Tumgik
#i don't even know if i'll keep writing it tho
bonerot19 · 11 days
Note
lots of angst…
how many bocces of tissue do I need to prepare 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️
depends on whether or not I ever finish writing it 😪
it's called that bc it starts off with something very heavy happening to Jason (steph and jason are grabbed by black mask and he knows jason won't talk but he thinks he can make steph talk by hurting jason) and is, essentially, the bats feeling like shit and Jason wanting them to leave him alone and no one having any boundaries and Bruce assuming Jason will do something vengeful. also Roy is there but the more I learn about Roy outside of fanon, the more I hesitate to write JayRoy (but also I like iiiit)
and also Jason says: “But that’s the problem, Bruce. I keep my promises, but you never trust me. And you’re a liar, but I always believe you.”
13 notes · View notes
teufelme · 7 months
Text
You ever just want to talk about Bertl,
#i  .   ooc  .#The tags got so long just warning U now!#OK I know his appearance wasn't the longest but like. I'll never stop talking about him because he doesn't get enough credit? rip.#I know it's not really relevant any more because post-timeskip everyone is a lot better but. Referring to everyone's skill as of pre.#Reiner said Bertolt was the strongest of all of the shifters but he held himself back. He came 3rd without giving his all. Or really trying#I hc he held himself back to try not to let too much of his strength show bc people forget he had military training b4 joining the 104th.#And ofc. Also to not bring too much attention to himself bc of who he really is???#The way he mastered his Titan straight away and also has such a good handle on it.#Out of the 3 shifters he was the one that stayed true to the mission. Despite his reluctance he's got the strength and commitment.#People are so quick to say he relies on Reiner too much. And while he does at times. Reiner relies on him just as much if not more. Even if#Reiner doesn't realise it. Bertolt keeps him on track and has no one supporting him at all.#In COTT arc... U see him dodge Mikasa who is an Ackerman and seen as one of the strongest characters in the series...#And the same in RTS. Everyone gets too distracted by Mikasa to actually pay attention to how he dodges her 4 times?? Even tho she attacks#from behind? And the way he lands a hit on her. I just *screams*. I love how many times she tries to kill him. lol#How effective he is when he abandons his guilt and this is sort of irrelevant but. It's so special to me because as someone who is#a quiet person irl round people I don't know well. Who has it brought up a lot. I just adore when a character that remains in the#background just comes out and says enough is so hhhhh I know his reasons aren't good BUT RTS BERT... AH.#Also gotta talk about his marksmanship skills in a thread at some point?? Maybe Mp bert I J UST..#Anyway I might do a cheeky revamp of graphics n icons and that. Dunno yet. Need to actually write that'd be good lol.#This account is a lovebot didn't U know.
16 notes · View notes
dimiclaudeblaigan · 18 days
Text
"yuri lowell is a manly heterosexual"
yuri lowell:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
#DCB Comments#keeping this off my tales blog/out of tags bc i know the heteronormatives will come for me LOL#with their heteronormative v3speria dub (yes the dub actually altered/watered down#his relationship with a man probably bc it was too undertoney for them and western media is allergic to that)#not pictured in this post: the way yuri is used in official artwork with other tales characters#and is often surrounded by men. or the comic of him admitting he's popular with guys#also not pictured: the way yuri's alts for gacha games often feature flynn's color coding#and/or both of their color coding mixed into his outfit or accessories#also not pictured: the way yuri's wedding outfit alt is flynn color coded#also not pictured: the way yuri's bouquet in the other picture of his first outfit on this post#is almost identical to flynn's ''joke weapon'' bouquet of roses in the game#also not pictured: the entire gacha game of rays (that's based off respective game canon). i can't explain that to you in just tags#also yes yuri has a metal corset in that fourth picture. i don't... know many men who wear a corset#and the only other one i know in this franchise is in fact also the other main m/m pairing in the franchise#i also don't know many manly straight men who the character designers dress and style like this#i just want you all to know. if you're looking for a non heteronormative man. yuri has you covered#just maybe not so much in the dub just ignore that LOL. also worth mentioning that#japan gets a L O T of extra yuri material thanks to gachas merch and other official side material#everything in this post is official artwork and the last one is from this year#it's merch up for pre-order for t@lfes so yes they're still playing with his hair LOL#and yes if you ever pick up his game i am here to advertise to you not to play the dub (even tho the text will still sometimes be wrong...)#i am in fact writing giant lengthy posts abt it on my tales blog so i will not explain to you here in these tags#but the dub sapped yuri of so much emotion to make him seem cool and edgy and more of a troll#instead of playful fun and silly and just a dork but who is emotional when it matters#woe is them to let yuri's voice shake with heartbreak when he's worried abt a man!#i bet the localizers didn't even realize the entire opening theme song was abt yuri and another man and their relationship#maybe one day i'll make a fun post with all of flynn's color coding slapped all over yuri#also i BET there's someone out there who will see this and be like ''she's reaching''#yeah i guess the official gacha game is reaching then too with how it treats yuri and flynn the same as the franchise's canon het pairs
2 notes · View notes
malimaywrite · 3 months
Text
i can't tell if it's more odd when you feel a fixation revving up or when you feel a fixation beginning to fade lol
3 notes · View notes
writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.
19 notes · View notes
hikarinokusari · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Not me the DM drawing things that doesn't happen nor will happen this way nor will happen at all when I'm supposed to draw the dinner scene since my players were invited to Ravenloft nearly one year ago.
And not the energy to polish anything. I might come around them and polish. One day. When I'll draw the dinner scene. And the comic I'm supposed to draw for a year as well.
Anyway.
Rahadin's drawing background (c) i really couldn't trace back the artist but it's not mine.
Various references of kabedon used for the Khal / Vasili drawing.
I apologize for the brainworms and how I take your character without you knowing to put brainworms on canvas. Thank you @xyanmajor for putting up with my nonsense.
