#i don't know how to describe this feeling. i cant stop crying

[dirtybitfic]

Therapy pt.3

Matt sturniolo x y/n / fem reader

Smutt, kinks, dom matt, punishments, a lot of crazy shit to do with the kinks discussed in the two therapy sessions. Lots of dirty shit honestly too much to put in the warning so … 🫦

Matts pov-

Im so worked up right now. After her saying she likes a challenge I just could not handle it anymore. I know its not appropriate to have sex with a client but fuck me with y/n I just cant control myself.

Since the first session she's been running through my mind. She is absolutely beautiful for one and the kinks she has are music to my ears whenever she reads them off. Ive had multiple dreams about the nasty depraved things I want to do to her and after tonight I don't know if we’ll be able to go back to just a therapist client relationship.

I see the way she looks at me when she thinks im not paying attention and fuck the way she bites her lip nervously after reading her kinks is so hot to me. She is such a dirty girl but hides it all under this sweet innocent persona and it drives me wild. I want to see her brake for me ... hear her begging me to let her cum and watching her unravel over and over until she's crying and begging for me to stop.

Tonight I will finally get what ive always wanted and the best part is I know she’ll let me . I don't think she caught it but when she described her type in our first session she pretty much described me perfectly. The tattoos , dark hair , blue eyes, a dark mysterious persona and not too mention her size kink.

Y/n is not super short but compared to me she looks so small and it drives me wild anytime she looks up at me when I stand in front of her . She constantly has bedroom eyes and thats one feature I love on her gorgeous little face . Im 6'4 and she's probably around 5'7 so as you can imagine the height difference is a good amount . (Ik this man’s is a cool 5’8 but we gonna act like he ain’t alright)

As she sits next to me in the car I cant help but watch her as her thighs squeeze tightly together and her breathing is slightly fast. I wonder what her gorgeous little mind is thinking knowing im taking her back home with me. I know she was tipsy when she said those words to me but drunk words are sober thoughts and im so glad she finally made it clear she is also attracted to me .

These 15 minutes need to go bye quick ... because once I get her inside this damn house she in for a very long night.

Your pov-

Your going crazy in his passenger seat your mind is running wild with possibility’s of what is going to happen.

The thought of him above me with his hand around my neck as he fucks into you so hard your crying is on a non stop loop in your mind you’ve been clenching your thighs for so long they are cramping . You’ve tried to think about anything else but every time you try every thought turns into him again. He's consuming your mind and you cant wait for him to consume every other part of you.

The fact he is in a high class b.d.s.m club also tells you a lot . All the men there are dominants of high power and class . Your mind wanders back to the two men Matt had introduced you to and honestly you feel bad that they will probably never hear from you but now that you know you can have Matt you don't even want to look at them again.

You were sonly entertaining them just incase u had to settle for the next best choice but you know Matt is going to ruin you tonight and after this there is no going back and you pray this car ride is almost over.

How much longer do we have

About 10 more minutes ... why

I just really have to pee this isn't a lie I do have to pee but we all know the real reason I wanted to know

don't worry were almost there

he sets his hand on your thigh causing your breathe to hitch , even the smallest touch from his hand has your pussy clenching and pulsing. he rubs small circles with his thumb causing you to let out a soft sigh but it came out more like a moan.

you don't try to cover it up you just keep looking out the window as the trees pass by and you finally pull up to a large black gate.

It opens when he presses a button and he slowly makes his way up the very long windy road leading up to what you can only guess is the house.

There are lights lining the road every few feet and there are old looking willow trees scattered along the sides . It's beautiful yet creepy at the same time.

The car come to a stop and you look through the front windshield at a beautiful modern gothic mansion

Wow Matt your house is just ... wow

Thank you me and my brothers have a love for gothic style architecture

god you drive my dream car and live in my dream house could you be more perfect

he laughs softly Well if you like the outside you’ll love the inside come on

you smile at him as you rush out of the car excited to see the interior of his gorgeous home

he gets out locking the car and taking your hand in his as he leads you to the front door and unlocks it letting you enter first .

you walk into the most breathe taking foyer.

Holy fuck you look around already involve with the house and this is only the entrance

im guessing you like it

LOVE it

he smiles and chuckles

wait till you see the victorian greenhouse in the back he says smiling at you leading you into the living room

God this house keeps getting better and better you say as you take in the dark interior of the living room.

I think your gonna love the kitchen come on he says leading you down a dark emerald green hallways into a large kitchen.

You're right I do love it . You guys love dark colors huh

yeah I guess so he says looking around actually realizing most of the house is black with dark accent colors.

I like it a lot even though its dark it doesn't feel depressing

yeah I agree . Okay time for the greenhouse

Oh . my .god this is beautiful . I have an entire Pinterest board for my dream house and i've always loved the idea of having a interior greenhouse but this is just beautiful you start walking around looking at all the flowers and plants they have growing around .

Yeah My brother nick loves this part of the house he actually does most of the planting and stuff

he has great taste in flowers night rider lilys are my favorite flower

He would talk your ear off for hours about all these flowers if he could

I would probably love that actually I mean this is just beautiful . Your lucky to have this in your house I hope you know that

oh I do trust me but lets go upstairs I wanna show you my favorite room

okay you say taking his hand as he leads you down another dark hallways leading to a spiral staircase .

As you reach the last step it enters into a large library

wow this is by far my favorite room

I knew you'd like it go up those stairs and look on the middle 3 shelves I think you'll like that section he says smirking

you take the staircase up and go to the shelves he told you too . You look at the books noticing they are all dark romance books . They are all hard covers and you trace them with your fingers landing on one in particular . Haunting Adeline by H.D Carlton your favorite book you've read by far.

Matt steps behind you placing his hands on your hips .

You read haunting Adeline?

multiple times . I love this book

is that what started your stalker fantasies

It didn't start it but it definitely made it 10 times worse

what did start them he asks as you traced over other books that you've read

Honestly from a young age I always had thought in my brain that someone was or could be watching me through my window . My childhood home had woods behind and around the right side so I was always paranoid someone was out there but I guess... as I grew up the idea became appealing instead of scary.

mmm you like the cat and mouse game don't you... he moves closer to you as his lips brush your earlobe you like feeling like prey being hunted by a large ... scary ... predator hmmm . Don't you ?

you moan at the feel of his hands on you and the dirty words he said too you

I asked you a question he says as one of his hands travels up to your neck gripping it and spinning you around .

Now answer it... he says in a deep husky voice

y-yes I like it

mm such a depraved little slut aren't you

you moan not knowing what to say

never being satisfied ... having to come to me he says as he steps closer making your back hit the wall of books and you have to arch your neck that his hand is still around to look up at him towering over you.(again were pretending that this man isn't 5'8 alright) Telling me all the dirty ... depraved things you crave

you moan.

im gonna give you everything you want ... and your gonna thank me over and over

Jesus Christ you moan as you feel the wetness pooling in your underwear and slightly dripping down your thigh. You've never been so aroused in your life and all you want to do is beg him to touch you

his hand that was on your hip travels under your dress and up your thigh as his long fingers reach the inner of your thigh he groans

Such a little slut . Your so turned on its running down your thigh and I haven't even touched you yet

you whine as his hand slowly inches closer to where you need hm most

your gonna have to wait... the house tour isn't over yet

oh fuck you you sigh out. You're so turned on its driving you crazy .

excuse me he says gripping your throat even tighter and grabbing your face with his other making you look at him. You whine as you feel your teeth pressing into your cheeks from his tight hold.

you might want to watch your tone with me he says staring intently in your eyes.

yes sir you bite back your words laced with attitude

he lets go of your face and yanks you by your hand after him.

You make your way into a long hallway with a couple doors on each side

He opens the first one and its a fairly large bathroom

nice bathroom okay next room

someone is eager huh he says as he leads you to the next door

this is my brother chris's room

oh nice

then he walks to the next door farther down the hall on the left

and this is my brother nicks room

do you all live on the same floor ?

no my room is on the basement level

oh ... why?

you'll see he says as he leads you to the last room.

this is chris's at home studio he says as you let go of his hand and walk around looking at all the equipment.

does he make music ?

Sometimes yeah but he's more into producing backtracks and beats and stuff

that so cool

yeah the man loves his music . Come on I wanna show you the backyard

he leads you out of the room and down another flight of stairs leading out to the backyard.

This is one of my favorite parts of the house

wow the pool is amazing

yeah its great. and its heated so you can use it all year round

damn thats nice

yeah its pretty great but come on I saved the best rooms for last

he leads you back inside the house and leads you down a dark flight of stairs to the basement level .

The stairs lead into another living room

wow its dark down here

yeah I like it dark it feels ... cozy to me

mmm you hum as you look at the dark blue couch and the nice fire place behind it.

he leads you down another long hallway to the room at the end.

This is my room he says before opening the door

mmm its dark but cozy I like it

and that is my closet over there and this is my bathroom

mm its like your own apartment down here

yeah I love my brothers a lot but I like to have my own space

I get that , do you mind if I use the bathroom real quick

not at all go ahead he says as you swiftly make your way into the bathroom closing the door behind you. You had been holding in your pee for the entire house tour.

you make your way to the toilet and finally relieve yourself with a sigh. As you sit you look around the large bathroom noticing the nice ass shower. Your mind wanders to things you'd love to do with him in that shower.

You finish up and wash your hands and make your way back out into the room .

Matt is in the middle of taking off dress shirt and you cant help but watch the way his back muscles tense as he pulls in off and sets it in a laundry hamper.

he pulls on a black sweatshirt he must have changed into his sweatpants while you were in the bathroom .

He turns around noticing you .

Feel better

yes much better. I held it in for a while

he chuckles and then walks closer to you as he bends down and lifts one of your feet you balance yourself by placing a hand on his shoulder. He takes of your heel and then the other.

You sigh feeling so much more comfortable .

Go into my closet and grab a sweatshirt I know you probably want to get out of that dress

as you make your way to the closet he slaps your ass causing you to gasp.

you smile as you make your way into the large walk in closet and finding a line of sweatshirt hung on the top rack .

you grab a grey sweatshirt and start undoing your dress as it slips off . You weren't wearing a bra under the dress so all you have under his large sweatshirt is your lace thong that is soaked with your arousal from earlier.

you walk back out and he smiles at you .

