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#i don't hate that people i care about or know are successful
animentality · 6 hours
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I take a perverse glee in the fact that the two biggest proponents of kataang went on to write exactly nothing, while the one writer who didn't care for kataang went on to write dragon prince, a successful show in its own right.
like I don't hate kataang, but I think it was rushed and sloppy and bryke in particularly were very nasty to people who didn't ship it with them, or thought it was poorly done and rushed at the very end.
and I get some schadenfreude from knowing that atla was lightning in a bottle that the three of them could never quite re capture, because it's purely accidental, it was like a freak force of nature that'll never happen again, but at least the one writer who didn't care that much about kataang was the successful one, whereas the other two who bullied 12 year olds went on to do nothing.
don't fucking @ me.
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epickiya722 · 2 days
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I just know I'm gonna get people to look at me (my blog) sideways for this and I promise you that is not my intention.
Probably a hot take, probably not.
But after a lot of thinking and writing fics, I'm starting to think that Yuji being Kenjaku's favorite is more fanon than actually canon. Like... is it canon? It is fanon? It just feels so... I don't know how to describe it. It's just something that we barely got any interactions between Kenjaku and Yuji and Kenjaku doesn't really talk about Yuji unless he's brought up somehow and only once they mention him on their own accord.
What I mean is, I don't think Kenjaku looks to Yuji like "that's my favorite child and I care for him". It's more so like, to me, Kenjaku may look to Yuji like "He's my most successful experiment".
I say this because of how Kenjaku is and what they have done. So far, Kenjaku really hasn't done anything worth showing actual affection for their kids. When it comes to Yuji, the most they have done was mention him to his ex-schoolmate Sasaki, talked briefly to Choso about him and told Yuji they expect much from him (during the Culling Games).
Particularly that last bit honed it for me that Kenjaku sees Yuji as another experiment. Throughout chapter 136, Kenjaku had used Yuji twice as an example when discussing their plan for the upcoming Culling Games and it comes off more like someone presenting a project than a parent talking about their kid.
It would make sense to use Yuji as an example to get the others to understand what they mean because Yuji is, at the time, the only person who is a vessel that they know.
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In chapter 203 when asked by Choso what is their plan for Yuji, Kenjakh just answers they don't really have one and that Yuji already plays his part as Sukuna's vessel.
It comes off like "I'm done with him now" way. Like, Kenjaku now has nothing else for Yuji and that project is done. Now, Kenjaku could have said this to tick Choso off and to hide their true intentions, but it also could be how they really do feel about Yuji. Just another tool in their plan in merging humankind with Tengen. Just a start to that plan. Just a vessel for Sukuna.
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In this translation, I noticed Kenjaku calls Yuji "that thing". Now, I don't know how close this is to what Kenjaku may have actually said, but something to think about.
I think back to how in the previous chapter, Kenjaku shows disappointment in how Choso and the rest of the Death Paintings turned out. Again, just experiments for them.
There's also the other instances from other parts of the story. Kenjaku tricking Choso to almost killing Yuji, using a very aggressive attack against Yuji at the end of the Shibuya Arc, lurking around and following Yuji during the arc with Junpei.
Moments like these just feels like, yeah, Kenjaku was watching and testing how their experiment was adapting.
Now, what about in chapter 160 when they thank Sasaki for being nice to Yuji?
I would say that's the only time Kenjaku shows some bit of care to Yuji and interestingly enough, maybe was a little thankful there was someone who didn't make Yuji feel so alone at school and treated him like a person (mind you, Sasaki actually was clueless how people thought of Yuji until she was informed of it). Kenjaku could relate to Yuji in that sense of loneliness.
Now about that scene, it could also just be Kenjaku being Kenjaku and toying with people. That bit was, of course, written to confirm that Kenjaku is Yuji's mother (143 shows Kenjaku possessing Kaori's body). It was at that time Kenjaku was leading people to other locations just to use then later for the merger.
Kenjaku does things for their own amusement and to satisfy their curiosity, after all.
Before thinking otherwise, do I hate the idea if Kenjaku actually caring for Yuji (even in their own evil way)? No! Honestly, it intrigues me. For one, Kenjaku caring for someone is... unique to how they are as a character. It makes me question that after many, many years has Kenjaku finally have someone they feel even a little affection for? Or would that affection come from Kaori, the woman whose body Kenjaku used to birth Yuji.
We don't know much about her, but I think just like Jin, she wanted a child. And no doubt, she would have adored Yuji with everything.
If Suguru reacted to Satoru's voice calling to him and choked Kenjaku... what if whenever Kenjaku does express any bit of affection for Yuji, it's from Kaori?
If techniques can carry from one body to another when Kenjaku inhabits a different one, how about one's own feelings just like their memories? Memories create feelings. What if Kenjaku still has Kaori's memories?
I don't know, I'm just rambling here really.
Still adjusting to fan theories and all that. I'm just finding out there was a theory that Yuki could have been Yuji's mom.
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barnbridges · 6 months
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i grew up reading the romanian fantastic and the thing that makes interview with the vampire FUN to read in spite of anne being racist and xenophobic is the mythology and the way it suspends belief enough to where the books can be cohesively be seen as fantastical and narrative, as opposed to commentary on the real world. which is also why rolin jones should literally NOT tackle random shit he knows nothing about.
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squishious · 2 years
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it is such a wonderful feeling to know just how loved you are
#some of my (extended) family makes some. questionable choices#sometimes they are not fantastic people#but almost every one of them (some more than others) are so demonstative of how much they care and how much they would do for me#and it is truly just so so nice#here is a little list of nice things people said and did yesterday bc i am feeling grateful and want to remember this#- one of my favorite aunts (technically my dads aunt and my great aunt?) has been so supportive of what im studying and helpful#in that pragmatic desi aunty kinda way#- her son (uncle of all time seriously he's the best) was the one person with whom the college talk wasn't misery inducing#he was so so nice and reasuring and understanding of ~the situation~#didn't bat an eye at my crazy list which. god i appreciate so much#tangent: ik it's not realistic to get into all these schools but if i apply to them all something's gotta stick#and i hate people seeing the list and being like. mhmmm wow ambitious....r ur parent's forcing u to do this#like bestie no i just know my funky little humanities degree is not super valuable in the first place so i need that name brand#okay anyways#stressed how much 'grades don't fuckin matter' in college#how it was not only ok but normal to digure out post college plans later#and how living in [redacted] and having classmates doing the clear path fields probably makes it 10 times more successful#and said if i ever needed a destress chat to just call him#icon#oh his wife and i talked about piercings and she told me a story about how her found her brothers bong when she was in college and#asked her what it was#uhmm oh! rich cousins!! the older one esp (not the fashion one) (who was also honestly rlly sweet) has always been a lil intimidating but#she was so nice today? gave chill college advice talked to me about other stuff which. thank youuu#what elseee#oh my god. their dad#he is. a character. not always everyone's favorite person#not always the kinda person the adults are on good terms with#but no matter what drama is going on (none this time afaik)#he is always absolutely lovely to me#squish speaks
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jamande · 1 month
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and now i'm thinking about that damn post about hugh dancy lighting a cigarette on the set of hannibal nbc and everyone freaking out about it and not in a strictly negative way like
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#Look this is a delete later vent but like#Why do I live and for what purpose#If it was to love that I failed at that#If it was to create I SUCK at that#So what am I just here to try and be a success to stroke my dads ego so he can feel happy about himself#Am I just some sort of emotional sponge that has just been used too much#Just left smearing everything#If my inner thoughts are going to win inevitably then why do I exist I try and give myself a purpose but#Everything I turn to I don't succeed in#Its always mediocre at best#I want to love people and love myself and to do art and animation I want to make somebodies day brighter but I just#Keep on hurting people and myself and my art is never right and I just keep being a burden and I want death but I want to live and love#I just dont understand#Is my purpose to hurt people? To be a person people will blame and hate#I tried that route and it did work but I want to love I want to be normal and I just dont know#I just keep diving deep into media to distract myself but I feel like these past 8 years have been one slow drowing#Just treading water trying to keep my head up#There was something to look forward to at one point#I had friends and people I genuinely cared for and every single time I do develop these groups I realize#I’m weighing these people down and they dont need me and its not just depression#I see them do so much better and more when I am gone#So I just dont know anymore#Who I am or why I am if I cannot give my life a purpose or meaning besides just being a sponge that just gets soaked and leaks everywhere#Spilling its guts and rage on people who dont deserve it#Im not sure how to do this anymore#Im just running out of energy that I barely had to begin with and I barely make sense of everything to begin with#People lie for all of your life to your face and I just dont get it#I dont want to be a burden either I want to be better I want to fucking love and live and not just#Be some shell of something somebody I am supposed to be#This callicious brave all ears strong smart sympthetic man who drinks shitty beer “over the rocks”
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surftrips · 4 months
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HEADCANONS — FLIRTY ACADEMIC RIVALS w/ CORIOLANUS SNOW
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you're not sure when the rivalry started, but for as long as you could remember, you were always sat next to coriolanus snow in class, whether by assignment or choice. neither of you actually hated the other, it was more a friendly competition born out of your strong feelings for each other that neither of you trusted yourselves with, so you resorted to teasing and playful mockery.
both of you care very much about your academics, snow on his way to win the plinth prize, and you, eager to impress your parents and secure a job in the capitol. when you put two highly ambitious and motivated students next to each other, it was no wonder you were always top of your classes. some people called you the power couple, but you denied the latter half of that term.
"where's your little boyfriend?" sejanus had asked one day. "how many times do i have to tell you, he's not my boyfriend!" you responded. "tell me then, why haven't either of you dated anyone?"
the easy answer to that question, and the one you always resorted to was that you simply had no time for dating right now. never mind the fact that you've been using that excuse for your whole life.
corio, on the other hand, never denied the dating rumors. not because there was any truth to them, but more so to annoy you. "corio, did you tell professor crane we were going to formal together?" "yes, what's wrong?" he feigned innocence. "what's wrong? you told him we were going together! as in boyfriend girlfriend!" "i still don't see the issue."
most days, he drove you crazy. and he probably wasn't even aware of his affect on you. shoulders touching when reading a textbook together, quickly pulling away his hand when your fingers went to turn the page at the same time, pretending not to be flustered on the rare occasion he gave you a compliment.
other times, it was nice to have him sat by your side. for example, the nights when you stayed up late studying often led to you dozing off in class, leaning on corio's shoulder until he gently nudged you off, "hey, sleepyhead. what time did you go to sleep?" he would tease.
the best classes were the ones you took with a professor that you both mutually hated— you could hardly control your laughter when he whispered a remark in your ear, or the shivers that he sent down your spine from being in such close proximity to you.
one time, he found you hiding in a corner of the library after receiving a particularly bad grade on a test. you had abruptly left him in the hallway, claiming that you had an "important phone call" to take, but of course, he knew you well enough to know that something was wrong and you needed space. thirty minutes later, he was pulling you off the floor and taking you out to ice cream.