#my art#sketches#dnd oc#somehow rahadin who sees the ship and still says nope even though this ship has been discussed beforehand so he should say yes but well.#somehow me shipping vasili and khal#SOMEHOW HE BITES HIM IN THIS FAKE SCENARIO OF MINE#vasili von holtz#who is different from canon's so I made him different than strahd with a moustache ... still he's strahd-coded#SOMEHOW HE LIKES TO BITE#Kudos to anyone who can read my scrappy writing#kudos to anyone who manages to spot that I shamelessly took quotes from the various novels of ravenloft for the first 2 drawings#at some point on the road V will canonically bite Khal I s2g#khal is a brat#khal corvara#we got two brats on the road#the rp scenes are either they're drunk either they're bratty either they're flirting either they're oblivious to each other's tries of#asserting friendship and somehow I still don't know how they decided to be friends so fast#I will polish those one day I swear and learn lighting/background at some point#i realized midway I would never have the skills to draw a background or polish anything so welp#later I will tho ... in 8 years ... maybe. I'll just keep on doodling nonsense and shippy things that do not happen.#But I WILL BITE THIS VISTANA. I SWEAR I WILL BITE HIM IN KREZK IF I MUST.#Not the poor krezkite we meet on the road being the thirdwheel of their weird relationship and failure courting#I have to prepare a scene where I'll learn player to dance the barovian traditionnal dances#I'm pretty sure it will end up charged in homoerotic tension again because I see dance like a battlefield and so does this damn Vasili ...#well at least they won't be covered in blood so it's less homoerotic. At least I hope they won't be covered in blood but who knows.#i'm practicing nose drawing but I don't manage to draw noses correctly#i don't even know why I'm posting these lmfao#curse of strahd#rahadin#hnk dms curse of strahd
4 notes · View notes
winter-spark · 6 months
Text
I notice that even though Citron's my fave, I spend more time here talking about Orange and Navel.
I think it's fear of being wrong.
#I can say with upmost confidence that everything I say about Orange and Navel is accurate#that's a joke but I do feel like I can say “whatever I want” and not feel like I'll be horribly wrong about it#I've even discussed with myself why if it turned out Orange and Navel were actually born the same year as Citron it'd still make sense#that's not my fave age breakdown but if someone else or the game said they were I'd be like a'ight that's fine I guess#I don't want to say something wrong/inaccurate about Citron tho because the thing is that no matter where I go I'm the odd one out somehow#and I don't want to know what I think on Citron might be wrong I love him and so I'm extra sensitive there#I even have a whole partial joke post that no one reacted to (okay it's a ship post but he's half the ship so...)#that shows me no one agrees with me so I should keep to myself#also tho Orange and Navel are just easier to come up with headcanons for lol#But like like like when I write Citron he's actually the least independent to himself brother if that makes sense#(I'm not sure it does... it's explained better a couple tags down but I'm not saying he doesn't have his own interests#but rather some of his interests/opinions are somewhat influenced by his brothers & he's like that the most out of the four of them)#I mean I haven't written enough Tangerine to compare him here so he might be more but then again he's very opinionated and sure of things#so who can say yet#(I say as if I've written any of them much at all. Genuinely this might not be an entirely fair comparison but still.)#Citron & his brothers#as for how I write Citron he like like has approximate knowledge & mild interest in certain things bcuz he knows his brothers are into them#which is kinda the reverse of SenriMono huh?#but to me it makes sense for Citron because he doesn't want to be fighting with his brothers he wants to be on good terms with them#so I think in the back of his mind he takes interests in things and has thoughts like: 'maybe I can talk to them about these things one day#or 'if there's a point when we're not fighting I'll ask ____ about ___'#you know?#these tags are too long#sorry for rambling#I legit could've just made a separate post with them#but then I'd be putting my thoughts on Citron on display and that'd be scary so I won't move them#I'm almost certain no one reads my tags anyway#still. sorry to the person who actually does and had to read through all this#idk why you didn't stop but I appreciate you regardless :3#by the way did you know there was a 30 tags tag limit? I just found out lol
2 notes · View notes
seventh-district · 8 months
Text
oh nice! the Matt fic posted itself at the correct time
2 notes · View notes
misty-wisp · 2 years
Text
i once saw this reddit shitpost on the omori sub detailing the kinds of plotlines that ao3 authors tend to come up with for post good(or bad) ending stories, and how they fall under similar formulas, defining them all as generic in their own ways, and like...i dunno, it just kinda irks me. god forbid an author writes their fanfic idea for completely free while it's a pretty similar idea to a lot of other fics.
11 notes · View notes
noxtivagus · 2 years
Text
that spoken word i wrote back in gr 9 for english class about relating to the moon is still to relevant in the present n i love it so much
#🌙.rambles#i'm still proud of being able to write smth like that back then#i was relating us all to the moon w our imperfections n beauty but#i loved how around the end i wrote like. 'we don't have to be as beautiful as the moon' bcs 'we're only human after all'#i really love the thought in that. being the kind of people that we humans r capable of being bcs we're mortals#'the world is vast and the night is still young.'#honestly wnvr i think about how fast time's going by. when i look deep into my heart n soul i still see a young dreamer#no matter how old i get i aspire to always keep those dreams n words alive.#if i keep the curiosity of the kid with me then i think i'll be able to really learn n understand life in the way that best defines me#i love the poetry in this spoken word tho of#relating ourselves to these celestial beings. but in the end it's incomparable yet bcs we're human. n that's enough. that's alright#one day i hope to be well enough to write again. i do write from time to time but i'm a bit tired to really complete stuff#that's alright. i can be kind to myself. it's enough to go at our own pace#it hits different reading old stuff from before bcs i wld rlly just dream#but as i'm growing older n older i see how it reflects more n more on my reality#'before I know it / it’s already dawn.' i wrote that metaphorically back then but now i literally even stay awake till dawn ;;#even in pain i always write about how beautiful the world is. n that makes me realize that i'm still a kind n good person at heart#i do need to work on accepting my faults n a healthier n kinder manner but. yeah. i love people like me after all.#there's a reason why i love the moon so much as well. it's just rlly so poetic n beautiful to me#around the world there's ppl i've met n known that have associated me (a stranger from somewhere out there in the world) w the moon#i'm thinking abt life again n how beautiful it is. of all its possibilities n of all the connections n meaning we make#n us all as well. i know for me i really am a dreamer at heart. i'll always keep that. even if i'm weird or wtvr then who cares?#i'll be myself. /i/ am the one in control of my life n i'll decide how i choose to see my world. and live the way i want#sure it's lonely bcs most ppl out there aren't like us in this particular way but. we'll find that comfort. we deserve that.#who are we to be confined and restrained in this wide vast world?#how tragic it is to wish to hide. we don't have to be so open but we're all deserving of being known and understood#aaaa i'm probably still gna be a bit distant bcs i'm tired still but that's alright! it's ok to focus on myself!#i'll do the rest when i'm ready. for now this is the next step i choose to take. small steps at a time. that's enough for now.#oh yeah this is the certain peace in myself i feel that makes me perform my best. i feel like myself again right now#n honestly all this keeps on cycling n repeating but it's alright. i learn more each time. n i'll keep on forging ahead unto tomorrow
3 notes · View notes
what-is-this-bakwaas · 10 months
Text
.
