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#i don't even know how to tag here for there so fuck it
dsireland86 · 2 days
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Take Me First
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Tags: @lma1986 @somewhere-diamond @missduffsblog @myownthoughts12 @concrete09 @glitterydeputyshepherdwagon @shilohrosechicken @jilliemiw86
They had a fight. He made a stupid choice that she just couldn't accept, so she left, never knowing it would probably be the last time they would see each other. Now, Noah is left to face the consequences of his actions; consequences that weren't supposed to affect her. He's broken and terrified life will never be the same again. If only God would take him first, then maybe he could be at peace.
“I wanna be someone you used to hate without the memory of the pain, but I went too far and now we can't restart. It's like we cut the breaks, tore ‘em off the car ninety miles inside the dark familiar scars, and electric hearts”
“Why! Why would you! How could you? What did she give you that I don't, Noah?” She screams at me, tears running down her face, the pain I caused her destroying every good memory of me she has. I couldn't believe I pushed her this far; that I pushed us to this point in our relationship. I couldn't give her the answer she wanted because the truth was I didn't have one. I fucked up. Bad. I fucked someone else, in our bed, when she was away at her parents. Granted I was drunk, but that was an excuse at all. Jolly told me not to do it. Folio said I'd lose her if I did. Nick just shook his head and walked away when I took the fifth shot given to me. Matt was refusing to speak to me. What the fuck happened? How could I be so over taken by a girl whose name I couldn't even remember? 
Y/N stands up grabbing her keys and purse that are still on the floor where she dropped them a bit ago. “No, please baby,”
Y/N sits on the ottoman, holding her head in her hands. Her shoulders are shaking, and the only sounds are her quiet sobs. I want to comfort her. I want to go to her, take her in my arms, and apologize over and over until she believes me. I know she won't. I know
Y/N hates me. The cuts I've made so recklessly on her heart are too deep. I reach out to touch her, but she pulls away. “Don't you fucking touch me, Noah,” she screams, making me cringe. “Don't ever touch me again." She looks at me with so much distaste for the first time ever since we've been together. I can't stand to see her like this, so I make the choice to leave. “No, you asshole! You don't get the benefit of walking out on me when you're the one who made the wrong choice. I'm the one who gets to leave.” 
“Don't you fucking dare, Noah. Don't you call me that. You do not have the privilege of calling me that anymore. I'm nothing to you now.” She glares at me with so much hurt, so much anger in her blue eyes. My body goes numb. The slamming of the front door makes me jump, signaling the end of us and the glow of her headlights as she backs out of the driveway says it's for good. I run into the kitchen and find the trash can just in time.
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“I know I'm gonna die in this bed I made, and I'm drowning in a dream that I can't escape. If I could wake up, I'd hesitate.”
“Where the fuck have you been? Why haven't you answered any of Matt's or my calls!” Jolly's voice is loud and his bitter tone tells me something bad has happened. “I fell asleep, Jolly, sorry man.” Jolly scoffs. “So fucking typically, Noah! You go off and break Y/N's heart, causing her to do something drastic that plays out like a fucking horror movie and you get to fall asleep. Yeah, fuck you mother,” “Whoa! Slow the fuck down, Jolly! I didn't intentionally fall asleep. I've been sitting here on my couch, crying for the past hour. What are you talking about?” “Are you sure? Didn't invite what’s her face back for a second round the moment  Y/N drove away?” There was dead silence. I clench my jaw, running my hand over my mouth, thanking god Jolly's not in front of me. My fist closes in a tight fist. “Fuck you, Jolly! Fuck you!” I yell into the phone. “It wasn't supposed to happen, okay? I had no intention of hurting Y/N. I love her and I know if I give her some space and some time we can work it out.” There was dead silence again. “Noah,” the way Jolly says my name is one-eighty from just a second ago. Something bad has happened. I can feel it. “Y/N’s been in an accident. She was hit head on by a drunk driver. It took the E.M.T’s almost an hour to cut her out. Once they did; there was no pulse. Her blood was everywhere, Noah. After a few tries of resuscitation they finally got a pulse. It was really faint, but it was there. I followed them to the hospital and Matt, Folio, and Nick met me here. We're all here. Everyone but you. Please come, Noah. Y/N needs you. 
My eyes snap open from the vibration against my leg. As my eyes adjust to the light I realize I must have fallen asleep after sitting on the couch for I don't know how long after Y/N left; her NoFace hoodie still clenched in my hands. It's her favorite, and when I saw it laying on the back of the chair, a spark of hope ignited in me. Maybe if I give her a few days, we can talk. I reach into my pocket to answer the call, and when I look at my phone, I see nine missed calls from Matt and seven from Jolly. I answer before it becomes the eighth. 
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“But it’s too late to turn back now, Oh God, I tried but I don’t know, if I could escape it, I’d trade in the blame, you can take it. If it doesn’t take me first.”
I don’t know how I’m able to make it to the hospital in one piece, but I do. I text Jolly to find out where everyone is and follow the directions he gives me. My knees are weak. I’m shaking and can’t stop the tears that keep randomly falling. Y/N means everything to me; more than the band, the job, the money, fuck my own life. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect her. If I lose her; if he takes her from me; I swear to “Noah!” The sound of my name distracts me from my thoughts. I realize I’m right where Jolly said to meet them, seeing Nicholas waving to me up ahead. Drying my face, I proceed to the waiting area. I’m greeted by fists bumps from both Folio and Nick, but Jolly only glares at me, while Matt refuses to even look at me. I know he and Y/N had a thing for each other before we started dating, but somehow I was the one who managed to grab her attention enough to say yes when I asked her out for the first time. The way her whole face lit up when I asked her still gave me butterflies and I found myself, once again, wondering what the fuck I was thinking when I cheated on her. I wasn’t; that's the whole problem.