You look good in my sweatshirt

yeah its comfy too to say as you hold your arms out looking down .

its fits big on you since he's significantly taller than you.

I have a feeling I won't be getting it back anytime soon

yeahhh don't hold your breathe you say smiling back at him.

ready for the last room

mhm you smile knowing you're finally going to be getting what you want after this last room.

he leads you out of his room and down a small hall leading to a large door at the end .

I think you'll like this one he says with a smirk on his face.

he opens the door and turns on the light . Your mouth drops as you see what the room is.

A fucking sex dungeon

you walk around the room looking at all the whips and ropes that line the left wall. The right wall is adorned with blindfolds and other kind of restraints .

you still think you can handle me he says in your ear as he swiftly walks around you with his hand on your waist

you make eye contact nodding your head hoping hell finally touch you.

take the sweatshirt off he says sternly.

you slowly lift it over your head as your nipple immediately harden since this part of the house is cooler than the rest.

he groans at the sight of your bare body in front of him.

he slowly traces a hand down your face then neck and then he reaches your tits as he pulls on your nipples causing you to moan from the pain and pleasure.

he pulls on them harder making you gasp for air .

his hands move to your waist as he effortlessly picks you up and holds under your thighs to keep you up as you wrap your legs around his waist.

he brings his mouth to your neck biting and sucking leaving marks as you moan from the feeling.

you sound so beautiful he goes back into your neck leaving more marks.

your legs tighten around his waist as he bites down harshly on your shoulder

fuck you gasp as he lets go and kisses it softly

he sets you down and spins you around walking you over to the couch and bending you over the arm rest .

he bends down so his mouth is at your ear

I think you need to learn some manners hmm

you know that he's probably referring to the library when you coped an attitude with him .

all you do is shake your head yes

use your words y/n . he says in a harsh tone that has you pulsing around nothing.

yes you say sounding out of breathe .

yes what ...

yes sir

good girl

you hear him walk away but stay where he put you .

you hear him step back behind you and feel something cold run along your left ass cheek . You lay there waiting for what he's going to do .

Something slaps down on your cheek causing you to gasp . It didn't hurt but it definitely would leave a mark if he smacks harder.

you know what this is ? he asks seeing if you'll guess correctly

ummm I don't know

he smacks down the object again with more force causing your hips to buck harshly into the arm rest.

take a guess and maybe ill go easy on you

fuck umm I... a crop wip

he smacks down on your other cheek

such a smart girl

you moan at his praise as he smacks down again.

he tosses it on the couch and grabs you to stand up by your hair causing you to whine.

You have no idea what I want to do to you right now

you let out a quiet moan .

Please . Do anything you want .use me

yeah you want me to treat you like the dirty little slut you are his tone making it evident he's smirking.

yes... fuck please

he lets go of your hair and walks over to the wall of blindfolds picking up a blue satin one and walking back over to you .

turn around he says as he stands in front of you .

You do as he says and he ties it around your eyes and nots it at the back securing it tightly .

you run your hands over the silky cool material smiling .

he guides you by your waist until he pushes you down to sit on the edge of the couch your back arching into the back of the couch.

his hands move up and down your sides until he reaches your panty lines and pulls them down your legs slowly .

spread your legs for me show me how much of a mess i've made you

you spread your legs and he groans

such a pretty little pussy he says before placing soft wet kisses on your inner thighs causing you to squirm in anticipation.

his breathe hits your sensitive clit and your hips buck . You want him to finally touch you so badly you just cant help yourself .

he places a soft kiss on your clit causing you to moan .

fuck... please

tell me what you want

please I need your mouth so bad

mmm he groans before diving into your pussy as he licks and sucks .Fuck he's good at this . Your breathing is erratic as you squirm under him .

oh- my god fuck

yeah ... am I making you feel good he says before going back to sucking your clit

yes fuck so good you moan out . He starts flicking his tongue in the perfect spot that has your legs trembling.

Oh FUCK oh my god right there

he smirks against your pussy as he inserts a finger inside your gushing entrance eliciting a loud moan from you.

Oh my god fuck im so close

Cum for me sweetheart cover my mouth with it

his words immediately send you tumbling over the edge as your legs tremble and you're gasping for air .

such a good girl for me he says as you come down from your high and he pulls his finger out of you .

your catching your breathe as he licks his fingers clean.

such a sweet little pussy he groans .

get up he says in a raspy tone you immediately obey standing up and waiting for more instruction.

he walks over to the wall of restraints and ropes he picks a set and walks back over to you .He pulls off the blindfold and throws it down.

you blink adjusting to the lights then looking down at what's in his hand.

you smile and he notices.

come on he says making you walk in front of him .

he watches the way your ass moves when you walk making him even more painfully hard than he already is.

you make it back in his room and he shuts the door harshly then grabs you buy the back of the neck.

hands behind your back

you hold them behind your back and he puts the wrist restrains on securing them enough they won't slip off but not tight enough to hurt.

walk to the end of the bed

You walk slowly to the end of the bed as he trails closely behind.One you reach the end he moves your hair and tells you to hold it . He then secures the neck piece of the restraints. It holds your head at and angle that is slightly uncomfortable but you enjoy it.

He pulls his sweatshirt off and he spins you around to face him.

You look so beautiful all restrained for me

you smile up at him as your eyes trail his upper body the best they can with the restraints .

he pushes your shoulders down as he makes you sit on the edge of the bed.

he slowly unties the string of his sweatpants and slides them down and kicks them off.

Your gonna be a good girl and let me fuck that pretty little mouth

you moan in agreement.

his bulge is right in front of your face causing you to gulp. He is definitely not small and that makes you slightly nervous.

He starts pulling down his boxers causing his rock hard dick to pop out and slap you on the face. You jump not expecting it which makes him chuckle.

Open .

you open your mouth and he shoves his middle and ring finger into your mouth you gag slightly as they hit the back of your mouth and your eyes water.

mmm were gonna need to work on that he says as you gag on his finger the farther he pushes back.

He pulls them out and strokes his long thick length a couple times before looking down at you smirking.

he taps his dick on your lips telling you to open your mouth .

The second you open your mouth he slides into it and slowly thrusts in and out . His girth has the corners of your mouth stretching and your jaw hurts from how wide you have to keep your mouth open .

he grabs the back of your head and starts thrusting hard and fast. You're gagging and coughing around him causing him to groan .

Fuck look at you drooling and gagging . Such a fucking mess for me

you moan around him as tears roll down your face and spit is dripping out of the sides of your mouth and down your chin and neck. His thrust get harder his tip bruising your throat with each thrust. You're crying as your eyes get foggy from your mascara bleeding into them. You're gagging loudly as he goes deeper down your throat.

You try moving your hand to his thighs only to remember they are secured behind your back. So you try the next best thing and start trying to inch further up the bed and away from him which only seems to make him thrust more aggressively.

nahuh don't try and get away ... you said you'd be a good girl for me he grunts out horsly as his breathing is loud and curses pour out of his mouth signaling he's close.

I'm gonna fill this pretty little mouth and your gonna swallow all of it you understand he groans out as you nod your head the best you can .

he harshly thrusts a couple more times before burying himself as deep as he can go and fills your throat and mouth with his cum. He pulls out and slaps his hand over your mouth.

You better fucking swallow it. he says in a harsh tone that has your pussy gushing.

you swallow down the thick liquid furrowing your brows from the weird texture. He takes his hand off your mouth .

good girl listening so well he says before gently stroking your lips with his thumb. You hum at the soft touch and lean into it.

stand up you immediately stand up and look up at him with teary bedroom eyes.

he spins you around and bends you over the side of the bed .

He runs his hand down your back and grabs onto the chain connected to the back of the collar pulling your head back so you're looking at him. You whimper at the way the collar part tightens with the angle.

You want me to fuck you dumb he asks with a cocky smile on his face.

you nod and he slaps you on the ass with his free hand.

Use your fucking words when I ask you a question

y-yes I want you to fuck me

tell me how bad you want it ... beg for it he says making the chain a bit tighter in his hand.

p-please I want it so bad please your voice coming out broken and raspy.

mmm beg louder i wanna hear the desperation int that pretty little voice of yours

please Please fuck me I want it so bad PLEAse

mmm you sound so pretty when you beg he says as he lets go of the chain and your head falls onto the mattress .

his hand runs further down your ass to your throbbing core.

he slides a finger in causing you to whimper .

Fuck you're so wet. You like having my dick down your throat don't you

you moan in agreement causing him to slap your ass hard.

don't you he says deeply .

y-yes I love it

such a little slut he says as he adds another finger and starts moving them in and out at a pace that has your toes curling.

f-fuck oh my-

yeah you like my fingers

y-yes sir f-fuck I love them

he groans at you calling him sir and he speeds up his fingers curling them to hit the perfect spot that has your legs starting to tremble and your orgasm building at a fast pace.

oh- fuck I-im gonna cum

not until you beg for it

f-fuck oh god

don't even think about cumming without my permission he says slapping your ass as you loudly moan into the mattress.

F-fuck please can I cum fuck please please

hold it

b-but your breathing so hard as you try on focus on not cumming.

I know you can do it

fuck I- cant please let me cum fuck please

no your gonna hold it until I say you can cum

you whine in protest as your eyes swell with tears and your legs are shaking as your hands ball into fists

f-fuck I c-cant you cry out as it starts to get painful holding it back

yes you fucking can his pace gets faster and you break not being able to hold it anymore.

did you just fucking cum after I told you not too

you orgasm so hard around his fingers you don't even care he's angry you couldn't follow directions.

I t-told you I could hold it

he pulls you up by the chain causing you to gasp and cry out from the force.

he sits down and throws you over his knees.

you are going to learn to follow directions

you whine knowing he's about to make you regret that last orgasm.

his hand comes down on your ass causing you to whine

your gonna take as many spankings as I see fit and your gonna thank me for every single one

his hand comes down harshly causing your ass to sting

f-fuck thank you sir

his hand comes down on the same spot at least 15 times before you're crying and begging him to stop .

m-matt please it hurts you cry out as his hand comes down again.

im sorry who his hands come down at a fast pace hitting your stinging red cheek at least 5 times.