#i need to let out some stuff#since i can't and DO NOT want to speak to this person#i'll just write them everything I want to say to them#first of all are you okay like genuinely okay#idk why i wonder if you're doing okay even tho you made me feel like complete shit#just wanna know if you're okay#i think about you way too much it annoys me#you tend to keep a lot to yourself and your mind is all over the place but i hope you know that everything will work out in the end#dont be too hard on yourself please#and good things are coming#your past has been difficult and painful but i promise not everyone is here to hurt you. if only you give a chance to good things#are you still starting that new program in fall#even tho you're a fucking rat i still wish you succeed in whatever you do#do you know i pray for you? i keep you in my duas bc i dont want to keep this hatred for u in my heart. i dont want to feel anything for u#how are you processing your reconnection with your dad?#i know you say you don't feel anything but that shit is still heavy. i hope you're able to get the answers you're looking for#i hope you find some peace from it and that you get some type of closure#are your friends still the same shitty assholes#you lowkey deserve better and i hope you find an environment that will help you actually grow#and become a way better person cause i know you have so much potential. you're just with the wrong crowd#match your words with your actions. you'll get very far in life#i find ways to talk about you. mostly negative but i just keep mentioning you bc i miss u. and i hate this. i dont want to miss u#i hate you and at the same time i don't#i hope you leave my mind very soon#i still don't understand why you acted the way you did and if u even feel bad for hurting me
1 note · View note
astrxealis · 1 year
Text
OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM. very happy. my speech i had to give that i crammed on bcs i was really anxious about even just thinking it and i had to deliver it memorized and in front of the whole class for the first time in years? i only got. minus 1.25
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i was really anxious uhh even like. now. a whole month after? egeshbgjh like damn what if i get a bunch of mistakes#but nah apparently i did really well !! proud of myself oh my god#i'm much better at speaking than i probably seem often irl. i'm just shy and anxious and need a proper environment#me at home i can talk with an incredibly loud voice for hours. unfortunately lune knows this very well LMFAO#my dad also has a loud voice but sometimes i even speak louder than him. so. yeah. really loud voice#i'm good at speaking aaa idk i keep putting myself down sometimes even if i am confident and i know what i can do!#anyways i also think i am more. less confused on course choices :] i want bs psych fr aaa i want to help people a lot in that regard#i'm going to look up more on it tho! compsci i'm good actually as a 2nd choice. i'm more feeling > thinking but i am a huge thinker lol#hashtag i love math LMFAO i just haven't been putting in as much effort but i do believe in myself! so. yeah#miss ty for the comments LOL i agree a lot. too much unnecessary movements. i always speak like that eee oops#i have my next speech uhh... next tues actually! also really anxious and stressed but less so. i'll just need to work on it asap and prepar#.75 minus for delivery makes sense! uhh .5 minus on content. i think i get it but i'll just keep it in mind as i make my next script#tbh i get so anxious too reciting during class but i have a lot to say usually and the teacher often says exactly the same idea or aka#i'm correct. so. raghhhhh i will recite more !!! almost end of the sy but it's never too late to improve. even if i recite wrong its still#added to my grades. so yeah. anyway uhh !! idk i love speaking a lot actually lol i'll try my best to be diligent productive etc#raghh i will do my best ... i am very smart ive just been slacking a bit since the pandemic bcs constant state of Tired. + anxiety#okay i don't really get the minus on content uhh is it bcs i didn't really have sources LMFAO it was a personal speech anyway but#im good at writing and good at speaking i will just do my best and uh. goodbye. not cramming#I ALSO EXERCISED TODAY. like. yeah. i should exercise a lot daily. also i did finger exercises hashtag guitarist era <3#my fingers and hands are already very flexible lol i'm double-jointed and always played w my hands even now! but i forgor warmups existed#the amount of mistakes i got for my speech really make sense lol i should really prepare more in advance! procrastination is my enemy
1 note · View note
withleeknow · 4 months
Text
forgetful.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
pairing: minho x reader genre/warnings: established relationship, fluff; minho is lowkey the biggest simp wbk, unedited ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ word count: 0.9k note: first fic of 2024! don't look at me tho, at this point i just keep writing the most self-indulgent shit lol
as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡
navigation › masterlist › ko-fi
Tumblr media
minho is the type to - 15 seconds after he meets you for your weekly date night - ask you where your gloves are when he sees your reddened and shivering hands. there was a greeting kiss preceding the question, of course.
"i think we both know what the answer is," you tell him, trying to rub your hands together for warmth until he takes them and presses your cold fingers against his cheeks, before he kisses your palms.
"what’s the point of getting matching gloves if you keep forgetting yours?" he says, a light scolding tone in his voice that matches the slight frown tugging on his brows.
"it's not my fault!" you try to defend yourself. you'd raise your hands for emphasis, but he's still keeping them near his face, alternating between kisses and blowing into them to get you all nice and toasty. "i keep them by the door on purpose so i wouldn't forget to take them with me when i go out. you have to at least give me a little credit for that. i just... never actually remember to bring them."
he rolls his eyes, an act that most would find patronizing especially if minho is the one who's doing it. but when it comes to you, everything minho does is full of affection, even as he pretends to be annoyed.
"what am i going to do with you?" he mutters like a disappointed parent.
"it was your idea to get the gloves. i didn't really need them though. i have you."
"but i'm not with you all the time, baby. you need to keep yourself warm."
"well, you're here with me, aren't you? you can keep me warm now. i'll worry about cold hands later."
squishing his cheeks together, you pull him toward you for a swift peck.
despite his exasperated sigh, minho still presses his lips against each of your palms one last time, even turns them over to kiss your knuckles, before he settles on intertwining his left hand with your right one, stuffing them in his coat pocket as he pulls the both of you toward the direction of your dinner reservation.