“Any update?” I ask. Jolly just shakes his head as he continues to stare. “What?’ “Don’t fucking “what” me.” “Yeah, Jolly, I am. I know you hate me right now okay.” “Hate doesn’t even begin to cover it.” I look over at Matt who’s finally acknowledging my presence. “I know,” My gaze drops from him to the floor, unable to look at the pain in my friend's face. “How can you live with yourself right now, Noah?” Matt stands up and walks up to me. “How can you,” but he doesn’t finish, just continues to stare, making me uncomfortable. Matt begins to cry a little harder than he probably means to, and finally walks away towards the bathrooms, giving me some room to breathe. I wipe my eyes, erasing the guilt that’s started to seep again, taking a seat next to Folio who’s pretending to read an outdated motorcycle magazine. Hours pass, making the unknown feel like hell. My hell. The hell I deserve along with all of it's slow, agonizing torture of my soul as the seconds turn to minutes and minutes turn hours. I’m so anxious that I’ve bitten down all my nails and my left leg is aching from bouncing it up and down for too long. Laying my head back, I let myself drift back into one of my favorite memories of us; that time in Virginia. 
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“If you even think about touching me while I'm walking down this fucking muddy trail you so desperately wanted me to come on with you, I swear to the Lord above, Noah Sebastian, I will make you suffer. I hear you and Jolly back there!” “Babe, I have no idea what you're talking about. You must be hearing things.” I was trying my hardest to hide the snicker in my voice, but I knew Y/N was already on to me. When she turned around and looked at me, giving me her best angry face, I melted even more for her than I already had. She was fucking beautiful, sweet, and such a badass; she was mine. I smiled down at her, moving in a little closer and sliding my hand behind her head, bringing her in for a long kiss. I felt her body relax into mine, the same way she always reacted whenever I kissed her. “You already make me suffer; every moment that you're away from me.” Y/N pulled away from me, gazing into my eyes. “Awe, Noah,” she said, her bottom lip, that I desperately wanted to bite and suck on, protruding. The overwhelming way she made me so hard in a matter of seconds and also made me feel like I was the wealthiest and luckiest man in the world was something I was beginning to get used to. I was falling in love with her; and I wasn't afraid to admit it. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I chuckled at the sheepish grin that swept over her face that reddened her cheeks. “No reason. I just really love looking at you.” I kissed her one more time before taking her hand. “Come on. If you go down, then I'm going down too, how's that.” Her face brightened. “I like that,” she grinned. “Dude, this shit is fucking gross. I usually don't mind mud, but this,” Folio, groaned, lifting up his boot that was cover in thick, greenish, brownish mud. “Whose fucking idea was it to take this particular trail, anyway?” “Matt,” Jolly, Nicholas, Y/N, and I said in unison. “What the fuck! You know you could've said no,” Matt hollered, walking a little further ahead of us.
Just when I thought everything was good, the very next step Y/N took was our demise. Down, she went, ass to the mud, slipping and sliding a few inches down the trail, dragging me with her. Her squeals of I don't know at the point we're all that could be heard as she laid on her back, the back of her shirt and pants soaked in the god-awful muck. I held my laugh, suppressing it as much as I could even though Matt and Folio had already busted out laughing. “Babe? Baby, are you okay?” Even though my ass was wet and muddy, I knew it was nothing compared to Y/N's. Nick helped me up, wishing me luck, and I carefully made my way down the path to help her. Her eyes were closed, and for a second, I thought maybe she was seriously hurt. “Y/N, are you hurt?” I saw her grin before I felt the sting of the mud hit me in the face, slapping me relentlessly. “Shit!” I cried, wondering if this was how bad Y/N's ass felt every time I spanked it during sex. If so, maybe I should find a different kink. “Fucking hell, that hurt.” “ Yeah? Well so does my back, fucker,” she lashed out even though it was through a laugh. “Fair enough.” I squatted next to her, offering my support, only to have her tackle me and push me into the mud. “There, now we're even,” she giggled, leaning over top of me. She kissed me, slipping her tongue slyly into my mouth, sending all kinds of signals through my body. But the bad boy side of me wanted revenge as I grabbed a handful of mud and smashed it in the side of her face. A look of great surprise flashed across her face as her eyes widened. I had a feeling I was going to regret that later on, but knowing how fucking amazing intense rough sex was with Y/N, I gladly welcomed it with open arms.  Pretty soon, after a few more handfuls of back and forth mud throwing, Y/N and I were covered in mud. But we were happy; she was the perfect image of what my happiness was.
“If you two children are finished, the rest of us grown-ups would like to finish our hike.” “Fuck you, Karlsson,” I said, holding up the middle finger to Jolly who playfully smiled as he passed us, refusing to help either one of us up. “What the fuck ever, I guess it's you and me Babe,” I announced, looking over at Y/N. “Yeah, just like always.” 
“I lie to myself like it's not too late, convinced the past can still be changed, We know it's gone, but I can't move on I wanna rewind, but it just replays Jumping on a hand grenade, but it won't go off , no, it won't go off.