OW F-fuck sir please I- cant t-take anymore please im sorry I won't do it again

he rubs his hand softly over your red and raised ass cheek admiring his large hand print that is now imprinted in the skin and tracing the blood vessels that burst around the print smiling to himself.

you think you learned your lesson he asks in a softer voice.

yes sir I promise I will listen from now on you sigh out . Your ass cheek is stinging so much and your breathing is erratic from crying.

he helps you stand up before he pushes you back over the edge of the bed again . His strokes. his rock hard dick a couple times before he runs the tip through your wet folds .

he slowly pushes in causing you to hiss from the stretch he's so big that you know no matter how slow he enters you it'll hurt.

ahh shit you whine out as he pushes a little deeper.

I know sweetheart you're doing so good for me he says running his hand down the small of your back trying to sooth you.

mmm you whine as he still pushes in .

You're doing so good . Only half more to go

Thats only half you loudly cry out . You already feel so full and you don't know how you're gonna handle all of it .

he chuckles at your reaction ad he pushes deeper and deeper .

fuck you're so fucking tight .

You whine and squirm as the stinging gets worse when his thickest part enters you .

Jesus c-christ your so big you cry out as you try and calm your breathing.

I know baby but you're almost there he groans as he pushed in until he is balls deep .

you cry out as he fills you up fully with his entire length staying still letting you adjust. You knew he was big but you dint expect him to stretch you this much but you also haven't had sex in a while so its not that shocking . You've also never taken a dick this big , he's a good 9 inches and girthy as fuck.

fuck okay you can move but please go slow

he starts to slowly thrust in and out as you continue to adjust .

mmm you whine as the pain fades into pleasure

feel good he says as as he speeds up the pace ever so slightly.

y-yes sir

he groans as you pulse around him .

can you handle it if I go faster he grunts out. The slow pace is not something he enjoys. He likes to be rough and hard but he doesn't want to hurt you.

yes fuck please go faster the second these words leave your moth he starts thrusting faster . Your gasping and moaning as he hits your g- spot over and over.

h-harder fuck please sir fuck me harder

god you're such a little slut he grunts as he starts going harder and your eyes rolls to the back of your head as you feel your orgasm building.

FUCK O-OH MY GOD Y-YOU'RE SO DEEP

Yeah you liked being fuck like a dirty whore

ye-yes I love it FUCK

I can feel you pulsing around me sweetheart . You gonna cum all over my cock like the good little whore you are

Y-YES SIR. FUCK CAN I CUM P-PLEASE

yeah cum all over my cock

FUCK you scream as you cum all over him and your legs tense and shake under him .

You come down from your high as he still pounds into you as your entire body trembles under him.

MMm f-fuck you pant out as he continues pounding into you relentlessly.

so fucking wet for me he groans out as he takes a hold of the chain and yanks your head back to look up at him. Your breathing becomes scattered as the collar cuts off your air way.

You feel how deep I am hmm

you furrow your brows in pleasure but maintain eye contact and nod your head as moans slip out of your mouth.

he lets go of the chain as your head drops down and you regain a normal breathing pattern. He grabs the small chain that connects the cuffs together and starts pounding into you deeper causing you to scream out.

AHH FUCK S-SO DEEP I C-CANT

mmm you can .he grabs you by your hair and lowers himself over you so he's right by your ear , and you fucking will

he lifts off of you continuing to thrust so hard and deep your legs lift off the ground and kick the back of his thighs.

MM j-jesus christ m-matt His movements stop and pulls yanking you up by your hair causing you to cry out from the burn .

he unhooks your hands and spins you around to face him as he rebooks them in front of you.

Lay down for me he says and you climb back onto the bed laying down.He climbs back onto the bed and settles in-between your legs as he pushes them apart as far as they go and he pushes back into you .

Fuck oh m-my god you whine as he thrusts roughly into you and your eye close as the pleasure runs through you.

he slaps you causing you to wince.

look at me while I fuck you dumb

your eyes open as you moan and shake under him..

oh f-fuck im g-gonna you cry out before juices spray out of you all over his dick.

Thats it squirt all over me .Fuck your doing so good for me

you whine as your legs start to shake and you start to feel overstimulated from all the other orgasm you've had.

F-fuck I c-cant take -I-it

he grips your face tightly as he brings his face closer to yours.

well your gonna have to. Im not nearly close to being done with you he says before he lifts your legs over his shoulders and starts thrusting rougher and deeper causing a bulge to show in your stomach.

FUCK d-daddy I he cuts you off by pushing down on your stomach feeling himself in you.

call me daddy again and you'll regret it he groans out.

y-yes sir im s-sorry

He pushes down harder on the bulge in your stomach causing you to scream out as you squirt again.

Fuck keep fucking doing that your so fucking hot

mmmm f-fuck you whine as tears start streaming down your face

your entire body is shaking from the overstimulation you're feeling.

FUCK I CANT PLEASE I ... you squirt again . He has to pull out from how much is coming out.

He pushes two fingers into you causing you to scream . He curls them and moves them so fast your entire body is rocking . He hits your spot over and over until your squirting again all over his fingers and the bed.

J-jesus christ its t-too much you cry out as you they to move his hand away but failing since they are connected to the chain that isn't long enough for you to reach him.

I guess ill just have to force you take it then huh he says before replacing his fingers with his dick and fucking you so rough your seeing stars and all you can do is moan and cry .

the tears are streaming down your face as shake under him.

who's pussy is this he asks as he thrusts into you at a new angle that takes your breathe away. You want to answer him but no words are coming out of your mouth.

He slaps you across the face two times before he grips it and makes you look at him.

Whos fucking pussy is this y/n

Y-YOURS ITS YOURS FUCK you scream out as you cum all over him

that's it such a good girl he groans as you shake under him .

His thrusts don't let up if anything he starts going harder.

You're crying as whining under him unable to get words or moans out all you can do I breathe hard.

Look at you . Fucking you dumb hmm he says with a cocky smirk .

mmmmm you whine and kind of cry out as you lift your hips from the bed trying to get away from him but he grabs your hips hitting you at a different angle that has you choking on air.

so pathetic trying to run away from me he says as he grips your hips so tight there will be bruises Tommorrow.

F-f-fuck you you cry out . You're so overstimulate it hurts .

he slaps you across the face then shoves his fingers into your mouth causing you to gag and couch as he presses down your tongue.

watch your fucking mouth he says as he pulls his fingers out of your mouth and starts rubbing circles on your clit as he continues pounding into you.

MMM N-NO I CANT I-C-CANT you scream out as you feel another painful orgasm building.

oh but you will he says as he feels you pulsing around him signaling your close.

F-FUCK MMMM you scream in a horse shaky voice as your orgasm all over him so hard your entire body shakes and lifts off the bed as he continues rubbing your clit until you come down from your high as your brain goes fuzzy and your vision blurs.

your body is exhausted and your non stop shaking as he continues thrusting into you.

Fuck you gonna let me fill this pussy with my cum hmm

y-yes p-please you whine knowing that he's close brings a smile to your face you don't know how much more you can take.

yeah such a little cum slut aren't you

mmm y-yes sir you moan as his thrust get sloppy .

f-fuck he groans as he fills you up .

you lay there trying to catch your breathe as he pulls out and pulls you up unlatching the collar and handcuffs . you let out a sigh and stretch your arms since they are locked up from the position they were forced into for so long.

You okay he asks smiling softly at you .

you look at him softly smiling before climbing into his lap and holding onto him .

mmhm just... tired you say smiling against his chest. He rubs your back softly as he holds you tight.

lets go get cleaned up hmm he coos in your ear.

mmhm you sigh into his chest but don't have the energy to move.

he stands up holding you as walks to the bathroom and sets you down on the toilet letting you pee as he starts the shower .

once you finish your business he picks you up and walks you both into the shower and under the water.

you sigh as the water runs over your exhausted body . He slowly sets you down but still holds you tight knowing your legs are not very stable right now. He grabs some body wash and doors it all over your body before rubbing it in and letting in rinse away . You wash his torso and then rubs it all over his back then he rinses it off.

You smile to yourself feeling so taken care of at the moment and it makes you happy .

what you smiling about he jokes as he smiles down at you.

nothing your just... I just feel taken care of thats all

aftercare is very important to me you know that

I know its just not something i'm used to so.. thank you

of course beautiful he says as he runs his hands through your wet hair and places a kiss on your forehead.

he turns off the water and helps you step out as he wraps the large towel around you and wraps his around his waist.

you both make your way back into his room after drying off most of the water . He grabs a shirt for you to throw on and he throws on some boxers and sweat shorts .

you okay ... hungry thirsty ?

yeah both actually

alright lets go to the kitchen i'll Make something

you make your way up the two flights of stairs to the main floor and walk through the halls to the kitchen.

what time is it you ask as you reach the kitchen

4 am a voice says from further in the kitchen making you yelp and jump in surprise .

matt laughs as he makes his way over to the fridge grabbing things out as you stand there clutching you chest trying to catch your breathe.

sorry sweetheart I didn't mean to scare you the other one says as he approaches you with a small chuckle.

no no its okay just wasn't expecting anyone to be in here.

im Chris he says offering a hand for you to shake .

y/n you say with a smile as you shake his hand.

ahhh so your y/n he says smirking and looking at matt

what's that supposed to mean you ask slightly confused.

oh nothing me and nick have just heard a lot about you over the past two weeks

Oh really you ask with a smile looking at matt who's rolling his eyes.

Mhmm he says winking at you causing you to blush.

what are you doing up anyway

Couldn't sleep . I was gonna go for a swim but then I got hungry he says walking over to the fridge and pulling out a water.

he looks over to you . Want a water

oh sure thank you

You walk over to the island and sit down in one of the chairs.watching as Matt cooks . Chris comes and sits next to you placing the water down in front of you.

so y/n what do you do for work?

im a stylist you say smiling at him

ah so thats why you always have good outfits.

you smile at him from the compliment

yeah I guess so

do you like it

yeah I love it most of the time

why most of the time

well I work with celebrity's a lot and some of them are complete assholes so you know

ahh yeah I get that some of them just act so entitled

right its ridiculous . Matt said your a music producer

yeah I am its pretty cool

I bet id love to be able to make my own music

Matt smiles at you as he admires the way you get along with his brother .

do you sing?

yeah a bit

you should totally record in my studio sometime

id love that but you know thats only if Matt keeps me around

Trust me I will Matt says smirking at you making you smile

well im gonna go for a swim and then probably go to bed .

bye it was nice to formally meet you

yeah you too he says as he walks away down the hall to the pool.

so you sing Matt says smiling

yeah not but only really to myself im kinda awkward when people watch me

well maybe one day I can get you too sing for me

mmm yeah maybe

he finishes plating up the chicken and potatoes he made and slides u a plate and some silverware across the island.

you immediately cut off a piece and take a bite as he wits for your reaction.

oh my god this is so good you say as you lean back in your chair with a smile .

im glad you like it he says smiling and coming to sit next to you.

this is another reason I love older guys

food..? he asks chuckling a little bit

no like you actually cooked me something not just fell asleep and left me to fend for myself

I mean its a pretty easy thing to do he says smiling and taking a bite of his food

yeah but guys my age just arent like you

well then im glad you found me

oh trust me me too you say with a smirk .

okayyy eat your food he says laughing

you laugh a little before finishing the meal he cooked .

that was so good thank you

of course

he gets up and puts the plates in the dishwasher before coming back over to you.

you know what im craving

hmm

desert he says with a wicked smile on his face...

part four coming since I feel like this one is already way too long and took me forever to finish.