"wait!" you exclaim, holding up your neglected hand, "what about this one? it's cold too."
he turns to look at you, his face devoid of all emotions as he assesses your so-called dilemma. then, minho lets go of you, telling you to put both your hands in your own pockets.
"come onnn," you lament, pouting at the man in front of you.
"you come on," he retorts. "just do it."
you huff childishly, watching as the breath comes out in a puff of smoke in the cold air, thinking minho is really letting you fend for warmth by yourself for the remaining 10 minutes that it takes to walk to the restaurant.
it's not like you meant to forget the gloves at home.
before you can resume walking, minho moves to stand behind you, pulling you to him, eliciting a surprised oof! from you. he shoves his hands into your pockets, intertwining your fingers once again within the confines of the fabric as he shuffles you forward, his legs on either side of yours so it's easier for you to walk. the thick coats and wool scarves that you're both wearing already make you look like a pair of clumsy bears roaming the street, but with your back pressed against his front like this, you have no doubt that by-passers must be thinking you're two cotton balls waddling in the middle of the city.
"minho!" you laugh, partially embarrassed that people are side-eyeing this strange public display of affection. "stop!"
"you wanted me to keep you warm, didn't you?"
"people are staring!"
"you said you were cold." he seems unfazed though, continuing to nudge you forward like it's the most normal thing in the world. "make up your mind."
"i take it back!"
you do your best to plant your feet firmly on the ground to keep him from moving. it works though, or at least it staggers him enough for you to wriggle out of his hold. you take a few steps away from minho, and he looks at you with unimpressed eyes.
"i take it back," you repeat. "we're only a couple blocks away. i think i'll manage."
he stares at you for a moment longer, before he reaches into his bag and pulls out a pair of gloves, identical to the matching ones that you two picked out together a few weeks ago.
"how do you have my gloves?"
"these aren't the ones at your place," he clarifies. "this is your backup pair. i went back to the store and got them because i know you never remember to take shit with you."
you don't even try to suppress the grin that tugs on your lips when he walks closer to you, taking your hands and attentively covers your skin with the wool. "so you just... keep them with you at all times now?" you ask.
"pretty much, yeah."
once he's made sure that gloves are hugging your fingers snugly, you pull him down for a kiss, your lips moving together warmly. you feel him smile against you even though he's trying to look stern.
"you love me sooo much," you simper when you break from the kiss.
minho sighs, a long one as if to say yes, unfortunately i do love you very much.
"now come on." this time he does speak aloud. "let's go before they give away our table."
because that's just the kind of person minho is. because no matter how grumpy he may appear from the outside, he's still the type to always think of you and your wellbeing and show up for you even when you don't show up for yourself. no matter how callous his facade is, he is still the type to love you quietly. tenderly. completely.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
permanent taglist: @onlyycb97wife @starsandrqindrops @borahae-reads @abbiestearsricochet @cutiespaghetti @anthropologykpopmultistan @moonlinos
all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 01.01.2024]
1K notes · View notes
velvetures · 9 months
Text
Honorifics
A/N: Yeah... I don't know about this. I'll probably take it down since I'm unsure if it's got enough of a consistent vibe. Let me know if it's actually something you enjoy since I don't write angst or hurt/comfort often. I ALWAYS WRITE HAPPY ENDINGS THO. That's a damn promise. Summary: You've given Ghost a title he hates, and takes it out on you. The situation goes too far, and you're both left trying to figure it out. Reader is nicknamed "Brass" since she's a long-distance shooter/sniper. T/W: angst, cursing, Ghost being an emotionally unstable human, yelling, the reader having a breakdown, smidge of not eating, smidge of not drinking anything, comfort, feelings, female reader, not proofread.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
When you joined the task force, things didn’t exactly go as smoothly as you had hoped it would. Training sessions usually ended up with you either getting your ass beat or nearly surviving a full-on embarrassment by the skin of your teeth just to be told that you still weren’t in good enough shape to keep up with them in the field. Surely being a woman didn’t excuse you from being in shape for the kind of work Laswell and Price had brought you in for, but damn if it wasn’t difficult to try and have a one-on-one fight with someone like Soap or Ghost without the benefit you would typically have in a real-world battle situation. The reality that all of the men in the squad were literally the best of the best aside, there could be just barely enough room for you to compete on the same level when it came to sheer physical strength. While that wasn’t your specialty anyway, the Captain made it clear you needed to prove you could handle your own against serious physical fights without assistance. After nearly five weeks of having one of your squad mates slam you on your ass one too many times in the training hall, you finally were able to prove to Price that you could go out in the field and he didn’t have to extend any extra worries for your ability to survive.
Logistically as a sniper, it meant you frequently held a much more distant role in missions. By watching from a scope you could ensure that infiltrations, covert ops, and other hush-hush kinds of operations that typically the 141 wouldn’t have the luxury of. Being the skilled marksman you were, it made sense to take advantage of your talents and also extend you a job that progressed past what you’d experienced in your “standard” military career and multiple tours overseas. However, that meant communications were essentially the backbone of your usefulness aside from your rifle. Next to nothing else, your daily and mission-based work almost exclusively went through Lieutenant Ghost. Which… often proved to be the largest obstacle that you faced aside from making sure that your scope didn’t get bumped off sight the -often- rough flights and drives to insertion points.
The Lieutenant was particularly mean… he certainly didn’t give a single thought to if anyone thought that he was a little too harsh of a personality to swallow. That went for everything you came to learn about Ghost. From his lack of willingness to speak unless required of him, to his unique ability of appearing and disappearing from anywhere without the slightest sound or hint of where he’d come from or gone to. Trained as a distance marksman, even you were impressed that such a massive man could move around like smoke on water. That and his physical appearance; good god above. Surely a man like Ghost had never graced the face of the Earth before, else he’d have been just as mythical in his legendary life and would’ve been known by thousands of people. He stood towering over just about everyone, in whatever room he was in, and compared to your own height it was downright laughable the difference between the two of you as operators.