"my girl," he said, wiping off your tear-stained cheeks. "what can i do to make you feel better?" you had wanted to kiss him right then and there, to resolve the tension between you two once and for all, but you didn't want your first kiss to be under these circumstances.
life in the capitol was not as glamorous as everyone else made it out to be. you faced an immense pressure to perform well, uphold the reputation of your family, and be successful, and most of the time you felt alone and exhausted. but coriolanus was always there for you, when things were good, and especially when things got bad.
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brucewaynehater101 · 11 days
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Time Travel AU: Timothy "Trash" Drake Edition
Tim, to save his family and the world, travels back to when he was a kid. Considering the super powerful shadow organizations that are trying to take over the world (and to prevent his family from becoming targets [or he doesn't trust them. Your pick]), he elects to take on a persona:
Timothy "Trash" Drake.
Instead of the kind, charming, intelligent kid he used to be, Tim methodically mucks up his reputation. He's an asshole, he's self-important, and he's like a typical Gotham Socialite but worse. By 16, he's practically a drunk idiot who's only passing school by the Drake name. He's like Brucie Wayne, but he's hated instead of being a loveable fool.
In the background, he's subtly saved people from their tragic events in the timeline. Drake industries has been booming (try as he might, he couldn't save his parents and became the CEO at 16 as an emancipated minor), and a lot of their funds goes towards better wages and benefits for their employees. Continually, they spend a lot on Gotham infrastructure and social programs. This doesn't match the CEO's arrogant, asshole, and greedy ways. Most assume he's just a figurehead anyway.
The important part to note is that the Waynes hate interacting with him and have a strong dislike for him. They don't know that his demeanor is a persona. Jason, in particular, hates his frivolous, wasteful guts.
Tim has been somewhat successful in mitigating the shadow organization's plans and stopping the world from ending. He's still got a few plans in the works, but he's overall satisfied by what he's accomplished.
Issues start to arise when the Waynes notice contradictions in Timothy Drake's behavior.
Timothy is an asshole who only cares about himself, so why did he give away his coat to someone in need? Sure, he complained that it was of poor quality and not to his standards, but he could've just thrown it away.
Someone else notices that he crashes into the champagne tower when someone was getting harassed at a gala. It was supposedly an accident, but the person was able to get away from the harassment.
Timothy also slapped a homophoic asshole when he kept going on and on about their prejudice. The kid played it off as him being mad at them for stealing his look, but are all of these incidents coincidences?
The final nail in the coffin? Cass goes to her first gala where Tim in in attendance (he has purposefully avoided anywhere she would be). She takes one glance at him, smiles, and then softly says, "Little Brother."
Safe to say everyone promptly looses their shit.
Anyways, I kind of want to see a Trash of the Count's Family AU with Tim Drake
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oikasugayama · 3 months
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN PARTS 4 AND 5 CANCELED!!!😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 I want CHUUUYYYAAAA GGRRRRRRRRRR ARFFFFFFRUFFFFFFFFFFFFFF RUFFFFF ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG (plz consider changing you mind)😁
PFFFFT I will write Chuuya just for you because this made me laugh really hard. Apparently barking at me is a successful tactic lmfaoooo
He fucks you when you're stuck -- Chuuya edition
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You're on an infiltration mission with your PM squad. You're all made to blend in with another group to seem like regulars as you start to get closer to your target.
This leads to you picking up yoga purely to be in the same class as your target's partner. You make sure to lay your yoga mat close enough to hers so you could hear if she ever talked about your target (she didn't)
You and several other PM members share a hotel suite. You and two others share one bedroom while another two people sleep in another room.
Chuuya is one of your roommates.
Your group is gone, out either getting lunch or working or something you don't know don't care. You got a new pair of athletic leggings to wear to yoga and you were trying them on in your room with the door open bc no one else was there. right?
Well the leggings are TIGHT even though they're your usual size the fabric is soooo tight and focused on compression that you can baaaarely get into them. It takes you a long time and a genuine LOT of focus to pull them up your legs, over you knees, holy shit your thighs are a struggle, YOUR ASS IS A FUCKING PAIN TO GET INTO THESE GOT DAMN LEGGINGS but you're so fucking determined you will NOT accept failure at this point.
You finally get them up over your hips and around your waist and decide... you fucking hate them. they're ugly and they're too hard to put on, you're deadass standing there panting and with a little bit of sweat on your forehead. it was so damn hard to get into these stupid leggings.
At the exact moment that you push the waistband down, someone walks in the room behind you and closes the door. you're so startled that you fall forward, leggings still stuck on your thighs with the waistband holding your knees together.
"well, well, well," chuuya says, saunting over as you turn over so your ass isn't in the air.
you try to cover yourself, you try to kick at him, but he chuckles and eaaaaasily strong-arms you. he pushes your legs back, puts the waistband of your leggings behind your head, and fuck, now you're stuck bent in half on the floor with chuuya kneeling in front of you.
"What the fuck????" you ask, trying to lean your head down far enough to get the leggings to unhook from your head but they wont, they're too stuck on your legs, too stuck around your head.
"you were giving me a show and you think i'm not gonna get a front row seat?" he asks, running his hands along the back of your thighs, slowly letting his thumbs get closer to your panties.
"what the fuck are you talking about??"
"wiggling into these damn pants, showing your ass off in the mirror, then bending straight over. i've been sitting on the couch the whole time, the fuck you think i was gonna look at?"
"i didn't know you were there!!"
"bullshit. i know you've been making eyes at me. this was all part of your plan, huh?" by now he's rubbing you through your underwear and you're clenching, twitching, trying to squirm away from him despite how your body warms up subconsciously to the touching.
"Chuuya, I didn't know you were there!!! I was not doing anything" you don't sound convincing even to your own ears, something about trying to be sincere with him right now sounds like a script from a badly written porno.
chuuya's fingers sliding under your panties and into your vagina really emphasize the "badly written porno" feel to this whole ordeal.
"oh no? then you just danced your little ass around and bent over for no reason huh? and you've not been flirting with me and sitting next to me and laughing at my jokes, huh?"
"that doesn't-- ahh-- that doesn't mean anything" you try to insist as he fingers you. he smirks when your voice breaks.
"no? then sounds like you need to be punished for working me up. making me think you liked me."
"p-punished?"
"gonna fuck you so good," he says, adding a second finger to your pussy and using his thumb to brush your clit. "you're gonna beg for this cock and say 'sorry daddy' for leading me on."
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beegalactica · 3 months
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The real 'glow-up' is all mental.
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With it being the prime season for the 'how to glow up' guides to make their rounds in the media we consume, it is always worth reminding yourself that the only way you are going to 'glow up' on the outside is if you 'glow up' on the inside.
I personally get annoyed with the whole glowing-up phenomenon because it perpetuates this idea that there is some kind of 'end goal' in life and once you reach it, everything will be perfect. In a world where the idea of what it means to be attractive, intelligent, successful, or desirable in any way is constantly changing, there is only one constant: YOU.
You are a lifelong investment, and you are worth every penny, second, and ounce of effort you put into yourself.
Let's go over some of my glow-up tips and habits for you this year and examine how much of your levelling-up will really need to take place in your head.
Invest in your hygiene. This doesn't mean buying the most expensive skincare and having a 30-step routine, this means brushing your teeth every day, taking showers regularly and looking after your hair. Of course, we all want to achieve that 'clean girl aesthetic' but to me, simple hygiene is the best way to send a message to your body and mind that you care. Nothing says "I love you just the way you are" to your body like taking the time to clean it, care for it and pay attention to what it needs.
Invest in your surroundings. Now I know, making your bed every morning can be an unnecessary waste of time, especially if you're just going to end up getting back into it at night, but I like to think that my surroundings reflect my mental state, so if my room is a mess, best believe my mind is a mess too.
Invest in your interests. Start a hobby, pick up a new skill, try to find a book that interests you, or even start a Tumblr blog 😉😉! This year, I am focusing on really cultivating myself and becoming an interesting person who has things to talk about with people, instead of mindless gossip or resulting in self-deprecation to entertain others.
Invest in your happiness. Do what makes you happy. Distance yourself from those who seek to pull you down, to prop themselves up. You are worth so much more than that. Sometimes, those people are in our households, and the only way to cope is to know what makes us feel good and chase that happiness. Know that whatever issue you are facing shall pass and you will feel good again.
There is a common belief among people who may struggle with their self-image that once they fix this, or change that, everything will be perfect, but as someone who has had that mentality, it won't. If you want to lose 10kg for example, but hate your current body, waking up skinny tomorrow won't fix that voice in your head that tells you that you're still not good enough. If you love yourself as you are, and acknowledge that exercising is a form of self-love, and it doesn't take away from it, that mental glow-up will begin to manifest itself physically.
What's the point of others complimenting you daily if you don't believe it or can't accept it because you don't think of yourself the way that they do?
Trust me when I say this, my biggest milestone on my 'glow up journey' was not losing x amount of weight, but looking at myself in the mirror, first thing in the morning with no make-up or styling, and still being able to say "Damn, I'm so beautiful." And I can confidently tell you that to reach this point, I didn't set the intention of losing weight and trying to become more beautiful, I set the intention of loving and accepting myself the way that I am and all the actions that followed after stemmed from this love that I have. I didn't feel the need to exercise because I wanted to be skinny, but because I knew that it was what my body needed, and I loved my body so much that I was willing to do that for her.
It's easy to get wrapped up in so many things and lose sight of yourself, but when that phone is off and you're all alone, disconnected from the rest of the world, what do you say to yourself?