💋

#spotify #matt sturniolo #smut #bd/sm daddy #fanfiction #dirty nasty

[milknhonies]

Please someone lobotomise me. I don't want to have big human thoughts. I'm done. Just put me in a care home and let me go through dementia as I enjoy puzzles all day. I'd rather be at peace and forget things than have to continue feeling like I'm constantly drowning.

I hate myself and I hate that I struggle to fit into society.

I just want to be loved and I thought I'd be married with kids by now (yes I'm only 22 but I'm a Christian virgin who struggles with the physical feelings of being comfortable with sex other than the smut I write and read.)

I thought men were real- I thought men were romantic and worshipped women. I didn't realise how objectified and then shamed we are by men who behave like animals.

I don't want to work and I think that's a massive reason I'm having such a bad breakdown. I want to be a Pilates wife. I want to be at home baking and cooking and meal planning and loving a husband. I want to mend his work uniform and sit and rub his feet while he oats my head and tells me I'm his angel.

I don't want to work in disability care where my tolerance is so minimal to loud, overstimulated (overstimulating for me) aggressive clients. Or work with babies that scream and cry and hit along with angry parents that yell at you the moment something goes wrong. I wish job employment agencies would stop trying to pressure me into these roles. I KNOW THEYRE UNDERSTAFFED ALREADY SO IM NOT RIDING A SINKING BOAT- no THANKS

I just want my dad. I just want to go home. I just want to be 6 years old. I want to go to preschook again and do painting.

I don't want to work from 5pm-5am and walking Brisbane streets at night all alone going from one cleaning place to another just for one client to write passive aggressive comments in the Communication booklet and my boss to start telling other co-workers that I'm having meltdowns and I'm high maintenance.

I'm autistic and I just want to be treated like a toddler or a dog because that's kinder than what's happening now.

I just want a husband to look after me and protect me.

I want to just make cute little videos and not have to worry my pretty head about money.

I DONT WANT designer bags or clothes. I just want to have a house I'm allowed to decorate and make dresses or bake for church. And a husband who comes from work and pats my head and tells me I'm a good girl. At this rate I don't even care if he's fucking a receptionist on the side.

I get it how these are such white woman tears. But fuck I think every woman should have this dream off they WANT without any shame.

I know it's a "grow up this is reality, you're describing something that doesn't exist." WHY CANT IT EXIST. FUCK.

I don't blame feminism. Feminism is amazing and I love her.

I blame classism.

People can't survive on just single home incomes anymore and that's fucked up to me.

"but women had jobs too you're just describing the rich wom-"

Women with jobs were mostly young single women waiting to get married or women who never wanted to get married but needed a liveable income. YES some entire families worked to survive poverty back in the day, I wont disregard that, but FUCK

you would think being so advanced as we are considering we mass produce via machine etc, human life would be "easier" BUT IT ISNT.

And I'm TIRED. I really am. I've been depressed since the day I was born but because it's so normal to me I forget how depressed I am and then feel bad when I burn the fuck out.

[sincerely-sofie]

still cant get over travailshipping. i remember when you first tested the waters with it (which i believe was some time before the tpiag chapters started coming out?) and at first i thought it was pretty funny. ark slowly but surely falling headfirst for twig, who if she had a tagline it would be "if i could turn my feelings into weapons, mine would be a goddamn nuclear bomb", and her at first just being oblivious to it and thinking that the letters that expressed love and care that were written in cursive in her mailbox were just funny and she wanted to show them to ark with the guy just looking at her with the most "well that backfired in the weirdest way possible". but when tpiag finally ended i finally connected the dots as to why these two are just. augh. i wont go into detail here in your askbox but i wanna know is: HOW DID YOU DO IT. HOW DO YOU KEEP MAKING SUCH GOOD IDEAS FOR THE FUNNY DIGITAL ANIMALS. TELL ME.

(thinking to myself) "Ugh I should stop posting so much travailshipping stuff... It's probably so annoying to everyone who sees it. I feel bad for my poor followers. I'll check my inbox real quick and then commit to shaking up my content by—" *gets obliterated by your niceness*

Oh man. I remember posting that poll where I hesitantly described a possible Darkrai/Twig pairing in the tags while proposing Twig/Kip as an alternative route, despite it not being the direction I wanted to take the characters, because I was so scared of what people’s reactions might be. If I remember right, I posted it a little bit before I had just barely reached 5k words in the first draft of TPiaG.

I've been trying to write up detailed responses to how I come up with good ideas for travailshipping in particular, but there's one rule I use that defines everything after it and speaks for all of them: I have fun with the characters.

That's it. That's the rule. If I don't want to write a subject, I don't. I stick with what I find enjoyable and resonant. Does a joke make me laugh? Does a scene make me cry? Does a villain make me punch a hole in my wall? Does a cute gesture make me squeal? If so, then into the project it goes. I think people can feel when someone is having fun with their work, and that fun radiates out into their own experience consuming that work. It's like laughter— joy is something we're sharing with others as long as we feel it. Fun is contagious.

Also: when you don't force yourself to make things you hate, you attract people who like the same things as you. These people will find your work even more fun— because not only did you have fun making it, they're having double fun consuming it.

An important tangent I'll go off on is that I think that every creative project idea is a good idea. There's so many beloved bizarro ideas in the world, even the ones who try to be cool about how weird their premises are. There's this weird show where the main character works as a service industry worker in an underwater setting that's ruled by a Roman deity— he lives in a piece of fruit, and his pet gastropod makes cat noises. This show sounds like word salad garbage on paper and could be tossed out for its nonsensical nature, and yet SpongeBob SquarePants has made Nickelodeon over $13 billion dollars and is a treasured part of many childhoods. There's also a character who spends his time locked in intellectual and physical combat with a wannabe clown and wears a costume with bat ears while doing it. Batman's been an icon for over 80 years.

All of this is to say:

Ideas are always good ideas by virtue of existing. They don't derive their goodness from external sources. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Make more of what you love. Don't make things you hate making.

If you have fun while making the thing, people will have fun while they consume the thing's content.

I hope this makes sense. I didn't touch on idea generation as much as embracing existing ideas. Fingers crossed that was the right response. I'd just woken up from a nap as I was writing it, so hopefully it's not too meandering and managed to answer the question and—

— Oh shoot. Was that a hypothetical question??? Uh. Sorry if I went off on this rant when you were just trying to voice your niceness. Oops. 🫥

#also: feel free to go into detail in my inbox 👀 #i am always happy to hear people's thoughts on my blorbos #creativity tip #creativity advice #writing tip #writing #creativity tips #swear warning #creativity tips with sofie #(kinda) #sofie answers asks

[femmebambi]

whenever i’m bored or horny i just like to scroll thru your page and read about what kinda mood you’re in. you’re so cute when you talk about soft stuff like cuddling and just spending time with a lover, it just makes me wanna cradle you in my arms and make you feel warm and loved.

but when you describe what you want someone to do to you… i can’t help imagining you grinding on my thigh, begging me to help you because it’s just not enough, feeling you soak through your panties and my sweatpants and whining as you grind harder but i just wanna see how long i can rile you up. in the end, i’ll have you bouncing on my strap or grinding on my face, and bent over the edge of the bed or my desk as i fuck into you anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.

and all that begging you were doing before because i wasn’t doing enough? now you’re begging me to slow down or give you a chance to catch your breath but i just can’t stop myself because i’m addicted to the sounds you’re trying (and failing) to keep from escaping; the wet sounds of me pulling out and slamming back into you are so loud the neighbours could probably hear it. the way you’re arching into me makes me want to sink my teeth and nails into all your curves until they bruise and mark you as mine.

i could go on for hours. but you? you’re already trembling and crying from the overstimulation… is that horny enough for you sweetheart? or do you want more?

*picks jaw up off floor* Whoever you are - I love you.

First of all, the first part had me for a second. I was like awww how cute that you scroll my blog like that and I do love cuddles and I would just loveee to be in your arms while you make me feel all warm and safe. Reading the second part, however, I couldn't get enough. I'm soaked and clenching on nothing right now. I need you so bad. I literally almost moaned out loud.I'll take it however you want me to. Grinding down on you in desperate need of friction. Whining in pure desperation. Ready to beg for it.. ready to take your strap. Ass up as you bend me over the bed. Whining and moaning for you because it just feels so fucking good and I cant contain it no matter how much i try.I'd beg you to stop as you overestimulate me, but I don't really mean it, and you'd know it. I wouldn't be able to get enough of the wet sound of you slamming into me at an unforgiving pace. Also,please do bite and mark me. I'm so insanely turned on right now, and this was one of the hottest things I've ever read. I mean, I guess it was horny enough.. but if there's more where that came from, then I need it like yesterday. I'm gonna need to go touch myself and read this because holy shit. I feel like my reply doesn't do this justice but I'm SPEECHLESS

☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆

#wlw post #sapphic #graceanswers #imsoomgrightnow

[brainrot-stitch]

Thinking of simpler times.. (rant/vent ig)

It's nice just to like

Be able to lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling and hear the crickets outside and no electronic noises. It reminds me of the 2 hurricanes that happened a few yrs back, and like I know it's fucked up to think about because it was horrible, but at the same time it was nice in a way idk how to describe well. It was miserable and hot but I was with family and didn't have to worry or stress about people or grades.. we just kinda existed for a while. I don't want more hurricanes to happen, that would be crazy, but I miss what came after.