The one thing that made the biggest impression on you after meeting the Lieutenant was his voice and how he spoke. That thick accent always sounded rough and a little gritty. His deep timbre gave such a commanding authority that if given the choice between getting yelled at by Captain Price or Ghost… there was no choice you’d sit for hours listening to Price threaten you over Ghost. He just sounded so scary and attractive all at the same time. Unsurprisingly, it developed into a subconscious dynamic where you saw Ghost as such a superior officer -and human- that no matter how much you liked to daydream about Ghost in less-than-professional situations… You gave him the utmost respect at all times. Easiest of all to recognize was that from day one, you had never addressed Ghost to his face as anything other than ‘sir’. Not even his rank gave enough nuance to his character and presence, so for you, Ghost was inextricably attached to the name.
Ghost however… didn’t like it.
Such a simple address actually made Ghost grit his teeth beneath the shield of his mask. When he heard you call him that, he automatically related it to how he had called General Shepherd ‘sir’ as a subtle sign of mockery and defiance. Thinking about that made him more than necessarily angry and confused, but he couldn’t really accuse you of having ever been given much of a reason to detest him. Therefore, he had to come to the conclusion that you were doing it out of some kind of respect that a drill sergeant or boot camp instructor had bashed into your brain so hard that it stuck permanently. Not surprising since you were much different from the rest of the task force. Yet he had to revise that after the first six months of you being with them permanently. You had gotten settled in. Enough so that you called the Captain, ‘Cap’… Soap, ‘Johnny’… and Garrick, ‘Gaz’ like everyone else did. Exceptionalities only appeared when it came time for you to be around him or have any sort of interaction that wasn’t the occasional silent nod of acknowledgment when walking past each other in the hallways.
He honestly tried to ignore it and you altogether for that matter in an attempt to keep his bitter anger at a minimum. Seeing such a small and fucking happy woman always lingering around somewhere in the corners of his sight couldn’t be anything but a distraction waiting to happen. A bad habit that he didn’t have the mental capacity or emotional willingness to take on. Fuck… he already had to worry about the 141 as a whole, to begin with. Now you on top of that? It was more responsibility than he’d signed up for initially. Hearing you call him ‘sir’ day in and day out began to take its toll on his self-control. Ghost needed to either find out why you were hellbent on calling him that, or at least be enough of a bastard to you to be reassured that you did it because you wanted a polite way to tell him to shove it up his ass sideways.
The Lieutenant had been being nothing short of a prick in the last few months.
He was making paperwork back at HQ a nightmare that couldn’t be solved alternatively through someone like Gaz or Soap who often didn’t mind playing the part of the unbiased third party. Refusing to sign things when you stopped by his office, outright ignoring your necessary questions, and stonewalling you at every single stop along the way just to yield at the last moment and do everything you’d been asking for so the both of you wouldn’t face heat from any higher-ups. That alone was enough for you to consider talking to Soap privately since he knew Ghost the best… but you’d kept putting it off hoping that it was just a passing phase of shitty attitude.
Your patience and emotional strength fell through the floor after attempting for the third time in a week after something so fucking simple as trying to get his approval and official signature on a post-mission report Price had delegated to you after being called to Washington D.C. for a meeting. It wasn’t a major task, but knowing that the Captain had given you the responsibility first over anyone else made you want to impress him and take care of business without incident. God forbid you do something as simple as ask Ghost to pick up a pen and scribble his name at the bottom of a page so that you could send it on through the higher-up channels. It resulted in the Lieutenant straight-up yelling at you in the middle of the hallway outside his office when he’d found you standing there patiently waiting for him to show up. He wasn’t threatening physically, but it cut much deeper into your pride and feelings than it should have.
With every word that dripped venomously out of his masked mouth, you lost a little extra peace of mind on having such an untouchable and unshakably good opinion of Ghost for so long. This moment of undeserved verbal punishment was enough to make the corners of your eyes burn with inner disgrace, self-doubt, and plain old sadness which motivated you to get the hell out of there before the Lieutenant saw you cry. When you turned your back and walked away right in the middle of his berating for you being “too fucking annoying to tolerate”, your only destination was your personal quarters on the other end of the building where a lock on the door could shut out the entire base for as long as you saw fit. Upon the first estimation, it would be after Captain Price returned so that you could have at least one single chance at not getting a second punishment or dismissal from the squad. The sound of your door slamming shut and your back sliding down against it on your way down to the floor silenced the entire room around you, leaving just enough room for the papers clenched to your chest to flutter onto the ground and your weak cries to sounds amplified.
It was hours before you could drag yourself off the floor and into bed, too tired and wanting to fall back on the trained and instinctual desire to hide away somewhere isolated and not move for hours on end. Being a long-distance marksman gave you the talent of patience insurmountable to the average person, allowing days to pass by without you needing to do more than go to the bathroom before coming right back to a motionless position. That’s what you wanted tonight. You needed to focus all of your energy into your brain alone and use it to sort through the hurt burning through your eyes and throat, and the questioning that gave such a sickening feeling a chance root in your stomach. Questions of if it had been foolish to trust Ghost as much as you did the others, knowing how you’d been warned that he would be difficult to work with. Hoping you hadn’t been truly so ignorant of judging behavior to think that the Lieutenant was something much greater than his behavior had been not only today but for the past months.
The next two days were spent laying near motionless… not hungry or thirsty.
Just thinking, sleeping, and staring at the wall across from your bed.
A solid knock on your door was the first human sound that hadn’t been made by you in over forty-eight hours. You’d not looked at your phone or any communications since locking yourself inside, and there was a good chance someone from the squad had come searching for you after such a long period without seeing or hearing from you. When you refused to answer right away, another harder knock banged on the door twice and rattled the steel in its doorframe. Impatient. Testy. Quite familiar with everything you’ve been through lately. Recognizing the Lieutenant was the one outside made your gut churn all over again. Questioning whether to get up or not wasn’t hard. Laying perfectly still in bed, you waited. If you were being honest though, it’d been a long time since you’d spent so long restricting yourself from basic needs for the purpose of acting like a living phantom. Close to three years since any sniper position had left you utterly abandoned without resources. Only this time it was self-induced and nothing short of a trauma response you wanted to hide away from. Truthfully you couldn’t tell if walking to the door was an easy feat or not. After not drinking anything, using the bathroom wasn’t necessary and the last time you’d stood up didn’t cross your memory clearly.