The love we made that night was some of the best we'd ever had. I fucked her so slowly, soft at first then harder each time she cried out for more, taking my time to make sure she felt every part of me while I tried to commit to memory every way she felt while I was side her. It was the first time I'd ever made her cum more than twice. She fought with me at first, told me she wasn't letting me anywhere near her because of what happened earlier. “Me withholding sex from you is your punishment,” she said. So, I wrestled her, showing her just how dominant I could be when she chose to be a brat, and I won in the end, obviously. I left my handprint on her ass, caring nothing about the way it might have felt, like I did earlier. Y/N was mine; and she needed to be reminded that she was. Then there was the way she rode me, hands pressing hard against my chest as I watched her enjoy the pleasure she was getting from me. Her breast's filled my hands as she took what she wanted from me, crying my name like an innocent prayer. I came so fucking hard that I left scratches down the sides of her legs. I don't think another night has ever topped that; not even the night that has led to this fucking hell I'm now sitting in. Deciding to take a walk, making Nick promise me he'll text me if there's news, I find myself wandering the Emergency Room halls.
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Overwhelmed by the memories and the emotions, I enter the chapel that's here to bring whatever comfort a person longs for in their time of need. It's empty; just an altar, a cross, a lot of chairs, and a few dim lights. I take a seat closer to the front, wiping my eyes again, though this time I'm not ashamed of the tears. I deserve them. I fucked up so bad and now I'm left in Y/N’s wake to deal with the guilt and heartache that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I bit my knuckles while slowly rocking back and forth, letting the tears of anger, tears of hurt and pain, tears of fear, run down my cheeks and fall to the floor below. Then I begin to do something I haven't done since I was a kid; something my grandma taught me to use in the moments when I didn’t know what else to do; I pray.
“I know you're listening; I know you can hear me. Y/N is fucking innocent. She doesn't deserve to pay for the crimes I've committed.” I squeeze my eyes closed, releasing more tears, sniffling. “I know I've fucked up and I'm guessing I've made you pretty angry if you think an innocent girl deserves to take my place in death. But, I'm telling you now,” stopping as my voice starts to break apart. I'm sobbing, falling to my knees as my hands drape over the back of the chair in front of me. “God, I'm fucking begging you, take me first. Switch our places, somehow, some way and fucking take me first. I can't live with this pain, God!” I drop down seething through my teeth. “Ughhh, fucking shit, motherfucker! It hurts too much, do you hear me!” I push the chairs in front of me so hard they go flying and hit the bottom of the altar. That's all it takes before I'm lifting chair after chair and throwing it across the room. “I'm sorry I hurt her, I'm sorry I broke her heart, just please, I'm fucking begging you, don't take her from me. Take Me First.” My shoulders slump and my arms fall to my sides. I'm out of breath, crying in between each one. I’m emotionally drained and feel uncomfortably numb, so numb that I don't feel the vibration of my phone at first. I pull it out not expecting what I see. 
Today 4:32am
Nick: Y/N'S AWAKE!!!! GET HERE NOW!!!
Everything around me stops. A loud ringing echoes in my ears, piercing the very inner and making me cringe. This can’t really be how it works is it? I get pissed off, throw a fit, and my prayer is answered; there’s more to it, right? My eyes drift upwards, and I’m suddenly feeling a little ashamed. Especially when I take a look around the room and see the mess I’ve made. Fuck. I’m going to have to clean this up before I leave the hospital. But first I need to go see Y/N. “Thank you,” I whisper as I walk toward the door to leave, but before I do I turn around and focus on the simple cross sitting in the middle of the table at the foot of the altar. Suddenly, hope doesn’t seem impossible. I believe more now than before, that Y/N and I might be able to fix this horrible broken mess. 
All the guys are in the room surrounding Y/N. She’s lying in the hospital bed, hooked up to all kinds of machines with tubes and cables attached to her and going everywhere. One of her legs and arms are in a cast, and a huge bandage is wrapped around her head. Bruising is visible on her face along with a busted lip. Seeing all of this shatters my heart into a million pieces, destroying what little bit of it was left. I stand outside the room, gazing in on her. Matt’s at her side, holding her hand, talking to her about god only knows what. Probably anything to distract her from reality, and she’s partially smiling at whatever he’s saying. Despite everything, Y/N looks happy. When her eyes shift to look at me, I see the same beautiful light in them I’ve grown used to seeing all these years and I can’t help but smile back, causing everyone to turn and look my way.
Nicholas comes out wearing a grave expression that chills every part of me. I know what he’s about to say isn’t easy, so I brace myself for it. He takes me by the arm, pulling me off to the side, out of Y/N’s sights. “What is it Nick? What’s wrong? Y/N’s dying isn’t she? She’s not going to make it, shit, oh my god,” I run my hands through my hair as I turn back around and stare back into the room at her. I’m shaking so bad I can barely stand, so I brace myself against the wall for support. "Will you chill the fuck out Noah, just for a minute, and listen to me! Y/N’s not dying. She’s going to be okay. She has a lot of injuries that are going to take a lot of time to heal, but she’s going to be fine.” I exhale, looking Nick in the eyes for the first time. “Really?” I ask, through blurry eyes. He smiles at me, throwing his hand on my shoulder. “Really, bro. She’s good. But there is something you’ve got to know. She said she didn’t want to tell you herself because you might not believe her.” My forehead creases as I frown. “What do you mean, something else?” Nick licks his lips, looks over into the room, and takes a deep breath. “Nick, what the fuck dude, what is it?” His green eyes meet mine and in absolute seriousness he says, “Y/N’s pregnant.”
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mybworlds · 17 hours
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Sex with stranger, p. 2 one-shot
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pairing: joel miller x f!reader
summary: You, your beautiful sociolinguistic teacher, in his office.
rating: 18+ MDNI
warning tags: porn with lil plot, no use of Y/N, no outbreak, use of 'you', age difference not specified, smut, use of pet name, dirty talk, f & m masturbation, unprotected P in V, oral m & f receiving, if I miss smt please write me.
Before to start... it wasn't supposed to be a sort of second part of my previous one-shot, but I woke up with this idea and here it is, I don't know what came out of it, I hope it doesn't suck.
Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner
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How the fuck is this even possible?
You keep telling yourself, as you try to take notes as much as you can while straining to forget that you are listening to the man you fucked and he fucked you not even two hours ago and that fucking man is your professor, that professor, not just anybody, your sociolinguistics professor and now how the fuck are you going to follow his next classes and take the exam?
Is he going to be thinking the same thing?
Hard to say, he has an impenetrable look, his words roll off his mouth with a fluidity that enchants you, you should forget that with that mouth he addressed you quite vulgar words and even licked your nipples, you sit in the chair feeling uncomfortable taking notes on Saussure and structuralism.
"Well, class is over. But if ya need clarification, I’m in my office. The door is at the bottom left, thank ya." says Dr Miller dismissing you, as he begins to arrange the books and papers he showed in class.
Everyone goes down the stairs, someone comes to him to ask when he receives, others just to thank him for the class, you stay in the middle of the stairs holding the book and the notebook to your chest, you have to tell him that his class was enlightening? Or you must be as cocky as you were in the elevator?
You used to be allowed to be, you fucked a stranger, but now that you know you fucked Dr Miller is different, does that affect your college GPA? You’re gonna fail on this regardless?
"Class is over." says a voice, his own, bringing you back to reality "D' ya want some clarification?"
Do you want it? Yes.
" Yes." you just answer looking him in the eye.
"Well, follow me," he tells you taking his bag and walking out of the classroom, you follow him. He doesn't say anything nor do you know what to say to him, your footsteps echo in the hallway, you pass a few students from time to time, and Dr. Miller waves to colleagues by raising his hand in greeting. You arrive in front of a door on which there is a plaque with his name on it, you see him slip the key into the lock, turn it, and finally open the door.
"Come in," he says to you and you comply. The office interior is extremely formal, clean and neat just as he looks, you turn back to him and see him turn the key, when he looks up he realizes that you are watching him "So no one bothers us," he adds by way of clarification, you nod.
"It doesn't bother you…" you are about to say, but your words get stuck as you see him move closer to you and close the distance between you and him, he pounces on your lips as with his hands he slides his jacket down your arms again.
"No," he answers you guessing your question, "in fact it turns me on even more." he says towering above you.
For a moment you wonder if he fucked other students before and then dumped them and flunked the exam and that's why they call him a bastard or an asshole, but you don't have time to wonder because feeling his moist lips on your neck makes you stop thinking.
"Aren't you afraid someone will hear us?" you ask him, closing your eyes as he fumbles with the buttons on your shirt, moving away from your neck and looking into your eyes.
"D' ya want clarification on today’s lesson, right?" he asks and you guess the game.
"Yes." you reply swallowing.
He leaves you another quick kiss on your lips, then says, as he unzips your skirt "Well, tell me about the notes you took," you are already almost completely naked in his eyes and speaking will be very difficult "I know you have a good memory, I'm listening." he adds starting to kiss you on your breasts still covered by your bra feeling your nipples hardening in response to his mouth.
You close your eyes and swallow feeling your heartbeat going fast "Saussure is considered the father of modern linguistics, he was born in Gen…" it's so difficult to concentrate on your words when his mouth is on your breasts and his hands on your hips holding you still against his desk "Geneva" you manage to say biting your lower lip "in 1857 and died in 1913, he was a linguist and semiotician, he's most famous for his study of structuralism…" you interrupt yourself because he makes you sit on his desk and lay down, oh God… you will never be able to speak if he…
"Go on." he says lowering your briefs showing you to him, he brings your legs over his shoulders and you stare at the ceiling without really doing so, you close your eyes and swallow and then resume "He proposes the study of the language understanding" your voice rises a pitch as you feel his fingers open your folds and his tongue explore inside you "Oh, fuck! " escapes you as you feel his tongue inside you and touching that little bundle of nerves with his angular nose, a louder moan escapes your lips and he pulls away from you "As much as I love to hear you, you must be quiet." he admonishes you looking into your eyes veiled with desire "Rather, you were saying that Saussure proposed the study of the language as an autonomous system, right?" you nod looking at him "Well, go on," he adds lowering himself between your legs again taking you back to let you see stars behind your closed eyes from the strong pleasure you are experiencing.
"It is a system of signs that emphasize the system rather than the individual elements, in fact…. " you stop and a sigh escapes from your lips, feeling his expert tongue fumbling in your folds and his hands on your hips make you gasp, your vision blurring, as you feel the orgasm mounts more and more over you, his hands that reach your breasts freeing them from the bra cups and begin to tease deliciously your nipples turning and twisting them between his fingertips are a coup de grace, you come pressing your hand on your mouth.
Fuck, you came between his lips and it was beautiful.
He helps you sit up on the desk and kisses you overwhelmingly, feeling your arousal on his tongue sends more rushes of pure lust down your spine.
"Are you turned on too?" you ask him looking in his eyes.
He grins, "Judge for yourself." he replies, you look down and see it, it's still covered by his pants, but his huge erection is clearly visible.
"You're making me wet again," you say slipping a hand through his dark hair and kissing him again "You're way overdressed," you add as you begin to undress him by getting off the desk.
"I thought you wanted clarification," he tells you as you slip off his shirt and then move to the waistband of his pants.
"You just gave 'em to me," you say looking at him with a complicit grin, "You are so big," you add as you fully release his erection.
"Seeing and hearing you come turns me on," he confesses.
"And what else turns you on?" you ask as you kneel down and look up into his face.
"Right now?" he asks looking down to you.
"Right now, generally," you urge him, kissing his mushroom tip of his cock and licking along his evident vein.
"Have power over others, see a beautiful girl kneeling in front of me as you are doing now, take you from behind, see the effect I have on you, I want to see your face while I fuck you this time." he responds panting as you begin to suck and lick his huge erection, it's wonderful.
