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#i don't listen to silly or happy music so god damn this was kinda hard
mrlivingdude · 6 months
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Bro bro bro bro bro bro bro bro this weekend. Saturday, October 7th
Sunday, October 8th
And also Monday, October 9th
I've loved it so much
And I just want to give a big ol thanks to @lizardgoescrazy8, @thefruitybash, and @briggybuckets
CAMILAAAA YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME TO LISTEN TO ALL MY STUPID SHIT TO ENTERTAIN MY USELESS BULLYING YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE EVEN WHEN I DON'T NEED YOU AND I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH
MEREDITH DAWG SATURDAY WAS SO SILLY AND ALSO SUNDAY MORNING THEM CONVERSATIONS WERE SOSO NICE AND OMG MY MOTHER SAID YOU TALKED A LOT AND ALSO SHE ASKED IF YOU WERE JUAN'S GIRLFRIEND AND ALSO ALSO MY BROTHER ASKED IF YOUR PARENTS HATED YOU CUZ THEY NAMED YOU MEREDITH😭😭😭
Brig. Brig. October 7th is a day I will never forget. The pure joy you were able to give me through just one message was magical. I pray I can give you half the joy you've given me dude. ALSO THE FACT YOU THOUGHT I LIVED IN THE EASY EHHEHEHWHABA but dude if I EVER
EVER
EVER
Do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, or angry, or sad, or annoyed, tell me.
That's all I can ask for. And I'll be waiting for the day we meet🙏🙏
AND I AIN'T NO FURRY🤬🤬🤬🤬
While I'm here, thanks to @hopeless-rainbows, @dittosprigatito, @spoomkeearts, @heywhatsgooddude, @satsalloni, and @hyp3rfixation-h3ll ! We didn't talk all too much this weekend, but I really do appreciate everything y'all do, even when it ain't related to me in any way. I love seeing everything y'all do, and I wish you the best of luck.
rown, never stop being the kindest ever.
Mangli, you're kinda like a jack of all cards. As you aren't like kind to an inhuman degree, or funny to an inhumane degree, but I love that of you!! It's hard to explain but you're just the greatest by not being the greatest lol, I like hearing you be passionate bout stuff.
Spooonkeeee never stop doing what you love cuz God damn are you good at it. Do your own thing Spoomkee, and just know I got all my faith in you. SIMON BELIEVES IN YOUUUUUYUYUUY.
blido your brand of humor is so spot on so so often you know when a joke will be good YOU KNOW HOW TO HELP SO MANY PEOPLE YOU'RE SO COOL BRO!!!! You just the bestest dude. Happy birthday btw!! I already said it but yeagh.
SATS YOU'RE OME OF THE SILLIEST JUET BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF CUZ IT KINDA FEELS LIKE YOU AIN'T SORRY:(( BUR YEAH YOU REALLY COOL
AND RONNIE!!!! Thank you from the bottom of me heart for getting me into BotBots. And for being so silly!!! And normal!!! I kinda gotta do my Scrubforce review series for 6-10, and then I kinda have a Burger-Tron and Spud edit to But She's Not My Lover by Jet Age Of Tomorrow, and then also a Spud edit to Mike G's verse on Parking Lot by Tyler, The Creator. I'll get to it eventually!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT YEAH SHOUTOUTS TO EVERYBODY I MENTIONED AND ALSO TO ALL MY OTHER FOLLOWERS I DIDN'T MENTION
OH AND @emilyreblogsbridget CUZ WE TALKED LIKE ONCE BUT I INTRODUCED EM TO TYLER'S MUSIC WHICH IS JUST REALLY AWESOME😁😁😁
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iamnotawomanimagod · 10 months
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What did you think of Gag Order?
Oh god, I love it.
And, as per usual, when I love something, I write a damn essay about it. The shortest version: this is going to be my album of the year. I think it's Kesha's masterpiece.