Idk I think I've just been getting worked up over a lot of stuff recently and ik other people have it like so so much worse so I don't rlly like to complain abt it, especially in the gc, but nights like these where it's dark and quiet and calm just really get to me I guess. Nights where I can just think about everything and cry before I have to wake up the next day and repeat everything over and over and over. Every day is so bland and numb with sudden spikes of panic mixed in and at the end of the day I barely remember it. I don't remember so so much of my life that I think I should, and I don't know why I just forget. Weather something good or something bad happens I know it will eventually be faded and forgotten just as I will one day.

I'm not really big on being remembered, I've come to accept the fact of mortality and there will be a day where we will each be thought of for the last time and that is when we're truly gone. But for the short amount of time I am remembered, I don't want to be remembered like this. Like who I am and what I do and how I act right now. I don't know what I want to be remembered like, but it's not this.

There's so many issues that seem like the end of the world, that feel inescapable, and I know they're not. I feel like I'm either just being dramatic or gaslighting myself into believing they're bigger issues than they already are. Anything could send me into a spiral that night, from the smallest issue to the biggest one. Even if not, they still have an effect on my day to day life and I don't know how to fix it. And other people are always either confused or upset but they don't understand, and I don't know how to help them understand.

It's hard to care about my grades when there is literally no point and all I do is rot all day. Even if I did care I'm not smart enough to get a college tuition, and we definitely can't pay for it ourselves. They say it's gonna leave a permanent mark that people will see on my resume, but there is a good likelihood I won't make it past adulthood with the way things are going, so why should that matter. Plus it's so so hard to focus. Even if I try I get distracted or start daydreaming or The Thoughts come back. And people will say "oh just pay attention" or "just don't daydream duh" and I cant. Like I physically cannot I am unable to do so. Plus the daydreams happen at random half the time and then I'm not in school anymore I'm in another world and everything's either going really well with things I wish would happen irl or everything is going absolutely horribly and u can't stop it. They're like "just do your work it's not that hard" I hear what you're saying but you're not hearing me bro. I can't 'just do it' and nobody seems to understand that except specific strangers on the internet.

There's other issues too but I am too scared to share them on tumblr rn and I know this may seem kinda dumb but if I live on this will affect me for life but it's so so numb and I'm so SO tired allll the time and sleep never helps at all and I literally just rot all day...

Literally the only reason I take care of myself at this point is so people don't judge me and idk if that's normal or not but I'm assuming it's not.. like if I have to go somewhere ill take a shower and brush my teeth and wash my face and put on perfume n shit but if not I will have a 'self care day' but idk if it's self care if the only thing I do is rot in bed all day and only get up to go to the bathroom or (sometimes) get food/water. I sleep so much and the days all blur together and it's so so so soo bad in summer. I think I have like reverse seasonal depression bc like when it's cold and dark and raining I THRIVE like never before (even if the constant tired doesn't go away, even if everything still sucks and I still hate the people I care about the most) it's just so nice. But in summer when it's hot and miserable and humid and my ac doesn't work and you can feel the mosquitos it is such a fucking low for me idk how to even describe it. When when we get the 2 months off for summer break it's so bad bro I think that's one of my lowest points excluding being in school when it's hot. If I didn't have church I know I would go those 2 months and not take care of myself at all and ik it sounds gross and it is and I hate it but why even try if I just fucking rot on my bed like a useless ass beached whale.

The crickets are gone

I miss them 💔

I don't get why it's so hard to sleep when I'm so so fucking tired or why I rot all day or why I'm so fucking angry and irritable all the time for no reason and it sucks ass tbh. And idk why I can't fucking do things like normal people can or why I think differently or why my thoughts are so fucked up and I disappoint the people I love. I don't really wanna do this anymore, I don't wanna be here much longer, but I know I have to because if I do it it'll break them in ways they will never be able to fix, and I don't wanna be that selfish. I want to help people, I want to be confident, and I wanna make people smile. I want to be able to ignore the daydreams, to block out the characters in my head and The Thoughts that I hate so much, and I wanna stop doing shit like this when I don't deserve it.

But sometimes all you can do is find a cold, dark, and quiet place, and think for a while.

Sorry for the long post gang, see yall with a silly goofy post another day <3

#rant #vent #:3 #tw unalive thoughts #only near the end tho #long post #gross why do i have skin eughhhh #i nees to un body rn #why havent i hit the bottom

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 25 - Old Messages. Episode 2.

Andy: I just really miss you, and I'm horrified of losing you. I wish I could see you right now. I wish I could lay my back against your chest, and feel you wrap your arms around me. Just feeling your chest rise and fall against my back as you breathe. Feeling you be alive… hear your heart… feel your warmth. Just close my eyes and feel 100% safe. Loved.

Congo: Andy, please stop. It hurts that I can't give you these things. I had to go outside now, as I started crying. I don't wanna wake up Marius.

Andy: I'm so sorry. I'm such a mess! I know that's why we could never be together. I'm too big a handful for you… too chaotic. I'm sorry. I wish I was different.

Congo: If you were I wouldn't love you so damn much. Idiot.

Andy: I love you too.

Are you there??

Congo: Yes.

Andy: I'm sorry.

Congo: Don't be. Can I ask you something?

Andy: Yes?

Congo: When you say you love me, is it as a friend, like a family member, or more than those two?

Andy: More.

Congo: And this is not just something you say to get something?

Andy: NO! I'm sorry I ever did that to you! I don't do that shit any longer. And I know you wont even believe it… and that's my own fault… and I wish I could take it all back. But I cant. I'm so sorry I dragged you through all that shit! You deserve so much more!!

Congo: Stop! Are you in love with me?

Andy: Yes.

Congo: Are you sure?

Andy: Yes.

Congo: How long?

Andy: I don't know? I think I realized it when I heard about your accident. But, even before we had sex I felt something… more than just lusting for you.

Congo: If you were suddenly single, would you want to be with me?

Andy: Every day, I wish there were a way I could get you all 3.

Congo: So, I could never be enough for you? I'm not him, or Marius.

Andy: No, you are Congo.

Congo: And who is that to you? If you could only pick 3 words to describe me?

Andy: My safety net. My rock. Everything else is gonna sound too corny… and right now, for some reason, all I can think about is digging my fingers into your arms. It doesn't even make sense! I don't even think of sex or kissing you, I just really need to smell you, and feel you under my nails… feeling your hair between my fingers.

Congo: Maybe you aren't in love, maybe you just need some care.

Andy: I have only been in love 3 times in my life… trust me…. I know I'm in love with you! And I have known it for a while. Yeah, and I really wonder if I ever really were in love with Sparkle…

Congo: So I'm number 3?

Andy: 3rd one is the charm?

Congo: What are you saying?

Andy: I don't know?

Congo: I think I'm going back in Andy… I can't sit and cry here the rest of the night. I thought it would make me happy to hear you say you were in love with me too. Something I never thought possible. I can't be measured with him. I'm nothing next to him. Or any of them. I'm just a regular guy. With a regular job. Who enjoys living a boring life. And now when I heard it, it just stings. My biggest dream come true, literally knocks all air out of me. Cause now I know you love me too, but we can never be together. If they find out! Marius will be devastated, A will kill me for just loving you a little too much, imagine if I hurt his son again! Mm (A's ex wife) takes care of my dad, after his heart attack, that support would be remove too. Your parents are here at their mercy, they can strip them of that right in a split second! You have them on borrowed time and I don't want you to lose them again already.

Andy: I know all of this, I'm not stupid. I have thought this plenty of times already! I just wish you were here in the city, I could come by… we could talk, or just snuggle… I could really use your arms right now! I just need to be close to you.

Are you there??

Congo: Yes. But I can't. You can't come here, A can smell where you are… and he surely knows the smell of my blood as well… And I cant leave either, if Marius wakes up… I don't want hurt him… or lose him for that matter.

Andy: I know. SHIT! FUCK@ I fucking hate this!!!!!! I don't wanna hurt him either! Or hurt A! or YOU!! Mostly I just don't wanna hurt you. Again!

Congo: I know.

Andy: I never meant to hurt you on purpose.

Congo: I know, Andy.

Andy: I love you so much.

Congo: I love you too, so very deeply.

Andy: So what do we do?

Congo: We bottle it up. And try to forget it's even there.

Andy: I can't forget, and I don't want to!

Congo: I know, I feel the same way, but we have to. If not, A will surely sense it, and then all hell will break lose. You still wanna be with him, right?

Andy: Yes. But I also want you.

Congo: We can't have everything here in life. It is time to be realistic.

Andy: WHAT? That was harsh!!

Congo: I know. I'm sorry. I just feel very bad right now, and I just fell. Sitting here in the mud. Crying like a teenager, thinking to myself I'm almost 50 and should pull myself together. I'm too old for any love dramas. I'm too old to lose my life for you, although I would give you my life every day. I'm gonna go back to the house an get a shower. We will have to talk about this when I get back to the city again.

Andy: No, please don't go! I'm here! listen! Please! I'm here! (He was driving up the mountain of the forest my dad lived in, I was those days located at my dads house, together with Marius, my dad had had a heart attack, and I just wanted some time off from everything. My dads house was always the best hide out, secluded from the city below.)

Congo: You are fucking insane!

Andy: Is that anything new?

Congo: He will find out! Andy, please turn and drive home! If he hurts me, so be it! But I can't stand if he hurts you! Please, I beg you!

Andy: NO! I'm here! I need you! You need me! How far up the road are you? Are you on the main street or? Tell me… I wont stop till I crash into the house, unless you tell me where you are!! I need to see you! You need to see me!

Congo: I can see the light from your bike. Wait! I lit a lighter… can you see it?

Andy: Yes! I'm coming! Stay where you are!!

I sighed as I sipped the last of my beer. I still clearly remembered the mix of joy, sadness and tickling in my stomach as I saw him drive towards me that night. He parked the bike few meters down the main road so he wouldn't wake anyone with the noise. I watched him run towards me with the biggest smile on his face I have ever seen. My heart was both bursting with happiness and breaking from the sadness of knowing he loved me back, but he couldn't be mine. We spent about 15 minutes hiding among the high trees around my dads house, kissing like we never kissed in our lives before! It was magical. I could hardly stop myself again. But I was so scared Marius would wake up. Or even worse, A would find us. After all Andy had just left his house with no word of where he was going. He left the guy who was like an obsessed blood hound, always able to sniff you up, no matter how far away you were. If he were to sniff him up, he would smell me too. He would put two and two together, and possibly rip my throat out. And I would never be able to feel Andy's lips again. So I had to make him drive home again, although watching him leave, was like watching my own soul fly away.