You place your hands on his hips as you begin to pump his erection feeling it if possible grow even bigger between your lips, he begins to moan softly and this sends more rushes of lust making you even wetter.
You turn your lips away from his cock breathing deeply, then he helps you up and takes you to a couch where he makes you lie down. You open your legs to welcome him and he immediately accepts your invitation, he lays his hands on the sides of your head caging you, but you are not at all afraid nor do you pull back, you are too involved, you want to feel him sink inside you. He kisses you languidly a couple of times, then probes your intimacy with his fingers feeling how ready you are for him, you moan closing your eyes.
"How many blowjobs have you had in your life?" he asks as he slips a hand through your hair and pushes your head even further toward him, you are almost afraid of choking, but at the moment you don't care. You look up at the totally distorted features of his face and that pushes you to suck and lick even harder, he moans and growls louder and louder until he puts his hands in your hair letting out a long loud moan, "I'm gonna..." he tries to say, but you know what he wants to say, streams of hot seed invade your mouth and partly on the sides of your mouth, you moan swallowing every drop of him.
"Oh, fuck." he groans closing his eyes.
Oh his hands are so expert.
He kisses your neck while he touches your pussy with three fingers, you moans louder and louder.
"I knew it was even hotter see your face while I was fucking you, little girl." you can't reply, all you can do is receive his touch and feeling your orgasm mount again.
He replaces his finger with his cock inside you. Both of you hold your breath as his cock sinks easily into your flesh.
"You are so soft and so wet," he whispers to your ear.
"You are so big, fuck," you whisper biting your lower lip.
It's too much, you're fucked out.
He immediately starts pumping fast inside you, you don't think you will last long, your vision is blurred and you moan without restraint forgetting what he told you earlier, but he does the same, he tries unsuccessfully to stifle his moans and expletives.
Suddenly, Joel holds you by the back of your neck and tilts your head down to make you watch while he fucked you.
You see his eyes become darker as he looks at your face, your watering eyes and your tits wince at his thrusts.
His thrusts are stronger, deeper as he buries his cock between your soaked folds.
“I love your cunt, 's so tight, so wet for me.” he says while the only noises you hear are his cock sucked in and out of you and his heavy balls against you.
You're totally fucked out, brain foggy as you stare up at him with glazed eyes.
"Oh, fuck I'm cumming." he warns you in a broken voice.
You wrap him by tightening your legs against his hips and making him if possible sink even deeper inside you "Fuck, fuck, fuck," you curse again and again as you feel streams of his hot seed invade you again while you surround his neck with your arms.
You moan in unison as you close your eyes.
"You are an incredible fuck," he comments with his eyes closed placing his sweaty forehead against yours. You would like to retort something, anything, but at the moment words fail you, "Come to me whenever you want."
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silky-silksong · 2 days
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Okay can I talk?
eric belonging to @night-light-artz
Patches @eve-pie
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Okay for the image above I was doing a “mock” warrior cat book. I miss the old covers but anyway
I kinda feel my art is…boring. I mean it just feels that way. Sometimes I feel I rush myself to get things done, and to be honest I hate having to rush myself. I look back at my recent post and they just fall FLAT. Flat as in the colors are just boring as heck. Lineart? I don’t really like. Not only that but everything feels so unpolished
My anatomy/details
I hate the fact I miss crucial details of my chat starts or even other people characters. I mean, HAVE YOU SEEN HOW I DONT EVEN ADD SILKY’s ANTLERS 99% of the time? That bothers me. And I see other people add them and I’m just “well damn I’m so lazy I can’t even add antlers on my own fucking character”.
Not to mention the poses. Everything feels so stiff with me. So dang stiff that you may as well call my art wood and use it as a support beam. I hate how I don’t use references for my art. Maybe If I used them more and actually took my time stuff wouldn't look like your average horrific Netflix Original cartoon of some movie.
Backgrounds/minor objects.
Do not get me started. I hate all of them. They look so low effort. I mean, I know I can do better with them! But it seems like I worry about the main characters so much. In fact, I feel the background just falls flat or blends in too much with the characters that it looks. Messy. If I draw a cup, i'll skip over details and it will look awful! Which isnt good, as it shows im lacking severly.
Time
And for time I rush. I feel like I have to literally push things out by day’s end and well…it affects my art. Lately o just been so focus on the hour and time it just makes the art suffer. Even if no one else sees it I do. I love my painted style, but it takes quite some time. And forgive me but I hate just doing sketches to and posting it. I prefer my art to be colored in and all the way. Now im not saying i dont like it when other people sketch. That would be a dick-head move of me.
Some days I fear if I don’t post or read inboxes everyone is going to think I purely abandoned them. I try to focus on my page. but just giving them a sketch at the end well...it makes me feel as if I just dissapointed them. I think to myself and say "I could have done better than that. Why did you even do that in the first place {Name}. "
I have like so much on my agenda and plans and then i realize I can’t do it all in one day. Hell sometimes I just make one day spefically on one subject.
If that day was animation day; I focus on an animatic.
If a certain day is art day and I want to set up my commission page (which is so messy I deleted it) then that’s the settled day. But I feel like I’m going so slow. It's like I am running out of time, and time is just passing by as I look at my clock.