It's definitely Kesha's most mature and vulnerable album yet. It reminds me a lot of If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power by Halsey, in that they both deal with a lot of reflection, confronting their self-loathing, finding faith. But while I think IICHLIWP is ultimately Halsey's story about finding faith in love and in themself, Gag Order is about Kesha seeking answers and surrendering to something else.
It's powerful, nameless - and hard to resist wanting to follow her when she cries out for it. Some might call it "god," but I think that, while she does name-drop some religious figures, she's not really talking about any specific religion or belief system.
But I also think this album is about Kesha struggling with the darker parts of herself. Rainbow and High Road were so much about finding peace and acceptance, forgiveness and redemption. Even when she explored darker topics or her trauma, it was couched in this (probably necessary) optimism and positivity that acted as a wall between the painful truth and our perception of her. Maybe even her perception of herself.
I don't think she was willing or ready, for whatever reason, to fully leave the "Tik Tok"/"Die Young"/"Blow" party-queen of the early 2010s behind. Both Rainbow and High Road have had multiple party anthems on them, even if they were more grown up and less focused on youthful recklessness than the songs on Animal and Cannibal.
But the closest thing Gag Order has to a party/dance anthem, the kind Kesha is most known for, is "Only Love Can Save Us Now." And while it starts with a really aggressive, thumping (fun!) beat and the verses feature that iconic Kesha kinda-rap (her words, not mine,) the chorus bursts out in this incredible, gospel-esque belting chant of Kesha begging god to save her. And the music shifts from a dance/club beat to an acoustic guitar and a gospel choir arrangement.
It's so powerful, and while I go nuts to it, it definitely is a far-cry from songs like "Die Young" and "Blah Blah Blah," or even "Woman" and "Tonight."
It's not a song about partying. It's a song about surrender.
The same themes are echoed in songs like "Eat the Acid" and "Something to Believe In." Kesha was reckoning with some dark shit, and she found herself seeking something more. I don't know if she always liked what she found, or enjoyed the process.
As a result, it's also definitely Kesha's saddest album. She's had one or two sad songs on every album ("The Harold Song," "Dancing with Tears in My Eyes," "Resentment," "Father Daughter Dance," etc) but this record has at least four, depending on how you interpret them.
"Too Far Gone," "The Drama," "Living in My Head," "Fine Line," and "All I Need Is You" are all pretty sad, definitely more slow-tempo and ballad-y. And "The Drama" is the only one that ends with any sort of tongue-in-cheek humor.
That protective armor, the silly party-queen persona, is almost non-existent on this album. And as a result, this is Kesha's best work yet.
And I love party-queen Kesha, don't get me wrong!! I've loved Kesha since the beginning, I never had a moment where I didn't. I talk a lot about Halsey being the artist that changed pop music for me, but Kesha came before. There's no world where I listen to Halsey without Kesha. (God, y'all, I think I'm realizing how much she means to me writing this, lmao.)
The hopeful songs are definitely there, like "Hate Me Harder," "Happy," and "Peace and Quiet." But even those have a melancholy to them.
Sonically it's also really different. Not just the instrumentation, although that's a big part of it. It's more trance-y, industrial, kind of psychedelic, and the vocals involve more chanting and repetition. She's also using her voice in a really cool way, often more like an instrument than just a way to convey the lyrics.
The vocalizations in "Peace & Quiet" and "Living in My Head" are really novel, and I've never really heard her sing like that before. She started out singing as a yodeler, and I think people always underestimate her voice. It's stronger and more interesting than ever on this record.
I also really liked how she used the repetition of "you don't wanna be changed like it changed me" as a rhythm element in "Eat the Acid."
This album is definitely a departure from anything she's ever done, and I think it's going to have a mixed reception as a result. "Only Love Can Save Us Now," the closest thing to a party song, is already quickly becoming the most popular one on the album. A lot of them haven't even cracked 1mill plays on Spotify yet. (I'll get them there by myself dammit.)
But, if you ask me, it's a no-skip album. I think Kesha's first.
