#i don’t know why I feel like this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

citricsystem-moved · 2 years

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Might uhhhhh make a new system account for us idk if I’ll commit but I’m gonna do it just in case

#I’ll put citrus somewhere in the title #in case you see a new person follow you #i don’t know why I feel like this #citric/citrus is abatray to us yet it’s grown on me #but I am panicked and need change #and this account is a mess #we’ll see #we get a lot of new followers because of posts that got notes and I don’t want to loose that for us #making friends is nice #but ah #panicked #//#🍄#i gotta think of things that we all sort of relate to #we like fruit #and canine imagery #and uh #plants ig #ugh

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tombxsweetxtomb · 23 days

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I feel very alone. And like I am always going to be alone.

#me #tombxsweetxtomb #thoughts #borderline personality disorder #bpd #living with borderline #2024 #I don’t know why I feel like this

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tiktaalic · 2 years

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one of my beloved friends (very autism) was in.. not denial but ignorance sounds mean. but that abt themself last time you brought up the raads r test so i sent it to the gc (full of autism) and they were like psh. fake test no one could get below 100. they know now but i think about it so much

The thing is. When you take the autism test. And you see your score is in the 100 to 160 range. You think. Oh this is probably the middle? Middle autism. Tinge of autism. Your relatives calling you bright but shy autism. Just a whiff of autism. And then you see the score ranges. And you go. This test is lying to me there is absolutely no way the majority of people score under 65. The 65 number is such a low cutoff and so many of these experiences are clearly universal a score under 65 is something they made up in a lab. People who score under 65 are obviously scoring just under that mark from 59 to 64 and they’re also obviously lying or purposely misrepresenting their experiences as less severe than they are. And then you find out there are real people who get a 20 or 30 or 7 on it. And you go. Ah

#ask #anonymous #it does help to remember when I’m feeling extremely crazy that it’s more than likely because I am operating in a world populated by people w #who don’t know what raads r is because they have no reason to take it because their score on it would be like. 14.#like. oh! that’s why I feel crazy. because my brain has created a world state that 98% of usa adults do not create or experience because #they’re normal. ok.

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stuckinapril · 3 months

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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

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smallpapers · 1 year

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thank you for loving me

(Edit: now available as a print!)

#the owl house #huntlow #hunter wittebane #willow park #toh hunter #toh spoilers #toh winter #toh willow #toh fanart #the golden guard #myart #hunter x willow #wintery junk #watching and dreaming #Toh s3 spoilers #I feel so nervous about posting this I don’t know why #I put a lot of my heart into this WAD huntlow tribute piece I hope you guys like it

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danggerine · 6 months

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going insane thinking about the harrow and palamedes friendship. harrow, who has never met another necromancer her age forming a bizarro 3D chess rivalry while pal worries about her safety at every possible turn. harrow, who is up to her eyebrows in paranoia and secrecy, trusting the sixth house with gideon unconscious and hurt, letting them into the ninth house quarters unsupervised. if “i cannot conceive of a universe without you in it” is goth for i love you, “death first to vultures and scavengers” has got to be goth for i love you (platonic). pal’s first reaction when harrow comes into his bubble in the river is to scoop her up in a hug, and at this point she doesn’t remember anything about him because cutting out all her memories of gideon is impossible without cutting out memories of the sixth, but she still makes him a skelehand to inhabit anyway. when harrow’s memories are finally whole, she tells dulcinea she couldn’t face pal knowing that his pen pal girlfriend died on her account, but the next time she “faces” him, palamades’s soul is in someone else’s body and harrow’s body is full of nona’s soul. he spends six months protecting and caring for harrow’s body (and nona obv), believing in the possibility of bringing her back to it the same way cam believed in him. “god, do you know i miss harrow terribly.” and by the time harrow comes back to her body at the very end of ntn, pal is gone forever, fully pauled. the last time harrow and palamades see each other as their complete selves is in canaan house, alive and unlyctored. two of the smartest and loneliest people in the solar system meet each other in the worst of circumstances and spend the rest of the story dancing around each other as fragments of themselves, trying to care about each other in the interim but never fully meeting like they did the first time. a friendship made almost entirely of missing the other person. “do you know i miss harrow terribly.” god. i need to lie down

#behold: a block of text i do not feel like putting paragraph breaks in #i am so fucking crushed that they try so hard to take care of each other in different ways but never see each other ever again #he gave her a lift you off the floor hug in the bubble and she didnt even know why.#the thing that made him miss harrow was ‘look at me like you’ve worked out how to kill me’ bc he knows scowling is her display of affection #she couldn’t even REMEMBER him in htn but she helped camilla find his soul and put him back together anyway #is this anything. am i sounding as insane as i feel #tlt #harrowhark nonagesimus #palamedes sextus #katie don’t look #ntn spoilers #htn spoilers #gtn spoilers

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ewwww-what · 10 days

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Nobody is as excited about the preview as I am. I have paragraphs.