Ghost slammed his fist against the door again one last time. But he didn’t wait long enough for you to answer before rattling the handle to the door with a heavy sigh that was audible through the cracks separating you. Metal on metal gritted softly and moved the door handle a bit further. Recognizing that as nothing short of Ghost picking the lock to your quarters without the slightest care of how he’d be breaking multiple stipulations laid out for them living in HQ. Either your physical or mental state kept you from giving a damn when the handle gave way fully, leaving a bright fluorescence light flooding in from the hallway into your pitch-black room. It made your eyes water and the urge to turn your head away was strong enough to budge your head into the blankets and pillow surrounding. Heavy boots made the paperwork scattered on the floor crunch softly and the sound of his deep breaths gave away his current state of frustration. Clearly not appreciating being locked out of a room that he had no fucking business being in. A long pause led to shuffling around, and the sound of your desk chair creaking under his weight.
“Gonna say somethin’?” He sounded no less irritated than the last time you’d spoken.
It made your throat burn to even think you’d allowed his to get in your head so deeply just to utterly rip every last bit of security and respect away from you for no damn reason. Your silence made quite the statement, even if the actual task of speaking hadn’t been a totally voluntary one. You’d not moved your jaw in days at this point.
“You’ve missed five drill sessions, two mandatory meetings, and one phone from General Shepherd.”
Listing off your offenses hardly bothered you. The consequences of this had been fully accepted days ago, and Ghost would have to do a lot more to get you up from this bed. You’d trained for hell, and no matter how badly Ghost had ruined your almost loving and patient view of him there weren’t enough men on the planet to make you get up voluntarily. Drastic… yes. Satisfying to your own pride… undoubtedly. When you didn’t even let out a single breath loud enough for Ghost to hear instead of that instant apology or willingness to appease him… please him even, with that little quip of ‘sir’ ready on your tongue, the Lieutenant was up out of that chair so quickly you heard it roll into the wall behind him hard enough to thud against the drywall.
“Goddamn it Brass, I demand a fuckin’ answer!” His loud bark caught your attention, but the feeling of your blankets being ripped off your body was a far more startling sensation.
Baring you to the cold air of the room, all your body managed was to raise chills on your skin in a feeble attempt to keep you warm or alert you to seek out that heat again. Tension exploded into shocked silence when Ghost didn’t utter more than a sharp inhale after getting one, shadowed glimpse of your body totally frozen on your stomach. You knew it couldn’t look great. Snipers could come back looking like skeletons sometimes after a long mission if they were given the orders to stay put. You’d not been laying nearly long enough for that to be the case, but dehydration was certainly a symptom you were ignoring quite easily, as well as the possibility of some minor pressure ulcers that would linger for a few weeks if you didn’t move soon. Ghost wasn’t as familiar with the sight of how you felt internally. Snipers weren’t commonly used or in collaboration with Task Force 141. You’d been their first real look at how the inner workings moved or didn’t, and much of your personal way of doing things had dispelled or blown away any misguided assumptions they’d made about your skills early on. Viewing a sniper after days of doing literally nothing, of her own free will…? That wasn’t healthy or accepted in general military companies. Lucky Ghost got the front-row seat though.
When you heard his movement next to you, weight pressed down the mattress at your side in the shape of his hands, and a low sigh registered.
“Brass…” Failing to even say something, you wondered if your own assessment of yourself wasn’t accurate. “It’s been five days.” His faltered tone was truthful, and it destroyed your semblance of time that had been misled by the absence of sunlight coming in through your room.
You thought about trying to say something, resolve falling flat when swallowing felt difficult. A gloved hand rested against your thigh and Ghost almost growled again, sounding a lot more like he was resisting the urge to squeeze you hard. Only his fingers traced along your hip and over the curve in your waist with a tense and heavy swallow. He was being gentle beyond your concept of his depth of emotion and understanding. Nearly loving as he paused over your ribcage with another pinched sort of sound. Staying like that for what felt like hours, you struggled to keep yourself awake. It had been a struggle to move your tongue in your mouth, testing what mobility you’d lost in the short term. Only Ghost wasn’t leaving like you expected, and suddenly his voice returned it its normal stature.
“This’s Ghost. Get a bay ready now, I’m bringin’ someone in.” The reverb of his voice crackled in a radio you knew hooked to his vest. A backup short-range alternative in the case that SAT couldn’t be established or wasn’t clear enough to rely on in the field. Apparently, he used it to keep in contact with someone on base. Or multiple people for all you knew.
“Copy Ghost.” A static voice could be heard and quickly the room was pitched back into a silence you wanted to remain in, but Ghost was adamant to keep infracting alone with a whole list of other rules that, for whatever reason, just didn’t fucking matter or apply to him.
His other hand searched around the dark until he found your face resting amongst the fabric of your bed, curling his hand around your head and meticulously lifting you so very slowly away from the bed with his other arm steadying your legs that had also been taken up off the mattress. You’d never touched Ghost once in all the time you’d known him. Understanding that with his sour attitude, there couldn’t be a single chance in Hell that touching him was an acceptable action. Whereas with Soap, Gaz, and even on occasion Price: hugs, handshakes, shoves, and other physical touches were common, Ghost totally ignored all human contact. Maybe Hell had frozen over outside of your quarters for your weak and still motionless body to be lifted up against the Lieutenant’s chest and carried preciously outside of your room into the burning light of HQ. His chest heaved deep and quickly against you. Both hands curled around you and flexed tighter each time you were able to hear another set of shoes approaching closer to you. Possessive like a soldier. Silent like a Ghost. Determined.
He takes you straight to the medical hall where three nurses and two of the on-shift doctors are fast to respond to your condition. Only Ghost refuses to let them take you away from him for any reason. Stoically stonewalling them just like he habitually did to you as they begged him to lay you down on a transport bed so they could take you back to a room for assessment. The Lieutenant took you there himself, with the group of nurses and doctors hot on his heels and surrounding your bed once Ghost had you settled down inside a private room.
The whole place smells sterile and like alcohol. It’s not the first time you’ve been here, but these are far different circumstances. You’re still too sensitive to open your eyes, but hands are all over your body, gloves fingers touching around the sore places on weight-bearing points on your body, pricks in your fingertips, and a needle poke to the back of your hand. It’s overstimulating, to say the least, and you’re worried they’re going to think you’ve tried to starve yourself to death or decided that living altogether wasn’t worth it and simply wasting away into your bed was the solution. Right away, one of the voices of the medical professionals breaks that worry in your mind by calling for some of the tests to be staggered, needing time between them for nothing other than your own benefit.