#unicornmanes #Andycorn #Andy Shaw-Thompson #Congo Shaw

[system-comforts]

sorry this feels dumb but i kind of need to vent/maybe ask for advice idk

so we're physically disabled, but we only have been for a few years, we've been a system for way longer and have had several older members be completely shocked at how much we've deteriorated in the past two years. it's been very very rapidly getting worse due to not getting any medical assistance, to a point where we're almost fully bedbound. it's been, honestly, traumatizing as hell to witness our entire body just deteriorate around us without being able to do anything about it. and because of that, we've been gaining new members like fucking crazy. we went from around ~150 to over 300 in the span of about the last six months alone.

the amount of headmates is fine, our internal functioning is fine and we're all okay system-wise. but i just. can't help but feel really really really guilty for just... basically forcing all of these people to slowly die with me. there are 300 other people in my brain that i am actively giving trauma to by introjecting them. i know we can't control new members appearing, but it just feels like I'm dragging everyone else with me to slowly rot in this body. we're only 21. we shouldn't be dying this fast. we don't even know what's wrong with us and within the span of two years we went from fully ablebodied to fully bedbound. it feels like our brain is just quicksand, once you're in you're just doomed. i don't want to put my other headmates in pain. i don't want them to be hurt or afraid. i hate doing this to them but if they went away i think I'd just stop functioning like i cant do anything without them and i love them all to death sending them away or having them go dormant or fusing just isn't an option it makes us all just want to cry. but i feel like we're all crabs and our body is the bucket. we're just trapped in here. i don't know what to do.

Hi there anon. I want to say your feelings are completely understandable. That is a very heavy emotional burden to carry, along with the physical difficulties you describe. I'm glad you reached out to us and glad you felt you could reach out to someone. I hope you can find others to share these thoughts with so you don't have to keep them inside all the time.

I think it's wonderful how you care for your headmates. I'm sure they care a lot about you too. I hope that you can continue to focus on the care you have for each other and continue to support each other. Whether that's changing front, talking things out together, sharing hobbies, etc. Systems can be difficult to have, especially in difficult circumstances, but they can also provide a lot of support and comfort. I hope you can keep in mind that comfort and support and know you have that with them.

As a final note, I want to say I hope you can feel not guilty, or at least less guilty, about the situation. Although some systems are more created, a lot come about naturally or through difficult circumstances, and it's not the person's fault for having a system. Even if you still feel that you brought members here somehow, it's important to keep in mind that you and your headmates couldn't have known the future of your body and the situation. We can only do our best with the information and resources we have at the time, and given all that, I know you did and are doing your best.

Please reach out again or to a professional if you continue to have these thoughts and concerns. I wish you the best.

-mod venus

#mod venus #ask #tw death #disabled #plural

[fabbyf1]

HI BESTIEEE

i've got a different kind of question, kind of an advice, what would you recommend to the ones (the ones is me) who start a WIP but cant finish? or who was so many ideas but cant put them on paper?

p.s. your fics are living rent free in my mind. i aint joking about breaking my brain functions, or something. hehe.

Great question!!!!

For the WIP you can't finish: I think it's important you figure out what's stopping you. Did you run out of ideas? Run out of inspiration? Run out of words? Do you want to finish it, or did it just feel good getting some of it out of your brain?

Once you answer those questions, it's easier to push on.

My biggest writing advice will always be just fucking write it. Don't make it good, don't make it perfect, literally write it. Get it out of your brain and onto paper.

It won't be good the first time around and that's okay!

It's so much easier to fix a shitty first draft than it is to draft it in the first place.

Whenever I get stuck, I try to just... throw all my grammar and structure out the window and just type. Sometimes I don't even capitalize things. Sometimes I stop using quotation marks because my brain knows what is dialog and what is narration, you know? And I will speed write as much as possible, then take a step back.

I'll go get myself a lil snack or some water. Walk my horse-sized dog. Thirst over Charles on Tumblr. Something, anything, and then I'll return to it and juzh it up a little bit. Add the quotation marks. Add the describing words.

Then I'll fuck right back off, and the cycle will start all over again.

(I also cry a lot during this time lmfao)

Also, NEVER DELETE ANYTHING (she says, having deleted Pt2 of Lights ✨4✨ times now.) If you're going to rage-delete something, copy and paste it into a Graveyard document. I can't tell you how annoying it is when you decide two weeks later That Thing you're writing now was much better in the first, long-deleted, long-destroyed draft and there's nothing you can do to get it back.

(Again, please do as I say, not as I do. I keep rage-deleting pt2, and nobody can stop me.)

As for having TOO MANY ideas... goddamn, bestie, what is that like? I would love to write but have ZeRo ideas. help.

[sunmoonjune]

you requested song recs so song recs you will receive !! (i was typing this out yesterday and fell asleep midway idk wtf i was on but anyways 😭)

first of all i’d have to say sweet by cigarettes after sex (other than the suggestive lyrics) esp “but it’s the way you smile that does it for me” and “sweet knowing that i love you and running my fingers through your hair” - yeosang in chapter 10 when bug smiled for the first time and yeo was petting? stroking? her i’m :( brb gotta cry

and the “it’s so sweet knowing that you love me though we don’t need to say it to each other” REMINDS ME OF YUNHOOO I CANT 😭😭 AND!! “and i will gladly break my heart for you” that’s so SAN CODED

second song i’d have to say is here with me by d4vd “i don’t care how long it takes as long as i’m with you” THEM BEING SO PATIENT WITH BUG AND HER TRAUMAAAASJEHUWYEBKHHDI/£()*683;”)¥]{$\[…] “ save your tears it will be okay”?? i need a minute i can’t handle this

also idk if you like instrumentals (i personally obsess over instrumentals and think they are underrated!!) but i’d day bug and ateez give very snowfall by Oneheart and reidenshi it gives me very “i’m thinking about you everytime i’m not with you” and it makes me GFHUDNUSNDJSJE you know?

and this last one isn’t english it’s turkish but M. by Anıl Emre Daldal THE CALMING VIBES? IMMACULATE!! i listen to it at least 5 times a day it’s so soothing and the lyrics are so cute im :( “Your words, eyes, and hands only belong to me. My dreams, smiles, and daydreams only belong to you” AND ALSO “Please come back to me darling” yes that’s very ateez to bug imo very ateez to bug….

SO SO VERY EXCITED FOR THE NEW CHAPTER esp because it’s gonna be so long i can take a break from assignments and revision and just curl up and be in the feels SO EXCITED YAY!!

- 📚 (take care of yourself sleep well eat well!! mwah!)

omg 📚 anon come here I am going to kiss you <33

first of all,,, all of these song recs are IMMACULATE and they all swiftly got added to the bug playlist!! <3 I love you so much omfg

ok ok so I had two cigarettes after sex songs on one of my writing playlists already but they were sadder vibes so I was so excited to add this one!! and you're so right omfg this song is so ateez/bug coded (besides some of the suggestive stuff) the lines about smiling fit the yeobug moment from chapter ten :')) the way she smiles does do it for him omg I'll cry <33

'WE DON'T NEED TO SAY IT',, STOP THAT'S YUNBUG -- they never need words they love each other SO MUCH I'm sobbing

'I'll gladly break my heart for you' <33 choi san the man that you are <333 I need to give him a kiss directly on the forehead and tell him how much I love him I swear :'D

here with me fits them so good too :')) they're so patient and willing to wait as long as she needs omfg <3 also also the line "I can't describe, I wish I could live through every moment again" reminds me of bug too <33 she isn't always able to describe her emotions (like the butterflies in her stomach and such) but she loves the feeling regardless <33 ASJLASLJ I'm making myself blush here;;

I'M MAKING MYSELF EMOTIONAL OMFG D':

and I do like instrumentals!! I have quite a few of those on my playlists as well! most of them are soundtracks to movies that I emotionally attached myself too tho LMAO -- like there's a song from the death cure (maze runner series) that I liked when I was young and it still makes me cry :')) also for any of my satosugu/jjk fans,, 'this is pure love' still makes me sob to this day xD

snowfall is immaculate omfg I love the vibes!! it definitely does give 'I'm thinking about you when you're not here' and it makes me mushy inside <33 definitely makes me GGASFEJSJL for sure XD I love it

and I'm so fine with recs in other languages!! I'll listen to literally anything my music taste is all over the place xD -- ok but "I beg of you, come back, my darling" THAT'S SO WOOYOUNG AND ATEEZ IN THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS OMFG EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATED D":

thank you thank you for these recs my love, they will definitely give me extra motivation to write <33 you're the best kiss kiss <3

and I'm so happy you guys are excited!! I swear I get your messages in my inbox and I kick my feet a lil cause your excitement makes me excited ya know? :D

also also I'm glad the new chapter can be a lil relief from studying and revising for exams!! I know the end of the year is coming up for a lot of ppl (or maybe that's just where I'm from idk :o ) and I definitely know how stressful that is :(( but I'm so so happy that this can be a little dopamine for those who need it xD <3

I hope you have a wonderful day my love <33 drink some water and eat well when you can! and take breaks from studying too!! I know you'll do so well I'm so proud of you hehe <33

#moonie speaks #moonie's anons #moonie's favs <3 #moonie's 📚 anon #like the moon #bug's playlist <3

[pashminalamb]

Oh ew the OF accounts and sex bots are completely getting out of hand. I haven’t been notified of any new followers but I don’t trust tumblr to do so. I’m have to gonna check on that soon 🙄🙄.

And seriously for what reason are people flagging down your works for like 😭😭?? It literally makes no sense??? Some people are so rude and mean and spiteful for no reason like. Do better or screw off unintentionally quoting Ego here I’m sorry that this happened to you, it really sucks.