#very bad doodle I just need to get this out there #don’t look at it too hard I’m begging #someone please talk to me about the blood rush breakup before the world explodes #it is not that serious but I will do anything for twenty seconds of them arguing #the episode hasn’t come out but I am shaking #every time they talk I become a little more evil and fucked up #genuinely though aside from the silliness of the conversation being about sports I have some very strong feelings about the little bits we-#-got to see in the preview #like I will inevitably talk about it but just because I know people are gonna beat me to it I just want to express how excited I am #fantasy high #d20 #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 #gorgug thistlespring #fabian seacaster #thistlecaster #<- yeah fuck it why not #for my one mutual who likes them #this is for you and you only #fhjy spoilers #my art

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karlyboyyy · 1 year

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To everyone who makes fan art of my favorite ships - or really any fan art for that matter - please know that I love you and cherish you and I wish nothing but the best for you. Because I myself am far too self-conscious to make fan art, especially when it comes to depicting my favorite ships. And I just really appreciate all of you other artists who create things that I wish I could come up with 🥹

#I had Haikyuu on my mind when I decided to post this but honestly it applies to every piece of media I enjoy #I have no qualms with creating my own stuff and I don’t really care if people think it’s good or not #but I’m always afraid that if I do fan art people won’t like it #like I’m not depicting the character’s personality correctly #or that I’ve made them look horrible #I don’t know WHY I feel like this #because I’ve seen some wild ass interpretations of my fave characters #some I enjoy some I don’t #but either way I always appreciate the artist’s creativity #I’m also just incredibly lazy sooo there’s that too 😅#fan art #ramblings #artist struggles

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hannahhasafact · 9 months

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Currently losing my goddamn mind regarding the new D20 season announcement

#ramblings #9.23.23 edit: turned off reblogs because why are ppl still reblogging this is old now #dimension 20 #dungeons and daddies #dndaddies #dimension 20 spoilers #this is all jokes but in all seriousness I literally stumbled when I saw Freddie IM SO EXCITED #but mainly!!! this cast!!! is so good!!!! I’m super excited #like tbh Danielle was like my fave part of misfits she was so funny??? and I feel like she didn’t get much time to shine #and I think Trapp is so fun like he was so good as sokbarr #and Siobhan is always a treat #literally only one person I don’t know in the cast but I’m excited!#also the theme seems right up my alley

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otaku553 · 9 months

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Haha

#yanqing #honkai star rail #hsr yanqing #my immediate fixation on ice wielding child genius characters in every media I consume strikes again #idk I just think he’s neat!! and so is his gender #he’s definitely overdesigned but I do enjoy the general shape of his clothes #like wow… baggy outer layer AND baggy inner layer #how come you get to have two baggy layers #still don’t know that much about him even after reading his character stories on the wiki #so I’m hoping that his quest writes him well #I suppose there’s some degree of like interesting contrast in the fact that he’s very young on a ship full of people who live very long live #but I feel like regardless they really don’t give him much of a personality besides his hyperfixation on swords and the general naivety and #inexperience from youth yknow what I mean #I just think it would be cool to see like why he’s so ambitious! was he railroaded into being a knight because of his talents? did he try #to be accepted as a knight? what kinds of expectations is he facing and what expectations does he place on himself as a result #I really hope he isn’t just there to be a simpler minded child character for jingyuan to take care of

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little-pondhead · 1 year

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I forgot about this.

The whole reasoning behind the Supervillain Danny AU sketches was that his villain persona was the complete opposite of his normal, sane self and hero persona. Danny plays into the Fenton name really hard, and ramps up the “mad scientist” bit, taking inspiration from both his normal civilian life and his parents, thus using just his last name as a villain.

And then I wanted to add what Sam and Tucker might look like if they joined in on his shenanigans. To keep with the “opposite of their normal life” bit, let’s throw in some ghostly artifacts that help the two keep up with Fenton’s madness.

