again." the venom in his tone sends shivers through her spine — knowing what he would do to protect her comforts her.
but, on the other hand, she also knows that hurting her father isn't going to do anything for them or fix anything.
"no, peter. i know you don't mean that." she murmurs seriously.
an angry frown places itself over his lips. "no, i do."
she sighs. "okay, maybe you do. but, it won't fix anything and we both know that," she says, moving one of her fingers up to smooth out the crease in between his very furrowed eyebrows.
"it's okay now — i'm okay." she whispers seriously, grabbing his hand and rubbing soothing circles over his thumb.
you'd think from how she's comforting him that peter was the one that got hurt, not her — that's just how she is; she always finds herself taking care of everyone else, when she really should be taking care of herself.
maybe that's why they're such a good pair — while they're taking care of everyone else and their loved ones, they can trust the other to take care of the other.
"that's the thing, love. it's not okay! you shouldn't have to go out of your way to avoid him, just to protect yourself." he exclaims, ripping his hand out of hers and this time pacing around the living room with his hand now gripping his hair in frustration.
she sighs, frowning — this is exactly why she didn't want to tell him because she hates worrying him like this.
"it may not be fair, but if it's what i have to do to protect myself, then that's what i'll do — i should've kept doing that, instead of being an idiot to believe he'd change." she admits, shrugging, trying to play this all off, as if it's not that big of a deal.
"don't say that — don't do that!" he abruptly yells, turning around to face her defensively.
she flinches — once again — at the volume of his voice. "don't do what?" she asks meekly, her voice too soft.
he sighs in regret. "i'm sorry. i'm not trying to scare you." his eyes are downcast at the floor, before he looks up again, the guilt clear in his irises this time.
"it's okay, peter." she gulps, berating herself for some part of her being afraid of him — after all, she has no reason to fear him because he'd never intentionally hurt her.
"it's not. i shouldn't have gotten so angry — i'm not mad at you, i promise," he says in a much more quiet voice, sighing as he sees that look in her eyes — the one that she always has when she feels like a burden and feels like she should be apologizing.
"sweetheart, don't even think about apologizing. none of this is your fault."
[y/n] sighs in exasperation. "maybe it is. i'm the one that is always making a fool out of myself by believing in the best of everyone."
she sighs when a flash of irritation shows in his eyes. "what?" he whispers, his eyebrows furrowing together.
she takes in another breath when he walks over to her and hesitantly places his hands over her cheeks.
[y/n] sighs again.
"this isn't your fault, love. know that," he murmurs, his eyes searching hers for some kind of understanding. "please, tell me that you know that."
she sighs again, noticing the tears filling his eyes — it becomes incredibly clear to her how much the man in front of her cares about her.
"peter... " her own eyes fill with tears, even spilling to her cheeks.
without another thought, he gently wipes away her tears. "promise me that you understand me."
she sighs again. "y—yes, i understand," she murmurs, hating the hope that fills his eyes. "but, i just don't believe it."
he opens his mouth to object, but she interrupts him before he has the chance to say something, "i want to. but, i can't just shut off the way i feel — i was raised the way i was and with the trauma i have gotten along the way, i can't just forget it."
more tears fills his eyes, before he moves incredibly closer to her and brings her close to kiss her forehead. "knowing you want to believe it is good enough for me."
when he pulls away from her he smiles warmly at her. "let's go cuddle now, yeah?"
the softness in his voice makes her smile. "sounds like a plan, pete." she murmurs with a nod and leads him to their shared room.
once they're inside of their bedroom, [y/n] walks over to their shared bathroom, to change into her set of pajamas she set aside earlier in the day, after she had just gotten back from her father's home — she used to call it her home, but that all changed once her once-very-close relationship with her father changed.
after she changes and brushes her hair and teeth, she takes in a deep breath and tries to mentally prepare herself for the rest of the night.
but, when she shuts off the light and opens the door, she comes to realize that the bedroom is empty.
she walks out of the bathroom and looks around, her eyebrows quickly knitting together in confusion.
and just as she's about to call out her boyfriend's name, she hears hushed voices outside of the room.
with much more confusion filling her body, she slowly walks out of their room and into the living room, only to see peter standing at the door, talking at the door in a hushed voice.