Ever since break started I’ve been in a kind of limbo. It feels so surreal not having any work to do. I mean I do have basic chores to do today like the laundry and vacuuming and stuff but besides that it’s a free day. I am. Very very very. Temped to start reading the blue lock manga. I know I said I’d wait for the anime to finish but like I need something to do 😭😭. I was starting my first TR reread since the last chapter but I only got in 3 chapters before I started sobbing and I haven’t even gotten to Akkuns first death or met Mikey and Draken for the first time again yet. I’m gonna have to chunk my way through it while sobbing and taking so many breaks because I will seriously never recover from this manga. OH AND I LOVE CHIFUYUS BIRTHDAY ART. Wakui continuing to attest that yes takefuyu are still canon in the reset timeline. It’s such a relief for me because those two are my comfort duo 😭😭😭. I also want to finish Chainsaw Man soon. I stopped at around volume 9 because I’m broke and was reading it at the bookstore and all I can say is that this series is definitely getting a reread cause I love analyzing strange works and concepts. THE MAITAKE COVER ASJKGFJKHFFGGG. The way I screeched when I first saw it like. I love how you worded it, they literally look like royalty together UGH. Suffice to say that yes maitake fans has a field day with the cover of volume 31 😌😌. I cant wait for the inside cover to be revealed. My prediction/demand is that it’s gonna be then as children childhood-friends-to-lovers. But I guess we’ll see.

Anyways. How are you Belle? Doing better I hope? How’s uni? Oh and when does your winter break start? How’s life? Im so happy tumblr is being cooperative now and letting you see my tagged posts 😭😭. Sorry for the constant tagging tho, there’s just so much I wanna share and I see something and I’m like “oh I wanna show this to Belle” you know? Oh and im so glad you liked that Oliver drabble 🥹🥹. I’ve got another one in mind for him but this time it might be a little more ✨spicy✨ so stay tuned 👀👀😌. I hope you have a great day and that the caramel frappuccino tasted great!!! *sending many virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

Istg- i got followed by accounts from Czechia and Carolina this morning. Alright, I made my pinned post of Gojo's OF account but this is a writing blog; not even an OF promotion blog (╥﹏╥) unless... i draw some stuff

Tumblr decided to not let me post my rant- so here’s what I had to say

I revisited my childhood with watching DBZ... (i knew i said i would start one piece but the gym bro-ness got the better of me and i started watching it) someone please explain why does Goku's voice sound... i don't know how to describe it. i was so shocked about his voice, i was planning on watching the dub instead cause of it *crying* Honestly, Wakui did a really good job with the cover. Even when I was reading mangas online - I was so awed by the covers of the manga and when TR was on its peak here, i saw a lot of spoilers for bonten mikey. I never liked mikey... but this made me change my mind. And they (like every cover character i saw up until the Brahman arc looked like royalty. Even hanma-) I'm doing well! Contemplating to change the blog theme for some reason. It's not gonna be aiku ofc- he gets 0 screen time cause he hasn't come back from italy and i am mad at him with part 1 to ocean hues I'm on my winter break actually and omw back home. Fifa knocked the wind out of me. I feel sad cause Mbappé played really well (and he was sad too when they lost), i literally went to go keep my plate and he scored in 97 seconds of the first goal T.T . But i'm also really happy for Argentina cause its the first time in 36 years since Maradona that they have won the Wc and i cried cause they were crying on the field not to mention the fact that Messi played in their team as well - so it was bittersweet ending but also very well deserved! And yes i am a football head I can't see you in my activity still (maybe your visibility switch is off? i'm not sure) but i do get the number on my activity and that's how ik that you're there (⑅ •͈ᴗ•͈ ) I actually don't mind being tagged! and I enjoy the things you have to show me as well ૮⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝ ა (i saw some stuff where you tagged me- i'll be answering those soon, promise i'm not ignoring you ૮(˶˃ᆺ˂˶)ა ) I. absolutely. loved. the Oliver drabble ˃̵ᴗ˂̵. I still read it btw, cause it is absolutely precious. the deer headrest and the fact he wants to be a good boy made me go (๑✪ᆺ✪๑) did you say spicy 💀 *here lies Isabelle Aiku; beloved wife of Oliver Aiku who is unaware that he is married to her- * Starry you're gonna make me combust from the heat *sending back bear hugs*

*my man is so handsome (>﹏<) and yours is too*

#belle.☏ #.moot🍦: ✨ anon

[astranne]

I just looked at your xiao brainrot list and cracked the hardest smile ever. I did not know i was the stone for so many things

But aaaaaaaanyways im in a brainrot mood 🙏 so! PG!Xiao making a comeback

I dont know much about Valorant, because mainly id cry if someone yelled at me but PG!Xiao would 100% get pissed if someone isn't carrying their weight in the match or trash talking on mic and STILL low on the board. Atp PG!Xiao and like two other people are carrying.

PG!Xiao in a CoD match? Id leave so fast. Immediately. I can see him being insanely good with close quarters. He probably always ranks at the leaderboard. Bro got a badge of damn honor for the amoubt of wins he has

Him in a fortnite match? He says "he doesnt take fortnite serious because of the kids and wanna go easy" till hes the last one alive and he's clenching his mouse and practically stopped breathing to focus on winning. I can, without a doubt see him always running solo natches no matter what. And he limits himself on what he buys because "its a stupid game ill delete it later" and "its a waste of money" then buys the newest pickaxe skin.

Pg!Xiao in minecraft. (The screech made me laugh) He would 100% have a hardcore world thats NEARLY on par with PhilZa's. He respects that man too much to actually showoff his building skills and calls it an insult to humanity when someone compares him to Phil. Forbid you say hes better than Phil hes immediately chewing them out.

PG!Xiao on DreamSMP? I haven't been caught up with that in like a good year honeslty, but ill use what i know. Xiao would 100% have underground tunnels connecting to important places and such. He probably knows everything that goes on, on and off streams. Bro's usually spotted in the background just watching with his stream off which makes it creepier (he claims to see how good they are at pvp and if they can even fight him). For the MCC Championship. God he treats it so casually. Hes calm and collected but each time hes first somewhere hes dying inside because he's mortified of the expectations.

Horror game? Oh my god, he collapses when Hu Tao mentions a game and tells him to stream it ("Xiao itll be funny if you scream like you that time-" "It was one time!") she drags Childe along (the fans loving named them the Ragdoll Trio because Childe practically looses his voice when he screams at a jumpscare, Hu Tao laughs so loud, and Xiao inching around every corner) and makes it worse.

PG!Xiao with his setup tho? Probably green and light blue hues? Ik. If Xiao was a faceless streamer his entire fanbase would LOVE his yaksha mask and he secretly adores it when younger fans makes him fanart. (Dont tell anyone but when they send him fanart he keeps it on a wal behind his camera/monitor so his fans wont see it and he can always feel motivated)

Also, the hater thing? Xiao's fans would absolutely without a single doubt turn from the sweetest most welcoming fans into the most rude and vile fandom on a drop of a hat. Even Xiao gets surprised when drama is brought up within the community or with another because his fans are so... a word doesnt describe how he feels when he sees them ripping apart someone for saying he cant beat a certain streamer (the tiktok comment ratio to likes is always reaching a thousand or more)

-🪶(if i spelt anything wrong my bad its 5am where i live🫶)

damn, fischl anon blessing us again-

as always, more under the cut <3

pg!xiao just hits different. just yeah-always happy he's making a comeback lmao xD

actually, i don't know much about valorant either, but i know xiao would carry his team. and yes, you are totally right- if someone is being an ass, you bet xiao will not hold back. not when his rank is at risk lmao

xiao in CoD is a monster (he's actually a monster in any game he touches but especially CoD). you bet he's actually first known for that, like the really geeky gamers just watch his CoD streams to watch him play and try and get some tips. but then they notice how he slays literally everywhere else and suddenly they are his fans <33

and i don't know much about CoD either, but you bet he's probably one of the best known players there. once you see his name pop up, you know you're fucked

xiao plays fortnite just to spite the kids <3. he will buy all skins to spite all the little brats there <3 he will be the last man standing just to spite everyone <3 and no one can convince him to stop. just- spiteful!xiao-

my days of watching minecraft streamers goes waaay back, so i don't know that many, but even i know the legend. so does xiao. and xiao looks up to this man, i can't even. all of his fans are also PhilZa fans, just because. if you stand xiao, you stan his idols too. many pray for a collab, or just the two of them playing together, but they still have to pray.

i must admit- i know just the barest scraps about DreamSMP. i don't really follow many youtubers, i don't have the time for that even tho i wish i would have. but yes- xiao is all knowing. they actually fear him, since he's so calm and just... so chill?? it doesn't help he's an absolute monster but yeah-

it's actually his fans and mods who snitch to him where everyone is. he has a team of spies (because yes he has) and they have mod roles, but are actually not mods. this helps him when he reads the full chat he always has to get his information. but sometimes it's still too fast and they just,,, spill everything in his discord server, probably whispering in vc where his enemies are. it's the best guarded secret in his fandom, you bet his fans will get feral when someone tries to spill.

RAGDOLL TRIO, RAGDOLL TRIO- yes. the one and only trio. everytime he streams with them, he always reaches super high numbers and those best of moments videos on youtube always gain millions of viewers. hu tao is super proud of that and always reposts them, while childe probably owns one of the most known fan accounts of the ragdoll trio. he just loves to edit himself <3

also, xiao is blessed with his fans. he feels so honored how they defend him but actually kind of fears them too lmao. he just prays he will never make them mad. (xiao darling, you could never-)

OKAY THAT'S IT- aaahh this was so fun?? thank you sm for sending your thoughts my dear anon <33 maybe one day i will write gamer!xiao fr. maybe when my askbox is no longer so full-

#genshin impact #xiao #genshin xiao #genshin brainrot #xiao brainrot #modern au xiao #gamer xiao #✨ star dust #⭐️ 🪶.star #🌚 knowing moon

[lilyapolonis]

Reminders Of Him: Book Review ☆☆(☆) 2.5/5

Colleen Hoover is exploding on TikTok at the moment. Endless book annotations and love for her works have been showing up on my Instagram feed, with no signs of stopping anytime soon: the supposed magnum opus being "It ends with us" which has been on my TBR for some time.

This is the first book I've read from CoHo- and despite the book's rating leaning on the lower side, it wont be my last.

My beloved best (and longest) friend, also amazingly bookish, [actually] shoved the book in my direction, proclaiming its brilliance. I didn't really have a say in the matter, but I trusted her instincts anyway.