Sam would get an angel’s halo that helps her form ghostly wings, and she’d play into the good-two shoes angelic look, and then she opens her mouth and verbally assaults you. She pins her bangs back and wears clothes that better fit a celestial aesthetic and uses all the etiquette training her parents taught her. Manson looks like some sort of regal angel and people expect her to be the nicest out of all of them. She’s not. Manson is the sneakiest and most bloodthirsty one, and heroes regularly wonder if she has actually committed murder or not.

Tucker takes inspiration from his time as a pharaoh. He has a metal postiche that enhances his physical ability. (Maybe it gives him dreadlocks too, but I like to think Tucker is just wearing a whole ass wig.) He wears a strange mix of street wear and his pharaoh outfit, and throws his tech-obsessed self out the window. Fenton is the nerdy one here, so now Foley is the muscle. Foley plays up meathead American bully stereotype hard. He delights in throwing hands, and hunts down supers just for the sake of a fun spar. (For him not for the supers.) Foley’s favorite people to fight so far is Killer Croc and Superman. Heroes are concerned about what would happen if Foley fought for real, but then they saw what he did to the Joker “as a joke” and decided not to ask any more questions.

Basically, the trio looked at their civilian lives and picked out what they considered “villainous traits” from the people around them that they then played into as villains themselves. If that makes sense. Sam hates how her parents want a perfect child, so she makes herself look like one. She speaks in backhanded comments and has a snooty attitude, which she learned from other rich people. Tucker is constantly confronted by bullies everyday, and all the rogues that come to Amity are always fighting, so that’s what he decides to mimic. Yeah, he now gets to be the big and strong protector of the group, but all his experience with fighting have been bad ones, and that reflects in his style. And finally, Danny. Why does he take after his parents and play into the family name? Because the Fentons are one of the biggest obstacles and source of anxiety in his life. Danny associates mad scientists to pain and other bad things, so even if all he’s being helpful in a really annoying way as a villain, his parents and the threat of the GIW still influence how he presents himself. Because to Danny, those two things are far more scary than a kid with a pirate ship or a man wearing a bat fursuit.

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pizzaqueen · 4 months

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A snippet from a future fic I'll probably never write, where Steve is a widower with two teenage kids, and he and Eddie randomly meet up, rekindling their old flame. This is when they've been together a while:

“Thank you,” Steve says, coming up behind Eddie at the bathroom sink.

Eddie pauses, catching Steve's eye in the mirror. “What for?” he asks, mouth foamy with toothpaste.

Steve slips his hands along Eddie's hips, hooks his chin over Eddie's shoulder. “For loving my kids.”

“You don't—” Toothpaste dribbles down Eddie's chin and he stoops to spit what's left in his mouth into the sink, gathering his hair to one side. He rinses his mouth out, wipes his face with a towel, then turns to Steve. “You don't have to thank me for that. Of course I love them.”

“Not everyone I've dated has.”

“They're idiots.” Eddie grabs the hem of Steve's shirt, pulling him close. “I mean, first of all, they're part of you, and I don't think I could love you and not love them. But...” He trails off, a small smile tilting his lips. “They're amazing kids.”

Pride swells in Steve's chest; he slides his arms around Eddie's waist and says, “They are.”

“And I'm pretty damn honored I get to be part of their lives,” Eddie says, “so thank you,” and he butts his head gently against Steve's.

Steve huffs and slides his hands up Eddie's back, pulling him into a tight embrace. “I love you.” He presses a kiss to Eddie's neck.

“I love you too.”

“And they both love you as well.”

Eddie lets out a shuddering breath. Steve knows how nervous Eddie was, when they started dating, that he wouldn't be welcomed, but it's almost like he's always been part of their family now. “Good to know,"”Eddie says.

Steve holds Eddie a little tighter. All those years ago, back in Hawkins, when they ended things, Steve thought he'd never see Eddie again. But here they are, together—a family—and Steve's never letting him go this time.