And I'm not blaming anyone it's just my stupid head that makes me feel this way. I know no one is trying to rush me. But head is like "Oh but what if- and why not-". It bothers me. It clouds my vision and i don't realize in reality...no one is saying the things my brain is saying. Sometimes I feel like I'm bothering people when i draw their charcaters so much and tag them. I fear they just say 'Aw great it's this one person again."Sometimes I feel I need to be MORE original. And some days i feel i just need to give up entirely. Some days I think posting everyday will aggervate folks. Sometimes I envy the attention of others, and when I see what they gain or what following I have i look back at myself and say "Well maybe if you did this better than MAYBE you people will be interested in ya". And damn do i slam my head in a wall. Everyone just seems so happy, and yet here I am fretting over if this fucking dog I drew looks remotely interesting. And I just feel it...blends in. Like what is there so special about my art?
MY BLOG
And for this blog, I don't know if I truly have an identity for myself. There's Silky, there is Minty and Syrup, there is Simon and there is Shrimpy. But who do they belong to? What roles do they even serve in this blog? I want them to be my identity. I don't want them being just some sort of character leech. They lack story, they lack purpose, they are thrown in tropes and gag. But what do they relate to? Nothing. Nothing at all. And yeah yeah I know im thinking to DEEP into this. But it's been on my mind so much. And hell call me crazy for talking about them if they are real, but they mean a lot to me. A LOT.
So I tried to make my art interesting here like, i tried referencing images space. I tried adding more anatomy to Snowy since I am tired of doing the usual standing up pose. I even wanted to make the background feel more detailed. I feel a bit better, but I still fear everything is too...eh...bland. Maybe it is just me.
Sorry for the ungodly word of text. I know I shouldn't vent here.
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milla-frenchy · 24 hours
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I'm thinking about my man. don't get me wrong, javi is hot as hell. but the size of this man, and the way he kisses, and fucks you from the bottom, and holds you like a koala, and sings, and every single thing he does 🫠🫠🫠. TYSM for The Hounds of Hell 🩷 a real masterpiece by you and @aurorawritestoescape
Aaaah thank you so much 😍🖤 Love the mood boards 👌
Here's a little snippet of part 2, with our big Steve, your man 🫠🫶
****************
“You don’t remember?” he asked, looking at you with narrowed eyes. You shook your head. “Lemme help you”, he added.
He slipped his hand between your thighs, pulled up your dress and brushed against your folds through your panties.
“Damn…seems like your cunt ain’t forgot, baby…she’s already soaked.”
He kneeled and pulled down your panties, looking at your pussy for a few seconds before looking up at you. You bit your lower lip, waiting for him to place his lips on you, there, and here, in this bathroom. But he smiled and stood up, covered his thumb with your slick, and went up to your clit. He rubbed it gently, while your eyes were fixed on each other, your breathing speeding up every second. He kept his thumb on your clit, and pushed two fingers in your pussy, making you moan. You rolled your hips on his fingers, fucking yourself on them. You grabbed his shirt to hide your face from him, your nose in his neck, as if you were ashamed of breaking so easily for him. 
“Fuck…I’m gonna…”
“Yeah baby, I know. Come on my fingers, clench ‘em again. Even faster than in the car, fuck.”
He pressed his crotch against your hip, and you could feel his bulge. You knew he loved to show how hard he could be, how big his dick was. “Oh fuck,” you whimpered, just before you came. He let you ride out your orgasm, his thumb resting on your clit, his fingers still buried inside you. Then he slowly removed them from your dripping cunt and licked them one by one, not taking his eyes off you and added “I remember everythin’, baby.”
***********
Thank you for the tag, @mermaidgirl30 and @bonezone44 🙏
npt: @aurorawritestoescape @toxicanonymity @magpiepills @pedge-page @kewwrites @iamasaddie @corazondebeskar-reads
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jungle-angel · 1 day
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I'll Kiss Your Hurt Away: Part 2 (Rhett Abbott x Reader)
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Summary: Rhett calls it quits in the bull riding ring after a nasty ride, but you're more than willing to help him get back on his feet in any way you can.
Tagging: @floydsmuse @callmemana @attapullman @cowboybarbie @withahappyrefrain @kmc1989 @bradleybeachbabe @sebsxphia
Warnings: Parenthood, injuries, doctor's visits, mentions of jerking off in a cup in said doctor's office etc.
"Fuck me," Rhett groaned.
"Wish I could but what if Pete walks in?" you asked cheekily.
Rhett winced again. Sitting up straight was still hard on his sore body, but thankfully his leg didn't need the brace anymore.
The door creaked open and in entered Pete, one of only a handful of doctors still left in Wabang. "Got the test results," he announced.
"What's the word, Doc?" Rhett asked him.
"Well for one thing, I can't believe what I saw," Pete said trying not to laugh. "Your sperm must be invincible."
Rhett laughed a little as you rolled your eyes.
"In all my years as a doctor, I have never seen such a spectacular display of virility," Pete remarked. "Lets get a good look at the rest of you though and make sure you're still in one piece."
"I don't feel anything stickin out so that's a plus," Rhett chuckled, rolling his shirt up past his nips.
"Yeah but just to be sure," Pete mumbled.
He listened to Rhett's heart and felt up his ribs, Rhett wincing at the tenderness of the bruises as Pete felt up the rest of him.
"Everything's still in place which is good," Pete concluded. "Surprising given how hard that fucker must've kicked."
"I'll be ok though right?" Rhett asked.
"You'll be perfectly fine," Pete answered. "But next time you might not be so lucky. If I were you I'd call it quits."
"Already did Pete," Rhett told him. "I ain't goin back if I can help it."
"Damn proud of you for that one," Pete chuckled. "Alright, you're good to go."
"No scripts?"
"None whatsoever," Pete told him. "Just get plenty of sleep, fluids, eat well and if anything changes, you know my number."
"And don't call beggin for Viagra," Rhett joked.
"Out! Out of my office!" Pete ordered, unable to contain his laughter any longer.