P.S. If you're reading this thank you all for the love on my first post! Opening Tumblr every day to new notifications has created this sort of excitement and extreme joy that I didn't even know was possible! Stay safe and take care of yourself 💗💓
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agendabymooner · 4 months
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SOMETHING DESIRED !!! TOTO W. X FEM!READER (18+)
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summary: "don't mix business with pleasure" they said, but who were they to stop her and toto from wanting each other?
content warning: smut under the cut (minors dni!), based on a request from my ask, use of explicit language, rbr test driver!horner!reader (christian's sister), forbidden love trope-ish, porn with plot, unprotected sex (plz don't do that), office sex, lowk filthy, size kink (heavy on this), choking, dacryphilia
song rec: now by trouble maker
note: this is the closest thing you'll ever have to a fic where a horner and a wolff banged. enjoy xx
something sinful (smut) masterlist
a - n masterlist
o - z masterlist
if you’d like to get on one of my taglists, check this post out
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she wanted him. and he wanted her too. he just refused to let his desires give in to save face.
and she hated it so much. she hated that she saw him as someone else’s younger sister and nothing else. 
she hated that she was even related to christian horner of all people. she usually didn’t care about christian— she had no reason to dislike him as he’d been nothing but a caring brother. she just hated that toto wolff saw her as nothing but an extension to christian’s surname. 
she supposed that’s what would happen as she entered the motorsports industry later than he did. it wasn’t her fault that christian was twenty years older than her.
it wasn’t his fault either. but to be told that you were off limits to every single man in the grid and every team? she loathed her brother so much.
because amongst those men that christian horner had warned, the mercedes amg team principal became the subject of her interest— and her desire for him grew as her brother and toto wolff became friends outside of their teams. 
“you don’t have to mix business with pleasure,” she almost scoffed when christian told her about his friendship with toto.
how hypocritical, she thought, because even i’m not allowed to see drivers or staff outside of business hours for ‘pleasurable’ reasons. 
at the age of 30, many would’ve expected her to be shackled to some man outside of the industry— probably married to him with a child. 
yet here she was, a single woman whose title as a test driver for red bull racing expired a few weeks ago. she appreciated the opportunity given by her brother— the team principal, really. but the longer she worked for his team the longer his big brother act would prevent her from wanting anyone. 
and if christian told her that she couldn’t have anyone, then he too couldn’t have her intelligence that helped bring his team to success.
and when the rumours of her contract’s expiration went around the pit lane— every team scouted her. after all, this horner was an important asset to red bull’s success for this season and the season ahead of them.
she could’ve accepted scuderia ferrari’s offer. amongst the desperate teams that rolled the red carpet for her, the scarlet team offered her a large sum of money. they wanted her knowledge in car development as much as they wanted her expertise in driving. 
yet she didn’t choose the money. instead, she found herself sitting across from the mercedes team principal. why?
“you’ve been looking well,” toto started, his eyes trained on her as he spoke, “did your brother’s team stress you out that much?” 
“being in that team is stressful, alright,” she scoffed, earning a deep chuckle from toto as she continued, “30 years old and i’m still being treated like i’m sixteen. all they wanted was my brain— yet my brother kept me on a tight leash as if i didn’t know any better outside this industry.” 
“so now you’ve decided to let your contract expire,” toto said with a nod of understanding. “he can’t do so much about it. you’re a free woman.”
“i’ve always been,” she gave him a grim smile and quipped, “all the men in our business just refused to believe that because of who my brother was.”
“you were a younger woman,” toto said with a gulp, “it was only right of christian to protect you like he did.”
“and five years later, i’ve grown,” she bit back.
“you are still his younger sister,” toto reasoned. he knew where the younger horner was getting at here. 
there was an unspoken agreement between the two that they wanted each other. they’ve agreed on it during dinners, during their family vacations and during those days when toto wolff was invited into christian’s home and she was there too.
they’ve always agreed on it. yet toto was letting her down like this— like the agreement should remain unspoken and unheard of. 
“are you seriously going to let his stupid mouth and his whole big brother act dictate what you want, toto?” she asked with a hint of irritation in her tone. “i’m not christian— and he’s not me because he doesn’t know how much you fucking want me. and i do. i do understand.” 
“i allowed myself a couple of months— months to decide on whether or not i was going to stay in his team,” she continued. “i could’ve signed before the season was over but i didn’t. because this gives me the chance to work with your team— to work with you.”
“this,” she pointed at the contract in front of her. “gives me the chance to make you realize that i’m not just an extension to your friend’s name. that your feelings for me shouldn’t be deterred by your friendship with my brother— who i want nothing to do with because it’s not his life that’s being put on hold. it’s mine.”
she let out a heavy sigh and chuckled humourlessly. “but i suppose we shouldn’t mix business with pleasure.”
he merely stared at her as she stood up. she flashed him a smile as if she hadn’t just gone off and berated him for listening too much to christian. 
then she said, “i’ll come back next week. i’m expecting the contract agreement to be modified by then so we can finalize the deal.”
yeah, who the fuck was christian for him to dictate who she wanted and who toto wanted? 
the door slammed shut as she turned around, the gap between her and toto was little to nothing as his breath fanned across her face. he dipped his head and captured her lips in a lustful kiss. 
she almost moaned at the feeling of his tongue tangling with hers. her body burned in desire as she craved for more. 
toto wanted more too, and she could tell that by the way he ravaged her without hesitation. 
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his office at the factory was filled with nothing but silent screams and sounds of low growl and skin slapping. everybody had left hours before she arrived at the factory. 
thankfully the mercedes staff wouldn’t have to hear their employer fucking the most scouted talent at the pit lane right now— and even if they did, it was in their best interest to keep their mouth shut about it. 
but toto and the woman couldn’t find themselves to care at the moment, both were too drawn to each other as toto’s cock thrusted into her deeply. 
she held into the leather couch and cried quietly, tears threatening to fall from the pleasure that she felt when his cock continued to rub against the sensitive spot that nestled inside her cunt. 
“fuck, schatz,” toto hissed from behind her, pulling her back against his chest as he wrapped his hand around her neck and squeezed it lightly. she gasped, catching the last of her breath before he let go and kept his hand around her. 
then his other hand took hers and placed her palm flat against her stomach, making her squirm and moan. “do you feel that, liebling? that’s my cock. such a filthy girl- wanting a big cock inside this little pussy of hers,” he chuckled darkly as he continued to fuck her.
she loved the feeling of it— his cock buried in her cunt while he manhandled her body. the constant protrusion in her stomach drove her wild. she had always known that toto was taller and bigger than most— she just hadn’t expected to crave for more when she felt her lower stomach bulging as he fucked her. 
“so desperate f’me,” he muttered, bottoming out inside of her as she whined. her whining subsided when he squeezed her throat again.
“ah shit~” she gasped breathlessly, feeling the pressure around her neck increasing as her eyes rolled back in pleasure. 
“so fucking tight,” toto grunted in her ear, nipping on it as he continued to fuck her relentlessly. “is this what i’ve been missing out on, then? your desperation for me and for my cock, hm?”
and when his grip loosened, she let out a sigh and quietly whimpered, “yes— wanted your cock so bad, toto.”
“you’ve got it now, schatz,” he muttered, moaning at her walls throbbing around him as he continued, “i fucked my cock at the thought of you, you know? wanted to fuck you so bad as much as you wanted me.”
“stroked my cock when you wore those short dresses,” he taunted, earning a whimper from her as she continued to listen to his filthy words, “wishing it’s your hands. i could just hear your voice telling me how your hands couldn’t even wrap themselves around my cock- you are so small in comparison to me— i can’t believe this cunt of yours could even fit all of me.”
“toto, i- i,” she whined, “‘m- ah, hah~ ‘m gonna cum.”
“i know, liebling,” his thrusting became frantic as he chased his high and hers. “i can feel your cunt around me— you’re about to cum aren’t you?”
“mhm— toto pleaseee~” she cried out, “please cum inside me.”
“yeah? you want me to cum inside you?” he hummed in pleasure, “do you want me to fuck this pussy of yours ‘til you’re full of my cum?” 
“ye- yes, yes!” she exclaimed, mewling as she continued to plead, “‘s so- so good. so fucking good— please fill me up!” 
“how bad do you want it?” he could feel himself nearing his orgasm as well, but he couldn’t help himself. “tell me. how bad do you want it, liebling?”
“soooo bad~ god! toto,” she sobbed.
“it’s just me, liebling, there’s no need to call me god,” he chuckled one last time as he groaned loudly, feeling her spongy walls clenching around him as she let out a loud whine. “fuuuuck~ schatz, i’m gonna— oh fuck!” 
his cock twitched against her walls and painted them white, his thrusting slowing down as he let out a long sigh. 
pulling out of her, toto sat on the couch and observed her tear stained face with a smile. his large hand pulled her body on his lap, hearing her breath quiver as she gathered her composure.
“this better not be the last time, toto,” she whispered in his ear, wrapping her arms around his neck with a soft sigh. 
he chuckled quietly, “you’re working alongside me now, schatz. and you’re stuck with me outside of work. i know this isn’t the last time.” 
don’t mix business with pleasure? sure. 
after all, business brought stress. pleasure took the stress away. 
toto knew that she’d be able to handle both. he was nothing but proud of her. he couldn’t believe that this resilient woman finally became his. 
he wouldn’t let go of her that easily. not when he finally had her.
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♡ moony’s reminder 🅶 (general): @hiraethrhapsody @avaleineandafryingpan @topguncultleader @enhacolor
♡   moony’s reminder 🅴 (explicit edition): @glitterf1
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runningfrom2am · 4 months
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leveling the playing field XIII
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summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 4.2k
tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there. oh, and manipulation (both of them lowkey)
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a/n: nothing much to say other than thank you guys and i hope you like it :)
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You think you might die from this heat. The ice bag that Coryo brought you only lasted so long, especially when you shared it with the covey, which cut its window of efficacy in half. Both of you trailed behind everyone on the way to the lake, besides for Maude Ivory who found a very comfortable spot on Coryo's back. You should have thought to buy her some new shoes before the several-hour hike, but you didn't think that would be of consequence.
"How is Sejanus?" You ask, making conversation as you wipe the sweat from your brow. You'd like to gauge if Coryo knew anything more about your mutual friend's habit of hanging around with the wrong people.
"He's... yeah. He's fine." Coryo sighs, adjusting his hold on Maude Ivory's legs around his waist as he steps over a tree root.
"You don't sound so sure." You laugh, tilting your head up at him.
The bruise on your cheek wasn't red anymore, now healing into a yellowish hue that Coryo could hardly tear his eyes away from. He wishes you were still in the habit of wearing makeup every day, then he wouldn't have to stare down the result of his failure every time he looked at you. He shakes his head. "Well, I'll tell you about it later."