This is so long, and although I could absolutely keep going, I'll stop now. But I'll go deeper into my album ranking/what I think of each song if anyone asks, haha.
But yeah. Go listen to Gag Order. Unless you don't wanna be changed like it changed me.
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vin-robles · 4 years
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Muse OST.
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main:  George Stamatiadis | Prologue Suite (Blade Kitten OST) silly:  Gorillaz | Rhinestone Eyes, The Living Tombstone | Dog of Wisdom determination:  TWRP | Starlight Brigade battle:  PrototypeRaptor | Wicked sad:   The Strokes | At The Door relaxed:  Jeff Kurtenacker | Reaching contemplative:  Scattle | LVL.2 (Magic Sword Remix) happy:  Battle Tapes | Control hard work montage:  Boreta | Bubblin’ in the Cut, Irving Force | Street Mech love theme:  Starcadian | Chinatown, Lenka | Trouble is a Friend breakup / heartbreak:  SIAMÉS | Summer Nights, Starcadian | Interspace failure / defeat:  Carpenter Brut | Le Perv, Burial | Come Down To Us (First Movement) final battle:  Bignic | Crixus (Domina OST)
REPOST, DON’T REBLOG.
TAGGED BY: @shadowtongued​ 🐵 TAGGING: Don’t really know who to tag these days, so if you see this, consider yourself tagged.
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theskygivesmelife · 3 years
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"I am the master of my fate,"
How ironic that a poem about self control uses this very phrase, whilst ignoring the fact that fate, or destiny actually imply that there can never truly be any control, for all is predetermined from the beginning of time.
...
I'd say we don't. Nonexistence is a superior state of existence in my opinion.
...
First things first: you don't love me, so stop saying you do. Even if you genuinely believe you do, you'll understand what I mean.
With that said, for the love of God can you stop messaging me? Not on WhatsApp because I will have *deleted* it, and not on Android messages because I can't respond as I don't have any balance. I use my phone only for music or gaming mainly anyway. Speaking of which, I thought I did make it clear that I don't want to talk to you. When was the last time we did talk? Right, your birthday. I don't remember ever being that drained after talking to you. Honestly, it was a pain—was it for you too? I guess that's what happens as one becomes truly apathetic. Seriously, I don't know who you're still trying to contact, but that person's dead. Well, not literally unfortunately, but if you do want to talk to some tired, disillusioned soul I'm still here I guess. As I mentioned, your little I love yous at the end don't really hold, because, you know, you're really just refering to the wrong person. For the record, I've started to think that not only am I incapable of loving, but am also incapable of being loved.
Anyhow, lets just say that if I were Jekyll then I'm Hyde now. To be honest, I don't even know why I'm responding to you. The "fuck her, why give a damn?" voices have been quite loud for some time. Well, I don't think of you all the time, so "fuck the world" might seem more apt as a generalisation. Back to the point: some time ago I'd have actually cared, but I don't give a shit now about anything.
I'll say it now: I don't think it'll ever be a good enough reason for you. I don't think any reason ever will. You'll probably still try to convince me to maintain contact, even though it's so horribly one sided. Well, I just couldn't care less for the most part. It'd probably be good if you wouldn't waste your time on me though. I mean, let's be real. You're not going to get my number once out if this country. Even if you miraculously did, you'd certainly make some replacement friends in college without the downsides that I have, so it'd be pointless. I know you won't listen anyway, and I said that I don't care either. So why am I even trying? I don't know.