You and Rhett left the office but on the ride home, you remained on the quieter side with only the quiet playing of the radio going in the truck.
"Did you really mean it?" you asked him, a lazy smile breaking out on your face.
"Did I mean what?" Rhett asked you.
"When you said you were gonna quit the bull riding circuit?"
Rhett chuckled a little. "Darlin I mean it, I ain't goin back in that ring," he said. "Not for all the money in the world."
"Not even if it'll help build our dream home?"
"Nope," Rhett said, shaking his head. "Layin in that ER, I kept thinkin of what would happen to you and Amy if something happened to me. You and that baby need me as much as I need ya'll. I ain't leavin this world without either of you."
You squeezed his hand as you drove along that lonely stretch of road that led from town back to the Abbott ranch where Cecelia, Amy and Royal were all waiting for you.
"Feelin alright there Grumpy?" Cecelia asked.
"Never better Ma," Rhett answered. "Still sore as hell though."
"Ya'll want some lunch?" she asked again.
"Think I'm gonna go lay down," Rhett told her.
You led him upstairs and helped him lay down, covering Rhett with the wooly green throw blanket. "Oh," you said suddenly. "I went to grab the mail while you were asleep and it appears there's something here for you."
You handed Rhett the envelope which he tore right open, reading the contents and going wide eyed at the response.
"What's it say?" you asked.
"Says, Dear Mr. Abbott," he began. "We're pleased to inform you that you've been accepted to our learning center at the Amelia County Steiner School and will soon fill the position of full-time woodworking teacher for our students."
You caught the shriek in your throat before it had a chance to travel down the hall and catch Cecelia's attention. You leaned in and kissed your husband. I'm proud of you cowboy."
Rhett laughed as you kissed him again. You couldn't wait for this new beginning and all the new beginnings afterwards.
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deep-space-lines · 4 days
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okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.
yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything
((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))
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and then they fucked nasty the end
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graveposting · 5 months
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me when
me hwhen the------
the brainworms-
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stellamancer · 9 months
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bkdk x reader 👀
Okay BYEEEEE 🏃‍♀️
I can't believe you, omg.
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You open the door, expecting to find the bag of food you'd ordered to be delivered, and you do.
But you find Katsuki too.
And he looks positively livid.
Katsuki glowers at you, teeth bared menacingly. "You can order fuckin' DoorDash, but ya can't answer your fuckin' phone?"
You open your mouth, hoping an excuse will come out, but it doesn't— anything you could possibly say is trapped, lodged behind a lump in your throat that you can't get rid of. Katsuki stares expectantly, oddly patient as he waits for you to explain yourself.
Not that you intend to.
In hindsight, it would have been better to just shut the door in his face, saying you'll talk to him and Izuku when you're good and ready— a promise you don't intend to keep. But, Katsuki is nothing if not relentless, and worse than him is—
You duck down, and push past Katsuki, running. It's nothing short of a miracle that he doesn't catch you then and there, his speed and reflexes far, far superior to your own. You barrel down the hallway of your apartment complex, and you can hear him chasing after you. It won't be long before he catches up to you, and if he does you'll be forced to talk. And you don't want to do that.
So you do something a little crazy.
You reach the stairs and instead of attempting to run down them, you latch onto the hand rail at the top and using your momentum from running, you swing yourself over the side to jump all the way down the entire flight of stairs.
Behind you, Katsuki yells something, your name or maybe it's—
As you're falling, something grabs you, and you know the feel, the ghostly sensation of Black Whip wrapped around your body, the tendrils buzzing with a gentle vibration.
Izuku.
You hadn't seen him, but you should have known he'd be here. Would have insisted on it even. You're lowered to the ground, but you remain wrapped up. Katsuki may be the more fiery of the two, but ironically enough, you think Izuku is the more merciless one.
He appears, approaching you with a frown deep set into his features, his eyes wide and concerned. You're hit with a pang of guilt and you don't know if Izuku means to wield his expressions like a weapon, but it's effective.
"Please," he pleads, stepping closer. Katsuki appears behind him, looking to have hopped the stairs as well. He watches, frowning still, as Izuku does the dirty work. What a perfect pair they are, you think in annoyance. Izuku takes another step toward you, repeating. "Please. We just want to talk, okay?"
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I wish they’d just say what they mean.
When the bigots and the monsters come to hunt us, they never say what they mean. They say gender exploratory therapy when they mean gender conversion therapy (which itself is already code for torturing a trans person until they pretend they’re not trans). They say they’re worried about children when they want to deny them healthcare. They say they want to stop groomers when they just want to force queer people back into the closet.
None of this is new or unique to us. They always say words that don’t mean what they say; Racism becomes states rights or protecting American workers. Anti-Semitism gets dressed up as anti-capitalist rhetoric. Puritanical censorship gets hidden behind talk of consent and it all becomes an endless ocean of code words and dog whistles.
I know why they do it. The tiniest cover becomes all the cover they need. Saying you want to murder and torture queer people is perhaps a bridge too far, but for people who don’t want to hear what they’re saying, they just need to pretend that everyone is just saying what they mean. Just close your eyes to the horrors those code words are calling for. Just whisper “But how can it be hate when the code words are so neutral?”
None of this changes the reality of what the words are calling for. None of this saves trans kids, none of this stops the hate crimes, none of this silences the bigots. And none of it matters to the victims. When you’re dying in the gutter, what does it matter what code word they used to call for your death? 
It just gives the people who don’t want to stop it but also don’t want to call for it. Just gives them another thing to demand we explain to them gently, calmly and carefully while we lay bleeding in the street. And then we do, knowing in our hearts that they won’t understand because they don’t want to.