#Steddie #Steve x eddie #Steddie fic #Steddie fanfic #this is soooooo sappy I’m sorry 😫#anyway I don’t have names for Steve’s kids yet lol #but his son is bi too #his daughter is more like him otherwise though #also Steve takes a while to accept his sexuality so he’s only just come out to his kids because I like stories like that #even though I know some ppl in this fandom have found them offensive??#but yeah when he comes out his son gets upset because he then feels like he can’t come out without it being weird haha #and Steve is like what??? no??? when he eventually tells him #(I watched a lot of soap operas growing up :P sometimes it comes out in my writing lol)#that’s why I’ll probably never write this fic but it’s fun to dabble in the verse #pizzaqueenfic #pizzaqueenwrites #tsofverse

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tesco-finest-aromantics · 6 months

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i feel like the queer community lost when we started policing labels and making sure everyone used the Correct™ labels instead of letting a person decide what feels right for them

#caique posts #inspired by a post a trans guy made asking if it was okay for him to keep identifying as a lesbian even though he’s now a man #and all the comments telling him no because lesbians can’t be men #and also all the other posts of people asking if they’re ''allowed'' to use certain labels #why do you need permission?#who are you even asking permission from?#we’re not cops #do whatever you want forvever #also inspired by an article in a zine in the 80s/90s of two FtMs in a T4T relationship #one of them described the relationship as being between a butch and his sissy boy #i cannot ever imagine anyone calling themselves that nowadays #because of ''only lesbians can be butches'' and ''sissy is offensive'' discourse #i’m sure there are people out there who would want to describe their relationship like that but don’t feel they’re ''allowed'' to #anyway lots of baby queers are tying themselves in knots trying to figure themselves out #and they’re more concerned with using the Correct™ label instead of the one they feel most comfortable with #yeah i just don’t like it #knowing you’re queer should be a liberating feeling #instead of something anxiety-inducing because you’re worried if you’re using labels wrong

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xartofmovingonx · 2 years

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#having yet another breakdown because I feel so terrible about myself and my writing lol #love that for me #how am I supposed to become a published author someday when I put myself down so much #how am I supposed to do that when I feel like everything I write is terrible #I don’t even know what’s wrong with me #I don’t know why I feel like this #I have this huge fear of failure and disappointing others and I’m so so tired of it

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femmeconomics · 15 days

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hate to say it, but part of ending the stigma around sexual assault means not assuming every woman blames herself. yes, female socialization encourages it, but that doesn’t make it a given, and the goal of all of these campaigns is to eventually diminish the proportion of women who do blame themselves. it is entirely possible, and increasingly common, for women to experience sexual assault and not feel shame or guilt, which we should be happy about. but instead, there are only so many times you can hear “you know it’s not your fault, right?” before it sounds like “it was your fault”. and there’s only so many times you can hear “don’t blame yourself” before it sounds like “you should blame yourself”. because it feels good to say, doesn’t it? sure, you don’t believe she’s guilty, but you do believe she should feel guilty, so that you can disabuse her of the notion. just something to consider.

#i think we are very pleased with the idea of female shame #even among people who genuinely do not believe women are at fault for being assaulted #you are still meant to pay the penance of suffering and self destruction #god fucking knows why #“i got mugged” “aww don’t blame yourself for walking around with those fancy shoes and visible wallet okay? it’s not your fault”#you’d be like girl what. i didn’t fucking say it was my fault but your mind sure jumped there fast 🤨#“my mom died” “wow. do you feel terrible crippling shame for everything you’ve ever done wrong in your life?#up to and including causing your mom’s death? because that would be totally wrong if you did”#like how could that possibly be an appropriate response #genuinely i think the feeling that i was going completely insane post-being raped because no one would believe i didn’t blame myself #was like. solidly half as traumatic as the actual event #like. it is okay not to feel guilty and shameful. it’s great actually. you’re not having the wrong response.

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muffinlance · 8 months

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prompt: Ozai has Azula watch Zuko (his progress or rather lack thereof) from way earlier on, possibly even before Aang gets away from the iceberg in the first place

There it is, written at the bottom of his banishment notice, wobbling in and out of his vision and he’s not sure if it's his eyes—

(Father wouldn’t have meant to blind him. Being blind won't help him catch the Avatar, so he’ll just not go blind.)

It’s either his eyes, or. Or the rage. It has to be the rage.

So Zuko reads the line again, and lets the fire brim up and overflow, until sparks chase the shout from his lips.

“Banishment to be overseen by Crown Princess Azula?”

- - -

“Prince Zuko,” Azula says, standing as tall as an eleven year old can. She’s using his title, so that he’ll use hers. And if he doesn’t then he’s ill-mannered and not fit for his own.

“Crown Princess Azula,” Zuko grits out.

“I’ll just be inspecting your ship, then. Father’s orders.”

Two men are in shackles by the time she’s done.

“—Fostering mutiny against your prince,” she is yelling, and somehow her voice is just as high-pitched as his without sounding childish at all. “When our father hears about this—”

- - -

“So you had them executed,” Fire Lord Ozai inquires. Lightly. And from behind his flames.