I'll start with the Positive. It's definitely a unique [unconventional] story. I found myself empathizing with so many opposing characters all at once- in relation to the whole Grace/Patrick and Kenna rivalry. I like that in the sense that it makes the book more complex in the reader's head.

Don't get me wrong though, Despite some heavy topics (which aren't really explored in depth), It's a light-ish read. The most standout being the recount of Scotty's death, I loved how that was described and would've loved to see the rest of the book written in that fashion. It didn't take me long to finish: I can't decide if that's a positive or negative as I usually finish books quite quickly- though, I was guiltily invested in the story.

I cannot help but say this book isnt really realistic. At all. Ledger cant stop giving her lifts to her apartment. Grace and Patrick decide forgive her IMMEDIATELY after hearing the letter, despite their unwarranted grudge that they held for so many years, and Diem takes the news a little too easily for my liking. A few other reviewers have mentioned that the Law doesn't really work like that etc.

You know what, I don't mind books that aren't necessarily accurate to real life- as long as they embrace that, and they're not dressed up to appeal to us as deeply profound. Think about it like a Rom-Com. What differentiates something like After from Clueless (asides from, the obviously better starting material)?

"You've already exceeded my expectations, Kenna"

Call me harsh, but that feels icky to me. I can't pinpoint why- Reading that line didn't make me swoon like it should've.

In terms of Characters, Scotty is heralded as this 'perfect guy' - which, without some sort of supporting humanistic traits, is somewhat... sleazy? Lady Diana's character could be argued tokenist- she's simply there to lighten the mood, and in a worst case scenario, tick a few "Woke" boxes. Diem is simply perfect- a saving grace. Roman is cool and well-grounded, I found myself agreeing with him the most out of all the Characters. The landlady, and Amy are great characters with a lot of potential- the latter especially should've been incorporated into the story more.

Something else I picked up randomly- she often is described to be crying or on the verge of tears- it gets a little tiring to have this described repeatedly in the same way. There's also not a clear timeframe for when the book takes place- it could be weeks, days, hours. I personally value knowing how long has passed.

I can confirm that she is a good writer, but I don't think this book is her best work. Maybe my scale by which I assess this is flawed, but here I'm largely considering context. This book was published during the January of this year- I believe as she was gaining immense popularity. I can understand there would've been a tremendous amount of pressure put on Colleen, not only by her publisher but her audience to make the most of this by releasing new content. It felt... rushed, somewhat. At certain stages, as though she'd written in Bullet points.

With all that in mind, I can say that there is so much untapped potential. I hate the prospect of comparing different books, like children, to one another as a measure of greatness. But I can't help but think... This could've been the next Gone Girl.

Reading this review back, I feel grouchy. Though really... I don't think that this book is breaking new ground in any way, and evidently there are some things that could be improved. It depends on what you value in a book. If you're in a reading slump, this book is perfect. It's light and it is coming from a place of talent, in my mind at least. I wouldn't not recommend it, If that makes any sense.

P.S: "Is that a fucking Pigeon?"

By far my favourite line in the book.

#books and literature #book review #sylvia plath #girlblogging #girlboss #gilmore girls #aesthetic #booksbooksbooks #bookblr #bookaholic #booknerd #bookworm #colleen hoover #it ends with us #reminders of him #pinterest #coquette #romantic #romance

[lesbenson]

Also don't hate me i think the edits were smart. I don't think they need to talk about what will change, that's not what she's emotional about. She's still hurt by him leaving and is afraid to be left again. I think that's what's emphasized by what was taken out. And having her not hug him is emblematic of that. She can't get close out of fear. She's not ready. She can't let him take care of her. She can't allow herself the hope. It's too scary.

okay so the actual story aspect that we got honestly doesnt bother me i just think the edits are really poorly done HFSHDFHF theres literally like. a continuity error or bad adr on every shot at the fridge 😭 it just really disrupts the intensity of the scene and if they had just. originally written a rejection (which overall i actually think they did ? i dont think they were like. gonna get together in this ep) and filmed a full version where they dont kiss it wouldve looked better ultimately 😵‍💫 it just seemed like they were running out of time + the scene right before i think they chopped up liv and carisi's conversation?

BUT yeah it makes sense that liv isnt ready and im currently taking that article that accidentally described a different ending as canon. (it was nbc insider and now its been edited but it originally described her breaking down in tears in his arms when she keeps saying she cant do it) like liv is honestly really not There yet but the end of this trilogy showing her at her loneliest point is.. not good. A better put together version of that conversation and whatever elliot said before "what if things work out" wouldve been even better. and i do love the scene overall i just think she wants to be held by him after all of this, and all the nuzzling (insane) felt like it was supposed to build up to her crying in his arms like she cant do ALL of this yet but she does want to. she wants to. shes being literally pulled to him the whole scene.

as far as editing out the kiss i understand plotwise bc. and maybe ive read too many fics. but theres no way liv would stop kissing him after theyve started. like kissing him and immediately saying "actually i cant do this" is not her tea. i really think she would have to be way more Ready for a kiss to happen. like there are two things she has not done and its say "i love (you) elliot stabler" and try to initiate actual romance? or like imply it. you know what i mean. she keeps grabbing his hands and telling him she wants to but also. how about we call it a friendship? what do you say partner? thought this was an oc case (its always good to work with you liv) NEW SUBJECT! (all that time together its like we were married) but you weren't. he was someone else's husband. BASICALLY I THINK THE KISS IS A VERY FINAL LINE FOR LIV THAT SHE IS NOT READY TO CROSS BECAUSE SHE CANT QUITE PUT THE LONGEVITY OF HER FEELINGS FOR ELLIOT INTO WORDS. HAHAHAAA IM FINE

theres a Lot in the clip where she leans in and elliots moves to look at her. bc he Wants to but he can tell shes all over the place rn. im sick

like wow what a beautiful tender crushing scene. hey what’s that

#i hope this doesnt sound rude i do agree shes scared and pushing him away bc shes not ready. i just wish theyd showed that more smoothly #also the lack of screentime attributed to noah and elliot becomes more irritating with every passing second. #like oh. oh yeah btw the biggest clearest marker of livs feelings about Her and Elliot has moved. the noah game of life car #its moved up a square #and we dont hear a damn thing about it until the last five seconds. #its mostly annoying me bc they already threw in that scene in svu 23 where liv and noah bump into elliot and that control is taken away #from liv #so now we're 2/2 on like. noah and elliot in a situation liv cant control or moderate #and yes obviously theres no one she could or should trust more with noah's physical safety but. no phone call?? NO CONVERSATION? #unserious #? #in a ​parallel universe (semper fi)

[liquid-geodes]

Good fucking morning I guess

Now tell me why I just got yelled at after going to my mom to tell her I wanted to go home early from work today because I threw up? No really, what gives her the right to demand I stay home altogether when I just told her I could go, but just want to leave after 5 hours so it doesn't count against me? Now I have an unexcused sick day and I'm crying because yeah I feel like shit, but having someone tell me that THEYRE stressed because THEY don't get what's wrong with me and telling me I need to TRY and eat more when it's been made abundantly clear that I apparently can't do anything without getting sick each morning.

And ofc she made it about herself and her own issues. If I fucking knew what was wrong with me I'd be trying to fix it but I dont! I know I cant swallow anything without feeling like I'm going to throw up, I can't get anything past that feeling, and if I do manage to do so I just throw it up anyway. I don't even begin to know how I'm supposed to just make myself eat through all that, and I wish even ONE person knew exactly what I was trying to describe it feels like so it could be dealt with a little better. I fucking wish I was doing this on purpose, I wish I was waking up every morning and deciding to make myself sick and totally fuck up my work schedule, because at least if I was doing it on purpose that meant I could stop doing it at any time. But I'm not, so I cant.

It's fucking incredible how much something that doesn't even concern her stresses her out so much. And I love how she assumes me crying has to be ABOUT something when I literally just came from dry heaving into the toilet and maybe thats why I'm crying. Not everyone is so mentally ill it affects their every waking moment like her, sometime people cry because it's the body's natural response to things. Jesus fucking christ literally her first response was asking if I needed to go back to a doctor and get put on something for anxiety. Like I can not stress enough how batshit insane of a response that is to someone crying because their body was trying to throw up against their will holy fuck you guys

#vent post

[androcola]

👶

#personal #ever feel like you just wanna leave everyone behind and push every friend youve ever made away #so that you can just be an enigma. knowing and being known is such an ordeal #people just make me anxious. not quite anxious but just.. idk how to describe it #i wish i didnt know anyone #im tired of constantly worrying about people. not in a heartless way but i worry abt people and it makes me feel helpless #everyone around me has so many problems ans it just makes me upset #even if i did push everyone away id still think abiut them ans worry abiut them #sometikes i jsut cant stand it #ill never truly understand them #ill never truly be able to help them #i cant help anyone #theres a someone who i especially worry about the most. #i cant follow tyem out of sheer fear of seeing their personal posts #if they know who they are i dont mean stop posting. please i don't mean that at all. #idk i just worry so much abt everyone i wish i didnt know anyone #and anytime they interact i just feel anxious. its not their fault. nothing is their fault #i just worry about them so much. sometimes it makes me wanna cry #hh #just wish i knew no one and no one knew me

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

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#the worst part of all this - and i know i keep saying different parts are the worst part #but this time i mean it for real #the worst part of all this is being able to feel myself dying and feel my body starting to fail in various ways #and being completely unable to do anything about it or to describe it to anyone #or to acknowledge how excruciating it is to die #because we don't know what's killing me and we have no treatment or cure so im just stuck here in pain and dying slowly #and i cant stop it i cant run from it i cant get a break from it #it hurts #dying fucking hurts my dudes #i am in pain basically all the time and that doesn't even count the overwhelming discomfort that isn't exactly describable as pain #anyway #im tired and exhausted and want this all to stop #ive been making plans and arrangements and i dont like how close i am to a real plan #its been years since i was this close to suicide and i just have no mental or emotional leverage against it anymore #im really trying to hold on but the last few things to hold on for are closing and i have so very little left #i keep crying all the time when im alone and i spent an hour sobbing hysterically today at work because i realized i have a detailed and #specific plan for when i kill myself #so it's not an if anymore and its not too vague to follow thru #im just living like this until the moment comes when i know its time to kill myself #and as horrifying as that should be all it does is make me tired