If you'll remember I've tried to shut you out multiple times. It's funny now, ~because I feel absolutely nothing now.~ Quite often in the past I'd feel quite regretful or guilty, but now? Heh, just an emotionless robot just moving along now. Going through the motions you know. Still, if there's one thing I should mention, it's that I never lied to you when I said some sentimental crap like caring about you and such. Whoever I was back then, he genuinely ment it. And now, it seems like my wick is shorter than I imagined. It's going to burn up quick. You know what that means? Garima, it means peace at last. So, let me have my time now. I still dream of that little cottage far away, secluded from society. No-one for company. Okay, a cat and a dog. They'll be nice. A drum kit. Video games maybe? What'll I do? Electrician perhaps? Mechanic? Just so long as it isn't a crappy 9-5 job, and actually pays my bills. No people. No friends—do I really have any? No girlfriend—I don't want one (not asexual, but I'm not as horny as you I guess), and I doubt I'm capable of forming a proper relationship anyway. No family—I never had one to begin with. Can you imagine it? All alone and blissful. Just let me be. Please. One way or another, I'm gone. I'm actually feeling sad now typing this, tears in my eyes and all (I haven't cried in forever) but you shouldn't be. You've got a long, long way to go; you'll do well anyway. I don't know what I really was to you, or what I've done to you. I know that I was a hard person to deal with. I can't really list out all the times I've failed you; I hope you will forgive me for them. Believe me when I say that if there was ever I person I really tried to keep happy as often as I could, it was you.
" *Bye, stay healthy and happy* "
I won't—I can't.
Bye.
PS. Nice songs. I still appreciate music I guess, unless it's a really bad day.
...
[8/18/2018, 12:03 AM] Prathik: It seems not. Oh well, I was hoping I could talk one last time. Silly of me; you're probably either sleeping or studying for tomorrow's — should I say today's? — test.
[8/18/2018, 12:57 AM] Prathik: You know, I've been thinking: what if I wanted to talk to you one day? Would you then be ready to hold conversation? I think you would, but that doesn't strike me as fair. I mean you say that you'll miss me, but that's something you'll just have to take in your stride. On the contrary, if I miss you, then I try contacting you, and in all likelihood you'll just respond. What do you think?
[8/18/2018, 1:44 AM] Prathik: Maybe you're free tonight? I just want to talk; I don't know what I'm even doing now. Ugh I can't even explain it without sounding like some self pitying shithead. Forget it. I'm sorry
[8/18/2018, 12:42 PM] Prathik: Seriously, the very dynamics of our interactions are messed up. Everything is based on my mood and how I'm feeling. Don't want to talk? No problem! I'll go silent. Depressive episode? No problem! I'll go silent. It's like I can literally choose what and when we get to converse. Tired of our conversations? No problem! I'll just stop talking to you. And all you say is that you'll miss me. Sure, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, but bloody hell — why didn't you ever call me out for my behaviour? Gee, we screwed up...so many flaws and nothing was even done about them.
Yes, I'm ranting. I'll say stupid things, and maybe hurtful things too. If I were completely aware of what it is that sounded like that, then I wouldn't be saying them. Not that it's an excuse for saying anything I shouldn't. You probably shouldn't take anything personally, because in all likelihood, I'll probably just be projecting.
[8/18/2018, 12:52 PM] Prathik: Oh shit, I really need psychological help don't I? Do you think that if I got better, I'd finally stop sabotaging all the relationships I have?
[8/19/2018, 12:19 AM] Prathik: Goodbye
[8/19/2018, 2:25 PM] Prathik: Okay, I'll just leave this here. Just one last thing. I honestly am doubting my mental stability: I'd wager that I'm fairly unstable in general and more so at this point. My mood seems to swing like a fucking pendulum, and for whatever reason, I have and possibly might keep spouting unnecessary shit. So please, just *IGNORE EVERYTHING* I say. *EVERYTHING.* Except this one last message. Please. It's all I ask.
[8/19/2018, 2:54 PM] Prathik: I'm also not going to be using WhatsApp anymore — no point now right? — so I guess you'll be spared if having to reply to anything.
...