And I hate it. I hate the code words, the euphemisms, the hatred said with a smile and a question mark. I am rapidly reaching the point where I straight prefer the people who tell me they hate me to my face. At least we all know where we stand. I hate the people who bat their eyes and ask “Well how can you blame me for this hate crime?” just because they spouted hatred for years on end. They scream “Who will rid me of these troublesome trannies?” and then act shocked when people try to get rid of us.
I just wonder what they’ll call it when they come for me.
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sailor-aviator · 13 days
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I think I might actually legitimately be at my limit. Like I think I've reached the end of my rope, actually
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iceeericeee · 4 months
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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ieatnomnom9823 · 1 month
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enjoy a peice of shit i drew at 1 am last night
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help
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homicidalbrunette · 5 months
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This clip has everything
- an hilarious bit of shade exchange about Queen of the Universe being cancelled and then about the Trixie and Katya show being cancelled and why
- a deep cut Ghost reference
- that Trixie motel season two is about them moving and renovating a new house
- How (as she says herself) she had to pack up her house, renovate a new one and move in all within a month while filming a reality tv show about it
- Doing all this while also doing all her other multiple projects
- During what we know now as when she was already spiralling, thus causing her to have a breakdown
- Katya going suddenly serious with a rather concerned and dubious opinion about this
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finally posting this after procrastinating for days and at this point i'm just giving up waiting to post this during the day and will just queue reblogs of it for later
A relationship chart / semi-family tree chart for @legendary-assassin-stance's and I's Cantha Crew. (AKA the Rev Family and other characters associated with them + will be part of a plot thing with them at...... some point)
(Canon characters featured on this chart: Shiro, Viktor, Archemorus, Vizu, Nika, Mai, Ihn, Petrov, Danika, Rama, Valeria, and Hao Luen.)
Brief descriptions of Important Folks + rambling under the cut!
Im Hana - One of the Heroes of Cantha. Childhood best friends with Yuuma, and wife of Nika.
Im Min-Seo - Daughter of Hana and Nika.
Im Nari - Present day descendant of Hana and Nika. Serves the Empire as a Willbender, and bodyguard of Princess Jié Yuèlóng.
Chén Yánglóng - An ancient dragon God of Cantha, true ruler of the Celestials, and husband of Lǐ Bǎofèng. Father of Jié Yuèlóng, and Empress Ihn's secret lover.
Lǐ Bǎofèng - An ancient phoenix God of Cantha, true ruler of the Celestials, and husband of Chén Yánglóng.
Jié Yuèlóng - Imperial Princess of Cantha, daughter of Empress Ihn and Chén Yánglóng.
Yuán Zhēnjīng - An ancient fox spirit revered by the Miyajima family.
Shion Miyajima - A Priestess of Grenth born in Kryta who went to Cantha in search of her family's history. Currently trying to restore the abandoned Miyajima estate off the coast of Shing Jea.
Yūma Miyajima - One of the Heroes of Cantha. Childhood best friends with Hana, and - more infamously - the man who bore a ghostly Shiro Tagachi a child.
Yūki Hashimoto - Son of Yūma and Shiro.
Noriaki Hashimoto - Present day descendant of Yūma and Shiro. A revenant that channels the power of Shiro, after accidentally summoning his spirit. Dating Orion.
Orion zu Heltzer - Present day descendant of Saint Viktor and Archemorus. A revenant who channels the power of his famous ancestors, after an incident bound them to him. Dating Noriaki.
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cashewally-sarcastic · 3 months
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Ventus, who has spent days on the streets of Old Mondstadt listening to the voices of the people. Who has silently watched as parents take care of their young. Watch kids escort their aunts to the stores. The wind around him is so cold
He plays his lyre. Its the only thing he has on him. He would rather die than say where he acquired it, and at the end of the day its his lyre.
Ventus closes his eyes. For the breifedt moment he couldn't hear the deafening gales around him. He is in the eye of the hurricane. What song is he even playing? He switched from one track to the other minutes ago and was now improvising a solo.
The families are still talking to each other.
At the end of the day, he is just background music
.
Then one day a creature bumps into him. Radiating the same warmth as a prayer and eyes akin to his god's. Was it a spy? Was it a child? Was it a puppet?
Wearily, he asks for a name. Smiling as he tells the sprite how he wishes to make ballads of the little thing. It flutters around him, occassionally stumbling in mid air like its drunk. It gives out a little squeak as it gestures to itself.
Ventus tries to mimic that chime, but his mouth can't hit the same notes. The sprite speaks more and more, yet Vrntus can't understand a thing. He just smiles and nods as he subconsciously plays his lyre.
Before he knows it, he can feel the chill of night. Or at least what he thinks it night. The elders of the city tell what night is supposed to be, but the winds had carried away those voices a long time ago.
Tales of an object called the moon. How it would shift as the weeks go by. How it could disappear and be reborn once anew- surrounded by her starry sisters.
Night.
He hated it.
He hates how cold it is. How dark it is. How every candle and life is snuffed by the wind.
Yet the creature is still hear, making a nest on his lap.
Its warm.
Letting go of his lyre for just a breif moment, he runs his fingers down the cloak of the sprite. Soft yet smooth. Was this what a bird felt like?
Tomorrow would be another day. Tomorrow he could try to pronounce his ... freind's name better. Tomorrow he could do so much.
Despite the being being on his lap, he felt a warmth in his chest. Something he has never felt before. Something that made him think of protecting this creature.
Ventus rests his eyes as he carries his first friend, unware he would do this everynight til the day he died
*cheers and applause amid tears and sobs*
MAN that was NOT was I was thinking about sad wise but FUCK that hurts
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freizusein · 4 months
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huh. so is this the mental crash i've been waiting for? [rant in tags to get some stuff out of my system]
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