"pete? is everything okay?" she asks as she walks up from behind him.
he jumps a little in surprise, before motioning towards the door.
the blond hair of their current guest surprises her.
"oh, gwen. hi." she greets her best friend and then her boyfriend, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning into him with her chin resting on his shoulder.
"what are you doing here?"
gwen shrugs. "i just wanted to check up on you — your dad called me, yelling at me because he thought that you'd left to go hide at my apartment."
the words that come out of one of her best friends' mouth shakes [y/n] to her very core — anytime she hears anything about her father, she gets easily nervous and scared.
in a matter of seconds, [y/n] slowly pulls away from her boyfriend's body.
she knows that she should try to pretend everything's fine and as if her friend's words don't affect her, but she can't help it.
if she had a few more seconds, she'd probably fall into a state of mind where she'd completely shut down.
but, when a light touch to her shoulder by peter shakes her out of her daze, she sighs and nervously finds her boyfriend's eyes on her.
"what's going on, guys? did something happen?" gwen asks worriedly after seeing the tense look on [y/n]'s face.
peter doesn't speak. he doesn't even look away from his girlfriend — his eyes simply say that the decision is all hers.
despite the fact that him and gwen are pretty close friends, he's always respected [y/n]'s choices.
with a sigh, [y/n] turns to gwen. "i kind of had a run in with my dad earlier."
as she hears that statement, gwen begins to notice the bruises on her best friend's face.
she frowns. "are you okay?" she asks, but after a moment, she groans and rolls her eyes at herself.
"i'm sorry. that was insensitive — of course you're not okay."
[y/n] laughs, despite the seriousness of the situation. "it's okay."
gwen gives her a pointed look, not believing for one moment that what she asked was okay.
"really, gwen," she says, finding some courage inside of her. "i'm probably not okay. but... " she trails off, suddenly feeling like everything is going to be okay with the ones that truly love her by her side.
"for the first time, i think i'm going to be okay — that everything will be okay." she says confidently, moving even closer to peter and practically burying herself into his arms.
gwen smiles. "good. i'm glad."
—————
AFTER A LITTLE BIT MORE of talking, they all finally say their goodbyes and peter shuts the door gently.
they move over to the couch, peter covering them — mostly [y/n] — with one of the fuzzy throw blankets that was lying over the front of the couch.
"you doing okay?" he asks softly as she lays her face into his neck.
she smiles, feeling reassured for the first time.
she lifts her head back up to look at him.
"i know going back was stupid. i do—" before she can continue, he interrupts her with guilt evident in his brown eyes. —"i'm sorry, bug. for how angry i got earlier."
she tilts her head in confusion. "what do you mean?"
"i shouldn't have gotten upset with you. and i'm sorry for startling you. i was just worried." he murmurs seriously, frowning at her confusion.
"i just... every time i think about your dad being near you or hurting you, well, it drives me crazy, sweetheart." he says, trying to ignore the anger in his voice every time he thinks about the type of person his girlfriend's father is.
"pete... it's okay. i'm not going to go back — i learned my lesson." she says, cupping his jaw with one hand, in order to try to calm him down.
he sighs, leaning into her hand and covering it with one of his own.
"that's the point, sweetheart. you shouldn't have to be cautious and scared to avoid him, so that he doesn't act like that. it's not okay."
she frowns, wishing that she could stop him from worrying.
but, she also knows that he needs to get these feelings out and off of his chest.
"tell me, peter. what is it?" she asks, being the understanding girlfriend that he loves — no matter how cliche that actually sounds.
"i love how good-hearted you are, sweetheart. the way you always see the good in everyone, despite what they've done to you — it's amazing," he starts, pulling her hand away from his jaw to hold over one of his legs.
"and i never want you to stop being that person. but, i also hate that you have to avoid him. you shouldn't have to give up your happiness and peace."
she nods in clear understanding.
he groans again, leaning his forehead over hers.
"it's okay, peter."
he pulls away and opens his mouth to say something in defense, but she stops him by speaking before him, "peter, i know it upsets you that he doesn't get to be punished for his actions and i get that."
he stops short, giving her a chance to finish talking.