“Of course, father,” says the kneeling child. “It was an attack on our family.”

Her father doesn’t say anything.

Azula is eleven. Eleven, she had presumed, was old enough to count.

One, two, three. Four, with Uncle. The royal family.

Her father is silent still.

One. Two.

“Forgive my impertinence, Fire Lord,” she says. “I will bring them to you for judgment next time.”

“Do so,” Fire Lord Ozai says. He does not contest the ‘next time.’

- - -

“Crown Princess Azula,” Zuko says.

“Your bandage is off, brother,” Azula says. “Are you blind?”

“No.”

(The blur of her red robes, the eye-searing glint of sunlight off her headpiece—he’s not blind in that eye. He’s just… still recovering.)

“Lovely,” she says. “Then what’s your excuse for the condition of this ship?”

…He has an increased budget for repairs, by the time she’s done.��

- - -

“Brother,” Azula says, “traditionally knives are to be delivered to the back.”

“I… what?” her brother says, still holding out the inexplicable thing. “No, I bought it at port. For you. See, it matches the one Uncle got me.”

“How original,” she says.

Her brother turns a shade of red that puts his bending to shame. Not that it’s a particularly high bar. “Fine, I’ll just—throw it out.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. At the least, Mai will want it.”

- - -

“Nice knife,” says Mai, looking at the hilt peeking out of Azula’s boot.

“Be silent,” Azula says, thus ending that conversation.

- - -

“Did great-grandfather… did we…” starts her brother, fresh from scurrying about the Eastern Air Temple like some particularly dim-witted pheasant-monkey, the dust not even brushed from his clothes even though he knew her ship was waiting down here. “Azula, there were children—”

“Be silent,” she says.

- - -

“You’re leaving frequently,” comments father, as his knife cuts through the pheasant-monkey, clicking against the plate below. The persimmon-cherry sauce is thick and red and smearing.

“I find it advantageous to cultivate a working knowledge of our nation’s tactics,” Azula answers. She does not push around her meat like a child, but she does eat only lightly; the dish is more sour than she remembers.

“And your brother?”

“Oh, him,” she says, to which her father smiles.

- - -

“...What?” Zuko asks, blinking down at the scrolls.

“It’s your birthday,” Azula says. “Apparently, I should have gotten you a calendar.”

“Thank you?”

She sighs.

- - -

“Do we… tell him we can hear him?” asks the assistant cook, as the prince continues monologuing. Dramatically, and loudly. Through the pipe connecting the drain of the kitchen sink to the ones in the shower.

“Ssh, I think this is one of his new plays.”

- - -

She gets him a calendar for his next birthday. It’s not funny.

- - -

He gets her a doll, for hers. The look on Uncle’s face as she torches it in front of them both is hilarious.

- - -

“Brother,” she says, looking up at the damage to his ship. “This is not the way to requisition additional repair funds.”

“Captain Zhao,” her uncle says in the background, with heights of pleasant antagonism she can only aspire to. As if a general could mistake Zhao’s new insignia. Particularly with all the polishing he does.

“It’s commander now.”

“How did you manage this?” she asks.

“Uh,” Zuko says. “Can we… speak alone?”

She eyes her brother’s shifting stance. Eyes, too, the way Zhao’s men are already moving to intercept and interrogate his crew. One of the new commander’s more noxious habits is stalking her brother’s every move.

Well. She’d been meaning to deal with that, anyway.

Azula snaps her fingers at the commander’s guards.

“Detain him,” she says. And for a moment, just a moment, her dear uncle freezes, as if she were talking about someone he actually cared for.

The guards don’t. She’s trained them better than that.

“Princess,” Commander Zhao says, his snarl well hidden behind a smile. “What is the meaning of this?”

“Crown Princess Azula,” she corrects. “Now hush; the adults are talking.”

- - -

They have an Avatar to catch, apparently. Her brother is coming home.

#her brother is coming home #it may be time for some other changes as well #how does the pheasant-monkey taste father?#oh of course I haven’t had any #you know I haven’t liked that since I was a little girl #are you feeling well father?#why don’t you have a little lie down father #oh is your crown uncomfortable?#let me just remove that for you #hush now #sleep #goodnight father #say hello to grandfather for me #avatar the last airbender #atla #Zuko #Azula #ficlets #yep that prompt hit the spot thanks Anon <3

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