You just nod, looking down at the ground in front of you to make sure you don't trip. Now it was your turn to wish that the two of you could talk about what's going on between you. Whatever Sejanus is up to with Billy Taupe reminded you that even though you're far away from the chains of the Capitol, you still weren't entirely free. Even if now it was just free of the prying ears of a little blonde girl who loved to talk. "If you could change one thing about your routine right now, what would it be?" You ask, looking up at him again and squinting at the sun as it breaks through the trees above you.
Coryo draws his head back for a moment, confusion washing over his features at the seemingly random question. "Uh, everything. Next question."
"Ah-ah," You shake your head, hair falling into your face which you quickly pull back again. "Only one thing."
"Okay, fine." He chuckles, shaking his head. "Um... not sure, honestly. Maybe I'd have more success trapping those damn Mockingjays." He grumbles, looking up into the treeline.
You laugh, rubbing over the mostly healed scratches on your arms. "Nothing yet, huh?" Up until the point that you forgave him, you had gone out every night for almost a week, having learned a better system for opening the traps that didn't result in them cutting up your arms with their claws. Not so much as a thank you from the birds that apparently could speak, until you had started to thank yourself every time you reached around the side of the traps to open the metal, just so they would echo it back to you. You knew it was crazy, but it had become a fun semblance of a normal routine.
"Not one. Hardly any Jabberjays either, we think someone was setting them free in the night, they were easier to trap at first." He replies, smiling at you despite his frustrations about it. He couldn't wait until they could catch enough for Dr. Kay so he could start shooting them instead. "Rebels, most likely."
"That's annoying." You laugh, trying to hide the nervousness in your tone. "Why would they care about some birds?" It was a stupid question to pose, to poke holes in his only theory when it didn't already point back to you.
"They're hardly more than animals themselves." He grumbles, shrugging. "No, actually, I'd probably spend more time with you, if I could." He changes his answer and effectively, the topic as well. At this, Maude Ivory lifts her head from his shoulder.
"Are you guys in love?" She asks, turning her head so she can look at you now.
"Oh, no." Your cheeks burn as you laugh, shaking your head. "It's complicated big kid business, Maude Ivory."
"That's enough." Coryo chuckles nervously, spinning her on his hip and carefully putting her down. "Go bother the others."
The girl giggles, walking backward in front of you with her shoes in her hand. "It's why, I love you, you're as pure as the driven-" She starts to sing a song you were writing with Lucy Gray, knowingly taunting you, but you're quick to cut her off.
"Hey! Don't!" You laugh quickly, pretending to push her forward so she'll run along. "They've got some thin walls in that house..." You chuckle quietly, avoiding his gaze as you watch her run up ahead.
After a few moments of silence, Coryo speaks again. "What about you? What would you change?"
"Can I be uncreative and say the same thing as you?" You ask, cheeks still red.
"Sure." He nods slightly, a small smile on his face.
"Great, because those birds are starting to get on my nerves." You joke, bumping your shoulder against his arm.
He smiles, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I hate you too."
"Oh, hush. You know I love you." You freeze up as soon as you say it, suddenly it holds a lot more weight to it than your typical friendly banter.
At that, Coryo drapes his arm over your shoulder with a satisfied smile, pressing a kiss to the side of your head.
"Can you tell me about Sejanus, now?" You ask, head placed on Coryo's lap as you lay on the dock. You had been out of the water for a little while, now, utilizing the sun to dry your wet hair and skin.
He looks back up to the cabin, seeing Lucy Gray and the rest of the covey scattered and picking plants or lying in the grass. "Uh, he just keeps sneaking off, and I found a good bit of money in his locker, but he told me he was broke so... I don't know what he's up to."
You sigh. "I've seen him hanging around Billy Taupe a lot. They're a sketchy crowd in the nicest of terms."
"Well, he is district. It doesn't surprise me that he'd associate with them." Coryo explains, distracted in a weak attempt at braiding a small section of your hair.
"He's gonna get himself killed." You mutter, eyes closed to block out the sun. You couldn't tell Coriolanus about how you ran into Sejanus a couple of weeks ago, knowing he would ask questions about why you were out at that time too. It's easier to lie to Sejanus than to him.
"It's not our problem if we stay out of it." Coryo tries to ease your mind.
"We can't just stand by and watch, though. It'll eat my conscience alive if something were to happen to him."
Coriolanus looks down at you, watching your calm expression form into something resembling worry. He chews on the inside of his cheek and nods to himself. He would have to do something, if Sejanus ended up getting in some kind of trouble, the guilt of knowing without acting will kill you. "Okay. I'll figure something out. I'll get him to keep his distance." He promises.
Days had passed since that interaction, and Coriolanus is crippled by the fear that he made a horrible mistake. He got the full story from Sejanus, and it was worse than he pictured.
You liked Sejanus, at least you acted like it when he was around. Coriolanus could always see that the district-born boy meant something to you, even if it was unclear based on the way you spoke about him when he wasn't present. Him running off into the woods with a bunch of derelect rebels was far from a viable option, Coriolanus wouldn't have it. He couldn't risk your reaction knowing that he told you he would do something to intervene.
He needed to talk to you. You were the only one he could trust to tell about the Capitol-bound recording he sent off of Sejanus' confession, or the news that his family had been kicked out of their apartment back home. He wasn't even sure he wanted to tell you. Coryo had been fighting this internal battle for what felt like ages, so maybe he could just include the basics, leave out his actions, and let you lift some of the tensions from his shoulders by telling him it would be okay. That it would all be over soon, and that you're proud of him for passing his exam. He could get the two of you out of this dump by the end of next week, and he couldn't get you away fast enough.
Unfortunately for him, when he finally arrived at the Hob on his night off you were already on stage with the Covey. You were laughing, dancing and spinning, occasionally joining Maude Ivory on her hip drum while Lucy Gray sang. The crowd loved you, and you loved the attention. He'd be lying to himself if he tried to say he didn't love watching you so happy, but the timing was inconvenient at best.
Coryo found his usual spot against the wall, sitting down next to Sejanus. He wasn't about to let him out of his sight, not anymore.
"Give it up for our friends in the band!" He smiles at Maude Ivory's excessive spirit as she holds her arms out to encourage applause before her eyes lock on him. Her face lights up more, somehow, and he greets it with a nod.
She turns to you while music is slowly tuning out, and gives a slight tug on the bottom of your new dress. It had been scuffed up in your fight with Ash, but you had cleaned it up nicely- hardly a stitch was out of place.
You look down at the girl, who just gives a slight nod in the direction of the wall Coryo was sat against. "He's here, you gotta sing it now!" Maude Ivory says, loud enough so you could hear but not enough to be picked up by the mic behind her.
You look very briefly over at Coryo, shaking your head at her as your cheeks turn rosy. "He's never gonna hear it." You say, leaning down to her level. "Who even says its about him, huh?"
"You can't trick me, Sage." She giggles, pointing at your nose.
"C'mon, lets do it!" Lucy Gray chimes in encouragingly as you stand back up. "I'll play for you. All you gotta do is sing."
You roll your eyes playfully, shaking your head again. "No, I-"
"Now, welcome back for her second performance with us, Sage! She's gonna take us over for a minute here. I promise, y'all are in for a real treat." You're interrupted by Maude Ivory making the announcement for you. Internally you cuss, plastering on a nervous smile.
"It's beautiful, you gotta relax." Lucy Gray says in your ear, already adjusting her hold on her guitar. "If I can sing a breakup song to the whole country, you can sing a love song just to the folks in this room. C'mon." She smiles, nodding for you to take the mic as Maude Ivory bows you in.
You'd played this song a bunch back at the Covey's home after Lucy Gray caught you humming the abstract tune of a lullaby your mother used to sing to get you to sleep when you were little. You didn't remember a single word, but the melody was enough for her to recreate and embellish it into one of their songs, to which she insisted you help her write the words for.
Coryo is leaning forward, elbows rested on his knees as he watches you. From what he knew, you weren't much of a singer. The redness evenly spreading across your cheeks and nose in time with the intro music was evidence enough of that.
"Sing for us, sweetheart!" Someone from the crowd calls out, which is matched with whistles that force Coryo to sit up to try and get a look at who the hell is yelling at you. His jaw is seized until he hears your voice echoing through the large room, drawing his gaze back to you on the stage.
"I've taken some hits, so no wonder I'm wary. It's why I need you, you're as pure as the driven snow..."  You look over his way only briefly while you sing the first round of the chorus, trying not to let your voice catch from the nervousness still pumping through every inch of your body.
He knows it before you're finished, but the last word, the one you didn't let Maude Ivory get to on the way to the lake, makes his heart flip in his chest. The eye contact he made with you as you said his name was so heavy with everything you've ever wanted to say to one another but never had, and he completely swells with pride knowing that it was about him.
"Cold and clean, swirling over my skin..." The inclination, again, to shout to everyone that you were his girl was immense and overtaking. Just like the first time, but now he knew it for sure. He was positive."You cloak me, You soak right in, down to my heart."
By the time you render the final verse, his whole world has changed."It's why I trust you, you're as pure as the driven snow..."
I'm gonna marry her.
He's up as soon as the song is over, heading for the back of the stage as you take your bow. Your smile is wiped when you look up and he's no longer there, and neither is Sejanus. Worry pools in your insides as you scan the crowd, giving a rushed smile to Lucy Gray and Maude Ivory as you jump down. You hurry to the back of the stage, brow furrowed as you search for Coryo.
By some miracle, he's there. If you're not mistaken, he's got tears in his eyes as he strides up to you quickly, the stage lights leaking past the stage to illuminate him just enough. His pace and his intense expression only worry you more. "Is everything-" You ask frantically, only for your question to be disrupted by his actions.
Coryo takes a deep breath, and then, as soon as you're within reach, he cups your face in his hands and leans in. The world around you seems to fade as his lips meet yours in a passionate, long-awaited kiss.
Time stands still, and in that moment, everything falls into place. The worries that plagued him when he walked in completely dissolved as he felt your hair in between his fingers. When he finally pulls away, a small smile graces his face.
You're both breathing heavily as you stare at each other, and it's then that you realize he wasn't crying due to any kind of upset. He was crying because of you. With a smile so real that you could feel the sun on your back, even late at night in this dim building hundreds of miles from the comfort of your collective home.
"Coryo..." You say, smile fading as you regain perceptions of your real life.
"I know, and I have so much to tell you..." He grins, leaning down to kiss you again.
It was your turn to interrupt, pressing a hand to his chest to stop him in his tracks. Tracks you so desired to follow, wherever they may take you, but right now you had bigger concerns. "No, no it's... where is Sejanus?"