"i know you hate that. but, i know that you love me more than any urge that you have to give him what he deserves — and that's what i need you to do, okay? love me more than you hate him." he frowns at her words.
as if noticing his hesitation, she says, "for me. please?"
he sighs in defeat and nods. "fine. for you." he murmurs as he pulls her closer into his embrace and body.
she smiles in victory as she lies her head on his shoulder. "i love you, peter parker. you know that?" she murmurs, cuddling up close to him.
"i know i can always count on you." she says, once more, smiling as he chuckles and stretches over to kiss her on the forehead.
"good. because i love you more and i'll always hold you when you need it, dove." he murmurs, smiling at her calm and at peaceful face.
and like that, they cuddle until they fall asleep with peaceful expressions on their faces.
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unclewaynemunson · 7 months
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It was the thirteenth of September. Nancy was lying on her bed, with her head in Robin's lap and Robin's fingers softly combing through her hair, both of them holding a book in their hands. They had been spending a lot of time together like this lately, simply enjoying each other's company and perhaps headed towards something Robin didn't quite dare to name yet.
"Today is Barb's birthday."
The words came out of Nancy's mouth sudden and unexpected, cutting through what had been a comfortable silence like a knife.
Robin hesitated before reacting; something she wasn't exactly known for, usually, but she knew she should be careful with her words right now.
"You never told me about her," she decided to say.
"I suppose Steve told you all about what happened," Nancy answered.
It was true: over the months in which the two of them had gotten to know each other better, they had talked about pretty much everything - everything except this. Robin had often felt like it was something too delicate to ask about. She had seen the haunted look in Nancy's eyes sometimes, whenever she was staring at the pictures on her wall or into the Harringtons' backyard. But this was the first time Nancy ever alluded to Barb's existence.
"He did," Robin admitted. "Or, well, maybe not all of it, I don't know about that. He told me about the monster. The Demogorgon."
"What if I told you..." Nancy's voice was barely more than a whisper. "That that wasn't the only monster at Steve's house that night?"
"What?" Robin was pretty sure no other monsters had been involved when Steve told her about what happened on that fateful night in 1983.
Nancy went to sit up and turned her face away from Robin.
"Did you know that Barb didn't even want to go to Steve's in the first place?" she asked. Without waiting for a reply, she continued, "She wanted to drop me off and leave me there. She never even liked Steve and his friends. But I pushed her to come with me. She didn't wanna drink, she was uncomfortable all night, but I told her to be my guardian, to make sure that I wouldn't get drunk and do something stupid. And when she tried to do just that, I ditched her." She paused for a moment, but still didn't look at Robin. "She died mad at me, Robin. I told her to leave, when I should've looked out for her. And because of that, she died. I treated her terribly, that night. If I hadn't neglected her, she'd still be... I was the real monster."
Robin scooted closer towards her on the bed. She still couldn't see Nancy's face, but her shoulders were shaking, so she pulled Nancy into her arms and wrapped them tightly around her. Nancy responded to her touch by burying her face in the crook of Robin's neck.
"Have you ever talked about this?" Robin asked. "With Steve, Jonathan, your mom? Anyone?"
She felt how Nancy shook her head, still hidden away in her neckline. Almost unconsciously, she let one of her hands wander until her fingers were back where they had been before, tangled in Nancy's curls.
For almost three years, Nancy had been living her life feeling like a monster. She had let the guilt about what happened to her friend gnaw at her until it made a home for itself inside of her and became part of her. "I was the real monster." She had let grief and remorse fester while refusing to ever share that burden with anybody. She had never even allowed anyone to tell her another story than the one she told herself.
"You weren't a monster, Nance," Robin said softly. "It breaks my heart that you've been thinking that way about yourself. You were just being a stupid teenager. You were - you were curious about a boy, trying some new things, and your friend didn't like that. That's like, half of what friendships are about when you're a teenager, isn't it? Nothing about that makes you a monster. There's no way you could've foreseen the consequences. If things were normal, she would've forgiven you the next day and you would've told her all about your night with Steve; and maybe she would've made fun of you a little bit, but at the end of the day, you'd have each others' backs. She would never let you think about yourself the way you've been doing. You were never a monster, Nancy. You were just a girl. A girl who lost her best friend through no fault of her own."
Finally, Nancy lifted her head to look at Robin. The look in her eyes was strikingly intense.