[8/8/2018, 10:24 PM] Prathik: Bloody hell, always nice to me even though I don't deserve it. Can't just go study like you ought to or talk to anyone else? You've got tons of friends after all. Perhaps one day they'll give you a consolation prize saying "good effort; hard luck" and maybe then you'll see how you're just wasting your time. Whatever. It's not like I can control you or force you to behave in a certain manner. Stupid world. Just leave me be
[8/8/2018, 10:52 PM] Prathik: I don't even know why you don't give in. I mean, what am I to you? Some depressed idiot that makes you feel better about yourself? I don't think that's the narrative you've sold to me, so that's probably not the reason.
It's kinda like you're an ant running against the wind. Not any wind, though, just that which is being blown by some sadistic little kid. It keeps running into it. Over and over it tries and fails. The wind keeps pushing it back, but the ant doesn't see how futile it's attempts are. It doesn't see that despite the fact that it keeps trying, nothing's going to change. It has so many other avenues of exploration, ones that would certainly lead to a great reception from the colony, but oh no. The ant keeps running, hoping that the resistance will decrease. Eventually the boy just blows harder, and the ant flies away and lands on its back. (Good thing it has an exoskeleton.) Only then does it see how pointless its efforts were, and that they were better off invested somewhere else.
...
You know how people throw that fucking annoying platitude around? That things will get better? Doesn't happen. It's no different in its progression from a physical illness, and once you go beyond a certain stage you're only living on fumes at that point. Limited time. But it'll get better they say. Fucking hell, it can also get worse, but who's willing to actually concede that bleak truth?
...
Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I'm just getting worse mentally. I mean, I set the suicide date for when I'm 25. It's only kept dropping. I started considering pushing it to college years, and now I'm genuinely pondering whether I should just drop out of college like when I'm 19 or so and be done with it — at least I won't have to wonder about how you'll come meet me in USA lol. I'm also drawing more blanks in tests. It's not like I don't know, it's just making me more and more anxious. Like the psychology UT we had just some time ago. I left 12 marks because it seemed to easy to be true and I thought I was wrong. I got 17.5 . And meeting people, ugh. Worse than ever. Sure I'm introverted, but at this rate I'm practically going to become a hermit. My ability to function like a sane person is waning, and it's actually quite clear. It's makes me awe struck and horrified at the same time seeing how someone is so capable of self sabotage. Yeah, I don't think I was made for this world. Just one big mistake that hasn't been taken care of yet.
...
Oh, if you haven't listened to it already, you really should listen to Heroes by David Bowie. Please do, if you haven't yet. Just this one song.
...
[6/28/2018, 12:13 AM] Prathik: I love you.
[6/28/2018, 12:14 AM] Prathik: ^ I just felt like saying that.
...
You don't get it. I don't know for sure that you like talking to me. Yes, you've said so so many times that I've lost track. I'd be lying if I said that it were enough to convince me. It isn't; you can't do anything to change my perception of myself, and sometimes I'll project, being the idiot I am after all. There's never going to be a time when I can the voice that says you're you're just using me for some kicks or something to shut up. That doubt will never go, and every time you say something like that, I'll make sure to interpret it as evidence that even you don't care, that you just let your guard down. You can't ever really make me satisfied or happy, so don't throw away any more of your time actually trying to justify anything. If you know that what you've done is fine, then it's fine.
...
[6/12/2018, 8:51 PM] Prathik: Speaking of which, it's interesting that you brought up the fact that our relationship is dysfunctional. Not that I really addressed it well when you originally meantioned it. It does make me wonder, are the dynamics of the way we interact with each other actually healthy? Perhaps we're just fucking each other in the ass and not even realising it? While it's a possibility that I consider, you should know that I don't think the second one is too probable. All the same, it's bothersome enough to actually consider pondering over. Funny, though, how I've just turned a blind eye to it; best relationship you've had you say. Pretty much the same for me, I suppose that's why I've not considered anything that suggests contrary to that opinion.