He pauses, and it's like the spell is broken as he straightens his posture, looking around as if Sejanus should be right there. "Uh... shit." He had completely forgotten about his friend as he fell under the trance of your voice, of the song you were singing to him.
You're quickly out from under his arms, walking back around the side of the stage to go look for your friend.
"Coryo-" You stop, and he's right on your heels as you turn back to him, pointing toward the back wall. "Go check the bar. Keep an eye out for Billy Taupe. Obviously. He's probably with him." You instruct and he nods to you quickly before beginning to push his way through all the drunk people in the crowd.
You try and scan the sea of faces, but you don't see Sejanus anywhere. The music the Covey is playing is loud, drowning out any hopes you had of being able to shout for the boy. You could follow Coryo in the search, but that would no doubt just waste time. You groan, pushing your hair back out of your face in frustration. You shouldn't have stopped Coryo from kissing you again, if Sejanus wants to be reckless you should just let him. The two of you already saved his life once, was that not enough for him?
You glance down the deserted hallway to your right, and then your feet are carrying you toward the back room in an instant. You turn the corner and push the sliding door open when you hear shouting coming from the other side. "What the fuck is going on?" You ask, eyes flitting between Sejanus, and the two other boys in the room, alongside a girl who who you vaguely recognize.
"Y/N?" Sejanus asks, turning back to you quickly.
"Y/N..." The girl mutters to herself, rolling the name around in her mind and on her tongue. You can see it in the way she's looking at you. You ignore it, eyes locked on your friend now.
"I told you to not get involved in things you shouldn't, didn't I? Didn't Coryo?" You scold him, gesturing to the door.
"It's not- I didn't know they were going to buy weapons! It's not what I wanted, they told me the money was only for supplies, that no one would get hurt!"
"These are supplies." Billy Taupe's friend, Spruce, replies.
"Why would you trust them!" You spit, pointing vaguely at the other people in the room.
"Listen, Princess-" Billy Taupe starts, a bitter taste to his tone just as the door slides open again. Coryo's frame is blocking your view of the boy in a second, tucking you carefully behind his back.
"Talk to me. Not her." He hisses, and you grab his arm. The feeling of his skin under your palms is comforting, warm, and tense in your grip. "What are you doing, guns, Sejanus?" He turns his attention to your classmate.
"Coriolanus, I didn't know this is what they would do, they lied to me-" Sejanus starts his pleads for help again on a separate set of ears.
Unsurprisingly, his response is almost identical to yours. "You thought they would be honest? What are you doing? There are peacekeepers right outside!"
"That's what I said." You mumble in exasperated agreement "Why did you even give them money at all?" You ask, hoping to get some answers.
"Sejanus wants to run off with these dimwits into the woods up north," Coryo explains to you.
"What?" You ask, shocked, looking past him at the boy you've known for years. The thought of never seeing him again pulls at your heartstrings in a way you're unfamiliar with. "You can't. Absolutely not."
"You're not my Ma, Y/N!" Sejanus spits.
"Wait, I know you." The girl cuts in, pointing at you. "You're that missing girl. From the Capitol. Y/N Y/L/N. My dad got a call about you!"
You freeze up at the accusation, biting your tongue as you look up at Coryo. A memory flashes in your mind, that's why you recognize her. She's the girl who Lucy Gray dropped a snake on in the reaping- the mayor's daughter. "Huh?" You ask, trying to look as confused as possible.
"Don't play dumb, we're past that." She scoffs and you just shake your head.
"Genuinely, don't know what you're talking about." You relax your posture, crossing your arms over your chest.
"Well," She sighs, shrugging sarcastically. "I'll go tell my dad where you are. Your family sure is missin' you..." She starts to take a few steps before the back exit and you clench your jaw at her smug smile. You want to rip the hair out of her head and throw her body in the lake to rot.
"Mayfair, you can't leave." Billy Taupe scolds her, grabbing her arm which she quickly yanks away.
"This is ridiculous and confusing, and you act like I don't see the way you still look at Lucy Gray! Why don't you take her with you instead, huh?"
"She is coming, isn't she?" Spruce asks, seeming just as confused as you in a completely opposite way.
"You were bringing Lucy Gray?!" Mayfair shouts, shaking her head at her (now presumably) ex-boyfriend.
"She said she wanted to come!" Billy Taupe defends and you laugh, shaking your head.
"Okay, so clearly there's some major communication issues in this gang of misfits you've found, Sejanus, so let's just go and leave them to it. It won't benefit you to be stuck in the wilderness with a bunch of starving idiots who will kill each other in a week if they get too lazy to hunt." You plead with him and he shakes his head at you.
"Y/N, wait-" Coryo says, looking back at you only briefly.
"Yeah, Capitol Princess is right. I'm out." Mayfair says, raising her hands in defeat and turning to leave. "You'll all hang for this!"
"This power trip you have about your father being the mayor pales in comparison to what my family has. You'll all be dead by the morning if you say a word." You tell her, voice calm as she freezes, turning to look back at you.
"She's all talk, she won't tell anyone." Billy Taupe tries to defend her from the tensions rising in the room. You were concerned about getting sent home, of course, but if she told about their plans to run, everyone in the room would be executed come the morning light.
"Oh, you think I'm scared of you, Sage? You think I won't tell? Ask Lucy Gray." She's right, Lucy Gray had told you about how this girl was responsible for the reaping being rigged to result in Lucy Gray's death in the games. What they never accounted for was her strength, her intelligence, and her having Coriolanus Snow and Y/N Y/L/N as mentors.
And how Lucy Gray became a victor, known initially to most of the Capitol for her similarities to you. Only, Lucy Gray wasn't bat shit crazy.
Coryo's mind is reeling at the threat made to you as the girl starts to walk away. Within a second, before you can even make a move to tackle her, he's reaching onto the table and grabbing one of the guns. He lines up quickly and squeezes the trigger, letting the bullet fly square into the center of the girl's back. His training had paid off sooner than he thought. Coriolanus wasn't about to have you caught, sent back to a home much worse than that safety hazard at the edge of the Seam where you're currently staying.
"Mayfair!" Billy Taupe is quickly at the girls side, but she's already dead. Sejanus is shaking, and you are fighting back the smile that threatens to form on your lips despite the stress of the moment. "What have you done?" He screams at your friend.
"She was gonna get us all killed!" You defend. "You should be thanking him! Trust me, she was nothing special."
"You've got something comin', Capitol boy." He says, shaking his head as he looks up at the two of you, hatred filling his eyes. "You think you're gonna blame me for this? That you'll never get caught?"
You resist the urge to just shrug, agreeing that no, probably not. Undeniably, your best move would be to blame him. "He was defending all of us, can you not get that through your thick skull?" You settle on, keeping your footing as level as possible as Coryo pulls you back closer to his side again.
"If I swing, for this you will with me!" He screams in anger, back on his feet and moving quickly towards you as Coryo shoves you back behind him, lining up again. He didn't have to shoot, though, because Spruce does. The boy's body flings into the wall to the left of you from the force of the impact, slumping against the floor.
Your heart is pounding as you look between your two friends. "Sejanus, are you alright?" You ask, trying to approach him as Coryo starts shouting orders at Spruce to get rid of the guns.
"Hey, he's fine." Coryo grabs your arm, pulling you close to him to look at you. "I'm gonna handle this. Get back out there and sing, play the violin, just do something, okay?"
You glance back at Sejanus again, who is clearly panicking so bad he looks like he might faint. "No, I'm not leaving you, and Sejanus-"
"Sejanus is fine." Coryo says again sternly, shaking your shoulders now as he looks into your eyes. "Go back out there. I will handle this. I'll find you soon." He promises, gently pushing you in the way of the door. "Go. Now."
You swallow the anxiety sitting uncomfortably in the back of your throat and nod, glancing only briefly at your friends before you leave, closing the door quickly behind you.
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i've closed my taglist for coryo now!! sorry to everyone who wanted to be added, but unfortunately there was significantly more demand than i expected and i sadly just can't tag everyone. BUT! if you still want notifications when i post for this fic, please turn on my post notifs!!
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causticshawty · 6 months
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all i can say forever
i'm jewish. as a child i moved from a rural town where my family saw acts of rage and hate, emigrated from a country with a horrifying history with jews. you know the one, though there are many. i'm 31 now and i have seen and experienced antisemitism my whole life, in the many places i've lived, to varying degrees. not that i should need to qualify this before everything i have to say - but i know what that looks and feels like. in my life there have been times at which i have been in danger. i choose to stay out of danger in all the ways i was taught. (part of that is not moving into someone else's house uninvited (more in a sec))
(well-meaning?) people want me to have a relationship with israel. they are very invested in assuming i have some connection to this shifting space, this project. they associate my german jewishness with a place i have never been and never felt. home, for me, is the uncle i haven't seen in too long, the ailing brother of my mother, the same red nose. it's fresh sheets hung over dry summer grass, it's bavarian farmland, it's thick liptauer on pumpernickel bread warmed over the wood stove. it's my grandmother's dining room and rough fenceposts, borders we disrespected as kids. home is also here and there and where my family is, where my friends are, where i've built myself.
in a geopolitical sense, it is clear that the antisemitic position is to sequester jews into a partitioned state conceived of by non-jews after the sunset of our most recent attempted decimation. antisemitic, to tell jews "move here, be at home in this space of constant war. impose war on others. fight for a tenuous link to an ancestry you've never seen or studied." in a religious sense, sort of a key feature of judaism since the second exile is that - we're in exile. this is an orthodox argument, but i have to admit that rabbinical discourse is pretty convincing. the secular establishment of the israeli state in an attempt to accelerate any so-called redemption has left us at a point where i really don't know what hope we have for that to occur. if you believe in god, how can you believe they are looking down at us, impressed
because beyond theoretical or spiritual reasons, the bloodlust, the vengefulness, the racism, the violation of law (i know that laws are agreed upon, are broken all the time by those who grant themselves impunity), the evil of this continuance, the evil which grinds babies and text and memory, gnashes it all in its droning machinery, its cold horror and inhumane (unhuman) practice, seemingly perfected... it is obvious to anyone with a single thought that it is an ethnic cleansing. the forcible "movement" (murder) of people of one group from land people of another group want. is ethnic cleansing. we are watching it in real time, and the world stands by and in many cases, it endorses, it beats and imprisons those who are brave enough to stand up to it, it rewards cowardly men in war rooms who having read fukuyama and arendt and maybe even voegelin conveniently forget themselves, because they can afford to, and wave their hands and make calls and decimate entire families cities sovereignties. and liberalism - that fickle ideology whose sole search is for the justification of atrocity - sends its thoughts and prayers, and emphasizes how just horrible both sides are, and conveniently forgets the histories that have led each "side" to this. convenient.
and i can't do anything about it. i can perfectly articulate every well-thought-out argument, i can cry the most frustrated tears from the well of my chest and i can scream that this isn't right, because it isn't, but nobody fucking cares. those who matter have decided for those who don't.
if you align yourself with israel, or feel any sympathy toward the supposed plight of active settlers (not a neutral spot to be in, by the way - another rational argument), i hope you know how thoroughly you've been manipulated. how successful the project of those with the power to decide we don't matter has been. you and i don't matter. so-called free thinkers meme. you fucking idiot. you genocidal maniac.
not putting this under a cut. fuck you. read it all and remember my jewish name and keep it far out of your mouth the next time you tell someone why the people you've told me are my neighbors deserve a flattening.