"Thank you," she said. "I - I honestly never looked at it that way. I didn't even know how much I needed to hear that." She uttered a long, heavy sigh. "I don't think I'll ever be able to stop thinking about how lonely she must've felt when she died."
Robin squeezed her tighter in her arms. "How she died was only a few seconds of her life, though. There's so much more to remember her by than that. She was a person for sixteen years, before that happened. And she was your friend for most of that time. You wanna tell me about that?"
Nancy stayed silent for a long time. Just when Robin started worrying she had said the wrong thing, Nancy drew in a shuddering breath.
"She was my best friend," she said, with a crack in her voice. "We used to bike into the woods and collect acorns and chestnuts in the fall. We'd make our own gross tea from leaves in her garden and read books to each other in silly voices. She cut her hair short when she turned twelve; I had to come with her to the hairdresser and hold her hand. And she helped me find one of my baby tooth when it fell out in the playground and I lost it."
Nancy kept talking, just sharing whatever memories came to her mind, like snapshots of this short life they lived together. And Robin kept asking questions whenever she fell silent. She let her talk about Barb until long after the clock struck 12 and it wasn't Barb's birthday anymore. And every year after that, on the thirteenth of September, she would ask Nancy again to tell her about Barb. And Nancy never ran out of stories to tell her.
(Ronancetober day 2: monstruous)
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samiswifey · 6 months
Text
Back To You: Part Two
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Parings: Sam Carpenter x Fem!Reader
Warnings: talks of trauma (?)
Summary: Sam finally explains to you why she broke up with you and left town
Part One
For the last few weeks you and Sam have grown extremely close. You guys were back to how you were in high school, except for the fact that you were actually dating yet. Neither of you were ready to make that move just yet. Sam knew she couldn't take the next step with you until she was honest about why she left.
Sam was sitting alone as she thought of ways she could tell you about her very dark secret and explain why she changed. However, she was scared because she didn't know how you would react to her secret. She just got you back and this worries her because this secret of hers could possibly make her lose you for good.
"Sam I don't get why you're so scared. Y/N wouldn't leave you over this." Mindy says.
Sam frowns as she looks at her friends. "We don't know that. Knowing I'm the daughter of Billy might actually break her and it would break me knowing that I hurt her again." She rants. "I just don't want to hurt her again."
This made Tara look at her and she moved a little bit closer. "I know you're scared but you have to tell her. She will be way more hurt and mad if she has to find out from somebody else." She said. "You have to be the one to tell her Sam."
You were on your lunch break eating your lunch and scrolling through your phone when your sister Linda came over. She said nothing as she sits next to you and began eating her phone. You hated this but said nothing as you continued what you were doing and paid her no attention. It was a very silent lunch for you both.
"So I heard that you are back in contact with Sam." Linda says, striking up a conversation.
You nodded but kept your eyes glues to your phone. "Yeah, I am." You said dryly. Linda adjust herself so she can face you. "Doesn't it scare you? I mean after what she did I wouldn't think you'd want to be friends with her." She said. You look at her after she said that. "What do you mean? What did she do?" You asked slowly. Linda frowns at you because she knew you didn't know what she was talking about.
"She left you Y/N. She picked a fight when you wouldn't go with her and then left you, completely shutting you out in the process." She says. "Aren't you scared of her doing it again?"
You sighed as you put your phone down and faced your sister. "Sam isn't the same girl she was back in high school. She's changed and so have I. We're different and I trust her to not hurt me." You said. Linda looks at you and nods. "I really hope you're right."
After work Sam asked you to meet her back at the apartment and you agreed. You could feel the butterflies in your stomach because of how excited you were to see Sam. Yes it's been a day but to you that was still too long not to see Sam.
"Ba-Y/N I'm really glad you're here." Sam said when she opens the door. "Come in."
You smiled as you walked inside and placed your bag down. "Glad to be here. So what did you want to talk about?" You asked, taking a seat next to her. Sam really wanted to hold your hand but held herself back because she didn't know how you'd feel after what she was about to say. "I wanted to talk about why I left," she started. "I wanted to explain it to you."