“Treat this no differently than prolonged active reconnaissance,” The female voice states softly. “Being on-the-gun for this long is detrimental to all senses, and she’s going to need a while to wake up in a meaningful way.” She added, voice coming clearer the closer she got to your head.
“You’ve been working very hard, I suspect. Maybe not in the field… but you’re one tough lady.” She commented to you quite personally, her hand falling to your shoulders. “We’re going to get you plenty of fluids and start you on a vitamin drip to get everything running as it should again. You’ve also got some slight bedsores, but as long as we take care of them now, you’ll be right as rain soon, sniper.”
Tests were run, treatments began, and nurse after nurse was brought in with both doctors running rotations in and out of your room for the rest of the night. All of them were under the hard watch of Ghost who’d not moved from his position sitting in the corner of your room where he could see not only you but anyone approaching the door. He’d been very quiet throughout the process, watching and waiting for someone to give him some news about your condition with actual certainty. Stewing over the guilt he felt knowing damn well he was the reason you’d shut down so far and were still unable -or unwilling- to come out of it yet. You’d been nothing but the perfect little woman, doing her job with skill and grace, making everyone around you happier just with one glance in your direction. But fuck, he couldn’t stand seeing someone do the callous profession of killing people with one single squeeze of her finger and still have so much innocent and emotional humanity inside such a small body. Ghost couldn’t wrap his mind around it. So instead of trying to do the right thing and figure it out, he did what a man so out of touch with empathy did: Try to snuff it out.
You threatened him whether you or he realized it in the beginning.
But now he could see it with that crystal fucking clear hindsight. How monstrous he was for punishing you with no foundation other than his own selfish fear of seeing a dynamic he didn’t know was possibly wrapped up inside of you. Sweet and little you, never saying anything to him other than a ‘yes sir’ or ‘no sir’. Goddamnit Ghost knew he’d nearly killed you in a way. Seeing days of neglect in your sallow expression, darkened under eyes, and weakened body was more than even his cold heart could take all at one time. Wasting away for someone as useless as himself, all because he’d never given you enough credit for finding something worth liking in him where no one else had. Screaming at you. Cursing your existence. Right in your face, while he’d been too big of a pussy to even take off his own mask he hid behind every day as he utterly destroyed your meaningful position and life working alongside of his and his squad. Owing you his life wouldn’t nearly cover his offenses. Laughably, Ghost admitted his own life or death couldn’t measure up to yours. So instead of saying any kind of bullshit apology, he sat in the corner of your room and denied himself sleep, food, and water because there wasn’t anything else he could do until you’d been considered healthy and strong again.
Almost one week to the day you had been signed off for return to duty with zero restrictions. Your physical and mental evaluations came back clean, and with both Price and Ghost signing off on the doctor’s orders, you returned to your quarters where you expected to see your room exactly as you’d left it before Ghost brought you into the medical wing. Only nothing was as you’d left it. All the paperwork left on the floor was gone, as well as the other documents that had been left on your desk that still needed finishing. All of it was gone. Your bed and all of the bedclothes you’d been taken from were also missing. Replaced with totally brand new bedding in dark hues of dark green and navy blue with a decidedly feminine pattern on the quilt. Items you didn’t own. Or have any idea where they came from. Even the smell of stale air was traded for a woody, and familiar smell that wasn’t of a candle, or room spray; It was from a person. The person who sat in the corner of your room in your desk chair with his massive arms crossed over his chest and dark eyes staring at you through the painted visage of a skull gracing a black compression mask.
“Sir,” You greet hoarsely, still working through some of the non-significant parts of your recovery that lingered. Ghost stood from his seat and met you halfway across your room with a silent nod, his hand reaching out and motioning for you to step closer to him. Warily but complicit, you make the few steps forward and watch his hand turn to slide against your jaw and stay there firmly. “I expected you to be at drill.” You say with a tinge of surprise at the touch of his bare hand resting against your cheek.
“Should be,” He replied flatly. “But I’m not.” You nod a little, biting your tongue when his fingertip rubs over the curve of your ear. His eyes were soft and his unarmored physique was highlighted by the shadows made by the lamp on your side table. He’s inspecting you, you know as much. Clear by his thumb pressing over your pulse point and the minute exactly that he waits before speaking again.
“Do you like the color green?” His question knocks you off guard and his eyes slide over the quilt laying neatly over your bed. You were quick to answer honestly out of mere habit.
“Yes, sir.”
His hand stiffens against your cheek, and Ghost takes another step closer. His boots graze the tips of yours and his chin is nearly tucked against his chest to look down at you properly. You’re breathing a little harder, anticipating another break of his patience and an onslaught of screaming all directed at your apparent mistakes made right in front of his face. Judgments you’d still be unable to solve no matter how much you thought about it or what you did to try and find a solution of healthy -or not- motives. Ghost doesn’t yell though. He actually lowers his face down to yours, eyes locked right on you and an intensity burning there.
“Why do you call me that?” His low growl made you shiver, especially when his hand dropped lower to your throat. Now squeezing, but holding your gaze steady on him, reminding you of his strength. The power over you he’d always held, and given you the instant to call him ‘sir’ in the first place. Everything about Ghost was overwhelming, and you’d always been one wave away from drowning under him.
“You deserve the honor…” You answer, certain. Even if he’d broken your spirit and came back in the aftermath with questions you still believed to be much too complex for a single-sentence answer. Hopefully, he understood a little bit better but the way you leaned against his hand, letting him actually feel the pressure of your throat pressing into his palm. Literally offering your trust in him over again, testing the Lieutenant and watching as his eyes widened. His other hand came up to your face, counteracting the pressure you’d applied to keep your breath and blood flow uninterrupted. His face is still only inches away from yours but unflinching at the close contact.
“Brass,” He murmured, masked face teasing closer with his own lack of control. “I’m not what you think I am.” Your chest tightens with his words, soaked in desperation that heats your lips and cheeks.
“What’s that, sir?” You question, earning another flinch of his fingers against your skin.