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hwnglx · 8 months
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𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘦 - 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧?
hi loves. i've been feeling this urge to spread some positive energy to some of you who might be struggling a little these days. so, i figured i could make my very first pac. one that will (hopefully) make you feel a little bit more peaceful. breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. take what resonates and leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪
pile 1-3 (left till right)
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pile 4-6 (left till right)
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✧ pile 1 ✧ queofp, moon, knofw, 5ofprx, temp, highpr, emper
hi lovely pile 1 person.
so, you're likely to be an earth sign or have dominant earth placements, and some water influences (your moon?). it makes you someone who appreciates hard work and groundedness a lot. however, there might be a tendency for you to lose yourself in your thoughts, and let insecurity take over you sometimes. i can see you blaming yourself for it a lot, and not liking that fact. especially because you have so much ambition and enthusiasm for the things you desire, you hate how your own mind can sometimes stand in the way of you fulfilling it in a way that you wish you could.
but, don't beat yourself up over this. i can see a lot of power in you, especially your intellect can do such amazing things. you're probably very intuitive, but maybe not fully aware of it yet. once you learn how to balance out your deep thoughts and see them as your asset instead of a weakness, you will be able to go so much further in life.
this might take some time, so don't rush and trust the proccess. maybe you still are in need of some more maturing. but believe me when i tell you, you have everything you need within you already. you're an extremely powerful and special individual, who's destined for so many amazing things. i can see you surprising yourself with how much you can achieve, if you just believe in yourself and your capabilites more. the world can be so vast and overwhelming, and this can get too much for you sometimes. but i'm telling you right now, that you were made for this. there's nothing in this world that you can not achieve, the universe put so much potential in you.
you will have your time to be your best self. once you get to a stronger and more stable place, you will be able look back at the times you doubted yourself fondly. stay strong, trust yourself, don't let the unknown make you insecure. you got this. i believe in you 🤍
✧ pile 2 ✧ 7ofp, 6ofw, 10ofw, herm, 10ofsw, fool
hello there, pile 2 person.
my god, i can feel the heavy weight on your back right away. are you very tired and exhausted? i know, you've persevered through so many burdens and draining periods in your life. i know that, eventhough to the outside it might look like you're successful, you're achieving many things and get praised a lot. but deep inside, you feel lonely. i know that constantly being seen as the "hard working, dilligent and persistent person" can be so much pressure, that sometimes you wish you could just give up.
is constantly wanting to look perfect to the outside world draining you? do you sometimes wish you could just let loose, not care about a thing in the world and allow yourself to be free? i know it must be so hard to feel like you can't let anyone in on these thoughts. i know you don't like people looking at you as weak, insecure, lazy or easily tired. but i am here to tell you, that i understand and support you. i am here to tell you, you are not alone in this journey. and there is someone who, even if they can't fully relate, will accept you with all your weaknesses and flaws. who knows, maybe they aren't even weaknesses in anyone else's eyes.
you're so incredibly hard on yourself, and should allow yourself to rest more. you've earned the rest, even by just being you. you don't have to constantly be productive, do or achieve something in order to let yourself relax. you deserve to be at peace at all times, even on days when you didn't do anything.
go outside, let yourself feel the freeing breeze or the beautiful sunshine, allow yourself to just feel life flowing through your veins sometimes. realize how precious you are, by just existing and being you. there is nothing in the world more valuable than the life and soul you were given. don't let yourself be persuaded into having to be anything more than you already are, you and your raw existence are good enough.
i am so proud of you. for enduring through so many burdenful moments in your life. please, tell yourself that it's okay to sit back and enjoy peace sometimes. you are doing an incredible job. celebrate yourself for the beautiful person you are, not only the things you can do.
✧ pile 3 ✧ queofc, 7ofp, pagofw, emper, kingofc, 7ofsw, 9ofp, moon, judg, wheel
hi sweet person who picked pile 3.
wow, there's definitely many things going on in you, hm? you might have some strong water placements (i'm feeling cancer strongly..) which makes you a very emotionally intelligent person. i'm aware of how that can impact you and your practical life sometimes. there is this very unique intertwine between being very mature, but on the other hand still getting humbled from time to time, when it comes to certain experiences like.. "wow. i guess i'm not that far in life yet. i didn't think i'd still have so much to learn." i think it's a beautiful thing for you to be able to take those moments and learn from them. adding them to your life experience and turning into an even better person who's more in control, more self-aware. you're truly an incredible human being. so hardworking indeed.
are you struggling to trust people sometimes? i know, it's a lot easier trusting yourself before anyone else. people are so easy to deceive you, take advantage of your trust and use it for their own selfish good. you're such a strong human being for still going through life just doing your own thing, and it's awe-inspiring to watch. i can see people almost being envious of that trait of yours, and maybe even intimidated.
are there some people who tell you you're too independent sometimes? i know, that can be slightly annoying sometimes. it's almost like.. yeah, there's a reason for that. when i needed any of you, no one was by my side. and now that i'm relying on myself, i'm too self-reliant? it can feel ridiculous and, trust me. i understand you incredibly well. but, could be there be moments where you can tell how this security you keep showing others, is slipping from you.. and you all of a sudden feel lonely? can that feeling of loneliness even surprise you from time to time, like.. you usually are so content being on your own, what the hell happened.. maybe you should realize that, sometimes it's okay to need some guidance from others.
time is an interesting thing, and sometimes it can slip by us quicker than we realize. i can strongly feel, that the universe has a very exact and special plan for you. i know, life in general can just get too much, things can confuse you, not knowing where life is leading you can make you feel so so insecure and unsure.
but i'm telling you, trust divine's timing. and realize you're in good hands. everything that is happening to you, is happening for your highest good. i know these moments of feeling so drained and not knowing where to go or what to look forward to, can be scary sometimes. but, even those moments can be so precious for you and your experience in life. i can see you looking back at your low moments and acknowledging how they were just another part of your journey, that the universe is taking you on. you're never being put through anything that you can not handle. have trust in the universe and divine's timing, and you will realize you're here for a reason. i trust and believe in you, i will cheer you on always. you're much more amazing than you know 💕
✧ pile 4 ✧ 5ofsw&kingofsw, devil&death, knofc, magic, 8ofw, wheel&10ofsw, 4ofsw&4ofc
hi there, welcome to pile 4.
so far, you might have the most demanding energy out of everyone. wow. you're definitely a force to be reckoned with.
do you sometimes struggle with always wanting to win, be the best at everything, maybe have a bit of an ego.. i can tell that you felt defeated by it a lot, thinking it makes you extremely selfish and egocentric. in a "am i going too far? is it really that serious?" type of way.
you should know that, using your charming powers to get what you want isn't always a bad thing. even the fact that you're aware of your toxic traits, already makes you much more mature and admirable than some others out there! i do believe it's incredible how you can recognize what is bad and what is good about this side of you. you're extremely powerful, being able to just transform your unhealthy habits into something more beneficial, is so impressive in my opinion. it's like, you are overly competitive? yes you might be, but that's what makes you stand out. that driven nature of yours makes you work on your skills and talents even more than others. so, don't listen to people telling you you're "too much". as long as you're not hurting anybody, you're doing absolutely amazing.
do you love to talk? i can see you being such a great communicator, you most likely are great at persuading people into things. honestly, i see you as such an endearing and charismatic person.. anyone who says otherwise is most likely just envious of your unique character. they're probably a little too boring themselves, which is why your outstanding personality makes them insecure. don't listen.
i think, you might be going through a period of powerful change, that might be scaring you right now. things might be going a little too quick and you're worried you'll lose control.. time can be a terrifying thing, and i understand you're trying your best to just stay calm. maybe you're even bluntly ignoring some signs the universe is showing you. maybe you're just too exhausted to put your mind to certain things, that could be very important for you to recognize. i know it can be tiring to constantly keep up, trying to stay so self-aware all the time isn't easy. but don't let any of these scary experiences discourage you. you have so much potential in you, and the universe has a higher plan for you right now.
whatever ending you had to go through, whatever changed for you so abruptly, was something the universe had planned for you for a long time now. don't exhaust yourself by trying to understand everything all the time, but also don't get discouraged and give up on your journey or your plans. you're an incredibly talented, magical and beautiful human being. life has a lot of amazing things in stock for you. continue devoting yourself to your plans, there will be so many fulfilling things coming for you. you're more powerful than you know, beautiful soul ❣️
✧ pile 5 ✧ kingofsw&tower, queofp, pagofsw, 9ofc, death, 5ofc, strength
hello, dear pile 5 person.
how are you doing? has something unexpected or sudden happened recently, that caught you off guard? i understand you really hate things falling out of balance, and feel like the universe is testing you right now. you feel like a lot of sharp thinking is asked of you right now, and might feel like even worse news could be coming. i have to say, i admire your ability to remain calm and collected, even during uncomfortable times like these.
do you feel like things were perfect just a moment ago, and there was this crucial and fatal moment of loss, that brought you a lot of sorrow? are you disappointed? do you miss someone? i get, that these sudden transformations must be hard to deal with.. like, i can truly feel your sadness. it's absolutely impressive for you to stay so strong. are you aware of how strong you are? you might feel like you took some things in life for granted before, and are now receiving your "pay-back" for that. were things too good to be true? but i'm asking of you, to not think about over what is lost too much. there are so many amazing and beautiful things awaiting you.