You turned to face her because you really wanted to hear her reasons behind why she just left you and everyone in her life. Sam quickly hid her hands by wrapping them around herself and took a slow deep breath before speaking. "When I was thirteen I found my mom's diary and decided to look through it to see how my parents feel in love because she had me in high school," she rolls her eyes. "When I read it I found out she loved this other guy and he was the one who got her pregnant, not my dad. He was Billy Loomis and I confronted her about it. I was screaming and shoving the book in her face asking why she never told me?" She paused for a moment to gather herself. "I didn't notice that my father had walked in and had heard everything. He left that night and everything around me just changed. My father wasn't my father and my mother had lied to me for thirteen years. I couldn't process so I shut down and became weird and distant with everyone." She explains. "That's why I left and wanted you to go with me because I needed something in my life to stay consistent and that was you Y/N."
You sat frozen on the couch as you took in what she just said. Her biological father was a serial killer and that fact hit you like a truck. This was a lot to take in and you couldn't process when you're around her. So without saying anything you grabbed your things and quickly left. Sam tried calling you but you ignored her as you slammed the door behind you. This was too much for you right now.
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Sam spent the night locked in her room silently crying as she thought about how you just left her. She was blaming herself for you leaving because she knew she threw too much at you. Sue should have never said anything and then maybe you would still be here with her.
"Sam you can't stay in there forever!"
"Yeah you have to come out sometime."
"Just open the door and we can talk about this!"
Sam just pulled the covers over her and ignored the calls of her friends begging her to come out and talk to them. She didn't want to talk to them because nobody could understand what she was going through right now and she really just wanted to be left alone to deal with this on her own like she always did. She needs to deal with this without any help.
The last twenty-four hours had you laying in bed just thinking about what Sam had told you. She gave you a lot of information that you didn't know what to deal with. Could you really deal with the fact that she was biologically related to a serial killer? You didn't know. You still loved Sam but this kind of changed how you looked at her. How you thought about her. It scares you to think that she might one day follow in his footsteps and become a killer, and you couldn't stand by that. You just couldn't.
"Y/N, are you ok?" Linda asked gently.
You sat up as you shook your head. "Nope. Reconnecting with Sam was an absolute mistake." You said. "Well, what happened?" Linda asked. You ran your fingers through your hair as you remembered what Sam had told you.
"Sam told me last night that her father is Billy Loomis. One of the killers involved in the Woodsboro massacre. She explained that when she found out she became very distant with us all and that's why she wanted us to leave together." You told her. "She wanted something in her life to stay consistent."
Linda looks at you with a blank expression. "Well I could have told you that." She said. "What?" You were riddled with confusion when she said that. Linda chuckles as she takes her phone out. "It's all over the internet. I'm sure she only told you before you found out on your own." She said. "She wanted to be honest with you."
You looked at your sister with sad eyes. "I walked out on her." You bluntly spoke. Linda looks at you with a soft gaze. "Why? Why did you walk away from her?" She asked. "I... Don't know. I guess I was scared and I shouldn't be. This is Sam we're talking about, she would never hurt me on purpose." You argued. "She runs away, yes, but she doesn't purposely hurt people. So I'm not sure why I doubted her. I shouldn't have."
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Two weeks had passed before you decided it was time you go talk to Sam. It's been radio silence from you but you were now ready to talk and you hoped that she was willing to listen to you. Fixing your shirt you stood tall and tapped on the door twice.
"I already told you - Y/N?"
Sam blinked twice as she stared at you. "What are you doing here? Why are you here?" She asked, her voice void of any emotion. You felt nervous under her cold gaze but you stayed strong. "I was hoping we could talk." You said. Sam wrapped her arms around herself as she steps back. "What could we possibly have to talk about? You left and that pretty much told me everything I need to know." She said.
You didn't take her words to heart because you knew this was her way if protecting herself. You did leave her and she didn't know how to trust you yet. She was scared of being hurt again. However you just need her to listen to you.
"I did leave and for that I apologize. I should have said something, anything, to let you know that I needed to think. Sam, I am so sorry I hurt you but you have to understand that it's not because I think you're dangerous. I just had so much thrown at me that I needed a moment to take it all in." You tell her. "I trust you Sam."
The moment she heard that Sam's hands dropped to her side and tears filled her eyes. "You do?" Her voice was small, almost like she was scared to speak. You smiled at her. "Of course I do. Sam I love you." You said truthfully. Sam quickly puller you into her and hugged you tightly. "I love you too."
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