You know, we never did our cliched apologies. I'm not sure what exactly to apologise for; however, I don't have any qualms admitting that I did fuck up. I'm not sure it makes any sense to apologise for going silent for a month. Honestly, while I did miss you, I'm not sure of how much I actually regret it. Heck, if I hadn't misunderstood your message and not responded... Moreover, what's the point of saying sorry for something I've done multiple times and might do again anyway? It probably does defeat the purpose of it. I do regret making you angry though. I'm not too proud of getting you pissed off, I honestly am sorry about that. That conversation just didn't go the way I'd have liked it to I guess...
[6/12/2018, 8:53 PM] Prathik: Also, is it just me or have things between us changed? I mean, the one month silence probably did more harm than good. It'd have probably been better had I never done anything, or had not stupidly misinterpreted what you said and stayed silent after all. I don't know, I'm not saying it has anything to do with you anyway. I know who's responsible if something is wrong after all.
[6/12/2018, 10:04 PM] Prathik: Oh, today I mixed NaOH with NH4Br, boiled it and inhaled it. I also had to do some speaking for a group activity in English, and I didn't really fuck it up at all or get shaky knees
Just saying. Anyway, which Tapasya acquaintances are you still in touch with?
[6/12/2018, 10:42 PM] Prathik: Oh look, they just killed off net neutrality in USA. Fucking Ajit Pai. As if he didn't have an incredibly punchable face to begin with.
...
[6/10/2018, 10:05 AM] Prathik: If you say so. Read at your own inconvenience.
Since I'm idiotic enough, I decided to read more of the dude's articles. Lost a ton of brain cells. Also, don't read the comments. Nutty, the lot of them.
[6/10/2018, 11:00 AM] Prathik: "The power of propaganda always surprises me. Only 30 years ago, homosexuality was almost universally condemned, and now it’s accepted in half the world and half the States. Clearly, the natural position worldwide is that homosexuality is a disorder, and should be condemned. The problem is, we lost the youth. Somehow, homosexual advocates were able to brainwash and indoctrinate them into accepting it. If you talk to anyone my age, they believe that homosexuality poses no health risks (homosexuals have a 5 times higher chance of getting HIV) and that they are born as homosexuals (despite no scientific evidence.) IMO this is a result of two things: homosexual propaganda (esp. through the internet) and the collapse of the traditional marriage model. The parents simply haven’t taught their children about Christianity and thus they are easy prey for the homosexual movement.
Honestly, I am very pessimistic and I feel that it’s only going to get worse as time goes on. More and more ‘Christians’ are accepting this behavior day by day and it’s heartbreaking."
Has to be the most ironic things I've ever read. Talks about propaganda and indoctrination, but completely turns a blind eye to how he's become what he is.
[6/10/2018, 6:29 PM] Prathik: And now, I've realised that I could have actually spent my time better by talking to you on the phone as you suggested. Not that I studied one bit as I planned to do.
...
[6/9/2018, 1:56 AM] Garima Joshi: Bye now, love you.
[6/9/2018, 1:57 AM] Prathik: Bye. Love you.
...
if I could really recover from the depressed, socially anxious, and suicidal person I am today, believe me I'd let you know immediately. I promise.
...
[3/20/2018, 3:01 AM] Garima Joshi: I know you said you were tired. Thanks for sticking around. Always great talking to you.
[3/20/2018, 3:02 AM] Prathik: It's always fun talking to you. So.. yeah. Do we say goodnight or goodmorning at this point?
[3/20/2018, 3:03 AM] Prathik: Yeah. Stay safe in Delhi will you? Bye.
[3/20/2018, 3:04 AM] Garima Joshi: I'll try, I'll try.
Have a good day (today)
Bye, love you.
[3/20/2018, 3:06 AM] Prathik: I thought you said cheesy stuff were grossing you out...
I'm sorry, did I sound a little overprotective?
[3/20/2018, 3:13 AM] Garima Joshi: Okay Patrick I love you v much but I'll find you a wife tomorrow, for now you need those 2 hours 58 minutes of beauty sleep to rope in all those women
[3/20/2018, 3:13 AM] Prathik: Lulz. Fine. Love you too.
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