sometimes, it's okay to let your feelings loose and just cry everything out. but don't let yourself stay stuck at that point, and learn to move on. i remember when someone once told me "it's okay to cry. but once you're done, make sure you never cry for the same reason again." as hurtful as this might sound, what is gone is gone. you're so unbelievably precious and special, don't let your beautiful heart suffer too much. let some things go, embrace change, as uncomfortable as it might get. i promise, you will only gain strength from it.
i understand that you're getting wary, like every type of news you get makes you nervous. you're scared of things constantly changing, you not having any control over it. you might feel like you got too comfortable before, and are now realizing how difficult it is to deal with changes. but trust me when i tell you, changes are inevitable, and the earlier you practice the acceptance over that, the easier life will get for you.
i can tell you, one day you'll think back to this, and realize the changes were needed. i'm truly wishing you all the best in the world, and hope that your soul will get everything it deserves. you're an immensely strong soul. and not only i am proud of you.. but the universe is too. stay powerful, dear reader 🖤
✧ pile 6 ✧ hangm, 8ofp, queofc&3ofw, moon, 4ofc, 3ofc&5ofp
hi, pile 6 person. i hope you're doing okay.
have you been feeling like things have been very stagnant lately? perhaps your work has been very monotone. you're so hardworking and put so much effort into your craft or career. do you feel worried over it not paying off in the end? are you still waiting for the results, and scared that all the effort will go to waste? are you still waiting for things to finally change for the better?
i understand, that you might've even neglected your social life to an extent, where you're feeling the loneliness now.. it must be hard to feel so isolated and alone sometimes. you put so much of your heart and soul into working on things, that you can easily forget to sit back and let yourself enjoy life a little more. is it always "work hard" but never "play hard" for you? why are you so dissatisfied still? are the results not reflective of the effort you put into your work?
my god, you must be thinking so so much these days. i can just see all the question marks in your head, all these thoughts in your mind just racing.. all the confusion. i wholeheartedly understand how insecure it might be making you. it's actually crazy for me to think you're still so dissatisfied, despite probably being the most hardworking person in your circle. do you ever allow yourself to look back, and not just beat yourself up over how you're never enough, but realize how incredibly ambitious and dilligent you actually are? why do you always see the bad things about yourself so clearly.. but never pat yourself on the back?
you must miss this feeling of someone telling you, you did well. you're doing such a great job.. you must be missing the feeling of just having fun and being happy in the moment. not overthinking about everything all the time. but i will be the one telling you, you're doing so insanely well. and you deserve to be told that all the time, no matter what you might think yourself.. you're amazing.
i know, you're scared to feel guilty if you get back to having more fun in life.. you're worried things will take a turn for the worse. but i can tell you right now, no amount of work is worth sacrificing your happiness and wellbeing for. you're such a beautiful and deserving human being, tell yourself you're doing well, regardless of the results. have patience and trust in the universe working things out for you. i know, practicing patience must be so draining for you at this point. but i can promise you, hard work will never betray you. you can be extremely proud of yourself.
still, i'm asking you to put yourself first. put your health first, put your joy first. the happier you are outside your work-life, the easier it will be for you to not get stressed over everything. allow yourself more rest, allow yourself to socialize more. trust me when i tell you, you will finally get the emotional fulfillment you're craving so bad, if you prioritize your happiness, first and foremost.
i'm so proud of you, dear reader! and i hope you can let yourself have a day filled with fun times today, away from all the responsibilites. remember, you're doing amazing sweetie. *kris jenner voice* 👏🏻🥰
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twig-tea · 29 days
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With 23.5 finally coming out, the people are rejoicing at finally getting a high profile gl from GMMTV. But there have already been several gls airing this year, including my fav TsukuTabe, that have been flying under the radar with fandom, and in general there are more gls already out there than folks seem to think. I just know you have a list of all the gls we should be watching, please share with the class!
Thank you for the ask! How did you know I had a draft of GL recs to make at some point? [Trick question, I mentioned it to you.]
It may seem like I'm out here hating on GL because i've made a couple of negative reviews of recently airing series recently (Love Senior and Chaser Game W in case you're curious) but I actually have lots of GL that I love and that I wish were better known! Thanks for sending this ask so I am inspired to actually finish it! I've limited myself to series so that I could keep the list and this post to a reasonable length. Where possible I've listed where you can find each of these and included a link. And I've included an 'elevator pitch' summary but I am NOT in marketing for a reason, so please don't roast me too hard for my terrible comparisons. Alright, enough waffling!
Twig's GL Rec List
She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat S1 & 2 (Japan, 2022 & 2024, both seasons fansubbed by @furritsubs; if you need help accessing this show feel free to DM me!)
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Elevator pitch: Our Dining Table with lesbians and an even slower burn. Watch for beautiful food, acespec rep, mental health and therapy rep
What might turn some off: Extremely low heat, and quite slow-moving; warning for a disordered eating and family trauma plot (v gently handled)
Let's start with the one you've already mentioned. This is a heartwarming slice-of-life slow burn in which an autismspec-coded woman who likes to eat is invited by her neighbour, a femme acespec woman who loves to cook, to come and eat her food. It starts from a very practical place (when you love making food you need someone to help eat it), but their relationship grows as they spend more time together. The story follows them as they both move towards self-actualization in several ways: as a lesbian, as asexual, at work, with their families, with their friends, with each other. This show is so careful to say the important words aloud. And there is so much delicious cooking! Each episode highlights a particular recipe, and the food porn is real. Do not watch while hungry, but definitely watch. The found famiy vibes in this one one are also immaculate.
She Makes My Heart Flutter (Korea, 2022, YouTube)
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Elevator pitch: Younger lesbian friend group tries to help out (slightly) older lesbian bar owner with mixed success. I can't think of a good BL equivalent, The Moment Since feels the closest with its similar bartender/patron romance
What might turn some off: Comedic tone; short runtime; struggles with being closeted
This is a gem of a miniseries about a bar owner and an interior designer who smoulder at one another while an intrepid group of younger bar regulars (including the bar owner's neice) meddle. This series is really cute, solid, and full of sapphics! Once again found family vibes are immaculate (you may sense a theme in my faves). Run don't walk.
Fragrance of the First Flower (Taiwan, 2021, GagaOOLala)
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Elevator pitch: Right-person-wrong-time/second chance romance; tonally is a little like We Best Love 2: Fighting Mr. 2nd but with an ambiguous ending.
What might turn you off: Medium heat, second chance romance means they break up once, internalized homophobia, adultery/cheating, at one point there's a creepy dude, child with autism (depicted well), ambiguous ending
At its core this is a story of a woman who can't stop getting in the way of her own happiness. This series is a little more sad than the rest of this rec list but I couldn't not include it because this relationship is so poignant. Plus there's a s2 that supposedly is to come out in 2024 so maybe we'll get our happy ending after all?
Love Greater Than or Equal to 70 Degrees C (Korea, 2019, YouTube)
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Elevator pitch: Ingredients but with lesbians staring at one another over beautiful tea pairings! What more could you ask for?
What might turn you off: Low heat; short runtime; ambiguous ending; like Ingredients this is essentially a long ad for the café it's filmed at.
This is a Korean miniseries about passionate tea sommeliers making really fancy tea while staring at one another a LOT. Perfect sapphic representation, 10/10 no notes. This one packs a lot of the drama tropes into its short runtime, so even though it's short it's full of butterfly-inspiring moments.
Sleep With Me (Philippines, 2022, GagaOOLala/iWantTFC/Netflix w/VPN set to Philippines)
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Elevator pitch: The Truth About Cats and Dogs but the self esteem issues are handled without catfishing. BL equivalent: Hmmm. Closest I can think of is Gaya Sa Pelikula.
What might turn you off: There's some ableism (treated as such) in this show; Open ending.
Stellar GL between a late night radio DJ and an insomniac who listens to her show. One of the main couple is a wheelchair user and the show tackles ablelism and navigating disability in relationship as well as feelings of inadequacy in a relationship and how that manifests as interpersonal conflict.
Our Relationship Ended Before it Began (Korea, 2022, YouTube)
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Elevator Pitch: Along the lines of I Cannot Reach You; the show gives both perspectives and they are held back by queer angst.
What might turn you off: No kiss (but they make it very clear both want to kiss), internalized homophobia
Really sweet miniseries about having a crush and being afraid of being hurt so you don't actually make a move. I really like the way the girl who has not dated a girl before defaults to gender roles and it throws the more experienced lesbian lol I also really like the way this show makes clear that both of them are waiting for a kiss, and that if you get in your head about things, it can get in the way of your own happiness!
Pearl Next Door (Philippines, 2020, Youtube)
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Elevator Pitch: Gameboys but with lesbian vloggers.
What might turn you off: Love triangle, lots of teasing but low heat in the end, a lot of (good) conversations about mental health issues, ambiguous ending
This is the GL spinoff to Gameboys, starring Pearl from Gameboys. Pearl ends up being fought over by the two gorgeous women in the gif, an old love and a new. I love the queer friendships in this story as much as the relationships. I will say it's an open ending (that felt a bit like the showrunners didn't want to decide between ships) and definitely the love triangle features prominently but even in the face of these aspects that would normally turn me off a series I had a good time. The characters and interpersonal conflicts feel very real, and are allowed to be complex even when the show tone is comedic.
Dear Uranus (Taiwan, 2021, YouTube)
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Elevator Pitch: Schoolgirl ensemble GL; a little like My School President but without the singing.
What might turn you off: Short runtime; ambiguous ending; a little bit of bullying; very standard romance trope execution
The first Taiwanese GL miniseries, this series was produced by a Taiwanese lesbian couple (Rabbit & Wolf)! Lots of excellent drama tropes, and incredibly gorgeous women (I think the entire watching audience fell in love with Erol.
Lily Fever (Korea, 2015, YouTube)
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Elevator pitch: Complete crack; YYY but with more kissing and frankly an even less coherent story.
What might turn you off: The lack of coherent plot; less a romance and more a very thirsty lesbian kissing everyone she can
This miniseries is utter chaos. Nothing really makes sense, it's all just random excuses to cause very suggestive moments (and kissing) to happen. I love so much how this series depicts women being so absolutely thirsty for one another (and yes that date isn't a typo, this series is ~9 years old). Not an "happy ever after" ending but it really isn't that kind of story.
Chasing Sunsets (Philippines, 2020, YouTube)
Elevator pitch: Ocean Likes Me with lesbians. Resort romance with a mental health twist.
What might turn you off: Some of the mental health stuff gets intense, this was filmed in 2020 so the pandemic features heavily; hopeful but slightly ambiguous ending.