“Safe… Trustworthy… Honorable.” He replies, getting even closer. The smooth material ghosted over your lips, and his breathing fanning over you wetly through the damp material. You sigh, feeling lightheaded. Weak in his hands, confused yet happy to have your life held in the palms of his hands. Confused about where his mistrust comes from, but gaining perspective every time he flinches when you address him in the way you always believed he’d feel the most revered and… loved.
“You’re wrong,” You challenge, hands moving from your sides to run up the thin shirt covering his chest. “You’re a man of fear. One that death shakes at the mention of. Even looking at you through my scope a mile away is enough to remind me you’re capable of inhuman things…” Your voice lowers, hearing thoughts straight from your soul escaping without filter from your brain. “Yet you’re human. So much more than anyone sees. Because it’s not evil that keeps you going. It’s the fear and hatred of losing anything that means something to you.” Your hand rests over his chest, hearing his heart thundering against his ribs.
“You’re not a monster, you are terrified of losing everything. That is why I call you ‘sir’, is because you’re a man unlike any other, Ghost.”
Hearing your own voice say his name like that feels so foreign. Coming off your tongue with the letters not fitting together in a way that you’d experienced. But Ghost… he reacts differently. His hands tightened around you and he hugged you against his chest tightly. His chest heaves up and down and the thunder of his heartbeat impossibly quickens until your left ear can’t hear anything but the repetitive thrum of blood coursing through his body. Heavy arms snake around you, one around your head to secure it to him and the other clinging to your waist with his hand fisting into your shirt until it’s skin-tight on your stomach. The Lieutenant practically shakes against you, using your much smaller frame to steady himself.
Yet he’s dropping to one knee on the ground, bringing you down with him until he’s nearly cradling you and softly rocking your weight back and forth. Soothing himself in much the same way a child would after scraping their knee on the sidewalk and the tears have begun to dry up. God, it made the massive man feel so weak; much like you did after he’d yelled at you a week ago. Both of you kneeled on the floor now with all of your wounds opened up to each other and had silently found a calm within the eye of a destructive storm that had been raging against the pair of you while everyone on the outside had been simply looking on with bated breath to see how the ending would play out.
“Brass - I…” Ghost’s voice choked up again, his arms tightening around you. “God, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t ignore you anymore… I’m losing my mind.”
You lean into his chest harder, arms struggling to reach all the way around his wide back in an attempt to support him a little bit. You understood through the way he was grabbing at anything on you he could desperately. So you did all you could and rubbed your hand up and down his back quietly allowing him the time to work through his thoughts. Both of you had been hurt by this, and while the Lieutenant’s form of apology came in the way he’d ushered you for help when you needed it most and unquestionably been the reason behind the way your quarters looked. Now it was you, cradling a man who’d never shown a single crack in his armor, feeling the weight of so many emotional wounds that he was practically bleeding out with pain and palpable regret.
“You don’t have to…” You whisper, resting your forehead against his.
Ghost just nods his head, panting heavily and giving a low sort of whine. “I’m so sorry…”
You smile sadly. “I’m sorry too.”
His eyes soften more, blinking away at wetness brimming at his waterline. “Say it again… please. I need to hear it. God, please.”
“It’s okay…” Your hands cradle his cheeks, feeling the sharp lines and hard muscles. “I’m right here, Ghost. We’re going to do this over again… Together, Ghost.”
Nodding weakly, he meets your gaze as you say his name again. Reveling in it. “Together… together, with you.”
3K notes · View notes
p0rchc0ll4ps3 · 2 years
Text
Actually a lot of y'all ftc peeps seem really cool and I'd like to talk and plot with y'all but I am so shy and scared of fucking things up coz lord knows I've fucked things up before 😔
#something something every time I make a friend and trust them there's the potential for my evil nasty side to leak through#and I get so fucking ruined by rejection I'm always scared to reach out#worst they can say is no is a really good saying but for me coz of my stinky brain i take no as oh I'm hated of course they don't like me#I'm unwanted my ocs suck Etc even tho I KNOW that's not it#this sounds like a me begging for attention but it's NOT#just throwing my symptoms out into the void to explain part of the reason I'm so shy#also I just have this innate thought in my head that all of y'all already have good friends and stuff and if I talk I'll be interrupting#which is also probably not true but yeah#I've been closed out of so many circles it's just .. like I always think man is it worth it??#but yeha not necessarily a vent! just an explanation#also I know what I have I just don't want to put it on my blog. it's my personal brain issues n only people I trust trust get to know#but yeah don't take this as a me vagueing to beg for attention#this is justa thoughts in the void#feel free to ignore (genuine and non threatening)!#it just takes a lot of energy for me to connect with people and then a lot of energy to keep up the connections and a lot of energy to push#out the thoguhts that I'm not wanted#so then at some pt I just give up coz I have other things to do haha#like draw! or write! or apply to grad school! etc#energy must be used wisely. one only has so many spell slots a day
1 note · View note
ragingbookdragon · 3 months
Note
Please please please pleaseeeeeee (please?) hand over a part 2 for the thing you wrote where Simon is a real meanie to us and make us leave his room:(( I’m BEGGING you! 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️
You’re such a damn good writer, i can’t get enough of it and the angst UGH, it’s so good!!!!! (I would LOVE if pt 2 could be hurt/comfort tho! I’m a sucker for that (don’t tell anyone))
Rest assured, I'll be writing PT.2, I've been doing it in my head for the past couple days lol. Y'all just gotta wait until I'm not working 5-4:30 all week. I'll get to it when the weekend comes and I know exactly how I want it to play out.
But since you were so kind to beg the Queen, have a few lines I've been toying with.
***
She sits beside him in silence, uses Price's advice, "Simon's like a deer when his defenses are down. Skittish as a newborn. Let him come to you."
And so she does, waits until he shifts ever so slightly into her bicep and admits, "I'm afraid of letting people in because I don't know how much more I can take losing."
"Simon, when it comes down to what he truly is beneath his cold stoicism, my dear, is simply a very tired and an even more broken-hearted man who believes that if he keeps everything at a distance, then nothing can hurt him. He likes to think himself incapable of feeling, but don't let his demeanor fool you, Simon feels more deeply for the people he loves more than anyone I've ever met.
She purses her lips, thinks for a moment, lets his words hang in the air between them before she looks up at him and says, "I'd rather lose everyone I've come to love than never know what it was like to love them in the first place."
674 notes · View notes