A complex story from the Philippines covering mental health and finding yourself. A woman shows up to a resort and befriends one of the women running the resort. They get closer as they spend time together, and the resort owner realizes something is off. There's also a BL side couple in this series.
Show Me Love (Thai, 2023, YouTube)
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Elevator pitch: A little like My Day the series with lesbians, in that they work together and fall in love and it's full of tropes
What might turn you off: The advertising for the Miss Grand competition, there is some bullying and cheating (though way less than I was expecting tbh), not a lot actually happens, the editing gets a bit wonky at the end
This is essentially a massive ad for the Miss Grand Thailand competition; this GL was produced by the same company that produces that competition, and the stars are mostly Miss Grand competitors. The main pairing were shipped in the actual competition, and the company decided to make a GL about them. It's very slow paced and low-stakes, and there are better kisses than I expected considering everything I just said about where this show came from. There are a lot of cute moments!
Girlfriend Project (Korea, 2022, YouTube)
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Elevator Pitch: Love Class with lesbians
What might turn you off: One of the leads is kind of mean in that pgitail-pulling way? It ends abruptly (but happily)
This is a short miniseries about two girls paired in a class that are assigned to "date". The chemistry is chemistrying. And there is a kiss (a good kiss, and a tiptoes kiss at that!). This show also has one of my favourite tropes, in which someone who seems like a pushover stands up for themselves and their partner finds it very attractive. For the record, in this show they are watching another GL by the same company, Love Tech.
Lulu (Philippines, 2022, Vivamax/grey)
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Elevator Pitch: Present Perfect with lesbians (but with a better ending).
What might turn you off: Depictions of panic attacks, brief depiction of drowning, pandemic lockdowns, illness, exes, waffling, happy but open ending (which I actually liked for this story)
Two women trying to move on from the garbage in their lives meet at the beach of a B&B (where one saves the other from drowning) and become one another's company during their escape and then something more. They both have baggage that seems determined to keep them apart even as they continue to be drawn together. In the end, they decide to stick it out and see where they end up, with no guarantee of happily ever after, which I found very sweet. Requires either a VivaMax account or searching the grey for it, but it's worth the effort (check MyDramaList comments for suggestions on where to find it). Plus one of the leads has a cactus as a pet.
Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (Korea, 2023, YouTube)
Elevator Pitch: A little like Fudanshi Bartender but without the fudanshi bartender and all of the bar patrons are lesbians lol
What might turn you off: Short, can get a little bit preachy, abrupt ending
Cute short series with different very stories every episode as different patrons visit the bar. The stories range from women who have been together for awhile, to people meeting from an online app for the first time, to someone visiting a lesbian bar for the first time; and yet the story all weaves together in a way that's satisfying though ends abruptly. Includes some solid marriage equality propaganda.
GAP the Series (Thai, 2022, YouTube)
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Elevator Pitch: Kind of the vibes of Together with Me but lesbians and in an office instead of school. Angry boss falls for charming new intern and
What might turn you off: This one is the highest heat of all these recs; homophobia especially amongst family, brief depictions of death by car, brief mentions of suicide, cheating, bullying, abuse of power in the office.
A list would not be complete without this one! Honestly the plot is a bit wobbly but the show is a lot of fun. The girls are very cute, the feelings and tension builds really well between them, the friend group is excellent, and in the special we get a wedding.
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The rest of these have caveats of one kind or another, but i couldn't leave them off a rec list, so here are the side couples and censored stories that are still worth your time anyway (I might do a separate more detailed post for these, as well as for films, one day if there's interest):
Nevertheless (GL side; Korean, 2021, Netflix) Not sure it's worth watching a whole kdrama for side lesbians? Search soljiwan on youtube. They are great. Even the Netflix account stans them. I watched this (ngl, I watched the SolJiwan cut) as it aired and was constantly braced for it to let us down but it did not! A really good friends-to-lovers story.
Friend Zone 2: Dangerous Area (GL side; Thailand, 2019, YouTube): These sapphics are messy and I love them. Decent conversation about dating someone with mental health issues in this series, and they're one of the only couples in this ensemble to get a happy ending. If you're just watching the lesbian couple (which you can, their story is pretty self-contained) you don't need to have seen s1.
Six Survivors (GL side; Japan, 2022, Viki) This show is a horror comedy and it is SO MUCH FUN. Warning for zombies and blood, but way less than you might think. One of the eponymous 6 survivors is a lesbian who keeps trying to convert them to veganism lol. If you watched Chaser Game W you'll recognize one of the actresses in this, the lead actress is from Kamisama no Ekohiiki, and one of the guys is from the prequel series His as well as I Want to See Only You! And yes there is a kiss. Also a surprising number of Mallrats references. Not for people who can't handle gore or relationships being complicated/not a "true love" story/ambiguous ending.
Kamisama no Ekohiiki (complicated question of is it GL in parts, Japan, 2021, furritsubs once again coming through to save the day) This one is a bit complex because there's bodyswap, but the girl who falls for the bodyswapped boy-in-a-girl's-body is clear that she is only interested in the girl. One of the better bodyswap stories because the bodyswap is not a secret for very long, so instead there's a lot of introspection about what gender means and who/what they are attracted to. Feels wrong to call this GL, necessarily, but it's very queer.
Couple of Mirrors (Censored GL, China, 2021, Viki) Story of a rich girl and her assassin girlfriend. This production did an amazing job getting away with what they could, just don't watch the last five minutes and we've got essentially a happy lesbian family.
Legend of Yunze (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) Very cute very low budget xianxia miniseries with two seasons and a special. The special is set in modern times in a future lifetime so if you want a cute censored-but-clearly-a-soulmate-love-story this is the one for you. Don't be thrown off by the weird cuts/abrupt episode endings, that's in line with cdramas in general.
Led Astray by Love (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) A very fun and adorable isekai story in which a modern day girl is transported to a wuxia novel setting and has to figure out how to get home, and gets romanced by the princess along the way.
And a few additional links for people who even more content:
My Indian sapphic webseries rec list
My suggestions for content with toms (Thai category that's similar to but not exactly the same as butch lesbians) in response to this post.
This really good GL MyDramaList list (not made by me!) lists what seems to be everything I've mentioned and about 200 more. Even I haven't seen a few of these!
My YouTube playlist of sapphic content: This includes anything I stumble across or find in my searches, a lot of music videos and random shorts as well as some microseries and miniseries that I don't consider GL but are WLW/sapphic in addition to true "GL" content. For serialized content, I add just the first ep. A complete mess, but you can trawl through to find stuff to watch, like Hetero!
SOONOTSUE: The same producers of She Makes My Heart Flutter have other short series on their channel worth checking out; if you liked that one, try Out of Breath!
Shakeshoulder: Thai YouTube producers of very pulpy (read: low budget and dramatic plots) shorts
FuFuKnows: This YouTube channel is owned by a gay Taiwanese couple that produces shorts every week, including some with GL mains and sides. These are very low budget but cover a whole swath of queer themes.
@douqi7s is a godsend providing subtitles for all kinds of content, including sapphic shorts and more series than I've listed here. Check their tumblr for links to all of their content; A Practical Guide to Being a Superstar's Assistant has one of the best setups to giving us great moments in the guise of something else so that they get past censorship I've ever seen; I also recommend The Vampires if you're into genre fiction, as well as Legend of Yunqian if you enjoyed the xianxia parts of Legend of Yunze. @wlwcatalogue did an excellent summary of many of the non-wuxia options here.
Quick pitch for the streaming platform GagaOOLala; it's affordable, has a ton of content, including a whack of GLs (originals, license series, and a ton of shorts), and is run by queer people out of Taiwan who care about good quality queer content being made and having an audience, and using the soft power from those successful series to support social change. And if you can't afford a subscription it's worth checking out what they have for free, they open up temporary free access to some things for various events throughout the year.
In searching for gifs for this post I found fellow tumblr user @drowningparty 's WLW compendium list; they've listed more series and films so check it out if you still need more content!
*wipes sweat off brow* that should be enough to be getting on with, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg! If there's something specific you want to see with sapphics let me know and I can tell you if I know it exists. Anyway, I hope this gives you and everyone else a taste of what all is out there! I of course always want more, I am serious about being a sapphic dragon hoarding every crumb i can get my lizardy hands on, but I do think what we have should also be appreciated more. If I missed one of your faves, please tell me!
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delafiseaseses · 8 months
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Y'know what I think makes Jeannie May Crawford stand out so much amongst Fallout villains? Not just the fact she's associated with Boone and one of the horrors he's dealt with, but because she's different than most other Fallout villains, big or small.
[I'm not gonna be going into the cut Ghoul bigotry in Come Fly With Me even though it supports me point, as that is, well, cut and therefore not-canonical actions. Though it is in-line with her other behaviour.]
I know why Jeannie May feels different to me. She's an advocate of Normality. What do I mean by that? Well, it's simple. Her motive for her Big Evil Action is pretty clearly the fact that Carla didn't like Novac and was overall an annoyance to her status quo. The perfection of her town. Her "little desert oasis". Jeannie May is basically the leader of Novac. She owns the Dino-Dee Lite and by extension the entire town. To her badmouthing Novac is badmouthing her and that is a crime she cannot stand. No punishment is too great. Carla and her unborn child deserve to suffer, in her mind. She knows what the Legion do to women, but she didn't care.
But it doesn't just stop there. That's the thing. She doesn't just hate people disliking Novac. Jeannie May also resents the idea of people not being very social as Alice McBride says this "Oh, we keep to ourselves, for the most part. Try not to pry. I think Jeannie May gets bothered that we aren't more sociable, but it's just our way. Ain't that we don't appreciate what she's done, managing this town like she has, but I worry she feels that way anyhow." the McBrides were probably not at risk of the Carla-treatment, but who knows what Crawford would've done to them if she got too upset at their lack of sociability.
Oh, also, the reason she kept the document that got her killed? 500 caps. That's it. In the Bill of Sale it says "Payment of an additional five hundred bottle caps will be due pending successful maturation of the fetus, the claim to which shall be guaranteed by possession of this document." considering Jeannie May is a landlord to so many people that sum has to be nothing to her. The entire 1500 caps was nothing. But she was confident, arrogant. Nobody would discover her actions. Boone's suspicions wouldn't go anywhere (and he'd never suspect her). It was her town and she was safe in it. Everyone was unable to see past her act (except No-Bark if you believe that one thing he says is an indication he knows something is off about her).
Of course, when you're so confident that you'll never be caught, the thought never enters your mind anyone will find out. The only thing that enters your mind is... a .308 round.
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